On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Lisa Bilyeu ON: Train Your Confidence like a Muscle & Use These Simple Daily Habits to Succeed in Any Situation

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmJay Shetty sits down with Lisa Bilyeu to talk about fighting for your own dreams. When you want to achieve success, you need to work hard for it. You need to have the right mindset to get through the roadblocks that may come your way. You need to be present in the moment and make meaningful connections. And you need to fight for what you want. You need to fight for yourself.  Lisa Bilyeu is the co-founder of the billion dollar company Quest Nutrition, the President of Impact Theory, and the host of the Women of Impact podcast where she features women who have overcome incredible hardship to achieve massive success. Her mission is to empower all women to recognize that they really can become the hero of their own life. Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/What We Discuss:00:00 Intro04:46 Developing confidence is like a muscle06:31 Radical confidence is taking little steps that lead to your goal11:18 The problem with excuses is when they are real18:06 Only you can fight for your dreams23:38 Fear can stop so many of us30:54 Don’t allow being critical to yourself to stop you31:47 The danger of looking for external validation35:01 The biggest mistake of goal setting37:09 When should you stop apologizing?42:48 Our perception of things changes everything46:20 Closing the gap between being sensitive and taking actionEpisode ResourcesLisa Bilyeu | InstagramLisa Bilyeu | FacebookQuest NutritionImpact TheoryRadical ConfidenceWomen of Impact | YouTubeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them down in the rail yard. I'm Danielle Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails.

Listen to the city of the rails on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience,

and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Jemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The Psychology of Your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio AMP Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I had every intention to help women that felt like I did. I had that North Star. I knew what I was trying to do. I gave it my all.

And so if now no one likes it, I'm not going to fall badly about myself because I showed up. And that's the thing, Jay. No one can affect whether you show up or not. It about the failure and successes. No one can affect whether if you showed up or not the only person that can affect that issue. The only person that can affect that issue.

The only person that can affect that issue. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now, there have been very, very few guests that we've had on twice on purpose. And this is one of those rare times.

And it's because today's guest is not only an incredible author, one of my favorite storytellers, but she truly is a dear, dear friend. She reminds me of home. She's given me a sense of comfort ever since I moved to LA. She's amazing friends with my wife. She's a phenomenal interviewer and so much more. Of course, I'm speaking about none other

than my dear friend, Lisa Billu. Now, for those of you who don't know Lisa, Lisa Billu co-founded Question Nutrition which grew 57,000% in its first three years. She's also the co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a revolutionary digital first studio that produces wildly entertaining,

original content, focusing on themes of empowerment. Throughout her career, Lisa has created a slate of content that has been viewed over half a billion times. And by overseeing all in-house content development at Impact Theory, she, along with our husband, Tom Beliu, who's also been an amazing guest, have built a global audience of over 7.5 million. As a host of her own digital series, which, by the way, if you haven't seen it, you need to go and subscribe.

It's called Women of Impact on YouTube. Go and subscribe. Lisa spends her days having real, uncensored conversations with the most inspiring women. And as an amazingly inspiring woman herself, she has written her first book called Radical Confidence 10 no BS lessons on becoming the hero of your own life Welcome to on purpose Lisa Oh my god, you jokin. Thank you. This is so exciting literally. I've been so giddy just so that we get to hang out Because every time we try and hang out like as a double day or something, there's always one of us. There's always one of us.

There's always one. It's usually rather than Tom. Yes, actually, it's never me in New Jersey. Yeah, I don't think it is. No, I'm really. We're the ones who always try. We're the organized ones. Let's face it.

But no, honestly, I was looking forward to seeing you today as well. Because we always have fun running it together. I'm so proud of you for putting this book together. It's so hard writing a book, creating a book, then going out and sharing the story, then going through the emotions of actually talking about everything that's in the book.

And especially when it's a book about confidence, let's start. We know each other fairly well, but I always feel like I'm going to learn so much more about you today, which I'm very excited about when you were growing up Who for you did you look at as the epitome of confidence like who was it that you thought or what was it or was it a character or a role That you were like that person seems confident the person I admired the most with Jodie Foster Wow, yeah, I don't really talk about this much actually, but growing up I so loved movies. I was like the kid that would gather three

in the morning and wish one day I'm going to win the Academy Award for Best Movie Director, you know, like that was the dream. And so I really did look at who is in the space that's doing the things. And Jody Foster always seemed so confident to me. She was in front of the camera, she was behind the camera, she was writing, she was directing, she was producing and so I just thought of course I know differently now where you see a woman that always shows up, I just thought oh my gosh she must have the most confidence but in having like learn about her and her story and she's very like very private and so I dismissed the fact that she probably wasn't confident but always showed up and that's kind of what the book is fact that she probably wasn't confident but always showed up and that's kind of what the book is about is that you don't have to always feel confident to show up.

So yeah, Jody Foster I think. Yeah, wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, and I love that. I've heard you talk about that and of course you talk about in the book this idea of how we think we have to be confident before we do big things. We think we have to have this courage and bravery before we do big things. We think we have to have this courage and bravery before we do big things. And you go on to send the book that actually know when you do these things, that's what makes you confident. What was one of the first things that you started to do or experiment with where you started to gain confidence or build confidence? So I love that you said build. So I've got a line in the book, it's like,

it's like a muscle. You won't go to the gym and want glutes to still after doing a couple of squats, right? I mean, I do want that to happen. I have. You want it too. But do you get glutes to still? Actually, you're glutes still.

I mean, I have no idea. Definitely, I have any glutes, so I know. Yeah, it's amazing. But you don't just go what you want to, but you don't. And so that is like with confidence, we kind of want it already, but if you think of it like a muscle,

you can go and you can train it. And that's the point is that for me, it became being thrown into the deep end, not feeling like I had any confidence, I was completely insecure, I was actually very inadequate. So it wasn't even like, oh, I just, I had it,

and I was just, you know, not feeling great about myself. No, no, when we started Quest, I didn't know what I was doing at all. And so the confidence part came afterwards. It came as the byproduct of doing things, figuring out, falling on the floor, getting back up, learning from it, and then over time becoming competent. And the confidence part, I think, I think it's just, we want to feel great about ourselves. That's it. We want to feel great about ourselves before we try something. Perspective is everything.

So how do you shift that? And so how I did it was instead of focusing on the confidence, say, what is that end goal? I want confidence to do what? And now once you have that, then you put in a plan, a blueprint of how you're going to get there, because your confidence will come after that. I love that. I think you're completely shifting out people think about confidence, because I still see those things like this, how to be confident, stand this way, do this, and those things work,

and they're useful, but you're talking about a deeper sense of confidence. How do you define confidence and radical confidence? So obviously, how do you define confidence and radical confidence? How do you define that? Because I do think you're encouraging us all to move to a much more deeper level of confidence. Yeah, I'm trying definitely. Thank you. The word, with a word confidence, I do think is, it's about a feeling. You want to feel great about yourself before you start something. And radical confidence is, it's not about feeling great about yourself. It's about how do I get to that end goal so I can have the life and the dream I've always

wanted. That's it. And so it's not going to be easy. And that's the big part of it. And because it's not easy and because you're all the time moving forward even when you're scared, you're moving forward even when you're fearful. How do you keep moving forward? Now it's very easy to say, oh just do it anyway when you're scared.

No, no. If you've got crippling anxiety, if you're like really feeling badly about yourself, telling someone to just do it anyway doesn't actually help. So to me it has to be a blueprint. If you want to lose weight, some people like my mom, she was so severely overweight just telling her, well, mom, I'll get you a gym membership. It wouldn't have helped, because she feels so badly about herself. She doesn't even have the radical confidence to walk into the gym. So, okay, how do you actually get someone to take the health or like take their stepping stone?

Maybe right now, all you need to do is put your shoes by the bed. That's it. That's what you're gonna do tomorrow. You're not gonna go to the gym. You're not gonna do anything else. You're just gonna put your shoes by the bed. And then the next day, you're gonna put your shoes on.

And what you're gonna do is every time you do it, you're actually gonna give yourself a pat on the back. And said, yesterday, I didn't put the shoes on and today I did. And it becomes these little microscopic movements towards the dream that you really want so that you can build that confidence, to build the confidence.

Yeah, that, I mean, especially that part, they're the competence to build the confidence. Yeah, especially that part, the competence to build the confidence. I completely, completely agree with you. I speak to a lot of friends who have young kids. And they'll always say to me like, oh, my kid's not very confident. And he lacks or she lacks or they lack in confidence. And when I look back to being a young kid, I would say I wasn't confident when I was growing up

and I was bullied, I was overweight, I was one of the, we grew up in the same area, I was one of the only South Asian Indian kids in our area. And so I was bullied for several things. And I would say took me a long time before I developed a sense of confidence. But it was exactly what you just said. It was building competence that led to confidence. So my parents forced me to go to public speaking school, built tons of confidence. My parents

forced me to go to drama school, built tons of confidence. So when they forced me to build competence, that built confidence. And I think we're so scared that we don't build skills. We think we can solve how we feel without building a skill. Does that make sense? Oh my God. And that's part of it. It's like me wanting to, let's say, is getting on stage. I was so petrified to get on stage, but my goal is impact. So Tom pulls me a side and he's like, babe, as your husband, you've said you want to create impact, but you keep saying no to these speaking gigs. And so I'm just letting you know that your actions aren't aligned with what you

say you want in life. So I was like, okay, how are you? Typical. Typical. Typical. Tom, I don't call him on my stuff. So it's like, okay, I recognize that get on on stage actually does solve that, serve that mission. I really am like holding my core to. But how on earth do I get on stage? How do I build that competence when I just feel so badly about myself when I'm so embarrassed, I'm so, I'm worried about falling on my face

and like really embarrassing myself. How on earth do I do that? And it becomes, you said your parents forced you. As an adult, I think it becomes harder. We get very in our own heads. And I think, you know, as kids, in our own heads and I think as kids, we're easily, you can learn, you can walk, you can tie your shoes, you learn how to do,

you don't do it the first time, but you just take time. But as adults, we don't give ourselves the grace to go through that training period. And so for me, in when I'm thinking about public speaking, I do think about those incremental steps in order to get there because I can't just want to, to your point. It's like, I can't just want to to your point. It's like, I can say I really want this, but to so many people that's just not enough.

It's like it isn't enough to actually get people to act on their dream. Yeah, absolutely. Now, what I love about the book and I do recommend everyone goes and grabs their copy. It's called Radical Confidence. I'm speaking at Lisa Bilyu, 10 No no BS lessons on becoming the hero of your own life. Make sure you go grab a copy. We've got it in the subject area. We've got it in the comments section everywhere.

I love books. I love content that has lessons. And the fact that you have 10 in here makes it very simple. And I love that. And I want to dive through a little bit of these. So everyone gets a feeling of like, oh, I need to go and dive into that chapter.

First of all, you say your dreams are a gamble bet on yourself. And the one that I loved out of all of these was I can stop making excuses. Because I think there are a lot of excuses. Where do you think those excuses come from? What were some of the excuses you've told yourself? And what are some of the excuses you hear that other people are telling themselves? Great question and I just want to say sometimes here's a problem with the excuses. Sometimes they're real.

That's the problem. Sometimes yes, you have every reason to say I can't do it, I don't have the time. Jay, how busy you do, right? How busy? Oh my, I think I work. Most days 7 a.m. to like 10 p.m. Tell you're going to bed, yeah, that's insane. So let's say something comes to you, you can easily say, well, I don't have time.

Is it an excuse or a valid reason? It's true. It's true. But now, if it's getting in your way of your dream, how do you see it? Is an excuse, or is a reason? It's like, everyone makes their decisions, right? So you would make the decision say, I can't do that because I'm too busy. To me, that's a decision that you've made. Yes. And so for me

the excuse is to look at your reasons why you're not making the the moves that you want to or that you say you're going to write them down and then with no judgment you can hear me say that a lot because I used to judge myself and it's a judgment that would hold me back. So writing down all those reasons let's say you've got your goal. Why are you there? So my goal was I want to make movies. That's where me and Tom we first got married. Tom was going to go out make enough money and I was going to support him at home. It's just going to be three years. So one year turns into two years, turns into three, turns into four. And so I start losing all my hopes and dreams in that period.

And the excuse I kept making to myself is well we still don't have the money yet to make movies. And that was the reason that I was using, that we weren't making movies. Now, if I'd stepped back, I said, okay, my goal is to make movies. What are the reasons? Well, I don't have enough money. Is that a reason or an excuse? If you drill down, it's an excuse, because I could make a short movie, I could make a two-minute film, because I could make a short movie, I could make a two-minute film that is shot on my iPhone that costs nothing. But in my head, I'd so stuck to the big dream of making a $100 million movie

that every time I wasn't even taking one step, I kept using the excuse that I didn't have money. I kept using the excuse that we didn't have the time that I was, well, hang on a minute, in fact, here's a perfect excuse that I wonder if your audience will resonate with. We used to say it like Tom would go out to work and it's like why wasn't I like really moving towards my dream and my goal? And as we started to build quest as it was getting more and more successful, I was like well I can't focus on quest because I still

have to do all these things at home. I can't put all my time in there because it's left to do the laundry. I still have to cook. Now is that a reason I was an excuse? Some people say of course you have to do laundry. That's very valid reason. Now here's the thing that's a choice. You don't have to do laundry and I used it as an excuse time and time again of why I wasn't moving towards my dream because the truth was when I finally realized it was an excuse, I sat down with Tom and I said, baby, I love you more than life itself,

but I don't want to cook for you anymore. I don't want to do your laundry anymore. And so if I get time, I'll do it. I'll do maybe every three weeks. And so he's like, baby, to see you happy, what kind of husband would I be? To say that I need my underwear cleaned because out of your happiness. And so one day, and literally

didn't do the laundry for so long, he's like, all right, babe, I'm out of laundry. So I'm going to get some going to work. Come on, though. And he actually went to work without underwear. So you can see how one time, once upon a time, I had the mindset that doing the laundry was absolutely part of how you should live. But by removing that as an excuse and saying, Hey, this actually is getting in your way of your dream and your goal. Remover. And now where did it lead? The husband went to work commando and I didn't think twice about it. Why? Because I was working on my dream. I love that. That's such a great example because you're so right that often you excuse can be real, but it can still be an excuse.

Yeah. And I love the idea you gave about making movies too, because I do think we have the big dream and we don't see this more step. And the way you describe that to me made so much sense because I was speaking to someone recently and I was telling them about when I moved to LA and they've just kind of moved to LA and they're starting out and they're at film school and it's early days. And I was just saying that, you know, when I came to LA, there's so many things that I still want to do that I haven't done yet. But if I just wanted to do those things,

I wouldn't have built everything else. And I don't want to be someone who just has a big dream. I want to be someone who's doing lots of small things towards that big dream. And I think sometimes the big dream cripples us. And we keep pushing it off. And we keep saying, oh no, well, like you said, I don't have $100 million how am I making a movie?

We're living in this amazing time where anyone can make a movie for very cheap, for, for free even. And it's incredible to think about it that way. So I'm so glad you've written about that. And in the book, just so everyone knows, Lisa goes through in chapter one. She goes, talks about how you can dream big, how you can change your life, how you can bet on yourself. I literally just picked out one thing from one chapter

that I find interesting, because I find that excuses keep growing no matter where you're at. No matter where you're at. And what I've realized for me is that my excuse is based on a season. So right now I'm in a season of writing my book, comes out next to my second book,

and I know that when I'm writing my book, all my creative energy goes into writing a book, so I know that I can't really do many other things that are highly creative, because all my energy goes into the book. But as soon as my book times over, I now get all this new creative time back and I can do a lot of stuff. So during this period, I accept that my excuse is true, that

I can't do much more. But once that's over, now I know I can go off and do other things. Yeah. And I would actually then, when I come to that conclusion, and I'm like, okay, this is excuse makes sense based on what I'm trying to do. I then flip and go, cool, this is now longer excuse. It's a reason. Yes. And so I, because here's what I'm trying to do, I then flipping out core. This is now longer excuse, it's a reason. Yes. And so, because here's what I like to, I actually like to call myself on it. So, Lisa, you're using that as an excuse.

And so, I want to make sure that I'm always defining that word that gets me the emotion I'm trying to feel to propel me forward. I love that. That makes so much sense. Yeah, exactly. And that's what you're right. It's not an excuse, it's a reason.

Yeah. I love that. All right, rule two is called Make Up Your Mindset. And the one that I loved out of all of these sections of this chapter is I can get good at anything. Yeah. I love that mindset. Can you tell me about something that you were once terrible at that today you would

consider yourself to be fantastic at? And I know you won't hold back because I know we both agree that it's so easy to like never accept that we actually got good at anything, but I'm hoping everyone, and I'll do the same. When you hear me and Lisa, own that we're now good at something, please see it as a sign for you to own your own growth

because we live in this world where we judge ourselves when we're losing, and then we judge ourselves when we're winning. And it's so important to lose judgment at both times. That's so true. Yeah. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe, a Montreal, this pulse, this energy.

What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it bozangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. party, it doesn't always work out. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. And also we could do it as what's very sincere. I love you too. It makes a lot of therapy goals behind that.

You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the I Heart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves.

We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior and words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder swindler.

The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissist in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors

who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been the stay-home wife for eight years, been thrust into question nutrition. I was just helping out the husband. I'm a good Greek wife. I'm gonna help the husband out. What do I need to do? Now I didn't have any skill sets in building a company. Zero. I knew how to be a husband out. What do I need to do? Now, I didn't have any skill sets in building a company.

Zero. I knew how to be a great wife. I knew filmmaking because I went to film school for it and I knew how to take care of my two dogs and my husband. That was like my school. That's pretty good. It's pretty not too bad.

But when you go into a startup company every single day, I was faced with things. I had no idea to the little things of a palette. I was shipping bars of my living room floor, we grew at 57,000 per cent, so literally within a few weeks or a few months, I'm shipping out 20 boxes. And so the UPS guy comes along and he's like, you know, I can actually take a lot more if you put everything on a palette. I was too embarrassed to admit, I had no idea what a palette was. So it's like, okay, great, thanks mate. You know, it drives off. I run back to my computer and type in Google,

what on earth is a palette? You know, and then the image comes up, like, oh, yeah, I kind of know what those are. Where do I get one from? How much do they cost? So I literally just keep typing in. Where do I get one from? How much do they cost? And that's the sort of thing that started to build my self-esteem around being the person that configured out, not the person that knows everything. And it becomes such a safe place for me because now I don't worry about not knowing something. I just, if I have the mentality and the ethos that I configure it out, if I put the time and energy into it, some things may take a

second, what is a palette, some things may take two years. But regardless, if I believe I can, I can actually take the steps forward. But I believe I can't, I'm not going to. And let's face it, so many people are also there to be ready to tell you what you can't do. So that's why you have to believe in yourself that you know how to, because you can very much get influenced from the outside world. Like one of the very early days, I don't know if you know this story actually, one of the very early days of Quest, we had like Justin Bieber's cousin was like Contacted quest and so they're like oh my god Lisa. We can get quest a boss to Justin Bieber

But here's the catch he's in the buy and you've only got like 24 48 hours to get it to him and Everyone was like but it's impossible everyone said it's impossible I called out my UPS guy. They like it's impossible. It's a my UPS guy, the light is impossible. It's a food product, it's the buy, it's imported, it's like all this thing, like logistics. And in that moment, I was like, no one's gonna fight for your dream more than you will. So of course, my request to my even the UPS person, I'm making his life harder.

So when he sees the hurdle or he's like, and it's impossible, but no one will fight for your dream more than you will. So I didn't take impossible as an option. I didn't know what I was doing. I figured it out. And so I literally said, okay, if you're the person that figures it out,

what would this look like? Don't take no for an answer. Ask questions. Ask boat loads of questions. Instead of feeling bad about myself for not knowing, just keep asking. So I would get on the like, I'm like, oh, okay, you can't help me. Can I speak to your manager, please? Manager comes up. It's impossible. Can you explain to me why? Well, because of the

customs. All right. What if I overpaid customs? Well, but what about this slip? Well, okay, I'll just fill out the slip in advance and I'll be up at three in the morning. In case it gets out, I'll be on call. Like every time there's a problem, do you have a way to think around it? And it's not that I knew what I was doing. That's the key. Is that I just had the mentality that no one's going to fight for my dream more than me. And I'm not going to take no as an answer. And because of those things, I ended up figuring it out. And I ended up getting boss to JB in time. I don't know if you actually ever received them though. That's the heartbreaking thing. It was like, I got a confirmation,

they arrived at his hotel and to me though, that was the thing that I held onto. That no one thought it was possible. All the experts thought it was impossible. I didn't know what I was doing, but I went in there as the learner and said, Lisa, you're gonna figure it out. I love that story.

Do you know why? Because it's so practical. Like it's so tangible. It's not like this ethereal dream that you made come true. It's literally like, we need to get these bars from this country to this country. And you can see all the steps it takes. And you can see every moment where you could have just gone,

can't be bothered now. And that's literally the only thing. And actually, whether he got it or not, is irrelevant to the fact that you were able to figure it out. Yes. And it shows that now you can apply that to anything big or small, and now you are applying it to movies and comic books and you know, whatever else it may be, but it started off by just trying to get a bar from one country to another. Yeah.

I honestly hope that everyone is listening and watching. The reason why I love Leases examples is because they're just so tangible. They're so real and I think sometimes it's like Maybe you're listening right now and you have a company you want to start or you have a podcast you want to launch or you have a YouTube channel That's in your head and it really is as simple today as going on Google Typing it in and trying it. And I think the biggest mistake that Lisa, I want to hear your take on this is I think we often try things too slow and therefore the results are more painful to accept. I'll give you an example of what I mean. If I'm interested by something, let's take something like what you just did.

If you took three months to type in, what's a pallet, then three months later, you'll figure out how much they cost, and then three months later, maybe the prices go up, and now in 12 months, you're going, oh, well, I guess that wasn't useful. Whereas if you go back that day like you did, and then you went and researched how much they cost and then you Resist the budget and everything else that you did you learn it so fast that now you can take action

Yeah, so often what I think is that we need to experiment more often as opposed to like trying to make something happen over a Year if you try and do it in an hour You're actually more likely to learn and grow rather than saying okay, I'm gonna spend 10 minutes on this every week. If you can spend an hour on it this weekend, you'll probably make a bit more growth And you'll feel more momentum. I don't know what your thoughts are. A thousand percent. I think the reason why people don't know is they fear not being it not being perfect. Yeah, so they're like, well, let me just figure it like let me take the stepping stones, let me process it Let me and I actually get it that fear really can stop so many of us, but that's why

I have the identity of being the learner, of being the person that actually, you know, what I don't know this today and I don't judge myself for it, but I can learn. And it's that if, like, what is that goal? How do you keep moving forward? And then the fear part that voice in the head that I very much talk about is telling me, well, Lisa, you don't know what you're doing. Well, Lisa, you know, who do you think you are? Like you don't have any, you know, expertise in this area. But if I'm then bypass it by being like, Oh, no, you don't know anything. So hey, you should learn, you know, it's like bypass that voice to then get you to act.

And then in that action, you then feel the competence that then builds the confidence to then keep going. But it is that starting point that is very fearful. And so recently, in fact, I don't know how you felt in like York, in a book and stuff like that. And we're very creative. So as part of the creative, I get very hypo-microscopic on everything. It's like, that's not good enough. No, that's not right.

And I realized I was actually holding myself at because to your point, I wasn't just like learning from it. I wasn't just putting things out. And so I end up sitting down and saying, okay, right now, this fear of trying to be perfect is actually holding you back. I don't judge myself for it, but I say, how do I overcome this feeling? Because I can't force myself not to feel it. So I have to come up with a plan, a tactic, to overcome the way that I'm handling it. So I sat then I was like, oh, I'm looking for perfection.

Does perfection help impact people with this book? No. Okay, great. So how do I overcome this? I need to be deliberate, not perfect. Hey, that's actually really strong. That really hit me, be deliberate. How do I remind myself that in moments, because we all have habits. So the habit of me right now is to be perfect. So how do I overcome this habit of being perfect?

Okay, I'm gonna put in my phone and something I call in the book, it's like phone roulette. So it's actually, you got this roulette it's you put a message in your phone, you close your eyes and you spin the time and you close your eyes and you don't know what time you've said it. And the whole point for this is to keep reminding yourself in random moments of the message you're trying to become a habit in your mind. So I put in be deliberate, not perfect. And I did the roulette and I did it for about three weeks.

And after that, I don't need it anymore. Now every time something comes to me, I just go, okay, I want to be deliberate not perfect. Okay, yep, great, this is good to go. Wow, so wait, you choose the message. Yeah. And then you put a random time. Yeah. And then your phone will buzz at that time

and remind you of that message that you put in. Yeah, and I don't know what. That's so cool. And I don't know when it's going to go off. Oh, yeah. So, look, sometimes it goes off at the worst time when you're in an interviewer, I know, yeah, it's funny. Right, but I did this once for,

That's so cool. Yeah, I did it once as a thing to spare me, because I am always going, I don't judge myself for how I feel, but I don't accept that as an excuse. Yeah. So, okay, this is real, don't feel badly, but what are you going to do to overcome it? So, that was one of those things. I was actually really scared for Ted Talk.

This is actually how I started. I was so scared about getting in front on stage. And I had all these tactics, okay, I'm going to have a blueprint. How do I think about it? How do I turn up? What's my Wonder Woman Cuffs? Like, all these things of how am I going to get on stage in the first place? And part of that ritual leading up to it was, I did a little, you got this. what's my Wonder Woman cuffs, like all these things of how am I gonna get on stage in the first place.

And part of that ritual leading up to it was I did a little, you got this and I did a little muscle emoji and I closed my eyes and I spun it. Now sometimes it happened in like when I was peeing, you know, like it is like not a great time, but it really, really worked. Like it hit me so hard and in moments

when I was practicing for my speech, I didn't realize that it went off. So now here I am practicing, I'm reading over, I'm getting in my own head, I'm getting tense, I'm like, oh my god, can I do really do this? The alarm happened to go off at that time. So now I'm like, oh yeah, I do cut this Lisa. So now I go back and it becomes this little reminder, your own cheerleader. Wow, I love that idea. That's such a cool, that's absolutely brilliant. And also that statement, be deliberate, not perfect. Yeah.

I think it's such a great mantra. And I'm going to be honest here as well. Like so, I really dislike the cover of my book, my first book that I did. I really dislike it. And I was forced into having to pick and decide because of time. And so I, when I was writing my first book, I was so absorbed in writing it. I didn't really have time to think about the cover. We got to finish writing it, and then I was told, I need a cover and testimonials within the next two weeks. And I didn't know anyone who designed book covers at the time. And so I was scrambling to do that, and I was trying to get the testimonials from people

and asking for testimonials, as you you know is a tough thing to do. And she's like, okay, well, now I've got two weeks to ask someone for something so I'm doing this. And then all of a sudden, then they're like, oh no, no, no, now we've got to just go with this cover and we're going to design it. And I really don't like it. Now, you know, it didn't impact the book in the sense of it's been wonderful to see the book out there.

And I hope people can sense my intention. I think that's what I always focus on is my intention is I just want to serve through this book. People can feel that but I give myself the grace and space that that was my first book. I didn't know the process. I didn't understand. This time I've handed in my first manuscript and I'm working on the code already and it's like it's okay and that's like you know and the reason I'm sharing that is people may look at my first book and of course, it's sold really well, it's done really well, whatever.

And it's like, and people may just be like, oh, Jay, you just nailed it. And I'm like, but even I don't feel I nailed it. Like I didn't, because there was a part of it that I would have wanted to improve. Yeah. You've got an epic fun, huh? Oh, thank you.

You know, this, look at this radical confidence for Uncover, it's so beautiful, it's amazing. And I think that what we have to realize is that as creators, we'll always be critical of our own work, even when no one notices it. And so I wanted everyone to hear that, that you're doing that, I'm doing that, we're all doing that. So if your first episode of your podcast isn't great,

you've got a second one. If the first video on your YouTube channel is not great, there's another one, like there's always another take. Yeah, and I love the critical part of it because what you're doing is yeah, you're being critical about yourself, but you're not letting it stop you move forward. And that's the key.

It's like I don't always just go, yeah, Lucy, you've got this. Like no, no, I definitely assess like I am critical of myself, I do like to reassess, but I'm at the stage at least in my growth that I don't let that stop me. And in the past, it would. In the past, I would look at something that I've done. And I would be so critical of it that I would beat myself up so much that it stopped me from moving forward. Yes, yes. I think that's a really good clarification

as well. And, and I think deliberate, not perfect is such a brilliant mantra. So I love that. All right, going on, I love this one. Validation is for parking. I was like, I love parking validation. But yes, validation is for parking. The one that I love about this one is I can validate myself. Yeah. I think that's been such a big lesson for me. What is something you think you constantly wanted other people to validate you for? What is something that you've always seeked external validation for that took the longest journey? Ooh, that took the longest journey. That's interesting.

I think that this is the part of me that kind of, I think that maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like there's a part of everyone that still wants to be validated. And it's just instinctual. So going back to, I don't judge myself for it, but I know it's unhealthy. So in fact, here's a perfect example. It's not really answering your question, but it kind of is with the book. I was originally when someone offered me the book deal.

The very first words out of my mouth were, who would buy a book from me? So there's the insecurity. So I'm like, Lisa, are there 14-year-old girl still inside? Do it's okay. You know, like she still does exist. That's okay, but I'm not gonna let her hold me back. So I start writing the book.

Now, in writing the book, I start to go, oh, I really want to new times number one, like we've all got so many like, your book is amazing and everyone. And so it's like, oh, I've got a goal. I'm still got a good, I think, you know, I'm a busy entrepreneur, so I set my goal, I set where I'm trying to go,

and I moved deliberately towards that. Now here's the thing, what if I don't reach it? Does me not getting there now mean that the book's no good? And I realize the danger of looking for external validation for the work that you do and the way that you show up. And now the only thing that I can do is do the foundation work so that when that happens, the instinctual part of Lisa doesn't come out. And so what I said is, what's my North Star? Why did I actually write this book? Yes, I have the goals, but I don't want the goal without yet actually creating impacts.

So let's say I want new times, right? But does it actually create impact? That's my North Star. That's the big, big, like thing that I'm going towards. So how are people going to respond to it? Okay, yes, of course I want it to create impact. But what if it actually doesn't impact anyone, Jay? What if everyone hates it?

That's a big possibility when I was writing it. I didn't know. And so what am I going to do to make sure that I still feel validated and that I still feel my worth? And so I said, what am I going to do now? Number one, do you give it your all? Because, and here's the thing when I say that, you know. Everyone at home, you know if you've given it your, you can tell other people you have, but you really know. So, am I going to give it my all? Yes or no? Yes.

Great. That's going to be a metric. I'm going to go by. If I gave it my all, I've got nothing else to give. Am I going to learn from this experience if it does badly? Yes. Did I have beautiful intentions? Yes. Am I going to really, if it fails, not be yourself up, but are you absolutely going to take a hard look and identify all the things that you think that you felt in? Yes. Right. Now I can move forward. Move forward. And if it doesn't do well, I've got those bullet points that I'm going to go back to. And so I had every intention to help women that felt like I did. I had that North Star.

I knew what I was trying to do. I gave it my all. And so if now no one likes it, I'm not going to feel badly about myself because I showed up. And that's the thing, Jay. No one can affect whether you show up or not. Yet about the failure and successes, no one can affect whether, whoever's listening at home, if you showed up or not, the only person that can affect that is you.

I love that. And that's actually what needs to happen before we start any journey. And I think a lot of society has made us focus on the goal. So it's like, what's your goal? Where do you wanna be? What's the output? What's the result? And what you've just described is the input.

It's what you're bringing. It's what you're focused on. And I think that's one of the biggest mistakes of goal setting is that goals are just made up targets. They're just made up targets. They're just random things. And it's like, they're nice, they're cool, but they don't make you happy because by the way, even the people

that reach their goals are not happy. A hundred percent. Because it's never satisfying. It's like, okay, we got to this goal, but now we didn't stay there. Or we got to that goal, but we didn't get there next time. Or this time, we hit that goal constantly, but I'm still dissatisfied because I became lonely in the process. Right? So there's always something else around that goal. So it's not only the people that don't make their goals that are not happy. It's also the people that make their goals that are not happy because it's not about the goal.

Yeah. Exactly. And the result is never guaranteed either. So it's like, what are you going to do? Work hard for something, pour your heart into it and only feel good about yourself whether it succeeds or not It's just not sustainable. Yeah, and so to me that's what I look at What is sustainable for me to keep showing up for the rest of my life? Yeah, and that's like when I think about oh if I'm looking at the results It's not sustainable in a year and two years when I crash and burn because look when you try anything new the chance So you're gonna fail at it at some point. point. And so if I'm failing how do I keep getting back up? It's that precise thing. Yeah I love that principle. I think that's just so huge

because I just think we as a society constantly force people to set these big dreams goals and targets that are arbitrary to our actual joy and happiness. Like they don't actually connect to feeling good, even if you make it, right? And so I think that's the biggest one. All right, I want to go through a few more of these because there's so many good ones. I'm skipping a few chapters because I want you to get the book and read it. But there's a few things that I want to talk about. Okay, this one's a big one.

This is chapter seven, which is called Tuffin, the F up buttercup. And it says, I can stop saying I'm sorry. Yeah. This is huge. Like the amount of people that constantly feel that they have to stop saying sorry, what are some of the things that you hear a lot in this space of things that people apologize?

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podcasts. I'm Mungesh Chateque there,, to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention, because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, canceled marriages, K-pop.

But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good. There is risk to father. And my whole view on astrology, it changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. So I also wanted to put a little asterix to that because in the book I actually think it's like

the first line is guys stop apologizing and yet guys always apologize because that's a thing a lot of what I say like feels like only sometimes contradictory but look I think that the message of just stop apologizing isn't actually accurate. Yeah, right? Because if you're up here, set your friend and you're the one that is the person in the fall, you should apologize.

Like, if I've said something that really has upset Tom, and it's like, okay, I didn't mean to upset him, of course you should apologize. So I never want people to think that apologies a bad thing. The problem is we apologize so much that what is doing is it's telling you that you're not making your opinion isn't valid. So like I think the example I give in the book is like let's say for instance, I choose you know me and very much like you self-care is very important. I must take care of myself first before I show up for anyone else. And with how much we work, I burn out. And so I need to make sure that I don't go to that burn out.

So sometimes I get invited to a lot of amazing places. And I know in that moment, I have to actually choose self-care. Now if I'm apologizing for putting myself first, subconsciously, over time, what is that doing? It may not seem like it in the moment. I just think when you keep having that repetition in your head, that voice, that mindset that you're always apologizing for putting yourself first, it becomes detrimental to you. And so for me, I was like, I'm no longer going to apologize for putting myself care first. I'm always going to be very respectful. It's never

like, well, you know, if you, but it absolutely is how you use language makes a difference. The language you use and that's really the big key thing in all of this. If you say the word sorry, is that actually authentic to you or are you dismissing something that's actually very important to you like self-care? So if someone invites me out, I won't actually, if it and I'm doing self-care and said I actually won't say I'm sorry. I'll say, oh my god, I won't actually, if it, and I'm doing self-care and said, I actually won't say I'm sorry. I'll say, oh my God, I really hope you have an amazing time. You know, let me know how it is, but right now, you know, I'm unable to attend. Obviously very politely, but I just don't use the word sorry.

Yeah, no, I think that's huge because what you said is over time, what we're basically saying is we don't think we deserve that. Yes. Or that what we're doing is wrong. Yes. Right? That's what you're saying. If you're saying sorry, like you define the Yes. Or that what we're doing is wrong. Yes. Right? That's what you're saying. If you're saying sorry, like you define the word, you're like saying, I'm wrong. That's

why I'm sorry. I'm wrong in not wanting to come out with you. But you're not wrong. Yeah. You just want to do something that's right for you. Yeah. And it just then reinforces, right? Because like, like repetition creates habit. And I'm so aware of that of how the words I use affect how I show up. So like if, create, habit. And I'm so aware of that of how the words I use affect how I show up. So like if I can share a story.

Yeah, I'd love to. You're an amazing storyteller. So I always love hearing you say, yeah, go for it. There was this one time on one vacation and I'm standing in line and I don't know about you. I get very chatty in line on vacation. So how would you love to be a night

with the other big guests at the end? So this is when we're behind, when we start chatting, she's like, oh, what do you do? So I start telling all the things, you know, that, you know, quest and impact theory and women of impact. And eventually I was like, okay, I'm talking a lot, I was like, oh, what are you doing?

She goes, oh, I'm just a mom. Just a mom? Just? I was, and I was like, what do you mean? She goes, oh, we'll have three kids at our home school, but I'm just a mom. She was so downplaying her achievements by using the word just. Now, it may not seem like a big deal, but imagine she says that to herself over and over again.

She's really invalidating how much she's bringing to the table. And so in that moment, I almost couldn't help myself, Jay. I was like, I'm so sorry, but you just said just, I was like, you're doing this incredible. I was like, you're so sorry, but you just said just. I was like, what you're doing is incredible. I was like, you're bringing up the next generation and you're doing a three-two and home schooling. I was like, so I was like, that isn't a just. As soon as I said that, her demeanor changed. She starts glowing, talking about all the classes,

all these new tests that she was trying on her kids to see what would work and what didn't, in just in removing the word just, changed how she'd saw herself, and that was just one word in one moment. Now think about the words we use in our own head, over and over and over again. Yeah, and I think that's the point,

that in that moment, you'd only heard her say it once. Yes! But she's heard herself say it every day, where whenever she meets someone who is externally doing more, quite more, quite more, externally, quite more, quite a lot because it's her perception.

She is then looking at herself as less than every single time. Because society has made some things feel like more and some things feel like less, is then looking at herself as less than every single time. Because society has made some things feel like more and some things feel like less, but in that moment you've reminded her that actually what she's doing is unique. It's beautiful, it's wonderful. And I think that's what I love about what you're saying about language because I do think it's so easy

because we've created this hierarchy of first and second. You think about it, someone might have just broken the world record and come second, but someone broke the overall world record and came first. You both may have beaten the most latest world record, but except you're not looking at it, you're looking at going out came second. But you also just did something amazing. And even in that example, whereas, yeah, I think language is really interesting. And I think the way we talk to ourselves is really interesting.

And I do believe that it's always gonna be a balance of you don't wanna lie to yourself either way. And I think that's the problem, right? Both of them are lies, saying to yourself, I'm the best in the world and I'm better than everyone. That's a lie. And saying, I'm the worst, I'm just a mum. That's also a lie, neither of those are actually true.

Yeah, that's so true. And we're so conditioned ourselves into thinking a certain way that it becomes like the belief system that maybe we don't even question because we don't even realize it's there. And so that's what I just love about everything we're talking about, I mean, you know, is it Carol Dweck? I think it was her that said, just add the word, yet, onto a sentence. I can't do X, Y and Z yet.

It's one word, three letters. And yet it changes everything of how we perceive that thing. If you say, I can't play the piano, or I can't play the piano yet, not in day. Yeah, changes everything. Everything, yeah. Language changes everything. I do recommend that everyone sits down and defines the words they use the most in their life because, and chances are you and your partner, you and your kids, you and your parents

all have different definitions. Yeah. And so you've got to be really careful because you may have defined your words, you've got to make sure that their words are aligned or that they have their own definition that you're aware of. Yeah. Because otherwise when they say, well, I don't think you've done something significant, you have to know what you mean by significant.

Otherwise, you're going to take that personally. So I rarely take people's words personally because I know their definition is not the same as mine. Oh my god, yet Tom and I, our marriage, we have our own little like bill you dictionary because for that exact reason, because if I say to him, hey babe, this is really important to me. I say the word important three times in a year. So you better believe I want his all attention. I want him to drop everything. Now, if we haven't had that discussion and he uses the important four times in a day, he goes, oh, okay, cool. And now, I feel completely dismissed

because I only use it three times. So there's a weight that I bring to that word, but he doesn't. Now, does that mean that he's wrong and I'm right? No, it just means to your point that we have different definitions of what that word specifically means. So like the one of the worst words

that I think it does detriment to so many people, especially women is the word should. That is the word that literally is like handcuffs so many of us I should do this. I should be a good wife. I should be a good Greek wife. I should take care of my husband. I should put his, you know, that was what I was taught. I should have kids. Like it didn't even dawn on me that I could ask, I don't know, do I want kids? Because I just used the word in my head over and over again. So powerful and you can make so many big decisions in life with bad language.

And it's scary actually where it can go. And if you're someone who feels you have done that for a long time, you can change words. That's the best thing about it. You can change your definitions. You can change your words. All right, one more that I want to take that I love because this one really, really stood out to me is I can be too sensitive. I think that's one that gives a lot of permission

because you're a very practical person. I watch your Instagram stories and you're always someone who shares what you're feeling but then you share what you do about it. Yeah. And so I'll see you go, I woke up, didn't want to work out today, but here I am, or like, you know, woke up, my God wasn't great today, but then this is what we did. And like you're very open about the feeling and being sensitive, but then moving, how

did you get good at closing the gap between allowing yourself to feel and being sensitive to actually taking action. I think because I didn't move forward, I literally for eight years, my life was what I feel like was in the pub. I can't believe it. You like that, I can't even imagine you like that because we never knew each other then.

Yeah, I feel the same about you when I hear about your crazy world boy stories. When you're like, you, it just seems strange but that just actually is great, right? To show that we really can evolve, we really can change by making these different choices in our lives. And so for eight years,

I was making the same choices to stay stuck. And so I didn't have that. How do I incrementally move towards my goal? How, what am I doing today? And so now I've just, because of that, I just say the way that I feel right now, does it serve the thing that I'm trying to do? And so sometimes, being sensitive can be beautiful, right? It means that we're in touch with our emotions, and that we can actually feel things. And especially when you're creative, you want that.

You need to go with your heart and your emotions, but sometimes being too sensitive can hold you back. And I don't be myself up over it, but I don't think being too sensitive all the time serves you. And part of the messaging out there is like, no, you should be always sensitive. And I just go, look, sometimes it actually doesn't serve what you're trying to do. That doesn't mean that you should ignore it. That doesn't mean that you should be yourself up over feeling it. But if I say, okay, the way I'm feeling right now doesn't mean that you should ignore it. That doesn't mean that you should be yourself up over feeling it. But if I say, okay, the way I'm feeling right now, doesn't actually help me move forward towards impacting that 14 year old girl.

Okay, so what am I gonna do? I'm gonna fill the fills, right? I give myself the grease and the cuddle to go, okay, Lisa, yes, you're here. That's okay. It's like, you know, that friend. It's all right. But does this actually help you help that 14 year old girl that feels insecure? Does that help the other woman that

you're trying to help? If the answer is no, what am I going to do about it? Because sitting there stuck won't get me there. Again, I've been there eight years, not moving forward. I know what that feels like. I know where that gets me. It's important for me to acknowledge the truth that we can be sensitive and to just say it's okay all the time won't actually help. And so that's where it's like the duality of everything I always talk about becomes like these dualities. It's like embracing it and then not accepting it. It's like I am embrace who I am today and yeah I don't accept who I am today. I know where I'm trying. I want to get better every day. I want to improve. So how do you do both without, you know, lacking the enthusiasm to keep moving forward?

And it always is given myself the grace that, yes, I feel like that. I'm not going to dismiss that part of me. That is what makes me me. And yet, I'm not going to let hold me back from the life I want. I love that. I think you've perfectly summed up how a healthy mindset can be where it's not either or it's and, right? It's both. And I think everyone's always like, well, should you be really vulnerable

or should you be really like action oriented? And it's like, be both. Yeah. Like be vulnerable and then take action. Like should I be really sensitive and compassionate? Or should I be really brave and courageous? It's like, be both. Be vulnerable and then take action. Like, should I be really sensitive and compassionate? Or should I be really brave and courageous? It's like, be both. It's like, should I be affectionate or assertive?

It's like, be affectionately assertive. Like, be both. Like, you don't, and I think we've just been brought to believe that everything's either raw. And what you've just said is, no, I can be both. I can embrace myself and I don't have to accept where I'm at. Can I add to my lyrics? Yeah, sure thing. So also, is your sensitivity actually warranted? Now what I mean by that is, I still accept it. So I never dismiss it, but I don't know

if it's always warranted. Have you ever been hungry? Oh, hello, too. Yeah. So literally, just by not eating, you get mad. Yeah. So think about sensitivity. It's the same thing. Maybe you're really tired that day. Maybe you haven't eaten. For me, the biggest realization with this whole topic was middle of my gut issues. I was in absolute pain.

I wasn't eating much. Like I could barely eat. So I was extremely malnutritioned, like I was 20 pounds lighter. And so now I'm in this business meeting with Atquest, I'm sitting in front of Tom and there's like maybe 10 other people and me and him start debating something. Now this is like I've debated with him so many times up to this point, but because my gut was hurting me so much, because I couldn't eat and because I was tired, he had said something and inside I wanted to burst into tears. And so I was like you're not going to cry Lisa, you're not going to cry, Lisa.

You're not going to cry. Meaning goes over and I go into his, his restroom and I just stop tearing up. And he walks in thinking I was like, had a bad stomach and he sees me in tears. First time I'm crying at work, a quest. So he's really shocked. He's like, paid what's wrong and I was like, you was so mean to me. And he's like, what is happening right now? I've never said that, especially at work. And he's like, what is happening right now? I've never said that, especially at work.

And he's like, babe, I love you. Could this possibly be because of your health? And of course, I was sensitive. So I was like, don't you dismiss my feelings, you know? And he's like, I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings, but let's just take things right now, for how they are. You've never cried at work.

You've never made it personal. Never. But even by saying, your mean to me is a personal thing. How many times have we debated at work? You've never had this emotional reaction. And the facts are, babe, you're in pain. So can we maybe just say that right now you are being sensitive, that you may not otherwise feel if your health was better. Yeah. And so in that moment I was like actually you know what, sometimes your seven sensitivity comes from something else. Totally. But you take it personally. Oh, I mean you're spot on. I mean I genuinely don't trust myself if I'm hungry, I'm tired.

Right. Like I just don't make good decisions. I don't make decisions. I don't make choices. I will put something off. If I'm hungry or I'm tired, I will say I'll think about it tomorrow. I just don't want to make that decision because I know I'll make poor decisions, let alone with our feelings and how we treat people. And I can remember that actually when I was going through health things as well, I was a lot snappier, I was a lot more irritable. Would you say you were a little too sensitive?

Yeah, exactly, yeah, we'd rather, I was way more agitated when I was struggling because you're really what's happening is all your body's energy is trying to solve that issue. And so you have no energy, you don't have any capacity left for the part that you would usually have a little bit of resilience to deal with something that's not comfortable. And now everything that would have just been uncomfortable becomes personal. Yes. And that's what's happening, right? Because you've lost that capacity for discomfort. Yes. And I've realized that many times when I'm tired or I'm hungry or I'm going through something health-wise, I lose my ability for discomfort

when usually I'd be more than happy to be in discomfort or handle some austerity. And the fact that you know that about yourself though, allows you now to maneuver, but it's not that you dismiss that you're a bad person or that means something about you, you just know, oh, okay, I'm not in my full capacity because I don't have the things that I need

in order to be able to handle this and not take it personally. So that's where I'm in the books. It's so important for me to say, look, instead, like, we don't, no, I'm sensitive and you can't take that away from me. It's like, yes, but does it serve you and is it actually true or is it a reflection of other things in your life. I love that. I love that, Lisa. That's such a powerful and I want everyone who knows listening and watching that. This book is full of what I think Lisa does really well is take on these really complex ideas, simplify them, but then still deal with the complexity, right? As you can hear, we're going back and forth on this stuff because it's not either raw. It's not one or the other. It's not like, here's the one answer that's going to solve everything.

It's actually like really textured and layered and messy and you've got to think about it at that level if you really want to solve it because just going out there and saying, just be sensitive, just share your feelings. Like that's only one half of the issue. Yeah. And then there's all these other layers in between. And so I think what Lisa does in radical confidence is each of these 10 lessons, they're going to simply tell you what to do next, but they're also gonna help you think about how these ideas and as she said at the beginning,

the muscle builds over time. Lisa, thank you for writing this book. I, again, recommend everyone goes and grabs a copy. You won't be disappointed. I genuinely have always loved Lisa's storytelling ability. You saw it today. She's able to take you back into a moment in time. I help you to reconnect with that 14-year-old girl

that she was to reconnect with the housewife. She was for eight years. You know, all of those elements in her life, which I think are identities that we can all relate to at different times in our own life. At least at any last words, anything that's on your mind, anything that's on your heart, that you really want to share. I want to give you the space to say it. No, just thank you so much for having me. And, you know, you've really been witness as well to kind of me going from behind

the scenes you know in front and Raddy's been doing the same like it's so beautiful to see like how much you support so many women in your lot you know in your life so thank you for being a part of my own journey and being such a good friend and you know my brother from another mother you feel like home dude and I just cannot thank you enough for having me. I'm so proud of you for putting this together because I just think there's so many people out there who are struggling with these exact questions, these exact challenges. Some of the ones that I didn't take for anyone is listening because I think you'll resonate with these ones.

Just people can relate to this. How can you develop the mindset to, I can set boundaries. I can choose how I react. I can rescue myself. I can be motivated. I can boost my confidence. I mean, these are all things that we all wish we could do. And I love how the book not only talks about the ideas in the way you'd expect,

but I think you take this really counterintuitive approach to giving more depth on each one. Thank you. Because I think that was actually the thing that held me back is I would read all these one things about, and I was like, but that isn't really true to me how you show up. And I think humans are very, you said it early, humans are complex. Women were very complex. And so it's not by no, it's not one or the other.

It's how do you deal with the beauty that makes up you? Yeah, absolutely. Everyone, make sure you subscribe to Women of Impact. Make sure you follow Lisa on Instagram. Make sure you go and grab a copy of the book. You won't be disappointed, I promise. And please do tag me and Lisa on any social media platform that you use. Letting us know what stood out to you, what connected with you. Maybe you're going to take a picture of a page in the book

that really resonated with you, that spoke to you, highlighted, share it with us online. I genuinely love to see the feedback. And as you know, I do deeply, deeply, deeply support my friends who are authors on this podcast because writing a book is just not easy. When someone's promoting it and there's lots of cool posters and TV shows and billboards and all this kind of stuff, it can look very exciting and it is exciting. But the journey of writing a book, getting it right, printing it, getting it sorted,

and then taking it out there, it's a marathon. So if you ever see me share about books very enthusiastically, it comes from just knowing that the author's really been through it to get to that stage. So that's where my over-intusiasm kicks in. But thank you so much for listening and watching everyone. A big thanks to Lisa for joining us today, sending you lots of love. Make sure you pass this on to someone who needs it. And I'll see you next time on On Purpose.

Thanks everyone. Bye. Thank you, everyone. Bye! Roby Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned

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Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.