On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Meghan Trainor ON: Breaking Generational Trauma & How to Be Confident From the Inside Out

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, I sit down with Meghan Trainor, an award-winning singer, songwriter, producer, and multi-instrumentalist that has garnered a GRAMMY for Best New Artist, achieved eight multi-platinum singles and two platinum albums, sold out three world tours, penned multi-platinum hits for peers across pop and country, received countless industry awards and nominations, and has recently started her own podcast with her brother Ryan Trainor entitled Workin’ On It, while also becoming a TikTok star. She has just released her new single “Bad For Me,” featuring Teddy Swims, and has announced her fourth full-length album, Takin’ It Back, arriving October 21st, 2022, via Epic Records.Meghan shares what her childhood was like growing up on a small community island, her passion for song writing and how having supportive parents helped her get recognition for her talent and eventually led to releasing her debut song, All About That Bass. We talk about how being authentic and just showing up as yourself online and in real life will make people appreciate you more, why appreciating the body you have is the best way to love yourself, the crippling panic attacks that were overcome by asking for help and working with the right people, and how she has found love with a man who accepted her flaws and sees her true value. Meghan shows us how our life may be built within a bubble and still find the courage to dream big, break free from any limitations, and find success in doing things we are passionate about.What We Discuss:00:00:00 Intro00:03:59 The secret door00:06:50 And we got two toilets00:09:00 Growing up in Nantucket00:11:24 The songwriting journey00:17:21 Supportive parents00:20:47 Why I am who I am00:24:34 What inspires you then and now?00:27:44 Showing up authentically on social media00:29:36 Worst panic attack00:35:19 Taking antidepressants while pregnant00:39:36 “I don’t want to end up in a psych ward…”00:47:08 Our biggest crisis is a crisis of habits00:51:29 “When I met Daryl…”00:54:03 Loving your own body00:58:28 Meghan on Final FiveEpisode ResourcesMeghan Trainor | InstagramMeghan Trainor | TwitterMeghan Trainor | FacebookMeghan Trainor | TikTokMeghan Trainor | WebsiteWorkin' On It with Meghan Trainor & Ryan TrainorDo you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems. Making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcast.

Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better.

Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books.

You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing.

I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All day long, your body is saying, fire alarm, fire alarm, fire to flight, run. And I was like, mm-hmm. Like I was sitting with him in my back, felt like it was on fire.

I was like, see, it's crazy. It's happening right now. It's feel it. I think it's really hot. He was like, no, your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to be. Your adrenals are on fire. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I'm so

excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find,

keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to JSheddyTour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, you know that I love sitting down with people from different backgrounds, different walks of life who are adding meaning, impact, and purpose into the world that have an incredible presence and use it to do so much good in the world. And today's guest is someone who has been so kind

to me, so gracious to me, online and offline. And our first interaction was actually this January when I announced me being the Chief Purpose Officer at Calm. And we did a series of lives. And when this guest today said, yes, I was over the moon because I love our energy. I followed her for a long, long time at Myraho work. And for her to say, yes, was a dream come true. So today's guest is none other than Meghan Trainor and Meghan first made history in 2014 with her diamond certified hit single all about that bass. Since then the award-winning singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist has garnered a Grammy for best new artist, achieved eight multi-platinum singles and two platinum albums sold out three world tours, penned multi-platinum hits for peers across pop and country, and received countless

industry awards and nominations. Now on top of all of that last fall, we got to watch Megan as the host of Top Share Family Style on Peacock and as a judge on clash of the cover bands on E. In September of 2021, she also launched her podcast Working on it, which she hosts alongside her brother, Ryan. Megan has recently released her new single Bad for me, which by the way my producer has been singing and listening to all week, featuring Teddy Swims along with the announcement of her fourth full-length album, Taking It Back, Arriving October 21st, 2022. Mark the date. Welcome, Megan, Traynep. Megan, thank you for being here. You're amazing. You're amazing. You did all of that.

You had to live it. You had to create it. You had to write it. I mean, it's incredible. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. I sound so cool. You are. I mean, it's incredible. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. I sound so cool. You are.

But you say it, yeah. Even just your energy walking in today, and I saw you come out the car and just your presence, your energy, everything that you said, I was just like, this is my kind of human. This is the kind of person that I want to be around. You will adopt me. Okay. Yay. Thank you.

Thank you for being here, honestly. Thanks for having me. I'm honored that you are, you're like Oprah, you're amazing. What you do for everyone in the world, and I'm honored and I'll do whatever you tell me to do. So thank you. Thanks for letting me be here. I'm humbled and touched by that.

I actually got to say that to Oprah. To Oprah. To Oprah. Because she, I grew up watching her. And so for me, when I finally got to interview her, her book was coming out, we got to do the first interview. It. And so for me, when I finally got to interview her, her book was coming out, we got to do the first interview. It's very exciting for me.

And I said to her afterwards, I said, hey, Oprah, I think I do what I do because I grew up watching you. And you showed me that you can make meaningful stuff really powerful and it can be really mainstream. It doesn't have to be in this little box over here. And what she said to me was really special. She said that Maya Angelou said to her

that her best work will not be the impact she makes, but the impact that the people she impacts make. And I just thought that so anyway, I appreciate but I'm passing it on to Oprah and I want to dive into so many things with you today because you're just such an interesting, fascinating person But the first thing I want to ask you is you have a secret door in your home I do I want to know all about it because you know because to me yeah, of course because to me secret doors Like that's the guy when you just showed me your garden too, and I'm not gonna give anything away But those are the kind of homes I get fascinated about because they're the kind of homes you dreamed of as a kid. Yeah, literally. So tell me about the secret tour.

I'm creating my dream house for when I was a child. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now for my future four children. I have one now, but he can barely walk, so we'll get there. But I have a secret door in my house, and the house I bought is really cool. Not a lot of houses in LA have addicts and basement and I have both in this house.

And my husband, we did so much construction and he was like, the only thing I want, I'm like, yes, what would you like, babe? And he was like, a secret door. So it looks like a bookshelf and I was like, done. Absolutely, we're doing that. And it's the best part of our tour when we give tours of our house.

Everyone's like, what? I'm like, yeah. where does it lead to? Um, an attic that I'm turning into like the best kids playground ever that I want to do like homeschooling eventually in. So yeah, we got like slides up there and that's incredible. I, I'm invading myself over just right now. It's so fun man. Yeah, my house is gonna be sick one day. One is done. I love it. I'm very excited.

I went to home when I first moved to LA. I think I was living here already. And it's the coolest house I've ever been to. His name is Frank Lundz. And he's a speech writer for most of the presidents of the United States. And that's his career to write speeches, teach people communication. And we spoke at a conference together in Singapore, and his presentation was amazing and somehow he liked mine. And so we became friends over it.

At the end, and we got connected and he lives in LA too. And he was like, all right, when you're back, come over to my house. I was like, great. He's in his like mid-50s or something. So I went over dinner at his house. And his house is like a museum. Like he has the first shirt that Nelson Mandela wore to the United States. And he has like all of these incredible documents, like the invite that JFK received before the assassination. Like he has, he's just like these really amazing things. And we went into this room and it had this,

it wasn't the Titanic, it was another famous boat, like a structure of it. And there was a little Winston Churchill in the corner. And he asked me to stroke Winston Churchill's head, and that's when things got really weird. And then I looked at my phone, I had no data, and no signal, I was really scared. And so I saw the little Winston Churchill,

and he goes, yeah, stroke his head three times, and I was like, this is getting really weird, but okay, I stroked Winston Churchill's head three times, and this trap door open, and it was so cool. And I'll say the rest of it later. But anyway, my point being I love trap doors. You also have, you also have, not trap doors, I love secret doors.

Secret doors. Love dungeons, I like it. Yeah, I love dungeons, yeah. I'm from London. Sick. The dungeons are a big thing in London. The London Dungeons is a great attraction for anyone who's wondering.

But you also have two toilets. I have two toilets. Can you explain that to you? Wow, you really got a common one. You're gonna see all this. Yeah, I'm very fascinated by aesthetic and my weird stuff. Okay, so in our bedroom upstairs,

there's one bathroom, and the other bedrooms are farther away, and my husband and I get up all night long with the baby we used to. Now he sleeps, he's great. But we used to get up all night long, and every time I had to pee, Darryl would have to pee at the same time, and I'd be like,

get up, it was my turn. And I remember in this new house, we literally built rooms from scratch, and they had a bidet next to the bathroom, and I was like, well, never use that. But there was an extra hole, and then I saw the dream, and I was like, I have an extra toilet.

And I was to the plumber, I was like, can you pop both of these next to each other? And he was like, I have an extra toilet. And I was to the plumber. I was like, can you pop both of these next to each other? And he was like, when are you talking about? I was like, just right there, right next to each other. And he like laughed and thought I was joking. I was like, get it done. And he did. And it was the best decision ever.

I love it. If you're really close to your husband, like, my, like, we're close to the most. We like pee together. And it's the best bonding time ever. I love it. I don't know. We're not nasty the most. We like pee together and it's the best bonding time ever. I love it. We're not nasty with it, but it blew up and the whole world is like, ew!

And I have couple friends that are older than Darryl and I are. We're young, we got lucky, we met each other at like 22. But they're like, you pee in the same room as your husband. I'm like, oh, he'll chill with me if I'm going number two. Like we hang out, you know, like we don't do it at the same time. But yeah, I love it. Well, thank you. We wanted to start.

You have them. Yeah. So now everything goes deep. It's like that. Yeah. But no, I love it. Thank you. And thank you for learning us into your home.

I've been loving following you and TikTok for that. It's just it's so nice getting to know someone and then meeting someone in person and going, oh, you're even more wonderful in person is a great feeling. So, but I want to go through parts of your journey that I thought would be interesting to us and you and just everything you talk about

when it comes to mental health and you talk about toxic relationships and I just love your openness and vulnerability in a way that I know my community and audience really needs that insight. But I want to go all the way back to Nantucket, which is where you grew up. Well, yeah.

Yeah. And the feedback that I was here was, it's the cutest town. Or it's the cutest. Tell me about what it was like growing up there for you. And what you dreamed of at that time. The world was so small, everything was so small, the buildings are small. So when we would go off island, which was like travel anywhere else, we were like, oh,

you went off island, like the buildings were huge. And there's like traffic lights, we're used to stop signs. So everywhere else felt huge. And I still get scared when I go to New York. I'm like, well, these buildings are way too tall. And like when we park in a parking garage, I have full panic because I'm like, well, we're going to be late. We have to find a parking spot and get a ticket. It's a whole thing. But Nantucket was great. And growing up there, though, there's no mall.

There's no place for kids to hang out. So you start drinking and doing drugs at like 14. Wow. And like, hooking up at a very young age. And like when I look back at stuff that we did, I'm like, how is I not murdered or kidnapped or like how am I not a full-blown drug addict? A lot of my friends are. And even my brother had problems with alcohol and drugs, but he managed it so well that we were like, you don't have a problem, you're just fun, you know? And then recently he was like, okay, I need to be sober.

So it was, it's like if you made it off that rock, like you won, you survived. So it was a crazy place to live. It's so different when I grew up in London, which is obviously this big city and you're always around big buildings. And then I moved to New York and I've lived in Mumbai and now I live in LA. So I've always been moving from big city to big city. You got that tough, like you can handle it. Well, you can handle the city but there's also it takes a lot more effort to feel grounded

or to be in nature or you know that took a lot of training. Oh wow. Took a lot of training for me to adapt to that. And I also find that you know when you when you're talking about, I went to Montana recently and that's where when I was speaking to a lot of the people I lived in the area and a lot of the kids there were saying they'd never left. And they were saying that they all went to the same salon on a Saturday evening and they that one of them went to NYU for the summer, but then she moved back and she's like, she'd never seen a Chipotle before

she'd moved out of town and all that kind of stuff. And it's always interesting to me because we grow up in such bubbles where you think everyone thinks like you and everyone's living like you. When was the first time that that bubble kind of was burst or changed or switched? What was the experience where you're like, oh wow, there's a whole world and people who think differently. And I mean, when my parents started bringing me to songwriting conventions, like songwriting competitions, and I would travel, like my, my brothers got a gift.

Well, it'd be a whole family thing. I have two brothers. So for Christmas one year, they're like, we're going to go to California and have Megan go to this songwriting thing with ASCAP. And the boys we get to go to the zoo, you know, a zoo would always be a family thing but they would make sure the boys got to do something fun too. But I remember like traveling with my family and seeing Hollywood and I was like, ew, but I'd be like, oh, it's a little different than the movies. But then I lived in Nashville for a year by myself and that was my college.

I was 19 and I was like a songwriter. I would drive to work at noon and I'd write a song and I'd come home by myself and I did that for a year and then wrote all about that base and got signed and like had to move to LA at 19. So a lot of my friends were like in college and went home for the summer and I was like, I didn't, I don't know. I feel like I missed a lot of learning steps

and relationships. Like I feel like there's a whole friend group out there that I would have had that I don't know them, you know, because I just went to work. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Like we did it. That's it, yeah, that's it. But there's definitely differences

that I'm frustrated with. Like, I don't know how to do taxes. I don't know how to do many things I don't know how to do many things because at 19, all of a sudden there was a team that did it for me. And so when, like, I don't know, there's simple tasks that I'm like, I can't imagine doing that.

That I feel, I'm working with my therapist on it. I feel stupid sometimes. I feel silly and like, and she's like, you're not stupid, like look around. And I'm like, yeah, but there's simple things I can't figure out with geography. I don't know where anything is. I don't know where I am in the world.

Well Megan, I want to share something with you. I promise you that most people who end up college don't know how to do their taxes. Okay, good. I know what, know what, the problem, I'll be honest with you, me included. And I went to, I went to cast business school. Like, I don't know how to do my own taxes.

Okay, good. And the reason I say that is because you just never trained in the simple things. Yeah, yeah. It's sad, but no one knows how to get a mortgage or how to, you know, how to get the taxes. Like, you don't know these until you have to do it. Yeah.

And then when you have to do it, you figure it out. Like, for me, I had to learn a whole new system when I moved to the US. So just about have to do it, you figure it out. Like for me, I had to learn a whole new system when I moved to the US. So just about when I figured it, so I moved to the US when I was 28. And so- 128. Yeah, oh, there we go, yeah.

You moved to Zelo when you were 19, so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A bit of a different experience. But yeah, no, I moved to the US six years ago when I was 28. And it was like, I just figured out how to do taxes in London. And then I moved and that's a figure it all out again

and so I You know, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself because Because I'd be honest with you and say I don't think most people know how to do the things you just mentioned But when you look at that experience when you talk about going to songwriting competitions Yeah, it's really interesting because competition often turns people off art and it can often be a challenge or it's like you're competing at something and then often you lose taste for it. I remember I swam a lot when I was in college and high school and I was a pretty good

swimmer and my parents really wanted me to be a competitive swimmer and I hated the competitive side of swimming. I love competition and other areas of my life. I just didn't enjoy it in the water. For you, what was that experience like of, because that was even younger than 19, right? You go into these competitions with other kids, yeah, and other kids. But it wasn't even kids, it was adults. Oh, wow.

Like it ranged from my age 17 to like 55, where they are like, I still want to be a songwriter and here's my chance. And I would like always write on my CDs before we played it. I'd be like, I produced it myself, like be easy on the production. And I was like, I was just a young girl. I don't know what I'm doing here. And they would critique your songs in front of everyone.

So it wasn't like we were competing at this place. It's like a movie's got talent, kind of, but for songwriting. Yeah, but for songwriting. And if you won, you got signed. And my second year I did it. And I was like, Dad, I don't want to go back. And he's like, your album's way better now.

Let's go back. The second year I got signed. And everyone's like, Megan's the one that got picked this year. And I was like, did it? That's amazing. Do you remember any feedback from the first year that like stayed with you?

Oh, kill me. Yeah, my lyrics didn't make sense because my production was bad. But they saw potential. They're like, it's in there. You just got to be better at, like, maybe you shouldn't have said that here or this doesn't really rhyme. And blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, they don't know anything. Like, yeah, they suck. But then I went home and I wrote a whole new album and sent it in. And then it was like night and day. And they're like, wow, he took our notes and you came back. So it was great and everyone should do it. And it sucked and it was great. But my parents would make fun of me because I'd be like, oh, I want to go and they would

drag me. And then when I'd be like, when I'd go, I'd be like, that was the best thing ever I rock. I'd be like, see. How do people get that courage though? Because I feel that. Support of parents. That, that was it? That was it. Really?

My parents blew to me so much and I was mad. Like, I wasn't horrific, but I was bad. Like, I hear the songs now and I'm like, what were you guys thinking? And my mom, like nowadays, she's like, she's still trying to get those 15 year old songs cut. Like, they're sorry, not cut. A lot of people don't know what that's what that means.

When I say like get a song cut, I mean another artist sing it. So she's still trying to like sell those songs and I'm like, Mom, they're embarrassing. Like there's sometimes those songs will get pitched and they'll get cut and she's like, I knew it. Like I knew you were good back then. And I'm like, wow, you really believed in me. And my parents are those parents that are like, everyone should go to college. And for me, they were like, go to work. Like go be a songwriter. This is what you're good at. You're gonna do this forever. What, how do you think they noticed that?

Like, what was it in you? Because, and that's wonderful to hear that, but they obviously saw something. Yeah. And they saw a habit, a trait, a pattern, some work ethic. What did they see? I think my worth ethic at a young age.

Like, I wasn't getting all A's in school, but I'd get like, be minuses and C's and whatever, but I would come home after school every single day, and I would use the production that my dad would get me at Christmas time. I'd use my computer and I would be in garage band to logic, and I would write a song after school every day, and I'd play it for them by dinner time.

So in like four hours, I would write and produce a whole song day and I'd play it for them by dinner time. So in like four hours, I would write and produce a whole song and be like, check this out. And it was me loving what I'm doing. It didn't feel like work, but it was also me showing my parents, like, thank you for buying this for me. And I'm gonna make you proud with it someday.

And my dad, my dad was like, this is a credit card where I'm buying all your stuff on. You can pay him back later when you're successful songwriter. I'm like, I'm about your house. So there you go. How does it feel now that you are a mom? Like, how does that feel? Like how are you taking parts of those gifts that your parents gave you to pass them on?

And like my parents were in R the best. Like my mom should be here today. But like, I hate she's going to best. Like my mom should be here today, but like, Yeah, I was, I had to, she's gonna come, I was really having a meeting. I know, but we're trying to be nice with COVID and like keep, like where was like, take one person and yeah,

but she, she's my assistant, full blown now. Like, what is that like? It's the best, it's the greatest. I'm lucky and I have a cool mom. A lot of people don't like their moms, but my mom is my best friend, my husband's best friend. They are the same person. I think I married my mom.

Wow. And they like can finish each other's sentences. It's crazy. I love these. She's sweet. Yeah, it's amazing. She's my full assistant because when I had like assistants, I've only had two.

One was my best friend and then the second one became my best friend. And it's just like, it gets uncomfortable. It's like, I don't wanna ask you to go get my groceries. But my mom's like, I'm getting groceries. You wanna get some for you? I'm like, yes, please. So like, she's doing it anyways, you know?

My mom was always my assistant forever, but she's not, she's just a loving mom. Yeah. That is the greatest. And I think having the support of families, the only reason why I'm here. I mean, I know it is. Yeah. That's why I'm keeping close.

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ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast Take good care. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm my Teckel Mr. Hone. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast hungry for history On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes ingredients beverages from our Mexican culture We'll share personal memories and family stories,

decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower, tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean these are these legends right? Apparently this guy Juan

Mendez, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm and he was transporting them in a burro hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And how do you try and do that in your own way now? Like how are you doing that for your kids apart from building them amazing uh what's the slides? My kid sees my his uncles every day because they live in my house so i'm he's surrounded by family all the time. And I think that's a part of his speech delay.

It's like literally they're like, it's he the only baby here. I'm like, it's all adults and we all give him whatever he wants immediately. They're like, so let's wait till he asks. And then you may give him his snack. I'm like, you love it. So yeah, it's a matter of too much love. But I also want to give him his snack. I'm like, not that. So, yeah, it's a matter of too much love.

But I also want to give him three siblings. Like, put up and out of that immediately. So you're working on that. Working on that. I think December, I'm going to try to get knocked up. I love it. Hope. Yeah.

I feel like for so many people, family is their contention point, right? Like that's where they experience toxicity. It's where they experience toxicity. It's where they experience. Could be Turkey. Generational, negative patterns and trauma. Whereas you have this beautiful setup and you're working on it, obviously, it's not just like that. What do you think your parents or your family has done right over time to maintain that when you just said that you're, you kids around a by uncles and like, that's so beautiful when it works. And then there's so many people who

are what is it that you think depends differently what it or what if you observed I'm intrigued because I think that could be huge for people. I'm breaking a lot of generational trauma and generational patterns which I've learned with my therapist. Um, we were shot on my therapist. Um, my new song I said, my therapist told me to write to you a letter and she's like, you put what? Or like, yeah, I wrote about it. Um, but as I've learned about like why I am, who I am, it makes sense through my parents. Like no one's perfect in my family.

We look great, but there is some darkness. Of course, there's some clouds. And, and I've just tried my very best to break all of that. And my mom is so good at adjusting and learning and seeing, like, oh, we can change. We're not like this forever. Like my mom's side with the family, they never talk about what's bothering them.

We call it, her last name was Jacquet Aski. So we call it the Jacquet Aski secrets. And they never bring up how they really feel. And I'm like, we're not going to Jacanowski secret this. We're going to talk right about it. And here's how you make me feel. And my mother has changed significantly. The only category where she's still slacking is the self-talk, self-love.

Right. Bad. Bad. Which is where I got it from. And she knows that she was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like she won't take a picture, like she'll say, the camera will break. I'm like, well, that's so aggressive.

Like she's so mean and hard on herself. And I, and she's a part of that generation to that like refuses to get therapy. And my dad, I told them recently, I was like, you would both benefit very well if you had therapy. And they were like, I know it's wrong with me. I don't need to talk about it. I'm like, oh my god, you're so lost. So I'm trying to slowly get them into therapy. And I've noticed my brothers, now they're all close to their 30s, they have all woken up and seen like, oh, we have

alcohol abuse in our family. I should be sober. And that's when my brother has done and he's like an amazing human now. He was great before, but he was poisoned, you know? And then even my younger brother, like he's just, they've grown up so much. And I think it's by watching me change my ways and change the patterns of the family and break those bad habits that we can us millennials, man. We're doing some work. It's exhausting, but somebody's got to do it because I will not have my kids have these bad patterns.

You know what I mean? Tell this to other ones now. Yeah, the way of theirness. Yeah, no, but that's, I love hearing that. And it's wonderful to understand that everyone is needing help from an individual if you want to change an area of your life. I just feel like one of the things I'm certain about is that if I'm serious about something,

I better be accountable to someone else in that area of my life, whether that's a therapist to coach a personal trainer, whatever it may be. And I think if you're privileged enough and accessible enough to have that help in your life, it can make a huge difference. But knowing that your parents aren't doing it yet, yet they are using the language. My mom's, she's much better.

Yeah, she's using the language. She understands it. My dad's 20 years older than my mom. Wow. So yeah, he's like 74 and she's 54. So she's like cool young hip kids, and we're like, this is how it always is.

I'm like, oh no, funny, sweet and great. I love that. In the beginning of your journey in music, today we know that a lot of your relationships inspired, you just said that, you know, your therapist told you to write a letter. And so like, you hear the toxic or poor relationships you've been in that have inspired music.

What was different about what inspired you back then and what inspires you now? Like do you ever think about that? Like what inspired your songwriting then and now? Well back then I was a songwriter writing for other artists. So I was thinking like what's not on the radio and what could be on the radio. But when I wrote all about that bass, it was like a joke.

Like it was like, I was like, no one's gonna cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll just write a therapy song for us. Like because the co-writer was like a man and it was the first time meeting him. So it's kind of like a blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up, power, and we were both, we were like, we were Chubby Kids and we had to learn, how to love ourselves. And I was like, how funny would it be?

That's like, I ain't no size two, but I can't shake it, shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer that dances in front of everyone, but imagine if I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the demo, who cares? And it was like a raw demo with no attitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so many people that they're like,

this is gonna be huge, who's singing it, we'll just let her do it. So it was really from like a weird raw place, like I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't, and I fell into that before when you talk about competition. I didn't know about charts and all that stuff. When they're like, you're number one, I was like, fantastic. Like, what is that?

Like, number one, everywhere, they're like everywhere. I was like, well, that was easy. So then, anytime I did another song, I was like, it's not number one everywhere, what do you mean? Like, and then I was like, well, maybe I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.

So with this new album taking a back, I was like, I'm gonna go back to when I did do up and just didn't care about any charts and anything, it just do me. Yeah. And you'll hear that come out. And the first song they put out was an emo, toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay. Coming out passionate. Yeah.

And so it sounds like it's always been a raw emotion that's that's gonna and now you're taking it back and going back to that and you're really earning that like with this with this new album would you say that we're hearing you through the healing process are we hearing you healed are we hearing you on the other side? I think you're hearing a healed much your mother who is just ruthlessly honest you Like one song, don't I make it look easy that I tease today on my Instagram is like talking about, don't I make this look easy like everything's perfect. Because everyone who interviews me is like you are so fun and you have the best family and best life. And I'm like I cry so much you just don't know it because I don't film myself and

post it you know. So I say in the first verse like I posted'm like, I cry so much, you just don't know it because I don't film myself and post it, you know? So I say in the first verse, like I posted a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the good ones. And if I'm being honest, I probably spent an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's just like a fun way of being ruthless, leonist, seriously, that's not a word. A brutally honest.

Yeah. What's your take on that, where you just said, if like, there's a lot of people who will say, oh, well, if we're not taking pictures of ourselves crying and our videos of ourselves crying and posting it, we're only posting the highlight reel, like we hear this all the time. What's your personal take on what showing up authentically means to you? Uh, I just noticed when I do talk about my fun private personal stuff like my bathrooms goes viral.

People love it. People are like, wow, she's goofy. I'm like, mm-hmm. And it's always a good reaction, which feels great. Like I use that as my therapy of like, oh, the world likes me for just who I am. So I'm just going to do that. And the more I did that, like literally the more popular I got or the more people wanted to talk to me. The more I just like taught, that's why I did the, like literally the more popular I got, or the more people wanted to talk to me.

The more I just like, that's why I did the podcast, because we talk about per-i-a-vit stuff that I'm like normalize it. Like I have hard poops, you know? Like, and it just, it makes, I think it's more relatable and people are like, I have that problem too. That's, and the first place I saw that was my mental health. When I saw Carson daily on the Today Show, explain a full panic attack. My mom didn't understand what was happening to me. My best friend, she couldn't understand, she couldn't help me. When I said, I need to go to the emergency room because I can't breathe. And she was like, just come here, I'll rub your head. I'm like, you don't get me right now. I

sent her that article and she was sobbing. And was like, I finally get it. Because I couldn't put it into words. And when Carson did it, I was like, you don't know what you did for my whole family. Like, have you ever told her that? Oh yeah, every time I'm at the gym, I'm like, come on, save my life. We saved my family relationship. Yeah.

Cause I have resented them for that. I was like, how do you not understand what I'm going through? You're my mother. Like, you're my favorite human being on this earth. Like, and now she still cries about it. She's like, I did it, no, you're going there. And then she'll look back at her life and go,

oh, I had a panic attack that day. I thought I was just having a meltdown, but my heart was stopping that day. Like I thought I was gonna die. And I was like, yeah, we're riddled with anxiety. And you guys weren't allowed to talk about it, but we are. So here we are.

Help. I'm like the biggest fan of screaming for help. Yeah, absolutely. But like something's wrong, somebody help me. What was your worst experience with panic? With panic that you remember so strongly where you didn't feel anyone was there to help and you were screaming out for it. I was in New York City.

My first big, real panic attack was 4am. It's one of those, like, never forget. 4am I was in glam getting ready to announce the Grammy nominees for the year after I won. It's like a thing you do when you win, you go announce them. And it was gonna be live with Gail King and my assistant, who's my best day still is. She was reading me my schedule for that week. And it was like, sing here, perform there after all my vocal issues were happening. And I'm just like, if I do that, my voice will die and none of you will make money.

You know, like, we're all going down. So I was reading this calendar and I was like, but how would I, if I go from there to, oh, there's no way I'm going to make that. And then I started getting like, I get a little tingle every time I talk about it. You start dissociating, like you start leaving your body like a ghost and like breathing, like you start thinking about it

and full panic comes in and I started crying because I was like, I think I'm dying. And I was like, what's going on? And I just had to scream cry and breathe. And my husband who was my boyfriend at the time and my assistant looked at me, and said, this is a panic attack. And I almost wish they'd never said that

because I was like, what? This is what that is, because I didn't know. I didn't really know what people were saying, like how they felt, you don't know until it's happening. And then when it ended, they were telling me, what's this? I was like, a lamp, a TV, a rug, and that like snaps you back into your body.

And once I calmed down, they were like, I was like, can that happen whenever? And they were like, mm-hmm. Wish I didn't say that either. Screwed me for the rest of the day because I was exhausted and I went on live TV and I haven't watched that clip since, but I remember I blacked out on the TV

and was just on autopilot. And I was like, don't pass out, don't pass out, don't die. Like, don't have a freak out. Live on TV with Gail King. And as soon as they were like, done, I sat down on a chair and I lost it. And all the people on the Gail King show saw me. And they looked at me like, I was a crazy person. And they're like, is she okay?

And my team looked at me and they're like, we need to stop. I was supposed to go do like eight more interviews, a whole day of work and they just said stop. I went back to the hotel room and I literally would run to the bathroom thinking I would have diarrhea. I was like, no guys, it's cool. I just have the flu. And they're like, and I would explain it to people like, it was like the movie is like when a demon takes over my body. And I would explain it to people like it was like the movie's like when a demon takes over my body And I had no control anymore and when a doctor tells you it's your own brain You're like well then I'm gonna be in a psych ward like this every day because I can't control that I don't know how to and then also I

Overdost on edibles which like you can't really, but I did it. I usually would take, I was self-medicating myself with five milligrams of weed with edibles at night, and it really helped in the beginning, and it would help me sleep. And one day I ran out of the specific edibles that I took, and I ate like a lollipop that was 25 milligrams. Then I was so high that I forgot to eat that,

and I ate another one, and I usually take five, right? I was up to 50. In one day. 50 milligrams a one day, I was so high that I forgot to eat that and I ate another one and I usually take five right I was up to 50 in one day 50 milligrams a one day. I was doing a puzzle and I was like I'm not breathing like I so I tell people my soul left my body I said bye bye and I was dry heaving all night and That is very similar to what you feel in a panic attack. So Going to those places twice, my brain was like, we've been there, and we could take you there wherever, whenever we want.

And so, I was really unbalanced. My chemicals were off for a long time months, trying to figure out like, some days would be horrific, couldn't get up. And I was madly in love, my career was great. I would tell doctors, I'm not depressed. I didn't feel depressed. I just sometimes, like, sometimes I'll just feel like I have a migraine for the rest of the day.

I would have ice packs on my head, I'd have my mom check my temperature, and I was like, no, I just have a flu again. This is crazy. And then I finally went to a psychiatrist, and he explained to me, your chemicals are like this. And all day long, your body is saying, fire alarm, fire alarm, fire to flight, run. And I was like, mm-hmm. Like I was sitting with him and my back felt like it was on fire.

I was like, see, it's crazy. It's happening right now. It's feel it. I think it's really hot. He was like, no, your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to be. Your adrenals are on fire. So I went on my first ever antidepressants. He's like, no, your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to be. Your adrenals are on fire.

So I went on my first ever antidepressants and I used to get complimented like, wow, you're the only pop star not on antidepressants. And I used to be like, well, look at me. And now I'm like, that's messed up that they said that to me. And like it made me judge people. And it was horrible. And now when I was on, when I was finally on the medication,

I'm on like the lowest dose. And after a month or two, I was like, it's quiet. Like everything stopped. And it was amazing. And I like would talk to my psychiatrist. I was like, I only had one man to attack this month. And it slowly went down And I it's been like five years now and I haven't had a terrible one since I'll have nights if I'm over exhausted

Or my outside my body's trying to trick me right now and trying to pretend I'm in a panic attack And I know what you doing you can't mess with me right now and my house But no silly knows the drill like it saved my life and I don't know what I would do without those pills. And I'm sorry I'm blabbing, but I have to say this too. I'm not at all, this isn't great, please carry on. When I was pregnant, and I told people I wanna get pregnant, so my doctor, they were saying, this pill is safe that you're on,

but this low dose of out-of-end is not safe. Get off of that. So I did get off of that. And when I walked into my doctor appointment, pregnant, like day one pregnant, I brought my medicine, and I was like, this saved my life. And he was like, oh, you could throw those candies away.

And I was like, what? Like I didn't know what to say. I was so scared. And I was like, it was COVID time. So I couldn't, I couldn't have my husband. I was like, what? And I was in shock. And I stayed with that doctor for like weeks and just got worse. And I cried to everyone of like, he just wants me to throw him away, but they saved my

life. And my other doctor said, it's totally safe to be on these. So I don't know what to do. And I eventually changed doctors and she was, I had a woman doctor and she was like, that's insane. That he said that to you. These are perfectly safe to be on. You're fine.

And a happy mom is a happy baby. And I've been trying to tell every pregnant mom or anyone who's going to have a baby and on antidepressants like you, you can safely stay on them and nothing bad will happen to your baby. And I never had any postpartum. I didn't have any depression while pregnant. And my pregnancy was obnoxious. I had gestational diabetes, but we did it. We crushed it with a good diet, diet while pregnant. I was like, what? I said, no, no craving. Yeah, but like it's still like the stigma's

in some of the doctors. And it's like, and my baby came out C section because he was sideways and my baby was in the NICU for five days and all those nurses said were you on antidepressants and I'm I just got sought open I'm on drugs like trying to heal I feel horrible I don't get to see my prize that I went through all that poor and I'm in there trying to look at him in the NICU tank and they're're like, well, it's because you're on anti-depressants. That's why he won't wake up. I'm like, what? And I ask all my doctors and they're all like, dude, there's no signs that backs that. They're just pointing so they don't get sued. They're just saying, well, it's because you're on it about that depressants. And that's why. And it was the most discouraging thing. And I'm writing a book about it because it messed me up.

And I still talked to my doctor, my psychiatrist recently, because I'm trying to get lower on my antidepressants. In case I want another baby, even though there's no science that backs that that can hurt that baby. And what happened after that? My doctor's like, I got the charts later,

because Dr. Aiman's like, what? Show me how they proved that. And all the charts said was, like, he's sleepy. He's not waking up, wakes up on his own time. But it was a C-section. That's just traumatic for a baby to come out. Anything can happen.

And it wrote, mom 27 on antidepressants, that is it. And I was like, you know, it's the worst thing you could tell a person who just had a C-section. It was like, it's your fault that this kid's not awake. Wow. But I can't wait to have three more kids. But yeah. Thank you for sharing that. You weren't blabbing at all. It was actually really... Blah, blah, blah, blah. No, not at all honestly. It was so... Thank you for taking us there because I think, you know, it's very easy to gloss over some of the detail but actually to hear the details

what allows us to really empathize in the best way possible but also just to recognize how might stigma there is. Even hearing the statement where you were saying that, oh you're the only musicalist that's not on these. And now it's like, oh these are going to close each other. And no one in my family is on that they should be. They could be. I have like plenty of people in my family is on them, they should be. They could be. I have like plenty of people in my family that I'm like, oh, bipolar, undiagnosed, like, for facts, and like sometimes they know it. And they use booze to help it.

And I'm like, there's better ways. I take my pill in a half at night every night and I feel great and I don't have to chuck a bottle of booze or eat edibles. Like, there's a way that, a safer way that you could do this. So yeah, those pills helped me, but my whole family that they come from places like, you need medicine.

To make you feel better, I'm like, uh huh. And the best is when, like a doctor said to me, well, you have asthma, right? And I was like, mm-hmm, he's like, you have an inhaler. I was like, mm-hmm. He's like, why can't you have medicine for your brain? Totally. Period. What do you think it was for you that drew you in that direction of wanting to change your habits? Because like we see with so many musicians, with so many artists as well, it's so easy to go down

the other road and like you're saying, it's not about looking down on those people. It's just, they didn't have a family, but you're supporting them. They didn't have the support. But what was it for you? Because obviously like you're saying that the majority of a family may not really understand why you need medicine, but you met a psychiatrist. You've been very proactive here.

Yeah. What made you so convinced that you had to make this change and that you wanted to find this way out because it's so easy and natural for you to turn towards alcohol. This is what it sounds like inside the box car. I'm journalist and I'm Martin in my podcast City of the Rails. I plunged into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby,

who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm going to end up and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters, living outside society, off the grid, and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom, this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth, and really understand who you are.

Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Or cityoftherails.com. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior and words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me,

but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. But what has been seen is a very snotty city? People call it Bose-Angulous. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum,

and not lost as my new travel podcast, where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves.

I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. It's very sincere. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it.

Listen to Nut Lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I was for sure spooked and I knew something was wrong. Like, I knew my chemicals were off, but I didn't know, my chemicals are off. I was like, my body's broken. My brain is broken and I need help. And I was scared.

I was scared. I saw me in a psych ward forever for the rest of my life. And I was like, well, I don't want that. I want children. I want a family. I want a career. I want to keep going. Like finally, all my dreams came true

and this is happening. No way. I'm going to fight this. So I wanted to fight it, but also it really, really helped me, which is another reason why I talk about all my dreams came true and this is happening. No way. I'm going to fight this. So I wanted to fight it But also it really really helped me which is another reason why I talk about all my stuff in case it helps someone is People like Carson, but also my older brother Ryan He used booze and drugs for his anxiety and he's had Huge panic attacks that he never told us about like he lived in our

On our house and in his room He would would, he told me, oh my god, I would, I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack thinking it was the drugs, but it would be like a hangover convince and he would call it scary Sundays. And I was like, this whole time, you just have crazy panic disorder, but you've been like smothering yourself with booze and drugs, flying through it. He's like, yeah, stuff it down. Fly eat some drugs. You'll be fine Like drink your medicine. That's what he's saying. I'm gonna drink my medicine. I'm gonna go to bed Like he has sleep paralysis. He has the most his brains way worse than mine was So when I would have my panic attacks

I would go to everyone in the house. He lives in my house And I'd be like soon things wrong and he go I've been there I know what you're feeling go to the emergency room ask for the lives in my house and I'd be like, soon things are wrong and he go, I've been there, I know what you're feeling. Go to the emergency room, ask for the lowest dose of medicine that you can get. Do not let them give you Xanax and then come home and you're gonna be fine. And having him like my older soldier brother that could get through anything.

Look at me and be like, I've done this, you're okay. Instead of my mom being like, what are you talking about? You don't need a hospital, he'd be like, go. Go to the hospital, they'll tell you you're fine. They'll give you oxygen, you'll come home, you'll be great. And having that like acceptance, but also not be alone feeling was like he saved me.

Wow. And that's why I do this podcast with him because he's now trying to be sober and in our first episodes of the podcast He like you can see him freaking out and he's like I don't get to have my medicine and I and he did it cold turkey He didn't go to any a and nothing no note therapy no help. He did it by himself Which is so dangerous don't ever do that very now we're hearing like he could have a heart attack in his sleep I'm like oh my god like yeah, he he in his sleep. I'm like, oh my God. Like, yeah, he, I tell him I'm like, you're, you're on extra time back.

Yeah, you're on borrowed time, I got it. But he's my hero. Very looking forward to me. You're gonna love him. You're gonna love him. You're gonna love him. Yeah, wow, what an incredible story. And to have you both go through that.

And we, we've had like amazing guests like Dr. Drew on our podcast, and he loves, like he's so funny, he loves celebrity rehab, so he loved Dr. Drew. So when Dr. I've been like, fine, you gotta go to therapy, you have demons in here, like let's go treat them in this trauma. He was like, no, you're obnoxious,

I'll never do therapy. Dr. Drew came on our podcast and was like brains, he'll brains. You need another brain to heal you. And he was like, you're absolutely right. Went to trauma, went to trauma therapy that week, I was like, heal brains. You need another brain to heal you. And he was like, you're absolutely right. Went to trauma therapy that week. I was like, you're like, so whatever you tell him, he'll be like, yes, all right, we'll do that.

So you're gonna have to write me a little list. Yeah, I'm like, tell him. So, but it is true. We all need to hear it from different voices, different faces, different brains. It can't be his little sister. Like, no therapy. No. But now you're doing that for everyone who's listening and watching us. It can't be a little sister. Like, no, they're weak. No.

But now you're doing that for everyone who's listening and watching us. I can't imagine. I can't imagine. Everyone who just heard what you just shared and everyone is watching this. It's like, there is no one who could have heard that not be transformed.

Like, genuinely, everything you see. I hope so, man. Because like, what Carson did for me is what I'm just trying to do for anyone out there. It's beautiful. Because there's still parents out there that are like mine that are uneducated and don't know. And they're raising babies like me who didn't know and had that stigma forever.

And I look at my family and I'm like, oh man, like my grandparents really needed this. You know, like there is there is create real crazy trauma back then in my family. And that just goes down the line. Yeah, and I feel you only saw it on the public figures. So I just watched the Elvis movie that just came out and then obviously behemian rhapsody about Freddie Mercury. Yeah. Let's go that came out and you start studying the stories of all these incredible icons and

artists and you see alcohol and you see drugs. You know, and you see that go to a bitter end. And it's painful when your heroes and your inspirations go that way, but now when you see them go the other way, it's so, isn't it so cool though that now it's like the rock stars that were like our heroes, but they died of an overdose, we're like,

ugh, we can't do that now. It's like health is in right now. I hope so, we wanna make it more in. I hope I know, I wanna make it more in. Like even body type so it's like, this is hot. I'm like, I wanna work out behind. You know, I've been healthy, not like.

And strong. Yeah, I wanna be strong. I want muscles. I see muscles in my thighs now and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so hot. I'm like, what do you think that got you to that place of your, and it's so interesting how so much of it is chemical. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately

that I know so many people who get into a negative rhetoric in their head where it's like, I'm the worst, I'm biased, I'm that and it's spirals. And they think there's something wrong, like mentally or psychologically and there are changes they're needed. But so much of it is chemical like I had I've spoken about this a few times. It sounds so average But when I heard it from my doctors and my teams it fascinated me

So I went recently I was not probably in the last 12 months 24 months I was feeling more tired and there's plenty of reasons for that. We were renting a house during cars There's that but we were renting a home during COVID. You were a car. No, no, no, there's that, but we were renting a home during COVID. During the daytime, it was beautiful. At night time, it didn't feel so beautiful. It was like there were animals in the floorboards and animals in the walls. You could hear scratching at night and steps. It was hard to sleep.

We just rented it during COVID to have a bit more space. I was dying to move out and hence we got this place and moved. But during that time, I don't think my sleep quality was good and I always sleep eight hours a night. I'm very, I don't negotiate with my sleep. I sleep 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Very important to me. But at that time,

even though I was in bed for that long, I wasn't getting good quality sleep. And so I was really exhausted. So I started checking with my doctor and they said, you have vitamin D levels, I read a 10, healthy is 100 and average is 60. And my doctor said to me and my nutritionist and my health team that I have, they said to me,

they said, Jay, we don't know how you're not depressed. And I was like, I'm not depressed at all. I'm absolutely fine. And they're like, well, your chemicals in your body show complete. And I was like, that's fascinating to me that sure because of my meditation and mindfulness, I was able to not be, but you could be depressed

just because you don't have enough vitamin D in your body. Like you can be as simple as that. Well, I got a dietician who transformed my life to help me healthily lose 60 pounds, which was like one pound a week of changing my lifestyle. But food is poison. you know like bad foods I just saw a tiktok where this guy was like I had anger issues and I was mean and I was in high school

And even though I was like a smart kid. I Remember I ate like the burger and the cafeteria food every day and no matter how smart I was I like, I'm gonna go fight today because I was angry. And when I started eating healthy, I was less angry. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a cousin who has really anger issues, but I also know he eats fast food because my, it's like foods expensive and they can't go to whole foods like me all the time. And so, and there's three of the three kids so mom's trying to feed all of them. But I know that that food is just feeding his anger and is, you know, so it's super sad watching that knowing like, oh my God, the rest of the world, you know. Yeah, I mean, that's the challenge,

right? How can we make food affordable, accessible, healthy, tasty? My dietitian, she's like, don't even get me started on like food in in cafeterias, though, for kids orian, she's like, don't even get me started on, like, the food in- The food in- In cafeteria zone for kids, for children. It's like how do you spend them to work all day and like, have energy? Yeah, it's so cool. Like I would come, I remember now when I would come home from school,

NAP. Every day, bro. I'd nap my mom be like, it's dinner wake up. I'm like, okay. Like, no wonder I was like, shall be depressed and sad. Yeah, and it's hard again because it's all habits.

Yeah. I was saying recently to someone like, our biggest crisis is the crisis of habits. Yeah. Our life is defined by habits. Yeah. And we've just adopted a ton of bad habits mentally, physically, emotionally.

And now we keep repeating them. That's what growing up is. That's it. Breaking all these habits. Digitations like, you have to am I therapist? is like you have to rewire your whole brain. Yes everything you knew It's wrong Oh my god, and even my poor mom like she was even trying to help us like we were that family We're all chubby and my mom was like we're gonna do weight watcher snacks, but like

back then like it's still, like it's still crap. Like it's still like what are you eating? And she tried, she tried to get all the low calorie orange juice. And we're like, it's the orange juice is the issue. You know what I'm like? Yeah, it's got so much sugar in it. But they tried, they're uneducated, they ain't no. So, my mom was just doing her very best.

But when I look back, I'm like, oh my God, I was eating boys and like, I don't make sense. Yeah, I just eat four chocolate products a day. Like I used to eat chocolate biscuits. I used to eat Reese's Pieces every day, hey bro. I used to eat chocolate bars. I used to eat chocolate yogurt and a chocolate ice cream every single day.

Oh, you fat? Yes, and it was amazing. That's why it's so nice. It was amazing. It was like, you know the boys and girls club? No. It's like a place where kids can go after school. Okay.

We had that on the end of the ticket, and we had our little snack thing we had. I had cheeseds, Reese's, blue power raid every day. Oh my god. Her horrific. After school, I go eat that, and then play. Yeah, and that's what I was actually. I was actually.

My wife had to powerfully train me out of my addiction to chocolate. And I know that sounds so like- No, I need to do that to Darrell. I was literally addicted to sugar. He's addicted to sugar. I was addicted to sugar. It's good.

And my wife had to completely train me out of it. And it's been an amazing journey for me. Yeah. Because it sounds like I was sugar, who cares? It's like sugar's really, it can get really bad. Yeah, it's like sugar's like the one that everyone gets away with. Yeah. Like people like when someone gets sober from alcohol,

the drugs were like, my brother, he's like, I'm not sugar. Like careful, my guy. I knew he was dependent on sugar for so many years and it took ages to get off of him. And even now I've found, I'm now at the other side, which is really beautiful, where now even when my mind still tricks me into wanting really unhealthy food,

when I have it, I actually don't enjoy it. Oh, and you get sick. Yes, yeah. I notice anytime I cheat now, I get ill. And I'm like, like when you drink a bunch of booze and you're like never again, it's like that. I'm like, oh, this is poison, I forgot. And you have to remember that never again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about your, you're in such a, and you've spoken about this interview already. You're in a healthy relationship now. You know, and you have been for a long period of time, obviously with Darryl. With food and my man. I was in my house. I was in my house with. With love. Yeah, with love, yeah you have been for a long period of time, obviously with Darrell. With food and my man.

Yeah, I'm with love. Yeah, with love. I won. I got lucky. And I'm so grateful I got to meet Darrell today. It's always fun. And yeah, it's amazing. How did you know that that was how you were meant to be treated?

Because I think so many people get into a pattern of accepting a certain level of treatment. Yeah. I always, I figured like because of like relationships I've seen in my family, I'm like she'll deal with it and I'll just train him to be better. And when I'm at Darryl, he still to this day like opens every door, drives me wherever I need to go because he knows I'm scared to drive, takes care of me. No one's ever taken care of me like that except my parents. And he says, I'll take care of you to this day. And that's when I was like, Oh my God, I want to only be with you

for the rest of my life. I want to be 105 and die next to you while holding your hand. And it's taught me how to care for someone and take and love them like that. But yeah, it was like the shibbery, whatever it's called. It was the kindness and the simple things Yeah, opening doors and making sure I was okay and he came on tour day 11 after day six when we said I love you day 11. I was like I have to do a tour now Would you like to come with me? And he was like oh nothing else to do And he stayed on that bus and did the whole tour with me. And after every show, he caught me off stage. He would carry me to the little golf cart. And he would help me take my wig off.

And he massage my feet, like month one meeting this person. And I was like, you can take care of me forever. Wow. And he went through me when I had vocal surgery. Like four months of dating, I had vocal surgery. I couldn't talk. Couldn't say I love you back. I was mute for months. And he still loved me.

The way he treated me through my pregnancy was insane. Just like and and it makes me like as much as I tell the world like, Hey, via mental health, ask for help. I also want to say, Hey, don't settle for you now, because there's a guy out there that will rub your nasty feet after a two hour show, and will worship the ground you walk on. They exist, and I know it's hard in LA to find them, but I found him.

And if I can find him, you can find him, you know? Like they are real. And it's the people you want to procreate with. Like he never saw himself as a father because his father left their family when he was one years old. So he was like, I'm not gonna be a dad. I don't know what a dad is.

He saw me and was like, I want babies with you. Like I want to procreate. I want to make more of us. And I was like, we should make more of us. Yeah. That's one of those. I think that's the one they're like, you know when you know that whole thing is like,

oh, I want forever and I want more of yous. I want to make more of yous. Yeah. I love that. That, I want forever. And I want more of you. I want to make more of you. Yeah. I love that. I figured out. Where did you get to a point where it was like, it sounds like you were in your early years using your body as a way of validation. Yeah. Like all of it. When or where are you now in terms of validating yourself? Like, where are you looking for your validation from now? Where is it coming from at this point? I'm still super hard on my body. Like, I've lost all this way

and I still feel exactly the same. I'm still like, ah, I can't wear shorts or I can't wear sleepless things and my husband catches me and is like, you're being so mean to yourself, look how gorgeous you are. And it's a thing you have to work on. I have to reprogram my brain to be like, no, I look good today. And the only thing that I saw actually make

a difference, which I truthfully don't do is because I got to do it more because it's so hard. My therapist told me, stand in the mirror naked for five minutes, put a timer on and just look at yourself. Day one, I was literally shaking because I was like, mm, mm, like it was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, my family's like smothered in stretch marks. Like it's genetic, so I'm gonna get it, got it. So the stretch marks go up, the C-section goes across.

Now I'm looking at myself like a lawnmower ran over me. Like I've been hacked and so, and there's no fix in that. So I was like staring at that, like, oh, and all that trauma that comes with it. But after, and I was just looking at the clock, like please be done. But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what, her thighs are cute.

You know, I started complimenting her. And I was like, oh, I see my brain changing already. And if I did it more, I'd probably be better at it. But like our bathroom, we have a giant mirror in it. So when I get naked every day, I see it. And I think that helps. My mom like avoids mirrors and avoids. She doesn't want to like have my father be anywhere near the shower

when she's in it. I'm like, oh my god, I used to shower with there. I'm like, what? Like she's very hot. And I think that's what keeps her in security's stuck there. You know, you have to like literally get naked and start looking at yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Because like this is our shell, you know? Absolutely. This is our our body. This is it. This is what we got. So like let's treat it well. Yeah, and I think that's the idea that if we can't look at the mirror and say I'm happy with what I see today.

Yeah. It's really hard to think tomorrow you're going to wake up mirror and say I'm happy with what I see today, it's really hard to think tomorrow you're gonna wake up and say, I feel really happy with what I see tomorrow. In the sense of even if you've changed, whether you lose weight or gain weight, whatever you're trying to do, if you're not happy with where you are now,

it's never gonna feel different on the other side. It's like. Because that's just a repetitive pattern. Yeah, when people are like, how are you so confident and love yourself? I'm like, ooh, I'm working on it every day. Yeah, when people are like, how are you so confident, love yourself? I'm like, ooh, I'm working on it every day. Yeah, exactly. I wrote a song called Working On It,

which is why our podcast is that, because it's about when you go to compliment and you're like, ew, you're like, you're like, shut up, ew, I'm disgusting. It's like, whoa, I'm gonna work on not doing that and go, thank you. Yeah, yeah. And like, try to believe what they're saying.

Because they're not saying it, they're not lying. You know, like what's the benefit of them being like? When I was a monk, we got trained beautifully in how to receive compliments. It was like a big part of our friend. Is it the hardest thing ever? Yeah, and it was, but it was taught to us so wonderfully. The first thing was always to receive well

from the other person. So what you just said, like thanking the other person because what you're doing is you're rewarding them for noticing something good. Yeah. So you get an opportunity to say is you're rewarding them for noticing something good. So you get an opportunity to say, wow, they're noticing something good. Whether it's a meal or not, it doesn't matter for now. For now, it's just we should really acknowledge someone

who decided to compliment you versus criticize you. The second step was, now that you've done that, think about who gave you that quality. Think about how you learned it. Did you get it from your parents? Did you get it from your parents? Did you get it from your teachers? Who was it in your life that gave you that gift? And now you get to turn that compliment into gratitude and you get to thank that person.

So internally, when you receive a thank you, not only do you get to receive it, you now get to thank someone else and pass that gratitude on. And it's just this beautiful process of compliments to gratitude, which we know are great for the brain. It's all good, yeah. And so it's all good. And so yeah, I love that you brought that out. It's really special.

I love it. So we're working on. This has been even more than I expected. Yes, it has. This has been, I knew it's gonna be fun, but it's like, we've done this beautiful thing where we've gone really deep, and then you're just hilarious.

And then adorable. And then really deep. And then then hilarious and I'm like, I'm like, it's you playing with my emotions, but in the most beautiful way, we end every episode of on purpose with a final five. So this is the rapid fire. Oh gosh. So to answer in one word to one sentence maximum. I'm so bad at that. Okay. You can try. We'll probably go off-piece because you're so interesting that I'm so bad at that. Okay. You can try. We'll probably go off piece because you're so interesting. I'm going to be like, oh, tell me more. Yeah. But anyway, we'll start.

All right. Question number one. What is the number one thing you're working on in your relationship and what's the number one thing Darl is working on? Understanding his feelings. That sounds good. The boy can feel. He's got a lot of feelings and I'm like Dr. Phil Tommy perception is reality so even though it seems like he's being irrational. Yes, because he is

I have to realize like he's in that moment right now and I have to take care of him as if that's real and then pull Amount of it and I always do I love that what's he trying to do for you? That's like the toughest part for us, because I'm so, I'm sorry I'm using so many words. You're not a child anymore. I'm so Massachusetts like, sack up bro, like I'm raised by brothers, like why are you so emotional?

Why are you crying? And he's like, you know, so he's trying to communicate better his feelings to me and trying to, yeah, I guess ask him. He'll tell you. Yeah, I'll ask him. It's that. It's the very I'm cold and he's soft. Yeah, I get it.

But it works. Man, it works. Question number two, what is your daily routine for your anxiety today? My husband, transadental meditations every day. That's not how I say it, but 20 minutes morning and night. I do that sometimes, especially when I need it, today. I'm gonna, oh, I have therapy today. I love it.

I love it. We love it and I'm a short, I work out. I love that. That's beautiful. That's nice and simple. Easy. Yeah, easy. All right, question number three,

what's the best advice you've ever received? Life will get better if you let it from my father. Nice. Question number four, what's the worst advice you've ever received? I mean, this isn't the worst advice. I can't think of anything, but you know what, we got a lot of when we were getting married and when we were having babies,

we would ask older couples. Like, there's a worse thing to do. We were like, how do you have a marriage so long? And the men would say, son, surrender, or just like, keep your head down. And I was like, well, I don't do that. And then having babies, they'd be like, well, your life's over now and now it's theirs.

And I was like, that's not true. My life has just begun. So we hated that advice. Definitely, I'm glad you shared that. It can be really, it can be so. It's literally opposite. Yeah, it can be really, really detrimental. Yeah, I remember that when I left the monastery

and I decided to start doing what I do today, and my biggest fear internally was that I wouldn't be able to serve in the way I wanted to serve. And everyone was just like, oh, well, now you can't. You're gonna get a real job, you're gonna get married, like you're not gonna be able to serve in the way I wanted to serve. And everyone's just like, oh, well, now you can't. You're gonna get a real job. You're gonna get married. You're not gonna be able to serve the world anymore. And I was just like, you know, now I look back

and I'm like, I'm so glad I didn't accept that. And same with when I got married, everyone's like, oh, you're gonna have less time to do impact in the work in the world. And I was like, you're gonna have a partner now to help you with it. Exactly, yeah. No, I'm glad you raised that.

All right, fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? You cannot bully online. Nice. I actually like that. That's a great law. Yeah, we never had it. We never had it before. Imagine it was all positive comments. Oh, yeah. My Instagram is pretty positive. It's the same. Oh my God. That I'm like, this is great. When they're like, do you read comments? I'm like, yeah, because they're nice.

Sometimes, like, I need that little comment of us. Everyone, Megan trainer, the new album is arriving October 21st, 2020, to very, very pumped to get to know you better, to deepen our relationship, to deepen our friendship, to meditate. And just, yeah, genuinely so, so in awe of the journey you've been on, steps you've taken and how you're passing that on to everyone else, it's really powerful. So thank you so much for doing that.

Thanks man, did it all. Love it. Did it all. Thank you. I am Janla Van Zant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Does y'all are just flopping around like fish out of water? Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more.

Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life amidst the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023, but how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on

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