On Purpose with Jay Shetty - MILLIE BOBBY BROWN: "I Had A Panic Attack For 3 Months"

Starting point is 00:00:00 I think we have to start by getting out of the way that you're a Liverpool fan. Yes. And I'm a Manchester United fan. Yes, I know. But we're going to have to put that aside. I've even been able to befriend Stephen Gerard. Wow, now you're showing off. I know. There we go.

Starting point is 00:00:15 Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Brown, welcome to On Purpose. Thank you for having me. It's so great to have you here. I was just telling you, I've been waiting three years to have you in the seat.

Starting point is 00:00:47 So it feels surreal. I don't know if I would have been as interesting three years ago. Well, that's great then. Everything always works out. Exactly. But, you know, when you look at your life today, like, what would 11-year-old Millie be most surprised about or look at and be shocked about? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:01:03 You know, I was going to say, like, she'd be shocked how, like, vocal I am about, like, me, in my life and the things I believe in and how vocal I am outwardly about that. But then I actually thinking about it, probably, I'm not that shocked about that because I think maybe I, inevitably that was always going to come to be. Maybe that I have like, I travel a lot in, in, and I live in a lot of different places. I don't know if I necessarily thought that was going to happen to me, but, but it has and I'm very grateful for that. Going back to that 11-year-old, Millie, what's a childhood memory that you have that you think defines who you are today or has had an impact on who you've become today? Is there one that stands out?

Starting point is 00:01:48 I think the moment I shaved my hair off was a pretty, like, impactful moment. I remember when it was happening, I thought, wow, this is like, this is really like me showing my dedication to my job. Like, I was 10 years old. Your hair as a girl, he is told, is kind of like what defines you as being kind of, kind of. of a girl and pretty and, you know, whatever. And I just didn't care about that. I wanted to do what made me happy. And so for me, that was this job. And so shaving my hair off, I'd say it was a pretty defining moment just as like a purse. And I was like, and I was 10. So I wasn't thinking that deeply about it. But in the moment, I guess I kind of was when I, when I did it. And my mom was really like trying to just help me understand like, you know, no matter what people are. going to say about you, what they're going to think, you know, because she's preparing me. She's a

Starting point is 00:02:43 logistical person. She's like, you did this because you wanted to do it and this made you happy. And that really helped me because she prefaced it because it did happen, like a year or two after. I definitely, I got, you know, bullied in person at a young age for having, you know, short hair. And I think had my mom not have prefaced it, maybe it would have hit home harder. Wow. Oh, so you're saying that that actually protected you from that bullying that came after you. It was like, really? That's what will happen? And she was like, I know the world, you know. And so she was so right because, you know, I'd been in many situations where I was made fun of, you know, for it. And then I just came back with what my mom and I talked about, which is like, well, I did this because this made me happy and I got to, I'm getting to live out my dreams. Yeah, it's so much better, it sounds like when your parents actually tell you what's going to come rather than telling you, it's all going to be all right, but everything's going to be okay. Don't lie to me. I was never the kid. Like, don't. Don't lie to me, I'd rather just know.

Starting point is 00:03:39 Yeah. And I guess at that point, when you're making those big, bold decisions, I guess you don't even know you're setting yourself up for that. And it sounds like you've continued to do that. I mean, today you're an actor, you're a producer, you're a creator, you have Florence by Mills, you have a farm, you're a mother. Like, which of those roles do you feel most to yourself in? I would say, like, first a mother and very close second, a wife.

Starting point is 00:04:02 Like they both kind of, you know, family, like a family member. Like I feel like that's my, that's my purpose. I always knew I wanted to be a mum and becoming a mom has been just the most purposeful, important thing that's ever happened to me. And, yeah, I always say, you know, Jake was the best thing to ever happen to me, and my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to us. I love that. That's so beautiful.

Starting point is 00:04:32 Did you have a really close, and do you have a really close relationship with your mom? Oh my gosh. Jay. My mom is like my bestest, closest, closest friend. Yeah, she's everything to me. My mom and I talk 5,000 times a day about absolutely nothing. She is the first person I call when I wake up and the last person I call when I go to sleep. Like, she's just my best friend. She understands me so much. And yet, sometimes it's infuriating because I'm like, Mom, how do you know that? Like, she could just look at me with one thing and she's like, nope, she's not happy or she's anxious or she's stressed and she needs this or she needs that. My mom has treated me the same and not, not anything to

Starting point is 00:05:16 do with fame, but just like my age. She's treated me like I'm her young daughter forever. And so I always felt like I have a mom that cares about if I've scraped my leg the same way I would if I was three now, you know? And like that is just, I've never had the kind of parents to be like, oh you're 22 now that's it you know it's just not that like they're like they still very much care as if I was you know under 18 yeah even though you have your own baby as well yeah exactly no now it's like you know it's like they care about me and then her it's very much like walking into the room and being like oh my goodness you know I'm like which one oh that's so funny yeah yeah yeah is it me or her thing but it's always her like she's yeah the light of every room yeah

Starting point is 00:06:01 she's winning now of course and I want that for her I love it This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully, embracing mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off. If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage that's right for you.

Starting point is 00:06:29 Go online at statefarm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents. Like a good neighbor, state farm is there. Your reaction to my question of, are you close to your mom? I think she'd want to frame that. Like, your reaction is just amazing. I was like, wow, like, just the natural,

Starting point is 00:06:48 instinctual response. Yeah. All the expression we just saw in your face. I was like, wow, that's really special. Yeah, I'm really great. I think, I wonder if maybe there's a part of the relationship that I have with my mom is the reason I just wanted to be a mom. Like, I watched my mom growing up,

Starting point is 00:07:03 And I was like, the love she has for all of her children and just the dedication she's poured into being a mum and being such a present mom, all of my siblings, we could go to my mum about absolutely anything, anything at all. The good, the bad, the ugly and my mom will take it and talk to us about it. And she's hilarious. I mean, she's from the East End, so don't get me wrong. You're getting a fun answer. But she's definitely the reason I wanted to be a mum. Like she's just, she's just like, when you have somebody every day inspiring you, you know, it was like, oh, I just want to be like her. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:40 What was the hardest thing you ever had to tell her? I got a tattoo, you know, quite young. How old were you? 15. Okay, I was 16 when I got my first. Okay. Yeah. Snuck out the house and I got my 11 tattoo.

Starting point is 00:07:52 And I knew I wanted it. And the thing is, it's kind of ridiculous because I could have just told them and they would have probably been fine. But I was just like, I want to do it. And maybe it's kind of a part of me knew that like if 11 were to ever be killed off the show, like I need something to stand with me. Also, I had to put like a temporary tattoo on every day and it was ridiculous because I was like, I know I want to get this. So might as well I'm going to do it, you know, do it now. My mom, she was the best person to talk to growing up, especially when like dating and stuff like that. I'd be like, Mom, I need your help.

Starting point is 00:08:24 You know, like. Was there over time where she was like, Millie, come on. Yeah. Oh my God. All the time. She'd be like, who? No, really this guy? You know, my mom's a really shy person, like really shy.

Starting point is 00:08:33 So she actually used to have her mom break up with boys for her. She was like not, she couldn't, yeah. And I'm the complete opposite. That's where I get. You never asked her to do that. No. I'm like my dad in that respect. I share a lot of qualities like my dad.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Like my dad and I are like best friends, but my dad is me. And so I would just, I have no problem in telling people anything. Whereas my mom would be like, you know, mom, I need you to answer the phone and break up with this guy for me. I love that. That's hilarious. That's crazy. And my nan would. My nan would. I don't want to see you anymore. Sorry. As simple as that.

Starting point is 00:09:07 Yeah, exactly. You're not good enough. No, you don't want to fight with my, you know, my nanny Ruth. She was like, she was a powerhouse. That's so funny. I remember when I got my tattoo at 16, so I had this vision of, I loved rap music growing up. So I assumed I would have my whole upper body tattered. And then I was told that the hardest place to get a tattoo is on your neck. And so I was like, okay, they said if you can take.

Starting point is 00:09:30 it there, you'll be able to take it anywhere. I was like, okay, great. So I went out, got a tattoo on my neck, came back home, had blood dripping off the bottom of my, like, collarbone area. Oh my God. My parents had friends and family over from India, and India's very conservative and Indian families and tattoos, not the one. And then they were like, what have you done? My mom was scared it was infected. The blood was all over the place. Did you regret it immediately? I did it at all. I was like, no, I'm the cool. This is so cool. Like, this is so badass. That's everything. run in my family. My dad didn't know about the 11 tattoo for like four years. How did, what, you just walked around like this? I always had it on because of work.

Starting point is 00:10:08 So he couldn't tell if it was real or a temporary tattoo. Sorry, dad. But I think one day I was like doing another job and then they were covering it up. And then he was like, oh, he put it together. I was like, yeah. What did they say when you had got a tattoo? Did your mom and dad have a reaction? I mean, they were kind of like, if you were already going to always get it done, like, you know, But they were definitely like, you should have told us. And also, we should have come. But I mean, I was like, sometimes if you're going to do what you're going to do, you know. And I was like, it was always in the plan for me to get it.

Starting point is 00:10:39 And it meant so much to me, like, this role changed my life forever. They knew that. They knew that, like, this role was so, so meaningful to me. And so this was a part of 11's character and this was a part of almost my character in a way. So, yeah. Yeah. I love hearing about all this background because I wanted to ask you, about you recently said that becoming a mother made your life feel like it went from black and white

Starting point is 00:11:02 to color and I thought that was such a beautiful transformation to talk about. What felt black and white before and what was the color? Yeah, it's funny because my husband and I always say that and it's like my life is beautiful before. It was, it was amazing. Like Jake and I, we built a very strong relationship, foundation. I have an amazing family. I'm very close to his family. But, something about my daughter, it's just life-changing. It's not about the day-to-day changing the diapers, you know, taking them for walks, taking them to classes, feeding them. It's not about that. That's not the color. The color is like the life and light in her eyes when you look at her and she's thinking and she's putting two and two together and she's seeing flowers or

Starting point is 00:11:54 smelling flowers for the first time or reacting to the sun in the morning. Like, that is the color. Like it's seeing somebody in joy and love life for the first time in the most pure, stunning way. That is what makes it worth it. I don't know if that makes any sense. That's so beautiful. I'm like fully in awe.

Starting point is 00:12:16 But like, you know, it's obviously life changing because you wake up and you take care of this human being. But it's seeing her love and enjoy life for the first time. It's just it's, it makes it a change. changes everything. Yeah, no, that's spectacular. I was saying to someone recently, I made a friend who looks at like a flower as if they just found a million dollars, and it just changes your view on life. And that's my husband when it was actually in my vows, but like my husband, he notices every sunset, he notices every rainbow, he'll look out at the plane and be like, look at that, he sees things for the first time too, and it's the most amazing way to look at life. I will not lie. I became a bit

Starting point is 00:12:57 ungrateful for the very, very small things because I was a child actor. I traveled a lot. I would go to cities and not enjoy the sunsets because I was working or I was, you know, and I'm doing this and doing that and focused on what fans are taking pictures of me and who's chasing me in a car and I wasn't able to enjoy and sit still for a moment and meeting my husband changed all of that. Now I'm the first person to be like, look at the shoot, look at the stars. look at the shooting stars or like look at the moon. We take pictures of the moon all the time. So I've become that slowly and I think he's just made me realize how stunning the world is. Wow. How long did it take you to write your vows?

Starting point is 00:13:40 I would say a year. Like I drafted it. I revisited in six months mid planning, amended the things that I was starting to like, you know, you learn every day about that person, you know. And so I was adding and amending. And then the day before I just double checked and made sure. everything was up to date. That's primarily just talking about dogs and making sure it doesn't say four instead of eight. Because we might have doubled. But yeah, then I just like the night before. And I think Jake, I think it didn't take him as long. I think he was like, I kind of knew what I wanted to say. That's the new standard. Takes a year to write vows. Yeah. You've ruined it for everyone else out there. I'm sorry. But by the way, this isn't every day. But I just did like regular check-ins just to make sure I

Starting point is 00:14:22 still like, you know, there were certain things like I would see certain poems and things like that and I wanted to add that all into, all into it if I saw something that inspired me. Was there anything else that you remember from your vows that you could share with us? I definitely mentioned the fact that he enjoys every, like he's taught me to enjoy every rainbow and that's because of his mum. Like his mom's also very similar to that. Enjoy is like just very observant and present in the world. I mentioned how much I love the grass and like how much we both enjoy looking at our grass like in the farm we're always like look at the grass and like look how it's like look how it's cut like we love like fresh and we're and we love

Starting point is 00:15:05 seeing the the animals eat the grass like we always and he mentioned it in his vows and I thought wow that's so odd that we both talked about that because it's such a mundane thing and yet we were like you know we love to sit on our porch and watch the animals eat the grass and like in the summertime the grass in Georgia is just like a bright green so we're we're like we're just like a bright green so we we both mentioned that. And then I think he said some amazing quote, which I won't be able to remember now, but just about soulmates and twin flames and how like we were separated, but then we were able to kind of be one again. Wow. Yeah. Sounds so special. Oh my gosh. I was sobbing the whole time. Yeah. I have to really hold back when I go to a wedding. Yeah. I've had the fortune of officiating

Starting point is 00:15:47 around three weddings at this point. And any time I'm doing that, I literally am. in my head going, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you're going to hold it together. Everyone was crying. I also cry at every wedding. Yeah. It's such an emotional, beautiful thing to be able to, you know, declare your love for someone, whether that be, and we do that every day, but in one, I think it's all those people watching you that have, like, helped raise you, and it's kind of amazing. Yeah. You've spoken about always knowing that adoption was going to be a part of your journey, and I think I read someone you can correct me from, wrong around how at some point you studied social work and you were looking into just what the

Starting point is 00:16:27 process looked like and you learned about it. Like walk me through that journey because I think it's so refreshing and unique. Yeah. And it's not like people want to be mothers, but not everyone wants to adopt. Like walk me through that and how that became a part of your journey and your life. I had, I guess, a lot of adopted friends growing up. I was someone who, I don't know, again, always wanted to be a mom. Always, that was always a goal. But for me, me, adoption was like kind of the first thing I always wanted to do. And I don't necessarily think I have some amazing elaborate answer. But when it's in your heart, it's just in your heart. Like that was something I just thought that's going to be a part of my journey. I didn't necessarily

Starting point is 00:17:09 know when. But then I studied social work for two years and I loved it. And was learning primarily about adoption, which was where I really peaked in interest. And learning from the social workers' perspective, which I think is very interesting. And, you know, kudos to all social workers and what they do. And I think it is so amazing and unbelievable. And changing the trajectory of children's lives forever is a beautiful thing. So my hat's off to you. So learning about that was amazing.

Starting point is 00:17:46 And then I started my dog rescue simultaneously. And kind of by accident, like I just started like fostering dogs and things like that. And then I changed my degree to a vet tech because I started vaccinating and microchipping these rescue dogs. And I was like, I feel like I need to learn more about that right now in my life because it's very present in my life. So then I kind of changed my degree and went to that and proved to be very fruitful. And now I have a dog rescue. It's one of my biggest passions. So that gave me a lot of perspective. Then I just started. started reading a lot of books. I took a lot of courses, various different courses, in different perspectives, especially when it comes to like adoptive mothers and birth mothers. And then we kind of started our journey. I would say Jake was like kind of in from the jump. He was like, you know, that's the thing of why maybe I married him. It's just like the kind of person he is is like, we were just so aligned. You know, sometimes you have to be with someone. You have to like show them how you are and they show you how you, but we were like aligned. Like it was like, this is, oh, this,

Starting point is 00:18:54 it wasn't really no explanation needed. We both kind of was like, yeah. And it's kind of great to be able to just know that we wanted to start a family, still rooted in love, but, but through adoption. And I think that's just, it's such a special thing. Yeah, talk to me on the process, like, for someone who doesn't know, what does that process look like? And then talk to me about the moment that you found out your door was coming home and how that feels. The process is long. and rightfully so it's a it's a great process and you know in fact it's very thorough that's the probably the longest part is just getting through all of that and then um getting the call i mean i will never forget it it was the most surreal feeling and yet we both knew in that moment like

Starting point is 00:19:42 that was that we had found each other like you know and it was just like i have a picture of of him and he has a picture of me and it was just like, oh my goodness, this is our girl, like 100%, no doubt. And we were talking to someone, another adoptive mother. And it's like, there are two ways to have a baby, one through your stomach and one through your heart. My girl was through my heart. And, you know, it was just the most magical phone call and no questions asked. I knew we had found our baby and she found us. Do you have that conversation recorded? No.

Starting point is 00:20:19 And I think there's something so special about it because my whole life's recorded. You know, like I could look back on any moment and be like, oh, I remember when I was there and I was that and doing that. And something about that, my husband and I will never forget those words where we were, what we were doing, the feeling. And I think in so many ways, like, that is, that is why that shouldn't be recorded. It's like almost like, you had to be that. It's too sacred. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:46 What did they say on the call? Like, how does that even go? It's a deep and intense conversation, one that I was kind of like very present for, but just like, I need, I need to go. I need to go. You know, and we both were like that. So it's a long conversation, but when you know, you know, so it's kind of like you listen and you talk, but you're very much like one-track minded. Yeah. I just need to get, I need to get to her. Yeah. You've spoken so beautifully about your parents' love for you. What's a. lesson that they taught you or in experience that they gave you that you can't wait to pass on and share with your daughter? I was walking down the street the other day and my daughter was in

Starting point is 00:21:28 the pram and she was like, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, like really, you know, and I was like, I did it back and I did it kind of as loud as she did and as passionate as she did. She kind of looked at me and she was like, hmm. And I was like, you've met your match. And there's something about that. that my parents taught me, which was like at the dinner table, if we're talking about something, and I usually had a difference of opinion, difference of opinion. It was very much encouraged and asked about and laughed at like, oh my God, okay, well, if you think that, then what do you think? And it was like, my sparkle was an adult. Like, they were just like encouraging me to always speak my mind. Hence why I might be in the press of it too much. But I believe what I believe, you know,

Starting point is 00:22:16 and like nobody can really change my mind on that. I'm learning. every day and I'm happy to be challenged. I love to learn. But like my rooted core values, I believe what I believe in. And if somebody is unkind or mean, like, you can't justify that to me, you know, it's like, I, I just, I don't care. Like, I really feel strongly about those things. And that is rooted in my parents, my parents, you know, they just really, I don't know what they did. And I don't know if it's some secret source they had, but like, I just knew right from wrong very early on. and I was really encouraged to speak my mind and sometimes lose and sometimes win. And like the feeling of that you have to kind of really judge and understand.

Starting point is 00:23:00 And so for me, I think I'm just going to really try to pass that down. Because I want more vocal girls in the world. I want girls to be able to feel like they can speak their mind. So any young girl I meet, you know, somebody who's watched one of my films or I meet in the street or, you know, somebody on online. Like, I'm always very much just like, if my characters make you want to speak up and speak loud, like, do it, go for it. Yeah, we need that for sure. Yeah, well, we have enough men doing it for goodness sake, you know? For sure.

Starting point is 00:23:30 For sure. No, I couldn't agree with you more. I grew up with, I have a younger sister. Yeah. And for me, when you grow up with the younger sister, she's, what, four and a half years younger than me, watching her grow up and become a woman. And, again, she's opinionated, she's strong-willed, she has drive, she has a clear, sense of meaning and values and belief. And it's, it's all I could ever want for anyone's sister, daughter, mother, friend, person. Yeah. Because you're like, wow, there have been times in

Starting point is 00:23:57 history and even now, sadly, places in the world where that just doesn't exist. And you're like, well, what would the world miss out on? And what would the people around you miss out on? I agree. And if I didn't have a younger sister, would I have felt that way? Would I ever experienced that? Yeah. I have a younger sister too, and it gave me a lot. I think that also, of sorry, falls back into the whole motherhood thing. Like, I just loved being a big sister, but I felt very maternal toward her. And that all leads into that kind of like feeling of protection and family. And it definitely made me go, I want one of her, you know. That's awesome. How does she feel now being an aunt? Oh my God. She's amazing. I mean,

Starting point is 00:24:37 my daughter is obsessed with her. Like, I don't think there's anyone in my life that my daughter to react to as well as she does. My youngest, I, I, it's, she must know or something, you know, it's like they must have some kind of kind of kindred alliance, but they are, they are thickest thieves. Yeah. I mean, you were referring to it just now, like you took on an extraordinary amount of responsibility at such a young age. What part of it do you think was really positive and has helped? And what part is still challenging or you still wrestle with? Well, I think motherhood and marriage, they're typically very traditional things. And so I don't want to kind of come on here and be like, you know, that's my story.

Starting point is 00:25:20 That's my journey. But it's not everyone else's and I'm very aware of that, you know. So I'm not somebody who's like, I know people like to say I'm a trad wife. And it's like, oh, ha, ha, ha. But I don't think anything is traditional about my life at all. Yeah, I'd agree. You know, and maybe if you do think that, maybe you just don't know me. because I'm not, I wouldn't say that.

Starting point is 00:25:42 And I don't think it's also bad to be traditional. Like I hate that there's like a bad thing. But I don't know if that's my life. But I mean, if that's what people think, you know, so be it. But I didn't grow up in L.A. I'm not a party girl. And again, nothing wrong with my party girls. Love that for you.

Starting point is 00:25:58 But there's traditionally quite a thing about child actors in that kind of world. And that was just not ever my story or journey. I we moved to Georgia, my parents raised me. You know, I was homeschooled and I was taken out of the spotlight despite being in the spotlight. So my parents were like, you can go to places and be that person, but when you're here, you're not. Maybe that's why I'm just not jaded by what the industry is because I don't, I just don't feel like, I just, it's not my everything. Yes. and I think it's good that it's not your everything.

Starting point is 00:26:38 You know, I'm so grateful for my work. I love my craft. Like, I'm deeply grateful for that. But it's a part of my world. It isn't my world. And I think that that's probably something that really helped me in terms of taking on responsibilities and things like that. The things that didn't help me, my goodness.

Starting point is 00:26:59 How long do we have? Well, I know, right? It's like, I would say obviously public perception doesn't help growing up, hearing, you know, the way people think about you constantly. But then I think I just hit a point where I was like, I really don't care. Like, I think I was like 15 when people started saying, like, I looked like a 60-year-old woman and what am I wearing? And I would wear a big heel and people would say, oh, my goodness, who does she think she is? But then I would wear, you know, a suit and people would, like, rip me apart for looking too old. So, you know, it's not necessarily, I realized, oh, you're just all

Starting point is 00:27:34 walking contradictions. Like you literally, none of you actually have an opinion. And when I realized that, I was like, oh, this is ridiculous. You're all kind of like robots, you know? And I, probably I was, let's say, 16, 16 or 17. And then I had a pretty big thing happened to me when I was 17. That felt like it changed the way I saw the world. And then I just, I took social media off of my phone and I was like, no, this isn't for me.

Starting point is 00:28:08 I, I, maybe I'm not the right kind of person to be on social media in that way. And I, yeah, I just, I don't know. I'm, I'm maybe public perception I could have gone without. But then again, it's also made me who I am today. Because that now I feel like I'm, it's almost like my life's mission to just protect young people in the industry from that. in any way I can. Yeah. I mean, your parents sound amazing.

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Starting point is 00:29:20 And I feel like for anyone who's in the public eye, that seems to be the biggest thing. I remember when I was doing the podcast, I'd become friends with one of my clients who'd been very successful and famous for multiple decades. And I got to know her offline. And I said to her, I said, I'd love to have a conversation with you about some of this stuff. And she said to me, she said, Jay, I don't know if I'm interesting beyond my character

Starting point is 00:29:44 because that's all I have to offer from what the world's, I think she's fascinating. But that's her perception of herself because any time she's been on a talk show or any time she's been on camera, it's always been playing a caricature of that character and never really been allowed to be herself because everyone was so obsessed

Starting point is 00:30:03 with who she was. And I think women get this even more than men where they can kind of play multiple roles. But she just kind of felt like, well, no, if I'm not playing that role, then do I even belong? Or if I'm, am I allowed to be? And it sounds like you're like,

Starting point is 00:30:16 well, no, I always knew who Millie was beyond the camera and the screen because my parents really protected that space. Yeah, and I also think like the things I find interesting might, yeah, they might sound boring to one. But to me, they are really interesting. Like, I love the fact that, like, I sheared my sheep on Monday. And, like, I, you know, I've been starting to make my own butter. And, like, how insane that is.

Starting point is 00:30:41 Or, like, how, I don't know, I'm starting a garden and I can't figure out why this tree keeps up. Like, I'm, like, I do think those things are fun and interesting. Like, I don't know. And me being on here or me doing Fallon or, you. you know, those are great and interesting things, but I have too many normal friends. So I'm the odd one out in my friend group to say I'm doing Fallon on Thursday, what are you doing? As opposed to a friend group full of people in the industry and that being just a normal thing to do. And I don't have that. So for me, I kind of, I lose out on the details of those things and just talk about the normal things.

Starting point is 00:31:18 Like, oh my God, I went to this bar the other night and, you know, they played this song, so I got up on the table and stuff. Like that's my friend, that's my friend group of talking about just like the normal things in life. And that might be because my parents just raised me a certain way. I do think things are interesting that might not be to the people in the industry. But I do try to just maintain the same who I am because I, when I go on to talk shows or do this or do that, like I am myself. Again, leads me to the point of maybe that's why I'm in the press a lot. But it's just because I think you're talking to a real person. Like, I'm not, we've got nothing to hide here, and I'm not playing a character. I'm really not. And I think people, hopefully people can actually see that. Yeah. And you have goats called Eminem and Cardi B. So that. I do. I was like, that's pretty cool. Yeah. All of my goats are named after rappers. Any others? Biggie Smalls and Slick Rick.

Starting point is 00:32:16 Why the choices? Walk us through. Is that your top four? I love Slick. Okay. Like, I grew up just listening to Slickrickickick. Biggie Smalls. icon. Yeah. Then Cardi B. I love Cardi B. And then Eminem, I love Eminem. My brother love Eminem.

Starting point is 00:32:32 And then Thelma and Louise are two goats that escaped their farm. And were found on the side of the road. So my animal control called me and said, Millie, we can't figure out where these goats belong. We've called everyone. What do you want to do with these goats? I said, just bring them over.

Starting point is 00:32:48 So they brought them over. And Thelma and Louise are like these two cute pigmy goats and they just live here now. And I have a lot of animals on the farm that were bullied out of their farm. So like the herds just kind of chose we'd hate that donkey. So then that donkey comes to me. So I have a lot about outcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got all the misfits. Exactly. They're all there together. That's exactly where I belong. Yeah, that's awesome. Talk to me about what it was that finally made you actually want to get off social media. Like what was the criticism that that felt, okay, now I actually need some space. I think it was a huge. I think it was a huge.

Starting point is 00:33:23 invasion of privacy at one point in my life that I felt like the overlap might have been too much. You know, like, it's like this right now. This is my visual diagram I'm making. And at that point, it was like this. Like it was too much. I was like, they know too much. And it's all lies. And I don't have enough time to sit here and expect. So I'm just like, I need to, I need to not see it. And I took myself out of the equation. I not only did that, but I cut out all sort of. soda in my life. I took like a whole pledge where I was like I just like took away a bunch of things that I felt maybe I just like did very small habits, but things that I wanted to take out of my life. So I did it all at the same time. I'm a big cold turkey girl. I don't I do not do things half.

Starting point is 00:34:12 I'm not somebody who's like, let's just like do everything in moderation and take it out. No, not me. I'm the same. I get it. I cut things out my life immediately. So what went soda? social media. I was like, I'm spending too much time at, like, doing work that I needed to pick up a hobby. So I picked up a hobby. I started, um, uh, bedazzling mason jobs for hours. Like my, like my boyfriend, uh, but my husband now, who is like, Mel, like, I genuine, I can't, like, watch you bedazzle one more thing. And I was like, I'm bedazzling this whole Mason job because I have to. And I think I was pouring my anxiety into that. I would say I had anxiety. for about three months and I had to still go to work and I just went to work and was just very,

Starting point is 00:35:03 very, very, very anxious. Definitely not myself. But yeah, I would say like that, that's hard when you're having anxiety and for me, my anxiety doesn't come on a Monday and maybe a Wednesday. My anxiety, if it was to come, something big needs to happen and then it will probably last for two months every day. So mine are cycles. Mine aren't, mine aren't every other minor cycles and then I need to do something to change this. Like I need, it's almost like I need to do something at the end of it to change the cycle. I know it's been happening for too long. So one of my longest cycles must have been three months and and it was, yeah, I got, I got chased by somebody in, in a place and and it sent me into a, a three-month-long anxiety panic attack where I had to do all of this stuff. And actually I went to

Starting point is 00:35:59 Japan and I sat with these monks and it was the most amazing experience and I got, I'm getting teary eye talking about it. But it took me out of the cycle. I needed it. So yeah, and it's funny because it didn't mean anything to them what I was telling them like about what sent me into this. But they were able to, and we sat in this garden, and it was also, my husband said, I almost saw you, like this weight just lift off of you. But it was just such a, yeah, anxiety is the worst thing ever. And I knew I needed to get, I needed to heal and I needed to figure out my anxiety before starting a family. Like, I needed to understand what was happening. And then I did, finally. And I'm still figuring out now, but I'm now, like, I have all these techniques I use and they work. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, when people are like, yeah, I started this medication. It's like great. Like I'm, I'm so happy for you, but like for me, I needed other techniques. I needed techniques that I could, right now, it's happening. What do I do? Because it would come at the craziest, hardest times. Like, sometimes I'll look back at red carpet things of me and be like, I was having a full-blown panic attack in that moment.

Starting point is 00:37:12 And it's crazy. It's crazy to, all of it's documented. But yeah. Thank you for sharing that. No, I just... I don't even know how we got there, but sorry. You're very good at this. No, you don't need to be sorry at all. I feel like you just took us, like, deep into your mind. My psyche?

Starting point is 00:37:32 Yeah. Get out, get out. No, but as in, I could feel that. It was so palpable to feel just how much that three months of anxiety was all encompassing. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy because I'm... I have healthings. really bad. So like if I go to a doctor or if I go to the hospital, I have to tell them

Starting point is 00:37:57 before I have health anxiety. So whatever you're going to tell me, I'm going to rationalize in my head. I'm going to make it seem so much more. So I need you to tell me things like I'm a three-year-old because there are certain things now that I know trigger me, like deeply, deeply trigger me. So I've been able to just work out what's going on and slowly accommodate my name. needs because then it's not going to go away. And it could. One day it could and I wake up and great. But I need to be in the mindset. It's probably not. So let's just accommodate what needs to be done here. I can't stop my life. I'm not going to. But I need to like, I need to work around it. And I think I figured out pretty great techniques to work around it. My mom being one of those people. Like my mom is

Starting point is 00:38:44 just like the first person that can talk me down out of that space. How did you discover you had health anxiety? Well, it started like before this trip to Japan. And if for me, it's like if I, if I feel something in, on my neck or if I, I start to, you know, I start to spiral really, really bad, to the point where I could actually get myself sick. So like, for me, like I have given, like, I lose vision sometimes. I can get a fever. I get myself sick really quickly. I could like, if I have an anxiety attack at night in the morning, I'll have 102 fever. Like, like, that's, my body responds, like, kicks in to fight or flight. The hardest thing is, is that I, I don't know when my body's, like, tricking me or not, because my anxiety gives me physical symptoms.

Starting point is 00:39:35 So I never want to be the boy you cry wolf because my, but my husband's one of those people, he just never questions. He's like, you're telling the, this is your truth. Even if this is your anxiety, you're still feeling it. It's still happening to you. So, I try now. I'm really good at being able to understand if this is a temporary thing or do I actually think this is a real thing. So for instance, on Anola 3, I got really, really ill during production, like really bad. And I knew it was a moment where I know, this is not anxiety. I was able to compartmentalize and go, this is not anxiety. This is something that needs to be, I need to go to the hospital right now. I used to not be able to separate and be like, could this be, could this be? Now I know. I'm pretty,

Starting point is 00:40:20 certain. I'm pretty good with it. And it's just a lot of for me, knowledge is power. So I do a lot of reading about like, and I don't know if it's like before I would just be like, oh, I'm feeling this pain, could this be this? But now I'm like, no, it couldn't be that because that would show in this way. So I actually think I need to know more about the situation and the world than not. Because actually the lack of knowledge is what gave me the most anxiety. Like the feeling of being, you know, not in control. Because I'm in control of everything. everything else in my life, but you can't be control of that stuff sometimes, you know. Yeah, thank you for explaining that to us. I feel like there's so many people who probably

Starting point is 00:40:58 feel that way and don't even know it. No. And then think, actually, I want to stay away from information and not realizing that more knowledge equals more power, equals more ability to have a sense of what you're actually experiencing. What was it during those three months that made you go to Japan to meet monks? I got chased by these people and it was a really trauma I would say 20 minutes. Like 20 minutes, I just couldn't. It was very, very intense and very scary. After the 20 minutes, I got into an elevator and I, my team, who's probably watching this right now, I like faced the corner of the wall and I was just like, I actually feel like I shut down and I shut down for three months. Like that is like in that moment, I like something switched off in my mind. And so I did all of these events and I,

Starting point is 00:41:49 I believe I had like, I did like my engagement party and I had like all these really my dad's birthday. I had a bunch of stuff and I started getting really ill and I had pneumonia and I had like all of these, all of these problems and I probably had three or four things and I got strep and I had strep for like three weeks or something and then I went undiagnosed and therefore untreated. So then I got to Japan because I was I wanted to go I really wanted to go not thinking it would be some spiritual journey I thought this is just going to be a really great time when I got there I was like I still I still really felt anxious um I couldn't like for instance sometimes we get to a restaurant and I'd say to my husband I can't go in we need to go back uh and he'd be like okay we'll go back and

Starting point is 00:42:37 that's the thing like I never had to explain myself to him he knew he got it and then we would do like my tapping and just like, you know, and then I went to Kyoto and I went to this garden with these monks and I met him, this, this one amazing gentleman who was like, just so calm and almost felt like he saw me. Like he was like, and I was in the height of my anxiety at this point. It was like he knew that I was kind of broken. So he was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was acting normal with me, but then when we got to the garden, he was like, we need to meditate. And I was like, okay, meditation has never been anything that's worked for me because of my mind and how I've not been able to shut out the thoughts. But we meditated in this garden, which was

Starting point is 00:43:32 for five minutes, and I meditated with 50 people. Like, it was not just us. There was a bunch of tourists like us and we all sat in this garden, nobody knew who I was. And if they did, they didn't care in that moment. And it was amazing. And I will never forget the feeling. And then we went into this kind of samurai's house. And it was like the coolest experience. And then they brought out these singing bowls and we sat there for another hour. And I left being, it was my husband's birthday. And I remember being like, I'm sorry, I feel like it's my birthday. Like I just got given like the biggest gift of all. like finally peace in my heart. And my husband literally said like it would like, you radiated this light after. And it just, it was exactly what I needed. And I do think that I'm a big believer in

Starting point is 00:44:23 in like divine intervention. And I think that was a moment where God was like, you need to, you need to take a break and you need to like sit there and figure out kind of what's going on in your head. And I didn't figure it out necessarily, but I did figure out that I needed to sit in silence for a it. And yeah, and I think that really healed me in a lot of ways. It healed a lot of me. Thank you for sharing, though. Have you been back? I've not. And I'm dying to, especially take my daughter. We made a promise to this temple that there, and so we are going to go back because they said, you need to come back at this specific time, this year, this time. And so that is kind of my husband said, like, we are going to go back. And when we, when we were there, we said, we're going to

Starting point is 00:45:10 bring our kids back. So we knew we were like, we're on the right track. Yeah. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I feel like when you hear about moments like that and your belief in divine intervention and just finding the right thing at the right time and us being open to that happening to us because I think whether we're skeptical or whether we're not believers or whether we just live in a busy logical world, which we all do, sometimes the greatest gifts are quite otherworldly and happen by surprise. And aren't things that we plan or measurably choose. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:44 I think like I'm around a lot of people who are like not skeptics, but they're just, they live in a very realistic world. They're like, that wouldn't happen because of this or this. Yeah. This is. I agree to a certain point.

Starting point is 00:45:58 And then I'm like, you can't explain certain things that happen to you. You just can't. Like coincidences just sometimes for me, you could see them as coincidences or you could see them as fate. And for me, I just believe things of, I just believe in fate. Yeah. What are your other techniques now that are helping?

Starting point is 00:46:16 You said, speaking to your mom is one of them. Speaking to my mom, my husband's a big one. Like, if my husband's not with me, it's my mom, my mom's not with, you know, so that, and I think you are fine your people that understand you and that know the vocabulary to use around you in those moments, right? It's not, you're okay, everything's fine. It's not that. Jake takes me through a step by step, okay, you were just here.

Starting point is 00:46:38 this is what just happened to you. You were not in a situation where, you know, you could have breathed in that smoke and therefore you got this. You know, he will take me through what happened. And that is great. And then my mom also is similar. She'll take me through like statistics.

Starting point is 00:46:52 She's like, you're a 22 year old. You're absolutely fine. She kind of tells me who I am. Another technique I use is like grounding. So I will like talk about the room I'm in, the CM sat in, things like that. And then the third one tapping. I love tapping.

Starting point is 00:47:07 Singing bowls are a big one. I have a lot of those in my house. Used to be my phone. So funny. Now it's not. That doesn't work for me anymore. Singing is a big one. Took me a very long time to realize it was singing. Right before I got nervous to go on do things, I would sing. And then when I was in Japan and years, years later, I was learning all about my vagus nerve and humming. And I thought, whoa, I sing every time I'm nervous. So I'm basically just vibrating my vagus nerve and in turn, you know, calming myself down, but without noticing. And so I did that as a young child. So something in me as a young child knew I needed to be soothed, you know?

Starting point is 00:47:51 And so I do that a lot now. Singing is a big one. What would you sing? Oh, just like anything. Like you could put on anything and I will sing to it, even if I don't know the words. but a lot of musical theater and music I like music that like I love meaning I love music and my husband and I both play music a lot in the house

Starting point is 00:48:11 and yeah I would just say like singing is a big one I used to be really into journaling but my life became a little bit crazy and it's hard to stay up with that so I do a lot of prompts and gratitude journals instead yeah I would say that's pretty much that's a lot

Starting point is 00:48:27 yeah like I'm trying to think because I had to I had to because I would have one thing I would do and it wouldn't work. So it's like, okay, you need to figure out like a plan. You know, if this doesn't work, let's do this. So that's where I'm at. Yeah, you have a full toolkit. Yeah. And you're so right.

Starting point is 00:48:41 I love what you're saying that I think we're often like, oh, this is my one thing. And the reality is that life's throwing so many things our way that you need a plan B and a plan C and a plan D. And knowing that the people who are closest to you and love you the most, are your mom and your partner, Jake, like they're able to actually understand what you need in that moment and you can actually educate them. I think that's such a big foundational point for healthy relationships where it's like you don't want the person panicking around you trying to figure it out. You want to give them the tools to succeed for you. Yeah, 100%. And the reason I'm, I'm,

Starting point is 00:49:13 my dad is like amazing. My dad, like, but he's like me in that we think very similar. So for me, I'm like, if it's not this, it's going to have to be this. And if it's not that, it's going to have to be that. I'm very, I'm very black and white. And my, my mom and my husband are very similar. My dad and I, very similar. So my dad's like, okay, well, if you were there, then maybe it was that. And so I'm like, dad, no, no, we're thinking too similarly. I'm like, out, I'm out, I'm out. So, yeah, it's great that they're able to be very different. Like, I need, I need them for very different things. Yeah. I wanted to talk a bit about Jake. You've been talking about him the whole time, which is beautiful. But I wanted to dive into a bit because you said that, you know, we built a really

Starting point is 00:49:50 strong foundation. And even a few moments ago, you were saying, you know, we just, we just knew, like we were aligned. Talk to me about what it means to build a strong foundation. I think so many people want to have healthy, deep, meaningful relationships that not only look great, but actually feel great and feel great on a daily basis beyond the big moments of a wedding or vows or all of that. Like, what do you think it takes to build a strong foundation with Jake? And what have you both done to really build that? You know, when you meet someone young, you have habits from either previous relationships or just like your trauma, your fight or flight response very much like me. And so you have to work through how each other communicates and works.

Starting point is 00:50:35 So I definitely did that. We both did that. Like I was very much like, okay, this is how he responds to things and this is how I respond to things and then figuring out what that looks like. And I think that took us about a year to understand how to communicate. And then, but trust was never like, I, like, it was like met him and, well, I spoke to him on the phone for like 20 minutes. I cold called him. That's how we kind of met. And I hung up and I said, that's either going to be, I ran down to this to my mom and dad and I said, that's either going to be the groom at my wedding or my maid of honor. But like, I trust this man. Like, don't know what it is, but it's just, I don't know, it was the way he answered the phone to me.

Starting point is 00:51:21 It was like no one ever, like, no one has ever answered the phone like that. He was just like, hey girl. And I was like, hi. Like, wasn't, didn't care about who I was, just saw me like it felt like. So yeah, I think it took a lot of work because we, we learned how to communicate. I'm a big, like, I love to read books. I love to do courses. I am so, I mean, Gottman, like, I just studied all the methods of all the matters because I want to learn.

Starting point is 00:51:52 And there are plenty of things that I've learned that I don't like or apply to my life. And then there are things that I do. But I learn from either space, you know. And so Jake is big on that too. So we both did that. I would say for like all of our relationship, that's what we do. We just like try different techniques, try different methods of different things. And now we're like, I would say we're, you know, it's been like two years of like,

Starting point is 00:52:13 oh, this is just like how we do things and it's been pretty, but like we were just like, we want to be, we're choosing each other, we want to be together. So we do all the work to get there. But never have we tried to change each other. I think that's a big thing. I've been in past relationships where you're trying to morph this person into who you want them to be and you're kind of waiting for them to change. And there was not one thing I wanted to change about Jake, at all. Like, it was just like, oh, this is, this is, I'm going to embrace you for every part of you because this is who I want in my life. But that was the difference of feeling. I was like, I'd been with other people, you know, who's like, oh, like, I need you to step up and be this and be

Starting point is 00:52:58 that. And it's like, no, why am I wasting? Also, like, I don't want you to change either. This might just be who you are too. Whereas with Jake, it was like, don't change anything. Yeah. What do you think Jake understands about you that most people get wrong? I do speak my mind. And with my friends, I feel like I try to be a really good friend, but I didn't go to school. So socializing for me is very new, very new in my latter three, four years. Like, I feel like this is my year of friendship. Like I'm really trying to help nurture those friendships and like be true to them. but I'm a very honest friend. And so if something's going on, or if I feel something is needed to be said with them in their life, if I'm observing something, I tell them.

Starting point is 00:53:53 Because I say to Jake, if I don't, I'm not a good friend. And he says, yes, but sometimes you also need to let people ride the course of what they're going through, you know. And I'm like, but they need to know. Like, they need to know. And he's like, he'll never tell me no, but he's like, he'll never tell me no. like just think about the way you'll say it and then think about da-da-da-da-da. But I always have to end up saying it because it's who I am. It's just I have to. I have to be like, hi, like, are you okay? Like something feels off. Something feels off. Da-da-da-da. What's going on? Let's talk about it.

Starting point is 00:54:23 Because I'm a very honest friend. And Jake knows I mean well. Other people sometimes, I'm sure, could probably read it as like, you're rude, you're mean, da-da-da. I am never trying to come across is that. I'm actually, in fact, I'm trying to be the most present and loving friend and all I mean is, is being, all I want for you is to succeed, like, all I want. Like, I'm a big, I want my friend, all of my friends to succeed in love. And, but I, I need to be the person that they look at and go, thank you for telling me that. Because I was surrounded by people sometimes, friends growing up, that wouldn't tell me those things. And that's worse. And I needed them too, you know?

Starting point is 00:55:09 And so I'm like, I need to feel like I need to show up for my friends in that way, because I maybe didn't have friends like that growing up. Do you think you got a balance right now? I've got a balance. Because now I know to take time, take a breather, okay, maybe they don't need to hear this right now. So I've taken a bit of Jake and what he knows, but if I feel that there's like a cry for help,

Starting point is 00:55:27 I have no problem in stepping in and just saying, you know, I'm here for you, I love you, I'm your friend if you need me. I never force anyone into like talking to me but I want you to know that I see you because I've been there. Yeah. What do you believe defines a good friend? I think loyalty.

Starting point is 00:55:49 Loyalty because I have a lot of friends that I'll speak to or not see over years and years and years and then see each other and things are completely back to normal and, you know, great. And my life is hard. I can't maintain friendships in the fact that like I can't maybe reach a dinner or go to that birthday party or do this because my life's hectic and vice versa. A lot of my friends have busy lives too.

Starting point is 00:56:13 But loyalty to each other, like knowing that we've known each other for a very long time. And so we owe it to each other to remain friends, to nurture the friendship, to stay in touch, to be there for each other, to support each other when you can be. I think that's a big one. I don't enjoy people in my life or have met people in my life that are just down to drop a friendship. Because it's like, to me, I value them as much as relationships. Like, we've been doing this, you know. I have my best friend Noah. We've been friends for 10 years, you know.

Starting point is 00:56:44 But we know our loyalty lies within each other. Like, we will always nurture and honor the friendship. Yeah, that's a beautiful answer. I love that. Yeah. What's the best thing about watching Jake become a dad? His heart melts anytime she does anything. And so does mine.

Starting point is 00:56:59 But he literally is like, I can just see her raptor. around like or vice versa sorry he is wrapped around her finger like it's hilarious i can already tell certain things he's like oh like in the morning he wakes her up he gets in the bed and he wakes her up with a song and she opens her eyes and he says like she looks at me as if to go you've been here the whole time oh yay and they just cuddle and i'm like when i look at it on the little camera I'm like, that's the person I chose to marry. Like, that little girl will never go a day without knowing that her dad is there for her and her mom. But dads are really important.

Starting point is 00:57:40 Dad's are really important. I had an amazing dad growing up very, very similar to Jake. And Jake has an amazing dad. Very, very similar to Jake. But just like, in many ways, they play maternal and paternal figures, you know? Like, I do too. And I think it's really cool to be able to, you know, I don't like the whole, like, narrative of like, the mom does this and the dad does this.

Starting point is 00:58:01 It's like, no. Jake does both. And so do I. And so you have two parents that you can come to for almost everything. Like, mom can do it too, but also dad can. Dad can, I've taught Jake how to braid hair and all the things, you know, because I want dad to know how to do it too. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:20 What's the quality of Jake's that you hope that she developed? All of it. His, oh, he's so calm. He's so calm and he sees through everyone's perspective. I'm like, most is the way I think. As you can tell, I'm sure you're like, oh yeah, I got the gist of you now. But I'm very much like, why would you do that? Why would you say that?

Starting point is 00:58:45 Like, no, this is, you know, and Jake's like, well, maybe they were going through something or maybe it's this or maybe it's that. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I hope she is able to see through different lenses and understand the world in that way and different people. Jake has so much patience for everyone. I am the most impatient person. And I think I take after my nanny in that my nanny Ruth, like she was very stubborn.

Starting point is 00:59:13 I'm very stubborn and Jake is not stubborn or Jake will forgive and forget like that. I mean, so I hope she takes after after him. But, you know, there's also a bit of my feist that everyone needs. Absolutely. I think. Yeah, you don't want to lose that. No. No, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:59:28 Absolutely, absolutely. And he probably loves that part of it too. He probably loves seeing that with Girl Dad energy. Oh yeah. The other day she like side-eyed him and she's also saying, no, no, no. And Jake's like, she's you. Yeah. You know, you were talking about earlier the trad wife comments or whatever that means and that kind of perception. And even though the reality doesn't really afford any of that definition to even feel true. But it sounds like you and Jake have created a real almost unit and team. between you both to deal with all of that noise, whether it's age or how you choose to get married or when or adopting a child or whatever, all of this stuff. Talk to me about why that's so important and how you do that where it's like we're a team, this is our decision,

Starting point is 01:00:13 how you keep that conviction when there is so much noise. Yeah. I think Jake grew up kind of out of the spotlight despite his family. Like I think Jake, his mom is amazing. and they just lived a very normal life. Very similar to me in that I also tried to live a very normal life despite my environment or job. And so Jake's very used to blocking out the noise

Starting point is 01:00:40 because he's literally had to do it from day one. Same to me, but not day one. Like I was at least, you know, eight or nine. But, you know, young enough for that we're very both used to it. So it's not like this has just happened in our life and now all of a sudden we have to learn how to cope with this. like we came into this our relationship knowing what this is what we're probably going to get like people but again I always told jacob I'm like everybody's a walking contradiction because you know

Starting point is 01:01:09 you get married at 20 you're too young what are you doing oh my god like people are praying on the downfall you know and then it's like you're 40 you're not married what are you doing you're twice divorced my god how dare you she's crazy like she's she needs to get married soon she's not having a baby at 30. Like that's, you know, what, ticking, like, come on, you got to have your baby. Like, you want to adopt. Why? How could they let you? You know, it's like these questions. And you're, again, you all are walking contradictions. If we all, if I lived my life following the rules of these random people, I would probably live the most boring, mundane, awful, miserable life. because these decisions, I'm going to base them off of these random robots on the internet.

Starting point is 01:01:53 Absolutely not. Like, I am doing what makes me happy, what feels right to me. And I would consider myself a person who does, I am smart and I do like to think everything through. But I do believe in fate. Going back to my, I do believe in fate. I think it was fate that I, you know, met Jake. And I do think that I believe in like the invisible string theory. I think we would never have met.

Starting point is 01:02:18 We would never been in the same world. So I always think like, were you there at this point? Were you there? But we weren't in the same worlds at all. Like, he was a boarding school and then he went to college. Like, we were not in the same world. I think we were meant to be together. So I think we both just talk about it like no one can do right for doing wrong.

Starting point is 01:02:35 Like it just, you look on the internet every day. Somebody else is getting slaughtered for something random. And you're just like, why that's why I don't listen to those things. I'm not like, I don't care enough. And I'm always like, most of the time it's not true. So if I was like, have you ever heard about this person having this? And you're like, it's probably not true because of half of the shit that's how there is not true about me. So well said.

Starting point is 01:03:00 I feel like that all the time. Like, I know so many people in the public eye. And when there's reports about them in the news and you actually know what's going on, and like, who's making this stuff hard? It's amazing. These exclusive sources. I'm like, who is this person? Yeah, unnamed friend or whatever it is.

Starting point is 01:03:14 I love it. I love it. I've never met. you. Literally never met you. It's so funny. I remember that you, what you just said right now was so powerful and I want to, you know, I want to make sure that people hear it clearly and it reminded me of this great speech that Taylor Swift gave at a Billboard Award a few years ago and she was just like, you know, I think she said something and she says it much better than I will, but she said it along the lines of, you know, I was writing songs about breakups and then they said, oh, I was

Starting point is 01:03:38 just couldn't get over my exes. Like a scorned ex. Yeah, so then I started writing songs about my friends and then it was like, oh, she's having too much fun. And then so I started writing songs that I wrote back in the day. And then they said, oh, she's trying to go backwards. And it's almost like no matter what you do, there's a version of it that people will spin it to be. And the way you just put it out there right now about whether you're 20 and getting married or whether you're 40 and unmarried and divorced or whether you're 30 and you don't have a baby yet, I mean, that was so well put because none of you win.

Starting point is 01:04:07 No, no one wins. Because women don't win. Because we don't get to win. Like, we don't get to just be in peace. It's the crazy scrutiny. Like, and I've, you know, I grew up on a show with four boys. I am not taking away their experience. They got their fair share of things.

Starting point is 01:04:27 But what the girls got on that show, like what felt my experience as well, was like the scrutiny and pressure that gets put on you was insane. You don't, you didn't, I never heard about any of my cast members, boys. slash men about what they're wearing on the carpet and what they look like or what their hair looks like or what their makeup looks like or what they're saying. I never, those weren't the headlines and it was about how amazing they were, how successful they were, how amazing. And they are amazing. They do get to get, you know, written about like that. But I do too. Like my headline shouldn't be tearing me down and other young girls down. And I hold a lot of

Starting point is 01:05:14 of, you know, I try to, it's hard. I get very annoyed about it because I just feel very protective of the girls that are coming up into the industry that that's what they, you know, that's their, that's their storyline. But that doesn't need to be their storyline. So I've, I've kind of re-arranged my storyline. That's why I have no problem in calling like journalists out by their name. So I'm like, you need to learn a lesson. Like go back to school. Like, learn your bedside manners. What is wrong with you? like what is wrong with you? Who, who, I just don't get it, especially somebody so young. And I don't think it's right at any age, but young people and them trying to figure out

Starting point is 01:05:55 their mental health, nobody knows what I'm going through, nobody knows what I don't need to hear at a certain time. So that to me is very important, like just trying to harness the power to just let that go in a way because I do hold a bit of resentment against that. You know, it's just like I just, I don't feel I received the same treatment. And it's not a pity party. Like, I don't need to be sat here and be like, you know, I really feel bad for me. But I just hope it never happens to anyone else.

Starting point is 01:06:26 No, and I think the resentment's fair. You are so young as well and going through all of that. And it's hard to, it's easy to look back and be like, okay, you know, this is how it works and this is how it makes sense. But when you're actually going through it, people are so busy as well. No one's really paying attention, whether it's your castmates or everyone around you. And I was wondering, like, what would your advice be to young women coming up in the spotlight right now? How do they do that? How do they navigate it? Do maybe do they even approach you?

Starting point is 01:06:52 Do you have younger musicians and actors and actresses who will approach you as well for insight? Every kind of young person, I really try to reach out. I befriended Ella Bright, who is just in that new show off campus and she's not that much younger than me. But she's amazing. And I reached out and I just like, here's my number. if you ever need to call me, I'm here. Even if it's just about the most random things, I've probably been through it.

Starting point is 01:07:19 Same with my co-star like Louis Partridge. I feel like kind of not responsible, but like just very much a part of his journey. And I just feel like I'm here for him. You know, there's a lot of public perception about his life and everything. And I just feel like I feel, you know, I just want to make sure everybody feels protected and supported.

Starting point is 01:07:41 and I want to be able to be that friend to also be honest, you know, and be like, okay, you, but also like wear the crazy thing, you know, like do the, do the fun hair start. Like, don't have any regrets. Like, it's just like, why, why play it safe all the time? And then also Owen Cooper, who is in adolescence and who has had such a kind of rise and rightly so he's unbelievable. But I did, I did meet him through a mutual friend and I said, here's my number. anytime you need me, you know, call me. And so sometimes they'll call me and say,

Starting point is 01:08:15 Mill, you know, they want me to do this magazine. I'm really tired. Don't do it then. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. It's not necessary. Like, so like sometimes we'll have those conversations where, say, how are you feeling? Are you tired? Do you feel like you're doing too much? And he'll be like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I'm like, okay, like, if you need to breathe, like, just, you know, just tell someone. Like, and he is amazing. He's an amazing family. But I feel like I've just been there as a kind of nine-on-one. if he needs me. But he doesn't. He's already so smart and brilliant. That's amazing. That's so great that you're doing that. I mean, I can't imagine what a wealth

Starting point is 01:08:50 of wisdom you have and the fact that they can call you up and reach out. Did you have anyone that you could do that with yourself? Yes, I did. I had a lot of people that I was able to do that with. A lot of musicians and actors, I feel. I remember meeting Natalie Portman and having this moment where, you know, I kind of was just like, wow, like I really feel like she understands me. And I was at an award show was very busy, but I do feel like in that moment, I was like, I really feel like we could have, we would have been friends. Like if we're the same, you know, like, and I want to be friends with you, Natalie. But like, if we were child stars at the same time, same with Drew Barrymore.

Starting point is 01:09:30 I feel like, you know. Yeah, Drew's amazing. She's amazing. And I really felt seen by her. Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's so important. And I'm so glad that you're, you know, actually reach. out and sending your number and it's so needed because you're the only person that can relate

Starting point is 01:09:45 to what they're going through truly. And everyone's journey is different. Of course. So when certain people say, oh, I'm feeling this. I'm like, okay, I didn't feel that. However, I knew somebody that did. So that's always really helpful. Because coming from a boys' perspective, it's very hard for me to understand sometimes. However, I grew up around boys who went through the same thing. So I'm like, okay, I kind of get where you're coming from. Yeah. What's a belief that you hold that you think everyone disagrees with, but you'd die on the hill for? Speaking your mind I mean it might be my problem

Starting point is 01:10:16 but I like think be respectful always be respectful we have too many men in this country right now speaking their mind but be respectful like just try to see everyone at like just have a conversation

Starting point is 01:10:34 that's the one thing I try to do is like even though I might speak my mind and have my perspective I always am down to have a conversation I really value that. So I love to hear what other people, you know, think, and we can kind of reach to a conclusion or whatever. But I think speak your mind. I wouldn't ever say, like, bite your tongue

Starting point is 01:10:52 because you're just always going to wish you didn't. You're always going to wish you, I should have fucking said that. You know, like, I wish I said that. I should have said that. I personally am like, I'd rather have said it. And people know where I stand on it. Because I think I had to bite my tongue a lot as a child. People said so much about me and I was just like, I just didn't say anything. And then I

Starting point is 01:11:16 felt like I reached an age where I was like, no, I'm not going to settle for this anymore. What is it that? Was that turning point for you? Were you like, probably I was 18. Just it's age, isn't it? Yeah. It's age. Yeah. I felt like I was like, no, I'm an adult now and like you can't treat me like this anymore. Yeah. It was easier to stay quiet younger because it's like it gives them less to talk about. But now I'm a bit like, I don't really want to give them more to talk about, but I do, however, want to hold people accountable. Yeah, it can be hard when you feel like people are just taking shots and shooting arrows at you and you just kind of have to stand there. I don't care if it's like one time, two time, but sometimes it's felt incessant, like back to back

Starting point is 01:11:53 to back to back. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Millie, I could talk to you for hours and you've become my new favorite person on the show, like for sure. Without a doubt, this conversation's incredible. We have a game that we called the Jake game for you. Oh my gosh. And so you have to finish these sentences. So I'm going to read them out for you and then you complete them. Jake's favorite thing about me is? Jake's favorite thing about me is my humor. I'm really silly. Is it? What would you? I think it could be my humor. I mean, I think, you know, he would say something very romantic, but I think, like, I really make him laugh. And I think he always says, like, I always wanted a girl to really make me laugh and like, you know, and then he makes me die laughing. Even

Starting point is 01:12:37 the other night, we were in a bar and this girl came over and was like, how do I play darts? And Jake gave this long-winded explanation about how to get in the line for darts. But it was the way he said, it was his tone. I literally was like uncontrollable for five minutes. And I was just like, and he was, he's very silly. He's like a really silly person. Like he'll do funny accents to random people. Like he's just like one of those people that really makes me love.

Starting point is 01:13:02 And then I'm the kind of person to start like, you know, dancing really. ridiculously in the store and he's just like wants to die. But he loves that. So I really think like we make each other laugh. So hopefully it's my humor. I love it. Jake would say my most annoying habit is that I hate to hear people chew and swallow. Like it makes Jay. There's something clear. It's called misophonia, I think, but it's a real thing. And I can't like everybody on my team knows like I just can't hear people chewing food. It's just a thing I have. It's just a thing I have. And is he a really loud chore? No, he's not.

Starting point is 01:13:41 But he would think that's annoying about it. When I have to say to people, like, I'm so sorry, like, I have to leave the room. I'll just wait until you. Jake's like, Millie, oh my God, you know. Jake would say the household chore I'm worst at is. Making the bed. Like making the bed and like, I do pick up after myself. But oh, I do like, if I'm making a tea or like I do leave things out.

Starting point is 01:14:03 Got it. I'm big on that. And he's cleaning up. Yeah, he puts things away. If he's going to make something, he'll, and then he puts everything on, I'm a little bit more, like, just, because I think I just see, like, something sparkly and I go that way. Do you know what I mean? But I'm being more intentional. Got it. Jake, I'm just helping you out. This is all to help you out. Jake would say my most unnecessary purchase this year was. Maybe like a goat shed. Like, I didn't need the shed, did I? But the goats love it. But I don't know. Were they cold? Was it raining? No, I just thought it was cute. Also, also a new chicken coop. But he doesn't think it's unnecessary.

Starting point is 01:14:36 I feel like he'd know that that's like, I don't really buy unnecessary things. But I think that's maybe what he would say if he was to be like, did we really need another shed? Like, yes, we did. Is it a shed or is like MTV Cribs because it's for the... It's a shed. It's a boogey shed. It's not bougie. It's like wooden, like it's really cute shed.

Starting point is 01:14:57 But it's for the go. That or like I just built a swimming pool for my foster dogs. Amazing. Yeah. And he's like, why? And I'm like, because it gets hot. In the summer, and I want them to learn how to swim so that when they get adopted, they can swim. I love it.

Starting point is 01:15:11 Jake would say I take too many photos of... The animals. Like, I could... It's put thousands of animal pictures on my phone. Of, like, the sheep, like, nose right up against the camera. And Jake's like, that's not even a picture. I'm like, yes, it is. It's a great picture.

Starting point is 01:15:25 That's a great picture. Yeah. Jake would say my love language is... Mine to him? Yeah. I'm both. Do us both. Okay.

Starting point is 01:15:33 Mine to him is words of affirmation. slash affection mine is affection I think mine is affection and like slowly becoming a mother now acts of service

Starting point is 01:15:44 but less about like I don't need you to like do like you know grab this grab that or like clean the kid it's more like

Starting point is 01:15:53 oh you made me a tea like it's like the cute little things I guess it's not service it's more gift giving I guess but it's just more like thoughtful surprises yeah I love that

Starting point is 01:16:02 Jake would say I could talk for three hours about Dogs. Dogs. Dogs and like children's, like development. Like I love baby like development. And Jake's favorite thing about being married to me is? Like a built-in best friend. I think we both feel that way. Like thank God we found each other in this life. That's so beautiful. Millie, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions ask to every guest on the show. They have to be answered in one sentence maximum. Okay. Millie Bobby Brown, these are your final five. The first

Starting point is 01:16:36 question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Matthew Modin said, everything you put on your face goes into your bloodstream, which changed my love that. Which changed my relationship with my skin. Great answer. Do you want to share more? No, I mean, that's really good. Question number two, what is the worst advice you ever received?

Starting point is 01:16:57 You know, children should be seen and not heard. Question number three, the one reason people should watch in Ola Homes 3. It's a great family film, a great easy watch on a Friday or Saturday night. Yeah, and it leaves you feeling good. Yeah, tell me a bit more about what characteristics you share within Ola. I feel like there's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:22 She obviously speaks her mind. She is a changemaker. She tries to be, she's a bit stubborn, very witty. and I'm not saying I am witty, but I'd say I'm fast. Like, I really do pick up on things pretty fast. If somebody's saying something, I'm like, okay, I know the kind of person. You are or you are very observant. But yeah, very, I would say, yeah, very stubborn.

Starting point is 01:17:47 My co-star would say stubborn. Yeah. Yeah. Is Millie Bobby Brown aspiring to be Inola Holmes or is Anola Holmes aspiring to be Millie Bobby Brown? I'm aspiring to be anola. Yeah, for sure. Nice. I love it.

Starting point is 01:17:57 Question number four, complete the sentence is about overthinking, complete the sentence, I think I think too much about... I think I think too much about being a mum. Yeah. In the best way possible. In the best way possible. But, you know, as a mum, you just overthink about everything. I feel mum guilt is probably the hardest guilt that exists.

Starting point is 01:18:15 It really is terrible, yeah. And then it feels like everyone has a version of how to be the best mum too. So then you're getting everyone's opinions and... Yeah, that's another thing. You ought to block out the noise on that. I always just try to be there for other moms and vice versa. So surround yourself with a mum group, but don't compare yourselves to each other because that's where you'll just start to feel inadequate, but you're not.

Starting point is 01:18:38 But mum girl is a real thing, especially as a working mum. And fifth and final question, we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? I guess, gosh, my initial instinct, but I don't know if this is like, if I'm even saying this right in terms of like an answer to the question. but like if someone is mean or cruel to animals, they should never be able to have an animal again. Is that? Yeah, that's a good law.

Starting point is 01:19:07 That's a great law. I feel like that's like, yeah, like I feel like people shouldn't get second chances on that. But yeah, I don't know. I just think I've been in the animal world for, you know, a minute now and I've just seen a lot of animals. And I feel like, yeah, like you don't get second chances on that. Like you've changed an animal's life forever. And yeah, I just wish more people showed kindness to animals. And I've seen it on both ends of the spectrum where I have people adopting my dogs and loving them and nurturing them and great.

Starting point is 01:19:45 And then I've also seen dogs come to me that have burns and scars all over them. And, you know, I've seen the other end of it. So for me, I just think, yeah, I don't have time for people that don't have time for animals. Billy Bobby Brown, thank you so much such a joy You're awesome This is wonderful It's such a great time

Starting point is 01:20:02 I hope you got to share everything you wanted to I really did I was honestly nervous coming into this just because I'm very much the kind of person to forget the cameras are there and just stop blabbering but I've had the best time Thank you for having me

Starting point is 01:20:13 I'm glad thank you thank you thank you

On Purpose with Jay Shetty - MILLIE BOBBY BROWN: "I Had A Panic Attack For 3 Months"

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