On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Nessa Barrett ON: How to Overcome Loneliness & 8 Ways to Heal From a Breakup

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Do you find yourself held back by fear and uncertainty? Are you struggling with the challenges of being on your own in today's world? If it's a yes, then you have found the right spot. I am so happy to welcome my guest for today, Nessa Barrett. After being named as one of Billboard’s “21 Under 21” twice and People Magazine’s “Emerging Artist List” — Nessa Barrett has gone on to accumulate more than 1.4 billion global streams to date.   Nessa opens up about her current struggle with loneliness, mental health, and the damaging effects of societal perceptions. We will hear her deep thoughts and meaningful words about navigating difficult breakups, recovering from codependency, and finding self-love amidst self-criticism. We will uncover the transformative power of love, both for ourselves and others.  Through our thought-provoking discussions and her inspiring stories, Nessa continues to explore the healing potential of music, the significance of connection and support, and the transformative act of creating a burn box. In this conversation with Nessa Barrett, you will learn: - How to deal with fear, uncertainty, and doubt - The importance of having the right people and proper support - How to be more self-aware when feeling alone - How to push forward when you're mentally drained - Bring awareness to eating disorders and other metal health issues - The power of self-love and promote self value - How to stop being too critical towards yourself   Together, we will empower you to embrace your journey, cultivate self-love, and find strength in vulnerability.  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:16 These days, what makes being a teenager so hard? What makes it difficult to be young today? 02:35 How do you keep going when fear is shackling you? 05:25 How do you turn struggles, not fitting in, and bullying into your motivation to become better? 07:24 Is it possible to reconnect with your parents even after the familial ties are broken? 09:42 Loneliness is a battle we all struggle with, and not many people see how you’re struggling with it 12:49 Would you rather get stressed from challenges and issues of doing something you love to do, then get stressed over something that’s making you unhappy? 14:25 Mental health struggles are real and personal, and not everyone is able to deal with it in a positive light 22:11 The damaging effects of the common perception towards people with an eating disorder 28:50 What is difference between a public and private breakup 33:01 How did you come up with the eight stages of a breakup? 34:20 What’s the hardest stage of going through a difficult breakup? 36:28 How do you recover from codependency when your relationship ends? 38:09 Love is such a strong feeling and it stays with you even after you’re not with that person 40:24 Loving yourself first is an act we often overlook and this is why we all need to practice acts of self-love more often 43:54 We are the worst critics of ourselves, so how do we find things that could make us love ourselves more? 48:03 What is a burn box? How can you bond more with the people you connect with? 51:41 How do you use music to be the voice for the voiceless? 54:36 Why do we need to be vocal, honest, open, and vulnerable to the people that give us support? 58:40 Nessa on Final Five Episode Resources: Nessa Barrett | Instagram Nessa Barrett | YouTube Nessa Barrett | TikTok Nessa Barrett | Soundcloud Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Does your brain keep you up at bedtime? I'm Catherine Nicolai and my podcast Nothing Much Happens, bedtime stories to help you sleep has helped millions of people to get consistent, deep sleep. My stories are family-friendly, they celebrate everyday pleasures, and train you over time to fall asleep faster with less waking in the night. Start sleeping better tonight. Listen to Nothing Much Happens, bedtime stories to help you sleep with Catherine Nicolai on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ellie Tempard. And I'm Scott Eckert. And we're here to talk to you about the things we love on our new podcast, Born to Love. I can tell you about something I love this week's got foam rollers. For my own mind, you're not talking pool noodle. Oh my gosh, no, thank you for clarifying. A new podcast from Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The word healthy to everyone is a great word.

Everyone wants to be healthy. But for me, when someone says that I look healthy, it makes me want to spiral. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. One purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. It's been an incredible journey this year so far. We've had some phenomenal guests, so many different backgrounds, so many different walks of

life. Today's guest is someone I'm really excited to have here. I've been looking forward to this interview for a long, long time. I'm sitting down today with the one and only Nessa Barrett, singer and songwriter, who's been named Billboard 21 under 21 twice, as well as being featured on one's to watch list of 25 artists to watch in 2022. From being an emerging artist,

to being an established, incredible icon today, Nessa's gone on to accumulate more than 1.4 billion global streams to date, and her new EP is out now called Hell is a teenage girl. Please welcome to the show Nessa Barrett. Nessa, thank you for being here. Nessa, hello, thank you for having me. You have such a wonderful warm, sweet energy.

As soon as you walked in, you were just disarming, it was wonderful, I really appreciate that. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. And I saw that it's gonna be your birthday, your 21st birthday in like less than three weeks. Your new EP is titled, Hell is a Teenage Girl. Yes.

How does it feel to be out of hell? Oh my God, it feels amazing. Honestly, when I think about it, I feel like sometimes you're never fully away from hell in the bad moments, but I'm getting there slowly. I feel like healing is like a really long journey, but yeah, I mean, getting out of the hell that I was in the past feels great.

What do you think it is about teenage life? Because that statement, hell is a teenage girl, is so iconic and it's so powerful as well. And I think we underestimate how hard being a teenager is. iconic and it's so powerful as well. And I think we underestimate how hard being a teenager is. And as we get older, I think we underestimate even more. But when you're in that time, it can feel like everything matters, nothing matters. It's quite chaotic. Walk us through for you. Like what makes being a teenager so hard or what makes being young so difficult today? I know for me my worst years were, I mean the last 20 that I've spent and most of them were when I was a teenager and I feel like when you're still developing and you don't really

have a full sense of who you are yet, I mean when you're a kid you're taken, you know, and treated as a kid and I feel like that's hard as well. Trying to grow up and find yourself and be your own while being influenced heavily by either your parents or those that are around you and older that are supposed to give you some guidance. I feel like sometimes it gets tricky and you get misunderstood. I don't know, I feel like it's not all sunshine

and rainbows when you're young. Everyone likes to talk about childhood. Like, it's this beautiful thing, but for me personally, it wasn't. Yeah, I think I can relate to it in so many ways for myself. I think hell is a teenage boy too. And I remember being like teaches Pat until age 11. I was really well behaved. I was a good son, all the rest of it.

And then like from 14 to 18, I just went completely off the rails and I was messing around, trying things, experimenting, doing stuff that wouldn't make my parents proud. And it's really interesting because it just came out of this need to want to fit in, to be cool, to be relevant, to want people to respect me. And you end up doing things that are disrespectful to yourself for other people to like you. 100%. And it's crazy. You just mentioned now though that when I asked you just

before we started filming, you said you actually ran away from home when you were 17. Yes. What made you do that? Like what did it take for that to happen? So I feel like I've always had this big ambition and this big dream in my head of what I want to do as a career. I was junta about being in California, I was junta about being a singer, a huge artist,

and that wasn't something that was understood or at least seen as possible in the town that I came from and my family. And it was right as COVID hit. And I knew that I was either trapped and stuck there and forced to have to go to college and create a life that I knew wasn't for me. Or I would just do it for myself. And if I didn't leave them, then I wouldn't be there, like here, where I am now. And so it was really weird, but yeah, I wasn't happy at home. I wasn't happy in New Jersey.

And I felt in my heart that there was something that I had to do, and I booked a flight at like 1am, that left for like 4am. My parents knew that I was gonna run away and it was like this big chaos, they had like the cops come and it was like this whole thing. And so they stole and they took all of my suitcases, everything that I could use to leave. And so I found, I locked my door and I found like all of my old like school book bags and my soccer bags as I used to play soccer

and I stuffed all of my things in like these stuff with bags and like school bags and I'm lugging around like and I'm small. I made 17 like four foot eleven like lugging around these huge bags and I got an Uber and yeah I got on the flight and I've been here since. So that's been nearly four years now. That's insane. I mean how did you as a 17 year old have the confidence and courage to go,

no, I'm gonna go all in on this. I'm gonna, because that's, you know, I think a lot of young people today, a lot of people listening, they wanna take risks. They wanna try things out. They wanna follow their passion. They wanna pursue something that's a dream of theirs.

But I think most of us get talked out of it or the doubt and the fear creeps in in our head of what if I don't make it, what if it doesn't work out? What was it for you that allowed you to say, no, I'm actually going to have the courage and the confidence at 17? I still am not the type of person and I never was to take a risk like that.

I struggled with really bad anxiety and I, as a kid, I did everything that I was told. You know, I would never, I would follow the rules to a tee and something like that was absolutely insane. And looking back on it now, I feel like there was something out of this world that kind of took a toll on me. It was a pretty, like, I don't even know how to explain it, but I just knew that I had to. And I was to and I was scared

I was terrified. I remember I had There's no non-stop from Philly to LA at that time and so I stopped somewhere and On like my connecting flight I was freaking out like having a panic attack But yeah, I just kept going. But it was, it was something that was very like unlike me. And so I feel like, I don't know if it's like my higher power or anything like that. And I just knew that I was, that was something that I had to do, you know.

How did you have the money? Like, oh, thank God. So I, before I was in LA, I actually, this is like such a weird story, but I started off on social media. I feel like a lot of people know me as a social media person, even though that wasn't something that I intended to be. I have social anxiety, so I feel like me being a social media star isn't something that you know fits the most with me and something that I would ever want to do. But when social media like Instagram and TikTok became popular apps when I was young I never wanted to go on it and I remember being in high school like during lunch and a much of my friends had it and they made me make an account and post a video and I made one video and I happened to accumulate a bunch of followers off of that without

me even trying to be an influencer. I was just being a random teenage girl posting as if any other girl would on social media and I gained a lot of followers for that and it was really cool it was awesome and I had no money no one in my family had money to just buy a flight whenever they wanted let alone live in California be able to get into like a music studio you know and so I honestly think I was truly blessed with that opportunity because I wouldn't still be able to leave and do what I've always wanted to do and like seeing if I couldn't have the money first and even the audience It allowed me to you know go to LA and to get in a studio and by the time I even had my first song out people Already knew who I was so that's incredible. That's incredible. What was your going backward?

If you could think of a couple of memories from your childhood that you feel Made you really find it to be so tough for your teenage life, to be so challenging? What were those memories for you that you think spurred this desire to leave and build your own life and create and kind of follow that higher power, as you said? What were those things that happened to you specifically that you think were dark and hellish in that sense? Growing up, it was very hard for me to have friends. I struggled a lot in school and with people my age, you know, I was someone that was never

really fit in. Someone no one really understood, left out of a lot of things, bullied to an extent. And I feel like that also drove me to want to become better. And I believe my entire life, just being a good person that will pay off. I feel like luckily it did. But even, you know, my whole life wasn't the best and seeing my parents struggle with financially and within themselves and with each other, I feel like that really strove me to want to have a better life than what anyone in my family had.

It was really hard going up and I'm at a place now where I love my parents so much, which came after a lot of healing. But I just saw a lot and I just knew that I wanted to be better than what I saw and I wanted to do better. And also too, it's like where I'm from, I'm from a small town, a nine to five job and going to college. And that wasn't something that was for me, something that I desired, something that I was ever interested in.

I remember junior year I got in trouble because I refused to apply to any colleges. You know, I knew that I had to do something different. Was it you that rekindled your relationship with your parents? Or was it them? How did that come about? Because that's really wonderful to hear when that can happen It's not possible for everyone, but yeah, how did that start? Yeah, well, I've always had a rocky relationship with my parents

But my mom she's always my mom and I loved her Dearly and I always will and so we've always had somewhat of relationship even when I ran away Which at the time me and my parents we were not okay at all, which is why I ran away, which at the time me and my parents, we were not okay at all, which is why I ran away. But yeah, I started doing hypnotherapy, maybe a little over a year ago, not a year ago, and that has been the one thing that has truly been life-changing, and changed to I am as a person, because the whole idea of it is that it reaches down in your subconscious and that's where all of your trauma is stored. Even things that you don't remember,

and we worked through everything that has affected me to this day that I couldn't even tell you, that we were able to bring out. And because of that, I've been able to talk to my dad that I did for years and haven't since I ran away. I recently just visited them and went home for the first time last week for the July. I saw my little brother that I haven't even met yet,

because he was born a year ago. It's been really good. I feel like, because of how I grew up and because of my childhood, I've been very independent and I've been that type of person that was like, I'm going to do everything myself and I don't need anyone, I never need anyone, but you know coming out here by myself at 17 being in this industry and having to do a lot which does put a toll on you mentally and physically and also seeing people that are doing the same thing as me around my age having a family with them.

At a certain point, I kind of realized how much family is important, no matter what, no matter how bad things have gotten in the past, family, so family. And I've kind of prioritized that recently. And I mean, I wouldn't be able to do it with therapy, but it's been really nice to have a relationship that I now have, that I probably never had with my entire life. That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. It's so wonderful to hear that you've been able to reconnect in that way. What do you think's been the hardest thing about

coming out here on your own, figuring it out? Like what's been the biggest challenge with Hollywood, the music industry, this industry, as you mentioned, what's been the most difficult obstacle that you think you've had to face? I think loneliness, it's so weird how I would assume that some people that see me and see all that I've accomplished and all the people that listen to my music and follow me they would think that that's something that I wouldn't struggle with

but it kind of makes me feel lonelier in a way when I go on tour Rze and I perform in front of thousands of people and I get off stage and I go back into a hotel room by myself. There's not a single thing that could explain how empty and lonely that feels, you know, being in front of so many people that love you and that you're connecting with through music and then just going back to have absolutely no one, you know, no one to talk to about it. Yeah, it's sad and I deal with things daily, you know, all the time and sometimes I don't have the people that I can just, you know, call like my mom, you know, I can't just have my mom that comes here and she can like tell me everything's going to be okay. And it does get scary and I feel like I've always been very mature for my age,

but since being here, I've matured a lot, having to deal with certain things in the industry, but still at the same time, I feel like I'm still a kid at heart. You know what? I just am only about turn 21, which is crazy to think about, but I don't know. I feel like loneliness is something that I struggle with. And it's very hard, especially in LA and Hollywood and the industry to find the right people that you can really trust and count on. I feel like I'm even lucky enough to say that I found like, probably four, you know, the entire time I've been here. But you never know what people's intentions are and not everyone has the same heart as you,

which I feel like I struggle with as well. Yeah, it's so interesting how artists I feel for years have struggled with being on the road alone. And this year I got a glimpse for my first time because I just went on a world tour. Yeah. I'd never done it before. I'm obviously a lot older than you. And I was traveling from February 1st to Lepa about up until about two, three weeks ago when I got home. And that was the longest I've ever been on the road. And I just sat there and just thought about all my clients

or friends that I have who are musicians and people that I work with. And I was just sitting there thinking about how hard this would be if I started doing this when I was 15 or 16 or 17 or 20. And I can totally see why it's so challenging but it feels like no one's really found a way to make it easier. Which is why you still see artists after all this time cancelling tours and announcing that they need a break. And it's, do you now see that as natural that it is hard or do you sometimes still,

sometimes fall into the trap of like, oh, it's a weakness or it's something about you, are you able to accept that? This is just hard to do because I think some people kind of go back and forth, they feel guilty that they find it that challenging. I mean, I feel like it has to be hard with all the amazing things that I've been blessed with

doing what I do, like there has to be things that have to be difficult, you know? And I don't mind, you know, struggling because it gives me something to talk about and to write about, I mean, that's the whole, that's what my whole music and everything that I'm about is focused on is, you know, the things that I struggle with and I talk about them so that I can help people in a way.

It's hard, but I feel like I'd rather deal with this, you know, in the struggles that come with this than, you know, having to do something that I don't love and, you know, be unhappy with my life. I think that's a great mindset. That's incredible that you've been able to grasp that idea. So young, I think that idea, and I just wanna repeat it for everyone who's listening because it's really powerful.

You just said that the life you've chosen, it comes with stresses and challenges and issues, but you'd rather choose that life because it connects you to something you love than the other life, which sometimes we think like there's a path that has stress and it's a path that won't have any. And that's just not true, like both of them have it,

whether you follow your dreams or you don't follow your dreams, they'll be stressed on both paths. And it's about choosing which one you'd rather have. So it's incredible that you've grasped that idea. I know that you struggled with an erection in the past and then you had a relapse during your tour as well. And I can't imagine just how challenging that is during a tour to have that experience again. Can you walk us through your relationship with it and how

you've been able to try and navigate it and still continue to pour out into your music and connect with your fans and show up today to talk about your experience. It's not easy to do that. How have you done that? I talk a lot about mental health because that's been something that I struggled with since I was six. And my entire life, I've never really known or had a figure that has made me feel like I'm understood and not alone when it comes to things like that. And I feel like, fortunately now, it's not as taboo as it's always been, but I feel like for the past almost two years now, Interaxia has been one of my biggest mental health struggles. And I have made a song about it before, but

I made that song when I was recovered at the time, so I wasn't dealing with it as hard. But an eating disorder is something that's very personal and very art-y even articulate yourself because it takes over your mind and it's very different for everyone else. And sometimes I shy away from talking about it because I'm either embarrassed or I don't wanna admit that I'm struggling at the time because it's a very toxic disorder.

Or it's very hard to talk about it and not be triggering to others, which gets difficult. And I still deal with it pretty bad to this day. I've been in talks about getting treatment and hopefully seeing someone and finally getting help because as much as I tried to take time to focus on mental health when you really need intensive treatment for something and you know to go away for three weeks it's not that easy when you're trying to write an album you know and tour.

Dealing with it on the road though was pretty hard. When I'm at home in LA, I live by myself and the only time I don't go out, you know, I don't really, I'm not that much of a social person. So the only time I leave my house is when I go to the studio and I make music. So being alone, I feel like it's hard to struggle with interaction, but it's easier because I'm alone and I don't have to struggle with anorexia, but it's easier because I'm alone

and I don't have to deal with anyone around me or any triggers. And things like that, but being on tour constantly, being around a group of people where it is normal for people to eat. That's the thing that has to be done, in order to live.

So to be around people that are actually, that don't struggle with it, and are taking care of their bodies, and that don't have to deal with body image. And then me also having to get on stage in front of people every night, where it's like, people are there to see me. Not only like the people that come to my shows,

but everyone else gets to see them because people post videos. You know, there's pictures and videos taken at every angle. And no matter how much I feel safe, and at home on stage, you know, performing my songs and being with everyone that relates to them, in the back of my head, when I'm struggling with my inner-axial, all I can think about is how insecure I am and how I might look and what people might say or think. And I've had a lot of pretty dark breakdown moments before stage where I couldn't even see how I could get on because I couldn't even figure out

what to wear, you know, that would make me feel comfortable. And when you're on the road for how many weeks or months, you don't and have the energy to perform for you know over an hour every night you have to have energy and energy comes with eating and food this is so important to me and it's really hard to not let my eating disorder get in the way of that and so I would have to no matter how hard it was but try and sit as however long it takes me and force myself to eat that way I could you know get up on stage the next night without being too tired or God forbid passing out and you know not having the energy that they came for you know because that's what it's important and mentally too it's like when I'm at a really low point and struggling and not eating for a while, I'm not my best self.

You know, I'm not giving off that energy that makes people feel good around me. And I think that's kind of the saddest part about it. You know, I want to be my best self always. And so it's hard trying to find a balance, you know, and figuring out ways to help you but also not make things harder because the recovery process with anorexia is probably the hardest thing that I've ever dealt with my entire life. Like, I've been through intensive trauma therapy with hypnosis for my BPD. But, you know, just trying to figure out how to have

a comfortable relationship with food itself is something that has been one of the hardest and scariest things that I've ever done my entire 20 years of living, which is hard to also do that, you know, during this time of my life. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hot some minds on the planet. Oh, pro. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant, the results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Hart, it's not about us as a generation at this

point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Lumin's Hamilton, that's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. In the 1680s, a feisty opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruise way to total freedom with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans.

What do these stories have in common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host, Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host, Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leafyling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, thank you for being so vulnerable and open. I really appreciate it because, you know, that's what I'm trying to create. It is a safe space where people can actually be seen and heard yourself. And then everyone who's listening who's either struggling with something similar or may love someone who's going through something like this, I can definitely testify that getting on stage without eating this order is hard enough in and of itself.

And so having that extra layer of worrying and being concerned and even the energy as you were saying about even having the energy to perform, I remember just before I was going on stage like being present, I remember how much presence I needed. I also sleep really early. So to go on stage at 8 p.m. I'm like, it's coming up in my bed time in two hours. Like, how am I going to stay up without pumping my body with sugar or anything else? I want to stay up naturally. And that's without any of the stuff you're having to think about. So I'm just empathizing and listening into what that challenge looks like. What would you like people to know about anorexia

so that they're aware? Because I feel that a lot of the times these terms get normalized and we hear them everywhere, but then we kind of become desensitized to it. And people aren't necessarily aware of how to deal with their friend who's going through it. Well, sometimes someone's kids going through it. From your experience, not as like,

it's the same experience for everyone, because we know it's not. From your experience, not as like it's the same experience for everyone, because we know it's not. From your experience, what do you think it's good for people to know if someone they love or someone they know is going through something like this, or they think they might be. What would be useful for them? I think the first and biggest thing is that not only with just anorexia, but with all eating disorders, it looks different on everyone. There's not a look to it. And I feel like it's so damaging when there's a common idea or image, you know, of how someone that is anorexic should look or how someone that struggles with an eating disorder should look. And they kind of, you know, take that as to how sick they are, which that doesn't matter at all.

And I also feel like it's something that, you know, it's impossible to understand something like, if you have not gone through it before. Because I mean, even with me, just saying what I struggle with out loud and the whole idea of it, me being obsessive and scared over food and obsessive with calories and terrified of waking and a control thing and all the things that I Allow myself to believe which they're all lies and how my brain processes things and all that stuff. I know that it's not real and I know that it's all lies and how my brain processes things and all that stuff I know that it's not real and I know that it's all lies you know and I know it's absolutely

delusional but that's still that's the disorder that's what happens and so when you don't struggle with that you don't understand that you know so I have a lot of people that you know I told me before you know just, you know, so I have a lot of people that, you know, I've told me before, you know, just eat, you know, or like people all say things that they think will help, but that's not the issue. You know, I think most importantly is just you, you know, with any mental health disorder, anything like that, Just the best thing to do for someone is to just give them love and support. Sometimes it's best not to try too hard to give advice or to say things that you think are going to help because there are some things that you know might

seem helpful and that you might have good intentions by saying might seem helpful and that you might have good intentions by saying, but it might trigger someone, you know, it's dealing with it. For example, I know for me, and I feel like it might be a common thing for a lot of people that struggle with interact. Yeah, the word healthy to everyone is a great word. You know, it's a positive word. Everyone wants to be healthy. But for me, when someone says that I look healthy, it makes me want to spiral. It makes me go crazy because that's not a word that healthy to me I associate with something that is not the best because unfortunately in my brain being called sick is something that in a terrible and ugly way, something that comforts me more than the word healthy. Which little things like that, I feel like, is important for people to know that want to be there for someone that don't understand. It's like, just have to be wise and not walk on eggshells, but just be more sympathetic and understanding of what they could possibly be going through,

even though you don't understand. It's something to the state that I still don't understand or get or I kind of struggle with even coming to terms with the fact that I deal with it because I am now at the point where I'm aware of how unhealthy it is, but I still can't process, you know, that it really isn't real, because I still have that eating disorder mind, you know. But yeah, I think just being supportive and loving and dealing with it with grace and patience. I feel like that's a big thing. Everyone wants who they love to be better

and the best that they can be and healthy and to get help when they need it. But I think sometimes people forget the fact that getting help and recovery is something that's very linear, not linear. It's a long process, you know, and it takes time. And something like this, I mean, I've been rushed into recovery before, which led me into pretty terrible relapse, you know, it takes time. So you just have to be patient with people

that are struggling and just give them as much love as you can. I feel like love goes along. Yeah, well, I think for what it's worth, your awareness and how eloquent you are in explaining at least what you're experiencing is really admirable. Thank you. Honestly, just hearing you talk about it and reflect on it, your awareness is so high, which is an incredible step in your journey. And I think the advice you gave,

or the insight you gave is really useful because I think when we love someone, we think we have to solve their problems and we think we have to say the perfect thing and we think we can fix it. And you're so right that actually what we need to do is be patient and supportive and loving and kind and just be there. And we don't have to say the perfect thing and we don't have to have the perfect advice because we don't know what it feels like. Yeah.

And I think that that's really useful for people to hear because we think we're useless if we can't fix someone's problems when we love them. That person doesn't think you're useless. That person actually prefers if they just know you're there. 100% yeah. And you don't have to have the solution. One thing I loved when our teams first started talking about us sitting down was your eight stages

of a breakup, your new music. And I wrote a book called Eight Rules of Love. Oh, I knew that. And so when that came up, I was like, I wrote a book about love this year, which is why I was on tour. And you've written music, you know, and I know on TikTok, I've been watching your videos of each stage and each part. And I find that, you know, you've had two public breakups, it's never easy. Could you walk us through what you find is different between a public breakup and a private breakup?

Because I almost feel like we don't really grasp that again until you've lived it. And I'm guessing you had breakups previously that were not public potentially. What are the differences? Like what do you notice? Breakups in general just absolutely the worst. Yeah, hard.

Even though I feel like they're very critical experiences that you have to go through in life in order to grow, they suck. But a public breakup, man. I, just the fact that it's not, you know, just your close relatives and friends that know about you in a relationship,

it's probably millions of people that have kept up to date with your relationship and I've been so invested and very like fixated on it. And even when it comes to the media today, anything that happens, even when it's not a breakup, drama is entertainment, you know. People love to talk, people love to speculate. And so dealing with public breakups, I feel like all of the drama that has to come with it, which I feel like is very unnecessary and causes a lot more pain and hurt to the people that are actually going through it, you know, that doesn't help.

to the people that are actually going through it, that doesn't help. But it's like when I'm dealing with the grief of a relationship and losing someone that I love so dearly, and then also on top of that, having to deal with hundreds of thousands of people talking about it as well, saying things that aren't true, saying things that are hurtful,

putting their two cents in it, being very insensitive towards the whole thing, you know, not really understanding because people don't understand that, you know, people in the public I could possibly be, you know, actually human with actual lives and like emotions, when they see whatever, you know, I let them on to see because I, you know, am like a public figure. I feel like they kind of take that as, oh, this is, that's her life, you know, that's all that they are, but buying clothes towards it's like, I'm, I do with it, you know, the depth of life as just as anyone else would.

And so, a relationship and a breakup for me is just as real as love is for anyone else. And I feel like people forget that. So I feel like that's hard with having to deal with everyone's opinions and comments and all the stuff that comes with that, but as well as non-stop constantly seeing pictures or videos and videos, like, you know, just anything about me and my past relationship and like all of that stuff. You're like, you know, growing up in high school

and I first had my boyfriend and everyone started getting in like relationships like. It was a rule. When you break up with someone, you delete their number, you unfollow them on Instagram. You don't look at them, you don't talk to them, you don't hang out with them. It's like an out-of-side out-of-mind type thing. It helps you get out. You need that period where it's like they're gone and you get over them easier. It's impossible for me.

It's everywhere. And so I feel like that's hard, you know, that constantly being brought up. I mean, how could you expect anyone to properly move on and get over a relationship that was so deep and intense when it's constantly talked about, constantly brought up in my life? It's hard not to mention I have a song with one of my exes,

which is, you know, it's just, it's kind of, it's so different. It's so different. And yeah, I feel like a, you know, regular breakup through having to deal with a breakup with the public is always going to be hard. And, you know, they're both hard hard but I feel like having the media evolved is 100% a lot more difficult. How did you come up with the eight stages of a breakup?

Oh my god this is so funny but I was listening to so a lot of the times I'm very intentional and I'm very thought out when it comes to every little thing that I do, especially with music. But this whole eight stages of a heartbreak and break up thing actually came after it was done. I was listening from top to bottom through my entire EP after it was mixed and mastered. And I was kind of like, you know what? This is kind of like going through like all eight stages of a breakup. So I was like, instead of the seventh stages of grief, like this is like eight stages because there's eight songs of a breakup and like the grief of a relationship.

And I was with my dean and they were like, well, it's kind of, it's kind of going, I was like, yeah, and so it all makes sense. Sometimes I plant things out before, sometimes things just magically fall into place and make sense after. But yeah. I love it. I love it. I think, I think when we start recognizing their stages and phases to anything, it helps us so much as humans, where we realize it's not just one big thing. There's actually changes in how we feel.

What have you found to be the hardest stage in a breakup for you personally, or what's the stage that you find the most challenging? I feel like they're all really hard, but I feel like the one I think that I called this one the desperate stage. And I just made a video about it, excited, this one called Motel Horror. And I was like, this one represents the desperate stage of a breakup. And it's kind of like that bargaining stage where you just try and do whatever you can to get that person back in your life, no matter what costs and like however you can.

So yeah, it's when like you break up with them and then you're at the point where it's like you just want them in your life that you're willing to do whatever it is to keep them in your life somehow, even though it hurts you because you know the way that you want them in your life is the way that you had them before in that relationship. But now it's like, it's not that. And so you kind of end up hurting yourself more because you're, you know, putting yourself back in that place, but also knowing that like you're going to end up leaving heartbroken again, because it's a lot harder when, you know, you try and be with that person, whether

it's like friends or just like looking up or any of that stuff when there's like actual Real love and connection on your part still But it's like and you try to convince yourself like oh like this is gonna get them back like our relationships Gonna be like you know how it was before but it doesn't happen and then it crushes you even more I feel like that's the hardest stage when you just become very desperate for any ounce of attention that you can get from that person the hardest stage when you just become very desperate for any ounce of attention that you can get from that person because it ends up breaking your heart even more, you know. You could skip that stage and fully lead on the path of healing the way that you should, but I think that's the one

stage where we kind of trip up the stairs and we're like, oh god, yeah, we made it harder for ourselves. Yeah, that's what I said. I couldn't agree more. That really resonates because I think we're living in that dream of like what it could have been and what it should be and like they must love me and I'm gonna get it back and I'm gonna win them over. And I mean, we waste so much time in that. What do you think is like the longest stage?

What stage do you think and you spend the most time in when you break up with someone where you're just like so much energy gets sucked out and being lost at a stage? Trying to recover from the codependency part. Because I mean, when you're in a relationship, I know I get so codependent on someone, you know, that's the person that you have always,

you know, there's something that you go through like you have that one person that you can talk to, cry to, they're always there for you. They become your comfort, you know, that's your safe place. And then when the relationship's over, it's like you don't have that. You're left on your own. I feel like that was the longest stage for me to get over because I was so used to being so codependent on someone and, you know, having that comfort. When it's all gone every time that I dealt with something that was hard for me, every time that I got upset, every time I felt alone, I couldn't help but want and like crave that person because it was used to having them during those times and trying to

escape from the codependency and learning how to love yourself and enjoy your own company and Even just like coming to terms with the fact that like you can be that person for yourself You know and that you don't need anyone. I feel like that's the longest process 100% Yeah, you so right. What helped you personally in both those stages? So let's go back to the first stage, that stage of like, I'm desperate, I'll do anything to get them back. You know, you said, that was the hardest stage. Like, what helped you in your life break through that stage because you're so right, it is the hardest

because it's the one where we have the most hope, but it's false hope and it's the one where we also are living the most in Dreamland in our minds. So it's so hard when that picture crumbles. What have you done? What's really worked for you? I think therapy was a big thing for me and there was a moment we're doing that time where I fully took

the step to almost fully isolate myself where I was only focused on myself and my healing and my music and things that made me happy and I spent that time really trying to figure out, you know, who I am as a person and the things that I love and the things that help me. And so it kind of like, you know, that point of relationship where you start to understand and like, know that person that you're with, you know, and you get closer with them. It's like that very beginning. It was kind of like I started to go through that with myself. And so it kind of took me away from having to, you know, really struggle with the, the breakup. I feel like you just got to fake it until you make it and just force yourself.

And there's always going to be days. I mean, like, I thought there was like a day where I was like fine. And then two seconds later, I see something and I'm bawling my eyes out, you know? And even like randomly, like, you know, months later, I am fully moved on, but I'll still get sad over things because love is such a strong feeling that never goes away. No matter like what happens or how things ended

and you know, any any of that like if you ever had true love for that person you're always going to love them. It was always hard but I think the second that I really started to prioritize myself and to really just like focus on myself and fixate on that rather than how much I miss that person. It helped. Yeah that that's really, I hope that's gonna help people. I hope it sits with people. But you're right, it's just almost like you gotta push through sometimes.

It's not gonna be easy, it's not gonna make sense. But when you're in that longest phase and it's just getting drawn out, how do you even keep hope? And how do you even keep faith that I can have love again and that I do deserve to be loved? Because I think in that longest phase is where a lot of people get so broken down that they're like, I'm not lovable.

I'm not likable, I'm not worthy, I'm not attractive, I'm not smart, whatever it may be, that that person made me feel. Now it's like, I can't be all of those things because that stage is drawn out so much maybe that that person made me feel. Now it's like I can't be all of those things because it's that stage is drawn out so much that it beats up yourself esteem. Does that make sense? No, that was something that I struggled with for the longest time. And I think that the

more that you keep yourself in that mindset, the hardest that it's going to be to get out of that because, yeah, of course, I mean, like when you start kind of like tearing yourself down and thinking about, you know, how difficult it is to find love again, that you won't, because no one's ever going to love you and all that stuff and your, your worthless and everything that comes with that, it's going to keep you away from doing the proper healing and to actually want to heal. Because if you have that mindset, then it's like, what's the point of healing, you know,

and getting better? I realized I got to a point where I was like, yeah, I'm never going to fall in love again or no one's ever going to love me. And then I got to the point where I was like, you know what, I don't care. I don't get every relationship. Like I'm fine because every relationship, I mean, there's probably gonna be a few trial

and error ones until you find the person that you like really end up being with, you know, and so it's no guarantee that the next one that I get like in a relationship with is going to be the one which would, you know, most likely end up in a heartbreak that in that moment, I'm like, I cannot afford to go through again. So I don't even care to, you know, be in a relationship or find love again. But then in therapy, I realize that it's, that's not going to change unless you love yourself. I feel like loving yourself is the biggest thing

and the most important thing. And I feel like everyone kind of neglects that because it seems like something that's just not unnecessary, but we overlook it because we are who we are and we give love to everyone around us because that's life, you know? But I feel like a lot of the times we forget to look internally.

And the only way that you can give things to people is if you already have it within you. And when I realize that even if I want to be in a relationship, but I want someone, I want to be in love, I'm probably not capable to love someone as best as I can because I can't even love myself and I don't right now. And so yeah, I feel like as soon as you just work on that self love, that's when things start being easier because then you also get out of that mindset where

you're like, you don't really need anyone, you know. And you couldn't be okay with, you know, not having to look, you know, and constantly like think about wanting a relationship or like finding that person to be with, and you can just like spend, you know, nights alone without having to cry about it or wish that there was someone with you. But yeah, so full of I feel like it's the key. Being human is not easy. This is not just this unique thing that is happening to me. I'm Megan Devine, host of It's OK, that you're not OK. This season on the show, I'm joined by leading actors and musicians and activists and authors, all discussing their often invisible losses and what they've learned about being seen

and supported in difficult times. I used to think that I had to make myself suffer in order to serve, right, to be breathless all the time. From the everyday grief that we don't call grief to losses that rearrange the world, everybody's at least a little bit not okay these days. And all those things we don't usually talk about, well maybe we should together.

This has been an experience that is so beautiful. Thank you for inviting me into what feels like kind of a sacred space here. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. What's up, this iced tea was something I know you're going to listen to podcasts. Whatever. I'll be coming to you every single weekday with a fresh new quote that speaks directly to me and I hope to you as well. In five minutes or less, I'll break down why these words matter and reveal personal

stories and experiences that show them in action in my life. My goal is to inspire all of you out there to achieve success and happiness, whatever that means to you. So start every weekday morning with me and get inspired. Listen to IEC's Daily Game every weekday on the I Heart radio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast and start your morning with me. My name is Leverand Cox. I'm an actress, producer, fashionista,

and host of the Leverene Cox Show. You may remember my award-winning first season? I've been pretty busy, but there's always time to talk to incredible guests about important things. People like me have been screaming for years. We've got to watch the Supreme Court what they're doing is wrong,

what they're doing is evil. They will take things away, and I can only hope that dobs is that like Pearl Harbor moment. Girl, you and I both know what it took to just get through the day in New York City and get home in one piece. And so the fact that we're here and what you've achieved and what I've achieved, you know, that's momentous. It's not just sitting around complaining about some bills. The only reason that you might think, as Chase said, that we're always miserable, is because people are constantly attacking us

and we're constantly noticing it. Listen to the LeBernCock Show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Be sure to subscribe and share. How do you find things, or how have you found things that you love about yourself? be sure to subscribe and share. to really smart, then you're like, oh yeah, they think I'm smart. And now I'm smart. Like so much of our self value weirdly is placed on other people valuing us. How have you found things to really love about yourself? Because I agree with you fully, but how do you go that step further to be like, I really love this about myself, even if no one else sees it.

I could never understand the things that I could possibly love about myself until the moment that I thought about my younger self. Because that's still me, you know. The second that I started, you know, looking back on the person that I used to be and, you know, even just like six-year-old me, I started to think about all the things that she would be so happy and proud of that I've done today. That's when I started to find things that I actually could feel, you know, love for myself with and to feel proud of myself for and all of those things.

And then I don't know. And then sometimes you just kind of have to dig a little bit deeper because if you like self love is a lot less superficial than you know any other love could possibly be. And it has to be really deep because it's like you know who you are as a person, to the deepest core more than anyone else could, more than you can know other people in order to love them. So I feel like that's why it's tricky for us to love it like ourselves, because we know that ins and outs of us

and the worst parts of us and the ugliest parts and so we're worst critics. So, I feel like that's the hardest thing, but yeah, when I thought about it and I'm like, okay, well, I've been able to do the things I did, which I never thought I was able to, like that's something that I should be proud of. The things that I've gone through,

that I never thought that I could make it out of and my strength, like that's something that I should thought that I could make it out of and my strength, like that's something that I should love myself for and just have compassion for myself for. Even just the fact that like at the end of the day, no matter all the things that I've been through, no matter like how bad people have treated me, like the fact that I'm still a good person and I still have a good heart and I know that, you know, more than anyone else could. That's the reason why I should love myself, you know. So I feel like it's just like little things and I feel like it's just very important to just like sit down and really just like analyze yourself and do, you know, just take time to like understand you,

which I feel like is something that I just learned how to do, but it's like, it's really nice. Everyone is listening. I want you to take a screenshot right now and I want you to listen to that part. The message is said again and again and again and again and again, it could even put you to sleep. Like, it's so brilliant because everything you just said

that literally the last 30 seconds, I promise you, if you just listen to the last 30 seconds again and again and again, the point will become so clear because what you just said sums up an idea that I really believe in. I believe that self-care comes from comfort, but self-respect comes from discomfort. And you just said that when you look back at all the things you've been through and all the things you survived and all the things you've done, that's what makes you love yourself. And I believe that everyone who's listening

or watching today, they've all been through hard things. Everyone's been through some sort of difficulty in their life. They're still alive, they're still breathing, they've still held on to their good heart, they're still breathing, they've still held onto their good heart, they're still a good person. And that's where you really wanna love yourself for. And when you learn to love yourself for that, you realize no one ever gave you that and no one can take it away.

Exactly. And it's yours. Whereas all the other things, they'll come and go and people will change their mind, but this is something that's forever yours. And so you just summed it up really beautifully. And I love the way you said it. I hope people will honestly, I mean, that just repeat it again and again,

because it's just rewiring our thoughts to be like, that's why I'm valuable. I'm not valuable because of all these other things that people are saying. One thing you do that I love, you do a burn box on stage, where you get fans to write messages and then you burn them. That is so cool. I love that. That is the dopest thing I've ever heard of. I was like, I need to do that by my own show. Where did that ritual come from? Walk me through. Did you use to do that yourself? Was that something you invented for the community like what tell me where I came from because I love that when I was like this is amazing. Thank you. Well, the thing about my music is that it's very, it's very deep and meaningful and I

talk a lot about mental health and I know that a lot of the people that come to my shows are there because they have struggled and they relate deeply to my songs. You know, it's not just, I never want my shows and my tour to just be a show where it's, you know, just me playing, you know, their favorite songs. Like I want this to be like, not like a therapy session, but like a healing, you know, moment for everyone,

like a bonding moment something that's really real something that they can walk away from and not only just remember the music but the feeling that they've gotten from it and I also wanted to do something that was interactive and helpful in healing the same way and I thought that doing a burn box could be cool and it was also kind of the easiest thing that we could execute for my show at the time. But I mean, what better interactive thing to do on stage than to have a bunch of my fans that are coming to the show and write on a little piece of paper things that they're struggling with, they want to let go of, get off their chest and just like let, you know, just

not bottle up anymore and just like get off their chest, write it down anonymously, put it in this burn box and then watch it being burned on stage. You know, I feel like that there's something so powerful about that and I'm so glad that we did it because it was, you know, most of their like favorite parts of the entire show. And it's helped a lot of people. And I even like, I've seen like people in the crowd that cry before while I'm burning it. And it's just like, that's what makes, that's what makes my day.

And that's what motivates me to even do the show and to do what I'm doing now, because that's the reason why I'm doing it. And it's so pure and heartwarming just to see how something like that that I thought could be a little fun, could actually affect them on a deep level. Yeah, well it actually like affect them, like on a deep level. But yeah.

Yeah, well, I mean, it seems like all your music and all the work you're doing is so healing focused. It seems like you're doing some self-healing. It seems like the work you want your community to do is healing. I think it's, I mean, I think it's a genius idea to do on stage. I think it's such a beautiful thing

to have rituals that communities, your audience can come and do together and I can only imagine The incredible experience people are having you said that was the easiest thing you could do at this stage What's like the craziest thing you want to do that you think would be super healing forever? Do you have like a vision for it? You don't have to I just want to do something else I've had like I've had like some like pretty

crazy ideas. Let me try and think. I just want to do a lot. I know that there's certain songs that I'd love to just be able to get certain people from the crowd that really resonate or are struggling with something that has to do with that song and bring them up and have a moment with them.

I would also love a point where I have a big enough show where I can actually have some my fans tell their stories because I think it's just as important for me to have a voice as it is for them. Because I've said this before, it's like I kind of used my music to be the voice for the voice list. And so when I get to a point where I can do whatever the heck I want on stage, like I want to give them their voice, you know, I want them to have the mic and I want them to say whatever they feel they need to. But yeah, I don't know. I feel like there's so many cool things to do, but the Brinvox is just like, so awesome. And it also was like very disappointing for the sunbendias that I couldn't know. I feel like there's so many cool things to do, but the Brindbox is just like so awesome and it also was like very disappointing for

the sunbendias that I couldn't do it in because it was a safety hazard. But yeah, and it also look far, I think far as fun too. No, I love the interactive element. Even in my show we did a ton of interactive stuff. I set people up on first dates on stage. I loved it. I had what else do we do? I locked people in the caves for 15 minutes. They had spent time alone without their phone. Oh my God. We were doing this all on stage.

And I love that interactive element because I agree with you completely that people need to feel and experience this. It's not just like some idea. And you're right that people really do have a letting go releasing energy in the room when everyone's doing it together so I'm excited to see what you do next. So that's that's that's brilliant. I think combining music and that sort of a healing experiences super unique and really powerful so I'm

excited for you to have bigger on this is bigger venues and all of that to come to all of that to happen. One one thing that comes to mind for me when we're talking about all of this with you is just, you've done so much at such a young age. It seems like you're navigating it and doing it in the best way you possibly can with getting the help and reconnecting your family, doing therapy. I mean, I'm so happy that you've been supported this young and you've found that support because I either meet people who have been around in the industry for decades and they've just found support

or I meet people who are young and kind of really gone off on a different path. And there's very few people, your age, who I think have found that. And that's really incredible to see. What do you think that young artists need in order to be supported in their journey of being a musician, an actor, an actress, whatever it may be? What do you think would be really useful for them, for people who are aspiring? Because I think everyone would want, everyone

from the outside would look at your life and be like, I want that, I want to be that. What do you think they should be aware of in their journey and pursuit that could help them? I think that the biggest advice and the biggest thing that has helped me and that I could tell anyone is to be very vocal and honest and open and vulnerable, you know, to the closest people around you, to your team, to the people that you trust, because I think that's how I was able to create such a stable support system around me from the beginning, because, you know, everyone knows the type of music that I talk about, and everyone knows that I actually

struggle with it as well and so I feel like that's why it's me being so open and honest about you know the things that I struggle with and my needs and the things that I need help with I think that's helped me be able to continue this because there's other people that are aware and in support of that as well. And I think like even if people don't really struggle with anyone just being honest in yourself and never losing sight of that, I feel like I've even had moments where I've almost lost myself in this because it's so easy to get influenced and to try and figure out, you know, what, who's the person that people want you to be and who, what's the type of music or, you know, anything like that, that people want from you. But that's not going to do anything, but hurt you and your career. your career and I was just, I had like a conversation like not too long ago where

it's like yeah like my dream and my goal is to be like one of the biggest artists ever. Of course it's like what I'm doing this for but I'm not never in my entire life going to sit down and release a song that I know is a hit or to go and write a song that I know is a hit that doesn't feel like me as an artist and isn't something that I relate to just so that you know it'll you know give me a step up in the career and maybe like you know create this like skyrocket process for me because it is a hit you know and it's something that would be good in the industry I'd rather build whatever I can by being myself because that's more, it's more like I feel more proud doing that and accomplishing things just being myself and, you know, saying the things that I want to say and being real, I feel like that means the world to me more than just, you know, being an artist and

releasing hits and being a person that, you know, it's, I feel like it's just the easy way out a little bit, but I feel like because of how I started this and how I continue to do all of this is what's going to make me be able to do it for the rest of my life because I'm not going to get like trapped in this like facade or this crazy headspace. It's like everyone knows me who I am and this music helps me and probably just as much as it helps everyone out there. And so I feel very fortunate for that. So yeah, anyone that is inspiring to do this or needs any advice I would just say to be themselves. And that's that's incredible. I you are you're definitely wise beyond your years and you're I wish you all the best

from the bottom of my heart. Like you know, for everything you just said, I think we need more art in the world that is made from a place of healing in order to help people. It can still be fun and exciting and interactive and entertaining and all of that. But it's made from that deeper place, which I feel like you're definitely trying to channel. We end every episode of on purpose for the final five. These are the fast five. The questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. However, when I get intrigued, I always go off record, which is fine. We'll do that. So, Nessa, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Let go and let God say, like, that's 100% the best advice ever. Beautiful. All right. Question two, what's the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Text him. All right. go on, tell me more. Tell me more. You know, if you're just like in your head about like an X or anything like that, and someone tells you, you know what, just text him, do not listen. Do not, you know, I feel like there's a lot of advice that kind of just enables your bad habits.

Just try to stay away from that. Great advice. So I'm going to ask you, I'm going to go slightly off piece here because I think you might have some good advice with people. Let's say I have a hypothetical friend, it's a real friend, but let's have a friend who is around your age. And she deals with people pleasing. She becomes friends with guys who actually want to get with her. But then she doesn't like them in that way.

But then she feels bad to tell them that. What should she do in that scenario? Why are you laughing? I had never there something going on. Is it? I was like, this reminds me so much of myself. Oh, right. Oh, that's so funny. Great. So what advice would you give to my friend? It's a real story.

I'm actually asking, when she listens to this, she's gonna be like, Jay, how did you put me out? I think boundaries is the biggest advice. And I feel like when you are a people, please are a very nice person at the core. And you only see the the good and people and you can't really like it's easy to like it's easy to ignore any red flags. I feel like um just try and set as many boundaries as yourself and just like protect yourself and

just be cautious. I feel like just being cautious is the biggest thing because there are sticky situations that you can get into just because you're genuinely a nice person and Everyone has different intentions than you so I think Slow being slow and steady and in cautious. Okay. Yeah. I don't know Sometimes it's hard to really give advice when like I'm saying I don't even know That's right. I'm asking asking I want to know what you do Question number three what keeps you up at night? Honestly anything anything and everything I I could think about you know certain situations that are happening in my personal life or

You know I I get paranoid and have like anxiety about like with my family because they're so far from me now. Or I just start thinking about deep things like God and the universe and aliens and weird stuff like that and if I'm even human. But yeah, I think anything gives me up a night in a weird way. Even sometimes songwriting, I feel like I've stayed up for hours before trying to write a song absolutely goes nowhere. But yeah.

I love it. Question number four, if someone needs to break up with someone, what is your best advice to the person doing the breaking up? Sit them down and have a really nice, respectful conversation about it and be as vocal and honest as you can and still have compassion and not try to let things get fired up or also stand your ground because if you already want to break up with them, don't let them convince you otherwise. And do so without cheating or being disloyal because it is not nice. I had this song there, but recently that was,

it's called Leave Me Better Than You Found Me. And so it's kind of like, that's like my whole thing, like about breakups, it's like if you're gonna break up with someone, like don't do all of the yelling and the arguments and the cheating and the slamming the door before you leave, like when you break up, like literally just have it be like a nice mature,

open conversation and like, you know, have it be a kiss goodbye rather than like a slam to the door out type thing. You know, don't cause any more trouble and like pain and like, you know, you need to. Yeah. Great advice, great advice, there need to. Yeah. Great advice. Great advice.

There we go. All right. Fifth and final question. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Okay. This one seems so like stupid. This is the first thing when I came up in my head, but I think that if there was a law that where,

if you had to, I feel like I'm just sound like so, like cringe and like cliche doing it. So like, if you see someone like in public, that's like, very, like obviously going through it and like crying and like in pain, like give them a hug, give them like love. I feel like that is something that should be a law. I feel like nowadays there's so much hatred and separation in the world. I feel like we just need a lot more love. So

if there was a law that was like if you see someone that needs it, give them love and give them a hug. I feel like that would make the world a lot more of a better place. That's awesome. I love it. Nest, everyone. Hell is a teenage girl. Music is out right now. I hope anyone who's going through a breakup, been through a tough breakup, just wants to

have good energy and good healing in their lives. You go listen to the music. I know that I'll be recommending it to everyone. Nest, I'm just so grateful to you for, you know, even just talking to you, it's been so peaceful, so calming, and what's really wonderful is hearing someone who's obviously been through so much, but able to express it in a really coherent way, that's not easy, like that's really tough, and to hear about all the work that you're doing on yourself and the therapy and the hypnotherapy and just reflecting and making music and expressing your art. All of that is just

I really appreciate it and it's it's wonderful to see and thank you so much for all the hard work you're doing for yourself and then to share it with others as well. But even just hearing you speak, I'm like I hope everyone just listens to this episode on repeat because they're going to get so much out of it. But NASA, thank you so much. Everyone has been listening or watching whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're at the gym, whether you're driving, whatever you're doing, make sure you tag NASA and I on TikTok, on Instagram, on threads, on Twitter, on any platform you're using, letting us know what stood out to you, what stuck out to you, what you're practicing, what moments you're relistening to. I love seeing what resonates with you. Maybe you're going to do your own burn box at home, get a safe seat. Thank you so much for listening and watching a huge thanks to NASA for being here.

Thank you. And thank you so much. That was awesome. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. It was already

tough for me to love my body but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked. But day three when I did it I was like you know what? That is a cue. Hello, this is Leverand Cox. I'm an actress, producer and host of the Leverand Cox Show. Do you like your tea with lemon or honey? History-making Broadway performer, Alex Newell. When I sing, the Holy Ghost shows up. That's my ministry, and I know that well about me. That's the tea, honey.

Whoever it is, you can bet we get into it. My guest and I, we go there every single time. I can't help it. Listen to the LeBernCock Show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.