On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Noah Cyrus ON: How to Handle Negative Opinions of Others & Turning Anxiety into Creativity

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today I sit down with the very amazing Noah Cyrus. Noah is a Grammy award-nominee, multi platinum, Nashville-born and Los Angeles-based singer and songwriter. Emerging in 2016 at the age of 16, she immediately captivated audiences with platinum singles "Make Me (Cry)" and Again. Noah teamed up with PJ Harding for the People Don't Change EP in 2021. Along the way, she performed at Coachella twice, while Billboard named her among its "21 Under 21" for three straight years. She also shined on The Late Late Show with James Corden, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Ellen, and The Today Show. Now, she introduces the next chapter with the "I Burned LA Down".Noah shares to us a vulnerable side of her and how music has helped her heal from her past. Growing up she mentioned that self-love and self-acceptance was something that she never really practiced and is still a difficult thing to do at the present but she is a work in progress and even though life is full of ups and downs, she is moving forward. We also exchanged our thoughts on why change is inevitable for people and how we can be comfortable with it. Noah herself experienced a life changing experience and I am so honored to hear her story. Checkout her latest album here: https://noahcyrus.lnk.to/thpWhat We Discuss:00:00:00 Intro00:03:53 “I just wish the days are longer”00:07:02 Healing our inner child00:10:23 Self-acceptance and self-love00:13:57 Healing through music00:19:03 Falling out of love00:23:27 Do people change?00:28:23 Life changing experience00:34:11 Worshiping other people00:38:53 “I can” mentality00:42:40 Noah on Many Sides To UsEpisode ResourcesNoah Cyrus | InstagramNoah Cyrus | TwitterNoah Cyrus | FacebookDo you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHort Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care.

Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Jemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The Psychology of Your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app,p Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face.

We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When you say confident, I definitely don't feel that word. Yeah. Majority of the time, I actually may be ever, but I'm constantly learning and constantly growing. Hey, everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it.

My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheditour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences,

and more. I can't wait to see you this year. I'm curious about people's stories. I'm curious about how we find healing. I'm curious about how creativity and self-expression can sometimes be the best medicine for what we're going through in life. And I want you to hear from people of different backgrounds and different walks of life so that you can find similarities connection your story and their stories so that it can feel like an emotional connection that we often miss and we often feel so Lonely and isolated, but hopefully this podcast makes you feel heard. Hopefully it makes you feel seen and hopefully it makes you for understood. Today's guest is none other than Noa Cyrus who grabbed the reins in her own life during some of the most difficult moments, took control

of it and told her story like never before. The Grammy Award nominated multi-platinum Nashville-born and LA-based singer and songwriter uncovered the kind of strength you only find within. Noah has stepped into herself on her 2022 full-length debut album The Hardest Part. Emerging at the age of 16, she immediately captivated audiences with platinum singles Make Me Cry, and again, the end of everything EP yielded the triple platinum, July and Gold Lonely. In between earning a Grammy award in the category of best new artist, Noah has performed at Coachella twice

and Billboard named her among its 21 under 21 for three straight years. Please welcome to the show Noah, Siren Snow. Whoa, okay, hi. That you have been here. That was quite an intro, whoa, thank you. Well, I always say to put, it's so funny, like every time I introduce someone,

that is always the reaction. I'm like, I say the same thing, I'm like, well, you did that, like you lived that. Like you actually had to, you actually had to experience all of that and work for it and earn it and go through the ups and downs that come with doing all of that. You actually had to experience all of that and work for it and earn it and go through the ups and downs that come with doing all of that. So we all do, right? Everybody at Target, like, whoa, that was thanks for that intro. Thank

you. Thank you for having me. It's nice. We were just saying nice to meet you in person. Yes. We got to meet over Zoom two years ago. We just talked about it briefly, but like, you're so nice. Like, it's so nice to meet you. And like, this was not on camera, but you ran out so quick as soon as I was here to give me a hug. You're like, so nice. It's great to be in a room with you actually.

Oh, thank you. Oh, well, the feeling's very mutual. I was saying to you off camera as well, that when my team and I were talking about having you on the show and we were so excited about that, I had such a wonderful experience with you a couple of years ago when you interviewed me on your podcast, even though it was digitally,

I just really felt like you were so great at talking about so many important meaningful things to give me a voice, to give me a platform I felt so humbled and grateful. And same with you, to give me a platform I felt so humbled and grateful. And same with you, like meeting you today, I'm like, this is so warm, like you allowed me to just give you a big hug. And I was like, I don't know if I was going to wreck your makeup or your outfit.

Oh my God. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not even at all. I don't even, whatever about that. No, I was so happy whenever I heard that your team had reached out for us to get in the room and talk. I know it took us a bit for us to schedule everything, but I'm so happy to finally be here with you. And also, like, the last time we spoke, I feel like I was in a much darker, different place. And I'm doing so much better now.

And so it's great to really be here and be present with you and get to really experience you and how great you are. Well, first of all, I want to congratulate you on that transformation and transition. I think that to acknowledge you even just saying that and how much work you've had to do to get there, to feel that way. And like I said to you, I had a positive experience with you even then. Thank you. And so I'm very grateful to experience you, as you said, and what you feel is the best version

of yourself at the moment, which is so beautiful. And I loved a video I saw on your TikTok, which is you and your dad. Okay. And it was so beautiful. And it was like, I think you said something like, you know, I wish these days never end. Yeah. Like, tell me about what was so special about that. I mean, just watching it, it was so beautiful and I think you said something like, I wish these days never end. Like tell me about what was so special about that.

I mean, just watching it, it was so joyful. And it was so special. Honestly, that's a common feeling I get whenever I'm with him or with my family. Honestly, with life in general, I just wish the days were longer. You've caught me on an emotional day. So if I cried during this podcast guys,

this is like a normal thing for me kind of. But that's just a common feeling I get, especially when I'm home in Nashville. Just wishing I had more time, but that trip was great. I hadn't seen my dad in a long time. And lately I've been able to, since that TikTok actually, which was posted last year,

I think, or earlier, really this year it had to have been, but it's an older TikTok. I've been able to see him much more frequently, but when I had been writing for this album, actually, the album's out on September 16th, and I had written about that specific feeling actually like a couple years ago and it's actually the title track of my record hardest part and I wrote about that with my dad because I just you know growing up he would be in Nashville I would be in LA or back and forth and there was a lot of missing him and I guess it's really no secret that my family had been going through a hard times and within their marriage and things like that. And so there was a lot that was unsaid between us. And I wanted to write about it in my music and my music is really an outlet for me and my emotions.

And I don't know, we had a really beautiful day a few years ago, which wasn't when I made that TikTok, but I wrote about it in my record just because I wish I could get more of those days and there's just not enough time and yeah. Yeah, no, it was beautiful to see. And yeah, now I think you pinned it, that's why. Yeah, it's up very new.

It's pinned at the top. Yeah, yeah, so. But the TikTok. Yeah, it's up very new. It's pinned at the top. Yeah, yeah. So, the TikToks old, but the songs about an even older story, but that, yeah, there was a, trends are cool like that with TikTok. I'll see something on TikTok and I'm like, oh, that actually really means something. Like, we should do that. And in my friend Amari was like, you have to do this with your dad. I love that.

No, it was so special. It was really joyful and special to watch. And speaking about what you're talking about, you're saying you've said that your goal is really the current goal is to like really heal your inner child. And I think that's such a beautiful goal to have first wall. And I think a lot of our community, a lot of our listeners have that same goal as well. I think we're all going through this experience of realizing that we've neglected our inner child. We haven't listened to that inner child. We haven't acknowledged it.

How did you even discover that that was a goal you had? How did you even come to that point of acknowledging that that was something you wanted to pursue? Identifying my emotions and what was causing a lot of my problems and making that connection to childhood was first of all the start. And with that, I probably wouldn't have even been able to make that connection, had it not been for my therapist and really, really, really trying with therapy.

Because even I feel like when we spoke, I had a relationship with my therapist that I would kind of try to reschedule our sessions and I wouldn't keep up with it and I would fall behind. It's actually a lot of work to keep up with it because you know, some days you're going to feel really good. And for me, it's hard for me on those good days to want to keep up or maybe I don't want to start feeling sad, feelings or bring anything And, but it's actually really important to keep working. And so once I identified that like, I had a lot of sadness involved with my inner child.

And I had a lot I needed to heal, but I really, really owe that to therapy. And I, and I really highly suggest just an outlet of being able to get your emotions out somewhere regardless of what that outlet is for you. Yeah, I think that's beautifully said. And what was some of those emotions that you felt as a child or that you experienced that became so important for you to heal? Like, what were some of those experiences that stayed with you? One major one was self love and body image love and body dysmorphia. I developed that at such a young age.

And it's been really hard for me to reframe my mind, to be able to even look at my younger self and love that version of me. And now that I've begun to get there, I'm now there. And for me, that was so heartbreaking that I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't even really love a child myself as a child. I felt like I wasn't even loving that version of myself. And I could never imagine not loving a child.

You know what I mean? And so that was where I knew I needed a star and now of course I want to protect that version of myself so much because I just see this fragile Child who is like every child in the world that just needs love and and to be cared for and of course I was I have an amazing family, but there's just some things that Especially I mean in my in my personal experience with body image that just some things people just can't see,

that people just can't feel, because it's your body, your mind, your eyes, and it's hard and it feels like you're alone in those times. And in your brain, it's just you and there with that inner voice and it gets really dark and it gets really lonely, especially I mean, certainly in my experience. Yeah, and how does it feel when everyone around you is saying, Oh, but you're beautiful,

are you this or you're that like walk us through a bit of that because I think a lot of people have that challenge. We're like, everyone's telling you, you're great. But then there's still this voice inside of you that feels that way. What was some of those, what's been some of the work behind the scenes that you've been doing in therapy for yourself to kind of get to that place of self acceptance and self love, as you said earlier? That's very much still working progress for me. And something my therapist and I talk about is how progress is kind of in, you're going up,

but it's circular emotions. And in a circle, you still go down and then you go up and you go down. And so I'm going through that very much with self-love and with my body image. My personal experience was online and in other places, I was bullied over the way I looked. So terribly, like the words that were used are still so scarring to me, where I'm almost embarrassed to bring it up or talk about it. Like it was very traumatizing for me. So it was very hard for me to believe what people in my life was saying. So it gave me actually a lot of trust issues that weren't there with people in my

life because I felt as if everybody was lying to me, which is still actually something I work on now. Still is my trust with people and going with things and just being okay with this is me, this is my body, this is who I am, this is what God gave me, this is just who I am. There's nothing I can do to change it. And while I'm here, I've got to accept it. And I'm really working hard to do so. You know, it gives me comfort. If it gives anybody else comfort, that it gives me comfort, that you tell me

other people feel that way when other people are saying, you are this, you are beautiful, you are that. Because when you feel the opposite in your body and your mind and your soul, you're never going to hear it from anybody else. And it's the same with loving yourself and you have to truly love yourself. And it's hard to get there if you don't. It's so encouraging, though, to hear that you went through this experience earlier on. Yet, you've still found a way of expressing how you feel in the public eye

and still being open to people's opinions and their reaction to you. And that takes incredible like confidence and and self assurance because a lot of people would just say, or I'm done with this, I'm just going to go and hide like I just don't I feel that way every day. Yeah, every day. So again, it's like kind of a battle with myself, but I feel that way all the time. When you say confident, I definitely don't feel that word. Yeah. Majority of the time, I actually maybe ever, but I'm constantly learning and constantly growing.

Yeah. And those are the two best things. To me, that's where I used that word. It was like, people don't usually feel confident or they're not confident, but the way they act actually displays confidence. And I think that's what's so interesting about confidence is that no one who ever is confident feels it.

It's just that people from the outside go, wow, that takes a lot of guts. So like that still takes a lot of resilience. And that's what I'm noticing that, you know, to still be in the public eye. But walk us through, you know, we're talking about the hardest part, which is, you know, incredible to see you putting your challenges, stress, pain into music. When did, when did music start to become that healing for you? And what was beautiful about the process behind this album? Like, what did you experience in the making of this album? Music's always been extremely healing, but especially with this album,

the process of finishing it up on the production side, with Mike Crossy, he executive produced the entire album. We spent a couple months together, just him and I, and Stephen,, his engineer and a couple days towards the end we'd have musicians in but just locked in, focused on the music. It was the first time ever in my life or in my career I should say that I felt really in touch with my own musician ship and myself as like an actual artist, not just a singer and a writer. It came at a time where I was about six months into my recovery process.

I really needed some structure, something to focus on, something to put my energy towards, an outlet for my emotions, even if I wasn't writing, I had written a few songs that actually just had to go onto the album, like my side of the bed is one of my favorites on the whole album, or I burned out it down, which was the first single off of the record. Occasionally I would get to, lyrically, make that, get that outlet for my emotions, but musically I really found a way to do so that, get that outlet for my emotions, but musically I really found a way to do so. And it really shows in the record. And that's what made it such a healing process

was I feel like I really found myself sonically, lyrically, and emotionally and spiritually on this record. That's incredible. I love what you pointed out then. It came out, it flowed naturally from you, but for everyone who's listening, I love what you pointed out then. It came out, it flowed naturally from you, but for everyone who's listening, I just want to capture this. You said that during your recovery process, six months

in, you found structure, focus, and an outlet. And I think all of those things are such beautiful takeaways. Everyone who's listening may not be a musician or a writer or a singer, but the idea that we all need when we're going through our own recovery structure, a focus, and an outlet. And there's such practical ways that we can shift where we are. Walk us through some of that. What was your structure like? What was your focus? Like, were you thinking about something when you woke up in the morning when you were writing

the song? Like, what was your daily routine like and what were your habits like at that time? So at the time of recording the album, we had, which I loved the whiteboard. We had a whiteboard in the studio. Love whiteboard. But it had our week out and every single week on Fridays, we'd sit and plan out what we were going to do for the next week. So for example, We'd sit and plan out what we were gonna do for the next week. So, for example, one week would be vocals week, and we'd do each song in a day. And then we'd also have like, okay, this next week we're gonna be recording bass guitar, strings, whatever.

I go in after I'd have therapy in the morning, up walk my dogs do therapy go to the studio record whatever instruments were doing that day whatever vocals and Really get to experiment with this new elevated sound that I was making um, and so really we just had like this strict schedule that like every day I was in at a certain time. And by the end of the day we both had Mike has two kids, so bed times eight o'clock. He needs to leave at six. We just had our daily routine, which I think saved me so much because without a daily routine, I'm varied the type that can easily just slip into my room and not turn the lights on or get out of bed for like weeks.

And I've actually been having a bit of a back and forth battle with kind of doing that now and just self isolation because I'm so used to doing so. So really just having even if it was just, you know, a studio routine where it was this day we're recording this and this day we're tracking this or this day we're zooming this person or they're coming in here. It really like saved me and falling in love with music again saved me because I think it's also easy to alienate yourself or get alienated by things you love whenever you're doing it such a long time or you know things get tough and you know things don't go your way and then they do go your way so suddenly so I guess the point is just keep going and never give up and you know, but it gets hard. I'm Mungisha Tickler and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born,

it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars, if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop! But just what I thought I had to handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down.

Situation doesn't look good. There is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. How's that New Year's resolution coming along?

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Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot.

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I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I love that point you made. It's so interesting how we can fall out of love with something that we're so deeply in love with. I can so relate to that in so many ways. Let's talk about that a bit because I think that's deeply in love with. I can so relate to that in so many ways. Let's talk about that a bit because I think that's just a fascinating idea. I think we think that when you're in love with a thing, an idea, a person, a place, a home, we expect that once you're in love, you just stay in love. And like you were saying earlier with a therapist, it's more

like the other way like you fall in, you fall out, it changes, it grows, it moves, you fall in, you fall out, it changes, it grows. How have you learned to fall in love with music again? Structure was a part of that. Was there something else that helped you fall back in love with something that you'd fall in out of love with? Well, what made actually a better question is what made you fall out of love with music and then what helped you fall back in love? Not sure if I ever completely felt out of love with music and then what helped you fall back in love. Not sure if I ever completely felt out of love.

I think after doing this since I was 16 years old, there's been a lot of times where I've felt really encouraged to keep going, but there's also a little discouragement at times. It's hard whenever there's a lot of people in your ears and people wanting you to be a certain way and do a certain thing. And so I think for a long time, I didn't trust my own vision because I felt as if other people didn't either. And so I almost just kind of wanted to give up and didn't really have a vision at all, but being able to go and experiment and find who I am sonically and what that sounds like to me. And, you know, there's so much of me on that track. I'm playing piano on that track. I'm playing sub and playing percussion. I'm playing. They're just,

even if they were just little bits of sounds, like it was me and I was inside of it. All the instruments are live. I got to, you know, I'd for so long, piano was my favorite instrument for so long, but now it's petal steel. And, you know, and I just, I've fallen in love with instruments again and that ignited so much excitement for me and it ignited so much excitement with the album campaign and performing and everything that comes with the album campaign and performing and everything that comes with music and being able to experience what it's like once it's out of the studio. And so that really ignited a lot of excitement in me again. And then again, like again, the writing process was also amazing.

A lot of it was painful at the time. A lot of it was maybe in bits and pieces and different timelines of where I was personally, but I think that's also what makes it special. The album definitely is very dynamic with the sounds and the instruments sonically. There's a lot of emotions, a lot of conversations, but to your point really quick about the falling in and out of love. Weirdly enough Friday or tonight actually at 9 p.m. I have a song coming out with Ben Gibbard of Death Cat for Cutie and it's one of my favorite bands of all time. He's one of my favorite artists ever. And our song is about that feeling of it's not you genuinely, it's not me genuinely, we're just falling out of love. Like that's just

we're not the same anymore. We're we've grown. We've we've we've we've we're drifting apart. And I think that really does happen with people. I know both people from personal experience and from witnessing others have to be fully invested in one another and both have to want to light that fire again and if just one of you don't then It really it's nearly I think impossible to get that back Yeah, and I couldn't agree that so that's so beautifully said I couldn't agree with you more that I think that's what often Is the truth that we don't want with you more that I think that's what often is the truth that we don't want to accept, is that someone doesn't want to try again.

No. We don't even want to accept that because it's so painful to accept where we're like, we want to try again, but that person doesn't want to try again. And that's the hardest part, like that's really tough because you're like, but I'm still in this.

But then what I find interesting about what you just said there yet, it's also that person realizing, well, I'm still in this because I still think that person's the same as who they were. But now using your words, you're like, we've just outgrown each other, like. Do you think people change? Like do people change?

I put out the CP, right? And I titled it, people don't change. Because a lot of in my personal experience, I set out to want to change. And I think I'm in the process of changing my life. I don't know if I can exactly change who I am at the core. What do you what do you think about that? That's such a great question. Because I go back and forth. I don't and if somebody asked me, I wouldn't know, but I want to know your take on it.

Yeah, I would say I do believe that transformation and change is possible. But it's not very probable. The probability is low, but the possibility is high. And what I mean by that is, everyone has the opportunity to change, but the path is long, hard, and often requires big amounts of tragedy, stress, and turmoil to even get someone to have that opportunity to take that path. And so I don't think I would ever write off.

I genuinely believe in real transformation and change and I believe in the possibility of it. I think the probability and the expectation and the speed we want it to happen at is unlikely. I also believe that people don't change for people. And I think that's often when we say people will change, it's often the real full sentence is, people will change for me, right?

And I think that's really what we're saying. And that I don't agree with. I don't think someone changes for someone else. I think people change for themselves when they realize that if I don't change, then that's not good for me. But the probability of that happening is low until something massively painful or drastic

happens in their life. And I agree with you on the core thing, like I look at, I went through a huge change externally in terms of I became a monk. I left my time as a monk that I lived for three years in India and then I lived the life I do today. And, but I'm still the same person I always was at the core. Like what you said, like at the core I'm the same person.

I was raised by my mom, she told me to be polite. I like people, I'm kind, these are things I learned from my mom when I was a kid. And I'm still all those things. And I've grown, but I'm still the same person at the core. And so I think that people can. I've seen amazing changes in people. I've seen people who've gone from doing the worst things to doing the best things.

I've seen people go from, but the probability is not as high and it won't happen for a person. So I don't know if that helps, I'll answer your question. No, no, it does. Yeah. Because I mean, it's kind of exactly how I feel about it too. Oh, good. Yeah, no, I mean, I agree.

Like, and, you know, from experience of seeing that, I mean, even in positive ways, you don't have to look at it as a negative way, not losing yourself and who you are at the core. Like, I mean, I feel like I lost that for a long time. And in a positive way way I got it back and again that was a lot to do with who I am and who I was as a younger child. Because I also felt that change and shift in myself at such a young age. I mean, I still look at 17 and 18 years old as a child to me. And very, very young and lived on my own at 17

and thought I had the whole thing figured out. And very quickly after everything shifted very drastically. And until I was maybe just a year ago, I started feeling like who I was when I put my very first single out, maybe, or maybe even way, way, way before. I don't really remember when I truly lost or started disconnecting from who I really am or started disliking or not loving who I really was. Yeah, yeah. And actually, I think you've just answered it.

Like, I think ultimately when we both talk about change, we talk about growth. Yeah, absolutely. And it's like what you've been saying this whole interview so far, it's like you're like, it's an everyday thing. It's a work in progress. I'm still working on it.

Like, that's what growth is. And I think when we look at growth in ourselves, we realize it's a daily process. But when we look at change in someone else, we want it to be drastic and tomorrow. Absolutely. It's different expectations we have of change, if that makes sense.

No, that was a really good way to put it. Yeah, like, you know, I was like, I know if I need to change, it's gonna take a few years. But I'm hoping this person changes tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah. And that's where I think our expectations and change kind of get to mixed up.

So change is possible. Our expectation is a slightly messy, I think. What's a big change you think you've made in your life that is how to big change externally, like internally what is a change that you've made, even a simple thing that you feel has? I mean, the most major change for me was, was stop taking Xanax. That completely I was ruining my life. It, it was the scariest, most alone I had ever felt, except it made me feel as if I had comfort whenever I was on the

substance as I was taking at which time. That was, you know, the poison that I really had to get out of my life and make that change. Had I not done that, I touched on it on the album, but I'm not 100% sure I would have been able to be sitting here having this conversation with you because I didn't really want to be alive anymore. You know, when I did have this moment of clarity, even if it was for a second, I did not wanna forget that I had one thought that like maybe I could turn this around, I called who I needed to call and I made that change.

So absolutely without a doubt, I mean that's just the first thing that comes to mind because had I not done that, like I can, I saved my life getting off of off of San exo. That's amazing. Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable with us. I can tell that obviously it's not an easy thing to talk about especially when it's being a part of your life in that way. So thank you so much. Yeah. And even more so just that's incredible. Like that's amazing. And

you know, I think there's so many people listening and watching who I'm sure their family members they've been in that position. and you know I think there's so many people listening and watching who I'm sure they're family members they've been in that position you know I think it's incredible isn't it how lonely you can be made to feel when actually it's a hugely collective experience um and and I think that's gonna help a lot of people you're sharing that and and that making that change in your life thank you and and being with you today I'm like that's that's amazing it's It's truly incredible. Thank you. Yeah, I think we need to acknowledge and celebrate that more

because again, it takes so much strength to do that. Thank you. I just hope, honestly, I think my goal with all of this and being open about it is I do know that I'm not trying to be an example for anybody. I'm just trying to share my experience because I also had a lot of people. I mean, we did a podcast years ago. I have had a music career since I was 16 years old. I had a lot of people looking in since I was a baby, just due to the family I was born in. And with Instagram and social media and things like that, interviews, I felt that a part of me was seen that, you know, I allowed out there, but I really wanted

an explanation for I think a lot of like the things I had posted on my Instagram. And I felt like there were a lot of things like things I had posted on my Instagram and I felt like there were a lot of things like you know friends reaching out worried about me after I would post an Instagram story and you know just a look in my eyes was scary to a lot of people. And there's a few interviews in particularly when I just hear the way I was talking where I feel so ashamed and so guilty. And I think that's another thing is like the shame and the guilt and the regret is inevitable when going through this. So for anyone listening to know that that's normal and that's something I experience every

single day, even though I know I probably shouldn't, it's just something you experience. And it's something I'm going through and go through and sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse, but it's just all part of the process. Yeah, again, I think that also goes back to just learning to love yourself and look out for yourself and nurture yourself whenever you're being so hard on yourself or completely changing your life, you know, but I go hard on myself about before and what it was like two years ago or three years ago. And that's just something I'm processing and dealing with as of now.

Yeah, and I think that's... I love what you said that. It's not about being an example. It's just encouraging to hear that it's what you go through. I think it's so interesting that every day we feel hot and we feel cold and we feel maybe sweaty, we feel really cold, we feel like we're freezing. We go through so many different body changes every day. And we would never judge ourselves for that. We wouldn't be like, oh, I'm the worst.

I should have won a longer sleeve T-shirt. Like you're just going to put a sweater on or whatever. And I think it's the same with our emotions. Like we're experiencing so many emotions throughout the day. But we don't give ourselves the permission to say, oh, I'm allowed to feel cold and then get a sweater to feel warm. Like we don't do that with our emotions, if that makes sense. And saying, Hey, I do feel a bit of shame, but then maybe I need to feel a bit of this

to help, you know, even it out. And so I love that that's the process you're on. And I agree with you. It's a daily thing. I don't think there's anyone who never, just like there's no one in the world who never feels hot or cold. There's no one who doesn't feel sad or down or happy or unhappy. Like we're all feeling all of them at different spectrums and different extremes. So learning our own patterns and learning our

own thoughts is pretty much, you know, what we all need to focus on. So I wanted to pick something that this was a lyric from my band LA down and you said, and obviously it's about feeling like you have to burn LA down to get someone your day things attention, but this was the lyric that I thought was really beautiful. I'm gonna eye-con sink, so please do not expect anything. I'm just gonna read it out. Okay.

I waste my breath on a prayer. You don't care. I was never part of the plan. You can't make a God of somebody who's not even half of half a decent man. Like that lyric is just... It's a pretty cold lyric, yeah. Yeah. But it's also just like a very raw emotion and I thought it was... It's cold, but it's poetically like a very raw emotion. And I thought it was, it's cold,

but it's poetically put together. So it's powerful. And I think a lot of people could relate to that. I think I wanted to pick a few moments if you don't mind of it, if that lyric, you can't make a God of somebody. I find that such an interesting concept. I think so many of us are looking for God

in the people we idolize, the people we follow, the sports teams, the sports teams the Musicians the actors the even parents and people in our lives like we're all looking for that God figure in so many ways and You know you rightly say in that lyric you can't make a God of somebody like where did that come from? I wanted to hear that idea because I thought that was really powerful concept my that come from, I wanted to hear that idea because I thought that was really powerful concept. My poetic way of always just completely falling into people and how much I completely rely and give myself to people, I think obviously I've been very open that it's been hard to rely on myself in the past.

I always looked in that for other people. At the time, especially of COVID and everybody's isolation, it was just me and not one other person. And so my entire life revolved around that one other person. Every single day, whether they were happy, they were sad, if they were comfortable, uncomfortable, if they were mad, or not mad, if they were comfortable, uncomfortable, if they were mad or not mad, if they loved me or didn't love me, my entire life became revolved around somebody else. I've definitely done that in the past.

And like you said, again, people with, are like that, can be with many different things. It's finding the right things to do that with. And and with me, it was my album and worshipping music and actually finding myself and who I am and loving myself. But that was where that lyric came from is just. It felt like worship the way that I admired this person. And then you had to redirect that worship towards your music and your craft and your creativity.

Would you say that's correct? Absolutely. And I think also, I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality lately. And I think that's a huge different conversation for a whole other time. But you know, it just so I, I, I, I, falling in love with other things and the world's so interesting and the universe is so interesting

and energy is such a powerful thing. And I just, I want to learn more about it and, and, and God and, and what that is to me and other people and who, and, and just, it's all so interesting. And I just want to know I want to learn more I want to grow more again like I said that all goes back to growing instead of using the word change going going going to the word growing

I think is good. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health personal development and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy

Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Our twenties are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s,

from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about. From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we explore what our twenties are really all about from the good the bad and the ugly and Listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology

Including our twenties the psychology of your twenties hosted by me gemis beg now streaming on the iHot radio app apple podcasts or whatever you get your podcasts Not too long ago in the heart of the Amazon rain forest this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life you get your podcasts. I've never wanted us to have a gun bite. I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs.

They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, all, all this for a damn bar of chocolate.

Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. Yeah, yeah. No, I can relate to a lot of that in the sense of like, I feel I was always in love with love growing up. Yeah, me too. I fantasize that majorly. Same. And all of it was based on romantic songs and movies and none of it was based on reality. It was all based on pop culture and media and you know and and I for a long time I I really pursued that type of love and that was that love that was based on idolizing someone else worshiping someone else wanting also to be

idolized back and and recognizing that it was a part of me that was really seeking that importance through that other individual in the guise of loving them. And I think when I came to the conclusion that, similarly to what you're saying, actually, you can't make a God of somebody, you can't make a God of somebody. It's like you can't make a God of yourself either. You know, and that was a really beautiful reflection, but it's a painful one because we get so trained and wired to believe certain things. What's a belief that you think you have now about yourself that is healthy and putting you in the right direction

and helping you grow? You talked about some of the beliefs in the past that have helped you back. What's a belief now that you have about yourself that is helping you move forward in this positive direction? That I can do what I set my mind to do, whether that's with recovery or other things, I used to just say I can't and or I won't or but I actually have shown to myself so many times what I can do and I think that's something that like I repeat to myself every day. I also have you will be

added on my on my wrist, which I kind of think is kind of the same thing just that I will be what I set my mind to or what I set my goals to or who I want to become or who I want to work on being and I have that's kind of enough. So great. I just said I just I had so much doubt in myself and that's kind of enough. It's great. It's just that I had so much doubt in myself and that's something that has held me back for so long. So I think knowing that and believing that, and believing that truly into my core is new for me. And something I can truly honestly say,

I feel about myself. I also have a hard time. You know, even when you say that, like, I may back to the confidence saying, I sound like I really believe in myself, but at the same time, I have battles where I actually have a hard time doing so. Or saying kind things about myself. Or, you know, so it's kind of a hard battle. So that was kind of the first thing that came to mind. I thought it was a beautiful answer because I'm like, isn't that just such a great thought to repeat

that if I wanted to change something, I can. Like, I can with this journey. I'm going through therapy, this journey. I'm going through a recovery. Like that's such an empowering thought. And I think it's so amazing how we quickly believe negative thoughts about ourselves but we doubt the positive thoughts.

And it's like every day if I told myself which I have at times like I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough. I don't ever question that thought, I'm so cool with accepting that that's just the truth. And I don't think about whether I say every day or not, I just keep saying it. Whereas when I say I can, then we're like, oh wait, wait, wait, did I say that too early? Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't believe it. And so I actually love that that was your answer, because I think that is the beginning of all-changing growth is saying, I can do anything I put my mind to, and I have control over what I put my mind to. And so I actually think it's a really great answer, and I'm hoping that everyone who's listening to that can start making that shift in their life. I had to think it's a really great answer and I'm hoping that everyone who's listening

to that can start making that shift in their life. I had a mentor who'd always repeat Napoleon Hill to me and so he'd always say to me, you become what you think about and he'd get me to repeat it. He'd be like, keep saying that. You become what you think about. You become what you think about. And then he'd catch me off guard randomly when he'd see me and he'd look at me and be like, Jay, what are you thinking about?

I'd be like, nothing. And he goes, well, you become what you think about. See what? You're going to become nothing. And he just played with that. And then it was, I was like, oh, interesting. What am I thinking about? What do I obsess over?

Like, what do I keep repeating in my mind? And it was just something as simple as that that started me to be like, okay, well, I'm thinking about my purpose. I'm thinking about my service. I'm thinking about how to have an impact in the world. I'm thinking, and then I just started seeing my life change. And it is that simple in the beginning. And so I actually think that was a beautiful answer. So thank you for sharing it. Noah, I could, honestly, and I hope I do get to have that conversation with you another time. As you said, there's a whole separate conversation

around spirituality, discovery, but we end every episode with a new segment that we started recently, which I love, called the many sides to us. And this is where you're using words or phrases to talk about yourself through different perspectives. So I'm gonna ask you the questions and you can answer them. So the first one is, what's a word or phrase

that someone would say about you meeting you for the first time, now, today? I don't know. I think this is hard. Can I give you one? Yes, you give me one, because I can. Yeah. So I met you today for the first time in person.

And the word that came to my mind was sincere. Okay. Really sincere. Okay. Really sincere. Okay. You were so sincere and genuine in your initial words to me and what we were talking about when you first came in. And there was just so much sincerity and genuineness there. Okay.

That's how I think you can't say that. Okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That's good. I'm hopefully not going to have a hard time with this. I know. The rest will be easy. What is the word that you use that someone would describe you that for you, sir. Thank you, that's good. I'm hopefully not gonna have a hard time with this. I know, the rest will be easy. What is the word that you use that someone would describe you that knows you well or word or phrase that someone who knows you really deeply

would use to describe you? Sensitive. Yeah, sensitive. In good and bad ways, I think sensitive can be taken as like a bad thing. I'm sensitive. But it's actually, I'm a very sensitive person. And I think the person I'm thinking of would be my mom. If you were to, I think

that was my mom telling me that, I'm very sensitive. I love though that what you've been doing today, you've done it twice now. You're always looking at how each quality and value can actually be negative, but also positive. Like, you know, it can be healthy too. And I think often, like you said, like our initial sensitive, yeah, people are so sensitive. And it's like, well, no, no, no,

being sensitive can actually be one of the healthiest things. I love that. It gives you a lot of compassion towards other people as well. It's not like how you said, like, oh, you're so sensitive. You know, actually, I'll take it the wrong way sometimes. So what do you mean? What do you mean, actually, I'll take it the wrong way sometimes. So would I? Yeah, but what do you mean? So if I think maybe if she had my mom had said that on a different day, I probably

want to take it. All right. Question number three, what's the word or phrase you'd use to describe yourself? Sensitive. I'm very loving towards other people and other things and like so towards myself, but I mean, so I've whenever people, we actually, I have, we talk about this in therapy. I have a hard time talking about my, it's very evident, talking about myself personally, but whenever I do talk about things about myself, I think it's the way that I give to other people.

So I'm an extremely loving and giving person. Thank you for having the cards to compliment yourself. Yeah, no, yeah. No, it's yeah, that's great. I love that. That's a great answer. All right, last two questions. What's a word or phrase you'd use to describe the hardest part, the album? Honest is such a vague answer. But I mean, it's just extremely honest and open and it touches on so many parts of my life. Like I said, in so many different situations. I also use the word personal a lot too, just because literally the first song of my album is called Noah. And so I think in a way, I was nervous out first. Like, how are these, how are people going to hear this and make it relate to themselves?

But I think honestly, by being so honest as where people will be like, oh, I actually do feel that too, because if you're not, then other people aren't gonna be able to relate to, I think every feeling sometimes, sometimes my thoughts feel like I'm the only person that's ever had this thought in the world.

And then I go on Instagram or TikTok and I see people talking about their feelings and they're like, sometimes, sometimes my thoughts feel like I'm the only person that's ever had this thought in the world. And then I like go on Instagram or TikTok and I see people talking about their feelings and they're like, I feel that feelings, you know, so probably that, I would say. Very vague word, but- Not a vague, it may be a common word, but the description that you just gave of like, yeah, that feeling of connectivity I think is really powerful that feeling of connectivity, I think it's really powerful. I think that's why it is important to talk about how we feel and what we're going through. So we realize we're not the only ones.

I think a lot of people suffer in silence and suffer in a place because they do feel isolated and alone because they don't check with someone because they don't feel comfortable to. I have a very minor, totally minor surgery tomorrow. And it's like, I took a very minor, like totally not complex or deeper, right? Anyway, but the reason I'm bringing it up

is even something so minor when I told my friends about it, I found that 25% of my friends had all male friends, had all had that surgery. And I was like, it's a hernia. And I was like, why didn't you ever tell me? Like, right? And that's a really basic example, but it's the same thought process of like how, when I first heard I had a hernia,

I was like, I'm too young to have that. Why do I have one? And then when I started doing it with my friends, so many of my friends under 30 had one. And I was like, oh, why didn't I know about this? Right? So it's something as simple as that. So I think the honesty it connected.

And fifth and final question, what's a word or phrase that you're trying to embody? Again, extremely cliche because it's a title on my album, but I also have a tattooed on my body is Stan still. It's a phrase my dad said since I was really young and I felt like I forgot to use it for quite a long time. But when you don't know what to do, just stand still. It's okay to take your time and take a moment and reevaluate everything that has saved me

so many times in my life and a lot recently. And so to practice for me, it's really hard for me to stay still and stay in still and be still. And so to practice that more, I really live by those words and I really look up to my dad and admire him and his strength so much. That's such a powerful, powerful answer. I love that advice. Thank you.

Thank you. Everyone who's been listening and watching, I want you to go stream the hardest part right now. It's available as we're speaking. I'll go and listen to it, go and share it, go and feel with it, go and experience the honesty that. No one's putting out there. I hope it's extremely healing and connecting for you and also a please feel free to share.

I think there were so many incredible things that know a shared today. Please tag us both on Instagram, on Twitter, Also, please feel free to share. I think there were so many incredible things that know a shared today. Please tag us both on Instagram, on Twitter, on TikTok. If you're sharing a reflection from this podcast, please tag us both because I love seeing how you put into practice what I'll guess share. And I'm sure Noah would love to see that too.

So please, please, please do that. Noah, I hope this is the first of many times I get to sit down with you this way. I do too, I really do too. But you were I just I want you to know that everything you shared today is going to stay with me for a long time. And there are so many parts that I know I'm going to really listen to and rewatch. And I'm just so glad we got to talk because I even was having anxiety and had been I mean,

with my grandmother just passing had been, I mean, with my grandmother just passing, had been having so many different conflicting feelings and like, even today Nick was like, oh, well, maybe this is just talking with Jay and, you know, talking about your feelings and stuff is really going to help you. And so this has been amazing. I'm so grateful we got to be in a room together and finally me. Thank you so much for having me. No, thank you.

I hope you feel you got to share everything you wanted. No, I feel great. Thank you. Good. That makes me happy. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks, Noah.

Thanks, Noah. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023. But how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't going to do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast How to Money. That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information you need without putting you to sleep. We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent

investing, and increasing your earnings. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals. You can listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, varieties of cacao fought to have been lost centuries ago where we discovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate and I'm coming along.

Okay that was a very large crack it up. Listen to the obsessions while chocolate on the the High Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunem. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things.

It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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