On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Patrick Bet David ON: Mental Discipline, Entrepreneurship & Big Picture Thinking

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

Are you an entrepreneur or have dreams of being one? Do you crave mental discipline that will set you apart from others? In this ON Purpose episode, Jay Shetty sits down with Patrick Bet David to share how you can take your life from the ordinary to extraordinary by practicing mental discipline and big-picture thinking. Tune in to hear how to overcome the fear of the unknown and apply Bet David’s “Next Five Moves” strategy to launch you toward success. - Text Jay Shetty: 310-997-4177 Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now! Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_book Audiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. I'm Danielle Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails.

Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. The therapy for Black Girls Podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.

Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. I'm Eva Longoria and I'm Mike DeGolmester Juan. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast hungry for history. On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The biggest thing is to go through the question. I have a set of questions that I went through years ago and I put 28 of them in the book here to find out exactly who you are, to find out a question such as, okay, Jay, who do you get along with? And you're right done. These are the people I get along with. Then you're right done. Who do you not get along with? What kind of a question is that?

Well, why don't you get along with those devs of people? Then you say, you know, I don't get along with those two of you guys because they're just like me. Well, maybe you got to kind of like yourself. You got some things you got to like about yourself. So when you go through that park, then comes a second step. So number one is master knowing yourself. I'm a master knowing yourself.

I'm a master knowing yourself. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. The number one help and warm wellness podcast in the world. And I am so grateful today because I get to sit down virtually with someone that I've been following for a long, long time. You've probably seen his content, he's interviewed some incredible people himself, and there's so much of his own wisdom, insight and strategies to share with each and every single one of us.

This is truly a collaboration. I hope a lot of you are going to be excited to see us both together. I wish we were in the same room, but knowing his energy is going to speak straight through the camera. It is none other than Patrick Bet David, who went from escaping war-torn Iran to founding his own financial services firm, raising tens of millions of dollars and creating value payment, one of the leading YouTube channels that fall onto Penoes. Now his unaltered ups approach to business, as well as life, has led to compelling interviews

with Ray Dalio, Kevin Hart, the late Prairie Brian, President George Bush and a host of other leaders. His content on social media has been viewed over one billion times. Patrick never obtained a college degree and went from the army to selling health club memberships before entering the field of financial services. At age 30, he founded PHP, a financial services agency and now he lives in Dallas with his wife and three children. He's here today to blow your way with his strategic books to business and life, which is beautifully presented in his new book, Your Next Five Moves, Master of the Arts of Business Strategy. Welcome to the show Patrick, Patrick, thank you for doing this.

Brother, thanks for having me on. Yes, this is good. It's been a while. We've been going back and forth, but it's good to finally connect. Absolutely. I was actually hoping I'd get to fly out the Dallas to meet you. And then the pandemic, so I'm glad that we figured out a way and now we'll already know each other now and make some research of this.

I look forward to it. I look forward to it. And your content is incredible, man. You provide so much value through your work. And when I started researching it, I started realizing that your content is actually just one part of this whole empire you've built and I just started to get so much more fascinating with you and your work and life and I'm excited that people are going to get

to hear about that today. So, one of the first versions I wanted to ask you because I've seen this in your videos and I get fascinated because I'm massively into visualization of being surrounded by inspiration. Tell us about the significance behind your dead mentors painting in your office because that we see in all the videos and I also see the Marvel characters too and I'm just like dude, it looks like you've got like University of Studios. You know it's funny you say that it's right over you to the side.

I don't even know if you can see it or not. It's all the way over there. So the office turned into studio. So the painting to me is eight characters that mean a lot to me. Einstein is obviously one of the most brilliant minds out and have a big statue of Einstein in my house. And Einstein's philosophy on math is slightly different than Milton Friedman who was a famous economist, capitalist,

but they kind of debate, they clash a little bit. And you have Kennedy and Lincoln, and they clash a little bit, and they're both presidents. You got Tupac and MLK, they clash a little bit. You know, so, and then you have the Shah of Iran, which is, you know, the Shah was there when I was born in Iran three months before he was an exile, and then. And then Senna, which in my opinion is the greatest formula on race

car driver, and I name my daughter after his last name. Senna. So my daughter's name is Senna Bedavid after his last name. And then they're sitting there debating two books. One book is one form of economy. The other book is another form of economy. So they're debating Atlas Shrug and Communist Manifesto, which Jay, it's kind of like the complete opposite of religions in economy. And then, you know, they're just having that kind of a conversation in a bank vault. And then the three characters there with the Hulk and Batman and Joker is an element of my personality. You have a little bit of all three of them. And then at the front, I also have Captain America, not Captain America, Optimus Prime,

he's 9, 3, 1400 pounds. And it was custom made in Malaysia. We brought it in, I thought I said, I gotta have it. So those are some of the things that have in my office here. Yeah, I mean, that already tells us so much about you and how your mind was said. We share a lot of people in comments.

So on this wall, I'm my other podcast wall, which I'd love to see when you come to LA. We have Einstein, MLK, I have a 100-hour Lee on this wall. I have two back on my wall too. I also have some of Nikolai Tesla's first ever patent to this. Motors, but what I love about what you just shared there is this embracing of paradoxes, like opposites and and I'm someone who gets fascinated by that too Like what is the white-emfine?

paradoxes and opposites and Ideas that seemingly collide so fascinating that you have in that painting You know it's crazy when I was a kid growing up I watch Rocky 4 and when you watch Rocky IV in Iran, when you watch Rocky IV in Iran with Persian dialect, because you watch some of the movies, whether it's whatever dialect it is, and you're in Iran watching it in Farsi, Sly sounds different, but when you watch the movie, at that time, tensions in America and Russia was very high. I mean, a lot higher than what it is today with Russia.

Today, Russia's been replaced by China, but back in the days, it was really Russia and US going at it, right? And you saw him going to Russia to fight Drago, who killed his best friend. And then at the end, he says a message. He says, if I can change, if you can change, if he can change, anybody can change.

I mean, just, I just got the chills all over my body thinking about this message. And then in my family, my parents, my father was an imperialist and my mother was a communist. I mean, complete different philosophy when it comes on to politics. And I watched him go at it all the time. So it always came down to Republicans think Democrats have no clue what they're talking about. Democrats think Republicans have no clue what they're talking about. Democrats think Republicans have no clue what they're talking about. I have friends on both sides that are brilliant and I always want to know how did you come to your

conclusion of your views? How did you come to your conclusion of your views? And there's truth on both sides and there's a lot to be learned on both sides. So for me, you know, the reason why I look at it from that standpoint is you look at America today, we're pretty divided. Sometimes just because somebody else is a different color or different background or different age or different religion or different political affiliation, we probably have a few thousand things in common and maybe 11 things that are not in common. If we focus on more of the things that we have in common, we'll figure out a way to bring people together. So this is one of the reasons why I love a healthy debate. I love watching debates like for me,

people like to maybe watch a UFC fight or a buck. I like to watch a good debate on YouTube. That's what I enjoy. That's entertainment for me. That's why these two topics always sit down to get it kind of fascinating to me. Yeah, what a great answer, man. That really, really refreshing to hear that.

What's something that you've been debating with a friend or your family or your wife recently? Like what's been a discussion of the day? It doesn't need to be serious. It'd be anything. Yeah, I mean, friendly stuff. I have a friend of mine. His name is Steve. Let me tell you, Steve and I, we go back. He was the Michael Jordan of our high school. Okay. So this guy holds all the records. And he was the guy that we would, I would bring my dad just to watch this guy play. He was fascinating. Now, if he and I can go anywhere, we can be in Madrid, Colombia, anywhere we can be, there's going to be a moment where we debate the greatest basketball player of all time. And we can go for five hours, just say, heat it.

People think we hate each other, we're screaming you out of your mind you're crazy and It's just exciting, you know, he says he's a Lebron guy and secretly he likes to say Jordan But he's really a Lebron guy and I'm going back with data and I'm giving him data But it's not about data and then he comes up and he says you never played organized basketball I play with the highest level guys. You don't really understand basketball, but it's so entertaining I'm like we have two of our friends who just sit there, and they just enjoy it. And then you can talk about debates about what's the greatest

game, what's the greatest leader of all time. I mean, it could be anything. When I was a kid, we would come down from Chevy Chase, when I lived in Glendale. We would come down from Doherr and because I went to Wilson Jr. high school, and we would walk all the way down, and I lived off of Broadway, right, by the the post office and it was a good 20-minute drive. 20-minute walk, that 20-minute walk when we would go to my friends, we would talk about

things, we would say, hey, Jay, let me ask you this. You could be the most powerful person in the world, president, you could be the richest man in the world, you could be the person that is the most spiritual leader that's from whatever church you choose, a Billy Graham Esk type of a person, a show pro tap. Somebody that has that kind of a stature, you can be the greatest athlete, the greatest performer. So Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, present, all this stuff.

Who would you choose? And then people would say, I would choose this. And that would lead to dialogue. Why wouldn't you want to be the billionaire? Why wouldn't you want to be the president? I wouldn't want, I would want to be the person that makes an impact. Who cares about making an impact? You want to it was exciting and you're learning so much and I think you know more today if we had more people from opposing sides

debating topics we would learn so much rather than just one sided message being given to us. Yeah what a great answer man and then you don't you feel and I'm hearing this from you that it sounds like when you're debating with your friend or we're having these discussions, these debates are on when they're on, but then when you're off, you go back to being friends again. And there's this mutual respect and understanding. And when I remember being part of my school's debate team,

and I really enjoyed it back then. So I was big into it back then, not so much and more but what I found is that the way we were trained was you could only debate when you knew both sides fully so you couldn't debate just understanding your side that you had to understand the opposing side so if I was debating with you on this movie versus that movie I should have had to have watched and analyzed both movies. I can't simply argue it on the basis of my knowledge of my, you know, my, my, my

moment. Powerful. And as you'd call it. And I just think that, I think that's what you're, you're raising that when I'm hearing you, I'm like, yeah, what Patrick's really saying is that healthy debate is needed when you're able to do it in a mutually respectful way, but sometimes the debates we watch today are just so like low-boiling and you know they're not respectful. I don't know if that's the right word, but that's the word that's kind of coming to the top of my mind.

That you know debate so one's where you have complete respect for the person you're speaking to. It's not like a right battle where you're demeaning them. You know it's it's not putting them down because debate isn't about putting the other person down. You made, what school was this, Jay? What school did you go to? I went to school in London called Queen Elizabeth's Boy School. It was a grammar school.

It wasn't paid for, but it was, yeah, it was good school. That's powerful. I mean, I love that idea. Which, you know, it's interesting. It reminds me of something because I sat down with the Bush family and I love that idea. Well, which you know, it's interesting. It remind me of something because I Sat down with the Bush family and I sat down with RFK because I'm always curious about the Kennedy family How do you build a legacy like that where so many people and Robert F. Kennedy Robert Kennedy Jr The son of Robert Kennedy who was running he said I said. I was like being a Kennedy and he says you know

It's crazy every night We had to debate a topic. And our dad would sit us down and he would say, so what do you think about fascists? What do you think about Germany? What do you think about what's going on here with Trump? What do you think about this? Do you think War is good? Tell me about drugs.

Why shouldn't we use drugs? I said, your dad would ask you these questions. He says, yes. He says, because every night at the dinner table, he wanted us kids to debate each other and that was a Kennedy thing That was a Kennedy thing. I remember one time Arnold told the story saying when he met the John F. Kennedy He asked John F. Kennedy, what's your favorite color and John F. Kennedy said we like red and Arnold's like What do you mean? He says what is your favorite color? And he says we like red what what I don't understand what this means It's just we are a tight knit of Kennetys

and we back each other up, right? And on the bush side is the same thing as well, the father, all the way back grandfather, Prescott, which is seniors' father, similar situation, which is a healthy debate. So, you know, when you said the only way you can debate another topic is to sit down and actually know more about the other side.

So you have the moral authority to debate a topic. I think that is a brilliant point you just made right there. And the other part I would say is the following, you know how in boxing, if you go under the belt, they take a point away. If you go a certain side, what if they had a point system?

You know how they, I don't know if you're basketball guy, if you watch the NBA a lot, if you watch the NBA all start this year, do you remember the fourth quarter, how deep, how great of a fourth quarter was? I don't know if you watched the fourth quarter. Jay, it was the greatest quarter of basketball I've seen in my lifetime. And I've watched a lot about, and here's why they changed the guidelines because all star always had a black eye because nobody would watch the All Star game

because no one played defense. Just like, well, you go score and you go score and do whatever you do. They changed the format and it was, here's who gets to 155 first. So it wasn't like who wins by 19 points. So they took the clock off and they said, whoever gets to 155 wins, all of a sudden you saw

LeBron playing the kind of defense you've never seen before, Jonas playing defense you've never seen before. And they said whoever gets to 155 wins, all of a sudden you saw LeBron playing a kind of defense you've never seen before, Jonas playing defense you've never seen before. And they changed it. So you bring up a good point to know that maybe we need to we need to change the format of the debates and have a scoring system behind it. I don't know. I think there's a way of improving this thing because the way it's going right now. This is not how debates were years ago. Today when you look at debates, and it's getting uglier and uglier and uglier and uglier, it's almost as if everybody feels they need to do that to advance because if they don't and you don't take a shot first and you got to take the shot. So I don't know. If we debate issues, I really like to approach your taking.

But for me, I just feel like when it comes on to issues, I really think we need more debates. I do think we need more people that are on both sides that are willing to be open to the other side's decision. Here's how I feel the way. Do why do you feel the way you do it? Like a lot of times when I'm interviewing you guys, I'll say, what branch you to this point? So I'm interviewing Joe Arpio who's one of Hey, this guy in Arizona. Share a few, and I'm like, how did you become the way you are? Why are you such a nat, like you want, you act like you like being an asshole? Why are you this way?

What happened in your family, and then you go back, and you go back, and you go back, then he told the story, then he's like, no wonder this makes sense. Of course a person like that has to be this way, because you went through a moment where you were bullied, and you had to almost stand up, and it happened so many times,

and you lost trust in in somebody and you felt like this was the only thing. So we have to kind of look at all those things combined together but it'd be great to go to a different format of debating. I think a lot more people would learn more about the topics we'll deal with today. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere, and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me,

but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is what it sounds like inside the box card.

I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm going to end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with the lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood history and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom.

Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the City of the Rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Or, cityoftherails.com. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it.

Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton. That's for me being taking that moment for yourself each day,

being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time, I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives

so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast join the journey soon this is a fascinating conversation already because I was so excited to go here at all so I'm really glad that we've kind of gone down this because I think the point is that for so many of us we we're actually scared of debate because we see it as a negative thing like we see debates as like challenging, conflict, you know, full of like, and so because we made debate that way,

it's now something that people hide away from and try and avoid, but if we can find a way where we can all start entertaining ideas that we may not accept yet and processing it, there's a lot of value in that. And I'm glad that you've kind of brought that value out of it for us and kind of pushed that because yeah, it's a lot of value in that. And I'm glad that you've brought that value out of it for us and kind of pushed that because, yeah,

it's definitely needed more of. But I mean, when you talk about that, where you are now, what I find interesting just listening to you is, and this is how I feel when I watch your videos, and I've been really watching you during the pandemic, and I think you've made some incredible points. You have this ability where you like to really analyze things and you like to look at it from lots of perspective and it's kind of like how what you were just saying now, if you

watched, and by the way I'm a huge Rocky fan too, so if you watched just one fight of the Rocky movie, let's say number three with Mr. T and you watch the first fight where Rocky loses. And you only see that fight. You now have no context of anything else apart from Rocky just lost. And that's sometimes how we approach life. But if you look at things through just one lens or one snapshot, you don't get the bigger picture. And so I want to ask you, when you were in debt, when you were in that snapshot of your

life, what were you analyzing that, when you were in that snapshot of your life, what were you analyzing that helped you move out of that position? Because I think a lot of people listening or watching right now, maybe it's printing debt, maybe it's experiencing financial challenges. How did you analyze that situation? Or did you analyze it too? When I was at my lowest point, is that what you're saying? Okay. Yeah. So you know, it's a good question because

It is December 31st of 2002, okay? I'm in my Ford focus with a buddy of my Tony We're at Laurel Canyon right behind Universal Studios. We're listening to Ryan Seacrest do his countdown We're across the street from that in and out if you know what I'm talking about. There's an in and out I'm park right across on an uphill like this. And we're sitting there and I hear Ryan secret score 10 9 on, you know, 102.7 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1. And typically, I would be in Vegas. Typically, I would be in Vegas or party or a night club or, you know, oh my gosh, you know, I know you're dancing. You doing what you're doing. And it's exciting when it's a new year.

Jay was the first time when new year happened and I'm just sitting there, I'm not excited about anything. It's kind of like, so what? We're going into 2003. Nothing's changed. Life's the same. Why would I be excited about this? We just bought in and out.

We split it with our hands. We bought water and bought lemon on the side and squeezed it with sweetener to make lemon on just sitting there saying, let me get this straight. You are 23 years old, 24 years old at the time. You have some gifts, you have some talents, your dads in and out of the hospital, your mom won't back to you because you ran out of money and you're partying here. What do you want to do about this? I mean, you have a few choices right now. You're in that $49,000.

You can go back in the army and it's kind of like, you know what, I quit. I'm going back. I was in the army. I got out. They don't work out. I'm a go back and be a soldier. You can go back and work out another gym as a gym salesman because that's what I was doing.

And then I kind of started looking at everything and I said, you know what? I went through every single one of my alternatives and this is the decision I made. I said I'm either going for everything or I'm gonna lose everything I have and I didn't have anything to lose at the time but I'm not willing to settle for a regular life because it doesn't excite me. If these other guys can do it you know it's always a statistic. When you look at today in America, I was doing a talk and I was on a tour and I got up and I asked a simple question. I said, let me answer you guys a question.

I said, how many guys would like to one day live in a million dollar home? And, oh, we'd love to have a million dollar home. I said, how many million dollar homes do you think they are in America? Jay, I wish you would have heard the answers. 2000. 22,000. 30,000. and they're giving me all these numbers. I said, you know, there's a million, million, million dollar homes in America. They said, what?

I said, there's a million, million dollar homes in America. So I said, I would have never guessed there's a million, million dollar homes. I said, let me ask you, how many friends do you have that have walked up Mount Everest? And they say, no one. That's okay. So can we say that climbing Mount Everest is what? We can, you can say, maybe it's impossible. Maybe you and I cannot do it.

Okay, fine. We can make the argument, I'm 62 years old. There's no way I can walk up Mount Everest. Fine, that's fine. But maybe 80 people have climbed Mount Everest. But there's a million million million out of homes. What's the big deal about it? So it's not a big deal to think it's that big of a deal.

I was talking to an economist from Harvard, and I said, how many people last you, because he was saying the fact that it's so tough in America to become rich? I said, how many people in America last year do you think filed their taxes that they made over a million dollars? Last year, how many people filed taxes in 2019 that they netted over a million dollars. Last year, how many people filed taxes in 2019

that they netted over a million dollars? And it gives all these small numbers. I said over 500,000 people in America last year made, that's a lot of people. You're not part of a small community by the way. It's like, hey, I'm one of 500,000. Nobody says like, you're not a big deal if you're part of 500,000, you know?

You're one of your one at a billion, one in 500,000 that made a million hours. So when I started breaking down these types of things in my mind, and I said, if these other guys can do it, what is so special about that guy? What is so special about her? What is so? And I really started questioning, and the more closer I got to people that were very successful, I just realized these guys have a higher pain tolerance than I do at the time.

And I started asking myself, do you really want to go through the pain? The moment I started seeing the human side of other people that were winning, I said I'm all in. I'm gonna be able to go out there and pull it up because I'm willing to put up with the pain that I got to go through and it's just a matter of time and obviously eventually,

great thing started happening. But in that moment, Jay, it's so close to go either direction. You can either just, I said, I'm just going to go a regular life or you're willing to go live that life. It's so unique how close everybody is to eat. It's if I sit there and I measure it when people say, oh my gosh, pal, look at your life. I'm like, I wish you knew how close I was to go back in the army and do 20 years. I would have retired three years ago. You would have never known close I was to go back in the army into 20 years. I would have retired three years ago.

You would have never known who I was. It's disclosed, and most people don't realize that but it's very close. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city.

People call it Bozangilus. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers.

I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. And it's so sincere. I love you too.

My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Nut Lost on the iHeart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them, continues to be astonishing.

I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart?

Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the

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Big love, Namaste. I love that answer, which when you're talking about the human flaws that everyone has, and that you see that because I think you're so right that we often put success or fame or power on this pedestal that we feel like, oh, that's not actually real, but you're right, like everyone has their bad habits, their weaknesses, their flaws. And I love that you said, that was your motivation because I think that's such a refreshing thing I've never heard that before. And the second thing that I love that you said is, is just so right. Like if you were in my shoes at that point,

you would realize how close I was, because right now it's easy to look at Patrick, that David, the best seller and all the views and all the interviews and be like, oh yeah, yeah, you already had it together. And that's what I'm interested by, like you were saying that you could have gone to the army. Did you gain a lot of,

do you think you gained a lot of mental discipline from the army, or what was the habits that you did gain from the army that you think really have stood the test of time in New York today? There's no question about it. You know, in the personality types, you have the S's, the T's, the A's, and the R's. The S's are the structured, organized system strategy. They're all about structured. The T's are very analytical.

They're analyzing everything data numbers. The A's are very analytical. They're analyzing everything data numbers. The A's are, let's go get them. Let's go. PTs guys. I'm going to take over the world and the R's are all about harmony, relationship, empathy, understanding. In that moment of my life pre-army, I was A and that's it. That's all that was it for me. I was an A guy, bodybuilder, you know, I want to be Mr. Olympia, party and women. It's the only thing that was a priority for me. I was an a guy body builder, you know, I want to be Mr. Olympia party and women It's the only thing that was a priority for me. So then Uh, I'm on my sister's place. I lost my one of my cars And I'm on my sister's place. They stole my car. I'm on my sister's place. I go to sleep. I wake up in the morning Uh, four o'clock in the morning. We got hammered with my friends at her place in andino, and I wake up, I have nothing going on for myself. I'm working at Burger King

at the time. I'm going to Glendale Community College. I said, listen, if I go the way I'm going right now, nothing's going to happen in my life. I call my dad, I said, that I need you to come pick me up, take me to the recruiting station. I went to the recruiting station. I said, I'm making a decision right now because if I don't do it right now, I want, if I even have to think about joining the army, I'll change my mind. I was 18. So I said, you have to sign me up right now. if I don't do it right now, I won't, if I even have to think about joining the army, I'll change my mind. I was 18. So I said, you have to sign me up right now.

They said, we can't do a run. I said, I'm going right now. Two weeks later, I was on South Carolina. And I joined the army. When I went into the army, Jay, the biggest thing I picked up from the military was the structure and the system. Like literally the system, the structure,

it was a, every day was a routine and you're coming in four o'clock formation, then you're running, then it's child, then it's formation, then it's going to the motor pool, then you're working on your trucks, then it's child again, then going back on a motor pool, working on the second trucks, then you're coming back, then it's more training. It was so routine and that routine kind of, I'm not a routine guy for the longest time, I was not a routine person. And then you had to mentally and emotionally be able to take the torture torturing you would take them words. It was words, the drill sergeants, the stuff they would say to you, Jay, to see how tough you are. Hey, tell me about your girlfriend. You're like, oh, this guy wants to

get to know me. What does your girlfriend look like? Oh, my girlfriend looks like this. Oh, she's hot and she tell me about your best friend. Oh Oh my best friend, man, he's the best guy in the world. Oh, really? You know, they're hooking up right now. I mean, that kind of stuff. You know, they're like, what? They're together right now. But wouldn't you love to call them?

Oh, I'm sorry, you don't have access to funds for two more months. This is the kind of stuff they're telling you, like, who needs to go through this kind of stuff, right? But then you can handle that. Then when you come out and in the business world, somebody's talking trash or Somebody's rejecting you're going back and saying you're not as bad as the drill sergeant James. They played so there was a lot of

Benefits to probably one of the best decisions I made on my life Wow, man that yeah, that's so interesting that I'm so cracking up about which is that's like the worst thing to hear. But it's interesting, right? Like that resistance being pushed to that extreme means then when you're getting the normal, I think we feel scared of this sometimes. I feel like right now we always feel scared about what our limits are. And I always say to the people that I know,

and my friends, I'm like, you have no idea what your limits are. Like if you keep stretching it, and we know this because of neuroplasticity and how the brain can be required and stretched, and you keep stretching it, you we know this because of neuroplasticity and how the brain can be required and stretched. And you keep stretching it, you just expand your abilities, but we're scared of doing that because we feel we might break, right? We feel we might break, and I guess it's having that openness because you have that openness to be stretched, or even if you want to open to it, you still allow yourself to get stretched and now that's

allowing you to deal with the bigger spectrum of the same challenges and stresses that you see. But I find like the biggest struggle is in convincing yourself that you're not going to break if you stretch yourself. How do you do that? How do you push yourself and know you're not going to break because I think so today we're so much more fragile today because we are fragile because of the trauma we've experienced through our parenting or through our childhood and so now we avoid pain and there the whole time you kept saying pain pain pain pain right we get to go through that pain so tell us how do you go through pain without stopping yourself from breaking? Feeling like you're the great. You know, it's it's fun. You say that when it comes down to my kids, I have, I have a couple of rules with my kids. I have an eight year old, a six year old, and a four

year old, right? I've been married 11 years. These are the three kids and they're very different. I oldest likes vampires have no clue why the middle one looks like a middle eastern bow jacks. And you look at his his buddies like this. He's got calves bigger than mine. He's got muscles. I mean, everybody likes the middle one. He'll come to the office. And during the pandemic, he was here every day for 12 weeks.

And they were making 102 shots a day. They were supposed to read 20 books, 20 pages a day. And they would watch a documentary every single day with me during the pandemic at the office. And then this was a routine. Every day they would watch a documentary every single day with me during the pandemic at the office and then this was a routine every day they would do this. The middle one would come to the office and Jay, he'd go sit in people's offices and he would say, I don't know if you know or not, my dad's your boss. I'm like, you can't say that kind of stuff to people Dylan and he's kidding with them. That's how he is. He's so witty. And he would say, so what do you do? He says, I do customer service. Can I make some of the calls?

You want to make Gellamy? Can I talk to the customer? He takes the phone and talks to customers at six years old. Then the four year old is a smack talk, or she's a whole different story, right, how she is. But there's a few things I talk to these guys about. I say, we lead, we respect, we improve, we love as a family. These are four things we do when we pray for four things.

We pray for courage, wisdom, tolerance tolerance understanding. That's what we pray for But we also talk about bullying. I spend a lot of time talking to my kids about bullying a lot of time talking about bullying I tell them you're gonna be bullied, but in life there's two things the beddavits don't do We don't bully and we don't get bully now having said that Many times when you see kids that are growing up, you'll see the younger one end up becoming the peak performer and does a lot of big things in their lives. The older ones a little bit more responsible, maybe make some conservative decisions, the younger one pushes the envelope a little bit. You know, it's a little bit more reckless

than all the other guys. Why? Because the older one bullied the other guys a little bit, right? They pushed them around, they punched them, why'd you punch them, why'd you hit them, give it to them. And I know this is going to sound weird, especially to your audience. There's a bit of it that we do need. I do think we need to be pushed around a little bit. I do think we need to be challenged a little bit. I do think we need a little bit of resistance. I do think we need a little bit of pushback. I do think we need it because when that happens to you, you get tested. And when you're tested, you actually learn a lot about yourself. You find that if you have what it takes, you find that if you have the goodies. When we were first

starting the channel by you, Tim, and here's what I said to the guys, I said, look, we're going to find out do 52 episodes, but within 52 episodes, we're going to find that if there's an audience for this or not. If there's not, I don't want to use the resources I'm gonna go back to doing what I'm doing. It was 52 or 104 episodes two years. I went and I said two years I will make a decision. I said, okay, there is an audience. Let's see what we can do with this and then we built on it. Podcasts, same thing. Let's see if, because some people can do good long form interviews, but they're not good for podcasts. Some people do good short motivational videos and it goes viral, but their content on vlog is not that good. People are not entertained. You have to find your niche, what you're good at. Just because you're good in one thing, doesn't mean you're going

to be good at everything on blogs, podcasts. So you have to kind of find that I'm be honest with yourself. To me, it's all about that test. You sit there and say, I'm not good at it, but here's the scariest part about the question that you ask. Here's the scariest part about the question that you ask. Jade, there is nothing scarier than never experiencing the unknown. Let me explain what I mean by the unknown. To me, I cannot tell you how scary it is for me if I never find out the potential Patrick. Like, to live a life without the unknown

is just not worth living for me. Yeah, I'll sit down with somebody and you know a lot of people this morning I was doing a conference call with some of my executives and I said, in the last 19 years I've been in this financial business and we have around 15,000 agents right now, nearly a half million square feet of off in space. I'm the majority owner, we have raised a lot of money, we've done good stuff for ourselves, right? And I've mentored a lot of people and I've watched a lot of people, how they are on what drives. Everybody's driven by different things. Some of them are madness, some of them is advancement, some of them is individual,

some of them is about, you know, a purpose, they want to do something, but everyone's different. The one line that a lot of people that never wanted to put up the effort, they would say a line like this, they would say, Pat, let me tell you, if I really wanted to, I'd be the biggest guy in the financial industry. You know that line. If I really wanted to, I'd be the biggest guy on YouTube. If I really wanted to, I'd build the biggest podcast. If I really wanted to, I'd be the biggest Instagrammer.

If I really wanted to, if I really wanted to, and it's a form of a cop out, it's a form of a cop out because let's just say you actually did what you think you could do. Let's say you became the biggest podcaster. Let's say you became the best in the financial industry. Let's say you became the biggest real estate guy. Let's say you became what you think if you really wanted to become the biggest. Who benefits from it? Who benefits from you become the biggest? If you have kids, is it fair to say that Trump benefited from the Trump last name? Yes. Is it fair to say that Trump benefited from the Trump last name? Yes.

Is it fair to say that Kennedy benefited from the Kennedy last name? Of course. Is it fair to say that there's a benefit to Chelsea Clinton for her last name being Clinton? Is it fair to say that if you're born in the Duchess family, you want to tell you know, some of these families, the royalty family, you benefit from it. Yes. So if you do what you're saying, if I to talk, you know, some of these families, the royalty family, you benefit from it, yes. So if you do what you're saying,

if I really wanted to do it, I would really be the biggest and XYZ, who would benefit from it? Your kids, your family, your loved ones, why wouldn't you do it if you know, it's gonna benefit them? Why wouldn't you do it if you know, they're gonna have a bigger advantage at 18 years old

than you do, why wouldn't you do it? So it's not that if you really wanted to, you don't think you can do it. So that's really a cop out way of doing it. We've all done this before, but the reality is if somebody's watching this, man, I just don't recommend, I would much rather get in the ring and fight somebody

and have an answer by the end. And the answer is he beats you. I'm good. I can live with that. Then not go in the ring and for the rest of my life think You could have beaten that person. Let's get in the ring and hash it out. Let's go out and see if we can build this business Let's go out there and see if I can do this podcast Let's go out there and see because I am not willing to live a life

Knowing that I couldn't take it to hold it from level But I was too afraid of the risk. I'm not willing to do that. That's the unknown So you got to you got to be willing to accept not experiencing the unknown, and I'm just not willing to do it. I can fully relate to them, man. That is the truth. It's the simple truth. And you're spot on that. If you don't explore it, you just never know where it may go. And I think, you know, we don't feel that experience that. I know, I definitely identify with that in my life. I am so grateful for that moment where I decided that I was gonna try and do what I do now,

because it was exactly what you said, when you said, I was this close to settling for normality, security, stability, and safety. I was this close, and every time I look back and I'm just like, wow, I'm so grateful. And the funny thing is people think you only make that decision once. You have to make that decision all the time because there's a new safety net. There's a new stability. There's a new security.

And even five years in, your mind's still trying to get you to settle for that. So it's not that you make the decision once and everything changes. You have to remind yourself that you made that decision. And one thing I've mentioned, one thing I've heard you mention, is that you say you visualize your dad's funeral maybe 50,000 times. And I wanted to ask you what purpose is that selfie? Like, what is that view for you when you have visualisation?

So you have to realise that when I go through the category of madness, lifestyle, individual and purpose, and what people are driven by. I talk about people being driven by 20 different things. This is having worked with a lot of different people before. I know what I'm driven by. I'm in the madness quality, right? I'm the guy that's driven by a chip driven by you.

Can't do this driven by an opponent opposition, doing something that's never been done before. That's my, and I didn't know this for long. This, I'm by the way, for the longest time, I thought I had issues until I read two of these books back here. One is called Hypo-Manic Edge, and the other one is called First Rate Madness, which is such powerful.

Neither one of the books did very good, but there's such great... I've never heard of that before. Hypo-Manic Edge talks about the link between craziness and a lot of success. And it talks about all of these people, the upbringing of Bill Clinton, how hyper manic he was, and the Jackson's,

and all these other leaders, it's a brilliant book, both of those book, I highly recommend it. Once I got to point where I said, listen, you hear all these different people speaking. You're not that guy. You have nothing in common with her when it comes on to style and vision.

That's fine. That's not you, you don't have his gift. This is you, you are wired this way based on a life that you live, right? Okay. So once I saw that and I brought it back and I saw that what I was driven by, what moved me from there it was about,

okay, what do you wanna do with it now? At what level do you wanna go with this? How high do you wanna go with this? What levels do you wanna take it? What, you know, how big do you want to do with it now? At what level do you want to go with this? How high do you want to go with this? What levels do you want to take it? How big do you want to scale this? Then I use that as a way to motivate myself to go to the next level. I think the biggest thing when you think about different people out there and what they want to do is they have to sit down and figure out what drives them.

Too often, you do your videos. You've had what? 40 billion views. I don't know what the numbers, you are all, one of your videos got a quarter of a billion views. No, like you have one of your videos got a quarter of a billion views. I don't know how many people can say

to have a video with a quarter billion views. Now here's the thing. I see so many people, Jay, that try to be you. They can't. You're not Jay Shetty. This is Jay's purpose. Jay is driven with a certain demeanor that you're so, you calm people down. Your strength is just, you're a unify, you're a synergist.

You're good with bringing people together, you're calming, you're good for the world. We need more people like you, right? But not everybody's like you. So you'll see a lot of people that will watch you on this. I'm trying to be like Jay. And then they'll watch Tony. I'm trying to be like Tony. And then I'm trying to be like, this. I'm trying to be like Jay and then they'll watch 20 I'm trying to be like 20 and then watch I'm trying to be like here I'm trying to be like once you figure out what moves you and you get clear on that part the rest is history That's one of the reasons why I wrote this book your next five moves, which you know when when I was writing this book

And I was working on this it's an interesting thing on what happened this is years ago So I started putting all this content together for this book years ago. One morning I wake up. I wake up in the morning and it's six o'clock. At six o'clock I had a message for my mom. Okay, my mom's message was, I am so disappointed in my son. What happened to my son who loved his mother so much that would call me and tell me how much she loved, you know, the typical guilt trip type of message that moms are supposed to leave sometimes. She left that message, right? So I get that message and that's six o'clock. I'm not cooking. That's the first message. Then I get my text from my girlfriend at the time who says, I think you love your business more than you love me. We have to

really reconsider our relationship because if it's going to go this way, I don't see this going anywhere. That's my second message, okay? Then I just had closed the big deal the week before. An email, the client sends me an email saying, I found another policy that's going to give me better returns than yours. I signed with New York Life yesterday. I'm canceling the policy with you. I was, this is a time I didn't have money.

I'm relying on this policy, cancel. Then my number one agent leaves me to New York Life at that time, and I'm sending her saying, what? And at this policy, canceled, then my number one agent leaves me to New York life at that time. And I'm sitting there saying what? And at this point, it's 607. For seven minutes of the day, I have an issue, my mom, I have an issue, my girlfriend, I have an issue, my client, and I have an issue, my number one sales guy. I'm sitting there in bed. And here's what I'm processing. What do I do next? So first thing I thought about, okay, so you're going through and you're thinking, okay, do I call my mom first to make her feel good?

Do I send her roses? Do I call my assistant? Do I call my girl? Do I talk to her and say, come over to the house to try to retain the room? You mean a lot to me? Do I really want to do that? Am I really going to compromise my career? Why would I say that to her? No one, I'm going to have to choose my dreams over her and she doesn't buy into it. But I love her. But what if I drop and she's so beautiful? What are my friends gonna say about me? When I go to the clubs, everybody, what if my, you're thinking all these thoughts?

What am I, do I call my sales guy? Do I call the client? Do you think about all that moment? Here's what I said. This is what I thought about that moment. You can have 10 different people experience the same exact situation and they're gonna handle it in a different way.

All I wanted to know was, what is the right next five moves in the right sequence to make, right? LeBron James and his partner, buddy, Maverick Carter, they just got a funding of $100 million to start their own Black media company called Green Hill, right? Big deal, congratulations to them, right?

So you look at this LeBron James guy. People think he's just a basketball player. The guy is as methodical Congratulations to them, right? So you look at this LeBron James guy. People think he's just a basketball player. The guy is as methodical as they've come, right? So he's in high school on the cover of Sports Illustrated, goes in the NBA, everybody's expecting him to be great. He does more than that. So he says, I'm first gonna be a great basketball player because he's studying everybody.

He's studying, I'm gonna take a play out of Jordan's playbook. Go become the greatest basketball team. I'm gonna take a page out of Colby. I'm gonna take a page out of,'s playbook. Go become the greatest basketball team. I'm going to take a page out of Colby. I'm going to take a page out of, I know this one's going to sound strange, Trump, because of social media and apprentice and all that stuff. He puts it together. He becomes one of the greatest in basketball.

So that was his industry. Number two, he goes out there and uses his market to make money, which he's made God knows how much money. Then he starts a media company while he's playing at a peak of a time like this with what's going on around the world, perfect timing. Then he's going to retire from basketball after playing with his son on the same team, Brony, which is going to happen. He'll be the first to do it. Then he's going to own a basketball team. What is LeBron's inspirations long term? Is he trying to run for office one day? What's

he setting up for? What is this? He's not just a basketball guy. Is he trying to, when I'm studying in that, I say brilliance, right? When you think about Amazon just about zooks yesterday, a self-driving company for $1.2 billion. What are you doing? What did Amazon do buying whole foods? Just four years ago. What do you do buying whole foods? What did Amazon do buying this company?

And you saw, then Elon Musk tweeted out saying, he's just a copycat. What are they doing? What are their strengths? Then you realize it's all about your next five moves. So in the game of chess, a grandmaster is somebody that knows their next 10 or 15 moves, right? A master knows their 10 moves, a pro knows five to six moves, an amateur knows their next one to three moves. If you play chess, you can't, here's what I'm going to be doing. Some of the guys know seven moves they beat you. The whole purpose

of life to me is whether it's marriage whether it's having kids you get people that comments I want to get married why do you want to get married what's the purpose of getting married why do you want to have kids why do you want to have kids because everybody's doing it I want to become a millionaire why do you want to so when you go through the process and put it down then you put the right 15 steps in place that's the right steps. Then eventually you get to go exactly where you want to go to. And that's one of the reasons why I wrote this book. Your next five moves because most people have the right intentions. Most people have the right vision. Most people are thinking big. There's not a lot of people. Most people do think big, but they don't know

what they need to be doing in the next five to 15 steps. And once they figure that part out, the rest of the history. Yeah, no, I love them. And I absolutely love analyzing strategy, methodology, methodology, and all those people you just picked out. It's fascinating to watch. But I like the way that you break it down into the next five moves, because I think like you're saying for anyone, their next five moves may not even be building the next big thing. Their next five moves is just getting off the couch. It's not like that's why I love the theory in the book because it's so practical because it's like, hey, whether you're sitting on your couch or whether you already have a million

dollar business or whether you just got rejected from a girl that doesn't like you anymore, whatever it is, it's like, we all need to know what our next five moves are, right? It applies to everyone. And I love that you start with a principle of master knowing yourself as you number one. And my question to you is let's dive into some of these because I think it's fun to break them down so people can get an idea of what's in the book. But tell me what is the sign when someone can say I feel I know myself versus

I don't know myself. How does someone come to that decision of being everything? Yeah, I think I know myself right now and not to make this last move. It's actually learning what you can't do. What's not you, you know, for me it's what's not. You're like, when you want to get married, like I was dating three girls in nine years and each of them was like a two, three year relationship.

These are serious relationships. Not the same time, but you're not the same time. No, not at the same time. I was 21 a two, three year relation. These are serious relationships. Not at the same time, not the same time. No, not at the same time. That was 21 years old, but not a 28, 29. So I'm dating these girls. And at the end of it, one day, Jay, I'm so furious because I'm like, oh my gosh, look at all these girls. They're all the same, same upbringing, same issues.

It's the same challenge with everybody I'm dating. And then I sat there and I'm like, well, is it the girl or is it the way you're presenting yourself? What is it? What is it? What are you looking forward to being? Do you want to be a husband or do you want to be a daddy? What do you want to be?

What are you really solving for? So I made a list and one of my assistants, her name was Patty, changed my life, she said, I said, listen, Patty, I've made a decision, I was 20, and I said, I'm never getting married. I enjoy my own company. I like going to movies by myself. I have a lot of friends, I'm good, I said, listen, Patty, I've made a decision. I was 20. I said, I'm never getting married. I enjoy my own company. I like going to movies by myself. I have a lot of friends.

I'm good. I'm happy. I don't need to get married. I'm fine. She says, listen, before you decide to not get married, go read this book. So what's the book? She said, I heard it on the radio today.

I've never read it, but I thought about you. I said, what's the book's name? She says, 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. I said, 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. I said 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. So I go by the book. It's by a man named Norman Wright. It comes in. I start going through every single question together

by myself. My go, it's pretty interesting. I thought I was looking for this, but I have no interest in this. I'm looking for this. But for the longest time, this was a priority. And one of the things is non-negotiables of what you don't want. Once I figured out what I did and what it was a lot easier to go date and what to say

no to and what to say yes to, it became so much easier. From the moment I got clear on who I wanted to marry and what things I needed to improve in, I read the book a year later, I found my wife, and then we got married. I mean, it's so funny how this thing worked out when I got clear. So now, who do you want to be, right? When you talk about who do you want to, you know, master knowing yourself.

There's a lot of different routes in life. One of the best things that a friend of mine told me and meant to my name is Tom. He was a former president at PHP for three years. Tom used to be with Jam Dad. They sold their company to EA Sports for $680 million and O4. And he was the number six guy, the number six guy, Jay, okay? But he still got a fat check, right?

And one day he sat me, now Tommy the most powerful thing. He says Pat, here's what I've learned. He was 48, 49 when he told me this. He said, I found it for companies. As a founder and a CEO, I made nothing of any one of these companies. Anytime I was number two or number six, I made millions. Anytime I was number one, I didn't do well. He says, it took me 49 years to realize, I'm not a number one. Do you realize how powerful of a statement that is to make? Because everybody's

trying to be what? A number one. Jordan was a great number two You know Jordan was a great number one. Pippin was a great number two LeBronza number one You know you have to look at everybody and then sometimes You may be a number one out of phase of your life But at 58 maybe you are better be a number two or maybe at 28 you're better at being number two Maybe at 39 you're a good number one. So you kind of have to go through these phases That is part of understanding and knowing yourself. So once you know and say, you know what?

I don't care to build a billion dollar company because it's not me. I'm just not a founder. I'm somebody that wants to go this right. I'm somebody that wants to go this right. Great entrepreneur, entrepreneur, salesperson, solo per new, but the biggest thing is to go through the question. I have a set of questions that I went through years ago and I put 28 of them in the book here

to find out exactly who you are, to find out a question such as, okay, Jay, who do you get along with? And you write down, these are the people I get along with. Then you write them, who do you not get along with? And what kind of a question is that? Well, why don't you get along with those doubts of people? Then you say, you know, I don't get along with those two,

you guys, because they're just like me. Well, maybe you got to kind of like yourself. You got some things you got to like about yourself. So when you go through that part, then comes the second step. So number one is master knowing yourself. Yeah, I love that man. That's a great answer. I think that example of when you're one or two or six, that's that's kind of currently one of the biggest challenges we have in the world because as we know social media one of the biggest challenges we have in the world because as we know social media, entrepreneurship, the conversation that's happening in business, the availability of seeing the big business deals that are happening, unfortunately, you know, we see this all the time in society and I think it's been out there, like whatever is rewarded, we end up repeating.

And so we go where the reward is rather than thinking about what's going to be a reward for me, right? What's going to help me get there? And so I think that's a brilliant answer. I'm really glad to make that distinction. I'm glad that there's questions in here as well because I think people need to start asking the right questions in order to get there. And that's really the step of self awareness.

Tell me about this one. Move number three, I'm skipping because we've done it for two. We kind of talked at the beginning. By the way, for everyone who doesn't know, move number two in the book is mastering the ability to reason. We were speaking about that earlier. But mastering building the right team, I'm asking you this as a personal question actually, because as I've been growing my team and my company and my world, I'm realizing that

the biggest skill that I personally need to work on is how to hire, like how to recruit. And I'm realizing that this is something that I need to invest in at this time in my life. If someone says to me right now, what's no more in skill you need to improve? That's no more in skill I need to improve. Like I'm aware of it from a professional level. So tell me about building the right team, something that people, I think it's so hard to figure out whether someone's right view or not right view, there's so many different approaches. I want to hit your approach for making sure that someone is actually right for the long term. So specific question

and not just somebody's right view, someone who's right to become a long term number two, number three, number four, number number five number six Etc etc etc etc in the country. So very good question very very very very good question And I'll kind of give it to you in the way I process the process to myself. So First things first is it's not just who's right for you. It's who you need next today, right? So for example who I needed in 2005 was different than who I needed in 2005 was different than who I needed in 2008 was different than who I needed in 2010. So for example, I came up,

I first needed an assistant to help me out with paperwork. So you get an assistant, right? Then I needed three assistant because somebody around my calendar, somebody sent my cards and gives to the client, somebody followed up. So it was three assistants. So then I got a person that did all my paperwork and compliance. So that person's a technical person. So they protected my business and time I got this person. So then as we're grown and we start a PHP

and I'm a sales guy, traditionally, I've never been a CEO before. I've never worked under the CEO before. I've just been a sales guy. I've been a good sales leader and I've made money selling. So when you go from an employee to sales person to sales leader to starting a company as a founder, this is a whole different language. You don't know what you need to be doing here because you've not got, I don't have an

MBA, I don't have a business degree. So when I became a CEO, Jay, it was, it was three, four years of anxiety, panic and worry about making the right, the wrong decision and it was constantly I don't know what to do as a CEO And so as I was going through this and I kind of started looking at everything that I was doing I said okay I need to figure out what I have to do on a daily basis myself what I need to do on a daily basis as a CEO I went to a course I took and I spent the Four weeks together with 144 other CEOs from 64 different countries and the guy I teamed up with for four weeks together with 144 other CEOs from 64 different countries. And the guy I teamed up with for four weeks was the founder of the Victoria Secret of

Australia and South Africa. Okay? He's worth $900 million at the time. He's worth about a billion and a half right now. And four weeks is my partner. So here I am trying to be a CEO. He's in his mid-50s look what he says to me, Jay. And I said, you know, Bob, I'm trying to be a CEO. What are the keys to being a CEO? He's in his mid-50s look what he says to me, Jay. And I said, you know, Bob,

I'm trying to be a CEO. What are the keys to being a CEO? Says, what? He says, I'm trying to get seven CEOs of mine that are running seven different companies to be CEO. So his challenge was getting his seven CEOs to be CEOs. My challenges, I'm trying to be a CEO. Look how many levels behind him I am because he went from being a founder to a CEO to Give it up his position then be debater bunch of different companies. I got seven CEOs reporting to him And we started processing through all these different things and he said look There's a couple things you got to be thinking about. There's a linear. There's exponential There's a lot of things that people do when they start a business

That doesn't explode the business. It's linear meaning I need systems So you fix your systems and your protocols and standard operating procedure and it's like here first step We do this second step. We do this third step is it's okay fine and then it's business that you go shake hands collaborate network and all this It's fine. It's good, but it's not at the highest level. That's a linear helps you grow But it's a linear it's not exponential Then he said at the highest level is exponential exponential is one, the next innovative campaign. A next innovative campaign is Jay Shetty coming out with a new show. What is that new show?

It could be a new series of videos. It could be a new podcast. It could be a new collaboration. It could be a Jay debate topic with compassion. And you bring two people in LA and they come to your studio and they debate boom, that's a great idea. All of a sudden you got 17 million new followers. They love Jay's new show right? That's a next innovative campaign that Jay came up with. And the last one is leadership development. Leadership development is two ways of looking at it. One is how good you are at

building leaders, which that is the pinnacle because if you can take a six and turn them in eight, you're always going to be needed. There's a lot of people that don't know how to turn a six and two and eight where they have to go just find an eight and they're never going to improve the eight. They just go find an eight, right? And the eight stays in eight, one improve because of you. So one is improving leaders and developing leaders. The other one is being able to find the right leaders. I want to work with you. So when you want to find the right leaders to work with you, my phrase, J J is very simple. Everybody I have here that are working for us behind this window, I ask him a question and I say, so what do you think about what we do?

And all I'm trying to get to is are they true believers in me? The smaller I am, the more important it is for you to be a true believer in me. And once it's a company, are you a true believer of what we're doing as a company? Like right now, we are looking for a new COO and a CEO. I'm looking at, I'm interviewing a CEO from a Fortune 50 company to replace me. This is a man that ran a company that I sent tens of thousands of insurance policies

to he's not gonna replace my position. And one of the biggest challenge we had together was, look, you're coming from a Fortune 50 company. We're not a Fortune 500 company. We're not a Fortune 1000 company. How are you going to be from the snobby people in your world to being able to level down and work with these types of people? You're going to make the same money. That's not going to change. But maybe you're not fit for this. So we were going, that was the biggest hiccup for us, by the way. So I had to see if you would be a fit for us. And eventually when I saw people that were true believers in me,

so if I hire somebody who says, Jay, man, I'm such a believer in you, you're awesome. You're amazing. I'll do anything for you, but capacity is low and talent is low. What's the purpose? What am I going to hire you for? But if you get somebody that says, Jay, obviously, I love the work you're doing.

I'm a true believer in the difference you're making. I like the values and principles you have in place. But if I can be open with you, I can talk to you're doing. I'm a true believer in the difference you're making. I like the values and principles you have in place. But if I can be open with you, I can talk to you about a couple of things. What I can help you in the operations. I think what I can do is the following. I don't need the limelight. I don't need to be on the camera. I don't even want to be doing any of that.

But behind closed doors, I think you're missing out on an opportunity to make $6 million a year here. I think you're missing out on an opportunity to turn this thing to business over here. If we come up with this, this app in it, sell it this way and team up with this guys over here. If we go to CNN or get a contract with Pepsi or Coca-Cola, I can help you do that, but I'm 100% with you. So it's identifying the true believers around you

and identifying who you need exactly next. And typically big personalities like yourself and myself, these are personalities. Operation becomes a challenge. The challenge becomes finding the right COO. I cannot tell you how much a COO can change your life. A COO can change the right COO believes in J. Shetty. Can take your business from what you're doing today

to be an astronomical and they're behind closed doors. So again, that's some of the ways I look at on who I need to hire next. I love that man. What a great answer. Everyone, you can hear this. Patrick, bad David, your next five moves. Incredible story tell.

I can really sit and listen to you talk for ages. Like, look, just think about it for a moment. Everyone's listening and watching, obviously Patrick's a great business person. It's a great story teller. He knows the stats. He's analyzing, but it's reflective. It's not just, you know, just repeating stuff. This is his reflection.

It's here. You can hear the process in his mind. That's what you're going to get inside his book. So your next file moves, mostly a business strategy. If you're a strong man, you'd be like, what do I do next? Here it is. Your next five moves, right? Not just the next one.

So going around public this book, Patrick, I want to end with two segments on the podcast. Sure. You're going to gonna be great at this they're the rapid fire segments so we have the fill in the blanks and the fast five we're gonna start with fill in the blanks first so you just got to fill in the blanks at the end of the sentence sure okay the challenge with big massive success is staying humble nice I love that answer. Okay, the game of entrepreneurship is never about you. Being the best version of yourself means constantly beating your your business involves recreating yourself. Nice. The biggest mistake people make in business is thinking it's all about them. Nice. I love all of your answers with Tauyri by humility and getting out the ego. So that's great. Okay. These are your fast pipes.

These are questions that the interest be one word or one sentence maximum. Okay. I've got so many for you. All right. I've got so many questions. I'm going to ask you. Oh, this is one I want to ask you because I want everyone to go and watch this video. I believe every creator has a video that they make where they think that they've put their best message and their best insight. But whatever reason people are not watching that video. What is that video for you, better get a video. Oh my gosh, we did a video,

we did a video about how nobody pays attention to certain people and they've been rejected. It's not even the life of an entrepreneur, it's another one that we did. And I thought this one was for sure gonna blow up. They got 40,000 views in a week. We're like, are you kidding me with this video? So, you know how this...

That's cool, tell us, tell us. I want everyone to go watch it, what's your... Yeah, you know what, let me, let me, I can, it's two of them. One of them is sleep sweat grind repeat. I thought for a fact, sleep sweat grind repeat. If you just type in sleep, sweat grind repeat, it's a 101,000 views, but in one year,

you know 101,000 views on a platform with 2.4 million subs is not viral or anything of success. But you know what, it's my favorite video. That's good, that's what I wanna do. Yeah, it's my favorite video that didn't do anything. Didn't do nothing. I love that man, please, everyone is listening

and watching this podcast, please don't watch that video because that's the one that Patrick put his heart at. And I can relate to that. I've got tons of those videos as well. So awesome, okay now we'll get into the fast 5 because I wanted to ask that question. Okay, if you had to start all over again from ground zero what would be your first 5 minutes? Great question. Number one, identify one industry that can bring out your talents. Number one, identify your industry that can bring out your talents. Number one, identify your industry that can bring out your talents. I'm a numbers guy, so what is it that you see that you can go and bring out talent?

Number two, find out who's the best in that industry and identify working for the best guy. So sometimes, like let's just say if I'm a real estate guy, I want to go into real estate. I'm in LA. Who's the best real turn LA? I want to go work for that guy. But if I can't go for that guy, I put a top five list and I go work for them.

That's number two. Number three is I work for that person and I do anything I can to help this person advance. So if their goal is to get to 10 million here, I'm going to do my part. If you want to get to 100 million, I'm going to do my part. If you want to get to billion, I'm going to do my part.

The fourth thing is to replace you or ask you for equity in the company. So if I've paid paid the price and I'm working for Jay Shetty and Jay said, Pat, I want to be able to take the business to 50 million here. I help you get to 50 million. I want to say, Jay, I've gotten you 50 million. Can I be your CEO and you be the chairman of the board and I want to get 4% of company. I want to get 2% of company. And if Jay says no or whoever that person says no, then go start your own company. But the last thing is to become an entrepreneur.

There are other ways to make your millions and billions before becoming an entrepreneur. That's the last step. Great advice, man. All right, awesome. This is one of my favorite questions, Zaz. What's something that you know to be true about business, but a lot of people would disagree with you on? It's an ugly world, very ugly.

Very ugly, I know it's not what people want to hear. It's not the whole, let's hold hands, come by, behind closed. People in front of you will tell you, oh, we can't wait for you to blow up. I support your business all this stuff. But if it has to come between them getting the client and you getting the client, you better believe.

They're going to do whatever they can to get the client. So you cannot be, I was a kid that grew up naïve. I didn't play in the streets for 10 years in Iran because my dad didn't trust me. I went to Germany at a refugee camp, Jay. I experienced betrayal at 11 years old, and I said, wow, I had no idea what the word betrayal meant until I just experienced it.

But that kind of gave me ideas saying, okay, in the business world, how different is it? Same, how different is it in military? Okay, got a little bit. How different is it? So you have to understand that you cannot be naive in business. If you stay small, it's fine because you're no threat to anybody. But if you choose to want to compete in Ruffle feathers, you better believe you're going to piss on people off. Absolutely, man. Well said. Well said. All right. If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be? Everyone in the world had to follow Yeah, if I had to create a law that everybody in the world had to follow say if I'm a president of United States

United States at least the United. Yeah, if I'm a president of United States What would I do every single month? Here's what I would do every single month. Every single month, I would have a set of books that everybody would need to read and submit their paper. And I'd put a scholarship behind it and I would go specifically on educating people on the concepts of money and mindset because for whatever reason, we're not doing that and it's not a tough thing to do.

I can't think at the last time a president recommended a book to read from stage. I just think education and not education from a school standpoint. Education from the standpoint of you reading the set of books, maybe a monthly book club if I was a president, that'd be for sure. I found that the president's book, John.

Can you imagine that? Imagine that. It would be a, I mean, it makes perfect sense. It's a great idea. Imagine what kind of community that would do. It would be really cool. I love that, man. We've never had that answer, but not even close.

That is by far the most unique answer we've ever had. All right. Two last questions for you. What's the best thing that money can buy? I'll give you a story. So my wife and I are going to Dubai. We're taking a hundred of our guys

and when we go to the airport to go to the buy the flight attendances from air friends you can't go i said why not said i'm a u.s. citizen now she's now you can go because your uh... passport expires in five months and france wants it to be more than six months i see godby kidmy doesn't expire well this is what it is so my wife goes and i said, babe, you go, I wanna go to the federal building.

I'll fix it, I'll be there in two days. So she goes, she's with good friends, I trust her, I go back and I come to the house and my nannies would are two kids at the time. And we were getting ready to move to Texas. And I said, hey, Melva, so we're gonna go to Texas. What's your biggest, daddy, I can't go. I said, I heard you told Mommy, you okay?

You told me you can't go two years, you just changed your mind? Daddy, I can't go. I said, I heard you told Mommy UK, you told me you can't go two years, you just changed your mind. Daddy, I can't go. Mova, why can't you go? By the way, she's the most amazing, and Nanny, she's not even, we feel uncomfortable calling her Nanny. She's like a grandma to our kids.

She's been in our lives for 11 years. She says, Daddy, I can't go because I got six grandkids in LA. I said, Melva, question for you. She said, what? I said, what if I fly you back to LA every month for five days, and you come to Dallas, you live with us. I get you a nice master bedroom. You get your own shower in the corner, privacy, car, everything.

And I fly you back to LA five days a week, five days a month. Would you be willing to go to Dallas? She says, you would fly in the, I said, yes. She says, I'm going to Dallas. That's perfect. So when I got on the flight, I went to Dubai, I said, baby, she says, I'm going to Dallas, that's perfect. So when I got on the flight and went to Dubai, I said, baby, I got some news for you because she was down, she was worried.

I said, Melva has agreed to go to Dallas. So when you say money, you know, you get to do certain things like that. It's not the cars that travel. It's to be able to make certain decisions that help some people out and also helps your family out as well. So I would say that's what it would be. That's a beautiful answer, man.

Thank you for not giving a... This is what I really appreciate about you. And I appreciate what you're going through today. It's like, there's no shallow answers. You know, no quick answers, no... She's really thoughtful, really, really special, man. I appreciate you. Thank you.

Fifth and final question. What was your biggest lesson in the last 12 months? Good one. So last 12 months when the pandemic came up, we were getting ready to go through, we had our company evaluation, everything was going on and I'm getting ready to hire CO. And I'm in LA at Beverly Hills,

Hilton, we're having our board meeting with Delahoya, everybody's getting ready to fly in. And it's the day MBA canceled because Go Bear and some of those guys got coronavirus. And HL canceled and then Disney closed, everybody closed and I'm with my wife and my three kids and my nanny, and my board calls me and they said we're not coming to LA, I think it's like February 12th or some number like that. So they're not coming to LA March 13th, March 13th or March 12th. I said, what do you mean you're not coming

to LA? Well, because of the crown, I said, you mean to tell me one person's that and you don't, yes, oh my gosh. So I sat and I talked to my board for an hour and they said, Pat, this is serious. This is going to affect the economy. And we were scheduled to stay in LA for five. This is a baby. We got to go back. We stayed in LA for 23 hours. We flew back to LA. Jay, I have no idea what's going to happen. Here's why. 100% of all the insurance policies and annuities we sell is face to face. It's at your house at the kitchen table. And now I can't do my sales meetings, I can't do sales training,

I can't come to your house, you're worried about sitting down with me, you don't even want to shake my hand. I mean, this is a very awkward situation and we're about to go through a transaction. And I'm sitting and saying, oh my gosh gosh what the heck is going to happen here? And I said listen all I know is I got to go and do my research so I came back I dropped off the kiss to that the house I made sure my dad was good because he's 79 78 at the time my mom was good 75 everybody's good I came to the office one night. I was here for 16 hours straight on a weekend. And I studied every single thing about how the market has reacted to a pandemic, three months later,

six months later, 12 months later. So I come in, I'm like, okay, we're gonna lose a lot of money. I call my investors, I say, what are you guys expecting for us to lose the next 60 days? He says, well, the investors are assuming you're gonna lose 40%. A 40% okay. So my mind, I know when I'm doing my next board call,

they're going to be OK with the numbers being 40% less. Because they just said it. It's normal. It's going to happen because it's face to face sale. Once I did the research on the pandemic, and I know I'm giving you the longer answer here, but there's a reason why this is going this place. I look at the data and I see, at the last 10 pandemics

we've had, the last 50 years, only one of them, the market was down 12 months later and it was AIDS. Everything else, every pandemic, six months later, 12 months later, they all 100% recover, meaning if the Dow was at 10, it went down to seven, it came back to 10, right? So I saw this and I said, there's a 90% chance based on the data that the market's going to recover within 12 months. I saw this and I said, there's a 90% chance based on the data that the market's gonna recover within 12 months. I didn't sell a single stock. Every time the market went down, I just bought more.

Every time the market, I bought more. 18,000 I bought more, right? Immediately I called everybody, all my carriers, everybody's the guys. We got to figure out a way for us to be able to sell through Zoom. Because if I can sell through Zoom, we have a problem here, you're gonna take a hit. Then we have to get insurance carriers

to not take payments from clients, meaning if I can't make a payment for four months, you gotta forgive them. 100% they forgave them. And 100% of them converted everything to sell where I can talk to you right now. I can get you on a share and have you sell the policy and sign it, it was all scored away.

Once we did that, Jay, we went from selling 4,000 policies in a month of January and February. Last month in a month of May, we sold 10,968 policies. It was our biggest revenue month ever, biggest profit month ever, biggest EBITDA month ever, biggest commission month ever. And this month we had the most people ever make $100,000 in a month and a month of June. We've never had this before So I tell you I went four months straight during the pandemic There's only three days that I didn't come to the office three Sundays that I didn't come to the office every other day I was at the office and I know I knew it was gonna happen We were ready to be prepared that a lot of it was gonna shift

But the best thing that came out of it today 90% of all the policies we sell is through Zoom. 90%. So this crisis changed the entire business model and it's fascinating what we're doing today with the insurance company. So, but I tell you, I sound excited today. I guarantee you, if you would have talked to me four months ago, it was an act. I had to figure out a way to stay poised. I get it. My congratulations, by the's it that's a great story of a greatness that's come out of this time so that's an experience. Thank you for sharing it that yeah huge congrats I mean that's not easy to do at all and

right now so many people are panicking especially like you're saying your business is a hundred percent face to face my mom's a financial advisor so I know what the works like she just don't work. My mom's a financial advisor, so I know what the work's like. She just works for herself. She's a solar printer, but it's a tough industry to be in a specialist. So congrats, man. That's amazing.

Thank you. Everyone, your next five moves, the patron, that David, Master VR, business strategy. And I'm hoping that we get to hang out when you come to LA or I get to come to Dallas. And I look forward to doing this more, man. I'm really looking forward to it. I knew you from your videos are going viral Obviously, I've seen your videos all over the place and what you're done And after this interview, man, I know you in a different level

I cannot wait for you and I to go break bread and I was telling you off camera when I told you You and your wife belong on the cover of a maximum magazine, a GQ magazine, it's like the Kenan Barbie when I look at you guys. Can't wait to see if you guys ever have any plans. I know some of the folks don't have plans to have them babies. When you make baby, when you have babies yourself, I'm sure some modeling agency is gonna pick them up day one. So you're very kind. I'm like, my name is both is well, man, I have a lot of respect for you and never know where they can follow you. Man, you take it on YouTube. It's your name on Instagram, right?

Yes. You're embedded on Instagram. Yes. And then your next five moves.com spelled out. Spelled out. Spiled out. Spiled out as well. F-I-B-E.

Your next five moves.com. Go and check it out. We will put the links to all of this in the podcast as well. So you'll have that. Patrick, that's it. Thank you so much, man. This is awesome. And yeah, let's stay connected, man. Absolutely. Jay, thanks for having me again. Thank you. I am Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you.

Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Munga Shatekler, and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in Major League Baseball, International Banks, K-Pop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me, and my whole view on astrology changed.

Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Jermis Beg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. podcasts.