On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Raquelle Stevens & Tanya Rad ON: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome & Finding True Purpose by Redefining Success

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, let’s welcome Raquelle Stevens and Tanya Rad. Raquelle Stevens’ most recent work includes hosting and producing, Giving Back Generation. She also starred in the Apple documentary, Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me and the hit series, Selena + Chef. Tanya Rad co-hosts On Air with Ryan Seacrest, hosting iHeartRadio's Top 40 show, The Vibe, and creating community on her popular podcast, Scrubbing In. Raquelle and Tanya just released their new book, The Sunshine Mind. Raquelle and Tanya opens up about how to turn a possibly bad day into a good one, the beauty of giving love unconditionally and receiving the same amount of love in return, the imposter syndrome we all have, finding contentment wherever we are in life, and the huge difference between chemistry and character when it comes to your relationships.  What We Discuss:00:00:00 Intro00:03:46 What makes a great day?00:06:21 Define a bad day00:09:58 Reaching out00:12:33 Unconditional love00:16:56 Why 100 days?00:18:19 Overcoming imposter syndrome00:28:59 Being comfortable in the uncomfortable 00:36:36 Contentment00:44:27 Be done with shame00:50:29 Character over chemistry00:54:19 The 200 dates00:57:43 A partner of character01:01:49 Discerning character01:07:49 Raquelle & Tanya on Final FiveEpisode ResourcesRaquelle Stevens | InstagramTanya Rad | InstagramThe Sunshine Mind: 100 Days to Finding the Hope and Joy You WantWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two

for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry For History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black

Girls podcast on the iHort Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. I am Yann Levan Zant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Does your all are just flopping around like fish out of water. Mommy, Daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Video App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Chemistry can lead to some healthy, you know, couple good years of marriage. Character is what's gonna last you a lifetime in a marriage. And it's so true when you're dating, chemistry is the first thing that we all cling to. You know, I wanna make out with you. I like, you know, I'm very physically attracted to you. Chemistry is what takes the dating world, you know,

to the next step, but it's the character. You can have chemistry with somebody, but that's gonna fizzle. It's like a fire. It's gonna burn out, but character is what lasts a lifetime. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it.

My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find,

keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more.

I can't wait to see you this year. And I am so excited for today's correct conversation because not only am I two guests, friends of mine, but they have a new book out that I know you're going to love and I can't wait for you to read. The new book is called The Sunshine Mind, 100 Days to Finding the Hope and Joy you want by Tanya Rad and Raquel Stevens. I can't wait to tell you about these two amazing humans. If you don't already follow them, make sure you go and follow them across social media.

And today we're going to be diving into the themes inside this book. But to give you a quick overview, Raquel Stevens' most recent work includes hosting and producing giving back generation. Rather than I would guess on the show, so I can't wait to go and watch that episode. Raquel also starred in the Apple documentary Selena Gomez, My Mind and Me, and the hit series Selena plus Chef. Tanya Radco hosts on air with Ryan Seacrest, hosting Iart Radio's Top 40 Show, The Vibe, and Creating Community on her popular podcast, Scrubbing In.

Raquel and Tanya just released their new book, The Sunshine Mind. I want you to go order it right now. You're gonna love this book and you're gonna love this conversation. Tanya Raquel, thank you so much for being here. Jay, thank you for having us. I'm like Van Groen, because I'm a big fan of the podcast, so to be a guest on the podcast feels like major. It's major.

Yeah. And Jay, we've been friends for a while too. So it kind of feels like sitting with two close friends and having a conversation. I was going to say that. I feel like, Raquel, I met you very early on when I moved to LA, like probably within the first six months, I think. Yeah.

We met through our friend, Aline Kishishishian, and then I love Alina had dinner with you in Rade and Alina, and I remember her texting me after being like, you're gonna love Jay and Rade, they're the best. And so, and we've been hanging out ever since and you've been so many wonderful people. You've been nothing but sunshine in our life. And you're one of those people that I always talk about is like there's very few people I meet that are just genuine and want genuine things

for everyone in their life and want genuine people to connect. And then Tanya, we met very recently actually much more. But we were messaging for many years on like DMs and like all of this. Well, I've been a fan of yours. Like I consume everything, Jay Shetty. I just find you to be very inspirational, aspirational,

row model. And so I just, I love you in general. And then I remember, Rick Hell was like our common thread. And so we met very recently. But I met your wife first. Oh, no way. I mean, there's that. Like a dinner party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a dinner that we had. When was that? That was a while ago. Yeah, it was 2021. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure there's chemistries like amazing and you know which questions we're going to answer. But I want to start with both of you and say, what makes a day a great day for both of you?

That's a really great question. I try to make every day a great day. And I'm not saying that in a way of like, oh, I just wake up happy every single day. I think sometimes it's a choice. And so the things that make me most happy are my friends and my family and the people that I do day to day life with. So naturally every day is a good day when I'm in communication with those people. And then also, all of the work that I do is committed to making a difference and to helping people.

And so I feel like I'm living my life on purpose. And to me, that's a great day. It's being in community with people. It's choosing to see the good, even when times are a little bit hard. And having fun as well, yeah. I love that. I love that.

I'd say mine's the similar in the sense that it's really just being at peace and being happy. And for me, a lot that I put in the book to are these little nuances that I do, you know, like we can get very into the mundane of our, you know, the routine of our lives. And I think it's like finding joy in those, like, little things. So in the morning, you know, I wake up before the sun. And when I walk into the studio every morning, I flicker the lights on and off and I say, good morning, everyone. I'm like literally bringing the sun in.

Sometimes it could be a little annoying, but I think it brings everybody smiles and it just kind of brings like a levity. And so I think to me just kind of being happy and that peace every day is, you know, I'm not a master at it. I can kind of get overwhelmed. And I think you're maybe a master at it.

I'm trying to be, I have my moments and that's when I like turn to Raquel and I'm like, I have a lot going on, help me and she'll usually send a scripture and I'm like, be a master at it. I have my moments and that's when I like turn to Raquel and I'm like, I have a lot going on, help me and she'll usually send a scripture and I'm like, okay, thank you. And I love what you've done with this book and I just want to show it to everyone who's listening or watching wherever you are in the world, how this book is structured because it's rare that two friends to come together to write a book together. That doesn't happen very often.

I've interviewed so many authors over my years of interviewing and you don't really see that. But the way this book is structured, I just want to show everyone because I've been reading it this week. You get these beautiful scripture pieces here, which are these favorite verses, I imagine, of both of yours. But then you also get sections that are dedicated to whether they're written by Raquel or Tanya. And so you're getting two perspectives on so many phenomenal topics,

which I think is actually really rare. When you read a book, you're so used to getting one person's viewpoint or one person's research. When it comes to you to writing this book together, I've already asked you about a good day. What does a bad day look like for both of you and how do you navigate those? Because we're writing a book called a Sunshine Mind, but there's some cloudy days

in all of our lives and you talk about a lot of that in the book. So what does a bad day look like and how do you navigate those? You know what's interesting is, I say that this book is such a reflection of our friendship because whenever I was having a bad day or I was going through something heartbreak

or you don't get that career, that job that you were really wanting and working hard for. Ricala, somebody that I would always turn to in those moments and she's that friend that was, she always met me where I was. She had a scripture ready to like turn it around for me. And so when in the early phases when I was thinking about this book, because I had written a different book proposal, it was like a dating book. And it was, you know, went, it was just on the cutting room floor, didn't end up going anywhere. So I wanted to do a devotional. And I was like, Rick Hell's the perfect person to do this with because this is exactly like what she is as a friend to me. I go to her, she shares wisdom, she's there for me, and so it was kind of a really nice

balance. Yeah, and I think that's something Tonya is really great at. On a bad day, you do reach out, you do say, hey, I'm struggling, and can you pray for me, or can you encourage me, I'm having a hard time, and I think sometimes it's hard to be vulnerable, it's hard to say, hey, I'm having a bad day, we want to pretend like everything's okay. And you really do embody that. For me, if I'm having a bad day, I do the same thing. I'll call a trusted friend, Tanya, or my friend Ashley Cook is really solid and great that way too. You know, Ashley. And then I also, on my own, I'll go, very grateful to live in LA. I'll go and I'll drive down to the beach and I'll take a long walk and I'll listen to my music or meditations and just it might sound kind of simple and you can do this actually wherever you're listening. You don't have to go to the beach. You can go for a

neighborhood walk, but I find being in nature and just taking time to be alone and be still and let the spirit come in and and bring me peace. It works every single time. And I'm not just saying that, it really does. And so I think taking that time to be alone and really asking the spirit, hey, I'm struggling today. Today's a tough one. Please give me peace. Give me that simple. And it works every time. I don't shy away from the bad days too. I've cried multiple times on the air. I've cried on Instagram. I love that. I do. I don't want people to think, you know, that I'm just, I'm always happy in that, like, you know, like I have moments on Instagram. I love that. I love that. She's like, I do. Like, I don't want people to think, you know, that I'm just, I'm always happy in that, like, you know, like, I have moments and I cry. And like, can I say something about Tanya too?

Is she, early on in her career, she faced a lot with, you know, different people saying, you're too this, you're too that, you're too positive, you're too, you're never gonna make it in this, in this business. Yeah. And I have, her personality's too much. Yeah, and I have watched her stay so true to who she is.

She's never back down. She's stayed positive. She stayed bubbly. She's chosen to take the high road over and over again. And her career has just grown and grown and grown. And she's never changed. She's grown, but she's never changed. She's always stayed true to her.

And I think that that is incredible. Thank you. So beautiful. I love seeing a good friendship because I think that in a world that where everyone's looking for a partner and someone to date, it's almost like friendships often get devalued

or become less important. Or we find that when someone finds the one or the person they wanna be with, all of a sudden they don't talk to their friends anymore, only when they're hard-broken to come back to their friends to mend their healing heart. And so I love seeing good friendships. I have a lot of great male friends in my life as well that I turn to, that are part of my support structure.

What do you think, Tanya? It is about your friendship with Raquel that made you in those instances reach out to her. Like, what is it? Because I think what you just raised there, Raquel is we struggle with reaching out. We struggle with asking for help. We struggle with calling someone up and saying, I'm having a bad day. Like, that is a very vulnerable, challenging thing for a lot of us to do. And a lot of us will wait months, maybe even years, before we open up to our friend and say, this is what I've been going through. So what was it about your friendship that gave you a sense of trust in Raquel?

And what can we learn from that and what can people listening take away from that when they're struggling to figure out who of my friends should I tell them, what can I tell them? Yeah. I do think that trust is built over time. So I think I was able to kind of see over time that she was a very trustworthy person. I know if I, whatever I told her. And also like I'm in an industry that I need to keep things to myself, but I always knew that I could tell her and it was like a vault. And that was, she's just proven time and time again that I can trust her.

But something that is very unique to Raquel that I don't think, and I, I'm not as good as it, as good as she is. But when you come to her for something, she doesn't give you her opinion. She listens to you, she doesn't judge you, she doesn't, you know what I'm saying? Like, I think a lot of times,

if somebody's going through something, you know, somebody comes back and they're like, oh, he broke my heart again. And they're like, you know, he was always awful. He treated you bad. Like it's none of that stuff Do you know what I mean? Like, we just want to give our opinion or kind of share and she just listens She's there for you. She encourages you and I think that's something that I try to take into my other friendships too Because I can all be the opposite sometimes and I really want to be better about No judgment like I know I could tell her anything and I really wanna be better about no judgment. Like I know I could tell her anything

and she will just take it and like, it won't even affect you at times. No, it's a really, it's a gift. There's one word that you said that I wanted to point out to everyone which I loved because I've never had a friend describe that way. She's a vault. Oh my God, it's a great.

The visual of the actual vaulted act. I'll look at your face, I'm a vaulted act. It's nothing getting through. Yeah, there's a vault. Oh my God, it's a great. The visual of the virtual vault. Look at your face. There's nothing getting through. Yeah, there's nothing. And there's the idea that like, you know, because we all have a friend that you like, tell a secret, you're like, please don't tell anyone. We know they're going to let it leak. Because it's going to get out whatever it is.

Everyone has a friend like that. And, but when you know your friends have vault, like I love that, I love that thought because there's such a safety there, there's such a security there. That's such a great visual. And Rukiel, with you and Tanya as well, like what is it that I guess allowed you to be a friend who is able to listen and not judge? Like where does that come from for you?

Because I think a lot of us feel that if we're not immediately reaffirming what our friends are saying, then our friends are not gonna like us. Right. So like most people think if my friend came up to me and said, yeah, just broke up and he was like this, whatever.

And then if you don't say, oh yeah, he's a jerk. And of course, yeah, you're the best. Like, we feel like our friends are not gonna feel. Like you're supposed to be on my side. Yeah, exactly. And if you're listening and, like, we feel like friends, right? Like, we feel like our friends are not gonna feel. You're almost as real my side. Yeah, exactly. And if you're listening and just being patient, a lot of people might just be like, whatever, who doesn't care about me

or she doesn't really feel sorry for me or whatever, what's given you that ability to be more patient to say, hey, you know what, I'm actually gonna listen and be more honest with people rather than just like tell them what they wanna hear. Yeah, well, I think it comes from trying to fully understand and live out true unconditional love. And when you love someone unconditionally, you're not always telling them what they want to hear.

You're saying or listening to what hopefully will lead them to peace. And what I found is that when you're bashing someone, maybe in a moment it feels good, but it doesn't lead to real peace. And what I found is that when you're bashing someone, maybe in a moment, it feels good, but it doesn't lead to real peace. Even if that person did do something wrong, it's like, okay, you know what, that sucks, that that happened, that's not okay, but we're not going to waste our time dwelling on that or bashing that person. We're going to focus on the future, we're going to focus on what leads ultimately to peace. And so I love my friends. I love the people that are close to me.

And so I try to give an honest answer. And then sometimes, the person gets back with that person or they say with them. And so imagine, Tonya's one of my close friends. She's broken up with a guy and I'm like, yeah, he's this. He's that whatever. And then they're back together. And I've said all these horrible things

about the person that really shoes she's venting to me in a moment of a hard time that they were having. And so that's the angle that I tried to come at it from is what is the most helpful, what is the most peaceful, what is going to be encouraging the most to her. Yeah, that's great.

I think that's the kind of friend that everyone says they want. And then we're always not sure when we actually get that feeling. Well, how do we grow? I mean, I welcome that from my friends. I hope people are telling me the truth. I hope people are being honest with me and not just telling me what I want to hear because then I can't grow if people aren't being truthful with me.

Absolutely. I feel like even in marriage, I'm married to someone like, I, okay, I officiated wedding last year and I was practicing to my wife before I officiated and Rade literally told me the day before that it sucked. And I was like, and every part of my ego was like, no, it doesn't. Like I put so much effort into it, it's like, don't you know who I am? And I listened because it's my wife and I trust her. And after my ego kind of like, quiet and down a bit, I was like, listening to her and I was like, she's saying this for my benefit.

She wants me to be awesome tomorrow. And she's telling me in advance so that I can be awesome. Mom. I changed the whole thing, wrote it. It went great. Everything was fine, everyone loved it. She wants me to be awesome tomorrow. And she's telling me in advance so that I can be awesome. I change the whole thing, wrote it. It went great. Everything was fine, everyone loved it. But it was so interesting because it's so hard to hear that from the people closest to us sometimes,

because we just want to hear them adore us and validate us, right? So. And of course, if Tony is coming to me and she's been really hurt by someone, I'm not immediately going to be like, well, you know what? You deserve that. No, it's acknowledging it.

It's being like, wow, that's like, that's not okay. That's wrong. But then, you know, not feeding it, I guess. But you know what's interesting, I've learned in friendships and relationships is like, there is no right and wrong. There's two people. there's two different perspectives. We've all grown up differently, we handle situations differently, and I think that as an individual, we just think our way is the right way and the way we do things is the way that everybody

should do things when in reality that's not how life is. And so it's kind of just learning how to work in that space of like, okay, this is how you see it, this is how I see it. Now, how can we work together to like, get to the finish line? Yeah, I love that. Let's dive into the book. You chose 100 days,

which I'm fascinated by why 100 days. And I'd love for you to tell us because it's a beautiful number. I like 100 days. I'm like, you can achieve a lot in 100 days, but it feels manageable. Why 100 days? I think for exactly that reason, I think you do 365. It feels like, oh, wow, that's really overwhelming.

That's what you say. We were going to do 365. No, I think 100 is digestible. And it's, you know, we could have done 30. People say it takes 30 days to create a new habit or we could have done 90 but I I thought a hundred was like a good Number you have got the three digits, but it's not like whoa 365 Yeah, that long to find hope and joy I want maybe no yeah Yeah, I also like it I think having a Something that you can go to daily for an extended period of time is good,

but also if you skip a day or two, it's not the end of the world. And you still, you know what I mean? I think a hundred to spell, like a good number. I'm gonna tell you that I feel the same way, because my original book, the one that's coming out now as well, was meant to be 52 rules of love. And my editor was like,

I think that's really overwhelming. So it came down to eight. And it was a similar sort of feeling of like, how do you make it feel manageable and actionable and powerful, but it's not always easy to do that with the number. But I think 100 days is great. Like you said, it takes 30 to 90 days to form a habit.

100 days is a brilliant commitment. It feels like you achieve something. One of the things you talk about in the book is overcoming imposter syndrome. And I love that topic so much because I think that people, and I've only picked my favorite days and things that I think were really powerful from the book, overcoming imposter syndrome is such a big thing today because more people have access to more opportunities, more people are seeing more things happening in the world and knowing what's going on in the world.

I know that in my own life, I've experienced imposter syndrome multiple times because I'm constantly in rooms that I never thought I'd be in. I'm constantly surrounded by people that I feel inadequate to in some way or weak to in some way over time or rooms that I didn't imagine being or didn't expect to be in. And so, imposter syndrome, something I experience time and time and time again. I have my own way of dealing with it. I'd love to know where I've both of you felt imposter syndrome in your life. And let's start there.

Where have you felt at first? Let's start there. This is a big one for me. Because like Rick Hellsend when I was early on in my career, I was, it wasn't like a beautiful welcoming for me. It was very much my personalities too much. People can only handle me in small doses. I'm a cartoon character.

And, you know, in this career, it's all your personalities. So like, that was very damaging at a young age when I was starting out. So in my mind, I had, I was like 21, 22. So you hear all that and you believe it because it's coming from people who way above you in this corporate world, you know, and this is something that I, I am so grateful, you know, I work with Ryan C. Crest and he from the very beginning has been so encouraging to me and he saw something in me and I would not be where I am if it wasn't for him believing in me

because I did have to deal with a lot of adversity from other people. It was very damaging. And so, and it was like every step of the way in my career, like I remember when I got my first TV gig at E, I had it all over again, I was like, I'm too much and I need to, you know, lower, lower myself and be a little bit quieter. And every step and every milestone

that I was making in my career, I felt really nervous at the start because I was just like, I'm not supposed to be here. I don't, this isn't, I don't deserve this. And there's also a part of it too where it comes from, you know, I never dreamed that this was possible, you know, like I always envisioned it, but I never thought that it was actually going to be a reality. And so when it's actually becoming a reality, it's just this crazy kind of like, I don't deserve this type of thing. And so overcoming it has been a process, like a major, major process, because I've had to kind of unwind and like, unhear all of these things. And it's so funny because it's like the people who see potential in you and believe in you, that number was far more than the ones that didn't believe and that try to put me down. But yet, those

ones are like the loudest voices and they're the hardest, you can't get them out of your head. I think it took me a decade to like get them out of my head. Yeah, that's really done the work. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. I mean, the noise of other people's opinions

is always louder than all these voices of support and encouragement. And yeah, Varekela, how about you? Yeah, so for me, I think having and continuing to remind myself of how big God is and whatever whoever is listening, you call it God, the universe of higher power, I think when we have a revelation of just how big that is. It's extremely humbling. And so for me, maybe similar to you, I found myself in a lot of rooms with people where I'm like, wow, how did I end up here?

And a prayer that I've always prayed is, God, I don't want to love anything or anyone more than I love you. And so I think when you go into a room, you understand that I'm worthy to be here because I am a human being. And we are all worthy. And when you understand the bigness of God, the higher power of the universe, you understand that we all play a small part in this journey of being human. And I think that's really allowed me

to overcome imposter syndrome because I do feel worthy. I feel worthy to be in the room with people who maybe I admire, maybe have achieved more than me. but like what an honor. I get to learn from them. And, and I'm worthy to be there because I am human. Oh, that's so beautiful. I love that. That, that, that really hit me. I love that. And, yeah, and I think for me also, from a practical sense, I've started to embrace imposter syndrome as a sign that I'm growing. Yeah. And so I find that I've started to look at imposter syndrome as every time I feel it, it means I'm doing something that's uncomfortable.

It's true, yeah. And I will say, I make it a point to surround myself with better. I surround myself with people who are further along than me, who challenge me, who help me to grow. And I have always been that way because I want to be better. And I don't think we ever arrive. I wrote about it in the book, but I said, my Angelo, she did an interview with Oprah in her later years. And she said, I'm still learning. I don't know when I know enough. I'm still, I've learned, you know, a lot where I try to live what I know, but I still am not there. And she was considered to be one of the wisest people

in the world that still is. And so I try to remember that. Yeah, absolutely. And Tanya, what was yours? Because Raquel looked to you and she was like, you did the work, like what would those 10, and you said it took 10 years, which I feel is a genuine real amount of time.

I think a lot of the time today, we're like, oh, you can get over in pasta syndrome like tomorrow. And it's like, no, it takes years to craft your relationship with how you feel about feeling like an imposter. And I do have to say, I feel like it adds a little bit of fuel to the fire. You know what I mean?

Like I think it made me, I would go into a carpet. And I, the amount of prep I did before a carpet was wild. Like I would be, I was doing research, I would watch every single movie, every single TV show, like do the whole background, I really wouldn't prepare because I had that in Posters Syndrome, like you're not good enough, you're not good enough. So it made me over achieve,

which I think ultimately was a good thing and a blessing. And so I think in a way, I tried to kind of turn the narrative of Imposter Syndrome. And it was, I tried to realize, like, oh, this is helping me. It's like fueling me a little bit. So I feel like once I started to change the narrative, and you know, I started to grow. And I was like, okay. Yeah. Shhh.

Like I just had to like quiet that voice. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw.

It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Louren's Hamilton. That's for me being taken that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time, I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn.

On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade.

Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about.

From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg, now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere, and their toxic behavior

and words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissist in your life. Each week you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships.

Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, yeah. I really appreciate that. And I want you to know that I've always appreciated your energy and being around it. So, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's always been nice to meet you. Thank you. Thank you. So wonderful. And like I remember years ago, that's when I remember connecting with you first, was when like, I think you told Ryan about think like a monk on one of your episodes. Oh yeah. And I was getting hit up with loads of messages about it saying.

Oh, the name right there? Yeah, and then I think that's, I think that was like how we first like at least connected on Instagram. And to me, it was just, I remember watching that clip back. And it was just like you were so, like I've had no idea what it was. And you were just so positive about what I was doing. I'm very passionate. Yeah, very passionate.

Very passionate. I'm also like, I think we take ourselves so seriously. I think that it's okay to be silly and to be animated and to like, you know, I find there's so much vulnerability in those moments of life and yet nobody wants to talk about these embarrassing things or, you know, like I used to do, when I was dating, I would like set the dinner table for myself and my future partner. Like he wasn't there, but I would, and I would clean out my closet so there was space for him to come. Like I did all those weird things.

I'm gonna release Manifested her entire life. I know. But I'm like, I don't take myself too seriously, you know? I'm like, if somebody says something works for them, I'll try it, you know? Try it and if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work. Share the embarrassing moments because we're all, we all have them.

Yeah, I can relate to that. I don't think I've ever talked about this. When I came back from being a monk and I couldn't get a job anywhere, I used to dress up as, I can relate to that. I don't think I've ever talked about this. When I came back from being a monk and I couldn't get a job anywhere, I used to dress up as if I was going to work and I'd go to my local library and sit there and read books and apply the jobs, but it was like me going to work,

like that feeling of like, I've got to show up as if I already do and then I'm able to attract and maybe to behave better, maybe to be more professional. And so I love that example. Everyone's gonna be doing that now. That's the only thing you've tried.

Everyone's obviously loads of videos. Everyone's setting up two tests. Yeah, the setting up of the table was like a little bit maybe too far, but I do encourage the creating space. Like, give yourself a drawer that's just empty in your room and give a big chunk of your closet that's just empty. And I was like, this is me creating space.

Like, how am I supposed to bring a man into my life that I desire so much? If there's no space for him in here, like actually no space. There is not an inch of space in this room for somebody to come in. So I created, I left an entire drawer, like a big drawer. I did not know that. Oh, yeah. And now who takes out more space? I still take it more.

But there's a lot of space for Robbie and all of his guys. He's one drawer. On the opposite, I have a way bigger wardrobe than Robbie. It's so bad. Yeah, it's so bad. I love it. Yeah, Robbie is so understanding. So, so supportive.

Yeah, yeah. All right, the next one that I picked out that I loved, and everyone is listening. There are a hundred days to finding the hope and joy you want. I'm just picking some of my favorite. That stood out to me and talking to these incredible authors, Tanya Rad and Rikal Stevens. Authors, yes, exactly.

Authors. And of course, you can order the book in the comments and caption. All right, this second one, which I loved, was be true to you. I think this is something that is an idea that we really struggle with because I see this meme and I'm sure you both have seen it on like Instagram and TikTok and everyone. It's probably my favorite thing.

And so it says, society says, colon, be yourself. And then society says, colon, no, not like that. Right? It's like we're living this world where it's like be yourself and then society says, colon, no, not like that. Right? So we are living this world where it's like, be yourself and then when you be yourself, I'm like, no, no, not like that. Please don't be that version of yourself. Yeah.

And it's like this really interesting idea that we're constantly told, be true to you. But then when you really see someone in all their authenticity and all their flaws and all their genuineness, we don't like you. We consider it ugly when the truth is, we all have that inside of us. Like, we all are that. So how have you both got comfortable

with looking at the parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable? I don't want to live my life, not accepting those things. So I've had times in my life where my flaws or my things that I don't maybe love about myself have really, you know, they've given me anxiety or they've made me feel badly about myself, you know, especially during my high school years, I was like, do I not look good enough? Am I not this enough?

Am I not that enough? And it's like, I'm either going to live like that, live insecure, concerned with, you know, maybe more of the external things, or I'm going to be so filled up with who God created me to be, which is loved, valuable, accepted just the way I am. And through doing that and accepting that and through being myself, I feel like I've been able to cultivate a life that is authentic to me. I have relationships that are real as a result of being myself, of being true to me. Because if we're not, the other path is not great.

You're going to live constantly anxious. You're going to have surface relationships because you're hiding a part of who you are. And so I think that it takes courage to be vulnerable, but what's on the other side of that is total freedom and real connection and all the things that we really want in life. I think that what I have found to be the issue with this is social media. And I love social media. I have a really great relationship with it. I have people that follow me on Instagram are so encouraging and so lovely.

Yes, there's a couple here and there that are negative. But for the most part, it's a really beautiful community for me. But I have realized that I think it's really damaging in many ways because we're playing the comparison game. So it's like, yes, I'm going to be true to myself, but everybody is holding this bag. So I'm going to spend all my money to get this bag. So I have it in my social media because that's what everybody's doing.

And I'm not sitting here to say, spend your money how you want. But I think that we've been wired to chase this unattainable lifestyle that might not be within our means. And where I wrote about in the book, being financially fit was really important for me because in saving, and you kind of have to take that comparison

and live your own life, because you're gonna go into debt, trying to keep up with the Joneses, when that's not in your means. And so, I think the comparison game in that way, I talk a lot about finances, because I think it's not talked about, especially with younger women enough, the importance of saving. And also, with all these filters, I remember I wrote

a specific chapter about this because it was very alarming. I'm 30 years old and I was using this supermodel filter and I loved the way I loved my face. I was like, wow, she's gorgeous. And so I would look in the mirror and I would get kind of like, I even went to the point where I took a screenshot of my face with the filter and a screenshot of my face regular center to my friend that's a plastic surgeon

and said, what do I need to do to look like this? And he responded with like, I don't even know it now. There's a nose job, cheek fillers, you know, some sort of taking out the fat in my cheek. And I was just like, this is so wild. I am a fully developed woman. And I'm having this conversation right now. Imagine how damaging this is for somebody younger

and insecure and figuring out who they are. And so I kind of made a point right then and there. I stopped using filters on Instagram because I was like, I don't want anybody to see me in a different way. And I also don't want to mess with my own head and like look in the mirror and think, oh, you know, I want to look in the mirror and see myself. And so I made a really big point to just like stop using the filters and I put a challenge

in the book for people to do the same for even just like 24 hours just to like pose without a filter. It's okay. And kind of get used to that because I think the more you the more you are accepting of yourself in every way social media and not on social media, it just gives you a different sense of confidence I think. Yeah, can you show me that filter off to it? It like makes your lips bigger and makes your family.

I love that challenge, by the way. I think that challenge is awesome. I love the idea that it's obviously, if anyone wants to change the way they look or anything, I don't think anyone here is saying, yeah, I don't think anyone is saying it in my talks. I get Botox, it's not like a, I'm not against any of it. Totally, totally. But I think that there's a fine line between, you know, looking at yourself and just being sad on a regular basis and just...

And almost that distance that's created between when you start seeing yourself as someone else on a screen. Right. And then when you start seeing yourself as someone else in the mirror and that distance gets wider and wider and wider, that's really hard. Yeah. Right?

And if I remember when, so when we're in the monastery, there were no, this is really phenomenal. When we're in the monastery, there's no mirrors. Well. So you lose the idea of identity and how you look. Now you shave your hair and stuff so you don't even have hair to look at or whatever. But the point is that I would catch myself looking at my reflection when I was like, if I was on the streets and I was walking

past the store or a window, I would catch myself looking at my reflection because I was so used to that from before. And it was so interesting to me to not look in the mirror for like a big chunk of my life. Oh, that is. It was such a fascinating thing of like, you lose that sense of like, that's important

and you actually have time to go in with it. That's vile, yeah. And so, so hearing your idea in the same way of like, hey, don't let use filters, you actually get more time to get to know yourself, you get more time to love yourself, appreciate yourself and deal with the reality, rather than a false reality that can really mislead you and mess you up with when you do look in the mirror and now you're disappointed with how you look. And face-toon is wild. I mean, you can really do some wild things on that.

Yeah, you have to be really skilled to use those things. We have, but it does, it does like, it's like a dwarf, it's like. I didn't even dry. Yeah. Just imagining. No, I'm a terrible, I'm like terrible at all that stuff. But no, I really love both your answers to that.

And I love that challenge. And the book has more challenges in it. Lots of challenges. Which I love. Which I love challenges because I think that they're the simple little habit, tricks and hacks that we need in order to learn these very deep profound lessons. Yeah. The other thing I was just saying on an interview that I was doing was the idea of, and

I'd love everyone to think about this, and I'd love you to come up with a challenge for this, maybe. Like, in real time, maybe. Let's see it. I just came up with this. So, ignore me if it's really hard, about well, try and, and if it goes terribly, we'll cut it out. Okay.

So, I was talking about, so we talked about the mirror one about me and the monster and actually what you're coming up with is like a brilliant challenge for that same principle. Another thing that I felt I learned while living as a monk was we lost the concept of time because I didn't have to be anything by 25 or if I would have stayed longer as a monk, it wasn't like by 30, you have to be married and this, right? So when I lived as a monk, there was no timeline because once you were a monk,

you were a monk and there was nothing that you had to do at 30, 40, 50. And obviously, I wasn't there for that long, but you could see the 70-year-old monks were doing the same thing that the 25-year-old monks were doing. There was no big discrepancy in there. And so you lose the sense of time. How do you think we can all let go of that sense of like, well, by 30, I need to be in a relationship, by 40, I need to be a millionaire, by whatever it may be, right? These timelines that society comes up with, can we all co-create a challenge that helps people

lose a sense of time? It's funny that you bring that up because I think that's something that I really struggle with. Right. Like very much so. I thought I was going to be married with kids at 25. And so that didn't happen.

I was like, oh. You know what? And I have some, I want you to share an example that you have told me before because I think it's really good. I think that there's a scripture that I love and it says talks about like content with little content with much You know it talks about being content with whatever circumstance you're in and I think what's interesting is that we can be like Oh, I just really want to be married I really want a partner and then you talk to your married friends and they're like enjoy your single life

Whatever you talk to be with kids. You're like I want kids and they're like all enjoy having no kids And you know, I think that each season of life is so beautiful and unique in its own way. And I think when we make a choice to just be happy and grateful for right now. And it's like, okay, I'm single, I don't have kids. I have my freedom. I can pick up and do whatever I want at any time.

Like that is a blessing for right now. But Tonya got a direct message from someone. Oh, that's a yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him the story. Okay, so everybody, the story. It's so beautiful by the way, Rookiel. That really, that Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him the story. Okay, so everybody, the story. It's so beautiful by the way, okay, that really, that's such a, I love that content with little content with much.

Yeah, that's beautiful. And it is so important to appreciate the season that you're in because I think I was never shy about the fact that I want, like, I wanted to be married, I want to have kids and that's a desire of my heart. So like, I would pursue that, like I pursued my career. When I tell you I went on probably 200 dates in seven years, I went on probably more. Wow.

And I really gave it my all. Like I pursued it just as hard as I pursued my career. And it's funny because I think God did this, like He purposefully gave me a very long single season because I would not have pursued my career the way that I did had I been in a romantic relationship. And I know long single season because I would not have pursued my career the way that I did Had I been in a romantic relationship and I know that about myself because I go I'm all in you know like I'm all in on my relationship right now I love it

It's the best season ever but had this been Ten years ago. I wouldn't have been able to build what I did and so I know like God was like I see you I know I'm gonna fulfill the desire of your heart, maybe not in the time that you think. And it's interesting because I got this DM and I had spent the day. I went on like a nine mile run and I was cleaning out my apartment and I was saging and I was, you know, I went on Instagram

and just saying, you know, what I was doing for the day. And I was going through a breakup. So I was heartbroken and I was really sad and I wasn't shy about it. And some woman responded to me and she said, I would give anything to trade lives with you right now. I am currently breastfeeding one baby, potty training another, that's peeing all over the floor

while I'm making my husband breakfast. I would give anything to be in your situation right now. And here she is with the life that I desire. And she's saying she wants to switch places with me. And so it was such like a direct message from God that like your way you're supposed to be, enjoy this moment, enjoy the season. It's not gonna be like this forever.

Seasons don't last forever. They are seasons for a reason. And so it was like very timely that message. Wow. Yeah. I guess a challenge could be think about your life today and where you're at and what you're grateful for. So maybe write it down.

I'm if I'm single, I have my freedom. I can go to bed when I want. I can go to the store if I want to. I can go to bed when I want. I can go to the store if I want to. I can go meet a friend. If you have kids, think about, you know, things that you're grateful for with your kids, with your husband. And so maybe the challenge is, you know, I'm grateful for this right now. Instead of focusing on future, I want more of this. I want a better job. I want, you know, partner, boyfriend, husband, kid, like just think about its gratitude, right? And I think gratitude eliminates angst about the future.

But I also think I remember reading this in your first books. It was about not attaching your happiness to like things, to the title or the whatever. You know what I mean? It's like attaching your happiness to this state of mind and like relationships and that's up that is what life is about. Yeah, no, I love what you're both saying. I think the freaky Friday moments really interesting. Like this idea of like switching lives with someone that you think has it all.

And if you were able to do that, most of us, maybe we'd backtrack to some degree, or there'd be some more appreciation for our life, even if, and of course, that's different depending on how different those examples are. But I think also it's different for women because we do have a biological clog. So there is that little timeline,

and I've been dealing with that a little bit lately, but I think now there's so many resources. There's so much you can do. I know women that are having babies on their own, you know, they couldn't find a partner. And so they're just doing it on their own. And I think it's such a liberating time to be a woman. And so I think all of these things are slowly starting

to like become less of a timeline. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I agree with you. I think that, you know, I think the pressure to do something because of just time, and you're right, as a woman, definitely, you experience it far more. And I talked to Rade about this all the time. And it's such a, yeah, it's a challenge.

But I like that challenge, Rukela, of like, figuring out what you currently have that you once dreamed of. Yeah. It's almost like what you currently have that you really wanted. Yeah. Because there was a time like you're saying that you will have really pursued the career.

Now you have the career and you're pursuing the next thing. And it's like, but what do I have right now that I once really wished for? It could be as small as, I get a bit of free time. It could be as big as I have the career I want. It could be as huge as I have the bit of free time. It could be as big as I have the career I want. It could be as huge as I have the partner and the kids, whatever it is. Or I can run the mile today.

Yeah, I can run a mile today. It's like it can be so small. Exactly. And one more thing too that I want to say is what which touches on all of this and helps with it and is actually the reason that we wrote the book is that the best advice I could give to anyone is to prioritize your inner life. Because when your inner life is strong, you can handle anything that comes your way. So those seasons where you're like really wishing and hoping for that thing and you don't

have it yet, your inner life is what sustains you. When you get the job, when you have the partner that you've always wanted, it humbles you and it fills you with gratitude as opposed to ego and arrogance and everything in between. When you're in our life, when you're spirit-strong, even in the mundane moments, that's what gives you inspiration, fills you with awe. And so, I think just the best life advice for anyone at any age is prioritize your inner life. That will fill you up to be able to handle anything that comes your way. Absolutely, absolutely. I have something that I often repeat to myself from others, which is when things are bad work hard

or when things are good work harder. Yes. And I mean that on your internal self, when things are good externally, it's really easy to forget that actually, you're only able to have this amazing external experience because of the inner work. Absolutely.

But you did like years ago or months ago. And then when things are great, you like stop of the inner work. Absolutely. But you did like years ago or months ago. And then when things are great, you like stop doing the inner work. And then all of a sudden, now you're in a cloudy season. And that, because you didn't do the inner work in the last season, it's not protecting you. And so, yeah, I love that. And if that's the heart of the book, I think, you know, it really, I would love that. And I know our community does that.

Everyone who listens to on purpose is such a Inner work person and I'm glad that they now have a hundred new ways of of doing that One of the other ones I've got a few more if you don't mind All right, I want to talk about this one because I think it's a big one be done with shame Right this one was like this this one really stood out to me because I think shame and guilt are things, all of us carry in so many different ways. They weigh us down. They let us potentially push someone away that we love. They block us from receiving love. Like shame and guilt are just this huge, what looks like a shield, but actually is just a barrier

and keeping things out and not letting us be ourselves and not letting people love us. Talk to me about what shame and guilt has blocked in your life and how you've changed your relationship with shame and guilt. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao, the tree that gives us chocolate, but this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen, or tasted.

I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer.

People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things

that you know somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think all these for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What's your favorite song? What's your favorite song? I'm Mungisha Tickler and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born,

it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're gonna get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention, because maybe there is magic in the stars, if you're willing to look for it.

So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, canceled marriages, K-pop! But just what I thought I had to handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good. There is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology? It changed.

Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and

I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too.

And also, we get to eat as much as we can. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy bills behind that. You're so white. I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah. So, Brunei Brown talks about shame as shame as I am bad and guilt is I've did I've done

something bad and guilt can be a good thing, right? Makes us not repeat the same mistakes, but shame is a deep, deep belief of, I'm not. Again, that's really powerful. It's so good. I know. So good. I never forget. Brunei Brown describes two things. shame and guilt. Shame is I am bad. Guilt is I've done something bad. guilt can be good and healthy because it helps us to not make the same mistakes again. Shame is extremely difficult and heartbreaking because it's a deep belief of, I am bad.

I'm not good enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough. And when we live our lives from a place of shame, we miss out on being our true authentic self. And so I almost could cry talking about it because shame, in friends that I've, close friends that I have that have experienced shame, it breaks my heart because you can see, you know,

it's debilitating. It's debilitating. And in my own life areas where I've felt some shame, maybe I'll go back to high school, maybe you know, other girls getting the boyfriend or there's that mean not feeling pretty enough, for example, you have to do the inner work, right? Because it's like, that's not true. It's like, I am beautiful. God's created me exactly the way that I am meant to be. And if I go on to carry that shame,

then that's going to affect me. It's going to affect me when I'm out on dates. It's going to affect, you know, how I see myself and that is extremely detrimental. And so you get through shame, through first acknowledging it, being able to speak it aloud, maybe to a trusted friend. And then you pray about it or you meditate on it. And that's when you do the inner work of like, okay, God, the universe, help me to see myself as you see me. Beautiful, wonderful, made exactly the way that I

was created to be. And it takes time and it takes work. Tanya's really big on visual, like seeing things visual. So she, you've told me before about your body, you'll write on the mirror, I am this, I am beautiful, I am this and seeing it and speaking that over yourself. So when negative thoughts come, I'm, you know, I'm, I don't like my love handles or whatever. It's like, I'm beautiful that my love handles are beautiful and speaking truth over yourself. And that is how you come against shame. Wow. That's a great explanation. Thanks for coming. Yeah. I mean, I'm just going to know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But my friends that I and you can see it on people and you can feel it off of them and it holds them back.

And that's why I care a lot actually about we want to take this book into schools and into junior highs and high schools because kids that are dealing with shame, their brains are still developing or is it's a lot harder when you're adult. I think about my friends that are adults and they are experiencing that shame. It's a lot harder to move forward and change those negative self beliefs, but when you're younger, it's easier because your brains aren't fully developed. So it is possible everyone can do the work,

everyone can heal and change, but it absolutely breaks my heart. And for anybody who's listening who feels shame about something in their life, maybe they haven't ever shared with anybody, it's like, it doesn't matter what it is. You are enough. Nobody is ever too far gone.

There's no mistake you've made. There's nothing you've done that can't be healed. And it's just, yeah, the difference, that she expressed from Brené Brown, the difference between guilt and shame is so powerful. Because it is, it's like, we all make mistakes. We all trip, we all fall. and being able to kind of like speak on that guilt, pray about it, I made that mistake,

and I don't want to live in that mistake, and moving forward with my life, like is so, there's so much power in that, that I think a lot of people don't know how to get to the other side. Yeah, and I think often we stop other people moving on with their guilt because we're still stopping ourselves from moving on from our guilt. And it's like an insecurity when we see someone,

say, I'm gonna leave my shame behind, guilt helped me grow. And we can't deal with that because we haven't done that for ourselves. Yeah. So powerful. And I'm putting out there too. I think this book would make a great book club book.

Yes. I can see a lot of people reading it together, reflecting on a lot of these ideas, doing these challenges together. Like, it's great book club book. Yes. I can see a lot of people reading it together, reflecting on a lot of these ideas, doing these challenges together. Like it's a very practical book. For sure. And I'm a big fan of practical books because I think that it's not just a book

that you're gonna read on your own. Hopefully this is a book that you grab for your friends. You're gonna read it together. You're gonna discuss all these. Even in the way us three are like, this is really, I am. I find this really therapeutic. Like, you know,

I feel like I'm in therapy right now. me but even me like I feel like I'm opening up because you guys are opening up and there's these beautiful themes that you've selected in the book that everyone can relate to like none of this everything that everyone everything we've all said is is stuff that we're all dealing with in very unique different ways but it's still there okay I've got a couple more that I want to pick right I really like this one because it's obviously linked to my new book, Eight Rules of Love. Yes. And I love that this comes up in your book. So it's prioritized character over chemistry. And I love this because, you know, I'm a, I'm a big romantic. I'm a big fan of chemistry.

And I'm also just a big fan of love. Like I'm obsessed with it. I'm kind of like you in the sense of, I always had this obsession with wanting to be madly and love wanting to be married, wanting to have like this amazing relationship. Like that was a big part of who I wanted when I was a kid and then I married someone who doesn't like PDA who doesn't like who isn't a romantic.

It's been amazing. Like it's so much growth and a beautiful world. Totally, totally. But I love this idea of character over chemistry and I wanted you to describe, and maybe Tonya, you can start with this one, but it's like, what is the difference? And then what did you mean by this?

So I was at this, my friends wedding, this was a while ago, and the guy that was officiating the wedding, the pastor said, it was a Bible verse, and it was all about prioritizing character over chemistry. And he said, chemistry can lead to some healthy, you know, a couple good years of marriage. Character is what's gonna last you a lifetime in a marriage.

And I started thinking about that, and it's so true when you're dating, chemistry is the first thing that we all cling to. I wanna make out with you, I like, I'm very physically attracted to you. Chemistry is what takes the dating world to the next step, but it's the character. You can have chemistry with somebody,

but that's gonna fizzle, it's like a fire, it's gonna burn out, but character is what lasts a lifetime. And so that's what I found to be so interesting when I was in my dating world because I was prioritizing the chemistry. It was like, oh no, I don't wanna go out with him because I don't wanna make out with him. That was always my go-to, was I physically attracted to him. And yes, I don't want to go out with him because I don't want to make out with him. You know, that was always my go too,

it was like, was I physically attracted to him. And yes, I think that is important, obviously in a relationship. But I don't think it is the number one thing, and I think if you meet someone or you know, the friends are trying to set you up and they're like, this is a really quality person. They have a really great character.

I think it's totally worth going out with because that's what's gonna last the lifetime, I think, and that's something that I because that's what's going to last the lifetime. I think and that's something that I always say about my boyfriend right now. His character is like. I met him too. Yes, he is just, his character is so strong. He's got great energy. He's been through so much in his life and you wouldn't even know it because he puts it,

like he just carries himself so well. He doesn't bring past experiences into his new relationship. He just has such a strong character. And I think that, and we obviously have chemistry too, but the character is what trumps everything. Like it is just, it's so important. And I think when you're dating, remembering that

is like so crucial. So I want to ask you, in those 200 dates you went on. Yeah. Or something like that. Which by the way, inspiring, and I want you to talk about that because I have so many friends right now And there's 200 dates you went on. Yeah. Or something like that across the... Which by the way, inspiring. And I want you to talk about that

because I have so many friends right now who struggle with dating, a scared of dating. I was literally talking to a friend, you know who you are, if you're listening to this episode. I sent a voice note late last night to a friend saying, dude, there's guy. I was like, you just need to hear that. I was just trying to find out. I was like, dude, there's guy. I was like, you just need to feel the same. I was just terrified.

I was like, dude, you literally need to meet this person because I don't see what you don't like about her. Like, and if you don't go out on a date, you're not gonna know anything. You can't decide based on a picture in someone's bio of who they are. So I was just saying, you need to get out there. And I think so many people today, and we have to be buyer was like, who they are? So I was just saying, you need to get out there. And I think so many people today,

and we have to be honest, like, the pandemic set us back with social interaction, social anxiety when our people are scared of meeting people, people are forgotten how to have conversation, people may not be as confident with who they are anymore. Like, we can't ignore that. How did you, first of all, how did you find the courage inspiration to go out on 200

dates, like every time, because I think people got on one or five or seven and they're tired. Yeah. And it's very disheartening. Yeah. So, so let's talk about that first. And then the second part I'm going to ask you is, and I'll save the second question. And then Raquel, I'm coming to you in a second. All right. I love to talk to her about that. Yeah, question and then Vikell, I'm coming to you in a second. All right. I love to talk to her about dating. Yeah, exactly. I think the thing that I was like the one hit wonder, I'll go out with anybody once, because

I'm with you. Like you don't know if you're going to get along with somebody, you can only tell so much on a photo and a bio. So I would always say yes to a first date, but I didn't know. No matter what. No, even if you didn't like their picture, even if you weren't attracted. Yeah, I would go out. But I was, I didn't go on very many second dates. Like I'm very quick to know. And so I would know like it's not

going to happen. So when I say 200, it was just like, yeah, I would just keep it moving, you know, keep it moving. There were a couple in there that I would date, you know, a couple months here and there. And I think I did the longest I did somebody was six months. So they're like little heart breaks throughout the whole. And it is, it's disheartening. It's just like, is he out there?

Like I thought this was gonna be him and then it turns out, you know, this guy, like I dated, when I tell you the stories, and that's why I wrote the dating book because I'm like, it feels like a movie. Some of these things. I met a guy in Wilshire Boulevard, rolled down his window, asked me on a date, went out with him.

He was told it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She really said yes. Yeah, she really said yes. But, you know, time after time, it does get very disheartening, but I always have this journal. It's called My Dear Future Husband Journal. And after really bad dates, I would come home and I would just write in it. Okay, that's the book.

My dear future husband. Yeah, yeah, that's the next part. That's part too. That's the part too. No, no, that's your dating book. Yeah, that's the next part. My dear future, how do I say that? Yeah, but I would always look at, I would write and,

like, I would write about hope and the hope that I had for this man. I knew I was out there because when God puts a desire in your heart, He fulfills it. Again, it might not be on your timetable, but like, it's such a strong desire of my heart to have a partner to share a life, to be married, to have a family. And so I knew He was going to fulfill it. Again, it might not be on your timetable, but like, it's such a strong desire of my heart to have a partner to share a life, to be married, to have a family. And so I knew he was gonna fulfill it. So I would write to my future husband, just I would just write to him in this journal after every bad date. And it kind of kept me out of that mindset of the sucks. There's nobody out there, like, ugh, our guys really like, you know, I mean, I, it was everything under the sun. So that journal really helped me keep hope alive in my life.

So that's kind of how I navigated the dating. Cool, all right, Rakel, I'm coming to you and then I'm coming back to you for a question. Okay, all right, so. No, well, I guess the question's about, obviously there's character of a chemistry piece and you've talked about this before just about her, like dating and relationships are sacred to you,

and it's hard. You don't just dive in. No, no, no. You're very careful and composed. And again, I think you're such an accomplished person, internally and externally. And society, and I talk a lot about this in my book, where society has made us believe that we're inadequate

if we're not with someone. Absolutely. And I're not with someone. Absolutely. And I completely disagree with that. Obviously. So do I. You have another section in this book, which is all about the power of finding solitude, which I love, which I'm such a big proponent of.

And even in Tanya's case, she was talking about how like being single was so important for her now being together and she was able to achieve things. So how do you, how have you made peace with that part in your life where that's something you're figuring it out. It's not something that's worked out but you're not disqualifying yourself because of it. You're not making it reflect on who you are. And obviously as I'm saying, I know who you are and anyone I'm just throwing out, they would be lucky to be with Raquel. Oh, thank you. Truly. And I mean that. And I've always said that to you, like off camera, like, you know that. And so, but you're someone who's patient and getting it right.

So, like, how do you deal with that as we're dealing with all this other news as well? Yeah. Because it's a great question. So, first of all, character over chemistry every day. I completely agree with everything that Tonya said. You can find a lot of people that you have chemistry with, but you want to be with the person of character. That's what's going to lead to a peaceful life.

I have not dated seriously in the last 10 years, which I think can be really surprising to people because they're like, you're in your 20s, you're prime and you're not dating, and it is something that I take extremely seriously. So I do go on dates, and I'm open to it, but unless something truly feels right, and I see the person as a person of integrity, a person of character, I, time is too precious, and I will not invest my time in someone that I don't feel is right for me.

And through not dating, I've been able to have an amazing time in my 20s with my friends and building a career and traveling and living a great, very fulfilled life as a single person. And I feel enough and whole on my own. So for me to be with someone, which I would love to be with someone, I would like to find a partner of characters, someone that together we are stronger. I love that saying, you know, two are stronger than one. I would absolutely love that, but I am totally content and at peace in the meantime, and I'm open to it,

and I think that, you know, you're right, there is a lot of pressure on people to feel like, oh, I'm not enough if I don't have a partner, but of course we are. We're individuals, and we are, you know, the truth is you're born alone and you die alone, and so your relationship with you is the most important thing to prioritize, and when you prioritize that, then you're gonna be and you die alone. And so your relationship with you is the most important thing to prioritize.

And when you prioritize that, then you're going to be the best version of yourself for when that partner does. But I do think it's so important for people to hear that. Because I do think that there are a lot of people, myself included. If I looked at myself at 21, I didn't think I could function without a, I was just jumping from relationship to relationship.

I didn't want to be alone. And when I was single, I didn't think I could function without a, I was just jumping from relationship to relationship, I didn't wanna be alone. And when I was single, I was able, I lived alone for the first time. And I started investing my money. And things that I just never thought that I would do, or I could do on my own. I always say I'm a modern woman, and I really feel like I developed this strong sense of self.

And now that I do have a partner, it does. It's like, it is. She's made me stronger as a person and my life better. But I feel like it's so important because if you just attach yourself to somebody because you don't want to be single, it can lead you down a bad path. It's not going to lead you to your potential if you're just dating somebody because you don't want to be alone. I think you need to date someone to elevate you.

Yeah, yeah. And I think it's so right. Like, I think when you've run from relationship to relationship to relationship, that's when you fall in love instead of growing in love. And I think for anyone like, I've been with Riley now for nearly 10 years. And it's been more growth than falling. Like, I like that fall and grow. Yeah. So we fell in love, sure. That statement, as always, I've always wanted to fall in love.

That's a better that's because of Hollywood and that's because of movies and music. That's not because of me. When now as someone who believes I'm in love with someone who's in love with me, we're growing every day. We don't fall more deeply in love together. We grow more deeply in love. There's so much more evolution and learning. It's really interesting. I was talking about this the other day that so many people feel like enjoyment is the peak of a relationship. I'd actually say

the amount you've grown together and evolved together is the peak of a relationship because it makes life easier rather than just pleasure, not saying there isn't any kind of like the chemistry and character point. I want to go back to both of you on that because I fully agree with you too. How do you discern character? How do you, because I think a lot of people say, I know if I'm attracted to someone, right? I know if we have a bit of a spark because we're going back and forth and there's distress and excitement, but characters, how do you know?

Because characters such a big word. We always hear these scary stories about I was dating this guy and then he had a whole other family in another state. I don't know. I just don't know. It's terrifying. I just don't know. It's so real.

And my true friend podcast starts out with this shady boyfriend. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, or like, or like you find out that, you know, this person isn't everything they said they were. They didn't have that much money or whatever it was. Or like, well, they didn't look like whatever. Like there's just so many. And of course,

I'm just a swimmer. Yeah, that's wild. Those are all extreme scenarios, right? So I don't want to put that out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make everyone feel like, oh my god, everyone you meet. But you have to be skeptical. And you have to get a private investigator or something like that. But but I guess my point is how have you learned to discern character when you are meeting people and when you were dating and

I would love to hear it from someone who's like gone through that process like more recently than me. I think the way that they handle obviously the the first meeting, offering to pick you up, or offering to pick you up, but also saying, if you're more comfortable to meet there, but the gesture, seeing if they wanna come to you, how do they treat the people at the restaurant? How do they treat the waiter? How do they treat the hostess?

When they're speaking about their life and their passions and other people, are they talking badly about other people? Do they have a sense of spirit? Or I think it's just being super like lasered in on how they're present, on the first date, there's only so much you can tell, but I feel like you can also still tell a lot. Well, and I think I'm really big on looking

at the fruit of people's life. And I think what I mean by that is who are their friends? Who do they surround themselves with? Are they generous? It doesn't have to be with money. Are they generous with their relationships? Are they generous with their time? But I think who people have around them says a lot about a person. So if you meet someone and you meet the friends are not, they're not really cutting it, you know what I mean? Or there's certain things that feel a little bit off then that's a sign. Yeah, that was a great. I love all of those.

Everyone who's listening and watching, right? Those down because they're so awesome. Take a screenshot of where we are on the episode right now because all of those are such great ways to know character. My, some of mine that I love is I want to see someone when they're tired, stressed and irritated. I feel like when I see someone and that doesn't make me decide whether they're a good person or bad person, because by the way, I'm really not nice, I'm not irritated. But it's like, I want to see someone

with those emotions because that's like really seeing their character. When you see people in a date in an interview format, they're rarely tired, stressed, or critiqued. And when you see someone who's feeling those things, like I remember when I first saw Rade in those ways, or Rade saw me in those ways, it was healthy for us to actually get to know the kind of like, the reality of certain emotions you are gonna feel if you end up with someone.

Those will come out for a while. They're doing it, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I was very aware of of my mishaps and my patterns that were toxic and endating. And you know what I mean? Like being able to share that with somebody and like being vulnerable. Like, you know, I used to do this a lot and I would, you know, kind of being vulnerable in that way. And then just kind of seeing how they also dealt with, you know, adversity in their life, I think is also a true testament to care. Before we get to the final five, is there a question I haven't asked you or something that's on your heart? Both of you are such heart-centered Deep people that like I want to make sure that if there's anything intuitively that's within you that you really want to share with The on-purpose community is that something that's on your mind or heart that haven't asked you or you really want to share that you'd like to share Our hope with right it's it's hard work to write a book, you know, and

So our hope is really that that people would read it, and they would feel like they're reading along with two friends, and that they would know that they're not alone. And I'm not just saying that as something to say, like whatever you're facing in life, you are not alone. And so we welcome people sending us direct messages, or you want to send an email if you, you know, you have questions or even if you want prayer for something like, you know, I'm here and we're here.

And we are all in this journey together on this journey together. And I think that it can be easy to turn on the news or to look at our world today and feel very discouraged and think, this is not a sunshine mine, this is a dark world, there's a lot of unrest, but the truth is, there is way more good in the world than there is bad. And sometimes you have to fight a little bit for it, but it is possible to live life with what we call

the sunshine mind. And I hope that people through reading this can feel that from our writing. Yeah, I really, I do, I hope that people through reading this can feel that from our writing. Yeah. I really, I do. I hope that there are tangible things that people can take away. You know, and we wrote in there like live life through hope-colored glasses, because I think oftentimes it's easier to look at the negative and go down a dark path. And I think that we choose hope, we choose joy. It's not to be little people that have strong feelings and things that are going on in their lives But I think like on the daily you can really you can kind of train your brain to look at life in a different way and so

Hope people find that. Yeah, so beautiful and again The book is called the Sunshine Mind 100 days to finding the Hope. Enjoy you one, Tanya Rad and Raquel Stevens. Make sure you follow them again. If you don't, go and grab a cup of the book. I have my final five that we ask every guest who's ever been on the show on their first time on the show. Great.

So this is a rapid fire, fast five, which means the questions can only be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Well, okay. There are people who follow the rules, and there's nothing to win, apart from my validation. But there's some people that do it perfectly,

and there's some people that go off-piece, I would prefer that we keep it tight, because it's part of it. It makes them fun. Okay, and whoever goes first doesn't matter. We can do back and forth on each question. All right, the first question is, what is the best advice you've ever received,

heard or given? There's room for everyone. Chelsea Handler told me that. Oh, that's great. Like one of my first days of work. Oh, that's too much, sorry. No, that's perfect. No, that was a great answer.

No, no, no, no, if I keep nodding like, oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's room for everyone. That's cool. Prioritize the inner life. My mom taught me that. I love that. Both great answers very tight and very personalized makes a lot of sense. All right. Second question. What is the worst advice you've ever heard received? Her to receive if he loved me he would because I'm gonna ask you to complete that for me. If he loved me, he would. We always say if somebody loves you enough, they will do anything and everything.

Right, right, right. And I think that that's just not, it's such an unrealistic expectation that we've been told for years and years and years. And I think it's problematic. That's your loved that one. Card another episode on that. All right, Rickkel. Right before I moved to LA 12 years ago, I was living in Chicago and someone said to me,

you're meant to stay here. You know, the grass isn't greener on the other side's greener where you water it, which I think that statement can be true in certain times. But I disagreed with that person who is a big voice in my life at the time. I wrote about it in the book and I thought, no, my piece is telling me that I'm meant to go to LA. And I think a lot of times when people are close to us, we can listen to their advice and actually go with it but listen to people but then trust your inner voice. Great, great. Okay, so yeah it was bad advice because they were asking you to stay. They're telling me to stay and I thought the first I could have like maybe I will stay but no.

Question number three, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months? Compromise is a beautiful thing. I think people often hear that word, and they think you're selling yourself short. I think it can be a very beautiful thing. Right, Raquel? When you're living a life of integrity, you always sleep peacefully at night.

Wow. I think I had a lot of moments this past year, like career stuff, different things that happened, or people say that, so they said that, and it's like, no, I know who I am. I had to say, yeah, watching you through that season of life, yeah, as a friend, it was I, she was so admirable to just see anybody that was in that situation could have really crumbled and really, you know, been shaken up by everything that was going on. And it did not re-keld.

She knows who she is. She knows the person she knows her character. And she was not like, it was just, it was really cool to see because you really do like, I mean, and everything that's in the book, like, you really, these are, this is how we live our life. And it's in those moments when you're faced with these situations that it comes into play and like you really are strong. Question number four, what's your favorite day each in this book that you can't wait when they, when people get it for them to read? Is there a specific day that like out

of the hundred days that you both like feel as one of your favorites that you can't wait for people to get to? I'm a big fan of catch a vision. I love I make vision boards every single year. So I think catch a vision is one of my favorites. I can't remember exactly which day it was, but the one on forgiveness. I wouldn't expect you to remember 100 days. Yeah. Catch a vision is day 54. Yeah. The catch a vision is day 54 54 and then which one is your one? Forgive. I forgive someone 63. Yeah. Yeah. So forgive someone on page 63. Thank you, Jay. Okay. Reminded or to for telling us page 63. Day 63.

You can't live a life of freedom without being able to forgive. And so I forgive everybody and everything. Sometimes that's a little more of a process. Sometimes it's easy, but it is essential to live a happy life. Beautiful. All right, fifth and final question for both of you. We failed on this, by the way. We've been shouting away. No, no, no, no, but I've been asking.

I've been asking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You haven't failed at all. I always get intrigued by our sister's, Ivan. And I ask people to ask them in one word or one sentence because then people get really thoughtful and then you can really get into it. Okay, fifth and final question.

If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? I mean, I already thought of mine. Oh, all right. But it goes along with the book. But I would want either no filters or anything on social media or people, it has to say what was used on this photo. Do you know what I mean? Because I think as a young

girl, you're looking at all these photos and they've been photoshopped and they've been put through so many filters and you don't see that. So it's like if these platforms would tell you how much work was in putting this photo, I think it would relieve a lot of these Expectations that we put on ourselves. I think either removing all those or having like to disclose what you used on your Photos and video that it's great. We've never had down the show. I love that I think I do I think that there's a lot that goes into our our psyche that we from scrolling that you don't even realize is going into your psyche. That's very problematic. So if it's just all out there, you want to use your whatever, use them, but just tell people.

I love that one. Mine would be, don't judge. And I heard my Angelo took her again. She said something along the lines of, if you are human being, you could never say of another human being, I would never do that. Because if you were living their life circumstances, if you were in their shoes, you would maybe be capable of the same. And so I think we have to be very slow to judge each other and we need to give a lot more love, a lot more compassion. Beautiful answers. Ever on the book's called The Sunshine Mine,

100 Days to Finding the Hope, Enjoy You Want, Tonya Rad and Raquel Stevens. You're good. You go and grab a copy of the book. I'm so excited for my friends. One of my favorite things is to use my platform and community to support my friends and people that I love, people that I think are bringing amazing energy

into the world and these two wonderful humans are doing just that. So I hope you all show them all your love, all your support, all your energy and excitement. people that I think are bringing amazing energy into the world and these two wonderful humans are doing just that. So I hope you'll show them all your love, all your support, all your energy and excitement. It would mean the world to me. And thank you both for your time and energy on on purpose. Thank you for your time today. This means so much to us.

And this has been incredible. Yeah, I could sit here for, I can sit here all day. Literally. By having too much fun. Yeah. No, really, really appreciate it. Like honestly, you can't say thank you enough. Literally. By having too much fun. Yeah. Yeah. No, really, really appreciate it.

Like, honestly, I can't say thank you enough. Amazing. I love it. Thank you, Jay. Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. Hey, it's Debbie Brown.

Host of the Deeply Well podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your well-being journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen a podcast. Namaste. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most

incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lou Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty

on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth.

I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.