On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Rob Lowe ON: How Tapping Into Spirituality Transforms Your Life & Following The Signs To Your Purpose

Episode Date: August 10, 2020

Four decades in film, television and theater, two New York Times bestsellers, multiple Emmy, Golden Globe, and Screen Actors Guild Award nominations, and a touring show - no one could accuse Rob Lowe of taking it easy. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty sits down with the iconic actor to talk about his life and new podcast. Listen in to learn more about Rob Lowe’s journey from stardom to rock bottom and back again. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It's that tingling, it's that feeling, it's that fantasy? Whatever you wanna call it, what it actually is, is a vision, a voice, whatever you wanna call it. What do you do? What do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

Hey everyone, welcome back to On Herb. It's the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now you know that I love sitting down and diving into the minds of fascinating people, people who have incredible stories and backgrounds so we can learn from their experiences, their reflection, and their insights. And today I feel super grateful and honored

because we have none other than Rob Lowe. Now Rob Lowe's iconic career spans four decades in film, television and theater. He's also an acclaimed author. Rob has been nominated for two Emmys, six Golden Globes, and four screen actors Guild Awards in which he won two. He starred in the 80s classics, there's so many to name,

and Rob's career also includes so many fantastic books as well. He's two memoirs, stories that only tell my friends, and I've got some excerpts I want to share with Rob that I absolutely love and love life, are both New York Times best sellers. He's taken his first memoir and made it into a touring show called Stories I Only Tell My Friends Live, which has received a ray of views throughout the country and sold out in London, my hometown.

Now, Rob is hosting and producing Fox's Mental Samurai, also recently starred in and produced Fox's highly anticipated 911 Loan Star. And today I'm excited to talk to Rob about his career and his new podcast, literally. Welcome to the show Rob, Rob. Rob, thank you for doing this. Thank you.

I'm exhausted just from listening to all the things that I've done. I think I need an app. It's about time you take a break, Rob, I think. But you just started in your podcast. I just want to say, thank you for taking the time, but also just it's so wonderful that we share so many mutual friends.

And I'm excited to connect with you today. You've lived an incredible life. And I think that so much is to be learned and gained from your experiences. And I'm grateful that you're going to share the mobility with our audience today. No, you're very kind. Thank you.

I appreciate that. Oh, so well, I want to start off on some different tangents. I try and do this with people who have such well-known careers as well. And I heard that since you were a little boy, you loved spooky legends and scary mysteries and mysterious creatures. And I'm curious to know what's one of your favorite legends and why? Okay, we're going gonna go down the wormhole right off the bat. I remember, one of my earliest, not earliest memories, but I can remember being like eight and nine years old and writing files of big-foot sightings

and keeping like a little file cabinet. I don't know what I thought I was, like some Indiana Jones of the supernatural. I still love about it. I'm obsessed with big food and aliens. I love it. Over the years, realized why I love it is because it truly is the unknowable and I love oral traditions that have been passed down from ancestors to current day. And there are certain things in the oral tradition world that show up again and again and again and again and again, however incredible they may seem. And I love to try to get to the bottom of why that is. So that interest sort of,

I still have it today. Area 51, every time I go to Vegas, I watch the specially marked planes take off and go there. I've never been there, but I have been to the, they say that that is like the false flag version. Like that's the one that they want to draw everybody's attention to, but where the really good stuff happens is in Utah. I can't remember the name of it, but I did an episode of the low files where I went there with my boys. Basically the low files is a show you can still get on, I think iTunes, and it's really an excuse for me to just hang out with my boys in

a souped-up Scooby-Doo pickup truck and and cruise around looking for Stupid stuff like that and we actually went to the what was supposedly the real area 51 didn't see one thing Well then the super secret tell me about that actually because you speak a lot about you know fatherhood and spending time with your boys What's been like the latest adventure you've been able to go on with them that you think's been meaningful? Oh, for sure the latest adventure is becoming an empty nester, morning, literally morning that loss, and then cycling through the amazing satisfaction of them on their own lives. Then, then be right back in the house with COVID. And all of a sudden, we are, like, spending more time together now than we did

when they were in high school. Because in the last four months, we spent more time than we ever did because in the middle of the day, they would always go to school, obviously, when they were kids and babies. So living with your grown kids is a real learning experience. And it's great, but you realize, you know, 20 mid-20 something men were not built to live with mommy. And, or daddy, I don't mean that in a sexist way, they're, you know, they're meant to be out conquering the world and doing their thing. And I bet you it's very, very challenging for them and they've been

champs. They've been just champs. And I'll take every minute I get. So it's good for me. I love that. Yeah, no, I'm sure a lot of parents will be happy hearing the challenge. And our difficulty is because it's been so common for so many people, especially when a children that are older and you know, children that have expect to be out there and about and all of that. But let's go back to your childhood or your earlier days of what people may not be aware of your story or my audience may not be. And I want to hear about why you didn't go to UCLA because you've such an interesting story.

And I think it's a fascinating one. So I'd love for my community to hear it. Well, so I always wanted to be an actor. I was blessed with what I've now come to realize was an actual vision of my future at eight years old, and started in community theater and local school productions, and just a young acting nerd and then through life circumstances my family split up my mom moved us west we eventually ended up in California having nothing to do

with me or my aspirations and I started a little career and I had jobs here and there and got to be a teenager and then it all dried up. And it was over. And I thought, well, maybe this isn't my destiny. And what do I do now? And I had this bout of early success at 15, 16. And so it was kind of, I'd reconciled with, was it not good enough. There were people telling me it was purely an age thing. In fact, not to bore you, but it's a significant part of the story. When you make movies in TV, when actors get to be 16, 17, 18 years old, they don't get hired. They hire 18-year-olds to play those ages because of the labor laws.

18-year-olds can work all day. The other ages cannot. So there was a chance that it was the labor laws. So it was definitely wrong. It was the labor laws. We love you. We love to hire you, but it's not labor laws, kid. So I decided, my other passion was the law,

like my father and incidentally like my oldest son, now lawyer, and marine biology. And so I was studying marine biology and loving it, and I was gonna be a marine biologist. And there was one casting director. I was still audition, wasn't getting anything. And there was one casting director who was very supportive and just said, just give it to your 18.

Just give it to your 18. So I applied to USC and UCLA to their film schools and got accepted. And on the day where I had to like officially apply, I got the job in Francis Ford Coppola's the outsider on my 18th birthday. And the rest was sort of what I did, that was the path. What I love about that is the timing of you at 15, 16 having to start questioning yourself and dealing with failure and dealing with rejection. That's a very early age to face it

after having had some success too. And then for it to all turn around in two years and begin a new journey again, do you think that and as a father too, do you think that we expose children to failure to young or to late and what are the kind of benefits that you gained from having to go through that at that age? That's such a great question and I'm so passionate about these kinds of talks because I, like I said, I loved raising my boys and continue to, and I actually think we expose them too late to failure in our iteration of parenting. I'm from a very different generation.

You know, I was raised in the late 60s and into the crazy 70s. You know, now everybody wants to reverse engineer everything for success for our kids. And I'm as guilty of it as anybody. But my parents, you know, literally through me to the wolves, like they were like, I don't go do it, whatever, come home it, when the sun sets, you know, and so you have to navigate your way very much more than we do today.

And for me, you know, you know, when I would have to get on the, go after school, get on the public, the bus, and take it for 22 miles, get off, wait for another bus, take that bus into downtown LA, get off that bus, take another bus to Hollywood, check myself into the meeting, sit in the waiting room, go in, have the meeting, audition in front of somebody, be judged, turn around, take all those buses back, doing my homework, have dinner and go to sleep and wake up and go to school at 12 and 13. My wife wouldn't let my kids get on a bus at all. True, at 12.

Yes. So it's just a really different mindset and I'm really grateful that I was able to have that, that sort of crazy freedom that we would never let our kids do today. It's so hard, I guess. I'm not a parent yet. And that's partly why I'm asking it

because I feel like when you're not a parent, it's really easy to say like, oh yeah, I want to give my kids the freedom and I want to have, you know, you can have all these principles and then when I'm speaking to a real parent and I hear that and then you start to empathize with the fact that, oh no, we get so much into like control and protecting and defending and wanting to kind of, you know, I remember I had some friends back in London who they're, I think they're two years old. And she would like be running around in the corner and she'd be playing with like candles and like putting a hand over candles and like, you know, burning like them. And I'd always be like, do you want me to go grab a kid and

they were like, no, just just leave her like let her, you know, I was like, what are you sure? And they just had, and I'm not recommending that as a strategy to any parents. I'm just saying, they had that freedom that they were trying to train their kid. What do you think it was for you that pushed you forward to keep going on, A to look into law? But what gave you the mental resilience to go back that audition at 18, to go back into that world?

What I do, every part of what I do, books, TV, public speaking, touring, all of it. The dirty little secret is that I would do it for free. Do not take me up on that. I like my name. But so I think if you have that, if you're lucky enough, if you're lucky enough to have that in your life, you, there's never even a question of what you're going to do. There's never a question for me of what I was going to do. The only time that question arose is when doing what I wanted to do, I was stymied. And that happens all the time, by the way,

it still happens. I just say everyone knows, if I ask questions quickly, it's because I'm paying Rob by the minute for this podcast. Yes, okay. And I demand Bitcoin. Thank you very much. How do you find it? Like as somebody so said, what's happening with my hair? You're having a strike.

Yes, I'm just going to ruin with the hair and I'm not, it's COVID here. Wait, okay. I was actually, now we can continue. I mean. Yes, I'm not going to ruin what the hair in. It's COVID here. Wait, okay. I was actually right now. Now we can continue. I mean, I, I was hiring your hair. I was going to ask you who your barber or head wrestler was. That's, that's good hair, right? And it's intense.

I like it. So, but, but, but, as someone who's so sure about what they wanted to do from such an early age, you know, so much surety has gone and achieved it and beyond and, you know, probably gone beyond what you imagine too and just what you've created. Do you find that today, especially with your children as well, you said, you're eldest as a lawyer, there, today I find like so many people are struggling

with finding what they wanted. There's a lot of challenge of purpose. There's a lack of understanding, where to put my attention and energy in like, Rob, where do I start? And I get There's a lot of challenge or purpose. There's a lack of understanding, where to put my attention and energy in, like, Rob, where do I start? And I get this question a lot for my community, and that's why I'm bringing it up to you is

because I feel like, especially for a lot of young people growing up right now, A, there's so many options. B, there's so much comparison because you can see how many followers everyone has and how many dancers everyone does on TikTok and all the rest of it. And it's overwhelming.

And people go, where do I start? How different is that from the 80s and 90s or 2000? How different was it at your time? Or actually, you like, Jay, you know, I was comparing myself to like, I was feeling the same way. Well, first of all, in terms of the culture and in terms of the sort of prism through which adolescents, young people judge themselves against their peers is incomparably different

than what we had. And yet the core stuff is exactly the same. And I picked a business where it's 100% predicated on a judgment criteria that you will never fully understand. So, it's one thing to go into a job as an accountant, a lawyer, a doctor, a realtor, a dentist, whatever the hell it is and you go in and you don't get the job, you know it's, there's a tangible reason. When an actor or a creative person goes in, there's, first of all, they're going to lie to you all the time. And what you realize is having been now on the other side of it, of casting and producing and making content, you realize it's never personal, never,

ever. It's always, well, we have too many blondes. We need a brunette. Literally. And you think I was good, I didn't get the scene right. It's like, it's much less about you than you think it is, always. And on the other side of it, I don't know if you know this, but I've been sober drugs and alcohol for 30 years now, right?

So amazing. Thank you. So on that journey, I've learned a lot and one of the things I learned, there are a lot of truisms, a lot of buzzwords in recovery. I love them. a lot of people think pretty people come to it new though all these hacky old saying me want I love them and The one that I love most is never compare your insides just someone else's outsides I love that and That helps me a lot. I don't do that anymore actually. I really really truly, it's baked into my DNA now, so I'm pretty good with it. But, you know, coming up, you know, you look over at Tom Cruise and, or to this day, you know, my boy, Tommy, kills it, you know, and there are other people like that. And,

you know, but I don't know what that life is like behind closed doors. Well, actually I do a lot of them. And I'll take mine. And that's super powerful, what you're sharing and hearing you say, it just has so much, so much gravitas hearing you say because it's not just an ism. When I hear you say it, just I can feel it because it's so real.

And like you said, A, the first part, by the way, I want to go back to what you said. Now looking at it as a producer, as a creator, as a director, realizing that that failure is less about you than you think it is. That's a huge, that is a huge point to be making. Like if everyone had that experience first, maybe they'd realize how literally it was to do it then. And the second point that you just made that when you dive into people's real lives and that statement that you said that don't judge your insight by someone else's outsides, I think that is such a great

way to live, but it takes so much time to actually build that as a muscle that works. Yes. Because it's so easy to lose away. Yeah, and that's funny. Any kind of growth that I've ever had, and I've got a long way to go, is exactly that. It's muscle memory. It's like my golf swing. It's like, it really is like the golf swing, because it's like all these fine muscles,

these tiny little fine muscles that you can't work out. Can't train them, really. But it's repetition, repetition, repetition, trust. Trust your swing. Just trust your swing. You know, it's all of those things. It is what it's like for me for spiritual growth and for learning. And with enough reps, with enough swings, it's muscle memory, it's grooved into you. And you

know you don't have to think about it. I don't have to think about comparing myself to other people today because I've spent so many moments telling myself that and reminding myself of that, that it's grooved into my golf swim. Yeah, I love that. I can't wait to feel that way. That sounds amazing. And everyone you heard it here, you know,

just gotta keep swinging. And tell us that Rob, like, tell us, you mentioned that like you, you apply the same as your golf thing to your spiritual growth. Where did your, what is your spiritual journey and where did that stem from? Like, tell us a bit about that because I'm not even sure,

I know so much about that from my reading and research and observing, but what's that been like for you? Well, you could only imagine that when you go on Jimmy Kimmel, they're not so interested in hearing about my spiritual growth. No, that's what it is. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Next on Ryan Seacrest, Rob Lowe, and his spiritual growth. His spiritual happening.

His spiritual growth formula. Well, I think we're all here to figure out why we're here. And those of us that it's a long tradition that follow that curiosity are on the spiritual path, whether they like it or not. And I don't think of myself as what I think of spiritual as, like you're spiritual, you were a monk, you're a spiritual, I'm an actor, just a guy, just a dad, just a dad.

Do you understand? And yet, right, but I am seeking, and curious, and reading, and praying. And prayer has been an interesting thing for me because my family were Methodists. The only time I ever went to church was with my grandpa, because that was the generation that did it. That's what everybody did and he played golf and he went to church and he went to rotary and ran a business and voted for Nixon and that's so he was that guy. And then so then my parents were like, fondue, eaten, open toad, brick and stock, like teachers and lawyers

and listening to the fifth dimension and the age of Aquarius and letting me run a mock and doing the eat shing and reading Jung, right? So that was like what I got. And so I found myself somewhere in the middle of all that. And again, with sobriety, a big component of that is a power greater than yourself. And people who have an issue with organized religion

or the word God or any of that stuff can make the power greater than themselves nature or love or whatever, and it works the same. And that's how I started out. I was very uncomfortable with the notion of God or any of it, very hard to even say the word for me. And really uncomfortable is praying, really. Like, do a dip, wouldn wouldn't couldn't do it frankly and they I was told to fake it to you make it

on actor I can fake anything so I would I would literally get on and it was really hard to get on my knees by the way and I am a firm believer now getting on my knees because I, it's a, it's a, it's a humbling. But you're humbling yourself to something greater. How do you know that it's, how do you show that it's greater than you better than humbling? So, like I'm only getting on my knees, by the way, for something that's greater than me, FYI. And so, once I got comfortable doing that, and it was a joke, I would feel like an idiot,

I would feel like a fool, more than anything I felt like a fraud. And muscle memory, swinging the golf club, golf swing, it started to feel natural. And now it's, and this is, and this has really only been within the past five years. And now it's really a big, a big part of my life. And I feel connected to something bigger than myself. And things that used to baffle me, things where I would react one way or get that anxiety or that email that, oh, I don't want to open that, right? Now I just, it's like something comes over me. And the next thing you know, like I'm out of my own body, I'm putting one foot in front of the other, I'm answering the email, I'm saying something, but I'm not even saying it,

it's, I don't know where it's coming, and it works out so much better. Wow. That's amazing. Thank you for sharing that actually. I really appreciate that. The theme that you were speaking about humility, I've been sharing this story lately that I read, which fascinates me. I can never check whether it's true or not, but it's a story of Benjamin Franklin, and supposedly it said that he had a journal that he used to carry around with him. Franklin and supposedly it said that he had a journal that he used to carry around with him. And in this journal he had 13 precepts which were like 13 qualities that he was aspiring for in his life. So it had things like simplicity, tranquility, integrity, like you had a list. And he said that he often failed on the list too. Like he would like eat too much or

spend too much money or whatever it was. And then supposedly in his last days he was he was asked which of the 13 did he not accomplish in his life. And as the story goes, he said it was the 13th one which happened to be humility. And he said that that was the one that he did not achieve. And of course, Ironic, if he said he would have achieved it, then he wouldn't be humble. That's right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but it's, it's a great one. Yeah, it's such a beautiful reminder of this that humility is so often not talked about. Or if it is, it's seen as a weakness. Like you're saying, like, why would I ever get down my knees? Why would I ever pray? Why would I ever see? And, and I think there is such a stigma with humility as a weakness or as a man or inferiority,

but actually, as you're saying, it's the most liberating because you get whatever power you believe in to work through you and allow yourself to be far more less dependent on your own fallibility. Yeah, your counterint counter intuitively, your strength is in direct proportion to your humility. Wow, I love that.

Yeah, I love that. And we and we are we live in a time where bragging, swaggering is a sign of power prestige. And I mean, if you turn on the radio, you're not hearing one song about humility. Can you tell you that? Yeah, that's a great way of looking at that. That's a good example. Give us your perfect person to talk about this actually. So, you know, you're hugely attractive, heart-throb, everyone's into you. Like you've been super confident in your whole life, extremely charming, you know, great

communicator, everything like that. How do you now, especially with us evolving this conversation, how does someone practice humility and confidence? Because I think that we usually run to either extreme and like you found yourself in the middle of these two ideologies. I'm always like, yeah, we need to find ourselves in the middle because too much humility in the negative sense turns into low self-esteem. And yes, in the extreme sense turns into ego and arrogance. So how do you find yourself being like, I'm Rob Lowe, I'm confident about who I am, but I also understand humility.

And by the way, from the moment you, and this is what I find so endearing, and this is definitely from my monk training, it's like, we were almost trained to believe that the most endearing, amazing quality in a human or its humility. And from the beginning of this interview, from the moment I saw your face, you have demonstrated nothing but that. But I also put confidence on you in a good way.

And so I want to understand, and therefore, as soon as we started talking, I was like, oh, this is, I love this person already. Tell me about that, how you've learned to do that in your own life because you've experienced, you know, such heights. Well, you're, for sure, you're very kind and you're just catching me at a good moment. Believe me, I, I, nobody, nobody bats a thousand in the major league, but as you know, in baseball, if you hit 300, you're going to the Hall of Fame.

Yeah. So I always, in all seriousness, I do like to remember that part of it. Yes. Good play. Right? But so I had a friend who did a lot of work with men's groups and men's issues and stuff.

And he used to say such a great thing that you should look at your personality, psyche, whatever you want to call it as a pie divided into three archetypes that you should equally be. And the archetypes are curly from the three stuages. Clint Eastwood and Gandhi. Oh, okay, this is, this is entry. I've never had this before. So, which speaks to what you're saying is, you know, all Gandhi is not good.

People will run roughshod over you. All Clint Eastwood is no good. You have a lack empathy and connection and love and you know all curly isn't good. You're just the fun fool having fun and you're floating through life but the three of them together yeah that's a person. I love that. What great advice. What a great way to put it. I absolutely love that. And what I love the most about it is that life is so much more full when lived that way. And I think people forget that I was saying this to someone the other day because I was talking about monks and having lived as a monk.

And by the way, when you said that, like, you're an actor and I'm a monk, I feel the same way about being a monk. Like, I was just some kid from London. Like, I'm just some average kid from London who was chasing everything that everyone else wanted as well. And I got really fortunate that I met some amazing people when I was really young. And that's really it. I'm that guy too.

I'm just this guy from London who had a very normal life and just was very fortunate to me to really empowered people at age 18 that changed the trajectory of my life. But when I look at it, it's like, the funny thing is that monks are also hilarious. They're childlike. They're so different to what people perceive because we only see what you like what you're saying with

Clint Eastwood. You only see one version. You only see even with Rob Lowe. You only see one version because the world only allows that person to display one version of them. Right. But actually a full person is so much more embracing paradoxes and polarities and like you can be assertive and affectionate and you can be kind and courageous and you can be, I love that. That is such a great thing. Who is this friend? That's a great, great example. I love that.

Yeah. His name is Justin Sterling and he did, he's had a career helping man and I found it to be amazing. You should do a deep dive on him. Yeah, yeah. I never heard it explain that well. I've heard the same principle and point, but that is the best I've ever heard of being explained. Well, what else is great about it is, you can, so, you know, not to get into judgments

of other people, but we all have friends who seem stuck in their lives or whatever it is, and you can go, oh, I don't have any curly in them. Like it's really easy to diagnose, right? Yes, yes, it's easy to diagnose everyone else's problem. Yeah, yeah. And in yourself too, like when you're like in your life, I realize all of a sudden, you know what?

I've been all curly. I need a little, I need to ramp up the cleanest wood. I need to take care of some of this mass. Or whatever. I need to be Gandhi. Or I need to be Gandhi, which is usually, for me, that's usually what it is. I mean, we're sort of in Gandhi land here today you and I.

So definitely I'm definitely letting letting my Gandhi out but I think if you ask my my family it's like there's there's a lot of Clint. Yeah and that's why like just as that example of taking it step by the like just as we have all of those inside of us, we also need people around us who bring out those parts of us for us to realize we have them. 100%. Yeah. And what? What?

It's just why it's really important to the extent that we can to have a diversity of experience around us. And you know, it's, and this is not going, this is not the world's greatest smoothest segue right now, my podcast, but it is why I started a podcast because of the sort of diversity of thought of the people that are in my life. And, you know, you have your golf buddies, you have your show business buddies, you have your show business buddies, you have your high finance buddies, you have your spiritual gurus, recovery based people. And within that click, a lot of them don't resonate with each other. Yeah, but I resonate

with all of them because I'm interested in that. Yeah, I love that. Let's talk about that. I didn't realize this conversation has moved so fast. I didn't realize we've been talking for like 40 minutes. No, it's great. You can't feel like five. I don't know.

I'm like, what? I didn't. I just literally looked at the time. I'm like, yeah, we started at 11. That's crazy. Tell me about a guest. And you were mentioning it before when we first came on and you were talking about it. Tell me about a guest and you were mentioning it before when we first came on and you were talking about it.

Tell me about a guest that is come on that you either learned a new story from because you're interviewing people that you know and people that you're friends with. Tell us about someone who shared a story that you didn't know or a story that they reminded you of and you're like, oh, how did I forget that? Like a good memory. Tell us about one of those. Well, I had Tiffany Haddish on my show. We talked a ton about how the pain her community is in

and how that affects all of us. And it was so raw and moving and insightful. And I've had so many years of therapy that I just did the therapeutic lesson 101, which is shut up and listen. And it's great, because the podcast is, is number one always really funny. Like my podcast is funny.

I'm not, it's light, it's funny, it's it's escapism, it's entertainment, and just when you just when you least expect it, yeah, I learned something. So that's sort of the brand of it. And then to do something with Tiffany, we're got so real, so fast. And to have a guest whose life experience could not be farther from mine and then to find our common experience, were you ever going, I'm just like her, she's just like me, when we're nothing like each other, that's I think really the gift of getting to talk to people who you truly, truly don't know. I mean, talking to people that you know really well is also

great. Guanath Palcho will be coming up. I've known Guanath since she was 18 years, 17 years old and wondering if she should be an actor or not. She was literally going through what I was going through. And it's exactly the same thing. She's, I don't know if I'm going to make it. I don't know. Here's your Oscar. So that's a really different conversation and really fun.

And no one's going to talk to Gwen if the way I do. So it's pretty great. Yeah, no, I'm so glad you're doing that. I think you had Chris Pratt, Magic Johnson, Conan O'Brien, what a great list of guests, but more importantly, and I think as it is to the beginning, it's you're getting to have a conversation with them that no one else can have with them.

And I think that there's something really powerful about that. And so I hope that a lot of people will go and listen to literally because it's, yeah, for me, it's, if you're fascinated by people's journeys, but also like you said, in a fun, light-hearted way, and you might learn something, I think people will learn something. I think people learn a lot more from you than you even know because I think just listening to people's experiences in a place where they don't feel they have to filter, or they don't feel like they have to construct

and they don't have to make sure they mention something. You're just giving them freedom to be themselves. And I think we always learn something when people get to be authentically themselves. You go through life and at some point, like I said, you're wondering why you're here. And part of that question is, what do I have to offer?

Like, what's special about me? And there are a lot of actors. I mean, I play parts that a hundred other actors can play. Every once in a while, I'll play a part that only I can play. I've had that, and I know what they are. That's the West Wing, that's, you know, behind the candelabra. I mean, there are every once in a while, there's something that I know only I can do, but

the truth of it is, you know, a lot of other guys could invite first, so you go really, okay, then what is my special sauce? And everybody has a special sauce, everybody, everybody. And I think the real issue is most people don't know that. And then the hard thing is finding out what it is. And that sometimes is not easy. And what I have a friend, another friend, who used to say something great, which is, you know, in life, particularly in work, don't just do what you can do. Do what only you can do.

And what I've realized for me is my thing is I'm a communicator and a storyteller. And that is at the basis of the acting, but it gets much more brought to the surface in as my work as a memoirist and one man show and now the podcast. Those are the things only I can do. I mean, I don't mean only I can do. I don't mean it in that way,

but I mean like, you know what I'm saying? So, and I try to talk to my sons about that too. You know, it's like, what's your special sauce? And it can be a lot. By the way, for some people, it's a lifetime journey to find out. And that's okay too. Yeah, that's totally okay too.

No, and I think that's a beautiful way of looking at it. And it's kind of how I approach this podcast too, where I want to ask you questions that only I would ask. Yes. Because there's so many questions I can ask you. Like we can talk about your whole career for multiple podcasts. And it's fascinating. I am fascinated by your career.

But I also know that those are things that I may be able to learn from listening to your conversations with other people. Yes. And you're reminding me of, you're reaffirming my confidence in myself of wanting to ask questions only I can ask. A really good example of that is when we had,

when we had Kobe Bryant on the podcast, it was months before everything happened, but I remember not talking to him about basketball because I like basketball, but I love soccer. I'm from England, football soccer is my sport. I like basketball, but I can't talk to Kobe Bryant about basketball in the same way as someone else can, but my passion with Kobe was about storytelling because he had his studio and he was building all this incredible kids books and books to educate kids through sports and documentaries. And for me, it's like that is the conversation. And now when I look back on that, what I loved is that he was so happy and peaceful in his

retirement because he had found his purpose that only he could do. Yes. And like what you're saying, and I think that is such a powerful point that you've made because I think it's so easy to start thinking like, oh, well, maybe I should talk to Rob about this. So maybe I have to ask questions about this. Or maybe I have to become an expert in basketball because I'm talking to this legend.

Yeah. And now I'm going to become an become an expert in basketball because I'm talking to this legend. And now I'm going to become an expert in drama and acting because I'm talking to an icon and you just lose yourself in that, right? 100% and it's good because we're both supporting each other in our interviewing techniques. Because I will get on with someone and not be as familiar as I should be or whatever. And I feel like, oh, I'm shirking my responsibility. I'm being lazy. I'm not doing my homework.

No, no, no, that's not. Everybody can do homework. Everybody can read the bullet points. Everybody can watch their last Netflix special. Get all this everything. Everybody can do that. What only I can do, only you can do, or ask the questions that only we would ask. Yes, exactly.

And you always want time to ask everything, but you never do have it. And so it's like, you know, I do want to talk to you about your toughest role that you have done. I do want to talk to you about, you know, the role that you do, you do feel like the most yourself. And let's actually do that. Let's talk about the role that you feel, the one where you said, like, you felt like only you could do, and how satisfying that felt, despite the success or failure of the actual product maybe as well. Well, also how scary when you get the script, and you go, not only am I only the person that can do this, but at the moment, I'm the only person that knows it.

Right? Yeah. Right? Yeah. And so I will never forget reading the West Wing's first episode, pilot. And when I saw then, again, looking back on it, I, as I'd become like spiritual visions, whatever you want to call them, are so subtle and nuanced that they happen to us every day and we forget them, we dismiss them, we don't notice them, we think they're bullshit. Whatever it is.

Looking back on it, I knew when I looked at the page and saw the name Sam Seaborne, I had now knowing what I know. I know I had, it's that tingling, it's that feeling, it's that fantasy. Whatever you want to call it, what it actually is, is a vision of voice, whatever. You wanna call it. I love that. What should we do when we have that? That's beautiful because I think you're right.

What you said was so good. Then like we just, and whatever anyone's tree, I wanna know what you think of the ways we can hold on to it or what we do in that feeling because you're so right. Most of us just go, oh no, it's just, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, and we just dampen that voice. Whatever that is. What's a way that you've found now? Okay, no, I'm engaging with it, I'm connecting with it, I'm using it to my advantage. Well, this is exactly where I am right now in my stage of trying to figure it all out,

is, oh, that's what that, oh, great, that's, thank you. That's what that is, okay, good. All right, great. I mean, that's literally where I am, and I think it's, again, it's reps, and it's muscle memory, and it would be like, it would be like, it's no different, like when you eat a spicy food for the first time, and you realize, yeah, it be like, it's no different like the, you know, like when you eat a spicy food for the

first time and you realize, yeah, it's like, you eat it the first time you go, what is that? And then you think about it, oh, I know how it happened. And you start, you start getting knowing the signs and the signals and knowing when to hold on to it. So it's the recognizing, because it's so subtle, it happens to us more than we know. And we're on our Instagrams, we're driving the car, we're changing land, we're talking to our kids, whatever we're worried about paying the bills, whatever it is, it doesn't have the power to get through into our consciousness that those issues do. So I think, well, this is, oh, the other thing is people always told me is about meditation.

So getting sober, that's, it was always the number one thing, meditate and your daily meditation and your day, it's like, I'm not meditating, you're mad. And every time I tried to meditate, by the way, I fell asleep. And then it was like, well, I must not be doing it right. And my problem is I have a real fear of not doing things right. And if I don't think I can do them right, or if I don't, or if I think it's going to take a long time to learn to do it right, I don't

want to do it. So meditation is really new in my life. Finally, and again, direct correlation for quiet time, are we gonna call it meditation and being downloaded with what you want, direct correlation. Turns out all the people were right. Who the fuck? All those hundreds of years of people telling me that meditation would be good, who the fuck, that they were right?

Yeah, I love that. I hope also people told you that when you when you I always say this will wait, if you meditate in the beginning and you fall asleep, it is your mind and body telling you you need rest. And it's literally like an alert and a signal. I said it because I I think I've been teaching meditation for so many years and that's a common thing that people experience. And I'm like, yeah, because imagine, for the first time, you've been still, and you've allowed your body and mind to do what it wanted to do. Like, when you're present with your body and your mind,

and your body and mind switches off, guess what? That's what it's been trying to do. But we keep pushing us. It's kind of like that feeling of like, when you've been running around for weeks, and you've been on planes, you've been running around, you've been moving around, and then you stop, and all of a sudden when you stop, you fall ill, right?

Yes, yes. Why? It's because your body and mind are finally catching up with how they want to feel because you finally stop. Whereas if you just kept pushing on that tour or you just kept running around and jumping on that plane, your body doesn't get a chance to do what it needs to do. It's a heat.

And so I think we are tempted to do that our whole lives. Yeah. To to to to get on the planes and and we do our whole lives. And then we get towards the end and we go, Oh, well, is there more? Where am I going? What is it going to be? What's depth? All that stuff. And now it's too late.

And so the quietness has become, and you know what COVID gave it to me. That's the gift. Because I also believe I'm a huge optimist. And I believe that there's a reason for everything. And I think part of my secret sauce was my optimism. And I don't believe in victimhood. I just don't on any level for anybody.

And I just don't buy into it. And that so COVID takes away work. Make sure this all those things it does. For me, it was I look at the gift of it. And the gift was time to be silent, time to have nothing to do, forced into doing stuff that I never wanted to do would just sit with myself. Yeah, no, that's beautiful. And that, it's so fascinating because the part of your book that I picked out that I love actually speaks to this. So this is from a section of your memoir, the story's only tell my friends.

And this is what Rob says. Rob, do you mind if I read this out? Please, I won't be able to do it in your voice as well as you do, but I will try. So it says, I'm so hammered that I can barely stand. The girl I love has just left me because I can't keep my word and I have no integrity. My grandfather is dying, my mother is in crisis,

desperate for help and comfort. And I am cowering and hiding in shameful avoidance. I have arrived at the bottom. Since I was a boy, I've been running, running to make my mark, running to avoid reality, running to avoid pain. And now, a moment of clarity, I can run no longer. And I love that. And I want to share with everyone because it's so beautifully told.

And everything that's beautifully told is hard to live kind of like it would have been really hard to actually experience and then When you share it that way. I hope that it gives people that that pause and that stillness today hearing that I don't know how much time you have robin. It's not good. I'm good that that That moment was people always talk about what was your bottom, in other words, what was the moment that you hit the bottom and decided to stop drinking or whatever, and that was it. That's the piece of the book that you just read. My mom had called me to tell me my grandfather had a heart attack, and I was too out of it

to pick up the phone. So I was listening to her talk on my answering machine. So I'm listening her to talk, and I'm standing right there and not picking up, and that's the moment that you just read. And, you know, listen, I'm just lucky and blessed that I had a moment of clarity. I mean, they got to have it, you know, that's great. A lot of people maybe don't have it

or maybe don't listen to it when they have it. But just hearing it, it brings it all back. But even coming off the heel, it's probably why you brought it up at the point in the interview with what you did is there's a similarity in stillness, stopping running, living with yourself, you know, you can't run from yourself. That's the thing about meditation. It's being in that, being in your whole, being inside your body in present time. Yeah, and it's what you've said before I've heard you say this, that with therapy, what

you've appreciated about it is that you've got someone else who's helping you see patterns that you don't see yourself. And when we're running and we're moving, like you're describing, like running for this, running for that, you can't see patterns. And I realize that in myself, I feel the same way during this lockdown, I have noticed so many patterns in my work, in my purpose, in my relationships

that need to change that I would not have noticed if I was meant to have a book out during this time, which is quite delayed. And so I would have been running around on a tour across the world doing that. And I would have completely missed and this would have just been delayed and postponed again of really being aware

of what needs to change in my work, my relationship. And it's shocking to you something. You're like, I thought I was a meditative person. I thought I was a mindful person. I thought I was a conscious person. And you realize just, you know, it's always an ever evolving journey. You're never there where you're like, oh, yeah, now I've got the perfect routine and

the perfect meditation. And I'm going to every one of my blind spots and it doesn't work like that. Like I was, yeah. Yeah, it's like another thing I always try to remember is it's about progress, not perfection. Mm, absolutely, absolutely. And that's a hard one to hold by.

But Rob, you've been so generous with your time today. I could go on and talk to you for hours, but I wanna be cautious of your time time and I know that we did this time So I just want to check in with you But this is great, but you I really do want to have you on the podcast now and I've got so and and we'll just continue this talk Yeah, except I will have to figure out how to interview you But I want you this is what I love about it and And you've made it so clear. And I've got five more questions asked you, which is our final.

Right. Yeah, great. I'm quite rapid-fired. But I love what you said that I will have more fun as an interviewer being asked questions that only you would ask me. Yes. Because you probably, and I hope I've tried to do it just this today, but it's like, I'm always thinking about it.

I just don't want to ask the same question that someone gets asked everywhere, because then they have to tell the same stories and share the same event and the same stuff. And it's like, I mean, I get bored of doing that, and I haven't been doing this for four decades. So, you know, I can't imagine how bored you get. No, that's why this interview feels like it's taken three minutes. Yeah. I mean, it feels so sure, because we just, it's so much fun to not talk about show business all the time.

Yeah, no, and you do that so well, and there are plenty of places. But yeah, these are our final fights. So these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So they're the following. Do I try to do a sentence? It doesn't have to be one word. It can be sentence maximum. So they're the following. Do I try to do a sentence? It does not have to be one word.

It can be a sentence. It can be a sentence, which is one sentence. Can it be a run-on sentence? If I allow, if I get really intrigued, if I get really curious, so if you spot my curiosity in the first sentence, then yes, I will provide commission. This is my control free. Roblo, these are your first five.

The first question is, what's something you want to give your children that you didn't have growing up? Wow, it's a doozy. Oh, boy. Wow, it's a doozy. Oh, boy. Oh, for sure, consistency. Ooh, okay, okay, I'm going to let you expand. I'm in control. Consistency of my support, presence, and backing up my promises and words to them.

Yeah, beautiful. Wonderful. Okay, question number two. What do most people misunderstand about being an actor? Oh, they think it's about lying when it's actually about finding the truth. That's a great, that's a great tip. I think it's so easy to just fall into that. That's beautiful. They would say, like, well, how can you believe anything that says? He's such a great actor. Yeah. And I say in my book, only bad actors lie. That's bad acting.

Good actors find the lie, which is the dialogue, and they pull out and deliver the truth. That's great. I love that. Question number three, what did you once chase in your life that you no longer pursue? Being cool and now you're effortlessly cool. So it worked out just great question number four. This this one I really like this question and it takes me a time But I like asking it because it kind of really shows someone's values

But what do you know to be absolutely true that other people disagree on? So what are you so sure about? But that people would be like, eh, I'm not so sure about that. And it's just subjective. It doesn't have to be a fact or a, you know, it doesn't have to be true.

It's just what are you so sure about that other people in your life would disagree on? And maybe not. I've recently become sure of what, that there's more for us after we die. And it's a long winded it, but I had a, you obviously are familiar with vivid dreaming and all of that stuff.

Yeah, absolutely. So that's been happening to me as I've evolved and I was taken to that place and it was amazing. I mean, it was like shown to me. Like, I know it as certain as I know, I'm looking at a computer screen and you're on it that that is what happened and that's what I was downloaded with or take whatever you want to say I know it sounds like uga booga surely McLean crazy crazy talk but dude it happened

I saw it I know what it is I know what it is is exactly as if I were describing Paris France to you know what it is yeah I know what, so here's what I saw. Okay. It looked like, it looked like that, it looked like those beautiful landscapes and avatar, like so lush and gorgeous. I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You just couldn't believe it. And I was me, but I wasn't me. I had no body. I had all my thoughts and feelings and ability to think. But it was like being, if you've ever been hypnotized, I don't know if you've ever been hypnotized. But if you're hypnotized, you feel exactly the same, but meanwhile when you try to move your hand, you can't. Yes, yes, yes.

You feel like you could get out of your chair at any minute? Yes. Because you're you, but in me, you can't. Yeah. So it felt like that. And it was so full of, I don't know if you've ever wept with joy, like heaved and wept with joy. Yeah. That sort of felt like the whole time.

And so joyful that either I was literally weeping. And then I then I then because I mean I can still think I thought, Oh, but where are my boys? And where are my wife? They're still there. Back there. And then the great realization is no, they're actually already there because time is not linear. Yeah, definitely not. And that's what was the mind blower for me. So the notion that we pass on and we'll be meet it by grandpa who's already there.

It's like, no, no, you're already there. I know that sounds really crazy and heavy and insane, but I'm just telling you, I saw it. I know it. Other people think I'm crazy, but listeners of this podcast think, they're like, oh my god, I listened to podcast. Roblo's kind of interesting. Did Noe was crazy. I was like, no, he was crazy.

I was like, one of four. I was like with him and then. Yes. I was with it. Like I was. No, but I'm like the God. I'm like the running back who's run through all the tacklers. And now I'm about to score the touchdown.

Get out of this podcast for people going, wow, he was awesome. And then I fumble it on the one yard line with a story about Adotar. Well, you know what, Rob? I think more people who are listening and more people who are becoming aware in their own way, it's part of us also learning to realize how unique the journey of life is and how unique people's experiences are

and to not assume something before we've been exposed to it and I think that's a skill Like I don't think it's about people listening and going oh Rob. Yeah, I get you. I'm with you. I've done that It's actually us going well. I've not experienced that but maybe I'm not exposed to something and I haven't tried something Right like that's the question that's more valuable That's way more valuable like if people may not be able to agree with you or have the same experience, but it's the same with parenting. It's like, you may tell me what parenting is like, but because I'm not a parent,

I just be like, have Rob, you know what do you know about parenting, you know? Like, but it's like, I've never experienced parenting. So who am I to know that without having experienced it? And I think that's the same with spiritual reflection, realization, meditation, connection, prayer, whatever it is, anything that is intangible in a physical material sense, anything that is immaterial,

it needs to be experienced to have a perception on it. And I think all of that, I mean, I know this is sci-fi, but the best movie that explains it so well is Doctor Strange, and you look at Doctor Strange, I don't know if you ever watch the movie. I need to watch, so it's on my list. Yeah, so you look at, okay, I'm not gonna give it away, but what's the movie and it literally sums up what you're talking about. You will actually love it from a principal point of view of what you're sharing.

You will love it. Wow. So I'm gonna give it away. Oh good, Dr. Strange. I'm writing it down. And it comes back to straight and it is, you're great. So yeah, fifth and final question of your final song.

We went on so many tangents, but I loved it. What was your biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months? 12 months, ooh. Ah. that it's really important to be alone with my thoughts consistently. Thank you so much. A big, big, big thank you to the one and only Rob Lowe. Please go and check out his new podcast literally with Rob Lowe. It's on all podcast platforms and apps. It's a great joy to listen to.

He's obviously told us two guests that we didn't even know were coming out Tiffany Adish and Green of Paltrow. So lots to look forward to Rob. I'm excited for this to be the beginning of a new friendship. Generally ever. Yes, me too. I couldn't believe it at 40 minutes when you were like, when we started doing one of the podcasts and I was like, well, it's been 40 minutes. And we're not even in the same room. It was really, really great. And thank you for the opportunity to come on yours too. I look forward to it and please feel full confidence to just ask what only you would ask

because it's going to be so fun for me to. I am good at it. I'm good at it. On my toes, on my feet, like just gonna be great. So I'm excited. And you can bring out the funny in me. I was gonna say, my wife is like,

brings out the curly in me. So when I'm around, my wife is Gandhi and curly, she's both. And I sometimes, for long periods of my life, took my life very seriously, but my wife was really able to help me get out of that. So, you gotta have all three pieces of the pie, for sure. You gave so many great insights and nuggets today, man.

Like beyond anything I could have imagined, so many great stories and analogies. And yeah, it's been such a joy spreading this time with you. And thank you for being generous with your time as well. Thank you this is great I'm really looking for what we're gonna keep our connection going because I love it speaking with you I'm a big fan and and new new friendship I love it appreciate. you you