On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Scott O’Neil ON: Quality Time Over Quantity Time & Why Presence is the Key to Deeper Relationships in Life, Love, and Work

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

Scott O'Neil sits down with Jay Shetty to talk about positive intent. It’s in assuming a positive intent in all that we do where we can calmly and level-headedly make important decisions, resolve conflicts, and engage in difficult conversations. And when we transition into another phase in our life, we all need to surround ourselves with people who can give us constructive, honest feedback. Scott is the Chief Executive Officer of Harris Blitzer Sports & Entertainment, an organization with the mission of building passionate, high-performing teams that inspire people to enhance the communities where its teams live, work, play and win. With more than 20 years of experience in the NBA, NHL and NFL, O’Neil has earned a reputation as a leader of leaders and is one of the most connected, dynamic and driven executives in the industry today.Get your copy of Think Like a Monk today by clicking this link!https://thinklikeamonkbook.com/What We Discuss:00:00 Intro02:34 Finding you “be where your feet are” moment06:23 Have the community control their destiny09:12 Common language: Assume Positive Intent (API)13:20 When no one is assuming positive intent19:54 Learning a lot more when you trip and fall22:47 A formula for your mental health27:12 We all just need to ask for help if we need it31:41 Find your true perspective37:42 Find your own morning routine to start your day44:38 Try to track your happy thoughts daily47:15 Seek authentic feedback from people who can help you grow56:15 Transitions are hard for a lot of people57:52 Hunt and Kill vs Seek and Grow01:04:26 Why it’s hard to say NO01:07:58 Three most important things: health, sadhana, savor01:13:19 Be present and create meaningful moments with your family01:15:59 It’s the positive things that you remember01:18:29 How not to get distracted and stay in the moment01:21:07 Scott on Final FiveLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Episode Resources:Scott O'Neil | TwitterScott O'Neil | LinkedInBe Where Your Feet AreAchieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGeniusSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. I am Jan Levan Zant, and I'll be your host for The R-Spot.

Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's y'all are just floppin' around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Video app, Apple Podcast, or whatever you listen to podcasts. My best friend took his own life, and I'd seen him two weeks earlier, Jay.

Two weeks earlier, and you know what I said? Is the saddest, most disappointing, life experience learning I've ever had. He's going through his depression, and I'm saying, just be happy. Choose happiness. I didn't understand mental illness. I didn't understand depression. I didn't understand what I was saying, why I was saying it. And then he was gone.

And then I'm speaking at his funeral. And I fall apart. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, to learn, and grow. Now you know that I love reading books. I love diving into people's minds and stories, but what I love especially is when someone had a different career.

They had a different journey, but they found a way to use their platform for a higher purpose. Using their incredible talent, their skills, their gifts, their lessons to have an impact in the world. And today's guest, since I've had his book in my home, even before I met him, has been doing just that. I'm speaking with none other than Scott O'Neill, the author of this incredible new book, called Be Where Your Feet, Seven Principles to Keep You Present,

Grounded, and Thriving. Now, I had this book sent to me, and even before I read it, I've read it now, but before I read it, I would look at this title every day, and it became an affirmation, it became a mantra, it became a part of my life. So when I picked this book up, I was already excited to dive in.

And today we get to sit down with Scott, who's here with me in the studio. And Scott, I honestly have to tell you, from the moment you walked in through the door, with your friends that you've kindly brought and introduced me to as well, and people you work with, I felt nothing but presence,

intentionality, groundedness, and it's beautiful to see that and how aligned you are with what you've just written. But thank you for being here. Well, Jay, I'm humbled first off, and you've taught me how to think like a monk. Now I wanna try to be like a monk. And I hope I'm like that in this podcast.

This is a dream come true. You are truly one of the great thought leaders of the world and talking about using a platform, you're influencing people, you're driving change, and you're helping us be more grounded and more present. So thank you for all you do. No, thank you so much. I hope your wife doesn't listen

to this part of the podcast, that monk thing. The monk thing, I'm gonna be massively in trouble for it. Next thing you know, you're gonna shave your head and leave home, and that's definitely not. That's why I think like, come on, don't live like what? One of the stories you told that I just absolutely love is when you were sent back on the path

to find something new. To me, that is a be where you feed our moment. And I think you found a rock, a stone, or a, right? And you said, and what I loved most is you said, and I placed it back there for someone else to find it. And I just thought, man, could you imagine if we spend our entire life being present so we can discover new things?

I say, put your phone down, get your head up. And I'm not, I'm far from perfect. In fact, being in the sports business, we've lost our fair share of games. I have a competitive issue and problem. And I remember coming home one night and Lisa's my wife's name. And the sixers we were on,

we famously went through this thing called the process, trust the process, where we took the team down, we lost more games over a three year spin than any team in NBA history. And for an effort to now we're at a number one team in the East, so for a purpose, purposefully intentionally kind of having a long view of the world, which I like. I like the sense of, you know, if you wanna go to the moon, don't bring a purpose, purposefully, intentionally, kind of having a long view of the world, which I like.

I like the sense of, you know, if you want to go to the moon, don't bring a ladder type of mentality. And I came home, I was anxious, I was upset, I was frustrated, we'd just been boot off the court, and I was stomping around the house like a child. And my wife says, hey, you doing okay? I said, yeah, I'm doing fine.

She's like, no, no, what's going on here? And I said, well, did you see the game? So yeah, no, I watched doing okay. I said, yeah, I'm doing fine. I said, no, no, what's going on here? And I said, well, did you see the game? So yeah, no, I watched the game. Did you see the fourth quarter? I said, yes, I saw the fourth quarter. Did you hear us being booed? She said, Scott, I didn't even need to have the TV on to hear those booze.

And I said, right, so I'm a little fired up, I'm a little frustrated. And she raised her hand at me and says, this is not gonna work. It's not gonna work for me, and it's not gonna work for the kids. And I said, well, she said, how good is your team?

I said, well, you know, we're not gonna win a lot of games. She's like, you need a new system, you need a new process. This is a family. And it really struck me. It struck me like, am I being present? Am I the dad I want to be? Am I the husband I want to be when I come home? And how am I letting these outside forces

impact and influence who I am and who I want to be? And how I want my energy to show up? So I talked to a friend of mine and he said, it's a great line, he said, I have a worry tree. I said, what's a worry tree? He said, well, I come home. I put my hand on this tree right outside my house. All my words float up into the tree, into the universe,

and then I walk in my house. And I said, I don't have one of those trees. That's funny. Where do I get one? Right, yeah. And, but I did use that philosophically, when I'm in the car, I go silent. I don't listen to music anymore.

I try to find some peace in silence. If I'm frustrated, I howl at the moon. If I need an outlet, I go silent. I don't listen to music anymore. I try to find some peace in silence. If I'm frustrated, I howl at the moon. If I need an outlet, I call a friend. But that time is my time to decompress. Because when I walk in that house, I want to be the best version of myself. I love hearing that. Often what happens is I think we carry that from the car into the home, and then we expect someone at home to carry it. Or like you experienced, you were just lashing out in your own space, and then your wife or your kids are experiencing that energy. And it reminds me recently, the first thing I thought about

when you were saying that is England losing in the final of the Euros. And what was fascinating to me is that the city of London looked terrible even before the game. So it wasn't even that we lost and then everyone chucked trash on the ground. It was like there was already trash on the ground. And then it got worse and worse and worse.

And it's incredible how, you know, I've seen studies that show how like domestic abuse rises when England loses and even when they win. And so you can see that these issues that you're talking about, for you, it was just the experience of your wife noticing you feeling angry and stomping your feet, but some of these things can get quite extreme when we're dissatisfied and when we're disappointed with our lives.

Yeah. Now, I think you're right. I remind you of a great story in Camden, New Jersey, which is arguably the most violent city in America. And a good friend of mine in 2012 was named police chief, named Scott Thompson, incredible guy. And he had a very different philosophy on people and policing. And he would put all the police officers

in the back of a swamp vehicle, drive him around and drop him in corners. He said, hey, if you have to go to the bathroom, you better get to know the neighbors. Hey, if you're hungry, I hope you know who's a good cook on this block. Because I'm picking you up in 12 hours. So good luck. What he was saying was, we have to be part of this community, part of the fabric of the community. And so the police officers started to get it. They started to reclaim the streets. They started to roll back the open air drug markets. So,

instead of 50, they were now two. So they're contained. They added an infrastructure in IT so they could be smarter, some great technology. And then unfortunately, a young teenager was killed by a strabler from some gang nonsense. And so they came in two in the morning on a Saturday night or Sunday morning, and all those tenors were saying the same thing. Let's break out the SWAT. Let's go get them. Let's do what we have to do. And he says, no, I don't think that's the right answer. And he said, let's lock down. Let's go door to door. Let's find who did this.

And so he sent everybody home, was three in the morning, and he walked over to a 7-11. He got a nice cream. Imagine three in the morning. And he went back to his office. And he went into, there's a little safe where they keep money that they take when they arrest somebody and He ordered two ice cream trucks

and the next day they drove two ice cream trucks trucks the next day He drove these two trucks on both ends of the street because people just retreat into their house on his violence And he had the police officers give out free ice cream for an entire day And to me that's and by the way, crime is down 65%. Murder rate is down 48%. And so, is it because of the ice cream? No, it's because his intention is to love people. His intention is to have the community, have the citizens control their destiny.

And get it back. I just, again, the notion of my wife, if I pick up a phone and I'm talking to her saying like, I'll wait, you know, do we have people in our lives that will tell us the truth? They love us enough to tell us the truth and give us feedback so we can stay present. If you're a police chief in a really dangerous city, how are you going to be? Like, how are you going to change the world? Because the reality is, is like, we keep throwing the same solutions at the same problems. And nothing's changing. You said something really important there.

You said that we need to surround ourselves with people who can be honest with us and tell us the truth. But we also have to be able to receive that. Often a lot of us have people in our lives that are honest with us. I'm sure there's many people's wives or husbands or partners or kids that have looked them in the face and said, I need you to think differently about your life.

What have you done differently on the receiving end of that feedback? And how have you processed that feedback uniquely so that you don't retaliate with your ego or your insecurity of like, well, you don't know how hard it is to run a team and do this and start noting down all your wins and all your achievements. How do you do an hour harder is to run a team and do this and start, you know, start noting down all your wins and all your achievements? How do you do that without ego? I think that a common language helps. In our house, if you walked into our house and you were leaving the back door, you would see API, assume positive intent. The letters API are etched into stone outside of our house.

All of our daughters have API carved into rocks sitting on their dressers. And every chalkboard's in our house. All of our daughters have API carved into rocks sitting on their dressers and every chalkboard in our house. It's a house of girls. And there's API written on every single one of them. So that's assumed positive intent. We also use the term poms up meaning you're literally your palms are up. I'm open to listening, learning, and loving. I'm not closed off, frustrated. I don't know everything. I haven't solved every problem. I'm poms up, frustrated. I don't know everything. I haven't solved every problem. I'm palms up. And so if there's an issue, if there's an issue in our house, if there's an issue at work, an executive might come and say, Scott, because they know I'm very emotional. Scott, I need you API and I need your palms up. And what they're saying to me in their

own way is, I know you're emotional, I know you're very competitive, I know you're very driven, I know you want to quote unquote win. But what I need is, I need your ideas, I need your love, I need your understanding and I need your solutions. So come play with me. And so that's helped me the most, can overcome my own human frailty of emotion and ego and all that other crap that doesn't allow us to be the best version of ourselves.

I love that. So you talked about it in the book obviously, API. I thought that was beautiful. I'm going to start putting that in my offices inspired by you and sharing that with everyone on me. I absolutely love that when I read about it and just for anyone who missed it, assume positive intent. I think that is such an incredible way to live. How did you learn to live that way? I'm sure you've had experiences where you've assumed positive intent that people have taken advantage of you and or people came in with malicious intent

or people came in. How did you continue to practice that? I think a lot of people who are listening they'll be thinking right now, I love that, but too many people have taken advantage of me. Sure. How have you continued to do that throughout your career in family and professional life? Yeah, it's such a different way to go through life. I would say when you have that one finger pointing out, you've got these three pointing right

back at you. And I love to spend more time focusing on the guy in the mirror. We spend so much time blaming or assigning blame or looking for excuses or finding 10 reasons why I can't Or this guy took advantage of me or this woman was too nasty and how could I assume posm intense? She was mean soon posm has nothing to do with her attitude It has nothing to do with how malicious he is it has all to do with me because I am in control I have the right intentions again., I perfectly say this, I'm not perfectly perfect in this area. But I'm leaving my best self. I'm giving you the

benefit of the doubt every time. What's the alternative? The alternative is that, Jay, you said something I didn't like last week. Or I was in church and a woman was up talking, and she said something I didn't like. Or my sister took my shirt. Or my teacher, I got a bad grade in a test. And so, what does that do? Well, Jay, I don't want to talk to you. Next time I talk to you, when you come in, I'm walking out the door. Your boss sends you a text.

And immediately your blood pressure rises. That is not a great way to any sort of success. It just isn't. Personally, and how you go through the life, and life is better. You're happier. You're more grounded. the interactions are better. But we've all been uptight with that one person, right?

That one person that gets your goat, you know, for a teenage girl or a mother. Like your mother can say anything to have three teenage daughters. Her mother can say, hey, do you mind grabbing that sweatshirt off the stairs? What, mom? Because I'm a mess, because I can't clean my room.

We're like, no, I just wanted you to grab the sweatshirt. So there's no one trips on it. Yeah. I've got an awful story about that. I'm going to share it. It's completely on the edge. OK, please tell us. So my oldest daughter is Alexa.

She's 21 years old. And when she was a teenager, she wasn't so wonderful. She was always wonderful, but not wonderful with her mother. And amazingly, I have this wife who's just terrific. She is balanced and smart and driven and intellectually curious and tough and strong and she's just wonderful. Those two together when my daughter was a teenager, she wasn't so wonderful, okay? So I would walk in the house and I'd be like, they would be arguing over nothing, and I would say, can you two just go away?

Just separate? Like I didn't, two wonderful people, just boiling water, and argued about everything for nothing. And so one particular Thanksgiving, I've never told a story publicly. It's gonna be awesome. I love it. One particular Thanksgiving, my mom was there,

and my sister, and my sister's a single mom with her son, and they're in a kitchen wall making potatoes, and all that, stuffing, and all that stuff. my sister's a single mom with her son, and they're in a kitchen wall making potatoes and all that, stuffing and all the stuff. And Lisa sounds something like this. Alexa, get downstairs and get your clothes off the stairs. And I'm like, looking at her like, I don't know, I don't think I've ever heard a razor voice. This is gonna be awesome.

And Alexa says, mom, what did you say? I'm like, oh boy, here we go. Now my mother is here. So I kind of look at my mom like, I love you, sorry. So they go back and forth. Get down here right now. She's just, you want me to come here right now?

Yes, right there. Get down these stairs, right now, mom. I'm like, she walks down the stairs, not a single article of clothing on. Completely naked. Walks down the stairs, picks up the clothes, looks my wife dead in the eye, turns around and walks upstairs. And the only thing my mother could musters say is, well, she is confident, huh?

Now, in that particular story, nobody's assuming posthumous time. Except for my mother. I'm not, you know, I'm like, least to stop. Alexa just stopped, and they're not with each other. And I wonder, like, how many interactions like that do we have in our lives that we can change and fix? By worrying about us, not the people we're dealing with. Give them the benefit of doubt. Clear your head.

Go and empty-headed and ready to engage into conversations. Yeah, thank you for taking us there because I'm so glad you told that story because we always assume that we have positive intent. So often we assume in any given scenario, I've got good intentions. Everyone else I'm not so sure about, but the example you just told us,

no one had good intention, apart from your mother as you said. And I can't unsee that as a dad, just so you know. Yeah, I'll never unsee that. And I love that idea of when you think you're stopping someone, you think that's a positive intention. Right. But actually, there's something much deeper happening.

And one thing that you said that I was literally talking about this morning with a friend was the idea of why we're so addicted to the news. And I was speaking about this with someone, I was saying the reason we're so addicted to the news is because it makes us believe the problem is out there. It makes us believe the problems over here. The issue is over here. The challenge is over there. That place, that country they've got issues. It stops you from having to actually

take a look at the person in the mirror as you said. And it just keeps telling you everything is going on out there. All the problems, all the enemies, all the challenges are all out there. And let's be scared about there But you then never get a chance to say well, what am I gonna work on today? You know what do I need to do that? It's not so too great and so and I feel like that with with my friends that live all over the world is if we had You know something happens. Is it really dangerous there? I'm like, you know, or I talked to a friend in Jerusalem and I'll say Is everything okay? I'm like?

Yeah, no, there was a bombing it was and I'll say, is everything okay? I'm like, yeah. No, there was a bombing, it was last week, it was Tuesday, I, you know, or my friends in China, they're like, is it really bad there? I'm like, no, it's actually wonderful here. It's really interesting. Yeah, those snippets of news are impacting us and influencing us.

Yeah. And again, I'm not saying don't want to news, be informed, and you're saying that, that mentality of what you were saying, getting lost in blame, discontent, feeling like the issue's there. There are issues there, of course there are, but as you're saying, it's about starting with us.

I wanted to tell you a little bit, I was telling you before that I was in Mozambique, which is one of, it's a third-porus country in the world. Wow. Terrible employment rates, abject poverty. I went over there with my 17 year old daughter, Kier, to help build a school, this incredible organization called Heffy, HEFY. I don't have any discernible skills.

I can barely hold a hammer. I am worthless around the house. That makes me feel a little better. Okay, good. No, nothing. Yeah, same. My wife's a million times better than me. It's really humbling.

And my father-in-law grew up building houses. So bad stories are not grown up. And, of course, I meant this work site, construction site. The former doesn't speak English. And I don't speak Portuguese. And neither do any of the teenagers we're with. And so I volunteer for unskilled labor. I'm thinking, like, that's the safest place.

Put me in the cement mixing. So I'm in this little cement mixing area. And the mixing cement, I mean, it's not hard, but it's simple. You know, you carry these 110-pound bags of cement, 100 yards, you job for for every two wheelbarrows of sand you put in and you mix water. And I'm nine hours, okay, of doing this. I'm thinking like, there's a lot of things going through my mind. And I can barely sit still for 10 minutes. And it's hard work, and I just kept thinking about the water and how that might be reflective

of us. Because if you put too much water in a cement, the cement's worthless. It just runs away, and it becomes nothing. And if you don't put enough water into that cement, it becomes hard, also worthless. And I thought about that in relation to us. It's like, what are those things in our lives that we do too much of? You know, the simple ones when you're talking to teenagers are really simple. It's like, put your phone down. Stop at the social media.

Enough of the TikTok videos. It might be, and then what aren't we doing enough of? Are we spending time intentionally meditating or praying or reading scriptures? If that's something that you do, are you taking care of your body? Are you taking care of your mind? What are you learning today? Are you practicing gratitude? So I think like to me, I had so many moments in Mozambique, in particular on the construction

site where I was like, huh, What an analogousness is for life. When I hear that, it sounds like sometimes we have to get out of our own comfort zones, areas that we think we learn, get out of the classroom almost. That seems like an amazing classroom, even though you didn't go there for that lesson or you didn't sign up for that course or program, but you went there and that's the lesson you took away. What have you found over your whole career? Do you think you've learned more lessons away from classrooms? And I don't mean schools or universities or colleges. I mean, have you learned some of the biggest life lessons when you're away from

home team or, you know, home stadium? I consider myself a lifelong learner. I love to walk through the world thinking about how I might grow or learn. That's how I walk through. Where does that come from? Boy, I grew up with two parents, both PhDs. We didn't have many means when we were young and they were entrepreneurs.

So I saw a lot of things. I mean, I was co-ling. My parents became management leadership, team building, type trainers for Xerox and ADP and Texco, and big companies around the world eventually, as I got older. So I was co-linging books. I saw my mom present when she was in,

I don't know, I was probably 12 years old, to Xerox, all white men at the time. That was the day and age in the 80s. And I see this little five foot to Italian woman, making them laugh and making them cry and making them think and pushing them. And I just remember just wanting to be her and wanting to grow and be different and interesting

and interested. And I mean, I was literally, that was probably the first moment in my life where I'm like, okay, I need to know more. But I do love, I walk through the world thinking about what I can learn. And what I found is, and I'll be interested in your insights in there,

I seem to learn a lot more when I chip and fall. You know, I wrote this book when my best friend took his own life. Like he, my best friend, I'd seen him two weeks earlier, Jay. Two weeks earlier. And you know what I said? This is the saddest, most disappointing, frustrating life experience learning I've ever had is he's going through his depression. And I'm saying, just be happy, choose happiness. Hey, Will, you're gonna be fine. Go serve people.

When I'm sad, I serve people. Like I had no idea. I had, I didn't understand mental illness. I didn't understand depression. I didn't understand what I was saying, why I was saying it, and then he was gone. And then I'm speaking at his funeral. And I fall apart. And I fall apart in a way that,

you know, I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't fall asleep or I couldn't get out of bed. And then I'd be in a meeting at work and someone would say something completely unrelated. I would burst in the tears and walk out for three months. Didn't raise my hand. No, I need help. Didn't raise my hand. Didn't raise my hand. No, I need help. Didn't raise my hand. And I started to write to heal. And what I started to write was all around stories of where I slipped and fell down and learned. And one of the things that I've come to, which I'm interested in balancing off you and

seeing what your thoughts are, but I have a formula for mental health. And it's, you do something for your mind, something for your body, it's something for your soul every day. You get the right amount of sleep, you practice gratitude, and you'd be where you feed our, meaning you put your phone down and get your head up. Now, something for your mind, to me, sounds simple, but people don't do it because we're on the treadmill, and all we do is work, or whatever we're doing, we're doing. And you've got to have an interest outside of work.

You have to have a passion. You have to be learning. It doesn't have to be complicated. It could be a TED Talk. It could be this podcast. It could be an article, but you've got to be learning and stretching your mind in different ways. Your body, you have to take care of yourself.

And for me, it's pick up basketball or a Peloton. If I can't get a run in, I want a Peloton for 45 minutes. And I'm not advocating for anything for anyone. And if you haven't worked out and you're more happy sitting on a couch, go for a walk for 20 minutes. Get the heart rate up a little bit. And then the soul at work, it's easy to talk about on your podcast, harder at work

and work environments. But you have to feed your soul. And for me, that's prayer and scriptures and going to church and having a strong faith. And I know that doesn't work for everybody, and that's okay. But you need to find stillness. And that stillness can be meditation, it can be yoga, it can be sitting out and listening to the birds chirp

in the morning. And sleep is the most misunderstood, superpower you can ever have. Because when I was growing up in the business world, it was, sleeps for the week. Money never sleeps. You need four hours, get back to work. And what I found, and we brought in sleep experts

with our athletes, with the sixers and devils, and they all said the same thing. You need sleep. Sleep lets the mind body a soul heal. And so you need somewhere between six and a half and eight and a half hours, depending on what your DNA is and your makeup and your lifestyle. And then gratitude, I know you talk about gratitude, but I was one wheel past the way, died, took his whole life.

I wanted to move from grief to gratitude, but that was hard for me. And it was the one thing that lifted me up every day. And I have this practice, and when I speak to corporate groups, I always tell them, I start the session every time and I say, okay, take your phones out because they think I'm gonna say put your phones down. I say, nope, get your phones out. I want you to text your mom. And I want you to tell her that you love her. Why you appreciate her is something you learn from her. Because when I did that to my mom, going through my own healing process, my mom said the worst thing you could ever hear from your mother, hun, are you okay?

And we need to be better and do better. Yeah. But practicing gratitude. So my challenge is, is 60 seconds a day, said the note of gratitude love or appreciation to someone in your life. 60 seconds. Not 60 minutes, not 60 hours, not 60 months, 60 seconds a day. And then be where your feed are, is put your phone down ahead of.

And we all need rules, because we can we can't regulate. It's very hard. And our rules, like my teenage stars hate our rules because their phones aren't in the phones and electronic devices are not in their rooms. And they're not in the kitchen. So no bedroom, no kitchen for all of us. We have regulations on how much social media they can actually watch. I know nobody wants to say it and do it and I wish they could regulate. But you know what, I've been the victim of some really tough criticism on Twitter and Reddit. Okay, I've been attacked and come after it.

And I consider myself very confident, very self-assured, stable. And I've felt a part a few times. And I wonder, like if that's happened to me, what's happening to a 14 year old girl who's seeing her friends at a party on Instagram that she's not invited to. She's falling apart.

She's not feeling good about herself. She's not feeling good about her body. She's figuring out what she has to wear, how she wants to do it. But we have to set, if we can't regulate ourselves, we need to put rules in. I go out to dinner the other day. What happens?

My friends are sitting at the table on their phones. Guys, we have a few of those here. What are we doing? Put your phones in your car. Yeah. And so I think it's going back to simple. Do something for your mind, something for your body, something for your soul every day.

Get some sleep, practice gratitude, and be where you feed her. I love that. I completely align with you. I am Mi'amla, and on my podcast, The R Spot, we're having inspirational educational and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need and insisting means that you are abusing yourself now.

You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes, and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. Yep. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him.

Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took.

But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao.

The tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen, or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun bite. I mean, you saw this stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost.

It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all these for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast The the thing that I loved about what you were saying that stood out to me

Which I appreciate is you calling out toxic positivity So I appreciate you calling out toxic positivity because You saying that hey when will tell me that he was sad, I just told him to be happy. When he was struggling with this, I told him, well, this is what I do. Why don't you just try it? And I think that's such a valuable conversation to have. What were the conversations you learned after you lost him that you felt you should have been having with him or could have been having with him, and that our listeners could be having with people. Because I think what's also happened is that there are so many people in our lives

that are now considered the drain. Oh, they're like, oh, God, I don't want to see them because they're a headache. They always drain me. It's always about them. But you never know what someone's going through. After my cement mixing days, I got, quote, and, promoted to wheelbowering cements, okay? So now I'd hit the big time. And the way you wheel cement, and I'd done it as a 14-year-old where I was digging pools, is you get this heavy wheelbarrow, and you just cruise it down this little two by four,

and there's a hard left. It goes up on the sidewalk. You move it down to the classroom building, and kid-to-kids pick it up, and you're wheeled into the classroom. Pretty simple. But it's heavy. I get two kids, pick it up, and you're wheeled into the classroom. Pretty simple, but it's heavy. I'm like a relatively fit guy. Now I'm a man. When I was 14, I could barely, you know, I could barely, but I was like, I got this covered.

So the first time I get this wheelbarrow, and I am cruising down a little faster than I'd hoped down the slope. And I go to make the left turn and I can't move it. And I go right into the sand. Okay, into the sand. At speed or? At speed. Okay, into the sand. At speed or? At speed.

Okay, no cement comes out. And now I'm moving it at probably like an inch every 10 seconds. And I'm just leaning in with my thigh just to kind of push it forward. And these two teenage girls, one of whom was my daughter, come. And they're like, hey, you need help? Sure.

They pick it up, put me back on this 2x4 in a my way. Okay, that's my first trip. So the lesson, and how it relates to your question. Well, one is, is that path to me, that 2x4, that's life. And guess what? Life's messy and life's hard. And we think, like, we have this fairy tale and we're growing up. We have

this vision of who we want to be and where we want to go and what we're going to accomplish. And me, I remember someone telling me, every CEO gets fired. I was like, I'm not getting fired. Every startup guy goes bang it on. That's not going to happen. It both happened to me. Okay. And so, so I'm sitting in this, and I get the offer to help. And you might say, how mumbling was that? To have two teenage girls help you. I was like, no, I have a house in teenage girls. I know how strong they are.

I know how smart they are. They didn't bother me at all. They put me back on, but I thought about that whole analogy of how hard it is to be on that two by four. And then I thought about, and for me, two by four is going through my six steps. Some from my body, some from my soul, sleep,

gratitude, being where my feet are, okay? Living the right way, making the right decisions, having high integrity, serving others, having true purpose in developing people because we all have need, and I know you talk about this in your book a lot, it's like we all need our why, our own personal why. And so if I'm living that, it's hard, okay?

But you know what's harder? Not living it. That's the irony that you don't think about. Yeah. Right? Because now I'm in the sand. And the sand for me is sin or mistakes or bad decisions or not assuming positive intent

or not focusing on what's most important in my life. That's the sin. You know what I needed? Just like we all needed. This way is my hand. Hey guys, ladies, can you come help me here? And when someone's suffering from depression and really struggling, they need help.

I'm not going to be able to help someone. He needs to check into a facility. He needs professional help and medication. And he'd done that before. And I will, you know, that's something that I think about a lot, quite frankly. And thank you for sharing that. And thank you for writing about it in the book and creating the book from that place because it takes a lot of courage to say that, what you just said

and what you're sharing and even sharing all of this based on a loss because there's so much self-reflection that comes with that. And when you were saying that journey from grief to gratitude was the most difficult journey, and obviously will continue to be, in the book you also talk about how to create presence and your four steps for creating presence. And I wanted to talk about them individually because I find these to be really deeply profound

and insightful if we can really go there. Sure, that's true. And so the first one's fine to perspective. And I find like, that is something, as you talk about in the book, when you're moving at 115 miles per hour, when you've got all this going on, finding perspective is the thing that we never do. And if we do it, we do it once, maybe for a new year's resolutions, or maybe on our birthday, if you're lucky, how do you truly stop to find perspective?

What has helped you when you've been at your busiest, hectic, most chaotic, week's, days, months and years? For me, it's coming home and the humility of being a father helps a lot. It really does. Change in a diaper helps. Taking out the garbage helps. I love hearing things. Going to grab grocery helps. But, you know, we all have those moments in our life where we truly find... helps, taking out the garbage helps. I love hearing that. Going to grab grocery helps. But you know, we all have those moments in our life where we truly find, where we truly

find humility and perspective. And I don't need to go back, keep going back to Mozambique, but I'm going to. It's like, I'm in houses without any running water or electricity. And I'm thinking to, and I'm looking out over a work site and the kids are under a tree in the shade with a blackboard in the teacher and I'm thinking like Life isn't fair. Yeah, it was a story in the book about Dave Schaller was a dear friend who grew up in the trailer park and was mad You know, it's like why do why is this my Latin life? His dad had some addiction issues and was at a shelter and they were going to pick him up And he pulls up to the shelter and he remembers even at a young age, he's got three younger siblings and he's feeling mad, not awkward, not embarrassed, mad. And

as his dad's walking down the stairs, he looks to the left and there's a woman with a blue duffle bag and she's got three kids and instantly he finds perspective. She's got nowhere to go. He's not a trailer. She's got nowhere to go. She's not a trailer. She didn't have a crappy astro van to take me home. And she's got no dad to pick up even with all his issues. This is it for her. And for him, that was that grounding moment.

For me, quite frankly, my faith has given me so, it's put my feet on the ground. The humility to get on your knees and be prayerful and humble and understand your role, your place, the dot you have in the universe and has really helped. Trips like Mosam Beak, I've had daughters, one of my oldest daughter, the one that I told you about about her episode. She's served in a Syrian refugee camp in Athens. She's been with orphans in Zambia living on a dirt floor. I'm thinking like, good for these kids. Our next gen, our gen Zs, they're special, they're different, and they're special, and they have this incredible

light in life and social contract, which is different for employers and for all of us. And I love how they're global citizens, and I love how they don't see the world like we do it. And I love how their expectation is that that we do things differently, and that we help each other, and that we serve one another, and that we do things differently, and that we help each other, and that we serve one another,

and that we love one another. And that's expectation. And if you're an employer and you don't do it, let's leave, they don't have cars, they don't care. They don't have their jobs. I love the way the world is going. And I know a lot of people are down, they're down. They've been down on America,

or they're down on the world, or they're down on the next generation, or it's not the same. I don't agree. I love this country. And I know we struggle, but we struggle out loud. We struggle with free press. We struggle with being better.

We struggle with meeting the ideals that we have that are so unrealistic and so high and not attainable, and we struggle to get to there. I love that struggle. I love the fight and I love that there's sides. I wish we did it differently. I wish we didn't curate our own media so much and create all this friction. I wish that we had a vision for doing something better

and being something better together. But I do, I am grateful. I am grounded and I have perspective. And a lot of that is intentional. A lot of it's like, how are you spending your Thanksgiving? How are you spending your summer vacations? How are we raising our children? Are we willing to learn from our children?

Are we willing to listen to them? They know. They know how to treat each other. So I think there are a whole host of questions and a complicated answer to a really complicated question. Yeah, no, I mean, I asked the question because I think as soon as you answered it, it was really clear what your perspective is, what your focus is, and you can go on Instagram

and find a very different perspective or you could be following places of charity, service, work, and you could get that perspective too. The thing is today you can go on YouTube and search Mozambique building schools, and you can find an incredible video about the inspiring stories that are right there. You don't have to visit.

You don't have to have the means to go over there and help to be a part of this. And we found that this year my wife and I led a COVID relief for India. That's amazing. Because India was going through just so much, we knew that one person was dying every five minutes. The resources and the infrastructure didn't exist.

My wife and I are heritages from India. My monk life was spent in India. So I feel a certain level of responsibility towards India. What I saw was that everyone's perspective was down in. Our social media community raised $5 million in one weekend. And that to me showed just how incredible the perspective is when people are dialed. I know how amazing my community is. I love that.

And it showed me the power of when everyone's like, oh, what social media does this and social media is I'm like, we can have done this without social media. Right. But you're intention is pure. And like, we can have done this without social media. But your intention is pure. And so is our community. And your community is pure. And the love that you show and have, and the way you even celebrate your listeners

and who comment, that community is a J Shetty community. I mean, it's wonderful and full of love. And I agree, it's like, when I say pick up your phone and text your mom or text my love, or I'm gonna use my social media platform for good, that intention, that like how you set your day. I'd love to talk about that too. It's like I be so interested in how you set your day every day.

I mean, we talk about doing it through a leadership constitution or a mantra, but they're like, I don't know, I just invite, I mean, interested. Like do you set a, like do you set a, do you read something, do you say something, how do you set your intention for the day? Yeah, it's changed over time. And now I always try and find a pattern

because I like patterns and I like routines and I like commitment. And so it's changed over time at one point. This was truly one of my favorite morning routines. Everyday I would wake up and I would listen to Steve Jobs his commencement speech at Stanford. And I listened to it every day. And I listened to it every day for nine months.

And I promise you, not only did I know the words off by heart, but the words like started to really affect my heart. To the point that I realized that all the choices I made were all based on his voice in my head. Now, I didn't know Steve Jobs. I don't even know anyone who knows Steve Jobs, but I feel like I know him because I've spent so much time studying his life and listening to him and reading up through his work. So that was something I did. I don't do that anymore, but that was something I did. Recently we had Math and McConaughey on the podcast.

And I told him that at one point, I listened to his speech from the Oscars when he won for Dallas Buyers Club. I think that was a movie he won for. And it's a five minute speech. And it's his Oscar's acceptance speech. It's rooted in faith and God and growth. It's beautiful. And I listened to it every day for 30 days.

And that was my thing that I did first thing in the morning. So those have been certain things that I really like that are practical for people without learning a new habit or learning a new skill or learning how to meditate. But the primary focus of my schedule now is when I wake up, the first thing I do is I have a small post-in note on the side of my bed.

And it says, what am I grateful for? Interest the first thing I see. That's great. And so the reason I do that is because so often my first thought when I wake up is I'm tired. Huh. That's so, it's such a natural autopilot thought. Oh, let me look at my schedule.

Oh my gosh, what's so much to do today, right? Like that's such a normal thought and I've read so many studies about choosing our thoughts. And my belief is if that the first choice I make in the morning is to choose a grateful thought. I love that. And that will transform every choice I make for the rest of the day. If you choose to love your child the first thing in the morning,

you're more likely to love them throughout the day. If you choose to plant a beautiful seed, it's more likely to grow into a tree in a fruit by the evening. So for me, that's been the first thing I do. Straight after that, I go to my meditation practice, which has always been a mantra meditation for many, many years.

And I've developed this, so I don't recommend this to anyone. I meditate for about one and a half hours to two hours every morning. It's the first thing I do. And for me, that's my connection to God. It's my spiritual connection. It's my faith connection It's me learning to be an instrument to purify all of the impurities and issues that I have so that I can actually be a vessel of service And so that's what that does for me and then it's very similar to what you said mind body straight after that

I'm out playing tennis and so tennis has been my exercise consistently now for maybe the last year. And I started to realize I didn't enjoy gyms, but I love sport, I love competition, I love play. And there was a beautiful quote from Richard Branson that stuck with my head. And I probably read this when I was 16. I remember reading his books when I in my teens.

And I read this when I was 16 and It's funny because now obviously I'm not old But I'm older than I was when I was 16 and he said we don't stop playing because we get old We get old because we stop playing and that's what dreamy to tell us I was like I need to add more play into my life and then straight after that I'll sit down and set an intention for the day So I look at my schedule and I'll think, what energy do I need? So today I've got a day of interviews.

I'm sitting with people. Some people have met, some people haven't met. And so my intention is how can I truly serve this person the best so that they can serve humanity through what we're doing? And so now when I'm sitting here with you, all I'm thinking about is just, I cannot wait for everyone listening to read this book. Not only are you a great author, you're a phenomenal storyteller. I'm sitting on this podcast,

going, Scott, I had no idea you were this good storyteller. And I'm loving it. I'm enjoying that because I'm appreciating just how much people are gonna be moved when they finally get to dive into your work. And so that's my general morning routine every day that I follow. And that's works for me.

I love that. I would love to tell you my youngest daughter, Eliza, who's 14. Every night before she's gone to bed, and then this is a four year practice every day, has not missed a day. She writes down 14 things. I have no idea what's 14.

That she's 14 years old. She is. That she's grateful for every day. That's a lot. Has never repeated once. Never repeated. So now think about what that says to you for the next day, because now you have to be in tune as to what you're being grateful for.

Much like you do in the morning. I like it better in the morning like you do, but I love the notion of that. The other thing she does, which is I think it's the cutest, she'll be embarrassed if I ever say this, so I love the notion of that. The other thing she does, which is, I think, it's the cutest, still me embarrassed, if I ever say this, someone's going to say it, but it's the cutest. She has a happiness clicker. Happy thoughts clicker. So if you go by her room at night, you'll hear, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, and it just warms my heart to hear someone who's actually having happy thoughts and rewarding herself

for the happy thoughts. Is Dan beautiful? Scott, I think we have the wrong person on the podcast. I'm not this, is that? Oh my, she sounds amazing. Those are by far two of my fit. You have just, there's two things that you've just shared. And I come, what's her name? Eliza.

Eliza, okay. Eliza, when you listen to this, if you ever do it, if you want to, I just want you to know, you have taught me something too incredible lessons today that I'm gonna share with so many people, I'm gonna quote you on it, I'm gonna put it out there because you've blown my mind. I, first of all, I love that piece of advice

that she has never repeated one. That is incredible. That's amazing. That is so easy to do. Because you remember at first, you're like, mom, dad, my house, my school, my son, I was just right the first oxygen. First month, right?

Yeah, but to not repeat, that's amazing. It's like this beautiful flower I saw. Now you're actually digging and looking. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And then the second one that you said, so don't repeat your gratitude. I think that is such a beautiful message.

And the reason why I love the happiness clicker one that you said, so don't repeat your gratitude. I think that is such a beautiful message. And the reason why I love the happiness clicker is because I was literally quoting a study yesterday. The study on our thought shows that we have 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day. And 80% are not only repetitive, but negative. And so the fact that your daughter is counting her positive thoughts, and we both know, I mean, you know better than anyone If you don't measure something, it's not gonna grow. It's not gonna change the fact that she is counting her positive thoughts That gives her a tally to try and live up to the next day and grow. I love that. I love that too. That is genius I it's funny. I was actually thinking about it. I wanted to I was speaking to someone about this a few months ago

And that's why I love that so much. I was talking to someone about how measuring how many steps they took changed their lives, right? Like whether you use a Fitbit or an Aurora ring or whatever you use, the idea is that measuring that you did your 10,000 steps and I saw families getting into these league tables with each other and kids and families competing. And I literally said this to a very close friend of mine who had on the podcast as well, and I said to him, I said, how could it be if you could measure someone's positive thoughts?

That would be so. Like if we had a device that could track your thoughts and could say to you every day, you're 3000 thoughts away from having 10,000 positive thoughts, right? And you could measure someone's positivity, that would engage them to, like, no one wants to have 10,000 steps.

We just do it when we know we're 8,000. You're like, all right, 2,000 more, I can do that. I wonder if we could, you know, I have this notion that negative self-talk, especially, again, I'm with a lot of teenagers. So, they say things. And I had this notion that when you say something, it's not how you intuitively think.

You say it and it goes into your subconscious effect. And I'm a product of two PhDs, hippie parents, and they were all about positive affirmations. And we got away from that in the last few years. But when we replaced it with Amantro or a leadership constitution. I love positive affirmations. Right.

But I wonder if those positive thoughts is something that we can be saying in the morning. Like get them out there because it'll make you happier. It'll make the world better. It'll make your interactions better. Help you assume positive intent or I'll help you focus on what's most important and do all those positive things that we need.

And like writing them down is good saying them matters. Yes, yes. Eliza, you have, I'm never gonna forget those two statements. I'm gonna be sharing them a lot with people. They're so powerful. They're so powerful. And there's so much wisdom in that. And that's writing down what you're grateful for

is such an overused tip and it's great and that's why I love what you said share it expressive that 60 second text to your mom like that's where it starts working But it also works when it's not repetitive. So I think that's that's incredible. Thank you so much Eliza the second step is seek authentic feedback this one I I think is become more and more difficult for people to do because Seeking authentic feedback means you have authentic relationships I think it's become more and more difficult for people to do because seeking authentic feedback means you have authentic relationships.

Yes. Because you can only seek authentic feedback from people you genuinely have a relationship with or that understand you. Tell us about your journey to tell me about a time when you sought authentic feedback and examples of both types of feedback you received in authentic or authentic. You know what happens in a career is hard. When you're young you have mentors and then you start hopping over your mentors and yes and then you get a big job and even the people that you love the most and

they have worked with side-by-side for three companies or two companies, or those that you've groomed since their early days, and they're now your direct reports, and they're not gonna tell you the truth. And then your board, in my case, or your bosses, they're not gonna tell you to, anyway, and you're not sure you want it, you know?

And so that becomes really complicated. I've found a couple places that are, you choose, anyway, and you're not sure you want it, you know? And so that becomes really complicated. I've found a couple places that are, you know, saw us, there's a group called YPO Young Presidents Organization, which puts you in a room with eight to ten other CEOs, and you have what they call form confidential meetings where nothing comes out, and you talk about things that you can't really talk about, issues at home, troubles with a child,

troubles at work, negotiating a contract. Like, who are you gonna call? So that was an incredible source of strength for me for the last 15 years, my forum at YPO. So that's one group where they love me, they don't judge me. They're honest, they're strong, they're my peers. So I think that formula, whether it's YPO

or some other group of your peers is good. My brothers are incredible sources of strength and my sister, my three brothers and sister, all running companies, but they love me too much. And they'll always take my side. Always. My wife not so much. And she loves me, but she'll tell me.

You know, and I imagine for you, for your wife, she sees Jay Shetty. Okay, Jay, Jay, Jay, do your laundry. Yeah, I do. You know, and there's a partnership that is critical. And that I'm sure your wife is strong or you wouldn't know, my wife is strong. And I needed a strong woman.

And so, and we have complete division of labor and you know, but there is an expectation that when I need it, she gets it to me, whether I ask for it or not, which I absolutely love. I'm a little more delicate just in terms of style with her. I say it a lot nicer. Yeah. I think I do the same.

Yeah, I can relate to you. That's a good tactic. 25 years together. So that's working. It's working. And she's been amazing. So those are my two sources of YPO, and then my wife. I love those.

Those are great. How about you? How's it work for you? Is it hard because you're a celebrity and star? Like, is that like so different? You know what, I'm really fortunate and I made this a conscious intention as my life grew, is that I'm always the poorest,

least successful and least wise person in the room. And so I try and surround myself by people who are far ahead of me and everywhere I possibly can. And they're not always surround myself by people who are far ahead of me and everywhere I possibly can. And they're not always the same rooms because you don't necessarily find people across all three of those in the same room. You might be getting harder on all three fronts for you. Definitely. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You go, you realize how big the world is as far as... Bigger was vision's are. When I went on the wires, I go to the monks. I was just talking about this the other day. I shared this with Randy, actually.

And I was saying that I was coaching, I was working with someone recently, and I was speaking to my monk teacher about who I was working with. So my monk teacher's 70 years old. He's been a monk for 40 years. He's lived life. He's like, every life experience,

he's coached children since they're born to go on to become incredible people. He's coached heads of societies and states. And he's had an amazing life. And so when I go to him, and he's 70 years old, and I'm half his age, and you start recognizing just how much more there is to life and how much you still have to learn and live.

And I was telling him, I'm coaching this person on this and I'm working with this celebrity on this or whatever it is. And he goes, he said to me, he said, I'm so happy for you because I'm so happy. He said, I'm so happy because you get to help everyone with your problems. And it was like that humbling reminder.

I was like, you're getting to coach people on what you need coaching for. And that is God's gift to you that you're getting to help people with what you're gonna need help with. And so I think that wisdom that I get from the monk teachers that I have, that I still am very much in touch with, they're always very humbling and grounding.

And I think my sister, you were saying family. So my sister, what you were saying, my sister, whenever I start speaking to her, she'll be like, stop going all J-Shetty on me. You literally say that to me. I love what he's saying. And my sister loves me. And I love that she's one of my best friends.

She's far and half years younger than me. And she'll be like, stop giving me a J-Shetty video. Like I just want my brother. Like, and I'm like, this is me, like, but she has to say that to me. You know, in the beginning the beginning used to hurt me. Now I find it cute and adorable. And then my wife, you were spot on,

like there was an interview that Robert Downey Jr. did and he talked about how they were like, how do you stay humble? You're Iron Man, you built the Marvel Universe. I mean, this guy's, you know, he's crushed it over the last few years with all the amazing movies he did and he just said, he said, you know what, when I get home, you know,

my kids are not like, oh my God, it's Iron Man. You know, he's like, my wife's like, take the trash out and he was just like, what you said, same thing. Like, you know, your family, and I think that's a beautiful thing. I think often, this is what I was showing with a lot of my male friends, I said, especially his men, I think often we want our wives to validate us for what we achieve and not who we are.

And we forget that they chose, my wife has been with me since I didn't have a job. Like, you know, and so my wife, my wife's parents took way better care than I did ever in the first three years of our marriage. And what I could offer her was far less than what her parents could offer her. But I think we forget that is,

we wanna be validated for like being that singer or that athlete or being a speaker or like, can't you see I'm a number one New York times best. But that, you don't want to be loved for that. No, you're so right. I was thinking of that. I was thinking of that you said that. Thought was really interesting.

And I forgot to mention, I've had three great coaches. I'm Trisha Nadoff and Spencer Hole and then Brenda Brushard, most recently. And I didn't realize you worked with her. Yeah. Just with him too. You're kidding me. I didn't realize that we would so Brendan, just we were all part of the same mastermind. And we just literally were with Brendan for four days.

I love him. He is, he helped me rediscover what it meant to be a leader again. Wow. And I think that's the gift that coaches can give you. And he, he does not dance around issues either. So he gave me some incredible feedback over time, but helped me get there on my own, which I love.

Like we had so many fascinating conversations and he's been a true recent source of strength. Amazing. I love hearing that. Please tell me about the first two because I got excited about Brendan and Trisha is amazing. She is a little bit like Bohemian.

And I was at Madison Square Garden struggling with all sorts of things, personally and professionally. And she had this big notion of like, you want to be a warrior? I'm like, yes. I want to be a warrior. No, she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I do want to be a warrior.

She's like, no, you want a hunt and kill. I'm like, right. And she's like, no, you need to grow. You need to go into that sage phase. I'm like, right. And she's like, no, you need to grow, you need to go into that sage phase. I'm like, but I don't want to be a sage. You know, now it's 38, okay? And she said, what you're gonna have to get there? Because if you want to lead at an elite level,

the reward isn't you anymore. Yeah. And that's where I am. I told her, I sent her notes every once in a while that I found it. And she always sends me funny ones back. But I now get my joy, my win, is seeing someone become a vice president for the first time or leave me and go run an incredible company

and be an extraordinary leader or someone that goes and can change the world in their world. Or someone who leaves me and goes and builds this incredible foundation and is changing things in the world, that is now my killer, my win. So I think, I hope she would say she's proud, that I just didn't go in her pace. Yes.

But that always stuck in my mind. And I had some classic fight back and arguments and push back with her. And she, I remember her saying, Scott, you need to meditate in like the sweetest, smartest, tough woman. And I'm like, I can't sit still for five seconds. Stop telling me to meditate.

Help me with my job. And of course, I learned how to meditate over time because I need to find stillness and peace. And it helps me sleep, it helps me go to sleep, it helps me live better. And so she was a wonderful source. And Spencer Hold, who's been a long time friend as well, great guy, smart guy.

And he helped me on two transitions. And I think transitions are hard for people. I've been at a work at a Luck and At a Money, and I've been at a work and really comfortable. And I like the latter a lot better than the former. Of course. But when you go on these walkabouts in life, you have an opportunity to step back, see the world for what it is, reflect back on the decisions you made, why you made them, the impact they had, good and bad, the lessons you learn, the people you met,

and you just have this overwhelming sense of gratitude. For light, even the mistakes you made because they taught you such valuable lessons. And then you get to take all that in and look forward and say, why am I doing, it's actually my wife says, God, why do you do this? Because every time I leave a job,

I'm like, I'm never doing this again, every time. And she's like, okay, but why do you do what you do? I said, well, I want to help. I want to help develop the next generation of great leaders. And I want to build a platform so I can leave the world better and I found it. And I want to help my church quite frankly grow. And so, and she's like, well, that's why you

in these platforms, I'm like, yes, that's why I'm in these platforms. And so that's why I keep signing up, you know? And I keep getting the rush and going through the pain and the fun and the exhilaration and the torture and all that together. But it's these walkabouts, these years, like the year that you take off

that really gives you that freedom, that most people don't have. And I know I'm blessed to have that opportunity to go do it. But that's the time I'm in now. And I feel like I'm fresh and different and in my version of a Zen state that I can actually see the world as it is. I'm Yvonne Gloria.

I'm Maite Gomez-Rajón. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower. I'm team flower. I need a

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Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Mite Gómez Rejón as part of the Micultura Podcast Network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls Podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development,

and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives. Those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford,

a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our

experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts I love that I love that while you were sharing that

The thing I was thinking about was when you look at the sage versus the original mindset as you as you put it in it Warrior warrior. Yeah the warrior look at the sage versus the original mindset as you put it in. Warrior. Yeah, the warrior. And it's like that hunt and kill changes to seek and grow. Yes, and seek and grow doesn't sound attractive. Like when you want to be a warrior, like when you want to be a warrior, seek and grow. It's like a much rather hunt and kill, but we realize hunt and kill,

if you even look at those words, they will lead to an end. It's terrible. They're aggressive. But when you went to become a monk at first, what I was surprised when I was reading, reading, think like a monk was that you had a struggle. Because I know people see you as like, it's like your sister's coming.

I don't chase Shady on me. Like, okay, I have it all figured out. Like, I do this. I coach the stars. I, you know, have this incredible influence and podcast. Like, is that something you anticipated and expected? Or did that surprise you when you were there and went through that struggle?

No, my whole life is a surprise to me. I'd say everything's been a surprise. I never thought I'd become a monk. If someone told me two years ago before I became a monk, not two years ago, let's. If someone told me two years ago before I became a monk, not two years ago, I'd say if someone told me 18, I decided 21, 22, I became a monk. So if someone told me it's 16, Jay, one day you're going to be a monk. I would have probably thrown a bottle of alcohol. Like, you know, like that's the state I would have been in because that's how

I was at 16. And then when I became a monk, it was hard because living with that level of discipline isn't easy for anyone, especially just an average kid from London who's not grown up with that level of military style discipline, which is what a monastery is. And then to leave it all to come back, I mean, I thought my life was over then when I came back.

I was just like, well, that's it, I guess. I guess I'm just gonna figure out how to pay the bills and life's going to go on because all the feedback I had from everyone was just like, who cares that you are among and what's that got to do with anything and what transferable skills do you have. You can sit still and be silent. Like, our company doesn't need that. And so it was fear and insecurity and doubt every step. And so today, when I get to do all the cool stuff you said, I just feel blessed everyday and grateful. And of course there's been strategy and doors.

Of course, of course there has. But I'm saying that the initial seed of that, but when you were a monk, yes. And you're like, you know, they said like, no, you need to do X. And you're like, it felt like when I was reading your book, like a couple of times you rolled your eyes, like, oh man, we go again. I did, I did because because but that's your version of the warrior face, right?

Yes, yes, and I think I still have that and that's partly why I had to leave and what I've realized is that some of us Don't have it naturally and some of us have to engage it for a higher purpose to purify it Oh, that's that's so not everyone can just give up the rebel. Like I would say the rebel is very much part of my DNA. I have that some of that. Yeah, I'm a rebel. Even more than a warrior, I'm a rebel. Like warrior still feels like you want to,

I never wanted to be anyone else. I'm just a rebel. I don't like going with the flow and I want to go against the grain and I think I know how to do things differently, but that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone. I've just, I've always seen it as me, but I realize that I had to engage the rebel

in the service of humanity to purify the rebel to try and aspire to be a sage. Whereas if you try and what was often called in the monk society as monkey renunciation, so what that means is monkey detachment is, if you offer a monkey a banana, it will give you whatever it has And then if you offer it a credit card, it will trade you back the banana and then if you give it so the monkey will keep swapping with you Because it doesn't really know what it wants and it doesn't matter

It will just give it up without thinking about it and as human sometimes we feel forced to give up who we are As opposed to saying well, let me engage us and use my skills to help people. Like it's like you saying, all right, I'm just gonna go off and become a monk at 38, instead of building what you've built, and now getting to have the impact through your book, your work, the Mozambique work, that you get to have.

That's right. That's your journey. You know, when I sit down with, there were teachers, like, there was a point where there were the Beatles, there were members of the Beatles that wanted to become monks, and their teachers told them,

your journey is to make spiritual music. Like your identity is to share the message of God through your music, your destiny is not to become a monk. You're gonna rob millions of people of the impact that you could have, and that's the same with you. If you trade in, it's real. It's real.

Does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. So I think for me, it's been that journey of purifying my impurities by giving them in service, or trying to use them for something better than yourself. So that's always been the philosophy of the monkhood that I studied in, which was don't force people to change you, they are and become someone that not.

Get them to use who they are for helping and serving others and the world will become a special place. All right, so there's this concept in the book called WMI. What's the important thing? Yeah, let's talk about it. And Brandon says that, it's Brendan Bechart, he says that high performers spent 65% of their time on the three things that matter most at work.

So I brought in that a little bit, and I said, like, yes, we should talk about work, but what about your home? Like, what matters most to you at home? What about your relationships? What are those three key relationships? And then it worked, what are those three things that matter? And I went through the audit, okay?

So I love the audit. Oh, it's all painful. Okay, so you go to, you go take your calendar and then you map. Okay, where am I spending my time? And the reason I add the personal stuff is because especially with COVID, the line between work and home and home and work or work home and church or work home and play and it's all the same. It's just like life. And so we have to be more disciplined, we have to be more organized, and we have to learn the magic word of, no, which is very hard for me because I'm a people pleaser. But I go through my audit and I'm at 23%.

And I always embarrassed to tell him, like I did and I just buried it. But then I just asked myself, like I said, okay, I got a choice. 23% at home. No, 23% of my calendar was spent on what I said was most important. 65% which is what he said. Okay, that's not great. I literally, I'm like talking to myself and I'm saying, okay, I neither eat to change what's on this paper

or change the way I do. So my question for you is, how do you, with all the demands on your time and polls? Because I imagine you could speak anywhere you want and whenever you want. You probably get 30 calls a week to go speak somewhere. You got probably, you could do TV. You could do a whole bunch of things.

How do you focus on what's most important to you? I fail it all the time. That's the honest answer. It's so hot. It's, it's, yeah, it's so hot, isn't it? It's, I agree with you. It's so hot to say no because I feel like there's so many transitions. So let's talk about those transitions and why it? I agree with you. It's so hard to say no because I feel like there's so many transitions.

So let's talk about those transitions and why it's hard to say no because I think everyone can relate to this. And you can, why don't we do one each? You tell me why. You think it's hard to say no and I'll tell you why I think it's hard to say no. So I'll start and then we'll go back and forth. I think one of the reasons why it's hard to say no is because at one point in time, that would have been something you died for. Some of the opportunities I have today that come my way, that I have the now

the opportunity to say no to, at one point in time, I would have begged to have had that opportunity. So you feel a sense of guilt, you feel a sense of responsibility, you feel a sense of, am I ungrateful? Am I now becoming, you know, do I think I'm too good for my, like, I think I go through that. Is that makes sense? That's an internal struggle. I would say one for me is that I feel like I can help people. And for me to not help, it feels like a tug on everything that I say I stand for.

And so what's simple for me might be really hard for somebody. And so to say no, it's counter to what I, who I aspire to be. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love that one. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. I can definitely relate to that. I feel like I'm like, it's only 10 minutes of my time.

I can make a difference to someone. It's worth it. Another reason why I struggle to say no, I'd say is, apart from your one, which I agree with two, another reason internal struggle of why I struggle to say no is because I do want to be liked, it means you're not aware of them Right, and so if you haven't put it down on a piece of paper and you haven't written down why you struggle to say no You don't know why you don't say it, so I literally said I just finally said like I'm gonna eliminate inter informational interviews. Yeah, okay. Now. It's like the kid that comes in

It's your friend son or Your nephew or the cousin of so and so and I just don't I'd said no Yeah, and for me can you imagine like your best friend calls you was like It's my son. Yeah, no, I'll get him to somebody like yeah, can you spend 10 minutes? I'm like nah, I can't yeah, and that's me like awful. It's awful Like the feelings of cuz I love him. I'm really afraid right now. No, it's awkward Yeah, yeah, and so now I'm really afraid right now. No, no, it's awkward. And so now I'm gonna walk about,

like my constraint is no longer time, which I'm sure for you is impossible right now, but your constraint is time. Yeah. And mine is not anymore. So I'm asking you a question. Yeah, I'm thinking like, so with me it's not necessarily the most,

and I've made some mistakes on this. I'll say professionally, I made some mistakes on this because I was constantly trying to outsource the only thing I was able to do. And that was something that I probably spent too much money on in 12 months on where I was constantly trying to hire for what is my superpower. And I was hoping that I could find someone to do that, so I could do more superpower stuff. But I kept trying to find someone,

I kept hiring someone, and no matter how much I paid, and where we looked, and whatever we did, I realized it wasn't possible to outsource that specific skill. And I finally owned it, and I said, well, I need to do that for myself. So I actually didn't make a lot of mistakes on that. But going back to your question,

I see it's the three most important things, but I see them in order. So, like, chronological, priority. So we had a set of rules in the monastery, which I still completely connect with, and the three words, one of a couple of them, a Sanskrit,

one of them is English, it was health, sadhana, saver, these were three words, and it was always in that order. So it was considered, these are three most important things. And the good thing is you can't do one before you finish the other one.

That's the rule. And so the rule is health is first, and that includes your physical, mental, and spiritual health, and you get beautiful examples of how to do that. So before you have moved in the morning, you can't do any of the others. So if you haven't done the morning, you can't do any of the others. So if you haven't done your yoga, you haven't done your tennis, you haven't done your work, whatever it is, you can't do anything else. You're just not allowed. Because without you being

of health, without you being of everything you mentioned already, who are you going to serve? Right. What energy are you giving them? You haven't even got your own mind, right? How are you going to inspire a young man, no matter how, whatever you have, or a young woman? The second thing was saddening. Saddening was your personal rituals and practices. Your personal eating of yourself. Like when you were going out of Mozambique, you can't build a school if you haven't worked

on your own fitness and you haven't eaten a meal. How long are you gonna last? So the second thing was once you've made sure your body and mind are right, have you prepared your soul? Exactly as you said, have you prepared your consciousness? Should have been a monk. Have you prepared your shit of basically? Should have been a teacher. Have you prepared your intention? And the final saver is service. That's the final. Giving to others is the final. Not that it's the least important. It's the most important. If you look at any tree around you, if it wasn't watered properly,

if it wasn't taken care of properly, you look up, it's got no fruits. What fruits are you giving to people? You're giving people rotten fruits. And that's where you start. So it's not that service is the least important. It's the most important. And therefore, you ought to water the roots well.

So for me, that's how I think about what's most important is by first taking care of the first two so that the third can be done to its best. But don't say yes to an opportunity for the third before you've done the first two. Does that make sense? It makes a much sense. It reminds me of the story.

There's this tree. Tree of tenoray. Have you ever heard of it? No, I haven't. Okay, so the tarot desert, this tree lives to be 350 years old. It used to be a wooded area, but then the climate changed and became a desert and only one

tree survived, tree of tenoray. And the roots went down hundreds of feet into this little watering hole and then unfortunately, like, and it was on maps because it was the one tree, you know, hundreds of miles around. And a driver came with a truck and hit it and knocked it over. And that was it for the tree. And then I always contrast that with Pando. Pando is the second largest living organism in the world. 80,000 trees, it's in Utah and the US.

80,000 trees and it's been around for 70,000 years. So here's one tree, okay. That can survive for 350 years in ridiculous conditions. And I would say like, that's incredible. But then one driver outdone, see you later, Sianara. Now with 70,000 trees, and they share a common root system. Yeah. Okay.

I was thinking about that. When you were saying that, I just kept thinking, Pando, Pando, Pando, Pando, I kept going through. I have it because we need each other. And we need people. And we need to connect.

And that, that to me is like, you know, that is the secret sauce today. In a world where isolation is our kryptonite, the connectivity of roots and the connectivity of people. And how you, Jay Shetty, are able to bring us together through a common language. And that, your monks three-step process, it's pure, it's genius, and it's so intuitive. And even what you're writing about in the book,

I, what you just said, you today have more of a luxury of time in your life today. Yes. Obviously, that wasn't how it was at all. I do not have a luxury of time. And at this current stage of my life, as a monk, I did most of it, for sure. What I've realized is time is the wrong metric and the wrong divisible. So we divide our life by time. We say, okay, I need time with my family, I need time with my partner, I need time with Scott, I need time with this, I need time with that. And I realized a few years ago, no one wanted my time. Everyone wanted my presence,

and everyone wanted my energy. So if I could give 10 minutes of my time, but a hundred percent of my energy, that's what someone wanted. And I started changing how I looked at it, looking at the ratio of my energy versus my time. Well, I love that. And saying, how much time can I give at a hundred percent energy?

And sometimes the time went down to 60 seconds. And that was fine. Because I realized that people would rather have a hundred percent of my energy than one percent of my energy and 100% of my time. Giving someone an hour being on my phone all the time as you were saying when you got with your friends, no one wants that. No one wants to see me and you both on our phones right now

and have a couple of questions about your book. People want to hear us have presents. Right, Jade, that's why I say beware of feed-off and not balance. If you're a person, how do I find balance? I'm like, let's talk about that. Okay, I want to talk about that. I want to talk about that. Okay, I wanna talk about that. I'm just going to talk about it.

Yeah, I wanna talk about it. I'm, it's the first question I get. It's in particular with young people. I talk to high school kids or college, but I call them the kids who are asking that question. Everyone. That's worrying. Everyone.

How do I find balance? I'm like, get to work. But I literally say, like, I think about my life and I think about home. Well, how do you have such a good strong relationship? You seem focused on your faith and your family and work and how do you do it? I was like, hey, here's the thing.

Okay, let's talk about life. Let's talk about real life. Not, you know, the Huxables on TV. Let's talk about real, real life. Okay, here's what real life looks like for me. I get up in the morning, it's chaos. I call it the NCA tournament. We're just surviving the events.

We are trying to get out the door without a nuclear meltdown. You borrow my shirt. I can't find my, you know, you're not in charge of my computer, all that crap. The girl's good to school, okay? How many meaningful moments can I have at that point?

How about zero? I have to be okay with that because it's not happening. Yeah, okay. One can't get out of bed. The other one's up at five in the morning. I mean, it is, you know, it's chaos. Then I got to work, they go to school.

They've got cheerleading, they've got basketball, they've got boyfriends, which we do not want to talk about ever. We have homework, I have work, I have events, we come home. They, how much time, talk about energy. How do I, how do I be present? How much time do you have 45 minutes? You're family. The people you say you love most that matter most in your life in hour two hours and you're luckiest person in the world. So what are you gonna do with that one hour?

And I say let's create some meaningful moments. Let's create a memory. Let's have a real conversation and by the way, what's great today? There's so many things to talk about. The world is falling apart. We have social unrest. We have challenges to the core of faith and and the church in this country. We have the education system. We have a political system that's a complete adventure. We can give them global citizens. We have all these topics and we can talk to our children. Or you know what we can do? Write them a love letter. Or you know what we can do? Tell them three things you really want them to remember. Or you know what we can do? Write him a love letter. Or you know what we can do? Tell him three things you really want him to remember. Or you know what we can do? Tell him everything you ever wanted to tell him

but haven't spent the time yet. Because those moments are what they will remember and will matter. Go on a family walk. Oh, took an hour. And we actually left our phones in the house and we went to go walk for 45 minutes. That time, that's what we have to protect.

That's what we have to put our energy in effort on. That's where our intention should go. This notion of balance, what do we do? Sit around watching reruns or binging on Netflix or sitting around watching a show, typing on our iPads, messing around on our phone and eating licorice, okay? Because that's what life looks like. Yeah, literally. It's like, be present. I love the notion of energy over time. I'm gonna steal that. Yeah, no, it's like, be present. I love the notion of energy over time. I'm gonna steal that. Yeah, no, it's been game changing for me. I don't obviously, I don't have children yet,

so I'll have to come take notes for me. My wife and I, one of the things we did, especially as things were taking off for me, I started a new routine with her, where every 30 days, I realized that the notion of, what you just said, if you're lucky of two hours a day to spend with the people you love the most. And that's the same with me,

when life was, when I was putting in the work, and I was of two hours a day to spend with the people you love the most. And that's the same with me. When life was when I was putting in the work and I was working 18 hours a day to build everything that we have today, I didn't have that luxury of time with her. So every 30 days, we would take three days and we'd go away together somewhere three hours away from where we live. We'd pack the car, drive up, get a bed and breakfast, get an Airbnb, get a small motel hotel, whatever you could afford. And we'd be there for two nights and three days, and we would lock our phones in the safe, and we'd just spend time together. That's wonderful.

And I realized that doing those three days every month had a bigger impact on our relationship than if we sat in front of the TV every day for two hours. Oh, I love that. It didn't compare because of what you just said. Yeah, yeah. That making a memory, making an experience, that's what we all want in life. No one's going to count and be like, Dad, I know you spent 10 hours with me this week. No one's counting that.

There's no one's keeping a clock of that. But my wife remembers, oh, remember that we can rewant to sponsor springs. I'll remember when we went to a Temecula, we rode those e-bikes around for the whole day. Or do you remember when we went up and we went to Santa Barbara and we just walked on the beach like those are the things you remember. Yeah, it's so true. And they went expensive. None of those things are expensive. They were all free. Walk by. Here's's a real free one you can add go for it We have my wife and I when things are good and we're in our in our zone We go on one walk a week that we call non-transactional nice think about like life is transactional and non-transactional

Transactionalist. Okay, we got the kids got this. I should got practice. Oh, there's a game on Tuesday Okay, okay, um, oh, what are we doing this Friday? We none of that. We just talk and we stay in the moment and we stay present. And when we do that, I feel like our relationship is more solid. We are more grounded and we are more connected. I love it. And it's our version of your three day trip, which I know transactional. I love that. That's and that's hard. I'm sure with kids. Yes. Like that's harder and harder is you have more people to talk about and their lives and their minds and their challenges and their boyfriend's that you're not mentioned in this. All that kind of stuff. Like that gets harder, I'm sure.

How do you honor the time so that you don't get distracted? I find it so easy to... You say that, but then when you get there, you just got a phone or you're supposed to... How do you really honor that? How have you found, how have you tried to do that best? The best thing for me is, is, is abstinence. I leave my phone in the house. Right, yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and I wish I were more disciplined

and I wish I could keep in my back pocket and walk for 45 minutes. I don't have the, I do not have the gear. I don't. That's why I leave it. If we go to dinner and I know I need to focus, it stays in the car. Now, some are saying right now,

I would never leave my phone in the car. Why? Where is it going? What are you missing? What is your ESPN notification telling you? What is the TikTok video you're gonna miss? What's the text you're gonna miss? What's the CNN notification?

It's okay. You will be okay. The world will move on without you. You are okay. You're not gonna miss anything. I think we just have to be where our feet are. We have to just, like, it goes back to something that you said more.

What is your intention? And can we be more intentional about what we are and how we live and be more grounded? Scar, I could talk to you for hours, genuinely. This has been so much fun. And I count podcasts now. As I do them more and more, and as we've done them for a couple of years and interviews, I count when I'm having fun on a podcast as the best indicator of

a good conversation. Terrific. And I've had so much fun today. And I also know, and I just saw the clock when I was looking at it, I was like, we're about to be a record of like, this is in the top three longest episodes we've ever done. That is also a sign of fun. That's good. When you don't look at the time,

but I want to encourage everyone, and what you just said now is such a beautiful note. I want to encourage everyone who's listening to go and grab a copy of, be where your feet are, seven principles to give you present, grounded, and thriving. We have not even touched on my favorite chapters in the book. Like, we haven't even gone over the concepts of some of my favorite chapters in the book. We've touched a lot of my favorite ones, but there are still some more and we have just scratched the surface

on what's really inside this book, what Scott has to offer, and Scott, I'm hoping that not everyone, not only does everyone read your book, I hope everyone goes and follows you. I hope everyone stays connected with your journey and story story like I'm excited to do. I would hope that we turn this podcast into a long friendship. I've learned so much from you today. I've deeply enjoyed your company and I can't wait to meet your Eliza, 14-year-old daughter who's taught me so much

in such simple ways. But I highly recommend, we'll have the link in the caption and everywhere. Please go and grab a copy of B where your feet are. I couldn't recommend it more highly. As you know, Scott, we end every episode with five fast-five final five questions. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So if you're ready, Scott, we'll do it with your fast-five.

All right, so the first question I have for you is, what is the best advice you've ever received? Be present. What is the worst advice you've ever received? Money never sleeps. What's the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? First thing I do in the morning is say my prayers. Last thing I do at night is say my prayers.

Beautiful, I love that. What a great life. That's so simple as a pattern's a great. Okay. Question number four How would you describe your current purpose in life at this stage of your life? My current purpose in life is to help develop leaders Whole mind-body soul leaders both personally and professionally. I love that and I'm excited to see you do that. I think this book is going to be the manual for professionally. I love that. And I'm excited to see you do that. I think this book is going to be the manual for leaders. I really do. I really believe you.

Thank you. Thank you. Because it's about who you are and it's what you've done, but it's how you show up. And I love how simple you've made it, yet how profound it is. And I think that balance is exactly what's needed. And the fact that you've sat in those meetings, board meetings, phone calls that have caused you

so much stress and anxiety, and found that the answers and antidotes are actually the amazing principles that you've laid out in this book. I really think it's gonna be a mindful leader. So, thank you. This has been a gift. You are a gift to the world. And it's no accident that this is the number one podcast

for your health. Thank you, thank you. And I've got one more question. Go ahead. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Be nice to each other. That'd been amazing, though.

I really hope that everyone does try and follow that. Even when it's really hard. Just be nice and smile and take care of each other and serve others and love others and assume positive intent. Make the world better. There's too much angst in this world and you have to do your part. And if we all do our little part, life gets better for everybody. I love that.

Everyone, Scott O'Neill, please go and get the book, be where your feet are, seven principles to give you present, grounded and thriving, we'll have all the links and go and follow Scott across social media. And what I really want you to do, as you know, I love it when you do this. I want you to tag me in Scott on any platform you're using,

Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, whatever you're on. And I want you to tell us what Scott said that's gonna resonate with you, that you're gonna practice. Maybe what Eliza said, maybe what his wife said. Whoever said it, I wanna know, please tag me in to him on your post. I'd love to see him feel all the love for this next phase and next chapter that he's doing in his life

of going out to help build conscious leaders. Scott was so grateful to have had you on on purpose. And I'm really, really happy that we spend this time together. So thank you so much. Thank you. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender invisible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days. And all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar, Gas like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more.

It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes, each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life amidst the challenge of having a new episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily.

Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things.

It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. It doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.