On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

What’s one habit you think is draining your energy daily? Do you ever feel exhausted after certain conversations? Today, Jay will break down the hidden habits that are silently draining your energy and preventing you from living your best life in 2025. If you feel like you're constantly exhausted, unmotivated, or stuck in negative cycles, this episode is a wake-up call. Jay reveals three powerful habits that will help you reclaim your time, mental clarity, and emotional well-being. He challenges the everyday energy leaks we often overlook—like engaging in gossip, absorbing unsolicited opinions, and surrounding ourselves with people who only talk about themselves. By cutting these out, you’ll unlock 52 minutes of your day to reinvest in your dreams, passions, and meaningful connections. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Avoid Unsolicited Advice and Protect Your Peace How to Break Free from Toxic Conversations How to Stay Focused on Your Own Growth How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others How to Make 2025 the Year You Protect Your Energy Your energy is one of the most valuable things you have, don’t waste it on negativity, distractions, or people who drain your power. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:06 Why Do We Miss Out on Our Goals? 04:55 #1: Stop Talking About Other People 10:31 People with Superiority Complex Often Comes as Arrogant 12:28 You Can’t Empathize If You Haven’t Experienced It 16:47 Hidden Deep-Seated Feelings of Inadequacy 21:38 #2: Stop Giving Unsolicited Views, Opinions, and Feedback 26:16 #3: Stop Talking Just About YourselfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney. And we're mess. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called Mess, we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is, not everything is a mess. Sometimes it's just living. Yeah, things like JLo on her third divorce. Living.

Girl's trip to Miami. Mess. Breaking up with your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. This kind of mess. Yeah. Well your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. Living. Mm, it's kind of mess. Yeah, well, you get it. Got it?

Live, love, mess. Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Gemma Speck, the host of The Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The Psychology of Your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Spegg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, Nimminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast

for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, the Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip hop. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Nothing has changed. We haven't got better. We haven't improved.

We're not smarter. We're not wiser. We just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives. The number one health and wellness podcast.

Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It has been such a brilliant start to the year. I am loving seeing how engaged you are, how connected you are, how many episodes you're listening to, how many you're sharing with your community. It's incredible to see your dedication to personal growth and self-improvement in 2025. Thank you for showing up for yourself.

Thank you for showing up here for your future and your success this year. Now, we've talked a lot about setting up your goals, setting up your blueprint, understanding how to visualize, but I have to share with you something that can make all the difference. This week's episode could actually be the difference maker between achieving your goals and just missing out on them. One of the biggest reasons a lot of us miss out on our goals is because we're draining energy. We're losing energy. We're wasting energy. This episode is all about how you can

stop draining your energy in 2025 and how these three habits will save you so much time. If you want 2025 to be a year you attract greatness, this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year you have good energy in your life, this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year your friendships deepen, this episode is for you. Think about it for a moment. You can drink as much water as you want, but if it's not clean, it won't have the desired

impact. And sometimes in our life we can be doing all the habits, we can be doing all the tracking, we can try and develop all the mindsets. But if our energy isn't clean, if our energy isn't detoxed, it all loses value. I'm sure you've experienced that before, where when your energy is fuzzy, it seems like you don't have any clarity. You don't know where you're going. You don't know how you're going to get there. And sometimes even if you have lots of uncertainty, if your energy is clear and clean, you actually

have everything right in front of you. You know what the next move is. You know what the next step is. That's what I want for you this year. Now, imagine if I told you, you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now. Think about that for a second. Imagine if I told you, you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now. What would you do with it? Would you read a book? Start a passion project?

Maybe work on your side hustle. Spend more quality time with friends. Sleep early. One thing I know for sure is that you would use it to do something meaningful to you. But the majority of us don't even believe we have enough time. If I told you to take 52 minutes out for something, you'd say, Jay, I don't have it. I don't even know where to find it. I want to, but I don't know where it is.

Well, guess what? Studies show we spend 52 minutes a day talking about, gossiping about, speaking about other people. 52 minutes! Whether it's harmless or hurtful, it is stealing time away from our lives. It's also draining our energy and wasting our time. Stop spending time with people who only talk about other people. And stop being one of those people who only talks about other people. Whether it's on the phone, whether it's messaging, whether it's in person, we waste 52 minutes a day doing this one thing. The first way to stop draining your energy in

2025 is stop spending time with people who only talk about other people and stop being one of those people who only talks about other people. Now here's the thing, talking about other people feels good in the short term, but ultimately drains our energy because it often involves focusing on negative information about others. This continues to strengthen our negativity bias, which means we become better at seeing what's wrong with something than what's right. We become better at seeing what's bad rather than what's good. And we become better at seeing what's not working rather than what is. And guess what? That seeps into our own positive relationships, career opportunities and lives.

So many of us are wiring ourselves to only focus on the negative. Have you noticed how it's actually not that difficult to spot something wrong with something? I'm sure you've seen an Instagram caption and spotted a spelling mistake or a grammar mistake. Maybe you saw someone post something on the stories and they'd made a mistake with the year that they'd posted. Our minds are hardwired to spot what's wrong with something. Now while that can be a really useful skill, it can be really important to protect us in life and it is valuable, it becomes really hard for you to create something beautiful, create something brilliant with that mindset. Because whenever you have a good idea, you'll always find what's wrong with it.

Whenever you have a good plan you'll always find its failure and weakness. And by the way whenever your friends share their ideas or their inspiration you'll be the first to shoot them down. So many of us don't realize how negativity creeps and seeps into our lives through gossip, through talking badly about other people. And here's the reality, talking about others can also lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety. We think, what if that person finds out? What if they hear what I said about them? I didn't really mean it.

Maybe I just said it in the moment. I know that they're not all bad. How will they feel? How will that affect my relationship? And then we wonder, what will the person I've been gossiping with think about me? Wait a minute, will they gossip about me with other people? Wait a minute, what will they say about me to that person? There is so much guilt and anxiety, worry and frustration that comes from this same experience and I want us to become wiser to how much time we waste in this regard.

Now, we do it and other people do it because it makes us feel better. We talk about other people because it makes us feel better. But how can you truly feel better about yourself by talking badly about someone else? That's a fairly low bar. We believe we're doing well because someone else. That's a fairly low bar. We believe we're doing well because someone else is doing poorly. Our marriage must be going great

because someone's getting divorced. Our career must be going well because someone else is getting fired. Our health must be good because someone else is getting sick. It creates a very low standard of success for ourselves and creates a negative feeling towards others. Not to mention it gives us a false sense of security.

Our relationship isn't actually getting stronger. We just feel it is. Our career isn't actually going in the right direction. We just think it is. Our career isn't actually going in the right direction. We just think it is. Our health isn't actually improving. We don't actually know much about it. This superiority complex creates fractures in our self-image and connection with others. It misleads us towards a better view of ourselves and an unhealthy view of others which isn't actually based on reality.

This is what's most worrying when you're in a deep relationship with someone who talks negatively about others. You walk away feeling falsely better about yourself. You haven't actually changed anything. You haven't actually improved anything. You haven't actually built a. You haven't actually improved anything. You haven't actually built a healthy, positive mindset in any way. Yet you're walking away having negative, lower feelings towards someone else. And guess what? That person doesn't even know it.

It drains our energy because it fools us into believing that we're on the right path, that we're on the right path, that we're on the right track, that we're moving in the right direction when the reality is nothing has changed. Nothing has changed. We haven't got better, we haven't improved, we're not smarter, we're not wiser, we just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives. Now, what are some of the ways that talking about other people drains us, even beyond just that 52 minutes?

The first is, people with a superiority complex often come across as condescending or dismissive, and this can make others feel inferior, leading them to pull away, disengage or avoid interaction. Over time, this erodes trust and intimacy in relationships. Even if we don't know it, we start to develop this perceived arrogance. Right? People feel it from us. They feel it from our energy. And if you're not feeling it, you're feeling it from someone else.

You will have a friend that they talk negatively about each other and then you start to recognize that they come across arrogant and it disconnects us from them so it drains our energy because we're now spending our time evaluating someone else's arrogance it also leads to a lack of connection healthy relationships require mutual respect lack of connection. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, understanding and vulnerability. When one person feels above the other, it becomes difficult to form true connections. The person with the superiority complex may fail to see others as equals, limiting the depth of their interactions.

So when you're talking to someone who has this, who talks negatively about others, you actually can't even connect with them that well. Now, every moment you spend with them, you feel disconnected from them. You feel disconnected from what they're talking about. And now you're trying to manage it. I know what it feels like, right? When someone talks badly about someone to you, you now don't know where to jump in. You don't know whether to join in, you're now wondering what

they think of you when you don't do that. All of this is a waste of time and energy. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there and even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing rejuvenating refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find

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sure you use the code on purpose. Another reason that this drains our energy is that it inhibits effective communication. What happens is we start to become dismissive of other people's opinions. People who start to feel this superiority tend to believe they know best or that their perspective is the only valid one. This creates a communication barrier because others feel unheard, dismissed or invalidated. Now, you may not be the person making other people feel this way,

but you might start to feel this way with a person who talks in this way. It's now affecting your relationship with them, which is affecting your relationship with the people you're talking about. It also can create a sense of defensiveness, right? I'm sure you've got a friend where you're like, hey, let's not talk about that person. Hey, let's not do that.

And then they get defensive. They may even say like, oh, stop trying to act like a good person. Stop trying to act like a holy person. You've got challenges, too. And now it starts to create tension and friction there as well. One of my biggest concerns about how talking to people who talk about a lot of other people decreases our energy and drains our energy is that it creates a lack of empathy. This is a huge one that I want you to take in. So many of us don't realize that whatever experience

you can't empathize with, you might have to experience it. I have noticed this time and time again, where when I've not been able to empathize with someone's experience that I've not experienced, life brings that experience into my life for me to experience it. All of a sudden I can fully empathize with them. I was talking about this with a friend the other day because we were speaking about someone in our life who had been diagnosed with a particular condition and so many of our friends just couldn't understand. So many of our friends just couldn't understand why they were so stressed about it. The results came okay, the surgery went well.

And I said, you have no idea of that trauma that that person's carrying now. That worry, that anxiety that comes with it. It's not just about the diagnosis. It's about the interpretation that comes with it. And what I've realized is everyone has a challenge in their life that no one tries to understand apart from themselves. And therefore when someone we know is going through something we don't understand, don't judge it, empathize with it.

But when we talk about other people, like, can you believe it? They're overreacting to this. Can you believe it? Their life is so easy. Can you believe it? They have so much money. Why are they worried about this? Can you believe it that they already have children?

Why should they be upset if they've had a miscarriage? Like these are really the things people say It's really sad that we lose our ability to empathize with others when we talk about them Without them being in the room Don't say something about someone that you wouldn't say When they're not in the room. If you wouldn't say something with someone being able to listen to your conversation, don't say it about them when they're not in that conversation. And the truth is, sometimes we think, oh, I would say this to someone.

Maybe you would, but you wouldn't in that tone. You wouldn't in that way. You wouldn't in that tone. You wouldn't in that way. You wouldn't with that energy. You wouldn't say it to them with that kind of take. It would be said with more sensitivity. It would be said with more empathy. It would be said in a much more conscious, loving, thoughtful way. Think about that before you talk about anyone else because that drains our energy and it drains the purity that you have within you.

When we lose our compassion, we judge ourselves harsher. When we lose our empathy, we experience things that force us to be empathetic. Think about that extremely deeply. think about that extremely deeply. Another reason why talking about others with other people creates a superiority complex and drains our energy is that it actually hides our deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

So rather than us saying, yeah, you know what, I'm really struggling with that. I want to be better than that. I want to do better than that. We actually hide how we really feel beneath all of that. So when we're saying that, oh, can you believe it that so and so's husband didn't take them on a vacation? Can you believe it that so and so's partner didn't turn up to their birthday party, whatever it is, we're actually triggered by that because there's some truth in it for our own life. We're feeling inadequate in our relationship. We're feeling insecure in our career. But instead of addressing that, instead of really getting to the root of that, instead of being cognizant of that, we hide away beneath feelings about other people. We hide away just thinking, oh hide away beneath feelings about other people.

We hide away just thinking, Oh, well, everything's okay for us. But the truth is there's a part of us that's really yearning for seeking that validation instead of letting this insecurity be hidden away. It can become so powerful when we acknowledge it and say, you know what, I'm actually going to work on this part of my life. You know what, I'm going to take accountability and responsibility for this in my life. So how do we do that? The first thing we need to do is become aware. Aware of when we talk negatively about other people.

Aware of who we do it with. I'm sure you'll find a pattern. We generally talk about other people with the same people and we talk about them negatively in the same areas. So the first thing is to become aware. Who do we talk about? Who do we talk about them with? Right? That's the first step. Who do we talk about? And who do we talk about them with? And start connecting with how it's draining your energy. Start becoming conscious of how it's draining

your energy. We have to become really aware of how we feel drained after those conversations during those conversations. Maybe you get off a call and you realise you've been on that call for 52 minutes. And you go, wow, I could have done something with that. Maybe you get off that call and you feel dirty and a bit filthy talking about that person. Maybe you get off that call and you feel guilty. Maybe you get off that call and you actually just feel bad about yourself.

And then that leads to low self-esteem which loses motivation and moving on. First, become aware of who you talk about and who you talk about them with. The second thing I want you to become aware of is what does this show about you? What area of your life are you not addressing and becoming aware of? Because you're talking about other people's problems. Often when we're talking about other people's marriage problems, it's because we want to address something in our own marriage. When we spend our time talking negatively about other people's career challenges,

it's because we want to address something in our workplace. This is the second step. Once you become aware, address what it is that you're feeling insecure about, that you're feeling insecure about, that you're feeling anxious about. Where is it in your life that talking about someone else is making you feel better because you're not taking responsibility to actually do better, to be better? Because I promise you, as soon as you do, you will see your life change. Become so fixated on focusing on yourself that you don't have time to talk about anyone else.

If you're building your home, if you're designing your home, if you're improving your career, you won't have time to talk about others. If you have time to talk about others, it is simply stealing time away from talking about what's most important to you. Think about that. And the third step is take action. Take action on transforming your life. Take action on developing that habit.

Take action on improving your relationship. Take action on focusing on your career. Because that is the antidote. The antidote to stop talking to other people about other people is to start taking action in your own life. Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney.

And we're... M.E.S.S. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called M.E.S.S., we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is, not everything is a mess. Sometimes it's just living. Yeah, things like JLo on her third divorce. Living.

Girls trip to Miami. Mess. Ozempic. Messy, skinny living. Restaurants stealing a birthday cake. Mess. Wait, what flavor was the cake though? Okay, that's a good question.

Hooking up with someone in accounting and then getting a promotion. Living. Breaking up with your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. This kind of mess. Yeah.

Well, you get it. Got it? Live, love, mess. Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. In a galaxy far, far away.

No, babe, that's taken. We're in our own world, remember? Right. In our own world, we're two space cadets. And totally normal humans. Sure, totally normal humans. Embark on a journey across the stars, discovering the wonders of the universe

one episode at a time. We'll talk about life, love, laughter, and why you should never argue with your co-pilot. Especially when she's always right. Right, and if we hit turbulence, just blame it on Mercury retrograde. Or Emily's questionable space piloting skills. Hey, join us on In Our Own World for cosmic conversations, stellar laughs, and super corny

dad jokes. Listen to In Our Own World as a part of the MyCultura podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't worry, we promise to avoid any black holes. Most of the time. Hey, y'all, Nimini here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records.

Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip hop. Flash slam, another one gone. Bash bam, another one gone. The cracker, the bat, and another one gone. A tip, but a cap, cause another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history, like this one about Claudette Colvin,

a 15 year old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. -♪ And it began with me, did you know, did you know? I wouldn't give up my seat Nine months before Rosa, it was Claudette Goldman. Get the kids in your life excited about history

by tuning in to Historical Records, because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The second habit that will help you to stop draining energy in 2025 is stop spending time with people who give unsolicited views, opinions and feedback and stop giving it. Imagine this for a second, you're updating a friend, a family member, or a

colleague about a challenge or experience you're going through. Now, without you even requesting it, they suddenly launch into a full thesis and masterclass on what you need to change, what you need to improve, why you're going through it, what you need to start eating, stop eating, start working out, don't do anymore. You didn't ask for it. You didn't encourage it either. You are just opening your heart. It can be so discouraging. I'm sure you've felt that before, where someone gives you unsolicited thoughts and views

about your new hairstyle, about your new career, about the vacation you're taking. It can be so, so disheartening. Now, think about how often you do that as well. Be honest with yourself. It might be so subtle, right? It might be so subtle that you do it too. But think about that for a second.

How often do we give unsolicited opinions, views and feedback? And how often are we around people who give it to us and do we drain energy thinking about it? There's something known as the social exchange theory. According to social exchange theory, relationships are based on a balance of give and take, where both parties feel respected and valued. Offering unsolicited feedback can create an imbalance where the person receiving the feedback feels critic criticized, undervalued or even dominated. This can weaken the relationship over time. You're either on the receiving end of that or you're giving it to other people.

And it drains our energy because so often we give this feedback to others, then we talk about why they haven't changed, then we wonder why we wasted time giving them the advice and all of that was a waste of time. Now the truth is it can be well-intentioned. You may truly have solved your gut issues by drinking celery juice. It may have worked for you. You may have truly solved your focus issues by working out every day. Your intentions may be beautiful and wonderful, but before giving someone unsolicited feedback, ask them, would you like to know what I did to help me?

Would you be open to hearing about what was helpful? These two simple questions, let that person give you permission. And that permission has an incredible psychological impact on them. A study by Van Viernen and Dee Drew in 2001 found that unsolicited feedback can lead to feelings of resentment and distrust. People are more likely to feel that the feedback giver is overstepping boundaries or being judgmental, which can

damage interpersonal rapport and mutual respect. You may not even want to do that, but you may actually be draining a relationship of the goodwill that you've created. And studies have shown that when individuals are given feedback they didn't ask for, it can lead to a decrease in intrinsic motivation. When people feel like their actions are being externally regulated rather than self-motivated, their intrinsic desire to perform the task diminishes. So not only are you limiting their ability to change, you're also limiting your own ability to change if you're not qualifying someone else's advice. And in a very extreme sense, there's a cumulative effect of criticism.

Repeated exposure to unsolicited feedback, particularly if it is critical, can lead to feelings of helplessness or learned helplessness. This can also lead to exhaustion. Some of us are so exhausted hearing from people who are giving us unsolicited views and feedback that we are drained of energy. Please create a distance, a boundary and a barrier from this energy. You don't deserve it and it also becomes extremely extremely difficult for you to continue to tolerate it. If you're someone who's struggling around a group of people, please feel free to set boundaries, set barriers and distance yourself.

And the third and final habit is stop spending time with people who only talk about themselves and stop talking just about yourself. It's so important that we spend time with people who are curious about us and we are curious about others. We feel drained when we're constantly just hearing about someone else's stresses, pains and problems. And we kind of do it because we want to people please, we want to be good. We want to be nice. We want to be seen as nice. But actually encouraging them to get help, encouraging them to spread their support,

introducing them to great insights, podcasts, places to turn to can make a huge difference. I really believe these three habits will help you reclaim your energy in 2025, stop draining your energy and start protecting it. Wish you all the best. I'm so excited for this year and our continued journey of growth together. And I can't wait for you to listen to the next episode. Remember there are new episodes every Monday and every Friday. Every Monday we have a new guest session and every Friday we have a new workshop.

Make sure to tune in and remember, we have six years of episodes available for you to go back and listen to. Thanks for being a part of On Purpose. I appreciate you. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you. If you love this episode,

you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings. You've just got to be motivated every day. And if you're not, then what are you doing? And actually, humans don't work that way. Motivation, you have to treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there, some days it won't.

Hey friends, I'm Jessica Kapshaw. And this is Camilla Luddington. And we have a new podcast, Call It What It Is. You may know us from Graceland Memorial, but did you know that we are actually besties in real life? And as all besties do, we navigate the highs and lows of life together. Big or small, we are there.

And now here we are, opening up the friendship circle to you. Listen to Call It What It Is on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tareka Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And Tia and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Sheryl Swoops and Tareka Foster-Brasby, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Captain's Log, start date 2024. We're floating somewhere in the cosmos, but we've lost our map. Yeah, because you refused to ask for directions. It's space gem, there are no roads.

Good point. So where are we headed? Into the unknown, of course. Join us on In Our Own World as we uncover hidden truths, navigate the depths of culture, identity, and the human spirit. With a hint of mischief. One episode at a time. Buckle up and listen to In Our Own World on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust us, it's out of this world.