On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Tamsen Fadal: You Are Not Going Crazy… Your Hormones Are Changing! (THIS is the GUIDE to Navigate Menopause & Take Back Control of Your Mind, Body & Life)

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Starting point is 00:00:36 so you can work, create, and boost productivity all on one device. Over half the population is going to go through menopause, yet we don't talk about it at home. We haven't learned about it at school. We don't talk about it in the doctor's office. We often feel like our body is betraying us, and we don't know who we aren't. She's a powerhouse in women's health. Tams and Fidel is the Emmy-winning journalist and New York Times Best Seventh, author of How to Menopause, fiercely changing the conversation on women's health.

Starting point is 00:01:04 Why is menopause still treated as such a taboo topic? Ageism and sexism. We've just kind of said goodbye to women after the reproductive years. We look at women that are in midlife and we say, wow, their best years are behind them, and that's kind of what the medical system has done as well. What are the symptoms? What are women experiencing? What are they going through on a biological and chemical level,

Starting point is 00:01:25 but also on an emotional level as well? Brain fog was the most debilitating of the symptoms. symptoms, mood swings, weight changes, joint pain, itchy skin, dryness all over, real libido. What happens to a woman's sex drive during perimenopause? Nearly 60% of women say that menopause has negatively impacted their sex life and I would say that number is even higher. They experience painful sex, there's dryness that happens all over your body and it didn't feel good. Why is it doctors still dismiss these symptoms and medical research is not investing more? The number one health and wellness podcast.

Starting point is 00:02:03 Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won, the only. Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Unpurpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Today's guest is going to talk to us about a subject that I've been fascinated by for a long, long time.

Starting point is 00:02:24 It's something that I have a lot of questions about, something that I don't know that much about, and something that every single person we love is going to go through. Today's guest is Tamzan Fidel, an Emmy Award-winning journalist and the New York Times best-selling author of How to Menopause. She's also the producer of the acclaimed documentary, The M Factor, and host of the Tamson Show podcast. If you haven't subscribed yet, make sure you do. Tamzan has become a leading voice in the global conversation on midlife, menopause, and reinvention, and helping women navigate this. transition with knowledge, confidence, and community. Please welcome to on-purpose, Tamsin Fidel. Tamzan, thank you so much for being here. I said this to you off camera. I'm going to say it again.

Starting point is 00:03:09 I'm so excited for this conversation. I feel so much has been lost when it comes to women's health, men's understanding of it, and the ability for women to take charge of their health, but also for men to be understanding, supportive, and recognizing what a big thing it is. And I'm so grateful that you wrote this book, How to Menopause, that I highly recommend everyone gets. But thank you so much for being here, truly. Thank you. I'm so happy to be talking about this because it is so important for men to hear this conversation. Yeah, I mean, I want to start off by, I have a ton of questions for you.

Starting point is 00:03:41 And like, usually when I interview someone, I have some understanding or some knowledge of the area. I have nothing, which is a really great place for me to be in because I feel like it's going to give a lot of people the opportunity to learn. And the first question I wanted to ask you is, why? Why is menopause still treated as such a taboo topic when it comes to everyday conversation and everyday life? It's such a great question and I think I have struggled with it for so long myself. Look, I think it's wrapped up in a few things.

Starting point is 00:04:09 I think it's wrapped up in ageism and sexism. And I also think this is a time in life where we've just kind of said goodbye to women after the reproductive years. We look at women that are in midlife and we say, wow, their best years are behind them. Society has done that for a very, very long time, especially here in the U.S. and that's kind of what the medical system has done as well. So we have put the word menopause and taboo together for so long, and my goal is to separate those two things,

Starting point is 00:04:35 so we're never saying those two things together. It doesn't get the spotlight it deserves when every woman we know is going to experience it at some point in their life and talk to us about how long it lasts. Like just break down the taboo of how long is it going to last, when does it happen for everyone who's like starting from scratch like me, Like, what is it like? Help somewhere, right?

Starting point is 00:04:58 I'll tell you what, it was really shocking to me. I spent 30 years in the news business, and I had never said the word menopause that I remember on television. Wow. And that tells you a lot. We talked about all sorts of studies. We talked about health studies. We talked about diets.

Starting point is 00:05:12 We talked about everything. Menopause and women's health were not the things we discussed. And that goes to your first question about how taboo it has been for such a long time. When I actually found out I was in menopause, I got a very simple note for my doctor. saying in menopause, any questions, and no real answers after that. So I started digging into it to figure out what was going on, and I quickly learned one billion women across the world were going to be in menopause by this year. And I thought, okay, well, what is it? So we'll break it down really simply because I always think it's the best way to do it. Perimenopause is that time leading up to

Starting point is 00:05:48 menopause, four to ten years of struggle, of hormone changes, of not knowing exactly what's going on with your body of all different type of symptoms, not just hot flashes. When you hit menopause, that means that you've gone one year without your period. And then everything after that is post menopause. All the symptoms haven't stopped yet, but that could be a third to half of your life that we're talking about. So when you think about how long a woman is going through this transition, this next season, and the fact that we have such little information about it, it was just shocking to me. And talk to me about what are the symptoms? Like, what what's someone experiencing at this time? Because as a man, we're so disconnected from women's

Starting point is 00:06:29 health already. And then this is, like you said, this is a underspoken about area. Like, what are the symptoms? What are women experiencing? What are they going through on a biological and chemical level, but also on an emotional level as well? I'm glad you said that because emotional is the big thing. And I think it gets overlooked quite often because we talk about hot flashes and we talk about irregular periods and we talk about brain fog. And I think for me, brain fog was probably the most debilitating of the symptoms because it gets wrapped up with a lot of things. I had anxiety. Mood swings. A woman can go through weight changes. When you're talking about brain fog, you could be reading a book and not remember the plot of the book. You could be having a

Starting point is 00:07:08 conversation like this. I could be sitting here, Jay, across from you three years ago. I probably wouldn't be able to have this kind of conversation with you without feeling like, hey, can I stop and try to remember what I was talking about. You go through joint pain. You can go through itchy skin. dryness all over, low libido. So if you think about one day you're going along just fine in life, right? You're in your 30s. You're doing great. You're maybe in the height of your career. You're on your way to wherever you want to be. You're in a relationship. And you might start to see some of these symptoms crop up. You're not sleeping as well anymore. That's a big one. You're gaining weight around the middle, but you've been eating the same and really working out. So you wake up,

Starting point is 00:07:47 and what I heard over and over from women when I was researching this is that I don't feel like myself anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. And that to me was one of the most hurtful things that I could hear because I understood exactly what they were talking about. One day I woke up and I was like, I'm a shell of who I am and I don't know how to find the light switch in this room. I just am in the dark. I mean, that sounds like truly one of the most difficult, challenging experiences anyone could go through. And we're saying everyone's going to go through it for nearly a decade potentially. And so the fact that every woman we know is going to go through this, the fact that it's going to affect them physically, mentally and emotionally,

Starting point is 00:08:28 to the point that it can be debilitating to how you've just spoken about, what are we seeing a correspondence with when we look at women's health at this age and when they're going through this process? How is that affecting their work, their career, their family, and everything else that comes with it. Like, what's happening when, because I think sometimes when we talk about health, we kind of talk about it in this silo of like, here's what's happening chemically, here's what's happening with the hormones, but this is having real life impact. Is there any correlation between menopause and divorce, break, like, talk to me about the real

Starting point is 00:09:02 life impact of it? It's such a good topic because it doesn't just happen in the doctor's office. You could go to the doctor's office and have the conversation, but once you leave there, you have to think about the whole 360 of it. And it really is what I get excited to talk about because I think that we feel very lost during this time as women. We're in our career and maybe we're hit with perimenopause and going into menopause. And we could be showing up to work, not being able to have a conversation. We don't know how to, how do you go into your boss and say, hey, I might be in perimenopause for seven years.

Starting point is 00:09:34 I think that for a lot of women, they're starting to realize that we're normalizing the conversation. We're definitely not having the silence that we had before. it can really impact you at work. It can show up in a lot of different ways. And what I've been fighting against is making sure that it doesn't penalize women either. We don't want that to hurt women. Women at this point are at the height of their careers. We want companies to retain women, hold on to women. They have some of the greatest wisdom they could ever have during these times and beyond. So I think it's really important for women to be able to get at hold and understand what's going on. So they're not going through this journey just kind of blindly, which is what's

Starting point is 00:10:09 been happening. And then I think when it comes to relationships, it has a real impact. You know, we see a lot of divorces happening in the 40s. And I don't think that that's a coincidence. I don't think it's a coincidence that somebody wakes up all of a sudden and feels very differently. Or maybe their libido's low so their partner doesn't understand what's going on. Or all of a sudden, something that didn't bother them a long time ago, they're snapping like this. And that's what's really happening out there. I think we're getting to a place starting to get to a place where we're starting to have this conversation more and more. But it's really where we have to bring everybody into it. It can't just be women having this conversation with each other.

Starting point is 00:10:44 What's a myth about menopause that you think's lasted too long that people are still holding onto? And when you talk about it, that's their first reaction. Because, you know, I feel really embarrassed saying this, but I know a lot of men who'd say, oh, yeah, there was just this period when my wife was acting out and she was being a bit crazy and she was a bit mad, like language like that. And that's one of those myths that I think people are just like, oh, just during this phase. are the kids left home and everything just, you know, and it becomes this lifestyle thing. What are some of the myths you're seeing that you're coming up against when you're talking about this? Yeah, I mean, I've seen so many myths with this. I think the first myth is that your

Starting point is 00:11:22 best years are behind you, and that's just not true. I really think that you're coming into a whole new period. And even if you look at some of the data and the scientific studies out there, we look at women that are postmenopause, and those are some of the best years that they can have in their life, so that's exciting. I think another big myth or something that women feel, and they've said this over and over, I don't feel like myself and I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like something's wrong with me and I just can't pinpoint what it is, but I know this isn't me anymore. And so, you know, I start the book saying that you are not alone and you're not crazy. That is not what's going on. You've got something happening to you biologically and that's affecting you in a whole bunch of

Starting point is 00:12:01 different ways. And as soon as you understand that, then you can take those steps and deal with those symptoms. And I think it's important also to know that, you know, everyone doesn't have the symptoms that we talked about. Everybody goes about this differently. And I think that's what can make it so confusing to so many women. What's happening to the brain and body during perimenopause and menopause? Like, what's chemically going on? Yeah, chemically, we're losing estrogen, obviously, also losing progesterone. And so when you're going through these hormones, I mean, think about what we went through when we were in puberty, your hormones were all over the place. I think of perimenopause is kind of this wild ride. It's sort of unexpected. You don't know what's going to happen. And you definitely feel that in your head when you've lost that estrogen. We have estrogen receptors all over our body and the brain is no exception. We have them everywhere. And so I remember when I was going through perimenopause and I didn't know I was even going through it because I didn't have the vocabulary for it, that I would sit there and I'd read something. I couldn't remember it. I would look at a word. I knew the word. I recognized it. I knew I knew how to say it. But it

Starting point is 00:13:02 wouldn't come out of my mouth. And those are some scary things that happen because you think, is something going on with me? Is this dementia? Is this Alzheimer's? Is this something very serious? And so I know a lot of women who have gone to the doctor saying, like, there's really something wrong with my head. I don't know what's happening. Or they walk into a room and don't remember why they walked into a room. I talked to one doctor in the course of doing research for the book, and she said, I forgot my medical number, which is something we say like our social security number. We say it all the time for years and I sat there and I couldn't remember and I actually went to the neurology department and I made them do brain scans on me. That's how

Starting point is 00:13:39 serious it can be. Wow. Yeah, I mean, it really hit me when I was at a Time 100 health event and I know Hallie Berry, who you've collaborated with at your events and multiple other places. I remember her speaking about this and I know she's been a big advocate from the celebrity side to talk about this topic. And she was talking about how she really believed she was just going to be too fit, too strong, too like yogaed out. And, you know, she really believed that she had a workout regime that would beat menopause and that it wouldn't be a reality for her. And when she said that there was no way you could outwork or out yoga or whatever it may be, that there wasn't a method to avoiding or just pushing through this. What are some of the lies or things women

Starting point is 00:14:24 have been told growing up that you think have tripped them up? That you think have tripped them up. as they come into perimenopause and menopause? Yeah, I think it's so important to realize that. And Hallie Berry has been an incredible voice in normalizing this conversation and getting out there and having real honest talks about what she went through. And I think that's really helped in so many ways because I think women see that and go, oh my gosh, if she's going through that and she can talk about perimenopause and menopause, then maybe it's okay for me to do the same thing.

Starting point is 00:14:50 You know, I think that women have been told, like if you eat it perfectly, if you work out perfectly, if you do all these things perfectly, you're going to be okay down the line. But the truth is we hit perimenopause. And there are some real long-term health concerns that you have to pay attention to when it comes to brain health, when it comes to heart health, when it comes to bone health, especially. I mean, they're real serious things. I know you've had Dr. Von der Wright talking to you when she talks about bone health. It's one of the scariest things. I didn't think about my bones at 20 or 30. Even 40 years old, it wasn't something I was thinking about. So I think that young women have been misled in a lot of different ways to think that

Starting point is 00:15:25 this is something that happens to older women and you don't have to worry about it. We see women coming into perimenopause in their late 30s and beyond. And I don't want them to be afraid. I want them to be really inspired to get a hold of it, know what's happening, and be able to handle it. So they don't have these bumps that I think a lot of women have had leading up to this time. Let's talk about some of those. What are the early signs of perimenopause that, and I know you said there's lots of different, and everyone has different experiences, but what would you say the early signs of perimenopause?

Starting point is 00:15:55 that you see across women? Yeah, I would say the three big ones that I've seen across women are irregular periods. You're going along just fine, and then all of a sudden you have your period very heavy, or you don't have it at all, and you don't know what's happening. A lot of times women will go to the doctor, and a doctor will say, it's just stress. Calm down a little bit. It'll be okay. Instead of, hey, you're 41, you know, do you have any other, these 30-plus symptoms?

Starting point is 00:16:20 Maybe it's perimenopause. The other big one I would say is sleep disruption. that's huge. I was somebody that used to be able to sleep all the time. I've heard women that say, oh my gosh, at 3 o'clock in the morning, I'm up and I can't go back to sleep or I can't even get to sleep. And that, again, is something else. Try to go to work and you have five days like that of not being able to sleep. And then you start to understand what's going on. You just don't feel like yourself. And, you know, I think the third one is more of mood changes. There can be anxiety. There can be rage. There can be depression. And there's a lot of things. And there's a lot of

Starting point is 00:16:54 like that that happened during this time. So I think those are the top three that you see in perimenopause. And the other ones come along. You know, we've all heard of hot flashes. We know a lot about weight gain that starts to happen. But those are three big ones. And I think that those are three very difficult ones as you're coming up against those. And what's the difference between perimenopause and menopause? Yeah. So perimenopause, you're still getting your period. It's all the time leading up to menopause. When you hit menopause, that's that one day after 12 months without your period, and then you're not getting your period any longer. So these are still your reproductive years, but you're in perimenopause, and those can overlap a lot of

Starting point is 00:17:29 things. You know, women can get pregnant in perimenopause. Once you hit menopause, you're no longer having a cycle, and then everything after that, you're considered menopause. And some people call it postmenopausal. I just say menopause, because it's easier for me to remember when I do have brain fog. But, you know, I think that it's important to know that perimenopause feels very unpredictable. It feels very confusing because you've been fine up until. then. And you could be in your late 30s and you're thinking, I'm, I'm too young for this. How could I be dealing with this? But when those hormonal fluctuations start, you start seeing some of these changes. And I don't think we were really ever taught that. You know, you asked earlier,

Starting point is 00:18:05 what are some of the things that young women, you know, they were taught, you're going to get your period. You know, if you decide you want to have children, you're going to go through your pregnancy. And then we kind of fall off the map, not only in society, but also in the medical system. Yeah. And then what are the symptoms of menopause then? So the symptoms of menopause, you can still have a lot of these symptoms that can go right through. And some start to wane off a little bit. And some women can have hot flashes in their 80s. And it just depends if you decide, you know, how you're going to treat them, what symptoms are important for you to treat.

Starting point is 00:18:33 Hormone therapy is one of the options that has been named and deemed by the menopause society as one of the most effective treatments for hot flashes and vaginal dryness. But I think that, you know, it's important to know what works for you. Not everybody, as we said, is going to be able to do everything. or want to do everything. So I think it's been important first for me to go out there to educate women because I'll tell you, I was clueless. I had no idea what was happening. And I really felt like I was crazy.

Starting point is 00:19:01 And I would wake up in the morning and think, like, oh, my gosh, I got two hours of sleep and I've got to go to work. And I'd get to work and not remember what was going on or remember what I was supposed to be doing. And I hear so many stories of women in different places of work or women that are also raising children at the same time or taking care of elderly parents. or they're in a relationship or they're in a new relationship. So it can be a little difficult.

Starting point is 00:19:24 And I think it's important to know that menopause is not just for older women. Young women go through menopause. I consider late 30s a young woman. To me, it's just mind-boggling how women have been so resilient and strong to move in a world that isn't aware or is not talking about what they're going through on a daily basis. and just how many relationships that touches and having so many people in your life who don't know what you're going through.

Starting point is 00:19:54 We talk about, I feel, in the wellness community around how it feels to be misunderstood. I mean, this is the deepest form of feeling misunderstood because you're going through something physically, mentally, emotionally, daily, and everyone you meet has no context of why you're behaving that way. And then you get labeled, oh, well,

Starting point is 00:20:16 you know, she's just going through something or whatever it may be, that that disassociates you from the exact experience. The truth is that you don't even know you're going through it yourself sometimes. It's not like you went into the doctor and they said, hey, at 35, you should start thinking about parimenopause because you might be going through some of these symptoms. Right now, we're trying to teach women to go to the doctor proactively and say, hey, these are my 10 symptoms. Could this be perimenopause? And that is my hope and dream. that one day there will be this baseline, like we talk about mammograms, like we talk about other kind of tests that people are supposed to get when it comes to health and wellness, that

Starting point is 00:20:55 we say, hey, maybe this is what you're going through. Maybe it's not stress. Maybe you don't need to just go home and take a walk outside. Maybe it's something more than that, and it's not just you that's going through this. If we can get to that place, it would be just a really beautiful place. And I think it would end a lot of the suffering because I don't think women should have to suffer during this time. So that's really the first step. And I know, in the book, you give a list of 34, is it, symptoms that people experience? And so I guess the first step is, if you feel any of those 34 things, go and have the conversation, because chances are your doctor or someone may not have the conversation with you proactively if you don't raise it.

Starting point is 00:21:34 100%. A lot of doctors aren't trained about this. And that was the other thing that was so shocking for me to learn. I think I was somebody who went to the doctor. This is what the doctor said. I went home and that's what we did. And what I realized over time is that as we looked into menopause and perimenopause, because of the fact that women's health has not been a priority past a certain age in midlife mostly after about 40 years old, a lot of doctors weren't trained about this into their own admission, OBGYNs, their specialty sometimes got a day of training in medical school to talk about this. If you can imagine all those years, and they've had to go out and learn for themselves. And so there are a lot of doctors that leave medical school and don't feel comfortable

Starting point is 00:22:13 talking about something like this. So about 75% of women go in and their symptoms are left untreated as a result of that. And that number is staggering to me. That was something I saw as well. I remember at a conference I was at, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. But there was a number that said something like only 2% of all medical research goes towards women's health. Is that right? You're right. I would never correct you on that. That's so right. That's right. That's right. It's unbelievable. And then if you look at that percentage, a tiny, tiny, tiny sliver of that goes to menopause and perimenopause.

Starting point is 00:22:48 And I don't know about you, but I'd never heard the word pari menopause until I started saying I haven't heard it since I followed you probably. So, I mean, I went, wait, what's perimenopause? And so I think that the more we can say the word, the more we can get it out there. And it doesn't sound like this scary word. When I first started talking about it, I was told, you're going to blow up your career talking about menopause, you're going to age right out of your career, because that is what we thought about when we thought about this word. And so I'm hoping that pari menopause has a little

Starting point is 00:23:17 bit of a lighter context, and so that women can say, okay, this is the stage I'm in, this is where I'm out, it's going to be okay, and I know what to do, and I'm not afraid to say the word out loud. Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors. Hey, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm so excited to share. We're launching a brand new subscription on Apple Podcasts. That means if you want more on purpose, more inspiration, more tools, more depth, you now have the option to subscribe

Starting point is 00:23:46 and unlock bonus content from our incredible guests. And don't worry, the main show is still free for everyone. But if you're someone who wants to go even deeper and support the show, this is for you. Just hit try free on Apple Podcasts and join our growing community of purpose-driven listeners.

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Starting point is 00:24:23 That's the power of Lenovo with Intel inside. Maximize your edge by shopping at Lenovo.com during their back-to-school sale. That's Lenovo.com. And back to our episode. Before we get into some of the solutions and what women can do, what are some of the risks of not managing or not treating these symptoms? So if you just feel the symptoms, but you didn't think about it, you weren't aware, no one read your book, you weren't conscious of it, what happens? Like, what's the worst that can happen? Yeah, you know, I thought when I went into it, okay, I don't know, I lost my mom to breast cancer. So I was very scared of

Starting point is 00:25:06 doing anything. And I think that for me, I never had that conversation with a parent, with a mom. I've heard that from a lot of women. But I think one of the big conversations that we miss in all of this are the long-term health ramifications that could come from that. When we talk about osteoporosis, one of the big silent killers of women, when we talk about heart disease, we talk about so many women dying from heart disease. It's unbelievable when we look at those numbers. And then we talk about brain health. We talk about Alzheimer's, more women are diagnosed with Alzheimer's, then men are diagnosed with Alzheimer's. And so we have so much more research to do on all these things. But some of those are long-term health risks that we have to at least pay attention

Starting point is 00:25:45 to. There have been studies that done that say, wow, you have more hot flashes. There could be a correlation to your heart health. Pay attention to that. And I don't think those are the conversations we're having enough of. And we're all learning as we go right now and trying to get as much information out there as we can. But those are big risks that I don't want to take when I'm older. I don't want to live to be much, much older and be suffering during that time because I didn't know about this time. And it's also, when I think of my 30s, in your 30s, that's the best time to start protecting your bones and paying attention and having great healthy habits. There's so many things I wish I had done when I was younger now that I understand this is a stage I'm going to go through.

Starting point is 00:26:26 And do women of different ethnicities, does perimenopause affect them differently? You know, there are a lot of studies that are gone on. there is a swan study that's that's gone on for a long time. There is a lot of research that has shown that black women have more intense symptoms of menopause and often can have longer symptoms and start earlier. And so there's so much more research to done. There's been a lot of research done in different countries to look at things. For example, women in Asia get fewer hot flashes, but more joint pain. But the question is why. And so there's a lot that still has to be done to look at that and pull this apart and really say, okay, we're looking

Starting point is 00:27:02 at menopause, but we've got to start looking at perimenopause because these women went through all of these symptoms for seven to 10 years. So what happened during that time? And what was happening differently? What were we talking about when it comes to environment, when it comes to food, when it comes to genetics? It's so hard because it's so varied. Yes, so varied. By ethnicity, by what age it starts, by the symptoms you feel. And so no wonder people just call it stress and call it a day because it takes so much you'd have to be very knowledgeable to actually diagnose it effectively, I imagine, and to really be able to speak to what someone needs to do. Well, that's the interesting part is, you know, a lot of people go, okay, what's the blood

Starting point is 00:27:41 test I can take to figure out if I'm in perimenopause? But if you think about this, most doctors say, you don't really need blood test. You need to know what your symptoms are. And that's how you can pretty much diagnose. If you're in your 40s or thereabout and you are not able to sleep at night, you have irregular periods, you're feeling anxious or you're feeling a little bit moody, maybe you're gaining some weight around the middle, even though you're not doing anything differently. You can pretty much rest assured you're in perimenopause. Now, if you're dealing with heart palpitations, you're dealing with much more intense symptoms, you probably need to make sure it's not something else. But most of the time, that's what

Starting point is 00:28:15 you should start looking at there. And the sad thing is, is that what I've learned from women is the Band-Aid that a lot of them are given is antidepressants. A lot of women are given antidepressants right away when they walk into a doctor's office and say I'm dealing with stress I'm getting some weight I'm not able to sleep and the truth is they might need antidepressants but they should also be talking about perimenopause or menopause. Wow I mean I can't imagine I mean Hallie tells that great story of how you know her doctor thought she had an STD yeah isn't that unbelievable which is crazy like when I heard that story I was like wow that's one thing but then to be told oh, it's probably depression and you should be on antidepressants. What does that do to menop?

Starting point is 00:28:58 So if you were given antidepressants when you had perimenopause, what does that do to your perimenopause? Well, I was given them. That's how I know. Oh, wow. And that's what was so shocking. So I didn't know I was in perimenopause. I didn't understand all these symptoms. I just knew I was feeling really off. And then I finally landed on the floor of my studio at work in the bathroom with my heart racing out of control, sweating profusely, not able to catch my breath, trying to calm my body down. And I went to the doctor, and I found out I was in menopause. Because once you hit menopause, you can do a blood test because now you've kind of leveled

Starting point is 00:29:35 out there. How many years were you struggling without knowing? I was probably struggling about seven years. You know, I'd gone through a divorce. A lot of the stress I attributed to that. I had hair falling out. I wasn't able to sleep. I went to a doctor.

Starting point is 00:29:49 And I went to a doctor a couple of different. times. And it's funny, I ran across some of my papers recently that were about four years before I realized I was in menopause. And it said, complains of moodiness and weight gain. But no one ever said the word perimenopause to me. I was given Lexapro. That's what I was given. And I was given antidepressants. And so antidepressants, of course, can help with mood, but it's not going to help your hot flashes. And it's probably not going to help your, maybe it'll help a little bit in your sleep, but it's probably not going to help some of the other things, irregular periods. And so I just think it's so important for all disciplines, not just OBGYNs, to have this conversation and be

Starting point is 00:30:23 aware of it. And I'm proud of women because I think women are really, the onus is on women right now to stand up and say, hey, I'm tracking myself. I know what's going on. I've written down my symptoms. I'm aware. And I think women are more aware than ever. You know this better than anybody of their health and what's happening in their lives to walk in and say, maybe this is perimenopause. Can you tell me if it is? And can you tell me if you're comfortable having this conversation with me, And if not, I need to find another doctor. Tamzin, what do we do? I'm so glad that we've talked about just, at least to get a basic understanding of what's going on, the types of symptoms to look out for.

Starting point is 00:31:00 But I can imagine a lot of women that are listening to this right now who are already there saying, J, I'm two years into that. I've tried everything. I don't know what to do. Or you've got women who are coming up to it. Some of our audience are younger going, oh gosh, I've seen my mom go through that. Or I've seen my aunt go through that or whatever it may be. How can I help them? What can I do? So where do women start? What do they need to be doing after they've figured out their symptoms? They've talked to a doctor about it. What's the plan? What's the strategy?

Starting point is 00:31:28 First of all, I don't want women to be afraid. And I want younger women to come into this thinking, oh my gosh, for a third of my life I'm going to deal with that. There are some incredible things that happened during this time. I think menopause gave me purpose. I can't even believe I say that, but that is really the truth. I had no idea what was going on in my life. And I had no idea what was going to happen after. But I found something really different in myself. So I want women to not feel afraid. When it comes to what to do, as we know, everybody goes through it differently. But I think the most important thing is to be able to have that conversation with a doctor or somebody who specializes in menopause and can give you some of the options. And there are some different options. Some women

Starting point is 00:32:05 opt for lifestyle changes. Solely lifestyle changes. That's what they want to do. Other women say, you know what, I need something more. I'm dealing with brain fog. The hot flashes, I'm having 15 of them a day. I can't deal with this anymore. Hormone therapy is a very viable option for a lot of women. There was a study that was done in 2002 that scared a lot of women. The Women's Health Initiative headlines came out that said estrogen causes breast cancer. That's essentially what the headlines were. That's what the media took away from it.

Starting point is 00:32:32 And it scared women to death. About 44% of women in this country were on hormone therapy at the time. Literally after those headlines came out, it dropped to about 4%. And we're right around 5% right now. That was 20 plus years ago. So that's why it's so important to get this message out. So hormone therapy is one of those options if you are eligible for hormone therapy. There are certain women, certain risk groups that are not.

Starting point is 00:32:57 That's one option. It was very helpful for me. It was also something I wasn't sure about. I went back and forth and struggled for a long time whether or not that was going to be something I did. And at one point, my symptoms got so bad that that was what I opted to do. Before we go to the others, what is hormone therapy and what does it include? hormone therapy is estrogen and progesterone and both of those things have been extremely helpful for me with regard to mood with regard to sleep with regard to hot flashes and you know we lose so much estrogen our estrogen doesn't go like this it just kind of goes all over the place and then goes down and so that has been very helpful estrogen and progesterone there's also testosterone if a woman decides to do that if she's dealing with a low libido and for me that was something that came about a year later and I wanted to start on the two. I was a little nervous, honestly, because I didn't know what was going on, and I'd never done anything like that before.

Starting point is 00:33:50 And then there's also vaginal estrogen, which is a fourth component, which is helpful for painful sex or for low libido. So those are hormone therapy, menopausal hormone therapy, you can see it referred to as, or hormone replacement therapy. Are there any side effects to hormone therapy? It's been great for me. There's different women that have different things that, you know, they, some women feel like they've been more emotion. on it. There's some women that feel like the patch, if they're on a patch that has the glue, can be irritating to them. Look, there's always risk that comes with everything. But according to the menopause society, this is the most effective way to treat these symptoms. And for some women, these symptoms are debilitating, life-changing, and not things that we can say, oh, get through

Starting point is 00:34:35 these years, and then you'll be okay. And I think that's what's happened for a long time. You know, women in perimenopause don't think that hormone therapy is an option for them. And It can very well be an option. And then what were the other solutions? There was lifestyle choices. Yeah. So lifestyle is so important, I think, to talk about because as we see, only 4% of women really are on hormone therapy.

Starting point is 00:34:55 So we look at the rest and we're saying, what are they doing? Are they struggling every day? So I look at a couple of things. I look at sleep as the number one priority, no matter what. I don't think you can do any of the other things if you don't get sleep. If you don't figure out how to prioritize that. And that became something really important to me. I had to figure out a bedtime. I hadn't done that since I was young, but I really had to

Starting point is 00:35:16 figure that out. I had to figure out a wake-up time. I had to figure out what not to do before going to bed. I started taking magnesium as a supplement because that was helpful to me before I was doing hormone therapy. Progesterone eventually really helped me get a good night's sleep. So sleep was my number one priority, and that took precedent over everything. And then after that, I looked at some of the other things. The second thing I really paid attention to was the protein I was putting in my body. grew up as one of the ones that was like, I'll stay on the treadmill all day long, do my cardio, and I guess I'll lift some weights, but I don't really want to do that. Strength training now has risen to the top of my list.

Starting point is 00:35:52 It's really, really important to protect your bone health. I had no idea, and I don't think a lot of women did know that for a very long time. So that's important to figure out some type of routine. There's a lot of women that say, like, all right, I've been working out for a long time, but I think if you flip it a little bit and put strength training up there first to protect your bones, that's really critical. And then I think the third thing, if we look at some of the lifestyle changes you would take, obviously we look at food and we look at inflammation and we look at trying to get control of that because that is very, very real. And I didn't know how important that was, you know, in my 20s and 30s, I'm like, I'll eat what I want, I'll do what I want, I'll play how I want to play, and I'll worry about being older when I'm older.

Starting point is 00:36:31 And so I get excited for women who are in their 30s right now that can say, all right, I'm going to look at inflammatory foods. I'm going to try to increase my fiber. I'm going to try to pay attention to what is causing bloating because bloating is a big problem during this time. And I think also making sure that you're balanced too, like, I don't get everything right all the time. You know, I try to establish as many healthy habits as I can, but I know it's not always going to be perfect,

Starting point is 00:36:56 so you've got to give yourself a little grace. And then I think the final thing would be stress management, which I know is easier set than done, but I think it's really, really important. And I think part of that comes with having somebody to talk to. I think it's having community, having loved ones understand. I feel very sad when I look at the decades of women who felt they didn't have anybody to share this with. They didn't share it with partners. They didn't share it with families. Maybe they whispered about it with other women.

Starting point is 00:37:22 We went to D.C. at the end of last year, and we sat there with one of the lawmakers who said, this is the first time that we've uttered the word menopause out loud in this building. That's unbelievable to me. Wait, so that's hormone therapy, lifestyle. Lifestyle changes. Yes. And then I would say lifestyle choices, I would say stress management and community. I think community is really important. I don't know that I really ever understood community. I understood friends for a very long time. I understood friendship groups. I didn't understand the importance of having people that were going through something I was going through. And when I realized that, it changed everything for me. I have a core group of women right now where I can pick up the phone and say, hey, like I am not myself or wow, I feel terrible. Or, you know, this weight is just making me feel different or I can't sleep anymore. And so I think that that's a really important part of this process. And I'm excited to see how groups are coming together. One of my friends told me she started the haughty hotline with all these women that are going through perimenopause right now from college. And they're sharing their symptoms and going back forth and having a

Starting point is 00:38:27 conversation about it. And I think that's important. That's such a great distinction between friends and community. I love that. I don't think anyone's ever put it that way before. It's your friends may or may not be going through the same things as you, but your community is that chosen group of people that are going through the same thing. And therefore, you can share notes, share your heart. I mean, I think one of the biggest challenges that I can say, as a man, is I just feel like part of that community or your friend needs to be a partner. And it's really hard as a man when you're completely unaware about this subject. I want to be educated because the woman I love most in the world, my wife is going to go through this. The other woman that I love most

Starting point is 00:39:09 in the world, my mom has already been through this and I probably wasn't, I was maybe too young to be helpful or supportive, but I wish I was more understanding. And then I have a younger sister who's going to go through this. So when I look at it through the lens of my life, I'm thinking, wow, there are three women in my life that I love so much and they're all going to experience this. One of them's already gone through it. And I probably have no clue what she struggled with at the time. And, you know, in one sense, it's quite hard to reflect on that. What do men need to know about menopause? I love, first of all, that you understand all those touch points in your life, and it's pretty

Starting point is 00:39:41 amazing when you think about it. So I think it's so important for men to understand what menopause is. I really think it can be that simple. And I think it's also really important to understand what to do during this time. And I never want to say to him a guy, like, you've got to solve all the problems, but I think awareness is a huge part of it. I think, hey, what's going on right now? Is everything okay?

Starting point is 00:40:03 You know, what's the hardest part of this for you? Is there something I can help with? What kind of habits is your partner or your sister or your mom trying to take on to help that you can be a part of that you can jump into? Is it walking in the morning? Is it trying to go to bed a little bit earlier? Is it just simply understanding? You know, I think that we've laughed in society about hot flashes so long. We've always made it seem this hysterical woman that's trying to cool off or can't fall asleep or she's raging and upset about everything. That's not the the picture of menopause or perimenopause anymore. Hallie Berry, Naomi Watts, you know, those are the pictures of perimenopause and menopause. So this is happening to all of us. If we're lucky enough as women, we're going to go through this stage of life. So I think it's important for a man to know what it is, what perimenopause is, understanding how long that could last, and understanding some of these symptoms. Because I think sometimes the person outside of you can see those better than you can see them yourself. Yeah, I think awareness is definitely the starting point, if you know your partner is going to go through this between early 40s

Starting point is 00:41:08 or late 30s onward, to be mindful of it, to be present for it, be patient for it. I think the challenge is we assume that if everyone's going through it, then it can't be that bad, right? There's a human trait of just like, all everyone's going through it. Like, what's the big deal? That's what I was asking, like, what's the worst that it can get to? Like, what have you seen the worst case scenario of... I've seen couples going through divorce, you know, not knowing what's going on. I've seen men not understanding what's happening because perhaps his partner doesn't want to have sex and has not wanted to it for a long time and he doesn't understand it. I have seen women that get osteoporosis as a result of this, women who are not treating their heart,

Starting point is 00:41:47 women who have heart issues as a result of this. You know, I think that we have to pay attention to our health. And I don't think that knowing that you're in pari menopause doesn't mean that you're going to prevent heart disease, but you'll start paying attention to those things. I had never had heart palpitations before. As a result of that, and it turned out that it was menopause, I wound up seeing a cardiologist to just understand where my baseline was. And I think that's really, really important because the last thing that I want women to do is suffer, one, and two, not be aware of what's happening in their lives during this time. What happens to a woman's sex drive during perimenopause?

Starting point is 00:42:22 Yeah, let's talk about that because, listen, you're still getting your period during perimenopause, and so your hormones can be all over the place. And sometimes you can really want to have sex, And sometimes you might not want to have sex at all. And I think that some of it's emotional, too. You know, I lost my sex drive completely toward the end of paramedopause. Like, I had nothing. And I got remarried at the age of 50. So imagine I went into this brand new relationship and was like, yeah, I have no interest in it anymore.

Starting point is 00:42:47 And I think that my partner, my husband, was like, what happened? Is it me? What happened? And so I think that that can really cause some problems. And I think that can cause unspoken problems. And that's the big issue with a partner not understanding what's happening. just disappears. It disappeared. Like I was going along, we were dating, everything was great, and then it disappeared. And that was really why I turned to... You see the attraction, you want intimacy, and then...

Starting point is 00:43:12 I love it. I want to kiss you. I want to be with you. You know, you're amazing. I want to be close to you, but I didn't want to have sex because it was painful, quite frankly. And that's what a lot of women experience. They experience painful sex. There's dryness that happens all over your body. And it didn't feel good, quite frankly. And I hear women talk about it now openly, but it wasn't something we were ever told to talk about or to express or to sit with somebody. I mean, I couldn't imagine sitting here talking to you about this three years ago, five years ago, right? But I think it's what we have to do so young women understand it and so that men understand that something might be going on with their partner, and it might not just be that she's lost interest. And I think

Starting point is 00:43:52 that's the take from a man's perspective. It's like, oh, well, maybe this relationship doesn't exist anymore. Like there isn't attraction, there isn't a desire for intimacy. And then if you don't understand that there could be this hormonal shift that's causing this desire, I think it's so interesting, isn't it? Like we grew up thinking a lot of this is purely mental and not biological. We do. And not hormonal and not chemical in that sense. It feels like, oh, it's a choice or an attitude. And some of this is not a choice. You didn't make a choice. You didn't make a choice. to not want to have sex anymore. Like, it was just, it was almost like there was an off switch.

Starting point is 00:44:32 It was an off switch. And it was, it scared me to death. It scared me to death because I thought, wow, is this like, is this it? Do I, and it made me question, do I, do I not have desire for him anymore? What's going on? Yeah, yeah, it scared me. Yeah, that's a really interesting thing. Yeah, it scared me.

Starting point is 00:44:47 And I, and I, and I, you know, I started to treat these symptoms. But I really thought it was something that was going on with me. And I, and I was scared to. say it because I didn't even know how to say it. How do you say like, hey, I just, I don't want to have sex anymore? And I don't know why. And all of a sudden, it doesn't feel good anymore. And so I think that those are really tough things to contend with as a woman. And I think it's really hard when a partner doesn't know what's happening and they feel in the dark. And so that's why I love when men want to understand this conversation. They want to hear about this conversation and they want to

Starting point is 00:45:19 know what they can do. I want to tell you a quick story. You know, I was doing a book signing and I, it's always women in the room, you know? And so, because I don't know very many men that are going to be like, I'm going to go to the How to Menopause book signing. I can't wait. And so this one man was sitting there next to who I assumed was his wife and he was just watching me. And he didn't really have a reaction. He wasn't noddings where you feel like, hey, is this okay that I'm talking about all these things? And he came up afterwards and he said, hi, I need to ask you a question. And I said, yes. And he said, how old is too old to be learning about this or how old is too young to be learning about this. And I said, women at all ages should be learning about this. This should be being taught in school. People should understand this at all ages. Doctors should be talking about this when women going into the doctor's office. There's no question. And he said, how important is it for men to understand this? He said, because I've never even heard any of this. And I think it's really important. And I said, it is. He came back to me and he said, I'm going to take two of these books and I'm going to give them to my daughters and their husbands because I'm going to insist that their husbands read these books. And I was blown away. And I was blown away.

Starting point is 00:46:24 I thought, wow, like one man has now shared this message with two other men, and that's how the conversation starts to happen. But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show. In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down. Unlock elite gaming tech at Lenovo.com. Dominate every match with next level speed, seamless streaming, and performance that won't quit, and push your gameplay beyond limits with Intel Core Ultra processors.

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Starting point is 00:47:11 I've been having a lot of conversations about it with my male friends who are older than me, whose partners are probably in that space right now and just helping them become conscious of how it could affect them, is it's a human trait, again, that when you haven't experienced something, you have no idea how it impacts someone. And that applies to anything, whether it's your parents getting divorced, whether it's visiting certain countries when you were young, whatever it may have been.

Starting point is 00:47:38 Like, as humans, we're bad at knowing how something can affect someone else. And, you know, even to the point of, you know, me and my friend was just talking the other day, we have three friends in our generation who have cancer right now. And, you know, and it's, and you know, and you you're having this conversation, you're thinking about it, and you have so many friends who don't understand how hard it is for that person because you're like, oh, it's stage two, oh, it's stage one, like you'll be okay. But then when you really think about it, that word is so loaded, it's so heavy, it's so hard, whatever stage it's at, it's tragic to go through. And I think that's partly the challenge here as well that when it comes to menopause, I'm talking to my

Starting point is 00:48:18 male friends about it a lot because I think looking at it as the source of some of the struggles in a relationship and the challenges that they're going through communication challenges with their partner is helpful to both of them because otherwise like you said you were thinking it was all your fault that there was something wrong with you and that person if they're not understanding could feel the same way or it's all your fault how did your husband help you like how did what did that process look like because I'm assuming you weren't this well versed at the time either when you talk about that you talk about cancer that's life altering whatever stage it's in just to hear those words. My husband helped me in a lot of ways, and it was really interesting when I got the first,

Starting point is 00:48:58 you know, was told I was in menopause. We were boarding a plane and I said, oh my gosh, I just got a note in my patient portal that says, I'm in menopause. I'm too young for menopause. I was 48. The average age is 51. I wasn't too young for menopause. I was just clueless. I just had no idea. And I couldn't believe it. And to me, I associated that word with old age and like somebody whose best years were behind them. And I realized it was anything but. And as I continue to learn, I would talk to him about it. And I'd say, hey, listen, I found out that, like, there's not just three symptoms. There's 30 plus symptoms of menopause. And now they're in the hundreds. You know, we're counting more and more. As we learn more, we're learning more and more symptoms of menopause. And then eventually when it came to sex, I had a real conversation, you know, because I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii and I had no sex drive. It was really awful. It was really, it felt emotionally awful for me, but also I felt for him. And then you know that feeling where you're going, oh my gosh, what's he's thinking what she's thinking. I had to have the conversation though with him through the process and I was really

Starting point is 00:49:57 grateful that he was open to listening to it and it wasn't like, hey, you get that taken care of and then let's talk because what's going on. And I talked about it with him through everything, with weight gain, with not being able to sleep at night, was sleeping on the couch, you know, for almost a month at one point because I couldn't fall back to sleep and I was tossing and turning and tossing and turning and then eventually decided that hormone therapy was going to be the choice for me. And it really changed everything. And my lights kind of came back on and it felt very, very different.

Starting point is 00:50:27 But we go back and we look at that time now and I said, gosh, I was a shell of myself, wasn't I? And he said, you were really different from the girl I met. You were totally different. And I felt so sad because I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I had done. And that's really what I want. I wish that every couple's counselor, anybody, any coach, anybody that people are going to for help or advice would educate themselves about the changes that happened. during this time in a woman's life, because I think it would solve so many problems. I really would. I feel like there's a lot of trends in society that are changing,

Starting point is 00:51:00 like women are having children at an older age. What happens when perimenopause and fertility kind of, you know, overlap those periods that you're experiencing it. What does that look like? We're starting to have that conversation a little bit more, and I'm excited about it, because I think it's important. I don't think that any of us, or I certainly didn't, as just a regular woman, you know, I'm not a doctor, I'm a journalist. I didn't understand that it started in these early years. I didn't understand in your 40s you would be dealing with any type of symptoms of perimenopause because I didn't know the word. But there have been some women that said, like, I didn't know the difference between having my child and then all of a sudden

Starting point is 00:51:40 I was postpartum and then the crossover between perimenopause. What was it? What was going on in my life? I didn't even know what was happening. And then obviously in perimenopause, you can still get pregnant. So, you know, some women think that their period's gone away for six months, then all of a sudden, you know, they realize that they can still have children. And so then we have children, you know, they're having children later in life. So there is definitely, I think, more of that crossover than we've ever seen before because we're seeing women having children later in life. Are there any implications? What should people be aware of if that's what they're going through? I think to be aware of the symptoms of both because I know there's a lot of women that

Starting point is 00:52:19 or like, I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know if it was after I had a child that I wasn't able to get the weight off, or I was feeling this, like, very, a lot of emotions going on and not going back to sleep. And some of those same things that I was dealing with when I was pregnant in my reproductive years are the same symptoms of perimenopause. So which is which. And I think that that's where you really have to have that relationship with your doctor. I really believe that we've done a disservice to women because we've kind of said, like,

Starting point is 00:52:46 here when you're in your reproductive years, here's what your OBGYNN looks like, and then after that you can go to the doctor and have your appointments and everything. But there's a real crossover in those years from 35, 38 years old to when you hit menopause. And I think you have to be having both of those conversations at the same time. You could get pregnant. Some of those symptoms could also be perimenopause. If there are younger women listening right now, How would you best recommend that they plan for perimenopause? Is there a way you can plan or prepare? If I were a young woman right now, the best thing could be to pay attention to some of

Starting point is 00:53:23 this health habits. You don't have to be perfect. I'd pay attention to the strength training. I pay attention of how to get habits to sleep well now. You can go have a good time. I promise it's great. Go have a great time. But pay attention to some of these things that I think you need to put into place.

Starting point is 00:53:38 Protein adding that to part of what you have going on. figure out a way to manage stress. I think all those are so important. And I would also do this. I'd also get a bone density test, which was nothing I'd ever heard of before or anything I thought I should get. Most women wait until they're 60 years old to get something like this, but I'd want to know what my baseline is for my bones because that's really important. And the last thing you want to do is break one. Yeah. So it's amazing to me how the habits do help. Like getting good sleep, your nutrition, these things do matter. It's just that it's not going to It's not going to stop this from happening, right?

Starting point is 00:54:14 It's not going to cure it. It's not going to cure it, right. Yeah, you can't avoid it. It won't cure it, but it will help you move through it. I think it'll help you manage your symptoms. And that's the most important. You know, perimenopause and menopause, this isn't a disease. This isn't a transition that we're going through.

Starting point is 00:54:32 And I think it's really important to know, you know, I wish that when I were younger, I was thinking a little bit older. I wish that I was thinking that, oh, I have time to do all those things. if I had established some of those habits when I was in my 20s or my 30s, then it wouldn't have been so hard in my 40s and 50s to try to figure it all out so quickly. And I think that's the advantage that younger women have today. And I feel really inspired by that. I feel really motivated for them that they're going to get a hold of this. And I don't think that perimenopause and menopause is going to look like this in five or 10 years. Yeah. I definitely think that,

Starting point is 00:55:07 especially all of our listeners, but there's such a culture now of trying to get into those healthy habits earlier. And it's good to know that that will fare people well as they move through this transition. What's the impact of the pill and birth control drugs on perimenopause? It's interesting. Some women have said to me, oh gosh, I went to the doctor. They said it was in perimenopause, according to my symptoms, and I was given a birth control pill. Well, the birth control pill oftentimes is given because you had a regular period. If you went in there saying, like, my periods are irregular, then the birth control pill is there to kind of regulate those. And so some women will be on that for quite some time. They'll be eventually weaned off of

Starting point is 00:55:49 that if they're in perimenopause and then they can start hormone therapy. And any of the doctors I've talked to say that, you know, both of those things are possible options depending on what your symptoms are. If you go into the doctor and you're saying, hey, I've got hot flashes and I can't sleep and my joints hurt right now and I'm just feeling a little bit of brain fog. They're probably not going to give you birth control. They will start you on a low-dose hormone therapy most likely and tell you to add in those lifestyle practices to be able to help you. But birth control pill with regard to doing anything to perimenopause, I think more often will help regulate your period.

Starting point is 00:56:24 You're saying there's not a negative impact between younger women being on birth control and then how they experience perimenopause. Not that I know of except that some women say, oh wow, I don't know if my period has stopped or started, I don't know where I am. So a lot of times if a woman is a little bit older, a doctor will oftentimes wean them off of that, so they can figure out kind of where they are in their cycle. Because again, if you've gone 12 months without your period, now you're menopausal, and then you would be doing hormone therapy, you wouldn't be doing birth control because you wouldn't need it any longer.

Starting point is 00:56:52 What else? There was a funny video I saw on TikTok. It was funny. It was comedic, but it was making a really big point, and it was showing how men's hormones kind of stay steady and how women's hormones go, you know. Yeah. And just the amount of cycles that women have to go through and the experience of it all. And what have you heard from your community that's given you strength, hope, encouragement? What have you noticed about people who have transitioned effectively? What are the success stories almost? The success stories of women who have gone into this stage successfully are, I feel like myself again, I feel really bold and I can't wait for this next chapter. I'm feeling good about my body. And I think what they feel more

Starting point is 00:57:36 than anything else is knowledgeable, and they feel like, wow, I know what journey I'm on. I understand what's happening to me now, and now I can tackle these different things as they come along. I never understood that knowledge and community were so important to something like this, and I think it means everything. When a woman hears, hey, this is what you're going through versus, oh my gosh, could I be dealing with dementia? Could I be dealing with Alzheimer's? Why is my heart racing out of control? Why am I gaining weight? When you are in the dark and you don't understand what is going on. I think that can be the scariest thing happening. And I think that's what so many women have been dealing with for so long, which makes me really sad. I go back and I think

Starting point is 00:58:16 about my mother. I lost my mother to breast cancer when she was 51 years old. And she had a surgical menopause, meaning that as a result of her surgery and chemotherapy, she went through menopause early. She was 44 years old when she was diagnosed. It was pretty early. And we used to go into restaurants and we'd have to leave the restaurants because sweat would be literally pouring down her face like she just she couldn't stay there and her heart was racing out of control and she'd be throwing water on herself and she'd laugh along with the rest of the family we'd be like oh mom's hot again ha ha and it wasn't this was years ago my mom died in 1990 and it wasn't until maybe three four years ago when I really started researching this I realized that that was my what was

Starting point is 00:58:58 my mother was going through it made me so sad to go back and say oh my gosh she was laughing with all of us, trying to play it off, and she was really suffering on the inside. That's the hardest part for me, is knowing that there are so many women that I care about and that I love, that I would have been, it would have been useful if I had this context that I could have shared that with them, they would have found better support and help in their journey, whether it's lifestyle changes or hormonal support or stress management, as you rightly said, and I would have been, you know, understanding and empathetic to the change that they were going through, I think it would change so much. Why is it that despite everything we've talked

Starting point is 00:59:37 about, doctors still dismiss these symptoms and medical research is not investing more? I just can't wrap my head around that. I can't either. Honestly, I think part of it is societal. I think part of it is that we think women in midlife are kind of best years are behind them. I think that sadly, when it comes to research, you know, we did a lot of research. We do a lot of research. We do lot of research about reproductive years, about what happens when you're older, even what happens when you're, you know, younger, all ends of the spectrum. And then there's this kind of chunk of women and a time in our lives that we're just sort of, we've kind of fall off the radar. We're just not there. And so that happens when it comes to research. And then I think with doctors

Starting point is 01:00:21 not being educated about it, you know, it's not the doctor's fault. They're there to help. That's what they want to do. Doctors have good intention. But unfortunately, if they didn't learn about it, if you've got a woman coming in there and you've got a woman saying like, oh, I'm tired, I'm not able to sleep, I'm gaining weight, you know, a doctor will often be like, okay, it's a part of aging, or it's, you know, take this and call me, take an antidepressant or try to get some more sleep or practice winding down. And so sadly, you know, we've got doctors that are dismissing women, women feeling they leave a doctor's office and don't know what to do. And I've heard from so many women every single day, Jay, I get messages saying, you know, my doctor told me it was because

Starting point is 01:01:00 my age or my doctor said, I couldn't possibly be pen parapentopause yet. Or if your symptoms aren't bad enough, you don't really need to do anything. And I think that's the one that bothers me the most. I really get upset when I hear your symptoms have to be so much worse for you to do something about it, because that's not true. It's just not true. And there's so much that can be done about this. And there's so many different ways to help women.

Starting point is 01:01:25 And so my hope is that we start getting this training and we start making sure it's mandatory and we start making sure that all disciplines, not just OBGYNs, learn about perimenopause and menopause. If you go to your cardiologist, they should be talking to you about perimenopause and menopause. We know doctors can't know everything, but that's where it comes upon the woman to be educated about this too. And right now, I think it's the best thing we can do. We're not going to be able to get a whole bunch more studies right now in a short amount of time. We're not going to be able to get tons of money poured into women's health all the time, specifically, perimenopause and menopause. And we're not going to be able to get all doctors trained so quickly. But what we can do

Starting point is 01:02:05 is get this message out to all women, young women, older women, daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts, anybody that could be going through it or has somebody that they know going through it. And now, especially men. Yeah, well, said, well, I'm happy to be a part of that and have this conversation because it's what you said also just about if you care about someone, you know, it's so important to be aware of what they're going to go through. And to me, that's especially something that is something they can't control, you know, something that they don't have that influence over. I have to say I'm so grateful to you for this because I know it's not an easy conversation

Starting point is 01:02:42 because it's like, well, I don't know, where do we even start? It's easy talking to you about it. Thank you. Yeah, you've like just given us a master class on it. I feel so much more well-versed. I'm so glad. Just from speaking to you, because you make it so simple, you make it so understandable. I'm glad that people have the book so they can check the 34 symptoms.

Starting point is 01:03:01 I'm glad that people have the book so that they can actually figure out where in the course they are so that they can turn to the doctor or turn to their partner, find their community. I mean, the way you laid out the three really simple steps people can take, whether it's lifestyle changes, stress management, hormonal therapy, it's it makes it feel manageable. It doesn't make it feel like this is something insurmountable. It feels like something that we can at least grasp and know what we need to do to take the next step. So thank you for being such a great messenger for it and having the courage to do. I'm sure it's hard being you to, as you heard, your career was going to go nowhere if you became the poster child for this.

Starting point is 01:03:42 But I actually think it's going to help so many people who are unaware, unconscious men or women. and people are just struggling and suffering with it. Thank you. You know, I didn't have children of my own. And I always, for a long time, I went back and forth about that. And I realized going through this and having this conversation and talking to so many young women about it and trying to help them help their moms or help them help their self. I was like, wow, I do feel like a mom now. You know, I do feel like I'm helping young women.

Starting point is 01:04:11 And so I figured out a purpose through menopause. How menopause gave me a purpose. But, you know, it really did change my life. So it did a lot for me. It let me trust myself more, and it let me realize that there are some changes, and it's never too late. And I think that's the most important thing of all, that it's never too late to make these changes. If you didn't make them in your 20s or 30s, it's not too late to make those changes.

Starting point is 01:04:33 I love it. Tamzin Fidel, thank you so much for writing this book, How to Menopause, take charge of your health, reclaim your life, and feel even better than before. That's my favorite part about it, is hearing you say that, we've got to get over this belief that women are past their best years and your best years are behind you and you've already lived in. It's that part of feel even better than before. That's a message that I love. So thank you so much for writing this book. I highly recommend everyone goes and grabs a copy, men included. It's so important for us to be informed.

Starting point is 01:05:07 And I really hope that this saves your relationships, helps your careers, helps your purpose and your passion, your children, and ultimately helps yourself. Thank you so much. Thank you, Tamsen again. Please follow Tamsan. Subscribe to our podcast, follow our on social media platforms, and we will put all the links in the bio and in the comment section for you to follow along. Thank you so much again, Tamsen, for joining me.

Starting point is 01:05:30 Thank you. Thank you for writing this book. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan Traynor on Breaking Generational Trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.

Starting point is 01:05:43 My therapist told me, stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like, I've been hacked. But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what? Her thighs are cute. Ah, come on. Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

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Starting point is 01:06:26 powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create, and boost productivity all on one device. This is an IHeart podcast.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Tamsen Fadal: You Are Not Going Crazy… Your Hormones Are Changing! (THIS is the GUIDE to Navigate Menopause & Take Back Control of Your Mind, Body & Life)

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