On Purpose with Jay Shetty - This 3 Step Equation Will Solve All Your Problems

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

In this new age of self-care, we so often claim anything that we do when we are stressed as self-care.But are we truly giving ourselves the self-care we need? Or are we just being self-indulgent?In this week’s episode, I break down the difference between self-care and self-indulgence and share a 3 part equation that will help you solve all of your problems.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags

and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to Navigating Narcissism on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw this taxicash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacountry, and recently, Variety's cacow

fought to have been lost centuries ago, where Reves covered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle. Find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to the obsessions while chocolate. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. When our knowledge increases, our problems shrink.

When our knowledge stays the same or decreases, our problems continue to get bigger and bigger. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one place for life wisdom on self work and love. If you want to be better, do better and give more, you're in exactly the right place. Thank you so much for everyone who've subscribed, rated and reviewed. I'd love for you to do it if you haven't already. The reviews really matter. I look through them. They that so meaningful to me. Thank you so much for leaving your comments. Today's episode theme is this three step equation that will solve all your problems. And I know what you're thinking.

You want to know right now what this equation is because we all have problems. It's so normal in our day to day lives, whether our problem is the fact that we have something going on at work, whether our problem is the fact that we have something at home, whether your problem is you're trying to record a podcast and someone keeps warning outside in New York, whichever one it is, we all experience problems and none of us can avoid them. So how do we solve them? How do we deal with them? How do we deal with them? How do we work through them?" Norman Vincent

P. O. once said, problems are to the mind. What exercise is to the muscles. They toughen and make you strong. That's fascinating to think about because when we exercise and we're pushing the muscles, they strengthen. Same with problems. When we have that resistance in our life, when we work through it, break through it, we also become stronger. Now that is true when we solve them. So this is usually the equation we use to solve problems.

Think about it like this. You've had a long, hard week at work. Plus, addition, your dog's been unwell. Plus, you have a friend's birthday this weekend. Equals, you feel you need to let loose this weekend. How many of you experienced that? Or you've been arguing with your partner all week. Plus, your dog's been unwell.

Plus, you're having money issues. Equals, you feel you need a bottle of wine and maybe another one. How many of you've been in that situation before? Or you didn't get that promotion. Plus, your dog's been unwell. Plus, your Uber is taking forever to get to you. Equals, binge watch shows all weekend

with a tub of ice cream. Now, if you can relate to any of those scenarios, any of those situations, any of those experiences, trust me, you're not alone. In the past, I've been in some of those myself, and I know a lot of people who turn to that equals those options, whether it's letting loose this weekend, whether it's a bottle of wine, and maybe another one,

whether it's a tub of ice cream and binge watching shows. And now look, there's nothing wrong with the little indulgence, and there's nothing wrong with a tub of chocolate, fudge, brownie ice cream. You can tell I've been thinking about this, but when it comes to solving our problems, we need to create a method that benefits us in the long term.

There's a fine line between self-care and self-indulgence. We hear so much about self-care these days, and usually it's like getting a massage, taking a bath, or smelling essential oils or whatever it may be. But self-indulgence makes you feel good in the moment, but it doesn't create any long lasting benefits. Whereas true self-care creates lasting change so you don't need to feel that way ever again or at least for a long time. How good would that be? How good would it be that the way we use our time and our lives means that we don't have to keep learning the same lesson again.

Means we don't have to keep experiencing the same emotion again and again and again, which means we don't have to deal with the same pain again and again and again. How many times in life are you facing learning the same lesson? How many times in life are you facing learning the same lesson? How many times in life are you experiencing the same emotions, the negative ones that you don't want? And how many times are you experiencing the same pain week on week on week? Why a Sunday or

Monday blues a real thing week after week after week? It's all because we have not created an equation, a method, approach to solving our problems. We are simply avoiding our problems. We are simply maneuvering around our problems. We're simply finding equations and methods to never have to deal with them. We have to create an equation that doesn't keep repeating itself. Listen carefully. The equation to solve all your problems has three parts. Here's what they are. Problems. Number one, we all know what those are. These could be financial, physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. It could be career related, it could be our relationships, it could be money, or it could just be a general dissatisfaction, but we all have problems.

Part two of the equation is time. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. This doesn't change it for any of us. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, how strong you are, how much money You have, how many followers you have, you cannot change the amount of time we get in a day What we can change and what people do change is what we do with our time makes all the difference We have a choice. We can either be consumed by time or use our time to deal with our problems. We can either be consumed by time and avoid our

problems or we can either use time to deal with our problems. And the third part of the equation is knowledge. We all have a certain level of skills, insights and information. And a lot of us are dealing with our challenges with the same level of information, insight and skills that we've always had. Actually, a lot of us stop studying, learning or growing after we finish school. Most of us know that that wasn't enough anyway. When our knowledge increases, our problems shrink. When our knowledge stays the same or decreases, our problems continue to get bigger and bigger. One of my favorite examples of this, and currently I'm in New York City, I'm visiting here and I'm recording podcasts, and I've been walking around the streets and when you're walking

around the streets and you look up, all the buildings look big. Actually, it's so difficult to even figure out which building is bigger than the other. Every building looks absolutely huge. You look up and you just see these buildings towering over you. When we're in the midst of our problems, when we're in the middle of our problems, when we're in the middle of our problems, when we look up at them, they're like these buildings. All of our problems look colossal, all of our problems look huge, all of our problems look like we'll never be able to overcome them. How many times have you been in that situation where you look up at your problems and you just drown, you just feel completely overwhelmed and burdened by the weight of those problems.

But think about it this way. If you're higher, maybe you're in a helicopter, maybe you're in a plane, or what I've had experienced over New York is being in a higher building. When you're in a higher building, you can actually start to see each building for what it's worth. You can see it, how big it is, how big it is in comparison to another building. You start seeing things with perspective. When you get to a higher plane, you see things with perspective. This is the same with knowledge.

When our knowledge increases, when we get higher in our knowledge, we're able to see our problems with perspective. When we're lower in our knowledge and in our problems, we think everything is the same. We think everything is tearing over us. I hope this analogy makes sense and helps you realize the value of elevating your knowledge, elevating your insights and elevating your skills. If your knowledge grows, so do you. So according to our default equation, the one that we all share, it goes like this, we've had a long week at work. Plus our

dog's been unwell. Plus we have a friend's birthday this weekend equals you need to let loose this weekend. When we do that, our problems stay the same. Our time to deal with the problem decreases, and our knowledge to deal with the problem stays the same or decreases. So if the antidote to your problems is letting loose this weekend, if the antidote to your problems is getting a bottle of wine, if your antidote to your problems is avoiding them through any of these methods that we do, which I refer to as self-indulgence, what happens is our problems stay the same, our time to deal with the problem decreases

because we used our time to do whatever it was, and our knowledge to deal with the problem stays the same or decreases. It means when we come back to our problem, we have no more ammunition, no more of a toolkit, no more balance or centeredness or insight to deal with what's in front of us. It's like turning up to a boxing match with no training, right? Imagine an athlete preparing for their

biggest fight of their life or the biggest game of their life, but instead of training, all they did was take a break and do nothing. Imagine how much stress and pressure they feel in the moment. Imagine to relieve that stress and pressure. They just avoided training. They avoided focusing on growth. How much pressure, anxiety, and stress would you feel in that moment. This self-indulgent approach consumes our time, our mental focus, our energy, our finances and our health to a great degree. Real self-care is not meant to be an escape from our lives. Self-care is when we use our time and knowledge to create a life we don't want to escape from. Listen to that again. Self-care is when we use our time and knowledge

to create a life we don't want to escape from. Self-indulgence is to escape from our lives. Self-care is to create a life we don't want and escape from. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it BOSANGELIS. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Friends' newdom and not lost is my new travel podcast where

a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too.

And also, we get to eat as much... And there's very sincere... I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Miomla and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships.

They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're gonna eat it, they're not gonna stop you. So he's gonna continue to give you the Alfredo sauce

and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Video App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprog. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant.

The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Louren's Hamilton. That's for me being taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time, I wasn't kind to myself.

And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

Now, the classic things that I mentioned before, the self-indulgence, include finishing a bottle of wine, solo daily, sometimes eating sweet, every single day, spending all day on the couch every weekend. Again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with self-indulgence a little. It's when it becomes our norm that it starts to become dangerous. In our equation, we should always be using our time to increase our knowledge, knowledge of ourselves,

knowledge of how to deal with issues, just like you're doing right now, and this podcast really is just to congratulate you and really own what you're doing right now. You could be doing something totally meaningless right now, but you're choosing to listen to this podcast and focus on your growth, which means when you go back to your life, your time will have definitely go down, but that happens either way. But your knowledge will have gone up because you used your time wisely and so your problems

will start to decrease when you apply that knowledge. This is the equation of our lives. When we invest our time wisely, our knowledge goes up and our problems go down. When we waste our time badly, our time goes down, our knowledge stays the same or goes down and our problems go up. Benjamin Franklin once wisely said, an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. Or as billionaire entrepreneur, investor and philanthropist Paul Tudor Jones said, intellectual capital

will always trump financial capital. So the message here is very simple. What we do with our time to gain knowledge changes everything. And there are three ways of acquiring knowledge. And they're very different. Usually when we think of knowledge, we only think of it as learning. That is one of the three learning, whether that's reading, whether that's listening to podcasts, whether it's audiobooks, whether it's learning from a mentor or a coach. So learning is one of the three. The second one is reflecting. Reflection is actually a beautiful

way of gaining knowledge, especially when you need some downtime. See, we might not always feel mentally active. Our brain might be tired of consuming facts and thoughts and ideas. And hence, reflection can be a beautiful way of acquiring knowledge, reflecting on ourselves, our actions, reflecting on so many different things. And thirdly, a way of gaining knowledge is experimenting. Again, we usually think of gaining knowledge as just learning, sitting there, reading, consuming, but experimenting, acting, taking action, learning how to apply and testing. This can be a great way of gaining knowledge.

So I want to talk a bit about the reflection one and how that helps us gain knowledge. Each morning, Benjamin Franklin would ask himself, what good shall I do this day? And in the evening, he would say, what good have I done today? This is a really powerful way of reflecting and identifying what's important to us, identifying what's a priority to us, reminding ourselves consistently what's important to us. We all know the story of Steve Jobs

and how he would stand in front of a mirror and ask himself, if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do now? And what I would say to add to that, if we can't ask ourselves that question, is how can I do what I'm going to do today in a way that makes me happy? How can I add happiness, meaning, purpose and passion to anything and everything that I have to do today? And everyone from Ariana Huffington to Oprah Winfrey do exactly the same, starting each day with their gratitude journal, noting five things for which they're genuinely thankful for. So these are just small moments. You may take five minutes to do this activity every day. You may take two minutes to do this activity every day.

You may take two minutes when we're doing our hair in the mirror or when we're getting ready for work or whatever it is. We can either fill that time up with Instagram, a song, or reading about a sporting event from the night before, or we can do these simple reflections that improve our self-awareness, that allow us to come back to our problems with more perspective. One of the best ways to do that is go to bed with gratitude and wake up with powerful

intentions. At night, you may not want to ask too many questions to feel over-activated, so create a peaceful environment to sleep, and in the morning, you can set your focuses. One of the other things that a lot of people do while reflecting is that they go for walks. Top performers build exercise into their daily routine and one of the most common ones and easiest ones for all of us is walking. Charles Darwin went on two walks daily, one at noon and one at 4pm after a midday meal. Beethoven used to go on long walks and carried

a pencil and she'd some music paper to think about thoughts he had on music and come up with things spontaneously. We can replace a trip to the bar with a night of staying in to research, conferences in our industry, learn how to write, learn how to grow, practice something else, do an online course, learn about our passion, apply all of these things. It's all about how we use our time to gain knowledge. And learning, we all know how important learning is, and during his five-year study of more than 200 self-made

millionaires, Thomas Cawley found that they don't watch TV. Instead an impressive 86% claimed they read, but not just for fun. 63% indicated they listened to audiobooks during their morning commute and most of this content is self-development, personal growth, learning of skills. And today if you're not an avid reader, we have TED talks, we have YouTube, we have the Blinkist app, especially whilst cooking, while cleaning, we have so many moments while we're commuting. Even if you say you don't have time, we all commute to work, we all wash dishes, we all do the laundry, we all clean our homes, and during that time, we can

knowledge up. And when we acknowledge up, we're gaining more insights to deal with our problem. This is the difference. Self-indulgence makes us feel better and time passes, but our stress, pressure and anxiety continues to grow. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save a retirement. Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four and five New Year's resolutions fail within the first month or two.

But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast, How to Money can help. That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now. And we want to see you achieve your money goals. And it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list our questions, interviewing experts and focusing on the relevant financial news that you need to know about. Our show is Choc Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three

times a week and we talk about debt payoff. If, let's say you've had a particularly spend thrift holiday season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income, no matter where you are on your financial journey, how do monies got your back? Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress.

Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s. From career anxiety,

mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about. From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s.

The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them continues to be astonishing.

I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was gnawing at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow

that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So here's six steps to applying this principle. The first thing when you're dealing with a problem, because the biggest problem with a problem and our problems is that we don't accept

there are problem. The first thing we have to do when dealing with a problem is ask ourselves, is this a real problem? And a good way of judging whether it's a real problem is how impactful will it be in five days, five weeks and five years? When we ask ourselves the five, five, five rule, it helps us really put things into perspective and I would recommend you do that exercise. When you ask yourself the 5.5.5 rule, it helps us really put things into perspective.

And I would recommend you do that exercise. When you ask yourself, is this a problem? Ask yourself, is this a problem that's going to affect me for five days, five weeks, five months, or five years? And circle which five it is. So ask yourself, is this a problem and write down 5.5.5.5? One is five days, one is five weeks, one is five months, one is five years. Ask yourself what type of problem this is. The second thing, the second A, accept, accept, this is a problem.

Don't try and think of all the things you could have due to avoid it. It's so often when we think about our problems, we're like, oh, if I did this, I wouldn't be in this situation. Oh my God, if I just changed this, then this wouldn't have happened. And we waste all of that energy.

Once you've accepted, it's a problem. And know whether it's affecting you for five days, five weeks, five months or five years, we can start doing the third A, which is attaining knowledge. Through all the methods I just talked about, research, mentors, reading, listening, coaching, courses, all of these ways. We can start attending knowledge for what we really need.

And one of the biggest mistakes we make in this is that we don't find people that can help us with our actual solution to problems. We find people who can listen to us. That may be part of it, but it's so important that we share it with people who can listen to us. That may be part of it, but it's so important that we share it with people who can actually help us. The fourth A is attention split. Our attention has to be 80% on solution-oriented conversations and direction and 20% on venting how we feel and sharing how we feel. Remember this principle, the 80-20 rule of your attention when dealing with the problems.

We usually do it the other way around. We're usually complaining for 80% of the time and trying to solve our problems 20% of the time. And guess what you get? You get 80% of problems in your life. You get what you create. If you don't try and solve your problems 80% of the time, you will have 80% of problems when you're just complaining 80% of the time. Fifth, A, action that into small steps. Use that 80% to action all of it into small steps.

And six, make amendments. Amend things so you don't have to go through them again and again and again. Most of our problems in life are recurring. Most of us are dealing with the same problems over and over again, whether it's the same boss at work, whether it's the same relationship, domestic issue, whatever it is, we're doing the same thing over and over again because we don't amend. So this is the six A's of solving your problems. Number one, ask yourself is this a problem and identify. Is it five days, five weeks, five months, or five years?

Put it into perspective. Number two, accept it's a problem. Stop thinking of how you could have avoided it or couldn't be there. You are there. Number three, attain knowledge, research, mentors, reading, listening. Number fourth, attention split. 80% on solutions, 20% sharing your issues. Fifth, action that into small, actionable breakdown steps.

Six, amend so that it doesn't repeat. Knowledge means awareness of what you need in life. Often, you do need a mental break or an emotional break. Often, you may be too tired to read and learn. But what really happens when you start choosing education over entertainment, when you start choosing self-care over self-indulgence, is that it fuels you.

It fuels you. Self-care is difficult in the short term, but fulfilling in the long term. Self-indulgence is pleasurable in the short term, but terrible in the long term. Self indulgence is pleasurable in the short term, but terrible in the long term. We've all experienced it. It's about time we change the equation of our life. Let's start living for the long term. That instant win, that instant gratification is not going to solve our problems. And we know we're escaping when we come back to our problems with the same lack of energy, the same lack of enthusiasm and lack of insight going to solve our problems. And we know we're escaping when we come back to our problems

with the same lack of energy, the same lack of enthusiasm and lack of insight to deal with them. But if you're coming back to your problems with motivation, insight, energy, then you're taking care of yourself. That's a great way to test it. How are you feeling when you're coming back to your life? When you take a break, when you try a new thing, are you coming back to your life with a you take a break, when you try a new thing, are you coming back to your life with a renewed sense of enthusiasm to deal with your challenges, a renewed sense of confidence and conviction,

to deal with your challenges, or are you coming back with less, less and less? I really want you to think about this equation. Remember this very carefully. When you use your time wisely, your knowledge goes up, your time of course goes down, where your problems go down. When you use your time badly,

your time goes down, your knowledge goes down, and your problems go up. It's as simple as that. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of On Purpose. I'm so grateful that you keep coming back every single week. This is transformative wisdom that is changing your life, self, work and love. Remember, I want you to be someone that you love. I want you to do what you love and I want you to live with the person you love and create a life you love. And we do that right here,

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I can't wait for you to hear next week's episode. See you then. ... Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know, post it, tell me what a difference it's making in your life, I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community

we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. episode with you. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how

your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the IHR radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023. But how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't going to do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast How to Money. That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information you need without putting you to sleep.

We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent investing, and increasing your earnings. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals. You can listen to How to Money on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Mateo Gomes-Rajón.

We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast. Hungry for history! On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.