Oversharing - Am I Too Boring For Therapy?

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Today on Oversharing, Jordana and Dr. Naomi talk about embracing aging and avoiding the trap of immediate gratification. Our Overshare comes from a Betch who worries that her struggles aren’t interesting enough for a therapist. Today’s Betchicist goes out to a listener whose boyfriend never expresses gratitude. Dr. Naomi writes an intention for tempering emotional responses at work. And we’re feeling triggered by friends who share things on IG before telling the group chat, and meddling future mothers-in-law. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I'm Dr. Naomi Bernstein. What's up?

How's everything? Someone's got a big birthday coming up. Oh, yes, I do. It's so weird. I didn't think about it until the other day. like I'm going to be 45. That's like. Yeah.

Officially in your mid-40s. And I guess you kind of were before, but I'm just noticing this like pressure in my chest as I say that, like noticing my process in this moment. It is weird. I went away with a bunch of other moms on this volleyball trip. And, you know, one of them works at like a med spa. And another one is just like clearly a frequenter of. of med spa type things. And it's really hard when you're in those environments,

not to leave feeling like maybe I should get some Botox or maybe I should get a little whatever it is. People do, micro-needling. Look great. I feel generally pretty good. But the weird thing is I'm stuck between these two places. Because on the one hand, I see people that look so fresh and young and like my forehead and like the little wrinkles.

And like, I feel kind of, oh, I wish. And I could if I went and got Botox look like that. But then on the other hand, sometimes I see women that are just like so embracing their age. And I feel kind of jealous of them also. Like I feel jealous of the women that look great and look young. And then I feel jealous of the women that are just like, I am going gray gracefully. I like, you know, have my wrinkles. and so I'm kind of like stuck between these two poles.

I see what you mean. I think it's like you're jealous almost of the confidence of going either way. Or like feeling so firm in your belief that like you are approaching aging the correct way. Right. Even though these people on both sides are probably not that confident either. I'm sure the person who's like totally aging naturally has days where they're like feeling like you. Yes. Or the person who gets a lot of work.

done is kind of like feeling bad that they have to keep doing this. Yes. Yes. You're right. I'm seeing like whatever they're presenting on that particular day. So yeah, I'm kind of in that place where I'm like, pick a path. I'm kind of straddling the line, you know? Right.

I color my hair, but like I don't get Botox or, you know, whatever it is. Like I'll occasionally wear like a little midriff shirt. And then I'm like, oh, am I too old? Am I, like, trying to stay like, what's the limit? Yeah, you know, I think it looks pretty good. I don't know. It's just, you know, it's weird. Then I'm like, am I, like, trying too hard?

Like, does this look sad? But, you know. No, I think to me it's like that's sort of the middle ground is sort of the place you want to be at, you know, because it's like, I think if you go to, I mean, we talk about, we get emails about this kind of stuff all the time. To me, it's like, if you're kind of almost like taking a stand against it, seems like you're only hurting yourself. Like that's like you're not dying your hair.

You're not doing anything. You're not. Where's the line? I feel like it's it's kind of exhausting to be on either far end of the spectrum. Either like denying everything or doing it all. So I think like where you're at is kind of the best place to be if you really think about it. Because you're kind of like, I'm not like opposed to this on some intense level where I'm like scoping out and pointing out everyone who's had any work done and judge. them, but I'm also not, you know, at the plastic surgeon's office every week. It's kind of like,

I generally like the way I look and sometimes a little beauty treatment makes me feel even better, but it's not like a compulsion. And I feel like you'd probably know that more than me, like where the line is between doing something to make you feel good and something that feels like ingrained in your personality almost. Right. Yes. And it's true. And there are, it's like we always talk about it's like moments you know and just like kind of rioting out those moments like I have moments where I bought those like facial patches you know it's like you're supposed basically like you stretch out your like wrinkles between your on your forehead and then you stick these it's almost just like a sticky piece of paper on your forehead and it's supposed to train your forehead muscle so I'm like

if I'm going to all this effort like pasting these patches right you're putting more thought and energy. Yes. You just get a little injection. Right. Exactly. So I'm like, oh, being natural. And like, I guess it's sort of natural, but it's also like every single night, I'm spending 10 minutes, putting these patches on. And then I'm just like thinking about it more versus, you know, like you said, it's just how many moments are you spending wanting things to be different than how they are. Right. And when that number gets to be too high, then you know. like all right. I've got to accept this.

Totally. I think the more like headspace and almost like I think I think a good way to know if you're like too deep into anything is how much you like internally freak out when you don't get it. Do you know what I mean? Like if you're late on your Botox point of your hair, if you're showing a few grays for a few days like how stressful is that in your body to you versus that I used to think because I feel like in COVID I developed like a little bit of a workout obsession and I would work out every day. and then and I knew I was like it was getting to like a weird kind of unhealthy level when like if I I like needed to do it like I wouldn't go somewhere if I couldn't work out before I would rather like skip the activity than miss my workout. Yes. And I feel like that's sort of a good way like to sort of like figure out where you are in in terms of like obsession over something is like how how badly do you need it immediately versus like can you survive? without it. Totally. It's like, you know, it's almost like watching that, the craving mind,

you know, and like there's a place where that's where, you know, your mental health suffers when you're constantly craving. So if you're not working out and you're like constantly craving that workout and irritable until you get it, that's when your mental health starts to suffer versus you're like, okay, this thing would be great. But like, I'm not craving it so much to where my whole system is an upheaval if I don't have it. Yeah. Right. That's a really good point. So yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you. No, I feel, I really do feel good. I feel like I stay active. I keep trying to, you know, do all the things that get me in that flow state that, you know, I always had my whole life like playing sports and playing volleyball and just like, thank God my body's

working well and I can do all the things I want to do. But yeah, you have those moments. You're at the gym and you're like, oh, that never used to look like that. And it's things that you can't, as you get older, and I'll just give you a little preview. When you're younger, there's things where you're like, okay, well, I could tone that up a little bit. And then, like, if I do this exercise. And then once you get older, it's like, there's nothing I can really do about the fact that my skin just crinkles in that way or just that there's like a certain there's just you know it's just aging and it's you know it's a beautiful thing because it means I'm still here and yeah I mean I think you look great you're kind of a great example to me I think of someone who's again like

perfectly in that middle line of like not annoyingly ardent about not doing anything but also right not you know like overly done and you do see that whenever you watch I watch a lot of Real Housewives. So I see a lot of people who go overboard. And it's funny to see, it's very funny to see people on their like first season of a Real Housewives versus their second season. Right. Because they watch themselves on TV and then they come back and they're like, they look like a different person. Right. Totally. So it's a, but I think you're a great example of being in the middle line. It's funny to me that we're 10 years apart. So we get to like, we get to sort of experience our own age milestones right around the same time. Like you're turning 45, I'm going to be

35 in September. So, and I feel, you know what I mean? I feel the same way about 35 as you're feeling about 45. But you're probably like 30, you look at 35 and you're like, that's so young. But I remember turning 25 and feeling like, oh my God, I'm getting older. Wow. Like my childhood's over. Yeah. So it's funny how like it's all relative. Totally. Well, I appreciate the compliment. I think trying to stay active in a way that's like more than just I want to look good helps too. Like I want to have fun. I want to play. I want to get in a flow state of doing something that just like quietes my mind. So that helps when you're doing it for fun instead of just like, I have to go to the gym. Otherwise I'm not going to look good. So totally. I had this thought actually the other day, but like when I was working out or, you know, why we do all the things we do. And part of me was like almost motivated by what you're saying. Because I feel like I'm now, I'm not going to be a young mom. Like I think I miss the, I miss the, I totally miss the young mom boat. Right. So I'll be like

an average to slightly older mom, I would say, hopefully. Um, but part of me is like, let me work out so that I'm like feel, I don't feel like I'm, you know when my kids like 12, I don't feel like I'm, I feel old or I feel like I'm not as active or I can't do things with a kid later in life. So that is like a new sort of motivating thing for me to feel young in preparation for a life of being an older parent. Yes, it's not just about wanting to like look good in a bikini. Like there's more meaning behind it. I think now it sounds like. Right, which was cool. I kind of like that motivation. It felt like, it was almost like a motivation beyond the immediacy of looking good yes yes i love that and it and it does

make it makes it feel better when it's more for like a bigger purpose you know something more meaningful it's interesting last thing because we're going on and on about this but i've been watching this show on netflix and it's about like the uh the blue zones have you heard they're like I watched that. Yes. Yeah. And he goes to like eight different places like that. Yes.

Places where basically there's like a higher number than average of people that live to be like a hundred or really old. And they're trying to figure out why do people, you know, in these specific blue zones live to be so old versus other places in the world. And one of the main things is like he made this comparison that here in most places, you have to buy a membership and go to a gym to do the things that people in these blue zones are just doing in their natural life. Like a lot of them are either coastal towns where, you know, maybe you're walking along the sand and you're getting more exercise just based on the terrain where you live or they're mountainous.

And just to leave your house, you have to kind of do a lot of walking. And so we pay and go to gyms and literally run on treadmills to get the same, you know, like we're literally running in place where they're like, okay, I'm going to walk over to the well and get the water and walk back. And that's my natural exercise. And then people continue doing that for their whole lives. So instead of this like, oh, I have to go to the gym just so I can look hot, you're like, no, this is just part of it. Like if I want to pick my vegetables, I have to get up and go outside and like walk down and bend down and pick my vegetables. And it becomes like your exercise and your healthy habits become more meaningful, like a part of your life.

Totally. Well, I mean, they say that about dieting where like dieting doesn't work. That's why every diet doesn't say it's a diet. It says it's a lifestyle, right? Right. Right. They're trying to say that they're, you know, it's just, it should be so natural to you that you're part of this life.

But I think that if you can actually make a diet, a lifestyle, just like part of what actually makes you feel good and goes into your day, it won't. feel is you're probably also more likely to stick to it. Yes. It's just like part of what you do is, you know, instead of this constant feeling of like, well, I feel crappy about myself, so now I'm going to eat vegetables. Yeah. You know, or like I feel like gross today, so I'm going to go to the gym. It's like no. Like, and I think that's why a lot of people had the experience that you did in COVID where, and maybe for you, you're saying it got a little bit out of hand, but like your exercise became part of your lifestyle because it was like your way of moving your body and getting out and getting

fresh air and like it became actually a part of a healthy lifestyle instead of like oh I have to carve out this time to go to the gym it was like well I'm home and what I do is like just go for my morning walk because that's right and then you need it instead of feeling yeah instead of feeling like you have to to do it so yeah all interesting stuff I'm sure we'll circle back to it but I hope you have a great birthday thank you so much I appreciate that. Let's get into it. You guys want to call and leave us a voicemail.

You can call 64636362626294. Or you can email oversharing at betches.com. I'll read our first overshare email. All right. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I love the pot. It's helped me so much. I'm a 30-year-old female and I've been having a lot of feelings of anxiety and self-doubt for a while now about making decisions about my future.

This has escalated in the past month, so I decided to use my work benefits to start talking to a professional. The service my company uses for mental health counseling has life coaches and therapists. I chose a therapist in my state since that is what I am more familiar with and what my friends have used. Well, I had my first session this morning and the first question asked was, you scored pretty mild on all your intake questions, so why did you choose a therapist instead of a life coach? I responded that I didn't know much about life coaches and they replied, oh, it would be more like talking to a peer than a professional. I don't think they meant anything harmful by this, but frankly, this made me feel silly. and like I was wasting my therapist's time by not having more trauma or worse symptoms.

One of the reasons that I have put off seeking therapy until now is that I have told myself that things aren't that bad compared to issues other people have. And this comment seems to have confirmed that. Overall, my question is, is there a threshold at which you should seek therapy versus other methods of mental health counseling? Dr. Naomi, do you ever feel like your patients are being overdramatic or wasting your time and seeking therapy? Are there other methods of getting help that you recommend for less severe issues?

thanks and untramatized but anxious betch i like this question yeah have you ever used a life coach i haven't used a life coach but i have thought like i think i have thought sometimes when therapy and maybe i have stopped seeing a therapist recently and i've kind of gone gone in and out of therapy and there's been points where i'm like am i good like do i need to be here i don't know like how are you supposed to see a therapist forever? Like, you know, if you have a few bad days, is that warrant a therapist? And I think a lot of people struggle with that when they're considering seeing a therapist of like, what is the bar for seeking therapy?

Right. Yeah, it's a great question because I think you have, you could have these moments where you're like, I feel a little blue or I feel a little anxious and like it passes and then you move on. And I have that all the time where people will like reach out in a moment of whatever. They're feeling intensely away. And then by the time it comes around to scheduling the appointment, they kind of feel a little bit better. I mean, the truth is they usually end up coming in and they usually end up talking about stuff, right? Because even if it's a moment, it's kind of good to bring to mind what's underlying all of that stuff.

Like why does this one thing make you feel anxious or why does this other thing make you feel anxious? But for this listener who doesn't, sounds like she has, doesn't have any childhood attachment issues, doesn't have any deep-seated issues. She is anxious. She reports being anxious. And I don't know too much about life coaching, but I think it's more like almost like what a counselor at a school would do. Like helping get you motivated, helping make you feel like inspiring. to try something new or to set a goal or to go for something that, you know, help you figure out like what maybe future plans you have, like what kind of goals and aspirations you have.

Versus therapy, which I think is a little bit more. And again, I, for any life coaches out there, I don't, I'm not well versed in life coaching. So if I'm saying anything that's off, forgive me. But I do think therapy is a little bit more about kind of, coming to know yourself and coming to know what drives you, what are your motivators, what are you avoiding, what are you clinging to, what are you seeking, what activates your bot, like coming to to know yourself sort of from the inside out and how that is affecting your life versus kind of like, all right, what are your goals? How can we achieve them? Like, let's make a to-do list. Let's like, no, I think that's true.

Now that I think about it, I've had an executive coach who's kind of like a life coach who does just that, which is, you know, more about like action planning for, you know, taking steps to get things done and less about knowing yourself, kind of like you're talking about. Right. Have you ever had a patient where you, or had someone in therapy where you're like, you don't need to be here? You know, I think the only time I feel that way, it's not when someone doesn't have enough

like childhood baggage or old trauma or anything. It's more when they're kind of just doing the same thing every week. Like they're just kind of retelling the same story and they're not like doing the work of seeking out what's going on within them. And then I'm sort of like, okay, whatever you're experiencing isn't painful enough or isn't bothering you enough to where you actually want to do something about it. So maybe you're just good. And we don't. don't need to come. And some people do like to just have a place to vent. That is sometimes what happens. And I can keep trying to guide someone to being more self-aware in the moment. But there is something to that, you know, having a confidential place where you can just like say all the things that you want to say and kind of clear your head.

And for some people, when you get it out, it feels better and it feels like it's gone. And for some people, you get it out and it almost like builds on itself. Like the more you say it, the more you, then you want to say it to someone else and you want to say it to someone else. Yes. I've been both of those situations. I mean,

when I think, yeah, I think about when I've gotten the most out of therapy, it's probably been a pattern that I want. I think when I first started going to therapy, it was because I was dating a guy that wouldn't be my boyfriend and I kept trying to make it happen and I kept going. I kept repeating the same pattern.

that I wanted to break and I had finally had like enough of it. And so I wanted someone to help me break that pattern. I don't think it that way. But if I think about it in that way, it was like, you know, I kept repeating the same actions that I wanted to stop doing. Yes. And then I think once I kind of figure that out, you know,

I, there became a time when I was seeing my therapist that I was like, I think I figured out the main reason that I'm, I've been here. And so you take a little break. And it's nice because you can always go back. Yes. And especially when you have a therapist that you've seen for a while,

then they know your whole backstory and you could take a break and you can, you know, come back. But the other piece that I do want to mention that is great for therapy and coaching in different ways is like accountability. Because I always talk. Obviously when I work with patients, I do a lot of mindfulness stuff, like becoming aware of the sensations in your body and the resulting thoughts in your mind and like creating a pause to move. forward with intention. That's not how we're wired. So you sometimes do need this weekly reminder. Like I kind of talk about some people go to church or they go to synagogue or they go to a place every week that's like their weekly reminder of like what am I trying to do with my life?

What is the bigger picture? What am I looking to? How do I need to keep pushing against a grain that maybe doesn't come naturally? And you can get that from once a week at, you know, in a religious ceremony. You could get that from one, you know, from a yoga class that you go to or you can get it from a life coach or you can get it from a therapist. So some of it is like being held accountable for, okay, I know what the problem is, but knowing what the problem is is, like, insight is really probably 20% of the battle. Once you have your insight, then you have to know what do I do with this insight. And that is where a lot of people, if they drop out of therapy or if they're not in therapy. It's like they're going to go back to their old habits of just letting their bodies

control their life instead of like having intention with their life. And I think life coaches can do the same thing, which is like, okay, well, you said you were going to apply to three jobs. Here we are. It's a week later. What have you right? It's almost like an accountability coach. So what advice would you give this specific listener who's unsure if she should be in therapy or kind of Sounds like she felt a little shamed by the therapist for being. Yeah. I mean, I think she's being sensitive. I get it.

If she's having anxiety, there's something that probably a therapist could help her with. If this was just like, I don't know what the next step in my career is, I think that's different. But self-esteem and anxiety, like, I think those are things that a therapist could help her with. I think she was like, I could see why she took offense to it, but I think it was just kind of like, all right, you're not reporting a lot of depression. She probably wasn't reporting a huge amount of anxiety.

But I definitely still think she can figure out what's going on with her sense of self. What are the thoughts? What are the resulting feelings in her body that she gets when her negative self-images triggers? So I think she's fine to be with a therapist. I actually think she probably should be with a therapist because she is reporting anxiety and self-esteem issues. Right.

And I can see, I can also see, you know, as someone who would be. more in the patient role, why you'd be a little bit triggered or upset by this because you're kind of like, all right, something's off. I think I've found a solution. And then the person who you're finding the solution with is like, no, this is the wrong solution. Like you're not actually making moves to, you know what I mean? And that's sort of with anything. If you ever like try to solve a problem and you go to one place and they're like, this isn't the place to get help here. Yes. Yes. You're kind of like, all I put all the energy into making a move. Like I took action to solve this problem.

And now you're telling me that that was kind of a waste of time. Yes. I mean, my hunch is that this therapist was just using that as a probing question. I don't think he meant like you shouldn't be here. I think he was like, is there something more than what you put on this form? Because when we get intake forms, I know a lot of people don't feel super comfortable. like putting in writing certain things. Like they'd rather wait for the session and tell me in person.

So I don't take an intake form as like the gold standard of how someone's doing. So he might have just been trying to say, okay, on this intake form, it's not showing that like you're in a huge amount of distress. So why did you choose therapy as like a legitimate question of like what are, what's going on for you that makes you feel like this is more than. just a career situation or this is more than something that's just like a life goals. And if, you know, I get that she was sensitive to it for the reason you just explained. But I think if she could be more objective, she'd probably be like, well, I do have like negative self-talk a lot. And I do

have anxiety in X, Y, and Z situations. And I think it would be helpful to figure out where that comes from. Right. You know, that's probably the answer. But I'm sure on the spot in that moment, like you said, when she's showing up and you're like, you're supposed to be telling me what to do. Right. It probably felt a little bit overwhelming. No, I think that's a really good point. So I think that she, like the answer is more important than the question. Yes, exactly.

I think he was just using that. Like sometimes I'll have people that'll be like, oh, like, everything's kind of pretty much fine. Like, not so bad. And then I'm kind of like, but you're here. So like maybe like figure out a question. Yeah, get a little bit deeper. Like what else is going on that made you come here? Or a lot of times I'll ask people like, what was going on on the day when you called me? That's a good question. The day where you decided to make that move to kind of be like, all right, I'm going to like make an effort here, which we know, I know is hard.

You have to research and look for people and, you know, it's just, it's the first move is hard. So something was happening around that time that gave you enough motivation to do it. So I think he was just trying to ask that kind of question, honestly. Totally. And one more question before we move on. Do you ever feel like someone came to you for help with an issue and then they seem to have solved the issue? And then are you kind of like, do you keep seeing them as long as they want to see? Or have you ever been to like to someone okay? Like we did it. Yeah. It's over. I'll sometimes say like here was your goal when you first came in. it seems like, you know, you have a handle on that or like you kind of feel better about that. Like, what goals would you like to set moving forward?

And sometimes that conversation turns into like, okay, I'm pretty much good. Like I think I, you know, and then it's kind of like, all right, well, maybe we're done. But more often than not, there's a new set of goals of whatever that person, like once you're kind of like, okay, now I've overcome this like debilitating anxiety. but maybe now I want to try to like have more of a, you know, peaceful, active, you know, like be living in my life mindset or like the fires put out, but then you're like moving up the hierarchy of like, okay, now what am I looking for next? I'm looking for more meaning in my life or I'm looking for more to be in the moment more often in my life or whatever it is.

But yeah, sometimes people say, that's my question is always like, what are our goals? Right. Because I don't, I don't want people to come in and just keep, you know, re-narrating the same story over and over again. Like I don't think, I actually think that that's detrimental when you just come in and kind of keep retelling the same story. So when that starts to happen, I do kind of say, okay, well, what are our goals? Right. So everyone can be aware. Like, we're trying to do something here.

That's helpful. I think for, for this listener and anyone who feels the same way, because I think most people, have when they're thinking about therapy. Yeah, and you can go into your therapist and say, like, I'd like to talk about, you know, what our goals are for therapy, like, especially if you feel like your therapy is getting a little stale or you keep going in and having the same conversations. Like, it doesn't have to come from the therapist. It can come from the patient, too.

Right. Like, I can't be stressed enough. Yeah, say, this is how I'm feeling in therapy. I feel like we kind of keep talking about the same things or I feel stuck. I keep kind of coming in with the same issues and, you know, nothing seems to be changing. I'd like to really kind of have a conversation about what our goals are for these sessions. I think that's great. Yeah.

I mean, at the end of the day, you're paying customer. Yes, exactly. Get what you want. Let's do a betcha system. I will read it. I will read this. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi up front, I want to say thank you for your hard work on oversharing. It's not only entertaining but causes me to frequently stop and do some self-reflection, which I find so valuable.

I also love it. On to my issue. I, 29 female, have been dating my boyfriend 35 male for one year, and nearly everything is going wonderfully. We've met and spent time with each other's families, friends, and are heavily integrated into each other's lives. Before getting into the nitty-gritty, let me say that he has many amazing qualities that I love about him. He's kind, understanding, patient, generous with his time, actions, and belongings, and overall treats me better than any previous boyfriend ever has, I truly think he could be the one. However, there's one issue that continues to bug me that I cannot seem to ignore or shake. He's slow to say thank you in scenarios where I think it's necessary. It's not big things, but the smaller interactions. For example,

if someone at a restaurant brings him something he asked for or if someone does something helpful around his house. This extends to things I do for him too. For example, he recently had surgery and couldn't drive, so I went out of my way to pick him up from work and drive him home to the other side of the city where we live. He never said thank you even though this was a whole ordeal that I had organized my evening around. Similarly, if I pick up and pay for dinner for us, he'll often not thank me, almost as if he doesn't appreciate the gesture or doesn't even notice the effort. When I sometimes nudge him to say thank you, he does say it and doesn't push back. However, he's made a comment before about people, quote, not needing to be thanked.

for doing their job. That could be helpful context for you all. I feel like it's helpful for me to add that I am a very polite person, maybe sometimes too polite. It was raised with parents who were hell-bent on teaching me good manners, and I'm grateful for that. I think saying please and thank you is extremely important as it shows people that you appreciate their efforts and they don't go unnoticed.

I definitely plan to teach my children to say it whenever something is done for them, no question. Do you have any tips on how I can stop letting this body? me or how I can approach the subject with my boyfriend, if you think I should. I want to really stress that he isn't a rude person. This just seems to be something that isn't top of mind for him, and I really am struggling to brush that off. Thanks in advance for the words of wisdom.

I like this one. Yeah, it's interesting. It's funny. We get a lot of emails that are like, my boyfriend is amazing in every way, but there's this one thing that he does, you know, all the time. that and sometimes we're kind of like this is a this seems like more more important than it is or it seems like it might be a deal breaker um like the guy from last week who was talking about young hot 20 something yes she's like I love him except that he's like a sleaze ball now but this one seems

I think more along the lines of something that I would that if I were dating someone and they had this issue, I would be like, this doesn't seem like a deal breaker. This does, this seems like something annoying that they do or something I'd prefer they did differently, but it doesn't sound like he's doing anything that's, um, really messed up. Um, and I do, you know, there is a difference, I think in some in people who say how they think people or how quote unquote polite they are or when they think, sometimes I'm, I am like that too where I'm like, am I overly doing this or is it too much? But I can also see being annoyed if I were her that he isn't saying thank you enough to people. Right. I think so I totally agree that this is a perfect example of like it's right on the borderline. Like if it really is just he

wasn't raised that way, he's not in the habit of it. Then I think, okay, he wasn't raised that way. He's not in the habit of it. I think her fear is, especially because of his comment, like you shouldn't need to thank people for doing their job. Right. The fear is that it's not. entirely accidental that he is in some way not saying thank you because he's like, well, you should take the day off and leave work early and drive me, pick me up from work and drive me that you're my girlfriend. Like you should be doing those things. So like you don't need to thank you. I think is her fear or like, well, the waitress is getting paid to bring me a glass of water. So like I shouldn't have to thank her for that. And I think thinking that that,

that's what it is, is different. Right. And a little bit more or a lot more off-putting than, you know, him just forgetful. Or like he's his, he hasn't been trained that way. I mean, there's a bit of it. The worst-case scenario is that like he's a little entitled or he doesn't, the real worst-case scenario is almost that for some people, I think, saying thank you. they feel like puts them in like a weaker, like a weak position of like you've done something for me.

And if I acknowledge it out loud by saying thank you, we're both aware that you've done something for me. And now I maybe feel like indebted or like, I owe you one. Yes. And some people would rather just like that, that feeling is so uncomfortable. the idea of like owing someone one or like that maybe he's less powerful because he's accepted he needs something from you or he's accepted something from you. The idea that that makes him so uncomfortable that he'd rather just not speak it because he doesn't want to acknowledge out loud that you've done something, that part I think is more off-putting.

Right. I think to me, I agree with that. I think that the off-pitting statement is kind of, you don't need to be thanked for doing your job. Like, that's sort of an annoying explanation for why you do what you do. The one about his maybe like, if you were raised that way, I think that seems more, that seems more fixable or more doable.

This seems to definitely seems to be correlated to like an ingrained belief about the world and how you express gratitude. And to me, it would almost like, if he doesn't thank you for picking him up from the airport, but he shows gratitude in a different way, maybe non-verbally, that would be okay. But if she's feeling underappreciated, I think that's more of the issue to address.

Right. You know, where like you could say, I feel like I do a lot in this relationship and it's never really acknowledged or it's never appreciated. I don't feel appreciated or valued by you. I think that's a stronger argument for the conversation than you don't.

say this. It's more about how what he's saying or not saying makes you feel. Yes. Yeah, I mean, so I agree with you and I do think it's worth bringing up, right? If she's thinking about marrying him, it's something that I think they can have a conversation about and maybe he can spill the beans. Is this just you weren't raised this way or not used to it? Or is it like I'm intentionally not going to say thank you because that's what girlfriends do when their boy or when their boyfriend's having surgery. They take off some time from work. They leave early. They pick them up. They drop them off. And like, I don't feel like you need to be acknowledged for that. And then it's, then you're in a deeper conversation, which is like, well, yeah, I mean, I would have appreciated

just an acknowledgement of the effort that I put into helping you. That would just make me feel appreciated. So I think she could bring this up and just pick his brain in a curious way of like, even the waitress that brings over, the waiter that brings over the water, you know, it seems like you intentionally don't say thank you. Like, what is the mindset behind that? Well, they shouldn't have to be thanked for doing their job. Well, it's kind of like, well, you are making a human interaction. There's a human interaction. It's not a robot that's bringing your water over. Right. No, I think that's an important part of it. Yeah. I think it would depend on, it depends a lot on the context and how this also shows itself in other ways.

And I agree. It's almost like a little embarrassing for her, probably, that he doesn't say thank you to all those other people, which I can see. It's like a social nicety. So even if he doesn't believe something, is he able to do it because it makes other people happy? And I think that is a bigger relationship quality than anything else.

So like, even though I don't necessarily, this isn't my instinct, I'm doing it because it's helpful for other people. Right. And she brings up the kids thing because I think that's concerning. Like, I want to raise our kids to, like, show gratitude for people that do small acts of kindness. Right. So I think it, it, I could see why she's concerned.

It's, I see on the surface, it's like, all right, it's two words. It's not a big deal, you know, but I could see why she's concerned because of his comment makes her probably fearful that this is maybe more of like a power struggle. Like, I'm hiring you to do a job and you're doing the job and then I pay you for the job. and you don't know thanks for necessary. And that attitude, I think, is more concerning in terms of, like, his character. Totally. And it's funny.

I mean, like, they're in the stage. They're dating. They're not married. They don't have kids yet. I do think the more you intertwine your lives, the more shared responsibilities you have with each other. And the more important feeling appreciated for doing your share of those responsibilities definitely is. Even having a house together, I think I've, I think most couples have had some.

form of conversations and you're a couple's therapist, so I'm sure you see this more than anyone, about someone not feeling appreciated in a relationship. That seems like a pretty common trope. I've had, I want to say fights, but discussions about, you know, ways that I can feel more appreciated for doing certain things or, or Mike would or, you know, trying to go out of your way to make someone feel like you value what they're doing. I'm sure that's a common thing that will only get to be more important as you, the relationship goes on. Totally. Great point. And I completely agree. I think it is like a major couple's issue and not feeling appreciated. So it's a great, all this premarital stuff before you get married. This is a great conversation

to have just to see how he feels about it. Is he going to dig his heels in and say, well, that's what you should do when I go for surgery? Or is he going to say, yeah, you know what? I can work on that. It just kind of wasn't raised that way. And, you know, I'm going to try to be more conscious of, you know, showing some appreciation when you do things. Right. And I think as long as it's done not in like a shamy way, because I think people do get resistant if you're like so embarrassing that you didn't say thank you to the waiter as opposed to maybe something more motivational or discussing,

you know, why you like to make sure everyone feels appreciated. Yeah. And I think she could, like he said it. So I think she could bring up his comment. You know, I was thinking about. that comment that you made the other day about like people, you know, shouldn't need a thank you for for doing their job. Like, what did you, what exactly do you mean by that? Just open up the conversation. And now you can have a back and forth about it. Right. Because then I think you find

out if it's a difference in just like habits or if it's a difference in values. Yes. And that's probably more important. I mean, I do this all the time though. I feel like even in, you have a disagreement about how much you should tip or how much you should give for a gift for, I mean, we've gotten that email too. How much should we give for a gift for this thing? And like it can feel like if someone disagrees with you or if they want to give more or less, they're sort of shaming you for not a more is more mentality. Yes. I totally, I totally agree, which is why I think just talking about it and feeling like, okay, here's how I feel about this. I think she needs to know if this is like an on purpose.

I'm making a statement by not saying thank you or it's just like you said. It's a great way to put it. Is it a habit or is it a value? So I think you should talk to them about it. Agreed. All right. Keep us posted. Yeah.

Give us a follow up. Let's do some intentions. All right. I'll read them. Hi, Trudan and Dr. Naomi. I would love an intention to help me navigate a difficult and embarrassing workplace habit. For context, I'm 33 female and I have a pretty big corporate job. manage a team and feel valued and respected by a leadership team consisting of mostly old white men.

My issue is that recently our firm has been going through a challenging few months with more stress and pressure than I felt in my two plus years at this job. And unfortunately, it turns out I'm a stress crier. When I'm stressed or frustrated or overwhelmed, I get welled up and sometimes can't help but break down and cry. It has happened twice now in front of older male leadership and I'm so embarrassed to be contributing to a stereotype of hysterical woman or present. as if I can't handle the work because I totally can. It's just my body's way of processing a feeling. Please, please, can you help me with an intention to counteract this emotional reaction

or at least delay it until I'm alone? Thank you so much. Sincerely, waterworks at work. This is a great question. I think a lot of people have this issue. And I don't know exactly what it is. I does happen more to women than men. know if it's biological or cultural or what, I'm assuming it's probably mostly cultural.

You know, like boys don't cry kind of thing. But there is, and it doesn't have to be like I'm sad. It could just be overwhelmed. Like, I've had that feeling where it's like, this annoying thing happens, this annoying thing happens. Then I walk in the door and I spill a bottle of water on the floor and like it just, I just feel like I want to cry. Right. Overwhelmed. I'm not sad. I'm not defeated. I'm just, and some other people might have this thing happen. The other thing happened.

And they walk in the door and they spill up water on the floor and they scream and they smack something or they throw something or, you know, or they just get like cold and everyone has their thing. But crying is just overt and obvious. Yeah. I feel multiple ways about crying at work. And like on the one hand, it does feel like, okay, this is a normal human emotion that you're processing something. But also on the other hand, like, if I saw someone crying when I was talking to them about deliverables, I might think they had like some issues. So I do think it's sort of a multi-pronged approach, especially if I saw them crying twice, I would be a little concern for them. And maybe that's maybe that's on me. Maybe that's a weird way to think about someone who's expressing emotions at work. But I can't say that that I don't get that. Yes, yes. I do think we as a culture have not yet evolved to realize that like, you know, tears welling up in someone's eyes doesn't mean they're unhinged. You know, like they're not hurting anyone. You're not, I could, it's almost like it's more acceptable to raise your voice and scream at someone and be rude.

Right. cry, which is annoying. It's kind of crazy to think, you know, I was thinking about the debate and seeing these two men up in front of the entire world, you know, arguing, raising their voices, fighting over, you know, their handicap and a golf game. And that is like considered more of a power move and more of a someone that you can trust. And if there was someone out there and they're talking about abortion or they're talking about immigration and they well up if they started to get a tear, one of them had like a little tear drop down their cheek, it would be like, oh my gosh, get this guy out of here. He's unstable.

Yeah, you would seem so weak. I think that's the thing. It would feel like a weakness. It wouldn't feel like a power move. And again, like all these work, the work culture is a masculine culture because men were mostly the ones who were doing it for hundreds of years. And we really only recently got in there. But I think many companies would benefit from more female-based stuff.

Or in the debate, like imagine if one of them had started crying and just said, like, you really, because they say such mean things to each other. Imagine if he was just like, that was so mean. You really just hurt my feelings. Yes. That's what we teach our children to do. Like, and these are the people that they're looking up to. And it's funny because as a psychologist doing all this thinking about human behavior, for me,

the immediate thing that I see when they're up there arguing about their handicap is weakness. Like I see that. I see that. Insecurity. Insecurity. Scared little boys that they have to like, you know, bring their egos. Yeah. Yes.

And I think a lot of people as they become more educated are starting to see, you know, when someone starts screaming or insulting someone that that is weakness, that they feel threatened. They're like a cornered animal. Right. And instead a cornered animal has two choices. They could cry and whimper or they could like lash out and just. show their teeth. And both of them are indicators that you feel threatened and scared. But yeah,

you're right. The corporate culture is still, you know, coming off the heels of, and still is, you know, more of a masculine culture where crying is not acceptable. I really do wish it was different. I think the corporations would be run differently. I think the world would be run differently if everyone could show a little bit more softer emotion. But. Right. Right. But she doesn't live in that world. We don't live in that world where that is socially acceptable. And so I think we should help her with some advice for the world that we do live in again, even though both of us are saying we wish that, you know, corporate culture was more,

had more of these feminine qualities or allowed a softer feeling. But that's not the world we live in. So what advice would you give to her for this situation that she's in now? Yeah. So I'm thinking what might be helpful for her is to kind of have an intention that goes through her options in that moment, right? So, as we talked about, like, you know, can I breathe? Can I leave? Can I connect? So the first option is like, can I just take some deep breaths and see if I can kind of catch this emotional, you know, flood that's coming before it comes out? And can I just like calm my nervous

system with a few deep breaths so that it doesn't happen? And if you feel like, okay, this is happening and there's no holding it back, like, can I leave? So can I find a moment to say, hey, I'm just going to run to the bathroom for a quick second and I'll be back and then go, do what you got to do, have your cry. I think you have to at that point let it out because to come back and try to keep sucking it up. It seems like that's not working. And then the last option is like if it's out, it's out. Right. Like once it's out, then I think you have the only option that she has left is just to have a moment of connection there and do the thing where she says, you know, I'm okay. I'm just getting emotional because I really care about this

and I'm really passionate about making this work and or whatever this is. I'm really passionate about doing a great job or, you know, finding that way to connect. So the intention I wrote is, can I breathe? Can I leave? Can I connect? Because I think depending on which stage the tears are at, she's going to have to kind of be with where she's at. I think that's a great way to do it because, again, this is the world we live in now and crying, not quite socially acceptable just yet, hope to live in a world one day where there's an outlet for that at work. But I think this is the best way to get through this in the meantime.

Yeah. And I think there maybe would be ways where you could cry at work if it's not in a context of a meeting with several people, like if you're having a meeting with one. person maybe and you know, you feel like there's somebody that you have a good relationship with or you feel connected to, that might be a place where you can sort of dip your toe in the water of not necessarily having to hold back all the time. But if this is a big meeting with a bunch of people that are higher ups and it's not the context, then this is a good strategy to sort of work through it. And I've seen people cry. And I think, yeah, I think there's a compassion that's

that's shown there. I prefer, I do prefer it to someone who's being rude or being. whatever. It doesn't mean it doesn't feel more intense than that, but I think it is preferable. If she's doing this all the time, that might be a sign of something else that's really bothering her. And like, I do think it's okay once in a while, but if someone is crying all the time, it might be a little bit of a dysregulation, right? Totally. So I do think the next piece, and aside from getting through this moment, is really digging in and figuring out what is going on that's like filling her emotional tank to the limit where some small stressor or small critique or, you know, a moment of frustration is

putting her over the edge. And I think we can all relate to that. But I think it would make sense maybe she can do some journaling to just kind of see what comes up when she is in that place where she feels like crying, that maybe she needs to pay more attention to something in a relationship in her life or something about how she feels about her career or her identity or some bigger. picture issues. So yeah, I agree. If you're on the verge of tears often, it's usually that there's a lot going on underneath. That's just like causing you to be kind of like your tank is full. So when work becomes overwhelming, it's like now you just can't even hold it back. So I'm sure if this is happening two, three times, it might be worth figuring out like what is the buildup underneath

this work stuff that maybe I didn't even know was there until the work stuff started to be a little bit more intense and now I realize like, okay, I have to kind of clean house a little bit. Right. In the same way where if you were getting really angry at work all the time, you might have the same thing. Totally. That would also not be okay. Yep. We find the therapist from the first email. Yes, exactly. Now that you got some real issues. Totally. Let's do some triggers. All right. Ready? You want to read our first one? Yes. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. Love you guys. Here's my triggered. I signed on to Instagram today and one of my best friends who was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I was in hers posted a video on her story where she's clearly pregnant. I would guess well over halfway along, but she hasn't told me yet.

I was honestly really upset in her to see this. It wasn't an official announcement, but she's walking across the camera petting her dog with multiple angles, so it's very obvious. It feels like me and her 400 followers are all finding out at the same time. She has lived across the country for the past five or six years, so we don't see each other very often, but we're all active in a group chat with four of our other closest friends. She has had a miscarriage before us, so I would understand if she wanted to be extra private, but what bothers me is that this video is not what I would call discreet. I've been rooting for this and praying for her. I also have a toddler and would have loved to be there with her and for her, but now I just feel icky and sad. How triggered can I be

thanks friend or just follower? I think this is a little triggering. I think that it's sort of like your big life events, if you're finding out about them on social media with everyone else, it does feel like a statement on the friendship and how close you are that you wouldn't tell someone about a huge milestone. This happened to me once or twice where I saw someone get engaged on Instagram that I thought I was close with.

And I was kind of like, I feel like that's a thing I should have found out, you should have told me before, especially if we speak. I guess for her, the only other side of it would be if they don't ever speak one-on-one, then maybe they don't have that close of a relationship. Well, it does sound like most of their connection is in this group chat. I don't know who else is in the group chat. And she did have a miscarriage. So I can understand maybe on the first time if she told a bunch of people and then had to go through a process of like,

untelling people, untelling. Which is, I'm sure, I know you've been through that. I'm sure that's like the worst thing, right? It's like, it's like something you have to now do on top of grieving and like your own emotions is now you have to inform people just for like their own information. When maybe it's not someone that you would go to with that type of problem or you don't

want to really like open up necessarily to that many people. And that I totally get. I can understand her not telling her until she felt safe in the pregnancy. It's just, to me, it's more weird that she's telling everyone on Instagram and not her. I could understand her the wait. Like, I don't think it's wrong that she waited until she was ready to tell people. But it seems like she's ready to tell people. She just didn't tell her one-on-one.

She didn't really tell people, right? She's kind of like letting them have their own guess. Right. which is different, I think, than if she was like, hey, expecting like, you know, 2025, baby, whatever. I think that would be different than her. Like, it sounds like she's kind of struggling the friend with like, she's not really making an announcement, but she's not like continuing to hide it.

So I almost feel badly for the friend. Like I feel like she's not sure how to handle this. So she's just like, I'm going to put out this video where I'm clearly pregnant, but I'm not actually telling someone so I don't have to untell them. You know, like... Right. No, I get that. But also, like, you're kind of are telling everyone.

Yeah. I think it's sort of a weird, slightly annoying way to do it. But I, you know, people deal with things in their own way. If I were her, I would text the friend and be like, oh, my God, I just saw your story. Like, again, this is assuming that she's very clearly pregnant. I was going to say that's like sticky too, you know. She's saying it's like very, very clear. and it's multiple angles and it's like obvious.

I mean, assuming it's as obvious as she's saying it is, I would say something, right? We've talked about the whole, like, you just never ask someone if they're pregnant. Like, I don't know. I guess if it's like, she's like eight months pregnant, maybe you could say something. But like, I would text another friend in the group chat and be like,

did you see, like, did you know she was pregnant? Right. That would be my move. I wouldn't go straight to her. because what if right if she wasn't that would be like the most awful thing she could possibly have ever done in her right because she like this woman clearly wants to be pregnant she had a mascara she said she's rooting for her and maybe she just like is depressed and gain some weight and now her friends like you know I wouldn't do that I would ask I agree ask another friend if they confirm okay ask another friend

yes if it's confirmed then I think you can text her and say oh my god congratulations I saw the story like I had no idea and then let her kind of tell you something to confirm that. And then you can say like just you know like I'm so happy for you. I would have loved like if you had told me earlier like I did feel a little bit like I would have loved to have been there for you or or just have known, you know, in a way that was before social media. I don't think that's that offensive. I think it's not like angry. I think she could express that like, you know, the social, like finding out on, she was surprised to find out on social media. I think she can express that.

It would make me think that I wasn't as close with someone as I thought I was. Like if you, if I saw that, found out that you were pregnant on social media, I would be crazy. I would say that seems very weird. Like I thought that's something you would have mentioned to me, right, one on one. Or even in this group chat. Totally. Yeah. I, I do, I do agree.

And I think sometimes these. types of things are the way that you find out that if someone's pregnant and they're going to tell they're going to call and make one-on-one phone calls with 10 to 15 people and you're not one of them, then like maybe that this friendship is just turning into more of a group thing, which is sad, but that might be what's happening. And to be the friend's advocate again, I keep going back and forth and how upsetting this is. but if I had never spoken to someone one-on-one, like I only speak to them in a group chat,

I might not tell them, I think, because it might just not be that close of a friendship. If I'm not texting you ever one-on-one, she says they really only communicate through this group chat, then you might not feel like you need to tell them. That would almost seem weird, like I'm only texting you one-on-one to tell you about this news. It's not like we have a pre-existing relationship.

Right, go back to your text and see. If it's a happy birthday, Right. It's the last text. Now you have your answer. Yes, totally. And you might not realize it. I think these types of friendships can like fade into the background without us realizing it after a certain period of time.

So I get it. It's hard. And it might be a wake up call that you need to foster the one-on-one friendship a little bit more if that's what's happening. But all said, if they are good friends or one of her best friends, as she says, and she finds out on social media that her friend is pregnant, I would give this like a six. Right. And it's also like she's visibly pregnant, again, assuming she's pregnant. If she's visibly pregnant enough, that means she's probably fairly far along at three months. I don't think you're like so, I don't think anyone would think it was so obvious someone posting a three month pregnancy.

I would imagine she's got to be at least five or six. Yes. So it is seemingly a long time. But I agree. It's a six if she, if they actually are close friends. if there are people who speak in a big group chat and never one-on-one, I'd give it more of the three. Yeah, I would totally agree with that. All right, let's do one more. One more. Let's do it. I will read it.

Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi, longtime fan of all things, Betches and have been listening to oversharing from the start. Appreciate what you both do. I have a triggered scenario that I want your take on. Today, my fiance got a call from his mom freaking out that she went to dinner with a friend, his dad's previous executive assistant. Interesting with their friends. who brought up that she got our save-the-date. His mom was freaking out because she didn't know that they had been invited

and felt like it was a lot to ask since our wedding is across the country. She then proceeded to send me the following text. Hi, Blank. Had dinner with my friend Blank last night. She said she received the save-the-date. I thought Blank gave Blank only about six couples. So she'd think, I thought your fiancé, the fiancé gave, like the husband only about six couples.

Please let me know who you added because Blank said she got an invite, the person she had dinner with. I did not want extras. Please send me a list. Who else got it? Thanks, spelled THX. That's particularly passive aggressive. Not classy adding folks who I knew would not go.

Looks grabby, gift asking. Thanks. Again, spelled the same way, THX. Sorry about the drama. And I had not one bit of this. with blank. And then blank, she's saying, is the fiance's sister. So it's her daughter. So I don't know what blank is doing. And that's the son. So to summarize the text, she's basically saying like, it's rude and grabby to invite people who are not that close with to a wedding across the country.

I didn't have any issues with this with my daughter. I don't know what you guys are doing. So she says, the one that really set me off was the middle one where she says, not classy and looks grabby. The last text is referring to a sister's wedding. His mom is constantly comparing us to her. ultimately I looked back in my emails and it was his dad who added them to the list. I just did what I was told. Neither of them reached out to apologize. Let me know what you think. She usually gives my fiancee this attitude, but this is the first time it's made its way to me.

XO. Grabby, bitch. This is so rude. Oh, I'm sorry. This is like really annoying and no apology, no follow up. I guess I'm assuming maybe she didn't respond. I don't know how if she answered or what happened here. It's also like not even like she did something so rude.

Like she didn't give an invite who was to someone who was supposed to get an invite. And even that, if that was a mistake wouldn't it be a big deal. It's like you invited someone. That's a nice thing. Most people don't get an invite and they're like, oh, disgusting, grabby person. It's like someone that she has, the mom clearly sees enough to get lunch with. Like, it was not deranged that she would be invited to the son's wedding. Yes.

She's meeting up with her. There's so many people that get invited to weddings that you never have a one-on-one. interaction with, you know, like work colleagues or people that you're not going out to dinner with. So yeah, I totally. And the father told her to invite this person. I guess she could just respond with that and that'll be that. But she probably still feels hurt that she was spoken to like this. I don't think this way of talking to is acceptable.

What do you think she should do? Barry it. I think she could say just that. No, I think she could tell her. Because I do think if they're embarking on like a mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship, I think she needs to set some boundaries in like how she's willing to be spoken to. What would you say? I mean, I think she could say, so-and-so father, he was on, you know, this woman was on father's list.

And so I simply sent an invite. And the way that you spoke in the above text is really hurtful and rude. And I appreciate it if going forward, if you have issues, maybe it's better for us to talk on the phone or maybe better for you to just like take a minute and and kind of process before you shoot out a text to me. But I, you know, this text above was really hurtful, especially considering that I didn't make the list. I think she could tell her that that text was like rude and hurtful because I think if she just pretends it doesn't happen, it didn't happen. I think it's going to continue happening because they have a whole.

They're just to save the dates, right? They have like a whole process to go. That's true. Better to nip it in the bud earlier. Would you suggest she do it or have the fiancé talk to her? Yeah, even though I think that could be a good thing. I think that's a good option too. I think the fiance could say, hey, I saw the text that you sent that was really

uncalled for and aggressive. Aggressive. I think it's a good way of putting it. I would. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a very important part of it because that's going to be also showing you like how he.

deals with you being spoken to like that. Because if someone sent that, if my, if my mom sent that to Mike, I would be very angry on his behalf. I think that's sort of an important. I always say like, it's not about having crazy parents. You can't control your family or, you know, who you're related to. It's really about how you talk about it and how you handle it. Right. And if you're self-aware, like the way that my family member is acting is unacceptable and I will not allow you to be treated this way. So I think they do need to make a thing about it because I think if they just let her act like that and don't call her out for it, it's going to continue and potentially even get worse. Invite all her friends now.

Yes. Invite her hairdresser. Seriously, that's my way to do it. Yes. Oh my gosh. That would be good poetic justice. But no, I would just tell her, but I feel for you. I hope that expressing yourself nips this in the bud because I could see this turning

into. It's just not a tone that you take with someone that you have, like, respect for. Agreed. I'd give it to seven or an eight. Yeah. Good luck. We did it again. All right. That's our time. Great work today. Oversharing is produced and edited by Rebecca Steinberg. Guest booking by Ali Friedlander. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and everything's fine. And send your advice emails to oversharing at betches.com or leave us a voicemail at 646363-6294. Betches.