Oversharing - Baby Steps: Advocating For Your Body ft. Lauren Speed Hamilton || Season 3 Ep. 7

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

On this episode of Baby Steps, hosts Jordana Abraham and Dr. Naomi Bernstein sit down with Love Is Blind participant, Lauren Speed-Hamilton to share the raw, unfiltered truth about her multi-year fertility journey. Lauren opens up about trying to conceive, facing unexplained infertility, going through multiple failed IUIs and IVF transfers, enduring a heartbreaking miscarriage, and discovering fibroids that required major surgery. She reveals how grief over the sudden loss of her father intertwined with the hope of creating new life, therapy, faith, and support from her husband and Love is Blind co-star Cameron Hamilton helped her keep going. Lauren also discusses the mental toll of IVF, the pressure of being in the public eye while struggling with infertility, and the importance of finding the right doctor and advocating for your own care. Now six months pregnant, she reflects on resilience, hope, and what she wants others facing fertility challenges to know: you are not alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Baby Steps. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. And we are so happy to have our guest, Lauren Speed Hamilton, on today's episode to give us her whole fertility journey story and just,

get the full background on your non-easy, non-linear path to pregnancy, because I think the more stories we share like that, the more normalized it becomes. So why don't we start, just to give you, why don't you give me a sense of like, okay, so you got married on TV, on national television, the first season of Love is Blind. You guys were like the fan favorite,

the fan favorite, I would say, of the whole country, like rooting for you, like absolutely no. controversies. It was like the best thing to watch. So you get married. And then when did the idea of having kids even like come into the conversation? Yeah, well, first off, thank you for having me, ladies. Super excited to be here. Any chance I can get to talk about my fertility journey. I'm all here for it because people need to talk about it more. So when we first got married from the show, we decided that because of the way that we got married, it was fast. It was on television. We wanted to take some time to get to know each other.

So we said, you know, we'll start trying for kids maybe in about a year or two. So a year or two into our marriage, we started trying naturally. We did that for a while over a year. And it was just like, okay, this isn't, like, is happening as easily as we thought that it would happen. So from that point, my mom's like, well, maybe we should just go, like, see a doctor, you know, just make sure everything's good down there. And I'm like, okay, sure. So I go.

And so she ends up doing like a scan course of my uterus. She found fibroids. But at the time, they're like, okay, well, you know, these are in small. So I think that you can continue with your fertility journey. So the doctor's basically like everything looks fine, can't see any issues. It just, you have these fibroids, but that shouldn't actually be your issue. So just keep doing what you're doing. Exactly.

So, and at the time, this was my old. be I hadn't transferred over to a fertility clinic yet. So, you know, we continue trying for another six months. And I'm like, okay, like we're losing valuable time. At the time I was in my like 30s, mid-30s. The time started to kind of creep up a little bit. So I started to get anxious because, you know, like they say, whenever you go to the doctor, then you become a geriatric pregnancy,

which is not my favorite. Exactly. Not my favorite description for women. At 35, which seems like, it seems crazy, but. It's crazy. I feel like life's just starting, you know. You're just now having time to do it, really. So once again, it wasn't working still.

And so my OBG was like, you know, I know a great fertility specialist that I think you should go see. Just, you know, maybe try IUI, try something that gives you a little bit more assistance. And sorry to interrupt. Did they run any, any like tests or anything on at that point? No. That was the thing. The only thing that I did was like blood panels, you know, making sure that my hormones were okay.

And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking like, okay, I know everyone says I'm healthy. Why am I having such trouble conceiving? My hormones are good. Yes, I have these fibroids, but they're telling me that they're fine. So we do the IUI. We end up doing one, two, three, four, you eyes. I'm like something's wrong. Like, why is this not working? Um, at the time, the doctor that I was, was like, okay, well, now we can take it a step up because you've done this

for this long. And I just, in my mind, I'm like, time is going by. Like, it's something wrong with me because the mental part of going through fertility treatments is just as tough as the physical to me, if not tougher. Yeah. Just one quick question there. As you got to that point, were you spending a lot of time mentally on like ovulation detectors and timing and going through all the mental of like we got to do it now or was it just like trying yeah you were already doing all that as soon as we switched over to the fertility clinic they kind of told us all about the ovulation strips and the testing and all the things my husband even got his sperm tested you know just to make sure that we were covering all the boxes doing everything right

and the ovulation tracking is hard to me because it's like and maybe I'm telling too much of our business my husband Mike and Matt it got to the point where it was like okay it's the ovulation window and that would be come like the only time or we would be like okay it's time to have sex now but then I during this time I started going to therapy and my therapist is like no you guys need to continue growing your relationship because the fertility became like the sole focus of everything. Right. It just started taking over. Yeah. That's why I ask because I know sometimes like the relationship and the background of this and your sex life and being able to, you know, not have it be all consuming is really tough. Right. And I think whenever there's like a timing pressure on sex, it really just takes like a lot. It makes it very like transactional, not like like mechanical almost feeling because you're like, we're doing this like,

for not, not for each other for like something totally beyond us. And it just definitely takes all of the, it's not like it doesn't feel as fun. Yeah, at all. So totally feel that. So like they basically, they didn't give you a reason. They were just like unexplained. Like give you. Yeah.

Unexplained. And in my mind, I'm like, well, what could it be? The only thing I can think of is these fibroids. I brought it up again to my doctor at the time. She's like, well, you know, you're okay. It doesn't look like I kept getting that answer. So it almost started to become like a tug and pool with my relationship with my then fertility specialist. I ended up changing eventually.

But from that point, then, you know, we moved on. She's like, okay, I think it's time to do the egg retrieval and try to actually, you know, create embryos and try to do implantation that way. So moving on to that step, me and my husband, that was another thing in our relationship, that we kind of struggled with. I was open to doing, well, first off, doing fertility treatments in general. I was kind of opposed to at the beginning because I'm like, well, we're not getting pregnant naturally.

Maybe it's not meant to happen. Like, are we forcing ourselves to have a baby? Like, you know. Okay. And I had to do some soul searching, prayed about it. And I was like, my husband is well. He helps me, even though he's very science-minded. He's literally a scientist.

He's like, well, you know, if, God made medical treatment. So this can also help us get pregnant. So, you know, don't feel like we're like using science to create some mystical baby or something like that. I don't know. That was, it was scary to me doing fertility treatment. I'm wondering if you're, it sounds like maybe there was a moment there where spirituality was coming into it, maybe presenting itself differently for both of you.

And you were kind of like maybe we should let God. you know, take the wheel here. And he was kind of like, well, God created doctors in IVF. Exactly. That was my first thought. Like, you know, if God wanted to get pregnant, it would just happen. Like, we're forcing it. What if, because we're forcing it, something bad happens, all the bad thoughts.

You know, but now looking back, it's like not silly because I know a lot of people go through that. But I mean, my husband was right. God created medical doctors and treatment so that we can live our best life. And, you know, I think that that just clicked. And I was like, okay, let's do it. So then we moved on to the next step of the egg retrievals. We did our first implantation. It failed.

That was tough because at this point, like I mentioned, we did all these IUIs. We did the implantation. What is going on, you know? Right. You do one egg retrieval? Yeah, right. Okay. So you made a viable embryo to do this.

to do this transfer, it doesn't work. Is it that and then confirming whatever your deep fears are about like, again, this is like not meant to be or this is never going to happen for me? Yeah. You know where I feel like I wish that we did something different. Me and my husband both say this. When we did the first egg retrieval, we had three embryos that came back healthy. At the time, you know, we asked this doctor who ended up leaving about testing.

And she said, oh, I don't think you need to test, which looking back, I really wish that we had tested the embryos because it just could have those heartbreak. At the time, I didn't realize that just because you have these embryos, it still could be not as healthy. And it could not implant for that reason if you don't get them tested. So I wish that we had did that. So we didn't do that step. So we still kind of kept these three embryos. and we're just going to keep trying. Right.

Okay. So the first one doesn't work, the first transfer, right? First one doesn't work. Of course, I was heartbroken. Mentally, I was just in a bad place after that. It was really difficult for me. And so my doctor's like, well, do you want to just turn around and do it again? Like, you know, right?

The next cycle, like, just continue. So I'm like, okay. You know, let's do it. let's just let's keep it going even though mentally but you know i've heard i think there can be that that kind of like not like almost like internal pressure like to kind of just like knuckle through it like and i'll like i'll take care of my mental health like after like or like i maybe i won't need to maybe it'll just happen and then i won't even i'll can just like bulldoze my way through this i've definitely felt that before yeah yeah and i i wonder too in that moment it's like because of that

bulldoze mentality, you don't take time to grieve that loss and that process, whether it's you have a miscarriage or just you've gone through this whole process long of just deciding that you want to do it, A, then actually doing poked and prodded, all the things. And you're probably like, okay, we're going to do the IVF and we're going to have our baby. And then when it doesn't work, there's a grief process that probably you said you were devastated but then even we in this moment go quickly to okay you know then what then what and you probably do that right in that moment but i wonder if you did have time at all to process or i know you said you were in therapy at the time i was in therapy and cam my husband cameron he's such a wonderful partner i leaned on him a lot um during this time in my life i would

isolating a lot, which isn't always the best thing. That's kind of one of my coping mechanisms that I work on in therapy. So I just really had to push myself to open up like, this is my partner. I have to talk to someone and talk to him. And he was so excellent throughout that process and just supporting me and keeping me from becoming hopeless because I feel like in IVF, it could be easy to fall down that hole where you start to lose hope. Like, it's not going to happen. Right. Nothing's working. I've done at this point. And then when you've done the medical interventions and they still don't work and sort of,

I think that I think that IVF is sort of a little bit like glamorized. I don't say glamorized, but a little bit glossed over like the actual effectiveness of it because you see all these people who tell you their success stories and like you don't hear that much about the rounds that fail or the people who don't get any embryos. And so I think it can feel like, okay, I've done this and now I'm like done. And there's just so many other things that have to go right. Absolutely. So from that point, we decide to go into the second implantation. You know, we already have this embryo. Let's try to do it. Once again, these are not tested. This time, which I feel like it's all bad when it doesn't work out, but I feel like this was harder because it was a miscarriage. I'm sorry. Thank you. And it actually like happened right around our anniversary. So we're like happy. And then like we go to take the test. And the hardest thing about that was that.

it was positive at first. We did test early, which I didn't do that again. It was positive at first. And then I tested the morning of the blood test and it was negative. Oh, my God. I feel like, I was so confused. Yeah, it was a chemical pregnancy. But I was so confused because, and at this point, I felt kind of guilty because I was

honestly secretly testing myself without telling Kim, he kind of caught me. And then so when he caught me, it was a, it was a positive test. So he saw it and he got excited. So I feel like that's the part that I kept mentally playing in my head. Like I felt bad for him. Yeah. I felt bad for me, but I was just like, oh, God, he was so excited, like to look on his face. And then for it to be, you know, a chemical pregnancy, that was, that was hard.

After that one, I took a break. Yeah. It kind of feels like you're being tortured when you have. I've had a few chemicals and they always feel like they're like, you see a positive test and you're like for you know you have that whether it's a day or a week or however long you're like maybe it's all this like you would envision it all coming together and then it's so short lived and it's just really just like mess it's like really messes with you i remember praying before my my pregnancy test that if there was if it was not going to work could it just

be like a full negative so that i wouldn't be like because it feels like you're being Messed with. Yeah. Absolutely. For sure. Absolutely. And was that the beginning of when you started to see your husband, like, taking an emotional toll on him?

Is that part of why that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, Cam has always, he's like the strong one. You know, we all have that person in our family who feel like they have to be the strong one. And, but God, just a disappointment in his face. that morning when I took the test and I was like it's negative and my confusion and his confusion

and us going to Google and being like chemical pregnancy and then still having to go take the blood test that day knowing what the fertility clinic was going to say when they called us back it was one of the hardest days of our life and I wouldn't wish that on anybody it it was bad but um so after that we took a break I definitely needed a break no no more back to back after that. And I was just like, something has to be going on. So that's when I decided to get a MRI. I think that's the correct thing for my fibroids to see. It has to be the fibroids because, you know, they're saying it's not my age. Everything else is okay. This is the only thing that it could possibly be in my mind. I'm not a doctor. So I get an MRI. It comes back that I have one

fibroid the size of like a large grapefruit that was attached to my uterus and like six others. Yeah. Was it painful? It just felt heavy. It felt heavy. My menstrual, I would get cramps and kind of heavy bleeding. But I mean, at the time, we were doing so many fertility meds. Right.

You don't know what's from what. I didn't know what was normal. What wasn't? So finding that out and just kind of being frustrated with my fertility doctor at this point, like I told you the fibres, the fibres. And now I have like. Right. And you've been now, you've already been through all of these.

you know, this whole process of the four IUs and the two, the two failed transfers and like, just to find out now, I can see how that be incredibly frustrating. Oh, my end time. Like time was, it's been like a year at this point that we've gone through all of this the year before, going to the OBG. So we're like two, two years, two and a half years in now. Right.

It's just like the frustration. So, of course, I took a break after that. like I definitely needed a break. Maybe it was like five months. I decided to switch doctors. I go find a new OB and she's immediately like, we have to take fibers out. I mean, I don't even see why this wasn't tested. There's like a huge fiber.

It attached your uterus and taking your blood and all this and that. So in my mind, I kind of knew that that would help, but also was frustrating because I knew if I had surgery since it was so large, I had to have all. open my amexamine, which is where you have to have a C-section to remove the fibroids. So I knew that that would also prolong the fertility portion of everything, even more. So I ended up doing the surgery. Then I think my doctor's like, well, you know, in about, what did she say? That was in August.

She was saying by December, I was okay to start back with like, sorry, November doing egg retrieval, no, October. sorry, doing another egg retrieval because I just had the one less. And I was like, well, I want to be sure that, you know, if that one doesn't work, I'm not doing this again. So, you know, we decided to do another egg retrieval where we ended up getting one more egg. And then we had one left over from the previous cycle. So we tested that one and they all came back healthy. That's great.

Yeah. Yeah, thank God. So after that, I did the surgery. I had to heal. It was very hard. I've never had surgery in my life. But I felt so much better, so much better. And then just the medicines, when we started,

my body was reacting so much quicker than previously after taking the fibroid out. So I think that that was definitely, you know. It's kind of crazy. I think it's so hard. And I've had this too where it's kind of feels like, I feel like from when you're young, you're taught like respect doctors. They have like so much knowledge.

They know better than you. They've been through so much. training, which I think it's true. I don't think most of the time. But it does, I think, sometimes be like, well, I'm not going to like push back on this because like, why would I, why would I know better than the doctor? The doctor does this every day all the time. So I, yeah, I totally feel you in like that frustration and just kind of feeling like that one of the hardest part is like you're putting your trust into someone. We're like, you know, it's not always, they don't always know the best way. Yeah. I feel like a doctor has to

be a good fit for you, just like a therapist or anything else like that. Like you have to find the one that's good for you that you feel comfortable with. And you know, with that doctor, I kind of felt like a number. It wasn't real. I would talk to the nurses more than her. It just wasn't. It wasn't working. So when the new doctor, just so for the listeners at home, like, what do you recommend

and look if you, I guess a twofold question of like, what do you feel like people should, like how do you feel like someone will, should know or feel? like they know if they're with the wrong person. And then like what were you looking for after having that experience in the new doctor, like having had that experience that you, that kind of, you were like looking out for and that listeners, if they're going through infertility, like they should look out for in a, in a doctor. Absolutely. I felt like with the old doctor. I just felt like I kept bringing things up and I don't feel like she took it as seriously as I kind of wanted her to. I'm like mentioning the fibroids. I did that more than once. And she was like, oh, that's okay.

So I was like, ah, I keep saying it. Also, just for me, it just wasn't enough communication. And some people are okay with that. I want to talk to my doctor all the time. I want us to have like a back and forth. So I feel comfortable with you. You feel comfortable with me. I just like to be involved with my body.

We're doing something very intimate and very important trying to conceive a child. Like I just don't want to talk to the nurse and then only see you when we're doing implantation. Right. And it can feel so impersonal. And I feel like, and it's tough because I think when you first go to a fertility doctor, you're kind of like, well, it doesn't, I don't need to like vet them that much because I'm just going to do this. It's going to work. And then I'm going to be done. So I'm going to be here like a couple. I'm going to be here like a couple months. I'll see them like four times and that'll be it. But then when you're,

it's weird when you're like, then you're doing something for like two, three, four years. You're like, you think about how much time you've spent with this person putting your trust into this, this office and all of the staff there. So it is such a, I think, such a bigger, such a bigger decision, I think, for fertility specifically, too, for which doctor would be. I also felt like my previous doctor didn't, sorry, I have pregnancy brain.

But she didn't have enough. God, I just had the word. She didn't, she wasn't quick enough to make decisions. She was kind of like, I don't know. I don't know. So when I went to my new doctor, decisiveness, that's the word I was looking for. My new doctor was like, this is what we need to do. This is the course of action we're going to do.

We're going to try this. If that doesn't work, we're going to do B. You know, she just had a plan, my new doctor. And that was my OB. She actually introduced me to a new fertility doctor once I got there. But after she performed my fibroid surgery. And the relationship was just great. I felt better.

The communication was better. She answered all my questions. without the I don't know, let me see. And it just felt comfortable. I felt like this is, this is the right, the right decision, the right pick. Any lingering anger or resentment? Oh, yeah. Yes, very much so.

You know what? It's funny. I said that at some point I was going to go and write like a, what do you call it, a rating? Like a review or something? Yeah, let her have it. Just because it was very frustrating to me just because I feel like I wasted time. Then again, at the same time, I understand that all things happen for a reason.

That's how I calm myself for being totally pissed off and timing is perfect for what it is. But it was just so frustrating. And I wish I would have left her earlier. So you have now two embryos. Yep, two embryos. So I'm cleared for my surgery. We're good to do another implantation. it originally was supposed to be December of last year,

but for something happened, my numbers weren't where they were supposed to be, so it ends up getting delayed to January of this year, which I'm happy about, because December of last year, I ended up losing my father unexpectedly. I'm so sorry. Thank you.

Yeah, so, and I just, it was right around the time I was supposed to have the implantation. So I'm glad that it didn't happen, because my body just, it wouldn't have, it wouldn't have been the best time. So moving on, maybe like four weeks after my dad passed, it was time to do my implantation. I'm still grieving. I mean, crying every day. Like, you know, this has been a journey, a journey. Oh, I cannot even imagine. I cannot even imagine going through all this losing your dad. And I, I know, from watching just a little bit that we got to see your dad,

like what your relationship was like with him. Super close. Yeah. I talk to him every day. He was a part of my everyday life. I would literally talk to him once a week. He was so excited to be a grandfather. Don't get me crying.

You know, he was so excited. Yeah. So that was one of the hardest parts because I felt like, ah, he missed it. But he didn't because he's still watching. But it was tough. it was tough yeah to deal with exactly so I started back with therapy clearly um and because I had to find a way to juggle grieving and now I'm about to do implantation so as bad as I want

to cry every day and ball up in a corner I can't because my body will not receive this new life like I have to find a way to juggle both of these which is very difficult. difficult. So, and this is just a little tidbit about grief that I'll just share. So instead of crying every day about something that I lost, and this is what my therapist helped me with, she said, you know, switch it. Think about how grateful you are to have had the time that you did have with your dad. And that helped me so much, so much. So those thoughts would become more gratefulness instead of like, oh, he's gone, he's missing this, he's doing that. It was a way to honor him. But it also for me kind of put a little bit more pressure on this implantation because I was

like, if this doesn't go through, I'm going to be crushed. Right. You know, like this is. Yeah. How am I going to handle that? I think that's a big part of all of this that I've had to where it's almost like you have this fear for like your future self just knowing how devastated you'll be. It almost like makes it like you're pre you're like a like a caretaking or concern for like the future you if it doesn't go well when you've been through all this stuff and you know how like you know you don't have like the naivete of not knowing how it'll feel if it doesn't work and then you have the um i think that's a big part of it that no one really talks about is just this like what am i get like almost like future like what is future me going to do i don't know if she's going to be okay if this doesn't

work yeah yeah because like even you know while you're doing IVF life is still going on life is still happening. The world doesn't stop because you're in the process of IVF. You know, a lot of women still have to work. A lot of women still have other children to take care of and partners. And they have to juggle all of this with the mental and physical aspect of going through IVF. And it is hard. And that's why, you know, for you on top of that, you're doing this dance of like, I know I need to grieve, but I can't grieve too hard because my body can't handle it so I can't really lean in the way that you would have, which I, you're so strong for just hearing your story and like going through that. But I love that tip that you give to people

that are grieving, like a way to change the perspective, but it does, it, it shows your strength that you were able to absorb that and allow yourself to still have that energy of grieving your dad and like honoring him, but not in a way that you've fault was going to like deplete your resources and your body, which is that's the hardest thing. Yeah. And also this other part of like, I think you get this a lot with these treatments. It's like you have anxiety about having anxiety. So you're like because like you don't want a negative like you're like, I don't want to ruin my chances by feeling stressed.

But I'm stressed about feelings about the idea that I could be ruining it with stress. It's crazy. Absolutely. I mean, it was definitely both ends of the special. You know, mourning a life that's lost while trying to create a new one. It's such a interesting place to be in mentally, you know, it took a lot. So we do the implantation. All throughout signs of us preparing to do the implantation going into the, I mean, being in

the waiting room, waiting to go into the area to do the implantation. I heard a song that reminded me and my dad. So there's a lot of little clues of my dad throughout. So that made me feel good. I was like, this is special. So we do the implantation. We wait. Do the weight.

That was hard too. Everyone knows the seven day, 10 day weight is one of the toughest parts. I did take a test early, but not a few days. I just took it the morning of the blood test. And it was positive. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was positive. And I just remember dropping to my knees, crying, praying, like, thanking God. And is Cameron with you at that, like when you're taking this test? Yeah. He was with me that time. Yeah. He was with me. Yeah. And he was happy too. We were both just crying. And, you know, but because of what happened last time, we're like, we have to wait for the blood test before we fully, you know, get excited. So it came back, positive.

positive and it, you know, we were overjoyed. What a journey. Wow. What a journey. And here we are now. I'm six months pregnant. Amazing. Yay. Congratulations. Wow. Thank you. Yeah, we just did our anatomy scan a couple weeks ago. I had a test like what last this week. And they said the baby's heart is beautiful. It's healthy. It's growing great. And you know, going through IVF, it's still kind of like, ah, I just got to get to the finish line. I just got to get there, you know? But I'm saying hopeful. I literally have chills thinking just of your dad, like he was able to help from the other side.

That's what this feels like. Like, it's just, it's really powerful. And it's not like you had to go. through the hardest thing, but he's, you know, I believe, I don't, it sounds like you believe it too. I believe it wholeheartedly. I remember after my dad passed the next day, I had a dream. I don't know how you guys are dreams if you're into that type of thing, but I dreamed about my dad and I never had a dream that was so realistic. And, you know, we talked about a few different things, but one of the things that I said to him was that, I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to see me pregnant.

said, oh, I'll see it. Oh. So I said, does that mean I'm going to get pregnant? He's like, I got to go. He was coming to tell you. Yeah. I believe that after the implantation, too, I visited his grave and I said, Dad, it's only fair.

If you're going to check out and go up there that you send down your grandchild, you know, give them a pep talk and send them down. Then I think the next day is when we did the test and it was positive. So I wholeheartedly believe that. my dad he met his grandchild up in heaven they had a talk and and he sent them down he put he hands selected them yeah you are going to see your dad in this baby I just feel it I feel that yeah that's so incredible congratulations um and I'm so glad that everything has gone like smoothly it feels like you know you deserve a smooth ride after all that um such a rough one yeah seriously um so

I wanted to ask about, you know, you're being in the public eye, being this couple that, you know, because you're obviously, it's hard for anyone, I think, who especially when you've been married for a while and you guys got married like immediately, but you were like, you've been married since what, 2019? 2018. 2018. Wow. That show was filmed two years before it came out.

That's crazy. So you've been married now, what? Seven years. Seven years. Yeah. Right. So I think for any couple that's been married seven years. year is one of the harder parts about infertility is like this feeling of like everyone else is

thinking like where's the baby what's going on where's the baby but you are you guys are like this famous idealistic couple that everyone follows and you know roots for and I'm sure on your end you get people aren't like polite people are in your comments or you know saying that out loud or where's the or like you know having to deal with like that public pressure of people feeling like they need to know your business. I mean, I feel like the baby comments started almost immediately when the show came out. But once we really started doing the fertility journey and people didn't know that we were doing the fertility journey, I mean, people would DM us every single day.

We would post a picture. People would say comments, are you going to give your husband a kid? What's wrong with you? Like, why are you not having a baby? Just like ugly, crazy things or they would see a picture. me, maybe my weight was yo-yoing. Oh, she's pregnant. I know it. Like, you know, and stuff like that.

But people would just say ugly things. I'm like, people say this to get people to have a baby. That's not how you do that. Like, you're depriving your husband of giving him a child. And this is before I came out with the fact that I want to give him a child. Like, you know, we're struggling. That's awful. Every day, multiple comments every day.

And I think that's one of the reasons, well, one we wanted to share up story because like I mentioned so many people need to hear it and they go through it but also it's just kind of like so the fans would be like look okay we are trying to have a baby I can't imagine because I feel like you know even even even a couple out of the public eye probably feels a sense of that pressure or sense of people are thinking it but you know having over we have over two million followers I think you know you have the two million people people are a lot less polite so that's our Yeah. But you, so you did a post basically being like back off kind of. Yeah. So I did a post. Well, actually, Kim was the main one because he was getting super

frustrated. Like, look, leave my wife alone. Stop asking if she's pregnant. If we get pregnant, we'll let you know. Like, we understand you guys are excited and you're anticipating the next phase of our life. But stop. Like, please stop. And then I started to be outspoken about it. And then that's when we kind of shared that we were going through the fertility after that. Because some people were still continuing. They just didn't, you know, it's just like, okay, that's nice. But have you tried this? Maybe you guys should like grease vinegar water.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. So. No, it's brutal to deal with like that many people's opinions and comments and unsolicited and DMs and just people who feel like maybe and maybe they're well intentioned. but it's like, it's hard to turn off. Absolutely.

And I remember one particular time after I had the miscarriage, I feel like that's when I was kind of in one of my most fragile states. And that's when I logged online and I just saw the ugliest comment about, why haven't you given your husband a baby? And it was like soon after that. And I just like broke down. That's when I like took a break. I took a break from the internet.

I took a break from everything. And I think also that's when we were like, let's talk about our fertility. fertility journey. I can imagine because you said in that moment that's when you like saw him and the excitement and then and then so I feel like that comment is just so hurtful because it comes off as like you're not being and I think that is part of like you're not being a good wife or you're not you know which is just so obviously not true but um or like a feeling of this is my fault or like this is you know this is I'm doing you know I'm bailing in this way. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, a lot of people, when it comes to fertility challenges, they just see the woman anyway. And my husband actually, he had to get himself right too because he had some stuff going on with his sperm. And he talks about that as well. And some of our stuff that he had to get into a healthier way. So but people always like the woman, you did this. You, you, you, you. And it's like, well, wait a minute. Give your husband a baby. Even if that's the case. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't know, people need to give others.

more grace, especially when it comes to things like that, you know. So how's that all going now or even like since you kind of, you know, came out with it? Are people being more kind and, or are you still getting? Because look, you could always get it, right? Like, you know, oh, you shouldn't be doing that while you're pregnant or your baby comes and how, oh, I see that there's a Lego on the floor in the corner of your picture. How could you, you know, I'm sure that you could get it any which way. but are people being kinder now?

People are being more kind. I think once we came out and talked about our fertility journey, one of the things that really touched me and made me happy that I did it was that so many other women came out and shared about their fertility journey and how appreciative they were that I was talking about it publicly. And that's when I was like, okay, I have to do more of this. Like this, let me be an advocate. Let me be a testimony.

because a lot of women, of course, I'm grateful for shows like this as well because you do talk about it. But a lot of women don't talk about. They feel shamed. They feel like they're doing something wrong. They don't want people to know. It's like, no, you'd be surprised how many women are going through this. Like you're not alone. All different walks of life, people.

But, yeah, people are very, they're grateful for that. And they're nicer. I don't see as many mean comments. But if I do, I just hit block. That's more power to you. And I guess on that note, I guess my last question for you and for the listeners, you know, anyone who's in the thick of it, do you have any advice or anything that you felt like kind of helped you, you know, in the worst moments or in just like your moments of feeling kind of hopeless or anything that just helped you get through it? Yeah, I would definitely say for me, it really helps me to find an anchor, whether that is. is someone else in your life, your partner, or for me, it was my faith. I fomit leaning into my face.

It really helped me get through the toughest times, prayer, journaling, anything. But I think finding an anchor, going to talk to a therapist, if you can, also helps. And that helped me to not lose my hope because, like I mentioned earlier, it's so easy to just feel like, oh, man, you know, it's never going to happen. And even if it doesn't happen the way that you think is going to happen, there are so many different journeys to motherhood if you choose so to stay on the journey. So, you know, don't feel frustrated if you have, if your journey towards motherhood looks a little different, you know. So just keep going, you know, keep hope alive. I love that. Yeah, let me be your testimony.

Took me a long time. I love that. And thank, you know, your proof of that. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing your. story. I'm sure it's going to be inspiring to so many people and also just let them know that they're not alone, that it's not always, you know, super simple. And there's a lot and a lot, you know what I mean? A lot of people only share, I think, when they have the success. And so you don't really see like the real, that's what we want to do with this show is really share like the details of what goes into

the success stories that you see online. And I think this is like really important what you're doing. And thank you so much. And we're so happy for you. Congratulations again. Thank you. Thank you. Your strength is inspiring. I'm so glad to have been able to meet you and hear your story. So hoping you the best. And I will, I'm not huge on social media, but I will be keeping an eye on you and sending good energy your way.

So yeah, really nice to meet you. Thank you so much. I appreciate. Thank you for the opportunity to talk about this. And that's it for this episode of Baby Steps. We'll be back next time. Betches.