Oversharing - Baby Steps: How Long Does IVF Really Take? Ft. Jessel Taank (RHONY)

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Jordana is back with another episode of Baby Steps, presented by BetterHelp. This week, she’s joined by star of The Real Housewives of New York, Jessel Taank, to talk all about her experience using IVF to have twin boys at the age of 39. She walks us through the multi-year process, including when she realized it was time to try IVF and why it took much longer than she ever expected. They talk about what it’s like to go to baby shower after baby shower, as pressure mounts to get pregnant yourself. Plus, Jessel shares some useful tips, including breathing exercises and health routines that she found helpful during her own pregnancy. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/BABYSTEPS today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to Baby Steps, presented by BetterHelp. I'm your host, Jordana Abraham, and on Baby Steps, we're exploring the various paths to parenthood that lay ahead when starting a family doesn't come easy. With the help of weekly guests, I'm taking you on my own fertility journey and asking the questions that need to be asked. Trying to have a baby, especially when you experience obstacles, can be a huge, emotional and mental challenge. And that's why I invited BetterHelp to join us as the presenting sponsor of Baby Steps.

If you're thinking of starting therapy, I recommend giving BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, convenient, and suited to your schedule. Just go to BetterHelp.com slash baby steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, HELP.com slash baby steps. Therapy can give you the tools to navigate the difficult transitions in life, and the path to parenthood is definitely one of them. My very first guest today is Jessel Tank, star of the Real Housewives of New York, who is here to talk about IVF and the birth of her twins.

But before we get to Jessel, as always, here's my sister, the host of the oversharing podcast, Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So excited to start this with you. This is awesome. I'm glad you're doing this. Thank you. Yeah, I'm really excited. My first guest, we've already recorded.

I'm excited for you guys to hear the episode. And with you, I kind of wanted to talk about one thing that we get into on the episode, which is like kind of the idea of infertility being a little bit of a unique thing in a lot of ways because most people while they're going through it, assuming they're trying to have a child like around their peers are sort of like inundated with the success of everyone else around them. And I think social media probably amplifies that. But even before that, I think just the idea of like a woman, you're in your 30s, people around you are going to be having babies. And it's sort of like this constant triggering thing. And for me, that was something that was really hard to know.

navigate in the beginning. I think I've gotten a little better at it, but it's still sort of a challenge. And, you know, Jessel talks about going to a lot of baby showers and just kind of feeling miserable the entire time. And thankfully, you know, we're Jewish. And so most Jews don't really have baby showers, so I haven't really had to go to many. But I thought it was like a really interesting part of all of this. Totally. Because it's like your whole life, you're just posting pictures of yourself and your, you know, your travels and what you're doing. And then all of a sudden it feels like you're constantly posting like about your cute baby or pregnancy or all these things which feel to the person who's doing it while there's this really fun new thing to post lots of

pictures of and have parties for and then when you're on the other side of it it's so hard to navigate like I love you I want to be like this part of your heart that wants to really be happy for somebody but your heart is so heavy with longing for that thing that I can imagine that it makes it really hard to sit there. I mean, baby showers are already kind of, even if you have a baby, they're kind of, like, if you open the, you know, 16th onesie, it's like a little boring after a while. Yeah, I wouldn't say they're like supposed to be the most fun, exciting events. Right.

Yeah. I mean, look, so I can imagine it. Can I just tell a quick, funny story? Of course, yeah. For Sharon, our sister-in-law's baby shower, I bought her like this gag gift. And it was, you know, they have those like hamster water bottles that you hang on the side of the hamster cage. Yeah. So it was like a box that had like a milk bottle that looked like it was like a hamster bottle that you hang on the outside of the crib.

So it showed like the baby like, you know, suckling from this cage milk bottle thing. Like, yeah. I guess a crib really is a cage, just like a nice word for a cage. an open top cage. But so, you know, she opens it up and it's like this hamster bottle that it's kind of, and I was like, so you don't even have to like worry about feeding the baby. You could just put them in with this hamster, you know, feed her. Oh, you were like pretending you were like serious.

It was a box. A gag gift. A gag gift that had that. And then inside was like a cute onesie. There was no actual thing. But the box was that. And I don't know. So I think there's a part of us that all kind of.

of like wants to spice up these boring showers and then on top of it you have this like longing so I can really have I'm curious to see how you guys talk about how you navigated that process of going there trying to be happy put on a smile and you do love these people and you want the best for them but it's really hard to see someone get what you want for sure but that's a good way to take the edge off just like fuck with them a little bit during the baby shower I think you know that bring everyone back to an unenthusiastic state. But yeah, I think, you know, like my experience going through that is kind of like, do the best you can.

If you're looking on social media a lot and you find that you're not feeling good about everything you're seeing, it's okay to delete the app for a little bit. Doesn't mean you can't read download it later. It's okay to like take your space away from it. And it's okay to like not go to a baby shower if it's not a super close friend. And you're just not feeling it. I think like you can give yourself a little bit of grace. I totally agree.

And I think for your close friends, you can be open with them about your struggle, you know, and saying like, I love you. I'm going to love your baby so much. Like I'm very, very happy for you. But right now in this very moment, whether it is I just got a negative pregnancy test or I just got a test result that I didn't like or I just had another failed IVF or whatever the thing is. Because just in this moment, I'm so burdened by my struggle.

that it's it's I'm just having a hard time and it's going to be hard for me to show up today or it's you know I might not be my best self and I think anyone that's a good friend isn't going to be like you're a bitch for not being happy for right exactly and I think they'll have compassion for anything you're going through so yeah great guests went through so many rounds of IVF and a really good success story so let's get to the interview I'm so excited to introduce our guest jessel tank fashion publicist, brand consultant, and real housewife of New York City. Thank you so much for joining us. I love everything you're doing this season. You're my favorite character. Don't tell anyone else. We won't. We'll keep it between us. Is it weird to say character? It'd feel like a personality.

Yeah. It's weird because it's like I'm just me, but I guess I am a bit of a character. So you're not wrong in saying that. There we go. Well, I mean, one thing I really love on the show that you talk. about a lot is your journey with IVF. And again, I just said this to you. I hate the word journey because I don't know why. It just feels very like. Yeah. It's like a little cliche. And I think everyone's like, how I'm on a journey and it's like, it's all very dramatic. But yeah. But I think when you're going through it, it really is, you know. Right. It definitely is like it's fitting. It just feels like it almost like minimizes all the anxiety and like stuff around it by just like being like, Well, it's just a journey.

A journey, yeah. It's a process. You'll figure it out in the end, but it's like, okay, it had to like swim through a puddle of mud and like, you know, climb a mountain. And it's just mental. It's not a fun journey. Let me put that way. Totally agree as someone who's on it.

And so I thought, like, I wanted to have you on because I love what you're doing on the show, really kind of like helping to normalize the IVF and infertility process because there's so many people struggling with it, myself included. And I think it's like really great always to just hear other people's stories, to hear like other people's experiences because it makes it feel so much more normal. And obviously like on a TV show, I feel like it's tougher to get into like the nitty gritty of it because most people who aren't going through it don't understand that. But this community is a little bit more in the thick of it. So I'd love to like delve into your whole story around surrounding having, I know you wound up with your two beautiful.

twin boys that we see on the show. So just take us, I guess, from the beginning of how you got there when you decided you wanted to start trying to have kids, like anything and everything. Anything and everything. I guess what I want to start off by saying is I feel like more and more women are just starting to have kids later, you know, which is not a bad thing. Like where career women were invested in sort of like our lives and sort of, you know, our careers. And that was me. I really truly didn't think that I would ever have issues and certainly not for the amount of time that, you know, we had to go through it. Pevin and I got married in 2014. And I really didn't start trying until like almost five years later.

So 2018, 19 was when I was like, we were traveling. We were the time of our lives. I was dancing on tables. You know, it was all good fun. But then I was 34. And I remember we'd just come back from Hawaii. It was like the beginning of the year. And I was like, okay, I think we need to like buckle down and just, you know,

and start building. Yeah, it's time. And I think like mentally you're never ready. But, you know, I think there is a lot of pressure just to kind of like get it done before 35 because that's when everyone says everything's going to go south. Your geriatric pregnancy start then, right? Right. Exactly. So I was like, I'm on the cusp of that. So we were trying and it's funny because you think, I remember like so excited, oh, we're not using contraception and you think you're going to get pregnant right away. Immediately. Immediately. Like that first try and I just remember being so disappointed like the month later when I was like, ah, it didn't work. And then, you know, the next month didn't work and the next month didn't work. And this continued for.

I want to say it was like month seven or eight where I was like, it's kind of getting like a little bit suspect. And so I went to my doctor and we did all the tests, you know, and everything checked out. And I think that's what's maybe so frustrating because then you go to the doctor and you're like, I want to figure out why this is not working. And when they tell you everything's fine, you're like, huh. So then what's wrong?

And I think the doctors, their natural responses, well, you should try for about a year. Like, a year is a long time. For sure. Yeah. Especially when every month feels like it's forever. And every month kind of just feels like the disappointment of every month just feels so anxiety. Yeah. That a year is sort of like, it's kind of like resigning yourself to a year of torture.

A year of torture. And it's like, you know, I'm someone that when I want something, I want it now. Like it's almost instantaneous, like, gratification that I have to have, you know, this, this baby. And I just dived into it head first. Like I was so invested. I was reading all the blogs and the books and, you know, on social. Like, what am I doing wrong? Maybe it's my diet.

Maybe it's this. Maybe it's that. It's this whole, like, guessing game of what is wrong. And then to be told that nothing is wrong, I was just like, well, then I became like FBI investigator. you're like, well, there has to, can you run this test and this test? And you sort of really become almost like immersed in this world of like infertility. I went to the doctor at like eight months. I think I couldn't wait anymore. And so I went to go see a fertility doctor the next month after that. So we're at nine months now. And I think when you do that and when you take

that step, you're sort of almost like resigning yourself to the process at that point. because I think you're sort of like, okay, I'm not going to try naturally and then we're going to go into all of this like sort of IUIs and then you start the IVF. And I did three rounds of IUIs. IUI. Yeah. Which is intrauterine insemination. Yeah. And my first round of IUI, I actually thought it was pregnant.

It was the first time where I was like, shit, I think I'm pregnant because you're on hormones. But my period was like almost a week late. And I was like, oh my God, I was so excited. I remember I was like, I went to buy a pregnancy test at CVS and I was going to buy like, you know, like a little gift of Pivot to tell him I was pregnant. I was so certain that that was it because I was, I've never been late before. And I took the pregnancy test and it was negative. And I just remember being like, oh, like this is so brutal. the IUIs didn't work.

And I think IUIs in general are kind of this weird, like maybe they work, maybe they don't, like it's a crapshoot. Yeah, that's what I've heard. It's like they don't, in a lot of countries, I think they just go right to IVF. The probability of them working is on the lower side. But I think sometimes it does work if it's like, maybe it's, I think they say maybe if it's like a sperm issue that can like bypass that. But you're not really sure it sort of feels like a crap. shoot. Yeah, complete crapshoot. And it's almost as like tedious as going through IBS is you're taking hormones. You're like sort of monitoring everything. So I just remember like thinking, okay, I really, I don't know what's wrong. No one can tell me what's wrong. I can't wait anymore. I think I just have to like get to get into this IVF thing. I mean, it's neat. I mean, I remember when I first like the first day I was just like you have this entire bag of.

drugs and like needles and it's very intimidating especially for someone that like I cannot stand needles like I am like the worst like wussy and when when it comes to that stuff but I just remember FaceTiming one of my friends and she was like coaching me through it she had done an air freezing and yeah I mean that was the beginning of what was going to be like almost a three year like run oh wow yeah okay at that point so you were trying for a three years at that point? With the year trying naturally, I did IBF for almost two years. Yeah. So it was about three and a half years. Okay. Yeah. It was kind of crazy. And was that because like it didn't, did it not work on the first retrieval or? Yeah. So everything checked out. And again, it's like this

big like mystery. Everything was looking really great. I went, I ended up like getting, I don't know, were like 28 eggs and it was all great and we had, I think, I mean, really the numbers like windled down because when I was like, oh, I got 28 eggs, I'm going to have 28 babies and they're like, yeah, like five are viable. And I was like, what? What happens to the other? It's like survivor. Yeah. It really is. Hunger games. It's so crazy. And no one talks about like that, that level of just like disappointment. And I was in. educated enough on the topic to understand like what the process was. And then you wind up speaking a whole different language by the end of it where you know like

all the you know the terms, you know like too much. You're not really and even more than you want to know. Yeah, really, truly like I even, I remember having this conversation with my doctor and I was like, are there vitamins I should be taking? Is there anything like, is there a secret source to this? And he said no. and I wish that I had like known then what I know now because I do think success for IVF is in part holistic and it is in part, you know, what you're putting into your body and how you're,

how you're treating yourself because it's a direct correlation to equality and how you're, you know, what the outcome of IVF is. So anyway, yeah, so my round, it didn't work. I ended up having five embryos. I sent them in for testing and they were all abnormal. So I was so heartbroken because that's 20 grand. At least, yeah, for sure with the medication and the testing of them is so expensive. Right.

And I think that with IVF too, it's like you always, you're like, oh, I'm investing all this money. It's science. Like there's, yes, there's no guarantee that it's going to work. But like. Totally. I think it gives you this maybe false sense of control. over the situation. Sure.

Where, you know, I'm committing to this thing. It's so expensive. It's so, like, invasive that it must work, right? Who else would do this? You're like, it has to work to, like, make things worse. I really thought I was going to be a one and done. I was like, I'm going to do one round of IVF and I'll have my baby and carry on my happy way. So I didn't really, like, share what I was going through.

Like, yes, it was really like not a nice feeling to be one of the only people in my friend group that like didn't have kids at the time. I remember going to like baby shower after because everyone was like just popping these kids out. It was just everywhere. And I, I remember just being so, I don't know, I was very just depressed, first of all. And you feel so helpless because you're, it's out of your hands. And I think up to that point, everything in my life I had control over to some degree. And this was something that I just really couldn't, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't have any insight into, you know, why this wasn't working. Every single test I was taking was checking out. So I remember doing like another round. And again,

the same thing happened. And I was just like, yeah, the exact same thing. I was getting the embryos, but they were all being tested abnormal. So something was wrong. Like I knew something was wrong. Because how can like, if I had five and five, that's 10 embryos and everyone's abnormal. Right. Yeah. And I mean, I'm sure your mind goes to like, which I mean, minded in the process of like, I'm never going to have kids. Yeah.

You know, I'm sure that crosses your mind or you think of the worst fear because you can't, like you said, you can't control anything and you're not getting really any information about anything. It feels like they know so much about this field, but they don't really necessarily. there's still so much they don't know, kind of like what you were saying. Totally. And I also think, and this isn't true about my doctor and my facility, but, you know, it's a little bit of a money-making situation.

I mean, every round is 20K. And I feel like for me, I've heard so many stories of like doctors not sort of advising, that just keep it, keep going. It's going to work eventually, like without really taking a step back and like dissecting the situation. And that didn't necessarily happen to me, but I feel like once you're on the hamster wheel, it's it's almost like an addiction. You're like, okay, one more round, one more round, one more round.

You put so much time and effort in. It's kind of like, well, I'm not going to, you know, call it quits from here. I've already sunk so much time and effort and money. Totally. And that's what ended up happening. You know, after round two, I definitely took a break because I was just like, this is so crazy, like what is happening. I need to figure out what's wrong. I went to go see a specialist in San Francisco. I was living in L.A. at the time. I went to go see a specialist, and I did so much,

so much research on this lady who is, she's from CCRM, which is like one of the best. And she, to Donna, she was like, huh, let me run one test and just see what, if this is going to be, if this is going to show us anything. It is a genetic test. It's a blood test. It's called, a karyotype. And it is one of the easiest test to take. No one told me I should take this test after two rounds of like all of this nonsense. She did the test and we saw, we saw what the problem was right away. Wow. Can you imagine? Just right. Yeah, having gone through probably months and months of all this stuff when the answer is kind of right in front of you. And I feel like you hear that a lot. It's like one different opinion can sort of change the way that.

the whole thing. A whole thing. It was working, yeah. We had, there was like a genetic abnormality that was actually coming from my husband's side and it was like a, a karyotype issue. And it could have been easily fixed. You did fix it. Yeah.

Wow. And how did you fix it? Well, it's just, there's a process in IBF where, you know, they sort of identify. It's called Ixie where you sort of like take certain sperm, but they, they just tested it. like more. They did like one more level of testing and then only inserted the ones that were viable. And it was just so disappointing that I didn't have that information up front. This episode of Baby Steps is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's almost the end of the year. And this time while it can be exciting, can also be really stressful. And a lot of people feel a lot of

sadness and anxiety about it. And it's not just the stress of finding gifts, but it's also the stress of seeing your family, of it starting to get cold, a little seasonal depression. But adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. And therapy for me is always something I go to when I'm feeling anxiety or stress around anything, whether it's the holidays, winter, or just like things that are going on in my life that are not going as I planned. I've been to therapy for over eight years now and nothing has helped me quite as much as therapy has overcome whatever obstacles come my way. If you're thinking, of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient,

flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just spell out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash baby steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash baby steps. Okay, so you get the chariotepe test. They do the Ixie round and what were your results at that point? So I think I had gotten two viable embers, which is by the way, like, hallelujah, because at this point I have like none. So I was rejoicing.

But you know, it's always like airing on the side of caution. May I just say, before I did that third round, I took a break because all of this is so mentally taxing on you. And I remember like I stopped drinking. I literally would only eat like vegetables, fruits, and I cut out all the stuff. Because I really truly thought it was me. And I didn't know when I was spiraling, which was, it was really like, I think a lot of women go through that.

Like you just, you're so immersed in this, like, crazy, like, world of theories and this and that. And, like, you just don't know. I changed my life entirely. I was the girl that would do a thousand tequila shots and be like the life of the party. and I just did a 180. I stopped everything. And I think that in itself is so hard, like, emotionally to kind of grasp because, you know,

I used to come home and I would just, like, have dinner and go to bed. Right. Because you're sort of told two things. You're told, like, okay, don't let it overtake your life. Like, continue living your life. You can't only focus on that. But also, like, everything you're doing might be contributing in some way, shape, or form. So it's like, out of the two things.

things don't really go together. So it's like you can either become this person who's just like a different person who's just changing, you know, some of, and a lot of those things bring you joy. I mean, it's tequila shots when you're out with your friends or bring you joy. Pasta brings you, you know, so I so I do think it's probably so hard like what you're saying. It's kind of like, well, why not do it if it could help? But it's also like, well, it's just changing the entire way that I live my life. Miserable. I became the girl that would like go on hikes. I'm like, ah, this is so lame like all I did I wanted to like hike it was so bad it was so lame and you know and the other thing that I talk about a lot on the show is like there's a lot of focus on women going through this and

I think not enough on the husbands and the men too like it's very easy to sort of show support for you know the female who's obviously yes we're we're sort of like you know really bearing the brunt of all of it but I remember my husband like we were both kind of in the in this together. We were both just so disappointed and outcome after outcome that was like not what we wanted to hear. And, you know, it's, it's a lot. And I chose not to tell my family just because, if you see my mom on the show, but she's so, like, she's amazing. But I just don't want to worry them. So I was literally doing this, like, kind of without the sport of, of anyone, really, you know. Right. And that's so hard because you kind of, and I see that even with like, you know, you think

about that with anyone you're telling where it's like you don't want to be pitied. You don't want to be worrying the other person. And you also don't necessarily want to be giving everyone updates all the time because sometimes you're like, I don't even want to talk about this. But the more you people you sort of include in it, the more you're kind of like, well, how did it go? And then you have to tell them when it didn't go out. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. I just remember like I told, I told a close group of my girlfriends. And they were so great, but like every time I would do a retrieval, they would be like, okay, so like, how many eggs did you get? And like, how many available and how many were like, you know, and I think it's, it's exciting for them to like see hopefully that this

is going to be successful. But like also for me, I was so, oh, I was so just nervous. And it was, It's like going through this like vicious cycle of like, you know, stuff like every time. Yeah. That was definitely. It was crazy that the whole thing. Going to baby showers was crazy for me. I just like, I, oh. I stopped doing that.

Unless it's like it was, unless it was like a very close friend. I'm like, I don't need to go to the second cousin's baby shower. How long do you be? Are you like, are you going through it right now? I'm going through it. I did IV. I got a lot of embryos. But I've had like a.

a couple of miscarriages now with IVF. So it's like a different issue, but it's all like, you know what I mean. And I totally see what you're saying. It's like an emotional roller coaster of like this is like, you know, I got, I got the embryos. Like it's going well. And then you're kind of like, well, it's all downhill from here. But the fertility stuff has a way of sneaking in there and sort of saying, well, like not exactly. Just hold on.

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I didn't have any miscarriages, but I can't even imagine. like how that must feel. Like it's, there's just so many different, there's so many different like challenges that, that come along with this whole world.

And being on the show and obviously this was at that point, like such a big part of my life because, big part of my life because I, I spent so much of my 30s kind of like doing this, trying to get pregnant and, and, you know, like dealing with this stuff. And so I think when you have twins,

everyone's like, oh, are they natural or are they like, IVF so random who asked that but like people do well I guess that speaks to the normalization of IVF or like how what more normalized it is now I don't think anyone would have asked that 10 years ago totally yeah no definitely and it was it was really crazy because when I did have the twins I still at that point hadn't told my parent that I went through all of this and I wanted to but it was so happy they were like yay you're pregnant and there's two of them and like Like I just didn't want to like bring down the sort of happiness that they were the vibe.

Yeah, the energy. Like, you know, I'm all that good vibes. And I just, for me, it was like, well, do I, I'll eventually tell them, but now's not the time. And then I went and like, the kids were like, one. And we're in London and we're like throwing this big birthday party. And puppet was like, you should tell them now. I was like, no, it's a birthday. Like, there's always, I was always finding a reason, you know, to kind of just not talk about it.

because then it also brings you back to that place that you were at. But yeah, after I would say, I think I did end up doing five rounds total because I wanted to get as many embryos as possible. So, and I hadn't even implanted anything in that point, imagine. Like, it was just round after round, after round. And luckily, it worked on the first try. That's great. And then you, so they put in two embryos?

I begged my doctor because they don't. They actually will not do that. I had to find a waiver. They will not do that because of health reasons. They don't want to jeopardize a pregnancy. But at that point, I was at the end of this freaking road with it. And I begged him. I was like, please, because if it doesn't work and one doesn't stick,

at least I'll have a backup in there. And I don't have to go through. I mean, the implantation phase is like nuts too. You know, you have to like, like 10 weeks of butt injections and hormones and going into the office every day. I mean, it was so taxing. Well, you got two for one, I guess, in that. Best deal ever. Yeah.

Yeah. Best deal ever. But yeah, when I found out, I sort of, I sort of knew I was pregnant like, I think five days after a plantation. So my boots, I heard it's so bad. I was like, oh, my God, what is going on? And yeah, I just, you know, that test and when they called me, I just was like, here we are. But then you're worried about like, okay, now I have to like keep them alive. Right.

You know, and never it doesn't stop there. Never ending. Even when I had them, you know, this whole like me not sleeping with my husband. I was sleeping on the nursery floor for like the first six months because especially with twins, like there's always this fear of, you know, early like hot death, they call it. And I just was like, I put like a heart monitor on them. I would like literally sleep on the floor and make sure that they were okay. Like it was, it's just, it's nonstop.

Yeah. I mean, I can only imagine and then, you know, it would take you so long to even get pregnant to feel like, okay, now I need to make, now that's the next, almost like, almost now the stakes are even higher because there's something that's here. I have something to lose. Yeah. In that sense. And then are you, were you kind of, were you happy when it was, when it was twins?

or were you kind of just thinking one was going to work and you were just I was I was I didn't know what was going to happen and I always have set myself up to be disappointed because up until that point like nothing was going my way and so I was just like okay well at least we have like emberos in the bank and like you know it was mentally I was literally like this is probably not going to work but it's okay like we have you know and then when I found out it was twins I think my blood my hormone levels were like through the roof and the nurse is like, yeah, we see this with twins and sometimes triplets. And I was like, oh, God, like, please, for the love of God, I don't want to be too many. Too many.

But I was so happy. I just, I was just, I mean, that feeling of just like, oh, finally, thank God, you know. Yeah. And I think when you, you know, you talk on the show also about like the sex drought or whatever it is, but I think people don't really understand that like when you're putting all these hormones in your body and everything feels so scientific. And there's so much stress on, I mean, especially when you're having sex to try to have a baby, there's so much pressure on that or like the timing and that it can feel very unromantic. So aside from obviously just being a new mom,

I'm sure there's so much that went into it. That's just about like how your body is a little bit of like the science experiment for years. Yeah. I mean, I think the hormones in itself like you feel bloated. I put on a lot of weight. Just I don't know what it was. Like, I I just really didn't know how to how to fix it. And then when you have the baby, the last thing that you think about is like jumping back in the sack. You know, it's, I think it's, there's just a lot that that goes into it. I really do think that we don't give each other enough grace. And that was the one thing that I really wanted to be very open and honest about coming

on to the show and sharing like the reality of like what I went through. And I just remember when I was going through it, like I even say Chrissy Teigen and I followed her and I really respect and I adore like how she portrays herself on social. And what she was sharing kind of gave me hope, you know. And it was like you can relate to that person and really sort of understand like what the emotions that you're going through. And I also related to what she was going through. I think she had just she had just lost her baby. Yeah. And I think it's amazing what you're doing because I think you're doing that for a whole bunch of other people who, you know, and even you think about like Chrissy Teagan, okay, she's like an A-List celebrity and she's all the resources and all the, you know, the opportunities that even a lot of people don't have. And it's still hard for her. She's still struggled. So I think seeing, you know, what you're talking about, even giving the details here is so helpful for so many people because like, because even, you know, on the show, it's like unclear that you went through five rounds. and that it was such a long, painstaking process. And to hear the details of that, I think, really. And then to find out, you know, eventually it did work, I think is so inspiring. Because sometimes it kind of feels like, you know, if you have one negative, one negative result

can feel like, okay, and then it worked out. But if you feel like there's continuous sort of signs in the opposite direction and then you see success, it really does, I think, give so many people so much hope. So thank you so much for sharing your story. No, of course. And I have to say, like, I do, I should, I know, find somewhere to post this, but I did a lot of research during those, you know, those years. And I, I really truly want to share some of the things that I feel like help me. And so maybe I can, I can share that with you guys or however you want to. It would be great. Yeah. There's like a whole cocktail of like vitamins and just like things that I did that I truly believe help the process. And, you know, whether they work for other people or not.

I don't know. What were you on? It was, so nothing unusual, but it was a number of vitamins that just are supposed to help like antioxidants, vitamins that were amazing. I had like a list of things. There was so many. I don't even know. It was things that I did to change my lifestyle. And I think I saw some of the best results in the quality of my eggs. after I started doing that. So I took a break between the second round and the third round, and I literally like changed up everything, stopped drinking, da-da-da. And then my third round was like I got the most viable like number of eggs.

But do you feel like that was also from the karaoke type testing? No, I mean, I'm talking about my eggs and like how many I actually were viable at that time without any of the other stuff like happening. So I would get like 28 eggs round. one and round two and or like between 25 and 28 but then only like eight were viable but round three I had like there was like 15 or 16 like the numbers just like had skyrocketed and I don't know why and I'm not saying that like this is the reason but I just for me I do believe that it was like the switch up of my lifestyle that I did right so much higher even like even before the regardless

of the chariotyping because that was more for the embryos definitely just just for the eggs. Yeah, exactly. That's really helpful. Maybe if you can give us your Instagram and if you're going to post it there, people can go and look if they're interested in improving their egg quality. I feel like there's so much stuff online. It's hard to know, like, you know, what to take or what to do.

And if it works for one person, like, does it work for you? So much of it feels so like individualized. But I think if you can try, like, you know what I mean, do your own trial and error for your individual self. That definitely helps a lot of people. Definitely. And I think people just like jump into IVF and just kind of like get on with it. And that's great too. I mean, some people, it does work and it's wonderful. But like I also think that like you have to you have to really take care of your body and take care of your mental state emotionally and physically. And a lot of women don't do that because I think there's this like almost desperation to just get pregnant. But I would say like slow down and just like give yourself time, work on yourself and then go into it. It helped me a lot. Great. And that would that be like your number one tip for anyone in it now? Definitely. Yeah. It's A so expensive to keep doing these rounds of IVF, really working on your health.

So that would be your tip would just be to like slow down, sort of like figure out what what's working for your body. Right. Yeah. Slow down and really like make those important changes. And definitely like I think that your air quality is a direct reflection of what you're putting into yourself. I mean, it sells. right? So eggs are just clusters of cells. And I think that you really have to like be healthy and be strong and then go into it. It's like an addiction. Like I said, like you, you just want to keep doing it. But if it's not working, just pause and take some time. And is there anything like mentally that you did for your mental health when you were going through this whole thing that you found is really helpful for you? Yeah. I took up breathwork. And I think breathwork helps to control anxiety, which I had a lot of during those years. And so, yeah, like meditation and breath work,

I think are really great to help control some of those emotions. You want to be as calm and sort of controlled as possible. And I think that, you know, yes, like natural things, but I really do think that those things help in just kind of curating like a safe space for you to do this because it's a lot. Definitely no first hand. And we've talked. on oversharing about like breath work and how you know that can almost be like its own drug in a way definitely yeah this was so great i'm so happy for you that you've found success with this whole process again i think your story is really inspiring and i'm sure someone listening who's like having you know a lot of negative results or results that you know they're feeling what's the word

defeated defeated yes they're feeling defeated about can listen to this story and know that it just takes you know, sometimes one additional test or one little thing or taking a step back to figure out your own body that can really just change the whole course of everything. And so, congrats on the twins. And I know you said you might have another. So we'll be, I'll be following and being tuned. Thank you so much. This is great. You too, Jordan. Take care. Thanks again to Jessel. What an amazing, inspiring story. And thanks again to our presenting sponsor, BetterHelp. I hope this episode has been a help to you on your path to parenthood. If you want to get started with therapy, I highly recommend trying BetterHelp. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get

matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Visit BetterHelp.com slash baby steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash baby steps. Betches.