Oversharing - Baby Steps: Overcoming Major Fertility Obstacles Ft. Erin Andrews

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Jordana is back for Baby Steps, presented by BetterHelp, and is joined by sportscaster and TV personality Erin Andrews to talk all about having a baby via surrogate following her 9-year-long fertility journey. Erin opens up about how she was able to overcome a cervical cancer diagnosis, and managed to have her first child at the age of 45. They talk about the egg-extraction process, when it’s time to consider IVF and freezing embryos, and how she finally decided to start searching for a surrogate. Finally, they offer tips for people looking to go down a similar path to parenthood, and what it really takes to overcome major obstacles along the way. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/BABYSTEPS today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to Baby Steps presented by BetterHelp. I'm your host, Jordana Abraham, and on Baby Steps, we're exploring the various paths to parenthood that lay ahead when starting a family doesn't come easy. With the help of weekly guests, I'm taking you on my own fertility journey and asking the questions that need to be asked. Trying to have a baby, especially when you experience obstacles, can be a huge emotional and mental challenge. And that's why I invited BetterHelp to join us as the presenting sponsor of Baby Steps.

If you're thinking of starting therapy, I recommend giving better help a try. It's entirely online, convenient, and suited to your schedule. Just go to BetterHelp.com slash baby steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, help.com slash baby steps. Therapy can give you the tools to navigate the difficult transitions in life, and the path to parenthood is definitely one of them. My guest today is Aaron Andrews, sportscaster and TV personality. You might know her from dancing with the stars.

To talk about having a baby via surrogate following her nine-year-long fertility journey. But before we get to Erin, As always, here's my sister, Dr. Naomi Bernstein. Welcome, Naomi. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to hear about this guest. Yeah, I had such a great conversation with Aaron Andrews. And one thing that we talked about that I thought was interesting was she talked about, you know, she is like such a high achiever. She's so successful in her field. And she also works with really successful people. She works with like football stars and hockey stars and like, you know, people who are just super accomplished.

She was talking about how once she started talking about her issues with fertility, she heard a lot of men that she was working with kind of reveal their own stories of this infertility. And she was saying that there's sort of like a unique experience around people who statistics have always gone really well for. Like these people are professional athletes. Like it's so rare to be able to make it to that level. Like she's this like famous newscaster.

Like it's not so easy or common. And it can almost make dealing with something like this harder when you've historically been really successful and been on the good side of all the statistics to have to deal with it now. I can totally see that where it's sort of like all those things or however she got there. I'm sure she worked really hard. I'm sure all the athletes that she works with worked really hard and pushed through and had some good genes, whatever it is, but got to the point by just putting their heads down and putting the work in. And unfortunately, with fertility, it's not something that you can just, the harder you work at it,

the easier it's going to be. So that probably, I could see that being a big adjustment for someone who's a high achiever. You're kind of like, why isn't this working? I'm trying really hard. And interesting to see kind of the male perspective of this too, because I'm sure the men aren't really taught. They're probably happy to have someone to talk to about this in a vulnerable way. Yeah. And, you know, I think that we, I talk a lot about on my shows, like talking to other women about this, but there really isn't that necessarily like a huge outlet for men to talk about struggles with fertility. Like, that's not something I feel like men necessarily feel comfortable talking about with anyone. And so this was like really cool that she got to experience having those conversations with those people. For sure, because and even harder for them, because they're going through it very similarly. They want.

the baby too. They're timing the sex also. They're going to the appointments. They're worrying and thinking and stressing and seeing all of their friends, you know, having babies when that's something that they want, but don't necessarily have the space to talk about it. So I'm interested to hear her perspective on including the male voice of infertility. Same because it's really not one that we've gotten that much. There's not that much out there like resources for men. I hope they can listen to this episode and, you know, feel a sense of being heard, at least through this episode. And again, like, just the resilience of overcoming so much, she overcame cervical cancer, so many rounds of IVF to finally, like, with her remaining embryo, she really didn't have

that many just doing this with the surrogate and working out and having a baby at 45. And again, like, I think that can feel, sometimes you see people in pop culture having kids later and you feel like, oh, it's like, I'll have a baby at 45 too. Like, it's not a big deal. But I think it's so helpful when people really give you the behind the scenes like turmoil and ups and downs and all the money and the time and the stress that goes into it, it really gives you a more realistic picture of what a lot of these stories really look like. Yes. And I'm just, I really am thrilled that you are sharing with the listeners all of these different stories and different, you know, obstacles that people are overcoming to

just continue giving them hope that it may not happen the exact way that you thought it was going to happen when you were 24, but there's many, many ways to get to that path to parenthood. So I'm so thrilled that everyone's going to hear all these different stories and just maintain hope. So I love it. And also just like the other part of it that's that I've learned through all interviewing all these people is that one thing I hear from all of them come out on the other side is that at the end of the day when they're holding the baby in their arms, it doesn't really met. They don't think about, you know, the way that they got here. They just think about how happy they are to have them. So it can seem like

kind of upsetting. And we talked about this little bit with Amanda Freeman when things aren't going according to the story you told yourself. But at the end of the day, like when you get the thing that you've been working towards, I don't think most people think or harp on whether it was be a surrogate or be a sperm donor or be a donor eggs. Like they're just really happy. to have the baby. Totally. And especially once you're there, you're so busy dealing with that that you have no time, there's no time to sit back and say, oh, I, if only I had done it in this way or if only it had gone this way. I think it's great that, you know, people are coming at it and saying, I'm just holding my baby and loving this and not feeling regretful. So while you're in it, hopefully you can

have that same feeling of I'm not going to, you know, harp on being upset about it, not going the way I want to because once I'm there and once I'm on the other side, none of this will really matter. Exactly. Let's get into the episode. We are so excited to welcome today's guest, Aaron Andrews, sportscaster, TV personality, and new mom to baby Mac as of June, right? Yeah. Welcome. Yeah.

As of June, I'm having a hard time. I keep messing up his birthday. What a great mom. And my husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary, we were married on my husband's birthday on the 24th. Mac was born on the 28th. There's a lot of 20s. And I, yeah, the other day, I messed it up for a new pediatrician. And my husband was like, guilted me.

I was like, relax. It's a lot of data and information. It's a lot of information. You got married on your husband's birthday. I feel like only men would let you do that. Only men. And it was like when the venue we wanted was available and the best timing with the NHL and NFL schedule.

so he kind of didn't have a choice. So there's that. We were really, really close to Mack being born on his birthday. We thought that could happen. But then it was pretty cool because my husband wore 28 in his NHL career and Mack was born on the 28th. So that was pretty special. That is very cool. I feel like, you know, I feel like when you're sort of in the infertility game for a long time, you kind of start like.

Looking for signs. Yes. Looking for signs, believing in like a little bit of magic, like sort of. trying to trust the universe. Right. And, you know, I know you were in it for a long time. And I think it's so amazing what you're doing and sharing your story. Because I think a lot of the time we see celebrities, you see that they just have a baby,

you know, like in their 40s or just even just like generally like you just see headlines of people having a baby. And I know for myself like in my 20s seeing that and being like, oh, I'll get pregnant at like in my 40s and it'll be easy. And like so many people do it. it's like so common. So easy. But you don't see the, or you used to, I think, less, you don't see the stories behind how people got there and all the things they went through to get there. So I think it's really amazing when you can share that story and not only normalize it,

but also really give the reality behind, you know, the Instagram post of the happy moments. Yeah. We just went to dinner last night with two couples that we were very tight with throughout our journey and actually finding out if our surrogate was pregnant and our surrogate, you know, going through the transfer. And it was crazy on the night or the day that we were supposed to find out if the transfer was successful. You know, everybody in our group and even my friends that, you know, weren't part of our dinner last night, everybody knew, right? And so my husband, you know, came home from work that day. I actually, it was a Monday, so I wasn't doing anything in terms of like having to travel or work a game. And I was home and my girlfriend is married to Matthew Stafford, who's the Los Angeles Rams quarterback.

And she was so cute. She was like, you know what? I'm just going to, for the night that you find out if the transfer is successful, I'm going to book a big dinner and a big celebration. And I just said, Kelly, we don't, we've already gone through this once with a surrogate. It wasn't successful. Like, I don't know if we should plan this dinner. She's like, I'm going to plan the dinner. Like, we plan the party for Matthew's Super Bowl win.

I'm just going to look at it that way, that it's going to work out, and it's going to be great. And there was a mess up at the lab that day. So noon when we thought we'd find out started to pass by, three o'clock when we thought we'd find out pass by. It's finally 5 o'clock on this Monday night, and we hadn't heard a thing. And I finally texted my doctor and the nurse, and I just said, I'm having a panic attack. I feel like I'm about to stroke out. My husband's upstairs with stomach pains. what is happening and they told us there is a mishap at the lab. We're not going to be able to get

you the results until tomorrow. And I had a full meltdown on the medical staff, even though it wasn't their fault. I was just like, how could this happen? You guys, this is so unhealthy. I've been waiting. You know, we bawled our brains out. We were saying all these cuss words and whatever. And my husband said, get in the car. Get in the car. We're going to Hollywood with our friends. And we're going to just get through the night and we're going to go to the dinner with the Staffords and this other couple and we're just going to have our night because if we sit at home right now, we know we're going to drive ourselves crazy. So we were talking about this last night at dinner. We all went to dinner and we went to this like gathering that my girlfriends had put together. We drank a lot. We hate a lot.

We laughed. We cried. We took pictures that night of just like what a solid group we were. And then the next morning I got the news like at 7 a.m. that our surrogate was pregnant. and I called both of those girls via FaceTime. Kelly's in the car with Matthew. She's crying. Carissa, my other girlfriend, Carissa Thompson, is on a plane, screaming with a blanket over her head crying.

The flight attendant is like, ma'am, you have to get off the phone. She's like, my girlfriend is pregnant. I can't get off the phone. So it was really funny last night. We were just talking about what a traumatic. I mean, the whole journey's been traumatic, but those, that 24 hours, it turned into a 48-hour thing.

You know, it was crazy. The only way my husband and I could really get through not getting the information when we were supposed to is, yes, we got absolutely drunk off our tails. I think I may have had my head in a toilet that morning because I was just so overwhelmed and, you know, with anxiety and, oh, it was crazy. No, I mean, it's kind of incredible, just the stories that you're telling and I've had similar experiences where you feel like you have, you have all these people rooting for you. Which is so important because it's such an isolating experience when you're kind, especially when you see everyone around you. and it seems like it's happening so easy for everyone else. But I do feel like there's this power in female friendships and men too. But, you know, this sense of like you have this team who are just like it feels like it's,

you know, happening to all of them. And that kind of really can help you get through it. I'm sure. I have to be honest, you know, I have a great core of girlfriends that have been with me since day one with this whole thing. But I have a lot of men in my life because I work in sports. And I try, I'm the only, I'm one of two women that travel. with about 30 to 40 guys every single week.

So those guys hear my issues. They knew all about my journey. And I think that's what's been really cool about this whole thing. You know, besides obviously having Mack and our family and so forth is just how many men this touched in my life and in the sports world. You know, I had athletes reaching out to me. I had, I was telling somebody the other day an offensive lineman from the Chicago Bears seek me out on the sidelines during pregame and just say, hey, I want to

to tell you that my wife and I are so thrilled for you. I mean, this is a guy leaving the field to come over to where I was standing in the middle of a drill because they had had infertility issues and so forth. So yeah, my female posse has been amazing, but also the men and the tough guys that I work with have been so awesome about it. I mean, the coaches that were texting me, the players that were reaching out, it was just really special. That's so cool. And I feel like you are, I mean, probably relatively uniquely in such a male dominated field. And it must be really cool and nice and kind of amazing just to see people be able to open up. Because I know even whenever you do tell men about things that you're going through,

they usually have, like you said, like a story of their own or something like that. But there's so few outlets for people to really talk about that. Yeah. That I think it's so amazing whenever anyone is given the opportunity to do so. I think one of the thing that resonates with a lot of. athletes and coaches in my world. And, you know, my husband comes from an NHL background and, you know, those are tough guys and guys. But it's all these people that have had success. They're at the top of their game. They're at the top of their career to make it to the NHL, to make it to the

NFL. And a lot of these people, which we found in our journey, have experienced infertility, which feels like a huge failure, which feels like you're not at the top. And why can't I get this done. Why isn't it easy for me like it is like when you mentioned everybody else? So I think that's another thing that people kind of, you know, were able to rally around and understand. It's really hard for people that have had a lot of success in their life to, to grasp why is this happening to us? Why can't I get this? You know, I've won two Stanley Cups. I've, I'm one of, you know, the top positions in my career. Why can I not have a baby on my own? Totally. And it's like you've, you've beat the odds. And I mean, it's in some ways, it's a privilege.

to be able to get that far and always sort of be on like the good side of statistics. I mean, because how how likely is it to become a professional athlete, you know, or to get to where you are in your career? But then to be like sort of on the negative side of statistics, even when those chances are low and then you're the one dealing with that, it can be very shocking and sort of be like mentally really challenging. So I totally, totally agree with what you're saying. But I guess to take us back a few steps, just could you, could you, could you,

you take me back to the beginning? Sure. Were you thinking about kids? Like when were you, when did you start thinking about having kids? I know you mentioned you freeze your eggs. Yeah. I, you know, I hadn't met my husband until later in my 30s. And listen, I was busy. I mean, I was, as soon as I got into the sports industry after college, I was going. I was, you know, working two to three games a week. I was doing different sports. I was, you know, hosting dancing with the stars. I mean, I was nuts. At one point in my life, we were, I was doing Thursday, Sunday, football, and then Monday dancing with the stars, sometimes Tuesday, going back on the road Thursday for Sunday. It was nuts. So I always knew that I was going to work a lot because I just love

it. I love the grind as much as I complain about it. And I knew I would meet someone, but I just didn't know when the whole baby situation would happen. So I started to freeze my eggs, probably a little too late in life. I wish I think in my world, the conversation had come up sooner like it is now for girls in their 20s. I think it's very popular to talk about freezing your eggs. I wish when I was in my 20s, it was the conversation. I think it was, but people weren't as comfortable. I spent a lot of summers where I could have been doing it and getting a lot of eggs. But by the time I started, it was, you know, levels were off. It was like, okay, this is like hard for you to get them. And then I guess I didn't really realize how difficult it was until it was dire and I

needed eggs. I'd probably done two rounds of it before I got the news that I had cervical cancer. And then it was like all the pressure was on to try to get as many eggs as possible. Did you discover that you had cervical cancer through like the fertility process or was that a completely separate thing? No, I had discovered I had it through a regular annual checkup with my gynecologist. And I'm really good about doing that. Crap, I just remembered. I skipped my dentist appointment right before the start of the season because I had an interview.

I usually go and I do everything right before the start of the season. That's something my mom instilled in us. Like, go to the dentist, go to the doctor to get your physical before school starts, right? So I carried that over to the start of my NFL season. You get your roots done. You get your teeth looked at. You get your skin. you know, all the kind of stuff. So I got my annual done. I always get it done like right before

the football season begins. And it was week three of this season and I got a call from my gynecologist on a Sunday. And I knew that wasn't good because what gyno calls you on a Sunday. And she said there are some cancerous cells in the pap. And we, I think at that point, I know for a fact, we had already done some tests leading up to that, you know, I went and got my annual. She saw something a little weird. And then I got another test done. And that was the results. I got the week three of this season. And she called and said, you need a full-blown hysterectomy. And I was like, what? What? I wasn't engaged. I was, you know, in the middle of a season where we had the Super Bowl that year. I just was like, what are you talking about? I'm not getting a hysterectomy. What's

happening? So basically what happened from there is she said I will go in and I will get as many cancer cells as I can, and let's see if we can save your cervix. I went and I had the surgery and I was not about to miss time at work. I wasn't about to miss time with dancing with the stars. I feel like the only way I can kind of process all of this and deal is just to go back to work. We were joking about it last night. I wore an 18-hour protection pad on the field because I literally was right off the operating table onto a football field, which was not something my dog. Dr. recommended, but Brett Farv's name was going up at Lambeau Field, and I wasn't about to miss that, and I wasn't going to miss the game and, you know, tell my coworkers I couldn't be there. So

basically I was wearing a diaper on the sidelines, and my dad and my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, came to watch over me because I wasn't telling anyone that this happened to me. And we went through it, and we got the results shortly after, and the cancer had gone through the past the margins and I was looking at either getting a hysterectomy or going to an oncologist. I decided to go to an oncologist, which I should have done in the beginning. And I went to him and he was able to save what was left of my reproductive system. But it was a lot. I did two surgeries in about a month during my football season.

But yeah, I love my oncologist and he was able to do that. But because of that, I didn't want to face it at the time. I wasn't going to be able to carry a kid. So you knew that right from then? I did, but I didn't. I wasn't processing it. I wasn't processing it at all. So I think at that point, I was trying to just cover up that I had had the surgeries. I didn't tell anybody from work. I didn't tell anybody from dancing with the stars. Just my small core knew, because I just wanted to keep it. It's not really, you know, something you want to talk about. I have cervical cancer. Hey, how are the Giants going to be this season? You know, it's just awkward. Yeah. And the more you talk about it, I'm sure, the more real it seems. Yeah. And I'm really bad about that, too. I didn't want to face it. So, But what the goal was at that point is he had just said, listen, we need to start getting you some embryos. We got to get this done here. We got to get you guys embryos. If you guys want to have kids, we're not even engaged yet. We got to start getting some embryos because it's going to get

harder and harder for you to make eggs. And now with these changes in your body from these surgeries and so forth, it's going to be really hard. So yeah, that was kind of like the goal from there. There wasn't like an off time I had. I was always pumping, you know, the IV. F meds in me. We were trying so hard. We were getting negative results, negative results. I wasn't producing any eggs. Once I did, we would try to make embryos. None of them worked out. So I went through it about nine times before we finally got some embryos. Yeah. Nine retrievals. Including the ones from before. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's a lot of drugs in your body. Right. And I mean, but at the end of nine, you had a few? We had a few. We lost two with a surrogacy that we tried before we got mass. So that was really, really hard because we were very naive going into that process with our first surrogacy. We thought, oh, I mean, it's going to work. In fact, we're going to throw two great A embryos in there and it's going to work. We're either going to get twins or we're going to get one. And again, we went into it very, very naive. I think we had seen all these success stories

that you referred to. You know, all these people do it. Why wouldn't it happen to us? Right. And it, yeah, we lost them. So that was really. really, really hard. Yeah, that I can't imagine. I mean, also just like, you were talking about, you know, having, having issues sort of like thinking about something is real. And how did you get yourself mentally to the place of like, okay, I'm going to do a surrogate? Like, or that's going to be my story. Because I think that's, even with like IVF, I think some people in their heads, they're like, well, I'm not like a person who needs to do that. And that's almost like the idea of doing it is almost worse than, you know, all the stuff you have to go through to get to doing it.

So what was that process like for you? The hard part was we didn't have a lot, right? So there wasn't room for error. There wasn't room for loss because if we lost them, we probably would be looking at egg donation. I went to a lot of high risk pregnancy doctors because I wanted to see if I could carry. There was conversations about how I didn't really have much of a cervix to hold the baby in anyways. you know, there was conversations that if you go into early labor and you're in Green Bay, you're going to have to stay in Green Bay. There was conversations, you know, just real,

real conversations. And it was time that I dealt with the reality of it all. Maybe this isn't the safest. Maybe this isn't the smartest. This doesn't sound like it's going to be very successful. We then went into COVID and, you know, we're all in lockdown and we're all dealing with that. And I remember it was Easter. And usually for Easter, we are the friends that are always invited to our friend's house that has kids. And she invites all the NHL families over and she does up her house and we're all sitting there, you know, watching the kids and having fun. And we didn't get to do that that year because everybody had to be a part.

And we were just sitting in our house with our golden retriever. And we just kind of decided that day we were like, this sucks. What are we doing? Like, you know, like, I mean, we're always, are we always going to be? the friends that show up and live, you know, vicariously through our other friends, are we going to actually go through this? I'm not getting any younger. Why don't we just do this? And there was also, like, a weird sense, too, that my embryos were so safe in the storage, you know? It was like so afraid, I was so afraid to take them out and, like, face reality. So, yeah, that's when the process of us

started of trying to find a surrogate, and it wasn't successful. The first try. Right. And, And then did you try again with the same surrogate? We didn't. We actually, I went through a really, really tough go after we lost those two because I obviously with, you know, having cervical cancer, not telling anyone, going through surgeries, going right back on the field. Yeah, my employer probably wouldn't have even let me come back. Not saying, you know, but they probably would have been like, hey, go take a week off.

But I just, that's how I process things. I have to get back to work. I have to deal. I don't want to sit there and be sad. And unfortunately for me, when we suffered the loss with our first surrogacy, my husband was really good. He grieved right away. Like he processed right away. I didn't.

And I pushed it off and I tried to act like everything was okay. And it was probably a few weeks later. I was confronted by a couple people in my life that, you know, I work with and I'm tight with. And they were just like, something's really wrong with you. I mean, I admittedly wasn't able to form sentences properly. Like, I was just not well. Like, mentally, I was just really, really struggling and I didn't deal with it the right way. I would cry at a drop of a hat.

I was just, I was lost. I felt really like I would stare off into space. So I dealt with that. And then we decided it was time to get back on the horse. And once I took care of myself, we then sought after help to find a new group. and yeah, that awful loss led us to kind of our angel with my surrogacy group and our surrogate. This episode of Baby Steps is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's almost the end of the year.

And this time, while it can be exciting, can also be really stressful. And a lot of people feel a lot of sadness and anxiety about it. And it's not just the stress of finding gifts, but it's also the stress of seeing your family, of it starting to get cold, a little seasonal depression. but adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. And therapy for me is always something I go to when I'm feeling anxiety or stress around anything, whether it's the holidays, winter, or just like things that are going on in my life that are not going as I planned. I've been to therapy for over eight years now and nothing has helped me quite as much as therapy

has overcome whatever obstacles come my way. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash baby steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, help.com slash baby steps. When you said you took the time and you like, you processed it yourself, like, what did that actually look like? What did it look like? It was me seeking out help.

I had to go talk to somebody. Yeah. Right. Going through all of this, I can't imagine doing that without someone to. Because it's so mental, I mean, mental, it almost feels like obviously it's so physically taxing. Right. But I'm sure mentally and just the idea of kind of like you were saying, like, what if this never happens for me? I know.

Just even having to face that fear, I think, is sort of the scariest part of all. Yeah. And I just didn't want to deal with the loss again. And I knew we didn't have a lot left embryo-wise. And I just was like, I can't do this again. But I know we want to do this again. I just couldn't. So my husband was great about it.

I mean, he was my rock through it all. Listen, this is heavy stuff for a man. This is heavy stuff for a red-blooded, like a professional athlete that's never had to talk about ovaries so much in his life, you know, cycles, cervical cancer. This was a lot. But I was so proud of him because he grieved, he dealt with it. He listened. You know, he was like, whatever you need.

Let's get this done. And we're going to have this baby. So let's figure it out. That's amazing. And it sounds like he was like a really good support system then for you. Yeah. He's made me so proud through this whole thing in terms of, you know, how he dealt with his emotions, how we dealt getting through all of this.

And even, you know, we'll get to it. When we finally had the baby, that was one thing I was like so proud of him about with, you know, our relationship with our surrogate and so forth. Yeah, I'd love for you to tell me more about how you found the new surrogate. We were guided by someone to a woman named Stephanie Levich with family match consulting. I highly recommend if this looks like, you know, an avenue you have to pursue or go down seeking her out. We have had other friends come to us about, you know, Stephanie and her company. it is an unbelievable group that helps pair you with a surrogate or egg donor or whatever you're

looking for. She's just great. She's lovely. She's an angel. She's comforting. When you go through something like this, you have 7,000 questions and she is there to hold your hand through the entire thing. Her biggest thing is she gets to know you. She gets to know your partner. She wants to see who you would match with. Because listen, you don't want to waste a lot of time trying to go through all these matches and then it's not successful. It's tiring. It's exhausting. It's, you know, it's a lot. So unfortunately for us, our journey did take a bit with her because, again, I didn't have a lot in storage. We didn't have a lot of embryos in storage. So my doctor was very, very cautious. He felt terrible that the first one didn't work out. He wanted to make sure the next one,

everything was perfect about her surrogate. So you have to go through medical with her. She has to go. She has to get checked out, make sure everything is perfect before they even think about doing this transfer. We probably went through four to five girls. I mean, we even got so close a couple of times with some women. Like, we had transfer dates. And at the last minute, they would go in for checkups. And our doctor would be like, something's off. I can't pull the trigger.

We can't do this. I mean, it was hard. It was really, really hard. It's interesting how all this, like, you know, this fertility stuff gives you this sense of control. But there's so many different things that have to do. role that have to align to create like this miracle baby that you had it just like all the stars had to you know form the right way and all the you know the tiny little parts I mean even as someone going

had going through transfers and going through IVF every single thing has its every day has its own result that has to like be optimal to get to the next round it's like getting a TV show made it's like kind of nuts but it sounds like whatever your doctor did like wound up working out. Yeah, he told me he was going to retire the day we had a baby. So he hasn't retired yet, but I think he's pretty close. Was it also about like a personality match? Was that part of the equation or not really? Yeah, I got to be honest, anybody that would do this and sacrifice like nine months, it's more than nine months anyways, you know, to do this for another family, I feel like they, you know, check a lot of things off my box. I mean, yeah, you sit on a Zoom with them, you meet them,

you meet their partner, you talk to them a bit. And there's different levels I've heard from what people go through relationship-wise with their surrogate. I pretty much knew we would be tight with ours. Like, there's just no way around it with me. I'm very hands-on. I kind of wanted to know a lot about her and check in on her and so forth. So ours was an absolute angel. That's amazing. And then like, what was the process like, you know, when she was pregnant, like when you get to that state? What was the whole pregnancy like for you? Yeah, we had a really great group chat. The cool thing was they were big sports, they are big sports fans. So, you know, any game I was working, they were checking in. They would play my game so Matt could hear my voice. My husband does commentary for the Los Angeles

Kings as well. And so they would play his games and we would text back and forth about football teams and hockey and so forth. We would meet them for lunch. We saw them for coffee a few times. and yeah, we developed a really, really cool relationship. We loved it. That's great. And they lived by you, so that was easy to, like, you go to the doctor's appointments. Yeah. A lot of it was hard in terms of doctor's appointments because I'm always on the road. We did a lot of face times. That was sometimes really hard and frustrating because sometimes the Wi-Fi wasn't great at hospitals. And so you're hanging on every word the doctor is saying or you're hanging on every movement in the ultrasound and, like, the Wi-Fi is terrible. So,

that required a lot of patience for both of us, but we did the best we could. When Mack was born and you're given the baby, like, is there any? Because I, again, I think there's probably people who are considering surrogacy, like, listening to this. And, you know, they probably have fears around connection or anything like that. Like, did you feel any of that? Or were you just like, this is how it was meant to happen. This is my baby.

Like, I think the biggest thing that, I will walk away with from the actual delivery and being handed Mac was just my love and just being so grateful towards our surrogate family. You have to understand. I mean, we talked to a couple of people that went through surrogacy about the actual delivery. And it's kind of funny. It's really a hot question from all your friends, are you going into the delivery room? Like, how are you doing that? Like, what do you do. And we were tight with our surrogate and her husband. I mean, they, they were great. I still consider them family. I always will. But you just really don't know in that moment what's going to happen and what's comfortable and how it's going to go down. Mack was a really, really quick delivery. He was

ready to go. Our girl was just the opposite of me, calm, positive, just. I mean, I think I'm pretty strong, but she's the definition of strong. We ran in, her husband called us, we were in another room, we ran in, you know, they were doing some things medical-wise. I was trying to stay out of the way. I wanted to give them their space. I wanted to get out of the way. I didn't want to, you know, bug anything. And one of the nurses grabbed me and said she wants to hold your hand. And they pulled me over to her. And there was a little bit of a scare during the delivery. Everything was, everything turned out perfect, but there was a little bit of a scare. And I looked at her and she just had a tear coming out of her eye. And later she told me, I was just so scared because I wanted everything

to be okay for you guys. Like that just sums up what these women are all about. Like forget them, forget their bodies, forget their husband that's standing right there. Like so she was just a badass. Like I was holding her hand. We were screaming for her. We were like, you got this, you got this. So, and that was what I was so proud about with my husband. He just, like, we got Mac. They were tending to our surrogate. We went over to the other side of the room, and he just couldn't wait to put Mac in her arms. And we have such great pictures of Mac in her arms.

And, like, my husband is always showing to people. Like, look, this is the first time she got to see him. This is the first time she got to see him. And we have such awesome photos of just him being born and, like, me kissing her head. And, you know, my husband, like, cheering her on. It's really, really special. So you, I will always, like, you know, be grateful and connected with my son. But I'm just, it's another level of what these women do for you.

So it's pretty fantastic. That's so incredible. And I know I was reading a little bit about, you know, the work that you're doing. Yeah. So sort of make, because surrogacy is obviously, like, it's an expensive, like, I'm sure, time-consuming option that not everyone I either can afford. or has access to. Can you tell me a little bit more about what you were doing in that space? You mentioned it. I mean, we would go through this and we're very lucky, but we would get these bills and, you know, these loopholes with insurance and, you know, just it's a lot of money.

And I developed such a great relationship with Stephanie. I would just say this is crazy. Like, I mean, I can't imagine people doing this that have gone through medical issues, cancer, or they've gone through, had to mortgage their house because they're trying to pay for the chemo bills and things like that and people that are struggling with this paying these bills. And she said, it's ridiculous. It's crazy. Insurance doesn't cover this stuff. It's just, it's, it's a lot. And it's a lot for somebody that's, you know, tried so hard with IVF and spent so much money with IVF than trying to go through surrogacy. It's just unreal. And it made me mad. It made me upset. And it's just not fair. It's, I think a lot of times it's because it is really a lot to talk about surrogacy and IVF. Sometimes it's

looked at as a luxury that people do it because they don't want to get fat or they don't want, you know, all the problems are complications of having a baby, but this may be the only way they can have a baby. So Stephanie is amazing. Like I said, she, you know, knows all the ins and outs of trying to have a family. And she had partnered with a group called Baby Quest and they're out here in Los Angeles. And they actually try to help families and grant families either help assistance with IVF or surrogacy's, and it's all sorts of families. It's, you know, LBGTQ, it's people in the military, it's people who have dealt with cancer. It's all sorts. And I just really, really want to make it my mission to kind of help out, you know, when things have settled down with football, Max,

you know, not able to take your of itself. Yeah, when things are a little bit more chill at my house, this is my mission. I'd like to speak out with this. I'd like to help families. This is just a lot. It's already an emotional process to deal with and then you have to add the financial burden of it all. And I really feel like there's some difference I can make with all of it. I think that's really incredible just trying to, you know, because like you said, it's so hard even without thinking about like the financial cost or the, you know, there's the physical toll, there's the mental toll, there's all of that and then adding to that. So I think it's so incredible what you're doing. I think your resiliency through all of this is also so inspiring. I know anyone who's listening to

this episode is going to feel, you know, it's just amazing because you, again, to just see someone who's been through it and there is success on the other side. It's like really inspiring because I'm sure there's many moments throughout the, what was it, almost 10 year journey that you had where it wasn't always clear that there was going to be a happy ending. So it does really show and I do think most of the time, you know, if you just keep going one way or another, it happens for you. I think you're a great example of that. Yeah. No, it is. It's a lot. And I think the hardest part is to speak publicly about it and to talk to your friends about it. A lot of friends don't understand what you're going through.

How could they? I mean, this is a, it's a lot more common than you would expect, but they don't. And I just found my people with the most information I gave them, you know, the more they understood, the more they were there because, you know, they don't want to bug you. They don't want to ask. They know that there's a lot more failure than there is success. So, yeah, don't be embarrassed by it. That was another story I tell all the time.

You know, I used to be in these waiting rooms that are, by the way, packed at fertility clinics. So you're not the only one going through it. And I think it was like my seventh or eighth time that I was getting a retrieval. I could have given myself, you know, the meds as I was getting ready to go under. I was like, here, just give me the IV. I can give it to myself. I get it. Put the socks on.

I got the gown. Let's go pee before. I got it. I got the drill. Let's go. I'm ready to go. Not your first radio. Yeah.

And this poor girl next to me, you could tell. tell the nurse giving all the instructions, okay, and you're going to feel a little crampy when you wake up and maybe take a Tylenol. And she was crying. And I could, I was just like, oh, God, you got this. I just said, after the nurse left, I'm like, you got this. It's so easy. The first day you're going to sleep, like, it's fine, you know? And I was just like, it sucks. So it's like, I just decided to be a lot more vocal about it. I asked them in the waiting room not to kind of be like, Aaron Andrews, ready. And I was like, shh, like, stop. Don't see my name. I'm like, I don't give a crap anymore. There's so many people here going through this. You know, you don't need to be like,

oh, let's be so discreet. It's like, this sucks. Let's all be in misery together about it and get through it. And the normalization, I mean, like you said, like not everyone, most people don't go through this. So if you are going through it and you don't have friends who are going through it, seeing people in the public eye be open about it, sometimes all people have. Like I remember Googling like celebrities that had like issues trying to see. Just because it gives you a sense of like, you know, what is possible or what is out there other people dealing with this stuff. So I think it's incredible what you've done. Thank you so much for sharing your story on this show.

And congratulations. Thanks. I'm not just Mac, but on everything, all your success. Appreciate it. I know you have a podcast. It's called Calm Down. Right? Calm down with Erin and Carissa.

And it's very lighthearted. We do talk about, you know, my whole fertility issues. A lot of women reach out and ask about it. and keep the questions coming. We kind of tend to put a sarcastic and funny spin on everything. Our lives in a male-dominated industry, trying to run through a airport to catch your flight pee and change your clothes and put compression tights on all at the same time.

It's very difficult, but we add some humor to it and relationships and now a newborn and all of it. So yeah, calm down with Aaron and Carissa. And, yeah. And, of course, on TV all the time. Sure. And if you guys want some female team apparel, I've got you covered there too. Any sport, any team college, we got you. We make a female apparel, female team apparel, fashionable, fun.

And it's called wear. You can wear it anywhere. I've got our little cardigan on because I'm praying for fall vibes here in California. I was just thinking I love the sweater that you're wearing. I have to be unbiased. So I wear NFL gear, but we have it in all 32 teams. We have win. We have cute lounge sets. We have fun sweatshirts and hoodies and things like that. I know this airs in December. We've got a lot of comfy, cozy things. Stuff for NHL as well. All you NHL fans out there. And hey, December, let's plug the holidays. Great gifting too. So there you go. Great gift. I personally, you know, I'm always, you know, with my husband trying to go to these games, I never have anything to wear. Because the stuff that's out there is usually geared towards men and it's not that cute. But I was just thinking literally when we started recording. I love the sweater you have. Thank you. So I will definitely be checking that out. I'm sure you make some baby stuff too for your little baby stuff.

We actually have baby stuff. Yes. Great gifting gifts for your girlfriends who are expecting or anything like that. So yeah, throw it in a little baby shower gift bag for them. Amazing. Erin, thank you so much for coming on. This was incredible. For sure.

We'll see you next time on baby steps. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, BetterHelp. I hope this episode has been a help to you on your path to parenthood. If you want to get started with therapy, I highly recommend giving BetterHelp a try. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Baby Steps today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-LP.com slash Baby Steps. Betches.