Oversharing - Can I Maintain A Friendship With My Boss?

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Jordana spirals over posting her kids on social media, and Dr. Naomi talks her off the ledge while shamelessly lobbying for more niece content. After surviving law school together, one Betch is struggling not to resent the fact that her partner works fewer hours, makes way more money, and somehow still has time to relax. Another listener is convinced she’s torched her relationship with her boss after reacting less-than-gracefully to a workplace screw-up. Looking to break her phone-call phobia, one woman asks the hosts for the verbal equivalent of being thrown into the deep end. A boudoir shoot meant to celebrate a hard-earned glow-up takes a nosedive when the makeup artist decides honesty is the best—and most brutal—policy. And finally, a Betch who spent months crafting the perfect baby name is seeing red after a friend lands suspiciously close to her masterpiece. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So good to be back here with you. It's coming at a great time.

I have a little like, I guess my own betchesist. This is the kind of thing where I feel like I would love a like, licensed psychologist's perspective on. Okay, lay it on me. So since having kids, we were just talking about how I sent you these videos and they're so cute and I have like, I take like seven million pictures of them a day. And I was wondering what your thoughts are on like children being posted online. I think we've kind of briefly touched on this for some previous emails that were written

in. I feel like very conflicted about it, you know, because there's some people you see on and they never post the pictures or they put a smiley face in front of the picture. They only show the back of the head. And some people post their kids all the time. And like neither of those seem quite right to me. I don't know. Like nothing like to me.

Like to me neither of those feels like the right way to go. But I do have this weird like feeling of anxiety whenever I post a picture of them on Instagram. I guess there's like this feeling of am I like endangering them? is there like a negative repercussion coming from this? I'll be honest, there's definitely like a lot of positive feedback you get from a lot of people posting pictures of them. I mean,

they're really cute and they are a big part of my life. So it feels like very natural to want to share that. And like, again, I don't think I'm like, it's not like extremely conscious of like, oh, I'm going to get a lot of interactions from this.

It's more like you do notice that. Like that is what people want like, you know, the way the social media trains your, brain is like post things that people. Yes. Want to see. Give the people what they want. Right. But that feels like like when I think about that and when I think about the fact that like that is like sort of a positive thing that I personally feel from that, I'm like that doesn't feel right. Like that feels like bad parenting.

Do you know what I mean? Like my kids to like feel good to get this dopamine hit from people saying things that make me feel good. Right. I mean like again, that's not the only reason, but I would be lying, I think, if I said there wasn't, that wasn't like a nice little thing that it feels like good from. Totally. Well, look, first I will just say, I think it's great that you're one coming on here and being honest about like that feeling that I think a lot of parents probably deep down have or if you don't, maybe don't even acknowledge that they have, the little bit of that

icky feeling of like I'm using my, the cuteness of my kid or even like as they get older, like the talent of my kid or something that my kid has to then get this like positive feedback from other people that then makes me feel good about myself. But then I also think like I also do that in real life. Like we went to a birthday party. One of Mike's friends kids had a first birthday party this weekend. And I'm like wanting to put them in a nicer outfit than I would normally. really put them because like, yeah, I want them to look especially cute. They're going to meet a lot of

people and I want people to think they're cute. And it can happen the other like the negative way too. Like sometimes when I bring them over to their grandma's house, like if they walk in with chocolate on their face, like before she even says hello, she's like, what's on your face? And like she'll take a rag and like, you know, it goes the other way too. Like you almost, they can affect you negatively if they're showing up in a negative way. It makes you feel badly about yourself or like. For sure. I mean, I guess it's true for like my own self.

Like if I'm going to a party, I'm maybe trying a little harder than if I'm hanging out around my house because I don't want people to think I've like completely let myself go or don't care about, you know, my hair to look normal. You have this like little tiny other ego. You have your whole life where it's like just you and this big ego that you walk around with. then now you have two other little ego, ego extensions that now affect you. So very real, very relatable.

And then there's also like, you know, this is the part that doesn't really scare me, I guess, because like I don't think I'm posting anything that weird. But like, you know, there's like the predator, the privacy or the other thing that's like another big part of it. for some reason, I don't know, I'm never posting like where they are or where they're, you know, where they live or. And I guess people, you know, people are so intense.

And I guess there's like stuff about AI that someone could take your kid's image and create like, God forbid, like child porn or something like that. That's like crazy. But like I feel like there's a million places to find pictures of a baby's arm online. I don't know. just feels like I can't like that I can't go that far in that direction. I don't know. Like what do you? So then I'm like, you know, and then every time I post something, it's sort of like this, this existential crisis of like, well, like, was this stupid? Was this wrong? So sometimes I just don't

even post anything, which is also fine. Like I'll send it, you know, I'll send it to our sibling group chat or to like the grandparents or something, which is like also nice. You also get some nice positive feedback there. Um, but. But I don't know. Like, it's, for me, I'm like, I have a, I have a hard time whenever I try to, like, figure out my stance on it. It's very hard for me to land somewhere. I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

I think as far as endangering your child, I think the idea is that if you have a wide net and you're posting pictures, there could be someone that gets, like, hooked on your kid and, like obsessed with your kid and then tries to find them in real life, you know, or like you're saying, create some AI images of them, but that could happen in so many, the idea of someone creating AI images of your kid like that could happen. Right. That ship has sailed. There's an image of them out there already.

So like, even the whole like someone could see and become obsessed with your kid. Like, it's funny, like I listen to a lot of true crime things and you hear of like all the 80s kidnappings were like people who saw your kid on the playground and became obsessed with them and then like kept looking at like for your kid and then maybe snatched them or something. But like so that doesn't that's not an internet only thing, but obviously it's a little easier to attract someone. Right. Find out where, oh, she posted a picture.

It looks like they're here. Maybe they're here. Yeah. I mean, I don't think what you're doing. It's not like you're vlogging your whereabouts all day. every day. Like I think if you're like creating a, you know, detailed itinerary of your whereabouts with your baby. I mean, your babies are babies. You're with them every second. So I don't think you're even in this world. But I think if you're, you know, really obsessively documenting every

second of your kid's life, that's probably maybe a little bit unsafe for strangers to know the whereabouts of your kid. But I do think if there's crazy people out there and they want to find your kid, they're probably going to find them. You know, like I don't think there's that much that you're going to do. I don't think the amount that you're posting. I don't think you're endangering them. I think what makes you feel that way is this kind of push, pull of like, this feels good for me. If there's even a 2% chance that it's in any way dangerous for them, it feels so it would be the worst, most selfish, horrible thing in the entire world. So I don't want to do it at all. Well, that's kind of the slippery slope of like all parenting, right? Like, oh, if I,

if I want to go out to dinner without my kids, And that might be bad for them in some way. Like should I just not do it? Because like why even, even if there's a possibility. Right. So it is, I mean, this does seem like less necessary than maybe a night out or a break or something. But I do think it's a little bit of a slippery slope kind of thing. And that's like, I mean, I feel like I always talk about how much I love Emily Oster.

But I like that I like what she does in terms of like parenting and pregnancy and stuff because she's basically like, no one can do. with like everything. Like you can't do absolutely zero. So like, why don't we look at the studies and see what like is actually impactful. And I do think that if it makes you feel better to just send it to the family chat or send it to your friends chat and not necessarily post it. Like I think what you do sounds great. If it's like a big event, like when they were first born and everyone's following your journey, I do think there is something to be said. Like so many people have reached out to you. all these people that don't even know you that are like, I've never felt more connected to somebody or more happier for somebody that I don't know than I did for you, right, when you had the babies.

And yes, you want to protect your babies more than anything else in the world. But I think the idea that you made an announcement and posted pictures was like a gift to all these people who felt really loving, warm, kind vibes towards you. If you were like, well, I'm going to protect these babies and not post any people. pictures of them ever for like a 0.000 1% chance of what I'm not even exactly sure what would happen that someone's going to take make AI porn out of them or whatever your fear is and all these people that would that got so much joy out of seeing them and seeing you guys like I just don't think that that would be a reasonable fear and rob you of like creating all these

connections from people that would love to see them or on their first birthday or like if they're something that you want to share with all these people that you can connect with for you not to connect in that way with people that really genuinely you're sharing love and warmth and all these loving feelings with on your Instagram page. I don't think it's my opinion is I don't think it's worth it. Do you want to document their every move on your Instagram page? Probably not just because it's going to make you feel anxious for no reason. And you can share some of those things with smaller circles. But on big things that you feel like the larger group of,

I don't know how many followers you have, but like a lot, I think it's okay to share that because there is like, this is a bigger, much bigger topic, but like we're very stuck in our own little nuclear family. And there is like a larger world to connect to out there, especially someone like you who's connected with this whole infertility community and people that

really feel inspired by you. And it's worth connecting in that way where people can see your joy and experience a little moment of joy with you, which is why I always tell people when it comes to social media and who you're connecting with, like connect with people who you are really happy for and who you really think are happy for you. Like that's who you should be keeping in your circle so that when you are posting these things, if there is that little point zero, zero, zero, zero, one percent in the back of your mind that thinks that somehow this may be, nefarious is going to happen, whatever. That it's worth it because you're connecting with someone that you have warm and loving

feelings towards going back and forth, you know. I think that's a great way to think about it. I also try to think, like, before I put up anything, and they're a little young even for this, but like, like, if I were them. And I found out this picture was on the internet somewhere. Would it be upsetting for me? So like, you know, I try not to post like a tantrum or even like, even though they're babies like I want their, they're going to be like clothed.

I'm not like posting pictures of them like in the bath. Like, you know, having like a just an aware. I think just having like a, I think it's okay to have an awareness even though it gives me anxiety to even think about. but I think the awareness just makes me like, I think a little more about what I post about them than maybe what I post about me or what I post about Mike even.

Sorry, Mike. So I think that's good. Just to like think like a little longer about anything that I put up about them. But it doesn't mean I don't, I shouldn't do it or I can't do it or it's bad to do it. But just like having an extra little sense of like what would this person think if they could know?

Or what would I think if this baby picture was up on the internet of me? Which is usually probably like not being upset about that. Totally. And I think most of the time it's so cute that even by the time you're old enough, you're like, yeah, even if it was a tantrum, you're like, but that was so cute. Right. It's not like in the moment. Right.

Yeah, I'm sure you're doing fine. But I get where you're coming from, where you're sort of like, this feels. good for me, so maybe it feels that somehow is wrong. It's bad. Yes. But keep sending it. Send me every single. I wish people would send me more.

Like even my friends, I want more videos and it's weird. Do you? I'm kind of like, does anyone really want like this many pictures of my eye kids? I like videos. You're like, just send me the videos. I don't want anything static. Yeah, the pictures are great, but I want to see like the personality. Like I want to see what they're up to.

I want to see the actual. You get a vibe for who these little people are becoming and their personalities through videos. And I'm actually bummed. You know, I think there's been an overcorrection. Like when I was young, my dad used to take like 45 minute long home movies, which like nobody's really watching. Although now it's kind of like a treasure to kind of see. what the whole vibe was, like in the home, like you can kind of get a feel for the whole thing. And now everything is like if you, if the clip is more than 10 seconds, it feels so short like

it's taking up all the space on your phone. And when I look back at the videos from when my kids were little, I'm always like, oh, I wish this was longer. Like I just want to see more. Like what was going on in the space, you know, like what the, vibe was in the house and like just kind of be like a fly on the wall so a little bit more but like my phone only has so much memory and the attention the human attention span is like plus like I'm not sending you a 45 minute video of my case no I don't think you want that either I wouldn't I and that you're right I wouldn't want that your videos currently are perfect length I just wish I had right maybe you should get a video recorder like a video camera like old

school. Yeah. Yeah. Something separate than my phone to just kind of like record. Like when people don't even know they're being recorded kind of thing. So you could see what's really going on. And that's how it was back in the day. It was like someone was just recording and everyone was just living their life almost. Right. Well, it wasn't the, because they're probably not performing because it's like no one's going to see it besides your parents, really. Now it's like, if I see a video on me, I'm like fixing my hair and like. because maybe it's going to go on the internet or something. Yeah, totally.

It was a totally different time. It was interesting. But every video, like someone sent me the other day, a clip from when my kids were babies and it was like a 30, like a 12 second clip or something. And I'm like, ah,

what happened next? You know? Yeah. All right. Well, thank you for this that I feel a little better about my choices. Yeah, you're all good.

I just want you to know that if you ever feel like it's too much, you can tell me. My friends and I have like a Botox filler like cosmetic thing where we have a pact of like whatever looks like it's too much you can say something. I'm giving you the pre-authorization to say something. So same thing with the internet posting. If you're like this seems a little excessive or like an invasion.

All right. I will. I'll keep you in check. We have a voicemail this episode. If you have a voicemail, you can leave us one at 64636-36294. As always, you can subscribe to this episode. We love our subscribers. And if you subscribe, you get two bonus episodes a month and all the episodes ad-free and one day early. Or you can join a therapy group run by Dr. Naomi. How do they do that?

Yes, come find us, Naomi Bernstein.com. We have groups on Monday evenings, Tuesday mornings, and there's a Wednesday morning group two that I currently think is full. But those are the times that the groups run. If you're interested, come find us. We would love to have you join us. There's also some individual therapy spots that are open. If that is something you're looking for, I love doing couples work.

It's some of my favorite, you know, I was kind of born into this world. Lots of disjointed couples all around. So I've been doing this since I was, you know, about three. I've gotten pretty good at that too. So yeah, Naomi Bernstein.com. Come find us. And on that note, if you want a free couples therapy session by having us do a subscriber episode of your couple's disagreement, email us, let us know you want to come on a subscriber episode. You don't pay anything. It is on air, put it's behind a paywall. So if you are a

couple and want to dip your toes in that couples therapy thing without the price tag. And you can be anonymous too. So you don't have. have to say names or anything like that. Totally. So email us if you're interested in that, oversharing at betches.com. Okay, let's get into our episode. I will read our first email. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. I could use some advice and how to deal with career jealousy with my partner. For context, my boyfriend and I are both second year attorneys who started practicing after passing the July 24 bar and now practice in the same state. He does regulatory work at a small firm and I do litigation at a larger firm in a metro area. I tend to work a lot of evenings, weekends,

holidays, and I'm in office every day while he seems to get more time off and is allowed to work remotely whenever he wants. Litigation by its nature is also inherently more stressful with tight deadlines and court appearances. On top of that, he's gotten several raises and bonuses while I've gotten none, and he makes almost twice my salary. I recognize it's not his fault that I chose this firm and this area of law. And I also recognize that he has legitimate complaints about his own work. But how do I deal with jealousy towards my partner's career when we're purportedly in the same place in our career, but he works less and gets paid substantially more? Thanks for your wisdom, a covetous counselor. This is tough because you're waking up in the morning. You're both going off to your separate

days, which look very different. And even if you were making the same amount, it's hard that you're working different, you know, you're working longer hours and he's working from home and you're going to an office and then also on top of that, he's making more than you. So I could see that being a real struggle. I wonder if you have this with Mike a little bit because I know that he has moments where he works super long hours and your work from home. I think he gets a little jealous, I'm sure, of like the flexibility of my job compared to his. I think that it's like, yeah, I think that's something that you kind of have to deal with. I mean, one thing about where she says she is, her boyfriend, we're married. So it does feel like at least for, you know, like everything is, we're sort of like a team.

What's mine is yours. Right. What's mine is yours. And also because I have more flexibility in our, in my schedule, I'm able to do more things to help around the house or to, you know, to help with like the dog or child care appointments that he can't go to. So I do think there's like an element of this is more on even this way. There's other things that are more even another way. But with a boyfriend, I think it's a little different because it feels like it's like you're almost just like your peer side by side to you. But I will say that I think the best way to deal. I mean, I get jealous of like Mike's metabolism. Like there's a million things to be jealous of that are like kind of inherently unequal. Like, you know, there's like a, some things come more naturally to other people or they get lucky in one area or the next.

And I think that the best way to not feel resentful is to turn like that resentful jealousy thing into like inspiration or motivation. It's nice almost that they're in the same, like they graduated the same time. They have relatively same skill set, it sounds like. I mean, I assume there's something she likes about litigation because of the fact that she went into it. it. To me, it seems like whenever I thought about being a lawyer, that always seemed like the coolest thing that you're like going and arguing in front of a thing. So I don't know how much she values that, but maybe she thought she valued that. And now she's realizing she doesn't. She'd rather have a more flexible schedule, less hours, be able to work from home, that kind of thing. So I think if she's realizing, like, she should look at her boyfriend as like, I mean, this is like an inspiration. Like, this is possible in this field. A lot of people don't even know it's possible because they, They've never been in something or ever really, like, know anyone who's in something. So she has someone who she's, I don't know if she lives with him, but they, they're together every day.

She seems this kind of life is possible with the degree and the career that she has. So if she's like, I want that life. It's not too late. Just past the bar in 2024. Like, why don't you look into jobs in his field? He could probably be an asset to you and someone to help motivate you to, get a job like his. 100%. I totally agree. I think one of two things, either, like you said, you're,

you love this particular work. And you're like, I love being a litigator. I love the intellectual challenge. I love the idea of being in person, arguing, being in court, making these appearances, doing this type of, you know, doing this type of work. And so that's what makes it worth it. or here's something that I'm going to work towards and I'm going to build my resume in this direction and I'm going to start applying for jobs and I want to go in this, you know, I want to, I want to do that, which you're early enough in your career that I think you can try to make that change. I get that that feels kind of, I think this happens to people sometimes and I would encourage you not to feel stuck, especially now.

you're just two years in where it feels like, I guess maybe in law school you take certain courses or you've taken an internship or something where you've decided I want to be a litigator. And then it feels like, uh, wait, I was wrong. Like now I need to change and do something different. And it feels like you made a mistake or something if you, the work is not worth it to you, perhaps. Maybe it is and you're just in a mood or you're in a place or you're in a place or you're, you feel like a little irritated that you have to wake up earlier or work later and maybe it

really is worth it. But if it's not, it's okay to kind of say, hey, I made a mistake. I thought this was doing this work was going to be worth it. And actually I'm doing it and it's not. And it's okay to kind of make that pivot at any time. Even if you were doing this for 10 years, it's okay to make that pivot. I mean, I thought I wanted to do one thing early in my career. I did, it's crazy to think what I did my, my early career internships and has nothing to do

what I do with what I'm doing currently. I mean, you also did teach for America and you're not a teacher. It's so, it is crazy. I did teach for America for two, my first two years out of college, I was a teacher. This is not what I do currently. And then I did psychological testing. my first year in graduate school, which is not what I do at all. And then I worked in a residential eating disorders clinic, which is not my area of expertise. So you tried this. Maybe it's not

what you want to do. I mean, think of it like a relationship. It's like just because you are in a relationship for a long time doesn't mean you need to stay in that relationship, even if you've put in many years in that relationship. Totally. And you've probably learned, I'm sure there are are pieces and skills that you can have pulled out of your time and this that you can then go ahead and use, but I wouldn't stay stuck just because this is maybe what you thought you wanted to do from the time you were 21. It's a very hard thing to turn jealousy into inspiration, but if you can do that, I think you're like the most pleasant person to be around. Because then it goes from like, I don't want to hear about how you can work from home to like,

I would love to do what you do. Can you help me figure out the best way to transition, like inspired? And you can like leverage that person. Yes, that turning jealousy into inspiration. That is a lifelong challenge that I think a lot of people can lean into. It starts young. I took Maddie to this volleyball thing and she came out. It was an all ages thing. So she's 12 and she was in there with these girls that were like 17. And she came out and she was all upset and I suck. I was the worst one in there and I don't want to go back. And I was trying to get that message.

Ultimately, she was jealous. She couldn't play like the rest of these girls. And I, you know, just was trying to get her to turn her jealousy into inspiration of like, I want to be like, but no. And she was, it wasn't, it wasn't there right off the bat. But I do think it's when you notice jealousy, if you can. take that either acceptance or inspiration, right? I guess acceptance is one of like, okay, I'm never going to have long, blonde hair. That's what the thing is. Or inspiration of like,

in this case, I want that career or I want to hit a volleyball like that or whatever. If you can do that, give it a try. And I think it's okay to, again, I think saying I'm jealous sets you free. So our boyfriend's like irritating her by talking about, she says like he has legitimate complaint. She's saying, I recognize that he has legitimate complaints about his own work. Sounds like when he's complaining, she's like getting irritated. And I do think there's an element of like reading the room. But I think if she could say like, I understand that like this day at work was annoying. Honestly, I'm really jealous of your whole schedule. And when you complain, it annoys me. Because like, I wish I had had that. And I'm trying to be more inspired. But maybe just like have that

awareness that it's tough for me right now. I'm not loving what I'm doing right now. Yeah, self-reflection is good. It doesn't mean you have to change, but I would allow yourself to just start to think about if whatever the work is is worth it, is worth the effort. Let's do a betchesist. This one is a voicemail. Let's roll the tape. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I am loving the podcast. It's my favorite podcast up there with you up. They can be nervous leaving a voicemail, so I'll just go with it. I've worked for the same company for 10 years, and recently we got bought out and got new management. My new manager is my age. We have similar age kids. We sit next to each other all day and gab. So we kind of have developed a friendship recently. I kind of fucked up at work.

I left the door on lock because they changed from an automatically locking door to one with a deadbolt. And so a lot of sensitive information material products were at risk. And I talked with my manager about it and I kind of thought it was going to be chalked up to so much changing with the company merging that procedural changes. There's just been a lot in that it was human error. Turns out she escalated it to her boss who is now making the whole office. do compliance training and all these new security policies. So, and everybody knows it's me. It's kind of embarrassing. And I guess I just am taking it a little bit more personally than because I thought we were friends. In two weeks, we were invited to her daughter's birthday party. And she mentioned

that they're new in town. Her daughter doesn't have a lot of friends, but she wanted my daughter to come. And I, of course, was wanting to help her out. But now I feel like it might be. prudent for us to sort of disentangle our personal lives because clearly I'm taking it a little bit personally that she doesn't like have that care for our friendship that I thought maybe she would. So is it petty to kind of take it out on the daughter's birthday or is it prudent to start not getting our families involved in this relationship that I think is just best to remain a work employee boss relationship? And then secondly, I was listening to your episode on my motherhood anxiety and really resonated with the talk about type B parenting, and I thought it

kind of applied here. I would love an intention for being a type B employee and parent who is just expected to function in this perfectionist world and how hard that can be. I love you guys, and I can't wait to keep listening. Okay. I think these are two, sort of two separate issues in some ways. I would agree. Yeah. Having these changes, leaving the Doro, open and then having them do kind of an employee reeducation overhaul. I think that's okay. I wouldn't take that personally. Like I used to teach a class for physicians assistants.

And the whole class pretty much was on how to handle it if you're a physician's assistant and you make a mistake, like a medical error, like how to handle that with patients, how to handle that within the administration. like people make mistakes and this was about medical mistakes like you hurt a patient and like how to handle it. So I do think it's okay that they are creating these systematic changes so this doesn't happen again. And I wouldn't take it personally. Yes, it may it's a little embarrassing, but I don't think this was against her or mean or anything like that. I agree.

And I also think the manager, I mean, I don't know how she like said to her what she was going to do or if she even said anything that she was going to escalate it. But I do think the manager also has to cover her own ass. Whereas if it's like you did that, you told her and she didn't say anything because she's your friend. And then they found out something was stolen. She could get in a lot of trouble. And I don't think that necessarily, like she wanted to risk it.

It doesn't sound like you got in trouble. It just sounds like they're doing a refresh, which they probably should do. It's the kind of thing where it's like they should do it. I'm sure nothing bad happened. but like I don't think it's something that I don't think you need to think of her as like this huge rat that nothing really I don't know maybe she could have said to you in a way like hey like I hate to have to do this but I'm going to have to escalate it just because and I explain that like she could be liable and all those things maybe she didn't do that and then she just she just did it that

that would have been nice if she gave you a heads up. And yeah, it is kind of like, it is an interesting thing to be friends with your manager because it is a relationship where like they might have to fire you one day or they might have to, you know, like it is, it's nice to have a good personal relationship with someone. But at the end of the day, like it is, it is a business. Yeah. And things like this, things like this can definitely. happen. As far as like the type B, I think this is kind of great. Like I kind of like this type of thing where you're like, okay, tell me what things to check. Like when other people as a fellow type B person, I'm like, okay, give me the protocol, check the this, check the that, check the other thing. I like that. I agree. As a type B person also. I also like, okay, you're type B. These are the things that you need to be like pretty on top of. Like there are many.

things that I think don't need to be meticulously perfectionously done. But there are some things that are because they're more important for risk purposes or safety purposes. And I like being like be type B about like the dog on the bed, but you know, don't be type B about your kid by the pool. Like I like knowing what's what's what I can, what I shouldn't relax in my type Bness about. And she's finding out one thing that's very important to the company. Totally. So I would just take that as like, yeah, it sucks that everyone knows it was you. And I'm sure most of those people that, quote, know, no, it was you are probably like, oh, wow, that could have been me. Like, I, you know, I don't think they're all like, what an idiot. Like, I can't believe, you know,

I'm sure they're probably mad. Right. Right. So yes, it was you. I would, but like, I'm glad that they're doing it. Everyone's going to get retrained. I would thank you. You know, this is the type of thing where it's like, okay, thank you for making that mistake. Now we know that we all need training in this so that this doesn't happen again. As far as the birthday party and that type of thing of like getting intertwined, that's a little bit. I wouldn't do it. It sounds like you kind of want to do it because you're pissed. I wouldn't do it petty. Right. If in general, I think going and bringing your daughter to like a birthday party, I think that's fine. It's like you're going.

It's a birthday party. It's a fun time. Would I be like dishing my whole personal, if you have a fight with your husband, would I be telling her about that? Probably not. If you have like per se very super personal details about your life, I don't know how like extremely personal I would be getting. With someone who like you said has some power over you and could fire you at any moment.

and it's not just a regular like BFF situation, you might want to keep some boundaries there. I think you can socialize. I think you can hang out. I think you can talk about shows that you like and, you know, some like light conversation. But I would be mindful of getting too heavy and too deep and too dependent on this person as a friendship.

I agree. And I think if you already said you were going to the birthday party, you should go. It's not the daughter's fault. It's not really the mom's fault either. I think it's just a good reminder that like your friends, but your primary relationship is your work relationship. You can still be friends, but just always have like know that, which is fine. And if in the future you don't want to say yes to the party, I think it would be okay if you want to draw the line and like not do that again next year and just make up a reason why you can't go because that feels like pushing it to you like to do something outside of the office.

office, then fine. But I also think if that feels okay and it's just like a kid's birthday, that's okay. Also okay. Yeah. Let's do intentions. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. Thanks for all you do and for sharing your lives. I'm genuinely encouraged weekly by you both. All right, that feels good. Jumping right in. I have a situation that makes me feel equal parts ridiculous and bothered. I'm a very outgoing and social person, love my friends and family, and genuinely want to stay connected to them. However, when it comes to phone calls, even catch up calls with people I care about, I feel almost paralyzed by how much I don't want to. Interestingly, my mom has this exact issue and we can joke about our problem lightheartedly. But I think this is actually some form of avoidance or subconscious anxiety I should address.

For example, I have two best friends who have moved to different states than me and who are both really good about reaching out. While I miss them and want to maintain these important relationships, I often dread getting on the phone. I even feel this way when I'm technically available. It's not that I'm too drained to socialize. I can happily meet friends for dinner or go do something fun with my boyfriend that same day. But something about a phone conversation feels debilitating. I even have a catch up with one of my friends planned after work.

today and as much as I love her, I just don't want to follow through with it. I admit that I feel guilty for this. The longer I avoid calling, the more I feel I owe some meaningful apology or explanation, which probably makes me avoid it more. Sometimes even texting feels hard because I feel bad I haven't called. And there really is no explanation other than I don't like talking on the phone, or I'm really busy, both of which fall flat in the context of a meaningful relationship. Have you heard of this before? Should I be explaining this or apologizing to my friends since I'm so close to them? And how did I become someone who loves my people but avoids calling them as if it's something that compromises my well-being? I would love an intention to feel more at ease approaching phone

conversations, maybe a little tough love accountability to just pick up the phone. And any advice if you have it. Thanks, a full of phone dread batch. I feel a little like conflicted on this one because on the one hand, I'm like, yeah, maybe there's some, like, some social anxiety or something involving, like, a phone call that you don't like. But she does say she likes in-person meetups. So on the other hand, I'm kind of like, I do have friends that I don't like to speak on the phone. They prefer texting. I don't really like texting that much. I don't like having like a meaningful conversation via text personally. But I do have friends who prefer that mode of communication. And like, They haven't even, most of them haven't even explicitly said it, but I can kind of tell just based on the way they interact. And I'm kind of like, that's okay. That's not someone I'm going to call on my walk or on my way to work. I wish, I would love this person to come in for a calm the fuck down subscription episode because I just, part of me, I really want to know, there's so many

thoughts I have. I have actually had patients like this. This is not the first time I've heard. this, which is why I'm very curious. I feel like it is a thing. Yeah. It is a thing. And I, there's so many different reasons why this could be. I've had people who are, some of it is about, like, ego protection, almost like over the phone. It doesn't feel as intimate. So it almost feels like it has to be a highlights real. Like a catch up has to be almost like a comprehensive. comparison thing. Like you have to... You're thinking has to be more that way. It has to be more of because you're, it's less intimate. So it's almost like, okay, I have

45 minutes to tell you all the great things that I'm doing. Like it almost feels like a, I'm just saying what I've heard from people. Like it feels like I have to tell you like a highlight reel. It almost feels like mentally taxing in some way. That's how I feel about texting is more of like a highlight real. Like, how is everything going and like not going to get into it via text. If it's a 45, like a catch up call, right? You're like kind of like, here's my 45 minutes to tell you everything that I guess. And then if you avoid it, this is the other thing that I see.

The more you avoid it. Now it's like now I have a month to catch you up on or three months to catch you up on. Or depending on how long you avoid it, it could be like six months to catch you up on. And then it almost feels like maybe now I'm like confronting the fact that we've grown distant in this call. Like now we're kind of, oh my God, I didn't even tell you that like my cat died or whatever. And now it's like, oh my God, are we even friends? Like I have so much to tell. Like I think sometimes the avoidance then creates more avoidance if you follow.

what I'm saying. Whereas if you had more frequent ones, they would be less so. I mean, here's what it gives. I sometimes have anxiety about phone calls. Not like this person, but sometimes I'll see a call. And even if I'm free, I'm kind of like, I don't know if I want to do this because, like, I don't know if I want to commit the time. Like, there's no end with a text, you can like text and then go about your day. Like with a phone call, I think there's like maybe also another fear that there's no end to it or it'll be like awkward to end or. that it's going to go on indefinitely. And like there are certain people that I don't like phone calls with because I feel like that happens or I won't be able to leave when I want to leave. I think that's a big fear of people have about like social interactions. I just think I could go on and on about how many. So one of them might be I don't know how long this is going to last. And also if it's like kind of catching you off guard. Like I think so everything now is so scheduled not to age myself, but we were talking about like 45 minute long home video. but there was also, it used to be a thing where like the phone would ring and you didn't know

who it was until you picked it up. Right. So it could be someone you didn't want to talk to. And then you just picked, I mean, this was a really, and then there was a caller ID was like this cool new thing where you could like see who it was before you answered it. But like it was like, the idea of being caught off guard by a phone call and like just having to talk to now it's like every minute of your day is kind of like you know exactly what's going to happen before it happened. So the idea of like, oh, I didn't really plan to talk to this person and now they're calling and I kind of like micromanage my day. And this in this minute, I plan to like, I don't know, whatever it was, like watch my show or like squeeze in this little bit of administrative work or like,

now I'm talking to this person. Maybe that's part of the anxiety. Well, she has, she says I have a catch up with one of my friends planned for after work today. So she has like these scheduled and she doesn't, still doesn't want to do it. So yeah, I think some of this can be maybe even like I think there might be some like lack of, again, I'm going to say lack of like an intimacy or like something she's not being genuine about is my hunch. But again, I don't know. Like in person, it feels like I can say this real thing that's really happening. But somehow on a phone call, it doesn't feel I have friends. like that too. When we're in person, we can really talk.

But on the phone, it's almost like keep it a little light. I mean, I get that though, too. I feel like part of me thinks like, okay, if she's a person who just injured, like, it's kind of like with what I was saying in the subscription episode, it's like, should I just lean into who I am and just be like, I'd rather meet up. Or even if her friends live in different states, let's plan a weekend girl's trip. And we can like really get into it that way. Like I do think that it's okay to-

This isn't my favorite way of connecting. Right. I prefer this kind of communication. And like here's the thing. The tough part is if you have a friend who lives in a different state who's like, I don't really think I can do a trip or I prefer to just like keep in touch in this way, then it becomes like the friendship can suffer. But that's sort of like I think the magic of a friendship is like you kind of have to be in the same place on some things.

Right. And maybe a video call could be like, a compromise too. Maybe there is something about like seeing someone's facial. But here's the bottom line is what I think and what she's asking for in some ways. I think she's asking for a push. I think she needs to figure out what it is. We're speculating all over the place. The only way I think she's going to know is to do it. And I think she wants to push herself to do it. Push yourself to do it and then kind of be curious in the moment of what it is that's going on for you. Is it?

are you being genuine about what's really on your mind? I think the thing that drives a lot of people crazy and a lot of relationships is like the small talk is boring or like the highlight real stuff is boring or like having to talk, fill someone in on something that happened three weeks ago that's not even on your mind anymore is like annoying, right? Like I have to tell you about this thing that happened that's not even an issue when I'm like stressed out about some other thing. Like that's annoying.

So figure just getting on the call, having the call, and then being curious, like present in the moment, watching your body reacting to the conversation, watching your mind being like very mindfully present on that call about what feels uncomfortable here? Like what is going on with me on this phone call? We can speculate all day. But the avoidance is creating the disconnection. And I think you need to do it and be very curious and reflective while you're doing it about what is bugging me about this so that you can either say, you know, is this just I don't like phone calls? Is there something that I'm doing here? Is there a lack of intimacy?

Is it the topics that we're talking about? I think you need to do it, but do it more mindfully because there's something that's making you feel icky in some way or blocked or. like you're talking about something you don't really want to be talking about or something. The only way to figure out what that is is to do it and then pay attention. See what comes up. Yeah. To do an intention for her for like you've been getting into it.

Yeah. So the intention that I wrote is avoidance is the fuel of disconnection. Introspection is the cure. I can handle this call with curiosity. So I think a big part of this is like avoidance is fueling the disconnection. The longer you avoid it, the more this grows into this thing where someone's like, oh, you haven't called in a while. Or like, that part sucks too where you're getting like a little bit of like guilt or like,

yeah, that makes you then definitely want to avoid it more. So like the avoidance makes it grow bigger than you don't get to figure out what's wrong why you're avoiding it because you're avoiding it. And if you can introspect, you can figure out what it is. So that can kind of help cure that disconnection. And you can handle it. It's usually worse. We always say it's like the anticipation is worse than the thing.

I feel that way about therapy sometimes where I'm like, I don't really want to if I want to like have this call, get into it, like go there. But then once you're there, showing up is like the hardest part. This is much more relatable than I think you realize. and it's really, it's such a tiny part of your life, like not avoiding this call thing. It doesn't seem like a big thing. Like it's a tiniest problem to have. But I think it's, it is a symptom of something bigger that you're avoiding something.

What is it? And can you be curious with yourself enough to figure out what you're avoiding? Maybe a lack of intimacy or the topic that feels triggering. in some way or something. And if you want to come on here, as long as you don't cancel the call, we can get into it together. That would be really funny if she like booked it and then she just was like, yeah. I can't do the call.

I can't make it. That's funny. Let's do some triggers. Dear Jordana and Dr. Naomi, I'm such a fan of you both. Congratulations on your beautiful girls. Jordana. I'd love to read your memoir one day. Oh, love it.

You'd love to write it first. I recently had a boudoir. photo shoot. I have four kids and we're about to start trying for baby number five. Wow. I worked hard to get into the best shape of my life this year and I thought it would be fun for me and my husband to have some tasteful photos of me at this stage. I typically don't spend a lot of time on my hair and makeup, just a little mascara and tinted lip balm most days or max 20 minutes for hair and makeup when I'm dressing up. I mentioned this in the questionnaire I filled out before the photo shoot. The photographer hired a hair and makeup artist for the shoot. This woman would not stop talking

about what a shame it was that I don't usually wear makeup. It's such a shame. You could look so much better if you wore makeup. You could be a baddie. Too bad. There's so much you could do with your bone structure if you just wear more makeup. I told her I prefer to be more natural and she just kept going. I brought in the photos from my pre-wedding boudoir shoot from 15 years ago and her only comment was, well, at least your brows are better now. She also laughed at the shoes I brought. This was supposed to be an empowering, luxurious experience, not a chance for a stranger to nag on me for my personal style. She took two and a half hours to do my hair and makeup. Do you think I have that kind of time with four small children?

How triggering is this best a betch who is loved just how I am? I definitely think this is triggering. I just think this is her whole life and job and identity. Like her ego meets your ego was just a clash. Like, her whole identity is like, I take people and make them better with all these tricks and makeup and things. I'm sure you've met people were like, if only you had therapy, you would be. Like, if you just gave me like a few months with you, I could change this whole thing around. Like, I'm sure, like, that is her skill set.

So, like, I always say this with like an insult or something that bothers you the wrong way. Like, consider the source. Yes. If everyone was happy with the way they looked, she would be out of business. Yes, exactly. So, yes, consider the source. She would have no skill set. She would have no income.

If people just embraced their natural, if you went in and her job was just to empower you to feel beautiful as you are, she wouldn't need to be there. So she blocked out two and a half hours of her day, not to just boost you up and tell you how naturally beautiful you were for two and a half hours. So I get that it's triggering. Her laughing at your shoes is annoying. I've been there. I don't have like the best fashion taste. I have definitely had my shoes laugh at. So I can relate to that.

But yeah, it does suck. You want to feel good before you're going to do something kind of vulnerable like that, like being sexy outfits and try to look sexy. So I could see why it's extra annoying going into a photo shoot like that, not to feel beautiful and empowered. Right. I think if she changed the way she looked at this, like, would it be worse if she was like,

there's nothing I can do here? You're too far gone. Like, okay, you think I'd look so much better with it. Like, let's see what you can do. In some ways, it's complimentary. Like, she's like, you're already so naturally beautiful. Like, imagine if we like pumped this up a notch. And that's why I say it's like a bit of a battle of the egos

because you have a sense of pride in your own natural beauty. And she has a sense of pride and like her ability to use makeup to make people feel beautiful. Like a makeup artist, what excites them in their body, what gives them that like feeling of expansiveness in their chest is taking someone who doesn't already feel beautiful. And then that look in their eyes when they then feel beautiful because of what she did, that's what gives her joy. And for you, you feel. beautiful and empowered and just feeling beautiful just the way you are. So there was just a right. She has a passion for makeup. That's why she does that. So she probably thinks everyone could look so much better if they wore makeup. So yeah, I could see why you're like in this,

you know, your four kids in. You're feeling like pretty good about yourself. This isn't like the vibe that you're looking for for this like sexy shoot. I think what she's saying is not like wrong, but it sounds like the way she said it is weird. Like you could be a baddie too bad. It's like if she was like, I'm going to make you look like so unbelievable. You're like not even going to, you're going to be like so happy you came here. Like there's ways to say this that are less like nagging her. Totally. And the two and the, at least your eyebrows are better.

That was annoying. Yeah, the way she was talking about it was rude. But I always feel this. Whenever I get my makeup done, I'm always like, I wish there was half as much makeup on my face. when it's over. I just always feel like it's too much. But it's kind of like that's, if they're into makeup, so they think more is better. I agree. And then it usually does better for like a photo shoot or something where like I always think I'm wearing a lot of makeup on these recordings. But then I look at myself on a video and I'm like it doesn't even look like I'm

wearing any makeup. I think you need more to make a difference in like a photo shoot or a video recording or something than just you going about your day. So I wouldn't take it personal. Personally, clearly there's like some sort of anxiety she has about like her beauty or how much effort she puts into her daily look, which I think mascara and some tinted lip gloss is like the way to go day to day. That's my more my vibe. So the commentary, I would say like the way it was phrased was like a four and in considering the source. It's like a little annoying. But I would agree. I would agree. I would. I don't love it. I definitely don't think it's the most offensive thing I've ever heard. And I'm going to rate it lower because you do feel great already. Like you said, I worked hard. I feel good.

I look good. You, like, I know you wanted to be empowered before this shoot. I hear you. And maybe you can give some feedback to the photographer or the company that you hired that's like, hey, it would be great to just like have someone that just made me feel, you know, had like an empowering vibe before I'm going to go in there and put on lingerie and try to be like a sexy beast. And again, I think it would be worse if she was like, this makeup isn't going to help you.

Right. Totally. Yeah. She has pride in her job. Fine. Yeah. All right. Let's do another one.

Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. Recent listener, subscriber here. I love all that you do. Thank you for keeping me entertained during. mom chores. Here's my triggered. I'm not sure if this needs all the context I'm about to give, but here we go. So I have this friend, let's call her Kayla. Kayla and I went to high school together 15-ish years ago and never really got along, but to this day, neither of us can even remember why.

Anyway, I went out of state for college and moved back home in my late 20s. When I moved back, Kayla had begun dating someone in my family's friend's circle, as did a coworker of mine that I became best friends with, let's call her Courtney. At this time, I also had a situationhip with a guy who was friends with these girls' boyfriends. All this to say that Kayla and I ended up forming an unlikely friendship. We are not best friends by any means, but we do keep up consistently through text and would hang out occasionally one-on-one, but more often with the friend group and my family. I was at her wedding and bachelorette, only one of two there that was not in the wedding party. I helped throw her baby shower this winter. L.O.L. I know some of her darkest secrets. I would consider us good friends. So here's

the baby name issue. I have two children, a girl five and a boy 18 months. Let's pretend my son's name is Jordan. Kayla gets pregnant and finds out she's having a girl. How excited we all are for her and her husband. They decided to keep the name they pick to themselves as many people do these days. However, she did hint that it started with the Jay, and it was the only name they could agree on. Fast forward, she has her baby girl, and I'm dying to know the name. Respecting the newborn bubble, I facetime my bestie Courtney, who is now Kayla's sister-in-law. I say, oh, my God, do you know the name? To which Courtney replies apprehensively, you sure you want to know?

And in my mind, I'm like, well, that's a weird thing to say, but obviously answer yes. Tell me. Jordy, she says. I replied with the delayed, oh. with a wince and a slight eye twitch on my face, L.O.L. Not in a million years did I see this coming. Like for real, this is the only name you could come up with. I'm triggered for sure, but like how annoyed can you really be when it's someone's happiest time in their life

and you consider them a close friend? I will note that I don't typically use this nickname for my son, but other family members do, and it has slipped out of my mouth from time to time. It would be one thing if we were just old acquaintance friends that don't really keep up or we lived in different cities and never saw one another, but that's not the case. We share the same friends, spends her freaking summer holidays with my family. We will be shouting essentially the same name at the 4th of July camping, LOL. Another thing that irks me is that throughout her pregnancy, we would text often and chat all things pregnancy, postpartum and baby related things. I'm notorious for seeing a text, forgetting about it, and finally responding days later. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so my bandwidth for lengthy text is limited.

A few times this happened, I would apologize for the delay and she would always throw in some version of, you never have to explain to me. I appreciate our friendship and understanding each other in that. And now I'm second-guessing if that was totally genuine or if she's just been buttering me up for the name bomb she was about to drop on me, L-O-L. In the end, I obviously never said anything to her. It would be crazy to do that. So I even threw in, I can't wait to get a pick of Jordan and Jordy holding hands someday. When I texted her after she was home from the hospital and the sting of the name had blown over for me. I know in the future that

none of this will matter and that all that truly does matter is that they have a beautiful, healthy little girl. But in this moment, how trigger can I be? Love and I suppose imitation is the best form of flattery betch. I don't, I hate to be this person, but she's acting kind of insane. I know. She's a new listener. We love you. Stay. Don't go. Stay. You came here for our opinion. You're being crazy. It's a different name, first of all. It's the, it's like a, it's a totally different name, you're not like absolute best friends, your friends. And I think if she likes the name enough that she doesn't, rightfully so, doesn't care that your kid has the more formal version of this name. It's a different name. It's a completely different name that you'll be calling out

a similar version of a name that you said, admittedly, you don't even call your son that name, 99% of the time. So you're not going to be using the same name. I don't know what this really is about. She's saying the name bomb she was about to drop on me. And the fact that you thought that you think, I do not think that she was buttering you up. Yes.

That's crazy. Grand plan to butter you up because she wants to for the next 100 years have this child walk the earth with this name. I mean, in another 18 years, this child could move to, you know, Taiwan and just be walking around the earth, living this name, and they're not going to pick it

because your child has a name that's similar but not even exactly the same, I think is off, off track, off base. I mean, we get a lot of these. What do you think is the, what do you think is the only reason You could, the only relationship where you could not name the baby, the same exact name as the other person. Yeah, baby, your best friend, certainly your family, anyone in your family.

If it's your right. And even those, I think, if you really wanted to, you could talk to them. Yeah, talk to them and say, I even say, you know what? You would owe them a conversation. I love the name. Like, or I was thinking about that name before you named that name. And I, like, again, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I really love it. Like, I've had my heart set on that. I know you picked it first.

But, like, I don't think anyone can call a name. Like, you didn't invent that name. I could see if the name was like a name that you completely invented that had never existed before in the history of names. And no one said anything to you about using the name. That would be weird. Maybe. But if the name is Jordy or George. Jordan, you didn't create that name.

That name has been used hundreds of thousands of times. So, like, you don't own that name because you picked it first. I agree. I don't think she's thinking about you in this moment. I don't think she's buttering you up. I don't think she gives a shit. You guys also didn't used to like each other. So she said, I don't think she's doing this.

It's a master revenge plan of the name bomb that she dropped on you. Like, it's a different name, one. I think it's maybe maybe like the fact that the sister-in-law spoke to her on the phone and like made her, like put it in her head that she should be offended, made her more offended. Right. This isn't offensive. Yeah. The fact that she was like, are you sure you want to know? Like it almost, the name is different.

Like I don't even know if I would have said it like that. Like it sounds like the sister-in-law kind of knew knows her and knew that she was going to. And it's so ironic that she thinks the friend is being like nice to her so that she can give her to, this name when she's like being completely fake with this person. I can't wait to get a picture of Jordan and Jordy holding hands someday. Like, why are you even doing this? Like, there's clearly something weird about this friendship where you guys are kind of like, it seems like you're full of shit and so you think she's full of shit too. I don't think you're over this early rivalry. Yeah, there's some underlying thing, but there is a thing with the names. It's like you don't own it just because you picked it first.

If you have a baby a year before, it doesn't mean anyone that's in your not immediate circle, but wider circle. Imagine how many people, if this person is in this circle, how many people would be in the circle of people that cannot then use this name. It's not really fair to call dibs on a name. I don't think it is. It's, you know. I agree. I think, again, I think you can still do it. I might like give her a text, be like, just so you know, like we love the name so much. We're not even asking, just like saying, maybe it was inspired by her. Or we also love that name. Something. Right. Whatever. acknowledge it, say, hey, we love that name. We've been planning to use it for a couple years. Just letting you know, we're going to use it. And or we were inspired and brought it to mind, whatever it is. I don't think anyone owns a name, even if it is your best friend. You don't, you know, there's no copyrights on names. The idea that anyone in my life, no matter how close, would have like a son and name them Charles and that I would, I would be like, can you believe?

This is like the exact same scenario that I would be like, out of all the names, the million names, this is the bomb they dropped by naming their son Charles, which is again a different name than Charlie or different gender. I told you, Maddie really wanted the name. Maddie was a little upset about that. She could still use it. She could still use it if she wants. I mean, that is immediate family.

So that's a little bit different, like a immediate. She's a mean, it'd be weirder if you named your kid that after this. But I think like if she in like, they're not going to be the same age. I hope she's not. I hope she's not having a kid that soon. She's 12. Right. Like in 20 years.

Yeah. They're going to be totally different ages. If she wanted to do it, I wouldn't be. I wouldn't, I wouldn't say anything. But it would be nice. But if she really, I'm saying if she really wanted to use it and she was, I think she could probably text me just to let me know. That'd be nice. Right. But if she used Charles, she used Charles, she doesn't need to say anything to me. It's a different name. It's a different gender and a different name. I don't think it would be. I think it would be crazy for me to be upset if someone used anyone I knew used the name Charles. Yeah. Well, there you go. That is the comparison. That's like it really is. Yeah. That's crazy. We love you though. Don't go anywhere. This is there is a thing. It's like we talk about all the time, the delusion of specialness. I think.

It's cute. I honestly, you got to know. Like, it's a name. You liked it? You thought it was on the unique side? I'll tell you,

once you get to kindergarten or preschool, whatever name you thought was so unique, there's going to be other kids with that name. It's not. It's not that unique. It's going to be all over the place. Unless you pick something like pump or nickel loaf, there's going to be other kids that have the name.

You know, it is weird. Sometimes, like, I think having recently just named children when I see someone else with the names that I picked, there is a little sense of like, when you see it, there is a little sense of like,

oh, I'm not that special. Okay. You're not that special. You picked a cute name. And it's like, okay. Yeah. And it's probably more unique than other names than like if you Googled

what are the top 10 girl names in the U.S. today. Don't pick one of those if you want to be special. But other than that, you know, look at the list of the top 100 names. try not to pick one of those if you can if you want to be special but other than that you're probably going to meet some other people that are going to have a name unless it's something

totally wacky get over it yeah sorry yeah i'd give this like a one yeah i kind of want to give it a i'll give it a two but one and one and a half one and a half sorry well thanks for writing in though someone had to tell you someone had to tell you i know you're upset and but get You know, this is a good thing, I think, for her to just get used to. I'd have this all the time with my kids from day to night. You know, it's May. I'm just going to, well, I'll end with this. I know we have to wrap up, but it's May.

It's like award season at school, right? So like, they're giving out awards for this, and they give them awards for their grades, and they give them awards for their special things. And, you know, then you just look around and, like, you think, oh, my God, my kid's special. got a honor roll or they got this masterful this award or they got the special that award. And like everyone's kids are getting awards for all these different things. Like it's great. I want all the kids in the world to feel special.

But like when everyone's special, no one's special. And it's okay. It's okay. We're all just kind little humans trying to live on this rock that's flying through. the universe, insane speeds. And, you know, it's, it's okay. We all just noticing that urge to want to be special and then breathing into it and saying, it's okay. It's okay to just be here. The average. And averagely live a really meaningful life. It's okay. And notice that urge that we want to try to be special. And, you know, that's a, it does. It's a, it doesn't. It's

need to be special in name. It could be special in the way that you live this moment and treat that person. And it doesn't need to be, you know, because my kid's the smartest kid in the school or, you know, my daughter's the best musician in the grade. It's, you know, there's always going to be someone better. It's going to be a better musician. There's going to be a kid with better grades. There's going to be someone with your kid's name. There's going to be someone who's better at basketball or a kid with a cuter, you know, there's going to be other twiblings. No, I actually am special. Oh, okay.

That's our time. This is for everyone else. I'm actually quite special. All right. That's our time. Great work today. I'll see you guys next week. Bye.