Oversharing - Can My Pregnancy News Hurt My Best Friend?

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

This week on Oversharing, Jordana and Dr. Naomi are clearing out their algorithms, and maybe a little mental clutter along the way. They start with a listener struggling with mom rage, parental burnout, and the guilt of hitting her limit, and discuss why lowering the bar can sometimes be the healthiest thing you can do. Then, a newly pregnant Betchisist wonders how to share pregnancy news with a best friend struggling with infertility without expecting her to fake an excited reaction. An Intention tackles acne insecurity, self-acceptance, and the anxiety around starting Accutane, especially when a scary treatment could finally bring some much-needed relief. In Triggered, a listener with combined finances in her marriage wants to know why her husband gets all the credit when their money picks up the dinner bill. Finally, Jordana and Dr. Naomi debate a surprisingly complicated question: Is volunteering still a good deed if you’re only doing it for your résumé? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Don't miss the new season of North of North starting September 8th on CBC Gem. A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to the Oversharing podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How is it going? How are you? How has your week been? Good. I am feeling refreshed. I have a, um, I have a, um, I have a. suggestion for all the people out there on how to get a refreshed feeling from your social

media. And I didn't even know. A little spa day for your Instagram feed. Yes, a spa day for your Instagram feed, which I wasn't aware was a thing, but you can basically delete your entire algorithm. So you can go into your Instagram, TikTok, whatever may be. and basically delete everything that your algorithm thinks that it knows about you. So you go to settings, content preferences, and reset suggested content, and it will clear out everything that you never asked for. Okay. Say it again.

Settings, content preferences, and then reset suggested content content. Wow. Clears the algorithm. Clears the whole algorithm. So what does it show you then? It shows you everything that you asked for, like all of the people that you actually picked to follow. You will start to see more of like your actual friends, more of the people that you actually

followed. And then it will start to slowly eavesdrop on you again and guess what you want to see. And then like if someone sends you a video, like what I found was I cleared everything out. And then first reel that somebody sent me was like, um, something, it was some joke about like vacationing with your kids, like in Europe or something, like how we used to vacation. And the most exciting thing was like there was a pool at the holiday end. And that was like so fun. Like you found out that there was a pool at the hotel. And now you're, you know, it was like, now you're on the Almalfi Coast. And, you know, your kids

are complaining because, you know, they, you know, they, you know, they're, there's, it's too breezy. on the private boat or whatever. So this is a video that he sent me, which I've never been to Italy. So I don't totally, I relate to the holiday end part. I don't relate to the Italy part. But now my algorithm thinks

that me and my kids are taking like European vacations. So now I'm like getting all this content about like traveling with your kids in, in Europe. And it's just funny like watching, you know, watching it try to.

figure you out again. Who your phone thinks you. You guys are redating, starting a new relationship. So it's just, it's just funny to kind of watch it trying to figure you out again. And I think this is a great thing to do every single week because your, our brains are naturally, they like to repeat the same content. You know, like what you thought about yesterday is probably going to be very similar to what you thought today and it's going to be the same thing what you think tomorrow.

and your algorithm doesn't help, right? Right. And it tries to activate you, tries to make, you know, you might think you're searching up something innocent, like, you know, planting flowers for fall, right? And then it'll be like, five flowers you must plant. Right.

It's like, oh, my God. I would never do as a pediatrician, feeding my kids solids. It's all the stuff I get. Plus, but I do get some cute like golden retriever baby videos. Yes. So if you want those,

you can always get those back, but it will figure out what's making you anxious clearly. And so it's a really great way to just refresh, start over. It has no idea who you are. And maybe you'll find a new interest, or maybe something you're talking about is a little bit different when it's eavesdropping on you today versus two weeks ago. Maybe you'll discover a new hobby.

Who knows? Branch out a little. Yeah. Maybe you'll get a different worldview. Yeah. Ooh. Join a cult. Who knows?

Anything could happen. Okay. Well, I love that for us and our list. A little fall clean out. Yes. If you will. Happy September. Give it a try.

Yes. Let's get into our show. If you want to email us a question, you can email us at oversharing at betches.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 646363-6294. Or you can subscribe to the show. You get all the episodes ad-free and a day early. Or you can also join one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups. How do they do that?

Come find us, Naomi Bernstein.com. We do these types of things, these types of challenges. I spoke about this with my groups and we are all agreeing. to refresh our algorithms weekly to just get a fresh perspective and kind of put up that force field against social media. We do this in groups. We talk about how it makes us feel and kind of do these little challenges together. So yeah, Naomi Bernstein.com. Come join our little community. It's pretty awesome. Wayfair's Labor Day clearance is on now. Right now at Wayfair, you can get up to 70% off everything home. Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance. Now,

through September 7th at wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. All right, let's get into it. I will read our first email. Hi, Trudana and Dr. Naomi, I have been dealing with mom rage and need your advice. I'm a stay-at-home mom to three kids, a four-year-old, two-year-old, and six-month-old.

I've been really struggling with getting angry at my kids, not the baby. I have been so intentional about waking up early to avoid rushing because that's one of my triggers and letting things go that would usually set me off. However, by 3, 4, 5 p.m., my bandwidth is kind of at its limit. My husband and I have communicated our different roles in the home very clearly. I do pretty much all child-related tasks and he works, tidies up the kitchen most nights and deals

with garbage, etc. Asking for more of his help to relieve me isn't really an option as I know him and it's really just not an option. I have family around that helps sometimes, but I never truly get a break because of the number of kids we have. And I'm breastfeeding. I'm truly just looking for advice you can offer me to help. me not lose my cool. With the Lindsay Clancy trial going on right now, I don't think I'd ever do

anything on that level or even hurt my kids, but I do not want to even dip a toe in this angry world I have stumbled upon. Some of my triggers are when my kids have food on their hands and think it's funny to run out of the kitchen to make the house messy. After shower time, they often start running around the entire upstairs right before bedtime when no one is listening and everyone is tired and crying, etc. Really, the kid's not listening and overstimulating me when I have no fuel left in me is a recipe for me to start screaming at them. I am so ashamed as I love my kids so much. I do absolutely everything for them.

They are the best things in my life. Please help. Thanks. Yeah. This like witching hour by yourself, this sounds, I'm just going to validate that first off. I hate to do this. But even with the dog, I remember he would be like so fucking annoying. Even before I had kids from like five to seven, he would just like try to torture me.

which kind of sounds like what the kids are doing, just like, in a mode of like, let me kind of try to make this more difficult for you if I can. And that's what I think sometimes makes it worse is like they're almost like teasing her. You know, that's what at least it feels like sometimes. Like they're almost like, I'm going to run around with my sauce hands all over the thing and like make you chase me, which is them just playing or whatever. but when you're in that mode and you have a little baby and then they're kind of, I think sometimes it can feel like this power struggle happening.

Like you're trying to get them to do one thing. They're doing another and it can feel really like I'm losing power here. I'm losing control. And that's when I think sometimes the yelling or the urge to kind of like be a large physical presence happens because you're like, I'm losing power. I need to assert dominance in this space. And that's kind of what yelling is, right?

I'm going to make my voice loud because I feel like I'm losing power, which is really relatable. And I also just want to say that this Lindsay Clancy thing is huge for a lot of moms because I think they're really, it's scary because it sometimes feels like I can relate to how out of body sometimes I feel in these moments, like to how, you know, that, those postpartum struggles are real. I don't feel like myself. Yeah. Yeah, I really don't feel like myself and that worst case scenario mind of anything. You know, like we all have kind of our financial worst case scenario or our relationship worst case scenario or safety worst case scenario. This is like my

a lot of moms like postpartum worst case scenario. Yeah. And I think it's very, I mean, I haven't dealt super intensely detailed into like all aspects of the case, but I also think there's an element of it. That's like this woman was kind of like crying out for help. Ed wasn't really getting it.

And I think that feels like that's part of what drive like has driven this horrible, horrible like outcome and this idea that, you know, she's telling her husband and her mom that she's like having these thoughts. and like there's and it's like women asking for help or postpartum mom's asking for not really getting this help. And like the like you said, the worst case scenario from that situation. Even she, she's like going over all the ways that she could get help here.

But it's like it sounds like there's it doesn't feel like there's that many options. Yeah. And it's, you know, I just, I really feel for her. And I think in this scenario, I think sometimes you have to just. And I know it's so much easier said than done, but like lower your expectations, like completely. Like sometimes your expectations might be like, okay, bath, story, you know, bedtime, cleanup, toy, you know, whatever. You have like a whole kind of routine for the night and how you expect it's going to go.

And you might just need to lower expectations where you're just like, okay, we need to just eat, get reasonably clean and get into the bed. And it's not going to be a clean space. Maybe we don't take a bath tonight. Maybe we don't even get into PJs. You know, maybe we don't, you might have to give up on some aspects of how you expect the night to go. Another piece of advice is sometimes I think just being able to tolerate

that your kids aren't happy. with what you're asking them to do. Like I think sometimes parents get into this, like I need to explain why you need to do this or I need to get them on board with this, you know, why we need to brush our teeth or understand why we need to get in the bath or get them to agree to do, you know, this thing or the other thing. And yes, if you physically, all you really need to physically do, and you can decide what it is, Let's say, for example, all you need to physically do is get them to, say, wash their hands and their face and get in the bed.

And even if they're in the bed and they're screaming and they're crying and they're upset and whatever that is, like I think there's something in being able to be like, okay, they're in the bed. They're screaming and they're crying, but they're in the bed. And eventually they will go to sleep. go to sleep. Right. They will cry themselves. They don't have to like it. I don't have to talk them into it, explain why.

And I get it. This isn't ideal for, you want them to brush their teeth, right? Ideally, you want them to, you wanted to read a story or you want them to put their PJs on or you wanted them, you said, every night before bed, you want them to teach them some responsibility. They have supposed to pick up their toys or they're supposed to, you know, do the, sometimes, in these moments, this is not a teaching moment. I'll relate to that. I think I have, you know, in this scenario, my dog is like in my oldest child because he's the only one that's mobile.

And sometimes I'm like putting the girls, I'm home alone and I'm putting the girls to bed. And they're both crying at the same time. And then the dog decides to like steal one of their toys and he looks like he's looking at me and I'm looking at hand. Like what are you going to do about it? Right. And he's like starting to chew it in front of me and brings it. And I'm kind of like, all right, you have, you, you're going to have it. You're going to win this one. I have too much else. I'm not going to put the baby down and chase you. Like, this is all a great last case, last resort thing.

If you feel like you're losing your temper or you're going to lose your mind or you're at your attributes. And then it's that I think you have to come back to basics and be like, what absolutely has to be done. And it's not, we need to teach the lesson that you need, that you're not going to take the toy. We need to teach the lesson that there's. consistency and you must do it this way and we make the bed and we do no i would also start by asking discussing with your husband saying this period of time is really overwhelming for me do we have any budget in our family budget can we look at our finances and say is there someone that could come

help us from three to five just to have an extra set of hands here because it's really overwhelming and you said you can't you're not available at this time and And like I want our kids, I'd say I don't want to send our kids to bed without brushing their teeth. I don't want to like, I'd rather not do that. But in order to do that, I'm going to need, I need help. So like can we find either someone to come help us, a family member to do that? Like let's discuss this is like a we problem. Because right now she's talking about it like it's a me problem.

Right. And so I think to make your problem, the family problem helps with like you not feeling so isolated in it. So it's like, what is the solution? that we as a family are going to have for this period of time being really difficult for you. I agree. It does seem like there's something in this email where she was basically like, his help is off the table. And maybe, you know, his actual physical help is off the table. But I think what you're suggesting is that his brainstorming help around this time, like you're saying, coming back to the whole like new postpartum mom crying out for help,

like, let's make him part of like the solution team, the solution task force. What are we going to do about this issue that like one on three people is really, really difficult to do? Is there something we could cut back on, at least temporarily while the kids are at this super young age so that we can maybe allocate some other money towards having someone come over and help me so that like my mental health is better? And so that I show up as a better mom to the kids because I'm not so stressed out all the time and I want to show up as like the best version of myself so that they can have a great

childhood and I can have a great time. So like where can we maybe cut to like reallocate budget to get me some help especially during these hours, which feel really overwhelming for me. Yeah, very fair. And I think if your body is signaling to you, I think a lot of moms feel this way. And I think that's what's like the warning bells that start to go off for a lot of moms is like the losing the temper, yelling at the kids, like that physical activation is that warning sign of like, I'm not in control. And that's a scary feeling. And that's where this Lindsay Clancy thing starts to like trigger a lot of women. And I see that even coming up for speaking of like the Instagram feed coming up in a lot of women's new moms feed because it's like really scary.

But yes, like intriguing and interesting. But is it could this be me? And so I think that feeling of losing control is a really scary feeling. So when you just start to feel that feeling of losing control, that's what I do think, like you're saying, you need to call in your team and be like, hey, guys, the alarm's going off. I'm starting to kind of, you know, lose control. Does that mean you're going to turn into a murderer? No, it doesn't mean that. But it does mean that at the early warning signs of yelling very often and feeling physically activated and all of that, that you need to get some help. And I think that like feeling physically activated or yelling from time to time is inevitable for all parents at some point. I don't think, I think it would

be very difficult to get away with that, with not having that feeling ever. Maybe if you had like round the clock constant care. So I think like I want to normalize a little bit of that. But it doesn't have to be like chronic every day. Like you don't have you shouldn't feel like this every single evening. And what I think also makes it worse is you feel like this and then the feeling of what does it mean about me that I'm I feel like this. So now on top of just feeling like this, there's the guilt and the shame about feeling like this that is layered with that. And then there's the guilt and shame about oh my God, I didn't brush my kids teeth or I didn't give them bath or I'm not teaching them how to clean up after themselves or I'm not a good mom because we

didn't read a book or I'm not a good mom because I didn't, you know, do, not teaching them all these lessons on their way to bed. And so I think the biggest thing I can say is give yourself grace. You're doing the best that you can. Lower your expectations for yourself in these moments and for your kids and for needing to be, you know, super mom at all hours of the day. And like you said, ask for help. Even if it's not your husband's actual physical help, like you said, I'm willing to cut back on some stuff if I can just get, even in this case, you just need an extra set of hands. You can have an 11-year-old. Between three and five, you can literally have a 14-year-old high school student come. You don't need. Literally just.

someone to like physically move. Yeah. Yeah. You need, you just need a warm body in the house that has, you know, two hands that can entertain one kid while you're dealing with another. Yes. And obviously everyone's finances are different. Everyone's budgets are different. But I, to me, I would try to prioritize just getting help in any way that you can. And like, I think that'll, things that like that, I think bring you a lot more joy than other things that you might spend that same amount on. Yeah, and I do think, I mean, as someone who does have, like, two girls in this age group, a lot of these girls want to get babysitting experience and they, I'm not going to charge a lot of money. Right.

Especially if you're there. Yeah, if you're there and they, like, they're just happy to have, like, if you give them, like, 10 bucks, they have energy, they can, like, they can chase your kids around. They literally love it. And they just want to get experience into them, like, $20 bill is, like, it's great. Yeah, hopefully that was helpful. Let us know how that goes. Yeah, thanks for writing in.

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siaiaa and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Don't miss the new season of North of North starting September 8th on CBC gem. Hey, y'all's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. All right, let's do a betraceist. Do you want to read this one? Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm reaching out for some advice on how to handle a situation

with one of my best friends who's been struggling with infertility for years. I'm always here for her as a confidant for any thought, rational or not, and would joke back with her about comments she sometimes makes like those annoying girls who got pregnant on their first try with fun vacation sex, or I wish people would stop asking what I'm going to try adoption. I've been there when she was at the lowest of low, receiving bad news and then more bad news. I truly do empathize and can only imagine how difficult it would be to be disavis. appointed month after month. I was also planning on visiting her in October for a fun girls weekend, wineries, et cetera, to try and boost her spirits. Fast forward to about four weeks ago when I found out

I was pregnant. My husband and I were planning to try later in life, but life had plans of its own, I guess. Now I feel like I fall into that annoying girl category. I do understand how lucky we are that it happens so quickly and that this is not the case for a lot of people. How do I tell my friend in a way where I give her space in case she does get upset with the situation. She knew that we were planning to wait a while for kids and will probably assume this was somewhat of an unplanned. I'm sure she'll be happy for me as well, but not sure if I want to bombard her with this on a phone call.

And should I still plan on the girls weekend knowing at that point I'll be showing and of course can't partake in the winery, etc. that we had planned. Any advice would be super helpful. Thanks for all you do. Signed a grateful but feeling slightly guilty, bitch. This was a good email. This was always very hard for me. I will say I used to cry every single person I found out was pregnant.

Literally, whether it was like my best friend or like a celebrity. Like I remember like finding it Rihanna was pregnant being like very upset. Clearly not personal. It's like almost like a very frustrating feeling like another one. Another one. Oh my God. Another one. If someone was like old, someone was like an older woman who got pregnant, I would also.

be upset. But if they were also super young, I would be, it's like everyone. It was like, yes, yes. And I think the best friend thing is particularly like, I think the hardest ones are the ones where you kind of like suspect something

and you feel like they're not telling you because they don't want to hurt your feelings, even though it will hurt your feelings. I will say phone call, not good for this scenario. I think the best way to do it, you send a text. You say, you know, you acknowledge that it might be difficult for them to hear.

You say you want to let them know because, you know, they're, they're one of your best friends and you want them to, you know, like, know what's going on in your life and you realize that, like, that might be difficult to hear and that it's really frustrating to hear other people who can get pregnant easily and that you're happy to talk whenever you want and just give them like space to figure it out. Because if she's like me and I'm not like the most emotive person, she's probably really upset. She probably has a lot of feelings at the initial feeling of it. I think you would like, it takes you like a couple hours to like soak it in, feel frustrated for yourself, feel sad for yourself. And then usually by like two hours later, I was like happy for the person. Normally I don't

suggest doing anything over text. But I think a text in this situation is really nice because nothing makes you feel worse than like someone telling you happy news and you're like clearly not happy. Yes. You're like clearly like you feel then you feel the guilt over not being joyful enough or not being happy. And usually I would see the text. I would not answer it for a couple hours. I would like let it pass through me.

I would feel my own grief. And then two hours later I would send a really like appreciative and happy for them text, which I would actually feel. Right. But you're not like pressure. in the moment to like fake a feeling that you don't feel yet. Totally. This is a perfect use for a text where you can give the person the news and not force them to fake a reaction in the moment, which is like there's nothing else to do. Like what you really want to do is cry,

which you literally can't do. I mean, you can, but that doesn't feel good for anybody. It makes you actually feel worse, I think, if you have an emotional response to it because then you're like, oh, I'm this like monster who can't be happy for anyone. Yes, feels bad for you, feels bad for them. Doesn't do anyone any good. So this is a great, I agree. I think a text is great. It doesn't put anyone on the spot. It allows her to process her emotions and then come back with what does feel genuine. I'm happy for you. I just needed a minute to get there. Which I think is fine and what most people would understand. And I think in terms of this trip that she was planning for her, which probably adds another layer of like irritation for the person getting it.

Can you invite a third person or something that can drink with her or? I would give her options for the trip. I would say we can pivot to a spa weekend if you have any interest in that. We can invite a few other friends who, you know, are maybe like going to be a little more party fun drinking if we're going to a winery. or I'm happy to just go with you like our like we originally planned um and I'll have like like faux rosé or whatever like she doesn't physically have to be drunk but like she can right or like spit people spit yeah or I'll have it and I'll and I'll spit like I'm happy to do

literally all of just give I would just give her options and let her decide what she wants to do not that day I don't think you need to like do this like right in your text and let me know what you want to do about our trip. Maybe like a week or two later as you're getting to the point of planning more, you could say like, what are your thoughts on the trip? Do you want to pivot? Do you want to keep it the same? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, love it. Good advice right from the horse's mouth. I get why you wouldn't want to tell her. And I get why people wouldn't want to tell me. Because it's like, I'm not the most exciting person to tell. You want to tell the person who's just like so like without their own shit excited and happy for you, which was just like not me. Everyone gets

over it. It's just like an initial thing. And it's always better to tell than to like hide it. The worst thing for me would be like when I would find out like last. And then you not only feel bad, but you feel like kind of pitied or like you feel like they didn't think you could handle it or something. And you're already feeling kind of like a little left out in some ways. And then now you're like left out of the news on top of feeling maybe left out of the lifestyle of. Right. It's tough. Yeah. You're a good friend for trying to do this. a thoughtful way. And I think it's great that you started off by saying she's going to be upset no matter what. There's no way to avoid it. But she knows. Right. And then send her the first email

about the woman who's going insane because she has all these annoying kits. I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back to school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-mee products for always 375. And get life brand pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more. Let's do an intention. I will read the email. Hi, ladies.

I'm writing in to see if you can give me an intention on accepting myself while I work through addressing a big insecurity of mine. Since I was a teenager, I've struggled with acne. I've tried what feels like everything under the sun to get it under control, medications, products, diets, supplements, lifestyle changes, etc. My acne has always been a big insecurity of mine and I'm so jealous. of people with clear skin. I avoid looking in the mirror

and I've cried to my mom about how I look. It's also the kind of acne that can be painful and hard to cover with makeup. Some treatments work better than others for periods of time, but my skin has never stayed fully clear. Now that I'm almost 30, I'm tired of constantly thinking and worrying

about my blemishes and flare-ups and the ups and downs of looking for solutions. The only medication I haven't tried is acutane, which is a very strong medication that I have been avoiding for years. It comes with strict warnings, requires lab tests, can impact mental health and has other intense side effects.

I've been so nervous for all the above reasons, so I've never tried it. But after trying so many other options without success, my dermatologist said it's my last option. She has been so supportive and understanding of my reservations and I trust her recommendation. I have nerves, but I am starting the process to begin acutane. I won't actually start the medication for a month from now. So in the meantime, I'm writing in to ask for an intention to help me through the final steps of committing to this treatment and accept that there will be side effects. also to accept my body for what it is right now with my adult acne and to stay positive,

even though things may get worse before they get better, sincerely a betch who just wants to act like what she sees in the mirror. I get this. It does feel like a scary medicine, but I'm really excited for you. And I want you to lean into the excitement. You know, I just, I had a flashback. You were on Accutane, weren't you? Yeah. My senior year in college, I think there were three of us in our house that were all on. acutane and the little pills, each one comes with a picture of a pregnant lady with like a big red X through it. Oh yeah.

Don't get pregnant while on this medicine. So like strewn throughout the house were these little pieces of paper with pregnant woman with a big X, which like a senior is in college, it was like really funny that there were like these kind of don't get pregnant reminders. Everywhere. Everywhere. So I just had a flashback. I'll just speak from personal experience.

I don't know everybody is different, but like, it was awesome. I took it when I was 21 and I never got it, never came back. Like cleared up my acne, never to return. I mean, it was even when you went off of it? Even when you went, even when I went off of it, it went away and never came back to this day. Any side effects? The number one side effect was just very sensitive dry skin for a period of, you know, a while, three or four months.

But that that very sensitive dry skin ends up, you know, kind of refreshing itself. And after that, you have this beautiful, like, fresh glow. I remember taking a driver's license picture, like right in between when it was really dry and peely and then it was still very sensitive and dry, but it was in that like glowy new skin phase. And it was just like this beautiful, fresh. It was just gorgeous. I've never heard anything about like mental health side effects. Is that? Yeah, I think there's a small, I think there's a small chance of that. I'm not saying that's not. I think that's on, you know, the warnings. And obviously you want to keep an eye out for that. But I don't think that's,

like the super common side effect. But I think a lot of times your doctors have to tell you about this stuff. I think there's some stuff with like maybe some type of cholesterol side effects or that's why they want you to take blood work. But I think a lot of this is like just precautions that your doctor. And it does feel a little scary to take a medicine that then you have to get blood work to be on. Right.

But if you think about the number of hours that you've spent worrying about this and going to doctors and looking in the mirror and feeling insecure and it's just going to buy you back just this mental freedom. Do I want to sit here and say love yourself just as you are and like just kind of, you know, everyone has imperfections and yes. And that is part of it. But I also do think that it's going to be peace of mind and just give you back all this mental space to be like, okay, this is one less thing that I have to worry about. And it really works for the majority of people. And obviously everyone is different. But I think a lot of people find the side effects very tolerable.

You know, you have to be careful with things. Like I remember getting my eyebrows waxed when I was on it. And that wasn't a good idea. Like your skin is so sensitive that it like, you, you know, kind of peels off your skin if you do something like that. Maybe around the sun. Yes, not being in the sun, not getting your eyebrows wax for a period of time until you kind of go through the phases of that.

But I, so yes, there are some side effects, but I guess all this to say, I think if you focus on your fear of these side effects, this whole thing is going to feel really scary. I just want to make sure that you're making room to focus on the excitement that you've been struggling for so long and there is a cure for this that you haven't yet tried that, you know, might just take this whole thing away from you. And then you can put all this mental energy that you've put into creams and lotions and diets. And I mean, she's saying she's tried so many things. And just the pain, you know, I know how that feels like

of having like a pimple on your face. Yeah. Scycated pen and a painful. Yeah. Very painful. Cistic acne. It gets pressed and you wash your face and you feel it. This could change your whole life. I mean, you could think about like all the negative things, but you're like, what if this just clears up all my skin and I don't have to spend hours every day thinking and, you know, being preoccupied with this part of my life?

That's what I would focus on because why not, right? Like, why not focus on the positives and let your doctor handle the negatives. That's why she's getting your blood drawn and, you know, obviously going to check in with you on any mental health side. Let your doctor handle the negatives and the side effects and follow the protocol. And you take your mental energy and get excited. In the off chance that it doesn't go well, the side effects are too much for you. You can just get right off. You're not signing a contract.

You don't have to take it for years. Totally. And I don't even think this is the type of thing that you have to like we. off or there's, I mean, check me on that. But I think, you know, I do think this is the type of thing where as soon as you stop taking it, the side effects will, you know, shortly go away and you're done. And in the, in the worst case scenario, again, you can get off. So what's your intention for her? Yeah. So my intention for her is I will allow myself to feel excited about finally freeing my mind and turn down the volume on fear.

And I do think that intention can go towards any big change that you're making. Like there's the reason you're making this change is to free your mind from some burden, whether it's getting a new job or quitting your job or moving or, you know, doing anything new. There's a, you're freeing your mind from some, some kind of. burden. And in order to do that sometimes, you have to be intentional about turning down the volume on the fear. So I know you've been avoiding this for a long time because the fear, the volume on the fear of the side effects and all that has been really, really high. But trust your doctor.

Let her handle all the side effects stuff in terms of keeping track of your blood work. And, you know, I'm sure when you go in there, she'll check on your mental health and making sure that you're doing your part and keeping track of all that. But outside of doing your part, and yeah, your skin will get dry and flaky, but I think it's going to be worth it for it to get worse for a month for the idea that it'll get better forever. Definitely. You can do hard things. And it might not even be that hard. That's my intention for you. I don't know. Out of all the medicines that are out there that are like, here's a thing, a pill that you can take that will cure you forever. There's not that many things that work like that. Give it a shot. The only thing you might regret is,

is not taking it earlier. Who knows? Yeah, who knows. All right, let's do some triggers. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. Big fan, love the show. I never miss an episode. Thank you.

Writing in with the triggered scenario to see what you think. My husband and I have combined finances. We both make six figures and we live very comfortably. He makes about double my salary. Now my triggered situation. When we go out to eat with family members,

my husband will usually grab the check and pay using our combined finance. But then, whichever family we're out with will only thank my husband for taking care of the bill. What the heck? It's my money, too. What do you think? Do I deserve a thank you to? A bill blasting batch.

I think it's so weird to do that and not thank the couple. Even if the woman or one person wasn't working, I think I would still thank the couple. Right. Unless they were like just started dating. Yeah. And it seemed like the guy was paying and he just started dating so they wouldn't have combined finances. That is odd. Why don't you pay with your with your joint credit card?

I think there's like an element of it that just feels like I still kind of like this old school thing. Old school thing of like it really is just like, but she's calling out the fact that it's like just this show. I guess it is sort of. It's weird that your family does it too. It is a weird. It's just a weird thing where on the one hand, we do want it to be this show. of like, it feels like he's taking me out. But if you say thank you to him, now it's rude.

I mean, I wouldn't say thank you to my husband if we went out to dinner ourselves and he paid for our dinner with our joint credit card. Right. No, but like the reality of it. With your car? No, I almost never take my card out. Right. I don't either.

I guess I have. If he's like in the bathroom and the check comes and I want to leave. But if we're both sitting there, actually, I don't know. Maybe sometimes I would. I don't know. But yeah. I guess it also depends if it's like, it's true. If I think about it, it depends if it's like a nice, fancy dinner. Like if we're just out with the kids, right? We want to feel like we're being treated, even if we're not. If we're like a chick filet ordering, like, I'm going to take my card out. If we're like at a like a dumpy place, I'll take my card out. But if we're dressed up nice and we're like out to dinner. Yeah, it's like a

whole song and dance. But yeah, I do think it's weird. All that true. I do think it's weird to thank only the husband. Yes, agree. I still think that's odd. If I went to dinner with another couple and they said thanks Mike for dinner. Yeah, that would be weird. But maybe if we just started like, if Mike and I were like dating less than a year and we went out to dinner and the couple and he paid for the whole dinner, I wouldn't be surprised if people thanked him. But here, yeah, I think it's crazy. Husband and I married couple. Like I think a married couple, you kind of assume that this couple is taking us out to dinner.

Yes. Versus like this man is taking us out to dinner. I agree. I think this is triggering. I'd give it like a six. And next time I would I would put the card down and see if they just thank you. Yes. Because if they don't, if they think both of you, then I think you can say something.

You should be the fast trigger puller on the card. And I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to, next time we go out, I'm going to take my card out and pull it out first. But only when you're paying for another couple or family. That's the thing just to see who they think. It's important. I don't even pay attention to like, I think sometimes it's just like, oh, thank you. All right.

Let's do one more. Hey, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I am super involved with a community service group for young professionals. I love this group. I've been in it for many years and it's a big part of my life. I'm always inviting friends to come check it out. because I've gotten so much joy from it and I think my friends might enjoy it too. A friend of mine came to a club meeting with me over a year ago and said she enjoyed it,

but she never came back. Then about three months ago, she texted me asking when we had events coming up because she was really interested in getting and staying involved this time, saying she was in a phase of life where she had more free time. I was so excited. I shared her upcoming calendar with her and she came to another meeting with me. About two months later, I ran into her and asked if she could make it to the next meeting. Her response was, I don't think I'm going to come back because I really just wanted to get involved so that I could put it on my resume to get into a competitive program.

And I just found out that I got in. I congratulated her, but was a little put off by her comment. She knows this club is something that's really important to me. And her previous text saying she really wanted to get involved seemed so genuine. I know it's silly because ultimately it doesn't affect me at all, but it really bothered me that she put the club on her resume, even though she's only attended two meetings. The whole thing made me feel used. I wish she'd just been honest about her goal here between the lie, the exaggerated resume, and the casual confession that she doesn't actually care about my club.

How triggered can I be? I find this triggering. This is something that she cares about. And she actually was lied to. Like she said, I have more time to get more involved. So she lied to her about it. She should have just said, like, yeah, I like, I'm applying to this job and this would look great on my resume.

I think that would be fine. I wouldn't be offended by that. I think because she is super into this cause and she really likes it, she might have been like, eh, I'm not, it's not my favorite thing that you are using this, but at least you're not help is help. Yes, help is help. But you're not playing it off. Like, I'm genuinely interested.

I think it almost feels like she probably feels stupid. Like I was excited that like, that you were going to come. Yeah, and that you were into it. And maybe we had this shared interest and that you were going to, like continue that we would bond over this thing. And almost that her interest was like that she cares about this thing and it was like used. And she could even say like, oh, I was excited. Like I thought you were going to be like really into it.

And I wanted to hang out. Right. I wanted to do this together. I thought you like were really into it. The fact that she was so honest about it after the fact. Right. She could just say I actually didn't have enough as much time as I like thought I did. It's almost like, you know, like usually honesty is great and people appreciate.

honesty. But sometimes when you're so honest afterwards, it feels like you don't even give a shit what I think. Like you really don't even care that it feels like I'm using you. Yes, which feels kind of worse. Like I almost wish you would at least care that this doesn't look good or that I feel used. That I would, right, have a sense that I might be offended by this. You don't even care that I might be offended by this. So I could see why she's like there's a kind of a triple whammy. the using and then there's the like lying about the using and then there's the after she got what she wanted not even caring well that's on her conscience yeah that she put it on the resume and she didn't really go I'm sure she feels there's some part of her that feels weird about that

yeah I mean look I give it to you you genuine like it's a really beautiful thing that you genuinely love going and you care and you're giving back and it makes you feel good and And like, you should just feel great about that. And you're bringing people in. Even if it's for two times, you did your part. You brought someone in. I guess you can look at it like that. She did serve two times.

Yeah. But yeah, that is, you know, it's almost like we used to talk about, I remember Rosalind High School was one of the first high schools to have like the community service requirement. Wasn't that a thing? Yes. We needed 40 hours to graduate. Yeah.

So that was like the big thing that it was like the first. first high school to require community service. And then you're like, wait, if you're like requiring it, it feels kind of like, isn't the whole point of this supposed to be that you're like doing it out of the kindness of your heart? I kind of think like you do it. It gets done. It's helpful. Who cares why you're there? Yeah. I mean, it's nicer if you want to be there. But also like sometimes you don't even know that you like that feeling until you try it. Yeah, I guess that's true for kids to kind of be like, All right, try this thing. You help people and maybe you love it.

And then it turns into something that you do out of the kindness of your heart. But when you're doing it because you have to do it, it feels like what's the difference if you're getting paid in dollars or you're getting paid in resume points? Sometimes you have, you have court ordered. Right. Yeah. You know, as long as it gets done is my thought. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd give it a four. Oh, I'm going to give it a little higher than that. Yeah, I'm going to give it a five and a half. Thanks for writing in. I do think it's a good, a good question. All right. We did it.

Yes. We'll be back next week. Thank you guys for listening. That's our time. Great work today.