Oversharing - Does Never Fighting Mean I’m in a Bad Relationship?

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Jordana kicks off the episode with a burning question for Dr. Naomi about the psychology behind planning big things and announcing them, something that has been on her mind as of late after announcing her pregnancy and surrogacy news. Still in the honeymoon phase of her relationship, a Betch overshares that she and her partner never fight and she is worried they might avoid the hard conversations in the future. In need of a Betchicist, one listener reveals that she has been spilling secrets about her nieces and nephews, despite an estranged relationship between mom and sister, and she is unsure if she’s betraying some unwritten sister code. Dr. Naomi helps a woman find an intention that helps her accept her own fears around parenting and her potential desire to not have a second child. A birthday Betch is triggered after her brother and sister in law treated her recent celiac diagnosis as a joke with a pizza themed birthday card, while another woman is feeling similar after attending a wedding where she was identified as “guest of…” her husband. Subscribe to Oversharing on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@OversharingPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How are you?

How are things? Are you excited? You're going to be coming right? It feels like both you haven't been here in a while and you were just here. Yes. I'm excited to have you guys in for our nieces bat mitzvah. Yeah, we get an extra visit. We usually mostly just come in for the summertime.

So we're getting a little mid-year visit. It's exciting. It's right before Thanksgiving. And the kids are off that whole next week. So I was just saying to them, like, they're going to have like 12 days off of school, basically, starting when we come in. So that's really fun. I was actually thinking about. I'm coming to stay at your house and being so excited.

And I got you those, you know, those bath sheets. Towels? Yes. Yeah, the bath sheet. It's called a bath sheet. It's called a bath sheet. I've never heard anyone call it a bath sheet before. Because it's enormous.

It's like the biggest. Oh, you're saying that in particular is called a bath sheet. The size of that towel is called a bath sheet because it's like larger than a bath towel. Yeah, I mean, they are quite large. They're too large. No, it's great. It's very, it's like very cos, especially as winter comes up. Yes.

Good winter. Well, so you've used it, which is good. It's funny. I'll just, you know, I have a company that I've purchased a few items from and they always send me these $50, basically like a gift card. And ideally, I'm sure the company wants me to use it to buy like a couch or a coffee table. Right. But I just, it comes in, I think, twice a year.

And I use it every time to buy one of these bath sheets. So, and I bought you, you and Mike a couple. Super comfy. You know what? I started doing that too because I also use, I mean, we could just say the company name, Plug City. It's Frontgate. Sure. Yeah. They have some very good stuff.

I've got a lot of stuff from there. Really good stuff. They'll send you like a thank you for being a customer, like gift card every now and then. Totally. But I would never spend $75 on a single towel. Those are $75 each. Wow. Something.

Maybe $68 or something like that. So I would never really spend that much on one towel, but now it's only like $18. Right. So it's like an awesome towel for $18. And then every, you know, if you buy it to a year, now I have an entire collection. for the guest room. For us, the kids always want to take our bath sheets. And they're like down to the floor on the kids, which they love.

Right. That must be like a cape. But when it's wintertime, it's cold. It's like, you know, you like to have a, it's like wearing a blanket, an absorbent blanket. Yeah. I love it. So. It's about to be that season.

Yeah. So. Yeah. I'm excited to come to New York. Do you miss the, uh, seasons a little bit now that you're it's literally 30 degrees right now so okay I'm not missing I've got my turtle neck on oh wow so we've got some seasons former here actually yeah woke up it was very cold today the leaves are changing ish uh so no Dallas as far as Texas

goes you can get you get some seasons here I don't miss it right but then like two days ago it's like 79 degrees. So you kind of get this little smattering of both. Now that I'm thinking about it, I do have an interesting topic to bring up to you. I'm sorry. We're already six minutes in probably. Let's do it. What is the psychological, and I realize I don't give you any amount of time to prep for these. This is off the top of your head. What is the psychological suggestion when it comes to like planning things or planning for things or speaking them into the universe or like like let's say you're you're dating someone like when should you tell people how far in advance should you plan like where's the line between like

I guess because you know there is a feeling especially when something hasn't gone well for you in the past and I guess I'll talk about it in terms of my own like up like pregnancy and upcoming thing of like, you know, you don't, especially like in the Jewish religion, you don't want to like buy anything. You don't want to like do anything. Yeah, like a kind of hurrah. Right. Yeah. You don't want to like jinx anything. But I think about this is in terms of like anything that's going well. Yeah. You know, a relationship or. You're going to buy a house. You put an offer on a house. You don't want to tell anyone. You think you're going to get a promotion, something like that. So is there like a psychological right way to like think or do these things? Because sometimes I'm like, Yeah, that seems practical and like makes sense. But then other times you're like, it seems like I'm almost like a magical thing that I don't want to, you know, jinx something by like if I, if I'm dating someone new, I don't want to tell my family about them because if it doesn't work out,

then I have to untell them or like I just don't want to put it out there and then it doesn't go away until it's fully there. Is there a third baby that we need to know about? I don't know where they would come from. No, I'm just trying to get out. No, I'm talking about the two, I mean, like the two that are just like a feeling of, you know, especially now that I've like told people there's just like this feeling of like, did I like jinxed or do something or like, you know, people probably feel that way about like a relationship hard launch. Yes, totally. And I guess the long, the short answer is there's no right way to do it. I think what you have, I think when that happens what what you're. what's being asked for is like the fear needs to be acknowledged and seen like I think that's just mental gymnastics right in terms of how to handle I'm still really nervous about this thing or

I'm still really fearful about this thing and the mental gymnastics is just like something your mind creates like what should I do or not do to make this feel better like you're just creating something to do. That's what happens when we get anxious or fearful or there's some like deeper fear is we go to like, what can I control? I can control whether I tell people. I can control how many people I tell. I can control how much of it I tell.

It's just a thing to grasp onto. So I think for you, if this is about the babies and like telling people about or talking maybe even about them or even I was thinking today of asking you like, are you going to do one nursery and are you going to do two separate rooms or like maybe you I don't want to talk about all that you know like I'm not even going there or I guess there's a feeling of like I don't want to be delusional or something or like I don't it doesn't make any it doesn't make any sense but you probably been practicing that thought for so long right after every positive pregnancy test that didn't turn into a baby you're probably like it's delusional to think that these babies are actually going to arrive at some point.

Right. And I mean, I talk about this on you up with like in terms of towing the line between like when dating like like delusional naivete and like bitter cynicism. And like, you know, he's never going to call or like there's, you know, I'll go on the date but like there's no way it's going to work out or like, you know, we've been on three dates but like there's something's going to happen. Like, do you what I mean? where it's like, neither is really super healthy, I guess, but like trying to find your middle ground of like taking it, I guess, day by day is maybe the best. I don't know. Yeah, they're both, they're all just symptoms of fear. They're like your mental symptom firing of fear. Right. So I think what I would recommend that you do and anyone that's doing all these things, should I tell, shouldn't I tell is like sit with your feelings.

acknowledge that the fear, that you're afraid of the relationship ending or you're afraid of something happening with the babies or I'm afraid that I'm never going to get the promotion or we're not going to move into this house and just like allow. That's a sign that there's an emotion that needs to be felt. Right. That maybe you feel like, well, why am I going to cry over like this fear that the babies aren't going to be healthy when they're fine? Like that feels like, what am I crying about?

There's nothing to cry about here. But there is. There's fear. And I think it's okay for you to kind of feel that and be in that when you catch yourself doing these mental gymnastics. That would be. Okay. I don't think it matters if you say or you don't say.

I think it's like a little alarm bell. There's no way to be. Yeah. I think it's just an alarm going off when you're doing all that. Like even when you're dating and you're doing the whole thing of like, oh, he's never going to call and you tell all your friends. Whatever. I don't really care.

I don't care if he calls. He doesn't call. If you catch yourself doing that, it means like I need to sit with my fear of like this not working out and just watch it in my body. Like do the rain meditation like we talked about. Right. I think on this subscription episode. But like just sit and acknowledge that there's fear there. It's okay.

It doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean your whatever the fear is that of feeling those feelings are like, why am I crying over these, you know, the babies. They're fine. Right. It's fine. It just is an emotion that needs to be seen, I think. Okay. I like that.

And you're saying, so you're saying there's no right or wrong way to like. Like either tell or don't tell or talk about it or don't talk about it. Right. Yeah. I mean, obviously, if you were like, we went on one date, he's, we're going to get married. Like, I'm planning. You know what I mean? Right.

I'm going to invite him to like the thing in six months. Right. Yeah. But I think, yeah. If you sit with the fear and you. you kind of relax your body into that fear of I this is the I've never felt so strongly about a guy or a girl after a first date. I've never felt this way after a first date. I'm really scared that this isn't going to work or maybe I'm really excited whatever the feeling is that's there.

I think if you just take 15, 20 minutes and like watch your body sit in that feeling, good, bad, whatever it is, the answer to how to deal with that will come to you. I don't think you'll do the thing. We're like, I'm so excited I'm going to invite him to the wedding that I have this summer. Right. Like that probably wouldn't be the advice that we would give if you just met someone in November to invite them to a wedding in the summer. But I think sometimes when you're not sitting in your feelings and like getting to know

your own emotions and your brain is doing the, do something, take an action thing. That's when you take an impulsive action that probably is, or maybe a overly protective action. If you sit with it, I think the answer will come to you in terms of how to handle it. I love that. Yeah. Okay. That's great. I like that advice. I'm going to, I will practice that in the months to come. Just find 15, 20 minutes to let it move through you. Watch, yeah, watch it. Relax the shoulders, relax the face. Soften your body so that energy can kind of just like do its thing.

We know how to heal. Like you get a cut on your finger and you just, you don't have to make a whole stink about how to get it like a paper cut. You're just like, my body knows what to do with this feeling. But we don't do that with emotions. We don't want to just let our bodies know what to do because it's painful and it's not comfy. Right. So we want to avoid it by, you know, finding all the tricks or action plans, right?

Yeah. All right. I will give that a try. All right. Let me know how it goes. Thanks for the mini-sush. Yes. No problem.

All right. All right. Let's do some emails. We have a voicemail in this episode. And if you have a voicemail, you can leave us a, give us a call at 646-363-6-294. Keep those under three minutes so that we see them. and because most issues can be told in three minutes. Or if you prefer the email method, email us at oversharing at betches.com.

You can subscribe and get all of these episodes a day early and ad-free, as well as two bonus episodes every month. Or you can join one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups. Do you have any room in those? Yes, we have room. Naomi Bernstein.com. Come find us. It's really community is the most.

healing thing for an aching heart or a worried mind sit with other people that will are showing up to be there for others. It's really super healing when you get to share and it's super healing when you just get to kind of support other people. So Naomi Bernstein.com fill out a form. We'll match you with a group. I hope to see lots more listeners there. Love it. All right, let's jump in to our email. I'll start with our overshare. All right. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana.

I'm a subscriber and love you both. Your podcast has been one of my favorites ever since it started. I, 31 female, have been with my boyfriend, 34 male for six months. And things have honestly been going really smoothly, almost too smoothly, which is what made me want to write in.

We joke that we haven't had a single squabble yet, and this relationship thing is so easy. We're both laid back, easygoing people who don't enjoy confrontation, and we've always been able to talk things out calmly when something comes up. For example, he co-parents with his ex who can be pretty needy at times, and sometimes she asks for things unrelated to the kids. She recently asked him to take their previously shared dog to the vet.

He agreed, but told me privately that she might expect him to pay the bill. I told him that it didn't sit right with me, and instead of getting defensive or dismissive, we just talked it through. He ended up deciding to help with the vet trip, but to set the boundary ahead of time that he wouldn't be paying for, for the visit. It felt like a situation that could have easily turned into a fight in other relationships, but it didn't. We both communicated, found common ground, and moved on, feeling good about the compromise. While I'm happy we don't argue, part of me wonders if it's too calm.

Everywhere I turn, I hear that healthy couples argue sometimes, and it's normal, even necessary. But I don't feel any resentment or avoidance between us. It truly just feels like there's nothing to fight about. So I guess my questions are, is it normal to not have any arguments this far in. Can a relationship be too conflict-free? How can we tell the difference between healthy communication and conflict avoidance? How can we keep building emotional intimacy and honesty, even if we're not fighting? I'd love your take on whether this dynamic sounds healthy, and if there's anything we should be doing intentionally to keep communication strong as the relationship deepens. Thanks for all that you do. A conflict-free betch. All right. Interesting question. Yeah.

They're six months in. Yes, I was thinking about it. So I've been, you know, Jeff and I've been together for it'll be 19 years. Oh, wow. This month. That's nuts. So, yeah, I'm trying to think back. What was six months like?

I mean, six months is honeymoon phase and everyone's right. Yeah, everyone's trying to, I think, be really like accommodating in the relationship. Yeah, like even, I'm glad she gave this dog example. I wonder if like in five years they're busy. Maybe they have a kid or two and, you know, they're doing a bunch of stuff. And he's like, hey, just going to go run out and take my ex-wife's dog to the vet. I don't know. She might not be as into that at that point.

Now she's kind of like, okay, I picked a person. person who's co-parenting. He wants to help her out by taking the dog because she has the kids and I'm going to be, you know, I knew what I was signing up for. So she's cool with it. Maybe they're not sharing finances yet. Right. I thought she brought that up in a nice, in a normal good, and that would, I wouldn't call that a fight, but I would call that a good example of conflict resolution. Totally. She said something. Yeah, which is why it worked. Like, I think it's great. And I think they are doing well.

I think you just have to be patient and something will come up at some point. You know, like we always talk about weddings. Sometimes people's first argument is like over the wedding. I see that a lot. We're like everything's great. Then we start trying to plan this big event where we're sharing finances and family and preferences and you're kind of creating a joint life. I think sometimes that's when even if it's like moving in together.

or like making more shared decisions can create conflict. But let's just say for argument's sake, you know, they're in it. They're dating for five years and they've never had an argument. That's what I think she's asking. Sure. Right. Like what happens if we never fight? Is there something wrong with our relationship, I think, is the question?

Although I think it probably is coming at some point. Right. And yeah, you know, I do think couples do this. thing a lot where subconsciously or consciously kind of comparing themselves to other couples and like what do their couple behaviors mean in terms of their health as a couple. Of course, yeah. Like you just, you go out to dinner and like who's paying the check and why does the, in their relationship, this person pays the check.

Are they holding hands? Right. Right. Yeah. How much PDA? If it's too much PDA, then you're like, that's, there's something weird. about that. If there's not PDA, it's like, why aren't we having more PDA? Is someone making a passive aggressive comment to the other? Right. There's like a lot to

observe. Yes. So I think, you know, even just not even in real life, I think there's a lot of internet information. And this seems like maybe that's where she's getting it or some of it about like what's normal, like how much sex are you supposed to be having? Like I'll, have couples that are kind of like, you know, they have sex because they feel. feel like it means that they're in a healthy relationship. Right. They're crossing that off the list of things that they do to be. Like one of the reasons why they have sex is because they want to be able to know that they had sex to feel like their relationship is on the right track because it's, you know, whatever society says is the right number of times per week or month or whatever that you

should be having sex. So it is interesting to think about this thing is just another one of those. like a, you know, we're not fighting so is there something wrong or we're fighting too much so there's something wrong. I think it's just maybe in some ways kind of like what we talked about earlier. Like there's this little, you know, I'm afraid that I'm really getting feelings for this person and maybe I do want to spend my life with them or think about long term, maybe moving in together, whatever the next step. And so my mind is scanning. to find out, like, what can I do to, you know, because I'm feeling scared. Well, I can worry about the fact that we don't fight enough.

Yeah. And I think, I mean, I think fighting is like a word that people use that can feel like it includes a lot of different ranges of conflict resolution or disagreement. Right. So I think like you could fight in a very health, it's like where it's almost more of a conversation than a fight. Yeah. If both people are very much non-confrontational and aren't quick to get angry or something like that. Or maybe like let a lot of things slide aren't that, you know, aren't that particular about a lot of things.

But I think like what she described, again, isn't like a fight, but it could have been in like that, like I agree, that same thing could have been a fight two years from now when he's like right now like, oh, she's like, the quirks that she has that he loves right now can sometimes become annoying and a later thing. Or vice versa where she's like, he's, you know, he's so sweet and nice and generous and he's helping his ex. and like I'm okay with him taking to the vet. But then like two years from now, once that like attachment phase has ended, she might be like, and he's like a pushover and he just kind of like, doesn't stand up for me enough and doesn't put his foot down

and, you know, isn't prioritizing me. And again, those aren't things that I think, but I'm just saying like something that's positive. Sometimes like the romance of it can wear and it can become like the other side of that personality trait. can become annoying. So I wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't get too ahead of herself. This reminds me of like when I first got the dog and like the first two days he was like, he only peed like outside.

And I remember saying to like you and our brother John. I was like, wow, like, is it possible that I have like the, I have a dog that just like is trained immediately? And you're both like, no, wait. Yeah. And then of course, right, once he got like a little less comfy, he was like, You know, monster. So I think six months in is too early to call. We have a conflict-free relationship. Yeah. I agree with everything you just said.

And I do think her fear is, right, if they're both very laid back, they're both very go with the flow, which is awesome because they're not going to die on a hill of lots of things. They're going to let a lot of stuff go. but I do think there is some validity to probably which what is her underlying fear, which is that they're both so passive that maybe there might be a brewing, like a resentment of not sharing or being so conflict avoidant that you're holding stuff in. And I have seen that in couples.

Or sweeping it under the rug. Yeah, exactly. Sweeping stuff under the rug because you don't want to upset the other person. And, you know, it doesn't sound like that's happening here. It sounds like she was able to speak her mind. And she didn't like not say anything about the dog. She expressed what she wanted. He expressed what he wanted.

They came to a compromise. It sounds lovely right now. Yeah. I think the issue more comes when like you disagree. Let's say here they disagreed. And he was like, I don't really think it's a big deal that I pay for it. Right. Exactly.

That's where the fight would come in, which he might say two years in. Right. And yes, and then you're going to have more of like what feels like a fight than a beautifully resolved conflict with compromise. So I do think, you know, maybe she, there's something to the fact that she's worried that they're not, you know, that they're both so laid back and go with the flow that it's, you know, that could breed some types of resentment. And I do see that.

I see that a lot on both ends, but, you know, a lot of times, you know, in male-female relationships, the man, like, you know, if they're not as verbal, I'm just stereotyping. If they're not as into having these conversations or expressing themselves verbally, they do sometimes tend to not say as much, kind of just hold it in, and then it seeps out in other little ways. Right, which goes with my breakup theory about men. Yes. Yeah.

Where women are like, please change, please change, please change. And men are just kind of like silently thinking about all the things that they don't like. Not to scare you. Sorry, that sounded probably a worse nightmare. Yeah, no. But I think that does happen a lot of the time. And so I would encourage, I would encourage him to if like he does disagree with you to to vocalize that. and or like if he does feel strongly about about something that he can say something and you can

resolve it instead of you know just doing whatever you suggest and maybe having an underlying resentment totally but i overall from the information that she's given us chill enjoy enjoy the honeymoon phase it doesn't sound like there's that that i don't think that's what's happening i don't think he's withholding or not telling it sounds like all is good right now. So I would really just enjoy that because it's probably not going to last forever. So I would enjoy it while you have it. But it does sound like give a great relationship and you are able to find these compromises. So I would take that away from this. I agree. Yeah. Right back to us in four years and let us know if it's still like that. I'd love to hear. Yeah, for sure. All right,

let's do a betchaist. Okay. I will read this. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. Love the pod so much and look forward to it every week. I'll jump right in with my dilemma. My sister has had a pretty tenuous relationship with my parents for approximately 15 years. To cover all the real or perceived slight slash issues would probably take a five-hour bonus episode so I won't get into all the whys. She still lives about 45 minutes from my parents and where we grew up, but about 10 years ago, I moved a thousand or so miles away. Thanks to this distance, I've been able to largely stay out of much of the big family drama. It's always a good way to do it.

My husband and I jokingly say, those are my monkeys, but thank God we live so far from the circus. I like that. Yeah. Now to the dilemma. In times when my sister is having issues with either or both of my parents, she will completely cut them both off, not only from her, but also from her young children. For example, she recently had an issue with my dad and didn't speak to him at all for about

eight months. Throughout those eight months, she also generally would not speak to my mom either. During those periods of her not speaking to them, I often feel caught in the middle because I'm still speaking to all of them regularly, three to four times a week. She shares details about her children with me, their lives, pictures, et cetera, that I know my mom would love to be looped in on. Sometimes when my sister sends me pictures, I will forward them to my mom because I know she hasn't seen the kids in a while or when I'm on the phone with her, I'll tell her generic details that my sister has shared. For example, so-and-so had a piano recital this week. So-and-so said she did amazing.

While I know my mom appreciates this in the long run, it makes me feel shitty for a couple of reasons. One, am I betraying my sister's trust by doing this? I don't often agree with her regarding the issues between them, nor do I agree with cutting off access to the kids, but it still makes me feel like I'm being a bad sister. ultimately they are her children and she has a right to decide who has access to them. Two, sometimes it feels like sharing these things with my mom only makes her more sad because it highlights that she's not receiving the pictures or phone calls and updates. I feel torn about sharing if it makes her feel worse, but also she'd never see or hear

about the kids if I didn't. Any insight would be appreciated and feel free to tell me if I'm both a terrible sister and daughter and just to butt out of it, L.O.L. Thanks, a betch in the middle. This is a good question, I think. Not an entirely clear answer immediately to me because I could see like both sides of the argument. And it's tough when you have a family with a lot of conflict, you know, how to maneuver that. Totally.

I do think and I, you know, I think it's hard when there's different relationships and you want to be show up genuinely for all of them, right? So like, if she's talking to the mom and she's like, you know, excited about the piano recital and she has to withhold that, it can make her feel like she's showing up in the space with her mom with this like protected, I'm holding this secret information from you. And that doesn't feel great either. But also this feeling of if my sister wanted them to know, she would have told them herself. Right. And where's her? What's her role in this? what's her. Is it her business? Is it not her business? For someone who, again, has seemingly

an equally close relationship with both people. Yeah. I can understand also not wanting to get involved at all, like, this isn't whatever this is is between the two of you, but not really understanding like what her proper role is. Yeah. Yeah, it's a tough one. Look, you could probably guess what I'm going to say, but I think she should just have a real conversation. This seems like it's going to be an ongoing thing. And it's like comes in these waves of like, okay, it's eight months not speaking and then sounds like they speak.

And then maybe it's, you know, down the line, it's another couple months or whatever it is. Like the parents keep pissing off the sister and she keeps putting these, you know, walls up. But I would have a conversation with both of them,

you know, maybe with the sister first and just say, hey, um, I, I, I don't think the mom, asking, but like, hey, I feel bad for mom. And sometimes when I talk to her, things that are

going on with the kids, like feel like naturally coming up in conversation, is it okay if I share that so-and-so had a piano recital or share some photos with them? How do you feel about that? And just kind of gauging what she wants. I think communication would be important here and or with the mom where she's like, hey, I sometimes want to share these things with you. because I think you'd be interested, but if it makes you feel worse or you don't want this information, you know, let me know. I think, again, this is an example of like just being able to sit with the mom in it instead of trying to avoid the feeling itself, kind of being like, oh, I sent you this picture.

And then if the mom starts like crying on the phone or being sad, like being able to just kind of, you know, be in that and say, yeah, I know that must be really hard not to be able to see them. Yeah. And I think it kind of, I mean, sometimes it depends on like the emotional maturity of the family members. For sure. I don't know if the sister's going to be like, why do you feel bad for mom? Right. Think she's taking their side and be angry with her.

I would imagine maybe that's like part of why she's not, hasn't already had these conversations, I would think. Like maybe they're quick to anger. She doesn't want to feel like she's, you know, in the middle or swayed. one way. So I do get why she made. I understand. I totally would, I would suggest the same advice, but I wonder if, right, I wonder if her fear is like, if I bring us up to my sister, she's going to like, just start talking shit about my mom. And I, you know, it's not going to feel like counterproductive. And maybe my sister will tell me not to share anything. And then I'll feel weird when my mom asks and then, or something like that. Yeah. I think that's probably why people do that.

But I would have this conversation once. Yes. And then just ask her her preference. I think you could say, like, I don't, I would start it with like, they are your kids. You're entitled to like have them speak or not speak or have information about them given or not given to whoever you want. This is my, this is what I'm feeling compelled to do. But if you're saying, I'd rather you not do that, I won't do that. I totally agree.

And I have a hunch that she says in the email that she doesn't totally agree. agree with her about like how she's handling the stuff with the parents. Right. So I think there's a part of her maybe that doesn't even want to open up that conversation out of fear that she doesn't want to invalidate her. It doesn't want to get her opinion mixed up in it because it sounds like her opinion is maybe, I don't know, you're overreacting or it seems a little harsh or whatever her opinion is that she doesn't want that to come between her and her sister. And maybe there is some fear of like,

if you could do it to mom, you could do it to me. Right. I don't want to be next. Right. And the cutoff category. Yeah. So I wonder, I mean, like, I guess is there is there an appropriate amount to be involved in these things? Or is it best to just stay out of the conflicts that don't fully involve you? Yeah. That's a great question. I think it really depends on like how much emotional energy she has in her tank, this listener. Like, if you're kind of like, yeah, I want to be there for them. I want to be a support. It's a sticky situation.

I wouldn't, you know, I think I would air on the side of let me just kind of ask them both what they are looking for here and kind of come up with a strategy of how I can best. Because it sounds like she has a right now, she's doing a great job of having a good relationship with both. And that I give her credit. Right. Like that's not easy to be in the middle, to have a close relationship with both of them.

So whatever you're doing right now might be the best path because it sounds like you're getting along great with everybody, which is hard when you are kind of in the middle. Right. So if that's the, and if that's the case, keep doing what you're doing. But I guess the only thing to address then is the lingering guilt that she's like betraying one person. or another by like passing this information along. And I think you can ask about the information thing without getting into the whole. Yeah. Conflict.

I would probably avoid like sharing your opinion unless she's specifically asking you what your opinion is and just kind of say, is it okay if I occasionally share these photos. Right. And she might not care. I mean like I don't know. Like I don't, I don't, the extent of the cutoff. Is it like, I don't want you to see anything that has to do with me that seems very intense. Or maybe it's just like, I don't want to talk to you or like let you. Like there's plenty of people I maybe know, don't want to talk to that frequently, but I'm not like offended if they know.

Yes, it really does depend. I think if the sister is not talking to the parents because she's just like, you hurt my feelings when I talk to you or you don't respect my boundaries or whatever it is. And like it's like upsetting to me. I mean, it's interesting. The conversation, and we've had this before about like hard boundaries with family members or friends or whatever. Like sometimes there is avoidance there. You know, when you draw like a really hard line with someone, you know, I think boundaries have become very trendy. Right.

In the psychology world in the last few years because they're like a quick fix to something that is uncomfortable. So maybe that's a conversation for another day, but maybe she does feel like her boundaries are a little harsh. And yeah, I would definitely, I would just ask her how she feels about it. Just say, here's, you know, what I've been experiencing lately around this. And hopefully she'll be understanding and give you help, help you navigate your middleman role. Right. I agree. Just ask.

Yeah. All right. Let's get into some intentions. I'll read them. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi, I'm writing in today for an intention. I'm a first time mom to a beautiful five-month baby girl. Before getting pregnant, me and my husband would talk about having a big family, three or four kids. But after having one, we've had to face the reality that that might not be in the cards for us. We've both found the parenting experience extremely challenging, both physically and mentally. Postpartum was really hard and the adjustment period was so much harder than we had anticipated. We live in a different country from both of our families, so we've definitely missed having a support system around. After five months, we are really enjoying the experience and are settling into our new dynamic and family life. But it has really made us question whether we can and want to do it again. We value our relationship and independence a lot and we want to keep prioritizing our marriage.

I know it's still early on and we might change our minds later. Either way, we don't have to commit to anything now. But I found that this has taken up a lot of space in my mind. I'm constantly thinking about it, wondering how we could possibly handle having another. our kid, thinking what our life would look like if we only had one. So I need an intention to put all this to rest and enjoy the present, knowing I don't have to make any decisions yet. And when the time comes, we'll know what's right for our family. Thanks for everything you do and looking forward to hearing what you think, maybe one and done mom. We get a lot of emails like this about like the anxiety of choosing how many children to have. I think people think about that a lot. I think there's like this sense of

like, you know, because you can't know what it's like both ways, like a feeling of will I regret this choice one way or the other? Totally. I do think more people are sure that they either want kids or don't want kids. Right. So the decision to even, I mean, that's a hard decision too when you're ready for your first kid is kind of a hard decision for some people. But it's more nuanced and a little bit harder to decide if you want more than one. I didn't know. I hear people talk about like this feeling of like this baby, what they're saying, like this is harder than we thought and we're kind of feel a little maxed out.

And we also want to have time for our relationship. But I hear a lot kind of like this baby is so perfect and amazing and like wonderful. And they sleep and they, you know, how can we ever, we're never going to have one that's as amazing as this one. Or I'm never going to be able to bond with another one. or having another one is going to take my attention away from this one. And then, I mean, this isn't in this email, but I see this a lot also in the emails. It's like one partner wants it.

Once another one and the other one is like, this was a lot. I think I'm okay. Yeah. So, yeah, I think the, I agree. I think to have kids or not have kids, people feel like I think pretty, most people feel I think a little bit stronger in their ideas about that. But the idea of like how many can be stressful. Yeah.

Totally. Yeah. So this is a, this is a tough question. The good news is it sounds like they're both on the same exact page, like you said, which is great. They're both kind of like,

oh, we thought this, now we think this. She speaks in a wee, like as if they're really aligned on everything. So that's a strength. Again, my advice for this is going to be to, acknowledge the fear. Like, I think she's doing, first of all, you're still in postpartum. Your baby's five months old. Like, I would say six months is what I would consider, like,

your postpartum, even all the way up to a year before you start to feel like emotionally, back to how you were before. Um, certainly physically, I think there's that time period, um, So I think you're still early on to be feeling like you need to make this decision. And she knows it. She gives herself her own intention. Like she knows what to do. She says, you know, enjoy the present knowing I don't have to make any decisions yet. And when the time comes, we'll know it's right for our family.

So she knows that she doesn't need to make any decisions yet. I think she knows that eventually the decision will come to them. But I think the part that she's skipping is maybe like what we talked about again at the top of the episode allowing herself some time to sit in the fear on both sides of it. Like the one, the fear of if we don't have another kid and this is an only child, a lot of people have fears about that. You know, like, are they going to be lonely? What's going to happen to them when we die?

They're not going to have any siblings. Like, you know, all these like big existential fears about having an only child or maybe they'll be selfish or whatever. Or we're like mourning this story of we both went into this thinking we'd have this, I mean, three or four kids is a lot of kids. Yeah. I mean, they went in saying three or four and they like and they decide to have one. That is like a big 180.

Totally. And it's an example of this thing where you like picture your, like you said morning. Like I picture my life in this way. And now I'm having to potentially reimagine. The story. My future, which is what happens when you're like, I moved in with this person and we're going to get married and I see my future and like, this is my person. And then you get broken up with. Yeah.

You're like, whoa, now I have to just completely take a left and like reimagine this future that I had written for myself. Especially because it sounded like, again, they both agreed. They wanted three or four. So it's like, okay, that's happening. We agree. We're going to do it. So I think that is really hard, like reimagining the future. But I would sit with the fear of, you know, not, again, not verbally, not like in this

ruminating way. But if you think about this reimagining the future, what do you feel in your body? Like what just allowing that to be there, the fear of like we end up with only one kid. And then I would allow yourself to sit with the fear of having more than one and being sleep deprived and, you know, not in a sense that it's going to help her make a decision. Because I don't know, like I'm not saying that doing that is going to help her decide. I just think doing that is going to make her less anxious and ruminating about the decision because she's, again, these feelings are trying to be seen. These fears are trying to have a voice or that fear energy wants to run through her body. And I think she's stopping it.

And then like turning it into this ruminating mental exercise about whether or not they should have another kid. And then she can also like really, if she does that and kind of like gets it out of her system to an extent, she can really live in the reality of what's like to be a parent in that moment. Yeah. good and the bad yes exactly some of these fears are so big and heavy and hard that you you want to avoid feeling it and it's like we talk about the mortality meditation or we have before you know it's like it's really big and heavy and hard to sit in this like moment where you're taking your last breath and you're saying goodbye to all your loved ones and you know it's like really intense to go there but one of the nice things about it is you get to come out of the meditation and kind of be like,

oh my gosh, I'm alive. I have like all day today to be alive and probably tomorrow. So you kind of can come out of it and be like, all right, this is great. I have, you know,

I don't have two babies. I'm screaming at the same time and I'm not waking up in the middle of the night. Or I don't have to deal with like the existential fear of my child like dying a because we didn't give them a sibling or whatever, you know, that fear is. Like right now we're just sitting on the floor on the play mat, like, you know, having a good time. Yeah. So you get to kind of go in there and come out of it.

But I think it's more about letting the energy kind of run through and letting your emotional self heal without doing all the mental gymnastics about needing to take an action and decide we're having a baby. we're not having a baby. They're five months old. Like, you do not need to really make this decision. She knows it. I think it's more these fears are popping up.

So give them some airtime. She feels like she needs to solve them. Yes. Which is not the case, right? Yeah. So, I mean, did she write her own intention? Do you have a? Oh, yes.

I do have an intention for her. No, she, I mean, she kind of did. But I wrote, I will acknowledge and allow my fears and trust that life will unfold in line with our hearts. So acknowledge the fears. And the part that she knows is that it's going to unfold in line with their hearts. The part that she needs to do is acknowledge the fears. I think she can just sit with that a little bit. Maybe together they can do that. Yeah. It sounds like a nice weekend activity. Let's do some triggers. Why don't you read our first one? Okay. Dear Dr. Naomi and Jordana, I love the pod and look forward to listening every week.

I'm writing in with a triggered scenario that happened to me recently. For context, I just turned 35 and was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year. It took years to receive the diagnosis, including many different doctors, appointments, invasive procedures, and tests to figure out what was going on. By the time I was diagnosed, I had to have five rounds of iron infusions because I was so announced. on top of all the other symptoms it was causing. While I am proud of how I immediately adjusted my diet and overall took it in stride, there's still lingering food grief that hangs over me when I think of things I enjoyed before the diagnosis that I'll never have again. Well, I'm glad to live in a time with so many substitutions, I'm here to tell you that most gluten-free versions just don't hit the same. It's so layered and something I have to think about every day when I'm eating,

especially when I'm eating out or at a friend's house. It has made me a more compassionate, empathic person, and it's also a total bummer. I can recognize my own misconception of this disease before getting diagnosed, but there are serious implications if it isn't managed or if I accidentally consume it. Anyway, on to the triggered portion. I celebrated my birthday last week and opened a birthday card from my brother and sister-in-law who lived far away. The card says, you're a grown-ass adult.

eat as much birthday pizza as you damn well, please. And on the inside, it says, just don't forget the ant acids with a bunch of pizza slices all over it. I felt so triggered. I thought of all the cards in the world, this is the one that made the cut. I love receiving birthday cards and love picking them out for other people. And this was the winner? Hi, happy birthday.

Here's a reminder of the food you can never have again. I know they weren't trying to hurt my feelings, but what the hell? How trigger can I be signed a gluten-free forever batch? Sorry to laugh. Okay. I mean, I think we've gotten like not obviously this exact triggered, but I do think there's maybe like a cultural feeling about like gluten-free or celiac and a feeling of like it doesn't feel like that big of a deal.

And I will, you know, throw myself under the bus and say like, I think for until reading a lot of these emails, that was sort of my mindset. Like I have a friend who's gluten-free, but she doesn't really like, she seems to be fine. I don't know. Like, maybe she's not telling me about stuff. So I guess I could understand why someone would do this and think it wasn't a huge deal. And they were just kind of having fun with something that you were going for. And they're like, oh, this is such a great card for this person because they're, you know,

they have all these new food sensitivities and it's kind of funny. Right. But I can also understand the other side of something where it's like you don't really know these people don't know like exactly how much sort of medical trauma you've had to go through to deal with this and how like it's actually not been easy for you to adjust and it's either not funny or in my opinion maybe just like a little too soon. Yeah. Right. Like she might think this is funny in like five years. And she said she was diagnosed earlier this year. So maybe she hasn't like fully figured out how to live her life in this

way with this, is it a disease disorder? I don't know what you would call it, a celiac disease. Right. She hasn't fully like figured it out yet and she's still struggling. So I think maybe it is something she might take a little lighter once she's adjusted to her, to this new life, which I'm sorry she has to go through. I don't know. What do you think? Yeah. I mean, and she even says in the email, like she's grown more empathic as a result of this, that she probably didn't realize what this is. I think the hard part also is there are a bunch of these GI disorders. There's like, you know, celiac and then there's just a gluten allergy.

And there's some people who just like don't feel great when they eat gluten. And then there's Crohn's disease. And there's like all these different iterations of gluten sensitivity that I think there is someone maybe like your friend that's just like, yeah, I got a little. tummy ache when I eat pizza, but like, fuck it, I'm eating pizza. There's that person. And then there's this person that literally, like, will damage her intestines and, like, need to go for transfusions if she eats gluten. So I think there's such a wide spectrum of people that need gluten-free options that sometimes, or there's even parents that are just like, I want to give my kid

gluten-free and see if they, like, behave better or, you know, whatever. There's, like, so many versions of this that it's hard for people to know what's serious and what's not. And they live far away, she said. So it's not like they've been out to dinner with her where she's been, like, kind of upset about not being able to order stuff on the menu or maybe they're not getting the ins and outs of how annoying this is. I just heard she was, like, like, gluten-free now.

Yes, totally. And I do think it's kind of probably on her to let people know. I get it, you know, like I think we all get it. Even if you're like, okay, I'm going to try not to eat like all the Halloween candy that's in my house, you know, when it's sitting in front of me. It's challenging. And it's hard to have foods in front of you that especially for her, there is like a never again component, which is hard. Right. It's not like a diet where you're like, I'll have a not today.

but I'll have my cheap day. Right. Exactly. There is, I think, some grief and like this feeling of I will never again. I think that's why, you know,

when addicts are sort of like, I can never drink alcohol ever again, there is this grief component. And that's why sometimes they'll go with more of like a just for today mindset because the never again mindset is like too much to take in. So you just have to kind of go day by day. But for her, I think she does know that.

this is like I'll never have a slice of non-gluton-free pizza ever again. So I get it, but I do think it's kind of on her to let people know what she's going through if there are people that are close to her. And she doesn't want to receive a card like this again, which she doesn't. And if she doesn't let them know, I'm not saying she has to say this card hurt my feelings necessarily, but I think in a separate phone call, she can say, you know, this has been really challenging for me to not be able to, you know, if you love these certain cupcakes from this place and you can never, ever eat them again, like it's tough. But I do think this points to this general, what you're describing other people that do not suffer from these

illnesses, not getting that it's really hugely impactful. You eat three meals a day plus snacks, which is like all those times a day that you have to think about every more slow food. Right. And the consequence of not doing it right is in addition to what it sounds like was extensive medical testing that she had to go through probably while really uncomfortable to even get to this point. So now that we know, like if you just wrote in, I'm gluten free. And I think even for this email, like if she just wrote into the email and said, I'm gluten free. And my brother and my sister-in-law sent me this card, we'd be like, you're overreacting. But because she gave it, all the context, it did seem a lot more insensitive.

Yes. So. And maybe, again, if the brother does know about like transfusions and, you know, which he probably does, which is why this is triggering to her. But I guess unless you're in it, you don't really get how hard it is to have that. I'll never eat. I can never just walk into a pizza place ever again and get like just a slice of pizza like a normal person.

And I always have to be that person. that's like asking for the gluten-free and saying, hey, I can't eat at that place because- Right. Yeah, that does stink. Yeah. So I get it. I don't think it's about the card. I think you need to maybe just let him know that this is like something that you've

been through. And it feels, and we've talked about this before, like he just doesn't know you by sending like, he's kind of doing this thing of like, I know you. Right. Here's this, you know, you can't. eat pizza card. And she's like, no, you don't get it at all. Like, I feel completely unseen by this card. Should she say that? No. I don't think she should say that because I just, I don't think he meant anything. I think that was his way of being like, hey, I remember what you've been through this whole

year. Like, here's this funny card. Like, go eat pizza. Enjoy yourself for your birthday. Right. Have a cheat day. Yeah. Have a cheat day. Right. I think is what he's trying to say. And it felt She's like out of all the cards and he probably picked it up and was like, this one's perfect. She can't eat pizza. Have an ant acid. Right. It's like reminds me of some sex in the city episode where like Carrie is like really upset about turning 35 or something and they get her like the old made card game. Right.

It's like we know you but a little off. Right. Well, we know that you're like that this is a new, that this is a thing. that you're thinking about, but we don't know exactly, like, how deep it's hitting. Yeah, how deep it's run. So I don't think they're saying, they're doing it to be cruel. I think they thought they were, they were doing it because they knew you. But a little too soon. I think this was sent like five years in. Right. Maybe she think it was funnier. Because it's the same year and she went through all this stuff. I'll give it like a,

I'll give it a five. Yeah. I was, I was going to say. I'll give it a five. But what I would also say is your irritation with this is letting you know that you should probably just maybe have a conversation with your brother and let him know. Not necessarily in relation to the card because I wouldn't, you know, critique it. I don't think he meant anything by it. But on a separate note, like you said, they don't eat together. But this is really hard.

This is a hard, big life adjustment. And, you know, this is just what I'm going through. But yeah, I would agree. a five. I could see why it's triggering, but I don't think it was malicious or mean. I think it was just a little aloof. Yes. Agreed. All right. Let's do one more. This one's a voicemail. Thanks for leaving a voicemail. We'll love that. Let's roll the tape. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I have a triggered scenario for you. Thanks so much for the show you put out. I love your show. This triggered is wedding etiquette. So my husband and I were invited to a wedding a little over a year ago.

It was a college friend of his that he hadn't really kept in touch. He was about, he was like 32, 31 or 32 at the time. So college was a long time ago. We'd invited him and his fiancee to our wedding, but they weren't able to make it. He's like in NFL, so he was very busy. So my husband ends up being asked to be a groomman in his wedding, which he thought was like a little weird, given that they haven't seen each other since college, but he thought it would be fun, and he said yes. He went to the bachelor party, and then we were invited to the wedding too, obviously, which was out of town. We live in New York.

The wedding was in Texas. So they had a rehearsal dinner on Friday night, and then the wedding was Sunday night. I was like, we're not going to the rehearsal dinner on Friday. Let's just go to the wedding. We already have to miss Monday for a travel day. we're not that close. We're skipping that. So we get there Saturday.

First triggering scenario that happened is that my husband gets invited to like a groomsman night out. So I had traveled all the way there and like the wives weren't invited. That event didn't actually end up happening because I think it's just the last minute plan and they like ended up not being able to pull it off. So then the next day was the wedding, you know, I'm alone all day. My husband's out doing groomsmen stuff. I show up later. it was 100 degrees. I'm sitting outside forever,

like waiting for the ceremony to start sweating. That's besides the point. Then I go to pick up my seating card after the ceremony, and I see that my card says, like, guess of my husband. Like, they had the audacity to, like, not even put my name after I flew all the way there. And then even worse than that, I was at a different table than my husband. So there was, like, a bride's maid and a groomsman table, and the groomedlin table was, like, all the way.

on the other side of the room from my table. So, yeah, that's the triggered scenario. Flew all the way to a wedding. Wasn't invited to like the night before festivities. What was called guests instead of being referred to by my name and wasn't seated anywhere near my husband during the actual wedding. So how triggered would you be? We also ended up getting invited to a wedding from another one of his college friends,

like shortly after that. And it said like his name and guest blew my mind again. And we just like immediately said no. And I was like, I'm not traveling to a wedding ever again if it's someone that we're not close to. So yeah, let me know what you think. Thanks. Okay.

What blows my mind is the seating card, they gave her her own separate seating card that just said guest of husband. Yeah. That's rude. Like I could see not even. in, but sort of if they had them both. Right. If they had it like, you know, whatever it is, David Smith and guest table 14 is one thing. But like David Smith on a card for table two and then guest of David Smith on a card for like table 26. Like, yeah, that is really strange. I feel like as you were

writing that, you would think this does not feel like right. Right. Yeah. Okay. Let's go through. the triggers. The night before thing with the men going out, I don't think that triggering. Like, it's a night. You can like order room service, hang out, do your own thing. I can understand why they would do that and not be like, well, what are the wives going to do? Right. I think that's fine. 100 degrees. You're waiting outside for a while. The ceremony happens all the time. I can't tell you how many weddings I've been to where I've been like, is this fucking thing going to start at any point? Right. I'm sweating. Can I go to the bathroom? I would like some water, whatever it is.

So I think that one, par for the course, wedding things get delayed. People, that's not personal. Right. Guest and guest card and sitting, even sitting at a different table than your husband at a wedding where you don't know anyone, it's very triggering. That part is the triggering part because there's just not, there's, for a few reasons. One, when you're setting up a wedding, most people do think about the experience of their guests. And you do think about.

the idea of like some people don't know anybody here. And even when you're making tables, you're kind of like, oh, let me put this person with this person because they kind of know each other, know each other adjacent. Like that's usually a thought. You're not just like randomly throwing people at tables. So there should be a thought of like this person, his partner doesn't know anybody here. Right. Even if they just put the two tables right next to each other, I think that would have been Somehow, yeah. But yeah. No, I could see being really annoyed about that.

Like you flew all the way to a different state and you're sitting at a table where you don't know anyone after spending the whole day alone. Right. Yeah. I think I can understand, like, listen, I've seen weddings where there's like the bride, the groomsmen are at a certain table

and the bridesmaids are at a certain table, but you always do it with their plus ones. Right. And I get it. It's a little, sometimes it's like a little weird and funny where it's like you're at your husband who like, doesn't or your husband or maybe your new boyfriend is at a table is at like the bride's table and they've met like one time and it's a little weird and I think we've all had that or been that

but it's kind of like whatever it's not like you're sitting them right next to you they're like at the table and like they're not taking anything away I would never separate a couple at a way if you want to do a bridesmaids groomsman table you have to account for their plus ones right Unless you happen to have a group of people where like all the women are a friend group and they all know each other and the men are a friend group and they all know each other and you know that ahead of time, then I could see that maybe working out. But when people are bringing someone not only that you don't are not a friend group, but you don't even know her name to put it on the invitation. Yeah. Yeah. And it's rude not to just get her.

I mean, they're married. It's not like they, I can understand maybe doing that if it's like your friend who's kind of like, I'm kind of seeing this girl, can I bring her to the wedding? And you're like, I can't really find any social media with her name on it. I feel weird asking when I put, they're married. Yes. Yeah. If you don't know someone's, if you don't know someone's wife's name, they shouldn't be your groomsman. You're not that close. Totally. Yeah. Or like I think the other part of this, and I've seen this before that's triggered. is there is something about like this person who was getting married just almost wanted that he wanted the friend as he was in college. He wanted him as his single college self. That's how he wanted him to really show up. And I think she felt that. Like he he's not embracing or wanting to get to know

his new life and his new partner. And I think with these types of things, that's what's really triggering is like you don't care to know me or know like anything about my current life. You're almost wanting like a time capsule version of me that doesn't include this new person or zero desire to get to know them. Like I think that is offensive when you're rekindling an old relationship, but it just feels like blinders on to the fact that this might be a new person with a significant other and zero interest in getting to know them or even know their literal name. Which sounds exactly like what's happening here. I mean, he didn't even, he made him a groomsman.

They didn't even invite him to their wedding. So maybe he just needed bodies. Yeah, it sounds like it. Again, I think it was almost like he was just being used for this wedding. And she had to just like be dragged along for the ride and just felt like baggage, which I could see. that doesn't feel great. It doesn't sound like this new friendship is going to be like blossoming into anything.

Because I do think you, it's important to try to get to know. Like I think this happens sometimes even with, you know, someone when you have kids and there's someone else that knew you before you had kids or a significant other that's just like, I have no desire to know your kids, to know anything about your kids. like, or, you know, it's the same thing as not asking someone about their work or not asking someone about, it's just like part of caring about someone is caring about the things that they care about, which is his wife and her like actual experience in life. Right.

She's a person. So, yeah. And I could see why she's like, I'm not going to another wedding that you're not close. For someone who writes and guests to a married person, they're not close enough to know the name of their wife. you shouldn't have to go to their destination wedding. Totally. You want to take a half an hour ride and show up and have a good time at a party.

Great, but I agree. Like a whole weekend for someone that doesn't even take the time to know your name. You're married. Yeah. I mean, the formality of it feels like stupid to get stuck on. But I think the. It's a signal. Yeah, it's a signal.

And because of the whole table thing at the end, it's like they literally didn't care. what kind of an experience she had at this wedding at all. Yeah. And almost like wanted, like just wanted to pull this old version, this 10 year old version of the husband out, that's what they wanted. And that's why they probably wanted like the guy's night out. I mean, you said that's not triggering at all. I don't know.

I'm not in really the wedding world. But I feel like when you know people are showing up with their partners to have like basically a bachelor party the night before the wedding. Yeah. they're not invited to. I guess a little bit. I would kind of, I think it depends on, I think I might be like, okay, great, I'll go to the spa.

Right. I could like not have to socialize for this and just relax. I'd almost rather that than like going to an event that I didn't really, another event that I didn't really know anyone. Like, okay, this is like for you, you go out. I'll like enjoy the city or whatever it is. I get that. I would prefer if it was kind of set up like that beforehand.

So you kind of know what to expect instead of like. Like you're showing up and you're kind of like, all right, we're all hanging out. And then it's like, all right, now you go home and we're going to continue the party without you. Yeah. I mean, that didn't happen. So I guess it's, yeah, whatever. But I don't know. I'd give this like a six.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give it a six and a half. I mean, in all reality, she sat there. She, you know, probably good practice for her. Talk to people, make new friends. I have a feeling she didn't.

She was probably pretty grumpy and like unapproachable. if I had to guess. Maybe she did. And sometimes it is nice to just kind of practice this being alone and trying to make friends and like doing that hard thing. But yeah, I would agree. This is. Yeah, she can practice that locally next time.

I couldn't mention it. Yeah, totally. Take a day off work for it too. Yeah, triggering six and a half. All right. Well, that's our show. Thank you guys so much for listening. We'll be back next week.

That's our time. Great work today. Betches.