Oversharing - How Can I Ask My Friend To Pay Me Back?

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Dr. Naomi and Jordana are together in the studio for one more episode this week, and Naomi shares some highlights of her NYC trip sans children. The first segment is a Craft My Text write in from a woman who is feeling left out of a family invite and needs help penning a level-headed response that doesn’t start drama. Another listener is in need of a Betchicist after her concert going friend has left her Venmo request on read for months, despite going on lavish vacations on the regular. Dr. Naomi and Jordana help a young Betch who feels like she isn’t living the dream, and give her an intention for loving the life she has rather than mourning the one she doesn’t. Lastly, two single gals, two different triggered scenarios: an engaged friend makes a comment about her relationship status & a soon to be married friend requests multiple parties and gifts. Are these ladies out of line?  Subscribe to Oversharing on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@OversharingPod   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So nice to be with you here in studio again, our second in studio episode.

Yeah, this is our last one. I'm feeling a little like sad. You could come back. Yeah. You're always welcome. I should come back. We're going to be back in November. Maybe we could squeeze one in. Oh, yeah. That would be fun. Yeah. So I'm feeling like there's a gratitude of being in space with you. Same. And how are you enjoying? You've kind of gotten like this a little bit of a child free like moms week out in the city, right? A lone time for sure. When we finished, well, the first day that we got here, I got back to the hotel. It was super like. And I went upstairs, put my stuff down and took a walk by myself and got like a midnight slice of pizza and just ate it by myself in the pizza place, very enjoy. I really don't get a lot of alone time. It's so funny like the stories that like the like amazing stories that parents will tell

you. And it just sounds like they were just got out of like being held hostage. It sounds like what a POW would say. Got a shower. It was hot. Yeah. I got a bag to myself. I was alone eating a slice of pizza and it was incredible.

Yeah. So that wasn't the highlight, but that was the start where I was like, this is great. And then I have a very dear friend in from college who I'm visiting with and we have just been catching up and walking the streets of the city. And we had a plan to go to go out to dance, but we ended up just like walking all of Manhattan and talking and getting. like a drink. Yeah. So it was, I mean, I'm just, it's awesome. I like, like I said, like being in the city for two days.

Yeah, I think you're, it seems like you're making the most of it. You're out and about. Yeah. Yeah. This is a good time. Yeah. So walking through Manhattan, the smell of weed fills the air. We had to do like a little bolt in front of.

We were just getting like contact high from this guy in front of us. But it is pretty cool that it's legal and people can do what they want. although I guess, you know, maybe overindulgent at times. Well, I guess that's all of New York. You can pretty much get anything at any time. Texas is not like that. You know, in Texas, they have a thing in the schools. They have like a hotline that the teenagers can call to rat each other out if they're smoking weed.

Is that like a, I feel like that's like a Gen Z cultural thing where they're just like very, they're very anti like anything fun. I don't know what that is. Maybe it's just a Texas. thing and I don't know if it's alcohol or just drugs, but like, I was shocked. Like anonymously gnarc on people? Anonymously narc on other high school kids, which I was really surprised by. Big brother. Yeah. Yeah. That's a thing. I wonder who's calling that. I mean, I guess if you felt really, it's for kids to do it for other kids. Yeah. I mean like parents. Yes. Interesting. I guess maybe there's some positives in that like, you know, someone's

pressuring you to do something. You don't want to do. Right. Or look, I think some kids, I guess also depending are probably a little freaked out or weirded out or kind of like I'm not ready for this and sure but like also um how do they know the kids telling the truth yeah I don't I don't understand how they if the kids just like no I didn't right then what and also like if you don't like someone can't you just call and I think it's like a like a drama breeding ground like let's if you're someone took your boyfriend you can call and like rat them out right I'm very curious what the other end of phone line is. I think if they're selling drugs that feels like something you should be able to call in about. But like, and that's more enforceable. Like you can check their backpack and like.

Right. Or if someone's like buying teens alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really do. I don't do. I don't really smoke any anymore. I used to like it's weird. I used to in college like all the time. Because there was just nothing else to do in summers between college. Right. Like we used to just like ride around in a car and smoke and I haven't. I don't. I get a little like. anxious from it. Many, many people get anxious from it. Yes, but I also don't like to be, um, I don't like to miss out if it's like that's the activity. Yeah. So I'm, I don't know. I'm, I feel like with drinking you can like, you can like kind of know how much you're drinking. Yeah. With each thing with a gummy. It's like you could be half, you could be like a little,

a little buzzed or you could be like completely on a different level. And I haven't done it since I, I was out. I had a, I had, any you up listeners will remember this because there was a period of time that I had a list on the actual podcast. Can we hear it now? Can you do a reenactment? I can't because my braces are, I got my braces removed. So unfortunately, I, it's, I don't, I don't think I'd be able to, to do it in an authentic way. Okay.

But I got these braces. I didn't really do that. It's just like very, um, irresponsible way of going about this. I didn't really think that much. about it. I just decided to like, you know, when you're in your prep to your wedding, you're just kind of like trying to look as beautiful as you possibly can. So it's like, now seems like a good time to fix like a few crooked teeth. So I got these braces that were on the inside of my mouth. Like they're called like in-brates. You can't see them outside, but they're behind your teeth.

Right. And that's great for like going around not looking like you have braces. But the negative is that it creates, which I found out after, like while. And nobody mentioned it. No, they were, they said it would like be like a day or two. It was like three months. Oh my gosh. Um, so basically, and you're a podcaster. Yes. And I'm a podcaster. So you should have seen like the first day I was like added on talking to. And I started speaking. He just starts laughing hysterically at me. Oh my gosh. Um, so yeah, the negative was that you had these braces. But then eventually like I learned how to like move my, you get used to them and you learn how to like move your tongue around. Right. To not like less in the list. It was still like there, but it was like you kind of had to

really listened to hear the list at a certain point. But one night I was out with Mike and a bunch of friends and like everyone was like we were going to a restaurant. Everyone was taking these edibles. And I don't like, I'm not like a big, again, I'm a big eligible person. But I was like, I don't want to be the only one here with like just watching all these people on edibles. So I took one. And I like could not control the lisp. So it was just like. And then I was so I would speak and everyone would laugh. It just came back. It was gone. It was gone. And it just came back. It came back.

I guess my, my, like, my, like, slowly moving or, like, unable to control, like, my, my mouth movements in the same way.

Oh, my gosh. So when I would speak. And everyone else is high and hysterically laughing. Right. Hesterically laughing. So then I, like, spent the rest of the night just, like, trying not to speak,

like, as much as possible. Um, because it was so embarrassing. Um, and that was the last time. Is there any video? I don't have to ask the, I would have to ask the,

the group. But, yeah, That was a, you know, I had a new appreciation for anyone with like a speech impediment. Yes. Because this was like, at least I brought this on myself, but like many people just like are unable to control the way they say certain words. And when I couldn't in the beginning, I was like, this is like really frustrating because like you're really trying and you just can't make the sound on like the S or whatever it was. And everyone like, I mean, maybe people will laugh at you less if it's not like you're.

wedding braces. Right. It's kind of cute when it's like a little kid. Sometimes people have it in an adulthood. Yes. It does give you a different empathy because that must be so frustrating or like if you have a stutter. Right. Just really always try to be patient and just like, you know, it probably affects your whole personality.

Like if every time you talk, it's like. Totally. And people are mean. I remember someone wrote a you up. This is before we had oversharing. So I'm sure they would have gotten that there. Someone wrote a whole like Apple review in a Lisp voice to make fun of me for the Lisp. Oh my gosh.

That is so mean. It was like so mean. It was like so mean that it was kind of like I, I remember I was like working from home. I think it was like COVID-y at the time. And I like saw the review. I'm so annoyed with Sturzano's list. Seriously. The whole review.

I cannot even listen. In a Lisp. And then I like showed it to Mike. I'm like, this person really hurt my feelings. Yeah. Oh, well look, you did bring it on yourself. But yeah. Yeah.

people out there that can't control it. Yes. And my vanity I had created some, you know. Narcissus. Yeah. Well, it does happen sometimes where it's like you do something to improve, like whether it's like a Botox or like a little like procedure or like a thing and you wind up looking like a monster.

And then you're like, I could have just like not done this. Yes. And no one would have. So no one would have noticed the other like slightly crooked tooth. Um, but here I am. And I'm happy with your teeth. Yeah. They look beautiful.

Thank you. I wear my retainer every other night. That is, honestly, I tell my kids this, that's the biggest regret of my life. That you stopped wearing your retina. Yes. Teeth teeth are pretty straight. Wear your retainer. For anyone watching on YouTube, your teeth are very straight.

Certain angles. They're not great. You have nice teeth. Stop looking at me. But yeah, the thing is with braces is that they don't also really tell you when you're getting them is that you have to wear a retainer for the rest of your life. Otherwise, it just goes back to being crooked. Yes.

Which, you know, I had a permanent retainer, like what you're describing on the inside of my teeth for a long time. And eventually it like needed to be redone and I didn't really like they don't tell you. There should be like a lifetime care package. Yeah. Which there wasn't. I mean, I think my orthodontist is probably dead. Yeah.

Well, it's funny because like I didn't have, you had braces when you were like a teenager, but our mom had eight kids. And so I think she was like, you and Adam, our oldest brother got braces. And then she was like, all right, the rest of your teeth are fine. Yes. She saw like, how expensive it is. You guys were the only ones who got them. The lower six were like, your teeth are fine-ish.

That's what we get for being the trailblazers of the family. By the time the youngest was born, they were like, no, it didn't matter. It didn't matter if you had teeth. It was fine. You have teeth? That's enough. Yes. All right.

Should we get into our episode? If you guys have a voicemail that you want to call, you can leave us a message. We love listening to your voicemails. You can call at 646-363-6-294 or email us your questions at oversharing at Betches. com. Also, if you want to subscribe, if you haven't subscribed, definitely do so. You can do it right on Spotify or on Supportingcast. And you also get the episodes ad-free and a day early, as well as two bonus episodes a month. So think about it. People who subscribe seem to really love it. Yeah, I like the subscription episodes. We take your feedback. The subscription episodes are

learning and growth for me. So I like them for that reason. Exactly. We have hard conversations. Yes. And you get to tell us what you really think. And then we listen and kind of respond to it, which is cool. And then real listener interviews, which are my other favorite. Yes. We love that. So or also you can join one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups. Where do they find us? Naomi Bernstein.com. Yeah, all the info is on there. Come join a group. It's a great community. We do lots of challenging exercises that'll kind of push you to really get to know yourself and kind of growth through discomfort and comfort and comfort in group and support and yeah, all the good things. So Naomi Bernstein.com, find me there.

All right. I'm going to read our first email. It's a craft my text. Always love those. Send those in. We do prefer when you send in a draft that we can edit. But even you're just like stream of consciousness of what. what you would, what you're thinking of saying.

She did write that. She did write what she really wanted to say, which I'm glad she didn't say. Okay, I'm going to read the email. Hello to my favorite sister duo. I could use some help crafting a text to my mom and sister. My dog just passed away and I'm six months postpartum, so I'm having a hard time sorting through emotion and logic. I was texting my sister about going to my dad's mom's funeral, text attached. The funeral is this coming Monday in Wisconsin where I'm from so both me and my sister would have to travel to go. I asked if she was going and she said she thinks she should to support my dad. But has another trip to Wisconsin plan to see my mom the following weekend. I asked if she would

combine the visits and she said no because her trip to Wisconsin includes a whole family gathering with my cousins, step siblings, her and her boyfriend. I instantly had a huge rush of emotions wash over me knowing I wasn't invited or even told about the event until now. I instantly replied saying thanks for the invite and basically got a pity invite in return. My sister also said she asked multiple times if I would go to Wisconsin this summer and I said no. This is not fully true. In April, she asked me hypothetically if I'd go to Wisconsin over the summer one time and I said probably not, but it depends. I explained all of the other trips I needed to do but had nothing planned. In fact, after making that statement one time, she asked if I'd go to Hawaii for her birthday

in September. I instantly said yes with dates I could make work. A few facts to consider. One, I am six months postpartum and I'm eager for my baby to meet her family. I was definitely dealing with some postpartum anxiety around leaving the house and traveling, but have significantly improved. Two, everyone going lives in the same state besides my sister and her boyfriend. So I would imagine my sister planned her trip and my mom set up the gathering, but they still could have invited me. Three, my mom notoriously gossips about my step sister and talks about how she is to strategically plan trips so my step sister can't go. Maybe she also does this about me. I feel like I'm my step sister in this scenario and they've conspired to exclude me. My mind has been spiraling.

ever since and I'm flip-flopping between rage texting my mom and sister about how mean they are and just ghosting them for my life for the next year. It's intense. I could really use some help crafting a text to them that doesn't include me telling them that they are toxic, A-F, even though that's all I want to say. P.S. To avoid confusion about my lack of sadness from my dad's mom passing, she was a truly evil woman who excommunicated most of her family almost 20 years ago, so also I guess my situation with my mom and sister could be worse. Thanks so much for reading. A grief-stricken batch. All right, so we're going to read these and why don't you be the sister and I'll be the person who wrote in. All right.

Is there any way you'd come? My predicament is that Blank has had a fishing trip plan for four months now and it's this weekend. I'm supposed to be flying into MKE the following week to hang with Mom. Would you see Mom if you go this weekend? Probably not. We had a whole trip planned with Blank and the blanks are driving down and everything. The blanks and the blanks too.

Thanks for the invite. You guys sure know how to make me feel part of the family. We asked you multiple times if you would come to M. MKE this summer and you said no. You said you already had trips with blank planned and it's too much. There was nothing planned. If the whole family is having a reunion, it would be nice to be invited. If you want to come, there's room for you there and blank and blank.

Okay. Mom would be very excited to have you. What are your thoughts on the funeral? I don't think any of the blank cousins are coming. Okay. No response after that. No response. There's no response after that.

She's clearly very angry. It's funny how the sister just tried to like change the subject. Right. And like move on. That was clearly not the page that she was on. Yes. She was not on the moving on page. Right.

There is some self-awareness where she's like, I'm not sure what's grief. And she says her dog died and she's postpartum. So she's not sure what's emotion and what's logic. Right. Which I think often happens when we take things very personally, which from all her context does not seem that personal. Yeah. I agree.

I think she, again, she, she, we talk. about this, I think, in the last episode, she got that flood of emotion of like, I'm being excluded. Everyone's getting together. Nobody told me about this. We've talked like that primal feeling like you're being left out of the tribe, especially when it's family, I think, can be really hard. So I think instantaneously, she got that trigger and then was like, okay, whose fault is it? It's your fault for not inviting me when really there are a couple of pieces of evidence that like a you were invited right you said no and then said yes to something else immediately after which makes it feel like you really didn't want to go right because you probably could have chosen this instead of Hawaii if you

really wanted everyone to meet the baby and yeah all the things and I do think it's a little bit annoying the idea that like well I just said no once like the idea that people need to go out of your way to like to ask you multiple times. Like even here she did she was like of course you're invited. Right. Like just come. Mom would love be excited. And so I think the other piece is like a little this is actually we talked about this

the other day too when people like talk crap about somebody. Then there's a fear that they're doing the same thing to you. So I think the fact that they talk about the stepsister behind her back and now she's like paranoid that that's what they're doing. Right. with her and I just don't. I don't think that's what this is. I'm not getting that vibe from this text.

No. If that's the case, there's no evidence of that. No evidence of that. Mom would love to have you. But look, she was hurt. So I think she needs to address that. The text that I have crafted is just a vulnerable like, I'm hurt. But it doesn't mean that you're like an evil person because I'm hurt.

Totally. I think that's the thing that gets lost in a lot of people. Like you can be upset about something without it being someone's fault. Yes. Honestly, I just said that to Lila, my oldest daughter the other day, because I think that's kind of a thing that happens and it's just like wired into you. Like I feel bad. I need to find a solution in the outside world. Someone to blame. And the easiest solution is like it's you. So if I can get rid of that problem or like get rid of the person or address the person, then somehow I'm going to. or projected onto someone, it can make you feel like validated in that feeling when there's no,

and that's sort of just like an annoying feeling that's, no one's really going to validate because it's not that big of a deal. I've had this, I've to share, I get to shed my shame on a moment like this. I think, I remember when I first started dating Mike, um, one of my very good friends had planned her wedding on a date that like, that Mike had another wedding, like one of his really good friend's wedding. And I had like really wanted him to like to go to this wedding. I had like a wedding date. Yeah. And I was like excited to go with him. And then I was like, how could she like plan this like date and not even run it by me or like say anything to me? And it's like the idea that she would plan our wedding date around like my my new boyfriend has like a new has another friend getting

married that. And I remember like being pissed off at her and like kind of being like a little cold and bitchy to her. And could feel that feeling of like this is an annoying. it's okay to be like annoyed by that situation it's like a little annoying but it's like clearly no one's fault yes and i think you you do when you're irritated about something you do have a a sense of it'll make you feel a little bit more justified in this slightly irrational irritation by being like and you didn't tell me you didn't you didn't what date you're yeah right you didn't you didn't get this date approved by me or you didn't um in this case ask me again yes right bad things happen And it can be things like this that are interpersonal or it can be like, we're late to the airport.

And like you want to be like, well, you should have called the Uber or like, we should have this. Right. Sometimes it's just traffic and you didn't expect it and you're late and it's nobody's fault. Or like it rains and you don't have an umbrella and it's like, well, why didn't you? And we should. And the best thing you can do is be like sometimes annoying things happen and it's nobody's fault. And I think this is an example of that. but I do think it's letting her know.

It's letting the listener know that like, and this is an opportunity to share with her sister and her mom. Like maybe because she has a new baby, she is craving a little bit more connection with them. I think that can change the dynamic. Definitely. With your family sometimes. Like it's not just about me. It's about you now having a relationship with my baby. And maybe she said no, but she really regretted that.

And, you know, I don't know if she wants to go there with the text. Like I know I said no, but I actually am feeling. feeling a little regretful that I did. Right. And she could, here's the thing. I think her ego is getting in the way of her going if she actually wants to go. I don't even know if she actually wants to go. I think she just wanted to be invited.

Yeah. I don't think she actually wants to go either. Because it seems like if she did actually want to go, she could still go. Yeah. Yeah. And she probably should, if this is a real, like, I want to be closer to you, which she kind of says, but maybe that's just a justification. Right.

So what's your text for her? So the text that I crafted for her is just leaning on vulnerability. I do understand why you think I wasn't interested in coming, but I do feel excluded since it was a big get together with everyone that I didn't know was happening. I guess I feel like maybe y'all just didn't want me around, which might just give the sister an opportunity to say, yes, we do want you around, we love you, something kind, and then we can move along. I like that.

I would almost like preempt that by saying like, I know it seems irrational. Irrational, yeah. Because like I think it. I could, I understand why you'd think I wasn't interested in coming. But yeah, if she used the word irrational,

it might like validate her because she's probably thinking like, what is happening? And I'm trying to say to you also like, we'd be excited, please come. Like after a while she might be. Like she was hiding the trip from her.

Right. She literally just like told her about her plans and then had, And to a trip she'd already invited her to. Yes. So I said option one is no text because I think this is a listener issue. Yeah. So that's one way to go about it.

But if she's actually feeling like this conspiracy paranoia about like being left out of things, then I think she could say, I'm sorry if it feels like I'm overreacting. I'm just in a really sensitive place. And I'm taking this trip to moms personally for some reason I'm feeling really excluded and like mom is conspiring to not invite me like she would the steps. The stepsister because, you know, I've heard her talk about that. and it's like somehow in the back of my head. Yes.

Yes. I like the phrasing of that. For some reason, I feel, which kind of gives that opening of like, it's me. Right. It's not like something you really did. Right. Yeah. I, this might not be the answer she was expecting to get.

She might have been expecting to get like a, I can't believe they didn't invite you. That's so rude. I mean, the idea that like she wants to, she wants to either, what was her two options that she wanted to do? She said, tell them that they're toxic or. And they're ghosted them from her life for the next year. Like that does seem a little excessive. Losing a pet is hard. Just like the idea of like, this is.

Just think about how you would explain to someone why you haven't spoken to your mom and your sister for a year. Because they only invited me once. Right. To a gathering that they were having. And then when I asked them about it, they said, of course, come. Right. That is a good exercise to be like, how could I explain this?

Right. If I told the story to someone else, would it sound logical? Yeah. Well, I use that argument a lot. It's like, okay, if 10 people heard this story, like, what would they think? Right. Would they be outraged? Yeah. So. Seemingly not. But thanks for writing in. Sometimes it's like, sometimes it's hard to get out of your own head. Yes. And she's aware and she gave us all the facts for a reason. Because I think if she could have written this very differently and painted a very different picture. Because with just, just the text message, we don't know that she actually did get invited. And, you know, all the other little bits and pieces around like that she just said no,

the Hawaii trip that she said yes to. So like she's giving us the information, I think, because she realizes that, you know, there's a little overreaction. Yeah. She said yes to the Hawaii trip immediately. That would be my indication that there's a trip she's interested in and a trip that she's not interested in a trip. Yes. She's not interested in a lot.

Let's do a betchesist. Do you want to read this one? I will read this. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. I'm a big fan of the show. Everyone in my life has heard me talk about my therapy podcast at some point. Awesome. I find the discussions you two have to be so insightful and real.

I've been listening since the show started, but this is my first time writing in or writing into any show for that matter. All right, bring it. I come to you ladies with a betchesist scenario. Basically, back in February of this year, I was blessed enough to get tickets to Beyonce's Cowboy Carter tour during the pre-sale. So many these things come from like concert ticket things. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like the experience feels so special. The money is like a lot. Somehow there's morality tied into all these things. Yeah. I immediately invited a close friend to the show, but she was reluctant to agree to go at first due to the cost and the fact that she's looking for work at the moment. I was generous. If she does say so herself.

Yeah. I was generous and said that it was more. more important to me for her to go to the show with me, especially since on my end, the money had already been spent. I said to quote, pay me back whenever she could, even if it was after the show, which was about two and a half months away at the time. Well, it turns out she really took me at my word, since it's been nearly three months after the concert and she has not even as much as mentioned paying me back or even the fact that any money is owed at all. I sent her a memo request after our initial conversation and it's been sitting there ever since.

There should be like a Benmo purgatory thing once it gets to a certain amount of time. Yeah. It lights up. I wish they had it like Duolingo. Do you know what Duolingo is? I know of it. I'm not on it though. Dualingo is so annoying.

It like you're supposed to, it's a language learning app. I mean, I like it. So if you're from Duolingo, I like it. But it's a language learning app that you're supposed to, you get like a streak if you do it so many days in a row. Okay. But if you don't do it, it like, harasses you. harasses you. Like it actually sends you like emails that are a little mean like you're being lazy or you don't care about learning Spanish. And then I don't know how they do this. But the actual icon on

your home screen like gets larger and starts like pulsating like a tumor. It's not 10 to it. Venmo should do that. Like if you sent someone to VEMO request and starts like pulsating in your face that people probably would pay. Wow. Yeah. So yeah, take a lesson from do a lingo. We had a blast at the concert and I'm trying to be understanding as she's still looking for work, but the main reason this creates on me is that I see her spending money on all other things all the time. For one instance, she's always inviting my husband and I to do things like go out to expensive restaurants or karaoke bars in the expensive city we live in. I said to my husband, if I owed someone money, they wouldn't catch me in the streets, LOL. Of course, I never expected

her to sit at home and stare at the wall until she pays me back, but it does feel a little thoughtless at this point given how much time has passed. The other thing is she's been traveling a lot. She's about to go on one two week long trip. And then in a couple of months, she's going on a six week long trip. And when she told my husband and I this, she even said, of course, when I get back, I'll have no money. But oh well, oh well, oh well. Meanwhile, I'm over here like, well, then it really doesn't sound like you ever plan on paying me back. It just seemed like she has deprioritizes to the point of taking advantage of me. It's worth noting that the tickets were $250 each. Well, that's not nothing. It's definitely something I think she could have paid back by now if she really made a plan to. I've considered

talking to her about it many times now, but a part of me feels like this is kind of all my fault for saying pay me back when you can. And to talk to her about when she is going to pay me back feels like I'm not holding up my word. I've thought about sending a reminder on VEMO, but that feels so passive aggressive and not my style. The whole I'm not working so I can't. I'm not working. So I can't pay you back thing doesn't really work for me anymore. But I can't imagine questioning someone about their finances. What I really want to say is, how do you have the money for all this travel, but still can't pay me back? But ultimately, is it really my business how she spends her money as an adult woman? So my question is this. How much responsibility does a friend have to pay you back in a timely fashion?

Did I give her too much flexibility or was I giving her the benefit of the doubt that a good friend should give. Lastly, how would you handle fronting money or lending money to a friend in the future? Because frankly, the way I feel right now makes me never want to be so generous with anyone like this again. Sincerely, Betch better have my money. It's funny. She describes herself as generous like multiple times throughout the email, but it doesn't, the vibe of the email doesn't sound very generous is like when you do something with no expectation, I think. Like there's clearly a lot of expectation here. And I can validate that it is like a little annoying when you, when someone owes you some money. Yeah. And then they're, ignores the fact that they owe you money. Ignores it and is

out and about. But like she said, she did say, it seemed like the friend was like, I don't, I think what she heard was I don't have enough money to go to this concert. And I think what the friend was really saying is like, I don't want to go to this concert enough to like pay $250 right now. Yes. It's not going to this is not worth it to me. Yes. And she sort of jumped in and made the decision for her that it was worth it. Right. She was saying don't make it. If it's about money, don't make it about money. Right. I totally agree with you. I hate to say this, but I think that this is a learning experience for this listener. She kind of convinced her into it. Right. And she, it's up to her if she wants to spend 250 on a Beyonce concert or she wants to spend 250 on ice cream. Like that's her choice. And I think for her

she didn't want to spend the $250 on the Beyonce concert. You kind of talked to her into it. And I think at this point, you might have to just eat it. And I could see why the friend would be like, okay, like, again, I don't really want to go to the concert that badly. You really want me to go. I'll pay you back when I get a job. Right. Like until then, again, I still don't have a job.

I'm still like kind of using my savings to pay for this other stuff. And I still don't want to pay for the Beyonce concert because I didn't really want to go that bad. You told me to go. Yes. So I think maybe the compromise is, although I hope it's not in two years because I don't feel like really petty. But like when she gets a job, then you can maybe find a way to ask her for the money back. She could. Or you could do something else together and maybe she'll offer to pay for it.

Yeah. Like take you out to dinner. I think when it comes to like loaning a friend or a family member or anyone you know like money, you kind of have to give it with the idea that you might never give it back. Like you kind of have to just be okay with that. That's how people get into these weird money issues is I think when you do something quote unquote generous and have the idea of like it's going to be repaid to you. And loaning money to anyone, I just think is not a guarantee that you're going to get it back. Yeah, especially the way this was loaned, which was like.

Right. It wasn't like her friend was like, I would love to go, can you loan me the money? Yes, that would be very different. Yes. She said, I don't think I can go. I don't really like. have the, what did she say for it? What did she say exactly?

She was reluctant to agree to go at first, do the cost and the fact that she's looking for work at the moment. Right. So she was basically saying, I think what she was saying, what she didn't really hear, was like, I don't want to go badly enough to pay for this. And I think what the friend heard was, I'll spot you the money. Right. Until you get a job. Right.

Which she doesn't have a job yet. Right. Yeah, which is why I think if you really want to, you can hit her back up when she gets a job. But at this point, it's a lesson learned. And the truth is, it sounds like. she already had the, maybe this is a way that can make you feel a little bit better about it. She already had the tickets. She already spent the money.

And that's how she phrased it to her. Right. Like I'm either going to go alone or you're going to come with me. I mean, I don't know. I guess she could have asked somebody else. Right. But she could have asked somebody else when she was like, I don't really want to pay for that. I agree.

I think she kind of coaxed her into it. And that was the problem. Like there's a big difference between I would love to go. Could you just lay it out for me? please, I promise I'll pay you back is different than I don't want money to be an issue. Right. Because I might take that the same way. Don't worry about it.

She's not in a different financial place than she was when you got her the ticket. But this is the problem. She talks about how do you handle lending money? The problem with lending money is exactly what she's experiencing because then you're watching everything else that person spends money on. And it's like eating at you every time you see them buy a bag or, take a trip or go out to dinner and now it's like eroding your friendship. So I think for this listener, I would just probably not do this again.

Yes. And I would consider myself generous for letting it go. Yeah. Because like the bank isn't generous for lending you money. Right. Right. Like the bank is lending you money and expects to get paid back and they owe you more money every time they don't pay you back.

Yes. And that's not like that's kind of how she's actually more like the bank than like a generous friend who's like, I'm going to cover you for this ticket because I already paid for it. Generous is giving, I think, not like giving and then expecting it back. I agree. So you either get the title of Generis and you drop it. Yes.

Take it. You get the title of getting your money back and ask for it. As if nothing happened. Right. All right. Good luck. Let's do some intentions. Moving on.

Jordana and Dr. Naomi, I was hoping you could help me send an intention. Quick background on me. I'm a 31 year old female and I moved away from my family and hometown after college and I lived there for fourish years. During that time, I met my then boyfriend and we dated for five years. We had plans to get engaged and I really felt like I knew what my life was going to look like. To keep it short, the relationship ended with a breakup and not an engagement. It has now been a year and a half since the relationship ended.

I've moved home and I've done a lot of healing. Overall, I have a really great life. I have an amazing family that I now live close to again. I have a great career that I'm very passionate about and it brings me a lot of joy. And I have an amazing group of friends who are always there for me. I also just bought a house which I'm so excited about and is a good. exactly what I was looking for. While having so many amazing things going for me, I still find myself having a hard time being truly happy. I love my new house, but I never thought I would be

buying a house by myself and not with a spouse. I love my job, but I never imagined being back around home working for a local company. While I can't complain about my dating life, I'm struggling because I just never thought I would be dating again and always imagine being married by now with several kids. Sometimes I look around and think, how did I get here? And it feels like I woke up in somebody else's body and I'm living a different life. Not a bad life, just a much different one than I ever pictured for myself. Do you have any advice and how I can help myself fully settle in and make the switch from, wow, not bad for my second choice life?

To simple, wow, I have a great life. I love an intention to tell myself on the days where I look around and feel like a stranger in my own life. Your guys' podcast is what got me through that very tough breakup and the starting over process and getting an intention to push me the rest of the way would feel like a full circle moment. Thank you for everything you do. A stranger to myself, Betch. Yeah. This is life, right? Like, you know, you have a plan for how it's going to go and then it doesn't go that way. Like we just finished recording baby steps episodes and like every episode goes that way.

Yes. Like this is how I thought. I thought it was going to be easy. It happened for my sister. It happened for my mother. And then it doesn't. And I, I mean, I know that. I mean, I know that. this is a hard, probably not what she wants to hear, but what you're going through right now, is it going to feel great? Maybe not yet, but I think the idea that you are growing stronger every day by learning to accept whatever the universe wants to give you in terms of, you know, the milestones that you're reaching in your life. So it's a growth experience. And she, I mean, it also doesn't I mean the age is irrelevant but like she can meet she's going to meet someone at some point right now and it sounds like the rest of it aside from not and she even said dating is going

well like I think her life is going well it's just the adjustment to like this to like it being different than the story you told yourself in your head about what it would look like that's it like I you know you create a whole you know like you call it the emotional masturbation of like I I met someone and we're doing this and like I'm getting so excited about how this is all going to turn out. Right. And the tough part is like it's very, you don't know what your life would be like if it was the original way you plan. Like let's say she did actually get engaged to that guy she was dating before. Would she be happier than she is now? It sounds like probably not if it wasn't going well.

Like let's say she, I think there's no guarantee that the life that she imagined is any better than the life that she is now. It's, it is like a fantasy that you have turned into a reality in your mind, that it would have been better if. Right. When it's like you could be, yeah, you could be married with several kids to like a person that you're like not really that into or it doesn't work for you. Well, he sounds like, I think it sounds like he broke up with her. Like he doesn't love you as much as you want to be loved. And like. And like, and you could have like settled for that and had the like you thought you were going to live, but like might not look like what you thought it would look like.

Yes. Yeah, I do think we really try so hard to exercise so much control over the outcome of our lives and the best lesson. And it's going to happen again and again and again, whether it's meeting a partner, having kids. Maybe you have a kid that has challenges or disabilities or, you know, down the line, you know, you get retired and you're bored and you hate your life and like you don't know what to do. You have to reinvent yourself. like this is going to happen. Right. This is life. So to kind of think, to change the mindset from like, this is like a thing that happened to me. That's a bad thing. That wasn't the thing that was supposed to happen. Like, this is supposed to happen.

This is kind of going to continue to happen multiple times probably throughout your life where you write the story and then you have to rewrite the story and then you have to rewrite the story again. And it feels like I think a lot when it doesn't happen in the timeline. that you wanted to happen in, that like, that it's going wrong or that it's like off the rails. Would really like, again, like, I think the universe is kind of funny in a way that like sometimes it gives you what you, not what you like need or what you think you need, but what you actually need. Right. And then you wind up, like in five years, she could have a much better life than she would have ever

and have her had and then think about like, oh my God, what if I married that guy? She probably will. Was in that other dead end job or whatever it was. Most people, and I think once you find your partner and like, I think you're going to look back and be like, that wasn't my person. Like, I don't know many people that move on, meet someone else in their life, just always thinking that, like, that one person should have been their person. Like, I don't really hear that story that often.

Yeah. You lean into whatever the life is that you're living. Totally. It's very hard to be, like, open to, like, any way the world can take you because it's so unknown. And when you have your story, it's, like, comforting. Like, this is my plan. I know what I'm going to do. This is my step one, step two, step three.

and I think when that gets like shaken up, there's just less certainty. So it's scary. And then like you don't know what the future is going to be like or you don't know if it's going to be like the way that you envisioned it. And that's like really worse than what's actually happening, which is that she's doing pretty well. Right. Yeah, it really is, you know,

that's why sometimes the big picture stuff like I always talk about, we are in floating, not floating, we are soaring through the universe on a rock orbiting a ball of fire and you wanted to get married at 31 and a half. Like it's, you know, we're here in our little bubble thinking that we're like the little masterminds of our whole life and we're going to not only figure out like I need to like find the person that loves me the same way that I love them and I need to find this job and I need to make all these connections with all these friends and how, you know, but I need to do it like in this little sliver of window of time, which is kind of delusional.

It just doesn't work like that. Right. So, yeah, so the intention that I wrote for you hopefully can take you throughout much of your life, which is having to lean into a life unexpected is a gift that will last me a lifetime. Because if you can learn to lean into these types of bumps in the road, it's going to make the rest of your life feel really easy. instead of being like, this happened to me, like I get to learn how to go through this.

Right. I love that. I think it's like, you know, you get like so many versions of this email. And I think there's this thing where it's like for so much of our early life, you're like on the same exact trajectory as every single one of your peers. Yeah. Kindergarten, first grade, second grade. College. Even like entry level job. Yeah. Until like maybe like everyone's like 25. And then people start to like become more successful than each other or get, you know, get engaged. before each other. And then I think you're kind of left with this like, oh my God, we're not just like all going to like get engaged at the same time. Right. Because like we all, we've just graduated college together. Right. I do wonder if it would be different if the world was like,

you know, some kids went to kindergarten and sat at a desk and did a thing. And some kids went and like worked on a farm. And then, you know, they kind of like everyone just sort of did their own. Some kids like, it was more. And then like so less structured when you were younger. Yeah. Like everyone does their own kind of thing or like multiple schools have like multiple ages in the same class and you kind of just move at your own pace instead of like we're all click click click click click click clicking through life and then all of a sudden someone's three clicks ahead and you're like in a panic yeah yeah no it's interesting you should start a school like that yeah i mean montessori's kind of like that where they have like different ages and you kind of go where you're interested and but i i think it is hard

to break out of that right it's a hard lesson to learn it that like quarter life. Yes. Since. Totally. Well, it's an attachment is really like linked in there. Yeah. You know, especially with this breakup and all that.

But yeah, this is going to make her stronger. If she changes the mindset from like this is my second choice life to like, I didn't really have a, you know, it was delusional to think that it was all going to be written. Exactly how I wanted it to be. Yeah. It's going to help. in other ways. All right, let's do some triggered. Let's do it. Our first one. I will read this. Hi, I have a triggered scenario. I feel like I'm being overly sensitive, but I still feel triggered or

bitten. I'm in a book club. Two of us are single and dating. Two other members are coupled up, engaged and married with a child. We were talking about dating and the engaged friend said that she was giving advice from the other side. That phrase made me annoyed and kind of triggered. Do I have a right or am I being overly sensitive? Thank you. Love listening to you all and the sister dynamic. I don't know. I was trying thinking about this. I was like, is that like a triggering phrase? It's kind of like, I made it. You will too one day. Right. One day when you're here. It's like a little like self-righteous, I guess, or like, um, self-satisfying. I guess. Right. The other side feels like there is like a good side and a bad side. Yeah. You're right. As in as if like being single is a like thing, like a disease to cure. Right. A little bit. I can see that. I mean, I think it depends on the context that she said it. Yes, I think there's a lot that we need.

Like if she's complaining about a really bad date and then the friend says something about being on the other side, maybe she's like kind of just like going with the vibe that she's giving her. Right. Like this is really hard for you at some point. You'll be on the other side of this and you won't have to like deal with this and be in this place. I could see also saying that statement though just casually and just thinking like literally like there is there's like, you know, while you're single and then there's not single. Yes. Yeah.

Like maybe like, you know, I might be like, oh, well, like you're trying to have a baby. Like, well, when you're on the other side of it, right. You'll feel this, that, or the other. Right. I think it's, but if I didn't seem that bothered about not having a baby. Right. And I think that might be like a more. Yes.

Triggering statement if I was like happy where I was. Yeah. And you do the, you know, on you up, you probably hear this. But I do think that there is like this tension between people that are dating and people that are coupled where it's kind of like, I don't want, I don't want you to pity me. I don't want you to like think like that I. Right. That I'm like, like, are you thinking that I'm like a loser? Because I'm, yes. Single. Are you thinking that you're better than me because you're married? Yes. I think that's a huge insecurity when like honestly, I think the facts are, there's nothing

wrong with you if you're single. Right. You're looking for your match. Like you're looking. You're for like your and some people really enjoy being single yes or like you're having a great time totally right and not looking to be on the other side flirting like having fun but i do think that that is a big part of what makes dating feel more than just the loneliness of like not having a partner a big part of what really stresses people out is the idea that other people are looking at them and feeling like either bad for them or like you know high and mighty over them or this kind of of things. So if, and I get it, but like, it's totally, it's a, like, I know so many amazing people that are single, like just as many as I do know that are partnered. So it really is not a

determiner of your worth, but that is a fear. And I think it's projected into, projected onto other people that are partnered, I think sometimes. A hundred percent. Yeah. So, I mean, I would give this, again, it's so hard because she said they were talking about dating. It's hard to say the context that they were talking about dating. I assume she wouldn't say this if you were like, if her vibe was like, I'm out having the best time. Like I'm meeting so many incredible people and like just like having so much fun. I have a feeling that wasn't the conversation. It was more of like a complaining conversation probably. Yeah. And maybe like so that's why I don't, I don't think she would mean anything by it. I give it to three. Yeah. Again, hard to know the context.

But yeah, I would agree. I think it's a three. three. I get why she's triggered. But without more than that, I can't give it a higher score than that. Yes. We need more context. All right. Let's do another one. Dear Jordana, Naomi, I'm sitting here with my jaw on the floor after hearing the story of the nesting party where the expectant mother's friends were duped into cleaning the mom to be's house. Unreal and kind of hilarious. Very hilarious. It reminded me of a friend of mine who's taken every opportunity for gifts to the extreme. I'd love your take on what's reasonable and what's not. Here are the examples.

I think we should go through them and say reasonable or not. All right, sure. We'll do them in isolation and then we'll do them collectively. Okay. All right. During her engagement,

she had at least three showers with many of the same people on all three guest lists. I could see wanting to include your loved ones whenever you can, but there was no communication of you've already given me a gift. I just want you there.

So it seemed like she expected multiple gifts. Unreasonable. Unreasonable to have three showers. That you invite the same people to. I can understand like your mother-in-law lives in a different state, she wants to throw you a shower. Right. With her friends and then your mom does and then your friends, maybe a different one.

I'm not going to multiple of the same event. Totally. And if she did invite you to multiple, I do think it should be very clear. Please don't bring a gift. Right. Just one gift. I wonder if she did bring a gift to three showers. I don't think I would have done that.

Well, she said there's no communication if you've already given me a gift. I just want you there. But maybe that was like implied. She's saying she seemed to expect multiple gifts. But like maybe she's just assuming that. Yeah, although she didn't say that she didn't get. I think that this listener is really triggered by the nesting party because I think she probably gave her three gifts and she probably took three gifts.

That's my guess. Right. We're like if you did get another gift, I would say like you already got me again. At least not do that. At least after the second one. Oh my gosh. Three? Yeah.

I can see why she's irritated. All right. At her bachelorette, she had another shower like event in which we were each instructed to bring two gifts. This was on top of a price. location and a very specific outfit instructions. I bought several new dresses for the trip. The several new dresses for the trip, that's a little on you.

You don't really need to. That's not the bride's fault that you bought several new dresses. Unless she said, please buy these outfits for the trip. Strike that from the record. Irrelevant. Yes, that's irrelevant. Bringing two gifts, I don't want to have an assignment on something I'm already paying for, so I agree.

I think that's unreasonable. Yeah, unless they were like, I don't know, like a Rumber duck from like one of those machines where you get a rubber duck. every time you put a quarter in. Right. It's something stupid and gimmicky. Stupid $2 chocolate bar or something. Right. Or like a nice memento from your time with the bride or whatever, which would still be annoying. I don't like assignments personally. Like if we want to do this, like I'll, I'll do it. Right. Okay. During her pregnancy, the baby shower invitation asked guests to bring three gifts, one from the registry, a book for the baby's library, and a pack of diapers.

Yeah, this friend is annoying me. How do you ask guests to bring, how do you even ask someone to bring something from the registry? You have a link to the registry and then you say also please bring a book. If you want a book, put it on the registry. Right. Yeah, a gift for the baby's library. The baby is lucky enough to have their own library. I don't think they need a special book. Which they're going to spit up all over. And a pack of diapers, I assume is for a game or something. But like you provide the diapers. if it's your parties. Although honestly, I don't, I don't even know if it's for a game.

How many diapers could you need that everybody has to bring a pack of diapers? It's like everyone's just supplying your diapers. Yes. Yeah. I think they all were just adding to the diaper supply. No, that's crazy. I mean, it's crazy just because like all these life events are like, and I could see how being, if you're single and you're attending all of this shit,

you're like, you are lucky enough to like be getting married. Yes. You are lucky enough to be like, like having a bachelor's party. Having a baby. I'm bringing your diapers. Like, fuck off. Right.

Like I should be getting the diet. Like I should be getting whatever the equivalent. Right. Just gift certificates to assorted restaurants that I can go and like drown my. Right. And meet some like, send me money so that I can get like a new outfit so I can get, I can get to the point where I'm getting married.

Yes. So this is why when I was recently added to the meal train list, I was triggered. I now live in a different state and have already sent a nice baby gift. Is it expected that I also send a Grubhubhub gift card to cover a dinner? None of my other friends have asked for so much for their events. So maybe if this was anyone else, I'd feel differently. I know this is bad to say, but as a single person, it gets exhausting, constantly giving

to my dual-income friends. Am I being too sensitive? What's the standard for these things? Sincerely, while it wide open. Yeah, I think, I agree. This is excessive. I think devil's advocate, right? Like, community.

I think we've gotten that feedback before when we, like, like ripped up the meal train thing. Sure. But then like I, here's what I don't know about. Because again, I'm not in like a meal train culture. I don't, I've never contributed to a meal train. I've never like had that even presented to me. Right.

Is this like in lieu of a gift? No, in addition to. I'm saying for like, but in this person. A new mom. I'm saying for this person, it seems like it's in addition to being expected to give the gift for the baby shower. But I'm saying for most people is it like, oh, I'm not, you wouldn't send a gift from a reddish.

you just send the meal train. No, I don't know either for sure. But I think the baby's born or a baby shower, you give a gift. And this is just like to get you through the first couple of weeks of your, you know, after having a baby. I think this is in addition to. I do not think a meal train after a baby is like in lieu of baby gift. Yeah. No, this is annoying.

I mean, I get it. There is, you know, the one. And she bought the diapers? Yeah. I will say. I would have been really annoyed by this. Again, to play devil's advocate, there is something nice about this idea of like everyone coming together as a community, especially if someone like doesn't have family near them or like maybe.

I mean, you choose to have a baby. You should be able to afford diapers if you're having a baby. Like I, you know, that's important. So like the idea that you need your community to help you buy diapers. But I get there's almost, I get the feedback that. there's like a sense of community. It feels good that people are paying attention and helping you through. It feels like a rough time.

I could see that more for like the as an expectation for someone who has kids also. But I could see why if she's single, she's like, I don't get a meal train. Yeah. I have to take out the trash every single day by myself. And I'm a one income person. Right. And like there's nothing that I'm being celebrated. And I have to like find a way to get married in order for like.

me to be part of the community and like get something. I mean like I guess maybe if she got sick or if she got or if she had a promotion or if something she was going through something she would get the same. I don't know. But I could see being like after like getting being on like five or six of these being like I think I've had enough. Yeah. Yeah. This is this is a lot. I'm going to read this as triggering one, two, and three. Yes. If it's all from the same person, I think. And I don't think she needs to get the miltrain gift. Yeah, I think you can choose. And the other thing I want to tell all the people is like, you can just say no.

You know, I get a lot of my patients that are going through almost like if you're not partnered or even if you are. And like there's like that slew of weddings and bachelorette parties. And it's really expensive. And everyone's having a bachelorette party. And then you have to travel for the wedding and the shower and the bachelorette party and the dress and like you can say no yeah if you don't have the money to go on a bachelorette trip like it's okay like I had some couple of my friends that like couldn't afford at the time to come to my

destination wedding couldn't afford to come to my bachelor's party and I love them very much and I have no resentment or feelings right whatever I think you'd rather them not come than them come and be just like irritated like spreading this into a yes podcast being like and she had her destination wedding and it's so expensive and the flights were this. It's like you could just not come. It's fine. So like maybe the answer is she's a lot to ask for three gifts and a meal train and a pack of diapers and a baby book. Don't ask, don't receive. But you can also just, I do think that's a theme like we were even talking about a couple of episodes ago. Like when the mother-in-law was like, are you going to donate to the, are you going to donate to the guest's birthday thing? It's like,

no, thank you. Right. Not. Everyone will live. again, the worst thing that could happen is they're talking about how you're cheap behind your back. Right. But like, fine. Fine. And they probably won't ask you again. Yeah. And you'll be done with this. But I would give it the meal train thing. I think in isolation, probably like a three. But I think along with all these other things, I'd just be like I've had it with this person. Right. And I think I'd give it like a five. Yeah. I would agree. I'm going to actually, I'm going to give it a six for the one, two, three. For the, for the, including all the context. showers and the whole thing and then. So someone who like thinks of their life is a very big deal. Yes. I think that's the more triggering part.

It's less about all the gifts. It's more about like I think the idea that like this person just like thinks their life events like everything revolves around their life events. Like even the idea of like asking your bachelorette people to like find these gifts for you or like bring a book and the diapers and the gift. It's like people have other shit going on. Right. Well, sometimes it's also, it's not the person.

It's whoever's doing the party planning. But when it's this often, it's the person, I think, unless it's the same person planning every single thing. Or like even if it was not the person and if it was me, like someone was trying to do that on my behalf, I'd be like, don't do that. That's too much. That's weird. That's like, please don't ask everyone to do that.

Yes, that's true. If you were a normal person, you'd be like. Oh, my gosh. You're right. Your finding love shouldn't drain my wallet. like it's great for you I'm happy for you. Put that in the card where you don't include a check. Yes, this is a beautiful thing for you.

I'm really excited. Well, I think that's the other thing that people don't realize that they can do is like gestures and like a gesture is a great way to find out if someone actually, it's about the gift for them or about the meaning. Yeah. Because like I think you can get some, you can like ignore whatever their requests are and just do something that feels meaningful to you and probably cheaper. And like that is a lot more meaningful. and costs a lot less than these other things. And if the person doesn't appreciate it,

that's not really what they're looking for from you. But yeah, validated all the baby showers, weddings. I do, we've said this before. I think there should be more of like, I got a promotion or like. But then we had the person who wrote in who was like,

I'm tired of all these promotions. Do you remember? There was like, I want to work less. She's like someone like your grandma died. Now I have to send you. Like she was. Oh, right, right, right.

She was like, last week it was someone's grandma died. and then someone else had a baby and then this person got promoted and this person got into grad school and it's like there is a sense. Yeah. I think people should just individual. I think there's too much group collective stuff.

It's like give a gift when you feel moved to do it and then you don't it doesn't have to register for your like graduating grad school. You could just say like you could just notice that your friend did that and send them a gift. Decide to send them something. Yes. Yeah, I do.

It's funny because I do think all the group stuff, it's like almost like, this pressured shame. Everyone else is doing it. So if you don't do it, it's because you're either you're cheaper, you don't care. Right. Yeah, I like that. And maybe, you know, if you're out there and listening, like, get ahead of it.

If you're really excited for your friend because she, you know, got a promotion or did a thing, like, go ahead and give her a gift. And then maybe the next thing, you could be like, I don't really feel like doing this one. Right. This is the one that I felt like connected to you on. We talked a lot about this or. And that's more meaningful than like, I just standardly send out 40, $25 every time someone passes the bar. Totally, totally, totally.

All right. Well, we did it. Validated. Proud of us. All right. That's our time. Great work today. Betches.