Oversharing - How Can I Get More Help From My Partner?

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

Jordana and Dr. N dig into the new Taylor Swift album The Life Of A Showgirl and share some different views on the artist’s latest release and the cultural hold she has on all of us. The first email of the episode is an Overshare from a working mom that is feeling the strain of being the primary parent and needs  advice on how to communicate she's drowning to her partner. A woman is feeling the financial strain of constantly visiting her sister who doesn't seem to return the favor and she's in need of a Betchicist on how to broach the topic with her sibling. Another Betch leaves a voicemail in search of an intention that will help her commit to the physical therapy exercises that leave her anxious and uncomfortable. After multiple workout classes feature a random crawling toddler, a listener is curious how triggered she can be by the situation all while another subscriber is asked by a “family friend” for a rather annoying favor when they haven't spoken in almost a decade. Subscribe to Oversharing on Youtube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@OversharingPod⁠  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. Great to be back with you this week.

We were recording this the Monday after the Taylor Swift new album came out. Yes. And since she's been, you know, the topic of, so many of our bedgesists or the Ares Tour has been, we should probably discuss the new album. Yeah, I listened to it this weekend, popped in and out. I don't know that I listened to every single song. But interestingly, I liked it. Okay. But the kids didn't. I think they're like over it. I don't know if it's... They're over her? I think they're kind of like over her. I could see that. Well, it's interesting, actually, because I think it brings up an interesting psychological concept.

Because it wasn't my favorite album. There were some songs that I thought were okay. And again, it's only been a few days. And the last album, my first listen, I wasn't that into it. And then it really grew on me. And now I like a few of those songs I really, really love. I don't know if it's going to be the same as that this time. I'm not currently like, I don't have the urge to put on any of the songs like now. Right. But maybe that's, change. So disclaimer, as of now, I'm like, I think it's like fine. So I kind of agree with your, with the kids. Yeah. But I think it brings up an interesting topic because I was talking to some people about this and I'm kind of like, is she just like really happy and now her art sucks? Because

there's just not as much depth and like intensity to a happy artist. Yeah. I think there's something perhaps to that. I mean, like I said, I liked it. I thought it was. I thought it was. was it wasn't like I think the music wasn't as maybe catchy or like um I don't know I I'm trying to think of like what it was that the that the girls didn't like about it um maybe they're just you know looking for something new and it was wasn't different enough or um but yeah I think there's something too when you're not in pain there's it's like there's less of an intensity in there. So maybe it's kind of like just,

okay, I'm happy. But I think the key with her and why she's, if she does a tour on this album, which I don't know if that's in the works or what, it's still going to be, my prediction is just as crazy as the rest of them

is because she does this perfect, like, she does a perfect, like psychological manipulation of her, audience where she gives you just enough that you know enough about her to kind of guess what it's about or envision what's going on. So you have a picture in your mind, especially with this album, like everyone knows it's about Travis Kelsey. Everyone knows what he looks like. Everyone knows like a bit about their story. So you know enough to be like, I think I can figure out

like exactly what she was thinking and feeling. Right. But it's not so obvious that she's saying all of it. And so you're brought into this like mystery that you're feeling like you're solving or there's like a like a satisfaction to like figuring out what she's thinking and feeling and what's really going on in their relationship. Right. I mean, I think this one is like a little less.

I agree with you. But it's like a little more obvious. Right. Which again, it's just like, we're in love and we're going to get married. Yeah. No, I agree. Like there's, it's almost like better for the casual fan because they're like, oh, I don't need to like know about Taylor's feud from four years ago with someone or like some guy that

she was dating in between the two boyfriends. Like you're kind of, I know what if you're like a superficial Taylor fan, which it's kind of, I think the two of us probably would be. There's a spectrum, obviously. Yeah. I think you're probably like, great. I know the whole. I know everything she's talking about.

Right. It's pretty surface. It's not like I have to know, I have to be like the number one encyclopedia of Taylor Swift to know to interpret these lyrics. Right. Right. Right. Right. But yeah, again, I think her super fans, you know, like even there was one song in there or a couple maybe that were like she's pissed at someone and she's getting them back in a song.

And I think that juices people up like she's right. And she doesn't happen. Yeah. Yeah. So like she, she's a, she's a, she's a cyclical. psychological genius in that she knows how to give people just enough to keep them wanting more, to keep them curious, to keep them like clicking, you know, kind of thing. Yeah.

I would say one thing that I feel like the kids, I'm a little over is this like the narrative of like, I'm so famous and everyone hates me. Yeah. And everyone's just constantly trying to like, it's like not really relatable. Yes. I guess. Yeah. It is true.

Right. It's like people just, all the songs about like people trying to take you down or like not. Right. You're like, no one's trying to take me down. I don't know. Right. It really cares that much. Yeah.

It doesn't feel super relatable to me. And I guess, I mean, it's hard because the more famous, I think that's true of any artist, like the more famous you become the more out of touch with like the everyday struggles of most people you probably get. Whereas like her earlier albums are a little more like, I like this boy and I don't know if he likes me. Right. Right. to know what I got like. The producer stole my entire catalog and like I got him back.

You're like, wait, what? Just like me. Right. Yeah, mixed reviews. There were a couple that I felt, but it was interesting because I was kind of like I was riding in the car with the kids and I was like playing a couple of songs and I could tell they were like, can you put something else on? Like I don't really feel like hearing this.

Yeah. Maybe she is losing her hold on Jen Alpha. I think she might be. I don't know. If my kids, and I spoke to a couple other people and of that, I mean, our sample size is about five right now, you know, kids under the age of 15 that aren't loving it. So I don't know. Curious to hear others' perspectives. I thought it was fine, but that could change in a week. Yeah, I agree with you. I feel like sometimes it is the more, And I think that's just our human brain around anything that's new and different is like we tend to reject it first and then warm up to it. So I felt the same way about the last album where at first I was like, I don't know about this.

And then there's a couple that are like still on my rotation of songs. I think I could have done without the song about Travis Kelsey's penis. Yeah. There was a lot of like, there's a lot of, you know, phallic stuff in this. Yeah. Yeah. She's getting some on the reg. Sure.

Yeah. Thinking about it. Yeah. I just think the phrase, I think I saw this somewhere and I agreed with it. It was like a New York, New Yorker review. And it was like, I don't. The phrase like opened my thighs, which is like part of the chorus. Yeah.

It was a lot. I don't, it's kind of cringy. It's like a lot. Like I said, you know exactly. It's almost. Right. There's no mystery to it. Like an irregular song where you're like, who was that about?

I don't know. Right. Right. It's a little too on the nose. Yeah, I hear you. And there's songs that I couldn't even listen to, the one that's like the, you know, dick swinging or whatever it was. What was that something about?

Was it father figure or something? Yeah, there was like a dick reference. And I'm like, oh, gosh, like, you know, that's another topic, which is, I don't know, maybe makes me seem a little bit old and like square. The profanity. But like some of these artists like, you know, Taylor Swift, perfect example, or like these like poppy artists, it's like you know that there's a lot of kids like under 16 that are listening. Do you have to say, you know, his dick is bigger?

Like just, I don't know. I guess that's what she wanted to say. It's a little shocking. It's a little. As a non-mom, I'm kind of like, all right, she's like, she doesn't have any kids. She's an artist. She's doing. She's talking about whatever.

Again, I don't actually, I think it's a little much as just for myself. You're like, I'm uncomfortable. Right. But I don't know if I would be like she needs to make sure it's appropriate for everyone. No, I get that. I get that. In that reference, even, that reference, like you kind of needed it, right? Like it packed the punch that she was looking to get.

But there are sometimes. The whole song. I don't know if we need that. Yeah. Right. Or like sometimes they'll just say like, F something like the F word when it's like not necessary like you could use a different word there I don't know I'm old like music used to be clean when it played it on the radio you know or the music that they played on the radio like pop music yes I would listen to like little Kim and like that wasn't clean right you were listening to them on your CD right exactly privately anyway we digress Put them all in.

Put on all the profanity. Go for it. And if you disagree with our takes, again, we are not the, we are not the most well-researched, number one, Taylor's foot fans you will meet. So if we got something wrong, let us know. Actually, don't let us know because I don't care that much. But just let us know if you disagree with our, with our takes. You love the album. That's fine.

The show is all about how to, you know, have a reasonable discourse about things you might. you might not see completely eye to eye on. Totally. Put your crazy comments in the YouTube or Spotify comments. And if you would like to write into the show, you can leave us a voicemail at 646363-6294. Or you can email us at oversharing adventches.com. There's a subscriber episode for October already out. We have two a month.

You get all the episodes. If you're a subscriber, you get all the episodes a day early and ad-free. And or you can join. one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups if you want to get even more involved. And Naomi will tell you how to do that. Yes, come find us at Naomi Bernstein.com. Lots of groups available for you to join. We have a little bit of a wave of some new people. So if you want to jump in on that wave, come join us soon. It's a really great space. I have a new challenge cooking up for everyone. So if you are currently in one of my groups and you're listening, get yourself ready.

I love to make everyone a little bit uncomfortable and then talk about how that all feels. Just like Taylor. That's cut. Yes, she's made us both uncomfortable and my 12-year-old. So yeah, Naomi Bernstein.com. All right. Let's get into our episode. I will start with the overshare.

All right. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. This is my first time writing into oversharing, but I've been a Betches follower on you up, betches, brides, baby steps, et cetera, for years. From dating advice, now to postpartum marriage advice, I feel like I've been growing with different parts of betches. I love that. I'm writing in today because I feel constant resentment towards my husband since we have

had our baby. My question is, how should we manage post-newborn expectations and division of labor between partners without feeling resentment constantly? Our baby is now eight months old and I breastfeed. Breastfeeding is a new level of challenge that I didn't anticipate at all. all before I had my baby. I just didn't think about how tedious, how isolating and how mentally draining it can be. The constant washing of pump parts, bottles, having to spend multiple times a day to do it in isolation, feels like it's taking up so much of my time and mental capacity. This most recent time

that made me write in was a specific instance accumulated from already existing resentment of feeling like he isn't doing enough. I don't know what the best mental framework for me to adjust to is, or if this is actually something he needs to adjust. It's a little. It's a little framework. It's, It's likely a combination of both, but here we go. For context, my husband works as a surgeon, and his job requires a daily commute of about one hour each way. He leaves the house very early, 545 a.m. and gets back pretty late, 530 to 6-ish, depending on his workload. I'm an attorney, but I got approval to work from home for the first year postpartum for breastfeeding. It's great to be able to work from home, but also kind of feels like a double-edged sword,

is I can constantly become the default caretaker outside of nanny hours. We have a nanny that comes in 8 to 4, so outside of those hours, getting my son ready in the morning, taking care of him after the nanny leaves, is all me. Before I had my baby, I worked way longer hours than that, but now the reality is I literally can't outside nanny hours. I feel like I'm falling behind work all the time, too. My husband happens to have three days this week off unexpectedly. How lovely. I find out.

He ended up scheduling a game with his buddies at 6.30 a.m. Knowing our son gets up at 7 a.m. I don't know how he's managed to get other people involved. To play a game at 6.30 in the morning. You must have very good friends. I would never do that. Yeah. So what that means is I am still getting our baby ready, even though he can be home to help before the nanny shows up. But he decides to spend his time playing games. A part of me feels like I can't say anything because he was going. to be at work anyway, and alternatively, if he wasn't, maybe he deserves the time off, given that he has horrible commutes every morning. Regardless, I still feel annoyed and resentful that he

didn't consider that. When I schedule fun things, I always had to think about our baby's schedule to schedule around, but that he just goes on his day knowing I'll be there. To give some other examples of where I get annoyed, but not sure if they're justified. One, because of the pattern of things like the game scheduling, I end up always feeling like when he takes care of our baby, It's a favor to me. Two, he has never had to take care of the baby alone like I did, so I felt like he never understood what it's like because I had longer leave, so I took care of the baby alone until I went back to work full time.

When I went back to work, we had a nanny. So now when he does have days off, we already have nanny coverage. A part of me wants him to experience taking care of the baby all day, so he gets it. Three, a part of me almost feels like he has to go above and beyond to make me feel any sense of fair share of work, but I know that's unfair. Sorry, this was super long-winded. I guess my question is, how should we manage first newborn expectations and division of labor between partners without feeling resentment constantly?

Thanks for all you do. Look forward to hearing your thoughts. I'm sure she's not the only one who has gone through this or is thinking about this. Do you have any patients that kind of like come in about this kind of thing? Yeah, for sure. I think the hard part, again, again, is in some ways you have to take the biology into account in the beginning with breastfeeding. Right. So like the mother is most, if you're breastfeeding, which not everyone does. And that does,

I think, and I'm not discouraging breastfeeding. Breastfeed, it's great, it's good, all the things. But when you do breastfeed, what I see happening is that it sets the tone. in the beginning and humans are creatures of habit, but it sets this tone in the beginning of like, mother is primary caretaker because she's like the biggest thing about a newborn is like eating, are they eating enough? And then they have to,

you know, like it's a huge part of it. So for the first, whatever it is, three months, six months a year, you're establishing yourself in that primary role. And then where she's at right now is she's trying to kind of find her way.

out of being the primary, you know, the person that's always going to be expected to be the caretaker. Yeah, the default. And he's the helper. And she doesn't like that. She doesn't want to be the chef and he's the sous chef. She wants there to be two chefs, which I get. Yeah. So that's just a reality that is really hard, sometimes not impossible, but it takes communication and specific effort. to work around that. And that's what I think a lot of people struggle with is that's what's going to come naturally if you're breastfeeding is that the mother is the default parent. And then you have to undo it if you want it to be undone.

And that has to be more concrete, specific conversations around what that looks like when he's available. Like if he did have that morning, off, it's going to take that conversation of you saying so excited, you have tomorrow morning off, can't wait to get some help getting the baby ready. Right. Like I'd love to, I don't know, go for a walk by myself or eat breakfast, sleep late, have my coffee alone, whatever it is that she's going to have to advocate, I think.

And that's what I think a lot of moms struggle with. than I get because they're like, my husband's also or my partner's also working really hard. So like they also, he needs time to socialize and he maybe wants to sleep in one day if he's waking up at 545. I'm sure she's not waking up much later than that if she is a young baby. Right. You want to care for your partner. And we've given that advice on here before.

Like you need to care for your partner and care that they're well rested and that they have friends and they're socializing and they're getting their cup filled. but you also have to advocate for yourself. So that I think is where people struggle. Right. And you want to feel like that care is given back to you. Yes. Which is, I think, what she's probably struggling with

because she's like, yeah, I want him to enjoy his day off. But I also, there's no real day off in parenting. And I think there's, it's tough because, like, obviously, like, there's no, it's not like she, like, this is her job. like she has a full-time job and this. Yeah. So it feels like she's the one who has to make all of the sacrifices. Not that he doesn't work hard, but like that she's, that she has to figure out.

And I think that's also true of like when she's talking about the scheduling, where you can kind of like wake up one day and be like, like if I didn't schedule this theny or if I'm not making sure there's coverage, like no one else would be doing that. Right. She's annoying. Like I want to meet a friend for dinner. Can you watch the beach? baby, it's like that sometimes feels annoying. It's like, of course you're watching. They don't have to ask

you. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. That's what I think is frustrating. And I think it takes, you know, some tough conversations, but you can, I think it's in how you express it. So I think the pitfall that a lot of people fall into is waiting too long until they explode and then they're like angry about it instead of communicating like the more vulnerable emotions like I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling drained or you know, whatever that is coming to him. And this three day break can be a learning experience and an opportunity for conversation. And just saying like I was torn just expressing exactly this.

I was torn in saying anything to you because I. do want you to like, I know you work so hard and you don't have a lot of time to socialize with your friends. So I want you to have that 6.30 a.m. gaming thing with your friends. But I also would have really enjoyed a break from getting the baby ready and getting her up and going for the day, whatever it is. Like, so maybe next time you have time off, we can sit down together and kind of explore how you can both fill your cup and also help me fill mine during that time. Yeah. And if he can't do that or he wants to prioritize his own whatever he's doing, I think the conversation can then lead to, well, what resources can we put into alleviating this burden from me?

Maybe the nanny, can we get the nanny for more hours? Could we work something out where the weekends, you know, you're doing more on the weekends. Right. Yep. And I, the other thing that I will say that I talk to a lot of my patients about is this whole like the non-primary parent parenting alone. And I think that is important. Like she brings that up because I think sometimes it does feel like one, it allows them to understand a little bit more of what the primary parent is going through. And two, it gives them confidence in being able to do it alone. So that way, I don't know, it's a Thursday night and he gets home at 6 o'clock and you say,

you know what, I want to run out for a drink with a friend or I'm going to go over to a friend's house and we're going to hang out for a little bit that it doesn't take two hours of prep. Right. Telling him what to do for bath and bedtime and whatever for you to be able to get out the door where I do think it is good to make sure that the non-default parent knows how to do all the stuff. So that way, when they are home, you can get up and go without feeling like you're hiring a babysitter. Right. No, that's a great point.

And maybe that looks like this Saturday, I'm taking the day. Mm-hmm. So call me if you. And again, I think you can give people some, I think there's like a sense of, that person's probably scared they're going to do it wrong and be and you're going to be upset with them. So I think like we could say, this Saturday would love for you to like take your first full day with the baby.

If you don't know how to do anything, text me, call me. I'll walk you through it. Yes. And that's how you can learn how to do it. And then we'll both be fully aware of how this whole thing works. Yes. There has to be. And I think, again, you don't want to wait until you're so resentful that you're like,

how do you not know how to do this? Like I do think. Right. And it's nobody's fault. Again, there's biology involved when you're nursing and you're doing most of it in the very beginning where you're going to have to do a little training, a little weaning off a training program to get them up to speed so that, you know, they're confident in doing it.

And I just, I think a lot of times the non-primary parent avoids a little bit because they're not confident. And the last thing I'll say is you also have to let them do it the way they want to do it. Right. So what I see a lot is, you know, the default, the primary parent wants it done a certain way. And so then the non-default parent feels like criticized or watched or, you know, kind of like micromanaged. and after when you have a full-time job where you're potentially micromanaged, that doesn't feel good either.

So as long as it's not dangerous, if it's like the wrong sleep sack or like... The nap schedule is a little off. Yes. Sure. Yeah. If you've got to let them do it the way they want to do it and not be micromanaging. I'm here to help.

And they'll want to do it more. Yeah. Exactly. Right. Exactly. And I just think it's good. for the child, it's good for the parent. And I, you know, there's a big change, I think, that happens. And her, her baby's still young, but I think with more like toddler age, a lot of times, and I know,

obviously families love to be together as the whole family, and that's beautiful. But there is something different that happens when you remove that default parent, that primary caretaker out of the equation that it makes the bond between the other two stronger. It allows the child to trust that this other parent can take care of them. And they're not constantly like looking for mommy. Right. And like wanting. And then you feel like you're getting pulled in. You're doing everything anyway. And the other person's just like kind of standing around waiting for you to take orders. I think this is very helpful for anyone going through that or probably or even who's not going through it yet but wants to get ahead of it.

I'm sure the earlier you start that, the more confident both people feeling it. And I understand it's funny because she's like, I want him to just, because I could see you know, not having any kids and not being around during those stages even feeling like the person

who stay, the husband thinking like, oh, she gets to work from home. Yes. Like how hard could this be? It's a bit, you know, it's this, it's pretty, it seems pretty straightforward. you feed the baby, the baby naps, what, blah, blah. And like, I can understand what she was sort of hints at wanting, what she's like, why don't you try it?

And then maybe you'll be like, you'll understand why one would need a break from this. Right. A hundred percent. I think people do tend to be a little, like, narcissistic in their thinking where he's like, I'm the one that's like sitting on this train for an hour each way or whatever it is. And I'm the one that has to commute. and I have this life or death job and, you know, all this kind of thing. Whereas maybe after a day with the baby, he'll be like, oh, my gosh, this commute is amazing.

It's quiet. I could do whatever I want. I could listen to an entire podcast or close my eyes and listen to an album. You know, he might appreciate his life a little bit more. Yeah. And maybe you would too. Like if you take a Saturday and you go out and you're by yourself and you're not with your baby, I bet you by the time you get back, you're going to be like, give me that baby.

Like I, you know, right. Like, I don't care. Like, I love the smell of your spit up. It's amazing, you know. So it might be good to kind of get to walk in the other shoes a little bit. I could see why she wants that. And I think it is good for them to be able to do that, experience that. Right.

Because then he'll understand where she's coming from also more if he's understood just how annoying it probably is at times. Yeah, it's very hard to ask. Just ask. Ask for what you want. Right. Ask nicely. Offer to help. Yeah. Read some breast milk. Yeah. Get a little oversupply going. Put it in the freezer. It's his day. Yes. You're out. Totally. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for writing in. I think this is super relatable. Communication, communication. I know it's hard. You love him. You want him to get his rest. I give kudos to these two. Sounds like they're both working really, really hard and trying to do the best that they can. So this isn't an easy situation.

And this probably is the hardest time, I would imagine, for parents. Yeah, I think it's- The first year or so, I imagine. Honestly, it was a game changer when my kids would like sleep or not sleep in because they still don't really sleep in. But like once your kid can kind of like wake up and entertain themselves for a little bit and you don't have to be. like getting them out of the crib and entertaining them like from the second they open their eyes, you'll get there. It will happen that early morning feels a lot better.

Or you get them off to school. Right. And that maybe feels like at least they're not in the house and like you're constantly thinking about them and what they need and the breastfeeding and pumping. And also don't be ashamed. Ask your nanny to clean your breast milk parts. Like she cleans poopy diapers. Yeah.

She can clean your breast milk pieces if you're not already asking for help with that. Great. All right. Let's do a batch assist. You want to read this one? I will read this. Hi to my favorite sister duo. I love listening to you every week and recommend this podcast every chance I get.

Here's my question. Since 2021, every family gathering to see my family has been about my sister. We live on opposite coast and these flights add up pretty quickly. She married into a wealthy family and has had most of her life paid for since she was 22. I'm in my late 20s and have worked really hard to build my career, but it has taken time and living alone as a single girl and New York City is not cheap. This might actually be a two-part question because I know there's a bit of underlying resentment about feeling like I've had to work harder. My sister has not made any effort to visit me despite having a pretty close relationship. with daily texting and weekly calls. In terms of traveling to see her, 2021 was all about her

engagement. 22 was all about her wedding. 23 was all about her buying a new house. 24 was all about her having a baby. And 25 has been the year that she's openly said she won't be able to come visit me for at least a few years while she focuses on her baby and trying to get pregnant with her second kid. So the question is, is it reasonable to ask her to contribute to my flights to see her? her even though we're both grown adults with our own careers. It's been feeling increasingly bad spending four to 800 per trip to see her multiple times a year, especially when every trip is about her. If I do end up asking her, I think it would need to be in a way that avoids her marrying into a wealthy family. But I don't even know where to start with bringing this up, hoping this is relatable for

others out there, XO, a batch who just wants equal sibling effort. Okay. So do we think it is reasonable to ask your wealthy or sister to pay for your flights to come to her. I think there's a world in which she could bring this up just by saying, like, this is expensive and I, you know, whatever it is, like I have these other expenses or I'm struggling to kind of, you know, save for this, that or the other, whatever her situation is, is, you know, I really would love to come. It would help a lot if maybe you could, contribute something towards my flight. I don't think it's crazy. If she's coming to see her twice a year and she's openly said she's not coming for several years. Right. I mean, we can discuss that.

That's my thought on it. I think there's a bigger issue at play, aside from the paying for the flights. Right. Which I mean, if she really needs her to pay for the flights, we can talk about that. But I think the bigger issue is just this general, like this sister's life has taken over their And it's funny because I'm the oldest in our family. I had kids, you know, earlier. And so I can imagine that some siblings have felt like whoever has the kids ends up like not having to move as much, like travel as much. Yeah. And I think I mean like there's obviously there's like I guess an unfairness in that. But it's also on the other side, it also is sort of like life is in fully fair. It's sort of like an inherent difference of someone just having a life that has a lot

more variables and moving parts than someone else's. So it's like not always going to be 50-50. I mean, even just referring back to the last email, like it's to expect that every, you know, that circumstances align and everyone's availability and ability to travel is the same. Isn't that that? It sounds like even before, I mean, to say I'm not coming for a few years because I'm focusing on trying to have another kid. It's a little bit weird because it's like, like, I think like isn't the effort in that just like a monthly sexual divorce? Right. Right. Right. Why would that affect your plans? So it's almost like even like the phrasing of that would be I think kind of irritating to me. I think it's more like the lack of

acknowledgement that things are revolving around her and that she's taking a priority and maybe not, you know, it feels like a really, more of a one-sided relationship. where the other person's life isn't seen as fully valid. Yes. That's the part I think a lot of our listeners could probably relate to. And I think is the underlying issue for them is that it was her engagement, then it was her wedding, then it was her baby. Now is her second baby.

And it just feels like everything has to revolve around. And some of that does seem kind of like nonsense, you know, like you said, trying for a baby shouldn't be a reason why you can't travel. Yes. I mean, if any, I can understand you have a baby, it's harder to travel. Yes. That part makes sense. But before, let's go back to before that, because I think anything pre baby being born, like someone getting married isn't an excuse for them not coming to, yep, to travel to see you. Someone getting engaged, someone buying a house. I don't really see how that would impact your ability to visit a sister. That's like a besides move-in day. Yes. Yes. It does see.

I think there's a lot of dynamics where when someone's building a family that takes over the entire family dynamic, the extended family dynamic. And I think it's interesting because she says they talk like every day and they have a pretty close relationship, which is good, I think, in this scenario for having this conversation because it's not going to feel like that out of nowhere. Yeah. I think you could just say it. I sometimes I feel a little, you know, irritated about having to always, you know, for the last, it sounds like, I don't know, four or five years, always been the one to make the effort to see you and I love you and I want to stay close and I want to spend time with you, but one, it's expensive. And maybe there is some, I don't know, she doesn't mention it, but maybe there is some like, just because I don't have these big milestones happening in my life. life doesn't it feels like maybe she feels like her life is less paid attention to or important

or um you know this idea of like celebrating all these big things like does that mean that everyone has to revolve every conversation around you because you're planning a wedding and you're planning an engagement and you're planning a baby and another baby it just could make the other the sister who's writing in feel a little bit small i think are unimportant in the family Yes, and it feels like the family, everything is kind of revolved around making the sister feel seen in all those choices where they're all going to visit her and she's like seen as, you know, and then the person who's visiting, you know, the person writing in is kind of like there's no real attention being paid to like, I work. And I think that's the resentment also where she's like she married into this wealthy family. She doesn't really work very hard. I work very hard. There's no, there's no catering to me. even though I work very hard. Yes.

And I think sometimes that is the unspoken resentment or jealousy around someone like this who's like she met her person at 22 and now she's just celebrated at every turn for what feels like not hard work. Yeah. Came really naturally. You met this person and then you celebrate your love and then you got pregnant and now you celebrate your baby and now you're going to get pregnant again. And it's like, meanwhile, I'm here kind of busting my butt, trying to pay my rent in New York City,

working really hard. And there's been like zero celebrations about me, which is, it's just part of our society and the way that our culture is. But I could see why it's starting to get to her. And the money is like now every time she sees that on her credit card statement or whatever it is, like this $600 flight. Yeah. And again, I could see. I can understand.

I think she could say this to the sister. Like, I can understand why now that you have a baby, it's much harder to travel and you're in a routine and it's kind of annoying. But I, and I'm happy to come see you. But I would like to feel like this is a more reciprocal relationship and that you're doing something to show that you're putting in as much effort as me to keep this relationship close. I don't know what that is. Maybe it's she comes alone.

Maybe she leaves her baby with her husband. Right. And she comes to visit her for a weekend and feels like she's putting in that effort there. They have a sister trip that they do somewhere where they both go. Right. Those are great ideas. And again, yeah. That's if it's not about the money.

If it actually is about the money, I think she could say like, I think she should still say that other part. But then also say like, and to be honest, like I really, I can't really afford to come and visit you as much. But I'm scared that if I don't come visit you, we'll never see each other because you don't really travel to see me. And then maybe she'll offer. It always feels better if they offer. Yeah, then ask. Totally. Yeah, I agree.

I think this is a relatable question. I do think these types of dynamics, whether it's friends or siblings, where someone is starting a family and, you know, especially like you said, traveling with kids is hard. And it does end up feeling like whoever doesn't have kids is always traveling all over to see everyone else. And sometimes that can probably feel a little bit like, I want someone. to come see my life and like kind of lean into my existence as well. So I get this. I think there's a way that you can maybe hint at it and see if she'll offer or if not, just, you know, I don't think it's the craziest thing to just ask if it really is a financial issue and it is tough for you. But if it's not about the money, I would just share how you're feeling in general. And this is your sister.

Like this is a vulnerable emotion that you're feeling whether, you know, you just feel like your life isn't being attended to in the same way. I think that's a reasonable thing to share. Yeah. I wouldn't bring up the wealthy family. I don't think it's necessary. Yeah, not necessary. It just is what it is.

She's probably got it. Let's do some intentions. This one is a voicemail. That's fun. Let's roll the tape. Hi, Gordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm writing and hoping for an intention to have. help me actually do my physical therapy exercises.

So physical therapy, you're just, I think everybody knows that you're trying to train your body to use muscles in ways that it's not used to doing or it doesn't really do. So that is already difficult and I have to be like mindful and pay attention. So it's not like something that I can watch TV and actually like do while paying attention while making it more fun. But my physical therapy includes like this really awful, like, stress and anxiety-inducing breathing pattern where you breathe in for two seconds, you breathe out for at least six or for as long as you can,

you hold your breath afterwards for two more seconds, and then you repeat the cycle without taking an additional breath. And you can't breathe faster on the inhale or anything. like so you do this cycle five times. So at the very end, you just really have no more air in your lungs. And my face gets really hot and it just feels, I feel very anxious while I'm doing it. So I don't really like it. And also, I'm not really feeling pain in my daily life if I don't do physical therapy.

I just feel it when I do some yoga postures. So I feel like it's not enough of a negative, like, stimulus to get me to actually, like, really focus on doing the physical therapy. I find that I try and, like, skip it, and I hope that maybe my body mechanics are better or something like that without doing the physical therapy every day. Like, I'll do it once or twice a week, but I really need to be doing it more. I've been really dragging my feet on leaving this voicemail too because I dread doing these exercises so much that I almost don't even want an intention to help me do these exercises. But I'm finally getting around to it. So I'm hoping you'll have a good intention for me that will make me feel better about doing these exercises. Thank you so much. Love the podcast. Bye.

Okay. Glad that was a voicemail. We really got to hear in her voice how much she hates this breathing exercise. Yeah, even talking about it, she doesn't even seem to like really. But it's funny. It's interesting because I think she, the specifics of this do make it interesting because it is something, I think a lot of things are like this where it's like, it's not like she can't walk if she doesn't do this thing. Like there's not, it's hard to be motivated that will like about for something that will incrementally improve your life a little bit, but not in such a monumental way that it's really going to change everything about the way you live. So these are kind of the hardest things to improve. Totally. Yep. There's, you know,

in in psychology, when you're talking about like motivating someone, to make a change, there's three big factors that they talk about, which are, and you're kind of pointing at the first one, which is importance. So like, how important is it that I make this change? And so you need kind of like high levels on one importance. The second one is confidence. Can I, can I actually do this? Do I think I'm capable of doing this? And the last one is readiness. So sounds like she's ready. I think the other two in terms of like importance and confidence that she can do it, it sounds like maybe there's confidence that she can do it,

but you're pointing on that first one, which is it doesn't sound like she thinks it's that important. Right. That she does this, especially if this thing is really uncomfortable, it's hard to push yourself to do something that's important that's uncomfortable well, if you don't think it's important to actually get it done. Right.

Like I could imagine doing this exercise every day so that you can complete one or two yoga poses. I'm a little confused about, frankly, why she needs to do this. I think there are some, you know, there's something called hypoxic breathing, which is like, type of sounds like this is what she's doing, which is like you kind of train yourself to tolerate having less oxygen in your body. And there are, you know, don't quote me on this, but there are some benefits that I think from using that breathwork technique, some health benefits.

Maybe that's what she's going for. I don't, I'm not sure exactly what she's going for. But in order for her to do this, she's going to have to buy into what she's doing and why. And think it's right. Like you agree. Exactly what you said. think it's really important because otherwise she could just skip those poses yeah is that like the actual only i would actually if i were her i would write a list of the actual impacts that

not doing these exercises would have and then be like could i just not do these things for the rest of my life how much would it affect my happiness yes like i'll give you a great example from this morning mike um we went to a wedding a couple weekends ago and mike like someone like on the dance floor like pushed into him or something and he chipped his tooth. Oh, no. Yeah, he chipped his tooth. So he went this morning to get it fixed and they gave him a couple options and one was like, they fixed it, but they were like, you just can't like it's going to, it probably will

like come off again, whatever this sealant thing is. If you do something like, he's like, if you ever like, if you ever bite into an apple, like again in your entire life. This will probably like chip again. And Mike's like, I don't really like apples that much. Or there's like another more intensive, more expensive way to fix this tooth. And you can do whatever you and you don't have to think about it. But he's probably, you know, you're just constantly weighing.

He's kind of like, I don't like apples that much. I'm just not going to do this other annoying thing. And I think in light, it's funny because I feel like, like in this culture, you're sort of taught to do the harder thing, no matter what it is. Like that feels like, you know, you're striving or you're, you're someone who doesn't take the easy way out. And that's true for some things, I think, if it's a goal that really make sense to you, or you could just not eat the apple. You could just not do the yoga poses. Yeah. I think it really matters why you're doing it. I totally agree.

especially when it comes to something that makes you feel like you can't breathe, that's like panic-induced. That's a really hard one. That to me is different than, which is probably why hard exercise is hard for people because not being able to breathe inherently makes you feel like I'm going to die. That's like the worst feeling you can have is the feeling that you're going to die. Like that's why I think sometimes it's even like a burning sensation in your muscles.

if you're doing squats or you're doing abs or something, it's like, you're not going to, you know, when you do really hard ab exercises, you don't feel like you're going to die. You just feel like, ouch, this kind of hurts. It's a burning sensation. It's uncomfortable. But if you're, you know, like doing this where you're emptying your lungs or you're, you know, running, which is why I think a lot of people really don't like running because it makes you really out of breath.

And then you feel like, you know, that you have that thought of like, I, you know, I. could die if I can't breathe. So this is an intense feeling that you're experiencing. So you're going to have, I think you have to go back to the drawing board and figure out why you're doing this and what the benefits are in order to get yourself some motivation to get there. And I agree with you. I think you're paying to see a physical therapist.

She's telling you, here's this hard work thing that you have to do. And so you kind of feel like, okay, I should do this. I'm paying this expert. They're telling me this is important. and so I should take it seriously. But it's different than a physical therapist. It's like, hey, if you don't do this exercise, you might not ever be able to, like, wash your own hair again, you know,

like reach your arm up above your head or you never be able to get a glass from a high shelf. Like, that seems important. Like, not being able to do, like, crow pose. Right. Does that change your quality of life? Right. So. Only she'd only she'd,

Only she could. I mean, I don't know how intensive yogi she is. Yeah. It's true. Maybe it would. I don't know. Yeah. I think you have to figure out what your motivation is here. I wish that you would have said a little bit more about it.

But I think until you understand the importance of what you're doing and feel confident that you could do it, look, this sounds hard. When I read this, I tried it. I didn't do the full five rounds, but I tried some of what she said. And I could see after five rounds and really emptying your. lungs, it feels uncomfortable, but I don't think your physical therapist would be prescribing something that's going to be dangerous, that's going to harm you, I hope. So I would definitely go back to the drawing board, think about your reasons for why you're doing this. And if you, if you decide

that it's worth it, that you want to do it because you want this different level of functioning, then you have to start with calm, you know, like I'm not, this is not going to hurt me. This is not going to harm me. This is important. I can do it. I'm ready. Begin. But you have to believe that first.

So. Yeah. Yeah. I like your three-tiered thing, though. I think that's going to be helpful and relatable for a lot of people. I'm going to try to use that for meditation, which I cannot seem to manage to do consistently. And I think it's probably because of maybe an importance thing. Right.

You're not sure that you buy into how important it is. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the first thing. You have to believe in it. Like anything, your doctor tells you take this medicine, right? Like if you're like, I don't know if I need that, you're like not probably going to really take it consistently.

Well, it's funny because, like, you know, I wouldn't, I don't know if I'd call myself a cynical person, but I question, I question things. So for something like meditation where it's not like you can see an immediate tangible benefit or even like tangible, I mean tangible something that you can feel and see directly, right? So that's, I think, probably hard for me and a lot of other people to get into because you're like, you can't look at a person and tell that they meditate. Right. Yep. So the confidence in it, or like the importance, rather, the feeling of importance is hard to fully know until you get there. Right. Yeah. And that's why a lot of, you'll notice, a lot of meditation apps will have a feature and option for you to like self, you know, rate your mood that day or

whatever. And I think it's because they want people to believe in it and start to see, oh, and the days where I meditate, I feel this way before, I feel this way after. Like I, okay, I've meditated for a month. I started off with these symptoms and now I have less of these symptoms. And they are more subjective. And we do tend to once, if you have a problem or a discomfort, once it's gone, sometimes we don't even stop to acknowledge that it's gone. We just move on and are kind of like, okay, what's the next thing that I want to be gone? Yeah. I love this framework.

Yeah. Yeah. I noticed that was parenting a lot where I'll kind of be like so worried about some problem with one of my kids and then like they have a rash or something. And I'm like thinking about like, oh my God, that rash, that rash. And then like the next day I checked the rash and it's gone. And I'm like, okay. I'm not like, oh, wow, it's so amazing, the rash is gone.

And then the next day I think, oh, I'm so thankful that they don't have that rash anymore. It's just like, that's it. Gone, move to the next. Now, what's the next thing to focus on? Very true. Yeah. In order to kind of lean into wanting to make a change or working hard on something, you really have to believe that the effort that you're putting in makes sense and is going

to be worth it. So yeah, let us know how it goes. This does sound challenging. I'll give you that. Yes. Good luck. Definitely wouldn't want to do that. All right.

Let's do some triggers. I will read this one. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi, big fan of you both and so grateful for the podcast. I listen to you every Tuesday while walking my dog. And it's my favorite walk of the week. I love that. Yeah. I have a triggered scenario that I want your take on.

I go to CrossFit and there's a couple that brings their now two-year-old kid to the class. two to three times a week. It drives me crazy. The baby often crawls, tottles at this point all over the room, and I have to be aware of its location at all time, so I don't drop a barbell on it. To the parents' credit, they will usually intercept the child before it reaches someone. I feel a little irrational because nothing has happened yet, and the coach doesn't say anything, but it's so distracting and especially hard to focus on towards the end of class when I'm trying to keep good form. It's also not uncommon for class members to lift to failure on strength days,

meaning they push to the upper limit of the weight they can lift and have to fail midway through a rep. This is especially annoying because our gym offers free child care. Sometimes the couple will go into the daycare and bring the kid out halfway through class. They also have weird PDA during class that also triggers me. They sit on each other's laps while the coach explains the workout, kissing in between reps, etc.

That may also be adding to my irritation, L.O.L. I feel crazy because no one else in the class seems bothered by them They're also very nice and encouraging in class, so I feel like an asshole. Very curious your guy's thoughts on this signed, not your babysitter or fetch. Yeah, I think bringing a toddler into a workout class where there's barbells being lifted and dropped is kind of crazy. Yeah, I'm surprised that they allow that just like liability purposes for the gym. Just seems like a very weird move that they would allow a crawling child around heavy workout equipment. I totally agree. I'm actually very surprised. It's one thing. I mean, even a baby could,

even if there were no heavy weights, they could just easily get kicked or smacked or like, I would not want to have to think about where my feet are going. Is there a baby behind me when I'm like lifting my legs or? Yeah, because it's not even the kind of thing where she could be like, well, this isn't my problem because she's like, not going to be like, oh, if I accidentally hit the baby, it's fine because it's not my problem. Like no one wants to injure or pretend or like risk injuring a child. So it is her problem. Right. Right. The PDA thing is like annoying, but like can't really do much about that. But I would say something to the instructor or like the front desk. Yeah. It's just I don't even like to work out with my own kids like crawling around or in the space for this exact reason. It's just distracting.

and it's hard enough. Speaking of like pushing your body and doing things that are uncomfortable, you know, you're on your like 10th rep and you can barely breathe. If I had a little kid that I just wanted to drop my weight and I saw some, a toddler behind me, yeah,

I'm getting triggered just thinking about this. Yeah. I think it's triggering that no one is doing anything about it. So now like she, I mean, it sounds like she hasn't said anything. I would say something behind their back as is your, right?

Yeah, I would just, it's a, I think it's very reasonable. Maybe this instructor is kind of like waiting for someone to complain. And I would be shocked. You say no one else seems to care. I would be shocked if nobody else really cares. Right. They probably just feel weird because the couple's so nice. Yes. Saying anything. So they're not like acting actively agitated. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Everyone's like trying to be nice. I'm sure the baby's so cute. And everyone's like, oh, it's so cute. And that's great. And like, I appreciate what this couple is trying to do, which is like maintain their pre-baby lifestyle with their baby. Like, love. There's babysitting. Yeah, there's no. So weird. If there's no babysitting, it would be more understandable. There's a special, there's a daycare there.

Yeah. No, I get it. I mean, look, I get that dropping your kid off for daycare is babysitting at the gym is challenging because they don't really know. the people and it probably they're going to I've had many of those where I leave like a screaming baby and a you know a gym babysitting room and it's not fun like I I hear you but this is not an ultra especially in a CrossFit class with weights like if this was a yoga class even I could maybe not even like no yeah but when less dangerous that's dangerous yes less dangerous yes less dangerous like if I'm lifting a weight to failure and I have to think before I'm like pushing my body to his limit.

I have to think before I drop this weight. Am I going to smash a toddler in the face? Yeah. No. I find this triggering. I give this a, I give this a six and a half. I would, I agree with that statement. I would complain if I were her or at least I would like have it be on record that you think this is very unsafe. Yeah. Yeah. I'm shocked. I wonder what gym this is. Most gyms are super tight about like liability stuff. Like I've even tried to bring my like 10 year old into just like walk next to me on the treadmill and they won't let me do that. And it's like they're not in anyone else's space and they're not a toddler. Like I'm shocked. Right. Yeah. Talk to the teacher. Just say it's very distracting. and I'm really nervous that this baby's going to get hurt.

And my fear about that is making it hard to focus on the workout. And I think that baby will be gone the next day because I agree. And if it's not, I would question this gym. Yeah. I think it's a very weird move to allow that. I would question their other safety practices if they're letting two-year-olds like crawl around among 100-pound weights being dropped. Yeah.

Yeah, validated. Moving on. All right, let's do one more. Okay, I will read our last triggered. Hello, I have a triggered scenario that is actually a two-parter, which I think gets much worse in the second part, but I'm curious to know your thoughts. For the first part, I posted on Instagram and Facebook to announce that my fiance and I bought a house and got engaged just to make it easier to tell family. The person in the comment is one of my mom's friends that she used to be close to, but now only talks to occasionally. She lives in my hometown, which is about three hours away from where I currently live. Her first comment didn't really trigger me. I thought it was a little weird because I don't really want to have a conversation underneath my Facebook post. However, I still tried to be nice and respond to her, but then her reply triggered me and I thought it was so weird. We bought our house in a suburb of a certain city, but I never said where it is in the post, so she must have looked at my profile after seeing the post. Okay. Let's read this conversation and decide how triggering it is. Do you want to be the listener or the weird family friend? I'll be the weird family friend.

Okay. Okay. So weird family friend writes, congrats. Awesome. You live in X city. How long you've been living there. I've lived in the area since I graduated college, so around six years now. Awesome. I go there once a month to take my mom to the doctor always looking for fun things to do so if you ever have any ideas send them my way that seems harmless harmless i think it's just some people you know yeah harmless she's saying she's not looking to have a conversation but that you know seems normal the next conversation so am i reading this yeah well i was slightly triggered by this i didn't think that much of it and just didn't respond until today i received the below facebook message from her. The city she wanted me to go to for her is 35 minutes from my house. It's not super

relevant, but you can see the last time she messaged me was in 2018 when she was also trying to get discounted diapers through my dad's work, even though my parents are divorced, so he does not know her at all. It's cut off, but the first message is from 922.18. Okay. So you'll continue to be. So weird friend says, any word on the diaper sale? at this place with your dad. So that was on September 22nd, 2018. And then on October 16th, again, after no response to any word on the diaper sale at this place with your dad, then again, about a month later, she writes, copies and paste the exact

message, any word on the diaper sale at this place with your dad. No answer. No answer. So now it's been seven years? Seven years later. I love the fact. the text messages stay. Yes.

It's forever because that it hasn't deterred this person. No. Because if I looked at, I looked at a conversation I had with someone and it was two messages that I had sent and they didn't answer it. I would be like embarrassed and not say anything, but not this woman. Yes. So again, seven years later after two unanswered messages, weird friend says, I have a favor to see if you would do for me, ha ha.

I want to get some skis and stuff from a lady that lives. in this town 35 minutes from you. Would you be able to get them for me? She wouldn't hold for me until I'm in town on the tent. No, that's not something I feel comfortable doing. Sorry. This is a crazy ask. Yeah.

Okay, the first Facebook message replies seems like standard my mom's friend commenting on a Facebook post, which is exactly where they would do it. Seems friendly. I think that one's fine. Yeah, totally fine. Zero on the triggered scale for number one. The text is like annoying and balzy. Yes.

Like would you drive 35 minutes to get these? I haven't spoken to you in seven years. Would you? 35 minutes to go meet a stranger that you found on Facebook marketplace, 35 minutes each way. That is a crazy ask. I mean, listen. Like if you texted me that, you're like,

um, I, could you do me? this huge favor. Yeah, you better go. We speak all the time. It's 35 minutes. I got this great deal. I would really, I'd be like, it would be so helpful to me to do this. I would be like a little annoyed that I had to do it, but I would still, I would do it. Right. And it would make sense. But like, can you imagine texting that to someone you haven't spoken to in seven years to someone that you've never had like a close relationship with? Yes. And I'm so glad she she left, she gave us the conversation

where the last two messages were seven years ago, her asking for another type of discount. Yeah. This is, this is annoying. I will say, I don't know that I would say it's super triggering because she said no. And the issue was dropped. Yeah. So it was a ballsy ask, but I love that she just said, nope, not comfortable with that.

End of conversation. this was actually good practice for you in just saying no. So. Yeah. I actually think in some ways this is like you're getting going to get more entertainment out of this than that because I would screenshot this and send it to every member of my family, including my mom who doesn't really speak to her and again. Yes.

Like remember your crazy friend Kim? Right. She's back. First it was diapers, now it's skis. Yeah. Yeah. some people just have no shame no limits. I'm impressed that she said a very clear I'm not comfortable doing that text. I think I would have just ignored or made up an excuse and just been like I don't

if I didn't want to ignore I would have just said don't really have the time or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think either way would have been fine, especially if it's 30. It's one, if it was five minutes from her house, still weird, you don't know anyone. Shoot your shot. Right. Yeah. I could, if it was five, neighbor, you know, like. If it's five minutes from there, she kind of knows this person. I could see, like, thinking it was like kind of being embarrassed to ask someone,

but kind of just being like, let me just try and it'll be awkward if she says no. 35 minutes. Crazy. Yeah. And some self-awareness. Like, it does seem even when she, like, I tried to clean it up. But this text, it's like, if I was going to do this, I probably would have reread the text like three times. times. Yes. It's all like disjointed. What it actually says is, I have a favor to see if you would do

for me. Ha ha. I want to get some skis and stuff from a lady that lives in town for $100. Would there be able chance you would get for me? She wouldn't hold for me. It's like, I don't know. Not even coherently. Right. If you were going to do it, I would start with, I know this is like extremely inconvenient. I would be eternally grateful. I know we don't speak that often. I figured you're the only person I know in town and I would just shoot my shot. If you can't do it, no big deal. I would have had like 17 disclaimers in there. Yes.

Yes. And I actually think if she did that, I might be like, I wouldn't go, but I might be like, I'm actually going to be in that town in a couple weeks. If it's like super, I probably wouldn't do this, but like there's a shot. She might say something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.

Yeah. there was just like no shame after the other two messages. Speaking of which I watched I watched Jared on the Bachelor, the Golden Bachelor, which was awesome. It was very funny. Very funny. He was great. I was super proud to see him up there.

That was really awesome. And so I texted him afterwards and just told him, you know, how great it was. And that I was excited to go see him when he comes to Dallas. So speaking of, you know, being shamed into submission. So he was like, oh, awesome, can't wait. Like how many tickets do you need? So I said, no, no, no, we got them. No need.

So, you know, sometimes you got to put someone into their place and let them know. And then they learn. So that's so funny. We will never be asking for free ticket. Of course he would. He was offering them. Yeah. He was offering them.

Of course he would. I know he would. I know he would. He was sweet. He was genuinely, I think, offering them, but I was like, no, we got this. So like a little, you know, a little pushback can teach someone a nice lesson. I forgot about ticket gate. For those of you that don't know, listen back. We'll try to find whatever the episode that was. Yeah. Basically, we, you know, it's sort of a joke in our family that we just, we don't like to pay for tickets. Yeah, I like free stuff. I can see she has, she got a pair of skis for $100.

It's a good deal. It's a great deal. Again. Very tempted, but I would. It's about the way you're asking. Yes. Yeah. And then I think if she asked that way, even if she said no, her response would be a little

nicer. The response might be like, I don't really have time. Yes. Instead of. I don't feel comfortable doing that because you're a user. Right. The only reason, the only times you've been texting me or for me to do you favors and I don't know you.

well. Right. And me ignoring you two times in a row separated by a month and seven years didn't really get the message across. So, right. Yeah. I give it a four. Not that it's so triggering, but it is kind of annoying to be put in a position to where you're, you have to like reject someone for something that's perfectly reasonable, but makes you feel like a little bit of an asshole. And I don't think she is one, but I could see why it would just be like, I have to deal with this person who doesn't understand any boundaries and that's kind of annoying for me. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I, you know, part of me is like, okay, you said, no, it's not that triggering, but I do think it triggers that, that response of like now I have to kind of be a little bit harsh to get this

message across. That's not how I like to interact with people. So it's making me do something that's like out of my comfort zone. So yeah, I would agree with that. Okay. Well, thanks for writing in, guys and thank you for subscribing. Thank you for emailing over sharing at betches.com. We love getting your emails and we'll have a bonus episode. There's a bonus episode out right now. There's another one coming at the end of the month. So check it out. All right. That's our time. Great work today. Betches.