Oversharing - How Can I Handle My House Buying Dread?

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Dr. Naomi got a Mother’s Day gift that left her feeling like her family didn’t understand her and she shares her disappointment while Jordana reveals that she forgot a friends birthday and is concerned she came off as a bad friend. A recent bride reveals that one of her bridesmaids got too drunk to enjoy the wedding and she is feeling like it might be time to sunset this friendship. Seeking advice for how to handle a neighborhood situation, a woman writes in about a dog owner that lets their pet run loose in the playground and wonders if she is being a “Karen” for wanting to shut the situation down before something happens. After purchasing a home, a Betch is feeling buyer’s remorse and can’t stop worrying that she has made a grave error in her decision. Finally, a woman shares that her Doctor recently commented on her face structure and she is feeling triggered that she brought up things that weren’t of concern.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or a mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to the Oversharing podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So great to be back here with you. How was your Mother's Day?

It was really nice. Oh, Mother's Day is so loaded. We could spend a whole, I mean, we don't have to get into it. But I have so many, after Mother's Day, my groups were just all filled with chit-chatter about Mother's Day drama. People and their mothers, you know, husbands not appreciating mothers in the right way. Okay. The kids and Jeff thought it was a really great idea.

And it was a lovely thought to get me a skylight calendar. What is that? It's like one of these digital, like we have a calendar on the fridge. that keeps us all organized, like a regular, just a handwritten calendar. So it's like a digital version of that that goes like ideally like mounted somewhere. Don't they know that you want to move to the woods with no screens? It kind of pissed me off. Okay, because of that.

Because I think the thought was so lovely and the thought was there. And they were all like, we know that the scheduling like stresses you out. So this is going to help you with the scheduling. And then I was like, but now I have to like program this freaking thing. And like that's the last thing I want to do is like, well, maybe they could do that for you. My initial reaction was like a little bit underwhelmed and slightly irritated. And then I was breathing and I was like, what, what's bothering me and why do I feel this way? And then I nicely communicated.

This is a lovely present. if it came preloaded, it would be amazing. And then I was like, I have a great idea. You guys can load this all up and then represent it to me preloaded. How did they take that? They took it well. Jeff was like, okay, I can do that. And Maddie likes that.

Lila was not as, she'll do it. Lila took it reluctantly. Maddie likes it. She's like into kind of like get, you know, doing the digital typing and like you can color code it. So she was into like picking up the color scheme. Do you prefer your manual calendar? Kind of.

I mean, it's nice when it's all done. I also, the other part of it was I just, I want to back away from that. And it's also like about to be summer. And like I don't really want to lean into the scheduling and the. Right. It's a little bit of like a gift that's like about tasking. Yes. It reminded me of our listener that got the iPad for the kid.

That, that, it was kind of like, this is a lovely gift for how I can help all of you a little bit more efficiently. It's not something that's about you, like a massage or something. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I like the thought was you are overwhelmed with this. This is going to help you feel less overwhelmed. The thought was there. I feel bad even complaining about it because I think the concept was great.

The thought was great. but it was kind of like, you know, a way for me to be better at helping everyone else. Yeah, no, I could see being annoyed at that. I could see both sides, totally. I could see where they're like, it's probably hard to shop for you. You're not like that into material shit. If I were your kids, I would just get you a massage every year since I know that's what you like. Yeah, it would just be your yearly gift of a massage.

Yeah, totally. But it is, it's harder to shop for people who don't like things. Stuff. Yeah. Totally. Yep. So I could see where they would think that this would be a great idea to pay devils. And I felt bad because I think they could tell that I was, you know, they were like, do you like it?

And at first I was like, yeah, I like it. I just, and then by the end of the day, I was like, honestly, I just feel a little bit not excited about like getting this thing set up. Right. You should have been like, I would have preferred if you like took two things off of the calendar that I had to do. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, sidetrack. We were going to talk about something else. But yes, that was part of Mother's Day. It's, I actually think, like, not liking gifts could be its own full episode. I mean, I talked about this with Mike when he got me a gift that I was like irritated about the way he did it. How was your first ever Mother's Day? It was really lovely. I will say, I think that Mother's Day was a very hard day for me for like, it was like my Valentine's Day, one single.

It was kind of like a day that I wanted to just get through for a number of years. So it felt really nice one to have the absence of like that being on guard for my triggers. You know, like it was a day where I knew if I went on Instagram, I would just be like, bam, bam, bam. I would just be like, you know, I tried very hard to stay off the internet. But then when you log on the next day, you get all the posts from the day before. Yeah, totally. It was like a landmine for me for a long time.

So I think it was both really nice to be like, great. I don't have to have anxiety about this day coming up. I don't have to like avoid every single mother related thing. The absence of that was one part that made it really great. And the second was I think Mike did a great job for me. He did a very nice. We had a great day. And I got to sleep in.

That was nice. That was the best gift of all. So I will say this. For those of you, I'm happy to show my favorite part of Mother's Day, once your kids get older, is I do get to sleep in and they come in in the morning with the most adorable cards. It is, it might be my favorite, it might be my favorite 15 minutes of my life is like the cards on Mother's Day morning. They're so cute. They're so funny.

Maddie writes me. She is just the funny. She needs to work for Hallmark. She writes, Betches. If you guys start like a hard. Hire her. She writes the funniest.

So if you guys are going to subscribe and you want the video content that we are offering, I will show you guys some of these cards that she writes there. And every year, they're different. I want to see. So funny. I'll send you some pictures of them. I don't know how she does it. They're just hysterical. Like, I'm, I'm going to put them. I'm going to put them up. And I will definitely send you photos. They're just, and just sweet. And then Lila writes me like, you know, she's a teenager. So she doesn't often give me all the emotions. But like on that day, they go hard. And she writes me these long paragraphs of just like, lovingness and then Brooks tries his best with his best handwriting and he draws pictures and it's just like that's the best. The morning is that morning of and you know, Jeff makes me breakfast and he's such a good cook. That morning is like the best 20 minutes. Until they present the gift.

Gifts are not your love language also. I think that's like another thing. It's so true. That was literally the whole thing. And then they came out with the gift and I got a little bit of like a, would you have preferred they almost like didn't get you a gift? No, I kind of want a gift, I guess. I'm being honest. Just sure, symbolic. But the cards are the best. Anyway, I interrupted you.

No, but on that note, I was like speaking to the girls and like, you know, like now that especially because they don't really understand what I'm saying, I can like joke. I can like speak and just say whatever joke I want to say that's like, I'm going to eat your arms, whatever it is. Like I'm amputate. And Mike's like, I don't like the amputation jokes. Anyway. But I was like, Daddy probably can't wait until you can write a card because like then he's off the hook today.

Like as soon as you're able to start writing that thoughtful sweet card, that's when he can drop off on this day and focus on other days. It is true. No, he still has to write his even when they can write it. Oh, you still get one from Jeff. I still get one from Jeff. And they can't write them really well for like another, I don't know, for a decade. It's just like, I love you, mom. Like, that's not enough. That's true.

Yeah, that's not going to do it. It's not going to cut it. No, you still need one from, he still is going to have to do it. I still get one from Jeff. I get all the cards and they're all. That's great. Do you get cards for your birthday too? Yeah.

So twice a year, actually, I get that kind of treatment. It's great. That's great. Very, I love that precedent for the family. It is really, really nice. Yeah, on a totally unrelated note, I realized last night that, like, I forgot one of my friends' birthdays that was like two weeks ago. Yeah.

It's funny. I remember we got that letter from the listener. I was like, who was like so upset about it or her friend was so upset about it, I think. And I really, I don't know what, something like brought up that friend. Like, we don't speak every day. We're not like, but she doesn't, and she doesn't live in the same areas. She lives in like a different state. Right.

So we speak every like, now. and then, but something came up where I was thinking about her. And then I was like, oh, her birthday was recently. And I was like, oh, my God, I like totally missed it. Two weeks. Yeah. Two weeks is like completely, but it's funny because I remember leading up to it. I was like, oh, that's, I know this is tomorrow. I'm going to text her tomorrow. And then we were in Florida. And it was just like chaos of. That's right. When you lost your baby nurse and like the nanny hadn't started. And we're on. trip and we're visiting 700 people. I was like, no, it was a day with absolutely no downtime. And

downtime is when you kind of like think of these things. But I texted her. I mean, I'll read the text. Oh, you did. Okay. Let's see how you tried to dig yourself out of this hole. This was last night at 10 p.m. I was like, I realized this at 10 p. I'm like brushing my team. So you woke her up to text her. Well, she lives in a different time zone. So earlier there. I said, oh my God, I missed your birthday. I'm so sorry. I had it in my head to text you and then we were in Florida and it was chaos and it totally slipped. I love you. So sorry. I hope you had a great day. I feel terrible for not texting. And she said, ha ha, don't be silly. No big deal at all. I love you too. I thought that was pretty easy. Do you think that's passive aggressive or do you think she actually? No, not passive aggressive.

Not passive aggressive. Look, maybe she doesn't really care that much about you and she really means it. Does that mean she doesn't care much about me? Or does that mean she's kind of like not counting her birthday texts? Yeah. Look, I don't know. I think, I think it's nicer to like, if you get any, if the person remembers even a week or two later, I think it's, you know her better. You know her well. If you, there are people there. If this was like, if you guys aren't that close, if you're not in like her top five, then maybe she really was like, okay, ha, ha, ha, don't be silly. No big deal. Like I, we talk about this all the time. Like maybe she's forgotten someone's birthday.

So she's kind of like, okay. Yeah. I mean, I think if someone did that to me, I think I would have kind of the same response. I'm like, yeah, all right. It happens. It could happen to me. It could happen to you. Like, I'm no big deal.

I would, if I were you, I would maybe follow up with like a little something more than that. Just to kind of be like. Well, she followed up with like an update about her last. That means more. That I think is if it was just, ha ha, don't be silly and then you don't hear from her again for a long time, then I would think maybe she's just like saying that,

but she's maybe still irritated. But I think if she followed up with some updates, that's great. I think she probably really doesn't care. I think I would be the same. I don't know. I do feel like if the person, if they never said anything and I never heard about them,

but I think like an apology for something. that like could happen to anyone. Yeah. And I sounded very sincere apology. It was sincere. Once I realized I was like kind of mortified and I felt really bad. Yeah. This is like my childhood friend.

Yeah. But it's not someone I speak to like every like I'll speak maybe like once a month. That's fair. I think this is like your sister or like one of your top three friends. It's a little bit different than if this is like a childhood friend who you talk to once a month. I think it could happen. especially given.

Right. I'm just going to use the kids. No, honestly, though, I have even noticed probably that you seemed more overwhelmed than I have noticed you being in like probably ever in this little chunk of time. Yeah, I think this is like the least free time I've had in my entire life. Yeah. So if you're out there and you're listening, I will vouch for the fact that I think this is the most overwhelmed that I've like felt that you've been I think ever. Okay. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Well, I was I was going to ask you for an intention, but I'll ask you for like next time. I was sort of around that notion. But so maybe I'll just ask you now. Um, which was really just like that I, when I'm watching the two of them on my own, I feel quite overwhelmed. I think I've talked about this before. And like there's this feeling that's, this is like a, it feels really intense when like I'm tending to one and the other one is crying. And then I feel like this guilt of almost like of having two at the same time because I'm not adequately able to give attention to both at the same time. Or like one is like, feels like they're suffering because they're like, want me and I'm not, I don't have enough hands to physically

be able to get to them. So it's like the guilt around. like putting you all in this situation. Right. Right. Yeah. Like if they were, if they had one at a time, they would have been more tended to.

Yeah. Look, I validate that, but I think ultimately, you're all going to be okay. And I think this idea of, like, that everyone needs to be

perfectly content at all time. I think there is this fear mothers have often, of like I'm doing damage. There's this constant fear of like, and we talked about this and I hope I didn't leave you with this. We talked about this a few weeks ago of like, whether you like hot dogs or hamburgers starts like in your infancy,

you know? So like if you ate a hot dog and you're breathing in your child's face, you know, when they're an infant that somehow you're going to like affect their development, I think there are extremes of abandonment and neglect and abuse and things like that that do affect a child's, you know, developing in a way with an insecure attachment or, you know, disorganized attachment or things that are going to, you know, cause problems for them later in their life. but five minutes of crying while you're changing a diaper or getting a bottle is not what we're talking about. It's almost like less about the long term effects of it. I think this one at least.

And it's more about just like the temporary, which is why I think an intention would probably help like in that moment because I'm kind of like, I just don't want you to suffer in this moment, you know? Like even if I, even if I know you'll be fine in the long term, it's like I have to audibly hear you. Yes. Your discomfort, like someone else's discomfort. Yeah, and it is. I think there is just like that biological,

where you're just reminding yourself, that like itchy, squirmy feeling of wanting to like stop them from crying, that that's like that extreme design, that's designed to make you want to go and climb the mountain to like get the baby and make sure that you, you know, like it's just the design. of it is supposed to make you really uncomfortable, but you can handle it, they can handle it, I think is a good mantra.

Like, I can handle this, she can handle this. I can handle this, she can handle this. Like just reminding yourself of that because the, or something around reminding yourself that like your biology is making this feel worse than it is. My body is making this feel worse than it is. Like your biology makes you feel kind of itchy and like there's an emergency here. I get that feeling. You know, it's like almost just makes it feel like it's an emergency to pick up a, like I feel

if I see someone else's baby like crying in the grocery store, like if someone has two babies in the grocery store, the toddler and they run to and I'm kind of like, I want to offer to like pick up their baby. And I'm like, don't be the weirdo. Like nobody wants me touching their kid. But like there's just this biological urge to like pick up a crying baby. Right. Even Ron has it.

Sometimes he'll like if they're not being tended to quick enough, he will like bark next to their crib like, hello. Right. Right. Somebody do something about this. It's just I think reminding yourself either like, I can handle this. She can handle this or even just my. biology is making this feel worse than it is, or my body is telling me this is worse than it is.

Because I do, you know, a lot of times our biology does bring us to make, it just goes to extremes. You know, it's because it doesn't know the exact, it doesn't know that she's lying in like a beautiful, beautifully curated bassinet that probably, you know, is like perfectly safe to all the sleep standards and like a perfectly temperature control. old, your biology might think, oh, she's like hanging off the edge of a cliff or there might be like a saber-toothed tiger that's like coming to potentially eat her if she's not being watched or like that, you know, that she's going to have a snake crawling up her back. Like your biology doesn't realize that it's not like caveman times and that she's perfectly safe in like a crib with walls and nothing's going to happen to her. they just your body just hears crying and is telling you so i think something around that like my body is interpreting this as worse than it is just to remind yourself like she's really fine she's like in a perfectly safe environment right now and probably fed and probably has a dry diaper

and probably just wants to be health yeah i like that that's great and good for anyone who's listening who's in a similar scenario this happens with all sorts of like biological needs that your body misinterprets because your brain doesn't distinguish well the difference between discomfort and emergency oftentimes. All right. Well, let's get into our show. If you want to leave us a voicemail, you can leave us one at 646363626294. You can also subscribe to this podcast. You get all the episodes ad free and a day early and two bonus episodes a month where we get a little. little deeper, go through your feedback. We can do other things. If you guys have other things

you'd like us to do on those benefits episodes, feel free to email us or DM me. We're always open suggestions. We're always working on making that a better product for you. Or you can join one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups. How do they do that? Yeah, come find us, Naomi Bernstein.com. We're doing a really fun challenge right now. We're doing a plank challenge. Speaking of helping your body, So it's not really to get like the six-pack abs. It's, well, it's nice to get strong, but it is for this exact thing we're talking about to help your body distinguish between being uncomfortable and an emergency. Right. So we make our bodies uncomfortable by holding this uncomfortable position.

And then we learn to breathe and kind of relax into that uncomfortable feeling, which that plank that we hold that's really uncomfortable. is then kind of a microcosm for that discomfort that you feel when you're holding one baby and the other one's crying and then you use that relaxing into the discomfort to kind of get you through those moments. So it's a little bit of that emotional training to tolerate the discomfort in your body. So we do things like this together in the group. Then we talk about it and we talk about how we can relate that to the rest of our lives. and we just have fun and we have some laughs in there too.

And yeah, it's just a really fun, great community. So come join us, Naomi Bernstein.com. I do also have some individual therapy openings. So if you're looking for a new individual therapist, you can see if we might be a good match for each other, Naomi Bernstein.com. And you might get some abs in the process. Yeah, exactly.

Seriously getting your money's worth it. Right. All right. For real. Let's get into our. episode. I'll read our first email or overshare. Dear Jordana and Dr. Naomi, not sure what category of writing this falls. Maybe I'm looking for an intention or help moving forward from the situation. In early 2025, I became extremely close with a girl who I knew from years ago through

friends and friends. I was recently engaged and excited to become friends with her, a young mom of two because I wanted to surround myself with more people in similar life stages as I was, engaged, married, or building families. We got so close, so fast. I truly felt like I found the best friend I didn't know I needed. So much so that I made the admittedly very rash decision to invite her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, which was scheduled for January 2026. The problem was she wasn't the positive influence or the mom friend I was looking for. Most of our time spent together was while drinking and partying and it even started to cause some issues in my relationship,

which sucked a lot because I was supposed to be enjoying my engagement with my husband. Everyone around me saw that she was bringing me down, but I was holding on hope that maybe this was just a phase and we would grow together and start doing more wholesome activities together. I brought her into my friendship with my long-time best friend, who became very jealous of my new friendship, by the way. And when we invited her to do things that didn't involve drinking or malattention, like yoga, hiking, or casual lunches, she often declined. Or we suspected she was drinking beforehand. The friendship wasn't at his best. Fast forward to my wedding day. I had asked everyone to please keep the drinking under control,

especially early on, and I included myself in this plea as I know my own drinking habits and how we drink when we're all together. But this was my wedding day, not just a party. Anyway, everyone kept it together except for her. She went back to her hotel room during cocktail hour, passed out, and missed the entire rest of the wedding. First dance is dinner, dancing, all of it. Didn't even get announced as a bridesmaid because she wasn't there. Thankfully, my wonderful bridal party took care of this and I was having the absolute best day. so happy and in my own world that I didn't even notice she was gone until the after party was starting and she was calling me begging for forgiveness. In the aftermath, I needed time to process what happened. A lot of selfish behavior leading up to the wedding, annoying things that

happened during the day of the wedding, including practically hitting on all of the groomsmen and yelling across the parking lot about how fine my husband was looking during family photos. Like, what? All this to say, I took my time and wrote a long email explaining my feelings, my understanding that mistakes happen, but that ultimately I needed time to process this and that I think we both needed to take some accountability for our drinking and our actions and work on ourselves as people before we can move forward with this friendship. She was incredibly apologetic and I truly believe that she has been racked with shame and embarrassment ever since. I know she got sober for about a month after. I have now been sober for about two months.

We have played text tag trying to get together to have a talk. And one time she blew me off last minute saying she wasn't ready to face me. And later that evening, I saw her on social media and she was at the bar and casino past midnight. Ultimately, we have finally gotten to a point where I think we may have both given up, me being the one who hasn't answered her last text. How can I move forward and do what feels best for me without feeling guilty that I didn't give our friendship another chance? And how triggered can I be? L.O.L. I spent months after my wedding stressing about this when I should have been in pure bliss with my new husband. I'm sure that there's other details I'm leaving out, but that's the gist of it. I do miss her, but honestly, aside from the stress and guilt,

The situation itself has caused me. Life has been much more calm without her in it. My relationship is thriving and I'm sober and focusing on myself more than ever. Thanks for your help and I love the show. All right. What do you think? Have you ever had to cut a friend off for drinking or substance stuff? I don't think for that.

I mean, the thing about the wedding seems like to me, not that big of a thing. I mean, I think it's a sign that her. friend needs help, but I wouldn't be so offended by it if I were her. It doesn't sound like anything she did during the wedding was so offensive. Like, you know, she's flirting with the groomsman. She's telling your husband he looks great, which none of that stuff to me seems like we have a deal. She gets drunk. She gets too, she drinks too much during cocktail hour. That she clearly has like some problem with alcohol. But to me, that wouldn't, I wouldn't be offended by that.

I wouldn't, like you said, you didn't even notice. So that part to me just doesn't. And like the whole, like I'm in my, I should have been in my wedding bliss, my post thing. I was thinking about this. Like, that's sort of your choice. If you don't want to be drinking, if you're kind of like you were, I was friends with this person because I was looking for someone who was more family oriented and doing a similar lifestyle than me. And I don't know why you would pick her.

She doesn't seem like she's that person, besides from the fact that she just happens to have kids. It doesn't seem like that's her. It is interesting. I think a lot of people do assume that if you have kids, that you're going to be like, settle down and not drinking a lot. And I do find that that's not often the case. A lot of people, a lot of moms when they don't have their kids go crazy because they don't have their kids. And that's their time to really like go hard. As far as I mean, I disagree a little bit.

I think if you pick someone to be in your bridal party and they just basically don't show up to the majority of your wedding, that's kind of offensive. Not that she didn't do it on purpose. I guess. I had a friend during my one of my, one of my bridesmaids who was pregnant during my wedding and she didn't feel well. And so she like left and went back to, I was a destination wedding.

She went back to her room. I didn't even know. She told me after it didn't bother me because like, I don't know. Just don't think it's like offensive. I think it's like every like your wedding is like important to you and it's important to those people and they're at the ceremony and they're at the things.

But like, yeah, I mean the truth is she didn't notice. Right. no harm, no foul. She didn't notice. I guess in principle, she picked this person because she wanted to enjoy the day with her. I think those two things are not exactly the same. I'm pregnant and I don't feel well and I made a choice to overdrank. Well, if you have an addiction, it's not even like a choice. So if you take the addiction model, like it's an illness, addiction is an illness and, you know, she couldn't help it. But I don't think those two things are exactly the same. Most people know when you drink a certain amount of alcohol, there is a certain consequence that happens.

And she chose to drink over being there for her friend in the way that she probably expected her to be on that day, especially if she was like kind of said to them ahead of time, hey, I'd appreciate it if you showed up in a certain way on this day. So maybe I feel a little bit differently. She asked them to show up and she gave them kind of a heads up. Please don't show up. I mean, people get mad if you show up in the wrong shade of lavender. So, which we don't think is. Right.

Right. I wouldn't say that's right. But this is way different than showing up in the wrong shade of lavender. This is like not showing up at all. I mean, we could agree to disagree. Yeah, that's fine. I do think if you say ahead of time, please stay relatively sober at my wedding and the person just, you know, doesn't listen to that at all, which is, I guess if she's saying, if her argument,

if the friend's argument is going to be, I have no control over my drinking, then that's the argument. And then she kind of has to own that and say, like, I either need help or I can't, I'm not in a place right now where I can show up in any consistent way in this friendship, which is kind of what she's saying, but without saying, which is why she's not even, making any attempt and she's, you know, texting you and then posting pictures out at the bar. Her way of saying this is like, I have a problem that I'm not willing to work on. You don't seem to be willing to accept me as I am. I totally get it.

And so therefore, we really have nothing to talk about or work on at this point because I know that you don't want to accept me as I am. I'm not in a place where I'm ready to change. So like that's why they're at where they're at with this, you know, where they're not. There's no point in having a talk because what's she going to say? If you, if I were to do it again. You already had the talk, it sounds like. If you were going to have a wedding again this weekend,

I would probably do the exact same thing that I just did. So there's no change to be had, which also can alleviate any guilt. You know, I think her question at the end is aside from the stress and guilt, it's been much more calm without her. So, you know, how do I, how do I leave this relationship? How do I move forward and do what feels best without feeling guilty? That's exactly how. She's doing what's best for her. She's not really in a place where she wants to change or she is capable of change. She's not getting help right now. And I think the best thing that she's doing is realizing that without saying it, you don't want that type of friend in your life. That's the

type of friend that she is right now. So you're both kind of unspokenly agree. You're both on the same page. Yeah. I don't think you need to have any further conversation about it because I think you both know what's up. Right. Because I also think that like there's an element in the way she talks about this of like shaming, which I don't think is helpful for this friend if she does have a problem anyway. I don't think that's going to really make her change personally. So I think it's probably better for both people. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't sound like she's like, I care about you.

I feel like this habit is like detrimental to your life. It sounds like she doesn't really feel that way about the friend. Yeah, I guess she could have that conversation, but I do want to validate it's really angering and frustrating. Like I do, I think she does have some. valid point in saying that like she showed up to her wedding and like threw a big sloppy mess all over it. Like that is kind of annoying. Like she's hollering out to her husband and like I don't know if she's in a relationship or she's single. She doesn't say she's single if she's

hitting on the she's sitting on the groomsman or maybe not which was made what part of it was making it like a fence more offensive. It sounds like she said she only wants to be at events that are like male oriented. So I assume that she's single. Perhaps. There's something that went down there that felt not just like, oh, she's like quietly having a substance, an addiction issue that's not affecting me. I think part of why she's not saying, hey, I'm here for you. I'm supportive if you want to get help. Her calling out to her husband like, oh, you look fine. That's how it was written. Right. That's annoying. I wouldn't like that.

I don't think she was acting in a way that was like, I just don't, I don't love it. Maybe she doesn't like her. Yeah. This is tough. I think it's hard to have as much empathy as you'd like when you're a little bit annoyed. The other part of this is also that it's kind of a new, relatively new friend. So you probably have less steller. Like if it was like your old friend and you would, again, like with anything else, like you've seen them in a million different contexts.

You know this isn't like them. They're clearly going through something. It sounds like this is sort of like the entirety. the short friendship that you had has been based around this lifestyle and you're no longer interested in sort of like being part of this lifestyle. So she's not a, you know, every friendship has a season. I think if she would probably care more about repairing the friendship if it was like her oldest, dearest friend. There does seem like in her quiet like disappearance, there is some self-awareness that this isn't what you're looking for. She's not, she doesn't keep

showing up and doing it again. She's not pushing the friendship. So I would just accept. that and let it lie and I wouldn't feel guilty about it and maybe one day she'll come to her own realization and you guys can be friends but it doesn't sound like there's much there like real base for this friendship to come back to but yeah I wouldn't feel guilty about it I don't if you really need closure you can have that conversation but it doesn't it sounds like there's an understanding here yeah I don't think she needs to do that and I think there's another element here where she probably doesn't want to say is that like maybe she's a little ashamed of the way that she was acting when she was friends with the friend and

she kind of wants to like stop the friendship and then kind of like feel like she's not in that part of life anymore. Because she got, she says she's sober too now. Right. So I think there's sort of like there was like a wild ride that we were on and like I kind of want to like pretend it didn't happen a little bit. I do see this a lot where it is hard when. And there's a friend group or there's a friendship where you had this lifestyle together and then someone wants to move on or wants to stop doing this, whether it is they become a mom or they for whatever reason. They just are on a wellness journey or they just don't want to drink or do this type of stuff.

It's sticky because it feels judgy and it feels like hard. You don't want to say, hey, you drink too. much and I don't like it. It's, you feel like you're on a high horse. Right. Especially when you used to drink just as much as she did, probably. Exactly. It's a really hard thing to do.

And I really, I work with people where I try to figure out, okay, we can, like she did try to do, suggest some sober activity is like, let's do yoga or let's go on hikes. And that's a great way to start. But sometimes you do just have to have a really honest conversation where you say, I'm just trying to drink less. So, and put it on yourself. like this is what I'm trying to do. I'd love to still hang out with you and do some more sober activities,

but this is kind of my own thing that I want to do. And I'm just not interested in, you know, this is, but I think when people are stuck, the biggest part of addiction is shame. That's kind of what, like, is the engine behind addiction. It's a shame cycle. So if people are really deep in addiction and you say, I'm going to try to drink less. What they hear is you're drinking too much.

You're a problem. I don't want to be around you. They feel shamed. And so then they get defensive. And then it becomes a conflict and an argument. So it usually doesn't go well. So this is a tough one. So I'm sure there are lots of people out there that can relate how to navigate friendships

that start off with drinking. as the bonding piece of the friendship and how to transition out of that. I also seen a lot of like relationship emails about the same things. You know, we met younger. We're part of our, a lot of our relationship was drinking going out. I don't want to do that anymore. He's still. They're still in this space.

So I think it's common relationships, friendships, all of it. Let's do a betchesist. This one's a voicemail. Thanks for sending in your voicemail. We love them. Get some good tone. Why don't we play the voicemail? Hi. I'm such a big fan. I love the show. You guys are amazing. And congrats Dordana on your twisters. I have twins and it's so much fun. Okay, so I have a betchaist question. I am worried though. I'm going to sound like a Karen, but I'll just get into it. I live in a neighborhood that has an HOA, which could be like its own thing. But my place is right across from the playground, which is, Awesome. This is like a fenced-in playground outside of the playground. It says in like three different places, no pets inside. Almost every time I go there, somebody brings their dog in the playground and just

like let them run loose. And it drives me crazy. I love dogs and I am a rule follower. But I think the reasons it drives me crazy are because like I don't want a dog peeing in our kids playground. I also just don't want a random dog, like, going up to my kids because I don't know anything about them. I get nervous. Like, my kids are seven, but I get nervous when I see, like, really little kids in there because they have a play area for, like, toddlers. And so I don't want a dog running them over.

I also don't want to worry when I'm going in and out that I have to, like, stop somebody's giant dog from running out the gate. And it really just stresses me out. Yeah, I don't know. Every time I go there, I'm like, I don't want to say something to the parents because I don't want people in the neighborhood to hate me. And I really don't want to be that person. Yesterday I was there, though, and some kids brought two giant dogs. And then I was like, do I say something to the kids?

But then I don't want their parents mad at me for talking to the kids. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just like say nothing. I just want all of our kids to be able to play without dog pee or getting. getting run over jumped on by a dog. So I would love your advice for how to handle the situation or just get over it. Thank you so much. Great voicemail. Thanks for leaving it. Dr. Naomi, as someone who brought their dogs to a place where dogs are not allowed and got in trouble for it, so I feel like you're on the other side of this a little bit. Right. How do you feel?

I get it. If she was writing, if she was calling in because she had a two-year-old who got knocked over by a dog, I'm all for it, right? Call up, I have a two-year-old, they got knocked over by a big dog. They're now scared. They're scared of dogs. Like, they can't play comfortably. I would be all for it. But it sounds like she's taking on all these problems that are not her problem.

She's like, I have to stop these dogs from running out the gate. No, you don't. Right. That's the owner's issue. Right. You don't have to stop the dogs. You don't have to worry about other people's two-year-olds getting knocked over by a dog. The one point maybe she has is if someone's dog is peeing in there, which I agree that's gross.

Like if there's toddlers like crawling around and the dogs are literally peeing in there, that's if you see that happening, I would then maybe call and complain. But what it sounds like to me is that you are taking on a lot of issues. that you are not currently having. These are not your problems. You have a seven-year-old. I imagine, like, to me, if I have a seven-year-old,

my seven-year-old probably loves the fact that there's dogs in there. Like, they're like, oh, my God, yay. Like, I get to pet a dog. If I have a seven-year-old, my seven-year-old's even more excited to come to the playground because there are dogs in there.

Like, that's a win for me personally. If I have a seven-year-old who's not going to get, knocked over. If I have a two-year-old, I don't really want a dog in there because they might get knocked over. So to me, she's taking on a bunch of problems that are not her problem. If you have a two-year-old, call up and say, my two-year-old doesn't feel safe or if the dog's peeing, that's gross. You don't have to stop the dogs from money out of the gate. I think you're just taking on more than really what is like your issue here. I would agree with that. If she had

a seven-year-old, let's say her seven-year-old was like really afraid of dogs. I think she would have every right to say to the dog owner-parent, hey, like, I don't mean to be annoying at all. My kid is terrified of dogs. And he doesn't want to come and it's very, yes. Would you mind not bringing the dog in here that's just like ruining her whole play experience? That would be totally valid. It doesn't sound like that's her

issue either. I agree. I think that like in a way that it affects her, she can intervene. But if it's not affecting her, if it's just like I'm concerned overall for the, let someone else do the. Yes. If you were writing in 100% and saying my kid would love to play at this playground, but he's attached to my leg and won't go down the slide because he's afraid of the dog, 100%. Call, write, tell the dog owner, can you please get your dog out of here? My kid won't go, won't leave my side. if you are any of these people, go for it. But you are none of these people. So I just think in general, and here I am as a therapist trying to help you figure out, why are you taking this on if it's not

affecting you? Why are you worried about catching someone else's dog that's on them? And maybe there are some natural consequences for that person. Like if they're, dog is running out of the gate, then that's a natural consequence. Maybe then they won't bring their dog or let their dog off the leash or whatever. You know, people need natural consequences in order to learn why these rules exist. Yeah. I mean, I would imagine if I were bringing my dog into one of these play areas with children, like I wouldn't bring my dog into that kind of area because I know my dog likes to like run into little kids. I would knock over a two-year-old and you would feel terrible and that would be stressful

for you so it wouldn't be enjoyable for you to bring your dog in there. But if my dog was super well-behaved and I wanted to bring my kids to the park and I knew my dog was just going to kind of just be like running around playing with anyone interested in playing with him, I think I would, it would be annoying for someone to be like on principle you can't bring your dog in here. But if my dog was acting like an asshole, then yeah, like I would be, I would expect someone to be like, please control your dog. Yes, I would love it if like the world would just like work with natural.

I mean, it doesn't sometimes because there are definitely, these rules do exist for a reason because there is going to be the annoying dog owner that just doesn't realize like that two year old doesn't like being knocked to the ground and like scratched in the face. Yeah, or like they are, that doesn't care that they're peeing on the slide or the sands, the sand lot, whatever it is. Yes. So it would be lovely if people did, but then I do think it's on them. I agree. If you are there and there's a dog that is urinating in the playground area, call because that's gross. I get that because your kid is in there and like maybe they trip and they fall and their hands are on the ground and there's dog pee.

Like I get that. But like, if this isn't bothering you, I don't think you need to, you could walk around. I could look outside my door right now and find something that's happening that could be offensive to somebody else at any given moment. Right. Stay in your lane. Yeah. Sorry. And figure out why it bothers you so much. I think that's a good question to ask yourself.

She likes rule. I mean, it could be back like the rules. Yeah. I probably is. And look, I want to come back. I wonder if there was no sign. Would she still be upset? Right.

I do get that. You want law and order. You want things to go. She said there's. two signs. So I really do get that. And maybe other people would say there's a sign. You got to follow the rules. Otherwise, there's chaos. And so, like, there are a lot of people might disagree with us. There are signs for a reason. Follow the signs. But like, you said you don't want to be a Karen. Well, that's kind of the definition of a Karen. Karen is, there's a sign. I'm going to make sure

everybody follows the rules on the sign. So even if it doesn't have to do it with me. With you. So like, it's okay. Own it. If you want all the rules followed all the time, you're a Karen. Own it. It's okay. I guess that's who you want to be.

But this is kind of Karen-ish if it really isn't affecting you at all. Okay. Let's move on. We've got some intentions. Do you want to read them? Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I love oversharing and betches in general.

I subscribe to both oversharing and you up and love how personal you guys get on your subscription episodes. On that note, you should offer a subscription to the full betches lineup because I would totally pay for that. Noted. I love your help with maybe an intention or just some advice from managing my anxiety around buying a house. My husband and I are purchasing a new home. We close tomorrow. Congrats.

And I'm starting to spiral thinking that we chose the wrong house or that it's going to be a big mistake. Just this week, I saw another house pop up on Zillow that is selling for the same exact price and is bigger and seems nicer in the photos than what we are buying. And it's making me doubt our choice. We have two little kids and this next house will be the first home they remember and where they will spend a lot of their childhood. So it feels like a really big decision. I keep trying to focus on all the good aspects of the house and that there are some aspects that I really like. But it definitely isn't our dream home. It's just within our budget and barely big enough for all of us. It also needs some TLC, which thankfully my husband has the expertise to handle, but it will

still take time and money. I wish I could just be a piece with the choice we made and focus on feeling grateful that we can buy a house at all, as I know that's a pipe dream for many people. But I keep laying awake at night with a pit in my stomach, thinking about all the things about the house that aren't ideal and wondering constantly about the unknowns. Please help. Thank you a betch who should delete Zillow. I love this email. I think this is like a extremely relatable thing that most people don't really mention. But I would say, like, when I bought my house, I felt the same way, like in that period of time

before we were closing when we bought it. I remember seeing another house go up, like, around the corner that looked really nice in the photos that looked like nice, like it needed less work than ours did and that was priced the same. And I was like, I got really anxious when I saw it. And, you know, any, any, I would constantly see the other comparable houses and like just pray that they actually felt like were shitty because you kind of feel like you're being

scammed because it's a house is something where it's like there's not like an objective value to anything. It's kind of like what someone will pay for it. And then you feel like a sucker whenever you see anything else that's like around the price range that feels like it could be better, like you made the wrong choice. And I think so much about buying a house is like a fear that you made the wrong choice. You have to kind of be delusional to think that there's, you know, you're never going to think or second guess your decision. And like something someone told me before we moved in that felt really that I really appreciated was like, when you move in, something is going to like immediately break. Don't panic that you bought the wrong house or that it

has all these problems. Like it just happens. Like there's there's something that's going to break and you're going to think you made a huge mistake. And like that happens to everyone, no matter what house you buy, even a new construction house. So don't like start, you know, spiraling because of that. So I totally relate to this. And it does go away. Totally. This is so relatable. Especially she said they closed tomorrow. like you're right in it. I remember the first apartment that we bought together. This was probably almost 20 years ago. I remember we did like the final walkthrough.

And we were walking out and I was so nervous and looking back. It was, you know, pretty dumpy. It was like the first place that we. And I remember walking out on the street. There was like a used condom like on the street as we were walking out. And I just like started crying. And I'm like, this place is a dump. This neighborhood's a shit hole.

What did we do? And then I'm, then I start like scanning. Then I'm now I'm like looking for all the disgusting things I can find in the street, like in the neighbor. And I'm just like finding all these like nasty things and garbage. And like I'm just like looking. And I was just like it was the worst. It was just like, you know,

now you're having this negativity bias, like looking just kind of what she's having. Like you're seeking out all the reasons why this is the worst place that you could find and you're looking for all the reasons why all the other places that are out there would have been better. So I think it's just fear. It's a big huge choice. It's a big decision. And your kids, you know, this idea that it's the first place they're going to remember.

And here's what I'll say about all that. coming back full circle to where we started in this episode. Making your kids comfortable in a beautiful luxury home is not a necessity for development for them to be wise and strong and, you know, smart and well-adjusted little beings. They don't need, you know, perfectly curated decor and granite countertops and, you know, you know, nice appliances and they don't need any of that. They need love, they need gratitude, they need resilience, they need those types of things. So the idea that somehow if your kids remember living in a small house that was cramped or if they remember living in a house where their dad was fixing things up, that's a beautiful memory for them to have. That's not a bad thing.

So whatever these things are that you think are negatives about their first memory in this home that's not their dream home might end up being strengths. Might end up being really beautiful, messy, fun memories. Like I know now I look back on that. Like I could kind of, it's funny, like I'm just tearing up almost. I'm getting a little feclipped, even just like thinking about, ah, thinking about that first. apartment that was like kind of it was small and it was dumpy but it was like our first place you know like I don't know I'm getting emotional memories yeah you know like it wasn't nice and it wasn't luxury but it was like our first place and we had our first baby there and like it didn't matter

oh I wasn't expecting to get emotional but like it's not about all that it's nice it is right yeah the memories that you make there, and one day you'll be old like me and you'll be looking back at like that first place that you lived and you're not going to be thinking about like, you know, the space. Like we had two babies in a one bedroom apartment and like I think back to that so fondly of like just a time in life and how beautiful that was and our babies were little and I picture them like, you know, crawling around there. And there's no part of. And there's no part of that that was tainted at all because of... It wasn't as luxurious, right?

The size of it or anything and, like, used condoms in the street outside, like, did not change, you know, the memory that I have of that tiny little, you know, apartment. So, yeah, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just, all that to say, one day you'll be looking back at the memories of fixing this place up and making it nice for your kids and. Definitely. And then on the line of like comparison to, you know, other places that you've seen, I think there's like, just for me as like an optimizer, like obsessed with efficiency and like kind of like getting like feeling like you overpaid is like a psych like this psychologically very difficult. I think that's like another part of it is like not one like is it nice enough and two like am I getting the value?

Am I, like, optimizing the value here compared to a different home that has, like, seems nicer? So for that, something I would tell myself, because I'm not going to go see. Sometimes I would want to go, like, see. I would want to go to these open houses. Just, like, see if, like. Torture yourself? Yes, to see if it was nicer or, like, whatever. And, like, something that I used to say to myself, I don't know if this is her intention, but, like, okay, like, in the worst case scenario, I overpaid for this house.

We're on a rock. moving through time. The blonks in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to matter. Like, so I overpaid. Totally. And then maybe, I don't know, in 10 years or 15 years or 20 years, you sell it and you get something else and you get it, you know, you make some money on it or you buy something else. Life is kind of like that.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Totally. Yep. When it comes with buying and selling things like maybe one, you get on the underside of something and when you get on the top side of something. And that's just God willing, life is long, and you make some good deals and you make some bad deals. And I think the longer you live, you can look at it in that big picture way of,

you know, yeah, just that it's, it feels in this moment, like, and it is a big deal. But in the grand scheme of things, if you, you know, whatever you look at, if you overpay by X amount, or you underpay by, if you, it does feel a little bit like you want to win. Right. That's the whole thing, I think. Or like, you came out on top or you got a good deal. Everyone wants to feel like they got a good deal.

Yeah. Yeah. And there's no way to know with the house. There's just like no real. Because again, it's not like you're buying the same. Like if I see, if I see an article of clothing, if I see a pair of pants on one site and then I see it on the same, the pants on a different site for cheaper. After I've already bought it, that's like really air.

It's the same exact product. This is a house. It's like it's not. It's not that. Yeah, maybe someone really would be willing to pay more for the master on the first floor. Someone's willing to pay more for the master on the second floor. Someone's willing to pay more because they like something about the lay. It's really personal.

So, yeah, I think this is a great question. I think a lot of people go through this when you're pulling the trigger on a big purchase. I know I went through this with my wedding dress. I know people go through that where it's like once I decided on a wedding dress, I kept like looking at other things and being like, oh, maybe I like this one better. And you just have to stop looking, delete the app and start like leaning in to the experience that you want to have in this home. That's what you're, it's not really about the home. It's like committing to a relationship.

Yes. You got to stop looking elsewhere. Yes. And there is growth to be had there because every relationship, there's going to be moments where something breaks and you think, oh, did I buy the wrong house because I moved in and the refrigerator stops working or because this floorboard has a crack in it? And you're like, no, part of the experience of this is I'm going to work on this. I'm going to work on this relationship. I'm going to work on, you know, my mindset is. my reality and it goes for anything. So the experience is in developing, you know, gratitude for what I

have. It's for developing resilience when things get hard and it's for, you know, being able to fill this space with love. So the intention that I wrote for her is our home will be filled with love, expanded by gratitude, and strengthened by lessons of resilience. So it's not about the home, the house itself. It's about the experience you're going to have in this house. So regardless of the size of it, you're going to focus on filling that space with love, gratitude, and resilience. That's what you're teaching your kids. That's what you want to bring in to your life. You buy the house for the experience you think you're going to have in the house. Let's do some Triggers. Dr. Naomi and Jordana, I want to thank you both for creating such a wonderful

podcast. I've been a long time listener, even dating back to listening to you up after college in 2017. I really appreciate how thoughtful and validating your conversations are. So I wanted to write in about something that's been sitting with me. I need help deciding if I'm justified and feeling triggered by this or if I need to let it go. I'm 33 and recently went to a Botox appointment at a new clinic, specifically for my forehead and crow's feet. After the provider injected my forehead and around my eyes. She mentioned that my mouth had a downturn to it and recommended Botox in my chin area as well.

I agreed because it felt related to what we were already doing. But after that, the appointment kind of shifted. She pulled out what looked like a protractor in measuring device and started analyzing my face and profile. She told me I should consider filler to correct the bump in my nasal bridge to make my nose look straighter, that my upper lip was too small.

My chin was too small and that my profile quote unquote wasn't nice. I never asked her for a full facial assessment or for opinions on features that I should change. To top it all off, after analyzing my face, she handed me an open house event card for the clinic and told me I should come, which somehow made me feel even more like I had just been given a list of things to fix. The thing that's really getting to me is that these weren't insecurities I even had before. Now I keep looking in the mirror, wondering if these flaws are obvious to everyone else and if I've just somehow missed them my whole life. Part of me feels silly for being this affected because I know aesthetics is her field and upselling procedures is probably normal. But another part of me feels like there's a difference between answering

a patient's concerns versus creating new insecurities they didn't walk in with. What especially bothered me is that I'm actually a family medicine physician and I spend a huge part of my day trying to do the exact opposite for patients. I see a lot of patients struggling with obesity, body image, and insecurity and I work really hard to create a safe non-judgmental space. I'm extremely intentional about avoiding triggering language and exam rooms because I know how deeply words from medical professionals can stick with people. So this experience honestly surprised me and made me realize how vulnerable patients can feel in aesthetic settings, too. So my questions are, one, am I justified in feeling upset and triggered by this? Two, how do you stop yourself from internalizing

comments that create insecurities you didn't previously have? Three, is there an intention mantra or mindset shift you'd recommend to stop spiraling about it? Everyone wants an intention today, including mate. Okay, this is very triggering. I've had this happen to me, too. I went for Botox maybe at like 28, 29 years old. And I remember the aesthetician, this is not the doctor I currently see for it. The ascetician was like, she was like, you know, your face is uneven. She was like, one of your like cheekbones is like higher than the other. And I didn't think that before that and I never forgot it. And then like, I like needed to fix it. which was like so stupid.

In my head, I was like, I need to fix this. But I don't, like, that might be true, but it's like, I didn't ask. It's crazy. It's crazy that they do this. But now when I see my dermatologist, sometimes I want to get like a laser treatment or something else or like something under my eyes affecting me or something like that. And she will always say to me, she's like, what is bothering you? Yes. Great question.

What is bothering you? She won't suggest anything that I, to do. I mean like again like that's I understand this is someone's job like you're here for something to be fixed they want to their their job is to help you fix it cosmetically that's like inherent in the job but I appreciate that that she's never like here's what I would do if I were you it's like what is bothering you yes I get annoyed when I go in for an eyebrow wax and they're like mustache oh yeah I'm like no no um yeah I I love that question what is bothering you. And I think it's also, I see what she's saying. If she's a, like a, I think she's, is she a doctor? She's a, you know, she said she's a medical professional. Like, you kind of expect something different from someone who's a doctor, like a, a general,

overall wellness focus of like treating the whole human mental health wellness focus when you go in to see a medical doctor and they're not kind of like completely. unaware of your mental health and your general, like, ripping your whole self-esteem apart by pointing out things about your face that you didn't ask about. That they're financially, they can financially gain from. Yeah, it feels like almost predatory in a way. Like, I'm going to tell you, I'm a professional in what looks good and what looks bad and beauty.

And then I'm going to tell you what looks bad about you. and then I'm going to offer you this expensive treatment on how to fix it. I'm like I'm using, I'm monetizing your insecurity. Yes. That you didn't even have before. Yeah. As a medical professional who took the Hippocratic oath, do no harm as a doctor. So I don't like this.

Assuming that's what she's not, I mean, maybe she's not a doctor nurse. She's just an, is it okay? I don't think it's okay even if they're just an aesthetician. I mean, maybe that's like what they've been told to do to like upsell these people, which I understand like it's a business, which is why someone, you know, I'm not against someone who does Botox as their job.

There's nothing wrong with that. Someone comes in and asks for it. But it would be like if you were like, if you like wanted a patient to get more sessions and you were like, well, like let's talk about like. Do you really like your job?

You don't make that much money. Right. Yeah. It does. You might want to stay and talk to me more about like, you know, how we can make you more money. Totally. Yes, I totally, I do agree. I like the question of like what's bothering you. And it's

funny because I brought, I bring the kids to an orthodontist and like, I don't know, I'm on the fence about orthodontia in general. I think I've told you about this. There's like this whole phase one, phase two thing. And some, even with like dentists and orthodontists, sometimes I'm kind of like, you're a doctor, kind of, you know, like a dentist. I'm, I trust. you, but you're also trying to sell me something. So like, I don't know if I totally trust you. So he brings the trees like that too. Right. You know, they're trying to. Your teeth are a little, you know, your smile could be improved by this, whatever. Yeah. They're trying to sell you on on stuff. So it's like, can I trust you? Because you're trying to sell me something. So they, I brought one of the kids in.

They, you know, they have phase one and phase two. So Maddie had phase one of the brain. And of her braces. And I think her teeth look beautiful. And she thinks her teeth look beautiful. But I know when I bring her in for her phase two evaluation, that they're going to try to sell me on phase two. And his question to them is always to the kids, do you like your smile? Right. And then he lets them answer. So yeah. So I was excited because I know she does like her smile. So he brings her in for her phase two evaluation. And I know his little stick. And he says, do you like her?

Do you like your smile? And she says, yes, I do. So I'm kind of like, ooh, what's he going to? What's it? How is he going to get around this one? Yeah, what's your move, Doc? So then he starts pointing out all the places where it's not quite in line and the teeth aren't touching in the right place.

So then he starts moving to like the mechanics, mechanics of the bite. and the jaw. And so then I'm like, all right, I guess I'm back to, you know, really wasn't about whether she liked her smile. There's some mechanics. So I'm like, all right, can't beat them. That is a no. I mean, if it's like, that's the, with dentistry, though,

it can kind of feel like, you know, you're more likely to get teeth issues if they're crooked, maybe or something. There's like an aesthetic portion of it. And then there's like a mechanical thing of like how the bite is closing. But point is, like, I like this idea of, what's bothering you? Yes. Yeah.

Well, that's why I'm like, if I'm looking for a treatment to do, she'll say like, what's bothering you. Here's what I can recommend based on what's bothering you to get to that area. Totally. I could see why this is triggering. I would go somewhere else because you could go back. You could get every single thing in the world. And unless you want to look like an AI robot, you're going to have some asymmetries in your face.

You're going to have. Do you see it? No, as you were talking, I'm like, I don't even know which cheek is the high one and which cheek is the low one. Well, write it in the comments. I'm just kidding. Do not write it in the comments. Yeah, like, I think there's beauty and real imperfection. Like, when you look at a photo and you can tell it's AI, why?

Because it's just too perfect. Yeah. Well, it's like I said this to Mike because he was getting really upset because like there was an issue with our. our floors where like somewhat acts for the bottle washer there was like water that the hose wasn't in the sink and it like went on to like the new wood floors and it like stained them or like there's like a there's like a damage that you can see and he was like really pissed off about it and I told him about the Japanese concept of wabi sabi okay which I like to think about whenever I get irritated that something is like a little messed up and I'll read the definition so I don't butcher it wabi

Sabby is a Japanese aesthetic and philosophical concept focusing on finding beauty and imperfection, impermanence, and simplicity. Yeah. And so whenever like something isn't looking pristine or it's not perfect, you can have put that on your face or anything else. It's like a beauty mark or whatever the thing is. It's like the beauty of imperfection, like that that makes it almost more beautiful. Wabi Sabi, look it up.

I think about literally I get irritated with that stuff too, but when I remind myself of that concept, I'm like, oh, I love that. maybe it even looks better that there's like a little stain. It has like a little more character. Yes. He's like, okay. No, but it's true. It's like that moment.

It's lived in. It's when you had your babies and you had your bottle washer and it dripped on the floor. That's like a moment of your life, a memory that you made in the house that, you know, yeah, I really love that. Oh, I'm going to remember that. Wabi-Sabi-Bi-Sabby. Wabi. I'm going to hold that one. There's lots of wabi-sabi-sabi.

all over the place in here. Otherwise, we all look the same. It's so true. It's so true. There are a couple little things that maybe bother you, but look, I would change. I would not go back here. You don't need someone taking out a protractor and measuring your face.

I mean, maybe if you're in Hollywood or if this, you're right, your livelihood depends on it. Yeah. Something like that. If you're a normal person, and that's how like cosmetic procedures become addictive because And I've even seen this where like if I have a like I get like these brown spots on my face. And like if I get one, you know, like if I get one removed, then I just start to notice one that I didn't notice before. And then I get that one removed. And then I notice the lighter one that I. So you just you can infinitely like you get one thing fixed and now you notice the next thing. And then your eyes just going to keep moving around your face to notice the next imperfection.

So especially if someone's in there pointing them out. Yes. So very true. I'd give this like. Yeah, I was going to say seven. The protractor on your face, I don't need my face to be measured. Nobody asked for that. That's really rude.

Yeah. That's really rude. I don't even like when they offer me a mustache wax. Yes. And your intention is wabi-sabi-sabi. Yes. Wabi-sabi-sabi. Just tell them that next time you guys.

go in there. I'm going for a wabi-sabi. Yes. I like the wabi-sabi special. They don't have that at a med spa. No. All right. Do you want to read our last one? Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm a huge fan of the pot. I'm writing in with a triggered scenario and would love to know your take. I have an eight-month-old daughter and we are very lucky to have my mother-in-law watch her a few hours a week. Yesterday I came home from work and my daughter had eyebrows drawn on her with eyeliner. We need the picture. We can't. We can't. Please, please. Please send it. She probably didn't want to take a picture, I'm sure. I hope triggering. Yeah, I guess you were too triggered. If you have a picture, please send it. My immediate visceral reaction was rage.

I could barely look my daughter in the eye. It was such a weird experience. seeing her face look so different. I did not find this funny at all. Sorry. But my mother-in-law found it absolutely hilarious. She looked like she had a bad microblading job. To make matters worse, the eyeliner didn't just wipe off. It took a few rounds of makeup remover to get it off her face. I was confused by my own reaction. Honestly, it felt primal like my baby had been messed with. So my question for you is, how triggered can I be? Your mother-in-law draws dark eye on your baby for her own entertainment without asking. I'd love to hear what you both think.

Can we please start a trend? Everyone send pictures of your babies with dark eyebrows. Jordana, do it. I wouldn't do it. I get why it's triggering. I wouldn't do it. It's weird. I bet you it looks so funny.

I'm sure I love. I could look at that stage. It sounds like you, it sounds like you would do this. I would do it. I would do it. I think if my mother-in-law did it when I wasn't there and I walked in on it. And it just probably looks so weird that at first you're all jarring, that at first you're almost like, is she okay? Like I could see it just being so.

Again, I always talk about like the body reaction, like that physiological reaction of shock of like I'm sure just that. just that reaction, that physiological, like, whatever that is, shock reaction probably came out first. And then she probably got just had to like follow with that. And either you laugh immediately or you get mad. And then once you get mad, you almost, it's almost like when you were a little kid, like we've talked about this. And like you just get mad. And then you kind of can't like back pedal out of that. Like if she didn't laugh at first and she got mad, now she kind of has to like follow through. Follow through was being mad. And the fact that she couldn't get it off is also like more of a follow through because now it's like annoying. She can't get it off.

It wasn't her idea. It was her mother-in-law. I do want to validate that it is like irritating to have someone like mess with like what she's saying. Like it does. I think it, I would feel the same way. like you're like messing with my baby for your amusement. Like it does feel like a little like a violation a little bit. And I understand it's not like that deep maybe. But it is, I don't know. Like if they drew anything on their like for like they put a temporary tattoo on, I think I'd still feel like you should ask.

Like it's my, it's not your baby. It's my baby. I like that's the thing. Like I wonder if this was your husband. Like I think mother-in-law. is also just one of those relationships where it feels like there's a little power struggle over the baby sometimes. Like it's my baby.

You ask before you like do things like that. And also in combination with that shocked feeling. And then I now I can't even get this thing off. So now I'm sitting here like it's a baby. So I'm like gently trying to gently scrub this thing. and they're a baby and they're probably like don't like it and maybe they're crying and now I'm like stewing in this like rage but the act of it in and of itself I think is probably pretty funny it probably looked pretty funny. I might do this to your babies when I come visit.

What? Sound good. Don't touch. Don't do that. Don't do it. All right. Fine. I won't do it. What if I find like a really easy to move? If you did it, I would find it even like let's say, like your kids did it, I think that would be, maybe I would find it funnier, but I think it would be like as an adult to do it. Like, it's like, I thought she did this. What if it came right off with one swipe of a wipe? If it was really easy to remove and it was like non-toxic eyeliner, like I wouldn't want like, you know, you know, you remember the organic blueberries. Like, I think if I felt like the product was safe, like I get anxious about like any product that I'm putting on them having, you know, not having too many chemicals or doing whatever. I think that's just like a

first time mom thing. What if it was like a funny little eyebrow sticker? That was easy to take off? A funny little like eyebrow sticker. If it was a sticker, I think it would be fine. As long as it didn't like hurt when I took it off because it was like sticky on their thing. I don't know. I think like new like a maybe with your first kid or kids. I know. I think I would be like. I would. If it was my mother-in-law, I would be annoyed. Looking back now, I think it would be so funny, but I would have been annoyed if it was my baby back. Yeah. And it's funny because, like, I feel like we've answered a lot of these, like, new mom, mother-in-law baby questions.

And I feel like I would answer a lot of them differently now because I, like, get it. And I'm in it. But there is, like, that protective, like, just so you, like, this is my baby. kind of like thing. So I, when you calm, don't put eyeliner on it. So we will not be starting a trend, baby eyebrow, microblading eyebrow trend. No.

Okay. I don't think so. I don't know. So I would rate it probably higher than you would being in it, I would imagine. Yeah. Sounds like you would do it. You're like negative three because green flag. Yeah.

Especially if it's annoying to get off, I think that that adds to it. No, the annoying to get off. because you're like stewing and it's a baby and they're squirming and they're unhappy and like I totally get that and you're just like ragefully stewing in it for like an extra 15 minutes trying to get this eyeliner off that clearly isn't like gentle if it's not coming off like I to get it. I'm going to bump it up because it was hard to get off. If it came off with like the swipe of a wipe, I'm going to give this a four because it was hard to get off. I'm going to give it a six.

Okay, I would agree with the six. I need to see a picture. Here's the thing. I need to see a picture to see how funny it looked in order to decide how triggering it would be. Like the funnier it is, the funnier it is, the less triggering it is. If it's like not even funny, then... Can someone do this to their own baby and send it in just so we can see? I'm sure you've seen one baby.

You've seen them all. Yeah, send it in. I'm not doing it to mine. Oh, come on. If you're a bad mom. I'm just kidding. Stop. Now no one's going to send it in.

We want to see it. I'm sure if there's some, you know, organic eyeliner. I'm going to send you some eyebrows stickers. We'll be back next week. That's our time. Great work today. Betches.