Oversharing - How Can I Overcome My Interview Nerves?

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

As Dr. Naomi embraces being a teen mom, she and Jordana get into the age old topic when it comes to raising kids: are you raising a child or a bestie? One listener shares how her best friend let her live in a rent-stabilized dream for years only to take it back via text with five weeks’ notice and she ponders if that was enough to end the entire friendship. A bride writes in after her fiancé’s random female friend asks for a plus-one and the hosts debate whether the guest was out of line or just trying to have some fun at a party where she knows literally no one. A career-driven Betch who somehow crushes networking but blackouts in interviews asks for help channeling that same confident energy when it actually counts. After a new neighbor with plenty of garage space moves in and starts monopolizing the street parking, a woman is triggered by his lack of thought for his neighbors. Finally, after the devastating loss of her father, a new mom feels that her mother in law cares more about the recent passing of a family dog than her dad, and she writes in looking for some validation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Ibrahim. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How's it going?

I see you have the poor man's facelift that we discussed last week. I got inspired and I pulled it all up. How does it look? It looks tight. No, it is a good. it's a good look and especially if you don't have time to like do your hair. So here we are Monday morning after a little holiday weekend. I hosted several of our family members and in the midst of hosting three, four, five people varying at varying times. Then Lila had her 14th birthday

sleepover. So she had five girls over, six, actually. actually. 14. Yeah. It's like a real teenager. A real teenager. 13 is like a little tweenie. Just barely a teenager.

So I'm like, you know, she's having these girls over to sleep over. And I'm kind of like trying to find my place like how involved do I get. Am I like the MC of, you know, activities or am I just kind of like hanging out? Are you trying to be like the cool mom? Are you trying to be like? I don't know. It's very hard. I'm looking for my mom identity.

So I did come up with an idea for a game, which I thought was really fun and it went well. So it was like a beer pong, but instead of beer, I put like assorted different beverages into little cups. But some of them were really gross, like, or what I would think they would think were really gross, like olive juice or like chicken broth. And then some of them, then there was like maraschino cherry juice and like fruit punch and Snapple. So when they make it in, the other team has. to drink whatever cup they made. And they loved it. They were like cheering and they were having such a good time. So that was a proud teen mom moment. Some might say you're teaching them how to play beer pong. But I'm just kidding. No, I think that's great. I love it. Yeah. It was really fun.

I did put coffee in one, but it was like the tiniest little sip of coffee. And I'm sure these girls are getting Starbucks anyway. Yeah. I think I was having like Starbucks Rappuccino from when I was like 12 years old. Are you not supposed to have coffee as like a teenager? I try to keep my kids away from caffeine. I think there's a old wives tale that it stunts your growth, which I don't think is actually true. I just think it's maybe a little addictive and probably not great for their constitution, but I don't think it's really that bad. My friends and I were definitely hanging out in Starbucks, just like loitering around when we were in middle school. And what I heard is that those Starbucks, Starbucks refreshers that even like eight and 10 year olds are drinking have caffeine in them.

So gateway drug. Yep. It's kind of true. I mean, if that's the worst thing they're into at 14, I think that you're going to be okay. It's so funny because I'm looking at these girls and I'm like, there's no way they're drinking alcohol. And then I'm thinking like, I probably tried alcohol like by the time I was like 15. Not my life. She would never.

No, she's not. But it was really fun. They had a great time. I was really proud because I was able to be with them. Like I want to know her friends too. And I want to like be in the space with them to get to know them. But she was, you know, she was, I think I'm cool. She was fine with my involvement.

I did chat GBT it about like how to. And they chat GBT said like place the things in the space, but don't like be overbearing about. Chad Chachyvety. Chachimti is your therapist. How it will not embarrass her, but I wanted it to be, I wanted to be involved and have fun with it. It's so funny, you're going to have a whole generation that's just raised by ChachyBT. Right.

Like their holy father. It's really kind of sad. It's embarrassing. I have a question for you as you enter this teenage phase. And you have Maddie, like, right behind her. Right behind. What do you think of like, you know, when you hear. the old saying of like, I'm not your friend. I'm your mom. I'm not trying to be your friend.

Do you think that that's like something that you adhere to or are you, do you think that's like a little too harsh? No, I mean, I think that's, I think it's a little too hard. I think it depends on the situation. If it's like they're telling me that they're going to go to a party where they're planning on drinking, I'm not going to be like, yeah, let me know how it goes or like, you know, I'm not going to be. just be in it with them, I think it's too extreme. But what I, my goal for myself is that when I work on this every day is I really want to be a safe space for them. So I want them, I don't, I don't want them to feel like I'm going to be angry or punitive or get like my emotions are going to get wrapped up in what they're doing. Like I need to be cool.

and come and like ask questions and listen. And then I think that's going to set the tone for them naturally to make the right choices. So I'm not going to be all giddy in it if they're like, yeah, we're going to, you know, my friends are going to go try to get alcohol at the 7-Eleven. Like, isn't that so funny? And I'm going to be like, yeah, let me know if you get it. But I'm also, I also really, and this is the hardest thing that I work on with me. my, all of my kids, but especially as they get older, is just listening and not giving advice. That's the friend part that I think, I see how they interact with each other. Like when they're listening to each other, like all these girls in their friend group,

there's really not a ton of advice giving. It's more just like listening and empathizing and maybe a little bit if it gets serious, they'll be like, well, maybe you could tell your mom or do you think you could say, you could talk to them about it. That's it. They're not like what the parental urge is to be like, you need to tell her that that's not acceptable and she can't talk to you like that. I have to resist that urge. You're not supposed to do that? Not really. Why? Because it doesn't allow them to figure it out. and it makes them feel like now they're going to come to you and now you're having, now they have to handle your emotions on top of whatever.

They have to handle the fact that now I'm mad or even like the Jewish comment. Like I live in a, I've told you before, I live in a place where there's very few Jews. And every now and then, they'll get a little comment. And in the beginning, it was very like intensely like, you have to tell the principal and I'm going to call. And she's like, please like do not call. Like that's so once there were a couple. I told you about the thing with like the porn on the bus. Yes.

So it was like a few years ago. Yeah. So I called. And like it got back like they they kind of knew it was her that somehow. Right. What did that kid say? It was so funny. I smell a rat. Yes. So like I've kind of learned that if I keep doing that and I call the principal every time she tells me something, she's going to stop telling me things. I know I need to do more of the like, well, how did that make you feel? And what do you think you should do? And oh, wow, that must have, you know, I don't know, did that hurt your feelings or just kind of. Like you would a real patient. Exactly. I have. I have. to treat my kids the way I would treat my patients where I'm not like shoving my opinion down their throat and telling them what to do. I'm more just like curious and a safe space,

which is hard because I'm like, oh my gosh, someone's being mean to you. I want to kill them. Right. But that's not the way to go. But if they ask you like, what do you think I should say? Yeah. That's that. That I'm like, oh, great. Opening. I would love that question. But the funny thing is they don't sometimes they do but most of the time I really think in general people just want you to be with them in it they really don't want advice like most people have thought and thought and thought and thought about this before they come to you they know their options no that's good advice even for like a friend totally you know or someone in your people ask all the time don't like my friend's boyfriend and I think we kind of give that same advice of like don't like give your advice of like don't like give your

unless it's asked for, but instead just like be there as someone they can complain to without having your own emotions in it. Once you have your own emotions, now this person who's already overwhelmed is handling their emotions and now your emotions. And at least what I've noticed with my tween teens is that they open up more, the conversation goes better, and they end up calmer at the end of the conversation when I don't bring my own emotions into it. That's a great point.

I think that that's great advice for any person. I think it even has to just be about kids, but probably especially kids because they're like the things people you want to make sure or tell you things. Totally. And even with little kids, it's the same advice. You know, like if they're worked up or tantruming, you have to stay calm and you have to not get wrapped into a power struggle.

thing with them. Like I will not, I can't, I cannot let you act like that because then it means something about me as a parent, as a person, now I have to make this tantrum stop. And now I'm getting tense because I have to make this tantrum stop versus, okay, this is just a tantrum. It'll run its course. It means nothing about me, me as a parent, my child. It's just a moment. And I need to let them kind of have that moment. Love that. I'm going to try that with Ron. Yeah, try. Son he gets into his switching hour. Yes. My favorite way to look at it, and this is what I tell a lot of patients, is the zoom out

where, and it works so well for teenagers, and I think it could work well for small kids or even any moment, that's a hard moment. If you zoom out and you're like, you know, I'm my 95-year-old self on my deathbed, and I'm like getting to watch over my life and be like a little ghost in the corner of the room. And I'm watching my, let's say for you, I'm watching my, you know, 36 year old self, like doing the thing, parenting these two babies, maybe they're both screaming at the same time or what you're just like above it kind of watching it all. And it doesn't mean, it's just a moment on the course of this huge life that you have. It takes the intensity and the meaning out of it. So when I'm sitting with one of my kids and they're like hysterical,

crying because somebody said something really mean to them, I can zoom out and just watch this moment, like, oh, look at this little parenting teenage moment that we were in versus like, I'm in the moment. Like, I need to make this person be nicer. I need to make her feel better. This feels so terrible. It really makes the whole thing feel less charged and more of like an opportunity for a bigger picture connection than solving that little problem. I'm going to try that. Yeah. Yeah, try it.

Try it with Ron. You could try it with Mike. Try it with the whole family. Works all around. Well, I'm glad she had a fun sleepover. I do think they had fun. A real big kid now. Let's get into our show.

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I have what's called a SIPAC license. And so I think there are, you know, over 30 states that work or 35 states, something like that that work. But there are some states that won't, that will not be able to join. But come, reach out. Naomi Bernstein.com. See if your state is one of those states. Come join our group. It's a really beautiful community. A lot of people that join end up sticking around for quite a while because it does feel like you find a little home, a little virtual home and some self-growth on the side. So Naomi Bernstein.com come find us. Love that. Let's get into our episode. I will read our

first email. Hydrodina and Naomi, I've been a long time listener and love your insights and sisterly dynamic. I'm writing for advice on letting go of misplaced anger following a difficult friendship breakup. Love a friendship breakup story. I want to preface this all with saying that it's a rather complicated scenario in which I do truly see both sides. But TLDR, my best friend Amy and I, live together in the apartment for a year after which she left to move in with her boyfriend. After leaving, she kept the apartment in her name because the landlord wouldn't support a change of name and ownership. She offered to allow me to stay with the idea that the place was now mine, but just under her name. Looking back now, I was afraid of stirring things up with management and changing the lease to my name because I wasn't sure if they'd make me reapply all over again and if the rent would go up.

However, I now understand that because it's a rent stabilized building, that it wouldn't have increased by enough to cause a problem and I regret not changing it to my name that first year. All that to say, she thought she was doing me a favor by holding onto the unit. We remained friends and got even closer once she left. I lived in the apartment without her for three years since, and it really became my home and cozy space. I made a lot of changes that cost me a lot of time and money because I thought I'd live there for a long time. Each year I renewed, I asked if it was okay with her and she assured me yes.

And once mentioned that she liked the idea that if her and her boyfriend were to break up, she'd have this place to live. That should have been a right flag, but I figured it was a weird. weird reassurance just to her mind. Fast forward to this year. I spent six months living abroad for work and my new roommate, not Amy, held down the fort while I was away. Two weeks before returning and after a lot of stress and emotional turmoil abroad, which she knew about and talked to me for hours about on the phone, I get a text message, a text, not a call, not a message asking to talk about something serious. We had been talking on the phone just two weeks prior from Amy saying

that she was so sorry to be sending the message, but that she would be moving in and taking the apartment back at the end of the next month because she and her boyfriend couldn't afford the lease anymore and that my roommate and I would need to leave five weeks from that message. For a little more context, her boyfriend quit his job working on Wall Street to start his own business and is making a lot less money by choice, now making slightly less than I do, and has an incredibly large savings because of that time in finance. Regardless, I understand that their situation is stressful and did get it at the moment. At first, I asked for more time. I said the timing was particularly difficult for me as she knew I wasn't even home from abroad and that I didn't

have a job lined up to apply for apartments with or a terribly good income after living and working abroad at a much lower wage. I even called my mom and discussed the possibility that I might have to move cross country back home because it put me in such a tough spot and I shared that with her. She said, unfortunately, she couldn't extend it all as her lease was up, yada, yada, yada, and didn't offer to let me crash if I needed longer to stay, which actually hurt the most. For context, the apartment has three bedrooms and as a couple that would leave two rooms open if I needed an extra couple of weeks to search or get back on my feet. Though I've since secured a new job in the last two weeks and moved this past weekend to a new apartment and was able to stay in

New York City after all, I feel deep resentment. I feel she prioritized her unstable four-year relationship over our friendship, leaving me to navigate a high-stress relocation during a vulnerable time. I feel that she also has been inconsiderate in her attempts to reach out and act as if she's trying to find another place when there are plenty of other apartments and if my roommate and I could find one with a similar income, why can't she? She has reached out to explain her side, but her messages felt self-serving rather than truly apologetic to me. I have no interest in hashing it out or maintaining the friendship because this was so hurtful,

but the stress and anger are still lingering physically. Do you have a mantra or perspective to help me finally move past the situation? Thank you so much for your insight. Sincerely, an apartment ended my friendship. Yeah, I can see why she's really upset about this. This seems like a bit of a bait and switch. It's a rent-stabilized apartment. That's why she wants to stay in the apartment, right?

It's a less, the fact that it's rent-stabilized to me means that it's a lower price than what you would get on the market for a regular apartment of that size. Right. And it's in the friends. name. I assume that the friend had it before she lived with the person who's writing it. You know, our uncle used to have a rent stabilized apartment in New York City. And there was like sort of a similar situation with this where he like moved out and other people in

our family, like our brothers moved in. But then he came, when he would come back, he would take the apartment back. So it was sort of like a favor. But that didn't sound like how this was presented. This sounded like it was presented. as it's just a, it's just like a formality that we're not switching this into your name because the landlord wouldn't support it, which was weird because you think the landlord would support it if it was going to mean that it was going to be unstabilized at that point if they switched it. Well, that's, I think, what she meant.

I think like she meant if I changed this to my name, it's no longer like, I don't get the same price. Yeah. I don't know if this is New York City or not. But the way it would work in New York City is like, Like once you give up the apartment, they can now charge whatever the market rate is. I think that would all have been fine if that's how it was presented. Like if the conversation was just very honest, this is a rent stabilized apartment.

I'm going to let you live here for a little while. And when if and when I want to come back, I have the right to come back. from what she wrote in this email, it sounded like the conversation was, you know, that it was, I was taking over the apartment. It was now mine, but just under her name. So I just think the communication around this in the beginning was not, if it is what you're saying, it's so, it would have just been a very obvious conversation. I'm very blessed to have this rent stabilized apartment.

I'm going to keep it in my name because. of that because I don't want to give it up because I want the opportunity to come back. And I'm going to do you a favor and let you live in here for a little while. It does sound like if this is New York City and it is a three bedroom apartment, that's pretty crazy. Yeah. It's hard because like the conversation at this point was probably years ago, right? And it seems like a little vague as to how it was presented where she says she kept the

apartment in her name because the landlord wouldn't. support a change of name and ownership. To me, that discussion would probably have centered around the fact that the price would have gone up, right? But like, and she says she offered to allow me to stay with the idea that the place was now mine, but just under her name. But if that was the case, why would she ask her every year if she could re-up? Right.

Why wouldn't she just, I feel like there may have been some discussion of like, we're going to keep this in my name because then the rent will stay low. we're not going to, I don't want to give up this price for this apartment. Like, I just think there's no way she wouldn't have any idea that the fact that she would change it to her name means the price would go up. Right. To me, it's so obvious that that's what they were, if that's what they were doing, it's so obvious that that's what they were doing that I don't understand why that wasn't just a clear conversation. Like, I'm blessed to have this apartment. I'm letting you stay in it.

It's mine. When I want it back, I'm going to take it back versus like this sketchy. But didn't she say that? She said, oh, if I ever break up with my apartment, I'll be like coming back. She said that like one of the years that she re-uped. But it was said as if like I will come back and move in with you, not I will kick you out. Yeah. I mean, was this handled the nicest way. No. It seems like a little bit like there was again a little bit of like a lack of clear communication when she did it. Do I blame the friend for coming back and wanting the apartment back with her boyfriend without a third roommate? No. I think that's sort of if it's in her. Her name, maybe it's like a family apartment. If it is this situation that you're saying that it is. But if it wasn't presented like that, I still find it annoying. If it wasn't presented as like, I know I have a gem here. It's mine. I'm going to let you use it versus like in name only.

She was she was definitely using that legal hold that she had on the apartment, not just as like a little inconvenient thing that we're just going to slip away. it was she she wanted to maintain ownership over it what you know and that as a rental because it was valuable but it was never presented like that that just does bother me and I hear the fact that it's a three bedroom apartment they have two open rooms she could say hey stay for a few months until you figure out what your next move is because she knew that she was a little stressed about the timeline She could have said that. I agree.

But I also do think that five weeks is enough time to find a new apartment. It's not like she said, I'm coming back on Saturday. Like, I need you to be out. Five weeks, again, I don't know what every rental market is like. If she's talking about New York City where I've lived, you can't even really look for an apartment before five weeks before you're supposed to move in because the leases are so quickly turned around. So to me, it's not like, oh, I have, are leaving me on the street.

like I'm giving you over a month to find a new place. The amount of time, the length of time that she gave as a thing, I think she could have offered hoping she wouldn't say yes, because again, I think five weeks is a long enough time to not have to do that. Clearly there's some miscommunication maybe about how this was presented. Maybe it was like vaguely present. Like maybe if the friend was here, she might say, I actually did tell her that that I was be.

I thought I was basically telling her, yeah, it's clear by saying I'll come back if I break up with my boyfriend or I'm going to, I don't want it. The price is that we have such a good price. I'm going to keep it in my name for that reason. Because if I shared a lease with someone and they moved out and they wanted to keep the apartment in their name, I would have to have like a pretty strong understanding of why they would want that before just being like. It's just annoying to have to reapply.

Right. Which doesn't sound like a legit reason to not take over the apartment. To me, to me the idea that she wouldn't have some sense of like she wants it in her name because it's a very good deal. So she's, and in some way she is doing her favor if it's in her name. You take a risk by putting an apartment in your name. If she damaged it, it would be on the, it would be on the friend. Her name was on the lease.

She's liable for, if she didn't pay, the friend would have to pay, like the rent. So I think there is some sort of, there would have to be some sort of understanding that, like, it was so that they could keep the price for this apartment down. I don't know. She seems to have a misunderstanding about this, those listeners. because as I'm reading this sentence, however, I now understand that it's because it's a rent-stabilized building that it wouldn't have increased by enough to cause a problem. And I regret not changing it to my name that first year. No, I don't think she understands how rent-stabilized apartments work.

Right. Like when our uncle left his rent-stabilized apartment that he had in New York City, they paid him to leave. That apartment was so big. It was huge. Yeah, it's like, it wouldn't be like, oh, it wouldn't have gone up like $50 a month. It would go back to the market rate. Right. Which if that apartment probably was like $1,100 at the time, $1,100 a month or something,

and it would have jumped to like $4,000 a month at the time. Right. It wouldn't have stayed rent stabilized. They don't like do that. They don't make like new apartments that are rent stabilized. Based on that sentence, you're right. I don't think she understands what that means. and maybe the friend who did understand it,

I guess it's not her job to explain it to her, but it does sound like some lines were crossed there in the way that it was presented as in name only, like just as like a throwaway. But no, it's not a throwaway. It's like a big huge deal. It's like a thousands of dollars a month. And the friend was probably thinking,

like, I'm doing her this, I've been doing her this really big favor, letting her stay in my rent-stabilized apartment for three years at this very low price where she's gotten this great deal, she should be thankful. And now, like, I'm going to need it back. Yeah, it was just, I think in the reality, but the way that it was communicated was, I think, a little sketchy or like left out on purpose because she didn't want it to see. Or maybe it was just, I assume she knew exactly what was going on here and we were both on the same page. But. Right. I can't imagine a situation where that was my, and I wouldn't think she would leave it in her name so that she could eventually take it back. Yeah. And I also don't think like her boyfriend's finances have anything to do with it. Yeah. She's kind of bringing into it where she's like, well, he quit his job, but he has all this money saved. Like that's not not really your business or relevant. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Maybe it does just boil down to her not understanding what rent stabilized is. Because it sounds like she.

She thinks, oh, I should have just done it in the first place, which then wouldn't have been like a favor, I guess. It was just like a little inconvenience in her mind. So anyway, we agree. We kind of see both sides. It sounds like you're more on the page of this friend did like not that much wrong. I think the communication was pretty terrible and it felt like a bait and switch of like, oh, it's no big deal. Well, just leave it in my name. Like, let's just leave it in my name.

No big deal. Right. But if someone said that to me, I would be like, no, like, it's going to be my name. Yeah, I agree. And I do think the problem is when she brought this up, I think there was like a lack of communication at the time of like, wait, I'm so confused. Like I thought it was just in your name only. Like, why now do you feel like you have ownership? over this when the way it was presented was that it was just we were just leaving it like that but now

it was mine like I felt like she didn't call her out on it maybe because of what you're saying maybe there was a little bit more of an understanding of right was happening here I think there's a little bit of like a revisionist history maybe going on here just because like why would the apartment even only be in her name and I'm assuming they didn't get the apartment together together right like I assume it was the friends before friendship ending over money basically legal stuff. It's a tough one. And even this, we see a lot of like the boyfriend moving out, the boyfriend moving out with your boyfriend. Like that's sometimes can be really hard. But she seems resolute. She's not interested in rekindling this friendship. But I do think if what she's looking

for is how to release some of her anger, I think you can look at it as like maybe your head was in the sand a little bit. Like maybe you did play. play the part here. If you want to take some ownership over it to release some of that anger towards her, that maybe you were in a little bit of denial about why this was the arrangement. I don't think it's a friendship ending infraction to me. If it is to her, that's fine. I think if she did want to like smooth things over,

I think she could have a conversation with this person and say, hey, coming back and taking back the apartment, which is your right to do, as you've hinted at over the years, could have been done with a phone call and could have been done in a way that gave me a little bit more grace. I'm going through a hard time. You knew that.

I would have appreciated it if, you know, like you would have given me more time or offered to let me stay or just done something to show that you cared about my current situation. And I think something about the way it was presented was a little sketchy. I will stand by that.

Assuming it was presented as she's... Yes. Yes. I wasn't there. But if you do look back and you really feel like the idea that it was rent-stabilized was like not part of the conversation at all. Like that was not that elephant of that huge thing that makes the whole thing matter was not in the room. Then I think that can be addressed. I'm just trying to look at it from like the friend's side where she's like, I had this rent-stabilized department. I both, one, didn't want to lose it if I ever need it again.

And two, I have a friend who I'm moving in with my boyfriend who would probably appreciate the rent. I'll let her stay here and pay the rent. And then if I want to move back, it'll be open. And hey, she hasn't even been living there for six months. She's been abroad. So she probably won't care that much about leaving. That too. And my boyfriend just quit his finance job to find his real passion. And like this makes sense. This seems like we've been talking. I have this apartment that's so much cheaper. Yeah. I want to live there. Three bedrooms for two people in the middle of a city. Sounds pretty sweet. If they were me, I would look at it like, oh, I had a great deal for three years. I had a lucked out with this

situation. Now all good things must come to an end. And she's, I could see maybe she's like a little irritated that she's about to lose this great deal, especially because she's probably looking at other apartments on the market and realizing she's probably going to be paying a lot more for a lot less. That's probably what, do you don't think the friend probably looked at the market before she asked for the apartment back? Right. And she could have in the beginning then just been like, my boyfriend's going to move in here or you've got to leave. That's what I'm saying. I think she thought, I think the friend is thinking like I did you this, this favor for for a while. Again, I think she benefited from two. Now that's kind of done. Hope that helps. All right, let's do

I guess this is kind of another ethical dilemma, but another betchesist. Let's do it. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana love the pod and I'm a bride seeking some insight. My fiance has a college friend who's a female and strangely asked that since her husband cannot attend a wedding if she can bring a friend. We are in our mid-30s and found this very strange and rude. I've never met her. I went into a rage after my fiance argued that it's the same as you didn't know the husband or wife of a person you invited and she would otherwise feel lonely if attending alone. It's three hours away. I do not care if she feels lonely and honestly it's rude to text someone's significant other when you haven't met the bride. Our initial rule was only significant others.

My wedding is around 100 people and there are no children allowed. So my goddaughter and nephew aren't coming, but a random friend is allowed. Please help me calm my nerves from a not so inviting bride. What do you think? I don't think this is rageworthy. I think it's a little rude. I probably wouldn't do it. I wouldn't ask if I could trade out my plus one or my, not plus one.

I could trade out my invitation. that was addressed to my significant other for someone else, I wouldn't ask for that. But if someone's a little rude and balzy and they want to ask, you don't have to say yes, but I don't think the thought, honestly, if it were me and it were my wedding, I would do it. I don't care. You were paying for the extra person anyway. Like let that person have a great time. The more people that are having fun at your wedding, the better the vibe's going to be.

And then you look like a really super cool, chill person that's like nice. It doesn't sound like it's a budget issue. It sounds like it's a principal issue. I get it. It's a little balsy and rude. But if it were me, I'd be like, sure, go ahead. I want you to, if you're having fun, I'm having fun. Is it a little tacky to ask?

Sure. Yeah. But I also think it's like if she doesn't know the, I could see what the husband's rationale is too, her, or her fiancee's rationale of like, you didn't know the other person either. You were going to have them. I think the fact that there are kids there is her choice. It's not like she's inviting them instead of the kids. Like she only had room for five people and they're picking this person's friend over her niece and nephew.

Like she could invite her goddaughter and her nephew. That seems like she's grasping at straws for like to make this whole thing feel worse than it is. Like she's here and they're not. Like that's just her trying to convince herself about why this should feel bad when it really feels bad because you just don't want this random single woman. or whatever at your wedding. I don't know. And I can understand that, again, especially if it's like a budget issue,

but she budgeted for the friend to have a plus one. I don't know if it's, she says it's his college friend who's a female that probably annoys her in its own right. Yes, I was going to say there's probably, like she mentioned that for a reason. It probably, like your college friend that is a female that you did, like I'm not saying they hooked up.

They probably didn't. But like, you know, you're in that wild college phase together. and like, you know, she's coming and she's bringing an unknown friend. You don't know. Right. I'm sure there's some deeper thing about this random woman coming if it was, you know. I agree. I think she was, because she also said it was in, she was rude to text someone significant other when you haven't met the bride.

Has she met her? Is that what she's saying? Yeah. I couldn't figure out if that was like she texted her to ask. I don't know. That was confusing. But like, it seems like she has a. problem with this friend, which is sort of where it's coming from. I kind of think a plus one is a

if bringing someone is going to make you, the whole point of a plus one is to make the guest feel like they know someone. Yeah. And she says it's three hours away. If it's three hours away and like, I don't know if they have any other college friends coming, but like if she didn't know anyone and like if I had one friend from college and I didn't know anyone and I live three hours away from them from him. And I don't know anyone in the wedding party. And I want to come to support my friend, but I also am going to have no one to speak to the whole night because it's their wedding. So they're not going to be hanging out with me. But I want to come and support them. My husband can't go. I, you know, I could understand the urge. Totally. I can understand. I do agree. It's just tacky because

it's just not what people do. But what if she was single? Right. I think it's nice. I think it's like, You know, we talk about how a relationship, like all the perks of people being in a relationship and all the things that you get. It's like, why wouldn't a single person also want someone to support them in a social situation that's like a little weird? I agree. I think it's just a good look for you to be like, yeah, sure. We were going to do this anyway. It's like good vibes, right? This person's coming to your wedding. It's nice if they feel like warm and fuzzy towards you. They're going to be more, you know, I don't know. I don't know. just think it's good vibes and everyone who's having fun is going to just make the party that

much more of like a good feeling. So I get it. It's tacky. If it were me, I'd probably just say yes. I wouldn't, I wouldn't have raged at the husband for, at the fiancee for pointing out the other side. Like I get the other side. Yeah. The other side to me makes sense. It's like, it's not like unless she was super close with the friend's husband. Sounds like she's not a random person is a random person. It's a random person. Right. Yes. You barely know him. You barely know her. It's someone to stand next to them. It doesn't, yeah, unless I get, you know, maybe she feels like she, there were some other people. She didn't say this. So she would have if it was the case. Like, she had some other good friends where their new boyfriend wasn't invited or something because

they weren't a significant other. It just doesn't really want this, care about this person having a good time. Like she said, she literally said, like, I don't care if she's lonely. Like, so there it is. Yeah. I think the more fun your guests are having, the more fun your wedding will be. So I was generally, you know, and maybe it's a little different because we had a destination wedding, but this is a destination for the friend. It's three hours away. Yeah. She's definitely either going to have to drive back that same night three hours, which then you want her to even have like a driving buddy, or she's staying over, which she probably is. Yeah. And it's a. destination wedding. I had a, I had a friend that, a single friend that I gave a plus one to and she

brought a friend. I, because I wasn't like going to, my thing wasn't like, and let me know if you're, if you're like seriously dating someone by then and I'm going to invite them. It's like, let me know if you want to bring someone. Right. It's also like you have to get a hotel room. You can split it with someone. Yeah, I agree. Chill out. Is that what you say in your therapy sessions? No. But I do think. Like, chill a little bit. It's going to be okay. You're going to have the best time.

Step out. Watch yourself going through this as your 95-year-old self, watching, planning your wedding and seeing this other little person in the corner who, like, has someone to dance with or like, you know, sit with at the table. So she's not because what is, you know what she's going to do? She's going to take out her phone when she's sitting at the table and be like sitting there on her phone, which isn't like the vibe you probably want at your wedding. You want people like there and socializing and hanging out. Having fun.

Yeah. Let's do some intentions. I'll read them. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I've been an oversharing listener since the very beginning. After finding the pod threw you up. I love hearing you both talk and I recommend you to all my friends.

Jordana, congratulations on Lucy and Charlie. I've never been more excited for someone I've never met. I love that. Thank you. I'm writing in for an intention for an upcoming interview. I suffer from severe interview anxiety. I work in marketing and love what I do. I'm a great networker and when I have casual coffee meetups with peers or mentors,

I'm great at talking about my experience confidently and just being myself. But when I step into an interview, it's like suddenly I don't know what I do. I tense up and I don't feel like myself and I lose all confidence. A little background that might be relevant. Before landing my current role, I spent about a year and a half interviewing while still working full time. So I think that experience left me with some lingering triggers. I also don't have any older women in business in my family, which has made it harder for me to fully feel like I belong in my role and that my voice truly matters. I'd love an intention as I step into upcoming interviews

on how to stay present while remaining confident and genuine. Thanks so much, an anxious overachiever that's desperate for a new job and more money. Yeah, well, her sign off, I think, is part of the problem. Right. Answer is in the email. Right. you're feeling desperate and anxious. And one thing that I find happens a lot with all these types of things that we are so hard on ourselves about is this idea that somehow getting it or not getting it means something about who you are as a person. Like I tell my patients this all the time. This moment, if you get this job, if you don't get this job, if the date goes well, if it doesn't go well, it means nothing about you. It means you didn't get this job. And I think what we do

with all these things is we internalize each of these little moments as we ask, what does this mean about me? What does this mean about my future? That's what we're constantly like coming. Yes. Yeah. Like does this mean I'm not a good, you know, this means I'm not qualified. I'm not a good candidate. I don't present myself well. I'll never X, Y, Z, get out of this job. I'll never get the next thing. I'll never be able to achieve what I want. No, it means nothing. It literally means nothing.

It means on a Tuesday, you went to an interview, and you didn't get the job. It doesn't mean anything about where you're going to end up. And I think we do that so often without even noticing it, that we give these moments huge significance over our sense of self-worth or our future. Definitely. I will say from personal experience, I never got to. any jobs I interviewed for. I was like horrible interviewer. I like felt the same way. I kind of like lost all this confidence. And I just like, it was just like not a good, not a good version of myself.

Just never gave like an amazing first impression on an interview. And I like rarely got any even like second interviews. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I can relate. Yeah. And it means and you're like such an awesome like personable, like great smart person. It's just like that's not your best. The best version of you doesn't come out in that setting. But I do wonder, she said she does great on like networking calls and coffee chats and little meetups. Like I think if you're looking for an intention to just see this as like a networking,

to conceptualize it as like a networking opportunity. Like even if I don't get. get this job, I'm meeting some people in my field. I'm just in a room with someone that's in a position of power in the field that I'd like to be in. I'm just going to meet them and kind of have a chat with them. If I get the job, great. If I don't, I've made a new connection in some way, and it means nothing. I used to give the same advice for like going on a date. Right. Go on the date and don't think, like, if I don't marry this person, this date is not worth it. Like, think, I'm going to go on this date.

I'm going to have an interesting conversation with a new person. And if that's your bar for, like, a successful thing, you're going to come as a better version of yourself than, like, as she says, signs off, desperate. Right. Desperation can be felt. It's like tangible. Yes.

I really believe it that she presents herself well in networking meetings. It's just this pressure of. of what's going to happen. What does this mean? How is this going to go that makes it you not present your best self? So maybe the intention I wrote for her is this is a networking chat. It means nothing about me or my future as a whole. Just look at it as a chat.

So just going into it like as if you're meeting someone for coffee. Like you're meeting a new person, just like what we said. So this is a networking chat. It means nothing about me or my future. future as a whole. You will be okay with or without this job. Confidence, I think, in all interactions is really what does the most, no matter how capable anyone is. Yeah, it is interesting. Like, even that idea, confidence on a date and an interview, and even when you boil it down, like, with animals, like the whole thing of like they smell your fear and then they get like a little

fearful or defensive. Like, I think human beings do the same thing. Like, when you seem anxious, it's kind of like, what are you hiding? Why? Like, what are you? I think that's a perfect example of like an energy exchange, like a vibe check thing, which doesn't help her because now she's like, oh, so now I should be anxious about being anxious. But I think if you just look at it as like, you're meeting a new person. If they happen to have a job for you, great, it's the closest chance you're, I mean, you're on the, you got an interview. So that's a great start. That's more than you're getting on like a networking lunch. It would be lucky to have you. Just tell yourself that.

You know, you're competent, you're capable. And if you believe it, they will too. Agreed. All right. Let's do some triggers. Our first one's a voicemail. Let's roll the tape. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi.

I wanted to overshare a triggered. So I live in the city. We live on a small street, so cars can't park on both sides of the street, and a lot of the homes don't have driveways, and mine is one of them. The house across the street has been an Airbnb for a few years. and it has a driveway with spaces for two parking spots. While we had recently a new neighbor by the house and their permanent residence, and they have a big pickup truck,

and now the man who lives there across the street keeps on parking in front of my house, which is my parking spot. But I'm very triggered by it. I am very annoying to have off-street parking. I understand that this is communal space, and you can't claim a parking spot on the street. But our neighborhood, we've sort of respected first ride of refusal for the parking spot to be whoever lives in that house.

And he has two unused spots and a driveway. And of course, I'm just internalizing all of this. I don't have the balls to ask him to please maybe reserve that spot for us or to park in his driveway. I'm just doing and I'm just stressing every day when I'm getting home. from the grocery store, am I going to have a spot or am I going to have to park blocks away? So do I have any right to be triggered? I think she has to just have the conversation.

Just night, it can't hurt. He might say, he could say no, which would suck because it is like communal space. But I think if you said, hey, he just might be aloof, you know, and kind of be like, oh, I'll take up this spot. And then if I have a couple of guests, then I definitely have all these spots open. like a little hoardy. He might be like hoarding the spots a little bit. Like I'll take this one first.

That's a good point. You know, I didn't even think of that. Because at first I was like, why would anyone park on the street when they had a driveway? But maybe he has people, like again, like he has guests coming or something.

He's just like, ooh, I can take this one. And then I still have like three open or whatever. I can, I almost imagine like when you're trying to find a spot, the airport, like when we go to the airport,

there's like five of us, right? So like I might be strategic about like, oh, I can kind of like, how can we like have enough space here? Like maybe I'll take this corner seat and this seat and then it will like kind of force this person to move here so we can like take up a little more spate. Like have a little bit more breathing room. Yeah. Like when you book the aisle seat and the window seat and hope that no one takes the middle. Exactly. So he might be kind of just hoarding parking spaces, not real not like thinking about, which is rude.

I get it, not really thinking about you and that that's your spot. Like he just might be a little aloof. So I think if you mentioned it to him nicely, like, hey, I noticed that you park there and that your spots remain open. Then I end up having to park up the street. I wonder if you would, you know, if you would mind just, you know, leaving that spot for me when you can because otherwise I have no place else really to park here. And it's tough for me to get my groceries and if I have to park around the

block. I would drop off a little note with a basket of buffins just to show that it's like in goodwill. I feel like people are likely to do to like be more considerate. Again, honey, I think catches more flies than vinegar. So I think if you just like left him a really nice note and a little welcome gift, if someone did that with me, I would feel like shit and also not park on the street or at least pick a different spot. Yeah, I think if you're just really nice about it and and present it as an ask. So then he can feel like he's doing you a favor and he can feel like a good person rather than feeling like a bad person.

Like if you approached it like, it's so rude. This is the only, then now he feels like a jerk and that's going to make him just not have good energy versus being like, presenting him with an opportunity to do something really nice for someone else. And if he's still parked there after that, I think that would be very triggering. But the fact that she hasn't asked him yet, like she comes up every day and she's used his car that and she's just like live it. It's like he just might not be thinking about you at all. Some people are just a little aloof.

And I, you know, like sometimes even we'll be walking out of the grocery store and I'll just like kind of walk like up the middle of the, you know, where like the cars drive like to walk to my car, like walk up the middle. and I'm just like not thinking like and then we'll be driving and Jeff will see people walking up the middle. I'll be like are they unaware of the fact that there's like other people in the world? And I'm like, yeah, sometimes I kind of don't realize like there might be someone else that wants to drive here. I'm just like kind of like happily walking with my stuff like up the middle of the street. I'm the same way. Yeah. It's like no, I don't think they're doing it intentionally.

I think some people are just a little aloof and they need a gentle little nut. What makes you want to get out of the way more of someone saying, move, bitch, you're in the middle of the street? Or like, hi, sorry, I'm just trying to get around. Right. Do you mind if you, like, you'd be like, oh, of course. Of course. And then I end up feeling like, oh, I can't believe I didn't realize. Like, well, you know, I agree.

You got it. I know you said you don't want to and you, you know, you don't really have the, you know, gumption to do it. But I think you got it. If this is bugging you every day, I like the idea of dropping off a basket of something. and a note that says, welcome to the neighborhood. Hopefully that's received well. And then you solve your problem for years as opposed to just being irritated every day. The little gift idea is such a great idea.

Just a side note story is that Brooks went to the orthodontist. He had to get an expander put in. And it's like a metal device that lives in the back of your mouth. So when it first went in, he was really uncomfortable. He was kind of like panicking a little. Like what do you mean this thing is not coming out? Like it's just staying in there. So he was like kind of freaking out.

And while he was in the office and he was like crying and like kind of like take this out. Can you please take this out? And then when we got home like three hours later, we got a delivery of cookies from the orthodontist that was like, we're so sorry that you had a tough day today. Hopefully this can like, you know, hopefully you'll have sweet. dreams or something before you go to sleep. And I was just like, sold. Yeah. It's the smallest gesture goes like a long way. It was probably like a $10 little thing of cookies. But now I'm going

to recommend them to everyone. They're like the best place and so thoughtful. And, you know, they were thinking of him and they were upset at how uncomfortable he was. It was really. He can eat cookies with his expander? Yeah. Well, he can't have candy, but he can have, you know, like they wouldn't send candy, but they sent cookies, which he could have. So it was just like a little gesture really, I think, can go a long way. You must be paying top dollar for that expander. Don't even get me started on orthodontist. It's kind of crazy. No, that makes, that's funny. But yeah, I think it, because now you remember, you think of them fondly. Yeah, never you think of them. Yes, and that's, that this particular orthodontist, that's their whole vibe. Like, they,

want you to feel like everyone is so nice and friendly and accommodating. I mean, accommodating, I don't know. It's hard to get the appointment slot you want. But on the things that are no skin off their back, really, they're really just sweet and friendly and try to do all the right things. So those, the little bits matter. Yes. Be like the orthodontist. So because she hasn't said anything to him yet, I give this a four, because it is irritating. If she had asked him nicely and he was like, I don't care. Yes. I'd give it like, and his two spaces in his part in his driveway that are empty.

Yeah, I'd give it like a seven. But because she hasn't even asked him yet, I would say it's more because it is irritating either way. But. Yeah, I would agree with those ratings. Okay. Let's do one more. Hi, Dr.

Naomi and Jordana, love the pod and your sisterly bonds so much. Thanks for all that you do. Jordana, congrats on your baby girls. And I hope you love the mom, not mama chapter of life. I'm writing in about a trigger situation that happened about a year ago, but still colors my relationship with my mother-in-law today. Last year, I was pregnant with my second child and my brother-in-law's wife was pregnant with her first. When I was six months pregnant, my dad died after a horrible year-long battle with cancer.

I was extremely close to my dad and visit him often, which my mother-in-law knew. She sent a nice card and food to my mom, which was very appreciated, and sent me a text, but otherwise did not mention his passing to me. About six weeks later, my sister-in-law was on her baby moon when her dog passed away after a freak accident. My mother-in-law was absolutely distraught. It was all she could talk about. Notably, my mother-in-law said to me, out of the blue, how upset she was by the dog's

passing, and that she hoped sister-in-law could survive this devastating loss, especially because she's pregnant. I was quite literally too stunned to speak. My actual dad just died and I had mere hours to mourn him before flipping back to mom mode for my toddler. But she's concerned about my sister-in-law surviving the death of her dog. I love my dog, but losing a dog, it doesn't even touch the loss of losing a parent. I know my mother-in-law probably just wasn't thinking about me, but it seems extremely insensitive when she knew what I was going through and completely ignored it apart from the one text she sent to me.

am I overreacting here or am I justified in being triggered by this comment? Thanks for listening sincerely, not the favorite daughter-in-law. Yeah, I think that's an insensitive comment to make to her in specific. Is this her daughter or is this her other son's wife? It wasn't clear. It could be either. I had that question too. Like I think it does make if it's her daughter and maybe she knows she's seen the dog and knows

the dog and has a relationship with the dog, or even if it's the daughter-in-law. Or just if she's talking every day to this daughter and she's crying and she's sad and she's more like in it with her because they talk every day. But I have a feeling it's not because of her sign-off, which I didn't realize until the sign-off, not the favorite daughter-in-law. So it's probably the other daughter-in-law. Right. So that's more triggering, I think. If it was her own daughter and like they're talking every day and she hears her depressed and like she's coming over and helping her with the baby because she's like sad or what, you know, that's different than, yeah, two, two different daughter-in-laws, two different losses. And she felt like she got a lot less empathy and care from her. Right. I think it might

just have to do with the mother-in-law, like knowing the dog more. Because I'm assuming it's her son, it's her son's dog, right? Yes. So she's thinking like, oh, I know the dog. I've seen the dog. I'm around the dog a lot. And now I come over and the dog's not there. Yes. So she's probably herself just maybe and not that she's not sad for you for your dad, but I'm assuming she probably didn't know him that well or didn't know maybe that much about your relationship or something the fact that, I mean, she sent a tax. I think the way she handled the, when her dad died, she said she sent a nice card and food to her mom and sent her a text, but otherwise didn't mention the passing.

I think that's kind of like a relative. She could have asked how you were doing, I guess, once or twice after, but some people are scared to do that because they don't want to like upset you or bring up something that's like negative. But I think the way that she handled the dad, her dad passing seemed okay to be. Yeah, it seemed like a fine, bare minimum of like politeness and the right thing to do, which I think is what's bothering her. I think it was fine. Like she checked all the boxes of like what she sent something to the mom and she sent her a text and she did the right thing. But I think it didn't, she, what's bugging her is that she didn't like feel really her pain or it didn't feel like a genuine, like she was really understanding how she was feeling how hard this was for her, like leaning into it. It was more of like a etiquette politely did the right thing.

But with this other loss, she's really like in it and feeling it and compassionate. Like I think she felt like maybe she was missing. some compassion that now this other sister-in-law is getting for a dog when she didn't get that compassion. She got the polite right thing to do. I think for some people, that's what you do. You do the right thing, but there's a difference. You can feel people's, you can feel the difference between like I'm checking the boxes so that you can't then, I think this happens a lot in families. You can't say that I didn't like do the thing, but I'm not really feeling the love and the compassion and all that.

No, it's true. I also think there's an element, again, not to say that that's not hurtful. I think there's also an element of like the suddenness. She said the dog died in a freak accident. Yeah, that's a little. So I do think if like maybe she was talking about her, how her dad was sick and maybe it was more expected, it seemed less of like a shock that doesn't, it maybe it maybe, again, not to say that it's not very devastating or as devastating or more devastating, which sounds like it was. But I think. think maybe there's like an element of like the sisters in a shot in a state of shock because the dog i don't know got hit by a car or something right totally especially if this just happened i think sometimes there can be this like like you said shock i cannot believe this can you believe this

how are we going to navigate and do and deal and like that that can just heighten everything and i think that that will probably die down and it will come back to the same level as like, okay, there's this sad thing that happened, but it's not something that we think about. But I think it probably does touch on a deeper issue, which was just brought up by the passing of the dog of like, I didn't feel the most compassion from my mother-in-law about this really big loss. They were very close. They spoke every day.

I think that's the bigger issue that's coming up. And it's kind of hard. I think mother-in-law relationships, in the beginning, you're kind of feeling out what they are and what they're not. And it can be hard to change your expectations. Like, I'm married now almost 20 years. And my mother-in-law and I have settled into a really nice, like, we know what to expect from each other. But in the beginning, there was a thing where, like, I think she envisioned like this best friend, you know, like, we do everything together and like go shopping together and get our nails done and like all that, whatever. And, you know, it didn't really go that way.

And I think in the beginning there's a little bit of this adjustment. Like, are you going to really be there for me of something? Like, this was an opportunity for her mother-in-law to be a really supportive person in her life or not. to like choose that role or to lean out of that role. I don't know how long they've been married, but I think sometimes these things do show themselves, like the reality of what you can expect from a person in these moments. And that's, you know, that's interesting that I guess to say,

to look at it that way, where I guess if she expected her to, her to have that role, then it would be like really disappointing. Like for me, it's kind of like, I don't think my mother, like my dad had recently died. And I don't, I think my mother, I kind of reacted similarly to this mother-in-law, like did all the nice things.

But like, I don't really want any more from her. Mm-hmm. Well, right. You know? So it works. I think that. Yeah. So it works in that situation.

I guess if it's like the expectations and how the expectations are aligned. Like to me, like it could be worse almost if someone was like trying to do more. Right. She came over and you guys were sitting on the couch and she was like, I just wanted to check in and how you're doing with your dad. Right. I might be like. I don't want to talk about this with you. Yeah.

Or with, you know, because like, I have other people that I'd rather talk to. Oh, it's interesting. I think it matters at what age sometimes you get married in life and like what your own family situation is like, what your own relationship with your own mother is like. I think all these things kind of play into the mother-in-law dynamic of like what you expect of them, what they expect of you, how much closeness you want, obviously how they behave. and it all plays into it. But sometimes it's hard because there's so many different types of mother-in-law,

daughter-in-law relationships. There's some that are like super close. They're like talk all the time or every day. And then there's some where you're like, all right, we see each other on holidays. We do the nice, polite thing. So there's such a huge wide range that you can come into it with two different expectations sometimes.

So what would you say, do you think this is triggering that she said, that she told her? I don't know, I don't know how she's going to survive this devastating loss, especially because she's pregnant. I definitely think this is triggering knowing what she just went through. I don't know how long ago this happened, but even just bringing up the loss, like a huge devastating loss in front of someone who just had a huge devastating loss when the loss is about a dog and you just lost a person and you're not, haven't really talked about it. I would, I say that's trigger. Again, I think it was just aloof. It was a moment.

It was she was lost in her own, I don't think she's evil for it. Right. I don't think she's a bad person. Yes. I think she's in shock. She's dealing with her own grief. She was being a little bit, having a little tunnel vision in that moment about the shock of losing this dog.

And I, you know, I get it. I don't think she's a bad person, but I can see why this is triggering. And maybe she has, I mean, this to me seems like. like it might stem from the mother-in-law, maybe having a closer relationship with that sister-in-law. The answer's in the email. Maybe the relationship that she wanted to have with a mother-in-law she has with the other one, which I think can feel more isolating than not having it at all. Like I don't feel like with my mother-in-law, I don't, maybe don't, I have the same

relationship that she has with hers, but I don't have another sister. She doesn't have another daughter-in-law that I feel like she's so much more intimately close with. That might bother me more if she did. rather than that just not being kind of like the way we interact. Yes. And leads me to believe to your point that maybe she was spending more time there and spending more time with the dog and like that this dog was a loss for her because maybe they

spend more time together. That's a hunch. We don't know. But I could see that being the case. And it's also this underlying thing of like they're a little bit closer. And again, what does that mean about me? Nothing. Yeah.

But you can go to that place of like, I'm less likable. I'm not nice enough. Maybe I should be kinder or maybe I'm not nothing. Maybe they live closer. Maybe they just have a similar energy. It means nothing about you. But I can see why that might be triggering to if in general you feel like she favorites the other sister-in-law. That's an interesting extra interpersonal dynamic you get, I guess, when you another person to compete with.

Yeah. Right. It's like the identical relationship. But why does one feel? it's almost like a sibling thing. You know, like we, we hear that or I've definitely heard that. Like my parents are closer to this other sibling and it feels painful or like there's something wrong with me or personal.

Yeah. And then when that happens, there's two things that you can do. You can either like villainize the person who's closer to the other person or the both of them to be like they're just mean and not nice and rude. Or you can kind of be like, well, what's the matter with me that they don't feel like being as close to me. Maybe I need to be different or change or be better or nicer or whatever. Those are the two paths that oftentimes we go.

You like internalize it or you externalize it. But what I'm suggesting is you just think it means nothing about you, about them. It's just a dynamic that is. They happen to have a dynamic that fits better with each other. I'd give this a six and a half. Six and a half. I'd give it a five still, but. Validated. If you want a closer relationship, be part of the solution, I think, too. If that is, if any of this is ringing a bell and you do feel like maybe you want to be closer,

I think you can, you know, inject a little vulnerability into a situation to make that happen. If you don't really care and you're just like, that was just insensitive and rude, then, yeah, leave it at that. All right. Good luck. Good luck. I think we did it for today. We'll be back next week. That's our time. Great work today. Betches.