Oversharing - How Do I Stop My Dad From Bragging About Being a Sugar Daddy?

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Family knows exactly how to push your buttons, and this week, Jordana and Dr. Naomi are getting into what happens when those buttons have been pushed one too many times. In Overshare, a listener wonders if it’s finally time to set real boundaries with a brother whose “jokes” always seem to come at her expense. A Betchisist is struggling to watch her notoriously judgmental dad date someone who seems to break every rule he raised his daughters to follow. Then, an Intention goes out to a future mom who wants kids but is terrified that motherhood means saying goodbye to sleep forever. In Triggered, is your mother-in-law saying “we’re the same size” a compliment, a subtle dig, or are you the one making it weird? And another listener considers crossing Naomi off her baby-name list because she doesn’t want her daughter spending a lifetime correcting people’s pronunciation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My rec league goalie says he plays for the love of the game. You gave up six goals last week, Steve? Maybe play to win, huh? Like with Bet365, I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout and can cash out at any time before the game ends. Steve, Bet365, the home of winning early. Must be 19 and older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca, or call 1866-5-1-2,600. Terms and conditions apply. The thing to focus on is this feeling of like this respect thing. The major thing that determines a closeness that you can have with a parent is this feeling that whatever they're preaching, that their morals and values that they're trying to instill on you from a young age are things that they practice themselves. A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or scientific. psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your position or mental health professional.

Hello and welcome back to oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So nice to see you. I will say this weekend, this Saturday, you sent a picture to our sibling group chat of Lila at homecoming. We talked about homecoming last week. Just like everyone was like, it made my night. Like it made my night too. I was like, I could only imagine how you felt. seeing this picture of her and her date. And it's like for me, like I'm looking at it. I'm like her entire life is flashing before like my eyes. And I'm like, I can't imagine how you must feel.

Yeah. I guess like maybe now because I have have kids, it felt just like it moved something in me. And I was just like I can't, I don't know. It was just like she's like a grown up and she's wearing like heels and she looks so cute. And it's like even, you know, like even though they're both. embraces. It still felt like, okay. I don't know. I felt like almost like for you and for myself, just remembering holding her like as a little baby and like her saying the craziest like little

cute things. And I'm just like, oh my God, she's such a grown up. It was, uh, it was very fun to see for me. And I'm sure for you too. Yeah. It is. I mean, it is crazy because our, our sibling dynamic, we are 10 years apart. So it's like we're kind of living these. just very different phases of parenthood. Like we were living different phases of life. Yeah. You know, and now living different phases of parenthood

where you're like sending a video of Charlie crawling. And I'm sending a video of like, you know, homecoming dress, you know, it's just so weird. And I'm just brought back to like, I literally remember. sending a video of Lila first crawling. You know, like I just remember it like it was yesterday and I sent you this text.

I'm like, I don't want to be that annoying person that's like, it's going to go by so fast. Right. Hold. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Yes. Right.

Yes. And be in the moment. The truth is I'm all about meditation and I'm all about like, you know, kind of like taking that moment and savoring it. But that's not because it makes it go by any slower. It doesn't. It's not because it changes anything or it doesn't give you back any time when you savor the moment. Maybe it gives you a little bit more of a clearer snapshot when you look back.

You know, like the whole thing of how when you think of your childhood memories, the ones that you remember are the ones that you have like a photograph of or a video of. Like the ones you remember more. or the ones maybe you've seen more photos that you've seen that photo more times. So you maybe remember that memory a little bit more vividly or it can be sometimes the ones where you did take that pause and kind of soak in that memory for some reason. So I do think sometimes that can help you kind of hold the memory a little bit more, but it doesn't.

Nothing will slow down time, even if you sit there and you really remember it. It is, it's quite, it's just quite surreal. You wouldn't believe it if you weren't living in it. And it is this weird kind of crossroads where they're both still in their braces, but, you know, she's in her like heels in her dress. And it's like this weird transition phase. Into adulthood, yeah. Yeah, it's super cute.

But yeah, it was, it was really weird to see the whole thing. And just they're still like awkward, you know. You know, it's not like, it's not like senior year prom yet where they're just like going off and totally like basically almost adult college. They're still like awkwardly. I mean, they were in middle school like three months ago. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's like this transition phase. But it is so weird like seeing all the, the same group chat that has basically like almost newborn babies that are just learning to like eat foods and. crawl and then like teenagers. It's just we get the whole gamut. Well, it's nice, I think, for us, because, you know, for me, I'm like, oh, it's nice reminder to, like, be in this moment.

And, you know, it's also kind of fun. In the same way you're picturing Lila crawling, I'm like almost imagining them, you know, in however many years doing these, like, big kids things and, like, you know, or not wanting to hang out with. me and how now I'm just like their whole world. And that's just like a nice reminder to be grateful for the stage you're in, I guess. It's so true. And it really, that is the scary part when you're like, when are they going to not want to hang out? I saw this Tina Faye. They still like hang out. They still do. They still do. But they're busy. They just get busy, you know, like with all the

activities. I saw this Tina Faye clip that was like having a teenage daughter is like having an office crush. And it was like, it was like, yeah, some of us are going to like have dinner. Um, you're probably busy. It's like, it was, it was like so perfectly. Playing it cool. Yeah, playing it cool. Like we were thinking maybe we might watch a movie, but, uh, you know, it's okay if you don't really, you know, you might, you don't want to come off all desperate. So it was like exactly what it feels like. I'm glad you guys enjoyed the picks. It was really, I couldn't stop staring at her because she's not a dress up girlie. No.

Like she does not. So I was just like, and that was also like the office crush thing. I was like, I could not stop staring at her. And she's all that when she comes down the staircase. Yeah, like with the music playing in the background. So. Yeah, I was like proud aunt. I was like showing all my friends.

Oh. I was showing them the mums. They were like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, that was nuts. And yeah, for them, they couldn't believe how old she was, like how big she'd gotten either. And they were saying how cute she looked. Oh, it was just like, yeah, the double braces was like super, it was just really, it was like the perfect kind of like middle cuteness. Yes, exactly for sure. Well, let's get into our show

before we do. Just want to remind everyone that if you would like to get even more involved with the show. You can email us at oversharing at betches.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 646363362626294. As always, if you want to subscribe, you get all the episodes, ad free and a day early. We have some fun subscription episodes. Sometimes we deep dive with a listener, do a listener update. And sometimes we just, you know, take listener feedback or we'll just do more longer emails that we can really get into depth with. Or if you want to take it a step further with the oversharing ethos, you can join a therapy group facilitated by Dr. Naomi Naomi herself. And how do they do that? Naomi Bernstein.com. Come find our community. If you're feeling a

little stagnant, some people come, they're feeling a little stagnant in individual therapy. Maybe you don't have something to talk about every single week, but you still want to have a therapist at arm's length that you can kind of touch base with and this great therapy community, but maybe you don't have something to talk about in therapy every single week. Group therapy is a great place for you to come. So yeah, reach out Naomi Bernstein.com. Come find out what we're up to, find a group that works for you. And occasionally I do have individual therapy openings and couple therapy.

I love doing couples therapy. So if that's something that you're looking for, Naomi Bernstein.com. Our fantasy commission says for him it's all about the friendships. Cute, Kevin, but I disagree. Like with Bet365. I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout and can cash out at any time before the game ends. No hard feelings, Kevin.

Just faster payouts from Bet365. The home of winning early. Must be 19 and older. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, visit Connectsontario.ca. Or call 1866-5-3-1-2600.

Terms and conditions apply. Let's get into our first email. I will read it. Great emails today. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi, I'm hoping you might be willing to give me some advice about a difficult situation with my brother. For context, my brother is 37, single, and the self-proclaimed black sheep of our very close, very large family. He lives out of state and visits only two to three times per year, but is very active on family group chats and attends most major family events. I'm 32, married, and currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first child, a baby boy. About a year ago, I experienced a late-term pregnancy loss,

so this pregnancy has been especially emotional and anxiety-provoking. I also have a history of body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. For as long as I can remember, my brother has made negative comments about me, particularly about my appearance, almost always disguised as a joke and often in front of other people. He also seems unable to let someone say something kind or complimentary about me without finding a way to turn it into a joke at my expense. Here are a few examples.

The night before my wedding, my best friend said in her toast that she couldn't wait to see how beautiful I would look as a bride. My brother immediately yelled, I wouldn't get your hopes up. I've seen a picture of her in the dress. Yikes. At a family birthday party, I misunderstood a question my uncle asked me. When I asked for clarification, my brother chimed in with,

try to keep up with the conversation, even though I know it's hard for you with that little brain of yours. Whenever I've confronted him, the conversation almost always ends with him telling me I'm too sensitive or can't take a joke. Similarly, my parents and other siblings have always seemed to shrug it off with a simple, that's just the way he is, and we just have to accept it. He struggled with mental health issues since childhood, which seemed to be everyone's excuse for the bad behavior. Recently, I hit my breaking point. This past weekend, I walked into a family gathering, and as soon as I came through the door, my brother announced in front of everyone, wow, you've been. gained a lot of weight. I was stunned. I felt humiliated, angry, and honestly heartbroken.

This is already something I struggle with internally and he knows my history. I've explained that his comments hurt me and that given my history, some are particularly damaging. Instead of taking responsibility, though, he deflects, makes excuses, turns the conversation around, or at best case scenario gives a half-assed apology. Eventually, the same behavior happens again. When I bring my disappointment up to my parents and other siblings, they get very sad and often put the pressure on me to make it right and to be the bigger person to keep the peace so that our family unit can remain as cohesive as possible. My husband on the other hand is also at its breaking point and is very protective of me. So he's more encouraging of the idea of cutting

ties all together with my brother. Also, the thought of having my son around someone, even just a few times a year who speaks to his mother or any other woman like this makes my skin crawl. Am I at the point where I need to stop trying to make him understand why his behavior? is hurtful and instead establish an actual boundary and consequences, what might that look like with the sibling, particularly when a very large and close-knit family who traditionally just chalks this behavior up to, that's just the way he is? And how do I protect myself without feeling like I'm the one creating family drama or letting everyone else down? Sincerely listening to Willing and Abel by Noa Khan on repeat. Wow. Okay. So first of all, thank you for the song

recommendation. I listened to it and I have since been listening to it on repeat. It's a great song. I love Noa Khan, but what is the song? I've never really deep dived into those lyrics. What is this? It's really about this, like a sibling conflict. It sounds like maybe it's about brothers, um, but I could see how she could relate it. There's was one lyric about how they can fight like they were kids like bony limned and red face teary eye that's just like paints a beautiful picture of kind of like their childhood. like kind of rehashing their same angsty fighting that they did when they were kids. Yeah.

It's a really beautiful song. But it's like sometimes you can so easily just be like, I don't even know you anymore. I don't even like you anymore. And forget about kind of the deep history that you have with this human and just want to like write them off. But the song, I could see what the song makes her sad because my initial thing was, kind of like boundary boundary, boundary, right? He's hurting you, set the boundary. She has her own wounds. And then I could see why this song makes her sad because the song is called willing and able.

And the end of the song is kind of like, I'm willing, if you're willing to kind of like fix this. And like it does bring up like we have a childhood history, which is what makes you want to even think about working on a sibling that I see so many sibling dynamics where you're like, like, I'm an adult, you're an adult. I have a different attachment figure at this point in my life. I don't really need you. I see you twice, two or three times a year. Like, I don't need this in my life.

Like, whereas if it was a friend, you would just like never really see them again. But it's a sibling, so they're in your life. And then when you think back to the, your childhood memories, it makes it hard to just want to cut somebody off. And I mean, there is something weird, I think. I mean, we've talked about this before, the idea of cutting any family member off, feels a very, like to say I'm no longer friends with that person feels like, okay. To say like, I don't speak to my brother.

I don't speak to my mother. Feels like another level of intensity or seriousness. And then you're bringing the whole family in too. Yes, well, that too. She talks about the close-knit family. So it's, I think there's another part of it. I think one thing that would help. she says her brother describes herself as, I mean, I've dealt, we've dealt with, I've dealt with, I'll speak to myself, I've dealt with, you know, contentious sibling relationships on and off here and there. And I think there's a couple tips that I've kind of done over the years, I think that would really help her here. I think one is this idea where she's saying, like, he's the self-proclaimed black sheep. To me, that sort of like gives some insight into why he does that.

this behavior. I think there's some sort of like a jealousy or a feeling of unfairness or a feeling of like wanting to take you down a notch because he doesn't feel perhaps as like he has his life together as much as you do or, you know, there's like usually when people are saying mean comments, there's like an insecurity and a reason they're saying it. And sometimes when you think of that when they say the comment, it can make you almost feel bad for them more than it does get angry. Because someone who felt really good about their life, someone who felt really like happy with where they were at, just like wouldn't get a jolt kind of feeling like the error taken out of you in the way that it did what did.

And she says there's a mental illness. So maybe there's something about his brain chemistry that also doesn't. really allow him to deal with that in like a healthy way. Totally. And and his, it sounds like his identity in this family has been defined as the mentally ill brother who like just is like that and that's just how he is and that's kind of his identity where when you walk in the room, it's like the bride and the, you know, you're pregnant and you're walking in all pregnant and beautiful and creating life. And he, instead of it being like, oh, look, oh, yay, you're here and you're pregnant.

And let's all talk about when the baby's coming and how are you feeling? And he feels like he needs to just knock you down a peg because you're doing all the right things and getting married and getting pregnant. And so he needs to call you fat and tell you you look terrible in your dress because you're getting too much positive attention. and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy for him. Yes. Right. What someone says about you says more about them than about you.

So I think that's one thing to keep in mind. The other thing to keep in mind, I think, is that that has helped me through the years is like this idea of going into these interactions. I don't know how often she sees him. I'm assuming they don't hang out a ton one-on-one. It's probably at these family functions. If she goes into these interactions, before she goes in, she could think about him. at his like, because this is something that you kind of have the ability to do when it's a family member or a sibling is like think about them in their most innocent childlike, like a mental exercise. Like think about them as a child in like whatever the most innocent conjuring of them that you can think of is and sort of just try to remember that like they're that person.

at their soul, like at their, and anything they're doing sort of like negatively towards you is a result of something that hurt that like little innocent, little like baby or toddler or child or however young you need to go to find that version of them where you can remember sort of like an innocent, playful sweetness about them. And I found that going into those scenarios, and you can even do this with a parent, even if you didn't, know them when they were that age, just try to like picture them at that age. Yeah. Or even like where their wounded self started. You know, like if you go, they're innocent sweep and potentially if you know where his wounded self started. Like he didn't, his identity as the black sheep didn't come from nowhere. And I, I don't want to take away the fact that he's mean and he's hurt you. And he certainly does not seem to care about your wounds. So like, I guess. get that. But I love this visualization exercise. Right. It's more for you than for them. Yes, 100% because it can help you come into this with like, this is coming from a wounded place

in him and you just happen to be the target. Yeah. In this moment and because the other path of cutting him off isn't going to feel good either. And I understand what she's saying about. I have a I don't want to, I don't want, like, it seems like everyone is okay with him speaking like this to me. I think she's allowed to like respond with her own firm boundaries. And honestly, for her son, like, for him to this to be like a good learning lesson about how to respond to someone who's mean to you, because he'll encounter that too. So like, whether it's saying like, you know, that's really not nice. It really hurt my feelings when you said that. Like, now her son will know how to respond when someone screams something mean to him. And then after you're got your leave the

family function, you can explain to the to her son that, you know, her, that his uncle is, you know, maybe going through some things or has some feelings that he like doesn't really know how to like stop himself from doing. And sometimes he says mean things. Like that's a good almost like, I don't think she used to be like, just ignore it. She could say something. It's a great opportunity to like show him, this is how you respond to someone who's kind of like trying to bully you. A hundred percent. And I do think this is hard because I think some people, when they have kids, there's this fantasy that everyone that's around their children are going to be these model citizens. And that's how you teach your children, like how, you know, how to act is by

placing them around perfect people. But like you're saying, that's not the real world in school, they're going to be around it. At home, they're going to, you cannot curate your family to model perfect, your extended family, or even your own nuclear family to be the perfect models of behavior all the time. But like you're saying, it's how do you handle it? There are going to be adults that don't always act the right way. And exactly what you're saying, maybe there's something oftentimes when people are mean, it's because there's something that's bothering them. really doesn't have anything to do with you. But here's how we set boundaries. I'm going to leave the room. I don't like that really hurt my feelings when you said that. And I'm going to leave the room now.

Or, you know, I always say you don't have to be, you don't have to sit there and take it from somebody that's being mean to you. You don't have to sit in the room and just have them continuously say hurtful comments. You can either get up and leave the room or you can even leave that particular function, you know, but you also don't have to make a decision right then about I'm never coming ever again. Agreed. And honestly, the less of a reaction you probably have to it, you know, if you're just quietly like saying that hurt my feelings, I'm going to go now, the person's probably just not getting as much out of it as if you're like yelling at them for saying it. Right. I think if you combine

all of these things, if you go into this sort of like imagining that this person is like it's doing this not because of anything having to do with you, but because of their own shit, it will almost make you feel sorry for them rather than be angry at them. And then I think that allows you the space away from whatever they're saying to kind of look at it less emotionally in the moment.

And also your own wounds. Like we do our triggered segment and like he's pushing your buttons. You said yes, he knows what your wounds are and he's pushing them because he probably feels in some way, his buttons are being pushed and he's pushing your buttons on purpose and that feels really mean and it is really mean. But if you can own your own triggers in the sense of like,

okay, I know. I have my trigger with my weight and obviously, you know, if he's, you know, you're in a very sensitive and I'm sorry that you had that late pregnancy loss that's awful. And I know that you're so, you know, obviously understandably super sensitive. about that and anything around your pregnancy. So like I get why you're very sensitive. But anything around your body image and your weight, you're kind of like, okay, I know that this is a me issue. This is a sensitivity that is my thing.

So I'm not going to allow this person who's clearly just has his own wounds. I'm not going to even allow this to be a thing. That's between me and you. because I know that this is my own trigger. This is my own sensitivity around this. So you can voice that hurts my feelings. I really don't like when you say that, but not as an effort to control his behavior.

You're never, this is clear. You're not going to control his behavior here. He's not going to stop. He's doing it on purpose because he wants to deflect from positive attention going towards you. I mean, the other thing you can do, which is like if you want to be Mother Teresa, which I don't think you really want to be here,

is like try to see if there's some way you can find out what positive is going on in his life or kill him with kindness it seems like he's missing some kind of self-esteem i don't know that you're ever going to fix this for him i'm sure this is a tall order but he just seems like he does feel like he's stuck in this self-fulfilling prophecy of like the only thing that i can ever get attention for is saying a snarky comment yes right so maybe if there's something that he can do that he can get attention for that's somewhat positive that would feel great without having to be like hey i you know did this thing today everybody look because that might just not be his style um so maybe trying to notice something or ask him questions about his life or um i don't know if that's going to work but um it

does seem like now he's known as this kind of like asshole brother. And so he's adopted that identity and he's kind of stuck in it. Yeah. It's a, it's a tough one because it's like the person's not really going anywhere. Yeah. So you can't control how anyone acts. You can only control the effect it has on you. So hopefully these are some helpful tips. Yeah. I hope so. Well, Keep us posted. And again, I don't want to invalidate that this, that, you know, he's, what he's saying is painful and you've been through a lot and, you know, that this is a really tough spot. But you're not going to control, like, even if you become a strange from him, he's not going to change. He's still going to continue doing this. You're not, I think sometimes there's this like fantasy that you're going to somehow teach him a lesson and he's going to be different or stop acting like this. He's not going to. Or if he is, it's because he's grown up on his own. Right. Our fantasy commission says for him it's all about the friendships.

Cute, Kevin. But I disagree. Like with Bet365. I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout and can cash out at any time before the game ends. No hard feelings, Kevin. Just faster payouts from Bet365. The home of winning early.

Must be 19 and older. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, connects ontario.ca or call 1866 5 through 1,2,600. Terms and conditions apply. All right, let's do a betchesist. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. I'm 28 and I need help figuring out how to deal with my dad's relationship without either losing my mind or completely damaging my relationship with him. For some family contacts, I have two sisters. My dad is 60 and a doctor. My parents have been

divorced for almost 15 years. My relationship with my dad has always been complicated. Growing up, I mostly feared him. Our relationship improved as I got older. He's also possibly the most straight-edge person alive. If someone has a single drink, he calls them an alcoholic. People with visible tattoos or piercings anywhere other than their ears are, in his words, barbarians. Which brings me to his new girlfriend. A few months ago, we discovered my 60-year-old father was dating a 33-year-old waitress.

She has a four-year-old child with a man who's currently incarcerated. for drug dealing. She herself has reportedly been arrested and spent time in jail for assault. She also has a lip ring and tattoos, which I mentioned not because I think those things make someone a bad person, but because according to every opinion, my father has loudly expressed for my entire life, she's exactly the kind of person he would normally judge. And I keep coming back to one thought. What would happen if one of his daughters brought home someone with this exact background? My sisters and I were raised with incredibly high expectations, particularly surrounding education, careers, behavior, financial independence, and the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

He made those expectations very clear to us our entire lives in a very traumatizing way that I've spent years working through and unpacking. Initially, the situation was even stranger because they apparently hadn't spent any time together outside of the restaurant where she worked. He would go to the restaurant to see her and tip her $100 every time. About six months ago, my dad brought her up to me and I was very blunt. I told him that the age difference wasn't even what bothered me most. It was that everything I knew about her and the situation seemed completely inconsistent with his own stated values.

I asked him, can you name one redeeming quality she has? He admitted that he could not think of one. Since then, they have apparently broken up and gotten back together at least four times. more recently we found out that he bought her a new phone and is paying her rent and this is where I'm struggling. This isn't about believing my dad should be giving that money to his daughters instead. He can spend it however he wants. What bothers me is watching someone I've spent my entire life viewing as an intimidating, highly educated, judgmental man seemingly become completely oblivious to the possibility that someone may have a significant financial incentive to keep this relationship going.

matters worse. Whenever the subject comes up while I'm with him and my sisters, my dad knows exactly how I feel and deliberately tries to push my buttons. My dad is an adult. He's intelligent, he's financially secure. He knows how I feel. I've already said my peace and I recognize that I can't protect a 60-year-old man from his own decisions. At this same time, he's still my dad. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone you love potentially be taken advantage of. So, Dr. Naomi and Jordana, how do I emotionally detach from my dad's relationship without detaching from my dad? How do I get past the hypocrisy of watching him make a romantic choice he almost certainly would have judged one of his daughters relentlessly for making?

And how do I figure out how much of my reaction is genuine concern that my dad's being taken advantage of versus anger and resentment from growing up under standards that I'm now watching him completely disregard, a daughter who would really like her dad to stop giving her material for therapy. Okay. A lot to unpack here. Wow. This is like a one-two punch. The hypocrisy of this all is probably the most infuriating part to her. And I agree with it where she's like kind of trying to parse it out like what's what's like protective, what's this anger towards him. And I think there's like a moment in a lot of adult children's lives. And I think this is the number one thing from everything I've read about this is like the thing that kind of makes children feel distant from their parents is this

like idea of hypocrisy, this idea that like whatever they've told you is not who they actually are. And the realization of that as an adult is that just like something that they said over and over again as a child. And again, that this, I don't agree with what he said, but like he's not even living by it. And so there's like a hypocrisy, which I think the word that she doesn't want to say here or isn't really like discussing is the idea that it's made her lose respect for him. And that's like a hard realization that sometimes you don't even know what's happening while it's happening.

But it seems like that's what's happening here. Right. She's seeing her dad as like someone that's not her dad, someone that's just like a man who is not someone she's respecting right now. And I think on top of that, it's the years starting in adolescence where she did respect him. And she probably had this battle all these years of like, I kind of think this is okay. Or I have a crush on this guy with tattoos or I want to date this person that like, I don't know. It's a piercing, whatever.

Right. And I feel like I have to doubt my own judgment for so long because this high and mighty figure in my life is telling me that I'm, I can't trust myself and I can't trust my own judgment. And I've spent decades not being able to trust myself and battling with that only to now realize it was bullshit the whole time. the whole time, right, yeah. And you were wrong the whole time. And I'm sitting here like up at night wrestling with like, I don't know, maybe I let this guy go because like, or girl or whoever she wanted to date. Like I let this person go this whole time because I thought that you were right, that they

didn't have a college education or they didn't, you know, fit your mold. And I've like let you influence me, not just maybe letting someone. and go that I thought could have been my person or a friend or I made life choices based on because I respected your opinion all these years. And now like you're saying, I'm realizing that it was all some sort of projection over something that you really wanted to do. And I've been duped this whole time and like I've had to spend all these sleepless nights like second guessing my own thoughts and feelings and judgments and now here you are kind of being like, oops. And not even acknowledging that what he said is not what he's currently doing.

Right. Not even owning it or admitting it. I think if he would have been like, I'm so, you know what? I'm so sorry that I put these values on you this whole time and, you know,

that I was so harsh and judgmental and I was wrong. And now I see I'm madly in love with this woman and I feel terribly that I, you know, I think this she might feel like, okay, like he was wrong. And this actually might be like,

feel good to her and freeing and kind of like feel like some healing, but he's not even doing. He's just joking and poking at her and not really addressing it. And then there's the other side of like, let's get a lawyer and make sure he doesn't sign over all his money to her and like he's being taken advantage of by her. Perhaps. But I think the thing she's missing here, because she asked him about her, the woman's redeeming qualities and he doesn't name any. And maybe that's because he doesn't want to tell you

that he thinks she's hot and he enjoys the sexual aspect of their relationship. And that is one exchange that exists in the dating world. And maybe she wouldn't normally date a 60-year-old, angry-sounding man. But she's getting something, like this is an exchange of something here. And unless she feels that her dad is like senile

or has dementia or has some other limiting capacity, like he is an adult man who can figure out his life for himself. So I wouldn't worry about who he's dating or what he's doing in that regard. I think the thing to focus on is this feeling of like this respect thing. Because I think that that is like the major thing that determines a closeness that you can have with a parent is this feeling that whatever they're preaching, that their morals and values that they're trying to instill on you from a young age are things that they practice themselves. Kids notice that when you're selling them something and you're not acting the way that you

tell them they should be acting. Like that does create a distance. I think that does create a lack of trust that does create like a rift. And so I would focus less on that. Like I would, this woman, I mean, she might have bad intentions. but she might just, you know, be playing the same game he is. It's true. I guess I think the part of that that feels icky is that almost the, let's say this is like

a sugar daddy situation. The part that feels icky is that the, that he doesn't see it that way, you know, that he's like kind of thinking that, that she's just, you know, it's almost like, the elephant in the room. Maybe she doesn't see it that way either. Maybe she sees it like, you know, I'm young, I'm hot. I could hang out with a lot of different people, but like, I'm, you know, this person's fulfilling my financial needs, so I'm hanging out with them. Right. Like I wonder if a sugar daddy situation would feel better to her, to the daughter, if he, if he was like, yeah, I know, we've talked about it. And I am aware that like, she's, she,

she would probably rather be with like a 35 year old guy. But I have money and I support her financially. And, you know, so therefore I get to sleep with a 33 year old woman. And, you know, she gets to get her rent paid. Yeah. And so like I think if he was like acknowledging that and that he was aware of it versus him thinking that she's like so like just attracted to him. and out of all the men in the world that she would most want to sleep with him,

I think it's the part that makes it feel like a little icky that he's like fooling himself. That's the part of this that I think for a family member of someone who's, I'm sure this happens like you said all the time where someone's adult daughter is like, dad, you're dating a 25 year old. Like what do you think she's interested in? Right. What do you think she's interested in? And I think if there was some awareness of like, okay, I know.

Like we have an arrangement. Yes. Right. As long as you're aware of it, I think it makes it a little bit better than like him thinking that she just thinks he's like the hottest guy around and it's all this, you know, I think that would make it feel a little better. I mean, it sounds to me like he is a pretty low EQ because someone who was screaming and she calls it traumatizing their daughters into dating the kind of.

of people that they think are, you know, of a certain caliber in his mind. And then dating someone who's exactly the kind of person that she has told them not to date and cannot acknowledge that, I doubt that person has the self-awareness to be like looking at his situation and the emotional EQ of looking at his situation with this 33-year-old woman and like calling it what it is. So this is a moment. This is a welcome to that not so fun part of adulthood when you have a little more distant from your parents. And you can see them as people and less as parents and see their flaws.

And like there's a change in their relationship that happens with that. It's sad. It's upsetting. She sounds like she has tried to vocalize. why it's so upsetting to her to him and he doesn't seem to necessarily be receptive of that. And honestly, I think that's all she can do. And he is a grown, educated man. And if he wants to make this mistake, that's kind of on him.

You're not his mother. He's your father. He's failed you in some ways himself the whole time. Yeah, it's like closeted this whole time. Yes. Closited in terms of what his fetish was. His taste was. Right.

Is that. his taste. And so like, that's probably why he was so strongly against it because he wanted to do it himself the whole time. And that's, that is sad and it is kind of infuriating. And it's just something you're going to have to accept about him and kind of more in the idea of the parent that you wish you had. I think this is sort of the theme of the, this episode thus far is like when you have this clarity of these relationships and kind of what's going on for the other person and even what's going on for you, what's going on for the other person, what the dynamic is, but the other person doesn't have the capacity to share that insight with you. You know, like the brother, you're

kind of like, she would love to have the conversation of like, tell me what is bothering you about this. Like, I don't want, you feel like a black sheep. I'd like to talk to you about that. I'd like to help you heal your wounds. I want to have a better relationship with you, you know, willing and able that whole thing. But he's just not capable like she's tried to talk. That is really frustrating and hard when you're like, I actually love you. I want to have a better relationship with you. You're just not capable of having the emotional intimacy with me and communication with me that it would take to go there. So like I see it all so clearly, but I just have to stand here on my side of the street and own like my own feelings around this.

And I can't, you can't be a part of my healing and my, the way that I handle our relationship. Like I have to just own my own healing here and I cannot even involve you in it, which is very tempting to want to be like, I want you to change in this way. I want you to be a part of this healing process for me. me. And that's not what's happening. That's not part of the deal. I have to do this healing on my own. So that is a tough one. You've got to move forward and heal on your own. He's not going to be part of this. In fact, he's going to keep making these little digs and pokes at you, just like the brother's going to keep making these little digs and pokes. And you've got to know, like, okay, I know what's happening

here for me on my side. And if that's kind of what therapy is. And, And that's why therapy is healing and insight is healing and being self-aware is healing because you're like, okay, I've touched this wound a million times. I know what it is. I know what's going on for me. So nothing that you say is going to poke this in a way that I am going to be shocked by or caught off guard by or it's going to, it's not going to knock me over because I've talked about it in therapy.

I know what to expect. So I'm actually okay, like with whatever you say because I'm very self-aware. So that it's about you. I know what's happening here. This is a you issue. So you can, you know, call, you can talk about how much weight I've gained when I walk in the room and I know where that's coming from. And I know it's a you issue.

And you can start rattling off about all the things that you're buying your new girlfriend and like that you're going to go visit her. you know, her baby daddy in jail when you wouldn't come to, you know, meet my new boyfriend because he had a second piercing in his ear when I was 17. And that really pisses me off. But like, I know that this is a you issue because you had a closeted, you know, fetish for this. And like, I know that that's a you issue. So I'm not going to continue to let this, like activate me. Like it's almost kind of creates a little force field.

Like when you have this awareness that every time this happens, you're like, okay. And I think it would be validating. It sounds she said she had sisters. If she could, you know, you have someone to like sort of validate your experience who also had the same childhood as you is often very nice. I think in these scenarios where you can talk to them and be like, and they can sort of validate that you're not crazy that like, yes, it is insane that he said all these things and isn't even acknowledging that he's not living up to the way that he tried to

force you guys to live. Yeah, that self-awareness will set you free because, you know, and just knowing what's happening here so that you don't continue to get triggered by him. And it'll happen. You'll have that automatic trigger and you'll be like, oh, right, this is a you problem. So go ahead. Go on. Keep spewing. Our fantasy commission says for him it's all about the friendships. Cute, Kevin, but I disagree. Like with Bet365. I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout

and can cash out at any time before the game ends. No hard feelings, Kevin. Just faster payouts from Bet365. The home of winning early. Must be 19 and older. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling,

visit connectsontario.ca. or call 1866 5 through 1, 2,600. Terms and conditions apply. All right, let's do some intentions. I will read them. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm writing in for an intention or anything helpful you may be able to impart from personal experience

regarding being scared to take the step of having children due to the unpredictability of it. I'm in my early 30s, been married a year, and I've always planned to have kids. But now that I'm getting closer to starting to try, I'm so scared of the unpredictability around things like sleep and how their temperament will be.

I'm pretty type A and would follow a schedule, so sleep training as needed, et cetera. But I end up on scary sides of TikTok where people just say, be prepared to never sleep again no matter what. As a girl that has never been sleep deprived, I'm so nervous about how that would impact me. What tips do you have for feeling confident

I can get through the rough stages? Even any tips regarding finding a night nurse that you trust it if it comes to that. Sincerely, a girl with consistent 90-plus nightly sleep, nightly sleep scores. Yeah, I mean, the sleep is not the same. It's not only because of like, just like them being up. I think it's because of that hard brain, maternal brain hardwiring of like just like a, I just sleep less deeply than I used to, I think. I can just hear more. And I think that is like a brain thing. So yeah, the sleep changes. You get used to it. I also,

Mike, I would tell this to everyone, Mike and I used to not be morning people. Now we are against our will. You get used to it. It's an adjustment. It is hard. The hard wiring thing I think is also like your whole chemistry changes. So you're not even dealing with the same chemistry that you have now. Like if someone ever told you now that you would be able to function a whole day on like three hours of sleep, you'd be like, no, like I, not, but like you do and you will. And because your whole chemistry changes and you just, your body will adjust and figure it out. And people wouldn't keep going back and having like second and third babies if it was like as bad as some people are making it out to be on TikTok when you're like, you'll never sleep again. And like you will.

And I think what you're saying, how your whole. nervous system changes to where you just don't ever, you know, sleep as deeply again after that because you're just more like tuned in to every sound and every, you know, noise and, and until you get to perimenopause, right? And then you can focus on yourself. Yeah. And then you said in that video. Yes. And you wake up in a sweat. Yeah. They don't sleep for other reasons. No, I sleep very well. So I will just say this. Like, I sleep great. Once my kids were sleeping through the night, like, there are people that like figure this out and sleep. So I'm just also going to say that. But that same chemistry shift just also makes it that it doesn't feel as bad as you think

it's going to feel when you're not sleeping. Like if you told me that I would be waking up every two hours for the first like, you know, however many months or year of my kid's life, I'd be like, no, there's no way, but you do it. And also, the other thing that I want to tell you that's going to make it better is like the, and the other reason why people keep having kids is like when you, maybe the newborn is hard. But like, when you get to that point where they start smiling, which I joke about that our mom always said, like, just when you're ready to like throw them out the window, they start smiling. It's like God's heavenly design. And then when you go to them in the morning and the second they see you, they give you that like big,

adorable smile. It's like instant joy. It's like it creates like a chemical thing, I think, inside you, which again makes people want to do it again. Makes people want to experience that. And it's really very indescribable feeling and it is amazing. And it is worth it. It's definitely worth it. But yeah, there's going to be some nights where you feel really tired. And I would say, if you're the kind of person who sleep is your thing and sleep was my thing and sleep is Mike's thing and you have the means, at least, you're not going to get away with fixing the sleep issue entirely unless you are like a billionaire. And you can have someone do nights for your entire kid's entire childhood. But if you're like, I'm, you know, I'm going to be giving birth and I'm going to be

recovering and I, uh, and if I'm, if I don't sleep, I'm not going to enjoy this period at all. And you have and you're fortunate enough to have the extra funds to help some, hire someone to assist you or you have a great mom or a great mother-in-law or someone to help you with that. I would just like prepare. If you know yourself, this is the best gift you can have because then you can get ahead of a lot of things that come up, I think, in parenting of like, this is a big priority to me. I need to put whatever the pull the levers in place to get to that point. And I will say, I have a psychiatrist who I get my soul off from and who I spoke to about the sleep issues that I was having also in the months after the babies were born. And she also could

prescribe me something to help with the sleep and the, you know, because sometimes it wasn't even about the babies. It's like you're just like you think you might hear the babies or the anxiety around, you know, that's like, to me, that was half of it because my kids are like actually not bad at sleeping, but it's hard to, you know, like, there's, there's different methods that you can have to get through the period of time where like it is very difficult. And depending on your own, I'm not going to recommend anything because it all depends on your own personal circumstances, but there's solutions to help you get through it. And if you're type A, which you said you are, you'll probably be very good at sleep training because I think that's like a type A people tend to

be good at sleep training, which and naps and all that stuff. Yeah. If your type A people are good with sleep scheduling, which if you're good at that, it works. Like if you are the type of person that's like the nap is at nine and one, then the nap is at nine and one. And then they go to bed at seven. And like all that stuff tends to work except maybe if they're sick or teething or whatever on the rare occasion or whenever that happens. So like you're going to use that strength that you have that you are kind of scheduled and that's going to help you. That's a strength. And also,

I think this is going to be a great growth opportunity for you to learn. Okay, I'm a type A. I like to exercise control where I can, but also life in general, especially with babies, is not controllable, as you know, which is why you're having this fear. And it's going to be a great growth experience for you to be able to tolerate

that because babies are no baby. life is going to throw you curve balls. And this is a great way to kind of build that resilience. And if you have a partner, if you're doing this with a partner, that can also help. We switch off. So I think that that definitely like helps.

So whatever levers you have in your life before you, totally rational fear, I think. I think that's the thing I miss the most probably. It's just like I go to bed, I wake up in the morning. That's just like, I don't know, it just doesn't feel like that's it. Even if it's, even if they sleep through the night, it just doesn't feel like I go to bed and I wake up in the morning like I used to. And just figure out again, you can, you can solve anything if you can anticipate the problem before it happens. I mean, again, there'll be nights where you can't and there'll be these moments where you can't.

And those moments will be growth moments. like for whatever it like it'll either work you'll fix it you'll control what you can or you'll grow from it so either way i think this is going to be a great experience very valid fear i also loved my sleep and being you know now many years ahead it will come back you will sleep again and i do i agree i sometimes all the internet stuff of like be prepared you're never going to sleep again. Like, shut up. And everyone's scenario is also different.

Like everyone's own brain chemistry is different. Everyone's relationship to sleep is to everyone's ability to sleep is different. So like everyone has their own unique experience. That doesn't really get a lot of clicks. But it might not be that way for you. The only way, there's no really way to know before you go into it. But have some party tricks up your sleeve going into it. And I think it won't.

You can mitigate. how bad it actually is. So what's your intention for her? Yeah, so my intention for her is I will use my strengths to create control where I can and trust I can learn to tolerate discomfort. Our fantasy commission says for him it's all about the friendships. Cute, Kevin, but I disagree. Like with about 365, I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout

and can cash out at any time before the game ends. No hard feelings, Kevin. Just faster payouts from Bet365. The home of winning early. Must be 19 and older. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling,

visit connectsontario.ca. Or call 1866 5 through 1,2,600. Terms and conditions apply. Let's do some triggers. Okay. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. I love the show. Last weekend, my in-laws came to visit,

and my mother-in-law told us that she started taking a GLP1. Nobody understands why she's on it because she's a healthy weight. She brought it up nonstop. Every time we were discussing what to eat or which restaurant to go to, she would say, oh, it doesn't matter to me. I have no appetite. Or would comment, I'm so full after two bites of food. Now for my triggered scenario.

While they were visiting, I used the day of free babysitting to go clothes shopping and peace. When I got home, I was showing everyone what I got and my mother-in-law commented on my new jeans saying, oh, I love those. Can I borrow them? we're the same size. I generally am not insecure about my body. I eat healthy and I'm very active.

I run marathons and go to the gym regularly. But that comment felt so rude to me. All weekend, she was talking about her GLP1 and losing weight and then says we're the same size, implying I need to lose weight too. My husband says I'm overthinking it, but I was so annoyed. So how trigger can I be? Signed and are you calling me fat, betch? Okay.

We're the same size is a dangerous comment, I think, that you can't really do much with. Yeah. I can see why. What, do I think she's overthinking it? Yes, but do I think it's also kind of annoying thing to say to someone also yes, especially when you're someone who like talk shit about their own body a lot or clearly has insecurity enough with your body that you're going on on this even though you're a healthy weight? Right.

Well, I guess I'll play a little devil's advocate. It's like she's on it and she seems to be like happily on it. Like maybe she's just feeling like she's on her maintenance dose. You know, like maybe she's like, I'm on it. I've lost weight. And now I'm like, this is how I've lost my weight. And I'm like happily on this. And how much weight I've lost.

Now we're the same size. Now we're the same size is kind of how I took it. Right. It's possible. I don't know how long she's been on it. I don't know. I think comparing your own weight to someone else's weight is always like a little. Right. Saying we're the same size. But also for this listener who she's like, she was a healthy weight to start. She didn't need a GLP1. But it's so offensive. Does she truly believe that? That's a good point.

It's so offensive now that she's saying that we're the same size. She's a healthy weight for her. Right. Right. So this stuff is so sticky because it's like, It's so annoying to her that she's taking this because she was a healthy weight, but it's also so annoying that she's saying that we're the same weight. I also wouldn't want my mother-in-law borrowing my jeans. I don't know. She's just like, she commented on my new jeans. I love those.

Can I borrow them? We're the same size. It almost felt like a little like she was trying to make the comment. She's really going to borrow her jeans? I don't know. I don't know. I am taking this as like she's probably 30 years older. She's feeling good about herself.

Give it to her. Give her the jeans. Oh my God, you look so good. Like she's, you know, got to be in her 60s and she's feeling good about herself. Like, let her have the moment of feeling like she's the same size as you. Like, in my mind, you're an awesome shape. You're running marathons. You're clearly like doing great physically.

Let her join the party. Give her the jeans. Tell her she looks great. great. Oh my God. You're like, you know, you look awesome. I would just, you know, let her have her moment in the sun. I do agree because she says, she said she is a healthy weight, not she was a healthy weight. She said she's going on it. No one understands why because she is a healthy weight. So to me, she hasn't lost a bunch of weight. If she feels, she's feeling herself like, I don't know, I would give it to her and be like, oh, Susan.

You look great. Try on my jeans. Like let's have a little bonding moment. That would make her day. Like I'm almost convinced. Make her feel good. It would be like the best day of her life. I wear the same jeans as my daughter-in-law.

I feel so wonderful. To call it a rude comment infers that you think that it's almost rude of you to think it's a rude comment. Right. Right. Right. Right. Like if someone says, if you someone says, you look.

just like me, it could be a rude, it would be a rude comment if you think that person's ugly. That's why when people are always like, oh my God, you're the splitting image of your daughter and most people are like, oh, thank you, whatever. Right. You're like, ugh. No. Oh my God. That's rude. That was, no one would ever tell someone that was rude. That would be crazy. Right. Yeah. So I guess you're the trigger. Yeah. Sorry. We're going to give you a, we're going to give you a two because you're the trigger. All right, let's do another one. I'll read it.

Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm seven months pregnant with a baby girl and narrowing in on her name. I'm really between two names and one of them is Naomi. And yes, Dr. Naomi, please do flatter yourself because not only is it a lovely name, but I also have a very positive association with it because of you. We've had multiple listeners choose the name Naomi because of you. You know, not a ton of Jordana's. I'm not going to, you know.

I do like the name Jordana. It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have the same name. My hesitation is that if I choose Naomi with the intended pronunciation, Naomi, people will frequently pronounce it as Naomi. I feel bad for people whose names are often mispronounced,

and they either have to politely correct or just let it go. So I guess my triggered scenario is actually yours. How often do people mispronounce your name and how much does it bother you? I'm sure Jordana can weigh in on this too with a name of the she didn't choose for her child. Sorry. As I've heard many people call her Jordana on a podcast over the years. I know in the grand scheme of things, it's a minor annoyance,

but I still worry about saddling my daughter with that annoyance when it could be avoided by choosing a different name. I appreciate your insights. A call me by your right name, batch. All right. Good question. This does happen. And it is a thing.

I actually just had this question. So my middle daughter's name is Madeline. and everyone always calls her Madeline. They'll call her by her full name. I don't think I've called her by her full name like ever. No, she goes by Maddie, but her teachers, like her name is written like on the school stuff as,

you know, M-A-D-E-L-I-N-E. And everyone always calls her Madeline, which is not her name. Her name is Madeline. And so she just always, you know, we always like, Madeline, you know, like we'll always like make,

because she doesn't correct people. And I'm always like, you know, you can say, actually it's pronounced Madeline. Like, you can just say that. Can I tell you something a little embarrassing? Yes. I was not sure until you just said that. I had never really thought about it. You thought it was Madeline?

You've never, no one has said her name like that in like probably like 13 years. I'm just kind of like, when you said that, I was like, how is it pronounced? I don't even think anyone's, I've heard anyone say it. Like I might not know. But then I'm like, that's my niece. That's really weird that I wouldn't. 100% know that, but I also don't call her that and no one else around me does. She strongly prefers Maddie. So we use Maddie like a lot. That's really funny. As you were saying that.

I'm like, am I the problem? Sorry. Yeah, you are the problem. I guess so. But you know, you don't call her Madeline either. She's just not Madeline. She's Madeline. I just love that name. It's so cute. I wish you would go by it more. Maybe she was an adult. Yeah. The other, day she was complaining. She was like, Maddie's just so like ordinary. And I was like, well, you can use Madeline. Like that's not like, you know, that's more unique. And so anyway, so we had this whole conversation about how to correct people if they say your name's wrong. So she obviously isn't into correcting people at her age of, you know, 13. She's like, it's too annoying or I don't want to be that person or I don't want to like have to deal with correcting

people. And I definitely had the, well, we grew up in Long Island. So Naomi was like a thing that a lot of people said. And I think when I was younger, I didn't also like to correct people. Like it would be, I would just kind of let them, I figured it was like an accent, you know, like it was just their accent. Do you correct people now? Yeah, sometimes like some people will ask, I don't really correct people, but sometimes people will ask. Yeah. If they ask, I'll tell them. Yeah. I don't really. Yeah, I guess I don't really. Yeah. I don't really. Yeah. I think I, yeah, it's true. I guess I figure it's like someone's

accent, you know, like even I'll joke with my kids, you know, like the name, you know, we're from New York. So the name H-A-R-R-I-S-O-N. Harrison. Yeah. And they say Harrison. Harrison. Harrison. Harrison. That's not Harrison. Very sounds very sounds very technical. So like, Harrison. So like, whenever I say Harrison, they'll be like Harrison, Harrison, like make fun of me. And I'm like, no, it's Harrison. No, it's Harrison. I don't think that's a reason not to use the name. I just figure if someone calls me Naomi, it's just like their accent. So. But if someone says like, oh, is it Naomi or Naomi? Then of course I'll say it's Naomi. So I think my advice would be just to use the name and think of it as just like an accent of how people say it. But the Madeline thing is almost more of like, because Madeline is like a different name. And people will often read Madeline, which to me, I'm like it reads Madeline. We'll read it as Madeline.

And that's like a different name in my, that's not like an accent. that's a different name altogether. It's where they're just putting the emphasis somewhere else. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of that comes along with a slightly exotic name.

What I call it very exotic? No. Slightly, you know, there's an accent. It's like Chloe. I think like or like a, you know,

a name where sometimes there's an accent. Well, what do you think about correcting someone? Like what do you think about saying? It's actually it's pronounced Madeline or actually it's pronounced Naomi or Jordana. I would only do that if I felt, like I was going to see them often.

It was a teacher. I think I would do that because then every day they're saying Madeline. But for me, if I'm, you know, if I'm at the doctor's office and the doctor calls out Jordana, I'm not going to be, I don't really see the social stakes

to me are not high enough to correct them. Right, a good friend, you know, or someone I'm meeting around town that I, you know, that I'm probably going to see a lot. Right. And again, like I don't think anyone, a lot of people ask. It's nice when people ask.

And then you can say that. And sometimes someone will say it wrong and then they'll say, did I say that right? And I was like, oh, actually, it's true. Anna, but honestly, you can all answer to whatever. No, it's true. And I do think for, you know, because this is for a baby and a child, I think, and that's why I tried to encourage, you know, Maddie to advocate for herself in this way or to be able to have this little teeny tiny confrontation. I think it's good for them to be able to

yeah, as long as you say it like chill away, not like it's Madeline. Right. Just to be like, oh, actually I pronounce it Madeline. Yeah. I think that's fine. That's a good thing to practice. Yeah, to like give them that little moment where they have to kind of have like a itsy bitty little confrontation that is not rude. It's just kind of standing up for themselves. But I think you could almost unless you give a very generic name, you could almost mispronounce almost anything. And I have sympathy for people who pronounce my name wrong because I am very bad at pronouncing like a lot of things. I have very bad. I just don't have like that. Some people are just good with just knowing how to say something nine times out of 10. I do it wrong. So if I ever interview

anyone on a podcast, I say, could you just say your name for me so I make sure I pronounce it correctly? Yes. You could do this. So I feel I feel, yeah, I feel for. people who pronounce my name wrong. I never want to make them feel shame because I do this all the time. But I think if someone feels shameful for mispronouncing a name, that's kind of like on them. Like it's just it happens. It's no big deal. And it could happen. I mean, even my older daughter's name is Lila and it's spelled L-Y-L-A, which is pretty much as close as you can get to like the phonetic spelling. And people call her L-L-A all the time just because it's like, they just think of like the song Layla or like they think that's just the name and it's like you you just you know and sometimes you have to be like oh actually my name is Lila I mean if

I'm going for coffee I'll go by Jordan because it's just easier just easier yeah I do what I do people for some reason always like when I'm doing a drive-through speaker and I say Naomi they always think I've said Mary so sometimes I'll just be like Mary Mary that's funny that's pretty far from Naomi. But yeah, that's funny. What trigger score are you when your name is mispronounced? Oh, like a one does not bother me. I think if it's someone you've told several times and they pronounce it wrong,

that ups the trigger. But generally, first time someone's saying my name. No, there's just, no, no harm. And, you know, it is. Go for it. Call her Naomi. Call her, Juerdana. Do whatever you want.

That wasn't an option. Do whatever you want. All right. Just throwing it out there, you know. Yeah. Okay. All right. That's our time.

Great work today. Betches.