Oversharing - How To Be Honest With Your Parents About Your Life

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Dr Naomi shares a recent moment with her son where the “Birds & the Bees” are discussed and she and Jordana reminisce on their own childhood conversations around the subject. The Overshare comes from a Betch in a secret age-gap relationship that is rapidly moving towards engagement and she is unsure of how to reveal it all to her family. A listener seeks help around tipping, especially when it comes to discounted services and the hosts give a Betchicist with their own takes on the matter. Dr Naomi provides an important intention for a listener that could help us all a bit with FOMO and not fitting in. A triggered scenario where a boyfriend goes silent for all 5 days of a bachelor trip has one listener spiraling and another has an employee defending her new hometown after her boss trash talks it to her face, and both scenarios are honestly wild. Subscribe to Oversharing on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@OversharingPod⁠   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to the Oversharing podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How is it going?

We are in the throes of September when this episode airs. How do you feel kids are back in school? Kids are back in school, trying to let their life. be their life and not, you know, absorb all. You know, it's, it is crazy how much harder, starting probably in middle school, how much harder I think a lot of these kids work and how much they do all day compared to what most adults do. Like they are micromanaged all day, eight periods a day.

They both often get there at like seven o'clock in the morning, like arrive at their place at 7 a.m. sometimes don't leave until, you know, like 4.30, 5 o'clock tonight. They're going to, Maddie's going to be there until 8 p.m. Like, it's, it's a lot having to ask to go to the bathroom and every single thing you do and afraid of getting in trouble at every turn. It's really, in high school. Yeah. Probably even worse. It's a lot. I mean, structure is good. Yeah, structure is good. But maybe sound a little overstructured, maybe in some ways. No, I mean, it's good. It teaches them, you know, work ethic and that there's not a lot of downtime during their day. And they're constantly, they constantly have to be on. But yeah, sucks for them. I'm here in my living room. In my, you know. Listen, you did your time. I did my time. We all did. I remember like crazy getting to high school, like arriving at high school. And it was dark out for a long time after even. getting there. That is crazy. Like, I would never take any job that started at 7 a.m.

You have to be there at 7 a.m. fully packed, loaded. She has two backpacks, a clarinet, athletics bag, switching shoes, lunch for now, dinner for later. It's like a lot. Five days a week. No one, no adult even has to go usually five days a week. Yeah, it's a lot. But you'd think by the third kid that I'd have, I'd be prepared for the birds and the bees conversation, which happened over the weekend with Brooks. How did it come about? You know, and it happens to most parents, like out of the blue, they just ask. Like, where do babies come from?

And it's like, you're on, you know? How much are they ready to know? I think the girls asked a little later. He's probably a little more advanced because he has older sisters. Right. So he knows. He hears more chatter. Yeah, more chatter.

He knows like he knew he knows that the baby comes out of the vagina. Okay. Good start. Good start. I mean, he's seen pregnant women before. Right. And I think he's probably heard just about like having babies and maybe that it's, you know, challenging for the woman.

And like he knows. I don't know exactly how he knew that part, but he was like, how does it, how does the baby get in there? Right. I think the hardest part, the part for me that's always the hardest about having this conversation is like the penis and vagina part of the conversation. Because that part is like disturbing. Right. It's a little graphic. For kids.

Yeah. Right. I mean, you could choose to be more vague than that, but I guess. Yeah. Should you? You could go many different ways. Which way should you go? I don't remember.

Do you remember like a talk that was had with you? I don't remember having any sort of discussion about that. The moment of realization. Yeah. I don't remember how I like learned about all of that. But I definitely don't remember like a singular conversation. Yeah. Neither do I.

Hopefully he won't either. Because it just it's not proud of your explanation. I mean, it's fine. He's young. Right. So like I would have rather. And I tried to give like a little bit less information. Like I was kind of like, you know, the daddy has the seed and the mom has the egg.

And then, you know, they come together and they make the baby. Right. And so, you know, I'm like, okay, great. That's it. Good night. And he's like, well, how does the seed get in? How does the seed get inside? And I was like, well, it goes in through the vagina.

Right. And then he's like, well, how? He's like, do you just suck it up through a straw? What he actually said was, does it get sucked up like a grape? How does a grape get, I don't even know. Like, I guess he was thinking of something like the seed might be the size of a grape if it turns into a baby. Like, I don't know if that's his mindset. Like I was like a grape.

Interesting. Interesting, yeah. You know, and I, you know, I think honesty is important. Like, I don't want to, I want to answer his questions. It was earlier than I wanted to. But eventually, I just said, you have to put the penis in the vagina. And that's how you get the seed inside. And he was like, ew.

Like, he was so disgusted. That's good, right? You want him to be like a little bit disgusted, I think, to begin with. Yes. Right. He wasn't like, oh, that sounds fun. Yeah. Right.

I'm going to try that. Yeah. That was not. He was like, do I have to? And I was like, well, there are people that do it other ways. So there are other ways to do it. Can explore when he gets to that point. Yeah.

So it's kind of cute. But I can see what like is uncomfortable. I just don't. I think I don't. I feel a little bit like I'm like. stealing his innocence or like. Right. I think it's so interesting like the amount that you, the discussion of like the amount that you want to tell your kid about anything because I feel like there's a lot of different thoughts and philosophies and maybe there's a right psychological way. I don't know. But like it's funny

because Mike comes from a family where like no one talked about anything uncomfortable. Right. And our family probably provided too much information on things that were uncomfortable. Yes. But I mean, I assume there's a healthy medium. But like is there like a guideline of like give enough, give a kid enough information to do X or be as honest as why? Or like what is the what is the thought process that goes into? Yeah. I mean, I will be honest. I'm not a child psychologist for the, you know, this is not my area of expertise.

So I will say that off the bat. Happy to have a child psychologist. Come help me figure out how to do. do this. I think my, what I would say is be honest, but put it in terms that they can understand. Right. Like, let's say you're, let's say you're getting a divorce. Right. That's a good one for like, what amount of information would you tell your kid. Right. For sure. I don't. And I also think it depends on like what they're wanting to know. Mm-hmm. You know, like, I think if they're asked, that's how I had this, ended up with this conversation with Brooks is I ended up trying to kind of give him like a little bit of

information that I thought was age appropriate. And he kept on asking more questions to which I don't want to lie about it. I mean, it is biology. Right. You don't want to make it shameful. Yes, and make it shameful either, totally. So I think with like a divorce, you know, you could just phrase it as unlike we've decided that we would all be happier or like we would all, you know, that it would be better for the family if, you know, Daddy and I lived separately or that and just kind of like asking, like answering questions as they come. I think with divorce and specific, it's important to say it's not your fault and there's nothing that you did wrong and everybody loves you very much and especially not throwing any one of the parents under the bus and making it like an equal,

at least at a young age. Right. An equal decision. A unified decision. Yes. unified decision. Nobody's fault, certainly not your fault, but questions you're going to be okay. You're going to get to see everybody and spend time like soothing. It's not your fault thing is so funny because I always wonder, are there some kids who are like, well, why would you even say that? Right, right, right. Yes. Why would I think it was my fault? Right. Yes. I always think I get why people will do it. And it's like nice, but I'm always like, I'm sure there are certain kids that are like, Well, I didn't even think of that as an option until you just said it. Right.

I don't think kids' brains go to that place of like playing the chess game of like, you're bringing this up because you do think it's my fault. And that's like I don't think most small kids are doing that. Just in case you were worried because, you know, it's a little your fault. Totally. So true. So yeah, you know, I just, I think I was with the Brooks thing, I think I was caught off guard with how unprepared I was considering I've done this already two times before.

Right. Well, I'm sure there's an article you could read. Yeah, I know. I think it was fine. But when he was like so grossed out, I was just like, oh, did I? And I was also like, you cannot tell anybody at school about this. It's a secret. Just like, you know, this is, because I don't want him.

Spreading misinformation too. No, it's not misinformation. It's actually great information. It probably would be good for all the kids to just know it at some point. But I don't want it to come from him if their parents are not ready. I mean, he's in second grade. I think it was probably a little earlier. Right.

Most people have this conversation. But he, you know, he's asking, I'm not going to lie to him. It's biology. It didn't sound like he was going to run out and try this. You know, he seemed very ready, very happy. to wait a long, long time before he had to do anything like that. Good. Yeah.

Well, if he asks again, you can give him, you know, he can call me. Oh, yeah. How would you, how would you handle it if he asked, if you were, if he was like sleeping over at your house and he asked you that question? Like, where do babies come from? Yeah. You'd be like, ask your mom. Oh.

Um, I might give it a go. All right. Let's see. You know, I think I could, I might be, you know, in some ways I might be like better at it than you are because there's less of like a, there's almost like a parent-child weirdness around that, which is maybe why people find out information from like a friend or an older sibling or something like that. Yeah, totally.

That is one thing, I think, because our mom was a gynecologist. Right. I've always been pretty open with bodies and body parts. And like there's no shameful stuff around that. So like I think they are comfortable. asking questions and knowing that they're going to get the real answer, you know, like, it's, like you said in the beginning, there's something nice about having a family where everything is talked about.

Yeah. But not everyone's families are like that, you know, like totally. We have, you know, obviously we're Jewish. We don't do, like Santa doesn't come to our house and we kind of are like, well, we don't really believe in Santa Claus. that's not part of Hanukkah. And so I'm also like, don't tell anyone at school about that. Like, right.

They believe in Santa Claus. That's really fun for them. Like, don't rain on anyone's parade. Yeah. And I get to think part of it is like a comfort level. I was reading an article or not reading an article, I think a Q&A about like, when is it okay for your kid to stop seeing, when should your kid stop seeing you naked? Right.

Like what age is the appropriate age to stop like? nudity and I think bent vice versa. And the answer was kind of like there is no right age. It's like whenever the first person in the family becomes uncomfortable, that's the age. So if it's you that becomes uncomfortable, whatever that age is, if it's them that becomes uncomfortable at a certain age before you, that's what the ages. It's kind of just like very person dependent. Because I feel like different cultures have different norms around that. You know, like you always had, I feel like I had, you had friends who were like in a naked house. And friends who were in like a no nudity house. Right. You can totally tell. Like I remember just like kind of crazy now thinking. I mean, not really, but like in college, it was like when I was on the volleyball team in college, it was like, shot like some of the places where we showered were like big open like prison showers. Like right. A big room with a bunch of shower heads.

And you could tell, like, who came from a naked house, like, just scrubbed up, doving. Not a care in the world. Who was, like, curled up against the corner, like, quickly, you know, getting their wash in. Yeah. And no one's right or wrong. I think it's kind of just what your own level of comfort is. So I think it's good to follow his lead, what you were doing with, like, what does he want to know? You're not, like, over, you're not telling him, like, a ton of information that he didn't ask for that's going to scar him.

Like, you're answering his curiosity and a. Better that he asked you than some idiot at school. Totally. So I felt good about it. It was a little sooner than I probably would have liked, but he seems to have totally forgotten. I don't think he's scarred. But afterwards, I was like, oh, gosh,

is that going to, like, destroy his innocence now? But it's just, you know, it's life. It's human, it's bodies. Animals have, you know, he could go to the farm and find out, you know, in a different way. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into our episode. I thought this was good. I'm sure if anyone's going through something similar. I feel like kids, what's the age where kids start to ask questions so you don't feel like answering?

Yeah. I mean, it could just happen. I think some kids are very curious. I think in the beginning, you can do the thing where you're just like, you know, what we did in the very beginning was like, you know, there's an egg and a seed and they come together and it makes a baby. And some kids are like, okay, great. Like I plant the seed in the ground and it makes a tree. You know, they're kind of like happy with that. But after some time, they start to get a little bit more curious. What I should, the explanation that I liked, we used to have a book called Where Did I Come From?

I don't know if you remember seeing it in our house. I feel like that sounds familiar. It was like from the 70s. It's actually a really funny book. I wish I had it. I would show it for the people listening on YouTube who could see like the pictures. It had like really funny pictures. Maybe I'll try to find it at some time.

I feel like I do remember this book. Yeah. It had like a, there was one page or there was like a drawing of a naked lady like Bush and all. This rings about. And then there's like the man and they're both naked. It shows all the parts. And then it says two things which I thought, yes, they have a special hug. Special cuddle.

Yeah. I think I remember that. I probably maybe I didn't need to go straight to penis and vagina. I could have gone to like mom and daddy have a special hug. He might be afraid of special hugs then. That's true. It's like, I don't want to make a baby every time I have a special hug. Yeah.

I can see that. So it said they have a special hug. And the other thing that was interesting was that it says they kind of start to talk about like an orgasm and like what that feels like. Now is this is all ringing a bell. Yes. I mean, it was one of those books where you're like felt a little juicy. Right. I'm sure it was floating around the house. Yeah, floating around. I'm going to find it. I'm going to send you the cover. You're going to have a flashback. But it says that it's like a sneeze, which I think for a kid is like an interesting way. It is like a sneeze. Yeah. Feels good after.

And then like a release. Yeah. So yeah. I mean, maybe he might have gotten his hands on that book actually because he was talking about like a sneeze. Like why does that? Does a sneeze feel good? Maybe someone showed him the book. Something like that. You should ask him why he suddenly asked. I'm sure his sisters probably should. They know the book. Oh, they know the book.

Yeah. They've seen it. It's a good book. It's a 70s style. I like it. Why didn't you just read him the book instead of coming up with your own thing? I don't know. It was late at night.

I was just like, this is the thing. You get caught off guard, you know? Right. You're kind of like, I'm in this moment and now it's go time. Feel pressured. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to like make it like you said,

shameful. Like we're not talking about this right now. Um, so I just did the best I could. Well, it sounds like you did a good job. Yeah, it wasn't bad. Let me know if there's follow up. Yes, I will. Okay. Now, let's get into our episode. If you want to leave us a voicemail, you can leave us a voicemail at 646363, 6294 or email us at oversharing at betches.com. If you want to subscribe, we have two subscription episodes, bonus episodes a month. And you get all the episodes, add free and a day early. Love our subscribers, love the conversations going on in the subscription episodes. Or you can join one of Dr. Naomi's therapy groups if you want to get even more involved. How do they do that? Yes. Find me at Naomi Bernstein.com. We have rolling

admissions. So reach out. We'll find a group that works for you. We're doing some fun challenges. They change every few weeks. Right now we're doing a screen time challenge, trying to be more mindful of when you're picking up your phone, why you're picking up your phone, what are you seeking, what are you avoiding? So we're always exploring and challenging, you know, connecting the connections that we're making in these groups. It's crazy because it's online, it's virtual. People are all across the country, but there's deep connections form there. So if you are seeking more community, come join us, Naomi Bernstein.com, and we will find a group that works for you. Love it. All right. Well, check it out. Let's get into our episode. I'll read our first email.

Sounds good. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. First off, I just want to say, I love the pod and listen every week. It's so great to hear your unique perspectives. I wanted to write in to see if I could get some advice and how to tell my parents about my age gap relationship. For reference, I'm in my late 20s and my boyfriend is 25 years older than me, which I am aware is a very large gap. Honestly, I never pictured myself dating anyone older and it took time for things to progress. between us, but overall, I'm really happy, and we've been together for a little over a year. We met through work. He is the CEO of the company. I worked for at the time. The entire time we've been together, I've kept our relationship private for many people in my life aside from a few close friends and family. I live in a different state than most of my friends and family, and I'm also aware

that the stereotypes with age gaps on him previously being my boss, and I wanted to feel it out and be sure I was serious about things before telling everyone. We are now talking about getting engaged, and I feel the pressure to tell my parents soon. My boyfriend has been supportive of me telling them when I feel ready and my siblings already know and have been keeping it a secret. The tricky part is my parents are extremely religious and I know they won't be happy. I left the religion I grew up in at 18 and they took it terribly. All my siblings have also left and this has created a lot of distance between my parents and us kids. They wanted me to marry a good Mormon boy in the temple so I feel like dropping this bomb will shatter them. While I do not need their support because I'm used to not having it,

how can I tell them about my relationship and acknowledge the stereotypes to let them know I've thought it through? I've been thinking of waiting until I'm engaged to tell them, but I'm not sure if that would be worse. Also, if there are any age gap relationship questions you think that I should ask myself to be sure I'm ready, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that too. Thanks for all you do. All right. There's a lot here. A lot to unpack. Yes. There's age gap. There's a religion. And then there's the, what should I think about before marrying someone 25 years older than me? And a little bit of the power dynamic question, I guess. Yes, my boss, totally.

But I don't think she works there anymore. Yeah, that's true. So that, yeah, that would be definitely different if she was still working for her. I can't imagine, like working for your husband, especially in a corporate setting like that. For sure. So where do you think she, where should we start? Yeah. The first thing I want to say, I think that's important is that I think they need to live out

before they get engaged. Like I think they need to live the life meeting her parents, seeing what that's like, being out and about, being public about their relationship and navigating all of that before you decide. It's very different. It's like, you know, being on the bachelor and then going out into real life. Right. Yeah. To see if they can handle like, you know, the situation of that being public in their day to day lives. I think that's a great point. I didn't even think of that. Yeah. So I think it's important to like live that life and meet her parents and for both, for both ends. One, so they can see what it's like to kind of just be more open about.

their relationship all over. I'm assuming if they're hiding it from her parents, they're probably like living under the radar to a certain extent so they don't find out. But also, so for them to be able to see what that's like and also for the parents to kind of, I think what happens a lot in these situations where you're going to potentially marry someone that your parents disapprove of is that they have to kind of earn their way in through time, through showing up to functions and being kind and them seeing that they're a kind person and that you have a good relationship and all the things that they're probably more on a deeper level fearful of that, you know, they can see it playing out in real life.

And I think that will help them not at first, but over time, spending time with this person will probably help. Right. Yeah. I think that's a that and I can understand why she doesn't want to do that or because she does ask should I just wait till I'm engaged. I think that was the that stood out to me is the wrong move for sure. Yeah. Because I think it feels very intense and it does it's it's that's another pill to swallow of like I'm in, you're engaged to someone I've never even met. Yes. Yeah. That is that is hard for parents. I think in

general to have that happen. So whatever they're feeling then finding out you're engaged on top of it is just going to you know, create, wreak more havoc for their nervous system than needs to be. I think any parent would feel a panic that their child was engaged to someone that they didn't know, regardless of any other information about them. So how would you suggest that she tell them? And I think, you know, we've gotten this similar questions before of like, how do I tell someone something that they don't necessarily want to hear, especially my parents? But that I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with. Yeah, I mean, in some regards, I say there's only one way to say it, which is to say it, right? I've been dating someone. I'd like you to meet him. All the things that are

amazing about him. He's this, he's that. We met at work. You know, he was, she could say, he was, you know, however she wants to say it, he was the CEO of the company that I used to work for. We met back, them, but I wanted to make sure it was serious before I introduced you guys, say all the wonderful things that you love about him. And then you can say, I do want you to know he's significantly older than me, but we talk about it a lot and, you know, we're both okay with it. And when you meet him, you'll see that, like, you know, we really have great energy and dynamic and it doesn't really affect the way that we get along or whatever. And then, you know, I think, if her parents think she's going to she left the religion and she's going to find someone

happened to find someone Mormon when she's not even practicing would be delusional. Like I don't think they're probably expecting that right at this point. Yeah. So that's probably not as much of an issue. Yeah. It seems more like, oh, she has a history of disappointing her parents. She doesn't want to have to like do it again and share seemingly like disappoint them or share bad news with them again. Another thing that I, that sort of struck me about this email was the question at the end about the age gap questions you think I should ask myself to be sure I'm ready. Seems like a very important thing that was sort of like a side question. Yes. It did seem like.

Maybe she is feeling a little bit. Right. I feel like you can't confidently present someone to your family unless you feel confident about them too. Yeah. So I think that she, you know, it's almost like she needs to process and feel comfortable with. the relationship and and with who she's with before she can feel confident when bringing him to someone else. Totally. Yep, I agree. And I think it also will make her part of developing confidence is that when someone like comes to you with a question or a doubt, which parents like to do,

right, they like to bring up the thing that could be wrong in a situation to try to protect you from it. Have you thought about this? Have you thought about that? So I think if you've already thought about those things and discuss them together with your partner and maybe on your own or whatever that is, then when those things come up, you're less likely to get defensive and angry and feel like you're being caught off guard or you're not prepared to answer those questions. So I think it's going to, your whole nervous system will be able to stay calm if they're like, well, what are you going to do? You know, in, I don't know, 20 years when you're, you know, in your late 40s and he's in his 70s and he's can't, you know, do things

that you can do or he can't, you know, maybe he has illnesses or you know, to take care of him. Does he want kids? Right. Right. Yes. Does he have kids from a previous? I don't know how old.

I mean, she said he's 25 years older than he's in his 50s. Does he already have kids? Have you thought about what it would be like to be in that family? Does he want more kids? you know, the things that would come up naturally in an age gap relationship, I think, that might present themselves as problems. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, thinking about, I'm sure something that comes to mind is if I don't know, I have no clue if she wants kids, but if she does, like, he is going to be a significantly older parent. How is that going to affect his ability to participate in the way that you wanted to? I think these are conversations that the two of you need to have, whether it's about children or just about expectations and caring for him and, you know, and just energy. And like, you know, there is like a culture in your generation that I think sometimes can feel a little off.

Like even Jeff is like seven years older than me, six and a half seven years older. So they're even between like our little like Gen X slash whatever generation I'm in. And there's like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't affect our relationship because it's not that big. But there's these little like cultural. I'm sure. In terms of like what you find funny or nostalgic or your generational values. Yeah.

Yeah. So I think they're totally, especially in this type of age gap, like a 25 year age gap, there might be these generational value systems that are part of the culture at one time and the culture changes at another time. Right. And she might not have even asked herself. questions because she was like not sure how deeply into the into this she was and now is it starting to get more serious is like the time do you think she should ask herself those questions before

she tells her parents or after yeah i mean i think it definitely would make sense to do it now um and think about it and talk about it so that she's kind of that the two of them together are sort of prepared to answer the questions right that they're going to get from her parents and probably other people when they're living out, like you said. Yeah, or if it, you know, if it depends on her type of family, like you said, they're the type of family that doesn't talk about anything, they might not say anything. They might just get angry and withdraw and, you know, be passive aggressive or they might say, have you thought about this, have you thought about that? And it might make them feel better if you're like, yeah, we actually have thought about

this and that. Right. You know, whatever it is. We just, you know, I really don't want kids or I do and this is how we're going to work it out. Or, you know, we're putting aside money for long-term health care or, you know, so that I don't have to be burdened with that down the line. Like, these aren't sexy conversations. But when you're in this type of relationship, I think it does make sense to have those types of conversations. Totally agree.

And I think this sort of speaks to, I think her hesitancy and her writing in speaks to an issue that a lot of people have of like the discomfort of telling people something they don't want to hear. Yep. And I would almost call that non-confrontational, and I have that too, where you want someone to have the experience that they want to have, maybe at the expense of your own experience. Yes. Yeah. And I think around these like romantic, marriage, kids, you know, family, whatever, there's like a fantasy aspect of like, you know, what we see on TV and we wanted to go this way and we introduce our person to our parents and.

and we all giggle and laugh and hug and it's amazing. And that's not how it's going to be. I mean, that's okay. Right. And it's, I mean, I don't think so at least. And it's going to be uncomfortable, but I do think like you're saying, sometimes avoiding the discomfort takes up so much more energy than that actual, like, punch of whatever it is, disappointment, or they get angry or maybe they raise their voice

or maybe they are critical and you can handle that, especially like you have a partner who I'm assuming is super supportive by your side. You're not going to be alone in handling it. And I do think most of the time parents, I mean, there are some extreme cases where they don't. But most of the time, it's going to be really hard. There's going to be like a flailing of trying to control a situation that they don't like. and then eventually they're going to settle in and accept this person because they have no choice otherwise, but except to create even more distance than it sounds like it's already there. Right.

So I think if you can expect it, ride it out, know that it's not going to be comfortable. You can handle the discomfort. They're not going to die from the discomfort. You're not going to die from the discomfort. And I think after that first initial visit or announcement, or a week or two after that, typically I see that it starts to feel better and more accepting. I wish we got an update from the woman with the grandma and the tattoos. Yeah, send it in.

Yeah, because that's kind of like, yes, that's like there's like this moment where I'm avoiding this thing for years and years or months in this case. And then you're like, okay, that thing happened. I can deal with it. Like, we're all going to breathe in and out after this. And it's so much better than like living in the like uncertainty of, you know, you hype up the actual thing so much that it kind of ruins your time thinking about it when the actually like you could actually save yourself a lot of grief by just pulling the like

ripping off the band-aid. Yeah. And it all comes from our old wounds and our bodies urge. even if the old wound was, you know, like your parents were disappointed in you because, I don't know, whatever. You didn't go to church on Sunday and you went somewhere else instead and they got mad and they yelled at you. Well, that wound is still in there somewhere. And yes, at that time, it felt like the biggest thing and maybe your heart was racing or you got angry or flushed. Like something happened in your body and your brain's job is to prevent that.

uncomfortable feeling from happening again. But it's overprotective and it makes it feel like it's going to be worse than it is, even if it's the exact same thing or a little bit worse, like it's not really going to physically threaten you, especially these childhood wounds that feel like these are the people that feed me and take me everywhere and do everything for me. So if they're disappointed or angry at me, in some cases, they can be really, really bad or abusive or mean. In some cases, they might just be cold or withholding. But it means your body thinks it still means the same thing that it did when you were eight or nine or ten. But now you, that's not where

you get your food. That's not where you get all your love and protection and care. So your body still thinks that it means as much as it did for them to be disappointed and you were angry at you as it did when you were nine and it doesn't. You have friends. You have a new boyfriend. You have a life outside of your parents. So you need to just create the experience so your body can be like, oh, okay, we're actually okay. They're really mad. They're not happy with me. Maybe they said some things that didn't feel good, but like, I'm going to go. I get to like go to my own home tonight. I don't have to, you know, I get to have separation. I get to go hang out with a friend and do something different. and I can drive myself where I want to go.

I don't have to be in that tense environment anymore. Yeah. I think this was helpful for the listener. Give us an update on how it went. Yes, please. We'd love to know. Yeah. Sounds like you're heading in the right direction, asking the right questions.

Yes. All right. Let's do a batch assist. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm a big fan of the pod and first time writer. I have an ethical dilemma which plagues me. each month. I belong to a spa with a monthly membership that gets me one massage per month at a discounted rate of $100. Non-members may also book massages at the spa, but they must pay $160.

On the checkout counter, they display a tip guide at 18%, 20% and 25% off the non-member price. Even the iPad screen prompts tips amounts based on the non-member price, forcing me to customize if I want a tip based on the price I'm paying. As a member who, who pays less, am I expected to tip based on the non-member rate? For the most part, I see the same person every month and I can't help but feel judged for tipping off the member rate. What would you do? Thanks for your help, a feeling zen until checkout batch. This was a tough one, I thought. And I always think the same thing. So I want to validate the dilemma. Yes. What do you think? You know, it's funny because I'm usually very frugal with these types of things and I've been in this exact situation.

I think the right thing to do is to tip on the non-member rate. And I kind of tell myself when I enter into these memberships that that's going to be part of the deal. Right. that the tip is not included. And the discounted tip is not included. You're discounting the service. I don't think you're discounting the tip. I guess the people that work at these places maybe kind of are aware that some people

might be tipping less because it's cheaper. But I do think they're providing the same service. I think they should get tipped the amount that they. Yeah. deserve to get tipped. I get it. I've been, I've had the same thought so I don't think she's, I don't judge her for having it, but I would tip off of the regular rate. Yeah. I agree with you. I think if you really think about it, that makes more sense because it's like these people don't own the spa. The discount really comes from the spa and like these people are living off the tips and

they're providing the same. They don't really get paid a different amount based on if you do the member rate or the non-member rate. So it is nicer to tip based on the full rate. Right. Because I do, I think the way these memberships work is like the corporate gets the benefit of like the volume of massages that are happening. But any one particular massage therapist can only give so many massages a day anyway. Right.

So they're not, it's not. it's not like they're getting volume. They're not getting the volume, like more money because they're, I guess maybe they're booking their schedules up more fully, which allows them to do more massages, but I don't know. I've tried to give Jeff a massage for and after like 10 minutes, I'm like, I'm done. It's a lot of work. This is hard work. Like, this is hard work. And like, sometimes I think I'm like, you just massaged me for an hour. And then in comes the next person. I'm like, you're going to go do this again and again and again.

It's like manual, hard labor. Yeah, especially deep tissue. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, for sure. So I get this. I get the dilemma, but I would tip them. They work hard.

It's a lot of literally hands-on work that they're doing and, you know, how many massages you're going to give in a day. And you see you the same person every one. week. Let's build a goodwill. Like, it's not, it doesn't, it feels like you might have a relationship with that person. I can only, I totally understand the urge to feel like I'm paying, should be paying 20. I hate the, tipping is so annoying to me. I do wish they would just bake it into the price. Yeah. I do find like the idea of like, on the decider to be annoying. Like, I'd rather get rid of the mental energy and just have them increase the price by 20% and it's like

no tipping. Yes. I mean. Because it does, it fills your head with all of this like self-criticism and judgment and shame and people pleasing. And, you know, then you come the next week and you're like, oh, is she annoyed? Because I only tipped on the other right. And now she's like, you know, especially when someone's like touching your body and you're

sort of like, are they, are we good? Yeah. Yeah. So I totally. Yeah. There is an aspect of a tip feels like a. like a connection point between two people. And if I don't give the maximum amount,

like I'm almost not feeding this good vibes, goodwill connection. Because the idea is that it's discretionary, but it doesn't really feel discretionary. It feels like 20% is like the standard amount that you give. And if you don't, you're an asshole. Yeah. So like, fine.

But like, then why don't we just bake it into the price? Yeah, totally. Totally. Well, because it's all, it's marketing. Like it's almost like the corporate is the one that they get to benefit from advertising a lower price. Right. But they don't, you know, they don't have to deal with this moment where the person who bought the membership and thought, oh, wow, I'm going to get a massage every month for $100. No, you're not.

You're going to get a massage every month for whatever, $150 or whatever, $140, you know, $30, $35, you know, $30, $35. that's going to be the price that you're going to pay every week. Yeah. Which would be nice if it was just like, okay, it's $135 tips included. Yeah. I agree with this. I also think about this a lot when I do like, you know, like the DoorDash or seamless tips when you get like a discount code.

Yes. Like are you supposed to tip on the regular thing or the other thing or like sometimes they'll write like sometimes they'll write on sort. I don't know if they write about tips, but they'll write like please tip based on the non-compensate. Yeah. price. Like if you were at a, if I was at a restaurant and someone and there was like a discount at the restaurant or someone took something off the menu, I would still tip on the original price, I think. Right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I, I do think, I don't know. This is just my two cents and no shame.

Like tip, again, if you want to tip off the 100, I don't look at you any differently. I'm sure a lot of people do also. Yes. I'm sure a lot of people do. I just. think that tips are a way to like spread a little joy like to give a little like I personally like I've said this before I'm pretty frugal when it comes to like a corporation like I will fight with you know the my cell phone company over like seven dollars right but when it comes to like someone who's actually getting up doing work you know do you know providing a service in this way especially in this way where it feels like they're working really hard, like give the little extra sprinkle. If it comes down to it, it's a tip of $20 versus $32 for $12 to not have to think about it

and write this email. It's probably worth it for $12 month. I agree. I agree. And, you know, yeah, it's hard to work in the service industry because, you know, you don't know what you're going to get. And that'll make this person's day a little bit brighter, I think, if they leave at the end of the day. So give the 12 bucks and then if you're like me, fight like a dog when you're

arguing with the airline over like the fact that you had to pay for your checked bag or whatever it is. Yeah. I agree. But I do want to validate that I think tipping culture is a pain in the ass. And it does feel like the tipping is like should be should we be tipping on everything. And I'm not sure how much to tip. And it does cause a lot of it. Even the holiday tipping, I'm like, who gets a tip? How much? much do they get tipped? I remember tipping my doorman in the city. I was like, the range when you'd ask people how much you're supposed to tip was vary so intensely that it was just, I think it's like, just give us the amount. Yes, totally. I'd rather pay a higher amount that is just told to me

than have to figure it out myself. Totally. And I do like that was, that's the hard part. Like, especially when I was earlier in my career and younger and just starting, there would be times of the year when it just felt like giving a tip felt really, really hard and stressful. And then that's how you're kind of sized up for the whole rest of the year. Yeah. Yeah. It's like right now I just happened to be slow and I don't have a lot and my rent just went like you have a circumstance that doesn't allow you to feel comfortable giving that holiday

tip to the doorman or whatever it is. And now every time I walk in my building for the next 364 days, I'm like, you know. Does everyone hate me? Yes. So, you know, it's, I agree. It does feel almost like that Black Mirror episode. I don't know if you've seen it where like everyone gets to give you a rating. Yeah. That was a great one. And, you know, if you, if you have feedback on this, we'd love to go over it in our subscription episode. If you're in the service industry, and you have a P-O-B. I would love to hear it. Or if you disagree with our take,

if she thinks she should tip on the lower amount and here's why, love to hear that take too. For sure. Yeah. Right in oversharing at betches.com. But I think we're right. Yeah.

But I do agree. Like even her sign off of feeling zen until checkout. Like I just want to leave my massage relaxed. And I have to think about my whole moral code as I'm walking out. That's why I'm like, just tell me that,

just bake it in Tell me the price. Yeah. Yep. I hear you. I like it. All right. Let's do some intentions. Okay. I will read them. Dear Jordana and Dr. Naomi, I've been an oversharing listener since day one and have not missed an episode. Now I'm writing in hoping for an intention I can use when I find myself in the following situation. I started a new job earlier this year and it was the right move for a lot of reasons. One of those reasons is the culture of the new team I'm on. I work in an industry that's very social. We do a lot of things outside the office. coordinated funded by our company, but sometimes people decide to grab drinks or dinner outside of the scheduled events. While I love that our team is so close, I'm starting to notice it getting clicky, as I know is the case with most group dynamics. I've been invited to a few of the impromptu happy hours, but I also know there have been plenty of gatherings I haven't been invited to. One of the girls in the clique is someone I know from a previous job and have stayed friends with, so I'm

disappointed she hasn't made more of an effort to be the one to include me. Specifically today, what prompted me to write this email, a group from the office, including the girl I knew previously, was talking about getting drinks after work. I was sitting right next to them expecting a casual invitation, as I heard them doing with other people throughout the day, but never was asked to join. I could tell there was also group messages and inside joke commentary happening that I was not included in. Side note, I recently found out I'm an an a diagram type two, which if you're unfamiliar with basically signifies a desire to fit in, be like, people please, etc. On top of that, I've always been a naturally sensitive person, so I consciously try to make an effort to let things like this roll off my

back and not ruminate. I can't tell if these situations are the type where I should invite myself at the risk of being annoying or play cool and be okay with being left out. Can you help me set an intention for next time I notice this happening? I know it's not the end of the world, but I can't let go of the disappointment and feeling of rejection. Thanks so much, not happy during happy hour. I see this a lot in my patients around this idea of, you know, clicks and groups, whether it's at work or in school or friends. Even, yeah, friends where I think sometimes there, and I think it's like a biological blinding that happens where the need to feel included is so much more just like, igniting this exclusion fear wiring that we have that really is like not relevant most of the time.

Like it came from a place of if I don't have my tribe to help me gather the berries and protect against the thing and build the fire and whatever, then I'm going to die. Right. And it still feels like that when in reality, most of the people that worry about this have friends. They're pretty generally well liked or at least well liked by some. They're not going to be completely alone, but there is this like something's happening without me. I need to cling to that. I need to get in there, which is just almost like an irrational. Sometimes if you really want to, here's why I think this. If you really want to go,

that's different. But I think a lot of times it's like I don't even really want to go. I just want to be invited. Right. Yeah. No, that's totally true. I think we all feel this, especially with social media, at least in some part. If I'll see people who still live in the city hanging out, and I'm like, well, why didn't you invite me? It's like, I don't live there. But still, you're kind of just like, you want to check that you're still like in. Or you could still be in if you want to or that that door is not closed. I think there's a fear of like them getting closer and then you not being able. to like work your way back in, which I think does happen mostly in younger years. You know, I think there's like a almost when teenagers are trying to find their way,

there is more of like a, I need to push you out to feel like I'm in. Right. Kind of feeling thing that does happen. But I think in adult relationships, that happens less where it's more like, sure, Trudana doesn't live in the city anymore, but like if you ever did say, hey, I'm in the city, I'm going to stop by. It would almost be like, yay. Right.

Like Tradena's here. Yeah, that's the thing. Like you said, like if you really want to go, she really wants to go to this happy hour, she should say, are you guys getting drinks tonight? I'd love to come. Yep. That's it. Right.

But I think you have to notice because this isn't an isolated incident. I'm sure I think you have to notice, do you really want to go or are you wanting to go out of fear, like an old, ancient fear of exclusion? And if that's why you're doing it, I think you just have to remind yourself, like, my body is telling me, like, this is an emergency. This is going to end up in loneliness and starvation and death. But it's really not. Like, I'm fine.

And actually, I don't even really want to. to go to this thing. Right. Yeah. I think that's great. So what is the intention she can tell herself when she's getting a sense that someone has an inside joke without her or is hanging out without her? Yeah. So I wrote, the pain of being left out is a remnant of a danger that no longer exists. I'm well liked and not alone because I think that's the fear that you're not well liked and that you're going to end up alone if you're not, if you don't have your finger on the pulse of every event. And I also think a second part to this is that you can find a confidence in being able to

not go to everything, but still feel like I can show up and be embraced. Because I think sometimes you don't, you almost are afraid that if you don't show to all the things that somehow you're going to feel uncomfortable when you get there, But like for the example of like all your friends that still live in the city, maybe you're not, you weren't there last weekend or the weekend before or the weekend before that. But if you show up next weekend with like this confidence of like, hey, like so glad I was able to make it. Right. This is so fun.

Everyone's kind of like, yay, Jordana's here. She has this really good positive energy instead of showing up in this way of like, is it okay that I showed up? Like I'm not sure. Do you guys still like me? And then you're more likely to be. be invited to more stuff. Right, because you're like bringing this good energy. And I think if you can kind of have this confidence and release that clinging energy and kind of find that fun energy rather than like a fear energy around being invited, like I'm going because it's going to be fun

rather than I'm going because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't go or if I, you know, if I don't invite myself, then I won't be invited again or, yeah, just trust. You're cool. You're good. I don't think this is a problem. I mean, she does say she has a sensitivity and she needs to be included. So like this is her own insecurity, but find your confidence in the relationships that feel good to you, that you feel like are not these clicky kind of all or not.

Like that's what a click ends up kind of being like, I'm sure everyone that's in this click could relate to this question as well. That's why they're wanting to go every single time. There's the same people showing up every single time. Some of that is because they want to show up every time. And I'm sure some of that is because they're afraid of what will happen if they don't show up every time, that they will no longer be in the inside joke or something will happen. So everyone kind of has these types of fears.

I think just being aware of like the clingy, fearful emotions and not letting that rule your decision making. I agree. I love that advice. If she's going to go show up with the excited, and you can use that for anything, dating. Yeah. Whatever it is.

If you're, you know, show up with confidence, you're more likely to, it's like feeds into itself. Yeah. Yeah. But I get that. I mean, I'm sure, you know, maybe when you show up, you know, the next time you go to one of these, your city friends, things, you might be like, oh, they're going to like talk about things that I'm not going to know about or, you know, fill your head with fear about what you've missed. But you can also just be like, I'm so excited to find out what I missed. Right. Yeah. Love that. Let's do some triggers. You want to read our first one? Sure. Okay. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. Love the pod. Let's jump right in. I have a trick. I figured scenario for you from a trip I took with my boyfriend last week.

Some background. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend was going to a bachelor party for five days. Knowing myself and my anxiety around him being gone, I asked him before he left for his trip to please don't forget to call me while you're gone. He said I won't. I expected maybe two five-minute phone calls throughout the week just to check in and see how things were going with me back home and hear about how the trip was going. This is a very long bachelor party.

Sorry to interrupt. Yeah, five days is a long. This is a crazy long bachelor party. Yeah. But okay. Sorry. Totally agree. By day three, he hadn't called.

I texted him saying I would love to chat if he got a free second later tonight or sometime tomorrow. That text message disappeared into the abyss and was never replied to and no phone call. On day four, he texted me that they were just going to be hanging out at the house all afternoon. Again, said if you have some downtime, I would love to chat for a few minutes. Again, the text message was ignored and no phone call. I was so anxious I couldn't sleep and was left wondering why I wasn't worth his time or effort when I knew they weren't out doing anything. The day after he came home, we talked about it, he apologized, and we moved on.

Or so I thought, because this is where my trigger comes in. A few days later, we left for our summer trip, just the two of us. We rode trip to our destination, check into our hotel, and have a fantastic dinner with good banter. I felt like we were in what I call our love bubble. We walk back to the hotel from dinner where there is a text on his phone from his friend asking him to call him. He immediately calls him. They chat for about 20 minutes about literally nothing. My blood was boiling. I was triggered enough at the time to make some passive aggressive

remarks and start an argument over it, L.O.L. A phone call to his friend on our trip would normally not have bothered me, but the fact that he couldn't take five minutes to call me at any point while he was gone last week, but called his friend just to chat on the first night of our couple trip sent me over the edge. Two questions. Is my request for a quick phone call or two while on a boy's trip too much? How triggered was I allowed to be? Thank you for all that you do. A hose before bros batch. This is so triggering. I thought so triggered the entire time. Honestly, it's funny. She's like the triggering was that the friend called. To me, the triggering would be the most triggering thing would be that I was ignored twice on a request on a trip that involves like a, like a

bachelor party, like you're going to ignore my text for a phone call and a bad. That's so suspicious for five days. Yeah, I really don't like that. I could see ignoring if it was like a one night, not even. You shouldn't ever ignore the person you're in a relationship. At least, I mean, you shouldn't ever ignore. Even if he couldn't do the call, hey, we're like, back-to-back activities. It's like I really can't get away. I'm really sorry. I know I told you would call.

I'll explain when I get back. Yes. Totally. To ignore the text is so disrespectful. The two ignorings are like grounds for dismissal. I like agree. I think it's really, it shows a really little consideration for the person you're with. Your five day, five day bachelor party is crazy to me.

And my head, just like hers, would be going to say. some weird shit. Like, what are they doing? Right. That you can't call me for five minutes. I asked for two five minute phone calls. You didn't even answer my, and you said you would do that. I don't know what. She doesn't really give much information on what the resolution was when they had this talk. I'm assuming it didn't get that deep. Yes. He probably said sorry and she probably said, okay. Yeah, not cool. Doesn't sound like there was much more than that. Yeah, agree. I, I'm so, glad you wrote in. This is unacceptable behavior for like a committed relationship. You cannot ignore not only one, but two messages on a five day bachelor party to not speak once on a five day

bachelor party. And then yeah, the icing on the cake is that he picks up and immediately calls back his friend and talks for 20 minutes. Yes. It's not like he's so into living in the moment that he never is on his phone and doesn't speak to anyone. This would enrage me too. I was like enraged just reading about it. I'd give it like an eight. Yeah. It's funny. What is it? I'm like, this is not okay. I feel like we do a lot of triggers, but too ignoring a five-day bachelor party. And I think what it's enraging to me is I almost, and I don't know how she's going to take this, but I feel bad for her that she even like is considering that this is like okay. or normal.

Right. Even her request for five minutes twice on a five-day bachelor party. Like, I don't think a request for 20 minutes three times on a five-day bachelor party is crazy. Or even like a nightly good, good night. Yeah. Totally. Like I think her expectations and I just feel like somehow, I don't know if maybe she doesn't really have the expectations or he's made her feel like.

Those are crazy expectations. Crazy expectations. Something is going on here that is making her like ask for crumbs and not even get them. That's concerning. And I don't, I don't feel. I don't have good feeling about this relationship. Ignoring is not. It's never okay.

And asking for five, yeah, like you said, five minutes a day is like. Yes. But if someone, again, even if he couldn't do it, even if it was. fine, you can't get away for a phone call. To ignore the request completely to me is so disrespectful. I wouldn't do that to anyone I cared about. Yes. And also, like, yes, you can't get away for five minutes, but yet there's no, like, explanation of we were camping in the woods and there was no service.

My phone got eaten by a bear. Like, what could possibly make you not able for five days to get away for five minutes? maybe there's just like a culture of like you know she said like bros before hose like he'd be made fun of if he goes to call his girlfriend or i don't know what is going on maybe they were like doing drugs and he was unable to like function for a conversation i have no clue what was happening but yeah sush as they say yeah as the as the kids i'm sorry to i'm sorry yes i'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this is not cool come on the show. I want to talk to her. Bring him if you can. That would be great.

Yes. I want to talk to you. What is making you feel like you have to accept this bare minimum from this relationship? Yeah. It's time to stop being passive aggressive and to just be regular aggressive, I think. All right. Eight. Let's do another one. I was so mad reading that at him. And I would like more details if she does come on. Yeah, maybe he has a side of the story. Yeah, I'm sure he does. How did the apology go down? Maybe there's something there.

All right. I'll read the last one. Hi, thank you for all that you do. I'm writing in with a triggered scenario. The long and short of it is that I just had lunch with my boss and she spent a large chunk of it slacking off my new hometown. A year or so ago, I moved to a tiny town about 30 minutes drive from my office because we wanted more space and this small town was a small town was a full.

affordable in a great location to raise our two kids. My boss grew up in this area and was going on and on about how there's nothing here and what little there is is slowly vanishing. For example, there used to be two bars now there's just one. There are only three restaurants, two groceries, one hardware store, etc. I personally don't really care. I used to live in a big city during my 20s, but now me and my husband and are a phase of life where we don't crave going out. And all our hobbies are things that don't require a big city or even a mid-sized one. If we want to go out to eat, we can drive 20 minutes to the next bigger town. But the way my boss kept going on and on about how there's nothing there, it's so dead, everyone who stayed is a loser. Kind of annoyed me. She's not wrong, but she's also not seeing

the farmer's markets and kids' hobbies and library events, which are much more my speed than nightclubs and concerts right now. I get that she was a teen when she left this town and probably found it very stifling, but my kids aren't teens yet, and they love it here. She's Should I take a chill pill or is my boss the one triggered by where I chose to live? We had a different manager with us for lunch company and I could tell she was trying to steer the conversation towards the positive things. I personally grew up in a major city and I don't really think that's better or worse for kids, a small town betch.

The fact that I'm assuming she knows that she lives or that she lives in this town, it's so rude. Yeah. That's crazy. Crazy. Very, very rude, not nice, but I will say this, this is a her issue. Yeah. She had something weird happen in her high school.

It's like a her negative experience. She's trying to project onto the town because she is like high school years. Yeah. Or maybe in some ways she's like conflicted. Maybe her family's still there and she's conflicted about, you know, moving back. And this sounds like her talking to her. Right. She's convincing herself why she shouldn't live there or why it's worth giving up whatever

she might feel guilty about not having or feel badly about not having by crapping all over this town. There's no town in the world. It sounds like I would be as negative about as she is about this town. Yeah. Also, like, read the room. She lives there. I can understand if she was talking to someone.

had no idea that she lived there or like she was moving there. Or had no connection to the town or didn't care where she was like going on a rant. But it's like it's just very rude to say it's something to someone about the city that they current, that they just moved to. Totally. Like I'm shocked that she was going on. And I do again, I'm here to help you people. There might have been a space there for you to be like, I live there. this is like this is hurtful or this is like this is offensive like there might have been a moment

I guess this was her boss so maybe she felt like she had to be really reverent and not like aggressive but even making a joke like whoa tell me how you really feel or right or you know she could say exactly what she said to us actually like yeah I could totally see that but actually I you know I'm not really interested in going out or you know I actually like the drive to the place. I don't find it that we're that crazy. And, you know, I did already, I did already move there. Move there. Yeah. There, I think there's probably a lot of opportunity for her to have stood up for herself a little bit. I get that it's your boss and you probably just felt like you had to sit there and listen, which sounds torturous. And I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But yeah,

this is a, she's, like you said, either she wasn't treated well there or something. She has bad memories or she's conflicted about maybe trying to convince herself why she shouldn't move back there. This is her issue, which you just happened to walk in front of. Yeah. And she was spewing, projecting all of her crap onto you. There's like no other explanation for why she would be so overtly negative. Agree.

She's trying to justify this to herself. Yeah. It's like anything like you see people doing that with all sorts of things. like that they make a choice and then they crap all over the other choice as if they're just convincing themselves of why this choice is better than that one. Right. Because if she didn't have her own complex about it, she wouldn't say anything. She might not say it's great.

Let's say she really felt like just didn't fully just didn't like the town. I think she would just not say anything. Yeah. Or she would even fakingly be like, yeah, good for you. Right. Love it there. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

This is, yeah, I would, I would, this was almost so extreme that I would take it as a compliment. Like, that she's conflicted enough about this, that she's getting so mad about it. Like, that probably means that there's a part of her that in some way feels like she could or should or, you know, that there would be a benefit in it. All right. Well, good luck. I would get, your town sounds lovely for children. Yeah, totally. I give this a six because she should.

sounds really annoying. Yeah. And you can't really, and because she's your boss, there's like a power dynamic. Yeah. You don't even feel like you can be like, shut up. Yes. I'm even, I think our triggers are maybe it's just, I don't know, maybe I'm in a mood today, but I'm going to give this a seven.

Okay. Because she's going on and on knowing that you live there. It's just like. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if you, I don't know, it's rude. You have a pool in your backyard and someone's like, oh my God, I would never get a

pool in my backyard. Like, you know how many kids drown in a pool? And like, it's so expensive and that's crazy. And I, you know, it's like, right. Nobody does that. Shut up. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Say that to the other person with no pool. Right. Totally. There's a million examples of like why, when people don't do this, because it's just offensive. Yeah. That's just like a rude person, I think. Yep. Anyway. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. I'm triggered today. Extra. Same. These are both annoying. Validated. Two validated. Two validation stamps. Stamp. Yes.

All right. Well, we did it. That's it. Thank you for triggering me today. I feel like I feel like I'm carrying the weight of your emotional turmoil into the rest of my day. But I love it. Keep at it. And please, triggered number one with the five-day bachelor party, hit us up.

We want to talk to you. Yes. Let's get, let's do a deep dive into that. We can reach. We'll reach out to you. It could be a non. to miss. Yes. We could change your voice. No one will have to know who you are. Come on the episode. We want to help you. All right. That's our time. Great work today.

Betches.