Oversharing - How To Let Go Of Your Timeline

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Today on Oversharing Jordana updates Dr. Naomi on her group trip, and the two discuss the best way to get your crew together for a holiday. Our Overshare comes from a new mom coping with her traumatic birthing experience. Today’s Betchicist comes from a Betch dealing with a smelly houseguest. In a special segment sponsored by Lee, Dr. Naomi writes an intention for a listener who feels a bit behind in life. And we’re feeling triggered by talking about the weather and stolen parking spots. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or a mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I'm Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How is it going?

You look so tan. You're all sun-kissed. I could feel the warmth, radiating. Oh, thank you. I've been waiting for that. It's been a, it just got home. I could tell. It's like a nice, fresh tan. Thank you. It was a little, it was a little, it was a little, it's from being totally honest. It was a little burned looking before and now I think it is turned a little more brown. Just be patient. Exactly. Fry it up and then wait. And it'll all turn brown. Yeah. So I went away for, with a bunch of my high school and college friends.

It was our, we're all turning 35 this year. It's our collective 35th birthday. And we wanted to, we don't have any like bachelor's or anything really anymore coming up. So we were like, let's, let's just do a trip like just, just us. And we had a really good time. It was like a really, really fun like three nights in Mexico. It was, it was great. That sounds so nice.

A girl's trip like that in the warmth and the sun, like, kind of when it's still cold here is amazing. That sounds so good. Yeah, it was awesome. I kind of want to do something like that like every year, like even in a smaller way. It was just like really fun to feel like it's like the older you get with your friends. There's like, I don't know, there's just less time. And, you know, there's so many other things to do. It's hard to get especially everyone together.

Oh, my God. I am going through this right now. I'm trying to get like six of my college friends together. It's laughable. It's laughable. So I made like, so we're going through the group track trying to find a weekend and what works for who. And it's like not really working out for everybody to come on any weekend. And you know me.

I'm not like the organizer. I'm not really the party planner. But I'm like, all right, I'll make a doodle. Okay. I'm proud of you. Yes. So I make the doodle. I put it out.

Everyone picks their weekends of what works. Then we go a couple people didn't fill out the doodle. Those four out. Yes. So we go back and we're like trying to find weekends. And here we are. It's mid-March. And now we're looking at like Martin Luther King weekend of 2025.

Oh my God. All right. That's where we've landed. Can I give you a tip? Yes. Okay. If you're going to plan these things, I found, because we've done in a different way, and I found this is the most effective way to do it.

You find four people who are in. I don't know how many people you're talking to. Right. Six. Three or four. Three or four. Even three. Fine.

If you're talking to six people, three people who are in. The three of you, the three of people who are like the most fully in. Three of you pick a place. and a time and you book and then you tell the other three people this is what we're booked love to have you if you can join because I find that like the more little little peer pressure a little fomo yeah and if they can't go like they can't it's just very hard to plan like you said especially I think even probably more for you than for people my age because my people my age even if they have kids they're like little they're not like they don't have like events that they're

going to really miss it's just finding someone. to watch them. But there's not, the kids don't really have like anything, any like sort of, they're too young to have like a feeling about the, this particular weekend. Yes.

Whereas maybe yours would. That's what happened with one of my friends. We like, almost had a weekend and I totally get it. And she's like, well, it's the last weekend of school. And like I kind of want to be there

for the last day of school. And it's like, there's a million things like that, you know, whatever it is. So I totally agree. You have to find like the three people that,

seem the most into it and be like, we're going away. If you'd like to join. Yes. Exactly. And that's what we did. We found four people. We were 11 people. We found four people who were in book two rooms.

And then we sent it email, text. This is where we're going. If you're in, hear the details. Yes. Of course, me and you are in the core group of like, yes, warm weather vacation. Yes. I'll be there. I'm signing.

I will be there. So, yeah. that maybe that's I'm honestly oddly I'm like pushing the train along really and I'm losing steam so maybe this will be a little you know reign it sounds like you have the weekend that weekend you have like the specific weekend right you're talking about Martin Luther King weekend of 2025 yeah well why don't you plan something a little earlier than that with a different yes you know what I mean like you could keep that seems like everyone can do that weekend and then you can plan something smaller and then again send out that invitation invite cast a net afterwards but it's like you're coming or you're

not this is still what's happening totally and i have to say i you know it's interesting i got a lot of dms we got a few emails about the tuna situation from last week i had to bring it up i had to bring it so much so that i even asked jared his opinion as someone who flies very frequently right he probably flies like three times a week wow yeah yeah um and i asked a few different people because i was like are we because some people were like, no. They were like, obviously it's not okay for a grown woman to laugh at a child. That's messed up. But they were like, but Naomi shouldn't have let her bring the tuna on the plane.

A lot of unsolicited opinions, tuna is a smelly food. It shouldn't be allowed. She needs to, she needs to teach her daughter that like you can't have tuna. That's inappropriate. Yeah. It's not in enclosed spaces. And I'm getting annoyed at all these people like messaging me because like I again, continue to disagree. I think I some people, you know, most people love the smell of bacon, right?

Because Jared is telling me, he's like, oh, it's like, so I was like, so I was like, if someone brings like a BLT on the plane, like I like like that. I'm like, I kind of find the smell of bacon to be like quite nauseating for me. Yes. I'm not going to be like, like, like freaking out if someone has bacon on a plane because like that's just my taste. I like the smell of tuna. I understand other people don't. If you don't like it, again, like that's just kind of part of like the whole deal of flying. I don't like waking up early. That's what you've got to do for a flight. Yes. You know what? It does seem like it's almost like a food popularity contest when you bring up the bacon thing. It's like most people like bacon, so that's allowed. Less people like

tuna, so it's not allowed. And I'll also give all of these adults a little tip. Breathe through your mouth. It's not that hard. And then you won't smell it. Yeah. Even people who are next some here's the thing they see some people next to the bathroom yeah i'm sure that doesn't smell great again like are they going to be like freaking out the entire time no it's like that's where you're seated this is a let the airplane has allowed this to people some people to be seated near the bathroom it's not the best seat in the house but like you just kind of have to deal totally some people might hate the smell of coffee and they're literally like pouring coffee on the plane and serving it So it's a strong smelling food.

And, well, I appreciate that you were getting amped up in protection of me. That makes me feel very... Kill anyone who's a differing opinion than me. That is so funny. I understand the other side to an extent, but I also think we were right. Yeah. I still stand my ground. I do.

There's ways, there was ways to handle it. It's not that big of a deal. But I do like hearing from people who have different opinions. So feel free to write in and tell us how you feel. I read a review this morning actually right before I came on here. That was really great. And it gave me like a little jolt before coming on to do this recording. So we love the reviews.

If you guys like the podcast, please leave us a review, five stars. It just gives me a little extra umph. So thank you for that. I appreciate it. keeps us feeling motivated and good. And we love doing this show. So it's nice to hear that you guys love it too. Get right into this.

Okay. And if you guys want to leave us a voicemail, you can leave us a voicemail at 646-363-6-2-94. Or you can email us at oversharing at Betches.com. Let's do our first overshare. I will read it. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. In January, I had my first baby, a happy, healthy boy. But my birth didn't go as I had hoped, and actually, everything that could have gone wrong seemed to.

Starting from the moment I woke up in the morning, not feeling the baby move, rushing to the hospital, starting an induction, seeing on the monitors, the baby's heart rate plummeted with even tiny contractions and then having to opt for a C-section, which took course over 15 hours. Once the baby was out, it was clear that the issue was his cord was tangled around his neck twice very tightly. I'm glad I made all the decisions I did because it ended in a healthy baby. But it's been about six weeks and I still feel traumatized. It was the scariest day of my life. It was the complete opposite of how I wanted the day to go. I worked with my dola who gave me the advice to talk about it with family and friends to help get it out of my head.

And that definitely has helped because I no longer ball when I think or talk about it. But still, when I'm up in the middle of the night caring for him, memories of this day come back in my mind and I feel sad and like it's not fair. Am I doomed to always feel bad about the day my son was born? And then feel bad that I feel bad about that because I did end up with a healthy baby and isn't that the goal? How can I heal from this and maybe even think back on this day in a better light? Thanks for all you do and otherwise happy new mom.

P.S. pretty sure I don't have postpart of depression as I'm actually loving of being a new mom and I have a very supportive husband who truly shares the responsibility of parenting. Yeah, this is great. I'm so glad that she wrote in. I literally thought that this was like a million people that I could think of. writing in about this because this is really common and hard to talk about. So I think people suffer in silence sometimes because it's like you're supposed to be so happy and like you don't want to be a downer and be like, oh, how was it?

You're like actually it was the worst day of my life and I'm totally traumatized. I can't stop crying. How are you? Yeah. I feel like more. I mean, it's funny because like obviously before I had, before I had friends who did this, who had babies, I had never really. heard much about like what that's like. But I think the more like the older you get, the more you

hear these like pretty traumatic, it's like not that uncommon to have like fairly traumatic birth stories. Um, or like even if they're, you know, this sounds like very, very scary with cord wrap twice, even just like really uncomfortable experiences or like really, really long, um, hard days. Or again, like those like emergency C sections, I feel like, feel extremely scary. So I am glad she wrote it. And I will say, like, as someone who hadn't gone through, I think before, before, like, even like for the first couple people maybe who had babies or shared those kind of experiences, I think my feeling was a little bit more ignorant and being like, well, the baby is like, and again, I think the less you know about like just like the process of

fertility and birth and all that stuff. You're kind of like, you have a healthy baby. Like, that's just like like you're probably fine in your own place like I used to I think I've talked about this like I used to kind of like let the new moms like go do their thing being like oh like baby's healthy what else could you possibly ask for um you're fine right like move on you're okay now so what why are you rehashing this or going back to it or like focusing on it kind of right and again for people who don't even understand like what goes into a birth I think that maybe that's a more common thing just from like the ignorance of not really understanding or getting why that would be like that. Right. Well, I think the other, I totally agree. And I'm glad that you're

kind of validating that this is common that you'll share the experience. But then the response that you get a lot of times is like, okay, but you're good now. So like, you know, what's up? Like, what's the next thing? Right. It's like someone tells you about like their bad flight. You're like, well, like, okay, I understand the customs line was long and there was a first there was a lady with two and on a plane but now you're here right right right so I think now what's happening more especially people are trying to do maybe more of a natural birth or with less medical intervention they're creating a birth plan which is great and do that but it's like what we talk about in here all the time when you kind of have this expectation for how you think things are going to go and then it doesn't go that way

it leaves you feeling disappointed. So I think this is a great topic for us to talk about in terms of, yes, come up with a birth plan. You can decide what your ideal birth would look like. But sometimes people are like, okay, I have my playlist and I spend so much time picking out exactly my outfit and my robe and then all of a sudden, before you know, doctors are rushing in and they're making all the decisions and you feel like you're just a piece of meat that's being like pushed around and told what to do. You've lost all of your autonomy in your birth

birthing process and then you end up coming out the other side feeling like you've just been through like a tornado. And yes, you have a healthy baby, but there was a lot of loss in terms of what your expectation was and what it turned out to be. So even if it's like this one seems like it was really, really scary, but even if you prefer a natural birth and you end up with a cesarian or whatever, you know, it just feels like a loss. It's not what you expected. So I do think there's something to be said for making the plan, but understanding ahead of time that if the plan doesn't go the way you want it, that that's, you know, that that's not your fault, that people start to feel like my body failed me. Right. A lot of times, I don't know if you've had friends share that with you, but it's sort of like

my body didn't work well. The natural thing that was supposed to happen didn't happen. And somehow, I'm a failure. So there's so many emotions. that come into this. No, totally. Yeah, I think I've heard, if you're all of that, even like in the whole fertility process, I feel like there's this illusion of control, like through every step of it that you can kind of like plan or control or like make all these plans for it. And again, I feel like what you've said about this topic before is that that sort of

prepares you for actually having kids when you can't really control any of those things. So that I think can be a takeaway, sort of like a, instead of looking at this is like, oh, this was like, and for this woman, I'm going to get to the point of like she needs to process her trauma. I have some ideas for her on how she could do that. So I'm not saying like, okay, accept it and move on. This is no big deal. Like this is traumatic and she does need to process it. But I do think it can be a good introduction like you're saying into the world of, you know, things are going to happen with my kids as a mother that I'm not going to be able to control and the outcome is not going to be what I want. And it's more in how you think

about it and how you move forward with it than in the thing actually not going well in the first place. So yeah. But I think it is helpful to, like I hear a lot of people that find healing and I do this with patients sometimes in like kind of writing out your birth story, you know, like even from the moment you found out you were pregnant all the way up through. the moment where you held your baby for the first time, like really kind of journaling out that whole experience, the sensory experience that because what happens with trauma is like the middle of the night, she's feeding her baby, she feels like she's supposed to be in this joyous moment of oneness with her newborn.

And she's like sobbing hysterically about this memory and then judging herself for not being happy enough or not being in the moment. And maybe she, you know, a lot of people think, oh, I'm influencing my baby because I'm crying too much or it's not going to be good with all that. You have to feel your feelings. You have to let this stuff out. And then a lot of times the trauma will stop sneaking up on you if you can see it and like let it have a voice and speak it. And there's websites where people share their birth stories and you can share yours or you can hear others and just kind of feel like this isn't like a dark skeleton that you have to keep like shoving back into the closet.

Right. And I do feel like time kind of like does in this particular scenario help. I usually don't, usually don't hear anyone like 10, 12 years after they've had a kid. Right. Like feel as strongly or as I mean, I don't know. Not to say it's not like as traumatic as other things, but I do feel like there's a sense of like almost people do move through it. Right.

And I think part of that is having more and more experiences where you like kind of thought it was going to go one way, goes a different way. And then you're like, okay, I've done this before. This is okay. But I really do think that, you know, I have a hunch for this listener because she writes at the end, like this is not postpartum, which I'm sure it's not. But I think there there's a fear for her that because she, she's crying or because she's still sad about this,

that it's like taking over, it's like a depressive episode or it's some, you know, that it's like postpartum depression when it really is just a very traumatic experience that I think she needs to let it have its place to be seen and heard by friends, but even more so just her own writing out of this story. And some people also find it helpful to, this may sound counterintuitive,

but some people do find it helpful to kind of, go through the medical records again and like look at exactly what happened and why certain decisions were made and talk to her doctor if her doctor is a type of doctor that's going to give her time to kind of ask all the questions well why did we decide to do this and why did that have to happen because it's almost like airing it all out you know instead of avoiding like a lot of people avoid because she's crying a lot she's judging herself for crying a lot so there's a temptation to be like, I don't want to think or talk about anything that's going to make me cry because I don't want to go there.

And I would guess, I mean, if I were in that position, I think my thought would be like, if I, like, I can't change it. So like, why, why go back and like analyze what happened if like I can't? It's not going to like, we can't, we can't do it differently even if I found that she did something that I wouldn't have done. Yes. Yeah. And look, I see that perspective too.

and I think if that's working, then fine. But if it feels like it's intrusive, like it's just coming up, and this is with all types of trauma, like if you find you're having these uncontrollable, like intrusive memories and thoughts and like crying spells and whatever, that's your emotions,

your body's way of saying, like this needs a little bit more space. Like you need to see this a little bit more patiently and breathe into it and kind of, not be afraid of these feelings, not be afraid of crying or getting angry or whatever it is. If what you're saying, if that works, great. But if it's intrusive, it's coming up all the time, your body's very wise.

And the emotions will come to the surface more often when you're not giving them sufficient airtime. So. Yeah. Okay. I like that. You know, we've got a few different options. Yeah. To figure out what works for you.

Yeah, this is a really tough one. You're not alone. I would talk to people, put your story out there. But this is what you're feeling is normal. Don't judge yourself. Your baby's going to be fine if you hold him and you're crying. Like, okay. Right.

And I'm sure if she shared this story with like 10 women, like four of them at least would probably have like something that they felt. also went like in a similar way of like not according to their plan and happen really scary even if it wasn't to this extent. Yeah. And there is something when you want to nat more of a natural birth or you want to do things in a certain way, there's something that, you know, it feels really hard to let go of control that sometimes doctors swoop in and like they make all the decisions for you.

And then you feel like you have no power in the process of your body, bringing this baby into the world. and it's sort of like it's just kind of being removed from you and it feels very disempowering. So I totally validate that. But like you said, you have this healthy baby and all your feelings are normal. So just be patient with yourself. Let's do a betcha sis. Do you want to write it?

All right. A little bit lighter. All right. Yeah. This is a good one. Okay. Hello, Jordana and Dr. Naomi, huge betches fan. I have a little dilemma.

I, 25 female, have been with my boyfriend, 25 male for four years. After two years together, we moved into a two-bedroom apartment that we love in a city that we love. My boyfriend is super close with his cousin who lives in Florida and is the same age as us and frequently invites him to come stay for the weekend at our apartment in our guest bedroom. His cousin loves food and nightlife, so he's always eager to spend a weekend in our fun city. The problem. His cousin smells really bad. Some relevant contact. about me. I am a clean freak with a capital F. Our apartment is pretty much always spotless. We deep clean once a week and my boyfriend is amazing at upholding what I realize is a pretty high standard for cleanliness.

So his cousin will come into town. I will personally witness him at not shower for the entire weekend and our entire apartment quite literally smells like garbage. After the first visit, I brought it up to my boyfriend and he agreed it was bad and told me his cousin had a bad upbringing and has always had poor hygiene habits. The smell is overpowering and 48 hours is a long time to deal with it. I find myself worked up into a frenzy when the cousin is there frantically mopping the floors, wiping counters, et cetera, in an attempt to undo the smell in our apartment. The dilemma. Yesterday, my boyfriend tells me, good news. Cousin is coming to visit next weekend. I was immediately stricken with anxiety and dread. This would be the third visit of 2024 and it's only

March. Not only is that way too often for a family member to be staying in our apartment for an entire weekend, but there's the added smell nightmare. My questions. One, how can I possibly tell my boyfriend I don't really want his cousin visiting this much without hurting his feelings? Is it ever reasonable to tell your partner you don't want their family staying the weekend this often? It's annoying to spend my weekend off work with zero relaxation time because my home is occupied by a person. Is this extreme smell a reason in and of itself to request that my boyfriend not invite him to stay more than once or twice a year? Are you allowed to dislike someone for smelling so awfully bad? P.S.

If you're thinking, why doesn't my boyfriend just go visit the cousin at his house? That's out because the cousin specifically enjoys coming to the city. Also, his cousin has running water and can afford soap, so it's not like he's literally unable to bathe. Thank you in advance a betch who needs nose plugs. This is an interesting dilemma. Yes. I haven't gotten a smelly cousin email yet. What do you think?

I feel like it would be in her boyfriend's best interest to tell his cousin that he smells. Like if he's true, like they're family. Yeah. There sounds like they're very close, their family. And I don't want to say this is a little bit of a double standard, but the cousin's a man, boyfriend's a man and I think that sometimes it's easier to tell other men be like a little straight with them I think it's be like a little more awkward if his cousin was a woman um be like a little more embarrassing I think you could have the boyfriend say

his cousin like listen and she he could like I guess he could believe it on you or he could not maybe as I'm saying that maybe that's a bad idea but I think you could say like she's a clean freak like and he can own own it himself if he agrees that he smells, you could be like, listen, you just, you need to shower. I've noticed you haven't showered when you're here. It's weird. Yes. If one of our siblings did that, I think, and they smelled. If we had, you know, oh my God, I would tell them immediately. Right. You'd be like, listen, like, again, like you said, it doesn't have to, it doesn't even have to be like a huge, like, sit, I'm going to sit you down and like say something. Be like, you smell like you need to

shower. Yes. We would say to each other. Yes. Yes. Exactly. I was thinking the same thing. I don't think he's helping him by not saying anything. And she's also saying he likes, like, food and nightlife. Like, you're going out to eat. You're going out to bars. I assume you're probably trying to, like, mingle with other people. Right. It can help him outside of this apartment situation.

Yes. If he's going out and he's trying to, I don't know if he's trying to date or whatever, but, you know, that would help. So, yeah, I do think, first. solution, first suggestion is to have your boyfriend just tell him, dude, you don't smell good. Did you shower? It's not that. It's not that.

I mean, it's not great, but it's also not the worst thing either. And if he's been living like that, he might not notice and, you know, or even, I mean, if it was a girl. And he's 25. Right. So he's probably like, you know, not thinking about all the different parts of his life and hygiene and whatever. Like, it's not like he's like, four.

And this is like his whole life has gone by. It's too late. Like now's the time. Now's the time. This is the moment. You could change his life. I would definitely let him know. I mean, look,

all of his things might smell. So it might not help like as much. But if it really is just like his actual body that smells, then yeah. This would definitely, I think he should say something to him. Right. It doesn't. If this,

you know, if this was a woman, I might almost be like, oh my gosh, I got this really delicious like body wash. you have to try it, like just kind of make it like a fun thing. Like, oh, it's going to like it feels nice to smell good. It's like a pleasurable experience to have something that smells good.

Or you'd be like, oh, I have this cologne. I could lend it to you before we go out, go take a shower. Right. When you get out. I think he needs to. I almost think that's like a bandaid for like the weekend. Yeah, he does need to tell him. I agree.

But even on the other, I mean, to answer the other question about him coming three times in 20, when it's March. I agree that's also annoying, even if he smelled wonderful, even if he had great cleaning habits. I think that's a little bit of like an overstaying, you're welcome to come once every four weeks to someone else's apartment.

Yeah. Sounds like the boyfriend really enjoys having him around and really likes him. And I think that like, kind of like with the other email where we had with the mother wanting to live in the house, I think there's a compromise to be made. I don't think the answer is he never gets to stay. again, assuming that he's told about his own smell. But I think it's like, let's discuss like we, this is our home together.

And just like I'm sure you wouldn't want me having a friend over all the time. Like, I think we need to discuss like what works for both of us. Right. And it probably, I would do it sooner than later because I think once you establish this routine of like it's a once a month thing, it becomes a little bit harder to undo. So yeah, I think. if, I mean, I guess the question is, if he smelled okay, would you still mind? And if you would still mind, even if he smelled okay, assuming that he takes the advice and showers, if you still would mind, I think you guys have to come up with a, you know, whatever the time frame is. And then the hard part is

saying no. Right. Right. Well, I think she would still mind because she's like, I'm a need freak. I'm like my boyfriend. I found, I found someone who's like able to withhold my like ridiculously high standards. And I would imagine if you're that intensively into like things being neat and clean, you don't want visitors all the time. It probably gives you anxiety again, even if they're just like a normal level of clean. Yeah, I mean, they have a second bedroom. They probably got it for the reason that they were intending to be welcoming to guests. But I do think you have to kind of find a compromise. Once a month seems like a lot if it's a regular schedule. So figure out what works for But I think first things first, have that hard conversation.

It's going to help him in the long run. And I guess the worst thing that happens is he gets offended and doesn't come back. Win, win. Right. Worst things that happens is you ruin your cousin, your boyfriend's relationship with his cousin. They never recover. He hates him.

And he doesn't come to the wedding. No, it'll be fine. Again, I think they're men. I assume that, I mean, I get why the boyfriend wants to, like, avoid having that conversation, you probably just like doesn't feel like doing it. The smell doesn't bother him that much. Yeah. Probably.

And it sounds like it's been going on for like ever, decade. Yeah. But that's sort of what, when you live with someone, that's sort of like a compromise that you have to make is like it's not just about your own tolerance for things. It's about your tolerance as a couple. If I were you, I would say, let's say you give him four times a year. Yeah. One or two of those times, you go home, visit your parents or you go somewhere else.

so that it's twice for you, let them be disgusting cousins together. Yes, yes, yes, yes, if this doesn't change. And I also think there's something to be said where it's like if the cousin's only coming because he likes the city, then it sort of feels like you're, if you don't want the boyfriend going there, then you're just sort of using you for the apartment, which could clear your conscience a little bit of being able to say no. It's like he's just dying to see his cousin and he's willing to do whatever. Right.

Because then the cousin could go visit him, like she said. Yeah, the boyfriend could go visit. Sorry. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe that could release a little bit of guilt. If it's kind of like, oh, he's coming just because he wants to be in the city, you can also be like, well, I also just have my own needs, which are that I want to have no guests this weekend. Right. And I get why she doesn't want to do that because she's like, oh, we just moved in together.

Like, it's going well. I don't want to be like the one who's like trying to control him or like separating him from his family. or, you know, not have, like, not feel like, feel like, oh, we moved in together and now his family thinks I'm, like, trying to, like, keep everyone away from him. Yes. So, look, it sounds like she didn't even consider the idea of just telling him. So I would start with that. Let's see how that.

Please keep us updated on that. I would love to hear if that, like, just fixes the problem. And he's like, okay, sure. Honestly, it's the greatest gift you could give someone is before it's too late in their life to tell them about a habit that everyone can see. clearly embarrassing that you can just, it seems like it has a simple solution. Shower is like not his overhaul his life. Totally. And most people, most people generally want to like have interactions with romantic partners.

So this is going to help him in that because I can't imagine he's doing well in the romance area. It smells horrible. This episode is brought to you by our sponsor Lee. There's nothing better than feeling yourself. and the confidence that comes from knowing you're a better you as you age. And as denim trends come and go, Lee remains legendary for creating denim cuts that fit your body, not to some passing fat or body shape ideal.

Lee brings you denim that fits every age, every decade, and every body. I love my Lee jeans. They're so, so comfy. And I love that they make them for every body type. They only get better with wear. They're like the OG amazing gene brand. Naomi, have you tried them? forever, probably for the last 15 years, I've been looking for a pair of jeans shorts to replace

these jeans shorts that I have that are from my early 20s. And I've looked everywhere and I could not find them. And finally, I got a pair of denim jeans shorts from Lee and they are perfect. They're just like my old ones that are literally falling apart. And they're going to get softer and softer after every wash. And I hope that these are going to finally replace the old ones that I have been unable to find a replacement for. So I am super excited and they fit like a glove. And I could tell that every time I wash them, they fit even better. They get even softer. Yeah, they look amazing dressed up with a pair of cowboy boots. And they look great just over my bikini in the summertime. My favorite new piece of clothing. And today we're going to share a special intention on

growth, confidence, and keeping in mind that things get better with age. Hi, Trident and Dr. Naomi, big fan of oversharing and all that you both do. Thank you for adding bits of humor and empathy to my daily commute. Lots of love for you too. I'm wondering if you could help me set an intention for when I start to feel behind where I pictured my life to be. A little bit about me is that I'm 26. I rent an apartment where I live by myself in a new city that I moved to a few years ago now. I work in the architecture field and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. Despite this, I can't help but feel behind from where I pictured a 26-year-old me to be. I think back to when I was graduating college and how I was supposedly going to be more put together in a few years.

Fresh out of a breakup, I was sad to let go of the marrying your first love story that I absolutely believed what happened to me. I hadn't started a full-time job yet, and my greatest fear was becoming a victim to a 45-plus hour work week. Five-ish years and one cross-country move later, and I still spend most of my paycheck on lattes and new clothes. I'm now working at my third company as an entry-level architect, and each position has been equally okay. Nothing dream job worthy and definitely lots of long hour days. The jump from learning in school to working a full-time job has been huge.

My boyfriend and I met on Hinge last December, and honestly, I feel like I've been overthinking our relationship so much lately that it's ruining any good times we share together with, is this really the one for me, thoughts? Lo and behold, it feels like all my friends are getting engaged or married, and I'm totally jealous that they get to be completely reassured that they will not die alone and that they can't have kids during their prime childbearing years. What intentions can I set to help me stop myself from feeling behind in life? How can I allow myself to enjoy the moments and quiet my inner overthinker? Any input you have is much appreciated.

Thanks, 20, funny and crying. Ah, timelines, timelines. They really, I get it. It's really hard to disentangle from your timeline. It is in some ways a similar situation to the birth story thing where it's like, I have an expectation of how this is supposed to go. And then it doesn't go that way. And even she's saying like she had the expectation that the storybook thing was going

to be that she married her, you know, childhood sweetheart and then had to come of accept that that wasn't how it was going to turn out. And now she's going to have to keep doing that, which is just how it goes. But we almost have to, and I've said this on here before, we have to fight our biology. Our biology tells us to keep seeking the next problem. Never relax, really, because then we're not going to stay alive. We're not going to seek food. We're not going to seek reproduction. We're not going to seek safety. It's only, almost like we're doing this little caveman security thing in a modern day world. And our bodies are not meant for peace and happiness.

They're just not. They're meant for like staying alive and protecting ourselves. So she has to do the thing where you have to keep constantly kind of reminding yourself that, you know, one intention that I came up with her that was simple and I have another one for her, but like, what's the rush? When you start to go there, what's the rush? There really isn't. It's like just this autopilot thing that tells you that like, I need to get this now so I can secure it. It's like a evolutionary instinctual. I need to like wake up in the middle of the night and go get that like coconut off the tree to make sure that somebody else doesn't get the coconut. Right. I think there's this fear of like everyone else has it figured out. And I

didn't get the memo. I don't have it figured out. And so like this is going to be a problem for me. Like as things go on. But it's funny that, you know, she's 26 and it's, it's easy for us to say, 34, 44 year olds to be like, that's so young. Like you're, you know what I mean? You have so much time to figure everything out. And it's funny because she's, I thought like when email started, I thought she was going to say like, you know,

I don't have a job and I'm single and I, you know, living with my parents and like whatever. Like it's funny, like the way that she describes her life sounds like a lot more put together than I was at 26. I think I definitely wasn't in a relationship. I definitely would,

did not feel secure in, in my job or anything that I was doing. And like, it's kind of like it's all about your perspective, right? Where she's like, I'm working longer hours than I thought I would work when I was in college. Like, if you think about it like that, it sounds pretty silly. And I think that I understand what she's saying because I've had those thoughts too. And they're like sort of like these intrusive thoughts about where you should be or being somewhere at the right time.

we're like, it's almost like letting go that the way you thought it would be when you were younger was like the best way they could be even. Yes. Because that's like a big part of it. She's like, I thought I would be like, you know, with my, the part that stuck out to me was like, I thought I would be with like my first love. It's like, why is that the ideal scenario? Like, isn't the ideal scenario that you like get to date around a lot and you meet a lot of people and then like you have a lot of fun with a lot of different people? you get to see what it's like and then you meet someone. She's like tied to this story that she came up with at such a young age.

Like it's okay for your beliefs about what an ideal life looks like to even a lot. And I love the idea of just like kind of stepping out of your perspective and realizing that there's so many other potential perspectives. And that's why like I've mentioned on here before that I run these groups. And when I put the groups together, I intentionally put people that are like 24 and single and people that are 44 and like married with three kids together in the same group so that you can see getting married and having kids isn't going to solve all your problems. Like that's not the magical pill that's going to suddenly like I think a lot of people. like I think a lot of people think that. Like once I find my person and I have, I know that like I said, like I'm not going to die

alone and I can have kids that all of a sudden it's like I'll be complete and I'll never have any problems. So that's why I love, you know, a lot of times groups are set up where it's like everyone's in the same stage of life going through the same thing. And I really like to show this perspective that it's like about your mindset and whatever you're going through, whether you're going through a divorce. or you're going through a job loss or you're going through fertility struggle or what this listener is going through.

The human experience is the same thing, trying to control something that's not within your control. And how do you move out of that? Right. Let me ask you this question as it comes to this feeling of like completeness. So, you know, you have three kids. You're married. You have a house.

You have a career that you love. do you feel, because if I think of someone who's like, you know, you've got it all, all the like typical check marks of like, you know, the life that society has told us to want, do you feel like complete in that way? Like I've done it. I've got it. I guess it's an interesting conversation to have because I do sometimes feel like I think we've talked about this on here before where I'm like, if I lost all of these things, would I still be able to maintain my like mindfulness practice and my, you know, awareness of my perspective and my consciousness? And I don't know the answer to that. You know, I don't know that I would be able to do all the things that I do now to maintain

a conscious mind. But I definitely will say that my mind, if I don't practice meditation and I don't, and I'm not aware of where my mind space goes, I can lose sight of the fact that I have all of these blessings and be like, oh my God, what if, you know, something, usually it's about the kids and like something that I'm afraid of for them

happening in their life. Like, you know, what if they, they don't find friends or what if they're bullied at school or what if they don't have a good sense of self? And I can catch myself, like,

just doesn't matter. or if the negative space is like, what if I don't find a partner? If I'm spending the same half hour thinking like, what if my daughter doesn't have good self-esteem? And, oh, she didn't, she didn't eat a lot for breakfast. Is she doing that on purpose? Is she trying to, you know, whatever these thoughts are that run the anxious rumination that runs through my mind, it's like, that moment when I'm in that place is probably very

similar to feeling to the same person that doesn't have the safety net, but they're ruminating about some other thing. So I think, yeah. It's so interesting. Because I feel like most people, like myself, if I'm speaking for myself, like, I become more into those like meditation, like things when I'm like in the moment of crisis. Like I don't, it's harder for me to practice them when things are going well because I'm like, I don't need this that much. But it's, It seems like you do it, even when things are going well, which is maybe why things go if that makes it. I don't know.

It's kind of like, what came first, the mindfulness and happiness with your current life or like the great life? Right. Well, it's almost like the, I think there is a strength and that may be the safe. Like, I get the safety aspect. Like, that's why we want to get married because there's like a safety and knowing they're going to have a partner. And, you know, so I get that.

And sometimes when the, you know, I don't know if you've ever heard of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's like a pyramid where on the bottom is like food and shelter and, you know, safety. And then it moves up to like social relationships. And then it moves up to like deep connection and then to like self actualization and like living your best life. Right. So I do think when you're working on the part of like I just don't feel safe in this life at all. And that is if there's food insecurity or you don't know where you're going to live or financial insecurity, it's like you can't really go anywhere from there. But I think when you have that basic

safety, it does make it easier to say, okay, I feel safe. Now it's easier for me to recognize when my mind is wandering into this world of like rumination and anxiety over something because I don't feel like that. When you feel like that all the time, it's almost hard to notice when you're doing it because you're doing it like all the time. Right. Just your permanent state.

It's not like, it's not an intrusive thought. It's like all of your thoughts. Yes. Yes. Right. So I validate that I do think it is realistic that when you find, and I think finding a partner is like a really great way to do it, but if you can't find a partner,

or finding a community or living near a group of friends or having, I do think that having very close daily human connection does give us a sense of peace and safety that can then allow us to move up the hierarchy and start noticing other things. But this listener, back to this listener, she has a partner. Right. She has a job. And I think that just coming back to the mindfulness piece, like we were just talking, talking about, but the intention that I wrote for her is I'm living the life I've been waiting

for. I just have to tune in to see it. And the tune in is like coming into your actual body and your actual senses. So when you're at work, instead of being like, oh my gosh, I have 17 more hours to go or I'm never going to finish this, just be like, okay, my fingers are tapping this keyboard and my eyes are looking at this screen and what are the colors on the screen and what is the task in front of me and what does it smell like in this room what does what does it sound like and coming into your senses is your way to like tune into your actual life instead of always looking at like the big picture next step that looking at the next step is the thing that makes it feel like your life isn't complete rather than being like okay right right now

What do I hear? What do I see? What do I smell? What do I taste? This is my life. Yeah. I love that. And like, again, it's like we can say her life is objectively like sounds pretty great. But she's the one who has to fully like feel it and believe it. And again, I almost think like that's a that that anxiety about the big picture is like helpful in to an extent of like, okay, yeah. Like if you're in this relationship for a, while it's not going anywhere, that anxiety of like the big picture will help you move on for yes, for example. So like, I don't think it's like absolutely useless. Like you should ignore everything you think about like the life, the ideal life that you want. But also like focusing on what's good about it, I think it's going to make it a lot better. I totally agree. Anxiety is helpful. It just ends up kind of going haywire a lot of times. Like it is helpful to be like, okay, maybe this,

relationship has run its course and it's time for me to move on and be with someone else or whatever that you know be single or whatever the thing is so the anxiety is helpful the hard part is figuring out like what can I change and what do I have to accept so and trusting yourself that like you're going to make your right I think if you trust if you truly trust yourself and this is something I'm kind of learning like if you trust yourself you do feel like it's going to be okay because you know that you're going to make like the right decisions for yourself. And the best way to trust yourself is to make your decisions not out of an activated body or like not out of a like an impulsive, you know, way of like just slowly and consciously

and, you know, okay, I'm going to try to just like sit with this and quiet my mind and, you know, just doing everything very slowly and intentionally and then saying, okay, this has been something that hasn't been feeling great for a while or when I lean into the senses of this and I look at my boyfriend's face or I smell him or I touch him or I spend time with him and I'm really trying to be in the moment with him. It's not feeling the way I wanted to feel versus the more heady thing, which is like, well, what if he ends up not this? Or what if, you know, making a decision based more on like a rumination anxiety of the what ifs, like when you're in the moment with him and you're actually like in your senses with this person,

does it feel like he's your person? Or when you're in the moment with your job and you're like actually focusing on the actual job versus like the after I'm done with this, I have this next thing to do. And then after that, I'm going to have the other thing to do. That's not in the moment of your job. That's like down the pike of your job. So if you can like kind of tune in, that's why I say. the intention is I'm living the life I've been waiting for.

I just have to tune in. If you tune in and you're really in the moment of it, like really in your senses and it still feels like this isn't what I want and you've practiced that a few times and you've really sank into that a few times. Then it's kind of like, okay, what can I control and what do I have to accept? And that helped, like get back to your idea of like, how do you trust yourself? I think that's a good plan for how to trust yourself. I like that.

Okay. Yeah, and I think this process of learning how to tune in to your life really does get better with age. Totally. And thank you to our sponsor, Lee. No more staring in the mirror wondering if your favorite outfit is past its prime. Lee creates denim that gets better with age. Where after wear, they're the brand you'll reach for again and again. Innovation is at the core of what Lee creates, fabrics that breathe and move in cuts that flatter every curve. Get the freshest looks now with their spring collection that just dropped. Visit L-E-E-E-D-E-com and find your fits now. Let's do some triggers. Yeah, let's do some triggers. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi.

I'm obsessed with oversharing in all things, Betches. Something that you, Jordana, said on last week's episode, made me feel so seen when you said that you get annoyed when your dad texts you that he loves you every day. It made me think of something that drives me crazy about my dad, and I'm wondering how triggered I can be. My dad retired and moved to Florida about five years ago. When we talk on the phone, which is probably every other day, he asks, how's the weather? My dad lived in New York his whole life and knows that the weather in February is shitty. So why ask every day? To add on, whenever I give him the answer, he proceeds to tell me the same tale of how it was nice, but then it got cloudy. That's literally

the weather every day in Florida. It drives me crazy. I just wish he could bring up different topics of conversation other than the weather. So how triggered can I be? It should also be noted that my dad and I haven't had an amazing relationship since my parents divorced in middle school. I'm 30 now. And I wish it were better. Any tips, Dr. Naomi? Sorry, that could be a whole separate discussion. Feel free to discuss or not, L.O.L. Sincerely, a possibly irrationally triggered betch. Okay. I think this is relatable. And it is, it does seem like it touches the same nerve as what you were talking about with your dad. Right. I think there's something to like, we're talking, but we're not really saying anything that feels a little irritating.

And again, I think like, you don't know me that I don't like this. Maybe is another part of it. I think he's trying to just like make conversation and like have something to talk about. And this is something that like is an easy one. That's like why anyone talks about the weather. Yeah. Right. Yes. Yeah, it's easy. It's not intrusive. It's not going to be triggering. It's, yeah, we're, you know, kind of have the same experiences. But I think that she is looking for more connection, which is a beautiful thing, right? And I can, you know, I get this idea of like, I think when you have parents that don't live in the house or like you've grown up with a divorce or like kind of disjointed family, there is sort of this idea of like, there's, an expectation of what like a father-daughter relationship or you see some people that are like so close with their dads where they know every single thing about them and they grew up in the

house with them. They know what kind of breakfast cereal they eat and what kind of, you know, what their nighttime routine is. And when you don't have that, it can feel like there's this big disconnect after a divorce where sometimes it feels like, okay, well, now I'm 30. Am I really going to start like trying to fix this relationship after it's been this way for 10 years or whatever. You know, she said it was, I think, in middle school. So 15 years plus that they've had this kind of disconnected relationship. Are we really going to try to change it now? So it kind of feels like a back burner thing.

But I think this irritation that she's experiencing is probably maybe a little signal that she is looking for some more depth there. Yeah. I think that's such a good interesting point that you picked up on about like, because I mean, my parents divorced when I was nine. She's talking about this middle school thing. It's like there is something to where you're kind of like because your conversations always have to be like almost like intentional in that way. Like you're not really, you don't really know someone in the same way as if we just live in the same house. And every time we talk, it's not about like catching up.

It's like about, you know, breakfast or dinner or something like that. And I think that like you don't even really think about that as being lost if you see your parents, even though they're divorced. But if you have, if you don't live with them from a certain age, it does feel maybe that's really it. There does feel like there's a disconnect around like an automatic closeness, I guess. Right. Yeah, like you're keeping it's, it feels and it's normal and it's natural and it's nobody's

fault, but it's kind of like in order to stay connected, you have to put in these very like prescriptive efforts of like I'm going to call you every Sunday or I'm going to, you know, whatever it is to make sure that I'm checking in and we're staying close versus like, we don't need to try to stay close. Like we just are close because I call you and I have a problem or like I want to hear your perspective on something or you know exactly the backstory of this best friend that then just did this thing. So it's easy to, you know, call you and seek your advice.

Exactly. So yeah, I guess one solution is you can, and I think a lot of parents, you know, give them credit, but they're sort of respectful of boundaries. So they might not want to be intrusive or prying or kind of being the one that's asking too many questions, because if they only get to talk to you every so often and it feels a little cold and like, it's like an effort, they don't want to put you off or like make you uncomfortable. So they, then you don't want to, you want to talk to them even less by asking too many questions. So it might be up to you to bring up a personal thing that's happening in your life so that he can feel maybe needed or you can ask his opinion or just say,

hey, I need to vent about this thing and like, tell him something that's bothering you. Or you might need to be the one that kind of takes it to that level because he may not want to pry or be too invasive. Perhaps. Right. And it's possible that the relationship just what might not like go that way. But you could try. Yeah.

Sort of the thing. Yeah. So I guess again, like you can, what can you control? You can try to maybe open up to him about some more real things because what do people talk about? Their feelings. What bothers them? What their decisions are that they have to make in their life? Like those are real things.

So if that's stuff that you have, you can, you know, see if you can bring that up to him, see how it will land. Right. And then if it doesn't land well. or it feels awkward or uncomfortable and you've tried it a couple of times, then you may have to move towards like, okay, I just have to accept that this is how our relationship unfolded and it's cordial and it's nice, but it's not really going to be, it's not going to feel like emotional intimacy, which is sad. There's a grief process in that with a parent.

I think if she wants to, like, if she's not enjoying these conversations, she can make them less frequently if she's tried that. Like she could, you know, speak to him once a week. week and and talk about the weather and maybe they'll be less annoying right but i you're you're a hundred percent right i just have a feeling that it's i don't know that it's like that she doesn't want to talk to him i think there's like this this triggering irritation around like this what feels maybe like phony and that was right the same thing that triggered you with the like i love you every morning it's like okay like this just feels wrote this just feels like yeah superficially like trying to like say we're

connected without connecting right like you said it would feel better if it was like on your birthday he wrote some gushy thing because it was like your birthday um versus just like every single day like some people really hate like the whole saying i love you before you hang up the phone thing because it just almost feels like a input, like a, it doesn't mean anything. It's just like, okay, love you by. Yeah. What does that even mean? No, I do think there's an aspect to that.

I kind of like feel a little bit like that unless like I don't speak to someone often. Right. But like to someone I speak to every day, I agree. It kind of like cheapens the feel, the strength of the word. Right. To say it every day. It's like, okay, well, then what do I say when I like, I'm trying to like actually express connection.

Having done the I Love You triggered myself, I will give this, I will validate this for the five, four, with a four with a four, I'm gonna call. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna, when you said five, I was gonna say four because he's trying.

I don't think he, you know, it's almost like cute and endearing and like it's almost like if your grandma did this, you'd be like, oh, it's so cute. Like grandma just talks about the weather, but like when it's your dad, maybe there's higher expectations. But yeah, I get it. I give it a four, two. Maybe even a three. I guess. I mean, like, it's fun. It's because I relate to it. I give it. I probably, if I didn't know,

if I didn't feel relating to it, I'd probably give it like a two, but I think it's like a three, four. No, I definitely, I wouldn't give this a two. I definitely get it. It's like the same conversation every time. It feels kind of like you're putting, like you're just checking the box that you called your kid. And that feels like, this is more for you than it is for me. So I totally, I do get it.

And I wouldn't, I was thinking four or five. Okay. Yeah, I wasn't thinking like lower than that. I definitely get that this feels like, you're almost like, you know,

I don't know, you're like wiping the countertop. Right. Like it's just something you do every day. I'm trying to cosplay like a close relationship. Yes. Yeah. So,

all right. That was a good one though. Thanks for writing. am good one all right let's do another one hi jordanna naomi i live in an apartment complex and recently met a new neighbor she seemed nice and around my age so she got my number and we texted a bit i got excited thinking maybe we'll become friends which would be great because i recently moved to this area and would love more girlfriends then she started parking in my reserve parking spot at first i gave this a pass since i don't usually park in that spot anyways but then it continued i told her to stop

parking in my reserve spot. She said, okay, and moved her car the next day. I told her she could keep it there that night, but not to park there again. All this sounds petty, but I'm kind of annoyed that I even had to tell her not to park in my spot. Maybe if she would have asked, I would have been more open-minded to sharing the spot with her on occasion, but having the gall that just parked there without even asking, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm sensitive to parking issues after having my car towed before, and maybe I'm a bit triggered at feeling like she was taking advantage of my niceness and just expected me to be cool with her parking her car in my spot. Not really sure what was going through her head, but the situation really annoyed me and I

haven't texted her since. Let me know what you think. If you think I should share with her more about why this bothered me or if I should just let it go and not really bother keeping a friendly connection with her. I'll keep it simple, of course, but I was open to meeting her for drinks and now I don't know if I even want to do that at this point. Hope this made sense and wasn't too long. Love y'all. Yeah, I think that's there's like a boundary issue here. I mean, we're from New York too. Like someone else parking in your reserve spot is just like you just don't do that. You know, park in someone else's parking spot. So this is, I could see why she's triggered and I could see why she's like her, her antenna are going up

thinking that this person might have some boundary issues, just pulling right into her reserve parking spot without asking. Yeah, I would say this early in a friendship, it's a little bit of a red flag to be like you did i mean it doesn't it doesn't set she doesn't say what the conversation was like when she told her not to park there but it doesn't sound like she said that she didn't know or that um she was super apologetic i assume that would have been a different scenario um i would say i would definitely put this in the file i don't know if i would get drinks with someone who did that maybe i guess like i don't know would you would you like not meet up with someone who did that i you know I don't know. I think it does show like a lack of balance. Like even my best friend,

I wouldn't just park in their spot without asking. Like literally even my best friend, I wouldn't do that too. I wouldn't park in someone's spot without asking them. So it is a major red flag. I think if she really needs friends and she's like kind of desperate, she could just, you know, go out for drinks and be like, you know, maybe bring it up and see. where she's but it's almost like uh you're missing the memo thing here like right something off that you would ever think it's okay unless there was some huge misunderstanding but she didn't park in anyone else's unless she's just like taking turns parking in random people's spots and it happened to be hers which i don't think is a situation somehow she knew that was her spot she knew

they were friendly hadn't even gone to drinks yet and decided to park there like this something seems off. I agree. I think if I if you did go for drinks with her, I would tell her about like the situation. I would bring it up being like, you know, I once got my card. I'm sorry about the miss. Seems like there was like a misunderstanding with the car. I actually once got my car towed. So I'm really like kind of intense about my parking space. Like, but why did you actually wind a parking there? Yes. I definitely think that I would be very curious what her perspective is on why she did that and you don't have to have had your car towed to not want someone parking in your space. I'm assuming if she lives in a city of any sort that like you pay for that space or it's like

your space that's included with your apartment, whatever it is. It's your space for a reason. It's one thing if she asked, obviously that would be like a totally different story, but to just do it. I agree. I think it's like a very serious red flag for this again. It's like she has any, it's like you have any built in friendship with her to where this would seem out of normal. Like, you don't know her well. This is sort of what you have to go on.

Like, it seems like she's not going to be like that great of a person to hang out with. Right. I mean, yeah, this just, I don't know. Something feels like her, her spitey senses are tingling for a reason. Like even when I pull into someone's driveway at their house, I'm kind of like, oh, I hope that they don't need to like pull out or, maybe I shouldn't park here. What if they need? Like there's a consideration when you're doing that.

Like even with your best, like if you lived in the city and you had a parking spot that you paid for and your friend was aware of that. And they came over to visit you and just pulled right into your spot. No, that would be crazy. It's like, what if Mike's coming home and he needs to park his car? Right. Or like, what if, you know, yeah.

Without asking? Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. Even your best friends wouldn't do that. So there's something off about. this unless there's a backstory where she said oh i have this spot and i never ever use it and it just sits empty all the time and like i totally wouldn't mind if any random person parked there right without asking yeah yeah i'd give this like a like a seven yeah it's very yeah i definitely

think it's just like societally not cool to just pull into someone else's reserve spot you have our permission to not hang out with her yeah i mean be cool and if it's getting awkward then you can bring it up and just be like, yeah, what was it like, you know, however you phrased it before, I think it was good. Like, what was the situation where you ended up parking in my spot? Like, was there an emergency? Like, wow, how come you? Yes. Yes. Is everything okay? I know you parked in the spot. You didn't say anything. So I just assumed it was like an emergency. Yeah. Just to see where her head's at. And maybe when you bring it up, she'll give you an explanation that feels really rational and reasonable. And then you can move on with your friendship. But it'll, I think it'll

be a data point to be like, okay, this person has no boundaries or, or maybe, oh, there was some of this understanding. And she thought that I said that she, you know, I never use it or she could park there. But yeah, I would agree with seven on this, maybe six, seven, since it only happened once and she seems respectful since. But yeah, weird. All right. Well, I think we help some people today and please give us some updates. If you guys have written in, we've answered your question. I think about you. I worry about you guys. So let us know how it's going. All right, that's our time. Great work today. Oversharing is produced by Sean Kilby. Editing by Jazz Apados. Guest booking by Ali Friedlander and send your emails to oversharing at betches.com.