Oversharing - How to Stop Comparing Your Life To Others

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Jordana and Naomi start today’s Oversharing with a convo about allowing a friendship to be the primary relationship in your life (and how to reconnect when you begin to grow apart). Then they dive into the Overshare email of the week, all about comparing yourself to others and questioning your life decisions. Is there a trick to not falling into a spiral of envy? Then another listener writes in with a difficult Betchicist question: should you call out a friend for verbally abusing their romantic partner, or is it always better to keep it to yourself. Finally, they tackle a Triggered scenario about dating someone who is constantly negging you in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. Send your emails to [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at: [phone] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Duran Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. And we're back.

This is our first recording after our first episode has already been released. And the response has been incredible. I read all the reviews. So thank you guys. for writing amazing five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts because I read all those. And it seems like people are really excited about the conversations we're having. So that's been amazing. I read all them.

And it feels really good to know that we're connecting to people and talking about things that, I don't know, I've been getting feedback. Like it's stuff that people don't often talk about, the friendship topic and specific. Totally. Because it kind of goes on the back burner, that friendship stuff.

It's like your primary relationship. work and then friendships. I agree. I feel like it's a very like underspoken thing in like society, like friendship dynamics and the importance of friendships. And it feels like it comes like very secondary to any discussion of like family relationships or romantic relationships. Totally. And it could take up a lot of space in your mind. It's almost like that type of topic that just like sits in there and you just, you know, have a lonely solo dialogue in your mind about friendship issues, but don't often get to really talk it out. So I was happy that we're able to do it. I'm looking forward to doing more of that. Totally. And it's, it's interesting

how like I feel like a friendship maybe more so than a romantic relationship, although that definitely happens to or is something kind of like, you can sort of like slowly build a lot of resentment over many years and just not feel like the need to bring it up. But because you don't like live with the person and they're just sort of like in your periphery, it rarely comes to a head. So you could have like longstanding friendships with people where you're like, I have like lukewarm feelings about it. Yes. And things like kind of what we talked about last week where a conversation or two might really clear the air and bring it back to such an invigorating part of your life as it probably wants.

was, but when you don't, it's like, you know, they say if you don't feed and water your relationship, it's going to die. And it's the same thing with friendships, but they often get, you know, cast aside. So sometimes just having a good conversation, I'm actually going to be going, meeting up with some of my best college friends and we haven't seen each other in such a long time, probably over three years. So we're going to spend a weekend together. And I'm looking forward to having some of these good conversations and just like reinvigorating all of those. relationships. And I think sometimes you need some good, like, quality long, not just like a dinner. And then, yeah, a weekend does makes a big difference than just a dinner and back out, you know.

Yeah. And I find that almost with like any kind of relationship, it's like very nice. Like we know, even when I visited you like in Texas, it was nice to just be able to like spend a whole weekend and then you can sort of like, it feels like a stronger, more real catch up when it's like a weekend and it's not like time pressured and, you know, I could hang out with my nieces and nephew and just be like, you know, really more like get to know them in a way that's like, oh, we're meeting for dinner and then I'm going home. Right. A hundred percent. You get to see like, what do they have for breakfast and how do they, do they wake up cranky in the morning or how do they like their coffee or whatever,

just little things about somebody that's part of knowing who they are that you're not going to necessarily, you know, find out just meeting up for a meal. Totally. Small intimacies. Oh, I like that. But thank you guys for writing in. We've gotten so many emails since our first episode, which is great. There's a lot of stuff to unpack. And again, if you guys want, if you have something and you're listening and you have either an email about a question that you want our take on, or if you have a triggered scenario where you're unsure if something that bothers you should bother you or it's something that bothers you and you want to know just how offensive it really is objectively, semi-objectively, based on our own personal issues with whatever you're

talking about. You can email it into oversharing at betches.com or, and we got a few of these, a couple of these, um, voicemails. You can leave us a voicemail at 646363, 6294. The other thing I thought triggered would be good for is little disagreements. between couples, like if it's a big deal or it's not a big deal. Oh, like that. Yeah, if somebody, so if you and your significant other have a debate about whether something was important or not, send it in and we will answer it for you. Totally.

And I mean, those things show, we show you how it's never about the thing. It's about like so much of the other thing. Like, you ever see like someone yelling at their parents for seemingly doing nothing wrong? And you're like, you know what I mean? You're the observer and you're like, they're, they're yelling. yelling at their parents, like this feels really weird. Like they're being very sensitive to, you know what I mean? Like someone asks them a question or something like that, especially an adult person.

And the person who's yelling at the parents always seems like the worst person. Like an abuse error. Right. But then it's kind of like when you think about when you yell at your own parents, you're like there's so much behind that. Like it's so much. It's usually not just like the comment. It's like there's all the other stuff that goes beyond the comment. Totally. I was once, I had experience once where I was in the bathroom with one of the kids and they had been, I don't forget what it was like a terrible morning. They had been acting so horribly that whole day. And then I went into the bathroom and I don't remember what the situation was, but I was like raising my voice and not speaking nicely. And they were just like, we were in separate stalls in the bathroom. And then I was like saying some responding in a way that was not the most kind. And then I came out and there was this other woman in the bathroom. And she was giving me.

me the dirtiest look judging you judging me like so badly like I was the worst mother in the world for speaking to my child like this and I didn't I wanted to say to her you didn't see what has been going on for the last four hours this was like the culmination of that so that was personal example of that where I was you know you kind of caught the tail end and it made it see there was a lot more to it than it's not like they just did one little irritating thing it's like they've been trying to annoy you all day and then you finally snout nap and that you seem like the crazy person. Yes.

And I think that happens probably a lot. All kinds of especially from, I feel like especially with families. Right. When you're like together all day, every day and just everyone's spewing their own personal, you know, stuff onto everybody else.

Because who better than the people that will unconditionally love you forever? Exactly. They can't get away from you. Especially your siblings. So you can, you can, out your worst qualities on them. Yeah, sibling stuff. We'd appreciate some sibling emails. Those are always good, too. Yeah. Let's get into our first email. It's time for today's overshare email of the week

presented by BetterHelp. Relationships take work, especially the most important one you can have in your life, your relationship with yourself. That's where BetterHelp comes in. Check out BetterHelp and get matched with a licensed therapist today. Okay, so let's do our first email for this week. Hello, so excited for this podcast. I listened to the first episode yesterday and really enjoyed it. I'm currently struggling with a bad case of the comparisons. So I thought I'd write in. My sister moved to Italy last week for work and now I'm questioning everything about my own life. Should I live abroad? Did I choose the right career path? Am I settling by staying put in the same state that my family lives in? Am I in the right relationship? The spiral of self-doubt triggered by my sister's move is only the latest incident. I have a tendency to to fall into this trap and it hinders my ability to confidently make decisions in my own life and to even feel grateful for the life that I'm living. I've had similar feelings in the past when friends have gotten engaged, pivoted, or progressed in their careers, or even found new partners that seem to perfectly suit them. Is the envy I'm experiencing information about what I want to be doing?

How can I be happy and excited for my sister or whoever without feeling unsure about my own life choices. Any insights would be greatly appreciated. This is an interesting one because it's very like, it's almost like a meta life question. Yeah. Like, you know, and I think everyone deals with this to some extent. Do you have people who kind of come to you with, I would assume like a general, what am I doing with my life kind of like thing that they're trying to figure out? A hundred percent. I mean, and it's, and it's never ending. Like it's not, even when you figure it out that human tendency to then move to the next thing that you that you don't allow yourself to feel confident in. It's like that human need to continue to progress where you're never, it's very hard for people

to just feel okay with whatever's happening right now. Do you feel like there's anyone who's like just feels completely 100% satisfied with where they're at and thinks they're doing it like 100% right and like has no feeling of anyone else's being affected by anyone else. decisions around them? You know, I think you could feel that way maybe about one aspect of your life. I don't know many people that feel that way across the board. Like either you're like, I have the, I know this is the right relationship for me, but my job, I'm not sure about my job or like my, the place where I'm living or I feel like there's always something that is going to take up space in terms of I need to be doing something different than what I'm doing. I don't know. I mean,

what about you? Personally. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think I've, I've talked to this a lot. I think especially as it comes to like relationship and like relationship stages or things like having kids. Like those are all to me so affected by like the people around me. Do you know what I mean? And like and I think that part of that is like normal and because we're social creatures, right? We don't all live alone in our own bubbles. You know, when all my friends were getting married, I wanted to get married. It's like more. It's also just feels like. more fun to do the stages, you know, together. But it's also funny, like, you see this just like societally. You see like people, you know, when one, the great resignation, like when one person quits, it sort of makes everyone else around the job be like, should I quit? Is there something better out there for me? Yes. So I think that like, to me, that is totally normal. I think that's very, also easy to get super caught up in that. And I think that therapy has helped me with that a lot. I remember being like, you know, talking to my therapist about like, what are the reasons that I even, that I want kids is like is having kids because all my friends are having kids like a good reason to have kids, probably.

Right. Probably not. Do you know what I mean? And getting married because all my friends are getting married. Is that like a sort of like checking yourself? Is that a good reason to do that? Probably not. Totally. And I do think it's like wired into our DNA, human beings are very social creatures, you know, to. look around and kind of see what everyone's doing and, and, you know, feel like that's what you need to be doing too.

And it's funny because we're 10 years apart again, but I remember I had that same wave of everybody getting married right around the same time. Is that a coincidence that everyone just found their person and decided to get married between the ages of 28 and 30 or whatever it was? But it's just like this, you know, you kind of just be like, all right,

here's the boat. I better hop on. Otherwise, I'm going to be stuck on this shore by myself. Yeah. And it's really hard, I think, to, there are people who like don't seem, or at least they seem to not care about that. Like, they're very fine with like doing their own thing. You know, there's people who say I don't even want kids or there's people who say like marriage, you know, might not be for me. And I think that's, that's great. It's like I, I don't know if I've, I felt that way about like certain things, I guess, like super confident in that one decision. That's a good question. So what was that just if you care to share? If you're confident. about one thing that's like different from everybody else. Well, it's funny. I feel like senior year of, and this is a very specific example, it's not like about my whole life, but I remember senior year, like, I was kind of like over the sorority thing. I just thought it was like, I didn't, it felt like there

parts of it that just kind of felt like a little icky and like it just felt like it wasn't really for me. And I also like wanted to do other things with the money for the dudes. And I remember talking to my friends because we would complain about the sorority all the time. And I'd be like, I'm just going to deactivate. And I kind of thought like everyone would come with me. Nope. I kind of thought everyone would come with me. But then they didn't.

And I was kind of like, this feels fine. Right. Okay. It kind of like, do you know what I mean? Like, I do feel like I felt confident enough in that like I, like my friends were going to be my friends regardless of if I was in it. And like I didn't feel like I felt like I was being more true to myself by not. being like technically in it or a part of it. And so I think that. And then you were able to make fun of it and create a whole batches media company out of your building resentment towards sorority life.

Budding resentment. Yeah, that's definitely true. Channeled that into some other. Yeah. Some other stuff. But it's funny when I think of that is like the one thing that I felt like so sure about going against the grain. Well, it's interesting. I mean, so what, what came to mind for me is sort of like always coming back to what's your intention? Like sometimes we can get so bombarded by all this information and comparisons. Like she said, I have a case of the comparisons and who's doing what. And then you kind of just get flooded with all of this information. And then to just stop and be like, okay, what are my intentions for my life? What are the things that are important to me? Like at the end of my life, what do I want to be able to say that I did or that I was or

that I embodied as a person and tuning out all the noise for a second. And for you, maybe it was like you were able to do that because you said, I have my friendships. I went into a sorority to get friendships. Three years later, I have really good friendships. I don't, that's my intention. My intention is to like maintain my friends and my social life. And I can do that without this sorority.

So it gave you the confidence to, you know, let go of the extra that was that you didn't need. So, you know, even for this listener who's, who's, you know, all over the place, like about her relationship and how close should she be to her family and should she move abroad and just kind of stopping and pausing and taking that moment to like quiet all the noise and come back to what's important. Should she take it like one area of her life at a time? Yeah, that would probably be helpful rather than trying to decide all of it.

And it's so funny. I feel like sometimes people do, like they make these extreme life. choices when they're having like sort of a and a lot of people call this like the quarter life crisis that I kind of went through and I think a lot of other people go through as you're you know leaving college and trying to figure out who you are and sometimes people go to like extremes I think where they're like I need to leave the state and stop drinking and not that that's bad and like or like become you know change my job and like do it all at once something like that and I think that sometimes In theory, it's kind of good. It's like a life overall, but sometimes when you're like going too intensely too fast, it then just becomes like this. You're just extremely in the other direction. Right. Yep. And that's where I think you come back to, I totally agree. Come back to a thing, you know, this awareness of my body and mind are not calm right now and I probably shouldn't make any decisions. Although like you said, it's good to get a little impetus from something that puts a little, you know, fire under your ass, so to speak, to get you to do something different.

if you're kind of stagnant, but this seems like a lot all at once and just kind of stopping and saying, okay, so it started off with her sister moving abroad. It's like, okay, is that something that's important to you that you think you would really love to experience? Or is that just like she's posting some amazing pictures from her first week living abroad? Right. But, you know, is that really something long term that you would want to do? And is that something that's important to you?

So I agree. creating a whole life overhaul all at one time. Look, I guess there's no harm in it, right? You do it. And if you drop things little by little, let's say, okay, I'm not going to drink and I'm going to move to a new state and I'm going to break up with my boyfriend or, you know, whatever it is that you're going to do. You know, I guess if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

And you're moving along on your journey and you can learn through those mistakes. But I do think it, you know, it's best to kind of have a settled mind and a settled body and not be acting from a place of fear, but acting from a place of actual clear, you know, thoughtful intention. Yeah. No, I think that's great advice.

Like, what is my, like, am I, I, I guess the first question is like, am I happy? Which I guess is a tough one,

like to answer just as a whole. Because do you believe in that? Like, people are like happy or they're not happy? Or is it like, it's all about it. I don't even know. I mean,

it's moments, right? Like, everybody, your life is just, a series of waves of emotion. So it's kind of like, do I have more, do I have enough happy waves and few enough sad and fearful and, you know, negative waves?

And she wrote here, this listener even wrote something like to even feel grateful for the great life that I'm living. So I think she sounds like she's pretty happy. Right. I mean, to me, this also brings us back to me back to like the first episode that we recorded where we're talking about like the holding things like the ambiguity of all experiences, right? Where it's like if I question the city I live in, does that mean I shouldn't live here? Or can I like think the city I live in is overall having a great experience while still not liking certain aspects of it?

Can I like think I have a great relationship while still thinking maybe there could be a better one hypothetically out there or the person really annoys me sometimes? Totally. And that's where I think the social comparison. and specifically not to like dump on social media, but when you see something on social media and you get this fantasy picture that this person is 100% happy about this thing 100% of the time because here's a snapshot of how amazing it looks in this moment. So you're getting that moment where maybe they you envision that there's no ambiguity in their mind. And so when you have the ambiguity in your mind, you're, you feel like that's something.

how means that it's not right. Nothing's going to feel 100% right, 100% of the time. I'm sure her sister moving to Italy, sometimes when she just wants like a bagel with cream cheese or, you know, I don't know, whatever it is that she feels like, it's not going to happen and she's going to question her whole decision, you know? Yeah. I think there's like, oh, there's just, and I think this is through it. All relationships or all decisions, it's like, you never really know what anyone else is fully thinking, right? You only really know the thoughts in your own head and like the bits that they tell you. So it is hard to say like, it's hard to compare anything.

And it's sometimes, I mean, sometimes you can compare your situation to someone else's and it make you feel better about your life. Right. But it's kind of like, should you even, like, is that, you know what I mean? Should you even feel better? Or are you like, have you just not thought of that yet? Do you know what I mean? Right, right, right, right.

Thanks for planting that seed. Right. No, yeah, I totally, I agree with that. You're getting all your own thoughts are unfiltered. It's all of it. It's everything that pops into your head that you're kind of trying to put neatly into piles. And other people's thoughts and feelings are very, very have gone through layers and layers of filters, especially when it's something that's like social media. Literally gone through layers of filters. So let's take one of her examples. Just like let's say, let's take, because she wrote about a lot of life decisions and I think that's a little harder to unpack. Let's say it's about should I leave the state that I'm in? Like, What would you give her? Like if she, if someone, because I'm sure again, everyone has thoughts of being unsh. Is it like overall my experience is good and I should leave or like what would, what advice would

would you give someone who was let's just say struggling with that one decision? Like should I leave my hometown? I mean, look, I think one question to ask herself is, you know, in terms of questioning herself, was she thinking about that at all before her sister left? And I guess that's fine if she wasn't, right? Like, and her sister leaving opened that up to her consciousness of, of the fact that she had a choice to leave or to stay. But I definitely think it's worth, I wouldn't shut it down if it's something she's thinking about. And just kind of think about what would be the pros and cons.

What are you looking for out of leaving? You know, it's always that, you know, then there's that piece of like, wherever you go, you bring yourself with you kind of thing. So like, I think when you try to move because you're unhappy and you think that. moving is going to make you happy. I don't know that that's always the best decision because your happiness is in your own mind. The way that you, unless there's like you're in a very toxic environment for some reason. Right. And it's just that's really weighing you down or you're in a toxic work environment or you're living in a place where you don't feel safe walking around the street or something really major. Just to say, hey, I'm going to get a change of scenery, a permanent change of

scenery and that's somehow going to make you happy. I don't think that that works. Well, that's almost like, I guess, the issue, you know what I mean? Like, that's an easier breakup. Like, if someone comes to you and they're like, I'm in a toxic relationship, like, you can kind of like clearly, like help them leave that, right? But if they came to you and they were like, I don't know, like, could I, like, I'm having a pretty decent time, but like, how do you know this?

You know what I mean? Like, that's almost the, those are the, I mean, talk about this on you up too. It's like, those are the hardest things to, the, you know, aside on because it's like, this is pretty good. Right. Like what is good? Like what is there's no like, you know what I mean? You can't like step on to like a meter of like happiness and say if it's above this threshold, I'll do something about it.

It's extremely subjective. So and you know, no one wants to be that person who like regrets making a decision that they, you know what I mean? Like that they felt at the time was right and they look back and they feel like they made the wrong one. So I think those it's like when it's when it's so clear like that like you see. said like, oh, obviously, like, you should leave. But when it's middle of the road and you're comfortable, especially when you're comfortable, right? So it's kind of like the devil you know versus the devil you don't.

You don't want to give up on something that's like pretty good. And all of a sudden, you know, you choose something that's not working and feeling regretful. So yeah, I agree with that. You know, the big thing I think you can come back to is being conscious of your own judging, of your own situation, of your own thought process and how it's affecting how you feel throughout the day, because it is easy to, like, blame it on an external thing. You know, like, I'm not fulfilled because I'm not as excited about my partner as I used to be. Or I'm not fulfilled because I'm feeling bored at my job.

And yes, I'm not, I'm not certainly not saying don't change anything ever. But I don't think there's any one. external thing that's going to affect your overall happiness, again, unless it's really toxic. It's more of like, how am I talking to myself about this? What are the messages that I'm giving myself about this? Because it's really your experience is in your own mind. You create your experience. Yeah. And a lot of times it's about what you choose to focus on. Yep. The positive things about anything about where you are versus like the things that are wrong with it. Right. I always say, I think I might have said this to you when you were here. It's like,

Like, you could be living your dream life. Let's say you're living in Hawaii with the partner of your dreams, with the job of your dreams. Everything is exactly as you, like the most perfect scenario you can imagine, but you're wearing headphones that are constantly saying to you, that wasn't really nice what he said at breakfast. Or you know what? The shore is a little rocky today. And the waves are so big. The water's cold. I can't even go in.

You know, like, oh, you know, I can't. I'm so far from home. I can't meet my friends for dinner. If you had these headphones all day that were just pointing out all of the negative things of this perfect scenario, you wouldn't be happy there either. That's true. And that's really like a choice. That's the choice part of it. Not like the specific scenarios thing.

I mean, in that way, I guess happiness is a choice. But yeah, and it kind of reminds me again, like I would bring up in my earlier therapy sessions when I first started dating, like things that would bother me about him. him. Like, let's, I think I've talked about it on this show before, too. It's like, oh, he's not, like, super passionate, but I like that he doesn't get like, he's not like, let's say he's not like the most romantic person ever. But he also, what I like about him on the flip side is that he's, you know, he doesn't get angry easily. He's like, very like even tempered, which is very calming for me. And I remember talking to my therapist and he was like, you could find someone. He's like, you could easily find someone who's more passionate who writes you a love. letter every morning who writes you like he's like you could easily do that but they just might not have the other qualities that you also like about him so it's kind of like yeah like everything is sort of like you could focus on that or you could focus on the flip side positive aspect of it and you could also like leave and find someone who does give you that if that's really important to you and there'd be like a whole other there might be something else that bothered you about right you might not even like that

it's not even on your radar at this point but it'll be quickly on your radar once, you know, if you're choosing to find the negative aspects of somebody, which is, you know, it's part of it. It's that critical mindset. Totally. And I think you taught me that too. It's like when you talk about the love languages, like the love, you said this, like the love language is the thing you're getting the least. Right. It's like the thing you want most is the thing that's like, because people aren't perfect. So it's like whatever the thing is that they're doing the least of all those things that suddenly becomes the most important. But like, is it actually is really the question. Right. Right. And I think it's oftentimes that human nature to try to fix and change the

external environment to make ourselves happy. So you're almost going to like look for the thing. And then you say, well, that's my love language and he doesn't speak it. And then it's like an opportunity to do something about this discomfort that you're feeling instead of just like sitting with the discomfort like we talked about last time. right which is the meditation thing which I should still I'm trying to each week we'll check in and we'll say well let's see if you've done it you've thought about it that's good contemplation maybe I'll do one five minute meditation before our next yes just do one five minutes you could do it like that's an easy way in easy just sit don't judge it that's the most important thing if you start judging it then you're not going to want to do it what does that mean to judge it like

like I can't do this. I'm bored. What's the point of all? I mean, and that's fine. If you, if you have the thought, what's the point of all this? So my point is,

you have the thought, what's the point of all this? Okay, that's a thought. Don't say, see you now I'm being negative and this is, you know, just let that thought happen and then let it pass through and then come back.

Just whatever happens is all as long as you're sitting and paying attention to what you're experiencing, then you're doing it. And you're doing it right. And it's going to be helpful. I'm going to try that and see if, see if it is helpful. I'll come back next week and we can do a whole,

we can do a meditation check-in on this show. Okay. That sounds good. Oh, my God. I would love that. I would love that. Yes. But yeah,

so it's like the reason why is because focus, like you said, what do you choose to focus on? If this, you know, listener is choosing to focus on the things that are not perfect, then that's how she's going to feel. She's going to feel imperfect.

And that's going to be her main feeling. So the comparison thing, I think is really, hard. So I just want to touch on, make sure we touch on that because that's where the listener started with and the idea of comparing yourself to other people is something that you can do your entire life. And if you do it mindlessly, you'll be, you know, I've talked about this before, you'll be like in the nursing home comparing like whose children are coming to visit them more often. Like, oh, well, Sadie's daughter comes four times a week and my son only comes

twice a week. So, you know, you could be doing this for the rest of your entire life if you're not aware of it. Yeah. Sounds like the struggle is like trying to find her like inner piece or like what could actually, you know what I mean? Like what is actually making her happy, which I agree is like looking inward. It's probably the very first step. But I would, I would also take it one at a time because it sounds like she's. Yes. She identifies it as a spiral, which is exactly, once you have that word in your head, that's your alarm bell should go off of like, okay, pause. Right. When it's going on in your head, you're saying like, yeah, feeling up, I'm spiraling. Like, that's when you have to pause and kind of just come back, breathe. What am I doing right now? How does this feel right now?

Because life is just going to be different waves. So deal with the one that's right in front of you. You can't deal with the ones that are coming down the road if you're, you know, drowning right now. Right. That's a good point. I think that was helpful for the listener. All right. That's it for today's overshare presented by BetterHelp. BetterHelp online therapy wants to remind you that you matter just as much as everyone else does. And therapy is a great way to make sure you show up for yourself. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp online therapy. oversharing listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash overshare. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash overshare. Okay, so our next email is our betchesist section, which basically we're going to weigh in on moral dilemmas. And I really like this one because I've had this, I can relate to the reader.

And I've never know what the right answer is. So I'm definitely interested to hear your take. Yeah, and I want to hear your experience, kind of what it was like from your end to go through this. So, um, all right. Let's let's hear what she has to say. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. Jordana, I'm a huge fan of yours from you up and attended you up live in New York in December.

Big fan. Thank you. And I listened to episode one of oversharing and loved it. Here's my dilemma. My long-time best friend publicly verbally abuses her husband. It's been going on for years. I'll be out with them or there will be a group of us out together. And she yells at him.

puts him down and treats him like a child in front of us. If I were his friend first, I would have told him a long time ago that he doesn't deserve this treatment and that the constant abuse is going to take a toll on his well-being and that he needs to stand up for himself. However, he's not my friend. She is. Normally, I'd say that whatever works for them works for them and stay out of it. But when she publicly humiliates him, it makes me sad and uncomfortable.

I normally look away and pretend I don't hear it, but I've had enough. if I'm out with them and my boyfriend, it puts us both on edge because we're watching abuse in front of our eyes and we feel helpless to do anything about it. Should I talk to her? Avoid hanging out with both of them. When it's just the two of us, we're great. Should I tell her what happens between them is their business, but they're arguing, quote unquote, which is she says a less judgmental way of calling out what is really her abuse makes me

uncomfortable and that it's not appropriate for when we're out together? I love her, but I can't keep watching this. and I don't know if I should slowly fade away, avoid group outings, or confront her. For context, she does not handle confrontation maturely. She does not have a history of being open to feedback, which makes this tougher. Thank you.

So I guess our ethical dilemma is like, should you like insert yourself in someone else's relationship if you feel like something is going on that you don't like? Right. She seems pretty clear that she would have said something if it was her friend. So her friend was the victim. Yes. Yes.

So what was your, what was your situation with this? I've just been around couples where like they speak to each other or one person is speaking to the other person in a way that like I would never tolerate being spoken to personally. And I'm always kind of like torn on that end because I'm like on the one hand, one like no one's asked my opinion. So it's not really my business. On the other, it's kind of like, especially if it's the person you're closer to that's doing the speaking, it's like, like, would I want someone to say something to me? If the roles were reversed, I feel like, probably, especially if it were said in the right way. But then I'm like, you know what I mean? It's like the devil and the angel. I'm like, but then I might be like, you don't really know what's going. Like what the backstory is or like that's just how we communicate. And like, who are you to judge? Who am I to judge the way they communicate? Maybe it works for them. or right i never said anything but i've always kind of like thought about maybe i should of or maybe i should right yeah i've i've seen those situations sometimes even when it goes back and forth you know like where they're both kind of just you know kind of having an argument in front of a

table full of people it's just it is pretty uncomfortable even like each other it's like right but again you you touched on an interesting point which i didn't think about when i read this but like there might be a backstory to it, you know, there might be like you in the stall. Right. Exactly. There might be something that's going on at home where he's, you know, there's something that's, you know, this is her end of abuse, but maybe there's something else that's going on behind the scenes that you're not seeing. And then she just, this is her way of taking out her anger, which isn't, you know, none of this sounds healthy. but you are jumping in on like a snippet of their relationship.

Right. So it's like, is it your place? Right. I mean, look, like you said, I think this, I think she says this is her best friend. If this is your best friend, and I like the way that she thought to approach it, at least for a first out of the box approach

and just saying that, you know, you're arguing makes us uncomfortable or makes me uncomfortable, it's probably be better. You're arguing, you know, when we're out makes me uncomfortable. Or even maybe like a more curious thing. Like I notice that you guys have been arguing a lot. Is everything okay?

You know, like, is there anything you want to talk about? Maybe that might be kind of a non-judgmental way of saying. Like, I noticed there's some tension. Maybe there is something else going on that we're not aware of. I'm here to talk about the whole situation if you want to. Right. Well, what if she was like, it's fine. Like everything's good.

Right. Well, then she could lean to it makes me uncomfortable. That could be like her plan B. Like first kind of just judging. It's facts though. It's a fact. It makes her, she's talking about her feelings. It makes me uncomfortable, you know, like.

Right. It is probably, I don't think it would be well received, but if honestly, it sounds like she's going to get to the point like we talked about earlier, where if she says something and says it makes me uncomfortable and then it continues to happen that this might be something that's going to just chip away at their friendship eventually. Right. You might want to do less double dance. Right. Or that. Or, you know, sometimes there might just be a thing. Like, I know there's some couples where like, it just works better if like I hang out with the mom or there's certain couples where like he just gets along better with the dad and we,

the four of us just don't have the best chemistry for some reason. So you have to kind of know, you know, sometimes it might just be a matter of that. Like, okay, if you, if everything's great, when you two hang out alone, then just hang out alone. And that's your friend and that's your friendship. That's another option. Because that's my whole thing. And I'm sure you have this probably more intensely as a therapist. But I try not to give relationship advice to anyone who has not asked me for it.

That's a good rule of thumb, I think. But again, if this is making her, it's not like she's just jumping in and being like, yeah, she's like she's jumping in and saying like, hey, I just want to help you out because I think I know more than you. She's saying, and I think, I don't know, but she said something like, about that she's going to stop doing it. Like she's going to, you know, stop hanging, you know, should I slowly fade away, avoid group outing? So like, I think this listener is at the point where she's not,

she doesn't want to put herself in this position anymore. Yeah, no, that's fair. Do you think she should say something like preemptively or kind of wait for her to suggest another. That's a good group outing. That's, yeah, I think. I feel like those both have like positives and negatives. Like on the one hand, it's like,

Like, if you say something preemptively, you're like, it's sort of like causing a conflict seemingly for no reason, potentially. Right. But if you wait until someone asks you, then it's like, then I almost feel like it's more annoying for the other person. Like, oh, you've just been thinking this the whole time and having to set up. A setup. Like you've just been waiting. I mean, I think if she chooses the option where she says to, you know, next time she's talking to her, she says, you know, I noticed the last time that we were out together. you and so and so were arguing a lot.

I just wanted to check in and see if everything's okay. Like if she, that would be a better one to just do if they're having a one-on-one hang out or they're on the phone just to bring it up as like, I'm your friend. I'm noticing that something seems off. I'm checking in with you. And then she can give both sides of the story.

She could say, yeah, he's been like so mean to me at home or he's, you know, like squandering all the money or. I haven't tried for time getting over. Yes. Yeah. that could totally, I mean, he might have cheated on her. And now she's just like, this is her way. I'm not saying any of that's healthy, but this is her way of like, you know,

seeping out all her aggression and embarrassing in front of other people, embarrassing him in front of other people. So maybe that would come out if she's open to confiding in her. There could be a lot more behind the story, like you're a stall situation again. Totally. So, yeah, you know, so I think that would be the best way to approach it. Like just as a friend, like I'm seeing a thing here. I'm concerned about you and I just want to check in like and see if you're okay.

And if she says nothing's wrong, then I think her plan B is like, well, you know, if everything's fine, I just want to let you know, like something when you, you know, when that happens, when you guys are arguing, it just, you know, it's like not a good vibe for dinner. It makes us a little uncomfortable and just say something like that and see if it changes. Right. And if she gets mad, then about that. then like there's not really much you can do. So that's the,

that's the final piece that I was thinking about when I read this initial email is like, I, you know, she knew enough to tell us like she does not handle confrontation maturely. She does not have a history of being open to feedback. So I, you know, I'm sure she has thought about the idea of confronting her.

But to be honest, it's, I get it. I don't like confrontation either. But sometimes, it needs to happen and you have to learn to tolerate, like, saying something that's going to make somebody else unhappy. And if she's lashing out at you as a result of that, then maybe this is just like a personality thing

that this is just how she is. And that's something for you to consider. Like, do you want to be that close with someone like that? Right. That close with someone who you can't express yourself to. Or if, I mean, one thing, if she just gets upset or defensive, but if she starts being mean to you, then that's not. not okay either. So what is this listener so afraid of in terms of confronting? I mean,

a lot of people don't like confrontation. Again, as we started confronting friend issues, sometimes goes to the back burner. But I think it's a really wonderful way to create a deep and lasting friendship is to be the same way it is for a romantic relationship, to be able to confront somebody in a friendship, be able to get through that together, know that you can be honest with one another and you can treat each other kindly when you're, you know, feeling attacked or whatever, you know, even if at first she, she doesn't like it and she hangs up the phone or leaves the table or whatever it is, that hopefully she would be able to come back and say, you know what, you're entitled to your feelings. I can see why this would make you uncomfortable

and ideally open up about what she's so angry about because there must be something. Yeah, there's clearly, there must be something going on. Now I kind of feel like I should have said something looking back on this thing. But it's also like sometimes it's like a moment in time and then it goes away and then, do you know what I mean? If it's not like the whole dinner where I'm like or if it's not, I feel like if it happens on a one off situation and not like extremely frequently, it feels like there's less of a need to say something.

Right. If you know what I mean? Although it's still probably nice to say, hey, like it almost can be like, you guys are always so good together. Like it seems like a little moment there. Like are you, is everything cool? Right. Yeah.

And look, I, you know, I've been, and I'm, I don't know that you have, but I know that there's been moments like, I saw some, I don't, I think it was a betches meme where it's like, you know, the couples like getting the kids in the car and they're, you know, it was so stressful to get everybody ready and then they pull up to the house. And it's like, it was all this tension and then everyone has to get out of the car and like fake it and pretend that like they just, you know, like, I've been that couple and I've seen that couple like walking in and you're like, they just had a big fight in the car. Like I know. that like all is not well in paradise. Something happened on the way over here. And so we've all been there where like, well, sometimes it's like do they want to just let them do that though? Like it seems like they want to do that. Right.

And yeah, I mean, I guess the other alternative is like get over it. They're arguing or she's, no, that doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel. Every time I would say like you don't have to get over it.

But I feel like if it's like you're talking about like it's one time they showed up somewhere there was like a, attention and like didn't really seem like there you could sense attention but like you didn't necessarily feel like we're getting the vibe that they were interested in speaking about it I think you and sometimes sometimes you don't really want to talk about your totally fight with everyone because you're like then I have to then I'm like digging deeper into the thing and maybe it wasn't that big of a deal and I can just like be annoyed for this one day yes agree but like this doesn't seem like this seems like right every time they have

hang out, she's just like being abusive to him or treating him really not unkindly. So I think if it's all the time, it's worth addressing. Yeah, again, if it's that situation where you could tell that they just had some bickering in the car and they're coming in and they're like a little snippy with each other, okay, fine, that doesn't need to be addressed, like have some drinks, let it go and like have a good time, move on with the night. Right. Question.

Have you ever said anything to anyone about like a parenting thing that you noticed that you didn't enjoy? That is a really good question. I, unless my personal feeling is unless it's something that's like really unsafe or like directly abusive, I'm not going to comment on anyone's parenting style. Okay. But I've definitely seen things where I've, it's like sat in my head and like I hope that that's something that was a, you know, not happening often or it was a fluke or was, you know, so I've definitely. that's taken up some space in my head when I've seen things like that. But I've had that happen to me where people have, you know, made judgmental parenting comments about little whatever it is. And it just.

Right. You would imagine, you would hope that it would have to be significant enough that the person. Otherwise, it's like, again, it's kind of like, where is the line between like, this is none of your business? And like, I feel like something should be said. Yes. But the truth is, unless you're like going to make a. report to child protective services, you making a comment. I mean, look, it might make somebody aware.

I guess even that woman who gave me that dirty look in the bathroom that day made me as much as I didn't like it. And I was thinking to myself, you don't know the backstory. It probably made me aware of like, maybe I should have taken a few deep breaths and like calmed myself before continuing on with like taking them to the bathroom. Like maybe I needed a little self-care to just like breathe so I wouldn't have been so snippy or I wouldn't have spoken the way that I spoke in that moment. So I guess it might bring someone a little bit of self-awareness if you can bring to their

attention. Nobody's going to like it. I don't think anybody is going to feel great about that. But now I'm looking back on this situation, granted, maybe like three years later. And thinking like, okay, I probably could have handled that differently. And maybe I wouldn't have been aware of it if I didn't get a dirty look from the woman in the bathroom. Well, maybe that's also the kind of thing where it's. like, okay, if you take this scenario and you put it on to like the situation with the friend

and the double date, it's like, if you say something in the moment, the person's like going to be defensive. And like if she said something like at the table, that would be like total wrong way to go. Kind of like this woman giving you the look in that time. But like if after, you know, you ran into her somewhere and she was like, hey, like, you know, I heard, especially if she was your friend, let's say. Like, right. I heard the way you were speaking to them and like, you know, it made me a little long comfortable. You might be more receptive to like evaluating your thoughts than that. 100%. And when I'm in that, it's also like when the person's in that moment where like they're already aggravated about whatever's going on that's making them speak this way or do this thing,

then you're going to pile on. Now I'm judging you on top of it. That's most likely not going to go well. The weight, let the person calm down, have a little introspection and come back to it. I think is a better move. Well, I think we solved that problem. Okay, let us do a, we have a triggered scenario email. Again, if you guys have a something that's triggering you and you want our judgments on it, I will rate it on a scale of one to 10 email, oversharing at betches.com, oversharing at betches.com. And we will probably read it on the show.

It's good. Okay. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I've been thinking a lot lately about teasing and negging and how it shows up in romantic relationships, families and friendships. I sent the email below to the U.S. podcast on February 1st about a guy I was seeing who teased me constantly. We'd been dating for two months when I sent that email and we broke up at the three and a half month mark. It seemed promising initially, but turned out to be a classic three-monther with a bit of love bombing thrown in there.

The teasing issue aside, I was totally love-bombed. Okay. That's a fine. Whatever. Whatever you say. It's funny because I feel like teasing is like the opposite of love bombing personally. Right. Right.

I don't know. Anyway, my personal opinion is that if someone's making fun of you, it's not a love bombing situation. But I guess I don't know the details. Anyway, the way his teasing made me feel has led me to reflect on where it shows up in my other relationships, when slash where it's okay with me, and when it is absolutely not. So I think the topic is well suited for this new podcast. To summarize the email and provide contact since it was sent, this guy was constantly teasing me and negging me.

He said it was his way of showing affection, but it didn't feel very affectionate to me. Instead, I felt like I was always defending myself. He made fun of the pajamas I wore, my roommates, not to their faces, but to me, my neighborhood, music I liked, the food I ate, I'm a vegetarian. So rabbit food, the man-hating feminist books on my shelf, my love of hats, and more. Those all seem pretty small, but they wore on me over time. I started to wonder, okay, what do you actually like about me? If what you mean is that my old lady jammies and hats look cute on me, can you just say that instead? I was able to identify in therapy that what I don't appreciate are jokes.

about things rooted in my reality, like all the examples I listed. We can make jokes together about the folly of life around us, but keep personal attacks to a minimum, please. When I talked to him about this, he thought I was being oversensitive and that I just didn't get him and told me that teasing is how intelligent people show affection. Oh, okay. That's weird. That's like another neg.

Beyond that, I am often teased by my family and friends and got it a lot from a past boyfriend. My humor is often self-deprecating. I can admit when I have a ditsy moment, which is a little bit. often embrace my dorky qualities and interests and laugh with everyone else. I'm comfortable with who I am, truly, but as a result, I don't want it showing up in my romantic relationship, especially not in the first few months with a hinge guy. I can accept it from some people like my sister, cousins and my drinking buddies, but not from a romantic partner. I want to surround myself with people who lift me up instead of finding a thousand tiny ways to tear me down. I'd love to hear you

discuss my situation in the topic more broadly, and I'm wondering, is this a legitimate display of affection, when is negging okay and when is it not? Is this indicative of one's insecurities or something else? Am I too sensitive to not wanting this from a partner? Should I tell my friends and family to cut it out? Is it something that can be overcome in a relationship? And if so, how does one best communicate that it's unacceptable? Thank you so much. And I look forward to adding oversharing to my podcast round up every week, best the butt of the joke again. Yeah. Did I rate it? Yeah, rate it. I mean, this is not one trigger. I guess it's like the negging thing in general. Yeah. So I personally kind of communicate like this lot too. So I do you with I rate it. We like I mean like we say like sweet affectionate

things but we're also kind of like that's a little bit of how we interact too. We like we you know, we're like make fun of each other. And not like in a deep seeded way. And the way that she's describing this doesn't sound that bad to me. I give it a three. A three. Yeah. A three. Again, maybe it's just like the way that I communicate. Right. Well, you know what? I think this boils down to like what, what type of, everyone's different, right?

What type of relationship are you looking for? Maybe you and Mike are a match because like you said, he's not going to be the most sentimental, you know, like writing love notes every morning and sticking them in your lunchbox. But, you know, if that's not the way that you guys are, then it makes sense. that maybe there's a little bit more of this that you kind of show affection in some ways, or you can appreciate laughing together more than, or maybe laughing together is more comfortable than the more sentimental piece of things. And I mean, we have the sentimental bits like almost like less frequent, but more, like, again, like I'm into cards.

So I'll get like a very nice card. And I don't like any jokes in that card, for example. No jokes in the card. No jokes in the card. I actually went into a fight early on because I was like, I don't like the jokes in the card. I want the card to be like real. And that was sort of like a way that we had figured out each other. And that like, yeah.

Or sometimes it does get a bit to be too much. And I'm like, this is getting annoying. Like let's just be like sweet. Right. Well, the problem is it's setting the perfect stage for like passive aggressiveness, I think, is what happens sometimes. When there's too much of that like tolerated in the relationship, it's like if there's there's an issue that's unresolved or there's an issue that somebody's upset about, the stage is already set. It's already tolerated in your relationship. So you can throw the little dig in there.

And it's almost like could kind of just be unaddressed and unnoticed as like a funny little poke. Okay. But it could sort of take on a life of its own if unchecked. And I think sometimes like the couples we talked about in the last section where, you know, they're just constantly, like, digging at each other and it's almost uncomfortable for the people around them. That's when there's like, they're just like giving, it's almost like it's being passed off as like these jokes, but I have a feeling there's something deeper going on. And this is just, when you have too much of this, I think it sets a stage for the potential to get let out aggression in this way, which I don't think is healthy for a relationship. Like a passive aggressive aggression. Yeah.

where it's like, I'm going to make fun of your pajamas because I'm really mad that you didn't like, you know, that you came home at 4 in the morning the other day or whatever you're upset about instead of addressing the issue, you can just slide it off as like a joke. Right. No, I could see how that could get there. I guess I haven't like experienced it in that way because I think we've practiced communication of like things that irritate us a lot. But in all honesty, if you guys, because I don't have that type of relationship, we don't do a lot of. of this. And some people don't like it at all, and I get that. Right. And you also have to realize, it's okay. It doesn't mean like you're a buzzkill or you're not funny. If you're like funny and you have fun in other ways, but this is just not a way that you enjoy engaging in your relationship.

It doesn't mean that you're a stick in the mud. It just means that you don't really like this in your romantic relationship, which I think is very reasonable. But just a personal question for you, George is like, do you think seeing that you guys do this sometimes that there have been moments where like you can add one in because you're annoyed about something or you might, you know, go a little bit deeper and perhaps not, but I'm just curious. I don't know. My annoyance usually comes out in like a much more straightforward way. Okay.

That's good. Because I don't like, or at least it does now. Maybe it didn't used to. But I do think that like, I again, because I don't think we don't really get annoyed with each other that often, but when we do, I don't think it can really hide behind because it takes a lot. Like I said, like he's, there's, like, I think we're pretty good at, like, letting things that don't matter go.

But then when it actually is an issue, I don't think either of us would be able to, like, hide it under, like, a passive and like a joke. Okay. Comment personally. And again, it's not like we're constantly just, like, ripping each other. I don't see that when you guys are together. I mean, maybe you just do it on your own, but I have, like, oh, but I've, almost never seen it. I think we do do like a good bit of like lovingly like teasing each other about

stuff. Not like again at all moments of the day, but like on occasion. And we both kind of, I don't know, I think like humor is something that brings us together and we kind of like enjoy it. And sometimes it's a lot of the times about other people and things like she's saying. But I also don't think either of us is that sensitive to it. Like if someone, if I was a, I think if I was a vegetarian and someone joke that I was eating rabbit food, I don't think that would really bother me personally. Okay, yeah, I could see some of these are, you know, they seem like not that big of a deal. But look, if she's buying this book and she's reading the entire thing and she's dedicating like several hours of her life, I think it would be nice to not just like blanketly saying man hating feminist book because clearly that is important to her for some reason. She's reading that one.

I agree. It was like, I think there's certain, it's also like not all comments are created equally. Right. Do you know what I mean? Because the rabbit food is like sort of just like a joke about like, I don't know. It's not particularly funny. She's a vegetarian. Fine.

Yeah. Right. The man hating books is more to me an ideological difference of the way that they view feminism maybe or like an ideology. Right. Yeah. So to me that's a bigger issue than the other one. Right.

And I think probably the old lady jammies, I don't know, maybe he's trying to say, can you spice it up a little? Like those are not appealing to me. That might be a passive aggressive way of him saying, like, I'd appreciate something else. So, you know, I just think that having too much of this is, it's a, it's just can turn into a poor way of communication and a relationship if left unchecked. I agree. And I think especially if it's about things that are actually, there are certain topics, which I think you can know when to back off. And they're not, that's not your thing.

And if they, and we have gotten into fights about, um, more about like, I think the things we on the fight where it's like you keep making jokes about this thing and it's actually serious to me. So don't do that. Right. And there are certain, like, you know what I mean? Like that's how you learn which topics are fun about and what you're not. I think we had this fight. It talks about it and you up about like Christmas or whatever. And I was kind of like making fun of like a lot of the Christmas traditions. And right. And kind of like making fun of the fact that he didn't want to open any gifts until the day of. And I'm like, we're two grown adults. This seems like ridiculous. And I was like. And then finally one day he was like, can you start? stop. Like, I actually like, like, like this thing and you're kind of like shitting all over it. Right. And it's important to me. And so, like, you know what I listen to that. Yes. Sometimes you, sometimes you think like, oh, this is our joke. And then like, as long as the other person feels comfortable and takes the feedback, I think that like, okay, this is not something I enjoy joking about. And so this is not a topic that like, I don't need you to do like a bit on this. Right. Right. Right. And you were. And sometimes I'm like, oh, and I have like a bit about how like, right. And you thought you were really funny.

Right. And then he's like, well, actually like, no, that's like, you're actually kind of annoying me. Right. Which is fine. I think is, again, if long and we're at a level of comfort or maybe like in the beginning of our relationship, that would be more of an issue. But I think at this point, I'm like, okay. Now like, you know, I'm not, I'm going to stop doing that.

Because like, I don't care that much and you care a lot. So it's right. And I wonder if for this writer, if it was like there were certain issues that were just like the off limits issues that she really didn't like. It sounds like for her it was more just, it was just too much. It was like, you know, across the board all the time. It was just too much. But I agree with you.

Like if you enjoy joking around with your partner and you guys have fun with it and then all of a sudden there's a joke there that just feels like you get a little gut punch when it happens or you start to get angry, that's the moment to kind of like might come to you and say, hey, I don't find it funny. It's actually annoying me and please stop it. Yeah. And if you have someone who like, I think is open to that reception, I don't like that this guy said like only smart people speak like that. Like that didn't seem like he was really caring about her feelings. I think that that's that's probably the bigger issue to me than like the little jokes, which again, I don't or would be if I were her. But I could also, I also think it's fine to not like that style of romantic relationship. I've spoken to like our siblings in relationships. And I remember and I think a lot of people have a lot lower tolerance for that. that. And I think that that's totally fine. What person that's a match for me might not be a match for that. Yes, 100%. And that's it. So I don't think, I'm glad that you guys ended this.

It does not sound like it was a match. And going forward, this isn't something that you're, that's part of what you enjoy about being in a romantic relationship. Then I would just say that. And either he's okay with not having it be part of that. He could do that with his friends and his family, if that's something he has fun with or, you know, or else you're not a match for each other. You know, you could see some of this budding probably in like the pre-date banter. Totally. And like you kind of make fun of each other at the offset. And how do you receive that?

Is that something that you like or is you think it's, oh, it's great that he's showing how funny he could be or is it something that just feels very not romantic and sweet? Yeah. I'm kind of curious how she said this like he was a love bomber because to me that just again means I feel like someone who's a love bomber is just constantly telling you how amazing you and the relationship are. Right. Yeah, I'm curious about that too. Love more color on that. Well, I think we solved every relationship scenario out there. That's it.

They're done. Yes. We did it. And we will be back next week. And again, if you like the show, please leave us a review on Apple or Spotify. And we look forward to seeing you next week. That's our time. Great work today.

Oversharing is produced by Sean Kilby, Jorge Murales Pico, and Rebecca Salz McCaff. editing by Macelio Perez Yes, booking by Allie Friedlander Send your advice emails to oversharing at betches.com We'll leave us a voicemail at 646363-6294. Betches