Oversharing - Is My Partner Flirting At The Office?

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

Jordana lets Dr. Naomi go off about the absolute pyramid scheme vibes of kids’ sports leagues, and in the process starts side-eyeing the whole operation herself. One listener spirals over a brutally honest comment she dropped on her partner—could it wreck the relationship, or is this just her messy past popping off again? Meanwhile, a woman deep in IVF limbo wonders if bringing her first kid to appointments is thoughtful or wildly tone-deaf, and Jordana weighs in with a take. One woman finds that she is a sponge for her fiance’s bad moods and she asks for an intention that can help her not absorb his negative energy. A betrayed betch is still not over her lying bridesmaid and wants to resurrect the drama years later and a woman is triggered after an awkward encounter at a her husband’s holiday work party that has her questioning the coziness with his coworkers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How's it going?

How was your week? I missed you. Week was good going. Coming off of a fun-filled sports weekend. And I don't want this to be too parenting heavy because I know there are lots of listeners that aren't parents. But I will say, I'm having a bit of an existential, I don't know if I would call it a crisis, but I feel like I'm way steep in youth sports, which I'm sure some of our listeners,

maybe your age are like just teetering towards like sucker or these little, you know, but buckle up because there's a whole business. in youth sports and they've dragged all these parents and all these kids into this booming youth sports business. Who's making money off of this? Like the leagues, the companies that are organizing it? Club sports are making money. I mean, outside of school. This is like, yes. So there's some of it that gets intense even in like recreational. Like Brooks is still in recreational. What does recreational mean? That's like the town league, the like public league. Okay.

So like, you know, Rosalind Little League or whatever, you know, like that's like the rec league. Then somebody decided that if you come in and you're like, oh, these are the best kids, they're select. These kids are selected because they're really, really good at the sport. That's like the club sports. And they pick. And it just is such like an ecosystem. Because it makes the parents feel like, oh my gosh, my kid is special. Right.

I've got to put them in club sports. I have to encourage this talent that they have, which I think in the beginning, it was kind of like these. No one ever thought that about me. I got cut from the JV volleyball team. No, but if you were growing up now, oh, it's like a now thing. No, it happened then. But then I think it was when I was growing up and when you were growing up, it was

more like truly, I think, the most talented kids, kind of most athletic talented kids were selected. Then they realized, oh my gosh, we select these kids. They pay $3,000. We can form a team. And now they have, instead of having like one select team, they have seven. And they just rank them from like the best to from number one to number seven. But every kid, if you want to pay three thousand dollars right can get in can get in so it kind of means nothing and then there's this it's like a feeling of they'll work their way up and youth sports is this is why i have a love hate relationship with youth sports because there's a lot to learn there's determination on hard work screen yes off screen activity yes that's why i mean it really it's a lot of time it's a lot of time off screen it's social

it's communication it's teamwork it's learning how to be frustrated learning how to do hard things, learning how to lose, learning how to win. There's great things about it. That's why I love it. And there's also this little ego piece that I think I step back and recognize that is almost like an unhealthy, like a guilty pleasure of I have a thrill when my kid does well. Right? Like that just feels a little, is that bad?

It's not bad. It's not inherently bad. but I think it's kind of like I'm putting my stuff onto them. I'm like living a little vicariously through them. And when I step back and I do this like mindful thing when I'm in these enormous gyms with all of these hundreds, thousands maybe even sometimes of parents, everyone's so caught up in this intensity of how well their child is performing at bouncing this ball around a room, which is for most of them a pretty useless skill if you really

step back. They're not like creating rocket ships or curing cancer. And most of them are not going to be in the NBA or, you know, so I just, part of me feels like that environment pulls me out of my zen. it like pulls me out of my not seeking, not like, you know, this idea that the way that a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old or an 8-year-old performs is going to affect my mood, which it does for all these parents. Really? Yeah. Like they get mad and it's not fair. And then the conversation after the game, my child should have gotten more playing time and they're not coaching it right.

They're not calling the right plays. And it's just this. That's the part that feels icky. And then there's the other piece, which I think I've talked about on here before, which we've pulled back from is you travel out of state with a bunch of 11-year-olds, play volleyball in a different state against different teams when they're not even winning the games that they're playing at home. And it just feels like a.

Oh, I thought they only get to go to that if they like get to a search. level. No, they decide before. That's annoying. Expensive. Yes. Annoying, expensive. And it's like feeding this kind of delusion. Like it used to be, like you're saying, the best teams were so good. They were beating everyone in their area. And they needed to travel out of state to compete at a higher level. Like I remember when you got to like state in volleyball, but that was like through our high school. Yes. That was different. That was public school. We didn't have to pay for that. I don't even know if we had to pay. for the hotel that.

I don't remember. This is a whole different thing. And it's just this making these 11-year-olds feel like they're LeBron James on the airplane with their jumpsuits on or whatever, like traveling to play. It's just delusional. So we step back from that. But like then there's the whole like, who doesn't get to play? And now I have to, you know, talk to her about why she didn't get playing time and how we.

And there's good lessons in there. but I just feel like sometimes I love it and I do love it. Like I love watching my kids play. I love watching them do well. I'm a sports person. So I get really wrapped up in it. But there's something that feels almost like this addictive, like intensity around something that like I shouldn't be so intense.

Yeah. I think if you could remove yourself from it, it's probably like great on their end. And remove, I mean, the finances thing, I guess. It is what it is. But it does, I mean, from everything I learned about, like, teen and preteen culture is that, like, kids with the most free time wind up, like, getting into trouble. So maybe you could also look at, like, there's other stuff you don't even see. It's like the problems that you don't even have. Yes.

That's very true. It's probably another bonus. Like, kids with too much free time, kids who are super bored, like, they might get into, like, drugs or a bad, you know, like video games or any of that other shit. So like obviously there's like the cost of going, but there's the other hidden costs of the things that they're not getting. Yes. And that's where how it I think started and blew up was that it was this really great, healthy social thing for kids to do.

And it's just like grown into a beast that, like a money made. And then you go to these tournaments that I'm going to the tournament. It's a two day tournament on the weekend. and my child's playing and I have to pay $20 a day to go watch my own child play. You have to pay? Yes. To watch? Yes.

Now it seems like an MLM or something. Like that's crazy. Crazy. And if I want to bring my other two kids, I have to pay for them too. So now I'm paying $45 a day to go sit in a gym and watch my own kid play. That rule seems predatory. Well, it's these. clubs. That's how they make money. They fill the gyms. They sell food. Yeah, I think the food should

be the money-making thing. And admission. It's crazy. I'm telling you. I would push back on that part. This is just how it goes and everyone just goes along with it. When I step back and I watch the parents and sometimes I am that parent and sometimes I step back and I am the observer of myself in that moment and I realize how crazy the whole thing is that screaming and yelling and stomping and then the kids absorb the parents. I don't do that. I don't scream and yell and stomp. I'm the one. I have my my taglines, which is like, that's okay. Every time I'm like, that's okay, that's okay. That's okay. That's my tagline. I'm very positive there. I'm never negative. I don't see you as like a deranged soccer mom who's like screaming at the coach. That would be just not.

seem like your vibe. No, every time someone makes mistake, I'm like, that's okay. And sometimes I feel like the eyes of some parents that are like, no. So, but anyway, it's a whole culture. If you're not there yet, I hope something changes around. It's just grown into something crazy. We need to bring it back a little bit. And I think if you have the attitude of like, this isn't that big of a deal or like, you know, it's all, that's okay. I think that they'll, they'll have that attitude. too. I think the kids who probably get negatively affected by that are the ones whose parents are like really intensely demanding success. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like one thing about our mom, I feel like she never, I never felt like she cared that much. Right. There was zero pressure.

Maybe that's bad. That has its own probably negative things. But I don't think it was ever like, I've got to, I'm going to disappoint anyone by not winning. I think it was a beautiful thing. And even now, I'm watching them play these sports. And when I was a kid, I played a lot of sports. And there were like a couple of families where the parents came to every game, like a handful. Certain parents you knew were coming to every game. But it wasn't all the parents coming to every game.

And now if there's 12 kids on the team, there's 12 sets of parents in every pitch, the pitcher throws, there's like all these eyes on them watching every pitch. It's so much. They shouldn't even. maybe they should just not allow parents to watch it. I mean, they're mostly fine and nice. They're not doing anything crazy for the most part. But yeah, I think the kids would probably have a lot more fun, some of them, if there wasn't.

It's just a lot. Like, I wouldn't be able to deal with that pressure. It's a lot of pressure. A lot of people watching you. When I was a kid, you played sports. It was like the team, the other team, and like four parents. A couple parents, yeah. I remember being on that volleyball team before I got.

cut and it was really fun. We lost every single game, but we had a good time. But you had so much fun. Yeah. Yes. And there were probably very few parents that were coming out to watch you lose every totally. Well, our grandma came, uh, one time. And she like, this was embarrassing. Like, after the game, she went up to the coach. She's like, what are you doing? Like, they're not good. Like, like, get it together. She like yelled at the coach. She didn't yell at us. She's like, these girls are losing every game. What are you doing here? I was mortified. Oh my gosh. Yeah, well, we don't have that. But sometimes it just feels like there's a lot of seeking, a lot of, a lot of ego in. I want my kid. Like, oh, my God, this guy on the sidelines, he just kept yapping about how his kid wasn't getting

enough time and where his kid should be going and what his kid was doing. And I'm like, I get it if that's what you're thinking. You should just hand him your card. It's intense. It's intense. But I, but when your kid does something great, I'm also the lunatic that's like so excited. So I don't I, I, I'm in it. And I, it's, I'm torn. But so that's my weekend. Sounds like you need a good intention for your. Yeah, I do. I do. I need to like stay kind of just grounded and watching and, and, and, and, making it more about the lessons that they're learning through sports versus I think all these parents have a little bit of a delusional thing that their kid is going to be the next special. Yeah. Yeah. That's the dream.

It's like, you know what I mean? Like you think you're special and then I think you have kids and then you're like, all right, my time. I wasn't that special. That ship is sailed. Let's try someone else. Yes. That's what makes it, I think, feel. a little toxic. But I think just, again, being aware of it and relaxing. And I, you know,

personally, I do a good job of making it really positive. And I really do on the way home. I just say, I love watching you play. You know, like that was really fun. And it was really fun. Well, that's it. Good luck. Thanks. I appreciate it. The rest of the season. Yeah. The rest of the next 10 years of my life, probably. But $20 to watch. Wow. I said something like honestly like how much do you really I mean I guess you watch them play but they better not be on the bench if I'm paying $20 exactly that kind of else you know what else they do just sorry and then we'll finish this up they make them ref the game the parents no the kids so you pay to go in and then they're playing but they're not just playing then they're refing so I have to sit there while they're refing and while they're like off I've got to invest in this company. It sounds like they're killing it. Yeah, they're like using the kids to pay their staffing. And then the parents of the kids have to pay to walk in.

Genius. Why didn't I think of that? Can't wait for the Netflix documentary exercise. Yeah. This is going to be great. Let's get into our emails. If you have a voicemail this episode, if you have a voicemail, you can leave us one at 646-363-6294.

You subscribe. You get two bonus episodes a month, ad-free and a day early, all the episodes. or you can join one of Dr. Naomi's groups. Maybe you should start one for the parents, the athletes. If you have a child in youth sports and it is driving you crazy. No, we don't really talk about that. But yeah, Naomi Bernstein.com. Come find us.

Really great community. Would love to have you. The oversharing community is awesome. Makes up a good part of our community there in the groups. So come find us. Naomi Bernstein.com. Let's get into it. Our first email is a shed my shame.

Thank you for writing in for being vulnerable. And again, if you want to submit yours, oversharing at betches.com, or you can leave us a voicemail. I'll read it. Dear Dr. Naomi and Jordana, love your pod so much. Your perspective and advice has gotten me through some hard times and I greatly appreciate it. I'm writing in as a mid-shame spiral about a huge overreaction I had in my relationship that I'm worried may have ruined it. And I want both your advice and perspective as I'm sure post-fight anxiety is something

a lot of the listeners can relate to. Here's some background. I will do my best to keep it brief. I, 30 female, have been on and off again with this guy, 33 male, for the last year. Here's the timeline breakdown. We met on Hinge and dated April to June 2025. We met each other's friends, we're together three to four times a week off the bat and had a really intense immediate connection. Late June, I got to a point where I felt ready for committed relationship. When I brought it up, he basically went cold, saying, sorry, I'm not ready. His rationale for not, being ready was that he had an intense last year. He had gotten out of a three-year relationship in July 24, moved out of their apartment and across the country to our new city, and his three-year-old

dog passed away shortly after. So when he told me that, we broke up and went our separate ways. He came back to me September 2025, saying how much he missed me, and he was just not ready for a commitment at that time, but wanted to try dating exclusively again because he thought our connection was special. I agreed to give it another try because I felt attached. We dated for a month, And again, it started to feel more serious. And he ended up pulling away and ghosting me completely. He ended up coming back again around New Year's profusely apologizing and saying he felt overwhelmed at the time with how fast we were going and that he now felt ready to start dating.

We dated for about six weeks before basically the whole thing happened again. Once we started getting close, he texted me breaking up because he said he was feeling too much pressure. This was mid-February. Fast forward to mid-March and he came back. This time telling me he loved me and he got very emotional saying he's so sorry. for the past and how he officially is ready for a commitment. Ring the alarm.

This time was the first that actually felt different. He kept telling me how in love with me he was and he actually had started going to therapy and began SSRIs to handle his anxiety. So the fact that he was taking real action to make changes along with his words that he wanted to be all in with me, it made me feel okay trying again. So over the last three to four weeks, it was going really well. But two days ago, me and some new friends, I met at Run Club, we're out day drinking, and we started talking about relationships.

I told them how I've been on and off with my ex and we are figuring it out. They asked for a picture. And when I pulled him up, one of the girls said, oh my God, I went on a date with him in January. Turns out in January this year, a few days after he came back to me saying he wanted to try dating me again and we had sex that night, he went on a date with another girl. I remembered that night because I had texted him asking if he wanted to meet me out and he said he was tired, so I caught him in a lie. I was pretty drunk at this point and was seeing absolute red.

There's too many screenshots to even send, but I basically texted him three screenshots worth of text, explaining to him what I figured out, followed by, fuck you, you're a piece of shit, we're done, I'm going to block you soon, your parents should be disappointed in how they raised you to treat women like this.

Followed by another three screenshots of, I'm sorry for calling you names and how I've handled speaking to you tonight, but I'm so hurt and I don't know how I can trust you after this. his only response during this was, I'm not texting about this. Let's talk in person if you want. I love you now, but in January,

I don't think I fully realized it then. Also, for context, his dad died when he was 22. So me saying how his dad would be disappointed in him, I know crossed a huge line. In the last year, I've never raged, texted him, yelled at him, or even gotten mad to be honest, just sad to him. So this kind of response is very unlike my normal pattern

and it was my first real fuck up while dating him. The next morning, I sent him a long apology text asking if he's open to talking and how sorry I was and I own the immature reaction, even saying I will take action to figure out how I can prevent this kind of overreaction while drinking again. Since then, it's been crickets. I have a feeling he's looking to just pull away again and I can't help but feel so much guilt and shame for how I reacted, especially the comment about his dad, which I know is an extremely sensitive topic. How do I move on from this and stop the shame narrative? I keep repeating to myself about how I

ruin the potential of this relationship and it's my fault and I need to live with this. I'm not naive in that I'm very well aware of how unhealthy this dynamic has been over the last year and fits the anxious avoidant trap to a T. So there's also a logical part of me that thinks this is probably a good thing to finally separate. But this time around just felt different in that he really was acting all in with me until this texting happened. And maybe we could have had something special if I hadn't gone psycho on text. Another part of me is also angry and that I've shown him so much grace and forgiveness over the last year and how he treated me. And this one time I am the one to mess up, he isn't open to talking because of my immature reaction.

And that's enough to call it quits. Would love your guys take. Thanks. Anxiously attached, Batch. I really feel for her because I'm not going to, on the outside, it looks like, why did you keep coming back? This was crazy. But I could see he up the ante a little bit more each time and then finally said he was going to therapy and, you know, did all the things to make her feel like he was going to change and he

was going to be different. I really feel for her because then on the last one, he's finally seemingly like doing the thing that she wants. She finds out a thing from way before. It's like the perfect storm of why she's stuck feeling shameful and guilty and all of that. But I'm here to say, Like, I don't, this toxic thing is bringing out the worst in both of you, I think is the bottom line. Like, it's bringing out the worst in you. It's bringing out the worst in him. I think that whole paragraph there about how this probably was going to end up happening. And the fact that he's ghosted you once seems like he's ghosting you again after saying,

I love you, not able to communicate about it. It doesn't seem like his therapy is working. he can't even communicate because that was the problem he was having originally. Yeah. I mean, she says it herself that this is an anxious avoidant trap. And here's the thing. You know, was it an overreaction? I don't know that it wasn't even an overreaction.

That's really upsetting to, especially, it happened in January. Yeah. It's like, it's April. Yeah. This was like a few months ago and he's saying he loved you and he didn't, you know, it was the two days before he decided he loved, whatever. it was. So I think that's like a, that is something that you're, that she's allowed to be upset about. And they call it an anxious avoidant trap because it's hard to get out of because now she thinks that,

you know what I mean? Like she's feeling like this clingy energy and then he's like feeling like he has to be vulnerable. And this is probably the first time in his, in your new quote unquote relationship that he has to be vulnerable. And this is his first test of that. And he's just disappearing. So it's a trap. He's the. he's avoidantly repeating his same patterns. You anxiously are repeating the same patterns. So yeah, this is like the classic,

I think anxious avoidant trap where he's kind of like probably, even though he says he's all in and he loves you, there's probably some like shit going on in his head about how he needs to run and then you've given him the opportunity by doing this. And she as an anxious person is now like clinging further, feeling like he's pulling away.

Yes. And it kind of like reiterates itself. And I think the only real solution, like, Sure, insensitive could be, seem like that. Doesn't seem like the worst thing that anyone's ever said to anyone. You could come back from that with a securely attached, healthy person. Like that person will like understand and like not be looking for any excuse to like run away.

So it's like that's why it's a trap because like they're both drawn to this person. There's part of her that's probably drawn to the person that she kind of feels like she needs to like chase or get or win. And he's probably drawn to someone who's like that with him, but then also has his own shit where he cannot handle like a vulnerability or a depth that would come with actually resolving this in like a healthy way.

So she, again, this I think, if she was with a securely attached person, like if someone did this with you, I think, I don't think it would be the end of your relationship with them. Yeah, no. I mean, at least, I mean, even a response. and to say, yeah, that really hurt when you said that. That was a low blow.

But I, it was, let's also address the fact that I did this sketchy thing because that's what happens. Like when you lose your mind like this, now the conversation turns to, I lost my mind. I'm so sorry. And you forget about the fact that he did have sex with you one day after, like, this wasn't a random thing. Come back to you. Yeah.

He still came back to you. Right. Had sex with you. went on a date with a brand new random person from a dating app, like the next day, that's not cool. And you have every right to be mad about that. I think he's using this as an excuse, or at least his mind is telling him like, okay, now it's now you should run again. And if it wasn't this, I think it would be something else.

Therapy's great, but it's not an overnight cure, especially if there's like deep attachment issues. And to me, more than anything, the fact that he's avoiding her. and crickets and not talking to her, that's, to me, you got to get out because that's what he did. He literally ghosted you from what she said in one of the times that he decided not to, that he didn't want to be in it anymore. So it's one thing. I would say maybe you should really keep trying if he came back.

And he was like, yeah, I'm really upset about that. I don't know if I can get over it or that was. really hurtful or something, but the fact that he's totally ignoring you, to me, that's your sign that he is not changed and it's going to be hard, but you got to, you got to go. That's why these people never date a secure person. Neither of them wind up doing that until they get to like a certain point because if she were dating a secure person, I think that person would like, like, would like actually say and she might be like bored because it wasn't as exciting and there wasn't the highs and lows and she wouldn't feel like she like caught someone.

who was like trying to wriggle out of their grasp. And for him, if he was dating a secure person and he decided not to commit, that person would be like turned, turned off by him. And that was always the thing for me as an anxious dater that was so hard, the point that was hard to get to would be like to be turned off by that behavior. For me, it was like, I was sad and I was like, I maybe in some ways like want them more. Yes.

And so, but if you're a secure woman and a guy is like, I'm not ready to commit. You're like, okay, like, buy. And you're just like not interested in them anymore. Right. Because you feel like I know my worth. I believe my worth with or without you. I don't need you to determine my worthiness. So if you don't, this isn't as I'm sure there's some sting even for the most secure person of someone's like being wishy-washy. Yeah. There's a little bit, but there's not this piece of like, now I'm going to second guess my whole sense of self. It's like, I know I'm great. If you don't see that, there's probably something wrong with you.

And now I'm no longer interested versus I'm seeking someone who's going to validate me, which is why I think in early 20s, a lot of women specifically have a hard time dating because they're still trying to figure out who they are and feel good about who they are, which is why this person, I think she's in her 30s. I, you know, developing a secure attachment at that point is part of that is saying, I believe my own worth and I don't need you to choose me for me to feel worthy. I feel worthy on my own. And if you don't see it, then I feel like maybe there's something wrong with you that you

don't see that. And now I'm less attracted to you because of that. Right. To get to the point where you're turned off by someone not answering you after you, after you've apologized and are being vulnerable and not sort of like thinking it's a problem with you. which she is because now she's like, I shouldn't have done that. I feel guilty. It's my fault. And I think that does end up happening. That's part of what keeps a lot of people stuck after a breakup is this self-doubt, well, what if I did this and maybe I shouldn't have done that? And I said it this way or

I shouldn't have handled myself that way. Finding the security in yourself to feel like, I like, I like the way I handle myself. I feel pretty good. Am I perfect? No. But if I do something wrong, I can own it. I can apologize. I can communicate. And if that's not enough for somebody, then that's probably not my person. And there might be something off in them that they're not seeing all that I have to offer. And the sooner you can feel that way, this isn't fun. And that's a turnoff to me. Like, I'm doing this because I want it to be fun. When you keep breaking up with me and then coming back, that's not really a good time. Like, I'm not enjoying this. So, it's a turnoff. I'm sorry you're going to this. I could see why you got yourself caught in this.

You didn't ruin anything. You were, you were yourself. And like these things, it sounds like these things work for like a few weeks because you're both on your best behavior. And then when you're yourself, which is like a person who, you know, feels deeply and is, you know, that's the thing. Like you have to be with someone who loves you for your actual self, not like the best version of yourself that you're putting on so that they will agree to date you. He will be back. I think he will be back. Definitely.

Yes. And sounds like she would take him back at this point. Yeah. Yeah, I really, I think, I don't know, I don't know how long after she wrote this, but if he's ghosting you, that to me is like deal breaker. He fucked up too. He's the one who I, anyone would be mad about that. Yes.

I would be mad about that. Yep, me too. So if he's going to ghost you, ignore you when he's telling you I love you and then he's ignoring you you that he's not ready he's not healed he's not ready he's the same you're kind of the same this isn't going to work right now let yourself grieve this has been a year of this so this isn't and it's hard with these types of things too because it feels like well we haven't really been in a relationship for a year we've been on again off again for a year but this is you're going to have to grieve this

to move on yeah that's going to be hard So I'm sorry that you're going through this. I appreciate you writing in. But yeah, ignoring someone when you're in a relationship is not acceptable behavior, in my opinion. Good luck. And let us know how this pans out. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

This would be a good one if you want to come on for our Calm the Fuck Down episode. We can really dig in here. Totally. I love that. All right. Let's do a fetchesist. Do you want to read this one? Hi, Jordana and Dr.

Naomi. I love oversharing. Look forward to your episode. episodes every week. I have an ethical dilemma that I would love your opinion on. Is it okay to bring a baby to a fertility clinic or is that totally insensitive? My husband and I are pursuing IVF for our second child, not due to infertility, but because of a genetic condition. IVF allows us to genetically test each embryo to avoid passing on the condition to our children. Our first daughter is affected by it. As you know, IVF involves many appointments, lab work, ultrasounds, etc. One Saturday,

morning, my husband and I both needed blood work. We brought our five-month-old baby with us and didn't think much of it at the time. No one gave us mean looks, but in the waiting room, I suddenly wondered if this was a huge mistake. I felt terrible about it all day. This made me curious. What do you think about bringing a baby into a fertility clinic waiting room? Was this a huge oversight on my part, or am I overthinking it? Since I'm going through IVF for genetic reasons, I may be a little less in tune with the feelings of those in the waiting room. Looking forward to your thoughts, sincerely baby faux pa. I've thought about this because I've seen signs when I was going to the fertility clinic

like multiple times a week. I remember seeing signs in the office that are like due to the sensitivity, like please don't bring any children or something. And I've seen that, I think, in a few different offices. And I remember kind of feeling like we live in the world. Like I see babies. Like I'm in New York City. I see babies on the street all the time.

I'm like, I don't know. Like, I understand how that could be triggering. Especially if you're, like, getting really bad news at a fertility clinic that day, which is somewhere you're much more likely to get hard. Like, it might be hard to see a baby as you're leaving or in the waiting room or something like that. So I understand that feeling. But I'm also kind of like, we live in the world. Babies exist.

We love, seemingly everyone there loves babies because they're trying to have one. Right. And so I could see, I could kind of see both sides of it. I remember seeing this debated on like a fertility, like Facebook group I was in or something like that. And I do think there's sort of like both sides to it, but there's also a lot of people experiencing secondary infertility. And like she said, it's hard to always get child care for an existing child. I totally agree. That place might be a place where you just.

are getting some bad news and you walk out and you see someone else that has a baby. I think if you can avoid bringing your baby, maybe it would, you know, be a kindness. Especially the doctor's offices are probably putting this up there for a reason, right? Someone's complained. Right. Right. At some point, yes. People are getting upset.

If you can do it and it works out that, you know, you can leave someone at home, leave the baby at home with someone, then I think it's a kindness. If you can't, I wouldn't be running around like a chicken without a head to try to find a babysitter. If you have an appointment, you have a baby. You're in there, right? Whether it's, you have a baby with a genetic condition. You have a different issue that's invisible to these other people. Like, you have a baby. Right. No one's in there for fun with a genetic condition that you would not like your next child to have. So there's some difficulty around that that this person who hopefully ideally at some point is going to have a perfectly healthy baby is not going to have that issue that you have. So, you know, we can never avoid all of our triggers.

I think if it seems like it is bothering some people and you have an option to leave the baby home, maybe leave the baby home. If there's no option, I think I don't think there's anything wrong or bad or evil or mean. about bringing your baby if you have to. And I think the sign is actually probably a good thing because I'm sure one, you could occasionally get an exception to the sign. Like if you need it, again, if you needed to bring the baby,

you have no one else to watch it. You and your husband both need to come in. That's one thing. And also, like, maybe the sign is effective for having it not look like a pediatrician's office where everyone is bringing in their baby, which I think is probably much more triggering than seeing a single baby.

Like for me, it was more like an outing where everyone was there with their kids was probably more upsetting than I see a baby here and there. So I think maybe by putting up that sign, people are just less inclined to do it. If you're so affected by just the sight of someone else's child, I think that that's a little bit of a you problem. Yes, yes. Agree. So I don't think you did anything wrong. You brought the baby. You kind of had to.

I wouldn't even say you have to go so far as like hiring a baby. babysitter that you then have to probably end up paying $100 by the time you leave and go to the appointment and come back and park and that you should have to spend $100 so that you don't have to bring your baby into the office. Like I think if you can leave your partner home or somebody in your family with the baby, great. If not, it stings anyway. I mean, you were in it, right?

Right. Yeah. You can't really avoid that. Yeah. Go on Instagram. There's a million babies. They know what triggers you. You get pushed babies all the time.

time. Again, you're in New York City. You're walking down this. There's going to be someone with a stroller with their baby. But yeah, I think sign, I agree with the sign. Yeah. And I think there can be exceptions to it. Solved. Let's do next. Yes. All right, let's do some intentions. This one's a voicemail. Hi, Degana and Dr. Naomi. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and all the things, bitches, from London, England. And I wanted to write in today, or speak in, I guess, and ask about an intention for when my fiancé is quite stressed at work, I find it really difficult to focus on literally anything else, even though it's nothing to do with me. For context, we are getting married at the end of the year, we're in a super happy relationship in all other

ways, been together about three years. And I just find it really difficult to relax when I know he's stressed or angry about something that's nothing to do with me, something that's happened in his work. He works super long hours in a corporate legal job, and that comes a lot of stress. And sometimes when he is very anxious and we work in the same office space, I can like feel the anxiety or the stress coming out of him. And I find it very, very difficult to ignore it, relax. And he just wants to be left alone and left to deal with it. And that's just not my way. I just want to go and cheer him off and make sure he's happy, et cetera. So I'd love an intention.

I can just say to myself, when he's in one of those moods with work, where I can just say this isn't about me, he's doing him, I'm doing me. Yeah, that's it. Thank you so much. Bye. Love the accent. Oh, my gosh. Love it.

This is so relatable, I think, this idea of like taking on other people's emotions. And yeah, well, there's the one thing that happens where you're like, is it about me? I think a lot of people, if they're partners in a mood, they think it's about them. But this one, even once you realize that it isn't about you, it's very hard to sit and tolerate other people's bad moods and not try to fix it. I think it comes from childhood attachment stuff when you're a kid and your caretaker, your primary attachment figure is in a bad mood. it means a lot. Like, it affects a lot. If the person that, if you come home from school and the person that's supposed to take care

of you is cranky or grumpy or depressed or angry or any of those things, like it really does, that it does matter. Maybe they don't make you a snack or they're not listening to you or they're not attending to your needs or. And so I think we, that we evolved to be very, very sensitive to other people. people's emotions for that reason. And so even in adulthood, when like, you don't need him to make you a snack, you don't need him to, you know, pack your lunch for tomorrow. You don't need anything really from him. His mood isn't really affecting you, especially you can, when you're a kid,

you can't even remove yourself. You can't even get in a car and be like, hey, I'm going to leave you alone. So I think this is, it's normal and it's hard. Yeah, I think if they're working in the same room. Like someone's energy does definitely affect you. It's hard to be like on cloud nine when someone next to you is like frustrated and irritated for sure. I think that like doesn't feel like a safe space to be in a good mood yourself too. So I definitely think it's fair to remove yourself if that's an option, right?

I think some people feel almost like I think when you have this dynamic where there's one person that wants to be left alone when they're in that mood and there's one person that wants to help or if that's not what you would want if you were in a bad mood, it can feel hard to believe them like they really want to be left alone, almost like you feel like you're abandoning them. I think that can come from childhood stuff too. Like when I was upset, I wanted someone to help me. And so me not helping you feels like now I'm leaving you in this like lonely abyss of despair.

When no, if you really, some people genuinely just want to let it run its course. They don't want to pull you in. Believe him when he says he wants to be left alone and leave the room. Like you said, there's an energy that just feels like I can't. There's just too much of a tension in here. It's also hard, I think, mentally to leave. the room because you're like, what if it, like, I want to know we're good. I know logically it's not about me, but I want to feel like you're still in a good mood around me or like there's a,

there's maybe something you tell yourself, like, wouldn't he be in a good mood just being around me? Wouldn't that like help his mood to be around me? Like she said it has nothing to do with you. And I mean, I'll speak from personal experience. I, um, uh, Mike has like periods of work that are very, very busy for him. And he's usually in a shitty mood when he's doing them because he's like, working late or someone was supposed to send him a file and he didn't get the file and he's irritated with the person and like it's just like and he's again he has to work longer so he's not as well rested and all this stuff and I think in the beginning of our relationship I used to kind of take it personally and I would get like irritated with him for being irritated around me

and again he just kind of like wanted to be like left alone to just finish the things that he had to do as fast as he could do them and not have to like you know assure me that everything was like fine to as almost like that it takes more time away from his, from like doing whatever he needed to do. So I think that was something to like overcome in a relationship. And I think as I got more secure in the relationship and as we were together longer, I think it's easier to be, you know someone in so many different circumstances and it's easy to,

it's much easier to be like, I know this has nothing to do with me just from the time that it's happened. And also for me, I've been like, great, end of November is your like busy time. I'm going on a girls trip. I don't like, I'm going to leave you in your space to be like, you have this energy. I'm going to physically go somewhere else. That's when I'm planning all my, you know, I'm doing a manicure.

I'm going out to dinner with my friends. And so like I almost, I give him what he wants. And it doesn't, I know it's not personal. And he doesn't want to manage your emotions when he like walks out and he's cranky. And he knows that you don't, you know, that's affecting you. So yeah, I like that. And yeah, similarly, you know, Jeff is like, you know, he's like an artist and a poet and he, you know, feels things very deeply. And he actually wrote this song. Again, you learn through the course of a long marriage, he wrote this song called Dark Side of the Road. And the chorus is basically like, leave me on the dark side of the road. Like, because we had this a lot where he would get in his feels and I would be, constantly trying to like make it better and get him out and cheer it up and think of it this way and look at it that way. And so he communicated that through song and wrote this really beautiful

song that I think about all the time for each other. And I think about it for tons of my patience where it's kind of like you have to be able to breathe and stay, you know, allow, allow him to have his emotions, not be constantly trying to fix. Like he's giving me permission. to leave him on the dark side of the road. Like, that's what he wants. When he gives me permission to do that, it makes me feel a little bit better. And I think in some ways, you can turn this back on yourself a little bit. Like if you, what you want him to do, which is like look at the bright side or think

about something good that's going to happen next or maybe it's not that bad because of this, you can do that for yourself in this moment too. you know, like you're getting worked up about him getting worked up. So, you know, the intention that I wrote, I mean, I, you know, I was kind of back and forth, but like one of them is observe myself. Like so instead of just observing him and seeing what's going on for him in this moment and thinking about how I can fix him, like, observe you. What's going on for you when he's in this place? Where do you feel it in your body? where do you feel what are your thoughts what are what's going on for you and allow yourself to kind of have that whatever that feeling is the same way he wants you to allow him to have his own

feeling so observe myself allow myself and control myself you can't control him you cannot fix it for him you cannot get him out of it you can control yourself so you can recognize what's happening for you and you can control your own responses and reactions. One of those things might be going and working at the kitchen table if he's like sucking all of the air. Are you going to, I don't know if you have an office. Go into your office. As came to go to the office. Yeah. Yeah. Have him and have him spread that that energy there. Yeah. Yeah. So this is very, I'm glad you wrote in. I think it's really relatable. But I, you know, sometimes we're so focused on changing our partner in this moment. I want you to feel differently. I want you to feel better. I want you to think of it this way.

Do that for yourself. What am I experiencing? How do I need to think of this differently? How do I need to look at this differently? And it's just the other piece of it is, this is just a feeling it will pass. Trust him. You know, trust his emotions. His emotions, unlike the emotions maybe of your mother or your caretaker or someone when you were growing up that you couldn't trust that they would, pass, you can trust, I hope, that like you say, you trust that end of November is the busy season, it will pass. If you didn't trust with Mike that it was going to come and it was going to go, it would be very different. Like you've seen the cycles, you've seen how it works. So if you can, if you trust him that this is a moment and it will pass, then it doesn't have to feel as heavy

as maybe it did with an attachment figure when you were young where it wasn't going to pass or it's going to be every day or intermittently every so often without any predictable pattern, which then makes you feel a little bit more insecure of like, is this just today or is this going to be tomorrow too and the next day? And I don't know when it's going to come back. So that's when I think this takes on a bigger meaning is when you don't know if there's an end in sight or you don't know like how long this is going to last or how long, you know, I've seen people kind of feel like I can't take this anymore kind of feeling. Right.

Yeah. If it feels like it's never ending, that's a different conversation. Yes. So if that's not the case, then just coming back to I know what this is. I know it's temporary. I can only observe myself, allow myself to have this feeling and control myself. Let's do a trigger. Dear Jordana and Dr. Naomi, huge fan of you guys.

My sister and I love catching up after your episodes every week. Love that. Oh, that's cute. I have a triggered scenario for you. This happened over two years ago at my wedding. I had a relatively large wedding party. Bridesmaids made up of primarily family and a couple of close friends. The dress was around $200, which I understand is slightly above average,

but I also covered hair and makeup and offered to help anyone financially, if needed, and genuinely meant it. On the day of my wedding, as I'm getting my makeup done, of my bridesmaids showed up with an elaborate story about the brand of my dress sending her the wrong color and how she had to improvise and go to a secondhand shop. She assured me it was the exact same designer, color, and material. However, when I saw the dress, I knew something was amiss. First off, this looked like the exact style I wore in another wedding. Totally different brand and material. The brand I selected had no styles that looked anything like this. After some investigation,

I found that she wore this dress in another friend's wedding party. And the cherry on top, she made a comment to another friend about a week before the wedding, questioning if this other dress would pass as she hated the color and had one that was pretty similar.

It ultimately blended in okay. Most people don't immediately notice it in pictures unless I pointed out, but I thought this was wildly selfish. For starters, this friend has a prestigious career and regularly takes lavish trips and goes for expensive meals. However, she was willing to risk

bucking up our photos because she just didn't care enough to buy the dress. The worst part is the confidence with which she lied through her teeth. So my question is twofold. How triggered would you be? Would you ever mention this? I'm aware this might be past the reasonable statute of limitations. However, I've been working on my people pleasing tendencies a lot in therapy, i.e. tying myself worth to people liking or not being mad at me.

I have a lot of pent-up resentment about the situation. I think it'd be cathartic to stop playing the fool in the name of peacekeeping. Thanks. Oh, never try to fool a bride. You are not going to fool. She knows every cut in color and fabric swatch. Don't even try. She could have risked ruining the photos.

The whole concept of like if someone wears a dress that's like a slightly different hue of blue or whatever I think is a little much. The lie I think is the part that would really drive me. nuts about this, that someone who I picked as a bridesmaid because I thought they were a good friend of mine is going to come in on my wedding day, look at me in the face and make up an entire story. That's the part that I find triggering about this. Is it definitely a lie? She's basically saying that they sent her the wrong dress and then she improvised and found this other dress. Is it possible that she's telling the truth? That's kind of my, it was my question. That she went to a secondhand shop

and happen to find the same designer and color, like that would be like winning the lottery. Oh, so she definitely lied. Okay. That's what it's. I can't imagine, I don't know. Maybe there is such a thing as like a, maybe there is like a bridesmaid secondhand shop.

That's a good idea. That's a thing. But I can't imagine you went to like a random secondhand clothing store and found the exact designer. She told the other friend she didn't like the color. so maybe it was because of that. I mean, listen, I understand the urge to be like, I have this dress already.

I don't really want to spend $200. It seems close enough. Like, I get to, from the friend's perspective, I can understand why she's like, I have to buy this fucking dress. I don't like the dress. I have a dress that's so similar in color. I could save $200 by just wearing this other dress.

Does anyone really give a shit? Like, I could see her playing that out in her head because I probably would play that out in my head and being like, wouldn't it be great if I could just wear this other dress that I already have and not spend $200 on a dress I don't like that I'm never going to wear again. Yes. Especially if she offered to financially help with anyone who didn't want to spend that on the

dress. The correct thing to do would be to send her a picture of the dress. Hey, I have this dress. It looks really similar to the color and whatever. Do you mind if I wear it instead of buying the dress? Yeah. And then if she says actually it's slightly off, then I kind of do almost think she should pay for it at that point. Like the bride should be like, yeah, that's really close, but I want it to be

perfect. So if I want it to be perfect, I'll pay the $200, especially since I already offered. The truth is, she's admitting that it didn't even really show up in the pictures. So probably would have been fine. You also don't do anything with those pictures, but the brides made pictures. Those don't go anywhere. Those don't go anywhere. You're not like, putting that up really in your living room, putting up your pictures of the couple. So, yeah, people get it. We all kind of do it. Get just sucked into this vortex of every little detail of the wedding matters so much that you're going to risk a friendship over it.

I do think the lie is annoying. I would be annoyed if someone walked in on my wedding day that I consider a good friend and looked at my face and lied to me. That would be, I would find that annoying. two years later, would I bring it up? No. I think I'd let it go. I mean, look, you want to work on your people pleasing. That's great.

I think that's a great goal to have. But I'm sure there'll be other opportunities to work on that besides with this particular friend. I think if you're good friends with her and it comes up naturally, I think you can say, you know, it seems pretty clear. that you lied to me that one time and maybe, you know, I feel like I wish you would, I wish you would have been able to just come to me and say, hey, do you mind if I wear this dress and we could have talked about it? But I would, unless it really falls right into your lap, I would let this one go. You'll find other opportunities to work on your people pleasing. I agree. I would let it go. I think the lying is like right in the few weeks after the wedding,

finding out that she lied the trigger. I could see being like a six on the triggered scale of just like, I know she lied. She doesn't know I know she lied. This is almost like annoying because like I want to yell at her, but I can't. Two years later, I think it would drop a little,

especially if the pictures came out. Okay. And I again, I totally understand the front. I could see, I think both of us can see being the friend having this idea of say, of how to save $200 and wanting to do it. You have to text. You have to just text the bride and ask. And again, I think the bride should pay for it.

Yes. These are supposed to be your best friends. You're your closest people. And suddenly when they're in your bridal party, it's like they become like Queen Elizabeth the Untouchable where you can't send them a text and say, hey, I have, oh my gosh, look at this dress I found. It's so close. What do you think? Right. She's clearly scared of her a little bit. I don't know where that dynamic comes from, but I don't like. it like makes it feel like the the loving fun you know comfortability of being with a friend is gone because they they're a bride now and you have to walk on eggshells like I I don't know why that happens you know I think it's like a vortex it's like as you spend more money and spend more time on something it's kind of like your youth sports thing right like to me it all seems stupid that anyone would care about you know seventh graders how they're doing and basketball when none of them are, none of them are going to be a professional player at all.

But when you're in it and you're paying and you're, like a wedding, you're in it. You're paying thousands, tens of thousands of dollars to do these things. And you're spending so much time. You know, we had our subscriberless episode, which will be out soon if it's not already out where she's, you know, spending hours doing this DIY shit. It becomes like a big part of your world. and it becomes, everything does seem very important. It does seem very important if the colors are slightly off because you've already invested all this time and money and energy into it.

Yeah. It's just the sensitivity with which we approach a bride is like as if she's like has cancer and you don't want to like talk about the trip that you're taking while she's like in radiation treatments. Like this is kind of the sensitivity that we're treating this where it just doesn't, I don't think it needs to be. Well, she didn't ask her because she knew she would say no. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly right. Well, then it, it begs this other issue, right, which is like, I don't condone lying. I don't like lying. But if you're finding that people are not telling you

things or lying to you a lot, it is good to reflect on like your approachability and your flexibility and like how comfortable you make people feel to come to you and tell you the truth. So if you're in the wedding process right now, if you're out there and you're a bride and you're listening, be mindful of the experience of the people that you're asking to participate in your wedding and, you know, make it comfortable for them to come to you and say,

hey, I actually don't really have the money to do this bachelorette trip. Or I, you know, I know you guys want to do this. Just make it comfortable for people to share with you, to approach you. Otherwise,

they're going to end up telling either. white lies or big lies or whatever to try to make things work for themselves. So I'm not saying it's your fault that she lied to you, but I agree with you. She probably did this because she was, she knew that you would say no, even though it didn't ultimately matter in the end. Validated for the lie. That's triggering. I'll give it a four for the lie. I'll stick with the five. Let's do another one. You want to read it? Love the podcast, the funny heartfelt advice and your sisterly dynamic. I'm a long time listener and recent subscriber. I had to hear Janana's birth story. As a fellow C-section mom, mama, ha ha, I loved hearing your take. Congrats on your beautiful baby girls. I'm writing today

with a triggered scenario that keeps popping in my mind despite it happening months ago. I attended my husband's office Christmas party with him. It was the typical affair with a signed seating and a turkey dinner. During the appetizers, a female co-worker, let's call her Emily, hollered over to my husband from the table next door. How's your salad, Chris? He responded, ha ha, fine, or something along those lines, and the meal went on. During the main course, I left my seat to go to the bar and get another round of drinks. From the bar, I noticed another female co-worker, let's call her Donna, approach our table. I didn't think anything of it. I carried on with the drinks order. When I got back to the table, a male co-worker was joking about getting out the deer apples for Emily because she's

clearly starving. I had no idea what that meant and didn't ask. When we got home that night, my husband casually said, can you believe Emily? I was a bit nonplussed. I thought hollering over from the other table to ask about his salad was a bit odd, but not worthy of a can you believe? Turns out, when I was at the bar getting drinks, she hollered over again to ask, do you have any carrots left, Chris? To which she said yes. And she said, I'm all out. Can I have yours? He must have given some form of consent because next thing you know, Donna had been sent over to our table to spoon carrots from my husband's plate onto Emily's. I want to add here that these were regular, smegular boiled carrots.

No special glaze to make them extra delicious. Not that that would excuse this weird and, in my opinion, unprofessional move. The news of this interaction left me feeling uneasy and territorial. while I'm fine with a little office flirtation. The intimate gesture of asking for food off his plate is a step too far for me. Also, waiting until I was not at the table to do so, adds another layer. I wish I could have seen this all play out firsthand instead of hearing about it later. Ultimately, I trust my husband wholeheartedly, and we do joke about this often, as I just can't seem to let it go.

He's very reassuring when I bring it up, but to this day, it still chaps my ass. So how trigger can I be signed a Bugs Off Bugs Bunny Betch? Yeah, this is like irritating. I'll agree with that. It seems like there's like some inside joke that she's not involved in. And it does seem a little flirty and weird. It doesn't sound like he is like participating besides, I guess, agreeing to let her take the carrots. But it does seem like there's some sort of inside joke that they're all doing and like some sort of like flirty weird things.

thing that's happening that I would want to know, like, explain the joke to me. Just like, can you, can you, like, clearly it's part of some sort of joke. Like, why don't you tell me what the joke is? Right. It does. And I could see how she feels kind of like on the outside of this inside joke that's happening. I'm sure there was maybe some alcohol involved that like brought the inhibitions down.

I'm sure like at work, she's not going to come over and be like picking off of his lunch plate, I would hope, you know, or maybe that's her fear. You know, I could, I think these office party things can sometimes bring up these types of insecurities because it's like all these people that your significant other spends a lot of time with. But now we're introducing alcohol and everyone's inhibitions are down. So if you're a significant other at one of these events, it can feel like there's this really loosey-goosey way of interacting with people. But I don't think that's really how it is. I think it's just because now they're interacting with alcohol when they're not doing that at work all the time.

So I could see her fear being like, are you guys like sharing a bowl of soup during the day? Like what's happening when I'm not around? I would want a little more context also almost of like, is this one of his good work friends? as he talk about her at home? I would just kind of be like, oh, that's funny. Like, this could be funny. Tell me what the joke.

There's clearly some sort of joke. I would just be, and again, and not like aggressive, like, what's the joke? I'd be like, like, that's so random. Like, why would she do that? I'm sure there's a story behind it. That's what it seems, although he didn't seem, you think he would share that immediately.

Oh, there's this thing, like she's a vegetarian and we bust her chops about it, that she walks around the office. like asking people for their vegetables, whatever the thing is. You would have shared that. But yeah, I could see this being annoying. I think it's more like you said, a feeling of like there's a joke happening and I'm on the outside. And even you say you're okay with a little office flirtation.

This seems like a office flirtation. I don't know. Maybe it's like in front of her. that's the weird part. I understand what she's saying where it's like, I understand if I'm not there and like there's like a funny joke, but it's weird. It's almost hit.

It's in front of her, but also trying to be hidden from her. Like they've waited until she's like at the bar. I don't know. Would you be okay with this? If this was Jeff, if someone you were at a dinner and someone. I think you're right.

I think if I knew who the person was, you know, like I think if I had heard him talking about this person and I knew that he had like a friendship with this person. And I was aware of who they, if this was a person that, I had never heard of before that he had never talked about or said like anything about, then I'd probably feel more uncomfortable being like, oh, you're so close with this woman

that she's taking food off your plate, but I've never heard you mention her name. That would give me pause. It would be weirder almost to me. Yeah. Then, oh, it's Emily. Like, I know you talk about Emily all the time. I know you guys are friends. Like, okay, she came over to take the carrot.

It's like, it's not like my favorite thing, but like it's. some kind of joke that you guys have and whatever. But I do think that transparency, like I always recommend that couples, if you have, you know, coworkers that might be of a reasonable dating age range or gender or attractiveness level that you like talk about that, like share your friendship with that person

so that it doesn't feel like you're hiding an aspect of your, relationship. You know, like if you have an interaction, just kind of like share that as part of sharing your day. And then once you know, like, okay, they're friendly with this person. I think that feels different than like this, where you've never heard of this person and she's coming over and taking carrots off your plate. If that feels weird. Assuming she hasn't heard of her. Yeah. She probably feels a little crazy. Like, is this normal? Like someone needs to like explain why, how this would come about. This seems also like an alcohol induced thing. I would agree. Yeah. I mean, it seems like the husband thought it was weird too.

Yeah. But when he said it was when he said, can you believe Emily? I'd be like, yeah, like what, like what's the joke there? I'm glad he brought it up. That was nice. I think if this is a one, this is a one time thing, I would probably let it go. If it's like next time she's sitting on his lap, that's a different story. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, the triggering, you can be possessive over your husband's plate of food. I'd give it a four. I could see it. It's. It is weird. Even if it was like a male co-worker that was like, it would still be weird. Like it's weird to come over from across the room and like take food off someone's plate. Yeah. There's like an inside joke thing happening. It's like you're not being considered. I agree. Okay. I'd give it a four. If anything else happens, let us know. We'll up the ante. But for our first offense, we'll cap it at a four. Keep an eye on that, Emily. Yeah. All right. I think we did it. We helped. We helped out the people.

If you have something that you need to tell us more about, if you guys listen to the subscription episode, we had a good chat with someone and dug a little bit deeper into what seemed more like a surface level issue. So if you're interested in that, hit us up and we can dive a little deeper in real time. All right. That's our time. Great work today.