Oversharing - My Guy Friend Ended Our Friendship After He Got a Girlfriend!

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Dr. Naomi finally spills the tea (as much as she can) on her transcendental meditation experience and it may have Jordana looking into a class near her soon. First up in the inbox: a Craft My Text from a listener who’s getting major cold-shoulder vibes from her guy friend ever since he cuffed up. Rude. Then on this week’s Betchicist, a generous queen who’s been handing out luxe gift cards wants to know if its ok to re-gift...to herself. Dr. Naomi also offers a grounding intention for one overwhelmed mom trying to stay sane with a toddler and a newborn. One listener writes in after brunch with the girls turned low-key scandalous. And finally, someone’s asking the hard questions—do you break up with your nail tech after she totally loses it mid-appointment? Subscribe to Oversharing on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@OversharingPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein. How's it going?

How are you? What have you been up to? Doing great. I wanted to talk to you and the listeners about my recent experience with Transcendental Meditation, which is, it's interesting because I've been into meditation for a long time. I remember you said when you came to visit me when I was in grad school and we went to a meditation class. Yes. That was probably 20 years ago. Maybe more. Yeah, that was definitely my intro, I think, into meditation. So I have started Transcendental Meditation.

which is weird because it's very different than what I've ever experienced with mindfulness meditation, which is what I've always done what I think most people do, which is picking an area of focus, being in the present, whether you're focusing on the sounds in your space or the texture of your food, mindful eating, or your breath. This type of meditation, it's very difficult. different in the sense that it requires no effort at all. So for those of you out there that find sometimes meditation, like at the end of a long day, you've been focusing, you're at work and it feels like another thing to do. Like you need to focus, you need to stay mindful. There's like

a task at hand. Transcendental meditation is completely effortless. It's really, really easy. Oh, so. All you do, you, so when you go to the training, you get a personalized mantra. That's just for you. And so the process of medit. I'm not allowed to say. Oh, okay. Okay.

Yeah. It's like making a wish on your birthday. Well, the concept behind not sharing your mantra is. So they can give everyone the same one? That's what, that's what Jeff said. Well, Jeff is doing it with me, which is really cool. you know, cynically in line. Jeff was like, do you think we have this, do you think they just give everyone the same mantra?

Because he's doing it too. I don't know his mantra. He doesn't know mine. But the concept behind it is that it has this association with going very deeply inward. So once you share it, then it's kind of like pulling you back out. So it's associated with this what transcendental meditation is, which is really most mindfulness meditation is like being present in the moment. unfolding in front of you, the sounds, the senses of everything unfolding in front of you,

transcendental meditation is very much more going inward, into yourself, into that quiet, that knowing, that peace, that calm, that's always already there. So kind of stepping back into yourself versus being in the space that you're in in the world. And it really does bring a different level of peace and, calm and just a sense of kind of knowing. It's interesting because, and then I'll talk more about it maybe on the subscription episode because I don't want to go too deep for those that aren't fully interested. But it almost becomes a little bit of a craving.

So whereas meditation, I do enjoy meditation. I look forward to meditation, but this is different in the very first time I did it. I got the experience of what they call transcending, which is sort of an experience of, I would almost describe it like lucid dreaming. You know what that is? Like daydreaming? No, like some people have these experiences where they're like aware that they're dreaming while they're dreaming.

Okay. And that's what that means? It's like you're aware that you're dreaming while you're dreaming. So sometimes in your dream, you can like control the dream. Okay. But you're dreaming. which is a really cool experience. I had that once in my life, and it was really cool.

It actually happened to be a super interesting, like, dream where you would want to, like, I was flying and I was able to, like, control where I was going and, like, aware that I'm dreaming, but I'm flying temporarily. That's pretty cool. You look so bewildered. No, that's cool. I mean, I guess it's kind of like, if you know you're dreaming, then aren't you just, I almost don't you just wake up?

Right. Or, like, would you almost panic because you're, you're. like how long am I stuck in this dream? I guess, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, for me, it was kind of calming. And that's what this is like. And I think that's the struggle with trans that I've had with transcendental meditation is the very first time I did it sitting with my teacher.

I had this experience. And then the more I practiced it and the more I experienced it, then the more I kind of craved that experience. and in the craving of it, in the seeking of it, it was harder to find. Right. I make sense. Because you almost have to just relax and let your mind and body know what to do. And when you get in its way, that's when you don't get that experience.

So the first week of it was actually a little bit challenging because I kept seeking out that transcendence. It's like no expectations you're saying. Yes, exactly right. Yeah. That's very cool. Exactly right. I remember my therapist, my old therapist told me that he once went.

Actually, I think he did this twice. He did on a 10-day silent meditation retreat. So 10 days, you cannot speak to anyone at all, and all you do is meditate. Yeah. I've never done that. I did a weekend, silent weekend. I think I told you this story. We may have talked about this, yeah.

I was a reunion with two of my college girlfriends, and we went to this. like meditation center and signed up for this class not realizing that it was going to be a silent retreat. So we're there thinking we're going to catch up and have laughs. And like we ended up like not speaking the whole time and then just going home. That was our hang. But I think we all remember it fondly. It was kind of funny and cool. We were like making eyes at each other. Yeah. Can only roll your eyes. So if you want to know more about it. Yes, exactly. If you want know more about it. If anyone's interested, I'll talk more about it on the subscription episode, but it was a pretty cool experience and doing it with Jeff was really cool. He was down.

So we've both been doing it together. It's, it feels like a big commitment when you're going into it, first the training and then the actual meditation, which is 20 minutes twice a day, which feels like a lot. Every day. Every day. For the rest of your life. For the rest of your life. So 40 minutes a day, every day. I mean, I guess if you, if you have the time. But you do because what's your screen time? A lot more than that. Yeah. So all you're scrolling, any of your scrolling, you can replace it with this. And I'm telling you, once you do it, you want to do it. Okay. Like, I look forward to doing it. It's not something that's, um, annoying. When are you done with your training? Oh, I'm done. Oh, you're done. Okay. So maybe when you come visit in a couple weeks. Yeah. You'll, you can do a fit, you know,

where the whole family will be here. You could do a family-led transcendental meditation training. The weird thing and the thing that makes it feel a little that I was for it, because I went in and they know I'm a therapist and they know I'm a meditation teacher and that's part of what I do. You're not allowed to teach this. Like I'm not allowed to teach. Only they're allowed?

That sounds like a Ponzi scheme. Yes. Yeah. Yes. You have to learn it from a real transcendental meditation teacher. I can't just go around. So you're not teaching transcendentation. Are you allowed to practice it without formal training, teaching?

Yeah, yes. But you're not allowed to teach it to anyone. I can't like tell you how to do it. I mean, it is very simple. But I can't give you your mantra and I can't walk you through the process of it. And I can't teach it. It sounds like a little scummy, doesn't it though? It does sound a little.

You're no one but them. I googled it thoroughly. I was allowed to teach you how to do it. Yes. Yes. And you have to pay for it. So there is that. part of it that feels a little bit like you're gatekeeping this thing that's like pretty simple

to learn like if the goal is to get as many people into transcendental meditation as possible it seems weird that they put all these parameters totally here's here's the reason why and I'm going to say this this is like from what I understand and what I was taught in the class this is a practice a sacred practice that has been around for like longer than any religion for like thousands and thousands and thousands of years. So I think part of it is like honoring the tradition of passing down this practice. So before we did it, it was like they do a whole ceremony around it. And it's like, you know, it's kind of honoring the tradition and the way that it's passed down,

which it's not passed down in like a pop psychology. Right. Like watered down. Yeah. Yes. and a very sacred, honorable, I'm giving this gift of this meditation to you and I'm going to do it in a way. I'm not going to change it from the way it's been being done for 5,000 years.

They're trying to quality control. But also like, why are they allowed to teach it? Because, and that's where a lot of these Buddhist teachings, it's like a teacher passes it to the student and then that student has to, you know, kind of be put the work in. Like the teacher that I learned from, he's been practicing this for 50 years. Wow. So he really like, how is his vibe? It's chill.

His vibe was chill. It'd be funny if he just started like screaming at someone at the middle of the thing like that way. No, his vibe was chill. He was like a little late sometimes. Like he wasn't stressed out. He was, you know, he was chill. But he was he didn't, he wasn't like a kook. Right.

He was like he showed up. You have like a button down shirt and slacks. And he was like a regular guy. And but he wasn't stressed out. out. He was chill. But I think, yeah, they don't want it to be like a watered down pop psychology thing. It's like an honored tradition. And I get that. So that's why I'm not going to teach it to you. And I'm not going to teach it to rest of it. I would be happy to lead a regular mindfulness meditation if everyone's down for that. Maybe I'll Google a transcendental meditation class in my

area. Yeah. Look it up because they do for those of you out there, yes, you have to pay, but they they offer sliding scales and they offer like scholarships or they want people to learn this. So if you don't have the means to pay for it, there should be a way for you to get in there. And the initial commitment is sort of hefty. You have to go four days in a row, every day, four days in a row. I had to do it in person. Some locations you don't. I imagine New York would be one of those where they have more virtual offerings.

They have a Long Island place. Yeah. It's everywhere. It should be everywhere, most places. If it's where I am, it's got to be where you are. For sure. I live someplace way cooler than you. I'm just kidding.

I'm sure there's a spot. Okay. I'm going to look into it. Maybe you'll lead a general meditation and we'll report back. I would love that. Our whole family could use some meditation. It'll be like when I do it with 11 year olds where like they're giggling the whole time or like, you know, trying to put stuff on your face while you're closing

your eyes and meditating. I imagine it to be a little bit less serious. But we'll try. I'll take it seriously. I want your, I have a large grassy expanse. We can all lay on the grass with a towel. That would be amazing. Spray for, give a little tick spray first.

Oh, I get the yards. Believe me, I have. There is not, there's, I have done extreme tick prevention measures. All right. So that sounds amazing. I'm visualizing it right now. And then we'll also do a family tick check after just to just a double check. That sounds great. A tick check train. You know, you check the back of the person in front of you. That sounds great. I love it. All right. Yeah. If you want to know more subscribe, you can subscribe on our, on Apple or on Spotify. And you also get the episodes a day early, ad free.

Or if you want to watch us on YouTube. You can go to YouTube.com slash oversharing pod. You can watch all of these episodes if you prefer to watch instead of listen. Make sure you subscribe. It really means a lot to us. Also, Baby Steps is coming out. It'll be out in a couple weeks on August 4th, our first episode. And Naomi is co-hosting a bunch of the episodes with me. So it's going to be a great season. We've already done a lot of the episodes. And I'm really excited about it. Yeah, same. I cannot wait for the rest. So yeah, keep an eye out. Yes. And if you want to leave us a voicemail, leave us voicemail 646363, 6694, or you can email us at oversharing at betches.com. And any room in your therapy groups, or should we just ship a cell?

No, yes. Continue. Continue. It's rolling admission. People come and go. I will say people do tend to stay because it's a really comfy, cozy, warm place where you know that everyone's down to hear whatever you have to say. You never have to come in thinking, you know,

Oh, what if they're not in the mood and they want to keep it light? So it's really super supportive space. And you get access in general to me, like all my patients that are in my groups, I always invite them to email me between sessions. I'm very accessible. Once you're in, you're in. So if you want to join, go to Naomi Bernstein.com and fill out an inquiry forum. And we will match you up with the group.

Might not be immediately, but depending on what your availability is, but we'll find something for you. Awesome. All right. Let's get into our episode. We have a craft my text to begin. I will read the email. All right.

Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm a long-time listener of you up and recent listener and subscriber of oversharing. I really love both of your perspectives and appreciate your cool-headed approach to even the most triggering of topics. I'm writing in for some advice, maybe craft your text for a recent situation I'm in.

I have a guy friend. I've been friends with for about seven years. I moved to the city he was in about five years ago and was welcomed into his friend group pretty quickly. They're a pretty clicky group, but I liked everyone enough and it was nice to have people to hang out with once a week while I got my footing in a new city. Our friendship continued the past three years full of nights out with mine and his friends, sporting events, one-on-one, and group dinners, etc. until a few months ago when he got a girlfriend. Since he's gotten the girlfriend, I've put an effort to meet her, but aside from one dinner two months ago, I haven't spent any time with her. He's also become distant. He rarely responds to my texts,

doesn't initiate making plans, and our friendship dynamic has completely shifted to where it was a year ago. I sent the below text thinking and hoping he'd just say it was a busy season of life and that I was overthinking and taking the distance personally. But this was not the case. Attaching the screenshots below. I'm angry and frustrated, but mostly just sad. I don't have any other guy friends and generally keep a tight-knit group of girlfriends, so losing him definitely stings. I'm not sure how to respond or if I even should. I typed up what I want to say in the last message, but I'm not sure if I'll send. I understand his decision who he's friends with, but I was hoping after our many years of friendship, I'd be seen as more than just some girl his girlfriend doesn't know. Again, thanks for

all you do. Signed, Friends to Forgotten. All right, let's read these texts. Do you want to be her or him? I'll be her. Okay. All right. She starts off. Hey, I know, things change, especially with relationships, but I felt some distance this past year. I've tried reaching out because I care, but it hasn't really felt reciprocated. I just wanted to check. Do you still want to be friends or need to take a step back? Totally okay either way. It just helps me know where to put my energy because I've started to feel annoying. And then there's like a smiley sweating face, I think, is what that is. Then he responds, it is really hard to find free time right now with where my relationship is at, with her whole extended family here, her friends, my family, my guy friends.

And I just like having some nights with just blank. It's just really hard to make plans with everyone. And without really being able to make plans often, it looks pretty weird if I'm just texting a girl all the time. One that blank doesn't even know, doesn't even really know on top of it. I know none of this helps. I really don't want this to come off mean. I just want to be honest with you.

And then she doesn't, she doesn't actually send this, but she responds. She's thinking of responding. I think. Yes. Understood. I appreciate the honesty. I've made an effort to stay in touch and make plans since your relationship started. And after being friends for over seven years, it's tough to feel like that's now seen as a problem.

But I hear you. If texting me looks weird, then it's clear there just isn't space for this friendship anymore. I'll stop reaching out, wishing you both the best. Here's my question. I think the pushback here, I totally get, once he has a girlfriend, like any one-on-one, one hangouts are probably not going to be happening, especially given that they have so much going on in their social life.

But why can't, it sounds like they did a lot of group hangs and why can't that continue to happen? That's, that would be my question. Right. Maybe there's not as many group hangs. I think part of this is like, I get very hurtful. And it's, it's tough to like, it's being pretty honest, I guess. Like he could just, he could have just said, you know, things are really busy.

I'll let you know when things are and kind of like avoided the situation. I do think and usually what happens, usually what happens is not usually this blunt, but I do think that as people get older, this like friend group thing does and people get into serious relationships or people start their families or things like that. I do think that a lot of these like friend group things do naturally go away. And I could understand why if he has his girlfriend, why he might be like, it doesn't really feel appropriate to be doing like one-on-one hangs or like having these super intimate text conversations with a female friend. I think a lot of people, if they're dating someone and they had a

female friend like this might be a little bit like, what are you getting out of this relationship? Right. Right. I think you would talk about this a little bit about with Jeff, right, at some point he had like. Yeah, but he had actual sex with that person. Okay. I guess that. So that's why I was so. annoyed, you know, like didn't want him being friends with her. Like, I think if he had a friend that like was a total platonic friend, I would feel very differently about it and I would be, he, this guy doesn't sound like he's pushing for it or that there's some threat. It does sound like either, I don't know. She's threatened. He, he, the girlfriend. Yeah, maybe the girlfriend, maybe this listener is like particularly attractive and the girlfriend's a little insecure.

I could see that happening. Or maybe this guy just didn't, doesn't really see huge value in the friendship. And I could see she's like, he's my only guy friend. So it's almost like, are you keeping him around just because he's like a guy friend and you like a male perspective or like. Right. Is there some underlying something sexual tension there? Yeah.

Crush. maybe there was and now that's no longer an option. So he's kind of like, you know, it's like the one Harry met Sally thing. You know, like Ken, is there some usually an underlying romantic, crushy thing on one end or the other at some point? And when that's out of the picture, it's like no longer. But I think she should explore why does, I get it's sad. It's seven years. That's a long time.

But what do you want the friendship for? Is it just because you're feeling rejected? and that doesn't feel good. Is there real value add to you for this to keep him around? It sounds like maybe he's not feeling that way. Like the whatever female energy he was getting from you that he was enjoying, he's now getting from his girlfriend and probably feels like he doesn't need that. Yeah.

And I could think that that's hurtful and it does feel like, okay, maybe like you weren't as good friends. And I think this, you know, we don't usually get emails about this like in a male-female friendship, but we do get a lot of emails of this about female friendships. And I think this happens a lot naturally a lot. It's like, you know, people get older. They grow up and their friendship needs do change. And sometimes it's no one's fault. But, you know, just like the evolution of people's lives and like that they're just

not getting as much out of the friendship as they used to. And usually they're not this honest. And so I can see how that would be really hurtful. But like, at the end of the day, I guess what are the options? Is it to like try to convince him to stay your friend? And this text, this text to me was like, fine. It comes off a little passive aggressive. Yeah.

But she's feeling like a little hurt. And I guess like, I don't know, what do you think like a better version of this text would be? Yeah, I think a little bit. If she is willing to just let this go and kind of accept, like you said, convincing him to keep the friendship isn't going to feel great. It doesn't really matter why he's doing it if he's doing it because his girlfriend. friend doesn't want him to be friends with her or if he genuinely doesn't see the value in it, I think if you're going to let it go, doing so with a little bit more vulnerability, I agree. She was like a little bit, you know, I've made an effort and now I'm seen as a problem.

Like I think that's the part that feels a little bit passive aggressive. I would just maybe be a little bit more vulnerable there and just say, you know, what she says in the end, which is like, I hear you, you know, and even that's like, part, but I hear you if texting looks quote, weird. So I think I get, I get the vibe here. You're defensive. I totally understand it. But I wouldn't convey that. I would convey more of the vulnerability of like, yeah, I understand that it is hard to maintain the same relationship when so much has changed in your life. To be honest, it makes me really sad. I've grown to, you know, look forward to hanging out and messaging. If anything, change.

on your end and you're open, you know, if you are, I, you know, I am open to it. Maybe you can, as you adjust to the new lifestyle, wish you all the best. Like I just think just coming out and saying, this hurts. Right. If you change your mind, let me know. But I get, like you said, that, you know, things change and you can't, you know, even my initial urge when I read this was the kind of like, why can't we just hang out as a group, you know, like, why does that have to change?

you're doing, there was a whole friend group that sounds like maybe is no longer hanging out. So even my initial urge was like, explain to him. Like you can, we can still hang out in this way or we can still hang out in that way. But he's a smart guy, I'm sure. He realizes that there would be a way to make it happen and he's choosing not to. Right. And I think she wrote like I feel like I'm being annoying. So I think he's basically like telling her to like try less because he's not really interested,

which is in some way is nice. He's not like being subtle and then she'll keep trying and then kind of feeling like annoying. He's basically saying like, yeah, like you were reading this correctly. I'm like taking a step back. And I think what you said about the vulnerability is really nice. I had like, okay, that's a bummer to hear as I really value our friendship. I get that you have a lot going on right now. Just want to let you know I'm here. And I hope one day in the future we can connect again. I think similarly like again, I think when you come at someone with like a passive aggressive anger thing. It just pushes them like further away. And then there's like a weirdness. So I think if it's really about like keeping the lines of friendship open, if like things change or

maybe maybe they become more secure in their own relationship. That's like another thing. I think in the beginning of any relationship is they've been dating for a few months. So I can see in like the first few months of dating where you're kind of like hyper, you don't like know the person that well. And so you're like, you're just texting this like single female friend who's attractive or whatever it is, like all the time, like that feels like something's off there when you have a girlfriend. Yeah, maybe he'll be a little less interested in going to all of her family functions after a while and he'll want to pass and have more time to hang out with you.

But I do think even the initial text that she sent was sort of like, you know, let, I'm fine with it. Just let me know. And then he lets her know. She's not fine with it. And then she's not fine with it, you know, which I get. You were trying to like protect yourself by saying, hey, just need to know which way if I should keep trying or not.

And he gave you, you know, the answer. I get you don't like it. But yeah, I think I would just respond with your real vulnerability. But this is hard. Yeah, it really is. I've been talking with patients a lot about this idea of allowing your friendships to serve for a season and not necessarily like kind of. of seeing it as most friendships are not going to be forever. And there was a beautiful season

of life that I had when there are endings in relationships, friendships, even like if you have to become estranged from a family member for some reason. Like, sometimes it is really hard to say, like, we have all this history together. I have these memories. Like, I want to cling to that and it should be forever. Like, that should go on forever. But sometimes it helps to think back and say, hey, we had a good run. It was seven years. You helped me adjust to this new life in this city and to make new friends. And that that was the purpose that you served in that season of my life. And I don't need to cling to it to make it feel like it was worth something. Like sometimes it's hard to let go because it feels like if I let go, it means it was all

for nothing. Like if we're no longer friends, it feels like the friendship for, like if you leave it being angry, then it feels like the whole thing was pointless or it didn't work out. Like it did work out, worked out. And then it finished working out. She moved here. Like she said, she got like this friend group when she moved to a new city. And, you know, nothing lasts forever. Yeah. I think a lot of people do feel like when they're ending something or they're creating a distance in some way that they have to almost be angry or annoyed in order to do it because it feels like I need to, that's what I need to muster up the strength to leave this thing or to let go of this thing. But I do encourage people to kind of be able to say,

hey, I don't need to be angry. I might be leaving this because it doesn't feel good anymore or whatever it is, but I don't need to cling to that anger in order to move on and still feel like this friendship served a wonderful purpose in my life. And now the bow is tied at the end of it. and it's I'm going to move on. All right. Well, good luck. Yeah, that's hard. It's bummer, but, you know, things change and evolve and you'll meet, you'll have more space for new friends.

Yeah. And it is good practice, I think, in just allowing things to run their chorus without feeling, you know, like you need to hyper control it if it's not working for him. Right. All right. Let's do a betraceist. You want to read this one? All right. I will, I will read this.

Hello sisters, day one listener and love that this is one of the few podcasts in my queue that feels like going out to brunch with friends. I'm writing with a question that seems too minor for my therapist but also has too much baggage for my brunch table. All right, that's what we're here for. My question, is it ethical of me to use a gift card that I gave if I know it's going to expire? The scenario. For Christmas this past year, I gave my brother and his girlfriend each a gift card. one was to a spa, the other was to a similar experiential service. The gift cards cost more than $300 each.

I purchased the gift cards via email, wrapped a cute handmade gift card, and then emailed them the voucher after we had opened gifts at Christmas. I'm 99% sure that they will not use the gift cards and let them expire, partially because they have a lot of travel coming up in the fall and partially because they aren't the most organized people. I'm wondering if I wait until November this year, a month before expiration and check that the balance is still there, is it ethical for me to use them myself?

More context. Jordana, my family is like mics. We love Christmas. We have a culture of gifting in the extended family. Every year I get my brother and his girlfriend very thoughtful, involved, and more expensive gifts than they get me. I've been doing this partially because of our family culture and partially because my brother's girlfriend of five years is shy and new to the family,

so I want her to feel included. While my brother has always been terrible at gifts, she's gotten more involved over the years, so their gifting is all over the place. I feel bad pulling back my generosity to level match with them, especially as she leans in. So I end up continuing to do more and trying to have good intentions. However, this is backfired a couple of times. Last year, for example, I planned them an elaborate mystery date that I paid for, facials, dinner, a show, speakeasy reservation with the schedule of when they should be,

at the addresses. They showed up 20 minutes late to the first thing, and I spent the day stressed and scrambling to rebook. Another year, they had mentioned wanting an air fryer. So I researched the best one and wrapped a printout of it because I was going to have it shipped to their home state, and they told me they didn't want the clutter. TLDR, they are hard to buy for, hence me leaning into gift cards at all.

And I think I overspent because gift cards feel like a lame cop out. I would hate to let over $600 go to waste. I also don't want to feel like it's my job to chase them to use the gift, which still feels like I'm bending over backwards, acting like a personal assistant to them, which is a pattern of a family dynamic unrelated to gifting. In this instance, I can just quietly solve this for myself. Worst case scenario, if I use it and they notice and say something, I can always make up an excuse and re-buy them one, a related question.

Any ideas on how to level match their generosity? Should I say something? Say nothing, but just pull back with them and not the rest of the parents or siblings. Would appreciate Mike's take on this as a non-scrooge. Does that make you the scrooge? I guess so. As a non-scrooge about gifts also. Ha-ha.

Thank you, a Christmas betch in July. Okay. I did consult Mike on this one. Oh, you did. Okay. He said, you absolutely cannot use the gift cards. That is a definite no. He was very sure about that one. He did say you could text them that there are places that they can sell the gift card. There's like sites where you can sell your gift card at like a discount and just get money. Oh, that's an interesting point. I didn't know that. Yeah. And I don't think I think even though gift cards expire, I think that like maybe like, I don't think you,

can actually legally have them expire for like the actual cash purposes that you paid. Like it might like if a massage has gone up in price, you might have to pay like the difference. But I don't think the value amount. I'm pretty sure it's like illegal for it to like expire for a value amount. Okay. So two things to note. But no, you can't do that. That's very weird.

It seems like, you know, in reading this and again, I don't want to like reiterate my problems with Christmas and gift giving. But it does feel like she's giving with an expectation. She's not giving just to give. So I think there's like a lot of psychology wrapped up in why she's giving, what she's giving, like what she wants it to say about her. She says there's a whole other family dynamic about her like sort of like managing everyone. Yep. So I would almost like look a little bit more inward because clearly these people are not buying what you're selling.

Like whatever is like making you feel good to give is not being reciprocated in the same way. And I think it's very, all the gifts she's talking about sound extremely thoughtful and really nice and are probably better, better spent on someone who appreciates them. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's what I was thinking too. I do think what's tweaking her about this. Again, like you said, is the psychology behind it. Like she has this itchy urge to micromanage them and be like, hey.

use this. There's a gift card. It's worth $600. You could have a really nice thing with this. But at the same time, doesn't want to be that person anymore because it sounds like for some reason she is that person in some other way in her family. And I think she just doesn't want to be that. But then if she doesn't, then this other piece is, then it brings her to the other piece, which is, I'm spending all this money on you. you're not reciprocating and not only are we doing this, but you're not even using it. Right. So you're not valuing it. Yes, you're not valuing it. So I think all of this, I mean, this is something I think she can talk to her therapist about because it's not about the

gift card, whether or not to use the gift card. It's about the whole urge to use it and what, where that's coming from, which is I don't want to micromanage you, but I also am feeling really undervalued in terms of like how our relationship is going and you know the thoughtfulness that I'm putting into you doesn't feel like it's being reciprocated in any way. So I think that's the bigger issue for her is this is all like a perfect storm of all the issues that she's having. Right. And I think that like it's almost like and I understand almost like the brother and sister-in-law is like to an extent like obviously it would be nicer if they were like more appreciative or saying that saying they didn't want clutter when she got.

than the air fryer seems like not the nicest thing to do. But they're also like sending very clear signals that whatever she's doing is more for her than for them. Mm-hmm. Like they're saying this isn't our thing. So like I don't know what it is about the urge to like go over the top during these like Christmas gifts like is doing for her. But it's clearly for her. It's clearly not for them because they don't she, I think like year after year they're sort of showing like this. is not something that like means a lot to us. Right. And they might even be perhaps subconsciously

trying to tell her like to stop. Right. You know, almost like when you give us these elaborate gifts, it makes us feel maybe compelled to do that back and either we don't want to or we can't financially. So I, it would make me feel better if you don't do it because then I don't have to feel guilty about also not doing that. So that might be a component of this that she's not aware of. And I think that does happen sometimes. Like when someone gives elaborate gifts, I mean, that date that she planned was like perhaps the nicest Christmas gift.

I don't think anyone's ever done that for me romantically or not. I mean, that's like a bachelorette party, you know, like that's like a, you know, like that's a whole day of activities, which is super nice. but I think it might be leaving them feeling indebted in a way that doesn't feel comfortable for them. So I think the answer to the second question is pull back. Right. I would pull back. I would lower your dollar amount.

I would make it less thoughtful because when you do it, unless, again, if it just feels good, you like being thoughtful. But I think it's leaving you feeling a little resentful. It's leaving them perhaps feeling a little bit indebted. and the dynamic, I don't think, is feeling good based on the fact that they're not using this as far as the gift card. I think you can give them, again, I know she's trying to break out of being a personal assistant, but if it feels okay in this itch to not let these go to waste, which I get because I'm frugal also. And like I would not want $600 worth of gift cards to go to waste.

Right. I don't think it's crazy to just be like, hey, notice you haven't used these yet, just letting you know they expire. maybe Mike's idea about if you're really not going to use them, here's a place where you can resell them and recoup some of the money or whatever it is. Just some thoughts. I noticed that they're going to expire soon. If she really can't stand the thought of them, just being wasted. And next year, buy the gift card for yourself, by the experience for yourself because she seems to really appreciate it. And I think there's this thing of like, I would really like this. So, of course, anyone would really like this? And I think that's kind of how we all give gifts.

Yes. And that's almost like all the love languages. You're like, oh, like I really like words of affirmation. So of course this other person would like like a lovely thoughtful handwritten card. But that's like not that's kind of like the whole point is that that's not the case. And just because it feels good to you doesn't mean that the other person like receives love that way. So maybe try a nice thoughtful handwritten card. Yeah. This year. Totally. Yeah, but I get her point. She's like trying everything to please them and that never feels good. Like I'm trying to please you every which way. I'm giving you a tangible gift that you said you wanted. I'm giving you an experience. I'm giving you a gift card. Like none of this seems to be. So give up. Landing. I'm saying focus your, yeah, focus your like generosity elsewhere, I think. Yeah. On someone else that is going to appreciate it. And she said the girlfriend's kind of leaning in to. like their family traditions and I think she doesn't want to discourage that. So you don't have to give them a bag of coal, but I think you could just give them,

you know, something where you're going to be like, if they use it, great. If not, I'm not going to sweat it. Right. Yeah. I could see being made, again, I'm in the, if I'm in more in the girlfriend's shoes, I could be, I could see being made like almost like a little irritated or annoyed that like I've gotten this elaborate gift from my boyfriend's sister. And now I'm like, I have to fucking figure out like a,

like a date from the bachelor for her or like this is like. Right, right, right. You know, it's nice, but like, and it's not, but it's also like not like she's saying where it's like she's not expecting anything in return. Like she is expecting something in return. So it is done a little bit selfishly. But it's a very nice thought.

I think this listener is sweet and she just like wants to give, but I think you're, you're putting it in the wrong direction. Find someone else who's going to give it to your parents, give it to your grandma, you know, find someplace else. They're just not, they're not into it. Sorry. Let's do an intention. This one is a voicemail. So let's roll the tape. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana.

I was calling for an intention. I have two kids there. I have two under two and as much as I love my toddler and I love her like innocence and sweetness and I find myself getting so frustrated when she takes longer than I want her to to do literally anything and so like today we were walking up our front steps and I'm carrying the baby and she's crying and I know she needs to be bad and it's like a hundred degrees out and my toddler is walking up behind me, sweetly looking at the flowers and picking up every little stick that she finds and then doubling back to pick up something that she dropped. And I want to let her be a kid and

enjoy herself and walk slowly and be mindful. And it's the sweetest thing ever. And before my other baby, I would have enjoyed watching her and thought to myself, oh, how sweet is that? Like, she is no rush. She is just doing her thing, enjoying her life. And now it literally drives me up a wall. and I have to really, really turn hard not to be incredibly impatient. So I'm looking for an intention for those moments when I just want to be frustrated with her and I want to rush her and I want to be like, come on, kid, we've got to get inside. The sister's crying. Like, let's go. And I don't want to be like that.

I don't want to be that mom. So I would just really appreciate something I can say to myself in my head in those moments to just, you know, be more present with her and just kind of. not be a total um bitch all right thank you guys so much um i love your podcast i appreciate you so much all right bye okay as someone who had two under two yeah was your uh i literally i didn't realize it until this moment but i like pictured myself in her position in my house where i was when i had that happening to me back in new york um yeah i i really i really like this question. And I think there are moments where she can do what she wants to do, which is slow down, ask herself kind of, why am I in a hurry? Let's say the baby had just been fed

and she's has a fresh diaper and everything's fine, but the baby's just a little warm and she's crying, right? And she doesn't really need to eat or anything like that. There's just a little discomfort. Maybe someone's a little warm. The baby's warm. She's warm. There's a little sweat going, dripping down her boob crack. Like it's not comfy. She's a little bit uncomfortable and she's rushing to make herself more comfortable. I think that's a moment where she can pause and kind of say, well, why am I in a hurry? Because a lot of times we do hurry, just in general, and nothing makes us realize that we're hurrying more than a toddler who's not hurrying. Right.

Which, like she said, is a beautiful thing. They're not hurrying. They're not thinking about the schedule for the rest of the day. They're actually what I get this listener wants to do is just enjoying the present. And sometimes you might be hurrying just because you're in the habit of hurrying. I catch myself doing that all the time. Like if I'm trying to get through a yellow light, I'm kind of like, why? Right.

Sometimes it's just your urge to automatically like be efficient, want to get through. Yeah. When like, I'm not really in a hurry, not nowhere that I'm going that's so, you know, time urgent. Or sometimes there is. But a lot of times we just get in the habit of hurrying. So I think the first step is I would just ask her why she's asked herself. Why am I hurrying? And if it's because you're hot, you can just.

breathe breathe into that it's uncomfortable and that's something we've talked about on here like it is really nice to be able to tolerate discomfort and not have to hurry through discomfort but in this particular case that she's writing about which i think was her trigger that made her decide to call us and it was i think you could hear the baby in the background which was really cute yeah it was like little baby noise it was actually really cute if your baby's really hungry and screaming and like needs to eat then that's why you're in a hurry and not every moment of your life can be or your toddler's life can be like a super slow, mindful moment.

Sometimes there are a moment where you do need to hurry and you do need to get somewhere and you need to fill your tank before you can be fully present with your toddler. So that's why I think sometimes for parents to be able to say, hey, I am going to eat something you know, before I go and try to feed these two under two. Because if I'm not, my tank's not full and I'm starving, I'm going to be a lot less patient and be really annoyed because I want it, you know, I need to eat or I need. So I think it is important that you handle what you need to handle. You fill your own tank before you can then be really slow and present and mindful.

I think a lot of parents end up sacrificing what they need to put their kids first, but then it's harder to be in these moments. So if you do have a hungry baby, maybe that's not the moment where you can be the most mindful with your toddler. But I do think there might be other moments where you're just hurrying just to hurry. And this one happened to be, okay, the other baby, whatever they really need, they need. So I think just first asking yourself, why am I in a hurry?

And if there's no, if it's like a slight discomfort, like I'm too hot or I'm too cold, or I'm too cold or I just feel like I want to sit down or I just want to get to the next thing then taking that breath and saying, I can handle that. I can handle that discomfort. Even if it's just the other baby crying, right, for no real reason, like just a sound, just an unpleasant sound. I can handle that. I can move patiently.

But if your other baby needs to eat, then that might not be the moment. right where you can be fully you know present and mindful with your toddler and maybe the moment happens 20 minutes later after the baby's fat right and you can say all right let's go get in yeah yeah yeah and i'm not you know i think one thing that a lot of parents are really good at and i get i don't i've kind of i lost my imagination i think like some parents i think can find it really easy to be create like a fun imagination game where you could be like, oh, why don't you run in the house and see if you can find, you know, I don't know, four things that are green. Right.

Or whatever. And just to get her up the stairs. Like, admittedly, I'm not great at that. But sometimes you can do a thing that's like getting them in the house, getting them to do what you want without being like, come on. How many times I have to tell you? Right. Like, you know, get over here.

And I'll jump, jump. But if you have to do that sometimes, I also don't want. her to beat herself up about it. Mm-hmm. So kind of, you know, sometimes you got to move. And that doesn't mean you're not a good mom. It doesn't mean you're not going to be present overall or you're not going to have those moments of enjoying her moving slow.

And it is so sweet. Like I know exactly what she's talking about. Like she dropped a little like, you know, weed dandelion that she found so precious. And she has to like walk back 20 steps, which takes her, you know, nice. 90 seconds to go pick it. It's like, it does feel like your life should be getting somewhere, but that is the moment of your life. So it is very sweet to watch them just being in the moment and you almost feel badly interrupting

it. And sometimes you have to and sometimes you don't. So I think the first step is noticing which one of those moments it is. And then telling yourself, if it is one of those moments, where you can't let her just, you know, walk around doing whatever she feels like, then just saying, we need to fill our tank as a family, meaning like the baby, herself, you know, she has a partner. We all need to fill our tank and then we can be fully present.

Okay. So is there, is there an, is there an intention in there? Or is it like the? Yeah. I mean, to me, the intention is just first stopping and asking herself. why am I hurrying? Okay. So that she can figure out, is this just habitual hurrying?

Or this exact situation that she's describing, I don't think was just habitual hurrying. She said her other baby needed to eat. So that's not like habitual hurrying. There's a reason why she's hurrying. The other baby's hungry. But also, depending on how hungry the other baby is, I think you can do the thing where you say, okay, this is an uncomfortable sound. This other baby's crying, but I can handle it.

that. Whatever the discomfort is that's making her hurry, unless it really is an urgency, take a breath, relax the shoulders, relax your face, I can handle this, and then letting her kind of move slowly if the moment feels like it's the right moment. But also forgiving herself if there isn't. If it's not that, that moment can't necessarily be every moment. Sometimes you do have to do things in it more quickly. Love that. All right. Yeah. Well, good luck with that. This two shall pass. Yeah.

But I think for everybody, honestly, like checking yourself, why am I hurrying when you notice you're getting annoyed because the, you know, you wanted a bagel and it's taking too long and you're like, but where am I actually? Yeah. Okay. Take a breath. Smell the smell of the bagel shop. You know, look around.

Notice the colors in the space and chill. Yeah. Because if you're not sometimes, if you really have a meeting to get too far, fine, you have a meeting to get to, but a lot of times we don't. We just hurry out of habit. Right. And for me, sometimes it's like this like efficiency thing. Like, you're just kind of like, there's a sense of like you need to be doing something at every moment. And when you're waiting, you're not doing anything. Yes. The waiting is great. That's a, waiting is a, is a moment for change. Waiting is a moment where you can like rewire your brain to notice like it's okay to be doing

nothing. I don't always have to be accomplishing the next thing. It's a moment where mindfulness is carved into your day. Right. So seek out those moments where you're waiting. Notice what your mind does with it, wants to do with it. And then kind of rewire and say, it's okay to do nothing. It's to just stand here and breathe in and breathe out. It's built in mindfulness. Because if you save, say, 90 seconds, because you're leaning in at the counter, giving the guy the stink eye,

like waiting for your bagel and he gives it to you a little bit sooner because you're making him uncomfortable. You're just going to use that 90 seconds when you get back to wherever you're going to then rush into the next thing after that. Or like plan the next thing. It's not like you're going to really, without intention, going to ever recoup those 90 seconds as restful. No, it's true.

Yeah, you're just wasting them by being irritated. Yeah, exactly right. Yep. All right. Well, let's do some triggers. All right. I will read our first one. Jordana and Dr. Naomi, thank you for your weekly insights.

I listen every week and I've been so enjoying hearing your words of wisdom. I would love to get your take on something that just happened today. And I am at the same time laughing about and fuming over. I'm about to move across the country and went out for a goodbye brunch with four girlfriends. Three out of five in the group were a vegan or vegetarian. A fourth was vegetarian for seven years, but isn't now. I asked, is it weird if I ordered the steak and eggs when I'm sitting in between a vegan and a vegetarian? The response was absolutely not. Love that for you. It's just not for me. It was all in good spirits. I did get the steak and eggs and we got a mimosa tower too,

an awesome final send-off. During the meal, I saw the table next to. to us looking over and watching us multiple times and thought it was odd, but whatever. I went to the restaurant's page shortly after our brunch to leave a five-star review and saw the following review that had also just been recently posted. I'm quite positive it was made by that table that kept staring. I want to make it clear that we weren't drunk or obnoxious. The mimosa tower gave us two drinks each. So here's the review.

We had an unbelievable experience on a perfect patio day. The food was great, but what made the experience even better was the service and suggestions from the waiter. She's an absolute gem. She was engaging but not intrusive and just the perfect amount of attentive. We will be back and hopefully on a day when we can get more great suggestions from her. One downfall was the table next to us being the most insufferable gaggle of people. I heard vegan and vegetarian more times in the hour we sat beside them than I have in my entire life. I didn't realize this many people were giving like reviewing restaurants like constantly. I don't I don't think I've ever reviewed a restaurant ever, but we'll get to that later.

We definitely did discuss the vegan and veggie. This is her writing to us now. We definitely did discuss the vegan veggie diets, but it was all super non-judgmental, and I found it to be very interesting as a meat eater. For example, what if cricket farms had become bigger? It's better for the environment. Would it be more ethical? But we also discussed so many other unrelated topics in the two hours we were there.

It's unbelievable to me that someone would be so bothered just by being in the vicinity of a vegan that it would impact their experience to the point that they would claim us insufferable. I'm sure if we'd been discussing our favorite butchers, they wouldn't have cared at all. So I'm curious, what's your take and how would you rate it? Signed, zero beef with the vegans. Oh my gosh. This is crazy. This is just funny that she happened to, that this restaurant, like you said, got two reviews

in like the same day. Right. Like how many reviews are people, are people just review? Do you know anyone who's just like reviewing restaurants all the time? I mean, I'm not, I appreciate them because I read them and I get information, but I'm, I don't ever think to do it. I guess it is a nice thing to do. It's like a community service in some ways.

But anyway, I think the fact that they use the word gaggle is offensive. Yes. I mean, they said insufferable. Insufferable gaggle of people. Yeah, that is, this was not nice. Obviously, she never thought you would ever see it. And it just, I don't know. I don't think it's extremely triggering because it's just, you don't know this person.

It's rude. You're never going to see them again. You had a great time. You know the truth of how you guys were. And if they're going to sit next to a table the whole time and let you ruin their time, just tune out. Like have your own conversation. Right.

It's not like you were doing anything that was so. offensive, you know, I think it's the idea that the concept of being vegan was being judged, you know, that they were constantly talking about it or something. Or like, maybe they were a little louder than she thought. I mean, it's a group of girls. Whenever I'm with, like, a group of girlfriends were always like a little louder because we're like excitedly talking to each other. It's like, you're on a one-on-one. Just like, I think the more people who are at a table, the louder you're speaking. I don't think, right, mean, they were like wasted or anything. But, you know, yeah. And, you. It's crazy to even include that in the review just because it's not even helpful to anyone else who's...

No. Right? Like, oh, there's always vegans there talking loudly about being vegan. Yes, right. Watch out. Don't go here. Yeah, it was totally unhelpful part of the review. I think they just, their table probably thought it was really funny.

They were probably eavesdropping the whole time. It was almost like, it's like the type of thing where once you notice something, then you're like tuned in and now you're going to keep noticing it. And now it's going to be like a thing. Right. That, oh, there it is again. Oh, my God. Vegan again. Oh, vegetarian again.

Oh, my God. Those people, that's all they can talk about. Like, I almost feel bad for them. They ruined their own brunch by focusing too much on your conversation. Right. That's their loss. You guys had a great time. I get this is annoying and it was rude, but I'm going to not give it the highest rating

because it's kind of irrelevant. Yeah. I would give it like a two or a three because I actually think, again, in these kinds of situations, you almost get more entertainment out of it than it is insulting. Yes. Like I would just screenshot it, send it to all the people at the brunch. Yes. And be like, oh my God.

Like this like this would be just like a funny story that you guys. Anytime there's something offensive that just turns into like a story that gives that you can keep kind of like reminding each other about and becomes like this funny inside joke. I think it's worth its insultingness. Totally. And I bet that's what this other person was doing. They probably screenshoted their own review and sent it to their own table of people and said, look at what the review is that I posted. I doubt she just posted this and didn't share it with anybody because that would just be her own.

You know, like I think it was part of their tables inside joke that all they kept talking about was vegan, vegetarian. So. Right. Everyone had a laugh. Yes, this was rude. She probably never thought you were going to see it. But yeah, I agree. I'll give it like a, I'll give it a three.

Agreed. All right. Let's do one more. All right. I will read the last one. Hi, ladies, would love to hear your thoughts on this triggered scenario. I've been getting my nails done by the same girl for over a year now. She does a great job, but I usually request she tweak the shape, length slightly. While she was still filing, I asked her to go a little shorter and less pointy. I understand that there's a point during the manicure where changes cannot be made, and we were not at that point yet. She freaked out and said, I always want to change everything. Why didn't I tell her earlier, et cetera? It was as if she had been bottling this up for months and finally snapped. I was so taken aback and uncomfortable. I apologize, but later felt so irritated by this. I feel like there's a general culture of not being able to ask for what you want at the nail salon, but I don't agree with that when I am paying for a service. I decided that maybe she was just having an off day and went back to her a few weeks later for my next manicure. She did the same thing when requested to file a little shorter. I think I officially need to see someone else at this point, but how triggering is this? I asked so nicely and was again taken aback by her

response slash anger with me. Thanks for all you do, grieving the breakup with my nail tech betch. It's funny. I feel like she might be the issue. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, like clearly this woman, I think she's right. This woman has been thinking, like she's this woman that you're annoying. asking her for all these changes, like for a long time. And then suddenly she was like, it's almost like reminds me of the woman with the daughter who's moving slowly where maybe like those other times she either like didn't feel comfortable or she was like not in a rush. And this time maybe there's like a lot of people behind you. Right. And she doesn't really have the patience to be fixing every other thing. But I mean, twice in a row, maybe she, maybe she's trying

to get you to pick someone else. Yeah. Or I also think it's. almost, I could see the nail tech writing in and being like, I have this person, she keeps, she comes to me every two weeks. I do her nails every two weeks. And every single time, there's like a little something that she wants to get changed. And I could see the nail tech feeling like, are you just doing this just to do it? Which there's a tiny part of me that thinks might be true because she talks about. She's paying for a service. she wants it done the way she wants it done. Yeah. Yeah. So she might, I don't know if maybe she had an experience in the, we're talking about the trauma of nails, but we're going to go there.

Okay. She might have had an experience in the past where she was getting a service of some sort and she felt too shy to speak up or maybe someone she knows, you know, we all know those people that go get their nails done and then they come home and they're like, oh, I didn't like it or, you know, you get a massage and you're like, oh, it was terrible. It was weird. too hard and you're like, well, why don't you just cut your hair and you didn't like it, but you tell them you loved it. Right. So maybe she either knows someone who went through that or she went through that.

And so now she's kind of like when I have a slightest feeling of wanting something to be slightly different, I'm going to come right out with it because it's like a principle of the matter. Like I'm paying. I get to say exactly what I want. Those are the people on the list. I think of like, don't take that woman. Well, here's the thing.

I think you can be that person. if you tip really well. Yeah. Maybe I don't know, I don't know what her tipping is. She didn't really discuss that. But like I could see if she goes, she's requests the specific woman every week.

She sees her every week. She's constantly asking for all these changes. And she's like not tipping well. I could see the NAL tech being like, I got to get this woman to pick someone else because it's not worth. I think if you're going to be like particular, like you should be generous. Totally.

I think that's a great point. I agree. I think this would all be solved with a, extra 10 bucks on the tip. And if the tip was good enough, I'd think the nail tech would be quiet. Yeah. Because she'd want you to come back because she'd know that you're a good tipper. I totally agree with that. I do think that at some point, if you're using this woman every week, she wants to feel like, I know what I'm doing. I know how you like your nails done. I'm going to do it the way you want it because you keep coming back to me. We have an agreement on how we kind of are

going to do this. So if you keep coming to her and every time she's, She's feeling like she's not doing it right. That might be just annoying her. But yeah, if you like her, I think you can salvage this by giving her a really big tip the next time you come back in. But obviously, you don't like her that much because she's, you're changing pretty much every time you go in. Right.

Maybe you're giving her. Find someone who's work you like as is. Yeah, exactly. But I get it. She'll have to start from scratch with someone else. It's a little. give them feedback it's a little jarring to be like kind of yelled at by someone who's like doing like you're paying to do something oh yeah i once got yelled at by a by a nail by a nail tech because

i got my nails done and uh and i like you know it was like regular nail polish and i smudged it oh yeah i hate she fixed it i hate asking them to fix it but then yes she fixed it and then i this is actually in my defense i had this was like a two under like around that two under two under two i I remember I had my kids in the place with me and I smudged it and she fixed it and then I smudged it again. And she was like, you're like a baby. So, yeah, I got I got scolded for smudging my nails too many times. Maybe you're more careful after that. I don't know.

I've been that person too. The second time I'll usually just like eat it. I deal with it. I'll just like, this is the nail now, I guess. Yeah, this is what it looks like. That's why you got that's the only benefit of getting gel is that like then there's none of that. You don't have to wait for it to dry. It's the best.

Yeah. But also the worst. I get it. Someone needs to invent one of something that comes off easily that is also a gel like substance. Please. I will do it. My nails get destroyed whenever. And I could see it grow out like the part that that was destroyed by I don't know if it's the gel itself.

Yeah. It's the picking. I have that too. I'm very impatient. All right. Well, we'll have to, you know, we'll discuss offline your other options. We'll dive into nail trauma. Traumatic nail salon experiences another time.

All right. That's our time. Great work today. Betches.