Oversharing - Why Do I Feel A Sense Of Doom Even When Things Are Good?

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Jordana starts the show with an account of the unconventional massage therapist she visited, and Dr. Naomi helps her break down what her response really means. Then a listener calls into the Oversharing hotline with a voicemail about how to deal with guys who don’t text back. The Betchicist submission comes from an emailer who knows her coworker had an affair and doesn’t know how to broach the subject. Should you come clean or keep the secret to yourself and pretend you don’t know? The intention-setting exercise is for someone whose life is going well for a change, but she can’t seem to let herself enjoy it. Finally, they weigh in on a pair of Triggered submissions about a pricey bridesmaid’s dress, and a combative grandfather. Check out our latest promo codes here: https://betches.com/promos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quick note before we get into the episode, Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or a mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I'm Dr. Naomi Bernstein. So nice to be back with you catching up.

How's it going? It's been a minute. It's been a minute. I've been like all over the place. So I had three shows last weekend. And then I had a wedding this weekend upstate. So I've really been moving a lot. So I feel like very tired.

I wanted to get your take on something sort of in that vein. Sure. I have a friend who really likes massages and I really like massages. So like our thing is we go and get massage. We try out various places in New York City for a massage. So we went together. She had like signed us up this time or made the appointments. And I get into the room and the woman's like, have you ever had this massage before?

And I'm like, no, I've never been here before. But like, I've had a massage. She's like, many, many, many, many massages. Quite a few massages in my day. And she's like, so this isn't a normal massage. This is a actually a, I guess my friend had unknowingly signed me up for, it was called Beat the Blues massage, but it's actually like a chakra healing. Oh, chakra energy healing situation.

Okay. So she's like, so she's like, oh, if you don't, if you don't really like want to do this, so I could, she goes, it's kind of includes like a light massage, almost just like moving your hands around the spine, but it's not really like a real massage just so you know. But if you want, we could do like a little of that and then I can adjust the price and we can change because I had the cheapest thing and this just happened to be the cheapest thing. They barely touch you. Right.

Or I can change it up. and do something else and like uh and you could do the real massage and i'm like you know what maybe this is like a sign let's do some energy work like i'm here for already like accidentally book this thing like let's try it all right cool and it was i have to say it was extremely relaxing like i don't know exactly what they even do in the chakra alignment massage they were like playing music that's supposed to coincide with the the healing of like the hands are supposed to be like on certain parts of the body. Do you know anything about like chakras? I mean, I don't know much, but I did it's, you know, it's like reiki. I had a

reiki treatment once. And I, after my rakey treatment, I really bought into the whole concept of like energy moving and it's all it's, I mean, look, I don't want to speak out of turn. I don't know too much about it, but I am fascinated by it. And I do believe that there is some truth to the idea that there are blocked energies in your body and that perhaps another person or some other outside forest can help shift and move the energies in your body. So I think that might have been what's relaxing is like, I always talk about where do you feel your energy kind of pent up in your body. And there's real shifting, moving particles going on in your body. It's like, any given moment. I mean, we could get all crazy. There's like gravitational wave pulls and all sorts

of crazy stuff that's happening that we're not even aware of. So yeah. And I felt like a deep sense of like deep calm, like almost asleep but not asleep like extreme relaxation. I like really liked it. Even though again, she's not like really like getting in there. It's just kind of like pressure points on your whole face. And then afterwards I was like, wow, that was great. Like I was like, so how is my energy? Like, I'm here. You know what I mean? Give me the.

She's like, she goes like, well, I don't know if I should say. I'm like, okay. Well, like now you need to tell. Right. Oh my gosh. And she's like, to be honest, you, your energy is very like fragmented. It feels like you're like doing your energy is like sort of put in like too many different places. And it's a little bit like chaotic.

So what that tells me. me is like you're working on too many different things at the same time. And it just feels really like scattered and whatever. So I was like that kind of does feel like an accurate assessment of like where I'm at. And then I get and then I'm now I'm here. So I might as well get into like the woo woo of it. I'm like well. And she also goes like I don't know if you have your period or something like that but like I'm feeling like a like a a weird energy around that I'm like I don't have my period but like is there some sort of like fertility energy that you're feeling there like she's like oh are you like trying to have a baby I'm like yeah I am she's like okay well like she's like when you and then

now she's a now she's a four I've turned turned to a fortune tell her right well she's like when you stop like trying to do like 700 things at a time and like you can like you're able to like relax and just focus on one big thing and take like smaller more relaxed steps then you'll have a baby and I'm like okay again and then I and then I left there and I'm like what I do this again like this was kind of interesting like I don't fully believe it or fully buy into it but I also don't think nothing happened like I think like there was a something yes and it's always kind of interesting to be in that state of like I don't and I also like I booked this by accident so it seems like almost there's like a fate type thing that brought me into it and I'm just kind of like not really sure what to take of it.

I love that you did that and I think you should push forward. I think you should keep going. Keep going. I think you should do a Reiki session and I would love to hear all about it. It's, you know, it's funny. When I did my Reiki session afterwards, I got. a really bad migraine headache. And I thought that that was as uncomfortable as that was. I thought that it was like a some kind of an energy shift that was happening or like there was, she barely touched me. You know what I'm saying? Like there was some kind of a movement of some kind of stuck energy. And I really do. I would love to see if you just did like a little package of a few Reiki sessions because what I do know is that,

there is science behind having all of the systems in your body kind of integrated, you know, or it's not like, you know, the mind-body connection. Like you're having the physical integrated with the mind. So I think that's part of moving this energy. Like she's saying, your energy is all compartmentalized. It's blocked up. I'm kind of am very intrigued. I feel like I might go back. And another really interesting thing is that like the next. So that was like a week and a half ago. And then this Tuesday I got like a violent. After I like did my tour and I was like going to three different places and like sort of stretching myself then.

And I got like this vicious stomach flu on Tuesday. I'm sorry. That's horrible. Which felt like it just like tore apart my whole body. So it was like she says that. I then go do more. And then like my body is almost like screaming in me to like stop. Relax for a second.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, totally. Well, maybe you could, when was that? Tuesday? Tuesday. Yeah. Maybe you could use that as kind of like a reset. I'm going to send you an early birthday present. I'm going to find a really good Reiki center near you. And I'm going to. Is Reiki the same as the chakra work? Is it the same thing? Yeah, I think it's, I mean, I don't know. If I answer this question, I'm going to be guessing. I don't know. I'd love to get an expert on here to talk more about all this stuff. I don't know. I don't know too much about it, but I think it's similar. Yeah. It's cuts tough. because like the stuff obviously there's not like a hard science behind it but they do say that like if you have a an issue or an energy blockage in like one of the chakras in a certain area it causes like illness around that like part of the body like there's like the sacral chakra which is I think

you're like digestive or reproductive system and like the heart chakra which is obviously like heart circulation issues so there's energy in all of those I mean there's heart rhythms that are measured on EKGs. There's, you know, stomach acid that's turning around inside your stomach. There's movement, energetic movement going through your intestines. There's energy all over our body. That's, it's just, that's a fact. I mean, right now we're moving around with no battery. There's energy inside of us. So, and it's, you know, I believe in all this stuff. I want to, I'm going to look more deeply into the science behind it. Because I don't, you know, I get it. I'm not trying to do a woo-woo. I love connecting the science behind things like this that you can't exactly see,

but just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. So I'd love to put a pen in this conversation and come back to it with a little bit more information for the listeners, maybe an expert. I do love this stuff. I think this is sending. Yeah, I think you should do a little bit, a little bit of this stuff and see and take the advice of like, you know, let your system integrate. That's why I always say, if you're feeling tears or crying or you're feeling like a heaviness in your chest or whatever you're feeling in your body, you have to like pause and kind of let that energy flow through.

Otherwise, it gets trapped up. And that's probably why, like you said, you get sick or, you know, you just feel like disconnected. And then you probably end up feeling disconnected interpersonally. Also, I think those things end up happening as well. So for sure. I mean, it's very cool. We should definitely get an expert maybe or a Ricky healer. I would love that. I would absolutely love that. And again, I want to keep it science-based. You know, there is science behind this stuff. So I don't want it to be just nonsense. So I'm going to look into it too.

Cool. You'll bring the science. They'll bring the, the woo-woo. All right. We'll have a little balance. Let's get into our show. We have a voicemail to start. And if you want to leave us a voicemail, we get some, we're getting some great voicemails. days it's 64636363 6294 and that's our voicemail for today's overshare so let's play it hey dr naomi and jordana um i was wondering if you had any advice for how to deal with bad or unresponsive textors things ended with the last guy i dated when he just like did not respond to the last text i sent where i was asking if we could address an issue we have been texting about in person and i mean i knew it was pretty much over by then, so I just left it and we never talked again. And that was like pretty much as M.O.

when we were dating the whole time and it triggered me throughout because when I was younger, I had a lot of experiences of being ghosted by different groups of friends. So now I'm back on the dating scene and I feel myself getting triggered every time it takes a while for someone to text me back. I don't seem to be able to trust myself to respond appropriately, whether I should just say something or wait out those long periods or maybe it's me just having to do something else entirely to distract or calm my mind or body when those periods do come so that I'm not hanging on every message from a guy I'm newly dating. I really would just love to hear your thoughts.

I'm texting in the early stages of dating in general. What is worthy of being actually annoyed or upset? what is, you know, a common trigger for anxious attachments and how to deal with either of these things? Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I really like this voicemail because I think in dating especially, especially in early dating, it's very hard to tell like, especially if you're an anxious dater. Is it me? Like am I the one who's like expecting too much out of conversational? or texts or whatever? Or is this person actually like doing something that one would think is really annoying?

Like are they actually not interested and I'm reading this correctly? Or is it is it the system that's like activated and I'm being too sensitive? Totally. Yeah. I think a lot of people can relate to this question. And for her, for this listener in particular and probably for most people, it does come from this maybe fear based past. trauma stuff like she you know she said she was ghosted by multiple groups of friends so i think

that activate when that has happened to you in the past when you don't hear from somebody it activates this like need to know thing like this sense of urgency of like are they in or they out are they interested or they not are we going to go on a date or are we not going to go to date like this you know what i took from this and i think from most people that are going through this and this is probably not the advice that people people are going to love to hear, but I think it's, this is your opportunity to practice sitting with the unknown. And I do think that at a certain period of time, when you've texted someone and they don't answer, then if it's 24 hours, I don't want to put an exact, I'm curious to see what

you think. But like, if someone hasn't answered a text after 24 hours, okay, fine, maybe you can, you know, move towards like finding some closure or resolution or pushing the issue or whatever it is. but I think, you know, for that initial 24 hours, that is your, I'm at the gym doing my reps for my soul and my constitution on learning how to tolerate the unknown. I don't know if this person likes me. I don't know if they're ignoring me. I don't know if it's me or if it's him. And you're probably not going to find that out in that short period of time.

And there's no answer to that other than waiting. And the thing is, it's like, even if they did text you back right away, they could still not like you. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It doesn't really mean anything either way. Right. So reading into all these, that's the problem with text messaging is you're getting all these little snippets. And it's like what I always say, like you take these little bits of different pieces of information and you, like everyone likes to be an investigator and pull it all together and say, okay, well, because he texted this way this week, last week he answered. And I bet you people even do this. They go back and say, well, a month ago he was answering my text within 34 minutes and now he's taking two hours in 34 minutes.

So what does that mean? It must mean that he's losing interest because, you know, whatever, going back and being a whole investigator, which is just a waste of your time. And I think ultimately you'll find out if you guys are going to be a match or not. And like I always say, change comes when you're uncomfortable. And this is a great opportunity to say, this is making me uncomfortable. and it's a great chance for me to push my edge and learn how to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing.

Okay. And like I think as part of that, I guess to zoom out would be like this, just reminding yourself that this particular interaction isn't going to make or break something that would have happened anyway or would not have happened. Exactly. Which is why on the flip side, I often tell. tell people just text them. You know, like, just text them.

Well, they've already texted. They're waiting for a response. Right. Just text them again. Right. Just keep texting. Just keep going. No, no, no, no repeat texts.

But, you know, I, I do think that there's something to be said for like at a certain, like, or a lot of, you know, with a male, female dynamic, women tend to want to be pursued. So you meet someone out and you won't be the first person to text. Or you have an initial. hey, nice to meet you, text, but you won't be the one who's going to push to say, want to meet for drinks. Or, you know, I think sometimes there's a place to just kind of say, all right, I'm going to put this out there so that I know that I did my part. And now I can do the, you know, my piece, which is just wait and see. But I think sometimes what people do is they don't, they're so scared of the rejection that they won't even, you know, initiate anything or put themselves out.

there. And anyway, I don't know if this is this particular listener's issue. I think she's more like I have to, I've sent a text and now I have to wait for a response. Right. But I, yeah, there's, I don't think there's any text that you're going to send unless it's completely crazy. That's going to make a guy, you know, say, oh, I was so interested in her the day before. And then she texted me, hey, how's your day? And now I've completely lost interest. So I guess, like, is her bigger question, how do I not care? so much about all of these micro interactions or even just like the end result of what's happening when I'm dating this person, like this person's potential not being interested in me.

Because that's really what if she's worried, if she's anxious about not being texted back, she's really just anxious about being rejected by this person. Right. Is this going to work? And again, there's no simple solutions. I mean, I guess if you wanted like a behavioral program, I would kind of say, put your phone on do not disturb. so you're not like waiting for the buzz or whatever at all moments.

And then you set a time in your mind when you're going to come back and look at it if you want like a behavioral thing where I think you just you take control of kind of pushing it down the line where I'm not going to keep checking and checking and having it sitting sitting in front of me. You know, watch pot never boils kind of thing. And then you have to just use that as the practice of I'm going to take my intention. I'm going to turn it elsewhere. I'm going to distract myself with, you know, in research. shows that when you have intrusive thoughts, there's so many different types of intrusive thoughts you can have. One is, does he like me? Is he going to text me? Checking your phone, you know, all that stuff. There's intrusive thoughts about trauma or past terrible experiences or grief or

loss. And what research shows is that when it comes to the light type of intrusive thoughts like this, is he going to text me or, you know, I have something on my mind. or I have a song in my head even that I can't get out of my head, like something that's just like stuck in your head. The best way to get it out is with distraction. If it's bigger trauma, like, you know, grief or loss or deep pain, the best way to get it out is by like digging into it and processing through it and not avoiding it and talking about it. But when it's stuff like this, the best way to get around it is to distract. So that's what I would do. And it's great practice for her. It's like instead of going to, it's like going to the gym for your mental state.

And I think that's a great almost like thing, question to ask yourself whenever you're feeling anxious. Like is this a, is this something that needs to be worked through or is this something that needs to be like just not even thought about? Right. Because your brain, you know, probably will tell you to just like a real grief or a real trauma analyze this, like figure out what's going on. And sometimes that's helpful like when it is like, you're, like, you're, you know, probably will tell you to just like, just like you're, processing a death or something like that. But this is kind of like to ask yourself, will this bring, will I get anywhere by repeating these thoughts and going through them?

Right. And the answer is probably not, I would say. Because what's the answer you're looking for? Does he like me? You're going to find that out in a different way. Right. So it's not helpful to be like looking at the timestamps, like you said. Exactly.

Your brain tricks you into thinking that if I worry about this and I don't like take my finger off the pulse of this, then I'm doing something about creating an outcome that I want, if that makes sense. Like, if I keep worrying about it, I'm doing something about it. But the truth is, there's nothing for you to do about this in this moment. At some point, down the line, if he doesn't text you back for a week or three days, it's probably over. And then there's something for you to do about it.

Go out and start dating other people, unmatch, whatever it is that you want to do. but at this point, her mind is tricking her into thinking that by worrying about it, she's going to somehow solve this problem. Right. She's not. And just like with the previous guy where she's like, she asked him about his texting, they could talk about it in person. He didn't answer.

That's an answer. Right. That's good. That's good that he, it's almost like better that he didn't answer because now you're like, oh, not only is this guy not a good texter, but he is not even like a respectful person who's just going to give me, he's going to be able to, he's a ghoster, which is, I think, someone you don't want to date. Totally.

Yeah. And I think at some point, you'll realize whether it's whatever your question is about this person, you can either get to get, like, I think a big thing is if the person doesn't want to get together, if you're not, as long as you're not long distance, but if the person's not trying to make a plan, it's best to address all this stuff, whatever it is. They're texting patterns or not or any of these big picture things, get in person and then address this stuff. I don't think any of this stuff is really, goes well over a text conversation. I mean, there's nothing more anxiety producing than texting someone about why they're not

texting you back and then they don't text you back. At least in person, you've trapped them. Right. They have to answer you. Totally. But if you get them in person, then you at least know that they're interested in seeing you. You know, so you're on the date. They've cleared their schedule. They've made a, point to see you and then you can have like a human interaction around it instead of what comes off as like kind of a cold like scolding conversation about something that you didn't like that they did without any warmth of of human interaction behind it. So and especially for guys that are I mean look I think it's great. She like you said, she kind of cleared away the junk by calling him out on something

she didn't like and then off he went. So she saved herself a date. you know, a night of her life there. But yeah, I would use this as an opportunity for growth. When you feel that impatient way, when you feel like those thoughts keep coming in and you can't get them out, that's your chance to say, okay, here it is. Now is my chance to practice distracting myself away from these feelings of unknownness rather than like digging in and, you know, like trying to create control where there is none. Right. So many negative experiences just making them into positive ones by trying to say they'll they're going to help you grow. Yeah.

Well, I mean, but literally you can, it takes practice. Like what she pays attention to, and this is brain science, speaking of science, like what she pays attention to in her every waking moment of her life, that's how her brain is going to grow. So if she keeps paying attention to text messages and timestamps and, you know, analysis to paralysis over, that's what areas of her brain are going to increase. If she goes outside and looks at the clouds and notices the leaves moving in the trees and tries to find some awe or tries to change her

physical state and get some exercise or do a cold plunge or take a shower or distract herself with intention. That's how her brain is going to grow. She can change her brain chemistry. She doesn't have to get stuck. She's identified herself as someone who does this and I think she can work towards unraveling that identity, but you have to actually work at it. And most of the work that we do is controlling what we pay attention to. Okay. Good luck. Good luck. Hopefully the next person texts back in a timely manner. I don't really know what a timely

manner is these days. Yeah, what would you say? What do you think is like reasonable time to be like, this is ridiculous? Have I asked a question or I've said just something like, like let's say both i think if it's during a work day they have until after work sometimes people actually are speaking of people distracting themselves like sometimes people do actually have really realized business and yes they can respond but usually especially when you're dating i think you usually want to like craft a response right more than just saying you would say to a friend or something like that so i think during the workday you have till the end of the work day but normally i would say like

an hour or two or if you're going to be more than that, give an excuse for why you didn't answer for more than two hours. What do you think? Are you in the middle of a conversation or someone just reached out to you? I think two, I think an hour or two sounds short to me. I think people are allowed to, I don't know, go for a walk and not have to stop it in the middle and text someone back or whatever it is. I think if it's like, you don't really answer me that much. I mean, I think if it's like your significant other and you have like your lives are intertwined in that way where you're like, if I got a flat tire, I'd be calling you kind of thing. That's different than someone who you're like initially dating. I think by the end of the day, like by the time they go to sleep and the new day starts, I think is a, an appropriate time to respond.

And if you don't respond by like, then you go to sleep without answering. Like I think most people don't typically go to sleep with like many unanswered text messages. on their phone. All right. Well, that's what I think. I think that's very generous. And I guess that's fair. I feel like if I really like someone in the beginning of dating,

I would answer them in a quicker fashion than that. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's like the real cutoff. The cutoff. That's like at that point, you're not saying that's normal, but that is probably the latest someone could get away with. Right. That's what I think. I think it would be great.

If you're really interested in someone, I do think. But I also think, and I see this on my end of things. There's a lot of people that have been through a lot of stuff, and they play games in the beginning, where they're not going to answer just not to answer because maybe you took a little bit long to answer one time, and now they're playing a game back,

and they're taking a little bit long to answer because they don't want to seem too, you know, eager or... Right. Sometimes I think I would not answer for a bit, just kind of like to think about what I wanted to say. Yeah, and snap, you know, take a snapshot and send it to all your friends and get the consensus and get the consensus. And get the group chats take on what to respond. And then once we've agreed in have a consensus, then we can.

Right. I don't know. Yeah. So, I mean, long story short, I think whatever this is, I think if someone doesn't answer you by the end of the day, and again, like we always say, that's probably just not someone, either one, they're not that interested or two, they're just not interested in communicating the way that you're interested in communicating. Right. So you might not be a match because I think it's a perfectly reasonable need. a request to say, I need someone who answers my text by the end of the day. End of the day. Yeah. I agree. Let's do a betchesist. I'll read it.

Go for it. Hello, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. That's pronounced how Jared's mom says my name. I need your advice on how to react to an upcoming conversation with a colleague. Let's call her Jane. Jane is married with children but had an affair with another colleague. Let's call him Dick. Recently, I learned about the affair directly from Dick.

They had a serious relationship and even considered getting together officially. That didn't work as planned. Now, Dick is dating someone else and Jane is still in her marriage as far as I know. Jane has never told me about the affair, but recently we reconnected on a work call. She mentioned that she would like to get together next time I'm in town to tell me about some drama happening in her life. I think we both know what this drama is. I'm not sure how to react to her considering I already know the whole tale. What's the best way to react to someone sharing a personal story?

you already know from talking to the other person involved. Would I be a bad friend or colleague for pretending I don't know? Or is that actually better? Is a white lie approach the right choice here? I don't want to interject myself in their situation, but I also don't want to seem shady and pretend I don't know the whole tale. I hope I can get your advice. Thank you.

Not another, Yenta. Yeah, this is interesting. I think people do this all the time. I mean, the obvious answer to me is for her to be like, yeah, Dick told me what happened. Because he did, unless she promised him that she wouldn't say anything, which she doesn't really. I thought the obvious answer would be to just pretend she didn't know. Oh, interesting.

Okay. And look, I think this happens. What is it about just saying, oh, yeah, I heard Dick told me the whole story. Because I think she would be mad. Then this woman would be mad at Dick for telling someone the story. Like, it might be like, then she might be like angrily texting Dick and or she might be like, then very, anxious and annoyed that he's telling many people and maybe, you know, apparently she's still married. So it's just out and everyone knows. Right. It's true. Which is probably helpful information

for her to know, I guess, if that's, if he is going and telling everyone. Right. But I could see why she wouldn't really want to be put in the middle of that. And I think that usually when this kind of thing is told to you, it's sort of told with like a, an understanding that it's not, you're not going to be telling other people. I think it's such an awkward position. for him to put her in where now she has to like sit and listen to a whole story that she already knows just because he, I mean, that's on him, really. Right. She's going to throw him under the bus.

I mean, look, I think unless he said promise not to say anything or don't say anything, I'm sure. I mean, she's about to tell her too. Right. Well, what if she said, what if he did say don't tell, please don't tell anyone? Okay. If he said please don't tell anyone, then I would probably say, pretend you don't know. Okay.

Right. Yeah. I mean, I would be surprised if there, don't you think that's sort of implied? Someone tells you like an intimate, like, story about themselves? Yeah, unless it's like the exact person that it's, it's not like there's a third party coming in and she's kind of like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, I heard the whole story about Dick and Jane. You're never going to believe this. And then start spilling it to a person who doesn't already know.

I mean, Jane already knows the story. So I don't know. My take on it is if this were me, I would probably quickly into it say, I have to tell you, Dick already told me some of this, just so you know. I don't know that I would necessarily like spill all the beans, but I'd probably give her a heads up because I just feel like it's, it is a little shady and awkward to sit and listen to a whole story that you already know. But on the other hand, you get a whole new perspective. perspective. Right. What's her take? Right. So you're just, you're the investigator. You're just kind of want to hear the two neutral sides. Right. Because I'm, I'm kind of like, I mean, what is the purpose of either of them telling the story? Is it for advice? Is it for like just to sort of give them an update? Right. Like, I don't know. I guess what is the moral thing to do is what you're saying, especially if he didn't say, don't tell anyone is to tell her that you did already speak to him about it. I don't know. I guess.

I thought she was going to, I thought this email was going to be about her, like, judging the situation. Right. Is it ethical that, like, I haven't told Jane's husband that the story or something? Right. That's not even the question. But I feel like I've been in this position and I'm trying to think of what it's been about where it's like someone's telling me something that I already know and it takes a little while to kind of be like, yeah, I kind of already know. They mentioned it. Yeah.

And I don't know what that is. I guess it's sort of like you don't want them to feel like people are talking about them behind their back. Yeah. But they are. So. Right. I mean, if you told someone an intimate story about yourself or you revealed like a secret of yours to, let's say, a friend. And then like that friend told someone, I guess you're saying because it's about them, it's okay.

I assume that you would, you would say it wouldn't be okay if it was about, if it was someone that was like a guy. like, oh, did you hear about Dick and Jane to a different friend? Yes, yes. Because whatever's here, they both already know about it. Yeah, I kind of think it's okay to say, you don't have to say verbatim what he said, but I think it would be good to give her a heads up to say, yeah, Dick told me some of this story the other day. It kind of gave me a heads up on what's been going on with you guys.

Right. You could say, like, I've heard he mentioned, something along these lines. I have like a general idea, but like tell me like, I think you can still get the, I think the, you can still have the other person share from their end. But I do think I would be mad that the other person told this person. Right. Well, you kind of reap what you sew, I guess. If you're going to do this in the workplace and you're going to make this type of mess, there's, this is going to come out. And it probably is better for her to know, probably that he's telling people so that maybe she needs to go to him and say, hey, I mean, can we not be telling people?

But the tough part is, it's like you can't really get mad for him telling people if you found out because you were telling people. I guess that's true. Or maybe they could just come to an agreement where they both say, like, all right, let's, let's zip this. Let's try to put this, you know, cat back in the bag. Well, I have another spin on this moral dilemma. let's say she's friends with both of them

she sees Jane Jane doesn't mention anything about this, just talks about her marriage as if it's perfectly fine and normal and is talking about a different traumatic event in her life. Like, should she tell her friend

that she's heard this about this whole situation? That one is almost trickier. That's trickier because it's like, who are you loyal to here? Right. And like,

it's in her business to say, Like, is it her right to say, you know, I heard about the affair that you're having with Dick, like Dick told me about the affair. But it's also her friend's right to like not tell her, I guess. Right. That is a tough one. Personally, I'd probably stay out of it. Right. And not stir up anymore. It is weird the idea that you could be talking to someone that knows like a big secret of yours and you have no idea. Oh, gosh. That is a bad feeling. That's like a weird thing. This is why you don't date your coworkers. Yeah, especially in the workplace.

It's true. It's really tough. I mean, on this one, I don't know, it seems like maybe we disagree. I think she should, like you said, she may be talking about some other guys she's dating. Who knows? Like, she may have a totally different thing that she wants to talk about. But if she starts going into the whole thing with Dick, I would, I personally would say, yeah, I've already heard a little bit about this or just give her a heads up. But let's say she said, I'm getting, hey, I.

I just want to let you know, I'm getting divorced. Nothing about Dick. Right. I still don't think you would mention it unless you mentioned it, I think. That I talked to Dick and he explained to me. No, I think that's like, I guess for her to come out with. Yeah, I agree. Okay.

So there's the oversharing rules are that if they tell you that they already know, you can say you heard. Right. And if they don't mention it, you don't mention it either. Right. I think I would leave it at that. I mean, depends on how good of a friend this is. It doesn't sound like they're great friends.

She said they reconnected on a work call. So if this was like your best friend or a good friend, I would definitely like say much more than if it's just a coworker that's, you know, you're kind of, maybe she feels like you're sort of a neutral party. Maybe they both feel that way, which is why they're both coming to her. Right. Well, good luck.

Yeah. Maybe she won't bring it. She'll just, maybe it'll be about something totally. unrelated. I feel like it could be. I mean, unless she's telling, if she's telling this person that she just reconnected with on a work call, she's telling everyone. Yeah, exactly. She shouldn't be worried about, I guess. Yes, that's the other point, right? If they're both coming to her and it's like, their colleagues, then maybe it's just, maybe the husband already knows and the whole thing's out and it's just out. Really poorly kept secret. Yeah. Looking right along. Do you want to read our intentions email?

Yeah. Let's read this one. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Jordana. I really enjoy the podcast, especially the intention segment. I wanted to reach out and see if you could help me set my own intentions. I'm 28 years old and feel I have reached a really great spot in my life. The problem is that I'm having difficulty really allowing myself to appreciate it. I feel that every portion of my life has had some major conflict. I grew up with a lot of family conflict, endured a lot of stress in college and really grinded through grad school until I finally got the job I worked so hard for. Even though I got the job, I was living in a place I despised. and so after a couple of years I moved, only to realize this new location was not right for me either.

After a year there, I moved again and finally found a location I absolutely love while getting to keep the job I've always worked for. My personal life is doing well, and I feel so lucky at how things fell into place after all this time. But I find myself feeling so scared to just enjoy it. I feel like something's going to happen that will reveal, aha, I knew it was too good to be true. Sometimes I even feel like I don't deserve my current situation. Like I tricked everyone to get here. Even though I try to remind myself that no, I actually worked hard to get here. I was hoping you could help me find an intention to set so that I can really stay present and enjoy my life.

Instead of feeling a constant sense of doom that something is going to happen and put a wrench in all my hard work, thank you a doomsday fetch. This to me sounds like a generalized fear of like the unknown. Yes. right? Yeah, or just a feeling of like, we talk about this all the time. Like if you prepare for something bad to happen, that somehow you'll be protecting yourself from it. Right. And either it'll like be less likely to happen or if it does happen, then you'll feel like you saw it coming and you weren't as upset. Right. Totally. And it's normal. I mean, she's been through some stuff. You know, she said she had some conflict growing up and stress in her childhood and, you know,

college was tough in grad school. So I think she's been through a bunch of stuff and is probably just not used to a feeling of like peace and calm. And I think sometimes we tend to when we, when we are in constant conflict, it's like our nervous system doesn't really know how to calm itself and kind of relax into the peaceful feeling because we're used to, we're wired to kind of be on edge for the next bad thing. It's trying to find some sort of fear to like latch on to. Yes. Because that feels comfortable. Yes.

And right now it sounds like there's almost literally nothing. So the only fear that she's latching on to is the fear that whatever is good isn't going to stay. I think a lot of people have this type of thing where it's like, again, it comes down to this brain wiring stuff where it's like you're constantly looking for danger. And then when there's no more danger, it just leaves your mind like too idle. and then you have to figure out like what do I do with this idle mind do I keep checking my phone is he going to text me does he like me like I'm sure that other right the one from before her life is probably fine right but she just has this like difficulty settling into a quiet mind I mean do you ever have this fear like you have a great life you have like healthy kids you have like you know what I

mean like seemingly like everything going very well. Do you have this ever have a fear that like something will happen that will just throw the whole thing off course? Yeah, I think for me personally, that happens when it's like coming from like a physiological place. Like I'll notice like sometimes if, for example, this is a good example of like physiologically. So I had that oral surgery thing and they gave me a steroid that I had to take for like inflammation or whatever. And I guess it just changed up my body chemistry or something. And I was waking in the middle of the night and having like these, it was like, clearly it was in my body, but my brain was like

trying to make sense of it. And it's in that moment when I might think like, well, what if this? And what if that? And what if this thing doesn't go right? And what if that thing doesn't go right? And I think a lot of times you don't even realize, but it's like coming from a nervous system thing, like a physiological thing. And then your brain jumps and says, okay, there's danger. Where is it? The danger is in, what if one of my kids gets sick or what if we can't afford our house or things that are like, everything's fine now. It's like the what if they're not fine later thing that comes up because it's just like you're picking something to project your anxiety onto. So I think for me, that happens when it's almost like or hormonal if it's like, you know,

before my period or something like when there's like a physiological change. It's that mind-body thing. And it happens so quickly that sometimes you don't notice where it's really originating from. So I think this listener is probably wired for a little bit of anxiety because of whatever she's been through. And, you know, I think she is just getting into like preparation mode when, she doesn't need to be in preparation. Sometimes you do need to be in preparation mode.

Like if you're moving or if you're, you know, something's happening. But right now. Right. Anxiety is helpful to the effect that it gets you to do something. Yeah. To prepare for something happening. Mm-hmm. But it goes overactive and then we start preparing for something to be like undone or

something that we're afraid is never going to happen that we want to happen. Or so, yeah, I get it. I would first of all do what I always say, which is like, see where this is living in your body when it happens. So I wrote a couple of intentions for her. The first one isn't exactly an intention, but it's like when you notice this thought come up in your head, and you've talked about this too, of like, even on things like if you, you know, if you were to get pregnant and then you're kind of like, oh, I have to like,

kind of, I don't want to get my hopes up. Like I want to like make sure that I'm keeping my expectations low and then I'm like not getting ahead of myself and just kind of stopping. and kind of like thanking your heart for trying to protect you, like noticing what's happening, right? Like, okay, there is my beautiful, loving, warm heart that wants connection, that wants, you know, that wants happiness, that wants peace, that's been through a lot.

And my heart is trying to protect me. Thank you. So you're not rejecting that part of yourself as like, you're crazy, you're anxious, like calling it all kinds of bad names. You're accepting that part of yourself. and saying, like, okay, thank you for trying to protect me. But then the intention that I wrote is, well, I wrote two. One is I intend to find peace in allowing and accepting rather than predicting and preventing. So I think just allowing and accepting the happiness, the peace that she's

having now is where she's going to find her peace and allowing and accepting rather than predicting and preventing. And I think a lot of people feel like they're going to find. find happiness and predicting what's going to happen next and preventing bad things to happen. But it really, that just steals the moments of your life. Right. To the extent that you can't actually do that. Right. And if you can, then great.

Do it. You know, like. Well, what if, and this is sort of going away from the listener's email. Like, I guess someone who's like super type A would be like, well, if I do all these things, I am being extremely, I am able to control these things. So I am, you know, if I call my kid every hour while they're out, like, I can be more protect. That is something I can do to be more protective.

So, but in their mind. Right. Versus, you know, someone else would look at that and say, well, that's too much. Like, how do you know when it's too much versus it's, you're doing an appropriate level of protecting? Well, I guess it's like, is it actually protecting, first of all, like calling them and, saying, are you okay, isn't going to make them okay. It's just going to make you know that they're okay in that moment. And then you're kind of kicking the can down the road because five

minutes later, as soon as you hang up, they could get into a car accident. Right. Or whatever it is. Like, you know, is this a type of checking and protecting that's like going to give you some relief for a long, that's like kind of like an OCD type thing when you're like, do the checking, but the checking doesn't really help long term. Okay. You know, like if I wash my hand, Yes, washing your hands will prevent you from getting sick, right? But if I need to wash my hands 10 times in an hour and I still am worried about getting sick, it's not really protecting. It's not quenching the urge or whatever it is.

It just keeps coming back and back and back. So it's not really helping change the situation. And you're also not making yourself. It's not like relieving you. Right. So for this listener, it does go back to the listener because if she's thinking like, okay, if I keep thinking this thought of like, well, what if, what if I lose my job? What if I lose, what if this apartment raises the rent and I can't live here anymore? Like, continuously thinking

about that isn't going to prevent it from happening. Really? It's not. If it was, maybe it would be helpful, not even probably because it would just like ruin your time that you actually do have there worrying about it. But I think the difference is if I can do something, like that's what I always say, like write down a list of all the things that you can do to take action on the things that you want to have happen. But worrying is not one of them. Right. Okay. So the other one that I wrote for her that I think is really helpful for someone who has this pattern where they've been through something and then it feels like because I've been through something, I'm afraid of it happening again, like because I know what it feels like to go through something really crappy. So

another thing that I wrote that she can kind of tell herself is resilience is my gift and I will be okay if called to use it again. So just kind of realizing like I've been through some shit. I came out okay. It's a strength. This is a strength that I have, that I have gone through something and I've come out on the other side, especially her. Sounds like she's come out really well on the other side and that she will be okay if she's called to use that gift of resilience that she's developed again. I like that a lot. Because it's kind of like you've already prepared for this. You know what to expect. If it happens, you got through it last time, you'll be fine. If it happens again. I think that's a really good one, especially for dating too. Yes. It's like if this guy doesn't call, it happened before.

Yes. You lived. You were fine. Right. And using it, I think it's like the story you tell yourself. Is it I get rejected every time. I keep getting ghosted. groups of friends. Like, how do you, what's the verbiage that you use to describe what you've been through? And if you say, I have resilience is a strength of mine in that I've been ghosted and I'm still back here and that I've been broken up with and I'm still out here dating and I'm still seeking connection. That's a strength. Right. So see it as a strength. Use it as a strength. No, it's a trait that you have that you can always come back to. And you will be okay if you are called to use that trait again. And that's every time you use it, you're strengthening it and you're

going to learn how to grow and kind of become stronger. Not that it's not going to hurt or you're not going to cry or you're not going to feel all those terrible feelings when you feel your feelings about something sad. But when you do it differently with tenderness and with like an open heart and not rejection or feeling like, oh, I did a bad job because I didn't prevent this from happening. No, bad stuff is going to happen to everybody. So resilience is my gift and I will be okay if called to use it again. I like that. Okay.

Well, good luck. I guess there's nothing to let us know how it goes because nothing happened. Yeah, it's all good. Keep it up. Enjoy it. Mindfulness. Mindfulness. Mindfulness.

Yes. All right. Let's do some triggers. It's awesome fun. All right. We're going to rate your trigger situations. I will read the first one. Hi, Dr. Dan and Dr. Naomi, I'm so grateful for the oversharing podcast and all the entertainment and life lessons I've learned from it.

I have a triggered scenario that I'm curious to get your take on. I'm a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding next year and I couldn't be more excited to be there for her on her big day. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, she showed me the dresses she was considering and pointed out one in particular to me that was in my price range and a style that she thought would be flattering to me. She also pointed out a specific dress that she didn't want anyone to get because she thought it was ugly. Fast forward a month later, she texted me to let me know that a different bridesmaid already decided she wanted the one she originally wanted me to wear and sent me two options because she wants us all wearing different dresses, both of which were almost $300. And one of which was the one she originally thought was ugly. She said she thought it might actually look very classy and elegant on me. The place she wants us buying the dresses from only has six style options and the color and fabric she wants and all the other bridesmaids have made their picks because they live. live near her and went together. I'm currently on a bit of a budget. I've never bought any clothing

item for myself that's been $300, let alone a dress that I don't like that much and will only be wearing once. How triggered can I be that these options are $100 more than the one I was originally supposed to wear and I don't think either cut will be flattering on my body? I'm planning on trying them on and picking the one I like more. Am I allowed to say they're out of my budget or unflattering if I don't like the fit? Thanks for all that you do, afraid of being the Bechie bridesmaid. I have to admit, I'm trying really hard not to be judgey of this whole situation. Situation. I mean, if this were me and I had a friend, I would want them to feel amazing.

I would want them to like just love the way they look. And if two girls are wearing the same V-neck thing or halter, what out. Like who cares? It's already the same color. They're supposed to look the same. I think if she brings this up and says, look, I really, I'm not, you know, I just don't feel, I really don't love this dress. I'd rather wear this one. Would you be okay if me and so and so happen to have the same dress?

I just would feel a lot better. And I would use it again. If I were a bride, I would love it if one of my bridesmaids love their dress and they were going to wear it a bunch of more times. Like that would make me feel great. So I would also. I would also say like, hey, the original dress that I picked, I really loved it. I thought it looked great on me. And also, I'm on a bit of a budget. I really can't afford to spend more than whatever the price of that first dress was on this dress. I just like, I can't really afford it right now.

And I really like the other dress and I think it's beautiful. And I don't know how strongly you feel about this, but I don't really feel like it would be that crazy to have two people in the same dress. And you know what? If she wants you to wear the other dress, she can pay the difference. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't suggest that. But I think if she feels, I think that $100 or whatever her original dress cost, it's probably a perfectly reasonable expectation to have someone spend on a dress that you're forcing them to wear. I think if you're mandating the dresses, you should subsidize.

Right. I totally agree. And I have a feeling. I hope that she's going to approach this just like you said, exactly like that. And the friend is going to say, no problem. I want you to love it. I want you to feel great.

Right. Although brides are not always that rational. I will go to do that. It's so I, like I get it. I went through it. You went through it. But once you get on the other side, it just feels like.

Very stupid. Yes. It really does. Like it's all about having fun and feeling good and like having good energy instead of all these women that are there surrounding you, like silently resenting you for being so controlling. Right. And annoying throughout the whole process.

wearing something that they hate on themselves and not. wanting to be in pictures or like feeling excited about wearing it. And you know what? If she doesn't react well to that perfectly reasonable request, maybe she's not as good of a friend as who thought she was. Yeah, exactly. I really do think that a good friend would want you to just be in the best mood there with her and enjoy the experience.

So right now, how triggered can she be? I'll make it a little lower because she hasn't expressed herself yet. and she hasn't said, I really would prefer not to wear that. So it's on her, I think at first to kind of express that she would rather not wear that. So at this point, I'm going to give it like a three just because she came to her and suggested it. Right. If she then pushes back or says no, then I'm going to bump it like way up. I give it a five just because I think she already picked the dress and had the discussion with the Brent.

And then the friend like gave it to someone else. It's like, why does this person get it over me? So I'd just be kind of like, oh, now this is my problem instead of like you've chosen me to be the one to change. And I think that's a little triggering. Like go to the other person or don't go to either of us. Right. And get over it. Right.

So I'd give it a five. But I agree. She should say something. And if she doesn't respond in a nice way, we can bump it up to a seven. All right. Let us know. I really hope you bring this up. All these things are good kind of, they're good fodder for relationships to see how people are

communicating. To learn how to do conflict. Exactly. To learn how to actually do that. Yeah. It's great. Learn how to do conflict. Go to her. I'm sure she's going to be much better. I get it. You don't want to be annoying. And people are always walking on eggshells with brides and bridal stuff. And we should just cut that out. Right. I'm not really of the opinion that like you can't ask anything of the bride. Right. The bride can just make whatever requests that she wants and people just have to deal with it. I mean, I've also never been a bridesmaid in a wedding where I had to wear a specific dress. It was always, maybe besides yours, I think yours, there was like a few different options.

Usually it's these days, sorry to age you. That's okay. No, it's like usually just like one color. Right. Or whatever style you want. Pick a dress that you like in that color. Yeah. Now that makes more sense.

Yeah. I mean, look, even looking back on my own wedding, it's like, you know, you just get right. I get it. You get all wrapped up in this whole thing. It's like, you know, this is like tunnel vision thing. And it's looking back on it. It's ridiculous. I remember one of our biggest fights, Jeff, we had like picked out these colors.

I forget now even. It was like a beach theme. And we picked out like it was like a turquoise and a peach kind of color. And I remember Jeff went with his brother to go pick out like ties or whatever for the groomsmen. And he sent me this like, it was like an evergreen like whatever. It was like some kind of like a. You freaked out. Oh my gosh.

I was like, are you kidding? This is a totally wrong color. And he was all excited. And I was like, what do you mean? You're all excited? Like, this isn't what we spoke about at all. And looking back on it, I'm like, who cares? That's so funny.

That someone even as zen as you could get. It's the thing. It's a slippery slope. The wedding industry will get you, caring about things that you never thought you could give a shit about because it's so dumb. Like even you, like someone who I would say is very above caring about any of that stuff. Totally. I mean, look, it was 15 years ago, so I was like a bit of a different person.

But at the same time, like, they do. It makes it feel like this perfection thing that you're going for. Right. It feels like it feels like it has to look really. And nowadays, it's even worse because there's Instagram. So you kind of like, it has to fit this. And everyone's going to see it. And it feels like it ups the stakes and everything.

Totally. They're great. Your friend's dresses are stupid and shook it over it. All right. Let's do one more. You want to read it? Sure. Hey there, Jordana and Dr. Naomi. I'm having my first baby, baby boy in the middle of June, and our OB recommended we get the shot to prevent whooping cough, as it's a more common sickness they're seeing develop in infants.

I asked if my family and in-law should get it as it will be coming to see him once he's born. They said absolutely they should get it if they aren't up to date. So after my husband and I did some research on our own, we decided this is a non-negotiable for us. I reached out to the immediate family who'd be visiting us when he was born and told them to please ensure they're up to date on their shot for whooping cough if they're planning to see him before he's six months old. My dad immediately had an issue asking, why do I need that? What else are you going to make us do? You're not going to let me see my grandson if I don't get a shot. Who's telling you we need this? My dad is one of those people that doesn't believe in doctors and thinks they're all out to get us, but this is my baby and I feel like the shot is not asking too much. that is our only non-negotiable because of the risk factors involved.

Once our baby is older and has had his rounds of vaccines, and I would feel comfortable having him around people who aren't vaccinated, especially since his immune system will have had a chance to develop a bit. Should I be triggered by my dad's response? Am I doing that first-time parent thing where I make too big a deal of something minor? I appreciate your insight and I'm sorry for the long note, just made it longer by acknowledging that it's long, signed mom-to-be batch. I like this question.

Yeah. I think a lot of people are probably going through this. Right. I mean, here's the thing. I feel like normally when you make this request, people would like talk shit about it behind your back and just. And then just do it. Right.

And then just do it or not do it or not go for six months and see the baby at a different point. Like I do think whatever you choose, people always are going to judge anything you do. We've talked about weddings. They're going to judge you wanting everyone to have a different dress. Right. want your baby. This is probably a little more serious, at least in her mind, I would imagine. She wants people, she wants to make sure she's protecting the baby. She wants the thing.

Some people think it's ridiculous. Some people don't. If you're lucky, they just talk about it when you're not around. Her dad is not choosing that option. Yes. What do you think? I mean, I think she can just, like she's chosen a doctor to take care of her and take care of her baby. And the doctor is telling her that this is what she should be asking her family to do. So I think she can just blame it on her doctor and say, this is what I was told to do. I've entrusted this person to deliver my baby and care for my baby. And this is what they've recommended. I'm not a doctor.

So I'm just following what they say. And I'm asking you to do this. I understand that it's annoying. Maybe she can do a little validation because I do get that, right? He has to make an appointment. He has to go. He has to get a vaccine. maybe he'll get a little bit of a, you know, a side effect.

And a lot of older people, I think, have this notion that people, you know, the younger generation is overprotective and they didn't have any of this stuff and they were fine and all that. Yeah, I think maybe a little bit of acknowledgement. Like, I think what happens is if you just send it in like a big random group text where you're like, hey, guys, we're asking everyone to do this. Then it feels kind of like, oh, this is just annoying. And there's, there's, I don't even like, he probably.

doesn't understand it. But I'm sure if he researched it or spoke to, I think most pediatricians or obese are probably recommending this. I don't think she has a particularly, you know, overly cautious doctor. I'm sure they're recommending it for a reason. I think if she maybe called her dad and said, look, dad, I get it. It's annoying. You have to go to the doctor. You might have a side effect. I totally understand. There's a few options. You can, maybe she wants to offer him an option where he can come and wear a mask around the baby. I don't know if that's another alternative, you know, that she can ask her doctor, is it okay?

My dad really doesn't want to do it if he comes masked when he's around the baby. Maybe that's an option. Or you can just, we can do FaceTime's or you can come over, but you can't hold the baby for the first six months. But you can come over. You can see him, whatever, or get vaccinated. These are your options. I understand it's not easy.

I could see why you feel this way. which option works best for you. So it's almost like making him feel like he has a little bit of a choice in the matter where he can wait, he can wear a mask or he can do the thing and hold the baby. That's good advice. I like that. In terms of triggering,

I would say it is triggering because it's probably making her more anxious about something she's already anxious about. Right. Like, she's already anxious, the baby's going to get sick. She's like making this a hard rule. And she's like already immediately,

baby's not even born. She's already like facing these obstacles. So I would say it's like a six. Yeah, I agree too. I think there's this thing and you and I have probably both experienced this where you kind of and most people do. Sometimes you feel like you just want your parents to like take care of you and like make things easy on you and not like take a situation and make it difficult because they're like putting their own emotions. Right. Ahead of yours.

So there is a lot of shit onto your situation. Yes. Like there is, and it is, I guess it's a fantasy, but people do sort of have this fantasy of like, you're my parent. You're supposed to be like self-sacrificing. And I think sometimes the self-sacrificing aspect of parenthood ends, it has like an expiration date, it seems like. Right. Or it seems like once you get to a certain time, then it's supposed to be reverse sacrificing. Right. You become like the parent to them and you're supposed to be sacrificing to make them as comfortable as possible. Right. Right. And I think the crossroads of that now is when there's like a new. baby. So it's kind of like, well, I'm supposed to be like considerative you because you're like

an elder or whatever and like not trying to inconvenience you and make you go to the doctor and maybe you'll have a side effect from a vaccine. But now there's like this crossroads of a new baby that's like that I care about more than you. Right. Who's got the priority? And I think a lot of times the baby has the priority in terms of like, you know, who's going to be doing all the sacrificing and who gets to be the recipient of the sacrifice. So I think these things become difficult when there's like this struggle in terms of, I just want my parent to do something to make my life easier. And then they don't.

So yeah, I would agree. I think this is like a six. I think if he refuses, I would, you know, bump that up unless he, you know, at some point he's just going to have to say, I have to do what you say. Right. You know. Or it's not going to see the baby. Yeah.

I mean, it's not the end of the world. Six months will go by fast. I think he's going to end up doing it. But I am curious to see if a mask might be an alternative option if he's really not interested in this. Right. All right. Good luck. Good luck.

Any updates are always appreciated. But yeah, I think that's our time. Great work today. Oversharing is produced by Sean Kilby, Jorge Muras Pico, and Rebecca Salz McCaffey. Editing by Massilio Perez. Yes, bookings. by Allie Friedlander. Send your advice emails to oversharing at betches.com or leave us a voicemail at 646363-6294. Betches