Pod Save America - "Half past a Handmaid’s Tale.” (LIVE from Brooklyn)

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Alabama Republicans pass the most extreme abortion ban in history, John Bolton tries to start a war with Iran, and Montana Governor Steve Bullock and New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio round out the 23-candidate field for the Democratic nomination. Then New York Attorney General Letitia James joins Tommy, Jon, Jon, Dan, and Akilah Hughes on stage at Kings Theater in Brooklyn.Audio note: At 13:01, Jon Favreau's microphone temporarily cuts out in the discussion about the Alabama abortion law. For clarity, here is his question to Akilah: "What can people do in the meantime starting now to protect access to abortion and to fight back?" 

🎵 What's up, Brooklyn? What's up, Brooklyn? What's up, Brooklyn? Welcome to Pod Save America. I'm Jon Favreau. I'm Akilah Hughes. I'm Jon Lovett. I'm Tommy Vitor.

I'm Dan Pfeiffer. Later in the show, we will talk to one attorney general who's not afraid of investigating Donald Trump. New York's Letitia James is here. And Donald Trump is here in New York somewhere. We were almost late for the show. Yeah. A lot of traffic. A lot of traffic.

All right. We have a lot of news to talk about from this week. Not all of it's that great. On Wednesday, Governor Kay Ivey signed the most extreme anti-abortion legislation. You've heard of this. Some of the most extreme anti-abortion legislation in the country into law, which would outlaw abortion by making it a felony for doctors to perform the procedure, even in cases of rape or incest, a felony punishable by up to 99 years in prison.

Republican politicians have pushed similar abortion bans in states like Ohio, Georgia, Mississippi, Kentucky, and today, Missouri. Akilah, what are the practical effects of abortion bans and restrictions like these? Do they actually stop women from getting abortions? No, they don't stop women from getting abortions. They just force women to have unsafe abortions. No, they don't stop women from getting abortions. They just force women to have unsafe abortions. Honestly, I hope that there's a hell for her sake.

She can burn there. And, you know, I live in Brooklyn, and I'm pandering hard, but I'm from the South, and see, a lot of people in New York are not from New York, and I gotta say, I wasn't surprised that this is the way it went. I know my entire life, it has been just a fight for women to maintain the rights of Roe v. Wade, and it's just, it's very disheartening, but, you know, we gonna get through this.

Yeah. It's very disheartening, but, you know, we're going to get through this. Tommy, Planned Parenthood called this the most extreme abortion ban since Roe v. Wade was decided. And even Governor Ivey acknowledged when she signed the bill that this Alabama law may be unenforceable. So if she thinks it's unenforceable, what is the strategy behind passing a bill like this? It's a very good question. I mean, even Pat Robertson said that the bill might have been a little too extreme for him, which I think tells you a lot. Pat Robertson, who thinks that feminism causes witchcraft.

It does. And maybe also hurricanes. I believe he has a very checkered record on what causes hurricanes. And it's a lot of gay stuff so i mean i think you know there's a there's a pretty long history of republicans who uh say absolutely outrageous crazy things on this issue and lose elections we all probably remember todd aiken who talked about how there was legitimate rape uh versus non-legitimate rape and and he said that the body had a way of preventing pregnancies

in the case of some race, which is the craziest fucking thing ever. He was a Senate candidate from Missouri who was later destroyed. So, I mean, I think that there is a very real and legitimate fear that all these anti-choice bills that are passing in states across the country are designed to get challenged in courts and then run up to the Supreme Court. You know, I'm not an expert on this, but I

do think that it's probably more likely that a bill like the one that was passed in Louisiana that, you know, sort of reduced abortion access at the margins by saying doctors who work in these clinics need to have admitting privileges at local hospitals, which is an incredibly onerous requirement, which would reduce incredibly onerous requirement, which would reduce the number of abortion providers in the state and reduce access, that's more likely to be the kind of thing that gets to the Supreme Court and will slowly chip away at abortion rights

or ultimately lead to an overturning of Roe v. Wade. Yeah, and it does seem like right now our hopes are hanging on John Roberts. Yeah, and that's not good. Of all people being the swing vote on. John Roberts, he was the one on the plane with Mitch McConnell and Pence, right? Yes, today. What were they doing on the plane together?

Dick Lugar's funeral. Oh, okay, okay. Likely cover story. They were making small talk, huh? Yeah. Dan, I want to talk about the politics of these abortion bans. Here's a New York Times headline that just posted before we came on stage. Republicans' messaging on abortion puts Democrats on the defensive.

It says that, yeah, this is okay. This story goes on to say, Republicans have reset the terms of the debate, quote, forcing the Democrats to reassess how they should respond to attacks that portray the party as extremist on abortion. That would be the Democratic Party as extremist on abortion. Does that track with your assessment, Dan? I just spontaneously combusted over that headline. I think it is sort of, it feels almost uncomfortable to talk about the politics here because of what is at stake.

This is a life and death situation for a lot of women, and that's at stake here. But these decisions are made by politicians. So in that sense, the politics does matter. And when you look at the individual incremental efforts to chip away at Roe versus Wade, many of those are popular. Whether it's the 20-week abortion bill that they took up in the Senate a few years ago, when you use the term heartbeat bill, you can

get a plurality, in some cases a majority, and some support for Democrats for that. But when you talk about the idea of overturning Roe versus Wade and banning abortion, that is a 7 in 10 Americans oppose that. So you would think the politics are bad for Republicans, but they will only be bad for Republicans if Democrats make the right argument, right?

And so we can't get wrapped around the axle about the specifics. We have to make the case, which is the Alabama law is the position of the Republican Party. They may tell you that they think it's too extreme or they want these exceptions. That is bullshit.

They are mad at Alabama because Alabama took the secret plan and put it on the internet. And I think that's very important because it is the natural, like to completely ban abortion in every instance, including rape and incest, is the natural extension of the mainstream Republican position. And we have to make the case that Republicans believe that women do not have the right to control their bodies. And that will be the consequence of losing the election in 2020, both in the White House and everywhere down the ballot because it is only because we did not win elections or run candidates in some of these states in Georgia in the state legislative races in Georgia,

Alabama, Missouri, Ohio that they can pass these bills. Well do you think Republicans in swing states and Donald Trump want these bans to be part of their campaigns in 2020? I mean, just today, even House Republican leader Kevin McCarthy said that he was opposed to the Alabama law. Yeah, I mean, I think Dan's point is right. This is obviously the logical extension of their position. The only reason they don't adopt it is because they know it's bad. It's bad politics. I mean, you know, look, there really are two kinds of winning coalitions. One of them is the Republican one that runs the gamut from a chunk of the population. It's a minority, but it's a big group of people that are pro-life and take the maximal position and

that they can build a coalition with them all the way to the middle for people that have, I think, more complicated views on the subject. There's a democratic coalition that runs from people who are pro-choice and are proudly pro-choice and believe in protecting the autonomy of women, also known as human beings. And there is a winning coalition that is built on that base, plus a lot of people who, again, have mixed feelings on this issue, which is why the debate around abortion tends to be around trying to make the other side seem extreme, because they know that especially in the United States, which being honest, it tends to be more conservative on this than some other countries, there is a group of people in the middle that will vote in both directions. And so, you know, the idea that Democrats are on the defensive because

Republicans have exposed the maximal position, I think is just not true, which is why I think you will see Republicans take that position. I mean, this was a debate that went on during the Bush administration. George W. Bush appointed multiple Supreme Court justices and Roe versus Wade was upheld. You know, the one thing I would add to all of this is I think the question turning on will this Supreme Court overturn Roe versus Wade may give them a little too much political leeway because ultimately we may end up in a position where they uphold Roe versus Wade while using one of these state laws to dramatically restrict abortion further than it's already been restricted by some other rulings. And so I think we need to be clear about that because I think

there's a chance the way this media environment operates, as this article is an example of saying Democrats are on the defensive, that we will end up in a position where Roe versus Wade is upheld, women's rights are dramatically restricted, and it's seen as some kind of common middle ground when actually what it is is rolling the clock backwards for women's rights. So I think we need to be clear about that, that we're not just trying to uphold Roe versus Wade. We're trying to uphold the current regime of rights

that protects access for women to healthcare across the country, which has already been restricted pretty substantially by the Supreme Court. I think that's a very important point, which is Roe v. Wade is the compromise. That is how we got here. And the Supreme Court upheld that in 1992.

So anything that they do to chip away at that is a dramatic reversal for the rights of women and is an incredibly slippery slope. And yes, there is a danger in saying that the Supreme Court will definitely overturn Roe v. Wade this term. But regardless of what they do this term, if Donald Trump is allowed to appoint another Supreme Court justice, Roe v. Wade is 100% certainly gone.

This is the plan. This is what they are doing. And that's why it's so important that we make it clear that the Alabama position is the position of the Republican Party. It is their vision for the future of this country. they have a position is the position of the Republican Party. It is their vision for the future of this country. Akilah, what can people do in the meantime, starting now, to protect access to abortion and to fight it? Well, obviously you need to donate. And I think that, you know, not everyone's in a position to donate. And so something that I've tried to internalize and something that I think is really effective is when people use their voice however they can. And so maybe you don't have a bajillion followers on Instagram, but a lot of people are posting about it.

I think, you know, maybe that sounds like a trite thing, like, oh, post to your Instagram about how you think this is fucked up. But post to your Instagram about how you think this is fucked up because that's where people form their opinions now unfortunately um and i think honestly you i can't say it enough like if you have the means to donate donate to local groups read local newspapers in alabama in georgia don't just you know read these horrific headlines in the New York Times. I think that I went through a range of emotions when the official Alabama stuff came through. And I think that that's my microphone, so I don't apologize. I'm going to hold it until I'm done with this point, and then I'll stop. But when I was reading the official word from Alabama, that this is the way that they see women, that this is how women, you know, can, they have no control over their bodies.

And now doctors are going to jail for nearly 100 years when rapists will not go to jail for even a day, probably. Obviously, this shit's infuriating. Obviously, you know, all of that rage is warranted. And so I think that, you know, you can be mad, but you have to take action and you need to listen to people who have resources, who know how to get the, you know, people safe abortions in Alabama, in Georgia, in Kentucky, in Ohio in the meantime. Kentucky, and Ohio in the meantime. But yeah, we can't budge an inch. Women deserve rights over their bodies. Men don't get to have the say this time. Fuck all that.

It's ridiculous. And like Akili was saying, specifically in Alabama, you can donate to the Yellowhammer Fund, which helps protect abortion access in the state of Alabama. Unfortunately now, because, you know, a similar bill just passed the Missouri Senate and is headed to the Republican-held House in Missouri as well, you can make sure you, if you live in Missouri, you know people who live in Missouri, you can make sure you call your legislators in Missouri. You can donate to local groups in Missouri that protect abortion access.

Please donate to the ACLU because the ACLU is suing the state of Alabama. And they have won those lawsuits in the past. Abortion Funds is a nationwide network that helps pay for medical care, transportation, and for people who want to escort people who are getting abortions because sometimes that's very difficult to walk through a bunch of anti-abortion protesters. And then the other thing we should talk about is this is a reminder of why local and state elections matter, right?

Because now that we're just sitting here waiting for the Supreme Court to do their thing, there are states that can, you know, on a state level, you can vote to protect abortion access. And in 2019, there's going to be a bunch of elections. We don't even have to wait till 2020. We relaunched Vote Save America this week, which we had in 2018. So if you go on Vote Save America, you can find out if you're registered, you can find ways to volunteer, and you can find a whole bunch of information and resources to make sure that you can vote.

In 2019, we have elections in Virginia and Mississippi and Louisiana specifically where Democrats could actually flip control of the houses there. So that's a really big deal. And, you know, we can stop things like this from happening. We should, in the list of organizations, we should shout out one more. Yeah. Which is Run for Something. Yes.

Yes! An organization that recruits and trains people to run for office, the founder of which, Amanda Littman, is here tonight in the audience. Woo! And can I just add, I want to add one more thing about this too,

because it goes beyond just, obviously we need to elect people who will, you know, respect the autonomy of women. But also it's worth, it's not a coincidence that these are also places that have some of the highest infant mortality rates and some of the highest maternal death rates as well, which is a reminder too, that a lot of these are states that refuse to expand Medicaid under Obamacare, places that claim to be, the politicians claiming to be pro-life while pursuing policies that have led to deaths of women and children in those states.

And so, so much is on the line in these elections. And on top of that, I mean, just to be real petty, Alabama is 50th out of 50 in education. Don't talk about how you care about children when you all don't have schools that teach them anything. We need to fix the system yeah and also by the way the idea that alabama has the politics of alabama and that's the way it is um has been proven wrong by recent history right because we elected doug jones not so long ago in the state of alabama and you know with redistricting everything else like this we can change things um all, let's move on to the next happy topic.

Because if there's anything Republicans enjoy more than a war on women, it's a war in the Middle East. The New York Times reported this week that National Security Advisor John Bolton was among a group. A couple of John Bolton fans here in the audience. We like him.

There's a tiny part of Brooklyn that likes him. That's Michael Bolton fans here in the audience. We like him. There's a tiny part of Brooklyn that likes him. That's Michael Bolton. So Michael Bolton was among a group of White House officials that asked the Pentagon for a military plan that calls for sending more than 100,000 troops to the Middle East if Iran advances its nuclear program or attacks American forces. Then on Wednesday, the State Department ordered a partial evacuation of the U.S. embassy in Baghdad, citing what the Trump administration has called new threats from Iran. Tommy, how did we get from Trump pulling out of the Iran deal to the current crisis that we're in right now? And how serious is this? How worried should we be? I mean, I'm very worried.

So at some point along the way... Wasn't the answer I was looking for. A lot to worry about. Hey! At some point along the way, someone told Trump that Obama was nice to Iran, therefore he decided Iran is bad, so he pulled out of the Iran deal,

despite the fact that Iran was complying with all the provisions of the Iran deal that we'd want them to, to limit their ability to get a nuclear weapon. On top of that, they started slapping sanctions on the Iranians that were just crippling their economy. We designated the IRGC, which is a military wing of Iran, a terrorist organization. And then so recently, we started reading these reports of intelligence suggesting the Iranians were going to attack U.S. forces in the region or do something nefarious. And so Trump decided to send an aircraft carrier over to the Gulf and

a strike group and a Patriot missile battery. And, you know, I don't want to underplay the fact that the Iranians are bad actors. I mean, the Pentagon estimates that 600 U.S. service members were killed in Iraq between 2003 and 2011 by Iran-aligned Shia militia groups. They would provide them munitions that could defeat our armor and certain things. They're bad people who have done terrible things. But in this instance, we are pressuring them into a place where I'm not surprised that Iran decided to respond because there has been a clearly articulated regime change strategy from this White House. In fact, John Bolton, the National Security Advisor, said the only way to prevent Iran

from getting a nuclear weapon is to bomb them. So I think we all just need to be very worried about a couple of things. One, now there's some reports that maybe Trump is, Trump is the adult in the room telling his people, right? That makes me feel better. Telling his own national security team that he doesn't want them to go to war. But, you know, we also heard during the campaign that Trump wanted to get us out of wars and he sent more troops to Afghanistan. He talked about pulling all our troops out of Syria

and then backtracked on the decision. So I don't trust these reports at all. But I mean, in that area, in the Strait of Hormuz, in that region generally, the risk of a miscalculation or something happening that could escalate incredibly quickly is massive. And a war with Iran would be way worse than a war with Iraq. So John Bolton's plan to just send a few bombs over there is not going to prevent them from

creating a nuclear weapon? 120,000 troops is the high end of the options, apparently, that Trump has presented. That is an invasion-sized force. That's basically what we send into Iraq, which is enough to get us to Baghdad and then get into a decade-long quagmire. So I think Congress needs to step up and say, you do not have any authorization to go to war. I think that activists like the people in this audience need to march and make clear that this is unacceptable. I hope all the Democratic presidential candidates say that in no way

is it in our strategic interest to go to war with Iran. It's a big deal. It's frightening. And I also worry that Trump could be convinced by the religious right, by the Israelis, by the Saudis. By the last person he talks to. By the last guy he talked to. By the Saturday morning Fox and Friends guy.

To roll the fucking dice. That it's good politics. Who brings him a Diet Coke last will determine. We're so fucked. Akilah. It's a tough night for news man i'm sorry that we're doing this to brooklyn i never get to go out with you all in brooklyn what a week ding okay akilah i was wondering like you know tommy was saying and the washington post reported this too that trump is annoyed with john bolton for being all warlike. He wants a more diplomatic approach.

Is the best way to avoid war here for Time to have like a Time magazine cover that says President Bolton and then he'll firearm? Yes, absolutely. Is this our best bet here? I think so. If you look back, when people started saying Steve Bannon was the president, where's that guy now? Yeah, he's gone. Melting somewhere. So I think that that's a good idea. You just need to prop up John Bolton?

Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think we have to try every petty tactic, every reality show tactic. We have to shantay, we stay. He can go eat it. Dan, what are the politics of another potential war in the Middle East? Oh, my God. Oh, God. What a question.

another potential war in the Middle East? Oh, my God. Oh, God. What a question. Well, what I'm wondering is, would Republicans line up behind Trump like they do everything else? Would Republican voters... I mean, I noticed this because I saw,

of all fucking people, Laura Ingram tweet yesterday, war with Iran is one of the few, almost certain paths for Donald Trump to harm his reelection prospects. That was very interesting coming from her. John, before Dan answers, and I want to hear Dan's answer. Do you?

That is such a relief to me. That's why I asked about the politics, man. Honestly. That's not nothing. Laura Ingraham has a real uh season eight denaris vibe and it's a flip of the coin it's a flip of the coin with her so i'm glad i'm glad she landed i'm glad she landed on being happy the bells were ringing she did bad haircut away from there i would say the politics of a war with iran are about as good as the politics of war with Iraq.

And it is worth remembering that... Wait, war with Iraq now, not war with Iraq when it's like... New York Times is like, let's go! I think we have to be... I think the politics are on their face bad, but we have to be aware of a couple of things. One, if Trump were to decide to do this, Laura Ingraham and all the people on Fox News

will get right in line. And they will challenge the patriotism of Democrats who oppose him. And Trump's base, who will probably bear a huge part of the sacrifice of that war, will, at the outset, support him. Because when he says he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not lose a voter, he's not fucking that is that is the reality of his political situation with

this base and but the question like with all these things is the politics are bad but they will only the reason why bush could go to war was because he was able to bully democrats into letting him go to war yeah well that was my next question is like do we think that democrats and democratic candidates for president have been sounding the alarm loudly enough yet because i feel like i've seen a couple statements here and there some of them have been cautious but i haven't seen anyone's be like fuck no we're not doing this again i guess bernie sanders made a pretty strong statement but i'm i think that people can always do better but it's hard there are there are folks in the senate the few remaining ones not running for president like chris murphy who are raising fucking hell right and it's important to try to

have a vote you know and i think we should do that in the house in the senate to try to demonstrate that the will of congress is that trump does not if he wants to do this he has to go to congress and ask for authorization and he can't use some bullshit authorization that's been on the books for 15 18 years right which they've tried to do. Yes. Secretary Pompeo tried to suggest that the AUMF, which is what we passed after 9-11 to go after al-Qaeda, somehow allowed us to go into Iran, which is batshit crazy.

The good news is that there was this intelligence that suggested Iran was about to attack our forces in the region, was briefed to Congress today, and then Pelosi came out of that briefing and said, there is no authorization to go to war. Trump would have to come back to Congress. Now, it's Donald fucking Trump. That doesn't make me feel better. He thinks that he can shoot a couple of T-lams into Syria like he did after the chemical weapons attack and that things will be fine. I think that that would rapidly escalate. It would not be a Syria-like situation. This would be a war that would escalate quickly. You would see proxy forces like Hezbollah start to attack Israel. I mean, it would be just an exponentially worse

situation. Okay, so in this situation, things that are making us feel hopeful, Donald Trump and Laura Ingram. Yeah. I mean, the Trump thing is sort of an important point, which is like, yes, he did say that he was against wars in the middle east like he did say that he also said he was against tax cuts for the rich yeah he was against cutting medicare and it was for people protecting people's pre-existing conditions he was pro-choice at one point yes we can't like take that it's almost as if he has no actual positions whatsoever and like the thing about trump too is it's it's like the reason you don't give matches to a baby is because the

baby's pro-fire. It's because they're too dumb to have dangerous things in their hand. I have absolutely no doubt that Donald Trump could be easily led into war. But what I keep thinking is he is president who is a low information cable news viewer. That's who he is. That's who he's been all his life. Except he owns the network. Yeah, right. And because he's that, he knows that he watched cable news all through the Iraq war.

And he knows how unpopular it is and how unpopular a president can be. Because he used to say this about George Bush all the time, a president could be that takes the country into war when there's a 10-year quagmire. Do you mean two-term President George W. Bush? The first year turns out okay, generally, though, for the president who's heroically leading you into war. It's 3-4-5.

I will say that there is another facet of Donald Trump that is useful, which is that he does have, despite his bluster, an innate and inconquerable cowardice to his conduct generally. It's why he was only willing to go so far in Syria. And I think it actually does affect his decisions now. I mean, the man can't fire anyone face to face like that. Look, he's scared of Amorosa. He's scared. I mean, look, nothing has made Donald Trump seem smaller. I mean, he's shocked himself. I mean, nothing has made Donald Trump seem smaller than the powers of the presidency.

And he is. It's actually been a been one of the saving graces for the country is that he is terrified of the awesome responsibilities bestowed to him. So, you know, look, I'm looking for I'm looking for silver linings here. They're not great, but that's one. From the foreign policy expert, what is the path towards de-escalating the situation? To leave it on a hopeful note, how does this, because look, we're not at war with North Korea yet.

Jesus Christ. I would do a side note today, which is Fox News just came out with a new poll, which is not awesome in a lot of ways, but it does say that most voters now think Trump is not tough enough in North Korea. I saw that. Okay. So Trump loved the pomp and circumstance of his negotiations with North Korea. So that is a good thing. And there was a report in The New Yorker recently that said Trump had invited President Rouhani of Iran to dinner multiple times, but Rouhani said no.

But this sort of gets at the... I know. He doesn't like McDonald's. Easy yes, man! Well, but this is the difference. North Korea doesn't have politics. You have an absolute dictator, ruler, who can do whatever the hell he wants. Iran has real politics.

The supreme leader calls the shots, not the president of Iran. Rouhani will have an election. And Trump has backed him into a corner where anything that looks like capitulating to the Americans might get him not reelected. The sanctions might lead to the collapse of the economy, which might hurt him politically. So this is how they're misplaying the situation. We've also completely lost the international community. I mean, they're misplaying the situation. We've also completely lost the international community. I mean the Europeans have tried to stick with the Iran deal. So like that's where he's completely, fundamentally misplayed this game. That said, if Rouhani says, yeah man I'll meet you at Mar-a-Lago for a well-done steak, like I think we could be out of this thing. I just don't know how we get

from here to there. I think I just want to, sitting next to Akilah, watching you listen to Tommy, you're like, he'll say something that may be hopeful, and then he'll be like, but probably not. And then you just go like this. I am so deflated. It is half past Handmaid's Tale. We got to leave this bitch tonight. Anybody who has a car, meet me around back.

Little America is forming in toronto let's just go i'm so over it what are we even doing anymore we're hoping that this guy is rational with dictators i fuck that akilah akilah i come from a long line of jew Jews who knew when to get the fuck out. There you go. And so just if I'm here, we're cool. Thank you. Probably. All right. We'll have more news in a bit. Now it's time for OK Stop. You know how it works.

Roll a clip and the panel can say OK Stop at any point to comment. Rudy Giuliani. Your favorite mayor ever. And your favorite mayor ever and your favorite mayor to run for president I'm just don't

I they don't know what to do I promised I promised I would wait for the 2020 section I promised just

I want to talk about it alright oh my god 20 section, I promise. Just, I want to talk about it. All right. Oh my God. Oh man. So tall. All right. Rudy went on, Rudy went on Fox news to discuss how he himself did some investigating in Ukraine and discovered something nefarious about one Joe Biden. Let's take a look. The reality is this has nothing to do with the election of 2020. The election of 2020 is a long time from now.

And if I wanted a medal in that election, which I don't, I could have held this for a year and dropped it right before. I know he's been hanging out with Trump a lot. don't I could have held this for a year and dropped it right before the kid I know he's been hanging out with Trump a lot we're not gonna pretend we don't see this tan he's got black hair he didn't have that before he's using he's using the Stephen Miller hairspray oh god, God. Here's the thing. I think that's cool. That was not there.

I think that's cool. Rudy is going through something. All right? He's going through something personally. He's going through something politically. And honestly, if that new face color and new hair color is the thing that gets him on that date, that lands him a little bit of comfort and happiness that stops him from being a roving lunatic for the worst president history maybe the die is worth it i'm gonna stay tuned to find out

the reality is i came about this by accident investigating ukrainian collusion with Democrats. Okay, stop. Rudy Giuliani has never discovered anything on purpose. The idea that he just happened to be in Ukraine, minding his own business, eating some... Is this malfeasance I've discovered? Have I discovered? How did this happen? I just came...

I'm trying to remember what cities are in Ukraine. I'm going to go for it. I came to Kiev to relax. Little R&R. And I discovered that Joe Biden is a criminal. To affect the election and also to help create the false narrative against the president. And over the next three to four months, you're going to find out all about that, including the corruption that went on.

Doesn't this sound like the worst podcast that's about to come out? I'm just saying I don't care to listen to Rudy Giuliani for the next four months. It's a fake crime podcast. Yeah, it is. Rudy Giuliani for the next four months. It's a fake crime podcast. Yeah, it is. Fake crime starring Joe Biden. From Sarah Koenig,

you'll never believe what didn't happen. It is upfront season. So this is him debuting it. I'm not Biden, yeah. ...and the corruption that went on with Papadopoulos and the way he was set up. Well, let me ask you, to that point— It's all part of one large conspiracy that has about two or three parts to it.

Oh. You're also going to find, I think, that some of the Steele memorandum was written in the Ukraine. After all, Steele didn't go to Russia for nine years. How could he have written a memorandum about Russia if he hadn't been there for nine years? Okay, so— And how— The Internet? What is he talking about?. If he hadn't been there for nine years... The internet? What is he

talking about? What is he even talking about? Does anyone understand what he's talking about? Don't tell Rudy Giuliani about the internet. It's bad enough as it is. I don't know what he's referring to, but it's somehow on the same universe as the pee tape. That's all I know. Could Comey have accepted

it as true without asking that? Okay, let me ask you about something here. You phone call. You phone call. Okay, stop. It is insane for me to feel like this woman on fucking Fox News

needs someone to step in so that she can be heard. It is wild that I feel compelled to advocate on her behalf. Let her speak. I hate you, Rudy. Let's go. For intelligence information? I don't know, because I'm not a spy.

I don't know about a clue. A clue is a very big word. You know what? I don't know who this is. May never know. But that was cool. Okay, stop. You know what? I don't know who this is. May never know. But that was cool. When Comey signed that affidavit using the Steele dossier,

which he didn't bother to verify, which if you read it, reads like a porn novel. Okay, stop. That was phrasing. I would just say. Sorry, stop. That was phrasing. I would just say, I would just say, how do you know? And what the fuck is a porn novel?

Like a supermarket one? Or like 1925? Once again. You don't have to picture it anymore. Once again. I'm just going to curl up with my porn novel. He doesn't know about the internet. Let's keep him off of it. And worse.

Either Comey was sleeping for five months, or he deliberately didn't want to verify that and he gave false evidence to the court in order to invade the rights of an american citizen who turns out to be perfectly innocent i don't know what you call that i don't know if it's a coup or making a false statement okay your two options are coup and false statement. That's a range. That's a range. And he doesn't know what you call it.

I was either going to overthrow the government or tell a tall tale. You know, it's a Wednesday, so Thursday. My thing is, who is this guy that is clearly Rudy Giuliani's hot younger brother, you know? Because I got to tell you, he sounds just as crazy as Rudy Giuliani. And that's okay. Stop. Now let's, I guess let's talk about the news again. All right, let's talk about 2020.

Okay. It's happening. A lot of apprehension talk about 2020. Okay. It's happening. A lot of apprehension in those cheers. Yeah. This week, two more men have rounded out the record-breaking field of 23 Democratic candidates. Guys, just wait. Montana Governor Steve Bullock. Okay, got some Bullock fans.

And New York City's own Mayor Bill de Blasio. Now, for everyone listening at home, what you're hearing is Bill. And a room filled with de Blasio 2020 signs. What is that? They Love it for president 2020. There's a sign out there. Wait, put it back. Hi,

Mrs. Love it. As the Washington post wrote on Wednesday, quote, some democratic leaders worry privately that this army of candidates makes it harder for the party to coalesce around a single standard bearer and deliver a clear message. No shit. And for the candidates, the landscape makes it increasingly difficult to strategize, stand out and make their case.

Akilah, we're going to start with you because I know Lovett has a lot to say about this candidate. But you are a constituent of the mayor's, along with all of you, many of you. What do you think about his presidential candidacy? I just don't understand why it's necessary. I don't get it. I don't get it. I feel like the field of Democrats now is like the song Freak-A-Leak by Pete Bob. It's like Keisha, Tara, Monica, Monique, Krista, Duranda. Like it's just so many,

so many people. And I'm like, you know, I'm not going to learn your name. Like this is so ridiculous. And like, I live in New York and I'm not learning de Blasio. I'm sorry. I love it. Here's the thing. How much later for stuff in New York City can this guy get? Because he's very tall. So tall. I just think people this tall have too much confidence.

And I just want to make a couple points. One, I'm a full foot shorter than Bill de Blasio, which means that if I had dropped that groundhog, it would still be alive. I will also just say, I get

look, it must be very frustrating to be the mayor of New York City, the biggest country, biggest city, the biggest city. Listen, you guys leave, I'm coming. And you're like, wait a second, I run the most complicated city bigger than like 15 American states. And this mayor from South Bend, Indiana, who basically runs three blocks of Hell's Kitchen. That must be that must drive him crazy. He's a mayor of South Bend, Indiana, that you could fit South Bend between like, I don't know, like Madison and Park. So like that must I mean, it must be insane. And then

how fucking frustrating it is to say, you know what, if he can do it, I can do it. And then 8 million people say, go fuck yourself. Come on. You don't leave New York till we're done hating you. So anyway, long story short, I think New York needs a shorter mayor. Dan, just so we can play devil's advocate here. If you're Bill de Blasio or Steve Bullock and you see a field this large, talented, diverse, why do you get in the primary at this stage? What do you see? What is the case for some of these lesser known candidates who don't have the name ID that some of these other candidates have that haven't been around as long? What's the case? There isn't one. I mean, I think, let's be clear.

I keep asking until someone makes the case. I mean, yes, I guess anything is possible if you try it enough times. Yeah, Trump is president. So that's the problem, is everyone looks and says, Trump won, therefore I can win. But the problem with that argument is that Trump had 100% name ID. He was leading in the polls when he started. He was leading in the polls in the 2012 Republican primary

when he was contemplating getting in. Trump winning is not a Horatio Alger tale of a mayor or a governor that no one knows working their way to the top. He was one of the most famous people in the world. Yeah, who was a dominating force in right-wing media who said all the things the base wanted him to say. That is not what's happening. And I think we have to, like a couple points, one, anything is

possible, but that doesn't mean that it is probable or even plausible for some of these people to come from nowhere. Second, there is a difference between saying you're running for president and actually running for president. Running for the Democratic nomination is about getting a majority of delegates. That means you have to be able to run real, well-staffed, well-organized, funded campaigns in four early primary states. Of the 25 fucking people who are currently running for president,

maybe 10 of them can do that, right? And so I think at some point, like, yes, we have apparently very easy to get into debate criteria. People should do that. We should let it play itself out. But there is a distinction between the people who have shown that they can actually win the nomination, the people who just put out a really cute video early on. Yeah. I mean, Tommy, how do candidates, how do the candidates,

maybe the 10 candidates that Dan's talking about that, you know, have a chance. How do those candidates stand out and command attention in a field this large? Like, what are the good strategies? What are the not so good strategies? Light yourself on fire. I sincerely don't know because I keep thinking about Martin O'Malley. Remember him? Ran against Bernie and Hillary,

and he couldn't break through or get press attention or make news at a debate. So it's going to be exponentially harder when there's literally two separate debates on different nights. So, you know, look, not to knock the most recent entrance to the race, but there is a group of people who see running for president as a way to increase your profile get a book deal get its speaking fees i mean i think it's more true on the republican

side now the counter argument to everything we're saying is that if stacy abrams got in that reaction speaks for itself right so like there clearly are a lot of people out there who look at the 2,500 people running and think, I'm not sold yet. What's next? So look, it's a long process. We shall see. But I feel like it's going to end poorly for a lot of these candidates. And the argument against what we're all saying is Pete Buttigieg, right?

This is the mayor of the fourth largest city in indiana and he gets in the race and his strategy is his communication strategy is say yes to everything every media availability and he's got a lot of talent and a lot of charisma and so because he says yes to everything he makes a name for himself purely through doing a lot of media and a lot of interviews and now he's you know one of the top five or six candidates in the race so i'm guessing that a lot of these other candidates are like well i could be pete budaj too you know now they can't they can't well maybe but maybe they can we don't know you know but that's that it really does sort of it is a you know look this becomes ultimately subjective and the reason peteigieg was able to break through is he took a gamble that what he had to say was interesting and compelling enough,

once he said it to enough people, that it would launch him into the top tier of the race. And it did. And it absolutely did. And by the way, to be serious, it is completely possible, maybe not probable, but possible that someone like Steve Bullock or even someone like Bill de Blasio could do that. Okay. The fact that in his own city, the fact that in his own city he is booed for running for president,

though, is interesting and important and shouldn't be. I'm not, like, jokes aside, like, if you're going to launch a campaign in which your own city is going to be angry at you for doing it, that tells you something. South Bend is not booing. It's also great. South Bend is like, people. The degree to which... South Bend is like, we have name recognition now?

It's also a great window into literal media bias because there's a lot of blue check marks on Twitter who are reporters who live in Brooklyn or Manhattan who normally write objectively about candidates who are like, fuck that guy. He's the worst. Just destroying him.

And honestly, not even really based on his record, just based on having a personal animus towards him as a man. Yeah, they just don't like that he goes to the gym at 10am or something like that. They don't like his gym routine and they don't like that he's late to important shit. And you know what? I don't like either of those things either, honestly. But, no, but like to make it, like... Yeah, 5am gym.

Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, what time are you clocking in? I get to where I'm supposed to be at the exact moment I should be. I am gay punctual. That's not a thing. Homophobia. Yeah, so the... I think that the truth is is anyone can get in this race now.

It's not too late. But the reason you're getting in is because you look at a field of 45,000 people and say none and say none of them is right. None of them are saying what I believe needs to be said. None of them is me. None of them is me. But also like, I believe that I have a strong and compelling unique case that is the best case to take on Donald Trump and to lead this country. And so the later these people are getting in, the more important it is the words they use when they launch.

And I watched Bill de Blasio's video and I didn't find it that impressive. I honestly didn't. And because because at this stage, saying you're going to run a campaign for working people doesn't cut it. It's not special enough when we have a lot of candidates making that same argument. So the later these people get in, the bigger the pressure is on their argument. So, you know, any one of them can make that beat Pudaj move, but it depends on being extraordinarily unique

and compelling. And really, it's up to them to prove that they were right to get in. And we'll see. Timing matters. Akilah, since we haven't had you on stage yet, who in the 2020 field is interesting to you? And if you don't want to say that,

what are you looking for in a candidate as you're assessing this field? There's so many interesting people in the world, John. I would never be mean to our mayor. In person, he's very tall. I can't take him but um i i mean i think elizabeth warren is saying real shit i think yeah i'm gonna pretend that applause is for me and

but i think that she's one of the only people who has real policies on her website that you can read. And that's important. I think that a lot of people are treating this campaign season and the road to 2020 as if it's 2015. And we're like, we're going to win for sure. And I'm like, I don't care about that. All right. Like I said, half past Handmaid's Tale. Like, it's time time and so I think

she's great I think um you know I don't know that Kamala has been so outspoken on her policy but I do think that she has shown that she's not backing down when faced with GOP people who really don't have an argument uh which is important um you know so let me just shout out my ladies. Um, was it a clove of char with that, that, that, that,

that, uh, comb fork. I think she's resourceful and that's not nothing, especially in the hunger game. Honestly, you and your salad with Bill. Exactly.

In Cormac, in Cormac McCarthy's 2020, Cormac? Yeah. Corman? Cormac. Well, in the road, you'd want to be with Klobuchar. You got to be. You got to be.

She's, you know, she's a little seedy, and I like that. But, you know, the rest of it, I just think, like I said, Petey Pablo, too too many people not really that interesting I mean Buttigieg obviously would be a step in the right direction and I think another candidate who is say I mean maybe not as many policies on the website what's going on with your webmaster figure it out but yeah and also this person with the Love It 2020 sign. I mean, I just feel like the party bus would be lit. And so I'm down.

All right. I like that assessment. I can get 65,000 donors. Oh, God. Okay. When we come back, we'll have an interview with your Attorney General, Letitia James. She's a lawyer, activist, and politician currently serving as the Attorney General of New York. Please welcome Attorney General Letitia James. Thank you.

This feels like a home audience. What's in those red cups? Water, lots of water. Your office has been doing everything. You guys have investigations against prescription drug companies, Facebook, grifting presidents and their families. Can you tell our listeners why the New York Attorney General's office is so uniquely positioned to seek restitution and damages and investigate fraud. So, Tommy, first let me just say welcome to the People's Republic of Brooklyn. And two, you were talking about Alabama, and I will not allow anyone to silence the voice of women and to close Planned Parenthood.

And that's what's critically important. These are, yeah, it's important that everyone know that it's our bodies, right, and our choice and no one else's. And so I'm confident that that radical law that they signed will be declared unconstitutional. But as your guests said, they're chipping away at Roe v. Wade and all of us have got to respond. So the Office of Attorney General is unique. There are a number of bureaus, and particularly as we investigate the Trump Foundation, the Trump Organization, the NRA, opioids. We're doing one of, you know, we have a charities bureau, and the charities bureau has responsibility,

and I think that's a staff member, and jurisdiction over charities in the state of New York. And it's really critically important that we respond to the needs of donors as well as beneficiaries, and that we make sure that organizations are adhering to the law and comply with the law. And so that's why we are investigating the Trump Foundation based on the testimony of Michael Cohen and based on other evidence that we've received. So that's not all you're doing.

I believe the state of New York has over 200 legal actions against Trump and the administration right now. I would, I'd like to ask you about one in particular, which is the 2020 census case. President Trump wants to add a citizenship question to the 2020 census, which almost everyone involved, politicians, mathematicians, everyone, thinks would lead to an undercount of millions of Latino, Asian, and immigrant households. Why did your office decide to sue over this case?

And do you think we have a chance of preventing them from adding this question? So we argued before the Supreme Court about two weeks ago. Barbara Underwood, the Solicitor General of the State of New York, did an amazing job. An amazing job. But it was a difficult question. And believe it or not, you have to laugh to keep from crying, is because the justification that they used

is that they wanted information to enforce the Voting Rights Act, like as if they care about the Voting Rights Act. But nonetheless, some of the jurists believed that, and unfortunately, one would respect the discretion of the Trump administration. What will happen to New York and why this is so important is one, because immigrants tonight are hiding in the shadow. Two, because it's going to have an impact on reapportionment. There's a possibility in New York State we may lose not one, but two congressional districts. And three, we will lose federal funding for districts and for

municipalities all across the state of New York who need it, particularly in marginalized and vulnerable populations. It's unconscionable but unfortunately it's up to Roberts, it's really up to Roberts and so I don't know how it's going to go but if in fact we lose it's going to be up to all of us to knock on doors and to get individuals out because they're not going to respond to government. They're afraid of government right now. So we must respond to the needs of our neighbors and communities and people in need and to tell our allies and our friends and immigrants right now who are under attack that we're their friends and we're here to help. So as a lawyer, as a law enforcement official, I want to get your opinion. Can a president be indicted in a state court asking for an anxious nation?

So most of our investigations are civil in nature. They're not criminal. And let me also go on to say you asked me a question that I did not answer, and that was in response to our lawsuit most extensive lawsuit in this nation against manufacturers and distributors and the Sackler family related to the opioid crisis in the state of New York yeah they seem real cool yeah yeah yeah they're right um and the fact is is that in New York state nine in the nine individuals die every day as a result of the opioid crisis. And one of the things that I promised to mothers and to fathers who were crying before open caskets

that I would do something about it, and that is why I'm so proud of the Office of Attorney General. And I'm so glad that we sued the bastards. Speaking of suing bastards, a few weeks ago, you opened an investigation into the NRA's status as a nonprofit. The NRA is registered as a nonprofit in New York, which makes it tax exempt. But there have been reports that executives and vendors of the organization have been siphoning off money from their budget, millions of dollars. organization that have been siphoning off money from their budget, millions of dollars. In fact, you said, quote, the NRA holds itself out as a charitable organization, but in fact, it really is a terrorist organization. I mean, I guess that's pretty straightforward, but what did you mean by it? So first of all, I said that when I was campaigning,

not as attorney general, but as a candidate and as a public advocate of the city of New York. I'm in a different capacity now. I got you, Tommy. It was a good quote. It was. Well, I know. I don't know. I have to be neutral. The reality is, is that they're imploding. And so I want to thank Oliver North. Thank you. That's all that I can say. Okay. So, I mean, I believe you have the power to dissolve the NRA if you find evidence. I mean, do you think that could happen? So we're in the process of dissolving the Trump Foundation. And because we have jurisdiction over charitable organizations, and that includes the NRA Foundation,

that is but one remedy that we could possibly pursue. Let me also give a shout out to jared hova who's here somewhere he's a staff member jared how are you how are you doing and your lovely wife mallory serious jared fans in the front row here okay so i feel like you didn't want to take that one so uh purely hypothetical question so let's say I work at a fascist pro-machine gun rights organization. We have a leader, let's call him Dwayne the Rock LaPierre. He spent 275 grand at a tacky boutique in Beverly Hills. Would that kind of blatant corruption

and spending of a non-profit's money make you want to dissolve Dwayne's charity? It would make me want to initiate an inquiry and investigation. Okay, got it. Okay, so the first two years of the Trump administration, there was just no oversight by Congress, right? I mean, it was Republicans

who let him do whatever they wanted. Now that Democrats control the House, they're being stonewalled. How do you think states like New York can fill those oversight gaps? It's really critically important, and it's important that everyone understand, attorney generals all across this nation, but most importantly, Democratic attorney generals have been the firmest pillar of our democracy. We have been active in filing lawsuits from the beginning of time, from DACA

to protecting immigrants, protecting the EPA, standing up for the LGBT community, standing up for women, Title 20, the opioid crisis, standing up for standards in school lunch, and the list goes on and on and on. Each and every day I wake up, I go to the office, I find out what he decided to rescind, repeal. I sue him and then I go home. Does it drive you crazy when the President of the United States was running a charity that was just clearly designed to allow him to self-deal and that Congress doesn't do anything about it?

It drives me crazy. And it's the reason why I ran for the Attorney General. Because our values and our democracy is at risk. Because we live in a country where you have an individual who's impugning the free press, the independent judiciary. He's attacking immigrants, vulnerable populations. He's destroying institutions. He has no respect for the rule of law. That's what drives me crazy. And that's why I ran for the Office of Attorney General. It was the fierce urgency of now. But it's not just me. Let me step outside of the office of Attorney General. It's going to be up to all of you. We live in a bubble.

We live in New York City and New York State. We need to leave this comfortable blue, blue, blue state and city. We need to go to Alabama and Georgia and Mississippi and all of those red states and talk to individuals and register individuals and all of those states that and talk to individuals and register individuals and all of those states that are struggling under the weight of poverty and all of those women right now who unfortunately are being treated like second-class citizens. That's what we need to do. It's really critically important that, again, we get ready for 2020

and that we make sure that we have a democracy that believes in liberty and freedom and justice for all. You tweeted that this draconian, horrible new abortion law in Alabama infringes on the rights that have already been protected, and we'll continue to protect them in New York. fringes on the rights that have already been protected, and we'll continue to protect them in New York. Are there steps that states can and should take to protect women's health before we get to that point? So in New York, you know, the governor and the governor were attempting to codify Roe v. Wade so that women's rights are protected in New York state. And we just have to make sure that we protect the women's right. We have to make sure that we protect the woman's right. We have to make sure that individuals are properly escorted,

that we can provide transportation to them. And the abortion pill is now on the Internet. So... All right. Unexpected applause line. Mayor Bill de Blasio launched this campaign All right. Unexpected applause line. Mayor Bill de Blasio launched this campaign for president. John Lovett endorsed him tonight.

How excited are you? One to ten about President de Blasio's campaign. President de Blasio's campaign. Okay. No, seriously. Listen, we need a mayor who is going to be on the job 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And so I ask the question, has the crisis in affordable housing been addressed? No. Has income inequality been addressed?

No. Equal pay for equal work? No. How about cyclists who unfortunately are dying on our streets as a result of crashes? Has that been addressed? No. Environmental issues, has that been addressed? No. So what is the the legacy what are you running on

has school segregation been addressed so all of these issues and more obviously listen he could run he's the 23rd candidate i understand that um but the question is why Like, what's up? But he's a friend. Final question. Final question. Is there any chance that your office is planning to investigate the NBA or the NBA draft lottery? Because there is something happened. People are upset.

So I don't know if you know, Tommy, my history with the NBA and my history with the New York, New Jersey, Brooklyn Nets. I don't know if you know my history. Yeah. So, well, they're the worst team in the NBA. Anyway. So, no. That's all I got. I mean, this was the most fun interview I've ever done on a stage. Your Attorney General, Letitia James. We get a broom and a dustpan. There's chunks of Bill de Blasio all over the stage. Holy shit. Can I just say, I love black people so much.

That's all. Love us. Shall we play a game? Yeah. New York. Home to the best pizza. And some of the best people on the planet. People like Jared Kushner.

And Bernie Madoff. And of course, Zion Williamson. Explain the joke. Don't worry. He writes them himself. I'm sure the Knicks will land a big free agent like Al Horford. I read sports jokes like Trump reads condolence letters.

It doesn't ring true. And he said, if I read something about sports, I feel like I'm crawling through the Indiana Jones, like blades are going to come out. I got to know how to spell the name of God. Like I don't know what anything's happening. Al Horford. But New York isn't just a city for rich young people who want to pretend they're in Broad City for a few years

before they finally get a job selling predatory loans at Wells Fargo while developing a cocaine addiction. selling predatory loans at Wells Fargo while developing a cocaine addiction. It also happens to be the home to the Southern District of New York, the U.S. District Court that has the best chance of taking down Donald Trump. You see, Donald Trump can't pardon folks over crimes committed at the state level. According to the Mueller report, Big Daddy Bobby M and his team of 12 socialist FBI agents referred 14 different cases to other jurisdictions, and because of that, New York is looking at a lot of shit. Between the Mueller probe and other investigations, the public currently knows about six different Trump investigations ongoing here in New York, with most journalists thinking there are many more behind the scenes.

In fact, SDNY has so many current investigations, we don't think you'll be able to tell what's real Investigations ongoing here in New York with most journalists thinking there are many more behind the scenes in fact SDNY has so many current investigations. We don't think you'll be able to tell what's real and what's fake in a game We're calling the only living boy in New York not being investigated by the Southern District of New York Travis is out there with a microphone with someone out there like to play the game get him Travis is out there with a microphone. Would someone out there like to play the game? Get him, Travis. Hi, what's your name? Katie. Katie, where are you from, Katie?

I am from New York. Well, Queens, yes. You would get judged. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. What do you do here in New York City? I have a hair salon in Murray Hill.

All right. Katie, are you familiar with the president's crimes? Oh, all of them. Okay, then you're ready for this game. Here's how it works. The panelists will tell you about four different investigations, and you have to tell us which one is a real investigation. Are you ready? Yes.

Question one, Katie. Which of the following is a real investigation currently being undertaken by the Southern District of New York? Is it A? Investigators are examining evidence that Jared Kushner offered Russian oligarchs access to the president if they promised to bury footage of Kushner walking around in a sailor outfit while carrying a giant lollipop. Or is it B? They're investigating Donald Trump Jr. for allegedly approaching White House tour goers and offering to show them the bedroom where Abe Lincoln totally boned for 10 bucks or best offer. Or is it C?

They're investigating the Trump Organization, its chief financial officer, and top executives to determine their role in payments to women to never discuss their sexual affairs with Trump, which is something a lot of women would do for free. Or is it D? They're looking into Trump campaign spending on the inauguration and whether

future Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross really ate $100,000 worth of split pea soup at the Trump International. What do you think, Katie? I'm going with the Tommy option. You got it. You got it. Question two.

Which of the following is a real investigation currently being undertaken by the Southern District of New York? Is it A. They're weighing additional charges against Michael Cohen for watching Goodfellas on his iPhone on a plane, full volume, no headphones or anything. Literal monsters are doing this. Is it B?

Prosecutors are attempting to determine if there is any truth to Jared Kushner's claim that he is the smoothest little boy in all the land. That one's weird. That one's weird if that's true. If that land. That one's weird. That one's weird if that's true. If that's it, it's weird. Or is it C? Investigators are weighing obstruction charges

against President Trump. At issue is whether it's unlawful to attempt to collude with people who do not exist like Thanos or moderate Republicans. We'll get back. I'm going to come back to that one in one second. Just remember what Tommy said. Keep that in your mind.

Or is it D? They're investigating two lobbying firms that work with Paul Manafort to determine whether they violated the Foreign Agents Registration Act, which could make lobbyists everywhere appear somewhat dishonest and possibly even tarnish

the sterling reputation of the lobbying industry. That last one really messed me up. God. Let's have an answer, Katie. So many. I'm sorry, you're wrong. It was D. Did Tommy say Thanos?

Is it Thanos? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I didn't see the fucking movie. I'm sorry. Of course you didn't see the movie. Nobody with cheekbones like that saw the movie. We came into the office on Monday. Levitt yelled at us for not seeing this stupid fucking movie.

I like to call Tommy Pod Save America's Jared Kushner type. Oh. Shots fired. I am very smooth. Very smooth. Question three. Which one of these is real?

Is it A? They're investigating weekly $5,000 stipends allocated to Melania for, quote, touching Donald's hands in public or at least not being too obvious about slapping them away. Or is it B? They're attempting to determine whether the Trump Organization committed insurance fraud by submitting inflated claims in past years, or conversely, whether insurance claims are the one area where Trump has been totally forthright and honest.

Or is it C? They're looking into reports that Jeff Sessions offered several members of Trump's campaign staff $100 to punch him in the stomach as hard as they could. Or is it D? Investigators are examining the finances of Trump's steaks to determine how Trump managed to sell world-class USDA prime-certified Angus beef steaks

at such incredible prices. Today's episode is brought to you by Trump Steaks. Trump Steaks, it's the art of the veal. Dan, I'm sorry that you... Sadly, I'm going to say B because everything should be investigated. Yes, it's B. You got it. Sorry, Dan, that we made you say that part. Question four, which is real.

Is it A? They're investigating whether the President's Inaugural Committee, including whether the committee accepted illegal donations from foreign nationals and submitted false information to the FEC, while simultaneously reminding everyone that Three Doors Down actually played live in concert at the Lincoln Memorial. Or is it B? Okay, before I read it,

do you guys dare me to name one Three Doors Down song? Yes. Name two and sing it. Two? Ooh. Give us a couple notes. Wait, that one song. I'm here without you, baby.

That's them for sure, right? Is that them? I don't know. I feel like it might be. It's like them, One Republic. It's all the same. Yeah, it's all. Did you read your answer yet?

No. I'm sorry. Or is it B? Investigators have been examining issues surrounding the so-called P-Tape. Specifically, they've been tricking each other into watching it. Then they laugh and laugh. Being a federal investigator is a challenging job, but it can be fun, too.

Or is it C? Two Trumps, one tape. They're looking into whether... They're looking into whether Donald Trump has been selling bootleg copies of Home Alone 2, Lost in New York, from the Mar-a-Lago gift shop. No one has accused him of this. It just feels like something he would do.

Or is it D? Investigators are looking into whether Saturday Night Live has been clandestinely granted high-level security clearance. Since let me tell you, those skits are pretty close to reality with this knucklehead administration. Dan, that one was brutal. It's like, what happened to the joke writers? I'm going to go with A. You got it. And Katie, you've won the game.

Guys, give it up for Katie from Queens. Thank you to Letitia James. Thank you to Akilah Hughes. And thank you, Brooklyn, for coming out. We'll see right back. I'm out.