Podcast: The Ride - A Perfectly Cromulent Simpsons Episode with Alan Siegel

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

Alan Siegel, author of "Stupid TV, Be More Funny", brings tales from the Simpsons writers' room, Disney jail and Moe's Tavern (the one at Universal). "⁠⁠⁠Unlicensed Theme Park Scented Candles (Club 3)⁠⁠⁠" episode is up at: ⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: ⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride⁠⁠⁠ BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride⁠⁠⁠ PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST ⁠⁠⁠https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions. From reviving old memories with AI upscaling, to seamless hands-free control with universal gestures, the next vision in television is here. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. The new BMO VI Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more. More perks, more points, more flights, more of all the things you want in a travel rewards card and then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BMO VI Porter MasterCard

and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit bemo.com slash VI Porter to learn more. Forever. Dog. Warning, the following podcast may contain sorted tales of the Disney surveillance state, the saying of names of original Simpsons writers and long dead puppeteers, plus barely sourced speculation about the future of the Simpsons in theme parks.

Alan Siegel, author of the new Simpsons book, joins us to talk about a bunch of Simpsons stuff in a perfectly cromulent Simpsons episode on Podcast The Ride. Welcome to Podcast The Ride, which like The Simpsons has characters who are yellow, which in our case means cowardly. I'm Scott Gardner joined by Mike Carlson. It means cowardly. It also means maybe we had too much Taco Bell Caliente sauce because the sauce itself was

made from an artificial yellow dye. That is always a danger, yes, that you consume so much of that despite its prior effects on you. You end up the color of the sauce. Jason Sheridan who struggled with said sauce. Yeah, I was worried you were gonna say we were jaundiced. And I was like, no, jaundice is one of the health battles I've not faced. You were not currently, yeah, yes, yes, yeah.

Well, congrats, there's always time. There's always, oh yeah. Yes, we're happy to not particularly resemble the Simpsons, but we are happy also to talk about the Simpsons and to revisit the world of the Simpsons in Springfield and the intersection of the Simpsons and theme parks. You know, we talked about the Simpsons ride with the Talking Simpsons and theme parks. You know, we talked about the Simpsons ride with the Talking Simpsons gentlemen,

but today we're gonna dive a little deeper. We're gonna talk about stuff that's beyond the ride. You know, the Springfield areas and Universal Studios and the theme parks they visited in the show and what we'll be losing. I was gonna say if, but I'd say when the Simpsons disappear from Universal Parks. Likely when. It certainly

seeming that way. Likely. More, it's tipping towards when. A grab bag The Simpsons disappear from Universal Arts. Likely when. It's certainly seeming that way. Likely. More, it's tipping towards when. A grab bag of Simpsons stuff, and this comes to us courtesy our great guest today, who's an excellent writer, who has a book that is available for pre-order right now called Stupid TV, Be More Funny, How the Golden Era of The Simpsons

Changed Television in America Forever. It's Alan Siegel, hello. Hi guys, thanks for having me. Absolutely. No, thank you for coming. Thank you for making us aware of your book, for sending us copies of the book, which we've been diving into already. I think you had all of us at a golden era of the Simpsons. That's a starting point that we love. But yeah, I mean, congrats to you. And I'm excited to check it out and spread awareness of it here. Thank you.

I just got back from Orlando. It was the first time I'd been there since 2001. And there were a lot fewer Dick Tracy products there than I remembered from the early 90s of my first trip. And also, Jessica Rabbit had a lot, you know There was no presence of her. There was no giant Jessica Rabbit sign like there was in 1991 Pleasure Island, right. Yeah, you know there were still the lingering little

It really it really did loom large I guess. Can't you be- like so many props around because it's what they had just done and they had to like Populate that Studios Park with something so it was all that. Couldn't they leave Jessica up and put her in like a big coat, you know, at Disney Springs? Like they did on the ride, you're saying, because there was an old neon sign. Right. And you're saying just amend it with a second neon sign.

Give her the big coat and put it back up. Like put it under the, you know, Morimoto restaurant, you know. Yeah. You know, it's like, hey, it's like a weird, it's a funky thing, it would fit somewhere at Disney Springs. Right. You know what, it's like, hey, it's like a weird, it's a funky thing. It would fit somewhere in Disney Springs. And it nods to the history.

How was your trip in general? This was a thing with niece's nephews. Yeah, so it was my dad who is a retired engineer. He planned this whole thing. We took my seven and nine-year-old nieces to Epcot, Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom, and we did pretty much everything. My oldest, older niece managed to do Tiana.

Took some psyching up, but, and the photo where I look like a psychopath, I'm sticking my tongue out, but she is like, kind of like bending her head down, and she looks scared out of her mind, but at the end of the ride, she was happy she did it, so we were happy too. That's the one, that's the huge one to get over the ride, she was happy she did it, so we were happy too. And that's it.

That's a huge one to get over. I was much older when I did it, and then I completely reset for decades, so that's about, a nine-year-old is a better time to begin. You mentioned that, well, okay, you mentioned a little bit of, like, when we were talking before, there was a little bit of, mostly were talking before there's a little bit of like Mostly went very smooth, but a little bit of like tension of perceived space at the end of the day You like in the fireworks? Yeah, it was own. It was very funny

again as a childless adults like You know things that I don't run into too much But we were watching the fireworks at the end of the day on Main Street USA, and we staked out a good spot, and my dad, again, amazing planner, wanted to sort of protect our little three by three space. You're implied. If everyone spreads out a little bit,

like it's not, you can't really, you can't put tape on the ground, but you can just sort of like, you know, try to convey a bubble. And a guy sort of stepped in front of him completely innocuously. And my dad, again, is a very like sort of, he, you know, rule follower. And he kind of said to the guy, like,

oh, you're right in front of us. And the guy, the guy like scoffed like very loudly. And he's like, dude, there's 10,000 people here. We're gonna be fine. And my brother kinda tapped my dad on the shoulder and was like, all right, let's just leave this alone. It was perfectly fine. I was telling Scott that my parents are 75 and 72

and they walked three straight days, 10 to 14 hour days. It was really impressive and my nieces too were, again, I think they just are on such a high from being there that they were great. Yeah, it's sort of like the magic of that place and all of these places where you sort of, yeah, you go beyond your bounds of kids stay up later,

kids push it harder, yeah, your parents. I find that too, I'm always astounded by the step count at the end of it, like I did what? And where if you told me at the beginning of the day to do that in my neighborhood, I'd say absolutely not. I'm gonna get so tired, I'm gonna get so bored, but it doesn't happen. It's not even possible.

It doesn't feel like it's possible in real life.-hmm it only is possible in Orlando yeah it just I am well it's possible if you're I don't know if you if you if you run work out I'm not talking about those people yeah but normal people regular yes yeah yeah I'm happy it was successful and that the dad situation didn't overflow into a worse situation because another thing you mentioned when we were Sorting out this episode you alluded to some amount of

Issues baby you said that you have you have a tale involving the the dreaded The place that we all avoid trying that we're all good boys to try to avoid going, which is Disney Jail. So the Disney Jail story is actually secondhand, but I'm gonna go with that. It wasn't your father, wow, growing up. It was mine, no, thank God. This is what I was wondering,

is this a real straight-through life? So it was a story told to me by my buddy, who I used to work with at the newspaper I started my career at. And he mentioned it, I think, before he went on a different trip to Disney World. And he told this story. So this was 2004, approximately.

So my friend went on a spring break trip at the end of college with 10 other guys in their early 20s to Florida. And it was like Daytona, Miami, and Orlando. And there was this one kid who had no money. So he saved up for a plane ticket and then had nothing. So as young men tend to do, they were like, all right, we're going to exploit this situation. So they started having the guy with no money do dares. And so it started with, you know, take a shot of Tabasco, get this girl's number. I think it was like, wink

at the pilot on the plane. So they go to Magic Kingdom one day, and well let me back up a little. This guy had no money so all of my friend and their friends had to pool their money to get him a ticket so that he didn't have to stay in the parking lot the entire day. Oh you got grand old time though, ticket and transportation center.

You know you're watching monorails go around. Well, you take to Monorail, you go to Disney Springs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that is a free ride. That's true. Well, this was clearly the juncture point. Should have just had a fantastic day at the Ticket and Transpo, but instead, a foolish decision made.

They had their day at Magic Kingdom, they had a good time. And then they boarded the ferry from Magic Kingdom to the parking lot. So it's like the seven seas lagoon. Am I correct on that? Yeah. Yeah. It's a big crazy hassle. So it's like yes the transportation as we just found when we were there like the transportation decisions just to get over the moat. You've got there's a lot to work out. A lot of second guessing on our part. Should

we do the boat? Should we do the monorail? That looks full. No, we've got to do the monorail. Never mind. It's a real process. So they're on the ferry. It's nighttime. And someone goes to this guy, I'm not going to say his name, said, hey, why don't you jump in the lake? Oh no. Oh God. And my friend said, he said, this is my friend's mind here. He said, before I could tell him there are alligators in there, all of a sudden, this guy is gone. He jumps in the water. Oh, God.

And my friend looks back and he said, it was nothing but a splash in the distance. And my friend said that he was laughing the hardest he's ever laughed in his life until he started seeing sirens and boats. And all kinds of like, I'm snapping here, immediately, like within five seconds. Wow.

So they don't know what to do. So the ferry lands, they get off. The friends are all led to a holding room. And my friend said it felt like five hours. And all of a sudden, a little while later, their friend shows up, he's still damp, he doesn't have his shoes or glasses, and he quote had to sign his Disney life away.

So they told him, don't ever try to come to a park again, don't go to Euro Disney, don't go to Disney Cruise, nothing Disney. So let's tell you about the Vacation Club hotels. Now these are full of wonderful amenities for families, but not for you. So no, you cannot live in Cotino, a story living by Disney.

Yeah, no planned communities in Palm Springs. We'd prefer if you didn't visit a Disney store, but there's a lot of those. It's a lot for us to honor. There's no ticket, so we can't really stop you. But still don't, probably. So from then on, they kept referring, or they kept saying that Disney was no longer

the most magical place on Earth. So my friend, when I brought this up to him, asked the offender, like, have you been back to Disney? And he said no. And my friend said, you should try. Yeah? Yeah. And Finn.

Because how long, like, how do they try? They didn't, like, scan his face in some way that tracks how he ages? They're screwed. They got nothing. Yeah, I really doubt it. But I kind of want to see, I want to hear if he tried. I would love to know.

Would they flag him if he tried. I would love to know. Would they flag him if he signed up for Hulu? Like if he signed up for Hulu or Disney Plus or tried to order a Mickey T-shirt on the Disney Store website, would they track him down? Are you saying that that would help, or would it ease the call?

Would it be like, oh, he's a subscriber, you know what, all that's in the past? No, it's certainly not in the past. I'm just wondering if it's like, like, you know, talking about Simpsons, like we're out of board license plates in the gift shop, will he immediately get pounced on by like? I suspect he will not be applying to join the Club 33.

Yeah, no, no, no, he will not reach the highest echelon. No, the Disney Pinkertons like dive right for him. But Universal welcomes him with open arms. We have a new customer, you know? I, there's a lot, that's all fascinating in general. I think it's interesting that they clocked the Friends. How did, like, were there telephoto lenses? Were they lip reading?

Were they like, we watched that that conversation that guy said you should jump Well, like we know that the friends were part of it. I feel like Disney like employs technology That's like that was like a head of the Patriot Act like like I saw guys I was gonna ask you guys about this like these mostly gentlemen walking around Epcot in this, like these mostly gentlemen walking around Epcot in tasteful polos and khaki shorts with their trash pickers and sunglasses. And I was like, I wonder if these are security folks who are trying to appear like as friendly.

Oh, and like a thing that would be around that you wouldn't question, but then the trash pickers can be like, you know, like those turn into tasers. Over the flip of the switch. There's different levels. Like there's the security guards you see with like wide-brimmed hats and like nice clothing. And then there's like plain clothes.

There has been photos of like someone got, you know, stopped at a metal detector for whatever reason, and then there's a guy making a report or talking on a walkie talkie, and he's just in shorts and a Dad is Darth Vader t-shirt. There's plain clothes guys, for sure. Here's one that threw me of the themed t-shirts was the first Princess Security t-shirt I saw. I was like, oh shit, is this what the security people wear?

And I'm like, no. And I saw like 400 of them around. What is that shirt? Maybe I haven't seen that shirt. I think it's like Girl Dad kinda theme. It's like a guy, like I'm gonna protect my daughters, that kinda thing. Yeah, Mike knows, he's a hashtag Girl Dad.

That's true, yeah, and I have that shirt. And I saw a shirt yesterday at Disneyland where it was just the Godfather font and it said the girl father. And I was like, I'm gonna get that too. That's badass. It used to be, up until three years ago when the term girl dad was invented,

it was embarrassing and shameful to be the father of a daughter. And though billions of people had this experience, they all hated every second of it. And that phrase did a lot of good, and girl father, that's even better. That's the next generation. This was a guy with a big beard. He looked like he'd beat someone up too.

He looked tough. He had two girls though. See, I don't know, can a girl dad be tough? I don't know. The shirt makes me think they can. Yeah. Oh, it's so lame. It's possible. There's one more thing about that story I have to ask you, which is that like, does that, does that

imply, does the timeline imply that they forced the friend to shiver for hours? Like, like, lay in your own filth after what you did? No, we will not give you towels. We will not help you. So here's what I don't know. That whole elapsed time might have been 20 minutes. Sure. Yeah, because my friends were probably, my friend and his friends were probably terrified. Right. But yes, I don't think he had a change of clothes.

No way. They did not provide, I'd like to think that they'd made it psychological torture and that they took him to a change of clothes, no way. They did not provide, I'd like to think that they made it psychological torture and that they took him to a sundry shop to a place with a lot of towels, or just to the pool area at the Contemporary. Made him look at 500 towels and then said, you can't have any. I think, yeah, or they found a bibbity-bobbity broke t-shirt for him that I saw in Not in Disney World several times.

It's like these guys who think that they're being clever, and they're definitely not. And the guy who got in the water, he didn't do no feat ride plausible deniability of like, I lost my balance, I fell. You know, that's a missing detail that I will surely pass along to you guys, because when we're done, I will ask my friends.

You will get a fill on the gaps, yeah. The railings are kind of high on those boats, so it might have been like a camera caught him and he kind of had to vault over, so we couldn't pull that excuse. Folks, Michael here, it is of course spring. Sunshine is happening all over the place. The weather is getting better.

There's a chance for a bunch of new things to happen in your life. There's a chance to get organized, there's a chance to eat better. And that's where the company HelloFresh comes in, because HelloFresh makes it easier to fit quick home-cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating delicious recipes like pasta primavera, chicken dion, and pecan crusted trout. Folks, I'm always struggling to eat better. You know, you've heard,

and HelloFresh allows me to do that. They also give me little instructions that are very simple. I make the food myself. I recognize that it's healthy. So that's good. I win. Anytime HelloFresh shows up at the door, I know that I'm gonna be meeting my goals.

Feel great with meals that fit your spring schedule and make the season even more delicious. Go to HelloFresh.com slash ride10fm. Now to get 10 free meals with a free item for life. One per box with active subscription. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. After all these years of brewing Core's original we've

learned one undeniable truth. Any legacy is possible. You just have to start. Core's original. How will you start your legacy? Celebrate Responsible. Must be legal drinkin' age. All of this stuff it does tie together very nicely into you know like the biggest intersection between the Simpsons and theme parks, besides obviously their presence in the theme parks, but which is the golden era episode, Itchy and Scratchyland. And besides, obviously we've all been big fans

of that one in particular, and we were little park fan kids, we love that episode. But it only gets like, it stays so fresh and so true because while it gets the Disney parks details right, like the public facing things, it's just so smart with its observations about the security state and the underground Disney world that you don't get to, and in particular,

it really like, it does like, Itchy and Scratchy Land feels a lot more like Disney World, where there is like the hassle and all of the transportation that we're talking about and the feeling of like being stuck on the campus with no way to contact the outside. That, the combo of Disney World and Jurassic Park that it found is so smart and continues to be funny over 30 years later, can you believe that?

Yeah, and I didn't, this is a very Simpsons thing, which is, I didn't know what Westworld was in the early 90s, so that's another one that it definitely sent up. But the glut of merch is just something I think about all the time. I mean, and I saw it in Disney World a couple weeks ago. The famous joke is the Bort license plate joke, as you guys know.

And a couple years ago, I tracked down people who had real Bort vanity plates. And let me tell you how A, envious I was, and B, like, the delight in their voices when they talked about it was so good. Like they, one guy was like, it's probably not that funny a story. Like basically like got let off on a ticket

because he had a board license plate. Oh wow. Wow. One, you know, one guy was afraid to put it on his car because he didn't want somebody to steal it. And, Oh yeah. I mean, those at Universal, don't those sell out? I think I've read that in places. Yeah, I don't know.

Or I feel like I've been there and seen that they were out of board license plates. And I thought, is that the joke that they always have like a permanent spot? But or was it genuinely sold out? And I was watching the joke play out in a meta way in our actual world. Well, I have a very dorky story that somehow I don't think I've shared before. But when the Simpsons ride opened at Universal Hollywood in 2008, I was working across the street in office space rented by Vivivid Entertainment, the pornography company, but they were making Tabitha's salon takeover

in the rented space. And I- So you were not in the space being a performer. No, no. And you- Just a wishful performer. Yeah, yeah, just hoping, like, dropping headshots once in a while if you need me.

People would have to go up to the top floor, the actual Vivadolffus, to get keys and key cards. And I don't think I ever got up there, but apparently there was a lot of billowing drapes at the top, like cartoonish decoration. Anyway. Just layers of hundreds of layers of drapes before you. The show wrapped and then everyone,

they let everyone go early and I was like, oh my God, the Simpsons ride opened yesterday or today. So I drove up to Universal and I rode it and I immediately went in the gift shop and started looking for Bort license plates. And then I went back a few weeks later and still they had nothing both times. So I ended up buying like a name key chain,

but the name was blank. And with a Sharpie wrote Bort on it. And I carried that around for years, long enough that eventually the gift shop did start selling board keychains and license plate pins and stuff. Wow, you had to take matters into your own hands. What did you use to write? A Sharpie.

A Sharpie, okay. Yeah, look, I didn't have a lot going on at 22. You know? I'd entertain myself somehow. Yeah, wow, he had the entire six minutes to write the name on the license. And then carry it close to my heart until it eventually just got scratched off. Oh, wow. Not literally close to you.

It wasn't to like fend off bullets. No, I don't tend to keep my house keys on my upper chest area. On your upper chest. Yeah, yeah. Could be smart if anybody's after you. What a funny thing though that it is like, yeah, it's in the world of this, I was meditating on that joke on BART license plates, which in the context,

well, it's BART looking for a BART license plate, and they have every possible name surrounding BART except for his own, and including BARTort and immediately a real Bort walks up and then later there's an emergency that is the shortage of Bort license plates. I think Barclay is an underrated step of this joke sequence as well. Yeah, yeah.

Oh and don't forget the one beat where the mom is calling for Bort. Yes. And a stranger goes, are you talking to me? Oh right. She says no, my son is calling for Bort. And a stranger goes, are you talking to me? She says no, my son is also named Bort. It's really funny, it's kind of just like a stray, I mean I love the episode for that reason, that there's a lot going on in the episode.

There's a lot of story and there's a lot of themes to touch on, but then they will still just stop down and do kind of like a free Joke that is not so attached to anything because it's not really I mean is there a greater point about theme parks to it Or is it just like it's almost just like one thing that makes the day more unpleasant for bars That like people that probably have that experience with their name. That's a little more people that probably have that experience with their name that's a little more unusual? Yeah, or being in a, like, they, somebody thinking my name is a fairly common name,

how am I in this alternate universe, where you have this and you have this, but not mine. Right. Well, I know I've definitely seen people or like encountered like, oh, they're out of Jason's today, but even more, like my wife is Jane with a Y, that's harder than without. So that's pretty common.

Kaitlyn. You gotta get the Sharpie out for that name. Yeah, I gotta get the Y. I think different spellings of Kaitlyn or other names that are escaping me at the moment. There's always an Alan because every Alan besides me is like over 70 years old. Well, this is the, like, I was gonna ask you about this,

Mike, now with children in the picture and without revealing our kids' names, you've been in these gift shops, you find in your daughter's name in there. Is it in the stand? I've never looked. Oh really, you haven't done this? Wow, wow, no kidding.

I don't think, you know what, maybe we looked at the minions the other day, but I think maybe she ran away and then we didn't finish the job. Okay, sure, yeah. It seemed like she cared. She knows how to spell it, she's known how to spell it, her name for a while.

Sure. But she doesn't care. Well, it'll be like a year or two before the seeing the name is like the yes Right. It's now my name. Yeah printed out both of my sons names are a little bit Old-fashioned I will sometimes see my younger son's name oldest never it has never happened You know, but I it's what like I yeah You might think due to it being like kind of traditional quote unquote

that you would run into it, but I think they don't just in that like, it's just not on the short list of like, they're like come on, nobody under five is gonna be named this. Go ahead and guess I guess. So like listener guess what you think it might be. Zachariah, Ulysses.

Abraham. They don't have your son's name, but they have a million variations of Jaden, Caden, Eden. That is, I know, if it, Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have your son's name, but they have a million variations of Jaden, Kaden, Aiden. It is, I know, if it, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's an Aiden, really, yeah. But you're both- A Zaden, a Zaden with an X Zaden. Harley. Yeah, yeah, there are plenty of those.

Yeah, yeah. You're both kind of out of luck at the Minions shop because it's all just Kevin, Bob, Kevin, Bob. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like. No, it's really unfair. Stewart. Sticky in those lanes. So, yeah, yeah. It's really unfair. Sticky in those lanes. I have a question for you guys. When you were first going

to Disney, how into the merch were you? Because I feel like I was obsessed and pissed my parents off in 1991 for a stuffed animal, whereas my nieces, I think they each got one souvenir. I don't know, the pull of that stuff is so strong.

I don't know if you guys remember about it. Oh, tons and tons. I didn't want big stuff. I just wanted a million little pins and flashlights and pens. And then I just kept, I have so much paper products, maps and coasters and match books, you know? You're describing free things.

Oh yeah. I know, I'm like, every time I was packing my duffel bag or suitcase, to leave Disney, I would take the biggest Disney gift shop bag and just throw everything in, all the maps, all the pins, all the stuff. This feels like a part of the Disney World tradition is that like needing to make,

like checking the, making sure that the airport, or your airline's policy is like personal item. And go, well how big can that personal item be? Because that personal item might be like a full size monorail box that I'm bringing with like, you know, seven other shirts stuffed into it. I don't know, yeah, big merch thoughts for yourself?

I mean, I wanted everything, yeah, and I was, the stuff that looms largest is getting like the goofy stuffed animal one of my first trips, and then I was just always obsessed with getting one of the Disney characters, generally one of the big five or six, a plastic head of theirs that was full of tart and tiny candy. And I have a goofy one, I think still somewhere.

And then I think I have a Mickey one as well. And that I was obsessed with it. The amount of tart and tinies you would get in this big head. And that like that for whatever reason is like those are the two exciting the most exciting things I saw of your entire childhood of my life and today yeah that where the tartan tiny fixation came from that's where I got my tartan tiny fetish yeah well cuz we've been at there's a candy store in the movie theater and Mike once got in a fairly long conversation with Clark about Tartan Tinnies. Well because I was I learned online that Tartan Tinnies were back. They

had been like out of commission for a while. I don't think I think somehow in all these years I haven't heard Tartan Tinnies. Really? Tartan Tinnies. Yeah there are these little things they eventually had candy coated Tartan Tinnies which I still liked as well but I didn't like them in their original, I didn't like those as much as the original. Can I say this? They look like crayons. Crayons?

Yes, so what I'm looking at, yeah, they look like crayon stumps. Probably taste like it too. That's what I'm wondering, I mean, they must not, if you were so. They do not taste like crayons. Stumps. Were they a little? Well, that's good.

Were they chalky? They're chalky, yeah, like sweet tarts in a way. Yeah, so. Like crayons. Were they a little, Well that's good. Were they chalky? They're chalky, like sweet tarts in a way. Yeah, so another company picked up the lucrative IP of Tart and Tiny's a couple years ago. For feature films you're saying. Leap brand. Well I own the rights for that. I own the rights to the Tart and Tiny movie.

You were both at each other's throat trying to get like the script duties for Tartan Tiny. He cared about it a lot. I was only in the game just trying to dethrone Mike. I didn't care and give two shits. That's why you ended up winning. You had the passion. Right, right. It says on this Tartan Tiny's website, puck her up, we're back, which is going to be the tagline of the movie. So yeah, no, I got very excited Tart and Tinnies were back. I went to the candy store in Burbank and I think I said something about Tart and Tinnies

or asked or they had them, I forget what it is. But then the guy who owns there was like really into the tiny conversation. Because I think he's owned that candy place for many years. So he knows, he knows the news about candy. So I really was talking his language. Well, they also like you know sneak candy in a movie theater I feel like they don't care

now but that movie that candy shop will give you a discount if you show a movie yes no I believe we have mentioned that on the website. This is absolutely the second time or more that has been said on the show. The only downside post pandemic is they don't let you scoop anymore. Everything's kind of pre-wrapped. They don't let you scoop in this particular, but you can still go to the American and scoop. They don't let you just put your hand in it, walk into a movie theater. As long as you can hide it in your fist, no one will notice. Because you want a lot of chocolate covered pretzels, but you might only want one or two

gummy sharks. Scott, you know what this is like. Oh, of course. It's really, they're pretty sizable. Do you have candy predilections in this? That might be, that's not the right word. That's a creepy word. How about candies you like?

It's right here, Jason and I. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say. I like any kind of Reese's, or in my Boston accent, I call it Reese's, any kind of Reese's peanut butter stuff. I like Sour Patch Kids and Sour Watermelons. Those are my, nothing wrong with those. That's my predilection. Sure, sure, yeah.

Okay, well thanks for using the word, anyway. I am gonna do a talk show transition now. I'm gonna do Byron Allen transition now. In your book, which once again is called Stupid TV, Be More Funny, is a great Simpsons reference. That isn't as clean as Byron yet. Yeah, I know. Hold on.

There is one of the first licensees of Simpson products is Butterfinger. And that relationship, God, is it still going or? There still should have been a Speaking of Candy in there. You needed one more thing to make it It wasn't till the end of the thing. I well I got very excited So you like butter fingers like that's the Byron Allen See about him here. I see here you wrote about butter fingers in your book

I just wanted to shout out his nice book. Well I appreciate it. And by Renown. Well that's good too. The crazy thing about that license is that they were advertising, Simpsons was advertising for Butterfinger before the show started. It's like when the shorts were on, which is insane.

It goes back to that? I was doing research and I thought, I couldn't believe that it was actually true, but that's quite dramatic for this fact. But yeah, like the New York Times was reporting it, interviewing Matt Groening in like 1988 about it. So, and they, yeah, so they had the license for a while, it went away and I think it came back for a while,

but it was really funny interviewing the writers just about the like gobs of butterfingers they would get in the office. And I mean, OK, you guys have all been there. They would put them in a gumball machine when it was those butterfinger BBs, those little balls, little lamp, you know. And they would pour water in it, and then it would get moldy,

and they would throw it at the ceiling. I mean, you know, these are very mature guys. But I remember John Vede, the writer, said that, I'm not sure if this actually made the book, but he said whenever they were like pissed or cranky about Fox or the show, they would take a shot at Butterfingers. Oh, wow, wow, that's funny.

Did the writers room, or is it still, or what's the deal? Like, because my understanding has always been that it is a, that even in the success of the show I think you allude to this in the book even even in success that they kept the writers room Kind of shitty on purpose just kind of like let's keep it just this humble kind of bad Place as if to just connect to the roots or just like I don't know. So there's a humbling They definitely liked having it like a dorm room for better or worse.

I mean, they would sit around and, I think George Meyer told me this story, there was like a pool cue that they had like in the middle of the floor and nobody knows where it came from and they would compete to see who could like unscrew it and screw it back together as fast as they could. Because they would just be there for hours

and most of them didn't have kids so they were there for 12 hours a day. And yeah, it was just like a dump and everything, their whole day was basically based on lunch and that was the only thing they looked forward to. Oh sure, yeah, yeah, oh the biggest variable in the day. Yeah, I recall hearing at the Oakley Weinstein era, season seven and eight, that it would just be,

it's like, it's past midnight every day. It's just like, they all live to be there. Yeah, in a pre-kids time. You can just pack it full of jokes upon jokes, bunches. Yeah, Oakley had a line that like, he said that he would, I think drive into the Fox lot and he would like see like a valet Parker and he would be like, I wish I drive into the Fox lot and he would see a valet Parker and he would be like, I wish I was doing that

instead of putting the show together, which I know, he's self-aware, I just thought he, have you guys heard the, I'm spoiling my material in the book, but the famous Simpson's lunch, Conan O'Brien story? That was really funny. I can get to that. Maybe.

So they would have a PA every day get the lunches. Oh, I know, yeah, yeah. And so people would put in their orders. And it'd be like Pavlovian, the PA would come up the stairs and people's mouths would water. So one day they hear the PA coming up the stairs. And then all of a sudden they hear a scream. And they hear the box just tumbling.

And so people are like, oh fuck, is he hurt? And also our lunches, what happened to our lunches? And they fuck. So they go outside and it's Conan O'Brien with a box full of garbage that he'd just thrown down the stairs to fuck with them. And one of the writers was like, it was a devastatingly effective prank

because that's all they look forward to. Yeah. Everyone pledged to the absolute worst. And they would go all, the other story, Bill Oakley is saying like, yeah, we would order so much food. Like you would just order an appetizer and an entree and dessert.

And the anecdote that when he left the show, he quickly dropped like 65 pounds. Yeah, it's wild. and the anecdote that when he left the show, he quickly dropped like 65 pounds. Yeah, it's wild. I mean, there are stories like they would, this is a very LA reference, but they would order like whole pies from Apple Pan and just like be eating, you know, out of,

which is like a famous greasy spoon here. So yeah. Delicious pie. That entire, multiple entire pies being split. So Jason's getting a lot more motivated to try to get into a writer's room. Yeah. Thinking about starting his writing thing.

Yeah, the like one talking head for documentary interview did, I got like a free granola bar at craft services. That was the most fancy. Yeah, I don't think yeah Yeah, I think everything's pretty pretty bare bones Most places these days do you do you chalk up that the like the quality of these seasons that we all really admire I mean, it's I think especially through eight seems to be the magic number people refer to is it that is it the like the dorm

Quality and just that all these brilliant people are hanging out all hours of the day and packing everything full of stuff or was it like a like it was there something special also maybe to like the lack of the feedback loop that we're not like you know getting obsessed with what the audience is saying yet that they're there a little bit in a bubble and they're just doing what they wanna do. I think that's a very good point and question because so the show kind of became

at least famous among comedy writers for like the no notes rules. So because of James L. Brooks, they were allowed to, like the executives didn't have creative feedback, but one of the writers said that it's kind of misunderstood because he said that people think that,

the perception is that all the notes were shit, they were really bad, stupid, but he said that's not really what it was, he would get good notes sometimes, but it was the fact that notes took time to respond to. So it was really just to not have to worry about that in your day, they had more time to, like you said, sit in the room and go over every single joke over and over and over.

And I mean, again, it's a cliche, but they sort of talk about how the best joke would win the day, and it was sort of competitive but not in a way that like SNL was, where the writers were sort of fighting to get their material on the air. Oh yeah, because it's a different thing, because you're all building the same thing. Right, exactly.

It's not like you're not competing for three minutes of Simpson space. That's another, that's chilling as you say that because of the things that I've worked on it is like the amount of effort that goes into like getting this step ready so that the people who need to approve it can take nine days to get it done. And then as soon as we get it back, we have to hurry, hurry, hurry to get all of their thoughts. It's the wrong thing, drive it. Wow, that's interesting that it was just purely the,

just the time saved of, we'll make it better for us. And then it's all of these episodes that we, everyone devout, and that haven't aged a bit, and 30 years later, we're still, now we appreciate them as adults in a different way than we did when we were kids. It's like insane, the timelessness. I was, I watched like three or four episodes yesterday

and I was laughing so loud. That the police were called by your neighbor. Yeah. Normally it's just a polite chuckle and they thought something was different. They could tell something was different. It screams, oh no. But the sins I got reading the book was that a lot of the original, for lack of a better

term, a lot of them were just different flavors of weirdo. They were all complimentary, but they were different. George Meyer and John Schwartzwell, they were all complimentary, but they were different, like George Meyer and John Schwartzwell, like they were all different in the way they approach stuff. Yeah, and they all had weird obsessions. I mean, it's sort of what you're saying, like the, John Vede, who's another really good writer, I was sort of asking him, cause you know, the lore of the show

is that it's Harvard Lampoon guys, which it is. And I was like, well, what made the Lampoon like a good breeding ground beyond just a bunch of smart nerds? And he said it's like, it would be the best place to procrastinate on campus because instead of studying, they'd watch like a Brady Bunch episode 12 times in a row and like dissect every aspect of it and what made it good,

what made it funny, what made it, and that also caused like a, or created like a meta sense of humor for those guys. Like they love things like both ironically and earnestly somehow, which is pretty impressive. Yeah, the give and take is like one of the things that seems to make those golden era Simpsons really work, you know, and appreciating it on different levels.

Like when I was a kid, I was just amazed by it all. Like, and I spent a lot of time at the Jersey Shore growing up, and every souvenir shop, knickknack shop, half of it became The Simpsons at some point. That's funny because there was a writer, Jeff Martin, who maybe I've mentioned before, but so he had a Disneyland annual pass in late 80s, early 90s, and he had a small,

I don't know if it was a newborn, but he had a kid, and he would push the kid around Disneyland, and he said in 1990, there were more Bart Simpson t-shirts than Mickey. Yeah. At Disneyland. I'm sorry, at Disneyland. Yeah, well.

It makes sense, like they sold, I keep repeating this, but they sold 15 million Simpson shirts in the first year of the show alone, which is insane. Which like, if you go to a vintage store or flea market, you'll see them on sale for like 50 bucks, 70 bucks, and you're like all. They are so expensive, like original Simpson or like Black Bart Simpson especially, very expensive.

The bootleg shirts. Yeah, there are, there's Black Bart, I mean there are two, there are like inappropriate, I mean not, you there are inappropriate ones, there are anti-desert storm, or rather, no I take the pack, it's a pro-desert storm. What's the Ayatollah ass-holla is like a Simpson joke that seems like, oh yeah, your shit was getting modded

and bootlicked. Yeah, there's one I saw for over a hundred bucks at the like the Silver Lake flea market was like Bart hitting a bong and I was like I should have bought that but There's no way to make that now There would be no way to recreate it. I was I'm trying to find ones that I can read I mean, here's one called Ram Bart and it's Bart a very strangely drawn Bart kicking Saddam Hussein in the butt. And then another one, War in the Gulf, 1991.

I was there, dude, and it sucked. I don't think I knew about this particular- Yeah, I vaguely recall these. Slice of insane bootleg shirt, wow. It was the voice we needed in the desert storm discussion. His name is escaping me, but there was an attorney who was sort of famous for helping Disney secure the land for Disneyland, for Disney World,

who was involved in trying to police these things for Fox. And so, they were literal stings. Like, I couldn't stop laughing. I found a report, it was like, Operation Dizzy Fox, like yielded 30,000 Simpson shirts in Washington, D.C., like on the, you know, next to the Keep Off the Grass marijuana shirts. And God, what a waste of time.

But does it not, like, didn't it in a way, just like, well, now people are walking around, like so many people are walking around with advertisements for our show, even if the design is wrong. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, that's a, yo, Saddam, I'm Bart and I'm pissed.

Jeez, I'm starting to want one of these. Well, you talked about in the book that the rise of graphic tease being such a huge thing, and you chalk that up to stores like The Gap selling their logo and Hard Rock Cafe selling souvenir shirts, but also Simpson shirts just taking it to the next level. They were so ubiquitous.

Yeah, and I was, again, I found this really funny. So the big one, the two in the late 80s were Ninja Turtles and the Tim Burton Batman merch were huge. And there were articles in like early 1990, just as the Simpsons were taking off again about Dick, Disney's hoping Dick Tracy products will be the newest hit. And there were a ton of them. They were ready. I have a me. Same. I have a photo of me with, there was a charity event in my hometown near Boston. It was like me and my brother,

next to Kevin McHale of the Celtics, and I have a Dick Tracy shirt, and I look very sad and pissed off because we were waiting for Larry Bird and he had to go. So we got- You only got- We only got the second hall of famer on the team. Kevin McHale.

Yeah. Wow. That, wow. That's wow, but Dick Tracy, yeah, that really, yeah, they were ready for it. They were like, all right, we have watched this phenomenon happen of the bat logo and we are ready for it to come to us, here it is. And it wasn't a failure by any of me,

but it's just as fast as time goes on. Yeah, you don't put that, it's not the big four. No, it's also funny, like Disney executives like watching these dailies with, like, kind of sleepy Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy and going, I don't know if this is it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like they had the plan without even stopping and thinking about what the movie would be. Yeah. Alright, now let's see. What's that? It's like, uh, this big, exciting action. And then he's kind of mumbling.

You're like, is this the same thing as Michael Keaton and Jack Nichols? I don't know. This all where the marketing for these, the old comic strip, 90s movie adaptations worked hook line and sinker on me. Cause I like, I loved Dick Tracy. It was like second movie I ever saw in theaters. I had the shadow toys.

I went to 7-Eleven to get the Phantom, the ring with the skull on it that like Billy Zane punches people with. They had Phantom Titans at 7-Eleven? Yeah, suddenly. I remember the ring being available. Yeah, the ring was available a lot of places and I'm sure they sold it. And you saw shadow in the theater?

No, no, I never saw, I just had the toys. I just thought it was cool. What about the Rocketeer? Oh I love the Rocketeer, yeah. That would fit along, yeah. Well you're just a 40, you were a 40s boy when you were five. I was a 40s boy. A big part of that, besides Disney, MGM Studios,

was Simpsons reference. Like I would pick up stuff from The Simpsons and sometimes I would just like the parodies and the jokes and then sometimes I would like hunt down what that was a reference to. Sure, sure. Sure. That actually brings up something that I found

really fascinating because you guys have all, you know, worked in comedy and you're trying to reference a lot of different stuff. It's like they were trying to reference like the of Diane Arbus and the movie Sorcerer in 1992. Oh yeah, wait, and Mr. Plow, right? That's one I didn't understand until a couple years ago. I didn't get that until I saw that at Los Fielas 3 a couple years ago.

I was like, oh my God, it's not a cliffhanger reference? Yeah, I always thought it was a cliffhanger, yeah, absolutely. Kind of a hard movie to track down, even until a few years ago. They would send PAs to the Warner Brothers archive to get stills of whatever movie, and I'm just, it's like, it's insane to think about in terms of time spent.

Yeah, yeah, it's crazy now that you can, that everything is at our disposal at all times. Similarly, I just remember hearing about how the, for the, for Saturday TV Fun House, for Robert Smigel to do a parody of the Harlem Globetrotters cartoon from the 70s, you had to sneak a camera into the museum of TV and radio. In fact, like that was the way,

that was how committed you had to be. And now everybody could, now you can tell AI to do his stuff, which is not better. It's not like the love that Smigel had going, it's very evident in that piece, like how hard he had to work to get it right. That's what we're gonna have to do to find that King Koopa's cool cartoon episode

that's in like an archive at UCLA, because we were given a tip that there is a full episode in there. Oh, I forgot that. We're gonna have to sneak a camera in or something archive at UCLA. Because we were given a tip that there is a full episode in there. Oh, I forgot that. We're going to have to sneak a camera in or something and record it. There's this lost media kind of. This is like a Saturday morning show.

Nintendo licensed. This is insane that I, of course, did a story on the Super Mario Brothers Super Show. Oh, I don't say. And I think, I guess I remember like watching, was the intro of the Koopa show available like on YouTube? Yes, there's clips of it. He's's a bunch of rowdy kids down this and it's very like Yeah, it's bit so it's so janky like even jankier than the wraparounds for Super Show

It was just a bozo show hosted by an angry man playing Koopa from Mario That's starting to come back like I think all told there were like six minutes that existed and it's all starting. We have a second gate on this on the Patreon, but then I guess I'll give the big reveal away at the end that we don't believe necessarily. Do you remember this? That we don't believe, I don't know.

Well, we were skeptical of the claim is that Michael Eisner got it canceled. Oh, right, right, oh, I forgot that. He's the one who got it pulled off the air by calling someone and saying he didn't like it Yeah, it seems odd. Why would he care about a local affiliate? They know or that they didn't know one there was Yeah, that's where it was a weird yeah, there's not a lot of detail in there. I am

This is the most name-dropping I'll ever be but I interviewed Michael Eisner once Jason make a noise place to once about Bojack Horseman. Oh, Jason, make a noise. Well, this is the place to drop that name. About Bojack Horseman. Oh, okay. Oh, of course. He was a, and Raphael Bob Wicksburg, the creator, had a funny line to me that he's like, it took him a little while to realize

that Michael Eisner's just a guy. Like he has this image of- I don't wanna hear that. Yeah, I know, but I think- Not us, yeah, yeah. I think he called BoJack maybe the best show he's ever worked on, which is pretty crazy considering all the things he's worked on. Better than the show he was on,

The Magical World of Disney, where he gave the greatest performances ever given by any performer. With no offense to BoJack. He has to say that, he has to say it. It's his mind, it's his project. I didn't ask him about soaring, even though I wanted to. Oh yeah, well I figured it out.

That was a little bit of journalism I did, that it is in fact not him, I'm sorry. Did you see somebody posted on our Reddit, courtside at the Clippers game, game four. Oh. Did you see this? Yes, with. Eiger and Eisner together, sitting courtside.

Proof of life. We haven't really, he, see, you know, he's getting up there, he's in his 80s. We haven't been sure that he's, so seeing him at an event is like, this is a nice thing, yeah, yeah. It's like some people might be excited to see Jack Nicholson show up at a game or at SNL 50.

We're just like, oh, he's Eisner. He's always there, he's always there. No, lately. No, less and less. Really? I think it was very, a real rarity that he was at Saturday Night Live. Yeah, he's not, yeah, something's going on with Jack. So Alan, here's a question. You've gotten to talk to so many of these brilliant writers

from the classic era, and probably the drive for the book was to talk about, you know, the show. That's pretty important is the show and the episodes of the show. But the theme park presence of the Simpsons, how often did this come up or do any of them give a shit at all? So I think it means a lot to them,

like Jeff Martin, the writer, remembers going to Simpsons Land at Universal when it first opened and seeing Cletus's chicken shack. And he just was dumbfounded because Cletus was his little league coach. And he came up with that. And I think these guys, and it's mostly guys, have been so successful and done so well

that they are not at all bitter. I do think it's mostly guys have been so successful and done so well that they are not at all bitter. I do think it's an honor to them to have this thing that just lives forever. I mean, the story that he also told me was the Dapper Dans, the- Disney acapella. Yeah, the acapella barb-sharp quartet. People, he said people, he talked to those guys

at one point, I'm sure there are several groups of them, but people come up to them and ask to sing, ask them to sing Baby On Board from the Simpsons episode, Homer's Barber Shop Quartet. And they can't because of some copyright issue, which is really funny. Now it probably is not a problem, but that's the reach of the show, I think,

that I was sort of delighted to learn about, and I want people to enjoy. Well, yeah, I think you do a good job, from what I've read so far, of just highlighting, I think it's the, of course there are subcultures within fandom of particular, of shows, but it's almost like The Simpsons, it gets so granular that there's an entire world

of stuff around, yes, around that song that people like, around Steamed Hams, around Bortles, but like the amount of sub sub subcultures is so insane. Like what other show could, could one joke out of 500 in an episode have such a like, this deafening chorus of fandom about just the joke, let alone the show? It's like a show with a thousand secret handshakes.

Like if someone, the Bort license plate one is a perfect example I think. And I just don't think that's been replicated at all. Well, that's, you talk in the book about not being allowed to watch The Simpsons, and that happened to me too, but yours was the, like, the go, there's Princess Cashmere, the belly dancer. Mine, I went yesterday, I found the episode,

and it's in Lisa the Greek. And it's not even the gambling stuff, because there's a big, they kind of predicted the, you know, they couldn't have had any idea how much sports gambling is a thing now. Without having to call a guy on the phone. Without having, you're Barton. You're opening an ESPN bets app,

which still makes me laugh, because Disney owns that too, but they don't want any gambling anywhere near Disney parks. But when I was- Would you rather? Do you want gambling in the Disney parks? Oh, I'd love it.

I love soul machines. But he wants a penny slot, so he can spend about $10. I went to God damn, I'm down 49 cents. Cleanest. Son of a bitch. But he wants a penny slot so he can spend about $10. I'm down 49 cents, son of a bitch! I almost had nine Cletus's to trigger the bonus. Do you want them in the parks? I've said that I believe slot machines

will be in Disney parks in the next 25 years. That was my prediction I think on the show. Yeah, I believe that. But what got me not allowed to watch The Simpsons in Lisa the Greek, Bart is melting an army man, a toy soldier with a magnifying glass, and he says, I'll see you in Hell, soldier boy. And my family was watching that,

and my mom just turned that right off, just in that mere profanity. And that was about first grade grade and then come seventh grade, everyone's talking about The Simpsons because it's on every weekday. Like the best ones are in syndication at that point. And I'm like, mom, I'm old enough to watch The Simpsons and I'll be a social pariah if I don't watch The Simpsons.

And that's what I remember from seventh grade is watching Simpsons trading comic books and doing plays, but like Simpsons shorthand. And punching villains with your phantom ring. Yeah, exactly, yeah, and getting that phantom ring. Take that, see. I think one thing that's funny to me is, I don't think people now realize

how edgy that show was considered. Oh yeah. Which is hilarious, like it's on postage stamps now and it's this institution People now realize how edgy that show was considered. Oh, yeah, which is hilarious like it's on postage stamps now and it's this institution and Now I mean back then, you know the president of the United States was calling it out on the campaign stump like multiple times So yeah, yeah. Yeah more like the Waltons less like the Simpsons. Yeah. Yes that it was even I feel like you know like The Simpsons. Exactly. Yeah. Yes, that it was even, I feel like, you know,

Beavis and Butthead probably kind of like, you know, took the heat. Took it up a notch. Not long after, yeah, yeah, and then like crazy Jackass, whatever, the crazier things. Yeah, but it is strange, oh yeah, that is like a big distance from,

that it's a thing that people bring their families to in theme parks, when there was a time where both of you, me to some extent, I think I had the thing of like, I think they thought, my parents thought as good Catholics, maybe we shouldn't let them watch the census, but they wanted to watch it too, so. That which is, what a beautiful thing, what a great,

like it was like, they couldn't deny it even then. Yeah, my parents like gave in very fast. I think it took a couple of months and they were like, all right, this is okay, and you know, it's been a part of my family since then. Yeah, yeah. It's been nice for me to be exposing my oldest son to it. We watch it and God knows there's five,

so a lot is going over his head. But it's really like, just watching like just basic stuff, kind of just like, I don't just like the look of a character. He just got really fixated on Sideshow Bob and it really helped him with some ride bravery because he was avoiding anything that's even really like was a remotely rocky ride. Anything that where the lights go down

and anything that's like 2% a ride. He was becoming his dad in that way. But being able to tell him this is a ride about Sideshow Bob, it's not even just a Simpsons ride. He would ask for those episodes specifically all the time and it really helped him get like, the lure of you get to see Sideshow Bob on this thing. That's funny.

And then it led to a nice thing, and just like in terms of these little subcultures and odd mini Simpsons experiences. in terms of these little subcultures and odd, mini Simpsons experiences. I never clocked it until he got interested in Sideshow Bob, but I didn't realize how many people in Universal Studios you would see in the Sideshow Bob wigs. You go down the star way,

and you're passing by a few at least. And I'd never thought of that as some kind of new mouse ears or anything, and it isn't, but you see more than you think. I think because it is a prize in a carnival game, and with a lot of cheating for this five year old who can't exactly pick up a big heavy mallet, we did attain a side chip bubble, which he wears in the house,

and he has so much fun with it. But this is, I guess, here's maybe the point that I'm driving to, that all right we know that the Simpsons days are numbered at Universal Studios and you think okay well this happens all the time you take a ride out and you put a new ride in but the footprint is gonna be so much bigger than like that something like that but like wow you look around and there are a lot of these wigs. Or there's a lot of people with the Homer donuts or people that are into like,

the amount of merchandise, Homer slippers, whatever. It feels like because it's not just the ride but also like the Springfield surrounding area, it is gonna leave such a massive crater that has to be filled by whatever property it ends up being that replaces it. You know what I mean? It's a little bit more than just,

like it's more of a seismic change I think than just changing up the ride. It's not this level but you're saying along the lines of like the amount of times you see people in like wizard robes now walking around, something like that would just disappear if that presence wasn't there. Yeah, like you know that's never gonna happen.

But it is like, I don't know, it's just like physical footprint, amount of stores and restaurants. They're like, to make these change outs at Hollywood and Orlando is gonna be a pretty major operation, you know? Yeah, it's gonna be interesting to see, because yeah, they do have a big,

like food infrastructure situation going on. They're both of them. Because they're, I assume, I Like they're- Both of them. Cause they're, I assume, I assume they're gonna just replace the restaurant. I don't think they're gonna tear everything down. This isn't based on nothing. So I guess I don't know why I'm saying it.

Okay, sure. But I mean, you could, I guess you would re-theme like Cletus's chicken shack to like Linda's chicken shack or something or whatever, wicked character. What was the chicken before that was like Doc Brown's fried chicken? It was Doc Brown's. Supposedly it's the same recipe.

The same not very good recipe. The same delicious recipe. Well, people said it has its fans. Oh, come on. Like everything, I swear to you, I swear. Who? That as opposed to any other theme park fried chicken? I felt like my son wasn't even into that.

You like chicken tenders, right? Can I not have these? I gotta ask, does your son know the Sideshow Bob rake gag? Yes, yes. I thought that was the funniest thing in the world is kids Sideshow Bob stepping on all those rakes. No, I know, he's imitated it. It's wonderful to see. and we've tried to point out

that Stinky Pete in Toy Story 2 is the same voice. This is the same voice in things that you watch. That's a heady thing for kids to understand. They don't really, like voice actors, they can't, they're barely getting their heads around reality in general. Alan, let me ask you this, have you been up to, well, okay, we already talked about the ride, we can touch on the ride a little bit,

but have you been up to The Simpsons stuff at Universal? Is there anything you especially, anything you like up there in terms of big experiences or just like that little detail is a great thing? I like Moe's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And the like flaming Moe. I mean, it's, you know, it's a little,

it's hard to translate the animated world into the real one, but I think they do a really faithful job. And I was going to say, I think if and when that area closes or changes, I do think they'll lose the, I don't know, 30 to 60 year old visitors will be less. I don't know. I feel like people our age maybe go to Universal for Simpsons. I'm not sure though.

It's fun and it's done really well. I mean, I remember specifically taking a trip when Moe's was open. I remember like, that might've been with you, Mike. It was. Yeah, right, well we gotta do, let's get drunk at Moe's is what we'll do. We ran into Evan Susser coming up and doing the same thing.

And then I think we all just stayed. I think we were about to leave. And I think we ran into Evan Susser, then we all just stayed. Wow. Well, to have the experience, the glamor, the fun of Moe's, that's kind of a funny thing is that we would all like, yeah, we get to be in Moe's, the saddest place.

A place where people go to get drunk. We have a photo of it. Where people frown at each other and don't speak for hours. I guess there's times where Moe's is fun. You know, when Barney wins the contest and gets the Duff Man package, and then he can't participate in it. But mostly, it is just a funny,

like there is so much subversion in The Simpsons, and a lot of it does have to go away once you're in a theme park. You do have to like, Moses is just a fun water and hole where you can grab yourself a great couple of beers. Cheers but miserable, you know? Yes, yeah, yeah, that is what it is. It's tricky because it's not a place that make,

like it doesn't immediately lend itself to being what a theme park needs for something like that, where it would be like, it needs a lot of seating, it needs to get people in and out. Mo's is a place you just kinda wanna go in and hang out. But I feel like lately I don't really ever do that. I haven't done it in a while. I will grab Duffs.

Whatever they frame as Duffs. I don't know if that changes in and out, but I am always satisfied by whatever I. It's gonna be Glinda's beer now. Now is this, yeah, do you believe that this is becoming, is this a strong theory? You know what, I don't actually think that. My guess is that it becomes like some sort of

like English city or French city and that leads you down to the tram loading, which will be Hogwarts Express. That's my theory based on a ton of rumors I've seen. So you don't think of Pokemon? In Orlando. Oh, okay. That's different. Orlando, yes, Pokemon is the rumor.

Oh, it's not the rumor here? No. Really? Not enough room, not enough room, because there's gonna be a whole new ride system for Pokemon that's like supposedly Scoop style Transformers, Spider-Man. So does that mean that in Orlando, because there's going to be a whole new ride system for Pokemon that's like supposedly scoop style Spider-man so does that mean that in Orlando the simulator ride that we know that that building's gone Burn maybe some facade or something, but wow I mean that's good I think because how many more times you're gonna be able to do yeah reskin it yeah

Yeah, yeah, and be like cuz all it's already a little bit weird You're in a theme, but you're gonna crusty the clown carnival now go into this weird little room that shakes Be trapped in there and watch a free show video The only thing that makes gives me pause with that theory cuz then like okay, you could make a bunch of like I don't know quick service English Harry Potter food I guess in the place of Springfield and then demolish the ride and put up some cool looking buildings, and then you go through to the, whatever, the railroad system.

The only thing that makes me think, like, maybe that's not it, is the fact that they just dumped a giant Fast and the Furious warehouse right at the start of Hogsmeade. So it's not like, because in that way you'd be like, oh man, then they can perfectly create a little Harry Potter thing up there. But there's a big warehouse now dumped

right when you enter Hogsmeade. So it's not the end of the world if it's there. I'm just, that was the only thing that makes me think. No. Well, you could kind of transition monsters, like universal monsters. You could, but I don't know where you put the big ride. Yeah.

Is the building not big enough? The Simpsons building? Not at all, no, no. That's not big at all. And you're going off a cliff. You couldn't build past that. You're really stuck. I don't know, because they're doing stuff

with the sides of the mountains now, so it's possible you can put a little bit of it out. Kind of hang it a little bit. Universal Hollywood has a unique problem that many theme parks don't. Cliffs. There are a lot of cliffs. You gotta deal with the cliffs in the hillside.

So I went back through my Instagram and I found, when they opened Springfield in Orlando, this is me with a Dove beer in 2014. And that was the first time I had it. And the thing that sticks out, cause I think the bartender took this picture, cause I was like. You were alone. I was not alone, I was with family,

but I was very excited about the bottle, and they're like, they poured out the Duff beer into a cup, and they're like, you can't, the bottle is glass, we cannot allow you to keep it. But we can take a picture of you with it, but I need that bottle back. And that was before, they're like, maybe we should just put these on tap.

Oh, okay. That was before they built the Duff Garden, the beer garden, which is on both coasts, I believe now. That's funny. You see the seven Duffs, you get Surly, you get the gang, that's nice to see. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a good, being one of the theme park episodes

that they get some real estate in the. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah. The Duff Gardens, I was shocked to learn that was season four and Atrium Scratchyland was season six, so Duff Gardens came first. Yeah, I think Atrium Scratchyland just kind of dwarfed it in terms of like, yeah, cultural.

Look, those of us who watched it from the start knew. Yeah, this is what you were missing out on when you were at Social Pariah. Don't even. From episode one, the family, Carl's family was locked in, okay? We lived it. Don't you dare.

My mom still quotes the original episode about when they got sent his little helper. Yeah. We knew, we knew. But I have to think, there were some Sinsencerators who were from Southern California, and until the 70s, there was Busch Gardens Van Nuys by The Bottling Plant.

So I'm wondering how much of those memories leaked into that script. Well, that's why they cover different areas. One is more the local park and the beer-oriented park, and one is the insane scary compound that is itchy and scratchy land. Here's a question I guess, well first of all like okay so we will maybe miss Moe's if Moe's goes, I mean I will go do a final Moe's. We all have to do a

big final Moe's if that's what happens. Yeah so we'll miss Moe's. Do we miss anything else up there or do we view that zone as just like well it's nice to walk around and see, you know, yeah, reference to Cletus, or here's the Androids dungeon, or the, you know, like, you know, that is a nice, like, that area's a nice chance to like see references and recreations of King Toots

and whatever and things that I like. Or do we feel like that's had its time and we're good? And then mostly it's like. The Krusty Room is the thing that I will miss. The Krusty. Like the Palm style. There's the one special room upstairs that is like the Krusty memorabilia room.

It's got the big Gabbo on the wall. Have you been to the special room? Oh yes. Yeah, and this is what I've said for many years now. With the caricatures. I would buy a Gabbo like that if they made it. No one has done this, although Jack specific is making Simpson stuff and I have the crusty,

evil crusty plush doll with the drawstring. So maybe we'll get to Gabbo doll, I don't know. But that I will miss. Did crusty buy Gabbo in a way of like, owning and crushing his enemies in the way that like a David Copperfield would like buy all of his rivals things and then put them on display as if he vanquished them.

I think that's probably right. There should be like- For him to have a Gabbo. You think, Christie probably views that as like, I'll put him in a glass case as if to suffocate him. Right, right, right. No, you're probably right. I mean, it should be like,

he should have like at least like one like punch through his head or something broken teeth Out on Cabo Cabo the creation of likely influence by a recurring topic on this show Jerry Mahoney and knucklehead Smith These little gestures you're doing to each other You're so proud. And that's it. It's Jerry Mahoney. Well, when he makes a good point,

I have to gesture to him to signify that he's being right. He's being correct. Alan, do you know what this is? Have you ever heard this reference? You got to fill me in. OK. So you're saying that Jerry Mahoney is not a very common reference.

Paul and Jill. For me, it actually, I am surprised that you guys have referenced something that I don't get. Because normally, I do get the references. You are deep. This is what I'm saying, that even for a deep cut pop culture person, Jerry Mahoney is not something people are saying all the time.

We're trying to educate people. We're trying to make this more known, because the great Paul Winchell, who did Tigger's Voice, of course, had two ventriloquist dummies that were very famous. One more famous than the other named Jerry Mahoney. What happened? Why were? Why not today?

Well some kids just don't appreciate sort of the finer comedy of yesteryear. That's what I would say. Comedy that you yourself played on the show that all of us just stared at. All of us just glared at in silence, even you. That's true. Well maybe it wasn't the best clip for a podcast.

But you can appreciate. We stepped into a long running argument. I mean the argument is settled as far as I'm concerned. As soon as we talked about it, we met, someone sent us, like right after we recorded, or the episode came out, you sent me a text to a video clip and said, shit. Oh, right, right, right, right.

And it was Paul Winchell and his dummies on The Lucy Show. And Lucy Ball like flirts with Knucklehead Smith. But these were dummies that also people were behind them with like human arms. So it is granted a little unsettling but. Why the shit? What do you mean shit? Like we missed him.

You didn't get to. We should have brought it up. We should have talked about it on the show. It's behind the paywall. You gotta pay us to get that good content, folks. I'm sorry. This is like the podcast the ride 4D experience and I'm loving it.

Like the podcast the ride. Genuine argument about Lucy and puppets breakout. It really does happen. I think you were working at the time, but for Mike's birthday, I did get him a eightx10 of Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smith and Paul Winchell and I got, I framed it. So he did do that.

Congratulations. And now you feel like your life is complete? Complete? No, not until all the children of the world know about these two glorious dummies. He needs more cursed objects in his home. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course, you can rest assured that with

Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile. Different is calling. What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart

shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled rib eye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Look, I just want that Gabbo that's up at Universal. We should try to steal it before. You want that Gabbo? You have to have that one? Well, I don't have to, but I'm saying.

I don't think you're going to get it, unfortunately. I think that's owned by Universal Studios. Of course it is. Well, maybe it's owned by Disney, technically. I don't know at this point what the ownership situation is. But that's going to go away. I don't know that I missed the upstairs eating area of Cletus' chicken shack. No offense to it.

I know there's like a spider pig, but I'm not. But that upstairs room though is, I watched this video, and I don't think I'd even clock this, that this upstairs secret room has become a place for Simpsons artists to draw characters and they're allowed to sign it in a way where most Simpsons art out there is just is signed by Matt Groening alone but it's become this kind of like weird secret museum where somebody can draw Troy McClure

yeah or whatever it is and they get the credit for it yeah so that's that's a neat that it's become this organic like is it still the artists go up there and just like all right I'm gonna draw a character. It's a good question. I would save that room before over Moe's, no offense to Moe's, but I think that's the coolest room of all of it. I won't miss the Krusty Burger. I haven't eaten a Krusty Burger in many years. I have, okay, if I find myself up there

and I really want chicken fingers or like a burger, I feel like for whatever, the Surrounded by All the Simpsons stuff in my mind, it's just like, ah, this is better quality than the fake American graffiti Mel's Diner that has made me ill multiple times. Is it? No, no.

Well, if it hasn't made you ill, then that implies that it's better. But yeah, it is not. It is not a thing. It's the same. Yeah, I watched my son who eats, like that eats any garbage burger or chicken. It's like. Yeah, I watched my son who eats, like that eats any garbage burger,

I feel like he was underwhelmed by the burger and the chicken burgers. It is like the Simpsons joke where they spear gray meat and it's just from the same vat and it goes to different restaurants. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. The food jokes on that show, like it's wild, there's a reference to like the good morning burger,

it's like 18 ounces of ground beef soaked in butter. But like that sounds like something Guy Fieri would have now, like it's like a different world. Yes, now that would be like an upscale kind of food challenge sort of situation. And also the way writers talk about like the lunch breaks being their savior in these incredibly long days, sometimes when they talk about what they were ordering

or eating, it's disgusting. It's so gnarly. Yeah, like I think Oakley's word was aggressive or vindictive, like they would order like caviar spreads, which is like a joke from the Simpsons, like the American excess or whatever. That seems like it happened a lot, where they would joke about something or satirize something on the Simpsons, like the American Excess or whatever. That seems like it happened a lot, where they would joke about something or satirize something on The Simpsons, but then people would adopt it at like face level.

Like they didn't intend to give Bart so many catchphrases, but kids repeat stuff they hear on TV. Sure. Yeah, the writers would say that it was like Sam Simon being like well You know these are things Bart hears on TV So he's just repeating them and it's it's a bit and then you think about it though And it's like well, we don't see Bart picking that up on the show No, we don't but at 7 I just see Simpson's merch everywhere saying don't have a cow man or eat my shorts Were you saying it even though you weren't watching it? I wasn't really saying it. But you were saying not the mama.

I was saying not the mama. Okay, but you were watching it. So I was repeating, yeah, so I was repeating. Yeah, which it's funny, because like, in terms of like, oh, I can't let my kids see this, it's like, well, Simpsons was a little more thoughtful than dinosaurs, like. How so? What was the problem with dinosaurs?

What do you mean? Well, no, it was just kind of like a B sitcom. Oh, sure. Like you talk about. Simpsons is a better show, you're saying. Yes, Simpsons was a better show, but I don't think my parents picked up. Like, oh, it's all these Harvard nerds.

Harvard books. You should have told them about the Harvard connection. I didn't know about that until I was much older. Do you know, can I tell you about where the writers were educated? Mom and dad? Dad, you like Letterman? A bunch of these people came from Letterman.

Well, this is five years old. I wish. I was pretty precocious. This was a pre-IMDB era. I don't know how you were going to find that out. I know. Well, you just had to have a giant phone book size, like history of movie like movie reference

book. Oh I remember stuff like that yeah here's a big book that just lists every movie who's in it. Yeah you did need stuff like that. Yeah I had a couple of those. Yeah yeah yeah. I had a lot of them. Roger Ebert's Guide to the Movies we had a one or two of those. I had a lot of those for comic books which as soon as that book came out it was immediately out of date Cause they just kept publishing more comic books. Oh yeah, yeah, sure. No, it only goes up to a certain time. Okay, let me ask this.

Also this like Simpsons inflection point that we're at. If we lose it, Universal Studios, if we no longer have a Simpsons presence in those parks, now the ownership is with Disney and this is why it probably needs to go away because we're at the two corporate umbrellas that get along the least. Disney has done polling about would you like to see Simpsons characters in the Disney parks? Would you like to like experiences, rides,

attractions? So there is the possibility that Disney does a second round of Simpsons stuff. I guess two questions here. One, do we think this will happen? Two, would we want this to happen? Feelings either way, Alan. I think, well, I know I'm gonna throw it back to you guys, but first of all, could Disney deal with the mild subversion of the Simpsons? Like what's the closest property they have in the parks to that sort of theming?

Muppets, which is going away. Deadpool. Oh yeah, yeah, true. He did a little show where he was subversive. Yes, but they have not like super, they have not invested in a like subversive or offensive permanent Deadpool attraction? That is a very good question, Abraham.

I mean, I would love to see a ride. I mean, it's funny, I of course did my homework about this. My best friend, he has an 11-year-old, and I kind of polled him, like, what kind of Simpsons ride would you like to see? And he said, like, a roller coaster that's like Escape from Burns Manor or something like that Ah, but see my pitch would be and this is sort of inspired by going to Disney World like some sort of

It's like Guardians of the Galaxy and Tron both sort of inspired this idea. Yes. Just like good ones Basically, you're like on a skateboard like Bart. So From the perspective of Bart I don't know how you would do that in a, like I was thinking of like the Tron light cycle or something like that, but like something to recreate the idea of being. You have less support,

but maybe there is something that you could sort of like position yourself on. A skateboarding simulator ride is a diff, that's like, that's its own good idea even, regardless of the sense of it. Right, but almost like a coaster simul, like a combo. And so the opening credits of the show

is about a minute long, and it's full form. So basically you would be Bart going through, like the ride through Springfield or something like that. That would be my ideal. Going out the window, there's a different shockboard gag on a screen every time you ride. They change out a zillion. And it doesn't have to be the exact path of the credits,

but like that would, like you start with the clouds opening, and that would be the best ride. And I do think some sort of movie or Muppets-like presentation would be really cool. I don't know, The Simpsons characters in the Disney Park and a 15-minute movie. So those are my pitches. Wow, opening sequence, yeah, yeah.

And I would require that they stick with all of the very season one stuff in it. That he, like, that it's, you're Bart and you narrowly miss Jacques the, the Mark Wait-Marge's. The Elizabeth's bowling coach. Is that the bowling, yes, yeah, the bowling. Yeah, Albert Brooks.

Yeah, the Albert Brooks bowling structure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the, who's the, like, who's the belly dancer? You, that was the, that's the, that's why you couldn't watch it because of Princess Cashmere. Yeah, for a while, yeah. Or who's the belly dancer? Princess Casimir. That's why you couldn't watch it because of Princess Casimir. Yeah, for a while. She is kind of like, became like a Simpsons side character,

or like Blinky the Three-Odd Fish, where after the episodes that directly address them, they just kind of are in the periphery of all the characters. Yeah, remain that way, but never do anything again. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marvin Monroe. They just kind of are in the periphery of all the characters. They're not around as much. They're not around as much. But never do anything again. Yes.

Marvin Monroe. Sometimes you'll see Mindy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's been 36 seasons. Maybe Blinky and Princess Cashmere get their own arcs. If you told me that there were 15 episodes about Princess Cashmere at this point, I would be like, oh yeah, probably.

Yes, yeah, yeah. No, I assume that by the, I'm just not as versed in the recent seasons, by which I mean the last 22 years. So yeah, I assume that every single marriage combo has occurred. It's been tried, yeah. Well, that's what happened with the X-Men and stuff.

Well, Wolverine's with Storm now, and you're like, okay, let's see how that works. Yeah, they had tension over the years. Sure, well they all did. They all did, well the X-Men especially. I had tension with all the X-Women too when I was growing up. Sure.

One-sided tension. Oh God, I forgot what I was gonna say. I threw Jason off, like I threw the X-Men on the brand. Which X-Women was poppin' in your head that distracted you? Well, like, when I was a kid. Who was it? Was it Jubilee? Well, like, when I was a kid. Who was it?

Was it Jubilee? No, Jubilee was my, like, friend. Okay. Like Jubilee and Ilock were just friends. Who was it? No, Psylocke was too ridiculous. Jean Grey. Maybe Jean.

Jean or Rogue. Rogue got that cool jacket. Mine was Rogue. Yeah. That's definitive. Anyway, you got your back on track? Yeah. I stayed with the Simpsons like into high school.

Like a lot of people cap it a lot earlier, but I think like the behind the laughter, like that could have ended there. Like those it's season 10 or 11. I'm laughter's okay. Yeah. There's some good stuff on the way to behind the laughter for sure. Yeah. I think the Pucci episode would have been an amazing finale.

Oh yeah. I think it's just like a good capper of like what, you know, basically the fans fighting back. I ruined my, in high school, I ruined my guide to our favorite family, the big book, the Simpsons episode guide, cause we were, I was in a class where we were doing screen printing

and we projected an image up on the wall and then you had to trace it on paper and then you cut it out with X-Acto knife and screen print it over that and the heat of that overhead projector killed the glue that held the book together. So it is, I still have it. Did you keep putting it on there

to trace different characters? Well, and then I tried to scream Prim Poochie. Easier said than done, he's got a very complicated plaid shirt on. Oh, okay, okay. Takes a while to draw those lines. And then I, the next section, I just did the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,

the little circular guy that used to be on the book covers. Yeah, much easier, making a googly eye face. Much simpler after the poochy debacle. I was gonna say, as far as rides are concerned, we've talked a little bit about this before, there's other stuff that I think is a higher priority than getting The Simpsons into the Disney parks.

I'm not gonna be mad if they do it. Yeah, that's my, you know, this question came up in a second gay mailbag episode, and we were both like, I guess so, but I feel like with Disney, I'm like, well, as long as you get to like 13 other things, but if Disney's only gonna do every, like, a couple things, should one of them be Simpsons?

I don't know, is that like a, is that a weird thing to, do I seem like a fair weather fan? I know, I feel bad saying it like that too because I don't know that I'm, like the thing I would want is some sort of like kind of retro ride, which is something we kind of, I don't know if we've touched on this lately where I've been thinking like,

it would be fun if Disney built like a Mr. Toad ride in this day and age, and I mean that by like a small ride. Like something that is not even, cause they even build like a new dark ride and it's Ariel's undersea, which is a big ride compared to the old Fantasyland dark rides. They don't truly do little dinky rides anymore.

That's true. And I guess like if they built something new and then they advertise that people might be upset by that like that's maybe They're thinking is that like you can't do that Like to tube minor of an attraction, right? I feel like the ratatouille ride might be an interesting model for it. Yeah. Yeah like something in and out of Physical space. Yeah, some is practical It's not doesn't necessarily have to be super scary or have a lot of thrills, but immersive.

Yeah, yeah, but like fun and wild, quote unquote. Where were you going somewhere specific? Well, I have my, I have a pitch for it that will never be made is that, like you do it, it's like the size of Mr. Toad or Pinocchio or whatever, and it's basically just robots and it's small and it's based on one of my favorite as a kid, Simpsons video games, which is funny,

because all the Simpsons video games were like, about the Simpsons beating people up, which is hilarious. Oh yeah, yeah, yes, Marge assaulting people with a vacuum cleaner. Right. With a big, heavy, old vacuum cleaner. And the Nintendo game, which I played,

was Bart versus the Space Mutants. It was Bart fighting aliens. Bart, Bart or Bartman? Bart, there was Bartman in different, oh maybe you turned into Bartman in that one. I forget which one. Yeah, you might have done both. Or was it El Barto?

That's the thing I think is funny. I was just watching, last night I was watching like a walkthrough of the places I haven't been in Universal Florida, Springfield. I was like, it's funny that they, El Barto really looms large. I'm like, has there ever been anything big

with El Barto on the show? This is what he writes on walls. It's just his graffiti. It's a tag. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like theme parks end up, and you know what we'll do is we'll have El Barto everywhere. I'm like, that feels like a season one not relevant thing.

Did not, yeah. Did not catch on. It's like set dressing, like Blinky the Three-Eyed Fish. Oh, sure. You know? A nod to the roots. But like, yeah, you know, Barr, you remember this at all? Yes, I do.

Did you just play this? It was punishingly difficult. Oh, it was very hard. Yes, very, very hard. It was very hard, but more fun, and I see people talking about like, they need to put this out, or they need to remaster it.

Simpson's Road Rage? Road Rash? That's later. It's later, yeah. It was in like high school, but it's like, They need to put this out or they need remastered Simpsons road rage, road rash. That's later. It's later. Yeah. It wasn't like high school, but it's like one game, I think. Grand Theft Auto essentially in Springfield. But I.

Might be a good ride. Might be a good ride too. But I would pitch as a tiny little dark ride with a bunch of robots where like Bart and aliens have invaded Springfield and it's just static figures basically. And you're going through in a Little Simpsons car and the stuff is coming and you go, Kang and Kodos can be there too or whatever but it could be more themed to the actual show.

You see Lenny and Carl, you see Snake and Pony. Yeah, yeah. So like just a little dark ride and like a Moe's with a beer garden seems like, oh, that might not be so expensive. You could put that in Hollywood studios somewhere and you got a little Simpsons there and like a little modest fun no no not high pressure right you get merchandise there and the Simpsons will never stop so you may as well sell Simpsons merch forever

I guess yeah something small ish but still has a fun little ride that'd be that's an interesting, that's a unique way to do it. That would be my pitch, but I don't know. You know, I was thinking in terms of what could they do that they haven't already, and that the original Simpsons ride does not already accomplish,

and I feel like, I think you would have to get the Shearer characters. That's like the only way that they can, because, like I was watching some video last night where somebody said, and it said, why don't any of his characters, like Burns and Smithers, appear? Well, it turns out he was unavailable for the recording. And I'm like, you poor, you blindly optimistic vlogger,

you don't know what's happening here. But I think Disney, what, yeah. Is that what, the reality is probably just he didn't wanna do it, you're saying, right? The reality is he hates the show and doesn't Yeah, he couldn't step away from Lay Show for a minute Record some voice Must have a recording set up

Building more floors in his home from Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah. Yes Proceeds while being extremely extremely furious at what funded the floors. The Hot Honey McCrispy is so back at McDonald's. With juicy 100% Canadian-raised seasoned chicken, shredded lettuce, crispy jalapenos, and that completely craveable hot honey sauce, it's a sweet heat repeat you don't want to miss. Get your Hot Honey McCrispy today. Available for a limited time only at McDonald's. Your business doesn't move in a straight line. Some days bring growth, others bring challenges.

But what if you or a partner needs to step away? When the unexpected happens, count on Canada Life's flexible life and health insurance to help your business keep working, even when you can't. Don't let life's challenges stand in the way of your success. Protect what you've built today. Visit CanadaLife.com slash business protection

to learn more. Canada Life, insurance, investments, advice. No, but I think Disney would have to shell out. Because like, I was like, okay, you know, yeah, we go to Moe's, we go to Krusty Burger, you go to so many places on the ride. The place that is not really represented is the power plant.

And then in tandem with that, you're, wait, your niece or nephew, I forget who you asked, about the- Yeah, my nephew, my friend son, yeah. Yes, yeah. So, that also burns manner, is definitely, I think to do something with a big burns presence because those are grand spaces, scary spaces.

And it's a very easy sort of Disney good versus evil. You're right. Scenario. Oh yeah, yes, absolutely. You can kind of put any ridiculous thing in burns manor and it would make sense. Yes, well he has like a thousand rooms full of nonsense. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so behind any door could be any craziness.

If there was something that could like take you from, I don't know, like Homer causes a meltdown and you experience it in real time and have to escape, you know, like there truly is like giant plutonium, you know, the kind of thing that makes the whole plant grow, glow green or whatever. Yeah.

And you have to, you've only got seconds to escape. Yeah. Like there like truly is like giant plutonium You know the kind of thing that makes the whole plank grow glow green or whatever Yeah, and you have to you've only got seconds to escape which kind of tangentially happens on the ride But it's it's not known burns or Smithers Yeah subbed in for for crusty is subbed in crusty and company subbed in. But it's kind of there's the corrupt businessman. Yes, but yeah, I mean, I think getting to see like, and physically Bill to be in a queue of big, scary, Gothic, imposing burns space. And I also want animatronics.

I think that is the only way to justify doing new Simpsons stuff, because we've already done, we've done Screen Ride and it makes sense, it's an animated show, you do Screen Ride, but getting to see like physicalize like a Mr. Burns physically in the room, taking you to task, throwing stuff at you, throwing items, throwing paperweights in your face,

I think that'd be the thing to do. They're gonna look weird though. They just will have to, for whatever reason it's really hard. I mean the closest I've seen actually is this company Super Seven which makes Simpsons, they don't make them now because of Disney, they lost the rights.

But they made these Simpsons Super Seven toys that are the closest I've seen to 3D Simpsons looking good. But I just like, anytime you ever see 3D Simpsons, it's always odd. It is, yeah. But I'll tolerate. I'm for it. I just wanna know what they would do. I'm for it. Don't get you wrong, I'm for it.

I just wanna round a corner in a physicalized, yeah, they're always scary as mascots. They're so scary. Yeah. They're weird in the parks. They're as weird in the parks as they were on the ice capades 35 years ago. It's just, yeah, it's strange. I'm imagining the Yeti in the Expedition Everest coaster.

It's like Mr. Burns looming. Oh, that would be nice. Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah, yeah. Are there giant characters? I mean, like a sci-fi, you were like, huge King in Kodas. Well, huge king in Kodas, yeah.

And they have, obviously they have that spinner in Orlando. Alan, I'll shout out, mention in your book again, because again, I really enjoyed this, but the mention of Homer fantasizing about if he wins the lottery, and his fantasy is he is giant and covered in jewels. And gold too, right? And gold, and that's such a weird joke.

And then years later, I feel like there's a different Homer fantasizing about coming into money where he's sitting on the porch of a solid gold house and twirling a revolver and marches in a bikini, go-go dancing next to him. Yeah, if he robs the quickie mart, I think is the Oh, yes. Oh, yes, that's the life you'll be waiting for him.

But the writer, I think the Homer growing and being jewel-encrusted was a Schwarzwelder joke. And another writer was like, it doesn't make sense. Like, why would being rich make you grow? Like, why would it make you grow? But doesn't Lenny kind of get those like, like? And, but they were like, I think that they loved that Schwarzwelder would come up with these jokes get those like, look closer Lenny. I think that they love that Schwarzwelder

would come up with these jokes that were like, they made sense but they made all the sense in the, they made no sense but somehow made all the sense in the world. For some operation you could get, presumably with all the money in the world, there's something that could widen your bones while keeping your same physical structure.

He doesn't want hair, that's not part of the equation. He will still remain bald, a much easier surgery to get. He just wants to be giant and gold. I've read a couple of his books, Schwartzweiler's books, and it is a thing where like, I need to take a break when I'm reading, cause it's joke after joke after joke. And they're all good, like they're all like.

You're laughing so loud, you start concerning your neighbors. I'm concerning my neighbors, but they're all so funny. And he is, I mean, he's the best kind of weird. When that, there's like one profile of him in the New Yorker from 2021. And I feel like all of my comedy group chats that day were like, Schwartzweiler, Mike Saxpiece, the New Yorker, it's so long.

Cause he's such a recluse, you know? Yeah, and that interview was done over email, so what was crazy about it is if you read it, it's like you're reading a Simpsons episode, it's his voice, it's crazy. Like he sort of crafts these answers that are in ways that you can't really do if you're just speaking it. Oh, like it's hyper written.

Yes, exactly. But in a good way. That's cool. I bet he knows who Jerry Mahoney is. Oh, I absolutely bet he does. 100%. Well, very well then. That's the key to being relevant today.

He doesn't do a lot of interviews, but could we get Schwarzwald on to talk about Jerry Mahoney? Does Schwarzwald know the pandemic happened? I would hope so. I feel like I always just hear, like, yeah, he's just in a house in the Hollywood Hills smoking in the diner booth he bought. I think he, it's funny, because some of the writers said

they wouldn't call him a recluse, they would just call him someone who doesn't do interviews, but then George Meyer was like, it's okay, he's a recluse. Okay. But I think he loves baseball and will rent rent out safe co-field in Seattle to like play games Wow Perfect story Well got anything we've missed on the on the way out the door here I mean another like all right if if the modern

Disney company, if they really, they wanna have Simpson's representation, but they truly don't have the money to do it, which feels very current Disney, I would settle for, of anything theme park-y to recreate newly in a theme park, Homerland. I would happily take Homerland, which is of course when he buys a trampoline

and then flashes to an expanded operation with the trampoline as the base, but that also includes Muckville, USA, which is just a bunch of mud, and then Fort Adventure, it's a bunch of soiled mattresses. If there was a perfect kids' play zone of Homerland, with that graphic design, and that did smell. I think I would accept that.

And I actually, I think my son would be crawling around there all the time. You could leave your son at Homerland and then all the millennial parents are brought the photo op by the barbecue grill that Homer did not successfully build in that one of us. Oh yeah. I just had a thought.

Sorry, this is a different idea to get Simpsons in Hollywood Studios is that we cancel that Muppets rock and roller coaster thing. Well you're trying to get rid of that anyway. I'm trying to get rid of that. I'm gonna try until it's gone. But we replace Aerosmith with Simpsons Aerosmith. The Simpsons version of Aerosmith.

This you will allow. That keeps it. Yes. So it'll be the Flamin' Mo coaster? Well, it's still called Rock and Roller Coaster featuring Aerosmith, but they just look like the Simpsons versions of themselves. So it's the same intro video. Here's Alan with a pitch that's fun,

and you're like, no, no, because I need Aerosmith to be in the title. Simpsify, David. Like, let's not go crazy here. You Simpsify. I'm so sorry, I'm in the zone and I'm so creative right now. I respect it. The man loves Aerosmith.

What can I say? So, but yeah, there'll be some other Simpson references in the Rock and Roller Coaster at that point. Simpsons, David Wayne, Simpsons, who plays your manager? Simpson references in the Rock and Roller Coaster at that point. Simpson's David Wayne, Simpson's, who plays her manager? Simpson's Camarino is what you're talking about. Oh, yes, Simpson's Camarino. Sorry, there's a dozen people in the state

that picked the rock. Simpson's the Eliana Douglas, if she hasn't been already. They just get them all. Yeah, just get them all. I assume there was a full state reunion on there. There's, with zillions of episodes, that must have happened.

But a lot cheaper than this, whatever this muppets thing they're doing Do their iconic Performance of their animated performance of walk this way where mo joins them. Yes accept this Well, I will be in there is that a little too much to when you said it. I kind of winced No, I just know they keep the tracks the way they are. And it just still reads the same, because it's Aerosmith. Would you want it to be like the show

where they are animated into it with their manager at the time, which was part of the deal of them being in the show? Do you know about that? It cuts to them at a booth at Moe's and then there's some guy. Why is he there? I think they initially turned down a different episode

because they didn't think it was cool enough, Aerosmith, and now they're on a roller coaster at MGM. Or I'm sorry, Hollywood Studios, wow, that dated me. No, no, no, I will never stop calling it Disney MGM Studio. Well, yeah, we're cut from the same cloth. I could not have predicted as a child that now when I was saying MGM, it would be Jamie Foxx telling me all about Bet MGM.

Pfft. You know all the Bet apps. I know all the Bet, I know all the commercials. He's getting ready to be on. This guy's got a gambling problem. And be putting up those 40 cents a day. That's how much he wants to hit the gambling bricks. You can do the gambling casino from Springfield

in Hollywood Studios. That is true when Mar has a gig leak problem. Yeah, the Burns Casino. Well there's another like diminutive scary mystery. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we can do that. I want all the Burns stuff. You could flip the Hollywood Studios Brown Derby

to the Simpsons Fancy Restaurant pretty easy. Oh, that's true. The Gilded Truffle. The Gilded Truffle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But my pitch is very doable and less fun, but like you would do with Simpsons after hours of it.

Photo opportunities, all the songs in the Kia Springfield. Well, you're speaking Disney's language. Walk around the speakers. Exactly what it would be. So it's $180? But mostly, yeah, that is data collection to save people like it. It's like live, that is data collection to save people like it. It's like live, real time data collection

to see if people would accept it, you know? You mean to get it something more permanent, is that what you're saying? Yeah, to see like, is there still enough interest? Have our shorts where like, Maggie meets Baby Yoda on Disney Plus. Has that kept The Simpsons in the public spotlight enough? There's a good chance that's more popular

than all the stuff we've been talking about. Possibly. A good chance that that's more relevant. And we're like, these jokes. Well, we all know what it's gonna be, which is just they take all the theaters they have that aren't playing anything and they start playing The Simpsons in plus-aversary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Disney plus-aversary shirt. So they can implement that day one as soon as Universal loses the license. Well, but it's nice to brainstorm. It's nice to think about. Nice just to talk Simpsons for a while. So thank you for being here to do that.

Alan Siegel, You Survive podcast, The Ride. Much appreciated. This is a good time. Let's exit through the gift shop. Anything you want to tell, obviously you have something to plug, we've been referring to it the whole time. Anything else you want to tell us about Stupid TV, it'd be more funny.

Well first of all, thank you guys for having me. I feel like I'm sitting with my three podcast brothers talking about this stuff, so it's a blast. So Stupid TV. Your Rod and Todd. The characters we most resemble. I'm gonna sit here. Two Rods and a Todd. Two Rod Your Rod and Todd. The characters we most resemble. I'm listening here.

Two Rods and a Todd. Two Rods and a Todd. Someone asked me like who would you be and I'm like a combo of Milhouse and Lisa. That would probably be Milo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of Milhouses in there too. So the book Stupid TV Be More Funny is out on June 10th. Can pre-order it.

If you don't want to use a giant online retailer, you can go to bookshop.org. And that connects you to a local bookstore if you would like to buy it that way. Wow, that's a nice, okay, that is a very good specific plug. So yeah, for sure, do it that way if you can. And from what we've read already, such a great book and such a great deep dive,

and I've enjoyed your writing in the past so congratulations on this and yeah, great work. Thanks guys. Absolutely. As for us, for three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcast the Ride the Second Gate or get one more bonus episode on our VIP tier club three. You'll find all of that at patreon.com slash podcast the ride

and then I propose that we end like a Simpsons episode which is of course with, ding-do-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding. I forgot the shush, the shush comes first. Okay, Mike, edit the shush before the, do you mind editing the shush before the, okay. Oh yeah, I'll get it in, don't worry. Okay, okay, so then you'll edit all this that I'm saying right now, right?

It'll be cut out, yeah. Okay, thanks, I know, I'm so glad I can trust you as an editor and as my brother and as my friend. Mm-hmm. Forever. Dog. This-hmm. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gardner, Brett Boehm, Joe Sileo, and Alex Ramsey.

For more original podcasts, please visit ForeverDogPodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest ForeverDog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at ForeverDogTeam and liking our page on Facebook.