Podcast: The Ride - An Intimate Christmas Evening LIVE

Episode Date: December 20, 2019

Join us in a snowy podcast cabin as we revisit theme park Christmas specials past and present. Recorded live at The Lyric Hyperion Theatre, 12/13/19. Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus Star Wars:Hyperspace Hoopla episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! Live from the Lyric Hyperion in Los Angeles, California! It's an intimate Christmas evening with Podcast The Ride! Featuring appearances by Regis Philbin, Michael Eisner, Danny Thomas, Marlo Thomas, Eric Roberts, Ice Skater Scott Hamilton, Roddy McDowell, Mickey Mouse, Chuck E. Cheese, and hopefully not for some reason, Chucko. and hopefully not for some reason Choco.

We take you now to Jason Sheridan's Gingerbread Cottage in the Forest where old man Jason is settling in for a long winter's nap. Really coming down out there. Darn kids trying to eat my house. I built it deep in the woods for a reason. For me to eat. Now I can enjoy my holiday in solitude.

Reading and studying. Oh, yes. What a time it will be. Eating gingerbread doorknobs and gingerbread hinges all by my lonesome. Oh, who could that be? Come in. Hi there. Hi. Oh, hi. that be? Come in. Hi there. Hi.

Oh, hi. Hello. Hi. Oh, boy. Really coming down out there. Yeah. Oh, boy. I'm really sorry to bother you.

Are you the new neighbor? Well, it's been a long time since I've been the new anything. Very, very, very good. Listen, you seem like a nice man. I don't want to bother you. Let me just explain. My name's Scott. I'm the theme park podcaster from Up the Road. Oh. Well, say,

I'm a theme park podcaster as well. No kidding. Really? Really? You get into some of the newer stuff? Oh, sure. I think it's marvelous. Some of it's real fine. Real fine. Geez. Well, you seem like a very kind-hearted man.

I was wondering if you could help me with my little predicament. You see, what with the blizzard and all, my power went out. And I've got a sack full of theme park-related holiday clips. And no one to share them with. Well, that's an unfortunate predicament, but sadly, I can't help you. No? Really? I came all this way, all the way down the block.

I've got a lot of gingerbread house to eat by New Year's. Hmm, interesting. Well, then I guess I'll also have no one with whom to share these Tate's double chocolate chip cookies. Why don't you take a seat? Pull up a chair. Change your mind. Lovely.

Thank you so much, sir. I'm sorry, kids. Kids, I'm so sorry. I'm just going to... It doesn't look like we're going to have a house to spend the holidays at this year. Sorry, hold on. Hold on one second.

I went into such credit card debt churning... Shut the fuck up out there! But the credit cards offered such lucrative rewards. I spent us into a hole, kids. I'm so sorry. I don't think there's going to be any sort of festivities this year. Oh, no. Well, if you're going to make a fuss about it, just come on in.

What? What's that? Oh, thank you, kindly old sir. Yeah. Oh, thank you. The age, the wisdom you have in your eyes. Thank you very much. Come on in, stranger. Is it okay if I bring my kids?

Up to you, your house. Fine. Okay, hold on one second. I don't kids? Up to you. Your house. Fine. Okay, hold on one second. I don't want to knock anything over. Alright, uh... Well, it's hard to stay mad at a whole community of characters who

come with fully customizable outfits. How many months is the bird? He's a mailman. Oh, so quite old then if he has a profession. Yes, I'd like to introduce you to Duffy, his non-sexual life partner, Shelley May. You sure about that? You're totally sure about that?

I'm totally sure. So it's a Jay and Silent Bob sort of relationship. No, it is not Jay and Silent Bob. Two body, I think. Two body. Their love is wholesome and pure. Fair enough. Their love is a perfect love.

Huh. And of course... The Christmas spirit said that. This is Gelatoni and he does one thing he fucks oh how rude of me gentlemen uh this is my uh audience of 85 uh people plus 10 give or take friends and family oh sure oh wow hello That's an unusual feature for a cabin. Oh, my. Well, you know what?

In addition to all the clips in my sack, I do have some things that I could potentially share with some of the audience. If that's something they'd be interested in. Sure. Come on. You know, before I say what the thing is, let me just see if I can get a reaction out of

is anybody a particularly big knott's berry farm fan i should have known if i asked that to this crowd it would be a tie of 85 um who traveled from the furthest this is an la show but did what oh hi wait we met you oh hi what's going on well you know what then to uh we got to give you a uh wait let me ask a question have you been to knott's berry farm i wasn't really yeah it works then uh and it's perfect because what we have this is actually Christmas related this is a Christmas ornament from

Knott's now closed Iron Reef VR attraction yeah here let me let me go add this to you

you know I'd like to get in on this gift giving fun because I yes cleaned out some garbage from my gingerbread house.

It's just your thing. While we're on, any other Knott's Berry Farm fans here? Who thinks they've been the most? Oh, great. I see a hand. Oh, you weren't there. That's going a lot.

Says the person in the tiny puppet shirt. What? Say Calico River Rapids poncho. Take that. Wait, wait. Was that worn by you at the press night? Yes, it was. Why didn't, wait, hold on.

Why didn't you throw that away like Scott and I did? You never know what will come in handy. And that's why it also comes with this hand towel from Club 33. Wow.

Wow. Any more garbage? You know more garbage? Yeah, I got a few rounds of garbage. Okay, this is... They send you Comic-Con badges in these cute little boxes now. And this is a pack of

absolute carnage temporary tattoos. What? We are now completely off of the theme. This one's got Jack Ryan on the inside. Who wants the tchotchke box? She's enthusiastic there, I think. This also comes with a Club 33 handheld. Yes, I think so.

Most Jack Ryan enthusiasm ever produced by anyone. Okay, this is another year Comic-Con box. What? What the hell is this? Are there any Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans? Okay, this comes with a very tiny

pin. Seems like less, huh? Oh, an Ithaca man. Alright, you get this. Very tiny pin. Seems like less... Huh? Oh, an Ithaca man. All right, you get this. Oh. Hey, Jason, do you have any loose-leaf notebook paper for them?

Yes, I do. Here's your box and your Club 33 handheld. These are my handwritten notes from being forced to watch the Haunted Mansion movie. And a Club 33 hand out. This was the first hand I saw.

And this is the last thing to wrap up this interminable bit. Okay, this is a shirt I have, but Tee Public sent me the wrong one so that I got the right one, and they told me to keep it. This is the five original X-Men and the Helvetica ampersand kind of thing.

Does anyone like the X-Men and wear a medium? There, there in the front. I see one. Maybe here is your shirt and your Club 33 handout. like the X-Men and wear a medium. There. There in the front. I see one. Maybe. Here is your shirt and your Club 33 handout. Wow. Wonderful.

A little, like, surprise secret Santa for all of our friends for this holiday gathering. You know, I know we all just met, but also we were just talking about how there's a special gift for a special someone in the audience Do you want to put people in on that? Oh, sure I mean, I think we have actually a special representative here from a company that we all have a lot of affection for Excuse me, Anthony, Gio, is he around? Oh There he is Wow, wow Excuse me, Anthony, Gio, is he around? Oh.

There he is. Wow. Wow. Through the gingerbread door. Good to see you. I wasn't sure if that was the door or the chimney. So, yeah, I hear you actually have a new job. Yes. So, I'm happy to announce I'm the new brand manager for Skull Chewing Tobacco.

Great, great, great. And I have a little secret Santa gift here, so I'm not only here spreading good tidings and cheer, I'm here to pack a mean lip. Pack a mean lip. And so on behalf of Skull, Sk Is this a... Pack a mean lip. And so, on behalf of Skull, Skull, a pinch better since 1934, I would like to honor and reward this to Skull's Dipper of the Year,

2019, Mr. Nick Mundy. Yeah! Great. Oh! That's it! Just for social media For social media We have to take a picture Bullshit It's not yours

If you don't do it Yeah sir do you mind Thank you so much. He's got to pack the lip before we take the photo. Not enough time. Not enough time. It's important for the audience to know that. Do you want a bottle?

Or like a tin can? If any theater management can get Nick Mundy a dip cup. If not, it's going everywhere. The key work? You're drinking that coffee? That man is drinking that coffee. For the audience at home, Nick's

wife is thrilled right now. Dipper of the year. Any thoughts upon getting this award? About goddamn time. Yeah time yeah yeah yeah and for the tight end of the holidays it is wintergreen oh thank you happy holidays sir oh yeah nick money and from skull magazine anthony geo good to see you good thanks for swinging by we should have you on the show more often. All right. Okay, so with those gifts being given,

the main gift now to give out is this sack full of clips. Let me... Yeah. I'll just rattle them. The spirit of them will go up to the booth. Here we go. Okay, and I see them. The bits and bytes traveling up.

Let's have a seat, gentlemen. Let's settle in. Oh, boy. Duffy, oh, careful. Oh, yeah. Sorry, is this seat taken? Lightning McQueen man, huh? My son is allowed to dress how he wants.

Hey, Scott here. From this point on, we're going to be showing a bunch of Christmas clips. So if you aren't sure what's happening visually or you just want to follow along with us, we'll be posting all of the clips to our Twitter at Podcast The Ride and using the hashtag PTRSackOClips. That's hashtag P-T-R-S-A-C-K-O-Clips. So we'll be posting all the stuff there. Go check it out. Yeah, well, hey, thanks so much, everybody, for coming out.

You know, we did an episode a couple years ago. It was called the Christmas Special Christmas Special, where we dug into the vast archive of strange, inane Disney theme park specials. And we wanted to dig deeper, find worse muck and scum lining the walls of the Disney vault. The stuff they're not brave enough to put on Disney+. But we're happy to put on display for you here. Sound good? Everybody excited? Wonderful.

Nice way to spend the holidays. You know, he got a big shout when we were introducing folks at the beginning. You know, it wouldn't be a true Disney Christmas special without an introduction from a very special person.

And that's Michael Eisner. You know, Michael Eisner did a number of great holiday intros. There's a lot to choose from. But there was this one that I especially enjoyed, and I think all you need to know about it is that it's in service of a special event. It's about ice skating. That's all I need to say.

At tonight's Christmas show, we celebrate the holiday season with some of your favorite Olympic ice skating stars. Hello, I'm Michael Eisner at the Walt Disney Company. During the holiday seasons here in Southern California, we don't get much ice or snow. So instead of ice skating, we're going to rollerblade. It's a great way to get around a lot here at the Disney Studios.

Gee, Michael, can you rollerblade? Well, Mickey, just a little. Oh, well, could you show us? Well, we have a little tryout. And sunglasses. What a dude. Okay, I'm off. Bye. Oh, my God. jumps, spins. Gosh, pretty good for an old guy. Oh, Michael, you were great.

You know, Minnie, I'm a little out of practice. Yeah, sure. Enjoy tonight's show. How about that? You know, I know the glasses and the hat were to cover the stunt, you know stunt switcheroo. But in the 90s, that glasses and hat combo communicated, I am the Unabomber.

I am the police sketch of the Unabomber. Wasn't the Unabomber, didn't he wear a hood over his head? Didn't he have like a hoodie? I guess he had the hood. You're thinking of a different guy. A different bomber. I'm thinking of a different guy. A different bomber. I'm thinking of that drawing in those spam ads where it's like thousands of people

dream this man every night. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That guy. I mean, we all, we dream Eisner every night, certainly. I think everyone here does. The rest of that special I scoured for anything worth showing to you guys And the

There's It's not really worth sitting to This far too much Bronson pin show for my taste But this clip Kind of I think tells you Everything you need to know Here I got it for the listener at home uh ice skater uh scott hamilton joined by saxophonist tom scott and that's that's how lame my music taste is that i know who the saxophone player was

in this thing do you know what else he's played on uh i mean a lot of good solo stuff he was in this thing. Do you know what else he's played on? I mean, in a lot of good solo stuff. He was in the 70s SNL band here and there. He was Chevy Chase's band leader on the Chevy Chase show. The greatest talk show of all time. They weren't brave enough to keep it on longer than six weeks. So, Scott Hamilton ice skates up to

Tom Scott and blows magic out of his hands and then you know there was a laugh from the audience and so in case you couldn't hear it then Bronson Pinchot narrates and so Donald and Pluto had the last part of the magic snowflake the end that wrapped up nicely yeah I spared you all the other uh parts of the magic

snowflake which were all attained via excellent ice skating so the what does the magic snowflake do um well i think bronson pincho's niece throws it up in the air who's never experienced winter and then it magically snows at disneyland oh okay the thing that it does like every night during the holidays yes but this time for real yeah yeah yeah for uh also in that special bronson pinchot plays jack frost in almost the same way that martin short did it in Santa Claus 3. So if you're a fan of that and want to see essentially the same makeup, that's another place you could see it. There you go. So, you know, a Disney special, the Disney Christmas parades,

Eisner set up the pins and then Regis Philbin knocked them down. He was the king of these specials. You know, so much broadcast skill and panache. And let me make that especially evident with this clip. This is from the 2002 Disney Christmas Parade. He is finishing talking to Eric Roberts, who I guess was on some show at the time. And he's introducing a musical performer.

And just from Regis and Kelly's description, see if you just internally can guess who the musical guest is. And if I had more prizes, I'd give them to you if you did figure out here we go why don't you guys stick around for our next performance yeah he is a big rock star that's right singer performer songwriter yes uh he's got the uh the scratchy voice you know the white teeth got the whole thing you know who we're talking about. What? John Resnick of the Goo Goo Dolls. Sure.

He's here to sing his new song from Disney's Treasure Planet. It's called I'm Still Here. And then a little, here's a little taste. This came up on the show recently. Yes.

Mike, you're a fan, I believe. What is this song called again, Mike? I'm Still Here. John's theme? Jim's theme. All right, I'm so sorry. I have seen the Goo Goo Dolls in concert twice. Has anyone seen them more?

But twice. Two? Two? Two? Everyone two? We've hit a stalemate on Google Google's concerts I saw them at the Hard Rock in Orlando

your personal bizarre concert series pretty good oh we saw Kate my sister's right here we saw them right oh hello my sister

that's my sister Kate hello she didn't get any of the prizes nope my sister, Katie. Hey, hello, hello. She didn't get any of the prizes. Nope. There'll be a big gift coming at Christmas, I'm sure. Oh, sure.

And the gift of hanging out with your family. Mm-hmm. All of them. The most precious things in the world to me. Let me do another little uh regis moment here this one's a lot of fun uh there was a bit on a lot of these specials where uh regis would get a little preview of some of the upcoming attractions uh for the year and uh and future projects and so uh he would uh he'd get a little behind the

scenes taste but then things would go a little bit awry this happened every year and this i think was the the peak i think they might have stopped doing that after this year because how do you top this one uh 1993 or 4 i believe i'm here at disney's future Projects Center for a sneak preview look at an exciting new attraction that's going to be opening up in the coming year. Come on in. This must be the model. Let's check it out. Come on. See, it looks a little scary, doesn't it?

Almost looks like the real thing. The listener is an elevator door. I wonder if these doors open. They do. They do. What do you think? Should I go inside? I'll try. Yeah, why not? Oh, yeah.

Ma! Ma! Hey, what's happening here? What's going on? Holy mackerel, look at me. I'm black and white. Next stop, the Twilight Zone. I don't like this! The doors have opened.

He's screaming. Full view of Disney Entertainment Studios. Drop. Listen, listen, listen to this. I'm out of control. What happened to him? For the listener, he's one quarter his height. Next year, you do the new projects update.

Right now, I got a whole lot of suits to alter. And that's how Kelly Ripa got rid of Regis and replaced him with Michael Strahan. Sure. She threw him into a broken elevator. If I let him take the elevator too early, an elevator surely would shrink you to one quarter your usual height and make your voice be pitched up four times its usual uh it would

make your voice a lot cuter oh yeah a little regis elf there yeah kind of adorable now wonder they stopped doing it after this year they scarred regis they like maimed him and he does he says the line i'm out of control which is the dana carvey impression of him something he didn't actually say no no so they were like say the line that you don't say yeah much like george w bush's uh beloved catchphrase strategery uh not his own right and uh not gonna do it george hw bush i'm not sure i'm not sure he ever said that no yeah yeah all equally beloved figures just nice men all around um yeah according to ellen yes yeah they're both pieces of shit that's right um strategy was also the name of george w bush's podcast

right what wasn't there a george w bush library podcast i don't know what you're called strategery sound familiar to anybody the audience usually has jason's back on these kinds of things but there is befuddled as scott and i

wait that's just general support he just likes jason and it means the world But there is befuddled as Scott and I. Wait, that's just general support. And it means the world. We'll figure that out. We'll find the George Bush podcast. It's the strategerous. Oh, it's the strategerous. Lindsay Kaytai is in the house. Lindsay Kaytai.

The author. The author of Gelatoni fucks? Did you say that first? Did you say that first? I think you may have invented Gelatoni fucks. Wow. Yeah.

So she should hand for that. Yeah. It's going gonna be So many people's Senior yearbook quote The rest of the time Have a KAS Gelatoni fucks Let me see here I think

I think elsewhere On the Regis front Let me see if I got this one Oh yeah here we go For one year And only Only for one year And we might see why

From this quick cut down Regis was joined By his usual co-host Not Kelly Ripa But the Her predecessor And I'll show you this You know her face

And love her voice Today it's Kathy Lee Gifford With a special holiday number Let's see what's happening elsewhere In this fabulous resort First, someone that I think You know No, she's not here Kathy Lee Gifford with a special holiday number. Let's see what's happening elsewhere in this fabulous resort. First, someone that I think you know, Reed. No, she's not here. Kathy Lee Gifford. She's everywhere. With a couple hundred

Christmas fans at the Disney MGM Studios. Merry Christmas, Kathy Lee. Hi, Regis. Hi, Joan. Reed, you just can't get rid of me, can you? Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everybody. We are having a fabulous time here at the Disney MGM Studios.

Hi, everybody. We are having a fabulous time here at the Disney MGM Studios. Hi, everybody. Oh, they're so thrilled I'm here. This is what the interior of a busy soundstage really looks like. And as you can see, the crew's really busy getting ready for my big Christmas number. I'm going to sing my brains out. I'll spare you the actual number, but I'm sorry. You don't have it, do you? I don't have it.

No, the booing does nothing. Could you sing? Do you remember it? Could you sing it? I think it's walking in a winter wonderland is what it is. But imagine it being sung. Imagine her singing her brains out on it so you gotta kind of astral project that i agree with monday oh no now we've opened up uh now we got a peanut gallery he's all sculled up over there ready to fight uh scott can i play

a clip yeah yeah you want to go to yours yeah um so you know we love these clips but we do need to acknowledge these are from the past long ago and as the you know

young person correspondent i had to see what's disney up to in 2019 now i want you to remember this is happening in 2019 this happened mere weeks ago and this clip this is a little longer so bear with me i'll narrate some of it um this is like a magic trick. It's got three parts. It's got the pledge and the turn and the prestige. And again, I do need to reiterate, this is 2019.

So as you can imagine, The Goo Goo Dolls. Only the hippest, coolest influencers are in this. There's a scared grumble from the crowd. Please welcome Sting. Yeah, that's Sting. Sting. This rocks.

Of course he's going to sing a current Christmas tune or something, right? He's going to sing something very modern. Oh, no. This is an every little thing. Okay, so here's the ballerina. The ballerina has now come out. And if you haven't picked up yet, this is everything she does.

Every little thing she does is magic. Magic. Yikes. Here's some butterflies. Some high school theater butterflies have arrived. There's a fireworks burst. Is that up to the energy? I like this Yeah Apparently he has a Vegas residency up

And that's why he's coming up That's why he's all over this So the turn is coming In just a second Again I cannot stress that the year is 2019. Shaggy.

Oh, man. Hey, everyone, say his name. Shaggy. Wow, that was fun. Why? Where's Sting? He replaced Sting.

Shaggy. They have an album together. Barely moving. Yeah, they have an album together. Do they really? So they have a single. They have a Christmas single. They did not open the show with that Christmas single.

They closed the show with that Christmas single. They closed the show with the Christmas single. Here is Sting's mostly, or Shaggy's mostly white dance crew. He just said it's a reggae Christmas. I was looking for a moment to go backstage and get my wine. And I think we were at that moment. You can get it. Yeah. Shaggy is really grooving.

Is this the prestige or is that still coming? Still coming. It's still coming. We're in the second part of the magic. Sweet Cabernet, take me away. Oh, shit. What happened? Well, we're going to have to watch it all over again.

Well, the ending is what you probably guessed. All your favorite characters come out in tuxentails. And they sway gently with Sting and Shaggy, tepidly, tepidly singing Feliz Navidad. And then, who are your hosts? Why, it's Matthew Morrison from Glee and Baby Spice herself. Again,

2019. Disney, bring it out their best. Baby Spice? Emma Bunton? Yep, that's right. Wow. What, does she of a vegas residency i think she's just a host but what does some of y'all know oh yeah yeah oh for sure uh yeah so catch sting in the new year at caesar's palace las vegas uh if he really gets going some of those gigs go for like 10, 12 hours. He can go, he can go and go and go.

So the YouTube video I pulled this from, there was only one comment on this video. From Gooch's mom. And it said, oh, Sting, I wish your arm would get better already. Which, apparently, he tore a tendon in his shoulder and had to have shoulder surgery, so we wish him the best. And Gooch's mom, most importantly,

wishes him the best. Does Gooch, too? We'll never know. Yeah, just his mom, I think. Gooch likes current stuff. We gotta get Gooch on too? We'll never know. Yeah, just his mom, I think. Gooch likes current stuff. We got to get Gooch on the show. Yeah, we got to get Gooch on the show. We've been trying to nail Gooch down.

Hasn't been happening. Major topic. Pirates of the Caribbean with Gooch. Gooch. Special appearance by Gooch's mom. New fourth host, Gooch. Permanent. Jason fired, Gooch hired.

Oh, snaked by Gooch again. Mike and Scott willingly fired themselves. Now the Gooch again. Mike and Scott willingly fired themselves. Now the Gooch cast. Forever Dog changes to Gooch Dog. Forever Gooch is better. Forever Gooch.

I like that too. Forever Gooch. Forever Gooch. Unfortunately, in 2020, Taylor Swift's music does revert back to Gooch.

Sorry, Tay-Tay. Taylor Swift's music does revert back to Gooch. Sorry Tay Tay. Taylor Swift throws massive shade at the Grammys at Gooch. Any more? Where do we take it from here? I mean Mike feel free to throw in anything you want.

I could take us back to the past. Take us to the past I think. I'll take you to the past uh after that disturbing look at 2019 um you know i was uh uh my my brain got poisoned as a kid and i watched uh nothing but disney specials and disney parades and there was also this show. Did anybody watch something called Walt Disney World Inside Out? Worked my whole life to get into a room where 12% of people knew what the show was. So this is from a Christmas episode of that show. The host's name is Scott, incidentally.

I say that not to brag that I have the same name as him, but you just, you might need to know it later. And this is this host taking an attractive young guy. It's an attractive young worker. That's all I can say. I promise, here's what I can promise. I won't take this as far as Scott does. As other Scott.

This is a tour of a shop in the Germany pavilion. And let me bring her up. Here we go. Hi, Yvonne. How are you? I'm fine. How long have you worked here for? I've worked here for six weeks now.

And where are you from? I'm from Hamburg, Germany. Oh, I'm from hot dog America. Oh yeah? So here we have a nutcracker. And you can open it here. You can put your finger in there. And lose a joint.

Okay, that's good. And why does Santa have sticks in his hand? Oh, because if you're a bad boy, he would whip you at Christmas. That's kind of a cheery holiday tradition. And of course, we have a lot of glass ornaments like the one here. All right, what do you call Santa Claus in Germany? We call him Weihnachtsmann. All right, and what do you call this guy?

Scott. But he's really cute. Is that a... What? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did we hear that? Whoa. Is that a boing? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did we hear that? Whoa.

Is that a boing sound effect? Yep. We have a boing. The guy... Scott got a boner. I guess he did. And I guess... I guess do we blame some sound effects department

or did Scott have a boner that was loud and made that sound and was picked up on the microphone? Scott has an extra springy boner.

Fun fact, that Scott is now Secretary of the Interior in the Trump administration. And you can hear it when he gets a boner from down the hall.

Yeah. So it's still loud is what I'm saying. Okay, so is that the last appearance of him in that special? No, he's throughout. He takes you on a tour of he he goes

on body wars and they cry body wars which was an epcot attraction where you get shrunk down and you go through like the human bloodstream and they're trying to find a way to make that christmas i guess because blood is red and he like says like oh i think i just passed I just missed a little bit of an errant Thanksgiving stuffing. Or some shit like that. That's rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we know who he is? Was he a host of any kind at the time?

Does anybody recognize him? No, nobody? Is anyone in his employee now? Is Scott here? Scott, if you're here, you know what to do. Let's all be very quiet for one minute. Okay, he's not within a 10-mile radius. Oh, my God.

Scott, we got to figure out where Scott is too. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we can delve into what we have to do. We have to do the Scott era of Disney World inside out and then the George Foreman era of Disney World. The show. This was a monthly show taking you behind the scenes of Disney World that was eventually hosted by

George Foreman. The strangest things ever. That's cool though. Yeah. He was ever. That's cool, though. Yeah. He was excellent. Better than Scott, but a much quieter boner. Well, yeah, when you're a boxer, you got to do everything quick. You don't want to give them a warning.

You're about to get a boner. You remember that scene in Rocky where Mick is telling Rocky to not let them hear your boner? Don't let them hear your boner, kid. Don't let them hear your boner. You got to put socks over that thing. Muffle it. Dampen the sound, Rock. My hands don't scan.

You got to make your voices different, Scott. You gotta push them. I wasn't critiquing you. My voice was the same voice. And it's just the hair away from, don't do inhalants. Damage your brain. Don't do inhalants.

My graph is more like this. And then Rocket and every other character is, hey, your hands don't scan. Far from the shallows now. Jackson Maine voice. Okay, where are we going now? Let me find the next thing there's a couple of oh here let's let's do this one um i i i didn't want to just represent disney

uh with these with these specials because so many themed parks and themed entertainment experiences uh do have christmas overlays and Christmas iterations. And that includes this place. Maybe I should just let this place do the introduction for itself. So much phone fumbling. That was very embarrassing. Okay. Here we go.

Take over, guys. Ho, ho, ho, mateys. Christmas has arrived at the Pirate's Voyage in Myrtle Beach. Christmas at Pirate's Voyage dinner and show. The most fun place to eat in Myrtle Beach. Enjoy a holiday feast to warm your heart. Travel through time with Captain Scrooge and the mystical spirit of Christmas. Was that Captain Scrooge?

Captain Scrooge. Here's the nativity. Celebrating the real meaning of Christmas. Pirate's Voyage. What? Yeah. Wow. Love that.

Pirate's Dinner Adventure spends all their budget at Christmas. I think so. I think so. Well, keep in mind, this is the Myrtle Beach one. This is not the one we experienced, which does seem like it's a pretty huge scope like i've watched more clips of their nativity scene and it's like full line it's like every barnyard animal there's a big noah's ark procession like there's two of every kind i have to think all the like dinner shows in branson and like myrtle beach are just like once it becomes christmas, they're like, yes,

time to cash it in. Time to get baby Jesus up there. Get the camels in here. So the pirate ship transforms into Noah's Ark. Is that what it is? Well, that's what you just described, right? I didn't say,

I mean, I didn't mean literally Noah's Ark. I just mean there are so many animals booked for this nativity scene every year. But like you're saying two of each animal? I mean, not literally. I just mean there are so many animals booked for this nativity scene every year. But like you're saying two of each animal? I mean, not literally. I just mean like it is such a massive parade of animals that all have to live in this dinner theater in Myrtle Beach. It sounds a lot like Noah's Ark, though.

Yeah, certainly. A big boat with a bunch of animals. Yeah. And the baby Jesus. The same story. They also alluded to a Captain Scrooge and what appeared to be some sort of father Christmas, like mystical creature.

Set sail with Captain Scrooge, they said, and then a ghostly figure appears. So I guess it's a Scrooge that makes Bob Cratchbeard work late on the ship that Christmas Eve. And then various ghosts visit him and show him journeys past. Yeah, our tiny Tim is ill. He went in the elevator. He re-just filled and went in. And this is the same Pirates Dinner Adventure that's in Buena Park.

Or it's a different Pirate Show. I'm not sure. They may be affiliated. I don't know the ownership. Because there are sister Pirates Dinner Adventures in, I guess it's Orlando. I think it's Orlando. I think that's right. Can anybody back me up?

There's Pirates Dinner Adventure Orlando and then in Buena Park. So this is a separate Pirate Dinner Adventure. Does Mundy know? Do you know the ownership rights of the various pirates? Busy schooling. You know, guys, if you think about it, Jesus was kind of the

biggest pirate of them all. He walked on water. He threw the money lenders out of the temple. He said F you authority to like the Romans. Keep going. He loved that wine. And like pirates, he ate fish. He has long hair like Jack Sparrow.

He has long hair. Is that we have to figure out is the buena park they do do a specific christmas pirates show i know they do that i just wonder if it's as hardcore as this looks like let's all go right now let's catch the 10 30 but it's probably not pirates it's probably the naughty show tietro martini, which is the real name of the bawdy show they do down at the Pirates Dinner Adventure. Has anyone seen that? I have not. Woo.

I have to imagine, though, there's no seals. I feel like the Buena Park seals would be sickly. One thing to explain to the listener at home is that what was happening there, the narration says, discover the real meaning of Christmas,

and then a baby Christ is held up high by Mary and Joseph, and then pretty quick after, it cuts to a seal catching a wreath around its neck. The reason for the season. That has to be illegal in California, right? In Myrtle Beach, it's like a lawless place still. Yeah.

You can do whatever you want, but in Buena Park... You can do like... They'll do plastic rings here, but you can't do a wreath. It scratches up the seal's neck. Oh, so the seal isn't the problem. No, no. They'll still do seal stuff if it's a soft thing it's a soft hoop yeah you can throw it at a seal during a dinner show you

just need padding yes okay myrtle beach just has too many so they roll right into the like christmas rush into the seal culling rush down in south carolina that's a real bummer. Yeah. I don't know. I also, I think I just remembered who is the owner of that Pirates Theater

and I think it's Dolly Parton. So I believe this, I think it is related to... She does have a Pirates Theater venture. I don't know that, I mean, maybe that's hers. That's probably it. Yeah, I think

her company was buying up like a lot of the dinner theaters that were having trouble. What do they know? What do they know? Why are they buying all the seals? So Dolly Parton owns the IP Captain Scrooge.

Yeah. So she's making these Netflix movies. There could be a Captain Scrooge Netflix movie. And there could, they do need three ghosts, so they need three actors of varying heights

to play the different ghosts. I call, no, Jason calls Marley. Oh, he's Marley. Oh no, Marley's not one of the no, Marley's not one of the three. Marley's not one of the three. That's going to be Monday. Yin?

Do you have any more Kathy Leaklets? Calling out a request for Kathy Leaklets. He has not been the same since she left the fourth hour of the Today Show. He loved that fourth hour. Is she just retired? Yeah.

Well, I don't know. She's taking a break. I mean, that seems like her and Hoda seem like they're having so much fun every day. Yeah, but sometimes you just got to take a step away. Honestly, it's healthy. Okay. She made a movie. She made a movie.

Kathy Lee made a movie? With Craig Ferguson. Wow. Kathy Lee made a movie? With Craig Ferguson. Wow, Craig Ferguson and Kathy Lee, two powerhouses together for the first time. Is it out? It's not out. Is it coming out?

Is it a Hallmark movie? Sorry, we're grilling you. We appreciate the knowledge. That's more than we needed. Plenty of information. You don't need to know that. Second gate coming. Great.

I like to imagine the poster said Ferguson, Lee Gifford, and those big metallic letters at the top for some people though better than the expendables yes those are my expendables um so uh let me go elsewhere in themed entertainment world um you know i i also just uh you know this is our this is our last official show of 2019. And we're reflecting a little bit on some of the fun we've had through the year. And one of my favorite episodes of the year was talking about Chuck E. Cheese with Jamie Loftus.

That was a ton of fun. And Mike, what you brought to the table in that one is that some of the newer Chuck E. Cheese music is really fantastic. If I may side note really quickly, yesterday it was Pasquale's birthday. That is not a lie. I'm on the Facebook, the fan, Chuck E. Cheese Facebook fan group. And there was a big graphic that said, happy birthday, Pasquale. So just keep them in your hearts today because it's a birthday week and we all love uh pasquale p pie plates his full name december 12th december 12th

pasquale p pie plates is there a is there a code there like 12 that's 12 12 um i see what you're saying is that is that something that a little a little easter egg that the creator put in yeah or like yeah does that look like pizza cutting tools if you weigh the number i'm stretching i'm trying to figure it out uh let's just say that yes if you draw 12 right it looks like pizza cutting tools so i think that's what it is nailed it um i knew it um so anyway the the point is uh we found some of the newer chucky music and uh there is a newer chucky christmas song and i'm going to play just the end of it for you um so this is uh you can watch a full music video of this on youtube as sung by the puppet Chuck E. Cheese.

And we should say R.I.P. the robots, I guess, this year. That's a thing. Our personal in memoriam for 2019 is just those robots and who cares about anyone else. Five sad souls. Yeah. They're replacing all the robots with a screen, right? Oh. Yeah.

I don't like our screens. The angriest the audience has been is when I mentioned a screen. Yeah. Fuck screens. Fuck screens. That's a good rallying cry for our audience. Yeah, so that sucks.

We do have to look at... None of us, I don't think, have enough money to start buying up robots. Not expendable robot money, no. We'd like to. Yeah. We shall try. We'll try in the coming year. So these guys,

I mean, these guys will be up for auction soon enough. We can get these specific robots. I want to give credit to the, so these are robots being filmed and all of the cuts and edit decisions are from the YouTube user. And I give him credit for it. This is really nice.

And it has a little bit of a wonderful Christmas time vibe. I think you'll find. Here we go. And now it's here. Here we go. is all we need To celebrate this special time when we can come together Wishing for you joy, love, peace and harmony And we'll have a very merry Christmas Yes, we'll have a Merry Christmas time. And we'll have a very Merry Christmas.

Yes, we'll have a Merry Christmas time. Merry Christmas time. Merry Christmas time. Merry Christmas, Helen. Merry Christmas, Chucky. Wow, yeah. Give it up for that one. Listeners at home, somewhat the audience

is responding to it. We'll post the video, but first of all, at one point, some random kids just ran by. They couldn't shoot it when the restaurant wasn't open well i think this is a guy just going in and filming oh this wasn't

this is not officially produced video no no this is a fan film yeah that had higher production values than some streaming shows that That's where I got confused because they post on the Chuck E. Cheese YouTube so much content. Like songs, new stuff, well produced things, puppet version, like little sketches and stuff, and songs. So I just assumed that was just a little thing

they put up there because they love to make content. There's a separate music video that is better produced and this one is just like, and also some of what we were liking there is that just a ghostly Helen the bird appeared in the lower corners of the frame in sort of a Natalie Cole, Nat King Cole, like as if it was a posthumous duet.

I guess in my version of this, Helen has passed away. Is it possible the Helen in this restaurant had been removed already? Yeah. And she was singing to Chucky from like a scrapyard

somewhere. They're the ones getting rid of the robots, not me. This is what they're doing. Do you realize? Let that sink in. Twitter claps. Some cognitive dissonance going on too, because there was a tiny screen

in the corner playing the puppet versions of Chucky and Ellen, and then casual puppet Chucky was on the christmas tree so like this is reasonably recent yeah yeah yeah very recent as in being chucky cheese today it's not a chucky cheese if i can't see five different iterations of chucky cheese sure all within one field of vision that's old hell it's old like 90s helen but newer chuck newer chuck with super new on the screen it's like the full dr manhattan being able to see your whole life at once ability

seeing all he's been and all he will be uh i love i by the way i haven't seen that before I loved it it's really nice yeah yeah that was great yes we'll have a yeah the Chuck E Cheese we said it on the episode the YouTube is good like to look at all this the songs like there's some good songs a lot of them parodies but like I saw there's a weird one that sounds like Snoop Dogg but I love that one though another Chuck E Day you know it's another Chucky day. I like me. I like the me and my friends, which is a Bruno Mars, Mark Ronson riff,

where he just lists all his friends. And there is a dance that goes with it. I don't know it. Don't ask me to do it. But if you do, it's you do this and then you clap. So it's four quarters and then you spin. Oh, you just got Mayor Pete on the brain. Yeah.

I love his little dance. What is what I think? Honestly, we have talked about this the show if it's the same dance before. But what if Mayor Pete went into a Chuck E. Cheese and he stole the Me and My Friends dance and it was the scandal that sunk his campaign? That'd be something. It's possible. We have to look into it.

But there's, if you go to the Chuck E. Cheese fan page, not the official page, there's a couple people that will post new versions of them doing the dance weekly. Oh, I don't know why everyone's making that noise i like watching it and then he'll dance like this guy will just dance with chucky and uh i love it i go join you do have to answer some questions to get in the group

but it's nothing everyone here doesn't know i assume the first question are you okay n o send come on in but there's no one doing uh recreations of helen just with just total mono focus during gaming time, right? Where she's just like, I gotta play this game. Like, just ignoring everything going on around her. That's the song I like. I don't know.

I don't know. Is that on the new album? That was the other song. That was the other song we talked about. Gaming Time. It's the Taylor Swift like take off. Yeah, yeah. It's very it's an intense. I forgot that that's about. Sorry. I'm sorry. We hung you out to dry there. That's all right. I just didn't remember gaming. Sometimes I'm

being a dick and I'm doing it on purpose, but not now. I know that it's the one of the running joke in it is like munch is like I'm going to eat your pizza. Helen and Chuck is like knock that shit off. Don't eat her pizza, man. And Chucky's like, knock that shit off. Don't eat her pizza, man. So, yeah, that's right.

So the song is she is just very excited about gaming. Yeah. That song is pretty good as well. That album is available, I think, for free on the Chucky Cheese website. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So.

Very good. Very good. You all have a lot of homework now. Yeah. And everybody have a dance video ready to go. So show us. We do need to make a mayor Jason dance though. Oh,

good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be workshopping that and it'll be ready in January Okay As I'm talking about other episodes I've really enjoyed through the year Another favorite of mine was

Talking about a place called Dogpatch USA And Thank you, thanks That was a lot of fun Chris Cantwell joined us who went there as a child It is now this strange Dilapidated park In Arkansas

That's been through A number of owners Including most recently A right wing Patriot Con artist Allegedly Named David Hare

And I was hoping Praying that there would be some connection between a dog patch and david hair and christmas and what i found is that uh this man who you're about to see this is video uh from 1990 of a future failed theme park impresario uh this is a uh an original musical that he wrote and produced and performed. It's just a taste of it. And then, with the power of editing, it is going to flash forward to the David Hare that we know via Dogpatch USA YouTube videos today. So we're going to time travel real fast from 1990 to 2018.

And here we go. Christmas is here. Christmas is here. It's the time of the year. When jingle bells ring out, the caroling sing out. Good cheer is about when Christmas is here. So spread a little laughter with some good old christmas joy mix it all together for every girl and boy it's a special time of year so families draw near gather together as christmas

is here you know somebody buried the pool at the hotel and we're going to get that back up and running. I don't know exactly when at this point, it's not at the top of our list, meaning in the immediate, immediate, immediate, as in people start asking me when it's not in that scope. It is in the next few months. I don't know. It's coming up. We're going to get it done, but I'm not going to give any announcement because I'm not ready to answer questions about it. Okay. Is Christmas here? I'm not ready to answer that yet.

I'm not prepared to answer that at this time so stop asking me. I do believe Christmas is coming. I think it will be here soon enough. Will it be here December 25th? I can't promise you that. I don't know. I do believe Christmas is coming. I think we'll be here soon enough. Will it be here December 25th? I can't promise you that. I don't know. I just don't know. God bless this man.

Oh my God. Who would have thought this man would go on to own a property you can only call Dogpatch Fury Road? This setup he has here is so interesting to me uh he has his characters what's the what's the first of all down in dog patch do we remember the song from the episode know it yeah my sister i think texted me after that episode and was like that song is a jam or like she like a legit a bop a bop did you say bop that's a term jason and kids use um but i mean

this is like he's got his memorabilia here so he is trying to sort of like make it like whimsical uh he's in front of like a picture of himself working on a green screen um and then a big mug of wc fields and a diet coke and there's a cannon right behind him oh yeah an old-timey hmm hmm uh an interesting man uh go down the dog patch rabbit hole If you get the chance It's a delight Is that whole first part of the special online? Oh yes, you can watch all of Christmases here

If you're curious Spoiler A 50s car rolls on stage And some greasers Sing Jingle Bell Rock So yeah, have that ahead of you. I'm coming to the end of video. Should I close out my videos or should you or anyone play it, Mike?

Do you have one more, the one where we were going to end with left? No, there's one before that. Okay, I'll get to this quickly. This is a little bit theme park tangential, but I could not resist showing this to an audience because it is related to Christmas and it's related to animation. How many people like and enjoy

the Rankin-Bass holiday specials? Yes. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Infancy the Snowman, somebody, you know, 2D animation and claymation. A friend of mine, Brian Rowe, got a box set of the rank and bass holiday specials and it's the ones that we know and then there's one that

i didn't know called that was referred to as a lost christmas classic and this is something called cricket on the hearth is anyone familiar with cricket on the hearth uh aaron gardner is yes hey good to see you um a favorite around the gardner home and i'm so we get to share it now this is really exciting i'm more of a turkey in the straw man myself your favorite song favorite song um i will tell you Cricket on the Hearth is old-timey because it is based on a Charles Dickens novel that is much, much less popular than his other Christmas carol.

I'd say Cricket on the Hearth comes in at a distant two. Stuff competition. It's very tough competition. So, yes, as I said, this was released on DVD, and it was called a lost holiday classic. And I think the reason it was lost is because of massive animation errors. I will give you an example of that right now. A gasp at the design alone.

Wait till you see what he does. I suppose you're all wondering what me, a crick... Oh, no. Oh, sorry. Wait, I'll go back. Okay, here we go. I suppose you're all wondering what me, a cricket, is doing here on Christmas Eve with a home of me own. See, I am a part of the family, as it were.

Oh, and it's a lucky household what has a cricket on their arm. Oh, God. And indeed, I am good luck or if it hadn't been for cricket crockett here oh there wouldn't be no blinking family i'll tell you how it all began so it is what we're watching is an elderly cricket um and he the why the audience is gasping is because, strangely, in an extreme close-up, one eyelid lowers for like three full seconds, then opens back up, then the other eyelid lowers for three full seconds. You know, the way living beings do. We see it all the time. So that's one reason that Cricket on the hearth doesn't stick around

holiday after holiday but i think i know the biggest one and uh and it is this clip so uh about an hour into the thing the cricket runs afoul of some powerful people and they want him So a group is enlisted, and the group consists of a dog, a monkey, and a crow. And these are, they're almost like, I guess they're like bounty hunters in a way. And they are going to round up this cricket, and then they're going to get a reward for it. And that's all the setup you need to know. Here's this. Now, where's our pay? I've got your pay off right here Oh I hitched up with a lovely crew

I can tell you What? That's what Scrooge originally did to the ghosts of past, present, and future. I've got your lesson right here. Holy shit. It cuts to an exterior of a boat and there are huge colored gun blasts implying that a

human man has shot a dog, a monkey, and a crow in the face. I have dreamed of the day I could show that to a big group of people. That was fun. I don't know what to say. I don't have a witty retort.

I have nothing. No observations will make it right. We'll make it easier to swallow. Did you see that when you were a kid? No, no, no, no. I like like 10 years ago and'll make it easier to swallow. Did you see that when you were a kid? No, no, no. No, like 10 years ago. And we watch it every single Christmas. So much of it is so dreadfully boring.

And there's a part with like, I didn't even want to punish the audience by showing you the Mae West-esque sexy cat. Good. What the hell? Truly scarring. Incredibly scarring. So you got to like fast forward fast forward fast forward oh good now here's the part where the man shoots the monkey in the face that's worse than the bambi scene yes yeah like much worse it's a good christmas lesson about what the life of sin leads to

justice It's a good Christmas lesson about what a life of sin leads to. Justice. See justice. See justice. The fairest of them all. Internet. Oh, my God. So if there's a cricket in your house this holiday season, leave it be.

That's my video, Ron. Mike, take the wheel for a little bit. We got a couple of things. We're sort of running out of time, so I'm going to just roll through here. This is just going to be a quick thing for everybody here. I just want to show everyone some photos of my favorite Christmas seats. No.

Oh, boy. This is Bugs Bunny from Six Flags. Nice. And there's his seat. Dang. These are the reindeer in the Disneyland parade. And there are their seats. There is Reese's Pieces Man.

Hell yeah. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Here is his seat. You had to get in real close to get this shot. You had to be a real pervert to get this. I have to ruin the joke for the audience. It's the rapper. It's really funny.

It's a very funny joke. How else will they know? Thank you. And then the king of them all, here he is. Check out that Christmas seat, folks. That's my segment called Christmas seats all right so Wow Wow I will say though you know we've had a lot of fun tonight but it is a holiday time and as Jason said some things you know there there is a reason for the season yeah you know a very special little

guy that we all need to remember when it comes to christmas time so i've made a little piece here and i just want to show it hey scott again at this point mike plays a video that includes many many images of baby grinch and eventually baby Grinch is interacting with me, Scott. It is obviously very horrifying and should be viewed by no one. But if you want to watch it, it will be available on our Twitter at podcast, the ride and using hashtag PTR sack. Eclipse. No!

No! No! No! Bless his heart. No! No! No! Stars in the sky, down where I lie. The little Lord Jesus asleep I lay. The cattle are lowing, the baby awaits.

But little Lord Jesus, how many are there? I love you, Lord Jesus, come down from the sky. And stay by my cradle Till morning comes and I Hell yeah! Away the major Go to the floor of bed The little large It's so long! Lay down in sweet hell for a bed The little Lord Jesus lay

down his sweet head The stars in the sky look down where he lay The little Lord Jesus asleep on the

hay Sleep on my head. All right. Let's get a Randy Gerber chant going. Randy Gerber. Randy Gerber. Randy Gerber. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, let me welcome... No.

That's it. Me and Mundy are hitting the road. We're fucking out ofber. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, let me welcome... No. That's it. Me and Mundy are hitting the road. We're fucking out of here. Let's split. Yeah, I can't. I can't actually. So, yeah. It felt good to pretend for a second.

And you had my back and I knew you would. I want to get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understood. All right. Well, now I will really swear we are wrapping it up. The entire podcast, that is. Well, look, itis is important that we remember around Christmas time.

It said reason for the season. And I understand the joke that that's baby Grinch, but then you kept adding reasons. The reasons were all things I don't like. I downloaded this. I didn't make this. I found it. Maybe that Chuck E. Cheese videographer did it or something.

Should we watch it again? Oh, yeah. No. We have to go. No, no, no. The Lyric Hyperion is famously strict end times. Well, we'll watch it after the show is over. It's called the greatest story ever told for a reason.

A child was born to us, and then two bros made a tequila company, and they decided to spread the wealth around in a series of briefcase. We have heard this story. We have heard this story a number of times. We're all millionaires now. Mundy, unplug his mic. Unplug his microphone.

He'll do it. He will do it. He'll do it at the end of the show. We're just making Mund Monday clean up now. I paid $7 for that dip. So he should earn it is what I'm saying.

$7. Who knew dip was so expensive? Did it used to be $7? In high school when I was like 14 now. What was it? That was like 1996. Boy. That's why we got to vote What was it? Boy. That's why we got to vote for Biden and get this country back on track.

We got to go backwards. Back to dipping. Get America dipping again. Make America dip again. All right. Okay. Do you have other stuff? No, that's the most important thing I could show

Oh my god, thank lord Okay, then we're going to start winding it down But as we do I mentioned that we did this special a couple years ago Where we showed old clips And those of you who've stuck with us for a while And listened to this podcast for a while You might have heard it

And there was this part of one of the specials that we showed that, was it as scarring as Baby Grinch and Choco? Perhaps not. But it was very memorable and stuck with me. And that is this strange moment from an old Christmas special involving geppetto um do people remember this okay okay um so this was this was a christmas special from 1978 uh christmas of walt disney world 1978 and uh to reacquaint uh or to for the first time acquaint people who don't know uh this know This moment An actor named Avery Schreiber Is playing Geppetto

And he is Very lonely at Christmas Because he is not with Pinocchio This year And he is airing his grievances To pets And other toys And really wishing that

Pinocchio could be around. So here now is this classic Christmas moment. Merry Christmas, your boy Pinocchio. That's nice. Your boy Pinocchio. You hear that? He's still my boy. That's nice. Your boy, Pinocchio. You hear that? He's still my boy. Pinocchio's a grown-up. He moved to America, but he's still my boy.

What a crazy wooden puppet I make, huh? What a man he has turned into. I remember Pinocchio when he was a little child. What a wooden head he was. Every time I get a splinter at the work table here, I remember the time I gave him the only spanking I ever gave him. This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you. Boy, was I right.

Say, do you remember the time that I gave the Pinocchio the first bath? Oh, was he scared. He was so frightened. It's the water. What's the water? I put him in it. He floats. Then I couldn't get him out.

He gets all soaked. He gets the wood inside him. He gets twisted. He gets all soaked. He gets the wood inside him. He gets twisted. He gets warped. It wasn't funny then, but now we can laugh about it. All right. Who's seeing that for the first time?

Just to get... Okay, okay. Oh, very good. Okay, okay. So that gives you the... that i mean it's like way longer than that too he monologues to no one for a long time really long time talks to his toys and to fish and fondly recalls spanking a wooden boy and when he got the wooden boy in a bathtub and made him swell up. And it wasn't funny then. It must have been terrifying then. He's funny now.

The child was in pain. But it's funny now. Biden told that story at a stump speech. Biden. What a funny wooden puppet I make, huh? And I called him Corn Pop and Jill said, don't call him Corn Pop. So then I called him Pinocchio.

So this goes on for a while. Pinocchio moved to america of course as we all know that's canon and he's he's bummed about it and uh and then um he he he decides he's not gonna just take this loneliness sitting down he says today I'm gonna make a new friend and then he puts his thoughts into song and we played this this clip a couple of years ago but I didn't think we should just repeat material we shouldn't just press play on this clip. We had to elevate it. And that's why we're now going to perform this song for you. All right. So this is going to take a little bit of setup,

a little bit of wig work on my part. Coming up here while you pull it out, on guitar, Mike Carlson. On Geppetto vocals, here's Truly Scott Garener. This is the honor of a lifetime. And on woodblock is that sounding okay is it uh that's sort of working for us

uh i'm not just rifling in my pockets creepily. I'm like searching for a mustache. We will see if it will remain on for the duration of the performance. Likely not. It's actually a repurposed Santa Claus eyebrow. Interesting fact. All right.

I'm ready to go. We're ready to go. Do we have a name for when we perform music together? It's the Good Boy. The Good Boy Band. Be that for now. So here we go. Let this song carry you into the holiday season.

Today, I take some wood from an old tree. Don't you worry Christmas tree. Today, I try to make its company. Today, I tried to make Geppetto's clone make it out of wood, you know. Today, I tried to stop being alone. That's hard.

Today, I tried to turn lead into gold. Today, I tried to stop growing old, that's hard. But today, I drink from life's renewing stream. Today, I wake to cop a dream. And all the good kids, there's any bad With all of the laughs, there comes any sad And as the clouds of time roll by It's getting clearer to my eye Today, I wept for thee so long ago.

You hear me, Pinocchio? Today, I feel inside of me. For today, a rich old man has been made new. Today, I give my love to you. I give my love to you. I give my love to me. Merry Christmas to you, Beto! Oh, well.

You survived the podcast. You did it. Thank you all so much for coming out. Thank you so much. Thanks so much, everybody. That is podcast the ride for 2019. Thanks, everybody. Thank you so much for that is podcast the ride for 2019 thanks everybody so much thank you so much for coming

and listening we've had such a blast all year I can't imagine a thing I've had more fun doing and thank you all for being a part of it yes thank you very much thanks to forever dog for having us always and for putting on this show thanks to Brett

thank you to the lyric Hyperion for having us always and for putting on this show. Thanks to Brett. Thank you to the Lyric Hyperion for hosting us. Lyric Hyperion. Yes. And thank you. You are free to go now. Bye-bye. Good night.

Bye-bye.