Podcast: The Ride - Davy Crockett's Explorer Canoes

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

We take a look at this canoe-based attraction located at multiple Disney parks around the world. Cars Road Trip episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Watch this episode on Forever Dog's YouTube: https://youtu.be/qg3o4AqnvmM Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! Warning! The following podcast requires your participation. While the hosts do most of the work, you must mentally help steer their conversation and keep them from veering off-topic. Your paddles are your positive thoughts. You'll know you've failed if they go on a lengthy, uncomfortable detour about high school swimming. Now let's get ready to row! It's Davy Crockett's Explorer Canoes on Podcast the Ride, a podcast about theme parks hosted by three guys who will soon be bragging about exerting mild physical effort for nine minutes.

I'm Scott Gairdner, one of those guys, joined by Mike Carlson. Hi. Hi, yes, I'm Mike Carlson. Did you mean 90 minutes because that's uh how long i would like to brag about doing something physical we will be okay we did exert physical effort for nine minutes and we will be talking about it for night the nine minutes was on the ride we're talking about today davy crux yes yes news which we will discuss for 90 minutes and i think most of that will be bragging about, you know, pivoting our arms slightly. Right. And like, just like feeling like the bicep pump, you know,

because like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the famous movie, I think pumping iron was always talking about the pump. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I've never seen pumping iron, but I would imagine from the title that pumping. And I don't want to get too body here today already, but I guess I have to now because he's like talking about like the pump is like an orgasm. He says that.

So I'm going to say when we're talking about just a general paddling, we're going to be like, you know, the paddle is as good as an orgasm. I assume that's sort of the type of thing we're all sharing. But I don't know. I guess we'll bring Jason into this discussion. Jason Sheridan. Sure. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about all that. Okay.

Well, I guess the first thing to decide is are we using the word pump because we're kind of pumping. We are pumping, yeah. Or is it paddling? Is the paddling, the paddling is like a pump, which is like. I mean, I think proper respect, you know, to the attraction would be paddling. Okay. But I know Mike seems really enthusiastic about this pump situation. So every paddle gives us a pop, which is like a pump.

Yeah, that's a good compromise. I'd like to say that we can use anything, any word that starts with P to describe the paddling motion. So as long as it's P, I think it's all on the table today, just to keep it, to vary it, just so we don't say the same word over and over. And I am glad that we're again at Forever Dog Studios, on the table today just to keep it to vary it so we don't say the same word over and over and i am glad that we're again at forever dog studios beautiful forever dog studios in north hollywood

uh but where hopefully the the with better uh mics and more professional setup the constant p and saying pop which causes a pop right of itself i might be doing it every time i don't really know well but i feel like I'd be more likely to, you know, over Zoom, less professional. Yeah. Professional. The technology here at Forever Dog, the pee's not even something to worry about. They have some system that takes the popping problem and it fixes it. Wow. So I can say pop and pee and pump and podcast the ride as much as. Yep. And Jason, you can say pee pod.

You can say any sort of different. Poo poo. Poo poo. Yeah. And everything's going to be fine because of this new system that forever dog only podcast company that has this. Every other one is peas are bad. Earwaves.

You're getting a little Trump in there. You're getting a little, and they're the only ones. They're the only ones that have this. The only ones. Let me tell you. I will tell you this, and let me tell you.

Yeah, no, I don't care for that, man. I'm just imagining the psycho who's like listening to podcasts and is like, yeah, they're popping their peas. These motherfuckers. Well, I'm sure some of you. We're making them snap.

Yeah. Yeah, but not for Forever dog podcasts because there's no problem save it for wait wait don't tell me you weirdo yeah mad weirdo so many pee pops unlistenable forever forever dog and then the low then the the phrase is under it it just says no pee problem and that's how the advertising is based like to get new podcasts on the network no poppy peas that's right um yeah today is about davey crockett's explorer canoes the canoe ride at disneyland i say canoe ride but it's not it's not a canoe themed ride it is canoes it's canoes that you go on these have been at a lot of the disney parks over the years they don't all have them currently, but Disneyland has had them almost since the beginning.

And it's possibly a thing that people don't realize is an option. I think that's very overlooked that I think we've done very rare. I've done very rarely that you can take a nice canoe ride with a bunch of folks in your during your day at disneyland yes i think people most people most people um when they see uh the canoes going around sort of like behind or in front of or or mark twain riverboat or the big pirate ship i think they probably assume that's performers maybe that's what i thought they're animatronics well not their animatronics but they're

i mean that would be cool if they were like atmospheric yeah yeah or something like that's you know a bunch of disneyland employees going around in a canoe paddling and not but then there's like a bunch of people in them in different clothes and but most people aren't paying attention and maybe i'm not wasn't paying attention initially you really thought at some point in time that though this was an illusion done by a bunch of uncoordinated of different ages like people in xxl one in a minion shirts paddling you thought those were cast like those were plants i'm saying like maybe initially when i went to disneyland and i wasn't paying attention i wasn't like i wasn't leaning against the railing looking out into the water and noticing okay there's an eight-year-old in the boat there's or in the canoe there's a 50 year old like i didn't they're just it's

atmosphere it's something you're not paying attention saw yeah news and i didn't know what was for me i didn't know that was possible because it's not something they heavily advertise it's not certainly you never see that on a billboard as you're driving on the five south there's never been a billboard there was a sign there was a sign at the entrance ramp like a standalone sign which i don't know if i've ever seen before like you mean to get to the to get to the canoes there's a sign that said davy crockett explorer canoes which is where i learned they're called davy crockett explorer Canoes, named after the legendary psycho, Davy Crockett. I don't know anything.

Was Davy Crockett bad? I mean, I'm sure if he's a man, if it's a man who lived before, you know, really any time, he's a man in history. Yeah.

After which all men are great. But, men are now perfect, but they were bad before 2005. You can imagine. If you can remember back that far. Famous on the frontier or famous in the Old West, you're already like, uh-oh, what's it going to be?

I feel like when we talked about the Mike Fink keelboats, there was some crazy stuff in there about all these guys. Yeah, and that was a show. was there's a disney song which they still play in the parks i think david crockett yeah david crockett somewhere theme or whatever they start to sing it at the end of um country bears oh yeah right yes uh in florida still um but he was you know they superheroed him yeah in walt's day and on disney television and stuff and he's just the left like they haven't this is one of those rides where they haven't noticed it's still there i feel like so it hasn't been rethemed or anything it's still like davy crockett and

no one like other than old people like know what that is at this point yeah it just sounds like atmosphere like just if you call something the hooten holler yeah it sounds like an old west thing you wouldn't know oh there was a series called hooten holler that ran from 57 to 63 right and uh i guess yeah davy crockett like this i guess if davy crock was his main did he ride a horse? He probably rode a horse, right? What a great history podcast we are So Davy Crockett probably rode a horse He had to ride a horse, right? There was some horse business

I think there was some canoe business, some boat business So he had like, okay, I'm just trying to put this into something that I can understand like he had a Batmobile and a Batboat So Davy Crockett had like multiple probably I Batboat. So Davy Crockett had like multiple probably boats of transportation. I'm not sure that Davy Crockett had a canoe. Really?

Because I was trying to find other evidence of that. There was no proof that he ever was in a canoe. Or that it happened on the show. I think they just, well, they needed to rename it something that they had. Yeah, they needed to rename it something less horrifying that it's opening day name. Yeah. So. Yeah.

Well, look, it opened as the Indian War Canoes. Yes. Not good. On July 4th, 1956. On Independence Day, they opened the Indian War Canoes, which was like okay it was part of a a greater area that used to be where bear country is now called the indian village and that was a disneyland for the first couple decades of its run and uh you might say that walt disney did not have the best read on the culture uh an excerpt that i found from the uh you might if you can you imagine that yeah um uh

according this is an excerpt from the book more mouse tales by david koenig uh uh okay the indian war canoes walt insisted only authentic native americans operate the canoes and adjacent indian village where they created uh sand paintings and perform ceremonial dances he even went walt went to a navajo reservation to recruit them, unaware that Navajos are from the desert and none had the slightest idea how to paddle or steer a canoe. So he just took an

arbitrary, like, yeah, you guys, right? Did no research about the tribe or where they generally lived or what they did. I don't believe this. Walt Disney didn't know the nuances and didn't know the difference between different Native American cultures. That's crazy. I can't believe it.

Cultural sensitivity was not. Yeah. And there were like Native American performers at Disneyland for many years. Yeah. Where you could like, like I've seen like different debates of like, obviously some people were like, this sucks. Why is this is Disneyland? And it sucks in the sense that like you're exploiting Native American culture for your Mickey Mouse Park. But then other people are like, well, there was the like uh there was a rule about it like that it that it

had to be a navajo a navajo man i guess two restrictions there had to be a male navajo piloting the canoe and then very bravely in the 70s disney uh uh allowed anybody to so yeah uh you know in a glorious uh move uh white people were allowed to finally steer the canoes well a very progressive decision yes specifically very jacked people usually doing this well that's yeah that's a thing and i've only been on this canoe trip twice everyone who does it is very good shape because they are just canoe paddling all day. Yeah. I didn't realize. I feel like I am tricked once again by Disney boats. Because I talked about piloting the Mark Twain once, quickly realizing like, oh, this steering wheel does nothing.

Why am I gripping it, like death gripping it? It's on a track. What am I thinking? The Mark Twain is on a track. Yeah, twain and the columbia are when you were driving it with you get the certificate yeah oh you thought you were actually moving for a split second i was like really holding on to it i'm like what am i wait what am i doing like i can like step back what was that instinct or was that because you actually thought i'm gonna steer this this thing into the pirates? It was instinct and I knew I didn't do anything because I kind of jerked it once

just to double check. You tried to crash the plane just to see what would happen. We were in a big open area and I was like, does this do anything? Like, does it wiggle it a little?

Because, you know, there's anti-cars at a lot of amusement parks where, like, you steer it a little, they're on a track, but you steer it a little. Like Autopia. Yeah, like Autopia. Mild control.

You thought maybe you could, like, take it up and on to Splash Mountain or something. I didn't go that far. But this one is a functioning boat. You are paddling. But on the official Disneyland website, website it says no before you go the boats are lightweight and most of the paddling is more for fun than actual propulsion while your help is appreciated the river guides who sit in the fore and aft of the canoe are capable of navigating the waters by themselves so like you don't have to do a lot. But the first time I did this, the vibe from the cast members were never stop paddling. Never stop.

We got to do this. And my arms hurt like all day. Yeah. Well, you warned us. I had the desire to do this and maybe do an episode about it. And you were very like, just so you know, your arms will hurt all day. But then we had very leisurely, like laissez-faire paddlers. They had a lot of breaks built in.

They were talking to us a lot. And it was much more pleasant. It was a much more pleasant experience. Although we did do this on the hot dog day. Yes, yeah. But I think we were only three hot dogs in by that, which is one per. So we were not wreck wrecked yeah towards the end of the day it could have been more of a problem but i did like that pair it felt like

a necessary pairing if we're gonna eat hot dogs all day yeah exert mild physical effort for nine minutes yeah i i yeah we were not so full by the end of the day maybe it would have been worse but i don't know i feel like i could have paddled at the end of the day. Sure. Yeah. Well, knowing what it was, which now I, you know, you gave that warning, Jason. That was my recollection as well, that maybe the last time that I did this and I may have been 13 years old, that it utterly wore me out. I also a couple of things there it might have been in the dead heat of summer when i imagine it might be a little unpleasant to do this canoe attraction uh at any point at any age any physical capability um but i also i think something occurred to me while doing it and realizing it was pretty mild that i was a a weak ass 13 year old sure i think i was in really uh really terrible shape. Do you think we were all in bad shape at 13? I think there's no denying that.

And are not, by the way. Well, now. Nobody's just an Arnold-style pumper. Who's pumping now? We're all checking ourselves on the monitor. Wait, are we? I don't know. Maybe I am in good shape.

Yeah. Everybody flex. I will say I did do a pull-up a couple months ago a single pull-up and i was like oh good i can do a pull-up stick still oh good and it took me forever to be able to do a pull-up because in in elementary school i remember kids would be doing pull-ups and i was just just like god like the most comical version of like making noises. And I couldn't do it. My scrawny arms could not pull me up.

And I do remember in high school at one point, I did a pull up and I was like, whoa, what? Something happened. The change happened. I did a lot of hangs. Sure. Like, you know, just hold on. For getting up there, it's usually was a little high for me. Getting up there was half the battle.

Did you have, because you would do different challenges. We had the bent arm hang to see how long you could hang. It wasn't a pull-up and then you hung. It was just hold on to your arms and see how long you could do. That's what I'm saying. They would usually pivot to like, oh, this one ain't doing a pull-up. Yeah, so what can we do? It still feels like you crossed some kind of threshold.

You achieved something. Yeah. Gotcha. How long are we talking on these bent arm hangs? I'm trying to remember. I feel like I was actually pretty good at the bent arm hang. I could hang for a while, but I feel like maybe it was like 47 seconds or something,

which seems not a long time. Yeah, no. But I have a feeling that if I tried a bent arm hang, I would be saying pretty quickly, was that 47 seconds? Did I beat Mike? And they'd been somebody, anyone timing me would say, no, that was eight. That was eight seconds. You have six more of these to go.

Should we challenge each other to physical challenges during this episode? I think so. I don't think we're, well. There's not a lot of room in here. We could, I think we're, well. There's not a lot of room in here. We could, I think we're sort of near a recreation area. We'd have to, we could like go do a jog,

see what's there in terms that could test our abilities and jog back and then see how, not just who did the best, but who is like too wrecked to continue. My bet would be all of us. The entire,

it'd be a good thing to utilize this video that we're using right now that for us to suddenly leave and then come back just wrecked just drip drenched in sweat beet red yeah we you know it's uh just running up you know there's universal studios is not too far from here uh and running up the hill off of lancashire maybe is what we should be doing. We should run up because there's usually a tram that takes you up there. The run would be rough. The run would be insane.

Yeah, the walk is awful. Walking up it is insane. The walk is bad. I did it. I was like, I'm just going to do the walk. It's a nice day out. It was like the middle of summer. No.

That was the worst idea. If you fall, you will roll down the hill like a barrel. Like it's screwed. Like don't do it it's really yeah it's dangerous i haven't been so concerned about the fall i don't think i'm gonna also falling in a way that you don't just face plant you don't just go forward you would have to fall to the side and then and then the roll would have to continue like you'd have to be so even on that slant uh-huh for it to become a full roll all the way down.

Okay. Well, you're trying to angle it so you end up in the Sheraton. You stop the fall by pushing yourself into the Sheraton valet port coche. In your dream of this, you're rolling down the hill in a little ball. You hit a curb or something or hit a bump and you just break through the window of one of the hotel rooms and land in the bed and fall asleep immediately well you've blasted up for sure and then you don't have to pay for the room yeah you got to go up a couple stories that you have to hit a bounce that perfectly gummy bear bounce style launches you up

to like the fourth floor at least okay i don't remember where sloppy telly's room was. Telly. Yeah. This is probably sweet at the Sheraton. Probably at the top floor, right? No, I think he might've been the second.

I think he wanted to like, it's just a quick walk down the stairs. And then now I'm here at the bar, baby. I don't have to exert. I don't have to take that eight-second elevator ride. Telly's only 10 steps away from a swig of vodka at all times. I can get down to that stinky lobby real quick.

Did you see there was a thing going around a couple months ago? If you don't know what we're talking about, during the Universal City Walk saga, we were talking about how uh telly savalas star of kojak uh lived at the sheridan universal and if you don't know what we're talking about what kojak is and we we really yeah sorry you have to look it up he also had a singing career that i've been fascinated by lately oh yeah say uh yeah some really good videos um but he had a bar the bar he would go to the bar at the sheridan like every night because he lived there and they called it telly's so-called telly's um but there had a bar the bar he would go to the bar at the sheridan like every night because he lived there then they called it telly so-called tellies um but there was some article like people magazine or something where he was just like yeah i've had affairs and my wife isn't happy it was like the headline on the thing that's not exactly what it was but

it was like some major publication and he was just like yeah i'd cheat on my wife. So what, baby? Really interesting. Honest. Really interesting man. Appreciate the honesty. Yeah. There's maybe another thing to talk about at the right. So this seemed like a fun thing to do that we're going there for our hot dog day. I think, Mike, you threw out what's an attraction we've not done on the show or done altogether.

And this seemed like a fun one to do because it's involved and interactive. And so we were excited to do it. We went to go do it. We're on the stairs heading down to grab our paddles and for our canoe ride to begin. And then Jason says, with a lot of judgment, I feel, so this is main feed, right? This is the main feed? Yeah.

What's the problem? Answering the, not posing it for debate, but asserting, not since Lucy at Tribute, I think, has there been this kind of jockeying for the main feed. Yeah.

The almost anger that it would be asserted any other way. I got another one coming up. There's another one coming up that I think could be topical. Uh-huh. Something is finally returned. One of the final things to return. Okay. And you're saying it's a main feed and not on our Patreon exclusive.

I think I'm curious to see what everyone's opinion is. Should we just get it out now? Just get it out now. The red car trolley is finally coming back to disney's california adventure main feed yeah yeah okay because suitcase in a dream is involved in that oh that's true am i am i finally at my day of reckoning of having to deal even more with suitcase and a dream will be unpacked if you don't know what we're talking about it's a song that has like kind of a techno beat but it's about uh newsies and them singing about mickey

mouse coming to california and we've talked about this like the kayfabe mickey origin where like he met walt on a train it's like walt didn't create him but they were like two bums on a train and they like teamed up basically so this is a song about having a suitcase in a dream and it's uh i think that means that's coming back or we don't know. I don't know. Okay. But we will talk about. I don't know about live entertainment.

We will talk about this red trolley on. Historic. Historic in the Los Angeles area. This city was just covered in red car trolley lines. Right. For years. Yeah. But not this specific vehicle.

Not this one. It's paying tribute to the historic red car trolley, which you cannot navigate, right? They don't let you drive that. Like they do Mark Twain, the red car trolley. Oh, no. Okay. No, because those controls are functioning. Uh-huh. Sure. I was just

wondering if there was some fake steering wheel or something. I don't think so. I don't have the room for it. I guess they don't have a steering wheel. That was kind of what you said about this. I feel like then a brief rationalization of it was like, historic! And you kind of banged your arm like that a little bit. Well, I feel like sometimes we get a little tickled with our little second gay weirdo episodes.

We do get a little tickled, I agree. I find myself reaching sometimes of like, yeah, what's the main feed this week? In theory, the main episodes of this podcast. And I'm like, yeah, Carousel. But then suddenly it's like, you know, Lucille Ball did a voice on an episode of Rescue Ranger. That didn't happen, obviously.

No, because we would shut this down and go watch it right now. Yeah, absolutely. We would talk about it every episode. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, then I got home, talked about having a nice canoe experience, and Aaron said, oh, that's nice. Are you guys going to do a second gate about it? And I was like, oh, yeah, well, it's a whole thing.

It came up. We had a little tip about it, and I guess it's going to be on the – It's going to be on the main feed, yeah. Yeah. No, I don't mind this. I'm just, I just thought it was a very us moment for that discussion to be there. That question to be posed. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. So here we are. Here we are. No paywall. It's happening. On video. Free for you. Yes.

On video. Preserved. I keep forgetting that's there. Criterion quality. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's good. That's a natural performer.

Turn your back to it or else you'll be. It's like Celebrity Big Brother or something. If you're wondering where my eyeline is, it is staring at this. It is odd. It's like having a fourth person in the room and it's a three-headed monster. Yeah. That is all of us. Right.

Gotta find a new eyeline. I try not to look. Camera. I think it'd be much weirder to just look in the camera the whole time. The first time. Yeah, that is weird. That is. Yeah. If we all, if you're, if you're watching on video right now,irder to look in the camera the first time yeah that is weird that is yeah if we all if you're if you're watching on video right now let's all look into the camera our own camera different cameras give everyone a nice share okay okay jason find yours and uh everyone listening uh you know everyone shut up and hold your pose hold your

pose okay okay yeah okay now all right good just need to get everybody frame yeah got it okay creepy frame uh what were you what were you saying i was gonna say everyone listening on their phones Okay, now we can do it. Just need to get everybody in the frame. Got it. Creepy frame. What were you saying? I was going to say everyone listening on their phones is just like, I love when they talk about the video setup. Yeah, they do like that. Well, it's new and they're going to learn to like it. Yeah, that's just because we run the show here, okay? We tell you what to like.

Let's talk about our experience. And you know what? Hey, let's use the medium for the people watching the YouTube link. Brett, can we pull up a photo of us having a blast on this canoe? This is a post Jason and his hot dog mountain shirt. Yeah. And there's oh, this is a great little slideshow. A wonderful picture. Right, yeah, you know, let's hold on this one for a second.

This I feel like is a Jason in his element, not just in a Hot Dog Mountain shirt, but just past the Mark Twain, knowing that you're feeling the, the Mark Twain's in the air. The smokestacks are blowing a familiar smoke to you. You're out on the high seat. This is a very satisfied Jason, I feel.

Sure. Yeah. Are you as happy here as you appear to be? I think I am. I think I finally relaxed at this point. I realized I didn't have to paddle as much. Were you cheating? Was I cheating?

Yeah. No, I was full on paddling. Okay. But at the start of it, I was really like pushing. I see. Because the other time I went, it was like there weren't that, but there was a lot of kids in the boat. So whatever adults were there, it's just like, oh shit,

we actually have to do this. You know, we had to move this boat. I had not seen the website where they're like, yeah, you idiots don't really have, you can just play paddle, whatever. Well, you know, you got to. I was wondering what the situation was. And that's interesting that they're public about, you know, that we are ballast and we don't matter. Yeah, because where you maybe figure that out is the steering, the fact that you are turning and pivoting and yet there's no point where the main canoe operator in the front is saying, all right, now you guys on the right a little less than you guys on the left a little more so that we turn and pivot a little.

Like the direction you're going is always very good. You never feel like you're maybe vaguely helping with forward momentum since it is a long vehicle but steering i feel like is never we're not doing anything to help the direction no yeah there's no way because that way you would crash into splash mountain or something you would you would definitely hit the wall yeah it's like they were like all right here's what we got to do which the mechanics of this are very impressive that it's it's two folks it's no more than two people one in the front and one in the back. Yeah.

They are making a 20-person, pretty long vehicle move and steering it and doing it over and over again. Yes. Because here we are. We did it once, and now we're talking about it for a while. This is just their job. Yes. They do this many, many times over. When I was paddling, Scott, were you putting a lot of effort into it when you were paddling?

How do you much, do you feel like you were taking it easy or? Hmm. I wanted to maybe just feel a little, a little burn. A little pump, yeah. Just like, yeah, get a little, get my little pump pop. Yeah. At least get a pump. Just feel a little something, just to say I did.

Yeah. If I feel like I was working, I was doing it. Yeah. I feel like I was doing it. Yeah. I feel like the first time I did it, I was doing it in an inefficient way. I feel like I was doing like a big like really trying to do that, which I think that's a mistake. More about the form than the actual. Yeah. I think I feel like I had really good form this time and I was actually expending, expelling less energy.

But I think I was really helping. I was really helping the journey i feel yeah did you feel like were you judging yourself against other canoers and yes yes because you're why you're behind me you're next to jason you've got a better um not directly jason's right behind okay yeah yeah because i wasn't looking i was next to mike i wasn't critiquing you or jason as far as you're paddling because i couldn't see but i was looking at the people in front of me and i was saying i'm doing better than them i'm paddling better than them yeah i i was as well but the person in front of me was a child so i felt like the rhythm was not there no yeah i'm willing to i'm to forgive. So you smoked that little kid. Absolutely.

Like you showed them who's boss. Yeah, yeah. Not with might, not with physical, but just with understanding pattern and meter. Yeah. Really, it's music if you think about it. Paddling a canoe. It rhymes. Having paddled a canoe once.

What I always say about it is that it's music. Yes, it rhymes. It rhymes. Very lyrical. Yeah. No, I kept poking the kid in front of me and going, do better. Do better. Yeah.

And he just wouldn't do better. So I was poking him with the paddle while I was on the middle stroke. We had like a canoe. My high school gym had a pool in it. And I feel like there was a like metal canoe that they would like throw in the pool at some point like during like the two weeks we were in the pool and they're like all right now we're gonna fill the canoe with water and now you gotta swim to the side of the pool or like it's basically fuck around the canoe for a couple days like i don't really quite even remember

paddling it okay we're gonna throw a canoe in the fucking high school couple days like i don't really quite even remember paddling it okay we're gonna throw a canoe in the high school pool whatever yeah i don't enjoy yeah seems like enough right what the pool wasn't that big i mean it was a full it was regulation size like you know pool i'm trying to think how big my pool did you have a pool in high school um i don't i i truly don't remember this is how checked out athletics i would you would know school? I don't. I truly don't remember. This is how checked out of athletics I was. You would know, I think. I don't think I know. I cannot picture if my high school had a pool or not.

Did you swim, though, in gym class ever? No. Okay. It would be weird if I said I didn't remember a pool, but I did remember swimming. Yeah. Well, that would be very odd. That would be in a toilet. My head was flushed in one.

We had to swim. We had to swim in gym class. Did you have to swim in gym class had to swim we had to swim in gym class did you have to swim gym class yeah we had to swim in gym class and it was the uh later i feel like the first couple years in gym class it was all dudes and then the more honors classes like i had like the gym class would be like all right uh it's this gym class is all the nerds like wait they were your high school was divided by nerds and jocks? Aren't they all? Well, but like an administrative?

Well, no, just in terms of the timing where it's like, all right, if they're taking this AP and this AP, the only time they can take gym, so they all end up in gym together. I see. Okay. So all the nerds won't hurt each other. The jocks and the nerds would hurt

yeah that was much more pleasant so you weren't in AP canoeing then I was not in AP canoeing no I was in the nerd gym class where everyone was like please no one we've all made an agreement no one look at each other's bodies like eyes to the sky

in the old days the kids would swim nude what? how old? the 60s? In the old days, the kids would swim nude. What? What? Yes. How old? Old days. The 60s? I don't know.

What are you talking about? There was no any type of short recovery. I think Huck and Tom would. I don't know that. Hold on. I'm pretty sure that I'm correct here. Nude kids. High school. I didn't swim in the 1960s.

No, I don't want to get arrested. I'm just trying to... Mike and his friends, the family from Tuck Everlasting, would swim nude at the old swimming hole, and you would realize they weren't aging. I'm pretty sure I'm right. Yeah, swimming naked, my high

school team did, says Chicago Now. I'm pretty sure... Says what? Old family members of mine talked about this unless they were punking me which is possible i guess i'm i guess i'm gullible so you get so you take you strip nude and get in that i mikey i did not swim nude but i think there was a time when certain high schools were like the boys would swim nude why why would this what would this help what would this solve i don't know what like what is one benefit other than to particular creeps who work at the school what is how is it i don't know we're saving precious fabric money 54 cents this is like mild covering kind of sporting scandal

nightmare here's i'm finding multiple articles about this being something that people would have to do. Not of probably our generation, but of older generation. We didn't even, like everyone would just walk through the shower, like rinse off after swimming. No one was like stripping down. Like I never took like a shower after gym or whatever in school. I have no recollection of a lot of the time. I didn't take a shower after a regular gym. You would go through the shower after swim class, but you would keep – most kids would keep the suit on.

Except one or two guys who are like, I'm going to be the naked guy. Like, I am the captain of the football team. Yes. I look like I'm 25 years old. I'm going to get naked. It's true in gyms though still. Some people really thrive on being the naked guy. There are some real naked guys. Yeah.

That was my chance. But what era do you, and when did this change? I don't, I am not an expert on nude swimming for high school boys. I just know that there were certain high schools where this happened, and I've heard tell of it. And were they firebombed?

Did they have their rights revoked to be a high school? I hope. I don't know if there was a naked high school registry. I don't know what happened. I don't know. If you want to do a second gate about this topic, we can. I will go and research it. And see, but this is the good old days

this isn't some horror show like children checking out books from the library like our current dystopia this is just i think this was just what was done in certain areas yeah this was not a weird bad thing and no one thought it was weird or bad. Kid crotch Arkansas. Look, I swear I heard about this when I was young, and I was like, this is crazy. What is going on? Why would you ever do that? Hey, hurry along, kid. We're trying to put asbestos in.

Get to your nude swimming class. The painters are coming to put on a new coat of lead paint. Look, not our generation. I swam with little red shorts like Mickeykey mouse okay we wore little buttons too they wouldn't let us swim with our own shorts also was that what your experience was wait no what is this one well we were supposed to wear the school colors for our regular gym clothes which were maroon and gray so like anything maroon and gray you know shorts or sweatpants and a t-shirt, uh,

for swim class, they were just like, ah, fuck it. Just whatever swimsuit you have. Who cares? No, we had to wear new short,

like their shorts that they washed as if they were like the glasses on transformers. We had to put on new red, little red swim trunks. Every time. Little red. Yes. And they were shorter trunks. They were shorter trunks than I like to wear it. At least at the time. All little red. Yes. And they were shorter trunks. They were shorter trunks than I like to wear, at least at the time.

Do you have to line up, get in your shorts line? Yes, you would have to get in a shorts line. You would be handed shorts. Did you request a size or was it kind of? Yes, there would be a size. There would be different. I think there would be different like bags and you would get different size shorts. You'd say large and they'd say no, extra small.

And you'd say, oh, maybe next time. Yeah, they would say that doesn't look as good on you. They would assess it. Here, spin around. No, change to the extra small. So, yeah, you would get shorts and then you would put them in a big thing and they would wash them. I don't know why you couldn't wear your own swim trunks. That's crazy.

Yeah. But this is my experience swimming in did anyone did anyone get in the big washing machine with all of the used shorts it's like it's like a prank then you know really no no no i mean so like like i'm just gonna i just need to clean the machine and then wait why are they in there for the washing you mean they're like a pervert yeah yeah okay they're like that's how you know something was really up at your high school somebody was a holdover from the 60s era oh like a like a with the nude swimming yeah yeah uh no i don't remember anyone doing that but i was honestly the the part where you would turn uh turn them in and then take them off and put like

all that was like i wanted to get that done as fast as possible because it was so strange because you would have to like. The shorts check-in. Yeah. Turning your sopping wet shorts into this bin. Yes. This is what I did. Like, this is, I would have to like, you put the towel around. I was so nervous about it. Like, pull the thing off.

Community shorts, everyone. Yeah. I did think it was weird because you were wearing like, hopefully they were washing these things. This is communism. It was a way to teach you why your socialism is bad this is what happens now you all end up wearing shorts instead of buying your own it was the closest thing i had like we had to like school uniforms or something you didn't have school uniforms no you had you had to share mickey style red shorts we had to only we wore mic trunks. And then did the gym teacher have to do

a load of reds? Like a load of laundry? Someone did. Someone did. Every day. Every day. Every day they would supposedly wash our little red swim trunks. You know, I do remember my gym teacher's offices had washer

dryers in it and I think it was for like, I always assumed it was for like I always assumed that was for like football uniforms and stuff and maybe it was for sure it's probably collecting I think we've I think we're continuing to solve the mystery

yeah I've never heard Mike's comfort with certain things Mike's feelings about certain things I didn't. Okay. I did not. Just for clarification, I did not swim nude, but I did have to wear like standardized. No, shorts were said many times. Little red shorts.

You painted the picture. Okay. I just want to make sure that people know exactly where my damage comes from. And it wasn't the first part. It was the second part of this whole chunk of this podcast. The red shorts are more humiliating, I feel like, than nudity. To some degree, yeah. But honestly, once I was in swim class, because our teacher was really checked out, he would just go and play solitaire or be on eBay.

And we would just do whatever we wanted. But there was no canoe involved. I got to say, the swim class unit, that's not one you want to be checked out on. Oh, well. I feel like badminton, floor hockey, you can check out on those. You mean the one where kids are just jumping off a diving board and, in my case, doing wrestling moves to each other off the deck? That's exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Probably not a good idea to be in your office, barely checked in. Running and running on slippery tile. Yes. Yeah. No, he was. And nobody, I think got that hurt.

If that hurt at all. I don't, I don't, I didn't get hurt. Soon enough. The water is not just red from little red shorts, but red from blood. I do remember an embarrassing time when I did,

I was getting a back body drop by these two dudes who would, I would run at them in the pool and then they just kind of lift me up and flip me over back into the water. And I do remember my shorts like flying off once, which was like, oh my God. Flying off? Not flying off. Is the Atlantic just so gone at that point? Yeah, because they were used every day. It's like Burt Simpson. Yeah.

That was really awful. Yes, that was like a nightmare. Like, oh my God, high school nightmare scenario. Two men, not men, two boys also clad in little red shorts lifted you up in the air in more springy red shorts. Yeah, boy, what happened here? This is a really bad territory. Yeah, yeah. was like that's like yeah i that is the one time i remember like being just mortified um so now it's out there now i put it all out there on audio and

video yeah forever dog thank you so much i'm glad i waited until we had video to say that somebody for good sake find this is there there could be no drier facts in an episode about canoe Forever Dog Thank you so much I'm glad I waited until we had video To say all this Somebody for God's sake Find This is There could be no drier facts In an episode about canoe Find the driest fact

You have in your notes Oh oh Hurry What do we got Canoe is a Canadian word Sure that helps Great great Okay that is not

Anywhere near Little boys Unclosed In Tokyo Disney They call this The Beaver Brothers Explorer No that doesn't help

Beaver Brothers Doesn't help, that doesn't help. Beaver Brothers doesn't help at all. That week, we're still in weird territory. I do like that name, though. This is closed at a couple of parks. My dad did not even remember this being at the Magic Kingdom, so I did not do this as a kid. This closed at the Magic Kingdom in 94,

closed at Paris in 94, to only last two years at Disneyland Paris. Why did they even bother? Strange. Nobody wanted to. It was one of those miscalculations about the French. Yeah. If they started allowing wine everywhere and they probably should have allowed them on the canoes they should allow that on the canoes. Boy I would really

like to. I mean if there was assuming they could put in little cup holders if I could paddle a little bit what about pumpkin pop i was grab my pinot pump pop and pinot now we're talking on this canoe what about um you could attach a little glass of wine to the end of the paddle so when you were like and then like you you bring it back up and you take a little sip and then you put it back in. I like the idea here. It just feels like there's probably a splash.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I think a camelback is probably most efficient. What about a baby camelback? Like the bag, the plastic bag with a long straw. Oh, sure. But, you know, you're doing that with wine and now you're in some very strange territory. Yeah. Though, hey, I don't know.

Not a bad idea. not a bad idea for dad here take that out to the park little discreet tube sure and when he starts playing baseball or something um let's uh let's talk a little bit about our experience though on on that day because i was you know talking about uh having wine or whatever, I will say in that spirit and in terms of what you're after in a ride in your 30s, this is a very adult ride, I would say. A very adult attraction in terms of it's not a lot of hassle. There's a lot of relaxation, just like, you know, getting out and being in the fake wilderness. Yeah. Like in the, did Matt Apodaca say, would he call Soarin' a mom ride?

Yeah. It was a mom ride. Yeah. Well, maybe Canoes is a dad ride. It feels very like part and parcel with the, you know, if I want a little resort experience in the parks, maybe I have some wine. I do Soarin'. I do canoes. And I don't get stressed out by a bunch of beeps and buzzes all over the place.

Just to say exactly what Matt said, because it's so good, he called Soarin' the Josh Groban of rides. Oh, I forgot that. Yes. That's, yeah. Is this like the yellow stone of rides could be I don't know I haven't seen it I haven't watched it yet

I'm going to see it though you get a lower view you get like a water level view almost you see the death beaver the beaver chewing on the railroad yeah maybe people have not seen that that's a newer

kind of the revamp of Rivers of America that's so yeah maybe people have not seen that that's a newer in the kind of the revamp of rivers of america that's a detail i forget about that he's chomping on that bridge yes it's great it's really really great um it is the only thing yeah when you're talking about an adult experience and that's when we when we say that we mean something different we mean forget what the last 10 yeah yeah none of that stuff none of the body talk but yeah an adult it seems like you want to feel like the air you want to feel the nice air you want to feel like a stillness and a calmness some scenery scenery's nice um and this definitely has it i think the only i guess i'm getting ahead of myself with a plus up for something like this would be uh longer and just like sections where we're just sitting for like 10 15 20 minutes you're just

describing uh camping i think well maybe what you're after or in a boat in any sort of boat i suppose you know but so now an expedition has to go out instead of continuously go around it has to take several breaks where everyone just kind of like sits and... Yeah, like there would be multiple canoes then on the rivers of America where they just say, okay, now kick back. And so you put your feet up a little bit and you kind of like put your head toward the sun and then you relax. We did have some breaks.

Yeah, yeah. We did have some like breaks where they would just talk to us. I could not hear what the cast member was saying. Yes. They were talking a little too quietly, but we sort of relaxed. We were in the back also. Yeah, that's unfair.

Get louder! You want to hear the whole... I could hear what they were saying. I heard it also. I couldn't hear shit. But we stopped by the moose and the tracks from Mind Train through Nature's Wonderland. I'm agreeing with what you're saying. And I'm just saying like the ultimate version of the adult experience is like kind of spending an hour on the water or something. That's the ultimate version.

I'm just looking at a blue sky and I understand it's not practical. They got to move, got to get these canoes in and out. People, the demand is high. We saw the line. There were at least 10 people like the you know the endless grind of capitalism yeah in and out honk honk honk why can't we slow our theme park canoes down exactly enjoy the fake elements exactly hi folks michael here i have a question for you. Are you trying to find love? Of course you are.

We all are. And it's so hard these days, isn't it? Even with modern conveniences like all the dating apps like Hinge and Tinder and Grindr, it still can be such a pain in the neck, right? Well, I have a solution for you. What about taking a vow of celibacy and devoting your whole heart to the character Sebastian Jackal, a character that Christopher Lloyd played on the UPN show Deadly Games. It aired about 25 years ago and aired for one season. So what I'm saying is admit that no human will ever be on your level and that you will worship Sebastian Jackal as a god. To get started on your new Jackal-based life, go to patreon.com slash podcast the ride, where we offer some episodes for $5 a month. We will be doing a Sebastian Jackal episode

next week. You can pay us, listen to it, and then acknowledge that the only person in your life should be Sebastian Jackal. That's patreon.com slash podcast the ride next week. Sorry, Kathy Ireland, a person who guest starred on the UPN show Deadly Games. My heart belongs to Jackal. I did read that, you know, it does go faster than some of the other boat rides kind of set by their track. You do end up going a little faster than the Twain or the Columbia because you're just going at whatever speed everyone's paddling. Yes. Yeah. So there's not an exact time.

So I guess if you had a really slow canoe, it could be an hour. Yeah. In a situation where like all the people paddling decided to paddle like against, like to paddle backwards and fight against the guides, then yes, it would take longer. So this is one of those groupthink kind of things. We've talked about you go on the Indiana Jones ride and you get everyone to agree to not look at Mara. Right. And then what happens? Probably the ride continues. And it's fine. Normally. Yeah. And then what happens? Probably the ride continues. And it's fine.

Normally. Yeah. Because there'd be no way to stop it. You'd have to light the vehicle on fire for anything to happen. Yeah. And it would stop right there. In this case, though, if you did have a group of 20, you may, I guess you could get out there and then have some secret code.

Yeah. Or just like a group text goes out. Everybody feels the vibration. No words are said. Yeah. All of a sudden, to the chagrin of the main operators, you start going that other way. It is interesting. I wonder if something like that's ever happened.

They've been running this forever. Like, did they have an unruly boat, like a bachelor party boat or bachelorette party where everyone was like, we're going backwards backwards and then they just started paddling back like that's the it's the only you have the most control it's the ride with the most control to the people on it it is really are and there's all this live your star wars story yeah but this is the real you are in control you are in control yippee day the day disney was shut down by the Yippie, did the Yippies start to paddle backwards? They brought their own paddles, probably. Yeah. How come

you said that and then you were like, oh, yeah, and I was like, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. You don't know the Yippies? No. What's Yippie Day? That was like, oh, of course, yes, no further explanation needed. Let's continue. I heard Jimmy Lennon talk about the Yippies. Yeah, this is probably worth its own deep dive on it.

But it was when a bunch of hippies bought park tickets and just flooded the park. And there were just so many of them. They took the park over. The January 6th? They did. Yeah, they did. It was a little bit. Burnouts, 1970.

Yippie was more like they were a radical anti-establishment group. Okay, they were more. So they were a little more. Yippies have, like they were a radical anti-establishment group. Okay, they were more. So they were a little more. Yippies or Mel Yippies. Yes. There's force to it. The Youth International Party. And little did they know when they grew up, they would all become yuppies.

They would all sell out. Yeah. But they made a big, they took over Disneyland one day. Then what happened? What did they do? I don't think they did that. I don't think they damaged the park that much.

I think they were just very unruly. I think they were unruly. I think they just went, I think they just shut the park down. They basically paddled the canoe backwards.

Yeah, that's sort of what they did. They just scratched their butts. I have not found any evidence for why the Yippies were a problem. All right, well,

now I'm going to have to prove that I'm not an idiot. Well, this is a big Los Angeles magazine story here. Okay. Atlas Obs san francisco gate so there's this whole story about how the group of 70s radicals tried and failed to invade disneyland well just find one what's one thing somebody did he spit in snow white's face he they all got naked and swam in the river like a bunch of chicago youths uh i don't think there was naked swimming they were prankster pranksterish

protesters is the phrase this article sounds like an improv everywhere it does there was a women's liberation subway ride there was a women's liberation rally to liberate minnie mouse in front of fantasyland at noon. So they were annoying. They were just like, this is too annoying. Yeah, that all does sound. Yeah. This sounds like early National Lampoon or something. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know that they were. Who knows? Maybe they had some points. I don't know. Not about Minnie. I'm just saying.

We'll get into it at a certain point. Well, it led to riot cops on Main Street. Oh, my God. Yeah. at a certain point. Well, it led to riot cops on Main Street. Oh my God. Yeah, that's... Yeah, I mean, in California, they call out riot cops if you cough wrong

towards the mayor. So, you know. Yeah. Awful place. Bad state. We have a couple posted outside the door. Yeah.

Making sure we don't talk about Little Red Shorts for any longer. Rick Caruso is heavy at every podcast network to make sure no one makes fun of him. Right.

They're like, you guys like the Americana, but you're not going to vote? You're not going to vote for a piece of shit? Huh? This piece of shit? Billionaire? Doesn't make sense to us. There have been unruly incidents, maybe accidental. Well, this one may have been, well, you know, it depends on who you ask.

This is, I want to say, circa 1990 in the LA Times. Shocking headline. 15 dumped in drink at Disneyland. Mishap. No one is injured. But it was total chaos as canoe sank. Patrons blame overloading, but park officials cite splashing and rocking by riders. So the park is blaming the people.

Yeah. But pretty much all the regular folks they talk to. Here's quotes. This person, I think, was just a rider. There was total chaos going on. It was comical because they kept saying, it won't sink, keep paddling, and it sank right there. Somebody had to be rescued because they could not swim. I would say maybe don't go on the canoe ride if you well they have life vests i think all

children have to wear life vests and they're available for adults if you aren't comfortable oh yes you could yes because i saw a parent putting on a life vest yeah that if anything happened i'm a little surprised they don't make... I am too, yeah. You would think for Disney safety, you would think they would make you wear a vest. Well, check this out. In this article, weird little specific... This is a legal issue.

This article got a quote from a spokesman for the U.S. Coast Guard who said, there's a federal requirement that all boats must carry flotation devices, but it does not apply on private waterways, including those in amusement parks. Wow, really? This has been regulated. Yeah, yeah. So –

Like anywhere else, because, yeah, you go on certain, you know, just like little day cruises, and you got to put one of the or they you don't have to put them on but they have them but they wouldn't have room in that canoe probably right so yeah disney with their own private waterways and hopefully this is one of those things that desantis gets in there and makes right finally disney's been well he got rid of it in 94. I was going to say it doesn't. DeSantis want less. Less life jacket regulation. Yeah. But in Disney's case, you want to.

It's hard to square the circle for him, but I'm sure he'll figure it out how. Yeah. He wants whatever creates the most chaos. He is the Joker, folks. Look, I'm just going to say it. If you vote for this guy, you're literally voting for the Joker. Let me put it in terms you can understand, you pea brains. He is.

DeSantis is. As smart. Governor Joker. Governor Joker, President Joker, eventually. We had a governator. That was fun. He was a pumper and a popper. But this, we don't want a govjokener.

Gov joke on her gov joke no um but so what you're saying really is that there might have been a scenario where you had to wear a life jacket on the mark tween which is a which is the boat you don't have like nobody has or at least they had to like have them they had to have them on there i see but i don't know depending on further restriction right again if desantis gets his way, then maybe some little ragtime band is playing on there. Or the finale of Fantasmic. Now all the characters are, you've got to fit big life vests. Or water wings, maybe. Oh, like little kid swimmer pups?

DeSantis will make you on a water ride wear water wings. And that's going to slow everything down. It's going to cost Disney so much money to get water wings. It's what they deserve for not really doing anything about the thing that came up. And he's also going to make everybody wear a certain set of little red shorts before they get on a water ride. And he's going to have them in a big bag, and he's going to have people that collect them, and you have to wash them. That's going to be more infrastructure that Disney doesn't have. The good old days are back. The good old days are here again. Yeah. and he's going to have people that collect them, and you have to wash them. That's going to be more infrastructure that Disney doesn't have. That's how I grew up.

The good old days are back. The good old days are here again. Yeah. That means little shorts. Little shorts. Did you guys watch any of the footage from Shanghai Disneyland? Briefly, yeah.

Yeah, where they have the canoes, but you go through. You go by a lot of fake rocks, a lot of good fake rocks around here a lot of like uh ships a lot of pieces of pirate ships and stuff and theirs is a little more adventure because the area is adventure isle and treasure more and treasure cove so you're going by pirate ships yeah because they're a little more Pirates of the Caribbean centric there. They've got that big ride.

So we're not – do they maybe not even have a frontier western zone at all in Shanghai? Am I crazy? I don't remember. Yeah, no, it's not. The land's changed a little bit. They don't really care about the old Mississippi river. It's not the American west. Yeah.

As we talked about, we did an episode on that right on frontier land west we did it yeah yeah yeah and we were talking about in there was like that's not yeah we're never gonna build this again yeah yeah there's not there have not there's not been new ip yeah lens itself to really make new interest in the, and Woody from Toy Story can only do so much. He's already not really, he's not a real cowboy like Davy Crockett. Yeah. So you can't just Woody-ify all of it. Yeah, and the Lone Ranger was not a hit.

So I think that's not happening. We'll see how this all plays out, but maybe Johnny gets another chance. Oh, yeah. I think that's going to happen for sure. Mm-hmm. I think for sure. Relationship with Em gets another chance. Oh, yeah. I think that's going to happen for sure. I think for sure. Relationship with Ember is really... Oh, yeah.

I think it cost me Lone Ranger 2. His PR team. I think it was set to go. His PR team is doing their best. Well, the movie, the Lone Ranger was years, and still, we were talking about it.

I had a Zoom. Johnny, what happened to your... And then they canceled the Zoom. What happened to your business part who mysteriously disappeared? It's not one thing at a time. We're talking about M.U. Okay.

He pooped in my bed. Say what happens after that. Really good impression of Johnny Depp. I will say this, though. You're doing it about 10 times too fast. Oh, I see. It's maybe the slowest I've ever heard somebody talk during those videos.

Most of it's got to be like smiling bunch. But it's not frontier... Hee-hee, I have those videos. Smiling bunch. But it's not frontier. Hee hee hee I have to do. Oh, God. It's too real. Did he say hee hee hee out loud? It's too real. I don't know that it happened.

I try not to watch a lot of this. Yeah, it's all so grotesque. I'm here for the video. I got to blow my nose, right? Just let me blow my nose. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. His PR team really is working very hard they got the bots they got the twitter they have the bots force yes they've got half the theme park uh news media we're already in the bag for them that's true yes

that is true those people were bought and paid for years ago. What? Oh, now here's another thing. This is another like 90s news article that involved this attraction, but it starts with another one, which is the Jungle Cruise. And I talked about how they changed. This was 100% Navajo run, and they dismantled the Indian area, so it became, all right, but still just men. There were not female canoeists. Oh, that's a good question. Couldn't tell you.

Canoers. But I don't think I realized that until the mid-'90s, there was a lot of gender segregation in terms of hiring on these attractions. And the Jungle Cruise was the thing that dismantled it. There was a woman named Suzanne Barnaby. She was an Adventureland ride operator who had worked there for 15 years and was just always told, no, you can't be a Jungle Cruise skipper. Didn't understand why exactly.

Then took a trip to Disney world where there were just women doing it and there was never any like yeah big stink there was no policy it was just like whenever what they started in the 70s and just never instituted that so it never had to be dismantled so she came back to work and was like just went to disney world and there were women doing it can i do it uh yeah and then she was doing it four days later. And then they started dismantling that all over. And I didn't realize there was a, I don't think we've talked about this in the show, there was a ton of that apparently, that storybook land canal boat operators, the people like

telling, pointing out what all the little miniatures are, that was all women. But Jungle Cruise is only men with his other ones. Because in this article, soon female conductors will be working the Main Street Omnibus and Disneyland Railroad. And female sailors will be on the Columbia and Mark Twain's. There were only men on all of these attractions until the 90s. Why in the world? Yeah, that's I did not know that. And like a lot of things, as you go back through history you go

that makes no sense really fucking dumb to their credit at least they like as soon as anyone said one thing about it they changed it well pointed out yeah yeah i believe both are cast members and arcanew were women yes yeah yeah true um another bit of that is that they're talking about well why did it come to be this way why was it only men in the jungle cruise for so long and then here's a little snippet from this article disneyland had experimented with the notion of female jungle guides before some worked during the summer of 1974 but a spokesman for the park said at the time that the public was not ready to accept women daredevils.

What? Daredevils? Meaning the people who fake-shooted a hippo and tell a bunch of bad jokes? Those are daredevils? Yeah, I guess. That's a... Yeah, that doesn't... I don't know.

Was that word different? Words used to be different sometimes. You know... Words often were different. I'd like to think we've come a long way, but then you watch that Jungle Cruise movie and there's a lot of jokes in there about like and women are doing it for themselves like there's a lot of it's uh you're talking about stuff along the yeah well dare women dare like we're dared was when did the evil kenevil start 70s my question here is yeah is this a daredevil centric time what with evil

kenevil we have the nation at evil kenevil fever american icon like i there were no daredevils as far as i know i don't know the history of daredevils but we have the most prominent daredevil in history and he's male so nobody could square the idea yeah of a female daredevil much less a female uh standing in a slow moving boat on a track and telling an occasional joke they can't suspend their key kenevil and his daredevils debuted on january 3rd 1966 uh so they burst through in a big american flag paper. He had like Hell's Angels. Wow, he's with Daredevils now. How do I say this without slandering?

I just can't slander the dead. Wasn't he shitty? Wasn't he a shitty guy? Evil Knievel? I think that's probably right. I gotta look up Evil Knievels. By asking the question, I think a question can't be slander. Can a question be slander? Can a question be slander a question can a question be slander

that's a good question any of these questions i like jason i think you can separate the stunts from the performer you know so i'd like to not think that i'd like to not remember evil for any of his badness i think evil was didn't hurt people if the stunts didn't the stunts only hurt evil yeah we're talking about evil got hurt yeah but was evil evil is jason asking yeah i'm gonna jump over 50 children but land on a remaining set of 50 children who are right after the 50 i'm jumping uh i remember on fox a lot and maybe it wasn't a lot but i remember on fox when i was a

kid that robbie kenevil would often be doing a jump of some kind yeah yeah they were a lot there was a lot of big hokey primetime specials which i enjoyed which robbie really you can't use a real name after your dad's name was evil you can't just go like i'm robbie you have to like like demonic kenevil like something even crazier something even darker primeval oh perfect he's caveman theme even evil junior would be better it's cute but it's better is it the kind of um juvenile uh robbie which robert kenevil be better that seems more like he should be in a suit yeah Yeah, I'm like, my name is Robert Knievel. I'm here to

jump a bike over some school buses. Which way do your school buses please? Robert. Yeah. So yeah, Daredevils, I mean, Walt Disney was such a weirdo conservative that I'm sure that, like, yes,

the Jungle Cruise was a dangerous ride and, uh, it's for their safety. It's for women's safety. Um, but don't want to mess up their hair. Is it also maybe that they were just like, well,

women don't, but did he have like a Jerry Lewis impression that women weren't funny and like, they can't pull off the jokes on the jungle cruise that are so integral to the whole experience. There's no way a woman would be able to joke with the guests. There's just no way. Maybe.

Or he was going to. He mentioned it casually to Jerry Lewis at dinner who convinced him. Oh, very possible. Yeah, they were at the Tam. Seriously. That woman can't do the jokes. That's right, Jerry. I can't do the jokes on the cruise.

Not funny. It's not going to work. There's a dare for daredevils. Your impression is that he has like mixed elbows with his hands and shifts them around. I've never seen a Jerry Lewis movie. Who cares? Never meant shit to me. Now, jokes, though, because that's something I didn't realize.

I think there may have been a maybe not a full policy change in this attraction, but my memory of it is closer to your memory, Jason, where it was a guy who was very driving and like, do not stop. Keep going. Keep going. And it seemed it was kind of like an oppressive, not fun experience. But this, it's leisurely. You're taking your little breaks. And even as you're canoeing, you're getting little jokes. I didn't know that it was a joke-based attraction.

Yeah. I really enjoyed the jokes. I wrote down some of them, but do you remember them offhand? Well. Did any strike your fancy? I remember this attraction where they could be a little mean to you.

Yeah. Like they can tease you a little. And I saw in the videos, and I remember, I don't remember the context when we were there. There were jokes about it being, and of course we're in the videos, and I remember, I don't remember the context when we were there. There were jokes about it being, and of course, we're in Orange County, and I was like, what do you mean by that?

I don't remember the context of those either. Like, in the video, they're like, the people on the island are judging us if you're not going fast enough. After all, this is Orange County, and I'm like, hey, man, Orange County is massive and very weird. It could be any number of things you could be

implying here. I'm not sure what they mean. I feel like that was a joke for herself. She was like, she knew what she meant and probably got some enjoyment whether she was trashing Orange County or saying something funny about it. I'm not sure. My favorite of the jokes was towards the end

she says, hey, put your hands up if you picked this ride. Yes. A couple people did that. And then she said, now you know who doesn't get to pick the next ride. I really like that. That's funny. It is funny. This is one of those rides where, and Jungle Cruise has sort of evolved into it more where decades of

apathy have turned the jokes into isn't this thing bad that we're doing yeah and it happened to we're off in the corner yes new hot attractions have surpassed us yes which is a funny angle it is for anything to come from but it's like it's definitely like floating under the radar of what you know corporate disney would want for a ride it would want to be exciting and you're living your adventure and you know everybody's got a role that's all that language about uh any star new star wars thing or marvel thing you're the superhero and now this one is like doesn't this suck hey who picked this this sucks doesn't it you're all rowing now you're using your work yeah you shitheads what are you thinking doing this this is stupid why are we here

i like this little which is funny aggravated it's this like it is funny younger brother of an attraction i yeah i i like it it's it's spirited you can tell i i'm sure there's camaraderie with the guides like it's got to be this this fun little well there's flexibility fraternity because there's a lot of women doing it but uh you know it's a fun i bet it's a fun little club like being a lifeguard for the summer or something yes i think it's a fun club jungle cruise is a little bit more restrictive because you do have to do a lot of the same jokes and the same banter. But we've all seen different people. Some people I've seen who do the jokes and it's really kind of cringy. And some people I think have figured it out. But the people I've liked the most doing Jungle Cruise lately are people like this who have figured out how to do it very dry and flat and no one's listening, no one's paying attention, because that's the tone of the person we had on the canoes and oftentimes of the people I like on Jungle Cruise, which is a little depressing, but it's the tone of, who cares?

Are you paying attention to me? No, you're not? Okay. That works for both of these rides at this point. It's like sardonic snarky in a way that would work for a stand-up. Yes. Where I genuinely did laugh at a bunch of yes yeah she's she's roasting other people on other rides and like you you pass by that's a cool thing about it that you go right by where the point in the river where the splash mountain logs dump out where yeah so you're you can be right at the, like you watch one coming at you essentially and you're right on its level.

So that's a fun vantage point. It is the ultimate Disneyland nerd thing to be like, we got to see the log coming from a different angle that we've never seen before. You know the log you've seen a million times? Well, what if you saw it from a different angle? And I agree. I'm one of the guys who's like, look at the log. Look at the log. I can see the it from a different angle and i agree i'm not i'm one of the guys who like yeah we all oh wow look at the log i can see the log from a different vantage point yeah yes a new camera angle got added uh in this case she said over there is splash mountain that's a ride where people come off of it upset because they were splashed on a ride called splash mountain

she's roasting the kinds of people getting mad on that. I like the other one. You pass by the Haunted Mansion. You want to hear a joke about the Haunted Mansion? Long silence. That's the spirit. And then that's it. And that's a little creeper.

I didn't even get it for a second. You took a second, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I wonder. I guess we should have gone on it multiple times because wonder if like is it true freedom can you do a tight nine you develop your own tight nine on the canoes and you don't have much oversight yeah because that's how it feels because the time i went on it a couple a couple years ago it was totally different person was like making few jokes but not like this this was this was joke a joke a minute i saw uh the one video i watched there there was a joke along the lines of like they

were about halfway through the ride and they're like all right everyone we're gonna start paddling some more uh put your paddles up in the air on three we're gonna put them in the water a b c and everyone put it in the water and they went no i that's fine That's fine. That's a solid, that's an easy... That's good and that's fine. Not actually listening, yeah. If you just say something in the pattern of one, two, three, A, B, C. It's like, yeah, that's good. That's great. That's good.

So yeah, it does feel like you can have your own comedic persona when you're doing the canoes. So you could do Andy Kaufman-esque comedy. You can do straight ahead Leno style stand-up. You could do anything you want, which seems like that's... maybe this is the one – this is the position with the most freedom to play a character in the park. And if the guests don't like it, the cast members are jacked and can shove them in a locker. That's right, yeah. Like a nerd.

Yes. You will be jacked after two weeks of doing this. I wonder if they ask you before or it's just you get jacked doing it. Do they say, can you do the bent arm hang? How many seconds can you hang? How many seconds? Are you ready to pump? Can you pump?

But maybe that doesn't matter and they're just like, you'll get there. You'll get there after a week of doing this. I think they lose people quickly. I've read that they lose people just during one of your first shifts. You mean they quit, not that they fall into the water. No, not literally. They lose track of them as people. Because after they do it for a while, they get like the Hulk where they can punch the ground and like launch themselves.

And they just don't see them again. They just fly out of the parks. Yeah. Straight into the sky. Sure. That's an exciting way to quit um another fun thing about this i didn't know that they did canoe races yes and this is not just the employees of this attraction it's all over teams from all over the park get together

hundreds of i i found a recent one i don't think they've been doing it maybe in covet era i'm not sure but at least in 2019 they did it with 144 teams so like you gather everybody in your little attraction unit and uh head down there and see how fast you can get your canoe all the way around the rivers of america yeah very fun it does seem fun i i i would like to be in a canoe more yeah that's what struck me absolutely like i enjoyed it i would race i would like to race yeah sure i get a competitive spirit from time to time you might be able to because it seems like it's more about teamwork and 20 people functioning as one right than it is about having a lot of previous canoe knowledge because you'd think it would be a given

who's going to win the canoe race, the people who work on the canoes. Right. But look, they're used to their configuration where it's two people and 20 loser tourists. Right, right. Maybe they don't, or they come in too cocky or something.

But usually it's like, I think it's often other teams winning this thing uh-huh um a loser of as somebody who did not win but who made uh some social media out of it is uh now disney parks president what's the title he was in charge of disneyland at the time uh uh disney parks executive and uh hunky dreamboat josh tomorrow daddy yeah participate have we done it hasn't been daddy haven't we called him daddy before i think we've called him daddy before okay i didn't think i was mitt wall we've called mick walt mickey's daddy yeah but josh tomorrow is just daddy yeah card walker is zaddy and e-card walker zaddy yeah 70s disney executive

e-card walker let's be very clear is yeah who kind of talked like um mr strickland i feel like hank's boss oh right hell i feel like a similar kind of freewheeling vibe not a full episode we need to just learn about card walk? Find our favorite Cardwalker clips? Main feed, too. There's main feed, right? E-Cardwalker. That's coming soon. That's our way back into

Podmass. That'll get them. Yeah, finally. Got it right up again. Josh DeMauro did not win, but he had a lot of fun, and he made an episode of his not recently updated Instagram Stories Only web series, Out of Office with Josh DeMauro. What? Do we know about this?

No. I mean, look, it's not the most produced thing in the world, because Instagram Stories, you know, you can't exactly make a little package there. Right. Did he save it? Did he save the story to his grave? Yep, you can go to Josh DeMauro's Instagram and it's, yeah,

it's one of those little circles that's backlogged, yeah. So if you want to watch Daddy DeMauro pump and paddle, what are you watching this for? Maybe you're not watching it. What are you listening to it for?

So this is recent in the last five or six years you're saying this was 2019 this is like as recently as they were doing it and just pure stats by the way because i i don't know i have no way to measure my guess was that a typical i think we were on this for like nine minutes i could be wrong maybe it was longer i'm not sure uh i think that i think the the record the all-time record for canoe racing was broken in 2019. Three minutes and 33 seconds. One lap.

Yeah. Really? That seems fast, right? That seems very fast. I think typically, and this has been going since the 60s. They've done this for a long time. I think typically you're in the four to five minute range. But that one obliterated the record, I think.

So whatever team that was. It was not Josh Di josh tomorrow's team one and done that was the name of the team yeah one spelled like you you how do you get how do you get on his team i want to know that sure uh what what view do you want you want but right behind that bicep you want you want next door in case he like needs a mid-race massage i don't know. Yeah, I think anywhere in the vicinity of him on the boat, on the canoe is good.

It's one of these things with the video component that we should just have a Josh DeMauro photo. Yeah, I was waiting for him to come up. We don't. At the ready. Look, this is a long shot, Brad. I don't know how this works, but if you could Google image Josh DeMauro,

like D-apostrophe-A-M-A-R-O, works but if you could if you could google image josh damaro like d apostrophe a m a r o and just bring them up so that we can all admire this just surprise us with it if you can yeah if you're going out this is just this happens on dis twitter where he gets hung like people please don't say dis twitter to me what why it's such a pleasant a pleasant phrase. It's a great pun, first of all. Diz Twitter. It's a really fun phrase. Great wordplay. We're Diz...

We're not Diz Twitter. We're technically in Diz Twitter. Look, Mouse Twitter, Mice Twitter. If anyone has us on Twitter... You're going to get shoved in a locker in a second. I'm going to shove you in a locker. I'm just giving you the reality. I don't know if they have one here... You're going to get shoved in a locker in a second. I'm going to shove you in a locker. I'm just giving you the reality. I don't know if they have one here. Are you going to find an adjacent middle

school? We're going up to CityWalk. Okay. I'm going to pay. Rent a locker. That's how incensed I am. You're going to pay for the mummy. You're going to pay for the locker. At the mummy ride, there's the lockers down there. CityWalk. No, there's nasty lockers. No, we have to go down to the mummy. We have to go to the mummy ride. We have to go in the

park. I guess I'm getting an annual pass. I haven't had one in like eight years. No, you don't. It's going to take a lot of those lockers to fit. I'm a tall man. I have zero idea if I can call for a Josh DeMara photo and then see one. But you at home can Google it. You can Google it.

I should say Mike was a good sport because I was fine in the boat and I liked paddling. Getting in the boat, I had a backpack on and the paddle and the boat was drifting just far enough from the dock

where I was like, I'm gonna fall in this fucking water. My balance was so, I grabbed Mike's hand was up and i don't know if he was intending to help me into the boat but he certainly did i was absolutely intending to help you in the boat because i said oh my god jason's about to fall in the fucking water oh my god yes look i was i don't wish that it happened but a man i know right if you fell in the water if you had and you can swim like you you

should have at that point made like you should have just started swimming like over to tom soros island or something to try to like get away just because it would be content at that point people diving in after you like a big swim race going on well halfway through i mean that that would was going to be one of my plus ups is having the option that halfway through the boat starts to sink and you all have to swim. You all have to vanish. I think Tom Sawyer Island will be better story wise because you could take the raft over. And then after you are on the island for a while, you come back and the raft has been dismantled. And they're like, oh, Tom and Huck were here and they took your raft apart.

Those little scamps. And then you all have to build the raft back to get back to the island. You have to build your own way home. You have to build, yeah. That's fun. They took it apart. They took baseball bats to it.

They were just goofing. They were just goofing on your raft. Well, you know, that would be better in a scenario where people were aware so they were wearing bathing suits or something. Yeah. You know, they were just goofing on your raft. So, well, you know, that would be better in like a scenario where people were aware. So they were wearing bathing suits or something. Yeah. You know, but that is a fun if it's like if truly, oh, no, something's gone wrong. And now it's now we're sinking.

And now we have to get out and paddle, not paddle, paddle with our arms away. Yeah. Not with actual paddles. Or like you just grab a barrel like you use the barrel to float maybe that'll help you move right and then you bring it up and then you use it as clothes after when you're on land put the straps on it that was my weird swimming experience and forgive me if i brought this up before but like at boy scout camp they for the swimming merit badge one of the things involved you had to jump in with clothes on.

Yeah, oh, I had to do this. And make flotation stuff. Like you, so if you have, first off, they're like, the easiest way to do this is if you have like slacks and a button-up shirt. And I'm like,

so I'm like on a business casual cruise? Like, why would I wear this? You're like James Bond jumping off of a supervillain's yacht. So a button-up shirt, you can like kind of untuck it and you can force water into it. So it kind of makes a de facto life vest. And then if you take your – like a long pair of – long pants off, tie the legs together, put that over your head like a life thing, and then you force air and water into that.

That becomes an even more supportive thing. Yeah, I had to do this for swim class to complete like the last level of swim class. Yeah. I don't think I had to wear like a tux or anything, but I wore like I think I wore like snap off pants or something which is really cheating. Right. If I think

about it. Or like breakaway that like a, you'd wear in a sketch or a male stripper would. You didn't have breakaway pants? Did not have, no, what? Why would I have breakaway pants? It's for like basketball season or something. Yeah, I know what he's talking about.

Do you mean where you take the pants, the bottoms off and then they are short? No, no, they have track pants where there are buttons up on the side. The sides have like snaps on them and you take them off like for basketball or something. I wasn't a little male stripper. Here we go. Like that's not yeah it was for first you need to quick reveal your little red shorts yeah no it was not for a big reveal it was for it gets winter and you want to wear your basketball shorts not leather and not little

like leather like there was no coming off of it no leather flare when i was in seventh grade that was not the situation but you're not the kind of pants we're talking about um one more little thing you guys asked me on the way out to note an important yes yes detail and i did do my homework about this and that is i think it's kind of neat that you are handed a paddle you are entrusted with this paddle uh i like them you're given a little job you have to use this and then hand it back at the end of the attraction and in this case uh we were struck by the detail that the brand of the paddle is listed on the back so i took a photo and i did my research last night the pad the official paddle company of dis is Bending Branches.

You can buy Bending Branches paddles at home. You can buy them at REI, the co-op. They are a Midwest company founded by Dale Kicker and Ron Holtman. Dale and Ron developed in Wisconsin. They developed a tip protection material called Rock Guard in the early 80s, and that set them apart from other paddle makers great in the business uh but here i am and ask for if we if we do have this photo prepared brett uh because this one this one's important if there's a photo of a guy

paddling who is not one of the three of us if you could pull that up uh that's jason that's jason no all right and that's all three of us. There he is. This is Ed Vader. Ed Vader is the president of Bending Branches, and I think he's very well regarded. Some fun promotional materials. Ed Vader? This is Ed Vader. Like Darth Vader?

It's spelled with a T, but yes. Okay, because I thought it was a Robbie Knievel situation. It's Darth Vader's real world son,, Ed. Real world's much nicer son, Ed Vader. My name's Ed Vader. And you know what? It's funny, I feel like we caused this

by addressing it or thinking about it. Ed Vader has been the president for a long time, but he's, as of a couple months ago, finally retiring after a storied career

as a paddle president and CEO. So we just, looking on this smiling face, we at Podcast The Ride want to officially wish Ed Vader a happy retirement. Thank you. You changed the Disneyland experience. I love your paddles. This is a solid wooden paddle.

The boats, of course, are fiberglass, making them a little lighter than like a wooden canoe. Sure, sure. Oh, Ed. Yeah, look at it it now he's sailing off to freedom he's got his whole life ahead of him now but something tells me that even though canoes became his line of work i don't think he's gonna give it i think it's gonna be part of his retirement year too you can't you can take the paddle company away from the man but you can't take the paddle out of the hand of the paddle

company man well said i need to take a break from got it in one perfectly said uh i rehearsed for hours yeah i really needed that to go we can do a take two if you want no i okay why i thought it was good but take two when it was perfect on the first go. Wow. They should do more. Like, they should have the paddle company advertising over the Davy Crockett. Like, you know how they say, you know, Sunkist presents or whatever. Give us more of the paddle.

The thing is, they don't present. Davy Crockett, the dead historical figure, presents the canoe. But bending branches and Ed Vaderader and therefore dale kicker and ron holtman they they only present the paddles but you couldn't do the canoes without the paddles paddle separate episode main feed right sure main feed yeah all right paddles vader vader retirement covering ed vader's retirement party which hopefully we're invited to now by bringing it up. Thanks for everything, Ed. Anything else you want to say about this?

I had a great time on the canoes. And you know what? I might throw this in the rotation of I'm down there solo. I don't feel like waiting. Oh, sure. I just want to do something. See a lot of stuff at the park. I don't know. I don't know. I'm popping down to waiting in a lot of lines. I just want to do something, see a lot of stuff at the park. I don't know.

I think I'm popping down to that canoe a lot more often. I mean, I think all the rivers of America are nice options. Mark Twain, the sailing ship Columbia. Less so the rafts to whatever it's called. Pirate's Lair at Tom Sawyer Island. You just go back. That's utilitarian. Yeah, that's just for getting there.

Yeah, it is good. I did feel like, oh, yeah, I should do this a little more often. I'm interested to see the different types of experiences when you have a different guide or a different paddler or whatever, where, yeah, will we get an aggressive one where they're trying to beat some sort of record

or is it all fun jokes? Yeah. So I would like to do it more. Experience the variety, yeah. Experience the variety. They don't have to. This is a very, it's a completely analog attraction. It's not like Indiana Jones.

They didn't need to make a computer. No. Figure out how to make your attraction, your experience different every time. It just will be because of the elements. Yeah. Because of nature and human nature. It'll be different every time it just will be because of the elements yeah nature and human nature it'll be different every time yes um i'm realizing now when when when i hear the word paddle and i don't know why i didn't think about this until just now i was in a eighth grade play real quick this is at the end of the episode i know it's coming too late eighth grade play we've talked about sicko plays like your swim class shit right not one of your sicko plays, like your swim class shit, right?

Not one of my sicko plays. Just a regular play? Just a regular junior high play. The first play I was ever in was called Crazy Camp. And it was one of those where they just stuff 32 characters in a play so we can get as many kids on stage as possible. We made this up on the spot. Yeah, are you looking up Crazy Camp? Yeah, I'm looking up Crazy Camp.

And it is, of course, a pioneer drama drama production like many of the plays that i did the one that has like 30 speaking 30 speaking roles and i was the camp inspector and i i'm trying to remember if the character's name was like mr twilliger or something or am i thinking of a simpsons reference but it might have been the same but i decided when i auditioned i decided to put an english accent on it which was i'm sure terrible i'm sure it was not i don't know if there's a video of this but my character got lost a lot because the kids would fuck with him and the catchphrase i had in the play was i would be like my hair was messed up and i'd come out and be like i lost my paddle and this was a big thing and this by the way killed

this is my first memory of in a real place killing with the line i've lost my paddle whatever my bad english accent was but at the time and then once this happened um my friends would use it to make fun of me for years including probably recent fairly recently too uh so i'm i'm just remembering now the word paddle is has triggered a memory well with doing crazy camp the thing i think is to reclaim it and make it yours yeah if you were ever if you ever felt like well i think initially you were being laughed with then you're being laughed at it's time for you to bring the character back and be left with again now it seems like if i'm assessing this correctly that it was kind of a burst in energy like suddenly you show up something's going on and then you come in all of flustered and say i lost my battle

okay so maybe i'm gonna do the end of show plugs. And if you could, and I think use the video here. I was going to say the camera now. So I think maybe find a spot where you're out of frame. And so this will be a list. This will be a video exclusive. But you'll get the energy. While we're getting set, Mike, were you Adam Apple or were you Willard?

Because I'm looking at the cast list now. I was not either of those characters, but I do remember the main character, one of them's named Adam Apple, yes. You weren't Officer Dumb? I do remember. No, I was not Officer Dumb. Oh, Mr. Terwilliter.

It is Terwilliter with a T? Terwilliter, yeah. Ter, not Terwilliter. A trustee for Camp Jones. Can we get the script? Can I actually get the lines? No, you gotta pay for the script. Oh, I bet I can find it. I got the first 24 pages. Well, now we're at Forever's. Can we get the script? Can I actually get the lines? No, you got to pay for the script. Oh, I bet I can find it.

I got the first 24 pages. Now we're at Forever Dogs. Can someone torrent? Yeah, Brett, could you torrent the Crazy Camp script? Script. Torrent script. Pirate Bay. Steal it from what website are you on?

Crazy Camp. Pioneerdrama.com. Pioneerdrama.com. I've got the cast list. I've got the first like 20 pages of this script. Yeah, no, my big thing happens later than 20. Mr. Terwilliter. But, yeah, let's make this plain and fair.

I think hide however you want to hide. Figure it out. But just pop in some, I think here, squeeze to the side a little more. Okay, so I will do the end of show plugs here. But just interrupt. I'll trail off a little and just, like, throw me for a look

because you have to get this information out that you lost your paddle. Okay. Okay, so here we go. You survived Podcast the Ride, Davy Boats, Davy Boats edition. The Davy Boats. We had fun talking about the Davy Boats.

And if you want Davy Boat extra content, you can find us on the socials at Podcast the Ride. Merch is available in our TeePublic store. And for three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcast The Ride, the second gate at patreon.com slash podcasttheride. That's just $5, and there's a lot of fun stuff going on. I've lost my paddle.

Then what do we do? Hold for laughter. What would the other characters do? Well, first of all, you'd have to pause because the laughter was yeah minutes and it's still going so we all have what do we do what do we do now what do you think the other characters would do um i think that like there was a character that would just like uh take me and like usher me off stage i think that was the bit like oh he's like he's lost his mind because he was stuck out on the lake do you want to read this longer line at the top

of the screen? I would love to, yes. Whoa, wow, live reading of Mr. Terwilliter. My knees are old and bad. Okay. Okay. Wait, somebody else has to read dumb. Dumb, okay. Officer dumb. Can you still see it if I do that? I'm going to try. Should I? There's a lot.

Oh my god, there's a lot. Oh, you would say tsk-tsk as well. He would say tsk-tsk a lot. Tsk-tsk. Okay. You're looking for Adam Apple. Okay. I'm looking for Adam Apple. Who?

Adam Apple. Apple? Apple? Oh, you mean that crazy college kid who runs Camp John Smith? The same. I'm going to do more Frank Nelson as I go along here. I had trouble with him all last season. He doesn't run a summer camp.

He runs a funny farm. One time his kids covered my patrol car with straw. Tsk, tsk. You're awfully flippant about it, but never would have found it if I hadn't seen a herd of cows munching around a funny-looking haystack. It was giving out traffic reports. I can assure you there'll be no more of that. I'd like to believe you. As a matter of fact,

the trustees at the bank have sent me to investigate conditions at Camp John Smith. That's why I'm here. Where? Here, Camp John Smith.

This isn't Camp John Smith. This is Camp Pocahontas. Oh, I have a poor sense of direction. John, hey, look down left. John Smith's this is Camp Pocahontas. Oh, I have a poor sense of direction. John, hey, look down left. John Smith's on the other side of beautiful Lake Lukilu. Lukilu, you can't miss it.

There's usually a pile of tin cans and rubbish surrounding the place. There used to be a buffalo roaming about. A buffalo? Mangy old thing. Looked like a hairy walking rug with moths. Haven't seen that buffalo all winter. This is just going to end mid.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. We're almost done. Okay, okay. All right. I think Jason will have the button. Okay, here we go. So I haven't seen that buffalo all winter.

Maybe it died. A buffalo. Tsk, tsk. I think my visit is long overdue. Thank you for your assistance. Anytime. I don't know what the bank trustees will say about a buffalo. And then in comes Alva.

In he comes. Hello, dumb. There's the big applause. And blackout. Almost. And that's the end of the show. Or at least the free portion of the show. Thanks for listening to this,

and thanks for listening to, what the fuck is the play called? Crazy Camp. I hope they've updated some of the camp names on that. Camp Looky Lou. Also the disrespect to call a character Officer Dumb. I was humiliated to play Officer Dumb, and I shan't be doing it again. I was hoping you would do a great kazoo voice at the end. Hello, Dumb. Hello, Dumb Dumb. I was humiliated to play Officer Dumb, and I shan't be doing it again.

I was hoping you would do a great kazoo voice at the end. Hello, Dumb. Hello, Dumb Dumb. I had a little kazoo on it. You always do. We'll now say goodbye, Dumb. That's a good Dumbs plural to all our listeners. Oh, goodbye, Dumb Dumbs.

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