Podcast: The Ride - Epic Universe with Paging Mr. Morrow and Kevin Tully LIVE

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

Live from the Tin Roof Orlando on beautiful I-Drive! This was the second live PTR show of the night and Mike was hammered. (Someone sent him a single complimentary shot of Casamigos during show 1). The boys and Mr. Morrow recap their favorite things about Universal's new theme park including viking cones and monster feet. "⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bug Mane Does Whatever He Wants⁠⁠⁠" episode is up at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Hey, so what did you want to talk about? Well, I want to tell you about Wigovie.

Wigovie? Yeah, Wigovie. What about it? On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you. Oh, you're not? No, just ask your doctor. About Wigovie? Yeah, ask for it by name.

Okay. So why did you bring me to this circus? Oh, I'm really into lion tamers. You know. With the chair and everything? Ask your doctor for Wakovi by name! Visit wakovi.ca for savings! Exclusions may apply. Forever... Dog...

Warning! Woohoo! Forever. Dog. Warning. The following live podcast is in direct competition with a live event one block away called Sleuth's Mystery Dinner Show. Our show is half their price, but only they offer unlimited soda. The second show will bring our total performance time up to three hours, aka half the line for Battle at the Ministry. Some taller hosts may be doubled over in pain because every single universal rollercoaster destroyed his crotch.

Don't cheer for that. Don't worry, my T remains on the high end of average. And now, live on iDrive, just a four minute walk from the Blackbeards Challenge course at Pirates Cove Adventure Golf, it's Podcast the Ride Live, a show where most of the hosts are on stage. ["Oh!"s audience laughs.] Technically, they're all, there he is. Oh, wait, who is he, though? Who is this mysterious man? Who are any of these mysterious men?

Well, here's what we'll do. We will say our regular names first, and then we'll say the characters we are dramaticizing this evening. Take a seat, sir. My name is Scott Gardner. Hello, hello, hello. ["Sky's World"]

["Sky's World"] Over there. Hello, my name is Michael Carlson. ["Sky's World"] ["Sky's World"] And? And I am Jason Sheridan. ["Sky's World"]

["Sky's World"] Now, enough with those dull names for commoners. We, my friends, are portraying a set of immediately recognizable and iconic characters. I didn't even say the names, but I guess we will. It will heat up a little bit of time. The theme, if you don't know, if you're a fool, is that we are all characters, original characters from Epic Universe. Yeah! Hi, my friend. Who am I, you ask? Why, I'll tell you. I'm of course the instantly recognizable, instantly iconic character, Ringmaster Skender!

From... From Le Cirque! Arcanume! From...from Le Cirque du Canou! That's right, Philistines. I...he's mean, right? I think so. I saw it once. That's right, it's I, Skender. I scour the world in search of fantastic beasts, but I still haven't found the most fantastic beast

of them all. Someone who likes the franchise, Fantastic Beasts. Ooh. I'm still looking. Any of you? No? That is one hand. Okay. The percentages aren't good. Oh, well. Back to the chair for old Skinder who's who's over there to my right I'm Captain Cacao

he travels the universe travels the universe looking for the finest treats in the galaxy to bring to the people of Celestial Park who cannot grow cocoa or make chocolate as their home is mostly populated by young trees and scalding hot concrete. And you, sir? I don't know if I've ever seen you before. What? Oh, I didn't see you there. Hello.

My name, of course, is Vincent Various. Wow. What a warm welcome. I'm the owner and proprietor of Celestial Park. Now wait a minute. Vincent Various, this seems strange that Vincent Various would be here. After all, Vincent Various got lost in a portal or something, or what was it? Oh, he was cut by the entertainment department before the park opened. How could you be here now? I can't believe I'm laying eyes on the Vincent Varius. I escaped from the budget cut dimension. A lot of other characters have been sent there over the years.

there over the years. We can all, most of my friends apparently have also been sent there. The Celestians. Only this bear survived because there was cute merchandise of him already made. Yes, Captain Cacau, who I learned his plush is out of stock till August. There was a coup d'etat and your land was taken over by a third party entertainment band playing a smooth jazz version of espresso. Well, I can't be mad at that. That sound, that's fantastical to me.

I'm from the 1800s or something. When am I from? Anyone know where I'm from? Ah, perfect. Yes, of course. I knew that. I know nothing of songs of the summer. But you, Vincent Various.

Yes. It's incredible to meet you. Now, what I've read about you, the important lore, in which you cannot be in Epic Universe or understand it without knowing this lore, is that you're an explorer who came upon Celestial Park. So you, and you... And I took it by force. Yeah, I was gonna say you didn't make it.

You defeated the two rulers of the previous land, Lockheed and Martin. Ah! Yes, with their whirly gigs and their gyro contraptions, I took them right... Ah! I'm eating my own beard! Excuse me. That will not be the last of the beard complaints from onstage. His beard is a problem because it's a piece of shit.

My beard is a problem because I use the most cursed substance in all of the Celestions. Spirit gum. Fucking sucks. I'm gonna pass out from alcohol fumes while I'm up here. I might have to excuse myself to the restroom for a bit. If I can make a request, could I just get a real quick because we can can can out of you?

Well I have to, I can do that, but I have to do it in, I'm gonna stick the other mic. I'm gonna do it in Baz Luhrmann vision because it's got to be right in your face and it's only gonna go to you. Okay here we go. I don't know what you mean I'm a completely different character from that character. So an entirely different shade of maroon. You know, Moulin Rouge for I. I've not appeared. I, technically now the copyright to Vincent Varius is owned by podcast The Ride.

Hell yes. We are now allowed to make a movie about me. What do you think? A movie that will be seen by 13 people. It won't even, not even everyone in this room will see it. Yes, who wouldn't want to see a movie starring me, Vincent Various? That's three more than... No one cheered! What was that?

No, I'm eating my beard again. What are you doing? That's three more than saw gliss in the Christmas elf. Well, I have a, okay, I have a question. Who here would want to see a movie about Captain Cacow? Oh, what the hell? God, what the hell? Now who wants a movie about Vincent? That was okay.

That felt like a pity clap. It was tepid. Don't worry. As the thriving franchise of Toothsome Chocolate Emporium has proven, people love, you know, steampunk fantasticism. You know, people like, current theme park fans love a bunch of pipes and gears and shit. They do in Orlando. It is a weird thing. Has anyone here been to the Los Angeles Toothsome Chocolate Emporium? It's dying on the vine. It is absolutely decaying. The robots are going to be melted

for their copper soon enough. Let me hold on. I'm going to break character here. It's Mike. Oh my God. Mike. It's Mike Carlson. Oh, Vincent transformed. I can change shape. Two weeks ago, I went with my sister and my daughter to the Hollywood Toothsome for dinner. We got a grilled cheese, we got some sort of pasta dish, I think we got a bisque as well. And... It all came out normally without incident? And it was worse than the first time we tried it.

It was so bad. It's just, there's something broken in there. Wow. Was it worse than the time that you made your mouth bleed with little tiny bits of almond? Flounder almondine? Flounder almondine. I walked by the place where I bit my mouth, City Walk.

Wow. Precious memories. Well, I'm sure many listeners have done that as well. I was walking by it up there by the little loft and I was like, that's the place. That's where I bled. Where I bled for this show. That's right. Don't accuse him of not,

but you can't accuse all of us of probably bailing on these goddamn beards immediately. There it's gone. The meal yet. Jesus, this is some sticky garbage. This is staying in the trash in my hotel room. Goodbye mustache. Well, you know what's not garbage? The new great theme park epic universe. And Now that we have gotten, because this is the second show of two here at Tin Roof Orlando, how many people are at the first? Thank you for returning. Thanks for coming to the Late Show. Now that we've got the closed pizza restaurant out of the way. Now we can talk about, I guess we can get around to the new multi-billion dollar immersive Incredible theme park that has just opened in this city

that we all went to the other day. It's the Epic Universe show. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, it hasn't even been opened for, oh, we are being.

Is it Shirley Temple? Oh wow. Thank you. Could I trouble you for a water? Is that a thing I can ask for? Thank you. Thank you for having my back there. Does it have alcohol or does it?

It's not a dirty Shirley, is it? Uh oh. Uh oh. I like a tsk tsk tsk coming from... Good, because I was hammered after that shot. Yes, we cannot have anyone up on stage getting hammered. So, yeah, Epic Universe, everybody. It hasn't even been open for three weeks, is that correct?

And we all got to go together on Friday. This is a real trait for us. Something we've been waiting for. You know, we're hearing the murmurs of it when we started this show 19 years ago or whatever it was and here we are now. We all finally got to like set foot in a brand new theme park together. It was a real trait. Now, let me ask how many people here have been to Epic Universe? Let me ask, how many people here have been to Epic Universe? A lot. Wow. How many of you were in Epic Universe before it opened to the public?

Longer question, and bear with me on this. How many of you got into the park by pretending to be a family member of an employee, and would you be willing to rat out that family member on stage for a crisp $20 bill? Fuck, I'll get them fired, I don't care. They're distant family, I used them. I used them to go into the Kronos. That's what I did. It's a funny thing, right? It's like, wow, it's open. Didn't it feel like absolutely everyone has been already? It really... Which I guess leads me to... It makes me sort of comfortable to just talk about a bunch of stuff in the park. But I guess I should ask, who has not been to Epic Universe?

Okay. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I don't know exactly what we're gonna be talking about for the next little while, but I don't want to promise that there won't be spoilers. I think it is possible that there could be spoilers, and I wanna be respectful to the fact that you maybe don't want stuff spoiled.

For Scott, for Scott. Liquid Death, the Shirley Temple of canned drinks with aggressive logos. So, I know that you might want things to be not spoiled. So we have prepared a spoiler-avoiding device that is at your disposal here at Tin Roof tonight. So if you don't want spoilers for Epic Universe and the amazing new attractions they have, here is the device Tin Roof offers, Jaeger Bombs. That is a combination of Jaägermeister and Red Bull. A cousin of that would be Vegas Bombs, which are of course Red Bull and Jim Beam Peach. So my recommendation would be, at the fair price of $10 per shot, quickly consume at

least four of said bombs, and we believe you will not remember any of what has been said tonight. So get ordering. Yeah, that'll be good. You'll forget things and then you'll head to the hospital. Related question. Who here, by round of applause, is the spouse of someone who loves podcast The Ride, but you don't listen yourselves? Great. These are the real heroes.

Our greatest soldiers. That's what I'm saying. You are going to need those Jaeger bombs more than anybody. No. As you listen. I want to ask an audience question, please. Yeah. Who here attended Epic Universe and may have encountered Speed Bumper 2?

Yeah. Ah. Yeah. Ah. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. It definitely reminds me of the opening summer of Islands of Adventure in that it is hot as shit and a lot is breaking. But that's growing pains for you, you know? Yeah.

It's a weird, you know what, like, you know, sorry to start negative, but does anyone, do you feel like it is a park that can defeat you very easily? Have you found yourself like checkmated by this place? Like you've got a plan and then you hit a wall of a ride breaking down and you hit a wall of rain and you hit an 80 minute queue that you are not exactly willing to do or an 80 minute queue that you do 70 of and then do, or an 80 minute queue that you do 70 of, and then you, as happened to us, you see the mine cart stop jumping.

And pause midair, and realize that your rope drop plan. I hate to interrupt you, but you look like Abe Lincoln. Also you're about to, you're giving a rousing speech, and I kind of feel like maybe you should stand up and channel him even more as you continue. I'm sorry to force you to do this, but... If you could, Daniel Day-Lewis, link in it a little, please. Do we not deserve rides that work?

Do we not expect to walk into a theme park and go on one attraction in the first three hours of the day? This is the future that I dream of. And also my wife is out of her goddamn mind. Thank you. Hey, thank you, thank you. Sorry to interrupt that, but that had to be done. I appreciate it.

No, no, no. Good notes. No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. This episode is brought to you by Dzone. For the first time ever, the 32 best soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part. And you can watch every match for free on Dazon, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at dazonone.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash FIFA.

Uh, um, but let me, let me also, we're excited, we're excited to dig into all things Epic Universe. I'm gonna say a list of five, I'm gonna say a list of five things, and I would like to know by round of applause which is your pick, and I think you'll know what the five things are. What is your favorite out of this list?

Be it Celestial Park. Whoa. My favorite. Well, that's interesting. Wait, why? No, it's good! Are you not aware of the dense mythology that we have prepared for you? And then cut. Fine, I took it.

The earlier show also had a moment of deafening silence, and you really feel it when a room is this wide. Washes over the room. How about would it be Super Nintendo World? Woo! Hey, okay, okay. Seven people. Ministry of Magic.

That's about right. The land, you mean? Isle of Berk. Woo! Yeah. Dark universe. There it is. That saves us a Twitter poll. Now we know.

I like these stats. I think these are very good stats. I think we've landed on some of the best stuff. How do you guys feel? Strong disagreements in there? No, I mean, I think those, the last two are the best. I am on a Burke guy, I think. I'm a Burke guy. Yeah. A Burke was really impressive, very large.

There was a lot of nooks and crannies and stuff we didn't even get to in Burke. There's a lot of nooks and crannies and like Stuff we didn't even get to in Burke. There's a lot of nooks and crannies a lot of characters I've never seen a frame of those movies. Yes. Yes. I'm not mad. I'm not like mad at them I'm just it made me fall in love with a world that I don't know Yeah, I'm visit unless my child my children are specifically interested seemingly dozens of Netflix television shows set in the world of dragons. Some of which have Justin, or not Justin Long, J.Beruchel doing the voice, and some of which have false J.Beruchel doing the voice.

I think, I know Mike and I especially really enjoyed the untrainable dragon show. Yeah. I feel like, Mike, would you want to join me in saying some of our favorite lines from the show? Yes. Yeah. All right, okay. Just do, you know, and play whoever you want, be whoever you want, but so much of the dialogue

stuck with me. God, it's like I know, I thought I knew how to train dragons, you know? And now here I am and I've encountered this untrainable dragon. I guess you can't train an untrainable dragon. Hey, hey, didn't you forget you've trained a lot of dragons? Is that so? This untrainable dragon's got me all mixed up to where I'm questioning if I can even train dragons. Here's a list of ten dragons you've trained.

Are you sure? I don't know. My imposter syndrome is kicking in when it comes to training dragons. I feel like aren't they all untrained? Are you telling me I trained a dragon? Is your memory okay? I don't know. Wait a minute. You can't train this dragon. No, he can do it.

He's done it a lot. I can? Yeah. You think I could train even the untrainable dragon? Yeah. You are aware that it's untrainable, right? It means you can't train it. I heard all about it, yeah.

I think you can do it. Well, I'm just glad I got you as my good pal to remind me that I can train dragons when I'm trying to train an untrainable dragon and I start to get down and I think that I can no longer train dragons. Wait a minute, you can't train this dragon. Ah!

Stop saying that. The dragon did, both times, times toothless in the ceiling did work and yeah it was awesome. Yeah people were saying like oh that hadn't been working a lot so that was actually very impressive. A very fun show yeah. Yeah well there is a ton of great stuff to talk about and I'm glad that the like enthusiasm is building in the specific things that we that we love. We have a fourth chair here and I think that we might be getting to where we should fill it and I'm very excited to introduce this person but you

know because we're doing the whole Epic Universe character thing, I would like to introduce this person canonically before we say who it is. So as far as we are concerned, please give a big Orlando welcome to Cranky Kong. Oh wow, it's Cranky Kong. There he is. Wow, Cranky Kong's here, folks. Wow. So good to see him.

Wow. The third beard on stage. Wow, it's a three, well, and a real one too. Don't forget that. I'm gonna go into it. Would you like to say anything as Cranky Kong before you shift personas? I don't know, how you feeling? You feeling cranky today?

I'm feeling pretty cranky. Wow. I wouldn't put it past you. It makes sense to me. Well, as much as we could just do a full interview of Cranky Kong here, I think people are trying to know who you are for real. Who's behind? Let's unmask the singer.

Who is it? Who is it in there there Cranky Kong? It's Nate what Beijing mr. Moro, what's going on everybody Wow Keep it on if you want you want I feel like I feel like that beard and glasses are not... I was steaming up back there. Oh wait, did you end up in that thing for like 15 minutes? Did I leave you hanging? Oh my god. I'm going on and on, we're doing bits, we're saying the word trainable over and over again. And I'm going to give you a heat stroke. Okay, well thank you for making it through and thank you for being here.

Wow. Thanks for having me. It's great to have you back. We had so much fun last time. So happy you could be here. And to talk about the park where there is so much fun stuff, to talk about because you're Mr. Positivity. You love stuff. You're so pure of heart and you know and we need that because we're you know we're the cranky Kongs. We're the ones who can get cranky sometimes. But I'm just curious for first-plush stuff. Basic reactions to this new park that we got. I love monsters. Monsters! Monsters is it.

I think I was there for that in the beginning. That's it. I kind of loved everything else. Yeah, is your favorite land the Monsters' Land or are you more of a Burke guy? You know, I'm starting to fall in love with Burke. Every time I see Hiccup and I see Toothless. Actually Toothless reminds me of my dog. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it's in the eyes.

You're a lucky man. You have a Toothless-esque dog. Toothless is very, again, falling in love with characters I do not know whatsoever. That's a great design. I almost cried two months ago when we were there. And then I kind of did again. Again, I have no connection to these movies. But I don't know if it's like the touch... Like kids meeting dragons that's getting me. But it really... It's really getting me. That was sincere.

Why not be sincere? It feels weird when we're craving laughter, but if we can all recalibrate and just feel, know that the silence might be like a hushed awe due to the sincerity. Sincerity may be occasionally foreign to us, but I am occasionally foreign to us, but I am I am occasionally a nerd Unnerved like for example. Why are there three sinister Funko pops at the front of the stage? They well put them there. That's because a listener and I don't know if they're here at this one But somebody caught me before I went backstage after the last show and gave me me a bag, and in the bag were Funko Pops

of my favorite characters in the world, from Eternals, Kingo, Sprite, and Kingo. That answers all of my questions, and I feel much more at ease. Yep, Griffin, I don't know how Griffin Newman, listening at home, is going to live with himself, knowing the two of the, I'm going to say, 45 Kingos in my house were not purchased by him.

But you've got to get Kingos wherever you can take them. An Eternals, oh, if only it wasn't Disney, an Eternals portal, please. Take me there, let me see Kingo and all the shit he shoots out of his fingers or whatever. Somebody in the audience I'm sure will confirm this is true. Like, the Eternals are not represented in Islands of Adventure, so they could do an Eternals ride at Disney World. It is possible for them to do that Eternals ride at Disney World. It is possible for them to do that.

I don't know the likelihood. Three hours long and you fall asleep an hour in. If there was a nap ride, like where you had a literal nap for an hour and you just kind of went around a track, that would be very popular, I think. I mean, I think I kind of grayed out a little at Blue Dragon. I was so overheated. Yeah. But that was that those chairs were not designed to sleep in at the Blue Dragon.

No, no, I got wing sauce all over me. I made a big mess. Nate, have you gone to some of the restaurants at Epic Universe? Oh yeah, Doss Steakhouse. Oh, you did Doss Steakhouse? Ooh. I love it. The atmosphere is cozy.

It's nice, it's very welcoming. But it's also evil. I guess I like it. Yeah. I guess I like that. Are you secretly a little bit of a bad boy? I mean, I just like the theming of the food. I think I got a dessert that had like maggots in it.

Right, right. It was a coffin and it had little like candy maggots. Oh yeah. If you had to guess ingredients on those maggots, what do you think those maggots are made of? They tasted like vanilla. That's lovely. That's a refreshing flavor for maggots. Yeah, I liked it overall. I was also in the barbecue restaurant, Oaken Star.

Oh yeah. Yeah, Oaken Star. An applause, an unprompted applause. I would agree. I broke off from the group at one point. Let me, I'm never the one to talk about mobile ordering. This is a dry thing I shy away from typically, but the ease of the table ordering, my god,

they've revolutionized. They did it. They made me wanna talk about mobile ordering. And just suddenly I had like very delicious banana pudding and a, oh, and a most buttery chardonnay, my god. I was in heaven consuming that in five minutes before sprinting across Celestial Park to make a show for it's a small area And yet you find yourself like in it for so long doing so much walking

I don't know. Well, that's you know, it's it's a it's a problem with Vincent various's You know that he set up his teleporters, but you know If only you could teleport straight from one to the other. It's a longer trip than I intended to walk from place to place. Yeah, it does feel like you're walking so much in Celestial Park. It's just like, it does feel like... I know it's not ten times bigger than all the other lands, but it feels ten times bigger than all the other lands. It just feels like you're so, like it feels like a mile between each land. I know that's not right.

What do they do? Do they need to set up a Mr. Burns sun blocking machine? Do they need to create the world's largest umbrella and just permanently plant it? But I don't know, are people feeling the same way that it's just, it's like a little deathly in that zone? Yeah, yeah. I don't know, are people feeling the same way? That it's just, it's like a little deathly in that zone? Yeah, yeah. I don't know what you do. I guess we gotta wait for trees to grow.

How long does that take? Or for the sun to burn out. Ah, okay. That might be not long. It'll be a perfect park in five billion years. That's right. You know, you were talking about rides where sleep would be possible. And it wouldn't be because you're being jostled around a lot.

But you're sure on your back a lot on Monsters Unchained. Yeah. Which is nice. Like, a lot more than the Potter ride, I think. And it gave me this crazy thing where, like, once I was back in the hotel room and reclined and on my back again, because I was in the same position, trying to relax, trying to get some goddamn sleep

on a packed trip, I would like, ah, ready for bed. And then just like, Dracula, Fragasone, the Gargoon, biggest mummy you've ever seen. It really, Monsters fucked up my sleep. It really did. Really? Yeah, it definitely did. Yeah, yeah.

Because it is a lot to take in, in a good way, in the best way. I feel like I enjoyed it a lot more the second and third times, which I got to do. That's a good thing. That's a victory. Really good single rider and really good, like, you know, cute you can actually make it through. But it's like, I think I appreciate, it's just so much to take in. It's disorienting. It's an onslaught, yeah. Yeah, and those monsters are very large.

Like, there was some stuff where I was like, oh, that looks about the size I thought from video. Those monsters are huge. They're like nine feet, 10 feet tall. Yeah. I didn't know mummy was that big. It caught me off guard. Yeah. Is it that the mummy grew or is it that the mummy is supposed to seem like it's closer to us? Why is the mummy big? I'm guessing they're all big in the same reason that the the famous Tony Baxter, George Lucas snake story. Do we know the snake story about Indiana Jones?

Some of us do. I guess I'll repeat it. The reason there's a big snake in Indiana Jones, well, the reason it's there because Tony Baxter said we got to have a big snake because it would read to a guest as scary if it was a little snake that was actually the real size. People would be like, there's a snake over far away and George Lucas was like no don't make it big it's not there's no giant snakes in Indiana Jones and they had a little bit of an argument and then Tony won and he got the snake in the ride but I have

a feeling it's the same way cuz like if Dracula was just like five seven not gonna work like he's just that's just like it doesn't really won't read. You're like, oh, it's Dracula. All the way over there. Five-seven Dracula. Boy, he's complaining about the Tinder filters. Topical joke! Alright! Here we go. I don't know. I know what he means, but I've never been on Tinder in my life. It's like, yeah, Tinder jokes go over my head because I've long been married to somebody who I met on MySpace. That's how long I've been locked down.

In a while, yeah. Yes, okay, well let's stay in the monster's neck of the woods for a little bit. Nate, favorite monster? Yeah, favorite monster. The monster. Yeah, favorite monster. The Wolfman. Ooh, interesting. I love it. And that's another one, you're on your back and he's just coming down like,

he's swiping at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets blood all over you. Is that what it is? I think. This was a big question that I had. When the Wolfman first appears, you get wet. Why do you get wet?

It's gotta be blood. It's startling, yeah. Is there general agreement that it's blood? Do we think this is inaccurate? Yeah, it's blood. What other secretion would it be? Slobber? That's what I was wondering.

Is he slobbering on me like a dog? He's eating a person! It's blood! Wow! This is a vocal, well, it's alright. Round of applause, which again, when we're doing a podcast in a closet again, I'm going to miss getting to go to a group.

Yeah, you can bowl. Okay, so, blood. Is it blood? That doesn't sound like a... Where's my slobber heads at? Oh, blood, is it blood? Blood. That doesn't sound like a... Where's my slobber heads at? What are you doing? The people have spoken. It therefore,

regardless of what the creators of the ride thought, we decide, it's slobber. No, well, all right. We're gonna get to the bottom of this. Yeah. He's a big dog, he slobbers. He's a dog, I mean, he's not a dog. He's not a big dog.

Well, he's... Close enough. Wolves slobber, don't they? They must. Yeah. I suppose it could be both. I suppose. Well, that's a nice way to put it.

Hey, great. That slobber, but he also has a... Harmony. Let's shake hands on that. Thank you, Mr. Lincoln. Thank you. Well, yes. I believe that blood heads and slobberinos

can live together in harmony. I got to appreciate that. I really enjoyed Curse of the Werewolf, the roller coaster monster land. I thought they packed like a lot into a shorter coaster. And I also really liked the department store mannequin they dressed up as. That it very much had the vibe of like when your buddy's dad makes a haunted house in the garage.

At the end of the ride, the mystic, air quotes, mystic. It feels like that too because the edge of the ride is like a fence and then like another person's yard behind it. The park kind of does just end. Like does somebody live over there? Is that somebody's ranch or something? Wooden cell. Old man McGinty, wooden cell.

I don't care how many portals you're trying to make. Build it around them. This is my land. Yeah, you build around my farm. Mr. Lockheed and Mr. Martin couldn't get me to move. Lou Wasserman isn't gonna get me to move. It is... I don't know if it's officially the smallest ride I've ever been on,

but it is just... My knees take a pounding in that. We're getting some applause from some taller folks in the audience. It is a tiny little box. And like, was it an accident that it was made that small? Like, I just don't know. I know I'm like the size of Herman Munster Not drag not a Frankenstein Herman Munster specifically But it's just a bang bang bang like it's just crazy. That's part of the curse. He's trapping you Yeah, he really is trapping me. They try to put me in a cage now. I put you in a cage

I'm gay he's mad that I got I'm so tall well now we We ended up in a conversation about how was, was this with Adam who I see here? I believe it was. What's up Adam? We made a joke about it in the opening. There's been a recurring problem with Mike, especially at Epic Universe, but at a lot of places across the theme park kingdom. And the problem is crotch destruction.

This is happening a lot to you. And it's specifically a universal... Uh-oh. Something's coming. What are we doing to this man? Thank you. Is this not the same person doing this to me? What is it? Is it more Casamigos? Casamigos? Casamigos. Is it Virgin Casamigos? Is it Shirley Temple Casamigos?

Well, thank you, who's ever doing this. When it has no alcohol, they call it a sweet little Gerber. Somebody was like, oh God, he's going to talk about his genitals. Give him a drink. Calm him down. Calm him down. Will you take, wait, will you take, you don't even have to do the whole thing, but will you take a little sip and then just make a really flustered face and hands like Herman

Munster would do? Really good. That's pretty accurate. Pretty good. Yeah. Really good. That's pretty accurate. Pretty good. Excellent. I feel like we're on the show. Mike, you weren't the only one who got a little beat up at the park. Because we rode the wing gliders at Isle of Berk. It was a great roller coaster. And we pulled up to the spot where Hiccup and Toothless launch you

and then Toothless push the button to launch you and we just stayed there for a couple minutes and I started we started having conversation and right as I leaned forward the most forward they launched us immediately. Zero warning, music is back, you are flying. And the back of my little head kind of bonked on the headrest, but that's okay, I'm used to that. When I looked when we were getting off, I saw Mike's head towered over the headrest and mine did not clear it, so real bonking territory.

I just got whiplash and Jason got a concussion. and mine did not clear it, so real bonking territory. I just got whiplash and Jason got a concussion. That's basically what happened. But concussions feel a little cuter when you use the phrase little head. I concussed my little noggin. My little noggin. But, let's-

Can I, wait, can I go back to what you were, I brought up, because I brought up Adam, because Adam gave us some theme park industry intel about what has been going on, at least a specific phrase of what has been going on with Mike and his genitals. So it's very much universal in the way that they built the seats where there's just this like little tiny mountain by your crotch.

There's a little mountain range. I don't know why that's the choice. Because we went on rock and roller coaster. There's no like Mount Kilimanjaro on rock and roller coaster or something. Universal wants you in a tiny box. There's a little mountain near your balls. You're up like this and you're just struggling to get in a comfortable position. And the real thing is that even if you get in a comfortable position an employee will come by and make sure that your restraint is as tight as it possibly can be on your groin. So even though I'm like a Stardust racers, okay it's got the

mountain, I'm positioned right, alright I think I'm good, here we go I've put the thing down and I've given like there's a little room like, okay Good, I can get away with a little room employee comes out boom Right. I'm like no I have to read just I'm struggling to do I'm like struck like a panic sets in of like no No, no, no, no. Okay. Oh, no, we're gone done So we learn I think this is where you're going with this. Yep. Yeah, we learned a term That we had never heard before that is really good, really funny. The term is stapling. Stapling. Do other people in the industry, and you're previously aware of the term, stapling. How

is this taught? How is this madness taught? And remember when you get them in there, make sure you staple them. Staple them good. A lot of stapling heads in the crowd tonight. So yeah, kachunk, like you're stapling a bunch of papers together, but it's crotches. Why must it be this way?

I don't know. I don't know how much everyone knows about the male anatomy, but my testicles are attached to my body. They're not gonna go flying out. They have their own restraint right here. It's called the ball sack. Yeah. A secondary issue that makes some of these attractions, these rides more thrilling, you wait a little while in these cold, air-conditioned queues, and maybe you're sipping some water, and when you finally get in the car, you find yourself, you go into like, huh, I could use the bathroom after this ride, but I think I'm okay. And then someone comes up and staples right into

your bladder if you're a smaller person so that's an exciting addition to the world of themed entertainment. Nate have you ever heard of stapling? Have you heard the phrase? I was picturing monsters all night trying to go to sleep. You're going to be like, oh, that was fun. I had fun at the show. Staple, staple, staple, staple, staple nightmares all around. You're all going to have them. That should be like a thing in a Final Destination movie. I know there's like a roller coaster accident in one of those, but I'm talking about just stapling. Like it cuts you in half. Like a staple, there's like a monster, so yeah, a

monster is working at a theme park and they're just stapling, like cutting people in half by putting the restraint down. So they just slice a whole row of people on a roller coaster. That's, I'm going to bring my three idea. He's stapled me straight through. Any experience with this? I don't know, like, you aren't getting banged up like Mike is, are you? How you doing on these rides? Really? It sounds familiar? I don't think I've ever been stapled, though.

Thank God. Let's try to keep it that way. I... Let's see, what have we not talked about? We talked about wing gliders a little bit. How do you like Stardust, Nate? Oh, I love Stardust. Yeah. Stardust. Yeah. Stardust, Nate? Oh, I love Stardust. Yeah. Stardust Razors, are you a Velocicoaster guy in general?

I like Hagrid's better than Velocicoaster. But it's still a good ride. I think I like the green one more. You like which one more? Yeah, green side. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. But are you like thrills? You like a thrill, but you're more of a robot guy like us? I like a theming, but I like to feel something. It's a little thrill, it feels good, you know?

Well you like to feel something in your head and your heart. Yes. Yeah. And definitely the head. What's the most, what have you felt in the head the most? Any roller coaster that has the harness does that come down over your head? I feel like my head bounces in between them. Oh like Hulk all the time Hulk will my ears are red

That happens really well you turn into the red Hulk on Hulk And make sure head red. How's Hulk doing these days? I feel like the reports are always like, it zapped me. That thing, that's an abusive machine. The Hulk just feels, the last time I did it, it feels like it's vibrating intensely. Yeah, like, so that's the only coaster I feel like I've ever grayed out. Like, I grayed out a little bit where I was like, oh, oh, here, oh, like, and then I regained consciousness

pretty quickly, but yeah, it's fun. You should do it. Jason, do you object Jason to any, like in your mind, it's like, that's part of it. The graying out is part of the perfect machine. The graying out is by design. However, I have not ridden an Hulk in about 10 years because it beat me up so much time,

so much the last time I wrote it in like 2015. Was that when we, we wrote it together, didn't we? We were in the front? Was that... That might have been later than 2015. It might have been, yeah, it could have been later. They retracted it at some point, and I personally think it got worse.

And I also miss the like voice actor banner going I I think this time it's gonna work no no no and that that is gone and that was like my favorite part now there's original music is it by one of the members of fallout boy okay. That was in the promotional material for the retracking and that I like remembered forever. The Marvel walk-around characters are also wearing their uniforms, some from the 90s and some also from like 2012 where it's like frozen in time. Can't change it. Legally, probably. Yeah.

Well, this is how you want it. You want it all preserved in number. I want it preserved in 1999 Marvel. Yeah, that's what I like. How was your Islands of Adventure day? Because this is a special place. This is a place where Jason has a lot of feelings, where he smokes a lot of cigarettes

and eats a lot of Cinnabon. But not anymore, not anymore. You gotta go outside the park for that now. Oh, bastards, bastards. But I texted our friend, Kevin Tolley, I was like, the smoking area outside the park is right underneath the lighthouse. And I sat in front of a speaker

playing the loop that I talked about on the show a few weeks ago. So that was pretty pleasant. Everyone else was a little more like, had in their hands after a long day at the theme park. But I only been there two or three hours. So, right. So you were fresh and ready. I was fresh and ready as I ever am now I'd like a cinnabon Nate. Do you have a favorite theme park area loop? This is something we talked about recently and we realized this is an area This is like an area that people love very much Do you have like like when you're walking around a theme is there like a soundtrack to a land or an attraction?

That is that like it makes you feel feelings. I mean I love Epcot but I love islands too that music is motivational. Yeah yeah. I'm shocked at how well that beard glue is hanging on. Is it? I can't see. I don't know. It's literally 50. You got 50. Oh I see. I feel it now. There is exactly one and then when that goes that's when you'll know the show has to end You'd be washing that out for weeks that shit that is a motherfucker that Spirit gum when the beard falls off that's when you will stand up and go I must now go to a play at Ford's Theater. My time is done. Oh, no.

It's hanging on so well, though. Hey, how about a hand for the beard? Good job. Good job, 15-year-old beard. Can I say there's a... I don't know, because it's probably not online yet, but there's a nice loop in Celestial Park that is very synth-heavy, and also kind of scary. It kind of feels bad in a good way. Somebody knows what I'm talking about.

And it's not inspirational like Islands of Adventure, but it's Epcot adjacent, but a little more sinister, and I do really like it. And in addition to that loop, and this is what I kept saying, is we had a day where the first couple hours we just were getting defeated a lot. We didn't get a Donkey Kong shut down, and then Monsters with Down a lot of the morning, and I kept trying to cheer everybody up by saying, well, they're playing the Mario Odyssey song by The Fountain. And I don't know that anybody knows what that is

other than me, but I think I brought it up like three times and it was never that big of a morale booster. I was like, but the Mario song I really like. I thought it was very, I thought it was cute. I thought it was cute that you were trying to do that. That that was an attempt to- I was trying to- Yeah.

Uh, excuse me. Why are you walking so close behind me? Well, you're a tall guy. You throw a decent shadow and I'm walking in it to keep out of this bright sun. It hurts my eyes. Okay, well you know what, Spec Savers, you can get two pairs of glasses from $149 and- Oh, you'll like this. One can be a pair of prescription sunglasses. Sounds great. Where's the nearest store? Not far.

Come on. Let's hurry then. To my count. One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two,

one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one of The Best Show, the weekly live comedy podcast where I interview celebrity guests, talk to callers from all over the world, play music, and have as much fun as you can possibly have on a podcast. It's three hours of mirth, music, and mayhem every Tuesday,

and you can check out the latest episode of The Best Show streaming right now on Amazon Music. Mike, I think you had said an hour or so before that, is it possible we don't ride anything today? That's a good question. People had that feeling. Have you like, it's one o'clock and you're getting worried. Nothing is going to, wow,

we got a very confident thumbs up here. Yeah, yeah, like Epic Universe traps. Have people been in epic universe traps? I will toss out, I think my first point of advice is maybe go later in the day because the park looks so good at night. And also, first thing in the morning is the extra universal hotel guest entry hour which I attempt to do and My mind flashed back about half an hour into standing in that line to get in like oh the head of universal parks There's video of him recently going like we're up to

11,000 hotel rooms on this property now and I went oh I think a good amount of those hotel guests are here in this line to get in right oh so yeah so I I can't say I wouldn't recommend it but I think like if you go and try to do one thing and get a lunch reservation and then amble through the park, I think that might be the smoothest option. I might be stealing his opinion from somebody online, but I sort of, having been finally to Celestial Park at night, it just made me get the whole thing. I think it is magical there. I think the whole park at night. It just made me like, get the whole thing. I think it is magical there.

I think the whole park at night is magical. And part of me is like, should Epic Universe open at 5 p.m.? And close at seven in the morning. I hate to interrupt. Okay, so I was looking for a specific, I'll read this in a second. I was looking for a specific quote from Matt Cardona because I needed somebody to cheer me up. He had just been to the park and I know he waited a long time for ministry. But while looking for this, I have been texted some inside knowledge.

Whoa! This really came in live? This is real. I'm not joking. An inside source has let me know that larger carts are coming to the werewolf ride. Wow. I mean, the source has to be in the room. I got a beard flip. Watch my beard flip. Wait, say it again. The larger carts are coming to the werewolf ride.

What? So that's good news. Wow, okay. Could be the end of stapling. Well, no. Stapling is still going to happen. There's just going to be a normal amount of discomfort for me. Not an abnormal amount. But I will still get my balls stapled.

So I was looking. I was trying, the first couple hours I was like, look, I'm a little bit of a braggart. I texted Len Testa and Matt Cardona because they had just been in the park. Sorry to name drop. But I was asking like, how is it going with these other, like people getting on things? Like I was starting to be a little negative and I don't know if he wants me to read this, but I'm going to. He, because he stated, Matt stated Helios Grand. And he said, I stated Helios Grand to get up early and write ministry.

I waited in line for six hours, but I didn't complain. I manned up and then had the day, had the day around and we had a wonderful time. Dare I say that the text in some ways is a complaint. To some degree, but he was trying to psych me up and inspire me and he did. Nate, how has battle at the ministry gone for you? I got on it twice, but I did get stuck once. I was there, actually Tony Baxter was in the queue with me. Wow!

What? Yeah, and someone said, hey, what are you doing here? And he said, I like to go to spectacular places. Oh, that's like a little magical thing to say. Oh, wow. I just saved that for so long. You're devouring it. Do you think he writes those little nuggets before he gets to the park where he's like, like, Tony, oh,

Tony, wow, when did you get in? Oh, well, I flew in on the back of a little pixie or something like you just, a pixie dust sprinkled me and I flew here. And then he's like, yes, I've made some magic today. I rode a giant snake here. I rode a snake across America. But I do love the ride, though. I still think Monsters is better. But you know. It seems like it, right? Yeah, yeah.

It's about the animatronics. I mean, I really do love them in that ride. The only thing is I wish there was water for the creature of the Black Lagoon. Or the fog of it. This is something that you let us in on. Was this something that was supposed to happen or was cut? Is that there, I think there's a credible reveal

where you were just like thrust towards a bunch of tree branches or something. Something's right in your face. And then you're distracted by that. And then you look down and the creature from the Black Lagoon is there. But you could also sort of see kind of some black regular ground under the creature from the Black Lagoon. And you said that it was supposed to be mist.

If they put like a fog machine in it, you've seen the houses sometimes. They have the green laser. It looks like a swamp effect. I think it would look so good you know yeah time where you're going like this the best of the time you're like that yeah yeah no it's it's like there's a lot of horn there's a maze that we all actually went to it not years ago and I forget the deep I think is the name of it the depth thank you close I was close but they had a really awesome like laser and then fog that made it feel like you were wading through a swamp. Something like that would be very cool. They're tweaking all this stuff too, so I'm hopeful it'll get even better.

Do you feel like you want... Are there any monsters that we feel are missing? Obviously it's a great ride, maybe a perfect ride as it is, but is there a little bit of you... You want some of those cereal monsters on there? Oh, or I want Grandpa Munster. Yes, yeah. I'm not trying to scare you. Just saying hi.

Just saying hi. Come on in. We got meat tortellini tonight. It's on special. Comes with salad or soup, your bread and a dessert and a drink. Yeah, Al Lewis out of makeup I want on the ride. Oh yeah, yeah, no, he's just, he's a greeter on a ride. All robots and then one very old man.

Table for how many? Three? Yeah, this way. But you know, I do want to give some love to battle at the ministry. And I think what I'd like to do is describe the story of the ride. Basically, so you and your group climb aboard a box.

You're in a, you climb aboard a magic box. And then you see Harry, you see de-aged Harry Potter. You see AI Harry Potter and his pals. And they're also in a flying box, and you're going to a trial, and then magic wands are pointed, and then you get off the ride. I mean, I enjoyed it. I liked it all, but I don't know what the hell any of it was. Hey, hold on now.

Wait a second. You also move in a lot of directions, and you get to see some British character actors. That's true. Yeah, it is definitely more animatronics than I thought we're gonna be on it though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was gonna be heavily screen-based. Yeah, yeah, I can't,

that ride you really can't tell what's happening to your physical body. Yeah. Like I don't know if I'm dropping like. I know my feet are flat on the ground. I was told at least two or three times that. But yeah, I can't tell how much we're going up and down or I guess that's the magic I'm just saying.

As a theme guy who talks about theme parks, I fancy myself as a man who could figure stuff out. But they've got me perplexed. I'll be honest. So it's interesting. I know... What did you think of the queue? Oh, the queue is crazy.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's the longest queue that ever existed. Because I walked it two months ago, and I remember just being like oh and another room It was like a DJ Khaled song and another one and another one Florida native DJ Khaled and his family from here. Oh Yeah, and another one

That's right sample that someone yeah And another one. That's right. Sample that someone. Yeah. I like the Harry Potter because they had Harry and Ron's locker in there when you're going through the oracles. Like they actually have it set up there. Oh I didn't maybe I didn't even notice this. Yeah you'll see like he has like a Gryffindor. I don't know if it says their names but it's all things that they would use. Right. There is, I, you know what, this is, I, about a week ago, I was watching something on Twitter,

some theme park stuff, and people were like pointing out little secrets and little details that no one had maybe necessarily found yet. And I made a note to myself. I said, I'm gonna find like a little something that I haven't seen people talk about like I'll be the one to point out oh there's so-and-so's mailbox or here's here's this and I completely forgot and I didn't do it it didn't happen I completely forgot to look for

all that because I was like I and I really I stood and I had the thought and I was like I really like yes you're gonna, I stood and I had the thought, and I was like, I really like, yes, you're gonna find something, you're gonna do the, you're gonna be like, hey, everybody check this out. I noticed that like Frankenstein's shoes are in the line. Take a look, it is his shoes, and nobody noticed it before until, I didn't, I didn't. I failed. So I'm not gonna be able to find any secrets

and for another whatever. Well, we'll cut all this out, make one up. Oh, oh yeah, let me think about it, okay. Right at the end of the day, Mike was like, look, yeah. Let me think about it. Okay. Right at the end of the day, Mike was like, look, it's the hidden bandaid on the ground. Look at that bandaid. And we're like, Mike, I think that bandaid just fell off someone's body. No, no.

Wolfman scraped his knee. He scraped? I don't think that's really one of his concerns. Yeah, that's the blood. It's the blood. It's the blood. It's the blood. It's the blood. It's the blood. It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood!

It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood!

It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood!

It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood! It's the blood!. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy.

I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy.

I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. I'm going to go with the big guy. Now I think at vampire mythos, there's often like oh their nails keep growing One boy in time he did have shoes on but it was weighing down the animatronic and causing it to malfunction Wow, really? So that is that is the room that is the rumor is the call was made to remove his is Shoes and show his little feetsies. So they made it with feet, then put socks and shoes on it, then ultimately removed the socks and shoes. Yeah, and it was... Does every pirate on Pirates of the Caribbean have a fully-fledged out five nasty foot? Well, there are some, yeah.

You know the foot that's hanging there in Pirates? Well, that one we know. we've all absorbed that nasty foot I can't stop looking at it now. I can't it is yeah that foot. We've talked about it before and I Say I don't know Nate. We should let you in. This is the kind of thing this podcast does We did an entire episode about the fucking foot That is the kid. That's the kind of perversity that we do. And now Dracula's just got his dogs out. Just sitting there with his feet out.

That's the only episode we've ever done about Pirates of the Caribbean. Is the foot, the dirty foot episode. But that, unlike these feet on the animatronics, that episode is behind the paywall if you want feet content Oh, yeah, did we unlock that? You gotta pay for feet content. I think we unlocked the foot didn't we? Maybe we ever unlocked the foley shouldn't have you know our foot content is so nasty You'll pay top dollar for it. You know what the tagline of our podcast should be feets and seats What the tagline of our podcast should be feats and seats

Pretty good much shorter than the half a dozen other taglines We tried over the eight right cuz like we two of us have kids now and we got to get rid of the old tagline We've never been able to land on a good new tagline And now I think feats and seats is the is the one I have a I have a pout that will never leave my face I look like this forever now was everyone did it the people listening to new episode with about the baseball stuff Hot what did you all cheer when you heard us talk about seats again? Come on don't do this. We're gonna bring it back. Don't worry. It'll be back Lot more butts duck seat seat stuff will be coming. Oh, Papa Mike is cutting loose now that he's out of town without the kids.

Seats are coming back. He's drinking like tiny amounts of tequila. It's funny, it's funny that's the decision. That the hive mind of the audience is get Mike only drunk. Yeah. It's the only person who's been sent alcohol. I guess because they know, like, we liquor him up and then we get nasty feet talk and nasty seat talk.

I get really embarrassed. I feel like I'm saying such immoral stuff in front of you. I, uh... I like feet. I like feet. I like feet. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. That's one of the best things that's ever happened during a live show. Oh my god.

Who doesn't? Who doesn't? That was so fun. Who doesn't? I, I, I, you know, there's, there's some stuff that we, uh, we, we want to close on, but is there anything? Oh, you know what? We've talked feats, we've talked seats, we gotta talk treats.

Oh yeah. I mean, I guess Broadstroke's favorite treat anyone has had at Epic Universe so far. Well I, for the first time ever, bought the refillable soda cup to try all the exclusive sodas. The things this audience applauds at. Yeah. We love feet and infinite soda. I think my ranking would be number three,

Screaming Berry, number two, Celestial Spritz, and number one, the dragon, Alder Tringer Dragon One that's very ginger forward. Hmm. How do you feel about these sodas? Have you tried these? I haven't tried the sodas. My favorite sweet treat was the Butterbeer Crepe.

I thought I'd never do that. And just sitting there, eating the crepe, watching people try to get on the Battle of Ministry. And laughing! And laughing, and laughing. Good, nice try, pal. Oh yeah, you woke up early, that'll help. It's a nice environment.

I forgot to do that, I meant to try those crepes. Let's go back to Berk. What are the general feelings on these cones? Oh, I... People like the cones, I think. I had a cone. I had a little chicken in it, the macaroni and cheese. I thought the cone was better than the cones at Cars Land. Ah, wow. I thought they were higher quality than the Cars Land cones.

We have perfected cones. Do we think this is an accurate depiction of what Vikings would eat? A big old cone filled with goldfish crackers. The bread was better. It was almost like little garlicy bread. You know what I'll say about the cars land cones that also have mac and cheese in them? Is that those cones, it's a rare thing where it doesn't, the cone doesn't taste very good, but the texture is good. The texture is smooth, like it's a weird, like you're chewing an edible piece of rubber or plastic,

and I mean that in a good way, not the gross way that it sounds. I know you do, you guys love plastic. You eat Firehouse subs with plastic in them, and you'll love it. Well take the one who ate the nubbin from Firehouse subs. I didn't eat the nubbin, I set it aside. I did eat a shrexel, going back to Universal Classic, I did eat some of the shrexel with the green cheese. And a swamp dog.

And the neon ice cream cones. Oh, yeah, the neon ice cream you had at Universal, yeah. Just say it. Just say it. Like, you have to say it. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. And the neon ice cream cones. Oh yeah, oh yeah, the neon ice cream you had at the Universal, yeah. Yeah. Just say it, just say it. You have to say what happened with the neon ice cream. I'm gonna let him say it. What happened to the ice cream? Oh, you're a green poop you're talking about? Hey, sorry, it happens with food dye.

What are you gonna do? It happens with the black buns. Yes, yes., no, no at the steakhouse you have those black bun burgers Yeah, and that's what happens. How could this possibly be worth it? They should have learned that from Burger King It's okay. We've took we've wait wait wait wait wait fill me in what what is the Burger King black bun thing? Yes And what was the Burger King black bun thing? They had a... but it caused all that. Caused neon green. Well, my... okay. My poop 20 years ago I had like a black slurpee

from Burger King, like right out of high school and it turned my poop neon blue. And it was shocking. Like it really like... I couldn't like... ahhh! Like oh what's wrong? Oh wait, okay. It was this. And your mother got you to the emergency room fast. Yeah.

You know what, is RFK gonna ban the black burgers or is he just gonna do red dye? He's getting the red dye banned, but he really should stop all of our poops from becoming neon blue. No, he's got a weird, he's gonna like force all burger buns to be black. Oh, maybe, yeah, maybe that is what will happen

It's actually it's actually healthier. Is that a good I've seen one clip of him that kind of our FK Junior talks sugar sugaring water Like that like that so yeah, so so that dye apparently is still changing your poop colors, which is wild after all these years. I had that and then I had the blueberry barbecue sauce in Isle of Burt too. Did you see that? A blueberry barbecue sauce. No. And is it bright neon blue? It's like a little blue. It's not, you know, bright bright, but it's very delicious. Okay. Is it, but it is a good strong blueberry taste? No, a little more smoky. Oh, okay.

Hey, we know you probably hit play to escape your business banking, not think about it. But what if we told you there was a way to skip over the pressures of banking? By matching with the TD Small Business Account Manager, you can get the proactive business banking advice and support your business needs. Ready to press play? Get up to $2,700 when you open select small business banking products. Yep, that's $2,700 to turn up your business. Visit td.com slash small business match to learn more. Conditions apply. Calling all Bravo fans, this is Emily, also known as Bravo in Botox, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, The Bravo Papers. Let's face it, the drama

never stops in the Bravo world both on and off the shows, so every Monday I'm here to bring you your weekly debrief of all the Bravo news, gossip, rumors and blinds, with my commentary of course, Plus bonus episodes like deep dives into your favorite shows and Bravo Leopardies. So listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, I had your drink last night at Epcot. Oh, yeah. He has a drink you can order at La Cava in the Mexico Pavilion at Epcot. This is wild. Old fashioned. Yes. And I had it and it is a nice smoky drink.

It really felt, you feel like a very classy adult man when you're drinking it. Peanut butter and banana. But it's not even a very sweet, that sounds like it would be more sweet than it is. It's a very subtle taste and very smoky. And you said they run out of it. Yeah, well, they batch it.

So whatever they have, they usually sell out by the end of the day. Right. Wow. I'm still in awe of you having a drink. I really am. I'm still in awe. I was in Epcot the other day, and I

prioritized going to the store at the Canada Pavilion to buy maple candy and Coffee Crisp's candy bars. Oh yeah. There was a real emphatic one. Mr. Coffee Crisp is here. It sounds good, I haven't tried that though. Wow, well congrats on that. You made the best drink there, or seemingly.

The most popular drink, this is wonderful. And sure, we might have said this to you last time, but getting to close out Epcot with you and walk around with you, this man is the mayor of Epcot Center. It's great, everyone walking up to you, it's just so much joy to get to see you in person. It's like, you called certain music inspiring,

and I find it inspiring. I like to watch how much people light up when you're around a bend in anywhere in World Showcase. It's crazy. And how about us walking out, having Mexico all by ourselves as we're walking out? This is a good hack, folks. They let the Mexico Pavilion, they leave it open so people can finish their meals at that restaurant so people will trickle out.

But you can just like hang in there. You could just make it your bar. You can just stand in the middle and just like, I like reclined on the fountain and took a picture and they'll let you do it. We stayed in the pavilion like 45 minutes after it closed last night. Then we walked to the front and just stared at Spaceship Earth for like what felt like 45 minutes after it closed last night. Then we walked to the front and just stared at Spaceship Earth

for like what felt like 45 minutes. And then a few of us walked all the way back to International Gateway. And I feel like we were over at Swann & Dolphin at like 11, 15 or something. So we really milked that park last night and it felt very good. Just give, if anybody's still got Epcot ahead of them,

or if you live here, or if you're doing a trip for this, which if you did that, thank you so much, that's incredible, but like, hey, wow, wow. That's a good amount of, oh my God, thank you. Well, do yourself a favor and just go stare at Spaceship Earth for a while. It's there, there is nothing better. It's a nice feeling.

It felt good. I know, we all just did it. You know what it was like? It was like in a movie like the Baby-Sitters Club, where they all lie and look at the stars and put their heads next to each other. It would have been so great for a poster. And actually, the three of us got a really great photo.

The three of us next to the fourth in our group, Walt Disney, Thinking Walt Disney. We gotta wonder here, wait, let's all just strike the, let's do a little thinking pose right now. Jason as well. Here we go, alright, Walt the Thinker, here we go. (*audience laughs*) We'll hold for pictures.

That's it. We'll do four minutes, we'll give you plenty of time. Okay, no, what we're actually going to do is kind of weave to another area because you brought out Vincent Various, you became the true canonical Vincent Various. But there is, there's all this other weird stuff that didn't even make it to the official opening. There's all these, like, I really appreciate the culture that they were trying to put into Celestial Park. They did it with best intentions, and then it all just went down in flames before the thing even opened. We'll put a ban there, whatever it is. But they were trying to really reinvent what theme park entertainment could be. And

that's what I want to talk about here at the closing. Because something deserves a little bit of shine. And I was alerted to this by a friend of the show who's been mentioned in this show. Did people hear our recent episode about area loops? Thank you. Great, great. The guest on that episode, a great fella,

he's become one of our best Orlando pals, and we're really excited he's here tonight. Please welcome to the stage, Kevin Igor Tully. Yeah. Which mic is mine? Oh yeah, there's one more mic and chair. Gotta say, Igor, in person grade, on video grade, really making big strides for the representation of nasty little freaks in the theme park. It warrants my heart.

Who are you calling freak, Abraat? Oh, yeah, you got it, buddy. Kevin, thank you for being here. Geez, and thank you for, what an Igor costume. This is like, this is like dances. This is like a Sonoma. That's a nice, yeah. This works, I feel. This is, and the sunglass, this is like a, this is a viable look for a musician, I feel. This is like you could be like a beer brewer in Silver Lake. It's like a real brewer in Silver Lake. It's like a real...

Past life. Yeah. Anyways, I knew we had to give a little bit of time to this. Sure, there's the rides. Sure, there's the big roller coasters. But they were trying to do something really special, and I don't think I would have known about it if you didn't go kind of before opening. You know, like there's artists in little pavilions

that you can go visit in Celestial Park, but you did something really unique, which is you went to a booth that had a big sign that said epic poetry and Celestial sonnets. That's right. There was a poem, there was a poetry writer in Epic Universe, and it didn't make it past. It didn't make it to opening.

I found this just so odd and specific. And you did as well. You seemed drawn to this as kind of like a when you've ever seen anything like this before. Well, his name was Christian Torres. Did anybody else encounter Christian Torres? We didn't make him up. He wasn't a ghost. It's possible he was only there for one day.

Wow. Yeah, that's true. You might have been the only one. It was a trial. It seems like, from what you told me, Christian Torres was a man in a fedora, smoking a pipe, and typing on a typewriter. And you could walk up to him and you could get, you know, like on old parchment paper, you could get something called A Poem for You by Christian Torres. And that's some custom, that's some theme park. Like, you know, sure, you can

buy a hat, you can buy a no offense Captain Cacao, but a personalized poem. That feels special as hell. It really, yeah, he asked about our day. I was with my good friends Brian, Libby, Nico, Holly, Katie, couple other people. Yes, and they, yeah, he asked about our day at Epic Universe and then based on what we told him, he took a strangely long amount of time to write a thoughtful poem, which

is now framed. Oh, yes, indeed. Well, and, you know, this is like a real relic now. This is like gonna be valuable. And you know, and I thank you for bringing it to us. We have here the framed, something you cannot get anymore, a poem for you by Christian Torres. So what I thought we could do just as kind of a little

like kiss goodnight. And first of all, I just wanna give people like a little taste of kind of what little like kiss goodnight. First of all, I just want to give people like a little taste of kind of what the poetry is like. And so I'm going to pass this around, and we are going to read it. Just do like two lines at a time, that's how we'll do it. And because Kevin is an excellent musician, we will have musical accompaniment for the Christian Torres poem by the great Kevin Tully. Thank you for...

Here we go. Let's set you up here. At one point I walked by Igor in the land, by the way, the walk around Igor, and I said, Igor, hey, how's it going? And he went, ugh. So I feel like I got the full experience. Okay, so.

Yes, yeah, yeah. So this is, well, we're gonna read, first of all, I'm gonna pass this around, and we're gonna read the first epic, okay? And I think this will be a nice way to send you guys into the night. Are we hearing this okay? Can we get the mic up? Can you hear it?

Yeah. Oh, this is nice. I feel relaxed. Okay, I'm gonna start it. You feel good? Okay. The feel relaxed. Okay, I'm gonna start it. You feel good? Okay. The first epic. Many heroes abound, but few are remembered. Many epics there are, but all burned to ember. Are epics one that most will never hear about, but it's all the epic of a lifetime.

I'm singing it. Oh yeah, great! Yeah, yeah, that's awesome! Of this we have no doubt. Whoa, that was great! Excellent singing! Finish it out, Jason. In the ministry of magic, we earned our muggle wands.

In the rest of this great journey, we'll make a name for ourselves. Now hold on a second, that doesn't rhyme. Yeah, what happened there? You're handed back. The rest of this Greek journey? Yeah, that too. He spelled a G with a, a great with a G at the end

instead of a T. So in the rest of this great journey, we'll make a name for ourselves. Seemed like it kind of stopped rhyming as well. So, okay. There's some issues maybe with the first epic. Okay. So here, we'll stop it for a second here because now this was nice to hear. Can we get a round of applause for Christian Torres?

Great, great. A poem for you by Christian Torres. But here's what we actually wanted to do to close the show, was to have truly a poem for you, our audience, by Christian Torres. My plan was, first I'll get there, get on a ride immediately, first thing without any hassle, perhaps a few others, and then I'll walk up to Christian Torres and say, I've heard of you and I've heard of your poems. Will you craft, will you weave an amazing tale for the audience that we've brought here

who've traveled from far and wide to be with us here at Tin Roof Orlando? And I thought we would get an incredible poem, but of course the poetry program has been cut. And then we tried to reach Christian Torres wherever he is in various ways on social media, and that failed as well. He ghosted us. He ghosted, yeah, yeah. He left me on red. He left Kevin on red. My God. But you know what, that's when you gotta plow through.

You can't give up, and you have to realize there's a little bit of Christian Torres in all of us. And that is why we didn't slow down. You're about to hear a poem for you by us, the good boys, as recited by all of us, and Nate as well, once again with musical accompaniment by Kevin Tully. And I think that you will find, this is a poem that we wrote, you know, there's something, especially those of you who traveled here, you know, traveling is intense and, you know, it's a little experience and you want to take back just nuggets of inspiration with you.

And this poem is going to tell a story that I think you will find so moving, inspiring, you know, like something that, like, the likes of which you've never heard before. I don't want to build it up too much, but you know what I do, because I think this is gonna move you a lot. So, Kevin, if you would, now to close our show, a poem for you, our audience. And I'd give up forever to touch you. I'm just playing. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Stop, stop, Kevin.

No, no, that reminds me. Because you were, when we were planning this bit, Kevin said, I want to do tuning that's kind of like the Gugu dolls. And then over the course of talking about Gugu dolls for a minute, Mike told an incredible story. Here is the story. I heard Iris playing at Ross the other day. Corrected, then I corrected myself. Oh no, I meant name by the Gugu dolls. I corrected myself in the story is what I'm saying. So yes, that is the thing I told everyone.

So that makes it a more interesting story than it was in Iris? I didn't say that. Alright, boys. He never said the word interesting. Okay, okay, okay. Alright, alright. Back to it. Okay, and Kevin Tully. Greetings all who traveled to see, a live show starring Huge Dorks Three.

We'll miss you, but before you leave, an inspiring tale now we shall weave. A story astounding, seldom told, set in days of tinsel town old. An actor named George from the silver screen Gathered together his friends fourteen. His good old pals, nicknamed the guys, Were soon to encounter an epic surprise.

A smile appeared on all of their faces, In front of them were 14 cases they were not briefcases as I once thought I was helpfully corrected by my friends Scott the suitcase contents made a splash, for inside each was one million in cash. The men were shocked. They began to murmur, including one of them, Randy Gerber. They could see their friend was rich and kind. Also in there was Richard Kind.

Was this one of George's infamous pranks? No, he said. I'm just saying thanks. They asked, what for? What did we do? George told them, it's just for being you. You may have the same question I had asked. And yes, George also paid the tax. This tale is true as this poem rhymes and is worth being told hundreds of times. Who's next?

Me. Here now the lesson as our journey ends. The true million dollar suitcase is having friends. Awe is right. So Orlando pals, true and tried, you survived. Podcast the ride. Thank you. The beard has fallen. Long live the beard.

Baby's black balloon makes her fly. Almost fell into that hole in your life. Coming down. Kevin Tully, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Nate Paging, Mr. Morrow, thank you so much for being here, everybody. Wow, so happy to have you. Can I keep the cranky con? You can absolutely keep the cranky con.

That is the least that we could do for you. So happy you could be here. I'm Scott Gertner, that's Mike Carlson, that's Jason Sheridan. If you're still in town and you're not sick of us, tomorrow night Mike and I will be on the show Bracket Brothers at SAC Comedy Lab in downtown Orlando. Two shows debating the best universal and Disney attractions. Come out and see us, it's gonna be fun. Thank you to everybody we've talked to all week.

Thank you for being here. Thanks for bringing amazing shirts and spirits. We love being here so much. We love you Orlando, this was incredible. God bless you all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ForeverDog. This has been a ForeverDog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gardner, Brett Bohm, Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey.

For more original podcasts, please visit ForeverDogPodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at ForeverDogTeam, and liking our page on Facebook.