Podcast: The Ride - E.T. Adventure

Episode Date: October 20, 2017

In our premiere episode, we discuss Universal Studios E.T. Adventure and see who can find the best piece of theme park merch on eBay. E.T. Adventure Ride Through https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB6xJRyZQHk Steven Spielberg Original Intro https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyq0gi5cvus Dissolve Article On Universal Studios https://thedissolve.com/features/exposition/24-universal-studios-florida-and-the-evolving-art-of-/ Jasons eBay Find http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-1970-s-Orange-Bird-WDW-SEALED-Disney-World-Florida-Ideal-Swim-ring-Rare-/122578671861?hash=item1c8a4218f5%3Ag%3A7MUAAOSw6YtZWTni&nma=true&si=TD%252F8v5rBzZuOoh%252F99rUUv8KTv8A%253D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2557 Scotts eBay Find http://www.ebay.com/itm/Walt-Disney-ANIMAL-KINGDOM-Authentic-LEAVES-TREE-OF-LIFE-Extremely-RARE-Prop-/142455691690?nma=true&si=TD%252F8v5rBzZuOoh%252F99rUUv8KTv8A%253D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2557 Mikes eBay Find http://www.ebay.com/itm/Poster-Size-DISNEYLAND-WINNIE-THE-POOH-Original-Promotional-Art-Walt-Disney-/253115471267? Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Teral Audio Hello, everybody. Welcome to Podcast the Ride, the theme park podcast hosted by three childless men in their 30s. We're part of Feral Audio, home of Doughboys, and many, many more great podcasts. My name is Michael Carlson. I am joined by my co-host, as always, Scott Gairdner. Hi, that's me. That's Scott. And Jason Sheridan. Hello. Yeah, so today's topic is going to be the Universal Studios ride, E.T. The Adventure.

And we're going to break it down and talk about what we would do with it if we were in charge. But first, let's just check in with each other, you know? My God, gentlemen, we're doing it. We've talked about it for a whole month or so, and now it's happening. It's the first episode of a new podcast, which is a sacred event that only happens 37 times a day or so that we are the kids who got too into the Disney parks. Our brains never really left after the first times we went. We're more into it than the creators of the parks intended. And we all met over our mutual shared disease. That's what it's called, yeah.

Yeah, you'd have to call it such. And now we're hoping to spread the disease to all of you. I mean, the disease of theme park fandom, which I think should be more socially acceptable, and I'm hoping it will be after we do a little of this. I think we're going to make a big positive change in the world. Yeah, I think so. And look, there are people who have the disease worse than us.

That's certainly true. Yes. Yeah, we're at least a look, there are people who have the disease worse than us. That's certainly true. Yes. Yeah, we're like at least a little bit self-aware about it. There are a lot of folks, if you go on these message boards, that do not have any sense of humor about any of this stuff. That being said, people on the message boards, we are your friends. Yes. Oh, we like you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are also of you. Yeah, no, no, no. And please listen.

But this is a thing that a lot of people listening might not realize, the depth of theme park fandom, that there are these message boards, and there are many, many fan sites, many, many other podcasts out there. We're going to try to be the one with the vaguely comedic bent, which I can only assume doesn't exist. We're going to do our best with that comedic thing, but we will get very serious about this. It's going to be like,

we're laughing, and then we're like, they should not have made that change to my ride. That was my ride when I was a child. You will be shocked how non-comedic it is for vast stretches of time. It really is the area of all of our lives that we are the most, or the least ironic about. That's true. We're going to share it with you. Yeah. And then like we're just going to get

into like stuff like Imagineers who created rides, which is the thing as a kid I didn't even realize because the rides just feel like they've always been there. But they're like these people, men and women who have like slaved over these design and like went through a whole political process of trying to get their idea approved. And they probably in-fought with other people and management and bled for this stuff. And then Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was born. Something that you just accept, the Runaway Mine Car Ride.

And it seems very innocent and like it's always been there. But yeah, it took a lot of effort and hard work to do. There's so many rides that don't get completed. I mean, in that Imagineering building, the headquarters of the Disney theme parks, there's so many rides that are invented, fully cooked up, probably even built and then are never installed in the parks. A movie will come out and then completely tank and they can't justify spending the money to further promote that movie. Yeah, we never will see the creation of Dick Tracy's Crime Stoppers in real life. It exists only on paper and the internet fan sites. I mean, it would have been a great ride, though.

Sure. So it's just very disappointing that it never made it. Join an animatronic, Warren Beatty, on a journey through the city as you fire guns. Wow. Mommy, I saw Dick Van Dyke's character Raisin Man, whatever he is. Is that his character, Raisin Man? Could be. As far as anyone knows, correct us if you're listening.

But also, you probably don't know. No one knows. No one likes Dick Tracy. That's a real problem with rides, especially today. It really has to be intellectual property that the people are familiar with. And I think actually it's the intellectual property issue is something that kind of hurts the ride that we're going to talk about today, because I think this this character is not really in the forefront of popular culture anymore, but maybe he should be. We're talking about E.T. The E.T. Adventure, one of the great Universal Studios rides,

a fixture at Universal Florida, still today. An opening day attraction. Maybe the only opening day attraction that still remains. This and the Movie Monster Makeup show. This is the only remaining ride. The show in the fake Pantages Theater, as I know it. No longer at Universal Hollywood,

dearly departed, no longer at Universal Japan. We could tell you a little bit about this ride and what it is, or we could let Steven Spielberg tell the tale. Steven. Steven, where are you? Get down here. He's coming. Steven!

Steven, where are you? Get down here. He's coming. Here he is. We don't have much time. See? your help. Now, Gus received an urgent message from E.T.'s teacher, Botanicus, calling for E.T. to come home right away. You see, a big problem has developed three million light years away on E.T.'s home world, the green planet. E.T.'s friends are in danger because

their planet is dying. Remember what E.T.'s friends look like because it's going to be up to you to help E.T. find them once we get them home. And there's not a moment to lose because only E.T ET's magic healing touch can save his friends and bring his planet back to health. ET must go home, and only you can help him. ET. Ah, ET. Trouble.

That's right, ET. So why don't you show these people how we're going to get you back to the green planet? Oh, shit, that's really ET? You and ET are making your three million light year journey on these bikes. But don't worry, you don't have to pedal. So there's really E.T. You and E.T. are making your three million light year journey on these bikes, but don't worry. You don't have to pedal. So there's some bikes that are flying in the video.

And interplanetary passport. So before you leave E.T., tell your first name to one of our assistants and they'll give you your pass. Sounds like E.T. is ready to go. So good luck, everyone. And remember, E.T.'s counting on you and so am I. Now remember, Steven Spielberg is counting on everyone before they get on this ride.

We know you're all on vacation, but Steven Spielberg needs you to do something. He's a very important man, so you really should want to please him. If you are wanting a career in the entertainment industry, it could be snuffed out right now at seven years old if you do not fulfill Steven Spielberg's request. As a kid, didn't you really feel the weight and the stakes of this? There is something about the authority that Steven Spielberg lends by coming out and talking to you. That's a thing that got me obsessed with this stuff early on.

I would see these pre-show ride videos as you get in line and stuff, and I would take them deadly serious. I was like, oh, yeah, we got to go fucking do this. Yeah, no, I mean, as a child, I think that's probably, I mean, it's for children, but, like, yeah, the whole thing is, like, you really were like, I may die on this ride. This might be a suicide mission on, like, whether it's, you know, this or Space Mountain.

I'm like, I may hurdle into a star. Like, it may be over. And there weren't ride-through videos. You couldn't look up what things were on YouTube when we were children. So, yeah, I assumed that any single ride that you got onto was going to literally murder me. Yeah, the internet really opened up, like, theme park fandom. Because I think there was, like, like fan scenes, like any other thing. But like now there's just,

you can watch footage of any ride and we will put footage of this ride in the show notes for you to watch at home. What we just heard was like the pre-show video that you see in line of Steven Spielberg preparing you to ride this children's ride. Which by the way, so we should talk about then what transpires, what the ride is. So as Steven Spielberg himself told us, you climb aboard a bike.

E.T. needs your help. His planet is dying, the green planet. His teacher, Botanicus, is part of it somehow, too. He factors in. Anyway, you got to get to the Green Planet. So you end up in the scene, basically from E.T., where you're avoiding police officers, who in this case are portrayed by very stiff, barely animated dummies. And there's cars coming at you, like police cars and FBI cars,

some sort of secret covert agencies that are trying to capture you and E.T. before you can make it home to the green planet. Every agency's cars have all arrived in the hills of Tujunga, California, where the ride is set. An obscene amount of walkie-talkies, like the redo. No guns. No one has a gun. Did they do the gun change, or did they never have guns? I don't think they ever had guns.

Steven Spielberg famously edited out all the guns in E.T. in like a DVD release a few years ago and changed them all to walkie-talkies digitally, which I think has gone back. But that was in the digital changing craze of the late 90s, early 2000s of his friend George. Now, this ride hits, like, a very common theme park thing where you hit, like, a big beat of the movie, and then you get a whole lot of new stuff. Like, you get a whole new adventure. In this case, it is, yeah, you're taking the place of Elliot, you're riding the bikes, E.T.'s in the basket, and there is a little E.T. animatronic in the basket

that pops up, and you're evading the federal authorities. Does it have a face, I always wondered, because you can't really see, you're in the bike behind the E.T. Yeah, you're talking E.T. in the basket. If you could see yourself in the ride, is there

an E.T. face on the other side? I think there is. I think I sat in the ride is there a et face on the other side is i think i sat in the front row and like leaned over and was like yeah there's there's a space sure there's a chance that like if you lean over and it's just like a blank robot face it's faceless mannequin or just like circuits shooting out raw electricity at you uh i think in this day and age kids in this day and age if like somebody were to put their phone out and take the selfie, it would have to be there because it would be

terrifying if there was that creepy face. If you felt like E.T. had his face ripped off, then the green planet dying is the least of your troubles. So once you have successfully evaded all of the federal agencies, spoiler alert, you do, by flying in your bike, as in the film, then you end up seeing all the new stuff, as Jason said.

You fly over a city. You fly over a nondescript city. I think it's Los Angeles. I think you can see a Dodger Stadium in there. It's a Los Angeles-esque city, at least. Yeah. It is the same sequence from the Peter Pan ride. Yeah.

If you've ever ridden Peter Pan, there's a very similar sequence because you're flying in a similar type of ride. These are called dark rides, by the way, both of these rides. And they're both called suspended dark rides because you're actually hanging from the ceiling and moving forward as opposed to it being on a car on the ground. But, yeah, it's a similar thing where you're looking over all the rooftops and it's really just a tiny model that's lit up that makes it look like you're... And it is the same track layout as the Peter Pan ride,

which is maybe something you have to knock a few points down. In terms of originality? The fact that it literally bends the same way and then you go into a little sub sky room in the back right corner. Whatever. It worked for Peter Pan.

It works for this. I don't know why I'm trying to gotcha this ride right from the top. I love the ride. I don't mean to criticize. But it is weird. It's a copy and paste of a scene. I mean, there's a ton of that in the theme park industry. Like, there's only so many companies that make massive ride track systems and all.

So they all use the same manufacturers. Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And certain types of rides, your wild mouses and your, you know, and spinning rides and that kind of thing. Yeah, you are seeing a lot of copies of copies of the same ride. Universal, very famous for a lot of simulator rides, especially like when the Florida Park opened in 1990. There was, well, even more now, I think,

like you sit in a car, the car rocks around, there is a giant screen, and you're watching footage that syncs up with your ride vehicles movement. Another common Universal Studios trope is getting splashed. Yes. There's a lot of errant water going on in a lot of these rides. Not in the E.T. ride. That's a thing.

Once you're on the green planet, you think maybe you get sprayed by a fountain of water, but you remain dry. Part of the, one of the pieces of suspense that makes the ride so fun. Let's talk about the Green Planet. Well, let's, should we break down? Let's go through, because I want to save the Green Planet stuff. Okay. Let me, we'll just tease the Green Planet.

There's a lot to talk about. You end up on the Green Planet. Now, the Green Planet is where E.T. is from, and it exists in some other forms of media. And if you don't know about the green planet, it's a little weird. It's a little strange that E.T. would come from this place. Yeah, if you've only seen the film E.T., if you've only seen one part of the E.T. expanded universe, you know, the movie E.T., you might not know that, you know, E.T. lives in a world of plants and fluorescents.

He lives in, it's kind of a pre-Pandora, you might say. Yes, it is. It's our Pandora. I have that written down, too. It's a bioluminescent, which is the word I keep seeing in all of these Pandora write-ups, where it's like the bioluminescent forest. And I was like, well, you know what? E.T.'s home, the Green Planet, was bioluminescent

25 years before Pandora ever showed up. Yeah, this looks very similar to Disney's new Pandora land. Well, Disney's striking back. They're getting revenge after that Peter Pan. Disney's getting revenge for that Peter Pan homage. It's a game of cat and mouse revenge that extends over the course of 50 years. Peter Pan, 1955, is ripped off in 1990.

And in 2017, the Pandora shaman boat ride finally strikes back. Like the Count of Monte Cristo, it takes a full lifetime to get revenge. It's the best kind. It's the long game. Yeah. Now, the Green Planet is mentioned, like, once in the movie? Doesn't Elliot say, like, oh, E.T. came from the Green Planet? Is that the full extent of...

Is it even in the movie? Is it in the movie? Is it in the movie? I don't even know that it's in the movie. Did I imagine that? It might be in the movie. Maybe you imagine that? Or is there a piece of dialogue where he talks about the Green Planet?

E.T. also doesn't have a lot of speech capabilities, so he probably couldn't get out a lot of information about the planet, even if he wanted to. In the movie or in this ride, as becomes very apparent at the very end. Yes, his speech troubles, and we'll get into that. But the green planet is mentioned pretty heavily in the book of the green planet. Yes, and there's a book called E.T. the Green Planet. Now, the first, I was just going to go break down,

because the first glimpse we get of E.T.'s other world is in the line. It's in the queue itself. When we see a character that is named Botanicus, as Steven Spielberg calls him, Botanicus, and that is he's introduced as E.T.'s teacher, which is, you know. All you need to know. He taught E.T. how to put on a wig and eat a Reese's. Everything E.T. can do.

Also a question I have. How old is E.T. in the movie? How old would you assume he is? I was thinking about this. He sort of... I mean, he's paired with a child. He's paired with other children. Does that make him a child?

And when you see Botanicus, who basically, if you haven't been on the ride is a is an elderly et yeah botanicus is old as shit like botanicus looks like shit we will have links to botanicus uh yeah he's et with like seven more layers of wrinkles and he talks like master splinter. But he has a very much greater vocabulary than E.T. himself. Is this answered in the book how old E.T. is? I don't remember. Full disclosure, I have the book

E.T. the Green Planet. I have I haven't read it cover to cover. I've also lost the book. And I also don't remember if E.T.'s age is addressed in it. Well, well, you're listening to real experts. Yeah, but I have done some. I think you made the right call

losing the book of the Green Planet. That was an accident, though. I really, I was cherishing the book despite losing it. What do we know about the book of the Green Planet? It came out like a few years after the movie? It was a few years after the movie, yeah, and it's the movie yeah and uh it's about et it picks up right where et left off the movie et left off and it's it's as jason it's bizarre as shit it's so weird it's immediately

et is immediately sort of on a spaceship and like kind of longing for elliot he misses elliot and et all of a sudden has like a vocabulary and there are all these different like characters. And it's basically like a story where E.T. goes back and he lives in just the weirdest place. I mean, it resembles the ride, but it's totally, totally off from the movie. Now it's kind of a cute romp with these different characters.

There's a character named the Flop Gloppel, which is described as a character that looks like it's made out of socks. You're like, well, I don't know. It's like you took E.T., gave him a cuddly little cute cartoon personality, and then threw him into this weird adventure, which he eventually does go back because he misses Elliot so much. And Elliot also... Here, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Elliot also is discovering girls, and E.T. has a telepathic link with him. And E.T. is, like, coaching Elliot through puberty. Oh, my God. Like, across space, though? Yes, across space. Because he's on another planet? So E.T. will also, like, project his astral form to E.T.

And it's just... The whole thing is just bizarre. Does that imply that E.T. and Elliot had this astral connection before they even met? Was E.T. from the green planet before he got lost on Earth, commanding Elliot to do things? To brush his teeth in a certain counterclockwise as opposed to clockwise. It's possible, I think. Are they both going through puberty, or is E.T. just experiencing it through a residual telepathic connection?

I think it's residual telepathic connection. Okay. E.T.'s, all of his species are asexual. They do address that. What? There's no, I don't, so I don't think he actually, E.T. does not have sort of a normal human puberty. So when you're going, but you would certainly

call him a boy. You would call Botanicus a him. Sure. When you're in the ride and when you're on the E.T. ride, there's a bunch of other E.T.s swinging around on vines and playing plants as instruments and stuff. Are some of those girls or there just is no sex? Some of them are children for sure

because they're smaller than E.T. Unless it's some messed up culture where the smaller ones are the old ones. And Botanicus is the youngest. When you're in E.T. you lose wrinkles and size as the years go on. And you lose knowledge? Do you get stupider like Benjamin Button rules?

And young people teach old people. I better get all this knowledge out now before I lose it. There is also, like, I mean, in this ride on the Green Planet, there's a lot of creatures that look like E.T., and then he's got a couple other fucking friends who don't look like E.T. at all. Yes. And they're kind of upsetting. They are upsetting looking. If you were listening

to the Steven Spielberg intro earlier and are still listening now, one of the things that Steven Spielberg tells you to do is look for E.T.'s friends because you will have to help E.T. find his friends. E.T. doesn't remember what his friends look like, apparently. So in that

pre-show video, you see three quick shots of these characters, E.T.'s weirdo friends. One of them's a weird mushroom guy. One of them is a shrill doll with tentacle hair. Who am I forgetting? Mushroom, shrill

doll. Help me out. There's another one that looks kind of like the little doll, I feel like. But bigger. Those are the main ones. I mean, Botanicus and those two that you mentioned are the big ones that they care. The other one looks kind of like the little

shop of horrors. Yeah, the plant. Yes. So, I don't know. What are they? Are they plants? One of them is clearly a mushroom. One of them is kind of a plant. The mushroom guy, like, I as a kid, I don't like this, but the mushroom man says a very, very specific line. He sings, speaks the line,

Welcome home. You've arrived. And I don't like it, but I've ridden it so many times since I was a small child, it's ingrained in my memory, and I cannot forget Welcome Home. Despite this ride having not been open at my local Universal Studios, which is Hollywood, for many years and I haven't been on it in a long time, there are things like that, Welcome Home, and E.T. saying Ready and Trouble, that just are permanently ingrained that I say,

my wife and I say in our day-to-day lives. If we have finished tying our shoes and are ready to go out for the day, we will say ready. What a cool house, right? I think that's endearing. Hey, thanks. Well, there's one. There's one vote for endearing.

Thank God. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. The sing-songy language that is so distinct. That I find very charming. It makes me like the mushroom guy. I don't like the shrill doll, as implied by that I'm calling it the shrill doll. The shrill doll says, kind of talks in sort of a manic.

Kind of screams at you. It's like, join the celebration. Yeah. It's kind of horrendous. Oh a manic kind of screams at you like join the celebration it's kind of horrendous oops blooper number one I looked up the names of these three creatures and I'm really proud that I didn't know

this already some deep theme park knowledge I'm glad to have like ID and OD Captain EO's friends but I'm really glad I didn't previously know the names Teakley, Orbadon, and Magdol. Is Orbadon the mushroom man? I think. I'm not sure. I can only assume Magdol is the scary doll.

I think Orbadon is the, I don't know what about the name Orbadon implies mushroom, but, yeah. Orb. Like he's an orb. It's sort of an orbish head, I guess. I suppose so. And these guys don't show up again. I mean, the financial reality is probably that. They're like, alright, we can afford

three kind of big animatronics that move a little, and the rest are just little fucking ETs. They're just like, well, they kind of wave, or they're on a conveyor belt. So it looks like they're playing ball, but they're still. The E.T. adventure in general is a pretty limited animation ride.

You will not be blown away as you would by the, you know, the pirate auctioneer or the Johnny Depp figure. In fact, the FBI agents and the police, I think, do not move whatsoever. They are essentially still mannequin dolls. Probably a thing that could be improved about this ride, although I find it sort of charmingly cheap as well. They do a lot of cool stuff, though, like in the forest when the ride first starts with lighting, where it seems like headlights are coming through you. There's a lot of neat practical effects. Yeah. I think it's a ride where the

environments and the production design is stronger than the character animation. But maybe in 1990 when this ride was built, Disney completely had that market cornered. And in fact, I guess in general, Universal Studios does not have incredible audio animatronics.

I think you might say that their production design is better than their characters. Yeah, right. Which is nothing to dock it for. There's so many great Universal rides. And this one included. Something we didn't talk about, the line of this ride, I think, is fantastic. Oh, yeah. And maybe the first really good Universal line.

A lot of, I feel like Universal lines up until that point were just like, just turnstiles and you're outside and you aren't really in an environment. But in this thing, you're in this amazing lush forest. Redwood kind of forest. Yeah, which smells this very particular way. I'm sure you guys remember the E.T. Ride smell. That's a thing that, like, that's a specific thing that theme park people do, I think, have an affinity for and obsession with is that smell.

To the point where I found a Facebook page where people were talking about, like, I found Febreze Spray that smells like the ET line. Wow. Which is just kind of like mist and fog. Like, mist and condensation, in fact. But it is a very specific thing. There's many rides where you know the smell of Pirates of the Caribbean or the Haunted Mansion. I think people would probably pay a top dollar for a spray in their house. Or a candle.

That would smell like just some 60-year-old building. Oh, yeah. Like some old water. Some little packet of 10 where you could label them real fast. Here's Midway Mania. Here's what are other smells? I don't know. The Soarin' smells. Oh yeah, of course.

The famous Soarin' smells. There's some rides out there with some like fart smells. It doesn't stitch fart in the stage. Stitch farts. The Minions fart. Shrek farts. Shrek farts. Shrek has a lot of farting. Universal, lock it down, those farts. Yeah, farts. Shrek has a lot of farting. Universal, lock it down, those farts. Yeah, Shrek.

Universal also has the most fart smells on any of the rides because there's a Minions fart and then there's a Shrek fart. And I think only Stitch might fart in Disney. So, yeah, Universal's got Disney beat by that. If E.T. or Botanicus fart, they are silent farts. Yeah. We'll never know what they smell like. Anyway, amazing line it's

a really great line and i think uh maybe yeah like i was saying maybe the first universal studios line that kind of uh builds uh gets you into the world of it helps tell the story it predates really excellent lines like the indiana jones ride or uh i can i assume the avatar line is great that's what i've heard uh the one the one nitpick i have with the line is that it starts in sort of a movie studio area like it starts in a spot that looks like it's like there's just pictures of et on the wall which like for me personally i like it to be like immersive right from the get-go so i would prefer that it's just sort of trees immediately versus like you go into this room with pictures of E.T. and Drew Barrymore and then you go on the right.

But the reason this is the case is that they have changed the pre-show that Steven Spielberg and the speech Steven Spielberg gives you. Yes. Yeah, we discovered researching this because I can only remember the one Spielberg video introducing this. I believe the sum total in the history of the E.T. adventure is that there were three different Steven Spielberg intro videos, all sort of with the same components, him reminding you that we don't have much time, only E.T.'s healing touch can save his planet uh but the the the first one which when the ride first opened in 1990 in florida uh there's a video that i'm very fond of where steven spielberg is in a movie theater he's eating popcorn watching uh i guess et he's just re-watching it remembering hoping it holds up and uh uh and he's popcorn, and then you cut close to the popcorn,

and E.T.'s fingers reach in there, and they glow, too. E.T.'s finger is stalking him throughout this video. So that video... Like, haunting him. Kind of like, yeah, he's not aware of E.T. until deep into it, but that, yeah, that finger is always poking around. And once he finally taps him on the shoulder and gets his attention, that finger's creepily hanging there for five to ten seconds before E.T. says anything.

We'll post a link of this in the Meditator. But yeah, the context of this is that the ride itself for the first ten years that it was around was that this was a sequel to E.T. And we were all actors and we were going to play our parts while we were on the ride. So the reason that the ride starts in a spot that looks like a movie production place is because initially they were thinking that we were all going to be pretending to be actors while we went on the ride, which they eventually thought was like, this is stupid. So then they put in that much more exciting intro that you heard at the top of this whole segment. Well, even that one is the third one because there was a second mid-stage.

The one that you played was from like 2002 when there was a big 20th anniversary re-release of E.T. There was one in the 90s, which was almost the same thing. And it's unclear to me why they changed it. It's almost the same stuff. Steven Spielberg in the forest. You're going to be riding bikes. He's wearing a vest in that one, though. Yes. He has different clothes. And in the new one, he's wearing

a hat, which I really like. I like when a director talks to you in a cap. It lets you know that they are a director because they're wearing their iconic director's cap. Probably for a battleship. Yes. Probably. A battleship they did not serve on. were gifted oh yeah the very yeah

the james cameron-y uh uh yes the stolen valor well making a movie is like going to war you know uh they survived the ss abyss or whatever um so anyway uh yeah yeah, there's two intros where Steven Spielberg's in the forest. The original one is Steven in the theater telling you you're going to be in a scene, and E.T. at the end telling you, be good actors, which is a very clunky phrase to come out of E.T.'s mouth.

I don't know that E.T. could mentally handle the concept of filmmaking, because he knows what movies are. are yeah the logic of it is all wrong too because et is treated as if he's a real person but like so et in this world is an actor that's playing et well this is confused logic that's in a lot of things and especially rides where you know like that in some cases mickey Mouse or the Looney Tunes are real people in the world. Right.

And somebody calls action on their cartoons and then they walk away from the set. You actually see this in another Universal ride, the Hanna-Barbera, the fantastic world of Hanna-Barbera. Long gone Hanna-Barbera ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the original rides. But I just watched the video of that where, you know, Hannah and Barbera are telling Fred Flintstone, okay, they need you on the set.

And then he walks away and doesn't speak or do anything. So there's a lot of media that has this confusing construct where the character is real and they acted as themselves. I guess you're being asked to believe that E.T. is like an eight-mile situation where the guy is doing his life story as a film. Yeah, and Universal used to really skirt the line. Like, when it first opened in Florida, there was so much, like, fake, like, you know, lighting rigs and, like, prop boxes and, like, a lot. and like prop boxes and like a lot they really made

everything look like a set and that's kind of how they got away with like you know the jaws ride is next to the back to the future right it's just like you're on a back lot yeah you're on a back lot that's come to life and you're going through them and what is weird with these different spielberg things is that that Universal's original marketing slogan that if you find any old kids show where they would give away a trip to Universal Studios, they would always do that tag, like Universal Studios, ride the movies.

And it really used to split the difference on attractions of here's how a movie is made versus now you are riding the movie. Yeah, there was some very tortured logic in a lot of that stuff in the Ghostbusters attraction at Universal Florida. You were on the soundstage where they filmed the final battle with Gozer, but then it has been haunted by actual ghosts and almost everything on the the universal tram tour has that construct where like we're going on to a hot set where they're filming a new scene wait a minute they left it all on like it's actually real king kong is in the fake set

i think universal had a lot at a long time where they were uh this was too confusing they had trouble calibrating this and i like that now they're a little more just committed to the simple, if you're going into Harry Potter land, you're in Harry Potter land. You're not on the set of the new Harry Potter. There was a lot of awkward stuff where originally, when I was a kid at Universal Studios,

you would go to the ADR stage where they're doing a new episode of Harry and the Hendersons. And you'd be watching the Foley sound effects session for Harry and the Hendersons in 1999. And then there'd be this weird part where like, oh no, the audio dropped out, we have to record it live. And in what world is there a live episode of Harry and the Hendersons in 1999?

I did a similar, there was a very short-lived like, how do they make Hercules the Legendary Journeys and Xena Warrior Princess making of show where they would put you in front of a green screen and I remember like being a volunteer in this and they made me

look like a centaur in front of a green screen. Were you humiliated? No, I was psyched. I was all about that. I so wanted to do that. Well, you gained some height, probably. Yeah, I did gain some height. Congratulations.

The mighty legs of a horse. My mother did the Disney's MGM Studios. They had the thing where you would be in part of the TV shows. It would be like Superstar Television, I believe it was called. And it would be like someone was Gilligan's Island and my mom was on some soap opera. And she had to pull a gun on someone. And it confused the hell out of me. I knew it was fake, but I was like, but my mom has a gun and a fur coat now.

And everything is different. I was very confused. Do you still have nightmares about this situation? Yeah, I even talking about it, I just flashed back to it. It was weird. I still, it's attached to a weird feeling in my head. I think probably a lot of our theme park careers

have led to some scarring memories and things that have given us disturbing dreams and weird complexes, and we'll get into all of them as we go. Yeah, yeah. And the stuff about Universal, there is a great article that I have read a few times now, and I just read again this morning.

It was in The Dissolve. If you guys remember the website The Dissolve, it was when Pitchfork tried to make a website for movie writing writing for film writing it was a lot of like AV club writers who moved yeah so yeah they got a lot of AV club writers and then eventually it got shut down but

it's I think it's all still online it's all good websites with good writing yeah and there really was a lot of great articles and there was an article about Universal Studios Florida and the writer was speculating that, like, well, one of the things that was different of Universal Studios when it first opened in Florida and now

is that there was a lot more shows about, like, how movies are made. Like, how did Alfred Hitchcock do all those iconic scenes? And a few things happened over time. One, DVD special features became ubiquitous. So it's not much of a mystery of how they make movies anymore. And then two is that you can just shoot movies on your phone and edit them on a laptop. And so they really got rid of a lot of those shows

and went towards these immersive, like, you're in the movie. This is a new part. This is a sequel or a prequel or something, and you're living it. I would add a number three to that, which I honestly only really learned in the last couple years. Three would be most people don't give a shit. Oh, yeah. Most people do not care about how movies are made, about how things are written, how things are conceived. Like, I brought a handful of friends out here and have taken them on this Universal Studios tram tour.

They could have given a shit about it. They do not care. Because I'm like, ooh, this soundstage. Like, I took them to the Warner Brothers lot. Casablanca shot here. And they're like, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. Where are we going next? And I was floored.

I was like, but the movies were made here. And they're like, we don't care. We do not care. But if King Kong attacks that tram, well, now you got a winner. Now you're working with someone. Now you're working with someone. Now do you want to find out how that King Kong was made for the ride? No, fuck you.

No, fuck you. Fuck yourself. Then you are us. You are only us. The difference is that we do. We would like to know. Oh, absolutely. Then you are us. The difference is that we do. We would like to know which short-sleeved old engineers tirelessly worked on the crotch of King Kong, how to make his legs swing a certain way.

Give us that red meat. The other thing that's weird is that I'm always going to websites and learning all this information, and then it's like, God, I wonder who built the King Kong robot. Oh, it was a guy named Bob Gurr. Oh. Like, what else do you do with that info? That's the end of that story. You read what else he did.

And you're like, oh, wow, I like a lot of this man's work. Yes, sure. But it's often hard to convey to other people, which will be the challenge of doing this podcast. Sure, sure. Is any of this interesting? Are we doing this for ourselves? Are all podcasts kind of for yourself, possibly?

We have a lot of big-picture questions we hope to get to the bottom of. Anyway, let's talk. On that note, let's talk interplanetary passports. Yes. A great topic. Let's explain what the hell this is. Yeah, so Steven Spielberg mentioned it a while ago, but when you begin the E.T. Adventure experience,

you are set up with an operator in the early days of the ride, probably AT&T, who were the sponsors of it, and you had to give your name to the operator who would put your name onto a special passport, a little, like, flimsy card. And if you're going on this ride in Florida today, almost 30 years deep, special passport, a little flimsy card. And if you're going on this ride in Florida today, almost 30 years deep,

that is the most flimsy, falling apart, unlaminated, peeling off card you've ever seen. Although I've seen them sell on eBay for like $3,000. It's crazy. But anyway, the payoff of all of this is that at the end of the ride, due to the interplanetary passport, E.T. says your name. He says your name to you. Cool stuff, right? Yeah. I mean, as a kid, it was like, wow.

E.T.'s going to call me by my first name. And then the reality of it is that E.T. doesn't enunciate well, as we said before. And he enunciates even worse on the ride than he does in the movie. Can we all just try to say our names the way E.T. would? Yes. Ah. Dang. Jason.

And Jason was the luckiest of that. Yeah, I get it pretty close, but my dad is also named Michael, and I feel like Michael does not come out like a very common American name. The last time I went on this ride was three years ago, and he garbled his way through the whole eight people that were on the ride vehicle. It was just like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Just like one after another of butchering

Like he was drunk or something Phoning it in more than Steven Spielberg Like Brian Wilson being shoved in front of the piano At the Beach Boys concert He's kind of playing it a little Hey look, we're just happy he's around We're happy to see him Happy to see our friend E.T., our friend

Brian Wilson. I think they're equivalent figures. Dr. Landy worked with E.T. and Brian. E.T. tried to do a rap song once, too. But so, it never worked out great, and also, I feel like you were always a little behind it. Like, E.T.'s no

longer in your frame of vision by the time he's saying your name. It was never timed out too correctly. But the idea of this was so neat and this was so long before there was any customization of rides. Now you go on Star Tours and it picks you to be the spy or there's going to be a lot of interactivity in the upcoming Star Wars land. But I think without E.T. saying your name, you don't have those greater, better pulled off milestones in the future.

That's an early innovation that people have built on. You would have thought, though, by now in 2017, they could have just fixed the fucking thing. They could have done something that would actually make... I mean, I read today on something that people were like, like, the E.T. voice is working again. But I don't know that they've completely overhauled it. They really should just get a teenager to do the voice and say it. Like, they really should just get... Print a sheet out, do it live, have an 18-year-old kid.

Fuck it. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Oh, do it live. Fuck it. Oh, damn it. Live. And then E.T. just reads down the list. Because they do that. They have the fun talking fountains and stuff in Universal. Sure.

They have charming performers, college students. Does the fountain talk to you? When does that happen? There's a fountain over by the Harry Potter. What's the land by Harry Potter in Florida? Oh, the Lost Continent. The Lost Continent. Thank you.

A forgotten universe. An original creation of like universal that most people walk right through. Sure. That's what we did. Except. That's where the Poseidon show. Yeah. One of my girlfriend and I's favorite memories is the fountain had a very cool English voice

and it was talking to this little girl and he was like, Olivia, hello, Olivia. Olivia, come over here, Olivia. And we were very charmed by this talking fountain. So I feel like they have the capability to make E.T. speak. We're missing out on stuff like this British Olivia voice. That fountain is a guy. There's a camera on that fountain and there's a guy somewhere

watching that person and talking to them. I know that. I know it's not a real talking fountain. I'm just saying they can have a clearer voice. Do you know that? I do know that. I think you might just be a fucking idiot. I am not a fucking idiot. Don't tell people that's what I am. But that fountain, every time

I see that fountain, it's sassy. Like, it's ragging on people. It's like roasting people and shooting water at them. Universal has a whole thing where they rag on you a little more than Disney does. Because I got ragged on by those New York Street performers before. Where they're like, oh, look at this guy. Look at this guy here. And they can't say anything mean or they can't swear.

So all they can do is be like, this lady's wearing a funny hat. Look at that lady's hat. Really, if it was a real issue, he'd be like, this fucking bitch. But they can't say that. So it's just like, look at that guy. He's got a funny pair of pants on. Look at that guy's pants. It's devastating.

If those New York people get on you, oh, man, it's devastating. You're starting your vacation off being humiliated. What, is this guy from Denver? Yes. Oh. You live on a mountain, pal? Look at this mountain guy. And, like, that does work.

The audience, people like that. Yeah, people like it. But if you're, yeah, if you're getting roasted, it's like, oof. I'd avoid that at all costs. Still today, they're saying all this stuff about the Star Wars attractions, that you're going to have a reputation that carries you costs. Still today, they're saying all this stuff about the Star Wars attractions that you're going to have a reputation that carries you along

through all these... You'll, like... Somebody will criticize you for doing a bad job on the Millennium Falcon ride. That's a lot of pressure. Sounds horrible to me. But maybe E.T.

should roast you a little bit as you get off the ride. Ah, this is... Fuck you, buddy. Don't come back. You were baggage on that bike. Look at your hat. Look at this fucking hat.

What are you, from Denver? You don't even like Magdol. You weren't nice to Teeflee. He's one of my oldest friends, and this is how you treat him. Sort of like grouchy Jewish ET.T. that we're developing. That would be an improvement, though. Come visit me more often. Come on. Come on.

That's a question is what do you do? How do you improve this ride? What do we do to the ride? You know, we're in charge of the park. What do we do? Do we fix it? Do we tear it out? What happens to the E.T. adventure?

We've come up with an official grading system. Let's call it an unofficial grading system. There's three choices that we should each pick of what we would do with this ride. Would we, one, keep it as is? Don't do anything to it. It's perfect.

We want to preserve it for future generations. Two, keep the ride, but plus it up. Make some changes. Make some improvements to it. Like maybe that grouchy Jewish E.T. at the end. Or three, we hate the ride, and we want to burn it down in an accidental fire for insurance purposes. Quote, unquote, accidental fire. Universal Studios history is littered with quote, unquote, accidental fires.

Disney has one or two as well. I suppose there are. There's serious insurance fires. Hey, you can get some money if something burns down and you didn't have anything to do with it. Yeah, look, there's fireworks going off. There's all manner of things. You know. Anything can happen.

Just grunt old employees, quote-unquote. A lot of water, a lot of electronics. I mean, we've all thought about it in our daily lives, folks. Yeah. About burning down a universal... For sure. Sure. So, all right, Jason, you go first.

What would your choice be? Would you keep it as plus up or burn it down? I think plus up because I do like this ride. I feel like people... Like, E.T.'s not fully in the front of our consciousness, but I feel like people still like E.T.'s not fully in the front of our consciousness, but I feel like people still like E.T. I feel like that's a classic family movie, and this ride, I think a lot of it is still fun.

I feel like, yeah, there is stuff that can be improved. That weird room where they're giving you the passport that looks like a movie set, like just turn the whole line into a forest queue or something. And yeah, put some more animatronics in and, like, make

E.T. talk better at the end. So, I think keep it and plus it up. And I think this will probably, I mean, I'm saying this, this ride will probably outlive us all. Really? Well, it's an interesting note because they've gotten rid of two of them. There was one in Orlando, there was one in Japan, and there was one here.

And the one here and in Japan went away. And it angered Mr. Spielberg, apparently. And he put his foot down and he kept the one here. It angers me. I say, you know, I'm all for replacing rides if you have a better ride to go in its place. And the one in Japan looks kind of cool. I don't know if you guys have looked this up. There's a ride called Space Fantasy The Ride.

And it looks kind of neat. You get to, like, fly into the sun or something. It's a spinning roller coaster. It looks like a blast. But here, oddly, similarly, there's this mummy ride where you go into an eclipse or something. That's the end of the ride. You get spun around and they flash a lot of lights at you and somebody yells, the eclipse. What?

Where? Am I in it? Is it happening far away from me? What's the story with this eclipse? Yeah, the mummy ride at Universal Studios Hollywood is trash. I think it's an awful ride. Yeah, I mean, there's a couple things

to like, a couple tiny things to like about it, but yeah, there's a better version of it in Florida and it feels very generic. It feels like you're just

in a warehouse on a roller coaster, which is like fun viscerally, but where's the theming? Where is the adventure and the fun of going to the green goddamn planet?

Like, it's a step down. It's a bummer that that's the thing that replaced it. Yeah. And Spielberg helped make Universal Studios Florida. Like, he was, like, the big guiding, like, Hollywood consultant. So, they want to keep him happy because he still consults

on the parks. Yeah, I mean, I'm I am worried, though, if he dies, if they go, well, Stephen's dead, and then, like, the bulldozers hit the ride in Orlando the next day. All the contracts are off. I know we're all going to die one day. I know that, too. So, Scott, what would your choice be?

Oh, yeah. Plus it up? Plus it up, bring it back in Hollywood, goddammit. And you know what I think hurts the ride is that you don't really know who Botanicus is. He's his teacher, okay? What did he teach him to do? What's the connection there? What's the relationship?

I want to know. Maybe in that pre-ride sequence, you watch a little film or something. Maybe we bring E.T. into the language of like the CGI movies, the Despicable Me kind of animation that all the kids love these days. Maybe you do some new stuff that explains who Botanicus is. It explains who Mook Mook or these other Glip Glop, all these Green Planet characters are. Maybe it provides some context so by the time you see them in the ride, you love them.

You want to reach out of the bike and give them a hug. That brings up a great point. You have to get E.T. back to the Green Planet so his healing touch can fix the Green Planet. None of these other assholes have that power. What is Botanicus' power? Yeah, Botanicus has an orb where it seems like he gets his power from.

There's like a cool orb that's by him. Is the power just to see E.T. and what he's doing? Yes, that might be. It's like a crystal ball. My theory about E.T. is that much like Superman, when he's exposed to Earth's yellow sun, that's how he gets his powers. Like, he doesn't have powers on Krypton. E.T. under our yellow sun on Earth has these magical powers to, you know, grow plants and stuff. But I would imagine all of his species has that.

It's not like E.T. They really present E.T. as like a dumpy little boy in that movie. It's not like E.T.'s this extraordinary alien that can bring something back. And this ride frames him as like the chosen one, which I don't think the movie was not about him being the chosen one. He was just a regular kid hanging out with another kid. But in fact, when he's gone, the planet has gone to shit. When you first arrive at that green planet, it's just gas. Characters are dying.

It does have that thing where the ride is like the movie in that it's scary and depressing. E.T. is a very upsetting film and when you arrive at the green planet it's like you're watching E.T. in the incubation unit frothing at the mouth and dying. I guess he doesn't

foam, but I'll never know because I don't want to watch that E.T. death stuff ever again. It's very depressing. I did not care for it as a child. It was very traumatizing. Yeah, my mom would ask, do you want to watch E.T.? Like, no! Fuck no! Please, no! Did I do something wrong?

But yeah, maybe you learn more about these people. You up the stakes. I think better animatronics. Although maybe not those cops. Maybe I like that those cops are apartment store mannequins. They're brainless automatons, the way the worst of the police officers are. Only the very, very, we're not all of them.

Folks, the state is a monopoly on violence, but we're not going down that road. Michael, what's your version? Oh, on that door. We fed you into that very nicely. I am going to also say plus it up. And I have some idea. We all are on the same page with this. The first thing I have is that I would like Steven Spielberg to record the video again.

I would like a fourth video. Every year. Let's keep sending him out. Yeah, because the last one was in 2002, I think, or something around then. I think it needs an update. And here's what I propose. He isn't Steven Spielberg in the video. You don't use his name.

You can be cute about it. You can be like, hello, I'm E.T.'s friend Steve. And, like, we can say Steve and, like, there can be, like, a wink of, like, we know. Because I don't like the idea that it's this director of the movie. He needs to play a character in the universe. I want it to sell that we're in another adventure. But is it going to confuse people? Are they going to think that he's the store owner from the Blues Brothers?

Iconic Steven Spielberg character. If that movie had come out in the last 30 years, then maybe. Why didn't he reprise it in 2000? That is a good question. That would have been a good callback. Old store owner. So I want Steve. I want him to play Steve. And I that is a good question. That would have been a good callback.

Old store owner. So I want Steve, I want him to play Steve, and I also want a little more explanation, because in this ride, it's like, why is E.T. back on Earth already? It's not the same thing from the movie. So I would propose this, that the video is sort of E.T. and his friend Steve doing something, and Steve is like,

thanks for coming back to Earth, E.T. It's so good, and they could be playing cards, they could be watching a movie, I don't care. And then is like, thanks for coming back to Earth, E.T. Like, it's so good. Like, they're doing, they could be playing cards. They could be watching a movie. I don't care. And then Botanic is on the video, comes to them, and goes, what's my splitter voice? Like, you must come back to. He's sort of like, it's like a warmer. Yeah, a warmer.

I am Botanic. That's offensive. I'm sorry. E.T., where are you going? We got to finish Bridge of Spies. Yeah, that'sanic. That's offensive. I'm sorry. E.T., where are you going? We gotta finish Bridge of Spies. That's good. That's fine. If you want to put a nod to Steven Spielberg's work, but not reference it, he directed it.

And then Steve explains to the audience that he can't go, but E.T. had just got a transmission from Botanicus, and they need to go, and you guys are the ones to help. So then, that makes sense now we know why he's there now we know we're not confused why the director of the movie is there that we just know there's a mission we're gonna go help et go back then yeah you get rid of that

thing where it's like a movie studio you put more trees in there you come up with a cooler way to do the the name thing like maybe et asks you your name or something before like you have to just say it to him and then there's a teenager behind there, and he hears the name of it, and then that's when he says it later, which I guess kind of kills the fun of talking to E.T. until the end. So maybe I can workshop that. Put the interplanetary passport on your phone. That's a great idea.

That's a great idea. Oh, sure. Great. Apps are big these days. They have not converted those interplanetary passport cards to QR codes yet. They're still rocking a barcode. There we go. Let's get it up to 2012 technology.

Yeah. Also, a thing that bothers me is that they call him E.T. His aliens call him, his friends from the planet call him E.T., which is not his name. I know his real name. His real name is Zrek. Z-R-E-K. Because that is in the book, The Green Planet. Oh, that just rolls off the top.

Zrek. Zrek. So if we're going to be accurate, they should be like, hello, Zrek. Like, that should be all. That's how they should be calling him. I understand it will confuse tourists, but let's be accurate. Maybe you can flash a disclaimer with an asterisk, as that is said, or pause the ride

entirely, unfurl a big sheet of information. In the original, in the E.T. mythology, E.T. is Rick. Obviously, they wouldn't call him E.T. That's a name that Elliot made up, so that's why this is what it is, and then the paper goes back up, you continue with the ride. Sure. Yeah, that's fine. Zarek is, I think, the name

the Zodiac Killer signed some of his letters with. Nice little reference. Nice little Easter egg in that E.T. book to the Zodiac Killer. Yeah. He almost signed it Botanicus. It was a flip of a coin. I would

install a few more Botanicus animatronics as well. Like, he has to have a little bit of a stronger presence. Also maybe make like sort of a force ghost, Star Wars ghost botanicus during the ride or the first part of the ride where he says close call. You're almost there or watch out or something like have his presence be felt because he's such a big. They pipe him up to be so big and then he's barely on the ride. He barely does anything. His big ghost is hovering above Dodger Stadium in the fake Los Angeles.

Visible in the spotlight. I'm missing now. This way. Don't hit Chavez Ravine on your way out. Yeah, and then also, like, toned down. Because when they get to the Green Planet, it feels like they're all the munchkins in The Wizard of Oz. It's a very munchkin vibe of, like, right this way. Yes, you're welcome home.

You've arrived. Like, pick a different thing. Like, it doesn't, I don't know why everyone would be, like, so cheery, like. And I think more ETs. Don't you want to see a ton of ETs? You want a ton of ETs. Not these little plant guys you never met. Yeah.

Right, the plant guys don't make any sense. More ETs and, like, make them, one is a mohawk or something. One has like a, but whatever the ET version of a mohawk is. All right. If one had an electric guitar, like who does the rock and roll ET? He rips a quick solo. And then you could do a thing where there's a new song every time you ride the ride. You got a DJ one with a big dead mouse helmet.

Sure. Let's make it relevant to the rave kids. And you know what? How about one girl one? There. There'll be one girl E.T. Let's be progressive here. A token girl E.T.

Just blonde hair. Which looks just like the E.T. from The Closet. Oh, yeah, sure. Which is a photo op you can get after the ride. Oh, yeah. Don't forget. Don't forget. And then, yeah, my last thing is for all these different characters and for Botanicus, as Mr. Spielberg calls him, where's the merch?

Where's the Botanicus doll? Yeah. Like, why aren't we not taking advantage? Like, a big part of theme parks is, parks is marketing and selling some shit, moving merchandise. You know what? My favorite obscure characters, Captain EO, I.D. and Odie, and Major Domo. Major and Minor Domo. Major and Minor Domo.

And Hooter. And Hooter. I have a little Hooter. They do have dolls of these obscure things. Why not Ruffle through notes, ruffle through notes, Orbadon. I want to take an Orbadon home. Yeah, they should have more Orbadon merch.

That marketing worked on me as a kid so much. It was like, look, it's the merch from the ride, and you can't get this anywhere else, you little fuck. You better buy it now. It's like, yeah, I better buy it now. Where else would I fucking buy this? Now the answer is eBay or Etsy.

Too many opportunities to share in the magic. But, I mean, when the ride goes away, it's hard to get that merch. So, like, you know, you'll cherish that Botanicus doll for the next 30 years. Who's the mushroom one? Orbadon. Orbadon. Orbadon. You get a big mushroom helmet. Yes.

It doesn't have to just be a doll. It becomes an heirloom. Parents pass them, this is my Orbadon, son, and it's your Orbadon now. I think like in the late 90s when kids were rocking the cat in the hat hat, kids are going to be wearing that Orbadon hat at raves. It'll be different colored Orbadon hats. It's the new Devo Energy Dome. Yeah.

For a new generation of kids who will get beat up as soon as they wear it in public. So, I mean, that's... Orbadon helmets is the solution. We all agree. We all agree. So, implement all... Keep it. Keep it and implement all of our solutions now, please.

You heard us, Universal Studios, big wigs. I got an in there, right? A minimum wage job there. They owe me. Hey, start to get cranking on those Orbiton helmets, would you? Yeah, send them an MP3 of this. Yeah. And assume that they listen to it.

They might. Folks, we'll be right back. Folks, we're back. Here with a segment we're calling Souvenir Smackdown. Souvenir Smackdown. There, that was a cue. Souvenir. Souvenir Smackdown. All right, we got all the morning radio trademarks invenir. Souvenirs, Magda.

All right, we got all the morning radio trademarks in there. The Zoo Crew stuff, yeah. The Zoo Crew stuff. Folks, there's a large secondary market, I guess you'd call it, for theme park merch and souvenirs on pretty much any website that sells stuff. Amazon, eBay, Etsy. And you can find vintage souvenirs, maps, tickets, anything you want

you could find on these websites. And we, the three of us set out to each find a weird thing. Yeah, so we're going to find out who has found the weirdest piece of souvenir merchandise. And then I guess we'll all vote on it?

I suppose so. You might call this stuff Disney-ana. Yes. That's that technical term, although some of it might not be from Disneyland. So I don't know what kind of ana it is. It's the theme park ana, I guess. What is that? Why is that word Disney Anna?

I don't know. I have no idea because it's not Anna. It should be memorabilia, like Disney-bilia, universabilia. Does it come from like antiquing? Maybe. Like Americana? Antiquing. Is it Disney and Americana mashed up?

Could be. Better name. Plus up the name. Burn down the name Disney Anna Anna, for insurance money. Tell us on Twitter if you know what, where did that come from. Yeah. So. All right.

So who wants to go first? I'll go. Jason, you go first. All right. I got it. Okay. So I found, now we all know when you shop for collectibles, like collectible toys, you want to keep it in the packaging so that it accrues value over time, and it's in good shape when you keep it in the packaging.

With, like, toys and shit. But what I found is a weird thing to keep in the packaging. This is a, I don't know what year this is copyright, this is a child's swim ring featuring the orange bird still in the packaging. All right. We'll have pictures of all of this on all the social media stuff. So this is an inflatable swim ring that you would wear around your waist featuring the Orange Bird. For those of you out there who don't know, the Orange Bird, a character created by Walt Disney Productions in the 1970s

for the Florida Citrus Commission in exchange for that commission sponsoring the Enchanted Tiki Room in Florida. And a character that went away for a long time and then became a huge hit in Japan. So they brought him back. Where would you see this character? What's an example of the orange bird in the world?

You will see him in Florida at the place in Adventureland at Disney World where they sell the Citrus Swirl, a combination of vanilla soft serve and orange icy. And then you'll just see him in souvenir shops. How would you describe the attitude of this character, this beloved in Japan character, the orange bird? He's sassy. He's fun-loving. He has a head that looks like an orange, and the rest of his body is either green or orange.

And he is no longer associated with the Florida Citrus Commission. He's just back to being a Disney park-exclusive character. So he's a free agent. He could advertise any Citrus Commission he wants. That's true. If your state is looking for a mascot.

So the eBay listing... Oh, my God. The eBay listing mascot. So the eBay listing, oh my God. Okay, the eBay listing has ended. They said it is a vintage 1970s, still in the packaging. Guess how much money this child's inflatable swimming device sold for. So this is like an inner tube, right? Yeah, this is like a little inner tube you would put around your waist. Okay. And it's from the 70s.

It's from the 70s. Still in the packaging, so you wouldn't use it. You could try, though. You could try, yeah. Let me throw out a $200. I think they're asking for $800. Scott was closer. It went for $133.62.

That's reasonable, actually. Horrible, although also for this character, you don't really know what is it. And who would be impressed by this? Would this make you happy at home? Would your spouse be impressed if you had this? Also, it's not like an action figure or a little statue that you can see it in the box. It is a folded up inflatable tube.

It's a Leslie's pool supply scrunched up in the box still. You can't see the picture. You could just kind of make out part of the word Florida. Orrid. Orrid. Orrid. I guess you would have to, if you wanted to display, you would have to try to blow it up. You have to open it.

Blow it up, yeah. I guess maybe that would work. But how long can an inner tube last for 45 years? I don't know. Did you purchase this product? Is the purchaser of this listening? If so, let us know what you want to do with it, why you bought it. If you did and you've used it, just tweet us a photo of you in a lake

with the thing around you, like floating. Because that would be great. That would be very exciting. Tweet at us at Podcast The Ride on Twitter. Yes. All right, Scott. All right, I will read mine with the same capitalization as the entry does.

Walt Disney. Animal Kingdom. Authentic leaves. Tree of life. Extremely rare prop. What this is, and let me show you gentlemen without... I'm going to show you a picture of two leaves. This, without showing you the price.

So the centerpiece of Animal Kingdom is a giant fake tree. These are two leaves on the same little branch from the tree of life. Let me read some facts about it. This is the ultimate Disney collectible. An actual branch with two leaves from the Tree of Life. This branch with two leaves is from a bigger branch that was removed from the tree after an incident in May 2012 in which the branch fell onto a public path during park hours. Public? This seems like a private transgression.

Very special item and very rare. This type of Disney souvenir has never been on the market. The Tree of Life branch is about 25 inches long. The first leaf is about 12 inches long and 7 1⁄2 inches wide. The second leaf is about 12 inches long and 7 1⁄2 inches wide. Just to clarify the difference between the first and second leaf. And of course they are scratched after spending many years in the Florida

weather. Alright? So deal with it. Florida's rough as hurricanes. They're scratched. Alright? Just buy them anyway. Do not miss this opportunity. What is the material? What does it say it's made of? I don't believe it says that. I mean, what are Disney trees made of? I mean, it's some rubbery whatever.

Plaster and rubber. Plasticky. Does it even say how they obtained this? Did it fall off while they were at it? It fell, and I think probably whoever is selling this went and grabbed it and hauled it out of the park. Decided to make a nice pretty penny off of it. Yeah, and it implies to me, I think it says that it was part of a bigger branch. This guy might have upwards of...

Oh, he has the full branch. Could have like 20 leaves. He's selling it for parts. Yeah, yeah. Holding out. Would you like to... This is not sold. There are four people watching, one of them myself. Would you like to guess the asking

price for this item? I'll say $200. I was going to say $200 exactly. The asking price is $29,000. What? No. Come on. Is that the buy it now price?

That is the buy it now price. There are no offers. What do you mean okay? People can set. You can set, but that's insane? That's the buy it now. People can set. You can set. You can set. That means they're setting it.

That doesn't mean if someone had put up that money, that means they would have been making a commitment. Can we make an offer right now? Just like a... Like $10? Yeah, maybe we should. Yeah. First, we need to set up Podcast the Ride at eBay.com. Yeah.

We're going to sell a lot of our merch too um yeah no let's uh yeah let's do it and see maybe we can end up with these $29,000

yeah that'll be a good cliffhanger we'll update you on a future episode cause I would imagine if somebody thinks this is worth $29,000 and they get an offer

for $10 they're gonna be furious did you not read the story this fell on a public path. Oh, my gosh.

Unprecedented in Disney history. And, yeah, they're beat up, but, God, shut up. Don't bother me about that anymore. Theme park enthusiasts angry about something? I have never heard of such a thing. The branch with two leaves from a moose branch after an incident in May 2012. So there's a possibility that a person shimmied up the tree and ripped a branch off as well. That's a good point.

There's a possibility this is illegally obtained. We're trying to take the leaves back into our hands. Democratize the leaves. Or it fell on someone and someone saw it and they ran up

and they're like, oh my God, and they grabbed the branch before helping the other person. And this could be crucial evidence in the trial that could finally bring Disney down, bring it to its knees. And yet it was stolen, maybe hidden away by Disney themselves. Maybe we're accessories to murder if we buy this item.

Disney does sell a lot of stuff to theme park, like, you know. To the Van Eaton Galleries, where i've bought some epcot signs which i'm sure i'll talk about on every episode warehouse in florida where you can just buy like the sign from the hotel or like a monorail door well the monorail door yeah i'm all about that we all we would all really like a monorail door that's my room that's my 29 000 item yeah i would like the full people mover car. Oh, sure. Just like in your kitchen.

Which I've seen at this auction that I went to. That, I believe, was set around $29,000. And this is being asked for two leaves. I'm going to the D, well, when this comes out, this may not make sense, D23. But you can always buy a car there for like $25,000 per people mover car. Really? Okay. So you'll hopefully ride one up to the next record. Yeah, that'll become...

The people who move our car will become my real car. I'll sell my current car. I mean, I ride everywhere in just a sidecar. That's a good point. You just coast. Okay, so here we go. Here's mine. This kind of doesn't fall.

I kind of moved out of the rules of the game a little bit, but this is so funny to me. I had to do it. So I'll read the description, and then I'll show you the picture because the picture is everything. This Winning the Poo collectible Disneyland promotional art depicting Winning the Poo with a park guest in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle. Now, that all sounds pretty normal, right? Sure. Okay, but like, does this art look weird to anyone else? Let me crane around. Oh, fuck.

There. What the hell? So what's going on here is that it's a drawing of Winnie the Pooh and a very attractive woman. Yeah, real 80s babe. Feathered 70s hair. Or she kind of reminds me of like a, you know, she looks like a Jan Hooks. She looks like a young Jan Hooks. Yeah. And.

She looks like she just got engaged to a life-size women's boot. That is my point, is that these two don't look like a tourist and a person in a costume. These look like lovers. This is a little sexualized, what we're looking at. It's, I don't, that was probably not the intention, but it's just, it's so weird because I imagine this is probably why this never became like a big image they ever used for a lot of things. But it definitely looks like Pooh and this human woman are having sex with each other. Or about to have sex.

Her hand we can't see is in his back pocket. He does not have a back pocket, though. We can't see beneath the weight. I mean, we can kind of see, but he could be wearing a half shirt and he has, like, bell bottoms on. He's got his arm around her in such, and again, this will be posted on the various social medias. He's got his arm around her in such an intimate way. And she's kind of just, like, has her left hand, like, resting on his breast, his, like, bosom, his pec. Yeah.

Winnie's pec. It's a couple's photo. It's a prom photo for sure. Yeah, and itom, his pec. Yeah. Winnie's pec. It's a couple's photo. It's a prom photo for sure. Yeah, and it's just so bizarre. So, I mean, there's not much more to it. How much do you think they're asking for this? Sorry, what's the context of it again? This is concept art?

It says it was concept art for a promotion. Now, it's possible this is just some pervert's fan art, and they're pretending that it was something the Disney company was developing. And that if you buy the full thing, you get to see Winnie the Pooh's erect penis at the bottom of the cut-off point.

Oh, bother. And it is the 70s Pooh. He does look... So this is obviously old. The signature on the shirt. The signature on the shirt is the old one. This is like an ice storm couple. This is the couple that was cut out of the ice storm.

Poo's head is like resting too, like right on her bosom. Yeah, bosom and mouth are perfectly lined up. He looks more lascivious than the normal Poo as well. There's a little something to him. He looks a little bit more adult or human. Yeah, a little more sassy, a little more sexualized. It's as if the woman's husband is taking the photo, and he's like, check this out, old man. Look what I'm doing here.

Again, weird sexuality among Disney fans. Who could imagine that? All right, so what do we think? In what quality do you get this item? It is just, so here's what it looks like. It's just, oh, did you see the thing? No, I did not. Okay, so it's kind of a big sketch.

Let's say $80. Card stock, $150. $400. $400. And on the back it says, in handwritten, it says, DL Co-op, feel like a kid. Poo slash guest slash castle. $400.

Make an offer. Should we offer? What would the offer be? What would you pay for? Oh, we can make the offer? I think we set a podcast amount, and it's always what it is. $8.99, no matter what item. Hey, the price is right.

We offer $8.99 for, yeah. For sexual poo. Oh, we got a budget. That poo looks like he just, they just said, like, how was the wedding? Like, they just got married. Yeah, yeah. The poo just said the joke, like, well, the wedding was great, but I've been enjoying the honeymoon a lot more. And is honeymoon a pun?

Oh, yeah. That's what I intended. Let's say that that's very clever cleverer than I am who wins this war how do we decide I'll be honest

I think Jason's is the least weird yeah I think it is too it's kind of the most pathetic what did you guys search I typed in like vintage Disney world I did all that stuff and then I just typed in Disneyland and then I set it to highest price first

and then just started scrolling down. There's a lot of good stuff. I mean I'll save some of these for later but there's like for $450 you can get a Marie Osmond Disneyland 50th anniversary rose doll. Ew. That's creepier than Neeti's friend with the

tentacle hair. I don't know who Rose is. We don't have time to get into that. We'll have to do a whole episode on Rose one of these days. Is it between you and I? I think it's between us. So let's let Jason decide.

Because I'm going to vote for myself. The Pooh thing is weird. I mean, there's a lot of erotic fan art. There's a lot of erotic pop culture art online. I think the Scott's, the mysterious incident associated with Scott's, plus that $29,000, buy it now. Takes it into weird territory. It takes it into a very strange territory

well I agree obviously taking the whole package into consideration I agree I will accept defeat is what I'm saying I will lose Scott wins the first round Scott wins the souvenir

smackdown yes and with that we come to the first ending It's the souvenir smackdown. Yes. And with that. We come to the first ending. The first conclusion of the first podcast, The Ride. We're closing up. What's the theme park terminology? The Kiss Good Night.

The Kiss Good Night. That's what they call it. That is what they call it at the end of the night. They call it when Disney officially closes and they do a little light show at the castle. Well, this is a good way to get no return listeners. And now the Kiss Goodnight. All right. All three of us at once.

All right. Never again. That segment might not come back. Sorry, Kiss Goodnight fans. Hey, this was fun. We're going to do it again. And if you have any suggestions, anything you want to hear about, hear rambled about for an hour in the world of theme parks, let us know. Yeah.

At our social media handles. At Podcast The Ride on Twitter and Instagram. And the email is podcasttheride at gmail.com. So if you have any ideas for shows except wait no colons right because in the title of the show there'd be a colon but we don't have the colons in those yeah no colons in the usernames

great okay now that that's been settled email us twit at us thanks to feral audio and everybody here for helping us do this thing I'm Mike Carlson. You can find me at Fat Carlson on Twitter. P-H-A-T-C-A-R-L-S-O-N.

Hashtag Botanicus. Hey, we didn't even talk about it. That's a thing that everybody says, Mike. If you go out with Mike in public, people say hashtag Botanicus. Well, I was waiting for the tease at the end because anyone who's listening to this knowing about Botanicus was like, when is he going to say anything about it? Wow, the ultimate use of hashtag Botanicus. Yeah, I strung everybody out.

I strung everyone along. At Scott Gardner. At Jason. Oh. No, no, that was it. Okay. At Jason Sheridan on Twitter and Instagram. At Scott Gardner.

Hashtag Botanicus. Hashtag Botanicus. Thank you so much. Thanks. We'll see you next time. Good night. Feral Audio.