Podcast: The Ride - Failed Parks Part 2: Hard Rock Park with Jason Woliner

Episode Date: April 6, 2018

Part 2 of our exhaustive trip through Hard Rock Park. We finally answer the question you've all been asking "Does this park have a heavy metal alternative to the Country Bears called the Bear Metal Family?" With Jason Woliner (Eagleheart/The Last Man on Earth) Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hmm. Welcome back, my friends, to the podcast that never ends. When you last left this band of weary travelers, we were lost adrift in a wilderness of pain, once known as Myrtle Beach's Hard Rock Park. With the world of Sid and Marty Croft long in our wake, we venture forth into a barren land, littered with discarded guitar shaped shovels, tattered white satin sheets, and rusted over high fidelity speakers once used in Led Zeppelin the Ride. Join us, brazen boys and girls, as we re-enter this hallowed park of rock. Help us light the funeral pyre so it may rise again.

We still aren't done with sculptures and everything. Because, well, let's hear it. We can start talking about whatever the London... Were you going to talk about Mount Rockmore? Yeah, Mount Rockmore was in the opening. We aren't even close to done. Wait, is that the Stonehenge one? No. That's Mount Rushmore. This was in the opening. We aren't even close to done. Wait, is that the Stonehenge one? No. That's Mount Rushmore.

This was during the groundbreaking. They built... Okay, let's talk about the groundbreaking. Okay, so they had a big publicity stunt when they broke ground, and it was called... And basically, they built a Mount Rushmore

called Mount Rockmore that was made out of Myrtle beach sand uh and it was faces of famous rockers uh elvis presley jimmy hendrix john lennon and bob marley but bob marley looks more like albert einstein and they and they dug they broke the literal ground with guitars that had been modified to be shovels. So they put shovel heads on the end. And the three guys, I guess it was John Goodwin and... Probably Monday. Probably Monday.

And they're just like, wait, what did they sing that song? They're like, well, it's one for the money, dig. Two for the show. And then everyone applauds. And then they blow confetti at everyone. Go, Kat, go. And then Billy Joel's daughter, Alexa Rae Joel, performs. And then do they smash the guitars?

Do they smash guitars? No. Do they smash them? I don't see that part. I feel like I saw footage of smashing guitars. There's never a bad first time to find out Billy Joel's daughter sings. Did they smash them? I feel like I saw footage of smashing guitars. There's never a bad first time to find out Billy Joel's daughter sings. Why not at the debut of a rock park have a rock star's daughter?

You know, also, there was, you know, so they finally break ground on the place. And there is a lot of hype. This story is picked up by a lot of news stations and what have you. A lot of news stations. And there were some jokes done in a topical monologue by America's host, Jay Leno. If you'd like to hear his take on the subject. They're opening the world's first rock and roll theme park. They already announced an awesome ride coming out. A lot of demand for this is going to be the Rolling Stones Rascal Scooter Grand Prix.

Also, it should be noted, when Jay delivered that joke, he fucked it up. He got tongue-tied. He did not stick the landing on that. Look, when you do late night jokes, you do a lot every day. You do it for days.

You get mealy-mouthed. Sometimes you get mealy-mouthed. Sometimes you eat shit. And he ate shit on that delivery, much like the park. But he was given a second chance, also like the park. Because he wanted to point out the least popular ride, the George Michael Haunted Men's Room. Haunted?

Yeah, I don't know what he means by haunted. Not George Michael's Men's Room, but if George Michael has a men's room where he has ghosts of gay men looking for wasn't that a topical news story in 2008 wasn't he arrested in a men's room

not for ghosts I'll tell you that I don't know where Jay got this ghost element now I see your objection to it why was it not George Michael's men's room where does haunted come in? I guess it ties it to the haunted mansion. But why are there ghosts? There was a big debate in the writer's room that day of like,

well, shouldn't it be like haunted restroom? Like, no, Jay, that doesn't really make any sense. I get to be haunted. We can't analyze these things so much. You know, you do it. The time of these shows, nobody's going to be talking about this in 10 years. They're going to move on. He was wrong.

He was wrong. Here we are. In terms of, in addition to the media coverage, like many brand new theme parks, there was a preview center with a lot of the memorabilia that would end up within the park. The preview center apparently cost a million dollars. Where was the preview center?

I think it was on the property. Right. Who was going to like at Disney I get the preview center because you're in the park and you go into a building and it shows you what's coming into the park. This park wasn't built. Who headed to the site of a park that wasn't built to look at the preview center? Also I don't think they promoted

the preview center well either. And also the preview center as they often are was free. So they spent all this money on this free thing and I don't think they the preview center well either and also the preview center as they often are are what's free so they spent all this money on this free thing and i don't think they came they didn't sell a lot of the annual passes at the preview center either they did this for disneyland paris though too disneyland paris was not open and they opened a preview center in the weird pastoral uh uh you know outside of paris where that park exists and and it was not really near the rest of disneyland paris and then it got overtaken by like wayward hobo french youths

like it like it's just full of graffiti and like 20 people were living in the preview center for a while it was like a crack den it's a real bummer yeah so uh uh which i wonder you gotta wonder hard rock park maybe a good place to spend the night? I don't think a lot of people are poking around there. You mean not a lot of police? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That did make me upset watching an abandoned, there's a number of abandoned place explorers.

There's so many of them. There's a lot. And just thinking about how many homeless people there are in America, and I'm sure in just in Myrtle Beach alone this huge empty plot that's what i'm saying you take the plot of land and you take that 400 million and just give everyone free health care i think you're gonna say how many homeless people are just like riding these roller coasters 24 7 and just living in nights of white satin and like there's just this whole society of the remnants. I got a good deal up in, yeah, I'm staying up in Eagle's Life in the Fast Lane.

Oh, congrats, man. I wish I was willing to climb that high. Yeah, I'm in the kitchen of the Red Red Wine Bar. How are there not people living there? There must be, right? I would think maybe somewhere. The urban explorers that I watched did not come across anyone. I'll do a quick side note.

All the people that go and tour these abandoned parks are acting like they found Atlantis. They all have this, whoa, I can't believe it. Here we are. And they all have a backpack and they all annoy me. And there's one guy, did you watch this one guy? He was like, most of the doors have been guy he was like most of the doors have been locked up but most of the windows have been broken up so it should be pretty easy to get into all these places and he's like so dramatic about it and it's like shut up these are always like the

most annoying guys did you say on another episode you're like just watch it and turn the sound off like they're always like yes i said yeah like it's always wall-to-wall annoying music and just like the most obnoxious guys yeah i mean it makes sense so like that's the guy who's like i'm gonna go to an abandoned theme park this guy also the guy i'm talking about he goes it's absolutely torn apart look at this water can you imagine if you fell in that that's it no it's like why it's a water one of them i actually that i saw i i actually found very endearing because it was just like a a very polite southern man and he uh he was like yeah i was one of the first and one of the few annual pass holders and uh i really enjoyed it i miss

this park a lot and oh no he went in and did the exploring and and was able to then cut two shots of what he was looking at now with the footage he took in the park when it was. And he was and then he was like. Depressing. All right. I got to get out of here. And then like, you know, after like it's showing him like going out of the park and then it cuts to like he at the top of of the video he had the map of the park at his in his home and then at the end of the video he like slaps the map again he's like damn it i forgot about this whole section i forgot about if i get to go back if i can go back i got a whole section

i got it because that's what i was like oh i didn't even see the knights of white satin ride or as it was uh eventually called at the Freestyle Music Park, the Monstars of Rock. Monster Ride. Which that looks like. Well, we're going to miss areas like this, man, if we aren't careful. We need to game this, man. All right.

The park featured six rock environs celebrating rock's culture, lifestyle, legends, and irreverence. Included all-access entry plaza, rock and roll heaven, British invasion, lost in the 70s, born in the USA, and cool country. Yeah. Born in the USA, famously

sad song. Yeah, that land explored what veterans were going through after the Vietnam War. Couldn't get jobs at the closed refineries. You would go on a ride where Americans would turn their back on you after you gave your life to the service. The deer hunter experience.

Oh, no, it's a music park, not a movie park. Yeah, yeah. You know, we missed something. Was it Swingin' London? What is it? Oh, yes. Or the UK? Oh, I haven't missed that.

Just to cover our sculpture bases we missed phone hinge oh phone hand British Invasion in British Invasion yeah there is a stone hinge that is made entirely out of red British phone booths just file that away can we talk about the roadie stud show yeah yeah also let's not forget the Eagles coaster the cars coaster but the roadie stud show? Yeah. Also,

let's not forget the Eagles coaster, the cars coaster, but the roadie stud show, since you brought it up, please send me this clip. We've all watched the whole show. Yeah, we have so many things about this.

Like just again, that it just watches. This is on YouTube. There's someone that recorded the whole thing in three parts. And, and there's this whole like sub story going on this it's on youtube there's someone that recorded um the whole thing in three parts and and there's this whole like sub story going on because it's obviously this like horny dad recording it because for the last half he's just filming the one woman in the show he's named aj but um and it's like and you miss most of the show because he just gets fixated on this one performer. Yeah, like pyrotechnics, big stunts happen, and he's just focused on her mid-drift.

It's so gross. Looking at sweet drift. Again, like the Stunt Show episode, in this Stunt Show, in this park at large, women don't exactly fare well. Not the most nuanced portrayal of women. What the one has to, picture I saw of the woman's uniform

that made Aaron think this is 1992. It's like the tilted kilt or something. Like that's the uniform. Really demeaning. Maybe there was like t-shirts you could buy of like the Runaways or the Mamas and the Papas or Janis Joplin

or any number of the important women in the history of rock and roll, but they are not really present otherwise. Yeah, in this whole park, it seems. AJ's representing for all women. It's all on you, AJ. So the show begins with they announce the bare metal family which this is all i love this is what i love this is my favorite thing they got now i wound up transcribing their whole song and i don't have to read it but i was just like i need to write it oh can i set the stage

which is that uh by literally like this you were looking at a stage with a bunch of equipment and speakers like a concert's about to begin and then a band is announced the bare metal family and they You were looking at a stage with a bunch of equipment and speakers, like a concert's about to begin, and then a band is announced, the bare metal family, and they walk out in front of the stage. In front of the stage. Not on the stage, which at no point in the roadie stunt show is used by a band. That's true.

The bare metal family, it's like four people in bare costumes. The announcer goes, heavy metal heads and rockers of all ages, give it up for the Bear Metal family. And the costumes, they're big stuffed bears. They kind of look like Kiss. Yes. Yes, they have kind of Kiss makeup on, but also colored hair.

The girl has pink hair. I don't want to read the whole song, but it begins. Maybe I'll just read the whole song. Yeah, read the whole song but it begins maybe i'll just read the whole song yeah read the whole look out yogi step back smoky country bears are too hokey pokey goldilocks wants a band that rocks and country bears yeah they're just firing shots then in the course like bear metal family and then the first bear's yummy but he ain't no gummy daddy bear likes it in your case i think yeah i couldn't understand what that was either did you write this too but the grizzly easily shreds his face he's crazy mad he's heavy dad that's the name of the dad and he does a guitar

solo these rocking bears still attack people like the most rabid bears. Well, they are animals. There's no singer in this band. Yes, they never say anybody. This is a band that is sung about and they play instruments, but sung about by a disembodied voice.

And when the one does a drum solo, he's playing no drums. No drums. This mother rules with an iron paw, slices keys into metal slaw. She's a matriarch, plays her metal dark. Makes a moan, come on, show us your stuff. I have come on ma, show us your stuff.

Oh, that's it. Ma. Like a Berenstain bear. Keyboard solo. She's a preteen bear, takes her metal with hair. Makes a guitar sing like a wild thing damn girl you can jam girl here is glam girl and she wails while he's singing that the brother is waving his drumsticks in the air and then like playfully like kicking her in the behind

yet more respect of women next on his feet to lay down the beat he's the cub of the club he's a drumming machine he's did you know what this was no something last and he plays it mean he's what we need boy

we call him speed boy let me hear I might just I'll cut this out and replace it if it sounds bad the audience needs to hear some of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know the tone.

With the bare metal family. Get there, get there, get there. Bare metal family. Bare metal family. Look at how you get. Step back, smoke it. There's a couple different versions of this show, too, because there's a show where the bare metal family is doing their own show. It's independent of the roadie show. So I don't know what happened.

Maybe they decided to combine two great shows into one. That's my guess. Super group. In the one show where they're alone and they're not part of the roadie stunt show, when the dad is introduced, he licks his paw in the dirtiest manner and smacks his own butt and it's just it's filthy i don't know it's so weird and then like after he's done playing his bass solo he again like licks his paw in the just most dirty way i've ever seen. Not how a bear would lick his paw at all,

but perhaps a woman at a strip club would do it if she thought that's what... Which again, is not exactly like the hard rock cafe or hotel kind of humor. Wait, hold on. What is the hard rock hotel or cafe kind of humor? I feel like at least at the one in Orlando, it's always like the door

hanger would say like was that a concert? I'm sleeping in. Like if you want it, like it was pretty like focus group tested. Like, you know. And sex is not a primary component. Yeah, it wouldn't be

like, this type of humor on that same card, it would have a picture of a bear and it't be like, this type of humor on that same card, it would have a picture of a bear and it would say like, getting some honey or something. Yeah. Like it would be like that. So you're saying it doesn't go together.

I agree. I agree with what you're saying. Did you notice that the audience is genuinely going nuts for these bears? Like they're really reacting like it's their favorite band. The audience does like them. There's a part, too, in that one video where the bear,

when Dad Bear is dirty, where there's, like, whoever's taking the video just goes, whoo, like, hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Lick that paw, baby. There's a couple hell yeahs. I have a question about the continuity of this universe. Are the roadies for the bear band?

No. It's for an unidentified rock star. The band is identified. I think it's called Roaring Savage. Correct. I think that it is. Did an algorithm write this show? Well, actually, I don't know how in-depth you want to go into the stunt show.

May as well. It's maybe the worst stunt show in any theme park from what I can tell. It's extremely confusing. It's about a bunch of roadies who all clearly have hepatitis who are metheo-custodian named Nigel, right? Like, that's the logline, right? That wasn't conveyed to me that he's not a roadie. I didn't get that.

Oh, no, he comes out with a broom. He's got a broom, and he's in a rock the man uh cast member you know rock the man notice okay so that it begins with one of these things where it's like it doesn't you don't know that the show's begun like this custodian comes out and he's like got a broom and he kind of looks around at the equipment and he's like hey maybe i'll try this out and then a roadie with either a brit or an Australian accent gets really mad and kicks him off he's like it's for road crew only and the audience did you notice this they're screaming at him like get out of here fuck you and like they hate this guy Nigel and then he uh sneaks back onto the stage does a backflip he like never speaks i don't think either and then he gets them on his side

and they're like you go nigel he grabs a guitar he jams he rocks so hard that the guitar goes limp like a like a penis yeah yeah oh i missed that part yeah yeah that's in part one he's caught again he's thrown off stage the road and then the then the show officially starts and they introduce these stunt roadies i only I didn't catch all the names. I'm sure you guys did. There was a guy named Bulldog. There was Pyro Jake. Seaman.

That's what that was for you? Yeah. No, no. And that's all I have, if there's more. I don't know. Was AJ the name? Yeah, I don't have them written down, actually. And Nigel returns. he keeps causing trouble.

He starts blasting t-shirts at the crowd out of a cannon. He makes all the rafters fall like dominoes. He freaks out. Okay, so then this is how we know the band is called Roaring Savage, because there's a big backing, and it says something like, Roaring Savage, the music never dies. And he, like, rips. And he rips it. He rips it.

Very clearly pre-ripped. Very clearly pre-ripped. Right down the middle. Right down the middle. And they put it right back up after. They put it together and then it spells out with the remaining letters, roadies suck,

which is so offensive to a roadie. Nothing can make you. He amended the pre-existing sign to say something about us it's a live mad magazine full it is that i wrote yeah i wrote that i wrote exactly i do appreciate that like we are giving some attention to the often forgot prequel to the luke wilson cameron crowe roadies tv show uh i'm assuming this is the the inspiration or like the rogue one to roadie yeah this was the stunt prequel yeah that inciting incident of the banner rip is what made them the roadies they are today oh one of the roadies has a remote that can control

everything sort of a mcguffin it took me a while to figure out what that was that's what aj is her name i guess so i think aj who is like in a jumpsuit that she like sexually strips out of and does a sexy dance to get out of at the very beginning but she eventually gets the remote oh and the universal remote is called uh the unicom is that right i think i think that's right i think it's the unicom i think that's right it I think it's the Unicom. It controls all the show action equipment, I believe is what they say. They chase him around a lot and do a lot of jumping up and down of these big

speakers. And then he winds up in a porta potty at some point. He goes and hides in it. And she uses the remote to lift it up and then drop it into a big wardrobe crate. And it explodes. explodes they kill him they kill nigel essentially you think you think you think he's dead and then he comes out dressed

in this like crazy sequin costume and apparently smelling like shit because uh aj keeps like waving AJ keeps waving her hand in front of her face. But he gets revenge somehow. He's on a, what do you call it? Not a zip line, but he's got a cable. Yes, he's on a wire. She makes him float above the crowd. He starts flying through the air. But then she gets covered in water and feathered. Yeah, somehow he triggers like a water bucket falls on her which she then sexually starts doing like a

sexy thing too but then immediately gets shot with a feather cannon which is never explained confetti i think she's covered in wet confetti because the guy who's filming this at this point is just zoomed in on her midsection. There's no way to tell what's going on. You would think it becomes her story arc. You would think she, and I think she is probably the most committed one from what I could tell. Although, Big Dog, no, what was the guy's name? We start ignoring Seaman midway through the show.

Bulldog seems pretty, he was barking a lot he was barking there was a guy i think it was bulldog there's okay so there's this long sequence tell me okay in the youtube video they're bouncing there's this giant wall of speakers they're surrounded by trampolines and they're doing this chase where like one wolf they're basically juggling themselves like one goes up as another goes down one goes up another on the concert stage where they've set up a lot of trampolines yes and one of the guys i think it might have been bulldog seems to me in this clip like he really hurts himself yes oh no eight minutes in um so i think part two he falls on the trampoline and then crawls over and just lies crouching for like a minute and then crawls back

off stage and i think he really like landed wrong if it's part of the narrative it certainly isn't spelled out and it's the most realistic thing in all of the roadies stunt show anyway it was replaced by csi live for yeah that's the epilogue in freestyle music park music park csi live which was also at some other parks took over this space which is also that's another crazy like yeah talking about tv that like is huge and then you forget about remember how uh the biggest show in america for years was about uh uh crime scene investigators sure uh trying to piece together the events of crimes and gruesome crime scenes. Like small bone fragments.

Bone fragments. And there was a CSI, still is, I believe, a CSI experience at the MGM Grand. Oh, yeah. Oh, that sounds right. Yeah. The CSI show moved also. It moved from that park once the second park closed to one of the six flags, I think.

It survived the closure of Freestyle Music Park. Stunt show. I will say. Sorry. No, go ahead. I was just going to say, there's another show that I think is a much better stunt show at this park. Do you guys see this?

Is this the Malibu one? This is the. I don't want to go right into another stunt spectacular, but I think we have to. I just saw a clip of this where someone hits their dick and balls on a dive. This is a Malibu beach party show that featured some of your...

Yeah, it had motorcycles. It had stunts off diving boards. This is a much better show than the roadie stunt show. That's how much there is. We didn't have, we've missed entire stuntaculars. Yes, and I'll quickly go through this because it's a 20-minute show. I'm not going to tell you about all of it.

You know, it's, first of all, they do a trick, which is a trick they do on another ride. They play about 10 seconds worth of the music so they don't have to pay royalty fees. So the music is coming in fast here you're going from barbara ann to barbie girl and that'll come back that's gonna come back around by the way keep going oh yeah yeah so i'm just gonna go through a couple quick things so like there's a whole you know narrative with i think barbara ann is a star am i correct jason

or did you watch this i didn't watch i just saw like a clip well i think barbara ann is the sexy girl and again we're saying- The character Barbara Ann, never seen in any previous media. Well, you meet a few different characters from popular songs like Gloria, G-L-O-R-I. You meet a lot of folks from your favorite songs. You meet every rock heroine. Not everyone, but- So, I mean, there's-

Again, I'm going to breeze through this because we are running long. So there's a section where, you know, everyone's trying to court Barbara Ann. And then all these other sexy girls come out of like, you know, your 1950s or 60s, like changing areas on a beach. And then that's where they introduce Gloria and a different girl. And then they go and meet Lola. And of course, we know lola from the kink song and lola's clearly no a man dressed as a woman which of course is uh looks like a woman but talks like a man yes of course and then honestly i thought it was going to be whatever lola wants

lola gets well that that would have been a little bit of variety in terms of the music in this park and we know that uh hard rock and it's hard like arbor ann yeah or the hardest rock song lola uh uh but lola is revealed to be a real mischief maker named icky mickey uh icky mickey a real troublemaker around these parts uh and then at a certain point... Is that a nod to Mickey Dolan? It might be. At a certain point... Chuck Berry song about pedophilia. Mickey Mickey was a real 12-year-old Chuck Berry was into. Oh, that's probably true. And then there's a sea monster that shows up that Barbara Ann kisses,

which looks a lot like a Sid and Marty Croft character. Sigmund and the sea monster. Or Sigmund and the sea monster, excuse me. There's a whole thing where there's motorcycles just flying around. I don't know why they're there. They're like stunt bikes. They're not 50s appropriate motorcycles. There's a section where the men are trying to impress the women, and they all have giant hot dogs because this park is obsessed with dicks.

It's just dicks everywhere. And then they dive into the water that's on fire to, like, roast their weenies, I guess, is the joke. Again, let's not give them too much credit. That's possible. They weren't thinking about that. So Malibu Beach Party Show, we'll post a link to that. That is the Cliff Notes version of it.

The listeners will have more homework to do, the amount of homework that is longer than the episode itself. Oh, and Leroy Brown is in the show, and he's a lifeguard. Does he spit into the wind like a little fan? No, but they call him Captain Steroids because he's a lifeguard. Does he spit into the wind in the fan? No, but they call him Captain Steroids because he's strong. One of the girls goes, okay, Captain Steroids because he's like a strong guy.

Does the events of the Malibu beach party make the character Jeremy so sad that he kills himself? He's a child at a desk just watching all the events play out. Why didn't they ask me i missed that party um okay so an entire other area we haven't what have we we forgot john's 50th birthday at the other time yeah yeah yeah yeah so so john binkowski back to the protagonist

of the tale so we're going yeah when i'm going through youtube and you're looking for clips of the bare metal family and it says bare metal family slash john's birthday surprise yeah because unlike the cinema at croft park where it seems like photography was not allowed photography was definitely allowed at this park and all i gotta say is just more just i want shoot it into my veins i can't get all the video all the photos listeners if you have any like get it to us however like i wanna this will be the first one where i'm not drained by the episode i'm gonna keep going with hard rock i mean i'm definitely going to e after that. I haven't done any merch hunting.

Well, you know, so much of the merch legally had to be destroyed. What? Oh, right. As part of the bankruptcy. We'll get to that in a few minutes. A few hours. Oh, yeah. So it's John's birthday.

And I watched this clip. I didn't know who John was. I wasn't as... It was one of the first clips i watched so i was like who is and no one in the audience knows who john binkowski is i think i would assume that so yeah so they have the bare metal family come out and do their normal show and then they announce that it's john's birthday which is a break from the format of the show. And two sexy girls in stewardess outfits, like pink short dresses, come up into the stands and take John down.

Here, I'll show you guys. They take John down, and then they announce that they have a present for John. And this will load. Oh, it's a Beatles anthology box set. They lower a wheelchair from the rafters. Because it's John's 50th birthday. Wheelchair? And he gets in the wheelchair.

It does seem like in like weird taste. Pretty poor taste. pretty poor taste. Pretty poor taste. Like maybe a diaper or a walker even, but like a wheelchair. There are probably like disabled people in the audience there. Everyone's like making a joke of a wheelchair. Like, ha ha, he's got to sit in a wheelchair. The people who are the most shit out of luck at a theme park

are now further mocked by the founder of the park the walt disney of hard rock park uh i have a theory about this this is all presented as if it's a surprise i'm guessing not a surprise perhaps john's own idea well it feels in the comedic voice of the rest of John Brankowski's material. So that's a guess. If anyone has any other information about John's 50th birthday, let us know. This was a jam-packed 150 days. They had time for multiple shows, a birthday celebration, change-outs of the location of the bare metal family.

It's a good thing his birthday fell within those six months of the park being open. If it had been during the Chapter 11 period period what a bummer that would have been yes i would have had to just give him a wheelchair instead of lower it from the sky he would have lived in it on the street well you know what did happen during the chapter 11 was the show another show we haven't gotten into country on the rocks got an award for being the best new theme park show of the year anywhere in the country and this award was presented as hydra park was fighting chapter 11 wow we didn't even discuss we're going through winston the punk rock bulldog that's what i have my cursor on right now to say their other mascot yeah so i looked up because the first thing i looked up said okay the famous characters from

this park was bare metal family and winston the punk rock dog and i looked up bare metal family you find a lot of stuff about but i cannot find a thing about winston the punk rock dog except for a photo of him what does winston refer to is it a reference to anyone in rock? Winston Churchill. He's British. He's a rock and roll leader. He's got like a mohawk and he's like a real Johnny Rotten type, I guess. But he's a tough, tough bulldog.

His lower fangs lend themselves perfectly to the punk rock attitude. The punk movement, though many genres are not represented in the park, punk is represented by Winston,

the punk rock dog, and also by the punk pit, which is a bounce house that is themed around mashing. And there's a bunch of towers with inflatable spikes. You mean mashing? What did I say?

Mashing. Mashing. Hey, man, you're a narc. No narcs at this park. You finally caught me too uncool for a hard job well jason knows all the cool slang and i don't

uh as always that's right i forgot about the adult and kid friendly bounce house i oh we haven't even talked about the cow pie life-size checker board yeah the checkers made out of giant cow

shits in in in in cool country is where that existed. In cool country. Yeah. By the theater, by the ice skating theater, which I believe was converted to a country music themed ice show. Oh, yeah. The original ice theater that the park was built around was utilized to perform country on the rocks. But it's still an ice show, an ice country show. Yeah, we have not touched upon the free air guitars rack.

It's an invisible rack where you can get a free air guitar for cheeky humor. I think that's actually a solid gag. Yeah, that's not bad. More in line with what you were uh mentioning as the hard rock cafe mode of humor yeah harmless yeah a little good good clean fun speaking of good gags we forgot about the bathroom mirror oh oh yeah oh yeah this is so so the bathroom mirror would it was like a video and it would be on like a 10 second delay. Is that right? 10 seconds? Yeah. So you'd walk up to the mirror and there was

no one there and it would be confusing and then you would watch yourself walk up to the sink. That's pretty good. It is a pretty good gag. I don't know what the gag is. I don't know what that has to do with rock and roll but it's a good gag. You know what? Are we finding, is this becoming

the number one theme park bathroom? Is it beating the Harry Potter with the strange giggling? I feel like there's weirdly another bathroom we've talked about but it's not coming to me.

I'm getting real fuzzy. The secret tiki room one? That's a good bathroom. That's still like stuck in time? I like Gomer's Gentleman's Lair. Yeah, there's one

right to the left. If you were at the tiki room in Disneyland and you're in a little pre-show area you go up the stairs and instead of going straight through the doorway there's a door to your left that's a bathroom that's a holdover from when it was going to be a dinner theater right so there's like a very small set of bathrooms which rumor is might be coming back oh where the t right by the aladdin's oasis part of Disneyland. Oh, wow. But these rumors pop up all the time and we don't know.

But it originally wanted to be a restaurant with live birds on top. Yeah, that's what it was. That's why they built the bathrooms there. They thought it was going to be a dinner show. So you can clean the bird shit off of your clothing after you eat there. Wipe it off your glasses. Tahiti Terrace. That was something else.

Tahitian Terrace? Tahitian Terrace was next to it. Next to the bathroom. Next to the bathroom. Next to the TV. Yeah. Anyway. We're talking about restaurants that don't have funny rock-related names at all. Yeah, sorry.

Let's not ignore. You guys have a funny rock-related name. You could not have set that up better. Scott, I don't think you meant to. You know, Goodwin always wanted to own a fish and chip shop and he finally got his chance at this park codpiece fish and chip restaurant and i have the uh coat of arms right here uh jason you can see oh it's a lion and he's got a little codpiece and underneath it says, made with pride, battered and fried. Wow. I thought the restaurant you were going to mention was, it was called Great Meals Diner, but the E-A-T in great and the M-E in meals were capitalized on the map.

And in the neon sign, the other letters would burn out, and it would just say, eat me, and that's like another one of the great jokes that we've been talking about. Great rock and roll jokes. Rockers love saying,

eat me. Famously. I feel like we're, I think the listeners at this point are picturing a park that is you know 10,000 acres to fit everything we've discussed it's 55

it's 55 acres I will say with every single thing that we're saying as much as a lot of these ideas are insane or sound shitty or we're like goofing on them there is something very nice that it does seem to be the vision of this one guy who just like yeah really had an idea like didn't even actually

have an idea for a hard rock park but just like fell into this thing yeah and and ran with it yeah with it and didn't have a lot of oversight for better or worse. They didn't have a lot of committees. He didn't have to check. It was a pure name licensing thing and he didn't have to check with Hard Rock about a lot of these decisions. He paid them $2.5 million a year for the license. I think it was. Something like that.

They were very insistent on the logo. The Hard Rock logo is that classic circular kind of logo. Classic. Classic. And that was a subject of debate whether like did people, the billboards,

did people, were they not clear enough that it was a theme park? Did people just think it was advertisements for the cafe? Pretty bad move in the ads if you can't tell it's a theme park at all well uh that is if you buy ads which was one of the downfalls of this park according to all these articles is that i guess they were they ran out of they had exactly enough money to build the park

they had then they had no more money to advertise it no they neglected to buy any ads before opening day so they just opened the park without advertising it and there was some hard rock license thing where hard rock um the company would not let them make deals with local myrtle beach hotels yeah there was no local outreach which is really key to get uh locals on your side anytime you build a theme park i don't think people realize i mean it's very clear at universal hollywood there's houses right above the studio tour i guess a lot of those are at this point owned by universal universal orlando usually doesn't stay open that late nowadays because there are houses directly behind the backstage areas oh really and that's why

there's not like a million midnight firework shows at that park but this place made no effort made little effort. Made little effort. They thought that just because people came to Myrtle Beach, they would just go, oh, there's a theme park over there. Let's go. They'll drive by it. Yeah. And also, yeah, I mean, this is really not what people came to Myrtle Beach to do.

They didn't want to rock out. It's more of a budget conscious and myrtle beach or or uh the theme park i think university uh mentioned panama city florida i was thinking of ocean city maryland a lot more of like a budget conscious sort of like vacation spot right and also like if you're a fan of this music i don't know that you would travel to go ride the Led Zeppelin coaster or like it doesn't it doesn't seem like that It might not translate Yeah, they didn't establish that part on a crucial part of the Led Zeppelin fandom experience is going on Led Zeppelin the ride It's so it's so crazy to make that in the way you talk about

We've started our podcast is podcast the right we talk about back to the future the ride It feels like the definitive. it's the ride of that experience. This is Led Zeppelin the Ride. It is just a roller coaster that plays a Led Zeppelin song on it, and that summarizes the entire Led Zeppelin experience. I was thinking about this. So what is, if we're blue-skying it, what is the Led Zeppelin ride? What is the definitive Led Zeppelin e-ticket

experience like do we want to see the band do we want to see robots of the band or do we want to see uh the levee breaking or you want to see the real levee you want to climb the stairway to heaven see now that's what i'm talking about that's what it should be right okay they tried that that uh that came up that came up oh okay because uh one of the band members wanted the song the one song that the ride played to be stairway to heaven that would make sense i think but as the other band members pointed out this is a very popular song to play at funerals, apparently, and they thought it would be a bit morbid. But thinking ahead, they thought like, hey, maybe every year we rotate out the song and

in year four or five, we get Stairway to Heaven in there. But at that point, it's such a hit. We can get it in there. Oh, by the way, John Binkowski, our hero, had had to go he went and pitched this to robert plant and jimmy page he's like in person showing a video of like a previs what the coaster is going to be like and how it syncs up with a whole lot of love and he got himself into he embarrassed himself by singing the song in front of robert plant he's singing our plants own song in front of Robert Plant. He's singing Robert Plant's own song in front of him. You got to give it up. He's ballsy. Yeah.

And this is the biggest band. It's in the park, I would think, right? Yeah. No, I guess the Eagles. Are the Eagles bigger selling because of that greatest hits? Yeah, maybe because they toured longer. Oh, that's another thing. So, yeah, let's talk about the Eagles.

The Eagles ride and the RPM ride are both worth talking about. So, let's start with the Eagles ride. The Eagles, life in the fast lane. All I know about it or want to say about it is that the phrase, the Coasters finale was a helix around metallic rock and roll scarecrows, which shot plumes of fire into the sky, which I think reflects the music of the Eagles very well. I didn't even pick up that it was Scarecrow's.

I just thought it was like a logo from one of the album covers. It's basically like a poorly themed mine coaster ride that blares Life at the Fast Lane at you. And yeah, you pull up next to some weird statues and a fireball goes off and that's the ride. It's as much of a nightmare as the the man's experience at the hotel california it's a metaphor of what he feels having to be at that scary hotel or the eagles member who who was was in the car i mean the story about life in the fast lane is that

he was in a car uh that his drug dealer was driving and they were speeding down the PCH like way too fast and I forget who it was, which of them it was. He turned to him and was like, hey, slow down, man. And the drug dealer turned to him and went, hey, that's life in the fast lane.

And then in the four hours Eagles documentary, which this is shaping up to be the same length, the Eagles member then goes like, oh, yeah, Life in the Fest. Oh, yeah. He's like, oh, that's a song. That's a ride. Hey, all right. That's a ride.

That's a roller coaster right there. And he knew to get the ride made, he'd have to write the song first. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we got to do this step. I think before you get on, there's a plus up. I think before you get on Eagle's Life in the Fast Lane,

you should watch a dramatic reenactment of that scene. Actors playing, Glenn Frey or whatever, and then write, hey, that's Life in the Fast Lane. Doors open, you get on the ride. Or there should just be an actor

next to you on the roller coaster playing a drug dealer who says that to you as you're going crazy fast. Like a great movie ride character who jumps in. Just every row, the left seat is taken up by a person dressed in drug dealer costume. And that person has to ride a roller coaster all day, every day.

That's his job. Better than being AJ, better'm getting sprayed with wet confetti and then there's rpm rpm rpm from a technical standpoint i think is interesting before we mentioned it's plays a car song right it plays it plays a lot of songs i think plays a lot of it plays 10 seconds of a lot of yeah like i was saying before it's like they didn't have to buy the rights yeah to get by is that you can play 10 seconds of something lot of stuff. Yeah, like I was saying before, it's like a thing to get... They didn't have to buy the rights. Yeah, to get by is that you can play 10 seconds of something, and you don't have to pay. So this ride, in terms of...

It's unique in coaster design in that you got in the car, and it had a Ferris wheel style lift hill. So each car was lifted up to the top of the hill with a first wheel mechanism, and then you went down the hill, and you went through the top of the hill, like with a first wheel mechanism. And then you went down the hill and you went through the rest of the coaster. An interesting note about this ride is that this hadn't been tried before

and it had not been experimented and perfected. So a lot of technical issues with this one because it was kind of like a live test. Like it broke down a lot. It didn't hold a lot of people per hour. The queue line had a karaoke setup. Do you guys see this?

It's a karaoke. Designed to pass the time. Designed to pass the time of how long it would take for each Ferris wheel mechanism to load the car and then come back down. It's so slow. It's so slow. And then the ride is over.

And then the cars play. Yeah, insane. All right, so a karaoke show will make people not mad. You know, just watch a three-hour karaoke show. So then you could volunteer to do karaoke in line, and there'd be a guy hosting it, and he'd roast your ass if you were bad at it. And it's so much. it's so much going on how was all of this held in one magical place

for only six months yeah five months blink of an eye maybe we start talking about what happened which is the financial collapse of 2008 that occurred exactly when the park opened. Well, we haven't even talked about the ticket pricing system. You're not a fan of this podcast if you didn't shriek with delight at that phrase. Okay, so before we get to the crash of 2008. Okay, so there was a very simple ticket pricing system for this. No matter how old you were, over the age of three, it cost $50 to get it.

The thinking is, that's $50, folks. Roughly the same price as the Medieval Times dinner and a show. That's $50. The thinking being, most of the rides everyone could ride so why why would we charge less for the kids if everyone's riding it uh there was uh no i think later on there was like an after 4 p.m ticket um honestly the best deal seemed to be the annual pass was only 150 so if you went three times you paid that annual pass off baby do you think do you think people got refunds on the

annual pass when the park closed no absolutely not no no way they might have tried um yeah that's the thing like no no discounts or previews for locals this one large large price um which apparently there are multiple ripley's believe it or not in in myrtle beach multiple attractions they host and to see all of those attractions with is like 55 at that time but 50 for from from three and up is $50. So expensive. Expensive for a family of four. And for that, you don't even get a nap in white satin sheets. No.

You don't get to be in the Moody Blues bed. No. And the Hard Rock Cafe is not close by. So even if you were like, oh, we'll eat, we'll go to the park, and then we'll see. You can't even eat at the Hard Rock. In a town full of deals and discounts and entertainment of all varieties,

it's sink or swim. And for the Hard Rock Park, it was sink extremely quickly. Yeah, so also during the financial collapse, and this is when the phrase staycation was popularized, a lot of people were, I think people in Myrtle Beach were taking staycations and not going the half mile to Hard Rock Park. Well, apparently people would overhear people talking about like,

oh, what is it? It's some sort of amusement, but like the hotel owners or the restaurant people would ask about it and no one knew. Like word of mouth in a small town this isn't a huge metropolis like myrtle beach isn't that big but it is a huge theme park that like it would be like people living a mile from disneyland being like oh there's that thing over there what's that fucking thing oh yeah someone was telling me about that yeah what is that dude who cares shut up the guy who created the park hit one of his regrets he was saying was that it looked like a normal theme park but people so people would drive by

and just go oh that's some boring theme park with roller coasters and they didn't know what kind of magic they were in store for if they came they didn't know it was full of lewd cows and punk dogs and music that didn't bleed over into other lands they didn't know shitting bricks yeah more exits chicken exits for if you got too scared there was a sign with a cartoon chicken shitting bricks that's good it's good to make people feel bad all right well pussies this way. So the bottom fell out. Record gas prices in 2008. It became, so it got bought for $25 million off of, what,

a cost of like almost $400 million to build it. Yeah. So they really kind of took a bath on that. It became Freestyle Music Park, and they lost their license with the hard rock company and and bankruptcy court made them destroy every bit of merchandise with the hard rock logo on it so they must have had to do like a giant bonfire of like and they not only had to destroy every t-shirt and keychain and everything um they had to re-theme the entire park in three months and so that's how you wind up with things like the

monsters of rock ride yeah which was they took the knights of white satin ride which so this went from uh being like everyone talking about it like it was the greatest dark ride ever built to what that guy Jeremy Thompson calls the most universally hated dark ride in existence one to the bottom I think that actually I think like the greatest dark

ride of all time might be an overstatement I think that's an over it looks shitty the Monstars but I mean it's hard to top Superstar Limo. It's a higher profile one. People are upset because it was replaced, I think, so they're being extra harsh on the Monstars of rock. Well, like the Mike Mitchells of the world.

You got to have the mother suckling her son. I'm going to take out my ip frankenstein playing the drum sucks i want my ip there are like two friends i guess this might be a zombie but this is a picture from that monster's ride what are these characters it's like yeah there's it's like some sort of frankenstein playing the drums uh like jack pumpkin head playing the guitar it almost has disdain for its audience like it's almost like daring you and also take this isn't monster's trademarked for space jam yeah like this is again 2009 they didn't exist long enough to find out if that would be an issue um the led zeppelin ride do you know time machine time machine i didn't get to watch that one i

watched the ride through okay uh so the led zeppelin roller coaster became a roller coaster called time machine and uh i don't know if it alternated what time you went back to but the ride through i watched you were going up the lift hill and it said like welcome to time machine and welcome to the 1990s and then like i said this will come up later it plays such frenetic clips of like if you want to be my lover you got to get with my friends and then just on to something else it's like it's hitting the fair use like every 15 seconds it's just rotating through songs it's so insane this whole it's. This whole park is like going through legal loops. It's the roller coaster ride they're on.

All the sections got renamed. Rock and Roll Heaven became Myrtle's Beach. Born in the USA became Kids in America. British Invasion became Across the Pond. Cool Country became Country USA. And they were immediately sued by the old owners for not changing enough like the hard rock uh corporation sued sued the new owners saying that you just like basically barely changed this and then um and that only lasted like what a couple more months i think

wow and this there's like nothing to talk about with freestyle. It does not have the charm and the wit of Hard Rock Park. I mean, the freestyle run seems like the real bottom of the theme park barrel. Yeah, it's desperate. It was pretty sad. And then it closed. And then I guess some of the rides went to a park called Asia Park in Vietnam. Yes.

So I went to the Asia Park website. And it just seems like mostly a standard amusement park, except the fact that... There's a Knights in White Satin, right? No. No, that's just dead. The funny thing about the Asia Park website is that they're like, check out our monorail. And on the homepage, I was like, that monorail looks familiar.

And it is very clearly a Disney World monorail. And then you click on the link, and then it shows you the actual monorail. It looks totally different. So they stole some art. It might be the purple one, which has been commissioned for killing a person. But yeah, very weird, Asia Park, to have actual pictures of your monorail,

but use a different picture on your website. And to buy Led Zeppelin the ride and then just call it the ride, I think. Yeah. One footnote about Hard Rock Park, according to one of the three Yelp reviews that's up. Oh, no. Apparently, there were spiders everywhere.

The spiders from Mars, maybe? Oh, my God. They rebranded. We meant to do this. What questions do you have for the Spider Woman? They said they were trying to watch the Bohemian Rhapsody firework show and every bench you sat on

was just crawling with spiders. Leftover from the clay quarry. So, I don't want to say real quick because I don't know that this is going to be quick, but like when you think a concert's over, but then you keep clapping and the band comes out for a killer encore.

Like us right now. I want to talk about this stuff they had planned that never got built for Hard Rock Park because there's a lot of it. They had grand plans, which I think, honestly if the economic economic conditions had been better you know i feel like there are a lot of of new parks that open and people kind of go like the first year is always a wash uh uh so i think like if the economy had been doing better and and they had been able to compromise on like ticket tiers or advertising the second year i think this park might still be around or at least have gotten a few more years and they certainly had grand plans

like uh for example rockin horror nights their version of halloween horror nights here is some concept art for a poster it is a guitar that is also a chainsaw what don't they turn a guitar into and it's got the tagline what afraid of a little music which i'm not quite sure what that's a play on you know and also the third thing that they made a guitar and do is that they do have a sword in the stone ripoff oh yeah on the king or queen of rock every afternoon i'm sure they have a guy dressed in like a leather vest um there was plans for a wedding chapel called the little white chapel kind of themed after the little white chapel uh in vegas uh so if you want to have an unconventional rock and roll wedding um there was uh paradise city

which i i love paradise city was going to be like their version of downtown disney or uh city walk but they wanted to go a step further like our california landmarks the the Americana and the Grove, there was going to be condos above Paradise City, so you could have a timeshare at the Hard Rock Park. And this is in addition to plans for a Hard Rock Hotel. People were going to live there. Yes.

People, you could live. Wow. You could live in Hard Rock. You could live here. Wow. Well, we know where Bug Main would be. uh bug main would be summer house would be our friend who lives at the americana in glendale uh water rides they had plans for so many water rides it's like they really wanted a welcome to the jungle themed rapids ride so those so paradise city and welcome to the Jungle themed rapids ride. So Paradise City and Welcome to the Jungle, it was a whole Guns N' Roses section?

No, it just happened to be a Guns N' Roses song. Patience planet. Every song is becoming. I think this is the name. Was Chinese Democracy out by then? Or did it come out in 2010? No, I think that was 2010. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know if we could put those songs in there. They were going to lengthen the track on the RPM coaster, on the Cars coaster. Because it was short. The criticism of it was the ride was very short. Yeah. So then they were going to put in a magnetic launch system halfway through. And they were trying to pair with Jaguar to do it.

The car company. The car company. Yes, that's right. Okay. And speaking of car companies, the Ford Motor Company, not doing well at the time. They were approached for... To build a factory. To build a factory.

On site. And what appears to be like a swinging pirate ship, but it was going to be a giant Ford convertible, a giant Lincoln convertible. Some more ads is what you're saying. Some more ads. Yeah. They thought cars would save the park. Cars would save the park.

Cars and rock and roll are intertwined and you would see that in the attraction called Mustang Sally. Mustang Sally was going to be a journey through Route 66,

including like America's main street and you would start at Chicago and end in Los Angeles. I know we keep saying this over and over again. Here are the top songs in 2008. Viva La Vida At Chicago and in Los Angeles? I know we keep saying this over and over again.

Here are the top songs in 2008. Viva La Vida by Coldplay. I Kissed a Girl, Katy Perry. These songs are not old. This is what 2008 was like. So it's crazy. Katy Perry is a decade old? Yeah, that is crazy. Oh my God.

Number three must have been like an Eagles song though, right? Believe it or not, it's like Womanizer, Britney Spears. Well, Mike, what if I were to tell you that Mustang Sally stopped at a drive-in hamburger car hop restaurant before racing into a drag race? What is this ride? You just drive around? You drive around. Honestly, the way they describe it, you're driving through this main street and stuff.

It sounds kind of like what Radiator Racers. or yeah radiator springs racers became so is it gonna there's would there be a daddy's little fatty uh yeah daddy's little fatty stunt show did they get the bob wills in his texas playboys license well he was gonna go in the bob wills in the texas playboys land what an entire section um and then and then they had a big plan in the year 2026 to open the hall of black musicians yeah uh it was uh not a lot of just one one small room not a lot of rap not a big deal uh not a lot of women oh god i didn't we even talk about the arlo Guthrie Alice's Restaurant. Oh, yeah.

That's crazy. Arlo Guthrie. And then the big centerpiece of this Alice's Restaurant, which is a very boring song that some old people like. That me and my nerd friends thought was hilarious when we were 13 years old. The reason Jason got into comedy was Arlo Guthrie. Arlo Guthrie and the Adventurers Club. Influenced the folk singers.

The centerpiece of this, this is actually built, the centerpiece was a lazy Susan with Arlo Guthrie's face on it. Then you would turn it around and he would be young, and then he would be old. So they weren't able to pull off the extension, the hyperspeed extension to the roller coaster, but they were able to build a table-sized lazyan correct uh so the yeah this place pulled off some stuff with arlo guthrie's face on it i mean with this thing this is i mean it's crazy so was that

was there more new stuff coming well just 70 more rides we said the hard rock hotel and it was heavy metal graveyard it was the name of the sculpture garden you would enter through exclusive for hotel guests and you'd see like separate from the condos what and there would be tombstones there and like like graves of dead like heavy metal people uh no that's just what they called the the sculpture garden with the upsetting oh like mouth sculpture so that did exist they already had a cemetery but it wasn't like uh gravestoned a metallica's dead bass player or something their their wish list for the the halloween event was like stuff themed to like alice cooper Manson, Iron Maiden, which didn't Halloween Horror Nights get Alice Cooper? They had Black Sabbath.

They had a Black Sabbath house. Alice Cooper has designed mazes for Halloween. He's designed mazes for Halloween stuff. Also on their wish list to not get closed. They didn't get everything on the list. I feel like no one visits the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, right? That's got to be one of the lowest. Do you know anyone who's gone to Cleveland to visit that?

Just Vic Berger. Right. But he was only there for the convention. For the convention, yeah. I feel like that is an existing rock and roll tourist destination that no one I know has ever expressed an interest in going. No one you know. We know nothing but kitsch

hounds and psychopaths nobody's taking the plunge to cleveland i would i'll go there if i'm there for some reason there would be no reason i would make a trip but no one is like traveling to a rock and roll tourist like this whole thing does seem like it was a bad idea from the beginning. The name Hard Rock Park is a bad name, I think. It should be like Rockland or something, right? Rockland is better. Rockland Theme Park. Put theme in the name so people know.

Yeah. That helps. I would think it was Hard Rock Cafe if I saw that logo and it told me what exit to get off. Oh, parking for Hard Rock Cafe. Terrific. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, also, yeah, it sounds like a theme park based on a restaurant more than the concept of Hard Rock.

So it's going to be roller coasters that are like tables. It's like a check-in stand. Their macaroni is pretty good yeah it's because like what is the what is an average baby boomer what do they think of the hard rock cafe do they think of their rock and roll heroes or do they think of like a hamburger that's okay like do they think what do they think of when they think of the brand what does the brand inspire in them i this is my thing with the brand in general is what is it? I don't know what it's getting at. And you go to Hard Rock Cafe and there's a car rotating around and, like, it'll say, like, save the planet.

But also save a few fries for me. Like, it's, like, it's this weird, really passionate, but attitude and, like. That's that hard rock humor. I could get a job writing their sign jokes. You know, my family always had positive associations with it. For one thing, because the food was always better than Planned Hollywood. The food was always better here. Oh, well, what a mountain to climb.

And just we always had a nice time at the restaurant and then always had a great time at the hotel i stayed at the hotel last year in orlando it was great the brand the hard rock hotel in orlando is good yeah the hard rock restaurant yeah out here and anywhere else blows hard it's so bad they're terrible they're so overpriced you also had a bad experience at one of the other hotels right didn't you stay at one the hard rock the hard rock hotel didn't you tell us tell me a story with you got someone there were symbols there were symbols on the lamps in the hallways and someone was hitting yeah that was it we're in orlando that's the hotel was still nice but in the oh yeah this is wait that insane. Wait, that was Orlando or Vegas?

Oh God. Is there one in Vegas? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I don't remember which one. Oh yeah, it probably was Vegas then because there were a lot of real drunk people. The dumbest decision you could possibly make in Las Vegas at a hotel is in the hallway

over the light fixtures, putting real symbols from a drum set they hang they are everywhere and all that happens during the night is that drunk guys just bang on them as they're walking to their room so you get in the middle of the night you're like jolted awake it's like some asshole came back and just started clanging a cymbal. That's rock and roll, man. They've had a lot of incidents in Vegas. There was a thing where there was a three-year-old who got hit by a growing machine, and he made his way to the Hard Rock Cafe and picked up the guitar and the sign.

I heard about this. Because he was the size of the guitar by that point. And the SWAT team had to shoot him down and uh there was a little Indian in his pocket uh so they about yeah look it's a it's a troubled franchise in general and uh you know drunk guys and blown up kids so um you know I get out of this one we're gonna get out of this I don's that? How are we going to get out of this? I don't know. I think we're stuck. We can't leave.

What about other? No, go ahead. Oh, just as a little footnote, there's a book on Amazon called Grandstand by Reid Barwick that's kind of the primary colors of more of Freestyle Music Park than Hard Rock Park. But it's a lightly fictionalized e-book by a former employee in 2010. Hard Rock Park is known as Rock Time Amusement Park. And Freestyle Park becomes Good Times Park.

And it's about a reporter named Caitlin Tuftsfts and her managing editor jack o'bannon set out to discover the real story behind rock time amusement park in myrtle beach and in the reviews and so basically there's like something fishy afoot at this rebranded rock themed amusement park so it's clear what the guy's talking about he was uh working as a purchasing manager at freestyle and he would watch the new owners walk through with russian investors who bailed out the park and made it become freestyle park and this was his quote to myrtle beach online uh and why he wrote the book you're watching things and you think this would be an interesting story if there was something to it more than what there was.

Which I think anything would be an interesting story if there was something more to it that would make it interesting. A flourish does make a story interesting. And so it's about this reporter trying to get to the bottom of what happened at this park. And there's a review that has a spoiler in it that mentions this journalist caitlin tufts that's investigating has to become a sniper and take out the bad guys while the fbi is closing in so that's grandstand

that's the inside story of uh hard rock becoming freestyle and the shady dealings check it out read read jay barwick on amazon yeah i looked up that book after you you mentioned it to us earlier uh it is uh 9.99 a little high for a kindle uh self-published book uh it is 399 pages long wow and i am going to buy it as soon as I get home. I actually have it right here. And here now is the prologue. Dedication. Let's, you know, but that's all they said. We did feel there were some missed opportunities, though,

for like more music themed stuff. Yeah, I mean, we all have different ideas. I mean, some of us would have plussed plus the park up as is my particular idea for the park would be to bring it back, but you know, make it more, a little more modern. Okay.

Um, but we can all, yeah, Jason, you were about to say you had some ideas. Well, yeah. I mean,

number one with a bullet, uh, missed opportunity, Gigi Allen themed. Uh, uh, uh, the, uh, uh uh i feel like you know another a group the to bring it up a little closer to present day but still keep it not exactly too timely um some sort of chocolate covered starfish and hot dog flavored water oh all of the water in the park is hot dog flavored water. Oh, all of the water in the park is hot dog flavored. Can you imagine if you fell into that water?

Oh, yeah. Like, Butterbeer's been such a hit. If you could get hot dog water and you get a little chocolate starfish on top, that would be great. And you're just saying that, though, because the Sheridans have had a great relationship with hot dog water over the years.

Specifically, Jason Sheridan. And then for this, I got gotta give credit to a YouTube user. They used their real name. I'm not gonna read that. On a comment, I think I pulled this from the time machine ride that I watched. They said, I am sad that none of the songs from Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt were on there. Like Spiderwebs, Don't Speak, Excuse Me, Mister, Sunday Morning, or just like a girl. It'd be cool if someday a dark

ride was themed to the tragic kingdom with 14 scenes for each of the songs. This would be the most elaborate dark ride ever made, and I think it's time. I think we need to take this person's advice, take, I'll give them their first name,

take Elias' advice, and let's build give her their first name, take Elias's advice and let's build this tragic kingdom ride. Entire tragic kingdom. Yeah. Just not to contradict her comment, but to be fair,

Hard Rock Park is full of spider webs. Oh, I guess that was, you know, everyone talks about the attention to detail and I guess that's the nod

to no doubt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's in, that's what the spiders were about. And I guess that's the nod to No Doubt. Yeah, it's in. That's what the spiders were about. I had a couple ideas for some coasters. I thought, let's get some more modern bands in there. I agree. And let's represent one of the best, we're all thinking about it, blues traveler.

Of course. Yeah, so the runaround roller coaster coaster and you are in a giant your ride vehicle is a giant john popper harmonica and as you move past certain sections of the track you go through his big sweaty mouth and it's like he is playing you um i have another idea which is a double coaster like the dueling dragons kind of vibe but it's based around the spin doctors two princes um you get to choose which prince and see and at the end you determine which prince wins the the uh the hand of the girl and uh and another guy legitimately a big uh rocker not represented in the park is uh ozzy osbourne and so and and uh you know obvious one don't you want to get on the crazy train and and so my idea for a crazy train roller coaster is that at that you have one of those one of those quick

launches the magnetized launches and it's like you are getting sucked up pulled into his nostrils and up into his brain he's snorting you like cocaine and then you get to go in take your crazy train through ozzy's brain and you see flickers of ideas that he's having of some of the crazier things he's done in his life like when he did a nazi goose step and then dipped his testicles into a music executive's glass of wine and then peed in it so you could watch you pass by a video kind of playing him having the idea but then at the end right when you think ozzy's lost his mind entirely there's a nice little ending which is that you you pass by a little little glimmer of the idea for the osborne's tv show oh nice that ties it all together good idea

he had i turned everything around. That's great. Crazy train the ride. That's great. I mean, let me throw a few out. Sure. If you wouldn't mind. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, so I'm thinking maybe more modern.

So what rock songs have really permeated the culture? And let me start by saying, wouldn't it be cool to go on a dark ride in a nuclear power plant? And especially one that maybe is melting down. Hell yes. I'm talking about, and Jason knows where I'm going with this. Hell yes. I'm talking about radioactive Imagine Dragons, the ride. Okay.

Welcome to the new age. All right. And you're going through it now. I'm taking liberties with the song. It's not really about a meltdown a nuclear power plant but we're just gonna like the knights in white satin make some shit up about what it is so you're just going through there and you're you all have to wear um vests like thick metal yeah to prevent it and of course you you make it out of there narrowly um all right let's talk kids uh kids

have to play in fun areas, okay? They better. They better, yeah. So we're going to obviously have them go to the fun We Are Young section of the park. And they're going to play on the little equipment and there's going to be water spraying. My last idea, not as new of a band, but I guess keeping in the tradition of the hard rock

and how current it is, this attraction is much like this upcoming millennium falcon simulator ride to star wars land uh this this attraction is called the day the music died and you have to sit and pilot the plane uh that richie valens the buddy holly and the big bop were on can you change history and keep these three musical legends alive and the great thing about this is a simulator you can lose and then if you lose much like in star wars land employees will come up to you later and go i heard what you did i heard what happened i heard you let them down and that'll follow you around hard rock park which is fun it's interactive it's it's what

everyone wants now and you know what they're already starting to call today because of you the music died yeah it's already good the day's not even over that's what people are saying yeah uh what a reputation to carry around with you that's great but if you do crash the plane they congratulate you for like allowing that classic song to be written about right crash well there's a walk around. That's one of the options. American Pie? Is that what you're saying? Yes. Yeah, okay. So you, yeah, wait a minute. Or you think you're supposed to keep the plane in the air

and you land it safely and then you ruin Don McLean doesn't get to have a career. But there's a Don McLean walk around and if you do crash a plane, he comes around and thanks you do crash a plane he comes around and thanks you he says thank you i've been inspired and it's played by don mclean yeah he's around so that's i mean those are just some ideas so i'm not fleshed out but you know i would just uh my only thing i would just give um winston the punk rock dog a friend it would be a walk around character dressed as

macklemore dressed as that anti-semitic character that he performed at once and got in trouble for his name is churchill winston and churchill um wow well we covered it all That's roller coasters that's kids areas That shows new technology And I feel like that Coda we just did was like the Day in the life Of our immediately classic Album of Failed rides the podcast

The episode And with that being said Here's 70 more Ride ideas Um, and with that, with that being said, here's 70 more ride ideas. Uh, okay. Now we're coming back to the station. Jason Walliner, you've survived podcast the ride. Thank you so much for having me.

And that's saying something, uh, in this case, uh, that is usually not a badge people really have to wear with pride, but you, you really survived something here. Um, I feel like we've all spent a day together in 100 degree South Carolina heat at the Hard Rock Bar. Yeah you know we'll never in our lives get to go there but I kind of do feel like we went there

yeah it feels like we really spent some time in that environment and we got more time out of this than people got out of the world of Sid and Marty Croft we got a more robust amount of hours yeah um hey he's gonna tell us to leave soon and we are not allowed to come back in and do the parts we liked again the lights will be shut off of this podcast episode yeah um this park still exists it's still on google earth if you want to check it out you can still

fly around it um and walk around it and like that weird post-apocalyptic uh thing it's used for post-apocalyptic scenes oh yes revolution revolution but as i said a lot of it's a revolution did you watch that i didn't watch i didn't watch it but a lot of you know now the a lot of the park is just is as i said uh seven hours ago the medieval times horses are now running free around that place and how beautiful what a beautiful image just a like a couple white horses free to roam uh where the land where people once walked once rocked when once rocked um, thank you so much for being here. Any further thoughts, Jason, or anything you'd like to alert the world to?

No. You said it. Yeah. That'll do it, folks. Thanks for joining us. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.