Podcast: The Ride - If You Had Wings with Jeff Garlin

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

Jason, Mike and Jeff Garlin (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Goldbergs, Wall-E) sprout wings and soar during this discussion of Disney World favorite "If You Had Wings." Plus, Mike and Jeff's Disneyland trip to Walt Disney's Main Street Apartment! Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Warning. Today's episode does not feature me, Scott Gairdner. Much like an experimental eight-passenger DeLorean, the podcast has been hijacked by a devil-may-care stowaway named Jeff Garlin. As I am trapped like a rat in my own office, I cannot guarantee the podcast will stay strictly on the very important topic, defunct Eastern Airlines-branded ride, If You Had Wings. Mike, Mike, Jason,

Jeff Garlin, the fate of the podcast is in your hands. This is if you had wings on podcast, the ride. Welcome to Podcast The Ride, the theme park podcast hosted by three childless men in their 30s, one of which was recently reprimanded by a Disneyland cast member for running in the park. I'm, of course, talking about myself. My name is Mike Carlson. I'm 34 years old. Joining me as always, Jason Sheridan. Hello. Yeah. When did that happen? That happened two weeks ago and it was at the end of the park and I was trying to make it to Big Thunder Mountain. It was 1157 right before the park closes. And if you get in line before 12, they let you ride. So my girlfriend and I sprinted from Indiana Jones and they were like,

sir, don't run in the park. You can't do that. You're an adult man. So did you stop or did you keep running? I slowed down a bit, but I didn't stop. Did you make it? Oh yeah, we made it. Alright, then you're good. Yeah, 59. This voice joining us, a very special guest today. This man has many credits, but for the purposes of this podcast,

the only one we care about is Buttercup, the voice on the Toy Story Midway Mania ride. Oh, yes, because you're in the park. It's not about Disney. Yeah, we don't even talk about the movies. Right, because otherwise you would add other Pixar shit. And I was also in the Computer War Tennis Shoes, the remake.

Oh, wow. With Kirk Cameron. Really? Yeah. Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah. How was that? Fun.

Okay. Yeah. That's good. I've done lots of weird stuff. Yeah. How was that? Fun. Okay. Yeah. That's good. I've done lots of weird stuff. Yeah. You're in WALL-E, of course. You're the captain in WALL-E, which is a crazy good movie. Yeah.

I would actually, I don't often say stuff like this. That's a great movie. Yes. Yeah. Agreed. So is Toy Story 3. Toy Story 3 is, yeah. He is great, too.

I'm happy to call things good, and i'm happy to say when things stink sure you know i'm lucky enough to be in a few great things yeah i'm lucky is the word sure uh i looked right before we did this i looked at youtube and i found your dialogue from the ride do you remember oh from the toy story three yeah do you remember this was it part of another recording session no it was all it was it was strictly for the ride that i went to i went to a place where they had when i recorded this uh i saw the cars land like they had it on a table in a big room a giant room they had the whole the mountain and you know all that stuff sure that wasn't built yet and they were showing me all that so i was at like some place where they do ride recording and show you was it possibly in glendale california it was in glendale yeah that's what imagineering is imagineering is at

disney imagineering that's where i went we went there with uh our co-host scott who couldn't make it today uh but we went there because an imagineer invited us And she was horrified by how nerdy we were. She works there. And she'd be like, well, you guys don't want to see this room full of pictures of Imagineers. And we're like, oh, well, that's Imagineer Bob Gurr on the wall there. And over there is Tony Baxter. And she just had this look on her face. While we were at the campus, though, it was clear that she had to go back to work.

And Jason wanted to go get a sandwich from the commissary. I really wanted to get a commissary sandwich. And I was like, you can't do it. It's going to take forever. And he's like, she's got time and like we were waiting she didn't have time she was in line for starbucks and i was in line for a sandwich we had like an hour and we spent most of the time in the gift shop because that's the only thing they let you see because you can buy the like the special merchandise that's only available to like imagineering so we were let loose in that gift shop and we spent like 45 minutes in there was there a lot of good stuff there was a lot of good stuff was there anything that i would want in that gift shop

i'm trying to think that's the question you're mr haunted mansion i know yeah i'm haunted mansion but i what i generally do is i buy things then give them away uh-huh i'm sure there was there was you've learned that from me because you've i've gotten yes you've got on the table there is a beatles uh hot wheel yes you. Brand new in the package. Yes. And when we went to the park, which we'll talk about in a second, you got a lot of Haunted Mansion stuff and you just gave me the shirt. You bought a Haunted Mansion shirt.

The shirt. I gave it to you. I gave you something else too, didn't I? I think, well, I think you were giving away a lot of stuff. I'm not sure. But I bought you stuff then too, right? Did I buy you something from there? I don't think I, nothing specific that I requested.

Okay. I thought I did. You did offer, which was insanely nice which um i'm a generous young lady a very generous young lady yeah of america's top 10 generous young ladies that was just recently by granddaughter magazine it's a great publication yeah i suggest everyone read it yeah or subscribe they need your subscription yeah yeah because yeah that's where the real money is for magazines for which magazine for any magazine which magazine specific uh granddaughter magazine of course come on jason yeah uh yeah so jason you write for granddaughter magazine i'm surprised i'm a stringer uh i haven't earned my i haven't

paid my dues yet i haven't earned my chops yet to get on staff um staff of where uh granddaughter magazine it's never not funny and it's never not gonna be funny if you're listening now when you don't think granddaughter magazine's funny i'd stop listening yeah that's it yeah get out of here if you don't because that's gonna come up a lot today it's a funny phrase uh do you imagine it being a publication for granddaughters or made by granddaughters that's what i would like to know okay yeah there's a lot of granddaughter pride and uh the last page is is always a different message to it's called message to a granddaughter and it's written by a grandmother that's the back page again you should know that jason you worked you worked you worked there

you're the commissary in the gift shop i was thinking about the older publication where the last page is always stephen king writing about something he likes stephen king loved the great he wrote great granddaughter stories better than anybody and by the way i am saying specifically great granddaughter stories right not great as in how good they are right he wrote great granddaughter stories but better than anybody by the way his great granddaughter stories were possibly great yeah i think they were great great granddaughter stories but he never wrote any stories about a great, great granddaughter. Yeah.

I mean, but he still has time. Yeah, he's got lots of time. I think that that's, look, if the fans demand it, I think he'll do it. Do what? Write great, great granddaughter stories for Granddaughter Magazine. I mean, it's, yeah, come on. Come on, Jason. I know you have listeners right now that i'm already irritating and they hate me and they're thinking why did they have them on the

show i love no they're not thinking that okay but actually if they're listening to your show i think they probably find that stuff funny yeah there. I think so. You know, because it's podcasts or not, you know, you make a choice to listen to a podcast. Oh, yeah. And it's just, I mean, most podcasts are exclusively tangents. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So here, I found your, so this is what you say.

Do you remember saying this? You say, I think, knock down the animals. And then you say, nicely done. Then you say, hurry, you're running out of time then you count down in this in like simultaneously with ham and rex which is wallace sean and john ratzenberger and then you say i think great way to play and then that's it okay i probably recorded 75 more lines those are the ones that you because i remember i was there at least for probably an hour you know and it wasn't like do it with more like i got it like first or second time

it's my voice the intent is pretty obvious so i recorded a lot of stuff i'm sure did they let you ad lib do you remember um? No, it's a ride. I don't know how much. They're not going to, it's not like a movie where they'll change the ride based on what Jeff said is so funny. All right, everyone, get in the airplane. Wait, wait. Like, hey, good shooting.

You ought to write for Grand Daughter Magazine. Well, you can't give them that gold, know they're not gonna pay you for reuse rights on granddaughter magazine no yeah so it was just pretty standard yeah um but when you first were you moved when you saw the ride how like when you were when you wrote you've written it right you've played the game many times yeah right with you it was closed when we were there yeah um mike and i went to disneyland what about two months ago about two months ago yeah it was awesome it was amazing what was great for me was watching you with our guide who knew more i feel you knew more but he knew a ton he knew a ton he was so impressed with you

he was so impressed with you that's the truth that's the truth he's like i can't believe this he kept saying to me he could nobody ever people claim to know he knows you know i said i think it was early we were waiting for soren and i said something about tony baxter who's like one of the big imagineer guys and he was like oh i know now i could he could see it in my eyes but also how about going up to walt disney's uh well above the fire stage you want to save that for later well no we've we may as well talk about it now yeah so you guys went down so yeah we went down How about going up to Walt Disney's above the fire stage? Do you want to save that for later? Well, no. We may as well talk about it now. So you guys went down to Disneyland.

Because I'm on an ABC show, because I work for Pixar, I get a guide. It's a really nice, it's better than a nice perk. It's an amazing perk. So I walk walk around the park and i've never had a guide that was less than wonderful yeah i mean they're always so smart so kind so thoughtful they're nice to whoever i bring but mike i had promised i was going to take him we talked about it for a while and it was just he and i no one else but for me it was him and the guide and i was tagging along because i didn't care about most of the information but i got such great joy from their excitement at the information because you gave that guy information too both of you were like it was

like they were building on one another it was was amazing. It was like my first day at granddaughter. A magical time. That was great. This was a plaid, too. This is a full, they call it a plaid. So a guide, basically, like you can get, anybody can get a guide. It's just, it's an indulgence, and I've never done it before. And a nice young man or lady walks you around the park can get you in basically on the rides you get you get you get a reservation i treated him to lunch because i wanted to watch

the two of you talk more sure you know it was uh yeah it was nothing short of a delightful day it was wonderful uh and he like he gets on a phone too this is fascinating to me is that he'll say like if there's something you want to do, he'll call ahead, and he has to negotiate with people almost. Yeah, with his bosses and stuff. So he's like your consigliere, or he's like Robert Duvall and the Godfather. Can Jeff do this? Yes.

And we ended up making our way above the fire station and seeing Walt's apartment. Yeah. Early on, I said, like, okay, here's the deal. I've been here a lot, but if there's anything I have never done i'm talking about the matterhorn basketball court i'm talking about waltz apartments if any of that stuff is possible let us know as close as anyone could get to the matterhorn because you got lots of information you got people yes who had been on it everybody was open which they normally wouldn't be in talking about it. Yes. We went up to the Matterhorn. It was for some reason down when we walked.

And I walked. You told me you were like, go up and ask to see the basketball court to the employees. And I go, hey, can I come up and see the basketball court? And they're like, no, really only people who work on it can see it. Because Jack, our guide, hadn't seen it either. Yeah. So it's apparently only something that people work. It's not super easy to get to.

Yes. It's not super easy to get to. And it's like a rare, it's a rare treat. And I think it's also like not a real basketball court it's just like a little half court but the thing is walt's apartment's so much better than oh yeah so he told us like in the middle of the day he's like can we was it okay if we go at the end of the day we're like of course it's the greatest no that's also by the exit so it's a perfect thing to do at the end it was a perfect close and he i remember end it was a perfect close and he i remember he he was like all right and he's like i feel like he whispered it too like it was

something we were because he was like it's not usually for guides it's usually for like a historical tour he goes but go wait over by the fire station yeah and i'm gonna go get the keys and we were like like i felt like glee like pure glee so we went over there and you go just exit out by the fire station you walk up the stairs into this tiny apartment in the back of the fire station yes in the back of the part of the fire station and then you go into this old well-preserved apartment it looks like an apartment from like the 30s even though it's not the 30s it looks like the 30s yes it's very old and it feels it feels ghostly in there but i think it's because all the decorum is no it feels ghostly in there, but I think it's because all the decorum is still... No, it feels ghostly. It does.

It feels... That's a great way to describe it because it's got that old time phonograph. Yes. And then where the dishes are and the sink and then the shower. Like we saw the whole place. It's very tiny. It's so small. It was much smaller than I thought it would be. Right.

It's really extraordinarily small. Like it's tiny. It's like extraordinarily small like it's tiny it's like i think it's small like the my first like shitty studio apartment in l.a i think it's smaller than that right like it's a small studio apartment which yours also was covered in like photographs and like lace doilies like you did this time there are lace doilies it's like that yes it's really that sure it's what you imagine it to be. But then there were pictures. And then they, like Walt and his family, hang out here. All the children, grandchildren, two if I'm not mistaken, would play there.

Like there's a lot of people in a very small room. Yeah, and he told us that Walt and his wife Lillian had separate beds. They just had two couches. Like there's no even separate beds. They just had two couches. There's no open beds. They would just pull out couches. Not only would they pull out couches, but they were on opposite sides of the room. Like I Love Lucy or something.

No, it was different. No, Lucy and Desi were next to each other. Their beds were pretty close. These were far. But that's the way it had to be set up. It's like you couldn't have done one. But I know they crawled into each other's beds and made love all night long.

Of course. Walt loved that. Yeah, of course. Walt reminded him of when he started Grand Daughter Magazine, and it reminded him of the early days where he slept in the office. But then he lost the rights to Grand Daughter Magazine. Yep. No, he sold Grand Daughter Magazine to help pay for Disneyland.

Right, that's right. You always forget that. And Roy told him not to, but... Roy stayed on. Roy was always a sensible one. Roy stayed on at Grand Daughter for a lot longer than people know. Yeah. Crazy he was able to hold down two jobs.

I know, it's amazing. Disney and Grand Daughter Magazine. Roy, always the unsung hero of the Disney story. I met Roy. Did you? Yeah. The young Roy, obviously, not the older. There's two Roy. Did you? Yeah. The young Roy, obviously? Not the older.

There's two, because Roy E. Disney was the younger one, right? Wait, I met a very old man named Roy. I think that's probably Roy's son. Because Roy was Walt's brother who was older. Older than Walt. Older than Walt. No, I met Roy's son, yes. Yeah, Roy's son, Roy E.

He was involved with the company. Yeah, I met him at um something couple things sure i've been involved with disney for a long time i was on the very first when abc became you know part of disney i did a pilot for disney that was the very first show that they ever did that disney abc ever did it did get picked up it was a mid 30s version of it was like an old actually late 30s version of friends i'm not making this up really it was like an older group of friends the same sort of thing well and you were regular on it yeah wow what was it called it was just a pilot right right get picked up uh grandma granddaughter magazine no i really don't remember what it was called i don't remember yeah i don't

remember much any other uh do you remember any other cast members um chip and dale no i really don't remember i don't look into this we're gonna see this is available maybe somewhere it's got to be somewhere james burroughs directed it i remember that's usually a good luck charm i know you'd think yeah yeah um so for this disneyland trip we were talking like jack and i were like being very like i didn't feel like we were trying to like outdo each other in knowledge his name is jack right yeah jack yeah such a good guy and he uh you weren't trying out you were just excuse the term you were getting off on how each of you know you know what i mean though you both loved how

each of you knew and you would get more and more excited and it wasn't even like you were testing each other you were like do you know about this and like of course you know about it and of course and then when you guys didn't know something that the other one said you got so blown away but not in a haha i got you right but in a wow how about that information yeah it was delightful thank you uh i do you said at one point that this was your second favorite disneyland day ever yes do you remember and i remember my second favorite of all time um and do you remember what your first was you told me a little bit about it it was it was uh not grad night i had a great grad night it was disney world by the way that was my second favorite disney uh that's my that was probably my favorite disneyland trip to be honest disney world i had a better trip when i

was like i'll say 15 right i went with a group group of kids like on a youth trip from my temple or something. And I remember having the best time because I was not following directions. Right. You felt like you could like go wild a little bit at the park. I went wild. And I had a great time. It was the most fun I'd ever had at the park. You were number two.

Well, that's pretty good. Pretty good. So think about it. I was 55. I'm 56 now. I've had a birthday since then happy birthday 55 and 15 so uh my favorite trip was 15 second favorite 55 and in between i'd say i've been to the park at least a dozen times if not more which i know for a lot of people who have the passes that's not a big deal right but for normal people and i mean that yeah that's a i mean i probably i bet you even more than that i mean since i lived in la i go at least once a year

i'm planning on going again in july actually i love it there see that's the thing too i love it the only thing that gets a little bit weird for me is i don't go on on the scary rides so i'll sit there and when i sit there i if i say anything or i get recognized by one person it sort of opens up a a thing of like a lot of people but i'm like i'm honored to be recognized and honored to talk to the people but it is it can be unsettling at times like a line forms sometimes yes it's weird like you're a character yes like well no it's it's like i said jip and dale it's like i'm one of the characters here come take a photo and i just take photos with people over and over and over again yeah right and that's you would

wait for me a lot of times yeah yeah it was tough you know thank god when my kids were little really little i and i took them to disneyland i didn't have to deal with that right um but as they got older i remember the last time was kind of a drag yeah did the kids did you guys go often also would you bring the kids the kids love it as much as every kid oh Oh, my God. My kids love Disney. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, of course. I went and I've stayed overnight before. No, I love Disneyland.

By the way, as you guys know, there are people out there who don't like it. And I'm like, what's wrong with you? And they think I'm nuts. Like, you know, I think my record for going in a year is twice, which is plenty for someone who doesn't have an annual pass. You know what I mean? Right. You know, but I love it. Oh, my God. And that doesn't even include the number of times I've been to downtown Disney.

Oh, yeah. In addition to being at Disneyland. Do you have a favorite downtown Disney spot? I've never been to Epcot, by the way. Really? And it was even built when I lived in Florida as a kid. never went to epcot once oh that's a that's a tragedy yeah i guess you can say my favorite yeah i've never been there place yeah it's falling apart a little bit in the recent years yeah but yeah my granddaughter works there she works at the uh pumpkin house

yeah the pumpkin house one of the best places in the World Showcase. Oh, my God. And by the way, it's Pumpkin H-A-U-S. Yeah, because it's in the German Pavilion. Is that your drink or my drink? This is my drink. Oh, I don't know what I did with it. Did you not have a drink? No, I did.

I don't know what I did with it. It's all right. We can pause and you can go get it. No, I want to stay here. All right, we'll stay here. I don't want to break the flow. We were talking when we were at that Disneyland. I remember oftentimes I would give Jack my opinions about things and I would kind of

like fluster him. I feel like he would get like, he couldn't, like I would say, Hey, I heard a rumor or I would say, Hey, I don't care. Right. Because you can't say you heard from him. Right. Of course not. He, no, he didn't give me any rumors.

But he also would be like, well, I can't deny that. Right. I don't have to deny that. Right. I don't have to deny that, you know? Mm-hmm. He was delightful. He was wonderful. And he was very respectful. Here's what I love about it, and I love about you with it.

You both are very respectful of the park and the history and where it's going, where it's been. And he cares passionately about his job i love that we um yeah he uh well we we all the all of us on the podcast we don't like it when a guest comes on and tells us they ever like got really like fucked up and went there oh i feel that's disrespectful to the park respectful that's a six flags type of thing. I don't drink, you know, and I love the park. So, I mean, I could see pot enhancing my trip. But it's not something that, I mean, to me, going to Disneyland in itself is like getting high. Yes.

I get very happy. Yes. And what is it? The happiest place on earth, of course. Yes, and also? Second most fun place, the granddaughter magazine oh that i'm sorry that wasn't funny but we'll bring it back no we won't uh the granddaughter magazine adheres to the classic comedy rule of uh rule of uh 300s right yes we went on uh We went on Haunted Mansion

and that was the one I think that you were particularly like. Well, we went by ourselves. You went by yourself. I was in a car with Jack. You would let me travel with just Jack and I. Oh, by the way, that is the truth. And I'll post a picture. On the things you rode with Jack, our guide, and I rode by myself. Yes. But

when we went in the Haunted Mansion, we did the whole elevator thing. Alone, yes. Alone. We did we went in the Haunted Mansion, we did the whole elevator thing. Alone? Yes. Alone. We did all that alone. So imagine just three of us. How?

He said, wow. No, I said, wow. Yeah, it was really good. It was three of us just empty in that elevator. Which was really cool. Which was really cool. Yeah. I think that the guy who operated that room was quite uncomfortable.

Really? Not without a crowd and me looking directly at him i think you were yelling a lot too and i was you're like why is this happening i think why is this happening like the bodies would stretch see that's i'm fine i'm fine with if you guys are in there alone oh it's hilarious yes of course i would never ruin it for other people oh my god no but it just is so joyous see that's the thing they say the happiest place on earth and and by the way sometimes when small kids have their they get burnt out and their breakdowns or you have problems with your girlfriend it's not always the happiest place

on earth but i gotta tell you oh yeah it does its part yeah joy but sometimes it's hot and if you have to wait in the lines which i don't have to do anymore but it i could see it not being the happiest and i can see a lot of people going you know thinking of their breakup at disney i bet you disneyland at this point has hosted so many breakups oh yeah for sure my god yeah so but i mean look when that many people go through these places there's gonna be all sorts of stuff that happens i'm sure plenty of people got engaged there of course plenty of people i don't think about people having sex at disneyland oh yeah i find it inappropriate but i just

is i just it's natural but i don't know how natural it is for a theme park they had a are you talking about at the hotels or in the park one of the hotels yeah well the hotels yeah you know but they had before the matterhorn i think i said this to jack and he knew what i was talking about before the matterhorn there was a it was just a hill of dirt and they called it holiday hill oh right you told me teens used to make out they used to go and neck yeah so like that was already that i just love the idea of teens yeah teens congregating teens just that word so inapplicable to the miscreants that are our our uh our 14 to eight 19 year olds that exist i don't think of them as sweet teens i think of them as major

annoyances teens does represent i feel like teens does like is an annoying word that really reminds me of old days oh it does okay i don't look at like like who would ever say it was a group of teens it was a group of kids it was a group of yeah they were they were spitting on me i don't know but that's happened at disneyland i mean i think we've talked before how we are uh scared of teens by the way that's also the thing too it's so unnatural that i find them scary yeah yeah but that's just like a built-in thing from your childhood if there's like a group of five or more teens i'm petrified they might rag on me i'm petrified of one teen yeah by the way it's nice if they you know if they if they know who i am because they're kinder sure yeah i don't know who i am i'm just an old annoying guy uh the last thing i

think i can remember from the trip off the top of my head is we were on soren which is one of your favorites oh i love soren um and i got the candle yes uh and And we got, yeah, we tried or you ordered, there's this like company that makes, they're not licensed candles but they're unlicensed candles. By the way,

it was burning all day. Do you smell it? Does it smell in here like the Haunted Mansion at all? Yeah, there's a Haunted Mansion candle and it's like they don't have the exact scent

but it's very reminiscent of it and it's very, it gets you in the nostalgic Haunted Mansion mood. But we were on soren and you i think you were talking to jack or something i heard you like kind of whispering to jack like this is great or something and then tinkerbell came on the screen you went what it broke the reality for you because soren you don't associate with tinkerbell right soren's

like i used to love when it was soren just over California now it's the world yeah yeah and I don't like it as much right I used I really it was I loved the California thing although it's really good still it's great I'll still go on it right but that being said Tinkerbell not necessary I mean I really am pro Tinkerbell and any Peter Pan situation or in an animated situation. But she sort of jumped out. Well, she is on the California version, too. She was on the version as well, but you must have forgot. I must have forgot.

I wiped it away. Yeah, yeah. But I'm pro Tinkerbell. Sure. Although I do find her one of the more annoying characters, her little sparkles. Before we talk, so we're going to about sorry what you got well i was gonna say uh uh jeff came into play with a trip you and i took down to the parks too which what are you talking about when we went down a few weeks ago so we were at the parks one day and uh were you with him when he bought the buttercup yeah oh yes so

uh yes yes yes mike we were in a gift shop and we were looking around and he's like oh look there's buttercup there's a one of jeff's character it took a picture and sent it to you and uh you texted back buy all of them yes yeah um i've already i've given away half of them oh really yeah that's nice why not oh I'm not getting them for profit no I give them you're not sleeping in a pile of wire cups

no but I bought it and I yeah yeah so we still had a lot of hours left in the day

so Mike went over to the one stand yeah in Tomorrowland yeah to well you in California Adventure

You went over and asked Where you could find it And I was just sitting on a bench Eating a corndog And I was just watching you Talk to this person for While this was going on You were eating what you talk about

As one of your favorite seasonal treats At Disneyland, which is a corndog Oh, this was great, yeah It's like a triple corndog It's like a mini Cajun dog and then like pepper jack cheese above that and then a hot link corn dog above that. So it's really good for you. Yeah, it's really good for you.

But I was checking to see to make sure they had them over in Tomorrowland and this one night, very nice woman checked for me and she said, yes, they did. So we went to, so I was like, well, right before the park closes, I'm going to get all these. Right. You don't want to be walking around with it. Right. So I told you not to. Yeah. You we went to, so I was like, well, right before the park closes, I'm going to get all these buttercups. Right, you don't want to be walking around with them. Right. So I-

I told you not to. Yeah, you said not to. Yeah, I said, if you got to carry them around, do not buy them. That image of you did not bring me joy. Yeah. And I was saying that- If I hated you, yes. It brought me joy.

Sure. The idea of you doing- So we got in, so I was like, you know what? I better buy them before 12. And it was like 11.55. And so I went in, you know what? I better buy them before 12. And it was like $11.55. And so I went in. I got all the buttercups. And then, as I said on the start of the podcast, if you get in line before midnight when it closes, you can get on one more ride.

So we went on Space Mountain. With all the buttercups? With all the buttercups. And I asked an employee, I go, could you hold it to the side for a second? They were like, yeah, you can keep it on the ride. So I rode Space Mountain with a bag of 12 or 12 or more buttercup dolls just sort of i need more next time you go oh yeah sure i'm gonna go soon too yeah i wonder what that'll be like for them they won't even know who i am but imagine like i wonder how many times people who

are the animated character buy the buy you know what i can't find where they really didn't market is the captain from wally like those dolls or things i got a few things and I can't find where they really didn't market is the Captain from WALL-E. Like those dolls or things. I got a few things. And I can always find them on like Amazon or eBay. But it's not something that, you know. Kids love unicorns. Yeah. So that's an obvious choice.

More than how popular the character is. Yeah. Before we start. So we're going to talk your favorite ride of all time if you had wings uh but real quick would you mind so you told the story on conan uh about disneyland and it involves your son oh that one oh geez i mean you know what needs to hear that all right fine we'll cut this part out then no no you can leave that in it's just it's not for this okay all right check out the team coco website to hear this story i don't

even know if it was on when it was still team coco i think it was like as old i told it on nbc maybe here they're getting all those years ago oh then it was team coco okay well look we're gonna talk it's more appropriate for conan fair enough yeah our listeners are a little more sensitive well no i imagine they want to hear about the rides and stuff i don't want to ruin things for them that would ruin things maybe maybe they want to hear about the rides and stuff. I don't want to ruin things for them. That would ruin things. Maybe, maybe. You know, you talk about the Haunted Mansion, and it's very common people try to sneak scattering ashes.

Oh, well, that's disgusting. Yeah, there's a lot of those stories where people do, like, gross stuff. My thing was to do it on Pirates of the Caribbean, but the line was too long. Right. Yeah. And I think it's a different thing the Caribbean, but the line was too long. Right. Yeah. And I think it's a different thing entirely, but we won't talk about that.

Let's get to the topic, though. If you had wings. If you had wings. Which is a ride that hasn't been around for, God, 30 years, 20 years, probably? Was it ever in Disneyland? It was only Disney World. Only Disney World.

Right. Yeah. And it was sponsored by Eastern Airlines. Eastern Airlines. Yes, indeed. Which was like a sponsor of Disney in general. And the big deal about it was sponsored by eastern airlines yes indeed which was like a sponsor of disney general deal about it was besides being fun free oh yes before when the ticket when their ticket books were going on carousel of progress was either a or an e ticket it was like one of the

tickets free right yeah carousel of progress and if you had wings because they were such heavily corporate sponsorship. Was General Electric Carousel of Progress? Yeah, they still would have been doing it at the time. Yeah, Carousel of Progress was pretty great too. Yeah. You sit there and see the family and it was really cool. Right. That was a cool thing, but it wasn't as good as if you had wings.

Right. So what was your first trip? When was the first time you remember going i remember going to disneyland for the first time geez it must have been 10 years old yeah i mean the park opened when 70 71 71 so i went to the park in 72, 73. Yeah, I lived in Chicago, and my grandparents lived in South Florida. And I remember we visited them in South Florida, and then we took a bus from South Florida to Orlando,

stayed at like a Holiday Inn type place in Orlando, and then went a couple days to Disneyney world right yeah um that was the first of many disney world uh experiences great yeah when i taught i because when i talked to my mom about her memories going when she was a child she has like a very similar like if you had wings of like memory of like because it was like free you just wrote it over and over and over again line yeah um so for for people who didn't go on it or don't know what we're talking about, this was an Omnimover, which is like Haunted Mansion.

Haunted Mansion ride system, yeah. Which is the vehicles on the Haunted Mansion when you say ride system. So very similar, very slow movie pleasant. Very similar to Adventures in Inner Space, which was just out here in Anaheim. And it's not dissimilar to Soarin'

where you would kind of go in and it's like you're waiting around the world you travel where united airlines goes right yeah where eastern airlines go i mean eastern airlines yeah i was a travel where eastern airline goes and they kept that song the whole time if you had wings if you had wings which is really not a great premise no it's a very simple song i mean mean, which allows them to tweak it a little as you go through the different locations. And I remember it got very exciting.

They had bongos at one time. They would add different sounds, musical sounds from around the world. Yes, depending on where you went. And then there was two moments that stood out for me. I realized why I love the ride. Yes, go ahead. Okay. So it was generally hot

out especially it's florida of course and i realized why i love the ride i didn't care if it was free that we had tickets to all the rides sure it was better because my dad would let us go on it over and over because it didn't cost anything to have the ticket right but there was a little section where it was uh watery i don't remember what it was but they went like a light spray in there a mist oh yeah not only that but there was a breeze like there's this one part where you went through where the wind blew and it was air-conditioned wind sure and i realized that's why i really loved the ride that's why a lot of people seem to like it yeah it was so good it was so refreshing right but people you didn't even know at the time you just felt like this was doing something to me magically yes and it also gave you

the sense that you were going faster than you were right they figured that out back then right um and then yeah there were this was uh there weren't any robots on the ride it was all projection it was all projection and then they had the pirates like right before you got off at the end of the ride they had the pirates come out and pretend to attack you that was like the thing that i think everybody loved that didn't happen what that didn't happen sure were there pirates they come out with with their plastic swords, and they just miss your hat with their sword. Then they fight each other,

and they did that for a while until one of them was actually killed. That would have cost a fortune. It actually happened. Well, there was an expose. Where was it published? I don't know. Where was it published?

I'm trying to remember do you guys remember I think it was run in Grand Daughter Magazine right Grand Daughter Magazine but it was a Stephen Glass article so then they had to retract it when they revealed it was a fabulous Stephen Glass wrote for Grand Daughter Magazine before

was it the New Yorker the New Republic anyhow no that didn't happen at the end of the ride but what did happen Was it the New Yorker? The New Republic? New Republic, yeah. Anyhow, no, that didn't happen at the end of the ride. But what did happen is there were Eastern Airlines representatives there waiting to sell you a ticket if you were interested. Oh, because I was little, I didn't notice that. Right.

But they were, yeah. But my dad probably said to me, keep walking. I guarantee that's what my dad said. Keep walking. Yeah, we don't need any of that. Do you remember the ending narration of the ride? I believe it was Jeffrey, you know, the guy from Live and Let Die. What's his name?

The Uncola. Am I wrong? Even a bigger name. Oh, I don't know. For a little while. It was Orson Welles. Was he the end of If You Had Wings? He was the one who said,

like, you do have wings. You can do all these things. You can widen your world. Eastern, The Wings of Man. Boy, that guy made a living from voiceover at a certain point. One of the greatest actors who ever lived, one of the greatest filmmakers who ever lived.

And for a while, he was telling you that i did have wings and that i could get a what was the wine that he did oh yeah so no wine before it's time the one that's the one with the palm is on yeah yeah that's the one with the famous outtakes yeah right yeah well there's the if you had wings outtakes you've heard those though of course yeah yeah he curses up a storm well no it's not him it's not him oh it's uh no it's dean jones oh yelling at walt in that little room saying why did you give the job to orson welles it was a big fight yeah no i'll never forget listening to those uh jack let us listen to those

but we had the weird thing is we had to take up our clothes and sit indian style on the ground yeah yeah and then he put them on and then we got he's got a cupcake but we had to eat he said you got to eat the cupcake slowly i remember yeah but it was worth it yeah and then we looked out the window and there was a photographer from granddaughter with like a telephoto lens like really trying to scoop them i covered myself but good they didn't get anything yeah they got me pretty good though they did yeah they got all of me they got your wiener yeah they got my wiener and by the way for a while it was gonna be the first wiener in granddaughter magazine but they decided against it i i used my influence yeah i really appreciate that yeah because we bought the pictures back yeah uh and then we sold them to pirates of the caribbean monthly yeah

which i'm proud to be in yeah for my first nude nude spread uh uh so if you had wings i do you remember this you again probably didn't notice as a kid i feel like a lot of people did it um that you could hear the project there was like 85 projectors scattered throughout the ride yes after having been on the ride so many times over the years you started noticing the nuances of the delivery of the material. And I looked around, I could see the projectors, because it was all projectors. There were so many, it was all images projected onto, but a lot of times it was projected onto like moving screens.

And then your thing would go through the screens, like underneath the screens, you know? Because this is, we wouldn't have talked about this change into another ride called dream flight eventually which is what we went on when we were kids oh okay i may have ridden if you had really i think i went when i was two but i don't have any memories of it in my mind i just kind of meshed up but in your mind you should really just go to that you were on if you had wings yeah yeah i would do that why not it's a point of pride i wish there was better getting ready for this like uh there is some

footage of it but like vhs or people had like super eight cameras like did not do well in low lighting so you can't make out a lot i mean the song is such great memories for of it yeah and mike you sent me the song. I did, yeah, yeah. And I put it on and danced. Because it's like one of your favorite types of music, which is cha-cha. No, I just danced. I just danced.

But you like cha-cha. I just like, I get gassy. Sure. And then I have to dance. Sure. And that's a great song for it. Do you remember in the middle of you, well, you guys weren't on if you had wings, but Chip and Dale came out and they made they did like uh they made pottery

wow the right stop dead and if you were lucky enough to be by chip and dale they showed you the pottery the rest of the ride you're just sitting there right and the music stopped you know what was going on but it's like 15 20 minutes of nothing but some people got a good uh how to make pottery thing it was an easter egg i guess what did they do with the finished pots well that's been a mystery that disney's after that had to deal with for years no one knows yeah no one not even jack i asked jack about it but they didn't give him away he didn't know yeah they're somewhere though yeah former eastern airlines executives also didn't know no they didn't it went deep well you know who did the investigative article that went deep

stephen glass in the new republic nope try again jason was it me and granddaughter magazine no oh you did it i thought it was jason No. Hmm. Try again, Jason. Grandson Tri-Weekly. Grandson. So does that come out every three weeks or three times one week? Every three weeks. I like to think it comes out three times a week. I would like to think that's more what it is. If you pay the premium, it comes out three times a week.

Yeah. Well, you have your choice. Yeah. It depends on how often you want grandson news. Right. There's many grandsons doing big things. Me, I want as much as I can get. Yeah.

So I think the final, the full count of projectors, there were 41 16 millimeters, 40 special effects projectors, 370 millimeter projectors, 135 millimeter projector but 370 millimeter I wonder what part of the ride that was I think that was for the uh the big thing what they call the speed room oh the speed room that was the thing that was amazing that's what I told you you felt like you were on like a scooter like a car it was a car race that you suddenly were in right this ride lasted uh 15 years june 1972 to june 1987 oh was it that long yeah yeah wow they had a 15-year contract for the eastern sponsorship

and then eastern opted not to continue the sponsorship so it closed for about like five or six days so they could take out any references to eastern and they renamed it if you could fly which pretty similar ride different song okay song not as good song yeah did you hear that did you find the song if you was it like that was like instead of you if you were wings if you could fly i actually let me look it up you're not that far off uh uh that only lasted two years. I don't remember that one at all. You don't have any memories? Yeah. So what was the last date of the actual

if you had wings part? June 87? No, no, no, no, no. June 2nd, I think? You said that, how long was the sponsorship? 15 years. Oh, so it was 87?

Yeah. Okay. And then if you could fly when 87 to 89. The Delta Dream Flight moved in from 89 to 1996 and had like the same thing happened. Like they lost the sponsorship in 96. Was this in Tomorrowland? Yes.

This was in Tomorrowland. It was kind of not churned out quickly, but like they only had like three things. Was it next to knee high stocking mountain no no that's on the other side of the park okay my mistake that's the totally wrong land yeah that's in stocking land stocking land it's next to frontier land right yeah next to frontier and liberty transition from frontierland to Stockingland is the Horseshoe Cafe. Uh-huh, yes. Horseshoe Cafe,

because it's a person putting a stocking on over the horseshoe is when you know you're in Stockingland. I'm going to stop now. Let's get back to View at Wings. What did you find? Did you pull up? Well, I have all the If You Had Wings lyrics. Were you paying attention? These lyrics are a little...

I'm amused by them. These these are fun great ex atencio yes ex atencio who did uh uh the pirates he wrote the pirates song as well pirates caribbean song which is a great song great song or a great uncle of uh comedy director peter atencio yes of key and peel and many other things keanu the movie yep yep um so he these we have all these lyrics here and there's so many different ones my favorite one where is it uh it's so it says want to buy a sombrero made of real fine straw or how about a nice handbag for your pretty mama that's my favorite line out of all of them it's all about like the one that i experienced i was in mexico and i got a hat and it was made of straw and then i bought my mom a handbag that was quite

the day your pretty mama yeah she's very pretty my mama and you said that i would hope you would just like ask the the man at the store for a you know a gift for your mama well i just bought her a gift okay so it was no transaction i had to buy her a gift she was touched though she loved her son sure of course i mean i'm looking through here this is this was the old uh we'll put this on the twitter this was the old like pamphlet you would get with the tickets or we're telling you about the park that we'll tell you about eastern airlines oh great granddaughter because so there's a lot of cross promotionpromotion in airports. Because Eastern was the official airline of Disney World for a long time.

Eastern was a very popular airline. I remember flying it a lot. Do you think it was the one you flew the most as a child? Do you remember? I would say Eastern Airlines. Eastern and Delta were the two that I remember flying a lot as a kid. Did you have an association that it was Disney's airline? Did that make it fun?

I don't remember. Sure. That's okay. I was just excited. My favorite part was the airport. Yeah. Well, flying was better in those days, I've been told. Maybe.

You don't remember that either? That's what my parents say. They say flying was better. Well, there was more room i think my mom and when you flew first class it was really first class now first class is just a bigger chair right than the other section it's not that exciting unless you fly first class to europe then it's really delightful i think my mom just wanted like the women to wear dresses you know I was saying if you could fly the brief two year replacement, um, they,

they, yeah, whole new song for that. When Delta dream flight moved in, that ran from like, uh, June of 89 to like June of 1996. Similar thing happened.

I think I'd say where they lost the sponsorship and then it became Disney's take flight for that. They just took all the words Delta out of the song. I think I'd say where they lost the sponsorship and then it became Disney's Take Flight. For that, they just took all the words Delta out of the song. They just found words they could squeeze in instead of Delta. What was it called again? Disney's what? It was called Dream Flight and then when they lost the

sponsorship, it became Take Flight. Oh. Okay. They would lose the sponsorship and they'd have to change the whole thing of the ride, is like happens because like there's so many different sponsors here siemens sponsored uh spaceship earth for a long time which is an epcot center which is the big ball you know that golf ball yeah and then they pulled it so they have to pull all references to uh that's what happens it happens in baseball parks all the time now you start calling it one name and it's a new name five years later.

Yeah, like Comiskey Park was what I grew up with, but now it was a U.S. cellular field. It's now called Japanese Woman Park. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. All the women of Japan sponsor it. Wow, they all got together and pooled their money? They did. Wow. Yeah.

Is that a profit-making venture or a charitable thing? And by the way, you know the Staples Center is now called Grand Daughter Magazine Arena. I mean, they have well-outpaced staples. And by the way, you know the Staples Center is now called Granddaughter Magazine Arena. I mean, they have well-outpaced staples. Their acquisition did not go through. That makes sense, though. I mean, I think they're going to do a lot of good with it. I think that they're the type of company that needs to host an arena. This will either be your most popular podcast or by far the one that people go,

please don't ever have him on again. We had an episode that's a little divisive where a 50s gangster hijacked the show. That might be our most divisive. Was it one of you playing a character? Well, not us. It was a different person. But there's a ride called the Great Movie Ride. And on that ride, you get hijacked by a 50s gangster.

Was there a ride called the Great Movie Ride? Yes. It was at Disney's MGM studio In Florida Oh so this is like One of the separate park Yeah it was a separate park In Florida

Yeah they never allowed that In like Disney World Or Disneyland Well it was No it was Disney World It was Disney World Hollywood Studios And you would get hijacked

A guy like a College student would come on And be like Hey stick him up Give me your jewels Or whatever You're a liar I swear to God

Somebody thought this was a good idea It was a great idea It's one of our favorite rides It just closed It was open for 20 years Sometimes it would be A cowboy would ride Sometimes a cowboy

A person You know who got Their break on that ride The Olsen twins Really Were they the cowboy And the gangster They were the babies

The babies When they were hands Because for one year Disney did some research And they found out People loved babies So before they did Full house When they were because for one year the disney did some research and they found out people love babies so before they did full house when they were actual babies sure they were the babies on that ride that makes a lot of sense i didn't even know that yeah that's crazy did you know that yes i did oh okay well he knows he does more research than i do um and you know that there

people are mad at at uh disneyland and paris yes you know what's going on there apparently every single ride is sponsored by a diabetes drug now i didn't know that you think that would happen at the american parks it's in paris uh yeah and they have i well you know what now that you say that i yeah the glucafage mountain glucafage mountain the glucafage also sponsors it's a small world and they say it's a glucafage world after all i know yeah and that's the whole thing i thought there was something different last time we were there to get some yeah yeah they're buying they're bought they're taking over other rides too and using their other names like there's metformin uh the teacups that you spend the metformin sure yeah and then they

have reps for the diabetes medicine that waiting there hassle you after the rides they're waiting there with eastern airlines pamphlets they haven't gotten their act together wow yeah they're giving away money those might might fetch some money for collectors. They're really not, you know, they don't have it together yet. That makes a lot of sense.

Do you have anything else or do we want to get to this last segment? I think that's everything. I mean, I thought it was interesting when we mentioned this ride to people

or it seems like a real fan favorite. Like I told my dad when we were doing this episode. It was truly delightful. I remember I was so happy on that ride. like the other one.

I mean, this was about where everything, everywhere Eastern would go, but the replacement Dream Flight was more focused on the history of Fairline. Oh, okay.

There was some projection. So they would change the visuals they they built like a bunch of new sets oh that's my siri just went off what's that thing i have my kitchen a home pod i have a home pod yeah okay by the way it's not gotten the best reviews i'm loving it what have you just have you just been playing music with it i play music i ask questions like i ask uh i say siri siri siri hold on siri siri play play the new issue granddaughter magazine i think i see why people don't uh like this product as much by the way i'm talking to it it's too far we're too far okay two rooms over.

Okay. Two rooms over. We just spoke out of nowhere. I don't even know what it said. We love Apple. We don't want to put Apple down. No, no, but the point being is that I really am enjoying it.

Sure. And the sound, you heard it the other day. The sound is great. Yeah. So there you go. Jeff Garlin induced. Induced. Jeff Garlin endorsed.

I induced Siri to go on a few Ed Wings. Siri, take me. Wait. Siri. Take us back and make me think i'm in a few edwings no too far away hold on let's do it here okay let's see if let's see if siri would know hey siri tell me about Disneyland's... Oh, I screamed. Hey, Siri, tell me about Disney World's ride if you had wings. I found something on the web about Disney World's ride if you had wings. Check it out.

Oh, she's not going to read it, though. Oh, yeah, just giving you a wiki. She's just going to show us the entry. And then the HomePod had no information. So they're two different minds. They're two different brains. Hey, Siri, play the theme to the Ride If You Had Wings. I don't think that...

This is not it. What is this? He's playing something very smooth. Hold on. Disney, stop. Disney. Siri, stop playing. I think that's just going to be on for the rest of the show.

Siri, stop playing. Stop playing, Siri. Oh, dear God. Oh, well. That's okay. Excuse me. All right, all right. oh well that's okay oh excuse me no all right all right i think that's andrew gold i was listening to an album from my childhood called uh all this in heaven 2 uh andrew gold which had a huge hit signal on it what is what is it uh thank you for being a friend hold on oh yeah yeah i'm sorry if your listeners might get upset with me, I'm just picturing them being like, why does he make up things about the ride? You can include this. All right, keep going.

Yeah, I'll put that in there. Okay. So, we do. So, basically, when we're done talking about the ride, we have a scale. So, we say, like, if you were like an imagineer, would you say, I want to plus the ride up? Would I want to keep it absolutely the same? Or would i want to burn it down in a mysterious fire for insurance money you mean so so if you had wings that would still exist i would want to plus it up you would want to plus it up so then we talk about what would make the same sensations but make them more modern

and better like you know more three more not more three-dimensional not 3d right although that's the same thing but you know i wouldn't want to wear 3d glasses but i'd want to make it more you know i'm sure that if you went on it now it'd be nostalgic but it wouldn't necessarily be like oh that was amazing right it'd be like wow if they could do that now how good would the be the sensation of being on the water the sensation of being in the car race but it is similar to soren to soren yeah soren to be honest soren is like an advanced version of yeah if you had wings a lot of people like point at that this is like a precursor to that especially much so it is it is without a doubt speed room looked really cool i wish they

did more stuff like that like that would be really cool in hd like well by the way what a great ride it would be if you say the speed room let's just say it's called the speed room imagine a room where you you get the sensation of being in an auto race being in a boat race like you know all these speed yeah even a sand even like a desert speed test like simulating that and not in terms of your face or feeling it but like seeing visually what that would be like, the experience. Yeah. I would probably enjoy that. I don't like up and down. Yeah.

Like you said. Fast. I'm like a straight away. Delightful. Did you ever like, did you ever like roller coasters or anything like that? Never. At no point in my life. I always, uh, I avoided them like the play.

Did you go on one and it like ruined it for you or you just never even tried it? the only roller coaster i've ever been on like of any is space mountain and i was like and when i was done i must have been like 12 years old or whatever 14 when i was done no i was older because that came about later what year was space mountain it's I was 76, so I was probably 14 or 15, and I went on Space Mountain. It had been open less than a year, I remember very clearly. And when I was done, I was like, why did I do that? It scared the hell out of me. It was too scary, yeah. Yeah.

And then, like, now, I can't even do, like, the Cars ride. Yeah, because Radiator Springs Racer. Yeah, I can't even do that. You said you tried it, though, right? Yeah, when I was... You didn't like the thing where it goes dips. I don't like dips. Oh, yeah, there Radiator Springs Racer. Yeah, I can't even do that. You said you tried it, though, right? Yeah, when I was. You didn't like the thing where it goes dips. I don't like dips. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of dips.

I don't even like going on a swing. Which swing? That's why Soarin' scares me to a degree. Oh, a regular swing. Yeah. 75, 75 in Florida. The good thing about Soarin' is you can close your eyes and you're fine. Yeah, it's not.

It doesn't jostle you. My mom says she hates being jostled on the rides. By the way, is your mom's name Jocelyn? Jocelyn, J's not. It doesn't jostle you. My mom says she hates being jostled on the rides. By the way, is your mom's name Jocelyn? Jocelyn Jocelyn? Jocelyn Carlson? Yeah. The other ride that it really kind of influenced was the boat ride in the Mexico Pavilion at Epcot.

At Epcot Center that you've never been. You haven't seen it, but it has a lot of sets with that kind of projection. Oh, wow. Is it still up or no? Still up. It's had some changes over the years. Oh, I should go to...

I need to do a road trip to Epcot just based on that ride. Because your ABC privileges, they extend to Florida. They most certainly do. They have to. It's all the magic of Disney. Oh, you would love the World Showcase. You know, I don't want Disney to buy Fox only for one reason. Go ahead.

I'm not a big Fox fan. I'm a big Disney fan. Sure. Jeff, you're putting your career on the line saying that. I think the big acquisition would be Fox if they got Disney. I'd go, look at them. But I don't see the excitement. But they still might not get it anyhow.

Because now Comcast is fighting for it. But doesn't Comcast own Universal? That'd be weird. And then there's some Marvel properties that they would get. So they would control some of Marvel and Disney would control other parts of Marvel. Fantastic Four, The X-Men.

And The X-Men. And then Barnaby Jones. And of course, Barnaby Jones. People have been fighting over the license for years. You were talking about remaking that, I think, for a long time. By the way, I see myself, no, excuse the term, over the license for for years you were talking about remaking that i think for a long time by the way i seen i see myself no excuse the term on a crash course with playing barnaby jones

see that'll my the more i last the more beloved i'm gonna be and then at a certain point it'll be logical for me to play barnaby jones yeah, yeah. Barnaby Jones over Columbo? I've already kind of played Columbo handsome, which you were in. Yes. But here's the thing. Truth be told, if they were to do Columbo, they'd want somebody more talented than me, probably. No.

No, they would. Peter Falk was pretty amazing. He was great. They want something interesting. Whereas I think that Barnaby Jones, you just have to be old. Because Buddy Epson, if I remember, didn't dance. And he didn't really talk about the Beverly Hills Billies much.

What I mean by great is Barnaby Jones, he had memories as the character of the... Of being on it. What about Father Dowling Mysteries? That was Tom... Tom Bosley. Yeah, how long did that last? I think it's two seasons

wasn't he a friend of what's her names friend of who father dowling i think was a a spinoff of yes yes yes and i used to live in a building and the landlord was a regular on father dowling when he was a younger man so how about father dowling ride at disney world was that's a memory that's a whole other show very relaxing very relaxing they just slow moving they pair you with a senior citizen and you have to solve a crime no that's the barnaby jones ride which they had out here at universal you're getting it mixed up sorry yeah universal and they used to feed you uh mushed rice and applesauce and mushed bananas. That was a sensation on the Barnaby Jones. There was no murder.

There was no murder. Rockford Files became the first themed bar. That was the first. Wow. Was it really? No. Because that sounds believable. Yeah.

Like if there was a Rockford bar like in Malibu, I would so totally go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like it looks like his camper yeah you know and the bartenders all look like

Jim Rockford man now this is alienating the audience too and I also think your ideas are pretty horrible oh okay good

the idea that it would look like where he lived and all the bartenders look like a middle aged man no I don't think that would do well

what would your plus it up be for the Rockford Files bar? The Rockford Files bar would just be like a lot of memorabilia from the Rockford Files. But really pretty bartenders and an area where you could go smoke pot because I don't drink. Oh, okay.

So that's just like a dry, that sounds like a dry cleaner that's like had a lot of people from the Rockford Files use it over the years. I'm going to say, this is probably a worse roasting that I went to one of your shows at UCB like 11 years ago

and you gave out Pop-Tarts to the audience and you gave me a real hard time about how I was eating that Pop-Tart. Why was that true? How were you eating it? I think I was breaking it into pieces. Oh, wow. Because I was on stage in the light, so I didn't want to look like a maniac, just shoving it down.

So you were taking your time. I was, yeah, taking my time. By the way, I used to love to do that, give out Pop-Tarts. Maybe I'll do that. I know, you did all the time. I can't drive my car right now, so not physically. My license expired. Oh, that happened to me?

It was my birthday. Yeah, so I'm waiting now. I paid online for the fast appointment, which is coming really slowly. So hopefully by next week I'll have my license. And one of the shows coming up, I'm going to buy Pop-Tarts for the audience. Yeah.

That's fine. I told you this already, but you gave me a shirt. Ten years ago I wouldn't go to your show too when I first came to L.A. And you gave me a shirt of yours. What shirt did I give you? Like when i first came in la and you gave me a shirt of yours what shirt did i give you like a white dress shirt and it's just like sitting in my closet somewhere yeah so like yeah for for people that came to la that show at ucb with the pop tarts i gave away stereo systems i remember i got a white dress when i

gave away tvs i gave away computers i don't remember when most of my audience was made up of of young people who i think think I charged a dollar. Yes, it was a dollar. So that's where we would go because we were fresh off the boat. Yeah. And I loved it. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah. I don't know. What do we got? Anything else? Now, with times changing, the price to see me at the improv every Friday is $18. Oh, my. Which is still, I think, a bargain. Inflation's still all right.

Very good deal but yes much because that's a that's a good luck 18 you said that you picked the 18 yeah they don't have like a set no okay it could have been 20 okay two item minimum two what's that two item minimum i don't know what they do with that okay okay i don't get involved but i'm guessing it's two drink minimum yeah well let's uh we always say to our guests at the end that uh jeff garland you've survived podcast the ride like we you know i actually think it's quite different i think you two survived your your podcast the ride you're like the 50s gangster that hijacked the podcast yeah i did it um um well who was this episode sponsored by i forgot well I think we have a couple

sponsors but the main one granddaughter magazine fine people yeah and we want to say that like the digital copy is very good too well reading it on your iPad is the way to go now yeah they have a lot of links like video hyperlinks

hyperlinks and it's really intuitive it's an enhanced issue yeah it's an enhanced wonderful app yeah it's enhanced issue uh do you have anything to plug do you want to talk well come to my show if you ever want on friday nights at the improv um i'm recording this week toy story four really yes oh wow have you gotten the script or they only show it to you there they'll only show it to me there uh i also i saw it i saw tim allen on the street in beverly hills we talked for a while and he's recording soon wow yeah that's

exciting yeah and you're doing it here but you're not going up to emeryville or whatever no you generally the more times you record you rotate like you do one up there one down here and this is the first year i'm not recording at disney i'm recording at, I forgot, a studio in Hollywood. I forgot the name of it. Sure. We don't have to give, we don't have to. No, no, I really can't remember the name. Sure.

Oh, Formosa. Well, it's not Formosa. It's probably Formosa. It's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a Warner, it used to be Warner Brothers. Sure. I don't know what it's called.

Well, that's fun. That's exciting. Yeah. It's cool. We're recording this coming week. Anything else? Shows? When does goldberg start

goldberg's is on now i don't know if you know and curbs on everything's always on it's always on i start filming goldberg's in august and then curb in october new season of curb and then um um yeah but you know uh come to um come to see me at the Improv Friday nights. And then starting in August, I'll be at Friday nights at the Improv and Sunday nights at Flappers in Burbank. In Burbank. That's a fun place. In Carlson country.

Terrible name, wonderful place. Wonderful place. The staff there is lovely. They're lovely. So yeah, there's plenty of places to see me. And tonight I'll be doing, you won't be hearing it, but tonight I'm going to do an hour monologue about the history of

granddaughter magazine well people will all the kids will be posting about on social media you can catch what i look forward to mike can i mean this go ahead is anyone ever coming up to me on the street and pointing at me and saying granddaughter magazine because i'll know that they listen to this and they'll make me very happy i think it'll happen because we we got we've had a couple nice people come up to us in disneyland already that like so i think people in the park are listening more often yeah because it's but gosh i just gotta say i love the idea of this show because i love as much as i made up things that happen on the ride i love disneyland it is just it just thrills me i don't eat sugar anymore yeah so so a lot of uh certain things

a lot of treats are off the table specific treat that i always loved was the two cookies with the ice cream in the middle and they move to the other side they don't even have the they used to just be that one little place down the alley right where you could get it and they actually made it fresh yes i don't know what goes on with that but it doesn't concern me because it's sugar you're right i can't concern myself but there's so many treats we saw some new treats you're like oh this is new and it was a sweet treat and i couldn't have it. Well, I asked Jack. I said, I know that they have a Dole Whip donut now. Yeah, I would have loved that. And he made a call on his phone to see where they were.

But then the person at the, like they didn't have any fresh. And she was like, don't worry about it. It's not actually that good. She didn't say that? She did. She quietly. She said a few? Yeah.

Oh, because to me, they made out like it was great. And they said they would have them in like an hour, but they'd be in line. You'd have to wait in line. Yeah, there'd be a line and, you know. And they said they would have them in like an hour, but there'd be a line. You'd have to wait in line. Yeah, there'd be a line. And, you know. And ABC couldn't. I get in sugar, so, you know. And Jack couldn't let us cut that line for some reason. Yeah, that line was not cuttable.

Right. But I have to say, I feel rude cutting. Like, when you have a guide and they take you to the lines, you don't cut. Right. There's a different area you walk in. Or you go to the exit. Because I would not do it if you had to walk by all the people. Oh, yeah. I would not do it. That would be rude. It would just be so horrible. I would not do it if you had to walk by all the people oh yeah i would not do it that would be rude it would just be so horrible i would never

do it on the exit um yeah so disneyland is wonderful a bunch of wonderful people that's why i want to plug for anyone listening if you have the time go to disneyland or disney world or epcot or um yeah. Or the Disney's Hollywood Studios where they used to have a great... Or go to the gift shop at the Imagineering Place. Or the Rockford Files Bar. The Rockford Files Bar. Either Jason's version or Jeff's version.

I think my version is better because there'd be women. Well, I think my version would have some very nice stories from middle-aged men. And I think having version would have some very nice stories from middle-aged men. And I think having women bartenders is much better than stories from middle-aged men. It's just a middle-aged guy who's kind of coughing a lot. And you want to hear those stories. Talking about his alimony. You want to just say, how'd you get your cough?

And you'll hear it. Yeah, yeah. I know, that's a long tale. By the way, my voice became very distinct after working on wally because i worked on it three years and i blew out my voice and it became much more distinct than it is now right or the performance in wally i sound like that now and prior to doing wally i of course sounded like that but it's not as extreme did you have to get like therapy after that or yeah i did voc voice stuff i had to do i had to do singing lessons to learn how to talk again.

So are you, how was your singing? It's delightful, although I lose my voice on occasion. I got you. Well, look, folks, we've done it here today.

Yes, it's been great. We've talked a few at Wings. It's been great. And I also, how do they follow you? They follow us at Podcast the Ride at Twitter.

Twitter and Instagram. You can email us, Podcast the Ride at g twitter twitter and instagram email us podcast the right at gmail do you have an instagram account we have an instagram account i'm gonna go on there right now podcast the right you can follow me on instagram at jeff garland oh yeah yeah you post a lot of fun stuff there hold on i'm gonna go there right now i mean our facebook group too podcast the right it's a whole there's a collection of folks now talking about all this yeah yeah it's great we love saying. I don't go on Facebook. Yeah, so follow us on those places.

So let me just go. Let me find you. Sure, sure. Okay, so it's called what? Podcast. It's Podcast the Ride. Yeah, Podcast the Ride. One word.

We post some fun stuff. Do we post pictures when we go? Here it is. Wow. It's got a little purple logo. Yeah, I see it. It's like an Epcot-ish. Is that your girlfriend in that picture there?

Where? I don't think she's on. No, that's a picture that looks sort of like my girlfriend, but that is not my girlfriend. Julie Prescott? Julie Prescott. She was a guest on a couple episodes ago, yeah. All right. So are you just going to follow it?

I like it. Yeah, I'm following it. I just followed it. I just followed it. Well, yeah, follow us there. And you are not following me. You're right. Well Yeah, I'm following it. I just followed it. I just followed it. Follow us there. And you are not following me. You're right. Well, we'll be following you.

We can do that. We can take care of that. Which one of you does the... Jason does. It's his fault that we're not following you. All right. How else am I going to get more followers? If you're of all the places.

All right. Thank you, everybody. Thank you for listening. Thanks. Bye-bye.