Podcast: The Ride - Indiana Jones Adventure

Episode Date: October 20, 2017

In which we discuss The Indiana Jones Adventure, the bizarre "Making Of" special, and the even more bizarre Super Bowl halftime show that promoted it. Indiana Jones Adventure (Disneyland) Ride Through https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--x4MzxyyeU Indiana Jones Adventure (Tokyo DisneySea) Ride Through https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H8su_tFcxQ Indiana Jones Adventure "Making Of" Special https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae0abv1MhkM Indiana Jones 1995 Superbowl Halftime Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjXSqaSmhh4 Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Feral Audio Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Podcast The Ride, the show about theme parks hosted by three childless men in their 30s. I'm Scott Gairdner, joined by Mike Carlson. Hello. And Jason Sheridan. Hi. We are part of the Feral Audio Network, home to Doughboys and many other great podcasts, and we are the one about theme parks, as I said.

Yes, we are. And it's been an exciting time in the world of theme parks lately. We're going to talk about the D23 Expo, which one of the three of us went to. And our topic today is the Indiana Jones Adventure, a.k.a. Indiana Jones Temple of the Forbidden Eye, one of the great theme park rides of our time, of the time in which we've been alive.

Very excited. So, yeah, welcome. park rides uh of our time of the time in which we've been alive uh very excited uh uh so uh yeah welcome hey uh mike as i said you just went to the d23 expo which for anybody listening who doesn't know it it's uh it's the comic-con of disney basically yeah it's three days three wonderful days in anaheim it's right by disneyland it's at the anaheim convention center and yeah if you know what comic-con is a comic comic convention, it is that, but just exclusively Disney. So you're getting panels from Imagineers, you're getting big

stadium-filling events where they bring out movie stars and showing Disney and Pixar movies, and the thing that I was most excited about is the Parks and Resort presentation where they announce all the fun rides and things coming to the disney parks in the next few years and resorts and resorts there are there are cool

resorts coming up oh yeah there are different resorts uh so it's crazy so yeah so it's three days of that and it's like in addition to that you're also going like table to table and seeing like people selling old merchandise so there's people first of all, they'll have like old Fred McMurray Disney posters for movies that he made that you've never heard of. He's the guy

from the Absent-Minded Professor and other films. My Three Sons? Yeah, there you go. Double Indemnity is a very famous, not a Disney movie,

but a famous movie he was in. That famous Disney movie Double Indemnity. Well, Disney bought the theme park rights, but they did not. They have not. You made it, Double Indemnity. Well, Disney bought the theme park rights, but they did not. They have not. You made it the Double Indemnity ride, but... Or live show, or fireworks show.

The Double Indemnity stunt show, I believe is what they would have to do. You have to throw a body off a train caboose. Yeah. Can we get a volunteer? You could get a job as a Double Indemnity stunt double. Uh-huh. They had a big Fred McMurray picture. Like, it was just a giant, like, it was probably, like, 10 feet by 10 feet picture of him.

And I go, what the hell? And I walked over and it's like, oh, he's, like, one of the first Disney legends, which is a distinction they give a lot of different people, like, that have, like, made a difference in the Disney, you Disney, whether it's movies or theme parks, and they shed his footprints and handprints on display. Okay. Oh, the Disney Legends ceremony is a thing that happened at this event. Yes. Oprah is a Disney Legend now. Yes.

Because she has a movie coming out this year that Disney made. Well, she was syndicated, but she was on ABC stations. Is that part of it maybe too? I think that's right. She was joined by who else? Mark Hamill mark hamill carrie fisher uh stan the man lee and jack kirby which is funny because now these these people the star wars and marvel have been bought by disney so now they have to retroactively sort of be disney legends because of their contributions to the ips that disney bought So they were also part of the ceremony.

They ride around in like a little weird parade. So like there's little cars and like it's Mark Hamill having to wave to people. Inside the convention center? Inside and out. Yes. Not onto Cotella Avenue. They don't go into a main drag. No, no main drags for the parade.

The parade is mostly just on the sidewalk outside the convention center. Right by like the Sbarro's Pizza is where the cars drive by and, like, everyone waves. Yeah, so that happens. I mean, there's so much stuff they have. The big thing was that they were showing off the model for Star Wars Land, which is now called Star Wars Galaxy's Edge. Which is not as good as Star Wars Land as far as the name is concerned. So, yeah, to back up a little bit, Star Wars is coming to Disneyland and Disney World.

There's going to be a huge, like, is it 14-acre part? It is 14 acres. 14 acres. Two more acres. Cars Land is 12 acres. This is 14 acres. So there's 14 acres of, like, a dedicated Star Wars Land, which has, like, it's going going to have restaurants like a cantina.

It's going to have two giant, crazy, cool rides like the like cutting edge technology. Droids walking about the land. Characters wandering around, accosting you. Yeah, there's gonna be like flash mob things. And like, yeah, like it Like, it seems like fun, and then it also seems like, man, if there's constant street performers, like, hassling you, you're like, oh, okay, all right, guys. Can you sign up for an option in which you just do the ride

like a regular person? You don't have to be spoken to. No. No, there is not. I'll stay out of it then. Well, in Florida, there's going to be, they announced, there's going to be a hotel in Florida, a Star Wars themed hotel

and there are no windows in it. It's all just like fake space. So like when you look out your window, it just looks like it's space. It feels like you're living in space for a couple days and like I think you have to, it's like going to be expensive as shit and you're going to have to like take part

in a whole thing where like you get a knock at the door like 8 a.m and he's like come quick padawan we have to and you're like oh my god like you have to like yeah it's like these college no more times a thousand but also for families and humidity yeah it does it seems fun and also like maybe like once you're there you're like oh this is a big pain in the ass like some college student knocking at your door at 8 a.m being like hey we must go quickly boba fett is on our there, you're like, oh, this is a big pain in the ass. Like some college student knocking at your door at 8 a.m. being like, hey, we must go quickly. Boba Fett is on our trail. And you're like, OK, hold on, man. My wife hasn't even taken a shower yet.

OK, but it's going to be another 45 minutes. We will need our sustenance. Keep in mind, there is an excellent, affordable buffet bar at the. Yeah, yeah. But we brought those little cereal things, man. We're just going to eat the cereal. No, no, no. Without seven choices of juice, you will not be able to withstand the...

IG-88 will be waiting for you by the steam trays of pancakes. You know, I don't even like Star Wars Land that much. It's just not a busy season right now. And there was deals for this hotel. You guys paid for this, though. You really should be playing along. Yeah, I don't know. I just thought this would be like how that boardwalk hotel

looks like an old-timey boardwalk. I just thought this would have Han Solo checking in. What is a boardwalk? Oh, come on, man. These words do not exist in our world. And then the college student's just like, come on, fucking, dude, just play along. I'm getting $8 an hour to do this.

I'm being secret shopped. I have a body cam on me. If I don't do the skit, I get fired. Please. If you like haunted houses, really intense haunted houses where they put a bag over your head and make you crawl around on the floor, but always wish there could be a squid man knocking at your hotel room door, this Star Wars hotel is for you. I will say all the stuff we were talking about I feel like is too much.

And then you said a squid man at the door and I'm kind of sold on that. If they do get it, if an alien is the one. If an Admiral Ackbar brought you your room service. I do like that. Yeah, yeah, that is cool. Because there's a problem with your visa card.

Do you have another one we can use for incidentals? That's pretty good, Akbar. Oh, thanks. Would you like a USA Today? It is an archive of Earth news from 2017, which is not this time. But if you're curious. It's a future news because you know the crawl. You've seen the crawl of the movies.

It's the future. There's a picture in the Star Wars land they had in the display of a street vendor selling meat and it's an alien. He looks a little similar to Unkar Plutt, the famous Force Awakens character, the quarter portions guy.

He looks very similar. I was thinking, because as a kid, I always wanted Mickey to be working at Disneyland. I wanted all the characters to be doing the jobs. And I was like, wow, this might be the first time when I will get a full character selling me some meat. Which is a thing I was literally like, oh, that's great. Like, I would like to hand this, you know, again, poor college student in a full alien suit my card

they swipe it and they hand me like oh this is um uh meat from alderaan and it's like of course you're like well what is it though i have like an allergy oh hamburger like it's a normal beef yeah so i am excited about that part it costs 239 leap naps. How much in Earth dollars? We couldn't tell you. We don't know. Get credit card statement later. 50 bucks. I'm interested in this because the food in the Star Wars movies always looks disgusting.

Yes. Like the food, besides the blue milk, which I think we all want to drink that sweet blue milk. Everything else is just like bowls of goo or bread that bubbles up from nothing. Well, they're doing, yeah, I mean, they're doing the thing because in Avatar Land, which opened in Florida a couple of months ago, none of the food is called like a conventional, like, you know, earth food. I mean, obviously it is all earth food, but they're calling it other things or like a something pod or whatever so they're gonna have to have the weird goop they're gonna have to make human normal food look like a bunch of goop or some of the thing that like luke is eating on uh aunt beru like whatever aunt beru prepared will be eating so just put a bunch of eyeballs in it or just like some stray Wookiee fur on the rim of the plate.

I don't know that anyone ate Wookiee fur in the movies, but maybe, yeah, maybe that's a delicacy. Yeah, there's a bunch of weirdo creatures. One of them might like hair. Hair might be the top delicacy to one of these doodad guys. I don't know Star Wars. I should stay out of all. I'll skip the Star Wars land episode when it eventually occurs. You may not know it,

but in 2019, you'll be living it. I guess I'll have to learn. I'll have no choice. As far as, yeah, D23 though, they have there was a whole section devoted to pirates. I was very excited because two years ago at the convention,

they had a big Imagineering pavilion and it showed like, it was just like the actual animatronics. So you would see like stuff from Peter Pan. You would see stuff from Haunted Mansion

and it was like the real stuff. And then this one, I was like, oh, pirates. And I knew there was going to be like some movie stuff,

which I was less enthused about. It's like, look at Barbossa's coat from the first film. And I was like, yeah, yeah, okay. Which I actually also

snuck into this because I didn't want to wait in line. Wow, congrats. I actually snuck into a few things. That's a real power. Yeah, I felt like

I would have made Will Turner proud. Right? Oh, everyone's favorite character. Worldwide sensation, Will Turner. But they did have some so so there was not enough uh you know rides there were some animatronics they had the dog with the key in his mouth they had like one of the pirate robots with a frosty ale in his hand but

most of it was like here's the here's the sword that jack sparrow used to like whatever the dagus davey jones like plunge through davey jones or whatever um but they but i will say the cool thing was they had this is this is so funny this is the thing that i liked the most they had memos like from imagineers to each other like here's what we want to do and then there was an outline of the ride of the original pirates of the caribbean and it's like it looked whether it was real or not it looked old so I was like wow and like you're imagining some short-sleeved dress shirted old men like holding these pieces of paper and like passing it along and going all right and then there's a scene where the dog's got a key in his mouth and like so I was very I have many pictures we can post that on all the social

media I saw pictures of I don't know if it was that, but something down there of old documents, and it said, OK, Walt, on them. Like, Walt had written in pencil, OK, and signed his name. Yes. And they kept these, like, perfectly preserved. Him approving the ride. Approving, like, yeah, scene outlines or that sort of thing.

Wow. So if you were there with a child who was excited to see Barbossa's coat, you would have been like, shut up, keep moving, we got memos to see. Yes. I was very much excited more about the memos than any of the Pirates movies, which I like some of the Pirates movies, but you're not at D23 for the movies. You're there for the 50th anniversary of that ride, which is this year, right? Which you could go on the ride several feet away or you could read memos about the making of the ride.

But I've been on the ride so many times. Now I need to read. You've been on the ride. Now experience the memos. You need to know how long all the electrical cords that they bought for it were. Look at some drawings. Remember that pirate that's right-handed in the ride? In the drawing, that pirate is left-handed.

There is a cool piece of art at the end of it. There was an idea that as you were leaving the ride, you would look through a little peephole, and there would be pirates behind it, and the pirates would all look and see you because they were, like, plotting. But that never obviously came to fruition. But, like, they have art of, like, some, like, abandoned things that they were going to do, which is really cool. Wow. So, you know, D20 thing was cool. And then there's also a lot of, like— Are there a lot of aftermarket, like, secondary markets?

There's people selling, like, Disney paraphernalia, right? Oh, yes. Like, this was the sign in the park or this was a thing and i i i've been at like smaller disney fan conventions and there's there's some of that stuff but it's very interesting to think about like how did you get this because there are some authorized auction houses that, like, sell pieces of, like, Disneyland, Disney World attractions. And then there's also other people who are like, yeah, this is from the fucking park. And it's clearly just, like, an eBay guy. And it's just, like, a trash can they bought from somewhere else.

Yeah, it's really hard to verify that some of these things were, like, the real, this is the real Tiki sign from 1975. It was the period where the Tiki sign didn't have the font quite as big as it does now. And it's, like, it's, like, got a picture, but you're not quite sure. I mean, a lot of, most of the places just have, like, old merch. Yeah. You know, they had, like, a, if you're a Captain EO fan, Fuzzball, the flying character, they had a Fuzzball there.

Yeah, Scott is a big Fuzzball fan. Oh, boy. And they had like an old. The real Fuzz. It was not the real Fuzzball, but it was a piece of merch from who knows, 25 years ago. Although did they bring,

when they brought the ride back, maybe they had a new Fuzzball made. I think they had a Hooter made, but I don't think they had a new um so like you'll get stuff like that and then like it's interesting to see some of the old merchandise because they certainly did not have the likenesses of the characters down yet so it's like a donald duck hat but donald looked like he was in a fire or something like his beak just as very i mean it's also you know 60 years old but it's just like he's he's donald duck but he's like Nightmare Donald Duck, and you would wear him on your hat.

Before there were branding standards, damn it. Hey, well, speaking of artifacts from the past. Oh, what a transition. Oh, I thought so. Oh, there's one guy who would always make sure to verify what he found because he broke into a temple and found it himself. What am I talking about, you ask? Well, I could tell you or I could let a special guest

tell the tale. I'm here in front of one of the great archaeological discoveries of our time. The mysterious Temple of the Forbidden Eye. Hello, I'm Michael Eisner, head of the Walt Disney Company i'm michael eisner head of the walt disney company in an unprecedented move the walt disney imagineers have brought piece by piece this incredible treasure to america you can now tour the temple of the forbidden eye

at disneyland and anaheim california first a warning if you choose to explore the temple, be aware that some say an evil and treacherous curse hangs over this ancient building. Enter at your own risk, and I'm out of here. He does not react to the snake. That was the reaction to the snake. That was. It is an upsetting-looking snake. That is very upsetting, yes. And that's like an Academy Award-level performance on the spectrum of Michael Eisner performances.

I'm making the presumption that anyone who's listening to this knows about all these very stiff Michael Eisner intros to various specials, which are my favorite things ever. Michael, he really thought he was the heir to Walt Disney, Michael Eisner, when he was the head of the company. He's like, I'm going to be in the TV too. I'm going to be introducing stuff like Walt used to. Uncle Mike.

He didn't quite have the folksiness as old as Walt did. I have to admit, I do not really watch the program BoJack Horseman, of which he is a producer, but he doesn't introduce every episode of BoJack Horseman. No, I wish. He sounded like... Hello, I'm Michael Eisner. Today, again, the show about his talking horse.

When you played that clip for the first time, I thought it was Trump for a second. Really? He's like, hello, hello there. There's a rasp that I thought was similar. Ah, I see. This is the second episode now. We've played an old man phoning in an introduction to an attraction.

You know, I don't know if it is a classic, if there isn't a very stiff, sleepy intro to it. If you don't have, like, a real big money, if the ride is not being introduced to you by a billionaire. By a billionaire. Is it worth my money? A sleepy billionaire. Being forced to do this.

It was meetings all day surrounding this intro. Hey, Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. That's what we're talking about or the Indiana Jones adventure. It has something else in common with the last one

we talked about, the E.T. adventure. Actually, a couple things. It is a Steven Spielberg property made into a ride that is called an adventure in which, at least at one point, AT&T

handed you little cards that did something for you in the line. Do you remember that about this attraction? Yeah, well, I had not been on it. I was in it excuse me, I didn't go on it until my late 20s, but I know of the, you're talking about the decoder cards.

Mm-hmm. And this is something people might not know, actually, about the ride, is that all of the hieroglyphics that you see throughout it are a language that they sorted out. They call them maraglyphics because you were in the temple of the god Mara. So there is a language that makes sense, and it actually just looks like English if you squint. It's, like, pretty English-esque. It's not some super Klingon-y tough-to-decode thing. But they'd hand you these little cards so that as you went along,

you could decode the language as you went. And none of it was, like, profane or Disney. Imagine you're trying to sneak something dirty in. Because this ride has, like, one of the longest lines ever. Maybe the longest. I should have looked that up. It is half a mile long. The line is?

The line is half a mile long. And it is very interesting, but the show building is so big and so far back from where you enter, they had to build this giant long queue. And it is cool. Because the space was occupied by the Jungle Cruise. So they had to figure out a way to weave you in this area between the Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean, right?

That's kind of where you're going. They built this show building on top of like a portion of the old Eeyore parking lot. And there is like a little hidden Eeyore somewhere in this ancient temple that you can find. I've always heard that. I've never seen it. I know where it is because a guy hidden Eeyore somewhere in this ancient temple that you can find. I've always heard that. I've never seen it.

I know where it is because a guy showed it to me one night. Which now that I said that, it sounds like he dropped his pants for me one night. Hey, buddy. Want to see my donkey? It was very late. It was close to park closing. We were waiting to go on the ride. And some college student, fresh out of college student

he goes hey you want to see something cool uh and we said of course yes and he took his flashlight and right before uh it's the part where they're showing the old newsreel in the line the queue uh he's shown his flashlight to the very back of the thing and you could see it right back there okay but it's very hard to see because it's very dark in that room. The rare hidden Eeyore. There's a lot of hidden Mickeys. This is the only hidden Eeyore. Well, what do we know about this ride? Are we describing the ride to people?

Scott, I wanted to ask you because you grew up in Southern California. Did you ride this ride soon after it opened? Because I know when it first opened, it was like three or four hour waits for this ride. It was crazy. People loved it right out of the gate.

Yes. Yeah, and that entire temple was full. Now they kind of like hold people and you do most of the line outside and then they send you into the long. You kind of walk straight through all the temple. But it was like all the way out. I think when it opened, maybe all the way to Main Street and then you would wind through Adventureland and Frontierland.

And it was, yeah, it was like a three to four hour. So you remember waiting that long? Yeah, I did. Yeah. And there's no fast pass back then. I had to just do it. And I remember my wife also grew up around here, and she, because that line was so crazy she hated the ride initially it like it would have had to have been so incredible uh to make up for a four-hour wait like it it ended up letting her

down uh but if you don't do a four-hour wait it's obviously one of the greats i the first time i wrote it would have been like 2006 when i was out here uh for college and I didn't wait. I probably waited only like an hour, but I waited most of it in that outside portion that's kind of a jungle. And in the middle of summer, that is kind of miserable. Like you're very close to everyone. There's a little bit of theming, but like nowhere near as much as when you get inside. And it's just kind of rough.

Let – Heat. It is – yeah. It can get really bad as far as heat. Let's back up and go to the story of the ride. Oh, sure. And then walk through it because – so I learned a few things honestly. I've been on it a ton of times but I didn't notice a few things.

So the story is that we're going into the Temple of the forbidden eye and uh we're supposed to be in india although michael eisner in that video says that likely they constructed the temple in disneyland yeah which is a little confusing that premise until that video that the imagineers took it apart piece by piece and brought it here and i guess the did they pick up the curse along the way or did the curse just get retained from India to America? That making of TV special does not make a lot of sense. Oh, okay. It's sort of narratively all over the map. There's a lot of, yeah, it's kind of all over the map.

Yeah, so I think that might not be canon. I think that Michael Eisner, so I think we just are in India. Every Michael Eisner. If Winnie the Pooh or Robin Hood meets Michael Eisner before the movie, that's part of the movie. Michael Eisner exists in every single cinematic universe. He is a character in the Disney. They could probably still use him. Like Disney still owns the character Michael Eisner?

Right, that's what I'm saying. Michael Eisner does not own Michael Eisner? Right. The character Michael Eisner is still IP that Disney owns. Disney's ruthless. Don't sign a contract with them. So the ride is where it's at the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, and Indiana Jones has found parts of a map,

and he's located this temple. And the story goes that Sala, which is Jonathan Rice Davies, Indy has run out of money for his expedition. And Sala, I did not know this until I started looking. Sala has been conducting tours of the temple to make money to keep funding Indy's research. So the reason that a tourist is allowed in there is because we're paying to keep Indy's adventure going on. And also maybe they'll find him. Like that's why.

Because I learned that about this too. The backstory involves all of the main characters of Indiana Jones that are like in the movies a little or mentioned because like Abner Ravenwood is involved. Marcus Brody is also Marcus Brody per the Wikipedia entry. Marcus Brody has asked Sala to continue conducting the tours in the hope that they may locate Dr. Jones and keep funding. Right. So I think in the narrative of the ride, there was a time when Indy was just, you know, going through the temple and everything was fine and he was running tours safely. And then something happened. And for whatever reason now, Sala wants a bunch of tourists to take one of these ride vehicles, go into the temple and see if they can find Dr. Jones, who's been lost for a

week. We're supposed to find Indiana Jones. Yes. That's what we're trying to do. Which they don't. They could convey that by telling us. Right, because we've all been on it a million times and we did not know that. If we don't know this fact, then how could anyone?

So that's the story of the ride. What was Indiana Jones? Was he after something in the temple or he just found the temple and liked it, wanted to hang out in it? He's looking for a, what is it called? The Jewel of Power. Yeah, there you go. Quote, Abner Ravenwood believed to be within an immense cavern beyond the Gapes of Doom.

Who's Abner Ravenwood, by the way? Abner Ravenwood was Indiana Jones' often mentioned but never seen mentor, and he is the father of Marion, the character played by Karen Allen. That's why they know each other through the dad. So he hooks up with the daughter of his mentor, which is real fucked up. Everyone's dream. Let's be honest.

It's really messed up. He shouldn't have done that. Was the guy dead, though? If the guy was dead, it was fine. Well, they talked about putting him. He was going to show up in the movies at some point, and then it never happened. I think he's long dead by crystal skull well sure and bro marcus brody is also long dead by crystal skull because he has that uh indy has that uh picture of him that he picks up and looks at at

one point or is that sean connery like he picks up he looks up longingly at Sean Connery. He looks at Sean Connery. As we all should each morning to get some mojo for the day. There's a statue in Crystal Skull, I think, of Brody in the middle. This is the second Steven Spielberg movie with a character named Brody in it, I'm just realizing. Yeah, Brody from Jaws. And then, of course, Brody in Mallrats. In Mallrats. Hey, all right. Where's that ride?

Snoochie Boochies. Snoochie Hoochies. Smithland or View Askew Universe. View Askew Land. A movie that ends at Universal Studios Florida. Mallrats ends with Jason Lee's character getting married on the ride, right? Although I think it's filmed in Hollywood. Right, they say it's in Florida.

Yeah. Oh, Viewist Universe. Maybe that's an episode. Part of it's like the heavens open up. You get to go in the church where you get to... Obviously, you eat at Moobies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get absolved of your sins.

That's what I'm trying to say. So you get to visit the convenience store and absolved of your sins by that smiling Jesus guy. Let's make sure to mark this down. Two episodes in, we've gotten into a discussion about the View Askew-tiverse. So I feel like that's inevitable on any new podcast. Tally number one. Tally number one. Probably 20 or 30 times eventually.

Yeah. We'll keep building that Buick universe, the place, which, of course, is in Jersey. Oh, man. It's got a Jersey represent. Hell, yeah. Keep it in the homeland. Yeah, so as far as Indiana Jones Ride,

it is an extensive backstory with a lot more moving parts than I even thought at the time. Because it was just I thought it was just like, oh, you're some tourists going through. And oh, yeah, watch out for Indiana Jones. There he is. And then. But no, no, there's like a whole thing. And so don't if you're listening to this, don't ever go on this ride again. Just not knowing the full story.

You won't enjoy it. You won't ever be able to just purely, if you don't know about Brody's involvement. Sure. And despite all of that backstory, there is one glaring omission from this ride. Harrison Ford. Ah, good point.

Yes, that is true. Do we know why? Do we know why no Harrison? I am not sure. He was also not present for the grand opening. Yes, that is true. Do we know why? Do we know why no Harrison? I am not sure. He was also not present for the grand opening. Hmm. Wow. He was having a dispute with Disney.

Right? Wasn't it over? There was some sort of an advertising thing. I feel like it's a similar situation where Robin Williams was like, I don't want you using my voice to advertise. And then something happened. The vague sense that we get from poking around, because this is if we ever meet a famous person or somebody who's been in a Disney ride, a question is like, hey, what's up with that?

Do they treat you well? Is it a good situation? I'm not sure it is. I don't know that you're paid a fortune to do a voice or act in something that millions of people see every day. It's kind of weird. I think Disney has a feeling of like, you should be so lucky to be here. And then it's also like, no Guild covers theme park performances.

Sort of its own specific area. Allow me to say that if I ever got to participate in a ride or do a voice or something in anything i would i would pay them upwards of 10 grand for this uh yeah negative dollars is fine a lot of them uh we would all pay i think to just have like a speaking role in one of those pre-ride videos oh sure look out he's behind you anything uh just one word so that i could bring uninterested relatives constantly and point it out to them and have them say, it's not you. This hasn't worked great before, folks, but I'm sure it's going to go fine this time. Yeah, that would be great.

Well, you just casted yourself way up. That's a very meaty role. Yeah, that would be a starring role. The most crucial piece of information in any ride um so so yeah indiana jones uh though you do get uh john reese davies in the uh he play he does play sala although sometimes it's not his voice but he does appear in it physically so you do have a representative from the movie he's the only one right there's no uh yeah yeah there's a there's a voiceover this is a side note there's a voiceover in that newsreel

by a woman named Tress McNeil oh yeah who is a very famous voiceover actor

voice of Babs Bunny and Dots from Animaniacs and Lindsay Nagle on the Simpsons yeah

all like business ladies on the Simpsons she does a lot she's great a regular Simpsons reference too like a lot of Tress McNeil references in a few seasons on the Simpsons she does a lot she's great a regular Simpsons reference too a lot of Tress McNeil references in a few seasons of the Simpsons

and she does a voice on the ride yeah so we only see one character as far as in those early videos on the queue maybe you know since I bring up John Rhys-Davies it might be a good time to play a little pod exclusivesclusive that I made.

We were referencing a special that was made promoting the opening of the ride. I think it was just called The Making of Indiana Jones Ride. As Jason was saying, it has a very confusing story and timeline where the temple is real and John and Karen are trying to find Indy. So Indy is real, but it's Karen Allen, the actress, looking for him. Playing Karen Allen. Like, John Rhys-Davies shows up in the special as himself, but they also play the old-timey newsreel clip where he is Sala. But Karen Allen is only ever Karen Allen.

That said, said she like her character Marion is very thirsty for treasure like he she keeps trying to leave and John Rhys Davies like at one point he says like uh did I tell you about the treasure and she turns around and goes like treasure and at another point

she's like I've had enough I'm going to go and he goes like but what about the gifts? And she goes, gifts? Like, and that's extremely my shit because I love treats. Like, I love presents. I love treats. Treasure. And Karen Allen, a beautiful woman.

Beautiful woman. That's your dream girl. Yeah. Marion was a favorite character of a young Jason Sheridan. A pretty, greedy lady. That's very odd. But yeah, they go on the ride and there's a part

where they're about to get on and then a ride vehicle returns and it's just full of skeletons. And Karen asks John, is this supposed to happen? Does anybody ever come out of this thing alive? And he says, yes, one time. I think last Thursday somebody came out alive.

There's a lot of crazy implications of danger in these theme park specials. Yeah, that is crazy. A lot of these things, it's like, well, you may not survive. And it's like, there have been a couple incidents in parks where somebody hasn't survived. Maybe we should joke about that. Although usually on extremely innocuous things. Yes, it's usually like a weird, mundane.

The less dangerous the ride, the more likely you'll die on it. But it's like a fun thing now. It's a fun secret. Anyway, they go on the ride, and the danger is real, apparently. And I just found the way that John Rhys-Davies screams to be really infectious, so I made a pod-exclusive supercut of John Rhys-Davies' excellent screaming in this special. Enjoy. joy. That at the end is not a scream.

It's him saying what sounded to me. I know it's not this, but it always sounds like he's saying, all right, let's get the fuck out of here. It does sound like that. Yeah, doesn't it? And it's kind of fading away, so it's ambiguous. I thought he said, ah, yip-yip. Ah, yip-yip, that's how you start the cars. I really liked those screams.

I just like, they're so like warbly and admittedly the screams of a larger gentleman. And it really reminded me of the Orson Welles outtakes, like, wow, the French. Wow, the French champagne. John Rhys-Davies screams like a cool fat guy. Excellent screaming. John? You've set a precedent now.

I think we have to have a screaming supercut for a lot of different rides for people, for reactions for pre-shows. Yeah, which you probably, all right, so now we got to do that every time. Now we got a segment caked in. I did it to myself. Are they actually on the ride at that point? Like in that special, because I watched it last night and it looks like they might be in a different vehicle. Like it looks

to me or it just might be in the station and it's rocking. It's hard to tell. Some of it is I think you're right. They filmed it in a studio and they're just shaking a car around flashing lights on it. Some of it I think is on the real thing but maybe with stunt doubles with the indemnity doubles.

Also a lot more sparks. Like there's a lot more sparks shooting out of the car. They shoot some serious pyro onto the thing and make it look a lot scarier than it is in real life. Let me say this, though. This ride did terrify me as a kid, and the idea of it...

I remember, probably if that line was three hours long the first time I went on it, I think an hour of it, I screamed. I was like such a baby to where my dad was like, Jesus, like cool it, dude. Which I confirm my wife did too. So I'm not the only one. But she was a young girl and I was a young boy. Speaking of fear on this ride, and Mike, you were also there for for this mike and i were on this ride when it

broke down once yes uh and the dream of any uh theme park goer to have be on a ride that breaks down that's yeah yes and here is my recollection of it uh we broke down the ride vehicle came to a stop directly next to the giant snake animatronic. Oh, God. And the snake kept moving. The snake kept opening its mouth. The movement of the snake is that it, like, kind of rears back a little bit and then goes, and then, like, rears, it goes towards you, towards the car. I don't remember you being that scared. Were you secretly scared while we were sitting there?

Well, I'm not super fond of snakes, so I was just kind of a little like, oh, I'm not crazy about this. So you were having a panic attack and I didn't even realize it. That wasn't, that was a little scary, but what really scared me was I was like,

oh, we're going to get walked off this. And then a cast member walked up to the car, right? Because we were hoping, because, yeah, as Scott was saying, a dream of a Disney fan is for a car to break down

and then you get to walk through the attraction because then you get to see details that you would never see because the lights come on and it's pretty incredible. Or maybe get taken through some secret backstage park nobody else would get to see. Which happened to me on Big Thunder

Mountain Railroad once and was very neat. This time, what scared me is when the cast member walked up, I went oh, she's a lot farther down than I thought I was. I never realized how far up you are on that ride you all right well that's a good point because the ride vehicle this was a big thing at the time that uh the the jeep itself yeah is elevated up and you're kind of on a star wars type

simulator ride with a lot of hydraulic arms uh uh so it's it's it is a car that's moving around, but it's a hydraulic. It is a simulator on top of the car. Do you remember what happened? Like how we got off it? Yeah, well, they ran us just... With the lights on and the whole place... With the work lights on. We just kind of slowly drove to the end of the thing.

With the work lights on and the ride still kind of like half jerking and some of the sound effects playing. Right, it was weird. It was unnerving. And we got to the thing and they're like, all right, we got to figure it out. Do you guys want to go through again? And we're like, well, we're already in the seats.

Yeah, sure. And that time it went fine. But like it was a very weird experience. You got to see the lazy version of the Indiana Jones ride. I am. I will say this. I have no recollection of you having, like, a terror attack. I don't think it was that bad.

I was just more like, oh, God, I didn't realize we were this high up because, like, I was like, oh, it's a car. You were just playing it cool. You were playing it cool. You brushed it off. You're a real hero. You didn't want to freak out the kids on the car. No. Even though you yourself were dying inside.

Yeah. It was a car full of adults. Yeah. There were no children. There are rarely any children on the rides when I go to Disneyland. Can we not be with him, please? That alone man. What else about this ride?

We've missed a lot, I guess. Yeah. Well, going back to the queue, the queue is awesome. There's a rock area, and then there's a part where, which I don't think there's a lot. Well, there's a couple of maybe other queues like this, but there are things that say, do not touch in the queue, but they mean touch. There's a room where there's a bamboo pole keeping up the ceiling, and there are spikes coming through the ceiling.

And the idea is that if you touch this, all of a sudden the spike ceiling is going to come and murder everyone in the room. Obviously, it doesn't – it hasn't have the capability to murder. But if you touch that bamboo thing, you'll hear like rumbling and then you'll see that the spikes will come down a little bit. Like these are like a bunch of cool interactive things going on there. Do they all still work? I feel like some of them worked they worked friday i was on it friday yeah and when the guy touched it and we hadn't seen it work in a while because some of these effects go in and out of working because there's so many of them but it did work and i was like oh yeah we haven't seen that in a while so you know periodically these things work there's also the well yes like yeah

there's a guy there's like a well with a bunch of ropes on it. And if you like grab the rope or something, you will hear a voice going like, Hey, I'm down here. Oh, you also hear him fall. So the idea is that you've, I guess, killed or really hurt a guy who is hanging onto a rope, dropping into a well. So, you know, that's another thing where it says do not touch, but then you quickly learn like you just grab the rope and shake it. And then, yeah, you hear like, hey, what are you doing? Or you hear like, and then.

You get to cause a Chilean mine disaster type event. You get to really play God in that scenario. I think probably narratively they have to be like, well, you know, he wasn't that far from the ground or the water. It just startled him. That's why he screamed. He didn't break both arms and his spine. But, yeah, let's be honest.

You killed that guy. Yep. Kids kill that guy hundreds of times a day. That man dies hundreds of times a day at the hands of tourists. Maybe it's given a real child practice in murder, which they're able to actually inflict later in their lives. Yeah, it desensitizes us. It's dark.

It's a dark ride, folks. Yeah, incredible line. Probably one of the first rides where the line was really amazing and engrossing before you even got there. The ride itself. You know, I just wanted to point out, I don't have any particular deep observation about this, but just when you get on the ride, well, first of all, maybe

a lot of people don't know that you are given the choice of these three tunnels, which one is Rich's, one's Eternal Youth, and one's... See the Future. See the Future, okay. But that is in effect, and it's always the same door, and it's an illusion that swings all of those doors around. So that's cool. But I just, like, in thinking about this, right,

I was just recalling how that moment where you're not supposed to look into the eye of the god Mara. When you do, Mara gets angry, which they just enhanced with these really cool projection effects in the last few years. And then when you whip around the corner into that room that reveals Indiana Jones at the door, like, fending off all these evil spirits, that whip around the corner, I would argue, is one of the most exciting moments in any ride. Yeah. And it's, I think, I like it because it shows that the the car has personality that

was the thing they pushed in a lot of the specials and everything uh around the time the ride came out was that the the the car will struggle and the car will recoil uh when like if as if you're scared of the snakes uh as opposed to pirates of the caribbean or haunted mansion or something where it's just a like evenly moving vehicle that isn't really doing anything or reacting. The fact that the car has trouble with stuff and struggles, I think, is a really neat innovation. And that's followed by, once you go past Indy trying to keep the doors closed, you go into a room with a giant skull, like a giant temple, rock work skull that's shooting lasers at you. It is so exciting.

And a fireball. It's great. And the music cue is great. Yeah. That big like chorus hit that happens, the reveals. You never get tired of it. It is great. Because, yeah, we went on it.

My girlfriend and I went on it Friday night. And, like, with this podcast, I always would like to look for things that, like, maybe we can make some fun of or light of. And every time I go on the ride, I'm like, this is the fucking greatest ride. This is so goddamn cool. Yeah, this one doesn't have, like, the hokiness that you can poke fun at so much. It's just so, it is such a legitimate, incredible technical feat. And, like uh yeah probably the best thing disneyland had done up until that point there there is a funny story because there was two years ago i went to this event at disney which was like the 20th anniversary of the ride

and tony baxter who is the like lead imagineer on this ride um who will probably talk about a lot uh was saying that for legal reasons um mara because because we were talking about the mara which is a big you know head statue or whatever you would call it. And, you know, there's three different things they can promise you, like eternal life, earthly riches or seeing the future. And legally, Disney, you cannot promise people something on the ride. So they had to put in the thing because what happens is they say, do not look into the eyes of the idol. And Mara is huge. So it's almost impossible not to look at the eyes of this person. So legally, they had to do that so it would rescind the offer of earthly riches

or eternal life or whatever they were promising because one person, at least in the car, would look into Mara's eyes. And then legally, the offer would be off the table because Disney legal would be concerned that somebody would come back and be like well i went on the ride and i was offered a lot of money which of course is dumb as shit who would do that but that's a true thing that like disney legal was like well this is going to be a problem so they had to add in the thing of like don't look at mara's eyes and then everything goes to shit that's why that construct exists. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. Wow, wow. So if you were on the eternal life track and everyone agreed to not look, then what? That's a good point.

I mean, maybe there's a case we could build here. If we can get, what is it? There's 16, how many people on the 12 people on the right? 12 people. Yeah. 12 people can be on the right. If we get 12 of us together, we close our eyes eyes never look into mara's eyes and maybe document it maybe we have a case for a shitload of money from disney hmm yeah okay so the three of us and then the first nine fans of

this podcast because uh as with most things our significant others will not agree to participate in this so uh the first nine people to uh respond, let's all get in the car. We'll get up to the front. Twelve, please. We'll all look around. I'll sly because we know the plan. We're going to bilk Disney out of eternal life. A class action lawsuit for eternal life.

And probably the result of that is one front of the line pass. Right. But even that's worth it, I think. We got to try to bilk them for something. We would like a lot of money. They'd be like, well, we can have one front of the line pass. We'd go, done. Done.

The end of the negotiations. It was a pleasure facing off against you, Disney attorney. They wouldn't even give us that. Yeah. Yeah. So, well, okay. You said that there is not a lot that is hokey about the ride and easy to poke fun at about the ride. Well, there's one or two.

Well, let's hear what you're thinking. Okay. So the effects and stuff, by and large, get, like, bigger and bigger, crazier and crazier as this ride goes on. But there are a couple spots where the vehicle needs to turn around. And so like the first one is a dark room where like the headlights are flickering and you realize it's filled with like bugs on the walls. And that's pretty good.

And then you go over the bridge and that's really cool. And they're shooting lasers at you. And then you go by the snakes and that's really cool. And then you go through a giant room of skulls. That's really cool. And then you go through a giant room of skulls. That's really cool. And then you go to a black room, like a pitch black room that just has the projection of a branch with some rats running across it. And that's where it loses steam for a beat there. And I'm pretty sure it's just a spot where it's like, well, the vehicle needs to turn and also go downhill a little.

So it can't just be a pure dark room. We gotta do something in there. I agree that affects thinly projected rats dropping is a little... I didn't even know that's what it was until like two years ago. I was just like, oh, it's a spooky fog area. It's ghost

rats or something. And some people are very scared of rats and mice and stuff. So maybe, I guess, kind of. I would not like rats or something. And some people are very scared of rats and mice and stuff. So maybe, I guess, kind of. I would not like rats and mice. Yeah. This is a question I have. Is there an effect like in Honey, I Shrunk the Audience on the ride where it's supposed to brush your legs? Yes.

There is. In Honey, I Shrunk the Audience, yeah. But not that. But I'm talking in the Indiana Jones card. No, not in Indiana Jones. Because that would make sense then if it was like you felt a brush against your leg on the ride. I had wondered if they had had that effect at one point and then dropped it, but I don't believe it. I hated that effect as a kid.

I always hated it. I scared the shit out of me. And then it was a snake. Then it was a giant snake. I hated it. I remember putting my legs up for the audience. I always do. Even if you know that it's not real insects or rats it's still just

unpleasant to get like mildly tased in the butt by a little buzzer in your seat it's horrible i think they do that at shrek there's like stuff like there's a like it pokes you in the back or something i can see it legitimately like damaging a nerve i can't believe this hasn't happened the bugs life oh yeah you get poked in the back too. You get poked by like stingers from the chair. Yeah, that's weird. These are not my favorite things at any of the parks. Nor do I like that rat

dropping. There aren't rat droppings in it, but there are fake rats dropping on you. They should do a whole thing where, well, maybe this is, we'll save that for later. What were you gonna say, Scott? What were you gonna say that? Oh, in terms of hokiness, this is off of the ride, but it's about the promotion of the ride. Do you guys recall or did you remember in your research that to promote this ride, Disney staged an Indiana Jones Super Bowl halftime show?

I believe we have watched it. I believe we have watched it. Have the three of us watched it together? Maybe. Very possible. Maybe several times. We might be repeating life material here. That's fine.

But I'd sort of forgotten about that until the other night. I mean, they threw so much at the wall promoting this thing. There were so many odd specials and giant promotional budget. But that they did the Super Bowl halftime show, that's something for a theme park attraction. And it's rough. It's not just rough, it's rough for like dinner theater, and this

is the Super Bowl halftime show. This is before the giant spectacle Super Bowl halftime shows. This would have been like 1994 or so? Yeah, or 95 potentially. I mean, and it was post the Michael Jackson halftime show, and it was post the Michael Jackson halftime show, which kind of defined

the modern halftime show, where now it's just a really good concert that you get in the middle. Yeah, this is not that. No, no, no, it is not. The halftime shows all kind of used to be more of a mess where there's a zillion ideas all fighting each other, and here's this weird dance part, and then a singer

you recognize, but just for three minutes, and then it turns into something else. Disney had done a previous halftime show that's It's a Small World themed, but then the new kids on the block are in it for a second, which I would think just give it, they're popular at the time, just give them the whole time. But there was all this up with people bullshit. Super Bowl halftime shows were awful.

I mean, they're bad now sometimes, but it's a lot cleaner than it used to be. I just remember that Simpsons joke. It was like, there was like a spaceship landing on the aliens coming out. And, like, that's my idea of what the halftime show used to be. It was like some. They kind of were. Oh, there was another Simpsons joke where some up with people kind of. Was it Hooray for Everything? Yeah. That was like some... They kind of were. Oh, there was another Simpsons joke where some Up With People kind of... Was it Hooray For Everything?

Yeah, yeah. That was a different episode? They sing Walk On The Wild Side by Lou Reed, but they don't realize it's an ironic. They just sing it as a face value cheery song. So, halftime shows were really bad. Disney had done a lot of them. They did one for the Indiana Jones ride. It's really

insane. Indiana Jones and Marion, a non-Karen Allen, Karen Allen, skydive into the stadium, which is legitimately impressive because they had to, like, a skydive takes, I don't know how long, I mean, a number of minutes. So they had to, like, time it out. Like, when the quarter ended, it was like, go! And then they jumped, and they did land in the correct spot, which is pretty impressive impressive and then it switches out for the stunt performers they got stunt performers who were from the indiana jones stunt show at disney world uh in florida which we haven't talked about yet but it was like uh what i like about

this is that sometimes the super bowl halftime show is Michael Jackson, the most famous man in the world. And then in this case, it's some guy. It's a stuntman. And he is the lead of the show. And the idol they're trying to get is the football, right? It is the Lombardi trophy. Oh, it's the trophy. And for some reason, it's not a lightweight version. They're throwing around a real super bowl trophy oh my god

i don't know if there's only one in the world i don't know the d if it's like the stanley cup or but it's definitely a heavy lombardi trophy there's a really great article about this on bleacher report you can look up which i think has the headline worst halftime show ever question mark although spoiler they determine it is not uh if you haven't watched the black eyed peas i would say it might be that oh yeah that was pretty uh but uh but yeah they say that it is not. If you haven't watched the Black Eyed Peas, I would say it might be that one. Oh, yeah, that was pretty great. But, yeah, they say that it is a real Lombardi trophy. There were a lot of problems. The stage was serrated, and there were a lot of little holes in it,

and the holes were exactly the size of Patti LaBelle's high heels. So they had to change the whole stage because Patti LaBelle almost tripped and fell. Patti LaBelle is in it. Tony Bennett is in it. It's a very odd lineup for 1995. What does Tony Bennett sing in it? I don't know what his first song is, but at the end they all sing Can You Feel the Love Tonight from The Lion King. Disney did another big mess of a halftime show a couple years later with Phil Collins doing Tarzan songs and Gloria Estefan.

This one features Miami Sound Machine without Gloria Estefan. It's just the strangest lineup ever. There's a really insane part where Marion takes a torch and lights a guy on fire. And it's not like a fire effect goes off under the guy

and then he's on fire. Marion takes the torch, touches it to the guy, and then he's on fire. Like, Marion takes the torch, touches it to the guy's robe, and he lights on fire. Which, when you're asking, is this a bad halftime show, I don't know. A guy got lit on fire,

like, live between the halves of the Super Bowl? That's pretty cool. Like, what happens in it is cool, but when you put it all together, it's just a big, weird mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of ideas that don't really mix, and why why tony

bennett's and uh and really and really hokey acting and they just couldn't help that a lot of punches miss there's like the batman style just many feet away from the punch connecting uh but it's it's interesting to watch i i recommend looking it up but here's here's the weird dark thing is that it they did pull it off and everybody felt really good afterwards and like maybe stunt shows are what a lot of the halftime shows will be two years later they did one for the blues brothers uh and while rehearsing it a stunt person died so stunts were dead forever at the superbowl halftime show uh or else you might still see them to this day wow uh but But yeah, this opened up the path to...

But they, you know, at least they could say that it was in the surface of a Blues Brothers. They died in service of a Jim Belushi concert. Why were the Blues Brothers in the mid-90s? Blues Brothers 2000 would have been coming out. Well, but not even years later. That was years later. It was two years after the fact. And this was a rare Blues Brothers lineup where it's three of them.

It's not the kid or the other guy. It's Aykroyd, Jim Belushi, and John Goodman. Oh, right, right. It's the rare trifecta of Blues Brothers. James Brown is in it, ZZ Top. That one is a big mess. That one I would say, oh, and it opens with a promotion for the then-new Fox News channel, which makes it extra horrific.

Wow. So I would rank that one below the Indiana Jones one, which is at least fun. You know, in the original Blues Brothers, there is a, it's not John Goodman, but there is a third Blues Brother in the movie, and you don't really see it. It's called Cocaine. Like, Cocaine is the third Blues Brother

that is in every scene and driving all the action of a very odd movie to watch many years later. Like, I didn't see that until I was... It's kind of aggressive. It's almost a little, like, snuffy. It's very strange.

Because all the accidents are, like, real and scary and it led to the... It led to later the Twilight Zone accident of striving for realism in the film stunts. Because there's just real broken glass and violence in that thing. Yeah, it's crazy.

We're going to have all these links in the metadata and on all the social media. So if you want to watch all of these nightmare halftime shows. If you want to buy the book about the twilight zone film disaster the amazon link will be provided uh talking about like all the promotion because this ride was promoted a lot because it was very expensive and uh it was also part of the 40th anniversary of disneyland which is a big deal. And I grew up on the East Coast. I grew up outside of Philadelphia.

And, Mike, you grew up in the Midwest outside of Chicago. And I remember seeing the promotions for this ride a lot. Like, they weren't promoting it of, like, come to Disneyland, see this. But it was, I remember that making of. I remember it being in the holiday parades, which were very big in my house. Like we would plan Christmas morning. It was like, we'll get up, we'll unwrap presents, we'll watch the Disney Christmas parade. If we sleep in, we have the VCR set to record it in case we miss it.

Oh, of course. And I remember it being a big part of those. And Mike and I have talked about this before. We just like as kids, we're like, man, that looks really cool. Shame I'll never see it. I'll never complete this impossible task of traveling to California. There was a book we had. Yeah, this really shows how we were raised and our view of how many world travelers we would not become.

I think it was because we had stock. We have Disney stock at the family. And yeah, so in like 1994, I'm looking through like the, what's coming up to the resorts. And there was a picture on the drawbridge. I think there was a picture of. Are you talking about in the annual report? Yeah, I believe so. I got the annual reports too.

We have a couple of them still. He's such a fucking nerd. These were big family things for a while. Is that people would buy single shares of Disney stock, or people would buy the commemorative annual report, and it was like keepsakes that people would have. And there was no internet at the time, so it was a way to look at real nice photos of rides that are going to come out.

It was Indiana Jones. There, I justified it. It was Indiana Jones in Toontown, and I used to look at those pictures and think, wow, that's so cool. I'll never go there. There's no way I'll ever, because we go to Florida. That's where we go.

We go on a family vacation every three years to Florida. I'll never leave Illinois otherwise. I'll never see New York. I'll never go out of the country. I was raised to be very frightened of the world and California. To not dream big. Something that ironically every Disney parade and show encourages you to do. Right.

Dream your dreams. The message was lost on me. Oh, leave that for the other kids. Yeah. You've told me stories of like you were 18 and going to like Largo and seeing John Bryan. And like I was 17 and 18. We didn't know a successful person. We didn't know a person that lived anywhere.

I was just literally like, I don't know what. I guess some people go out to California, but you have to be pretty special to do that, I guess. You all never see a man play a guitar. Right. I was still like, you got to be a Hollywood millionaire to make that happen. I'm just hearing Schaumburg. Yeah, I was like, wow, big city folk.

They got a lot of good stuff going on. I guess, you know what? There's a Portillo's hot dog. I'm going to go, hey, maybe I'll get a large cake shake tonight. Maybe one day I'll work at the Portillo's and they'll put me in a commercial. And then I'll be a big star right here where it counts in Shawburg. I'll get a 5% discount on Italian beef at all my favorite restaurants. Don't tell me I don't got dreams.

I got big dreams, hot dog dreams. It's like verbatim what I was like. When I first came to California, it was my first time flying alone. I would have been like 20, and it was my first time flying alone. It was my first time being on a flight longer than two hours. I had been on one flight. Really? And since I, like, from age, you know, zero to 22, one flight.

Wow. Did you drive to Florida? Yes. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, no. Three times. Oh, no, no. How far is that?

How far are we talking? Oh, it's a while. I mean, it would take a day, two days. It would take two days. And it's not uncommon from the Midwest or the Northeast that people just drive down there. I've questioned my parents. I'd be like, how much more money was it? Yeah.

What were we? I know we were like middle class, but my God, we couldn't pay the extra $25 a person and fly? We would have saved a day. I should also say, once I got out here for this school, college program, the first or second full day I was out here, I was going to Disneyland.

I could care less about seeing Los Angeles, one of the greatest cities in the world. I think the first day I was here, I went and saw Hollywood Boulevard and Grauman's, and I'm like, oh, this is upsetting. The other main thing you need to see.

Yeah, and so I knocked that out in two days, and Disneyland blew me away, too. Well, and in Disney's California Adventure, you can see all the best things Los Angeles and California have to offer, all in just a couple acres. Yeah, you can see all the best things Los Angeles and California have to offer all in just a couple acres. Yeah, you covered it. Big dreamers here on the show.

Let's get out of the sad sack with Jason and I. Let's get back on the ride. Should we talk about the Japanese version of this ride? The one at Tokyo Disney is a little different from the ride. It is called The Indiana Jones Adventure, Temple of the Crystal Skull.

Was made a few years before the movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And has some very strange little differences. For one, Sala is not in the ride. The ride spiel is done, the ride doesn't take place in India. It takes place in Mexico. And I believe you're looking for the Fountain of Youth.

And Sala does not do the spiel, does not do the safety thing. It is a new character who is simply named Paco, but it is portrayed by a Japanese actor who is speaking in Japanese. Sure. So he is some blend that is neither here nor there. Yeah.

Also, there is no Mara. It is literally a giant glowing crystal skull. And then throughout the ride, there's just little differences. When you go into the big room with the giant skull and the bridge you go over, there's like a little tornado going. There's a little steam tornado. Oh, yeah, kind of this, like, otherworldly glow sort of thing. Yeah, it looks cool, yeah.

And then after you, they also have the dark room with the projection of rats on a branch, but then they have a giant skull who blows fire at you, and their room where they shoot darts at you is much cooler. Yes. Like, a lot less black paint and a lot more practical, And their room where they shoot darts at you is much cooler. Like a lot less black paint and a lot more practical effects. We should also say that we have not been on this ride. We've just watched YouTube.

I've also never been on a flight outside of the country. So we've watched. A lot of things to sort out. But we all watch this on YouTube. So this is where we're getting this information. We watch the video of the ride. Right. I mean, that's an interesting point is that you're right that if there's anything to be desired in the current ride maybe that that arrow room is an area where i mean if you guys want to

talk about uh our system the uh well that's yeah that's what i was plus it up let's yeah let's do that and then we'll talk about a few other indie things at different parks. Sure. So, yeah, we have – where did I – yeah, we have a system where we say what we would do with the ride if we were in charge. And one choice is keep it as is. Two would be to plus it up, do something to it. And three would be to have it burned down in a mysterious fire for insurance purposes. So we'll go around the room.

We'll each say what we would do to the Indiana Jones adventure, Temple of the Forbidden Eye. Let's start with Jason. Sure. Okay. I mean, I think I would definitely keep it. Like, this is hands down as close as you can get to, objectively, one of the best rides there is.

And I never gave too much thought to like the last little bits of the ride. I mean, obviously the very end of the ride where the giant boulder comes out and Indy's hanging from a rope and then you come around the corner and you see he's okay, which interesting fact, the ride vehicle is not moving backwards. The ride vehicle can only move forwards. Like, the walls are moving backwards as

the ball is rolling towards you. I didn't know that. That's cool. That part still scares me. Still scares me. To this day, that boulder flying, I still go, well, this is the time it's going to happen, and I'm going to get crushed. Anyway, sorry, go back to you. Assuming it's heavy, it could be an illusion.

It's probably an illusion. It's probably ride magic. So I never really gave much thought to plussing it up, but then watching the ride through of the Tokyo Disney one, it did make me think about, like, yeah, there is that one dead spot where it's a black room with a projection of a branch full of rats. And then the dart room, which I think is really cool, like the sound effects and the air shooting at you like the darts.

But like the Tokyo Disney one, which is in Disney Sea in Tokyo, just looks so much cooler. Like it's like there is a bunch of like little rock work. And it's just Incan overlay in the school, like the crystal blue lighting effects that's pretty neat yeah so that that's my that

would be my only thing is like little touches like that and in all fairness they have like just recently even though they didn't have to they added some rear projection effects

and they're like the early rooms of the ride not rear projection whatever that projection mapping. Put a lot of nice sparkles on Mara's face in that room. It looks cool. Yeah. So, but, yeah, I think you keep it, and you really don't have to do much to it.

I think it's great. Sure. As I was saying, I think we have talked about, and you might have some points about this, about that arrow room is kind of the... Yes, that's the spot where, because it's towards the end of the ride, too, after you've seen so much spectacular crap. And then there's a room where it's just flat, and they're like skeletons are painted on the wall as opposed to like real skeletons. It looks like the club in Batman Forever or Robin or whichever, wherever Coolio is. Yeah, where Coolio is in Batman Forever.

I think most people remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the Dayglo Club, which maybe is what it's called. Yeah, my idea there, I don't know if you have an idea regarding that room as well, but I think one thing that Disney's had a lot of success with in terms of plussing up is adding more recent characters who people know. You know, kids understand. Kids look at Johnny Depp and see Jack Sparrow in Pirates. And, hey, it's for my generation now.

And I think if there's any letdown in there, I can only assume for people younger than I, it's that they are missing their favorite beloved character, Mutt Williams, portrayed by Shia LaBeouf. I'm sure by that point, there's a little bit of a lull. That arrow room is only so exciting and people are probably thinking, where is Mutt? So my solution here is that those are no longer arrows. Those are Mutt's famous switchblades. Oh, man. And he's whipping them past your head. I don't know if...

I'm on board for Mutt, baby. Mike gave me a Mutt Williams action figure for my birthday. Oh, man. Oh, you're a Mutt head. Oh, boy. Sign me up. A real Mutt hound. I was on board for that Mutt Williams solo movie. A greaser who's good at sword fighting? Wild.

And good at sliding around through low corridors. So just so I'm clear of what you're pitching me here, towards the end, will there be Mutt animatronics? Because as it is now, there's multiple skeleton or whatever people that are shooting darts at you. Will Mutt be just painted on the wall, or will there be two Mutt robots, like one Mutt robot running up and down throwing switchblades at the office? That's a good question.

I mean, I just figure that effect could be easily amended to be a famous Mutt switchblade whipping by your face. But then does that require that there are a lot of mutts? I imagine he has the ability to ping it back and forth on the wall and make it go back and forth. So maybe you still have those voodoo priest kind of guys. And maybe it's a little like he interrupts the ride that we think we know.

Like you're heading into the arrow room and then Mutt's like, hey, not so fast. And then he whips that knife back and forth, and they all get punctured right in the middle of the skull. He just wants to show you a cool trick, or he saves you, or he just wants to show you a cool new knife trick he learned. I think he's saving you, or maybe there's another little additional sound effect,

and he is slicing the arrows in half right as you're driving through. So right in front of your face, right as the arrows whiz by you. Also, the switchblade is perfectly going back and forth, cutting them in half, deflecting them, and saving you. Huh. I mean, this is cool. I mean, this is going to be an advanced animatronic technique because I would like to see, like, if you could digitally show me the knives cutting it in half, I think we'd be in business. Well, maybe it's a... I mean, like the arrows, I think it would have to be an imaginary,

a sensory, an auditory experience. But right before you went in there, I think Mutt would be casually leaning up in the side of the room. Or, like, if you just be in the corner, you think it's just dark and there's nothing over there, and then he leans out like, Hey, not so fast, voodoo guys.

You didn't count on Muttskull that shook off his sleeve? Is he Barbarino from Welcome Back, Potter? Hey, you know, watch out for the things there. In my shared universe theorizing, he is the father or grandfather of Barbarino. Hey, wababaluba. Yeah, he had that swag that would eventually birth

the sweat hogs. So the sweat hogs are ultimately a tribute to Mutt. And then maybe you also add him into the next room where Indiana Jones is hanging off the dangling off in front of the boulder. Maybe he doesn't know what he's gonna do and then old Mutt's like, hey, I got your back

me and my monkey pals. And then he goes swinging by. I guess the monkeys, these would also be the most sophisticated animatronics in the world, but I think it would be worth it to have a bunch of monkeys all together, grab Indiana Jones, take him to safety, and then you just crash into the boulder and he isn't there to deflect it. So you die, but Indy is safe. That's my new ending.

Okay. I like the idea that in one of the most urgent rides of all time, both times you see Muddy's just kind of leaning. And he's like, hey, what up? How are you doing? Up your nose with a rubber hose. Sit on it. Which I guess is Potsy's from Happy Days. Ain't no big thing.

I got this. I'm not like a control freak like my dad. So, okay, we're going to plus it up with Mutt. You want to plus it up with Mutt. Plus it up, Mutt it up. This universally reviled character. Is he? I don't know.

I think the youngster, maybe it's like us old fogies don't get the minions, but I think maybe the kids are all big mutt hounds just like you. Mutt madness? I think so. Mutt madness. I mean, Jason calls himself a mutt man. Yeah. Just a dirty dog like Mutt.

If I could just get some of that Mutt strut. Oh, man. I could face the day. Mike? I mean, I don't have a suggestion as good as that, but I do, yeah, as we said before, a pretty almost perfect ride. I would

put Indy on the ride a few more times, honestly. Sure. Because you see Indy at the start, he's holding the door, trying to hold it closed, and that's about it. And then you really only see him on the rope at the end, and I feel like at least, you know, we see Captain Jack like three times at the very least, right? Three or four?

One might almost call it excessive. Oh, well, for sure. The number of times we see Captain Jack. Some special guests recently had an extra appearance by a not animatronic Captain Jack. Right. Oh, yeah. By the real man, the real abusive man.

I'm saying too many dark things in this episode so uh i i feel like there's opportunities to see indy like one instance like maybe like the car the hood of the car opens and he's in there somehow like his head pokes out and he's like ah i got stuck in the car i got stuck on the engine or or or there's a part where you're on that bridge and he's in the big stone face and he's like, I'm in the mouth or something. I'm trapped in this mouth. Maybe he isn't. I don't think I could write the next film

or be part of the creative of this franchise, but he'd probably be like, oh, this is good. Right, like, oh, I'm in the mouth again. I'm glad about this. I'm in Mara's mouth. Giant mouths. Why did it have to be giant mouths? He's a wry, sarcastic man, old Indy.

That's true. Or, yeah, like, he could be, I mean, you could put him anywhere. You could put him in the skeleton room. I'm getting so old, I belong in a museum. Yeah, quips like that. I'll be joining you soon, brothers, he says to the skulls.

Oh, Indiana Jones, like, okay with his mortality? Kathleen Kennedy and the people of Lucasfilm, call us. He's just resigned to it. Oh, boy. Oh, brother. He's just resigned. Call us. Call us. He's just resigned to it. Oh, boy. Oh, brother. He's an old crank, right?

Just like the real Harrison. And that brings me to my next point. Let's get that real Harrison voice on the ride. There's a TMZ picture from a few years ago of him riding this ride with Calista and the kids. He knows it exists. He's been there. He's going to do another Indiana Jones. While he's there, get the sound guy, mic him,

and get him to do 10 lines, and let's record it so we can have the real Harrison there. Especially because you know he's going to have to do all this extra crap on that set anyway, like, I'm Harrison Ford, and you're watching a Yahoo! exclusive sneak peek of my own movie. So, like, if you're going to force feed all these horrible promos into his mouth,

do something that the fans would really appreciate. Tell me that wasn't big fun. Which, like, you're going to have to get him to give, like, that energetic performance that, like... Part-time. Part-time. Oh, if we could add part... Hey, Snapchatters, check out my old Indiana Jones. Okay, you said that line, Indy at the end.

On Wikipedia, it says there's like eight things he can say to you, eight quips he can say. And the two most upsetting ones to me are, don't tell me that wasn't big fun. Like, it's not a phrase. Yeah, it's not a good phrase. And the other one was, you were good in there. You were very, very good. And I don't know why, but I find that upsetting. That was the one clip of the real Harrison Ford.

You were good in there. You were very, very good. It might be maybe because it reminds me of it. Did you guys ever see The Good Dinosaur? No. The Pixar movie. Yeah, the Pixar movie. It's pretty rough.

But the tagline that is constantly repeated throughout it, I believe is like the father dinosaur who eats shit and dies pretty quickly, says to the main character child dinosaur like what is he oh god i can't remember it perfect now but it's like you're me and more or it's like you're me and so much more it's something where they like try to really make it like hit and it did not and they say it so many times through the movie. It's the only movie I've ever gone like, should I leave?

I don't think I need to see the rest of this. That reminds me of when the old dog in Homeward Bound, when he returns to his family, the Hume Cronin voiceover is like, I'm home. You're is like, I'm home. You're my boy. I'm back. You're my special boy.

It's a real creepy old line. I have a real problem with people saying boy. That weirds me out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Old grandfather love. I think I find to be a little crazy.

I just looked it up. The line is, you're me and more. So let's add this to Harrison's record. You're me and more. He says by the broken boulder. I feel like you should get like 30 lines for him to say at the end there too. Like really change it up. Make him holiday specific. Like, oh, good thing we got out of there and Merry Christmas.

Good way to spend an Easter. Happy Halloween. Like and really like make it specific. Yeah I give thanks for that. Check out the Disneyland Snapchat Discovery

Snapchat Stories channel. If you liked this ride be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Click here, here, or here to subscribe. So we're keeping the ride as is. Yeah, keep the ride. The ride is perfect. Adding some SEO marketing. 100%.

Hey, we'll be right back. All right, we're back. And brace yourself because right now we're going to go to a dark, secret corner of the theme park world that most people are not brave enough to venture into. It's an area people don't talk about very often, and it's called Confessionland. Now, in Confessionland, a bunch of guys tell unpopular opinions to each other, and then we judge each other based on those opinions. We're going to confess things that we, as mega theme park fans, have probably just shut up about. And we say, oh, yeah, we like like this or we don't like that but we

actually have opinions that might really rock the boat of theme park fandom and this tone of voice that we're using is making it seem a lot sleazier than it's actually going to be it's gonna be real because it's probably gonna be not terribly eventful But I think we should keep in mind, though, this is something I would not say if I met a bunch of, like, Disney fans in the park. I would not lead with this piece of opinion. You're not going to make friends with these opinions. Because people in the park would be probably mad, I think. So let's go around the room

and give our unpopular opinion. Here in confession. Here in confession. Here in confession. We were just talking about which one to be called, and that's both of them are applicable. All right, look. Anyway, this whole thing's going off the rails. Okay, I'll commit to it.

Okay, here we go. Here we go. My confession is I don't like the shows. There it is. I don't like the shows. There it is. I don't. A big part of theme parks is parades and shows and fireworks, and I don't like any of it. I think it's very rare that I enjoy any of the, like, to me,

they're kind of a waste of time. They only get in the way of the rides. I like that they exist because they eat up people and prevent them from going on the rides and make the lines shorter. But you know what I mean? Like all these Disney attractions. So you're saying shows, meaning you don't like the fireworks at the end of the night. You don't like most parades. You don't like the Aladdin stage show.

You don't like Fantasmic. You don't like any of that. I would give it to Fantasmic. I'm fond of Fantasmic and I'm sure we're going to talk about it at some point. The show along the rivers of America at the end of the day at Disneyland. But that one, that one I'd bump up because it's so spectacular. But like, yeah, I don't know. A lot of them I find to be sort of underwhelming.

You know, it's, it's like the, to me, they like trade these things out every year. And they're all like just different shades of the same thing. Like, you know, the one year they'll put in a new thing and it's called like Wishes, a magical celebration of dreams. And then that's done. Wishes is closed. So we're opening dreams celebrate your magic wishes like they're all so generic right now really get to anything and it's all just you know it's the same songs over and over it's always gonna be a whole new world it's always

gonna be uh uh now let it go you're gonna let it they've jammed let it go into every corner of that park um i don't discount that children uh enjoy these things families like going to them but i now let it go they've jammed let it go in every corner of that park I don't discount that children enjoy these things families like going to them but I sort of don't like it world of color I don't know I don't ever watch any of these things look I watched the fireworks on Friday I believe it's called

remember dreams come true is the name of the show and the 60th anniversary had this fireworks show that was very like you know you played the songs from the Party of the World or whatever. And I liked those songs or whatever. And I was a bit underwhelmed. But the show they have now, Remember Dreams Come True, has all of the theme park songs in it. So you've got Haunted Mansion.

You've got Tiki Room. And to dismiss fireworks shows wholesale, I mean, this show was great. I had not seen it before. The fireworks go all the way around. I'm getting upset now that I'm thinking about it. Okay, well, there we go. This is a great show. Exactly the right kind of opinion

for Confession Lad. Yeah, I don't know. Look, it's personal. It's personal taste. I admit that fireworks are very impressive. I am not discounting the work of all the firework titions out there. They do a great job. I don't know.

I don't know what it is. I find standing and waiting for fireworks to be very unpleasant. Even something like Fantasmic, I don't like that you're jamming into some, you know, little brick space and pretending it's a seat. Yeah. Or maybe you don't have a seat at all. A lot of this stuff is outside,

and the time of year can make it exponentially worse. And especially, oh God, on the other coast, in Orlando, like watching fireworks or watching the, like the Fant other coast in Orlando like watching fireworks or watching the like the phantasmic in Orlando is at Hollywood Studios it's in a giant open amphitheater it's insane

and it's hot it's 10 o'clock at night and it's still 80 degrees and humid and it's I definitely just fell asleep from exhaustion there once in all fairness that being said a lot of places yeah yeah you beat me to it because you've been in my apartment you have fallen asleep at the weirdest times in the weirdest

like we'll be watching something exciting you turn your like eyes are closed like my grandfather or something like you fall asleep everywhere in college i fell asleep in class once with a pen in my mouth wait wait wait wait like a pen like you I fell asleep in class once with a pen in my mouth. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Like a pen, like you were like... Like I was chewing on a pen, and I fell asleep with it hanging out of my mouth. Sitting up like a horse? Yeah, I was sitting in like a giant lecture hall, and I had both feet up on the seat in front of me, and I fell asleep with a pen hanging out of my mouth.

A little fact about me, I've never fallen asleep in a public place ever. Oh. I'm too scared to. Well, I've made up for it. You fall asleep in a lot of public places. The average of the room is high still, thanks to Jason. Thanks to me. I want to fall asleep when I go to see these shows.

I don't need to hear about wishes and dreams and journeys anymore. I don't even really like the Epcot one, which I admit is very impressive. Oh, Illuminations. Illuminations. Oh, wow. No, this is. The thing where the globe opens up.

It's a beautiful moment. But what is it? It's like a bunch of children being projected onto a globe. I don't. There's a lot of. They're all too generic. I want some more specific points and theories in these shows. I also, I don't think I'm that into the trend of projecting the stuff onto the buildings.

There's a thing that a lot of the Disney shows are doing these days where like, we took the castle and we turned it into Iron Man's house. And it still juts out like a castle. But I don't know. I feel like that, I feel like it's a trick. I feel like that effect must be kind of cheap to do because they're doing it everywhere. It's very new and trendy. It's very much like the thing of the moment.

Yeah, yeah. But like a Spago kind of restaurant. It's going to have its peak and it'll be done. Well, drones will be the new thing i'm pretty excited for the drive so maybe drones will bring you back to being into all these shows i think so a bunch of coordinated drones do you know there's drone racing have you seen drone racing no oh boy like on deep espn there's drone racing oh wow very very excited they book out an entire stadium and they leave the stadium empty and drones weave through the tight corridors.

It's very cool. So I think you're right. Give me some drones and then I'm back in. You got me back. I'm back in the crowd of hundreds of thousands of people watching the fireworks. Jason, what was the segment called again? Confessionland? Confessionland. What's your next Confessionland

Okay well We're all Southern California based The three of us We live in Los Angeles So one of the parks we end up in a lot Is Disney's California Adventure And you know they did that Billion dollar

Multi-billion dollar Over redo of it a few years ago. Mike and I went opening weekend. We were there opening weekend for it. And, you know, I love all the new stuff they added. I think it's great. It's a much better park. But every now and then, man, I miss that old California adventure.

What? What? What? Really? Yeah, because I. In all fairness, I did not see it. Like, I saw it in 2006. So it was like there some holes in the rowboat had been plugged at that point. Like, they had thrown Bugs Life in there for kids.

They had thrown Tower of Terror in there for everyone else. But I just like the fact that, because Disneyland, to me, has always felt like there's so much stuff. And the first few years of going, I really wanted to see a lot and see the limited stuff and the stuff that they didn't have in Florida and the little hidden secrets that I would read about online.

And then when I needed a break, I'd just go over to California Adventure where there was no lines and there's not that many people. And you'd just walk around and you could knock it all out in like two and a half hours. So I found it very relaxing. You felt it was like a waiting room for Disneyland. Yeah, kind of. It's relaxing to me in a way that like, Walt Disney World is very overwhelming, right? Like if you go there and you spend a few days there, like even if you try to like, well, maybe I'll just go to the pool for a little while.

Like my instinct is go like, but I should be out there. I should be at one of these parks. I should be doing something. But I feel a similar way about like Universal Orlando, where if you stay on site, you can walk to everything. The parks aren't open very late. If you stay at some of the hotels, you get an express pass and you can kind of just walk on to a lot of stuff. So you knock it out very quickly and you can kind of just walk on to a lot of stuff. So you knock it out very quickly, and it's kind of relaxing. And as

I get older, I do like relaxing a little at these places where when I was younger... This is crazy. This doesn't explain to me why you like like a big postcard that came to life, or like the Whoopi Goldberg movie

about the history of California. I never saw that. I never did watch that. I never watched it either. I never watched it. But it was always there and I didn't watch it. It was always there.

I don't know why I never watched it. Well, if you like being asleep, then that's the perfect spot for it. You would rather have a shittier park if it meant that you were

like less comfortable. No. I just sometimes like when you're crushed, like when you're in the queue for Cars Land or like when it's really crowded in this park, I do long for the days when it's like, well, there used to be like no one here. But you know what was there was a parking lot. Like it doesn't, it replaced nothing.

It's not like there was some cool ride that just nobody knew about. Oh, well that, yeah. But I didn't know it then either. I also did not know the first gen. There's also a part of me that wishes I could have seen like the superstar limo where you race through Hollywood and terrifying puppet people talk to you and the ABC soap opera cafe. Like I wish I had seen the first generation catastrophe catastrophe disney california see it yes but

you you didn't want to be there now it's this lush the buena vista street the great restaurant that's one of my favorite places oh yeah no it's great it's much better now but every now and then i do kind of like i kind of i kind of miss when this was half a mess. But name one thing you liked that they took out. I liked the ice cream parlor that was inside of a train car. Yeah, that was pretty good. But it's the same ice cream they have. All the pun-based signs, like Burbank ice cream. You still have photos of them. You can read them.

This reminds you of some garbage Jersey Shore shit you visited as a kid. All right, you watch your mouth. You were used to some trash, and you want to feel like there's some trash down at Disney that's more suited to you. Oh, maybe. And also, you've told me your family, when you would go on trips, would have days of decompressing before you'd even step foot in the park. There was so much relaxing. Well, no, after the park. After you go, go, go. You told me there would be a day after the flight to foot in the park. Like, there was so much relaxing. Well, no, after the park. After you go, go, go.

You told me there would be a day after the flight to recover from the flight. Then there would be the trip. Then there would be another day to recover before you got on another flight home. No.

Nah. We would de- I mean, we were kids. We didn't have to- We would do it in the summer. So, like, we were off all summer. But, yeah, after, like, five days of, like, sun up to sun down, like, in the summer. So, like, we were off all summer. But, yeah, after, like, five days of, like, sun

up to sun down, like, in the parks, like, yeah, we would want to decompress a little. You know, if you want to take a nap, go to your home. Leave the cool theme park to us awake folks. Yeah. I am amazed that this is a more unpopular opinion.

I thought this wouldn't be that controversial. No, you're going to win, I think. This segment will tear us apart. We'll see what everyone thinks of mine. Look, it's much better now. I'm glad we have it now. But every now and then, it's like, man, I remember when there was just a bunch of fucking tractors here.

Here's what I like, is that we set this up in a way of like, we're going to say these things that would make people pretty mad. And then we are mad. Yeah, no, we are now mad. We're proving what dorks we are. I've also clarified what I've met a lot. Like, yeah, no, it's much better now. I don't want it

to come back, but it was kind of funny to walk around. It was kind of different. Go to the Santa Monica Pier. Yeah. Mike, confession. Mine might be the mildest now that I think about it. I don't love, I don't even really like Jungle Cruise.

Sure. Is that, that's not unpopular? Maybe mine is the weakest? Because it's like, I kind of find it boring. I find the punny, punny stuff with the tour guides, I think that's lame. I think that it's outdated. It feels, you know, it feels like there's not enough robots on it. It's just, I never go on it. I don't have an urge enough robots on it it's just i never go on

it i don't have an urge to go on it well yeah i agree i think that i think the joke stuff i mean yeah it's it's i know it's tradition it's been around forever that i think you're right it's the kind of thing like uh you know watch a video of it of it if you like it but there's maybe there's a way to make that ride better i would i would gut. I would gut it. I would make it like, I would make the shore much closer to the boats. I would make like crazy robot animals. Like, I would make it serious. I would take all that jokey crap away. I think that's sacrilege to a lot of people because it's, you know, opening day, wall

thing. But like, I never go on it, but it's one of the ones that everyone considers like a classic. That line is kind of murderous. It's a really boring one. I think you may have presented the opinion we all agree with the most, but anyone listening would be furious. Well, I very much like that turn of the early 20th century explorer kind of aesthetic. Sure.

I like the old-timey music playing. I like that adventurer sort of stuff. I agree with that. All of that. Yeah. The puns can be a little much. I am not a fan of when guests speak along to stuff. And now I feel like a lot of really diehard fans will speak along with the back side of water.

And that always makes me cringe but it may also just be like being in comedy and seeing like more hokey or stuff it can be a little now that you're a comedy expert you now that i am yes now that i am uh see comics can't stand hearing somebody else do a joke because you wish you thought of it. Yes. Which Jungle Cruise joke did you wish you thought of? The backside of water is a beaut... Two of his hits for one of yours.

We all know it. Ah, we wish you wrote it. Ah, son of a bitch. Man, that's a classic. I wish I thought of shooting that gun. Sometimes I... I do like the gun. I like the gun. Sometimes. I do like the gun. I like the gun on the ride.

I like the gun. I do like that the original concept was like, we got to scare off that hippo. Shoot it in the fucking face. Yeah, I like that. So I'm not saying you get rid of the name Jungle Cruise, but like, I would gut the whole thing. I would reimagine it in a new way. Well, aren't there rumors that Dwayne the Rock Johnson himself. There was an Instagram

to this effect. It's public. Yeah, but I think that very quickly Disney was like that's not happening. I feel like Rock is just ushered into rooms and he's posted an Instagram of like, yeah, I'm making the new Jungle Cruise ride and then he's ushered out and then people are like, what was he talking about? He might have

misheard someone say something and he posted a big thing about it. But maybe if this movie, because there is a Jungle Cruise movie, which is something they reiterated they were doing at D23. And that is The Rock in this film? It is The Rock, so that is happening. So maybe if the movie does very well

and it's a very exciting adventure, they'll change it and chances are though they'll do this Jack Sparrow thing and like the rock will be on like a robot rock will be on it now

yeah now that you've talked about changing it I don't like that change I don't like that change either I mean if it's a fully new badass Jungle Cruise

I guess then like a rock animatronic Jungle Cruise Reloaded Jungle Cruise Lock and Load Jungle Cruise Reloaded? Jungle Cruise Lock and Load? Jungle Cruise Lock and Load. The gun they shoot in the sky

just gets a lot bigger. Most of the ride is taken up by adding pieces to the gun. Yeah. They won't be able to fit as many people in the boat because there's so many chambers. It's like a shootout between the rock and a rival jungle gang. Yeah, so maybe in that instance two crews two two jungle crews for

jungle crews it's play on words uh crews and crews oh yeah wait what's the play on words like crew like a crew of guys c-r-e-wW, and then cruise, Jungle Cruise. I see. So you could go both ways. I mean, it's not like a good. It just happens. That seems like a leap. I need you to be part of my. Yeah, I think it's a leap.

All right, fine. I need you to be part of my Jungle Cruise. He has to have two of them to make it work. So we'll change the name of the ride to Jungle Cruise, C-R-E-W-S, and we'll at least preserve the name, the sound of the name, but it'll be a whole new imagined action-adventure ride for The Rock and Kevin Hart or somebody. Will that make you happy, Michael? Uh, no.

You'll shut up about the Jungle Cruise for once? Asshole. You don't like the old puns, so you thought of a way better one to name the ride. Oh, that's a good point. I'll tell you what, you know, I'd like to see, uh, maybe let's, you know, there's already water in that place. I want to see old Mitch Buchanan from the Baywatch team.

Maybe he's on the Jungle Cruise. And old shirtless Zac Efron with his 19-pack, his scary amount of abs. Is Hobbs Rock's character's name from Fast and Furious? Yes. And Hobbs will be there. Hobbs will also be there. Alright, let's get out of it. You survived. Podcast the ride. Thanks to Feral Audio and everybody.

We'll see you next time, guys. So long! Feral Audio