Podcast: The Ride - Jurassic Park: The Ride with Matt Mazany

Episode Date: January 5, 2018

Dont hide like Dr. Hammonds coward lawyer. Join us and take the plunge on this Universal Studios classic with Matt Mazany (WWE, Gay Of Thrones). Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, a Podcast the Ride 65 million years in the making, featuring Hadrosaurs, Gerbils, Tarps, the mighty Akron, and a journey to Jurassic Park the Ride with Matt Mazzani. Welcome to Podcast the Ride. Welcome to Podcast The Ride, the world's greatest, and as far as I'm concerned, only theme park podcast. I'm Jason Sheridan, joined as always by Mike Carlson. Hello there. And Scott Gairdner. Hi, Jason. And we have a guest today, writer, director, you may know him from Funny or Die, Gay of Thrones, WWE.

Matt Mazzani is here. Hey, guys. How's it going? Good. Yeah. How about you? I'm jazzed. I'm so excited to be here. I love the podcast. It's really fun. I'm not the biggest ridehead in the world, but I think I'm tickled by how much you guys know and like. I didn't know there was this to know about rides, the things you guys know. The whole thing is trying to legitimize theme park nerddom,

have people talk about credits and factoids the way you would about Beatles records or things that are way cooler than this. I have a serious question about ride fandom. Sure. Yes. Is there things like in movies, there's the auteur theory. Is there auteur theory for rides, like these types of rides from certain Imagineers? I mean, obviously, like Walt Disney is a big figure.

That's as far as I know. But is there any like inside? Well, there are big famous Imagineers that have a lot of like credits that you would know. Like we talk about the guy Tony Baxter a lot who like he's the main guy for star tours he's the main guy for the figment and figment ryan epcot he's splash mountain he's indiana jones indiana jones i mean so you're talking about this is a heavyweight like this guy you know now obviously he he didn't do this alone because he has to have there's tons of designers and animator but he's you know the figurehead so i guess he's probably the closest to an auteur when you're talking about imagine have, there's tons of designers and animators, but he's, you know, the figurehead. So I guess he's probably the closest to an auteur when you're talking

about Imagineers because there's tons of Imagineers that don't have the high profile he does. So... Joe Rohde in the recent past has been pretty prominent in the promotional materials at least for the Avatar experience in Florida or Guardians of the Galaxy Mission Breakout.

So there's people who are like more like up front in talking about these rides and maybe taking leave. But I'm sure all of them would not ascribe the tour theory because a theme park ride made by one person would be a terrible ride. Yeah. It is very much a thing made by committee. Although Baxter and Rhodey are both guys who do have a lot of theories about parks. They will talk all the live long day about theme park theory. How dare – imagine doing that. Talking for hours at a time.

And to have the experience to back it up. Disgusting. So many people, though, work in Imagineering. I have to imagine that there are people that are bitter and be like, well, I gave Joe Rohde the idea for the Guardians of the Galaxy to break out of a power plant. That's my idea. There has to be

some people that feel like these guys are sort of figureheads and they get all the glory. The first guy who did a log flume, it was just all flat with no drops. They're like, we was just all flat with no drops. And they're like, we should just have a sudden drop instead of a slow, slight decline. And there was one guy who figured that out.

But his idea was stolen. Oh, God. Probably. We'll never know. But you have to sort of subsume your ideas. Is that a word? You have to. Your ideas become part of the greater whole. But you at WWE, you were credited on screen for each line and plot turn that you came up with, correct?

Publicly, it was all the wrestlers and they are the guys. Oh, that's right, because wrestling is not written. No, of course not. You were a consultant and advisor. You were a trainer to the wrestlers. Well, they have words on the screen every once in a while before commercial breaks, things like, up next, I would say, up next. Should we have an ellipsis on the end or no?

That's the things I would do. But no, I think much like the amusement park rides, a Sasha Banks, a professional wrestler, she is like the roller coaster that we have to make uh thrilling and exciting but we only want the fans to enjoy the experience of that not the not the the the wwe imagineers right sure so you support the uh yeah in the way that you support the uh more glamorous star you see you just uh you support the the ride itself it's about big thunder mountain not the people who uh laid all the tracks on big thunder but if we were to turn

these microphones off who knows what you'd say yeah oh i i don't have some things to say about big thunder mountain that's exactly yeah and maybe uh you don't get a credit like you know there's not credits at the end of the rides but maybe uh maybe the storefront that sells hardtack and bacon is McGinty's dry goods. And the Imagineer John McGinty, that's his, like, oh, that's my little thing. That's my little credit. There is no, I'm sure there's probably been a McGinty at some point. I thought for a second that that's a real person. John McGinty at some point. I thought for a second that that's a real person. John McGinty? No, but I did see an article recently of, like,

five times Joe Rohde has put himself in rides. Or, like, where there's Imagineers that, like, oh, they clearly, that Alexander Graham Bell looks a little like Joe Rohde. I see. Taking all the glory. People find little sly ways to reference themselves. Now, you just, Matt, you just spent a bunch of time in Orlando for wrestling,

and you made it down to Disney World for at least a time or two, correct? Yes. Well, the big thing is we're always very busy when we're down in Orlando because we were working on NXT, which is WWE's farm league. So we go to Orlando once a month for TV tapings. Always crazy busy. But one day something happened, the scheduling shifted. We had to move the shoot forward a day.

So we had a free day and we went to go to the animal kingdom and I saw Avatar land, which is a big deal for me because I'm a big Avatar head. I love it. I've always like, like anybody else. Like I saw it six times in the theaters, never on DVD because for me, it's all about going to Pandora and that's what the theater experience was. And so to actually literally walk around Pandora and touch the plants and be told not to touch the plants and then do the whole experience, it was great. Pandora is awesome, and I'm very excited for Star Wars Land.

If that's the proto-Star Wars Land, it's going to like Star Wars land has to be awesome. Well, let me ask you, cause I've been to Pandora as well. Um, did you ride on the back of the mighty Akron? Uh, so here's the deal. So I, I, we went there with it, with all, all the few of the other writers from WWE and we all went as like a little group and we started doing this thing, me and this other guy, Robert, where we would go take our fast pass. because we ran out of fast pass for that ride and we would start

hitting the fast pass button and when it turned red, we would just keep walking and not stop. Then that became like a game that we would do where we just skip through fast pass. Oh, we got a rule breaker here. That's a real heel move, Matt. That is not a face move. You're talking to three rule followers. Disney sets rules in motion and we all... We have to listen to them. We all

straightened up and we're very uncomfortable. I didn't know who we were with. But we were teaching a young guy, if you have confidence you can pull off anything. Just watch this. My buddy would just go ahead, he'd hit it, he'd go red. Excuse me, sir. And then you just keep walking. They're not going to chase you down and stop

you. So we went to the dragon ride. I don't even know the name of the dragon, which I said I'm an avatar head. Well, you mean the mighty Akronik, hey, the banshee. Yes. It is the area of pop culture where the fans don't know the names of the things or the characters. I don't think there's a more successful thing where you can't name. Do you know Sam Worthington's character in the movie? Oh, Jake Sully.

Jake Sully. You got Jake Sully. Wait, within one day. Can you name three other characters in Avatar? I can name the Hallelujah Mountains. I consider the Hallelujah Mountains a character. It's like New York City is a separate character. Hallelujah Mountains, there's...

The general guy. The general guy. The general guy. He's evil. Is his name like Krod? Or is there something else where a general is named Krod?

I don't think it is Avatar. It is like General Thrasher. It is that type of Something on the general evil-ton. I gotta say,

Jake Sully sounds like his name might as well be Johnny Working Class or like Fred Regularman. The extended scenes are really great, which I just watched those

and didn't watch the rest of the movie, but there's like a lot of Jake Sully on Earth stuff where he is everyday regular man, you know, wheeling around

and getting in bar fights and it's really good stuff. Yeah. We've all seen it, right? I've never seen I've seen like a little bit of Avatar on a plane once. I've never seen it, right? I've never seen I've seen like a little bit of Avatar on a plane once. I've never seen it all the way through and I missed it in theaters

Shut his mic off Someone shut Jason's mic off This is offensive to Big Avatar That is certainly not how it was done I mean, though you are soaring through the sky like a mighty banshee that's a little acceptable So did you have a finish to that story?

No, no. So, yeah, so we're fast passing through. Me and my buddy got through. They did stop the other two people in our party, so they had to hang back. Good. And then we went up, and we're just, like, crying laughing because we're just imagining them waiting in a three-hour line

while we're just, like, piping through. And then we go up. We go all the way to the front, and there's a second fast pass line, but there's nobody there, just the guys. And we're like, oh, my God, we're definitely going to get caught because there's, you know, in the crowd, you can kind of get by.

And we go there, and I don't know what happened. We do not have the fast pass. We hit the fast pass. They both turned green. Really? And we don't know why it did it or what, but we got through. And then we're laughing even more because we got away with that.

A hallelujah mountain miracle. Yeah, let me ask you, were you blessed by the Navi shaman of song on the river journey before? And perhaps you got a bit of that Navi luck. A little bit, because we did do that first. We did fast pass our way through that, fake fast pass our way through that. And that is a beautiful animatronic. It is. She moves.

It's really crazy. She bang, she bang. Scott's talked about weird theme park in-jokes he has with his wife. And this is one I have with my girlfriend where all of a sudden I'll just start singing the Na'vi Shaman of Song song. And it's going to be like, Anna, hey. Anna, how. Anna, hey. Anna, how. Anna, how. It's just the laziest,

generic, beautiful song. You're a musician. You should do a little remix of it. Put it on YouTube. Do the EDM remix of the Shaman of Song. Challenge accepted. And as we've said before, I am single, so I just have the Shaman of Song. Challenge accepted. And as we've said before, I am single,

so I just have the Shaman of Song song in my Tinder bio. That is just my Tinder bio. It's the Shaman of Song song. Wait, you were saying, though... Oh, the sad ending to that is I am too fat for the ride, so they kicked me off. No!

What? It was strange, because it wasn't like my belly was... it was like, it was a very strange, my legs couldn't fit because I've got kind of big, beefy squat legs. And they tried to like push, they had this little lock in and I told them, I was turning around and said, you can fucking push, you can use your legs and pull, you will not hurt me, I will not sue you, get me on this goddamn dragon or I swear. And they were like, I can't.

I can't. I can't do it. I might hurt you. And I was like, I was so upset. But then we got an extra fast pass, so I did the river ride twice, which was beautiful and calming. Not quite as good of a ride. No. It's a little, that one was a little spare.

Until the Navi showed up, it's like, what am I even doing here? Like, the little spinny thing. It's beautiful, and it's nice, and it's like on a hot day, it's very air-conditioned. But other than that, it's, you know. There's one robot. Yeah. I do like anything that floats. Anything that floats, I think, is a good ride.

Sure. This is insanity, though. I'm looking at your calves right now. Those, like, I would describe them as muscular first of all. I think these are in-shape calves and you can't fit those into the stirrups of the Avatar ride? That's crazy. I mean, it's like this...

It's a new ride. They should have you know... I've been to theme parks and there's a lot of people of size there. I thought they would have like, you know, like, think ahead, like, well, it's 2017. There's a lot of big people who could, who want to ride drag.

We are in central Florida. Perhaps we should allow that not all entirely rail-thin people will be on this attraction. Nobody wants to trade out their rascal for a dragon more than a large person. Like, we need the dragon rides more than a large person. We need the dragon rides more than skinny people who can ride on motorcycles and look cool.

Their existing body is already a tall, lith avatar. Yes. That's something. When that park, when Pandora first opened, they also got in a little, not trouble, but there was a lot of complaints that the river ride, neither ride was very like ADA, like handicap accessible.

Like there are options for them, but there was really only like one or two of like the fleet of boats that could fit like wheelchairs and stuff, which is insane to think about because the main character of the movie is a paraplegic, right? And they did it like, but I guess as you're spending millions and millions of dollars to open all this thing, like, there's always something that falls where they go like, oh, my God, we forgot about, like, this. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing, too. I feel like they could have, the way that thing was designed, it's like a little bike. Like, you don't have to be, I mean, it's like a, you know, it's like a. You straddle it, correct?

Yeah, you straddle it. And it's like, I get, you have to be locked in because you're going to be moving around and it's a safety thing. But it's just like, it wouldn't have taken anything to move those back six inches and then just have the moving attachments do better. I bet if you went back now, they probably figured, like, you probably got some timid cast members who, like, didn't want to hurt you. Yeah, they haven't. They were too scared to, you were giving them license, but they just saw their job flash before their eyes. Yeah, they said that we had a, the

story will always go, oh yeah, we had a 300-pound man crying outside the ride for two hours, so we have to fix this at some point, because they're really, really getting unpopular. I will say this about Pandora, though. Yes. The absolute best

park food I've ever had was at the Pandora Cafe. It is good. I agree. The little bowls. Did you have one of the little bowls? Little bowls with the little,

like, I don't even know what they were. There was, like, beads of vinegar that were, like, it looked like alien food. It was really great. Yeah.

I don't want to know. I want to just think it's alien food. I would like to imagine. What if this became like fast food that is just a type of the way that there's been like a big surge in poke around recently? Like if Pandoran food became a typical street food and that place was the pioneer. That'd be great. I think they could probably reskin like Yoshinoya and just make that

like Pandora food. And I think nobody would be sad. Yoshapandora. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Little rice bowls. Places need to do cool rebrandings.

I've noticed like Arby's is trying to like hip themselves up and pretend they're like a cool local carvery. Some made-up take on what they are go on i'm intrigued and we all know they're just a cool national carvery that's yeah but they

are very cool yeah they're pretty corporate that's the thing i mean yeah the meats are superb but um yeah i'm i'm with you let's uh let's take over the uh yeah let's let's take over yoshinoya they've been nondescript for too long and seemingly diarrhea-inducing for too long. And I would eat that diarrhea food if it was like, if you go in, there's like a Navi holding the bowl and like the whole thing. And they say, I see you. Yeah. Which is their famous phrase that we all know in the movie. And I hear your order.

That'll be the thing when you leave. They go, I see you again soon. Hey, well, you know, it's a shame that there are some issues with the loading of these boats

and the people getting to experience this beloved intellectual property. But one ride that operates without issue day after day

all over the world is the Jurassic Park experience, sometimes called the Jurassic Park River Adventure, also known as Jurassic Park the Ride. But why should we explain it when we can let one of America's greatest national treasures tell the tale? Hi, I'm Ryan Seacrest, and welcome to the new edge from the studios of CNET, the computer network. When Universal Studios Hollywood designed a ride based on Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park,

they had a tough act to follow. I mean, after all, the movie actually takes place in a theme park. Well, they overcame that with these robots that are so advanced, even Spielberg was amazed. Fuck you. That's about as deep of a cut. Look up that video if you can. Ryan Seacrest on CNET, the computer network. Wow.

He looks kind of like a Norwegian boy band guy. He looks like one of the 18s, if you're familiar with the 18s. Hey, Seacrest has been at it for a long time, and hey, thanks for entertaining us Anyway, that goes on to give you a great behind-the-scenes look At the extremely high-tech dinosaurs that even Spielberg couldn't believe And there you have it, the Jurassic Park ride Let's get into it, folks

Hey, this is the first episode I think we're doing of Where the attraction is called Blank the Ride, like we stole the name from. That's true, yeah. I thought of that very thing when my wife and I were talking about the logo. We sort of looked at that and pulled from how

the the is small and the ride is big. So there you go. Appreciate that. If you're looking at our logo right now, maybe my wife Erin. So there you go. Appreciate that. If you're looking at our logo right now, maybe I'm my wife, Erin. Yeah, you know, also, there are not, if you look at the history of rides based on movies, very few are actually called Blank the Ride. It's some of the most prominent rides, like Jurassic Park the Ride, like Back to the Future the Ride, but there are not too many of them.

No, but they came real fast and furious, like in a row, like as we were children, and it made an impact on us enough. Absolutely. That I think when, Scott, you initially suggested the name podcast, the ride, we were immediately like, well, that immediately makes sense to us. It's as exciting as when you hear there is a Jurassic Park, the ride. Yeah. That's a mind-blowing statement.

How exciting is that? More exciting than if we called this podcast Galaxy's Edge. That's a fine name. What am I making fun of that name? Save it until you see Batuu in person. I also, in looking at that history of The Ride, I don't think Disney's ever done blank the ride. I think they always dress it up.

It's an adventure or an experience. They don't want it to be you're doing the thing. Disney's always been big, I think, on making sure it's like you're not riding. This isn't just like fun. You're in danger. You're entering a fully complex uh universe a fully immersive experience uh my favorite it's a variant on this but at some point we got to do the episode about uh one of the best formatted titles twister ride it out oh yeah a very insane uh title i'm

racking my brain right now is is i call it my head the mummy ride. Is it the mummy ride? It is Revenge of the Mummy the Ride. Oh, wow. Which is confusing because there was no The Mummy the Ride, but it sounds like it's a comeback of a previously existing ride called The Mummy the Ride. Yeah. I just call it The Mummy Ride. I think that's pretty common, yeah.

That's what anyone calls any of these things. Star will be star wars land avatar is avatar land nobody uses the preferred uh nomenclature nobody calls i'm sure i've said on the podcast before but my favorite universal title water world a live sea war spectacular no one on the planet besides people being paid to be at universal studios call it but i think i maybe am i up? Was somebody, I think somebody like scolded me once. Like, no, no, no, it's not the Waterworld stunt show. It's Waterworld, a live Sea Wars spectacular. You had to be very explicit with that. I did forget that in Hollywood, Universal Hollywood, this was called Jurassic Park, the ride though initially.

I think because I probably rode the Orlando one so much, which is called the Jurassic Park River Adventure, because it is in a section of the park that is supposed to be Jurassic Park. So to do just Jurassic Park the ride. Because that would sound weird. It would be redundant. Look, there's so much to talk about in the title alone,

but there's more than just a sign that tells you the name of the ride. There's an entire experience. And Matt, when we were talking about stuff you might want to talk about, you brought this up. I thought it was a fun idea, but is there a particular affection you have for this attraction? Well, I noticed when you guys talked about Universal,

you guys always talk about the ride, the movies. And to me, Jurassic Park, the ride, is kind of like the pinnacle of what I want out of a movie ride experience because I feel like it does a great job of giving you the experience you get when you watch Jurassic Park because it has that moment. Like, my favorite part in this ride is, like, you go up the, you know, you go up the ramp and then you get dipped down and then it's just like a slow with the music opens and then the gates open.

It's like, welcome to Jurassic Park. Like, you want that Laura Dern, Sam Neill moment where you, like, turn your head and then the gates open and it's like, welcome to Jurassic Park. Like, you want that Laura Dern, Sam Neill moment where they turn their head and see the brontosaurus and so you have that and then you see

little things go wrong and then it goes really wrong and so you have, then you have the whole adventure but it starts with just going to Jurassic Park which is a place I've always wanted to go

just like Pandora. I like to be transported and I think this does a great job of like transporting you to, you know, a world where dinosaurs walk the earth with it. It's just all I've wanted since I was a child. Until something goes wrong, which is a trope of all the Jurassic Park movies

and a lot of theme park rides in general. It's like they start off fine and then something goes wrong. I guess it's especially universal rides. The Jaws ride you know, is a scenic tour of Amity and then Jaws attacks the boat. And there's always, there's often the

mentioning of problems that happened in the past but this time it will be different. It is not different. This isn't a, the Jurassic Park ride it's not like they don't know about the movie. We're in the world of, it's not like this is where Jurassic Park the movie, right? We're in the world of Jurassic.

It's not like this is where Jurassic Park was filmed. Right. You're fully in the world. It is an alternate universe, Jurassic Park. Where the park is operating. To at least previews. To at least a preview audience. Right, because John Hammond does the intro video, and he's talking about Jurassic Park and how great it is.

And there's people walking in and out. I guess in the universe, they could have said these are fake, these are people just for the promo ride, but the park seems like it's open. The park should be open. I believe it is not. I think they referenced Costa Rica as being an experiment that didn't work out, and we are in the Hollywood Jurassic Park branch. If you watch the Orlando video,

I think he says Orlando. So John Hammond is opening different branches. Like the San Diego location he was trying to open until the T-Rex got loose and destroyed the 76 ball and the entire gas lamp district. Our most beloved San Diego landmarks. I love how all of these parks at the open have a chronic problem with jeeps going over the side of cliffs. Because that's the only movie reference that I can really, really think of, is that the

jeep goes over the cliff and almost hits you, then it stops. So that's in the Hollywood park, in the Orlando park, and in the original Costa Rica park. It's always teetering Jeeps. There's one Easter egg that's another direct reference to the movie, and that's after you go down the big drop and you come back to the loading area, there is a small Barbasol can. Yes. Like the one Dennis Nedry was hiding DNA samples in. Gotcha. So in this world where it's two different parks,

what are the odds that there's another... Yeah, why would there be another... Slimy programmer. Right. Well, overworked programmer. I do notice that there's one for the whole park. Yeah, you can tell why the stress got to him and why he maybe wanted to exact some revenge.

Probably the money per hour, not great also. Yeah, they're probably working them pretty hard. Well, what's interesting, though, is if what you're saying is that he's opened up satellite locations, then Jurassic World, they don't even mention it. So they've taken the ride. The ride is not in canon in the Jurassic World verse because they're talking about sort of the original park, but that original park never opened. And they don't say, well, what about the Hollywood location? Hollywood and Orlando and Singapore and Osaka are all going fine. I like the idea that he's also like, this is just a much smaller park.

So it's like a Chili's to-go or an airport Chili's version of Jurassic Park. It's very small. Like you can't do the big massive expanse of the original. So, like, that's a little bit, and you throw a couple dinosaurs in it, that's fine. We're gonna do one boat ride. We don't have the space to do the orbs, but we'll save that for

Jurassic World. And that's the budgetary reason why Dr. Alan Grant or Ian Malcolm or, uh... Sadler? Ellie Sadler. Ellie Sadler, who also could not appear. We just couldn't afford them to be in this preview video. Well, they're busy.

They're paleontologists. They can't stand around in the river adventure all day. They have work to do. They have to run an entire campsite for $50,000 with 10 employees. I don't know how that worked out. He goes, you're the one that pays us $50,000? It's like, you have a dozen people working for you. What are you guys paying them?

Is that the amount named in the movie? I think they name how much money he has. It's like $50,000. He gives them. Wow, the price of a really souped up pickup truck. Can fund 10 archaeologists or buy a pickup truck with very nice rims. Do you think that people who had relatives who died in Jurassic Park

were angry when this Hollywood location brazenly opened? Were the family of the lawyer upset? Genara, what was the lawyer's name? Oh yeah, Genaro. I wonder if there were protests outside the Universal Studios gates. This is insensitive to the victims of the Costa Rica.

Although, maybe they, I think it seems like they covered it up, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, they did not let the word get out about Costa Rica. Right, that's why Jake Johnson in Jurassic World so loves the first park, it feels like. He doesn't know what happened. I don't know if he knows what happened. Right? He doesn't say, like, so loves the first park, it feels like. He doesn't know what happened. I don't know if he knows what happened, right?

He doesn't say, like, that was the best park because all these people got eaten. I don't know. I don't remember. I've got to think they know if they're working on the island that there's another part of the island. But Jake Johnson in the movie, he's got the shirt on and he's like, the original park, that was the best park, which it never opened. But then people died in that original park. That's like if someone wore an ironic shirt that said, like, Bush did 9-11 or something, right? Have you seen a person wearing an ironic shirt?

No, but I bet I could find one for sale on eBay or something. Hammond did Jurassic Park-like type shirt. Yeah, Jurassic Park was an inside, InGen is an inside job. I feel like that's the thing about Jurassic World. I feel like that movie is like a reboot of the idea where the movie Jurassic Park exists and then they figure out

how to make dinosaurs because everybody seems to love the movie Jurassic Park in Jurassic World that's true that makes sense but by the time

this episode comes out the Fallen Kingdom trailer will have dropped and Dr. Ian Malcolm does exist in this world because Jeff Goldblum is back

for the Jurassic World sequel. The timeline is all screwed up, I think. I think it's just whatever. We can't get upset about that. If Jurassic World is a metaphor for the making of Jurassic World, like let's try this bigger one, but why should— or I'm sorry, the making of that new dinosaur is like we need to do something bigger and better because the audiences are getting bored. Did Jurassic World then go make like a small independent dinosaur that people were not fond of that blew Jurassic World's shot to do other franchises? Did they try to make the Henry-saurus?

Does this metaphor track for the rest of a certain director's career? That would be like a, you know, they say dinosaurs have feathers now. Like that's what they believe is that all dinosaurs are feathered. So they made like a feathered dinosaur and the public's like, we don't want this real dinosaur. We want like a scary lizard dinosaur. This is this, but this is like the real dinosaurs. They were actually four feet tall and feathered.

I'm like, nobody wants to be like touring. The Henry Soros. Yeah, it was three feet tall, covered in feathers and like pooped out of its mouth instead of its butt. This is an abomination to God. Kill the Henry Soros. Wait, is that a book of Henry? That's kind of what I'm getting at.

Yeah, this is as confused as the timelines in the Jurassic World franchise. Resaurus. Wait, is that a Book of Henry reference? That's kind of what I'm getting at. This is as confused as the timelines in the Jurassic World franchise. Does the Book of Henry explore the metaphor of the Jurassic World universe? I don't know. I'm confused. Nobody poops out of their mouth in the movie, but that's how you feel when you've watched the movie.

It's like you pooped out of your mouth. Anyway, I shouldn't keep disparaging this film. What am I doing? Soon-to-be Best Picture winner? I know so little about this movie, but I've heard it dragged left and right. It's truly insane. I saw it in a surprisingly packed theater

at the Glendale Americana, and I wanted to stand up and say to the audience, like, what are we doing? How are we all, we all paid money to experience this. Am I seeing the same movie you're seeing? It's so insane. It's a shame the characters from Safety Not Guaranteed

couldn't travel back in time and provide tips. Anyway, Trevorrow not involved in the making of Jurassic Park the ride, but Steven Spielberg was. And in fact, they were developing this ride in conjunction with the movie. Spielberg was so sure that this book, like, loved the book, I'm going to make a movie out of this. I think the movie is going to be a blockbuster. You should start thinking about a ride already,

which I think is a unique experience in theme park development. When did the ride get released? 1996. 96 in Hollywood, 99 in Orlando. Two years later in 2001 in Japan, and then 2010 in Singapore,

but that's a rapids ride, not a shoot-the-shoot. Thisids ride, not a shoot-the-shoot. This is apparently known as a shoot-the-shoot style ride, not a log flume ride, which has smaller ride vehicles and multiple drops, I learned. So there's not like a big one, it doesn't, the climax in the same thing where a big T-Rex appears and then there's a big drop at the end, or there is that, but a smaller drop because it's a rapid ride. Yeah, you do go into an environmental safety building and there is a small drop.

But yeah, a much smaller one because rapids tend not to have super big drops. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, but the other thing, I think the knee-jerk in doing a Jurassic Park ride is probably to do something with the Jeeps. That's sort of the major vehicle, obviously, featured in the movie. But I think a ride like that would be very complicated and slow-loading. So they thought of doing a boat ride because I guess there is a boat sequence in the original Jurassic Park novel.

Yeah, there's a pterodactyl. It's not unlike the thing that gets crashed into in Jurassic World. There's a scene in the book or whatever. What would you call it? Is a scene? Does a book have a scene? No. A chapter? A chapter, an excerpt. A book scene?

Yeah, where there's like a flume. And that's where that crazy man crashes a helicopter in Jurassic World. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Oh,

wait, there was a sequence they were kind of, they were like saving pterodactyls from movie to movie. Like, they sort of couldn't pull that off in the first Jurassic Park

and they were saving, uh, like a pterodactyl dome, uh, and probably couldn't pull, although there's, this pterodactyl's in Jurassic Park 3, correct?

Yeah, I believe so. But I think that dome sequence is kind of a nod to, like, that could have been in the first Jurassic Park, but they couldn't pull it off technologically then. I've never read the book, but my dad had read both of them, and he was like, yeah, the movie's very different. The characters are all much more unpleasant in the book, and, like, different people die. Yeah, the lawyer is, like, a buff guy in the book, and he's, like, a sniveling guy in the book and like different people die yeah the lawyer is like lawyer is like a buff guy in the book and he's like a sniveling guy in the movie yeah like they're sort of different that's lawyers for you sure and hammond is like a real like son of a bitch in the book he's like a

kindly old grandpa but he's like a mean old man and doesn't he get eaten by the little guys yes yeah that's right oh really yeah so he so there whole, yeah, they changed a bunch of stuff around. It was like a brutal death. Because I read that when I was in elementary school because I loved the movie so much. So I read the book. And then I remember reading it. It was like the little guy bites his leg and then his leg goes numb and he's trying to run away. It was basically what happened to the guy in Jurassic World, the bounty hunter.

He just little bites to death by these little chicken sized dinosaurs. Yeah, they made it brutal, like a brutal death for John Hammond because I think he's sort of like a villain in the book. The book casts him as a villain who's playing God and who is a monster, kind of a low-key monster.

So that's a big decision in the movie to make him more kindly relatable. Santa Claus in the movie to make him more kindly relatable. Santa Claus in the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The man who later played Santa Claus. Yeah, that's a good move, right? Or lateral, do we like that?

I don't know. Did you like it? Is it better in the book that he's a... I like, I mean, I get why he's not like that because it makes Jurassic Park a much... Malcolm, I guess, in the movie touches on, should we even be doing this? But it makes it a much more like, oh, yes, it is wonderful, isn't it?

As opposed to this evil old man. It would be just a different movie. I don't know that I like it better or worse. Then you lose the flea circus monologue and you can't lose the flea circus monologue. It's such a sweet moment. Sure. It's kind of a sweet moment. Sure. It's kind of a sweet movie in general.

Like, in some trailers, it's presented as, like, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see. But you actually, like, that score is so sweet and majestic. And, yeah, there's probably a take on the Jurassic Park novel into a film that's, like, pure terror and horror

from start to finish. Right. And other Crichton books are turned into movies are more just like harsh. Right, right. So, I mean, I get why he did it and obviously it works. So. Yeah. Now we get a ride for it where you get to hear that John Williams score as you enter.

And I think that's the point. That's the key that unlocks. That's what I think Jurassic World is missing, is that moment of, like, holy shit, there's dinosaurs. Like, this is great. And that's, like, the key that unlocks the movie. That's the key that unlocks this ride. Once you're on board with this is awesome, there's dinosaurs here,

then you can fall to the great terrors of being chased by raptors and tyrannosaurs. But that's just not in Jurassic World, where it's just like, oh, this is a park now. Let me ask you guys, as park heads, what do you guys think of the depiction of the Jurassic World future park? Ooh, I have a lot of thoughts on this. I've had it. Yeah, I liked it, but I wish there was more.

I like that they took a monorail uh to get to the park like they took a monorail to get to the main part of the park I like that the teenager was unhappy to be there uh and then they arrive at like a city walk style shopping and dining area I was very excited there was a city walk in Jurassic World I think that's why I actually am not a big hater of Jurassic World and I think that's why I actually am not a big hater of Jurassic World, and I think that's why. I think I like that there's an IMAX theater. I'll forgive bad characters

and that bizarre, harsh drowning of that woman, because there's... I like that Jurassic World has an IMAX theater. And a Margaritaville. And a Margaritaville with Jimmy. Jimmy Buffett in the movie. Saving the Margaritas. A legit laugh, and you get a laugh out of Jimmy. Jimmy Buffett in the movie. A legit laugh, and you get a laugh out of that, I think, watching the movie even before you realize it's him.

Although, did you, Mike, when you watched the movie, did you know it was Buffett right away? I think I read that it was him, so I knew what I was looking for. I see. Here it comes. I was on a website. I'm on websites regularly that would tell me about a future Jimmy Buffett cameo in something. Did the websites tell you what flavor the margaritas were? I don't think so, but I think it was obvious. I believe they were classic lime.

I think they were classic lime. Yeah, I think it's pretty easy to see. So now I think you may have not enjoyed Jurassic World because you were just waiting for that cameo the whole movie. I was a little, too. You know, I saw it in theaters like opening weekend and I just thought it was okay. And then I remember watching it

like that Christmas with my family, like with a fire, or like just in our pajamas. Like it was like the most pleasant experience. It was a very enjoyable experience to watch it in that environment. Because I think everyone was in the mood for a big movie, and everyone was relaxed after the hubbub from the holidays.

So I'll see the next one. So watch it in your jammy jams, and you'll love it. Watch it in your jammies. So what I like also, I forgot, I just remembered this. On the Margaritaville website, there is a Isla Nublar, Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville website, there is a Isla Nublar Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville piece of marketing for the movie, but it makes it look like

that's an actual location. And it's a whole thing of like Jurassic World. Eat at Jurassic World. Jurassic World dining. They built out a very corporate website that would be just on Margaritaville.com but for Isla Nublar. That's pretty cool. Isn't it Ila?

No. Well, I don't know. Same question about Isla Fisher or Isla Fisher. Here's a video from the B-roll or whatever you call it from the movie where Buffett is horsing around with some ladies. And nothing too weird, but like just kind of goofing. He's got a little dinosaur toy. Yeah, so this is like the whole promotional thing. Yeah, there's like a fake sprinkles cupcakes next to it

Within the Oh, he's Jimmy Buffet bartending Surprising some ladies with a little dinosaur puppet And he's got his hand up on a fin Making a fin like his song Fins You know So Google Isla Nublar Jurassic World And, you know

It's a little Easter egg treat A nice little universe expansion Matt, what's yourlar, Jurassic World, and, you know. It's a little Easter egg treat, a nice little universe expansion. Matt, what's your feeling on Jurassic World? I thought it was weird because every part that was good was when they played the music or showed a logo from the first Jurassic Park. And that was the only part I was emotionally into. So it just kind of felt, you know, it's like a greatest hit. And if you compare it to the ride, the ride gives you all the nostalgia you want for the movie, but you don't have to sit there for two hours to do it.

It's a nice, clean, five-minute ride, and it gives you the entire story in a five-minute ride. Whereas this thing is just so many side plots and weird stuff. My parents are getting a divorce! They have separate attorneys! Yeah, why this divorce story in this movie? Judy Greer just wasted in that movie. Lauren Lapkus, too. I wish, very funny,

I wish had done more in the movie. But that part with her and Jake Johnson in Mission Control is very funny. I wish very funny I wish had done more in the movie but that part with her and Jake Johnson in Mission Control is very funny that was very funny yeah yeah

they get a big laugh in that I hope they're back for the sequel I hope so too I like those characters absolutely I have a question

about when you talk about like theme park references in the movie I think I like that there's this when you go on this orb attraction,

that you watch a safety video. Obviously, I'm obsessed with the theme park safety videos, and that you watch one starring Jimmy Fallon, which I just found a behind the scenes of, that shows that they shot it at Studio 8H, where they do Saturday Night Live. So they're like, filming essentially an SNL sketch custom for the Jurassic World orb ride with Jimmy Fallon. But my question is like, it's sort of hokey. It's like, you know, Jimmy Fallon getting sprayed by tar and then like something getting lit on fire. It's like this kind of like little science gone awry sequence. And my question was like,

was it a little lame on purpose because theme park ride videos are always a little lame or were they committing hard to a, were they trying to make like a very funny original Jimmy Fallon sketch? Or was it like self-aware that like these things

are always a little stupid? I'll give them, I'm going to give them a little credit that they were self-aware, that they were laying it on thick because sometimes these videos are laid on pretty thick. And theme park videos have to have, they can't exactly be dense verbal humor. It's probably got to be people getting hurt

because people who speak all languages are watching these videos. And ages 8 to 80. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought those things were well done, though. And I liked that, like, of course, if Jurassic World existed, Jimmy Fallon would do the video, like he hosts the Universal Tour here in Hollywood. Well, and actually now that we're talking about it, actually to give Jurassic World credit, maybe one of the truest things about this movie is that the only thing that's fresh is they have a take on theme parks that they actually say, this is what we think theme parks

are now and will be in the future. That was the only original thought. What if there's orbs? Of course there's going to be a Margaritaville in this. If there was a real Jurassic Park, they did a good job of making it seem like it would be modeled after the parks of today. They did a good job of doing that.

There was an arms race element of, like, we got to have a new attraction. You know, we got to have a bigger dinosaur. People are, you know, getting sick of these old ones. The sponsors are lying. Didn't they say, like, Verizon wants to sponsor a big dinosaur or something? It may have been, you know, marketing or, like, you know,

corporate synergy or whatever, like the Valentine and stuff. But, like, that is a reality of theme parks. So I agree with you. I did like that that was in there. What would you guys say is the analog between dinosaurs and rides in Disneyland? It's like, so it's like the Tyrannosaurus. Is that the Space Mountain of Jurassic Park? You mean like the high ticket, the biggest attraction?

Yeah. Like what's that? Good question. Oh, interesting. Well, you got, you know, Jurassic World has the petting zoo with the Triceratops, and that's more of a kiddie ride. That's like the teacups. For me, that's like meeting Winnie the Pooh, maybe. Yeah.

That's meeting Pooh and his friends. The thing for the little ones. Yeah. That, well, obviously, that giant, crazy aquatic dinosaur eating the shark is the equivalent to Universal's Waterworld Alive Sea War Spectacular. Sure. Thank you for showing it its proper respect.

Absolutely. I'm not watering that name down. It's a beautiful name. Oh, my God. By the way, I got to make a quick side jump. Do you know if it's true, Mike, because we're both wrestling guys, that Chris Daniels is doing Waterworld now? Wait, what?

The stunt show? I heard that he's playing the Deacon. Is he really? I've heard that. I don't know if it's true, but I've seen pictures of Chris Daniels as the Deacon. Oh my God. That's crazy. Chris Daniels is our independent wrestler.

I mean, works for Ring of Honor and other places. Been around forever, great wrestler You guys know that I know a deacon The deacon is Dennis Hopper, correct? Yes We gotta talk about this at some point A guy I work to the cone a bunch, Greg Dolph A great dude and he is a deacon

And has been since they opened So maybe he's welcomed this wrestler Into the deacon family Yeah, I believe that's not a bad gig Because I think they are in, like, the stuntman union. And so it's, like, consistent, like, a little bit of consistent work and stuff. Good for them. They're covered. I mean, here, from just a Google search, there's a video that says Christopher Daniels as Deacon in the Waterworld stunt show.

And this is from last year. And who Christopher Daniels is an independent wrestler? Yeah, he's been around for like 20 years on the independent. He never made it in the WWE, but he's really, really great. There he is, yeah, he's a great wrestler. Is he bald already, or does he have to wear a bald cap to be Dennis O'Reilly? He's bald already. Perfect. That's why they thought of him.

They don't want to pay for bald caps and prosthetics to be reapplied every day. Especially in a water park ride. Oh, yeah, yeah. There'll be wear and tear on that. Hey, just like the wear and tear on these dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park ride,

it is pretty crazy when you think about, you know, whatever the skin is made of on these dinosaur robots, that it's foam rubber that has to stay uh flexible despite getting wet all day and when it's pretty insane that they turn the technology around from when they made jurassic park where you what you watch this crazy behind the scenes footage footage of people have seen it they were listening uh that you if you watch the t-rex robot in the making of jurassic park that when it would get wet because all the involve rain, it would like shiver and shake.

Like it was like the T-Rex got sick. And there's all this crazy footage of PAs just like patting down the T-Rex with towels. They didn't think about how this was going to work. So it's just like small hand towels. Let's dry off that T-Rex. And then three years later, they have a ride where these dinosaurs have to get wet all day, every day. It's what they do. And they all look great.

The upkeep on that ride is fantastic. Yeah, I mean, there's been times when you go in and there's just a big tarp over one of these dinosaurs. Really? Like the majestic Jurassic Park theme. And then there's a big, just big, as if they're fumigating a house-sized tent over one of these long-necked dinosaurs. And you're like, oh, wait, that kind of kills the— He's sick. That is what they—yeah, yeah.

He's been quarantined. So I know they did a refresh on it a couple years ago, I think, because they were having some issues. And some of the dinosaurs felt like they were melting a little bit. I feel like there was that duck-billed dinosaur that squirts water out of his nose when you take that turn when you come out of the cave. And I feel like he was gone for a while, but they would still play his sound effects. Oh, yeah.

It was a very empty point, because he's a big feature, so it's a very empty turn without him there because you're just hearing him and not seeing him. And you're saying right before the turn happens, right? Hadrosaur Cove, before you go into Hadrosaur Cove. My friends and I had a long-running bit of like,

can't wait to ride Jurassic Park ride, go see all our buds, the dinosaurs in Hadrosaur Cove. And that's when it goes wrong. That's when you get knocked off track. To continue Matt's metaphor, what's Hadrosaur Cove in the Disney park or in the theme park? Like a cool ride that's often broken. The storybook canal boats? Sure, great.

Incredibly inconvenient to operate. There you go. Quick answer. Jason got it. Thank you. I feel like the jeep you mentioned earlier, the jeep that falls down and splashes in the water is also an indicator of like, wait, have they done upkeep recently? Because that doesn't have to work.

Like that can just be hanging off and it reads like it makes sense. It doesn't always crash down. Yeah, it doesn't always crash down. It's like the train, which was not functioning for a long time at Disneyland. That's that metaphor. We'll break it all down. And the other thing I got to ask you guys about this one, what do you guys think about the little Disney hats that float in the water?

That's a fun. I always at some point think like, how is that still here? How has Disney not had a problem with this? I wonder if they're actual Disney licensed. I mean, they probably mocked them up, unless they went to the park and just bought them and threw them in the water. They're ovals. They're not perfectly round, so they're technically off-brand.

Yeah, if they're technically off-brand, they can do it. Because I feel like Disney would get litigious if there was a diner that made pancakes that looked like three round circles together. So the fact that they're not attacking Universal because it's still there. I thought it'd be like, I'd see it one time and then it'd be gone. But it's like a part of the ride

that some Disney fans got drowned and killed by these raptors. Universal's always been a little more ribald. A little more cheeky with their sense of humor. A little edgy. But isn't there a part in the Avatar ride where a banshee tears Woody Woodpecker apart limb from limb? Yeah, the beloved character, the beloved licensed character, Woody Woodpecker.

You see stray Woodpecker beak hats lying around the Kingdom of Pandora. Then the mummy sees like a there's like a little Indiana Jones silhouette and the mummy thumbs over his shoulder and makes a jerk off motion at him.

He's like, ah, this guy. Like, yeah, there's a lot of like oh, God. The whole Simpson ride is goofing on Disney too. That's true.

So I guess maybe it's just like, all right, there's like a ceasefire on both parts. Yeah, well, they also are the plucky underdogs in the L.A. theme park. Well, none's more plucky than Knott's Berry Farm, but they're—

Knott's is very plucky. Yeah. It's like— Main attribute. It's the plucky— Pluckleberry pie. It's the plucky underdog that is owned by NBCUniversal. Comcast, NBC

Universal, and what's the one from 30 Rock? Shineheart Wig Company. Hey, well, what else about this ride? We mentioned Hadrosaur Cove. Any other moments that, I mean, it's cool you get to you get spit at by a spitter. What's just

moments from this ride that we enjoy? Well, this is more an anecdote than anything else. When the first ride opened in Hollywood, there were actors from the movie. Jeff Goldblum was there. Steven Spielberg was there. And the story goes, apparently, they rode the ride and then stopped it at the top of the drop to let Mr. Spielberg off.

And then the boat went down, which, come on, Stephen, children ride this thing. Suck it up. Do it once. Come on. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Okay. And Scott doesn't like these drops either, like Mr. Spielberg. I think maybe I, when I, if, by not doing the drop, I'm experiencing the ride the way Spielberg intended. I'm subscribing to his auteur theory.

That means you're just in limbo. You're just in hell. You don't escape the dinosaur. You're just under the dinosaur and the falling pipes forever. How do you make it out? You just sadly walk away, scarred by the experience forever. You've been on this ride, though. I did do it once, and that was plenty. I was terrified, still scarred by the experience forever. You've been on this ride, though. I did do it once, and that was plenty.

I was terrified, still scarred. The commonality between all of the... When I had girlfriends who made me man up and go on these rides, I would do them. But now that I have a wife who's nice, who doesn't boss me around,

I don't have to go on any ride I don't want to. Aaron, make Scott go on the Jurassic Park ride. No. I'm talking directly to you, Aaron. Out. Be just like Scott's parade, Scott's platoon of mean girlfriends. And he's also bragging about all these girlfriends he's had.

La-di-da. Yeah, I've gone around. I've had three girlfriends dozens of times. So, you know, I've gone around. I've had three girlfriends in my life. Dozens of times. So, you know, I've had a few. A different girlfriend for every time. Yeah. Well, before my wife, I had two girlfriends. And I think I went on scary flume rides two times before.

Would you play it? If they were like, hey, let's go on Splash Mountain or something, would you kind of go like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool, whatever. That's fine, yeah, I love Splash Mountain. Or would you have to kind of be tucked into it? I'd be doing curls the entire time and getting up on the poles that separate the line and just doing pushes off of those.

But would you let them know that you didn't like it or would you just play it cool and, like, inside you were terrified? Yeah, how would I play that? I don't think I tricked them. I don't think, I'm not sure my performing skills were particularly sharp. I think I'd, yeah, I mean, because you get legit terror in your eyes when you're doing these things. I remember seeing Mortal Kombat when I was younger.

And if you figure out how old I was, it was probably older, like 13 or something. But I was scared in the movie, very scared. And I tried to play it cool. And I just kept asking questions to my friend the whole movie. And he was so mad. And I thought I was playing it cool, but it was very clear I wasn't. Was it Goro? Because Goro's pretty scary. The whole thing, I thought people were going to die.

I'd never seen an R-rated movie in the theater before. Maybe never saw an R-rated movie. You're a rule follower. I follow the rules. I hope you didn't see any R-rated movies before you were 18, man. I snuck into Event Horizon. I had a great time. Bad boy Mizani over here.

Don't respect fast pass laws or the MPAA. Our two most powerful institutions in this country now. I was very scared of The Ring. I was 15 and for two nights afterwards, I had trouble sleeping from the American version of The Ring. Sure. With Naomi Watts. It's a scary movie.

It's a scary movie. Well, that's at least a scary movie. I guess so, yeah. Mine is Mortal Kombat. It's like PG-13, and they can't really show much gore. Like, whatever. Gore is weird looking, and I think there's something unsettling about him. Oh, yeah, for sure.

The movie's a little unsettling. They're on an island with, like, the people that run the island have all masks on, and it's very, like, proto-eyes wide shut but with fighting, so it's like a weird all masks on and it's very like it's very like proto eyes wide shut but with fighting so it's like a weird adventure that's true but i don't think i was that's true i guess you're trying to give them the benefit of the doubt you're trying to help me out here i appreciate it i was scared of the yell so i've never seen the films or played the games because if I'm just passing through an arcade and I hear that scary yell,

I've got to go hide in the bathroom for a while. Did a girlfriend ever try to make you play Mortal Kombat? Scott, get over there. I can do this. You're Raiden. I'm Sub-Zero, Scott. No, I know all kinds of attacks. On Jurassic Park, I always think, because this is one of those where there's

two tracks and you go off the wrong track. It's like you're going the bad way. I've always tried to figure out what the good, because they didn't build it, but what is the good track? Because where does the T-Rex go? We see where there would be the raptor cages, but

what would the end of the ride be if it was a normal ride? have to see the t-rex but it wouldn't be in the context that we see him now where he's just exploding out of a like a vent or something he would we would have to like just see him and that would be the end of the ride right they would have taken you so you go all the way up to the top of this building and then it would have like hit a a view of universal studios and there would have been one soundstage that they took the roof off of, and the T-Rex would have been just wandering around

in the sounds, contained in the soundstage like a cage. Eating a goat leg. You would have seen it from hundreds and hundreds of feet away, but you would have just had a view of a Tyrannosaurus. So you're saying it's also a drop ride in the narrative of the ride. it's also a drop ride in the narrative of the ride. It's also a drop ride or is it

not so fast? They would have lowered you down very, very slowly or let you up at the top. The drop would have had, like Spielberg intended, they would have let you off at the top. Then the drop was just where they deliver the boats back to be reloaded again.

Okay. Yeah, that was just like a boat delivery system after you'd seen the contained T-Rex. But unfortunately, the track, things go awry, you have to take the plunge, which was never intended for a human to go on. I'm glad that

Spielberg got off the ride and just walked down and let everybody else do the job, because I could also imagine a world where they make a bunch of employees hold ropes and let the boat go down very slowly at the drop. Just very slowly going down. So they can get a picture-perfect moment. And then they pause. It's all shaking, holding these ropes.

And Spielberg's like, ah, faking it. I guess Spielberg escaping through a side door off-camera is kind of what happens with B.D. Wong's character. How he escapes the first movie to live to Jurassic World, where he's evil now. Yeah, he's bad. He's bad. He drank the Kool-Aid. As opposed to the first movie, where he's just kind of there.

He exists. He's a scientist, and he's a scientist. When he walked out in Jurassic World, I felt like there was like a hold for a gasp. And I did not gasp. I didn't remember who he was. It took me a second. I associate him more now with Law & Order because he was a CSI guy. Yeah.

Every episode of Law & Order, you gasp. I gasp. BD. I gasp every time they go chunk, chunk. They should change the name to Law and Order BDU. BD's unit. A thing I like about the ride is that it is, because like Jurassic Park, all the rides, experiences are all very museum or zoo-like. There's not really an exciting element,

which is a thing I kind of like about Jurassic World because I feel like they're thinking a little bit more, sure, we have dinosaurs, but we also are going to give you a thrill, a little bit of a thrill. It's like Epcot. There's two thrill attractions, but also a lot of museums and slow-moving hydroponic plant displays. Yeah.

And I feel like there has been a lot of speculation about, like, you know, Universal's got all this land in Orlando where they're probably going to build a third park. And, like, Jurassic World was such a huge hit. They will may very likely build a Jurassic World section. And that, hey, that orb sequence, like that's tailor-made to be built as a theme park attraction in real life. We might be riding in orbs before we know it in Orlando. Actually, that would be a great plus it up for the Animal Kingdom safari rides.

You're in that big truck. But if you could go around in an orb and look at rhinoceri, that would be, because I was thinking, where would I want this orb in a natural park setting? And that's the only place I could think is the safari at Animal Kingdom. Right, because you can get closer then to the animals. Yes.

The future of theme parks is orbs. Calling it now. Just take the BB-8 technology and make that something you can sit in, and that's the end. That's how you make orbs. Yeah. Call the BB-8 people. You'll figure it out. I could also see orbs being like a fast pass option.

So if you don't want, like, because I hate being in crowds. It's one thing that a really packed amusement park makes me very, like, because there's people, and I can, like, if I bump into a kid, the kid will die. Like, that, you know. So it's like, so I always worry about, but if I got to be in an orb and like, you know, everybody has to stand aside from the orbs and you have your own personal orb space. You go to the front of the line, you hop out of the orb, you go to the ride. So I would do like a fast pass orb option. You would love just being an orb most of your life, it sounds like.

I could live like that. Jason apparently agrees. Just step out outside sometimes into a bathing orb, and then back into a... Give me those orbs, baby! Beam in the womb. I did not find the answer to this question, but Michael Crichton

has Westworld, he has Jurassic Park. Was Crichton a theme park guy? Or did he just sort of think about how horrible these... Because it seems like he has a negative feeling about theme parks because both of his properties

are them going horribly wrong. I don't think he was a pleasant man. I feel like he... Also, at the end of his life, he got real into global warming and I forget whether it was... He said it was a hoax. Yeah, yeah.

He was very conservative. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, no. Wait, he with all his conspiracy theories about genetics, he doesn't think the real thing is happening? Yeah, I guess he didn't toward the end of his life. Wow.

Yeah. He was like an early, like before Reddit came along. Like if Reddit probably would have like sapped all his creative energy out, like writing conspiracy theories for Reddit, but instead he just like wrote these novels of his conspiracy theories, then he just kind of went off the rails. He's on that Scott Adams, uh, smoking whatever Scott Adams is smoking. He's, like, lucky he died before this, like, time where we just, like, entertain all thoughts. All thoughts get an equal seat at the table now.

He wouldn't have made blockbuster novels. He would have just gotten a lot of Reddit gold. Well, he picked the right time to be in. Yeah, also he sort of predicted immersive, with Westworld, he kind of predicted immersive theme park experiences like we're about to get with Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, where you're

like a character. You, the guest, are playing a consistent character, and the other people in the park know who you are, which apparently is how this thing is going to be. But Crichton was, that's one thing he got right. He predicted Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, but not global warming. We'll see which one gets here first. It's a race, neck and neck.

The day that the floodwaters pour over the barely, the opening in a week Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, and we don't get to go on it. Oh, no. Well, get that thing open, Disney. Crichton in Heaven is just giving a 20 to Walt Disney. Just like, nope, you were right. Hey, you know what else, theme park nerds? I bet you've been storing up anger about this thing. You've probably talked to a therapist about it or something.

You remember, I'm sure you had this feeling when you were a kid, when you watched Jurassic Park, and John Hammond very explicitly says, when Disneyland opened in 1956, which all we, all the most basic theme park facts that Disneyland opened in 1955. How bizarre is that, that they leave that in the movie? He says six so explicitly, almost

as if to mock me, young theme park nerd Scott Gardner. I also have a very distinct memory of having a bunch of action figures for this movie well before I saw the movie and they all came with different kinds of guns.

And then when I watched the movie I was like where are the guns? And the reality is if you sell someone a child an action figure you gotta give it a bunch of stuff to hold.

But in all fairness yeah by the end of this movie every character should have a giant fucking gun. Like there's a reason there's multiple arcade games where you are all fairness yeah by the end of this movie every character should have a giant fucking gun like there's a reason there's multiple arcade games where you are it's set in jurassic world and you have a giant gun because like yeah they should have been blowing those dinosaurs away by the end and it didn't happen one guy gets a gun and he gets eaten before it and then at the end i think

like laura dern is like holding one in a weird or like as they're running to a helicopter someone else has it and like throws it away at the end or like it's never acknowledged like why aren't there guns everywhere? Is the PG-13 nature of the movie the reason there's not a ton of dinosaur murders happening?

Yeah, but that was the early 90s like Sam Jackson is smoking at every other shot of this movie. Again, different time. I like that if we were to interview both of you guys after the movie and you were young kids, your grievance, Scott, would be they got the Disneyland year off by one, and Jason's like, where were all the guns? But if I'd had a little eight-year-old girlfriend, I would have been like, I wanted more guns.

I'm as tough as Jason. Eventually, I got older and like, oh, guns are not purely the world of exclusive to the world of Hollywood entertainment. They are a nightmare plague that haunts America. Had Spielberg then learned his gun

lesson because he famously, for a special edition of E.T., took the guns out and replaced them with walkie-talkies so maybe at this point he had learned well Tom Cruise there's a very important shot in Where the World's Where Tom Cruise loads up a revolver

when they're evacuated and then he pulls it on civilians I think although I think after like a freaked out cop pulls it I don't know it's a weird scene that That were the world's movies. Fucking weird. I'm just imagining the velociraptor scene with the guy, like slowly pulling out his walkie talkie to talk to him instead of like the

gun. And then the raptor pops out of the side, the clever girl scene. Right. Yeah. If you replace it on the Blu-ray with a walkie talkie. I'm going to go in there, find the raptor,

tell someone on my walkie talkie. Clever girl. It just says it into the walkie-talkie. Yeah. And then that's it. I would like to also praise this robot, this dinosaur, this T-Rex robot. It's awesome. It is still awesome.

It's 20 years old, but whenever I went on this last probably a year ago or something, it's great. We're talking about top animatronics. This thing scares the shit. If I'm in the front row, I am scared. Like, I'm almost as scared as that ball at Indiana Jones. Like, it's just as invasive as that. So close to him. Yeah.

Absolutely. 10,000 pounds is the fact I heard in a Making Of special. You also put on the Making Of specials. There's a couple good ones you can find on YouTube, and you get the fun of watching the T-Rex get airlifted into the building, like dangling off of a helicopter and then installing it.

Fully skinned? Yeah, finished. Isn't that weird that then it's just open air, just dropped down into the building? I imagine that thing's probably up in the rafters, so they had to lay it. It's, like, part of the structure, like that robot that doesn't work in Expedition Everest. The Yeti, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, the T-Rex. Well, it's also just that and the Indiana Jones ride. I love this idea of, like, compounding the biggest fear with the biggest fear is really great because, like, even if you weren't scared of the rock or the uh t-rex the drop would be scary and if you're not you're not scared of drops but you're scared of the like it's like it covers all your fear bases it's so i love the finish to this ride yeah it is sort of stealing that climax indiana jones in a little way and we're it's well it's a it's a combination

of splash mountain and indiana jones it's a very impressive, scary thing coming at you coupled with that drop moment. And then the drop makes you feel like physically the fear you feel from like, makes you feel like you're dying. Isn't that what it's meant to represent? Some guests in 1996 had a particularly scary drop experience

when right at that moment before the drop and when the T-Rex comes down, they were doused in hydraulic fluid. That happened really soon after the opening of the ride. I don't think anybody, I'm not sure if anyone was permanently hurt, but a lot of people went to the hospital

and it was a big mess. Within the first couple months of the ride being open. I remember hearing the wrong version of that story, though, where the spitter of the Dilophosaurus, like, spit hydraulic fluid at the guests and they, which is not what

happened, but that would have been pretty crazy if what happened to Nedry happened in real life. But still, imagine doing that drop and you're like, you're blind, and you might think that was, like was part of it. Like, is this how it's supposed to be? I'm covered in tar.

Yeah, well, they worked out those kinks. That doesn't happen anymore. And all those people will just blame their ex-girlfriends for years for making them go on that ride. And they're blind and they think about that every time. I'm tough. I can drink hydraulic fluid. On the lighter end of odd rumors there's a thing you can watch on YouTube

there was a live E special from 1996 of the opening of this ride did you guys run across this thing? oh yeah, I saw a little bit of it E Entertainment News covered this thing. The opening of the ride live, you get to watch Spielberg

and Jeff Goldblum light the torch to, like, start the fire on the Jurassic Park gate. And all the biggest stars come out for the opening. Why, David Hasselhoff and Noah Wiley

and Marg Helgenberger. Sam Elliott is there wearing a big black and white shirt with a picture of the Beatles on it. And it's tucked into his jeans. Amazing fashion. You've got to have the screen print tuck. The screen print tee tuck. Sam Elliott pioneered it in 1996. But it's a really fun special to watch and covered in like that bad, like that sort of that bad pseudo techno that E would use a lot of the

time that very just like, a very like RuPaul cover girl-esque music. The E aesthetics were incredible in the nineties, but the special is hosted by downtown Julie Brown and a guy who I didn't recognize named Jerry Penicoli. And he's just kind of this like, you know, just sort of this kind of meathead guy in a bowling shirt. And he's like fun and affable. And I was like, there's something odd about this fella. And I Googled him, and unfortunately, one of the first things you find when you google this guy is that he

was one of the first prominent people to be referenced in relation to gerbling. Jesus Christ! Before Richard Gere was saddled with this odd rumor,

this man who went on to... It didn't destroy his career. He went on to host the Jurassic Park The Ride opening special. I guess we should, for those listeners who don't know what gerbling is, we may as well explain. Matt, would you like to...

Let's let our guests do it. Let's be polite. We're all men of a certain age who grew up with this rumor. Sure, of course. This sounds like a callback to when we talked about Byron Allen's The Ride for S.F.

No, Matt, you got us. You were going to tell us what Gerbilate was. Yeah, well, you know, I got a Gerbil. I'm always buying these different toys, right? I got toys, I'm going to buy them. They love the wheels, they love the grass. And you know what they love the most? They love tubes. And that had me thinking.

I ran out of tubes. I'm not And that had me thinking, you know. I was like, man, I saw it. I ran out of tube to go to. I'm not going to finish. Well, you transported us to the Byron Allen Show. I could see a fish tank behind you. That was good. Anyway, so Jerry Panicoli, I don't know. If that's an untrue rumor, I hope it wasn't terribly thrown astray from his journalism goals by, what a bizarre thing, right? Well, for the gerbil's sake, I hope those rumors are unfounded.

That's a tough life. Hopefully, yeah, that gerbil is with us today. We will eventually do a thing, one, a whole episode on these opening ceremonies because they are just the clunkiest, weirdest things full of celebrities and stiff jokes that don't land, confusing realities, pyro that doesn't really pop in the light of the day. The Guardians one where it's like Vinicius del Toro

clearly had some shots of that tequila he plucks before taking the stage. What else in Jurassic Park world? We haven't talked about Florida, which is this expanded Jurassic Park land, but those other rides are sort of not anything to write home about. Yeah, there's that one where

I've never been on it because I'm kind of scared of my legs dangling on a ride. I think I mentioned this before. It's that like pterodactyl what do you call it? A coaster even? But it's very slow moving. I think it's the pterodon flyers. Okay, that works. Pterodon flyers, that sounds good.

I always wanted to go on that. That sounds like a local hockey team. Yeah, that's a good point. I always wanted to go on that when I was younger, but it doesn't have a big capacity. So when the park first opened, it had like an hour,

two hour wait to do this kiddie like dangling ride. And then as the years went on and got less popular, they were just like, you can only, this is one of the few rides where they go like, you can only ride this if you're a kid. Because I think it's got some height restrictions. Oh, interesting. I think you can't be too tall

for it. See, I'm done with dangle rides after I had a Tatsu incident at Six Flags. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Well, do you guys know of Tatsu? I've ridden Tatsu. It's a fun coaster, but it's basically you get strapped in, and then the whole gimmick goes up. So you're flying like Superman. Your belly is towards the ground, and then you fly around, and it's really fun.

And we always loved it. And then one time I went up, and I go, and everybody's like, all right, snap in. So I snap it down, it just like bangs off. The clip doesn't clip. It just bounces, bounces. And they're like, all right, here we go. The guy gave the. And I go, hey, hey.

I stopped everybody. And he goes like, oh, okay. He walks over. He hits the top twice. And then it snaps in. And he goes, all right, let's go. And I was like, that didn't like make me feel good. And this is like the number one ride.

If you imagine like if it broke apart. There's one like... Face down. You're going face down. You're going face down. And there's a loop where you get slung to the outside. So you could literally fly 400 feet from the thing. Just fall into a Santa Clarita housing development straight through a chimney.

Right into a forest fire. Oh, no. And, yeah, so I can't do tattoo anymore now because I was, like, clinging, like, death grip on the thing, like, imagining it was going to open. Did you feel like it could have if you hadn't been doing that? I mean, I would have been doing the same thing. I mean, he gave the here we go without me even on the thing. The worst that would have happened, I would have, like,

the coach would have done that and I would have just fell on my face in the station, which would have been pretty funny for everybody else. But then your legs are locked in, too, so you could have gotten dragged by the legs. I feel like that is why, because of, like, shoulder harness failure like that, a lot of them have a simple, like, seatbelt sort of thing where, like, if the latch goes up, at least the seatbelt, like, catches it. Yeah, there was, like, no catch. Oh, my God. Yeah. But it is a fun ride. It's a very fun ride. It's a very unique experience. I've never been on another coaster or ride

like that where you do you are feeling that sensation. Yeah, the one moment in that where you go what would be like an upside down loop to loop, but you're facing forward so when you get to the bottom of it you're like flying on your the G of it, you're flying on your... The G-forces are going down on your back.

It's a fun coaster, but I can't do it anymore. I'll still do X2. I'm really glad you didn't get flung out of the ride and you're here to tell the tale. I used to work with a guy who worked at... When he was a teenager,

worked at Magic Mountain and very casually told us I worked with a guy who worked at, like, when he was a teenager, worked at Magic Mountain, and, like, very, very casually told us a story to me that was insane, which was, like, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, we were, like, 15, 16, and some of us used to operate Colossus, which is, like, a giant wooden coaster. I believe now it's a giant wooden steel combo coaster. And he's like, yeah, we'd show off for the girls. Like, yeah, we'd see what we could get away with. So we'd ride Colossus without the lap bars down and see who could hold on.

And I'd be like, that's fucking crazy. Like, it's like you are out of your mind. That's one of those moments where he's like, yeah, we used to do this. Like, that feels like, you know like in old movies where they're like, and now we're going to go up and race at Suicide Curve. That's our theme park version of Suicide Cove is not putting your belt on. There's videos of Tower of Terror with people not with the belt on. Oh, fuck.

And they're just kind of like they're going off the seat. There's a little air. They're hitting air. They're not hitting the ceiling? No, no. It wouldn't be that bad if you didn't have your... Well, that's the original commercials for Tower of Terror are people standing in an elevator,

and they're standing, and it drops. And I was like, God, I guess you could die if you go on this ride. We talked about this before. We were so committed. We loved these so much as kids. We bought the realities where it's like, okay, there is a chance

we could die, but it's really fun. I wasn't scared. I'd do any of this. I'd do any of them. Easy, Scott. Easy, cool guy, Scott. I never buckle up. Save it for your platoon of ex-girlfriends. One of the other things they've been doing

around the ride at Universal Hollywood, at least probably in Florida, too, is that they have this crazy raptor. Now, have you seen this? They have like a little raptor encounter. I haven't actually. And I think there's a person in the suit, but it's crazy looking. Like it really, if you like squinted, you'd be like there's a fucking raptor. And like everyone takes photos with them.

Then they have a handler much like Chris Pratt. I'm trying to think of his character's name though. Chris Pratt in Jurassic World. Someone help me out here. It's always neat. He's one of those, like, Jack arms. It's Owen. His name is Owen.

I know his first name, but I don't know his name. Owen Declan or something. Owen Sully. Jack Kuhlman. But there's a trainer who does, like, the hand and whatever and, like, trains the raptors. But it's very good. It's very effective. If I was a little kid, it hand and whatever and trains the raptor. But it's very good. It's very effective.

If I was a little kid, it would have scared the shit out of me. We're in the golden age of dinosaur puppets right now. It's amazing what they do. And that, I would love some version of that in the Hollywood, whatever, the park or part of the ride or I don't know. That would be really cool. The raptor is in Hollywood. This one is in Hollywood. They have it in Hollywood now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I haven't been in a little bit. the raptor is in Hollywood this one is in Hollywood they have it in Hollywood now yeah yeah yeah oh I haven't been in it in a little bit so yeah you should go down there right by Optimus Prime and Megatron there's a raptor

over on the lower lot those are great suits too those are very good suits yeah universal killing the suit game I want to see some minions walking around

I mean they're all minion sized oh minion sized no yeah I want them correct I want them like actually two feet tall. You want them grown in a lab. You want freaks of nature wandering the park.

I want them to be alive. I don't want them to be a puppet or a robot or a trick. I want little minions running around my legs. How about you get a bunch of dogs on their hind legs and you put the suits on them that way? That's their only choice to walk. They have to find their own equilibrium on their hind legs. I can't believe you would not

be impressed if there was minion-sized robots in the park. You just said you'd be scoffing at robots? I'd be impressed, but wouldn't it be better to know that they're alive and have to be fed bananas by the pound? And that they could

get sick, they could experience emotions, they can love. I want Universal to breed minions. We're talking about Jurassic Park and genetics. Let's make it happen. Play God, Universal. It's time.

The theme park game's getting competitive. And the only way for you to win is for you to breed real minions. I mean, we're all speechless after that. We all agree with it. We all had our hands on our hearts while Scott was making it. I stood up on the chair

with my fist facing God as I made this. I felt like Dr. Frankenstein. Make a minion, I say. Be inspired by John Hammond's example, Universal. And just remember, though, that life will find a way. And the minions will either kill us or start having more minions.

Just like this movie. Quarantine Universal Studios Hollywood because it has been overrun by minions and hope that nobody goes inside and finds the kingdom of the minions. Just some concession works go back and it's like,

where are all the goddamn bananas? I don't know. Then they get attacked by minions. There could be a crossover movie. Yeah,

a terrifying minion attack film in real life. Yeah. Yeah. I'd watch that. This is a universe, this is a multiverse that I can get behind.

They'd probably just tack it onto the Dark Universe at this point. They'll still do the Dark Universe, but it's Phantom of the Opera, the Mummy, and Minions

who are now scary. They aren't scary and despicable me, but in these, they're like, yeah, they're crazy, rabid creatures.

Why not? If we wait 10 years, we could live long enough to see Disney Universal, which will eventually become a super conglomerate, merge, and then see Porgs vs. Minions. No matter who wins, we lose.

Aliens vs. Predator rules. They fight each other and bite at each other with rabid fangs, and then maybe do they all, like, sort of get up on top of each other and form mega creatures, like form Ultron of... Absolutely. And there's some forgettable human characters called, like, Rylian Ace, and they're, like, XSAS.

Whatever you're just tossed on, XSAS, XCIA, to just give a character a shotgun. Whatever you have to do. I was going to say, give them guns. Blast some porgs away. Blast them away, like I wanted when I was a kid. Not with Star Wars space guns, but big, heavy artillery machine guns. And they're just like, porgs, minions,

they're all dead meat to me. Somebody taking a big bite out of a minion rib. Eating off a porg beak. Is that what they have? Yeah, they have beaks. Okay. And then just Gru crying. I'm sure they're just Gru.

Gru is old. Gru looks like Howard Hughes. He's got long hair and nails. He's on Octu with Luke Skywalker. Crew and Luke just crying on Octu. For what they have wrought on this world. Well, we probably should just leave all this out because these are very good ideas that we don't want other people to take. Yeah, let's send them to ourselves.

Yeah, put it with a sub-address sealed out below. Put this podcast in the mail with our names on it. We should probably start wrapping it up here. Let's talk changes. Let's talk keep it as is, plus it up, or burn it to the ground for insurance money. Any thoughts, anybody? I'm just

going to start to say this one, I want to keep it as is. Keep everything working like it is. I like that there's velociraptors in the park, and that's maybe the only plus of it, but here's my worry is that with Jurassic World, they're going to add a Jack Sparrow-like Chris Pratt character animatronic in the thing.

I don't want any of that because what this is doing right now, it makes me feel like I'm living in Jurassic Park. I get to actually, me as the guy goes to Hollywood and goes to the park and gets to experience it, watch it go wrong.

Right now, in my mind, it's like the perfect version of Ride the Movie. So I say leave it as is. Okay. Amen. I think I have just one change. I think it can stay as is all the way up until the end. But then right before the drop occurs, lovable Jurassic Park side character Mr. DNA appears in sort of a hologram visage and says, Did you know that Steven Spielberg, director of Jurassic Park, requested to get off at this very point? And there's nothing wrong with that.

There's no cowardice to be found in that. Spielberg is no coward. He bravely portrayed the realities of the Holocaust in his film Schindler's List. You'd never call him a coward. I say if you get off here, there's nothing wrong with that, Scott. And then a little red carpet step. He says Scott every time. Or do you give him a thing like the E.T. ride that says your name?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Skort. Mern. Lev. T-Ride that says your name. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Skort. Murd. Lev. And if your girlfriend doesn't think you're tough, well, you should find someone that likes you for you and not for your death-defying ride.

Somebody who likes you for your intellect, not your brawn or lack thereof. You're fine the way you are. Now get off this ride. Leave these people to go down their death trap. In fact, hydraulic fluid spilled at this very point in 1996. You have made the attraction three times as long with this speech. There's going to be a big backup, but I think the audience is really going to appreciate this point.

It's going to make a lot of kids feel better about themselves, especially ones named Scott. So let's add just that. Everything else could stay as is. I'll see Mr. DNA in there in the future. I'll say, yeah, keep it as is. Keep those dinosaurs running. You know, try to minimize the number of tarps. Keep that Jeep falling down running.

I say more tarps. What do you mean? Scott says more tarps. All right Jeep falling down running. I say more tarps. What do you mean? Love the tarps. Agree to disagree. And here, a note specifically for the Hollywood location. Put some more foliage on that parking garage. There's long stretches of that Hollywood one

where you can see, I guess it's the employee parking garage? The Frankenstein parking garage. Yeah, all right. Yeah, just get some more planting. Get some more stuff in there. You know, urban design is gravitating towards more built-in greenery and foliage anyway. So, yeah, go wild with it too.

Add some more universal is green or whatever that corporate initiative that I get a lot of mailings about because I live close to it. You're a universal good neighbor. I am a universal good neighbor. Get a free parking pass. So California constantly fighting drought. You want us to spend the money on all this water on the. Succulents and other cacti. I think cacti are water efficient.

Rock gardens. Put a bunch of stones along that parking garage. Rock gardens and children can throw the pebbles at riders. Anyway, keep it the same, but with some minor. Keep up that upkeep, folks. Okay. All right, here's mine. I want to plus up half of it.

The first part, I think, is great. I think you get the splendor of Jurassic Park. You get to see the dinosaurs, and you get that feeling that you see, that you feel in the first movie, when they first go onto that giant field. The second half, I think, is missing a human element. I understand

they're teasing the fact that tourists have been eaten, and you don't want to see maybe a dead child hanging out in a I get that. But, I want workers. I want worker robots. Like, if this were real disaster, there would be people, like, rushing in to be like,

hey, try to get out of here or don't do this. So I feel like when you're going up that hill, let's get some robots, and let's get them eaten by dinosaurs in front of us. I want to see a man get pulled up into the rafters. He'd be like, hey, everything's going to be all right, kids. Don't worry about this. Ah, like a robot dinosaur takes him up into the rafters. Like that stuff, I think that's the only thing missing from the ride.

This is a very, by the way, this is totally sincere on my part. I want to see, like I want to see. If they added that, that'd be huge. I think it would be a great little addition and make the thing even scarier. Because you're missing any other human beings. I understand they're trying to, like, they can't do something grisly. You know what I'm going to tell you?

There was a, that was in the plans, apparently. I was looking it up, and there was going to be a part where a real human actor came out, and we would have had to do this all day. And then like a raptor puppet or something, probably something that's in there now today was going to yank him backwards. And they were going to try to play it really real, almost

as if this is a Universal Studios employee saying, something is wrong, we've got to get you out of here. Oh, like the trick they do at the Mummy in Florida. It's a fake loading. I think that was the precedent for what they ended up doing there. So they had this thought and just didn't commit to it.

Makes sense. Long time rumors that there would be like a Jeep, a Jeep attraction next to this in Florida. That they had the room they were going to build a Jeep attraction,

which Matt, you mentioned earlier, it's like, yeah, that seems like something they would do. And then I think they eventually used the space for a Kong, Raid of Kong, Skull Island, whatever it's called. yeah, that seems like something they would do. And then I think they eventually used the space for a Kong,

Raid of Kong, Skull Island, whatever it's called. One quick thing we're talking about in terms of kicking up the second half, there is the one thing that, the one weak part of the ride is the rafter that opens down and the little rafter that just, like, slides out. It's very comical. Somebody told me today when I was talking about coming on here that

during Halloween Horror Nights, it's a very fun ride because it's not meant for night riding, so it's very dark. Yeah, they turn off a lot of the interior lights. And also when the raptors come out, they play Welcome to the Jungle. So I despise the idea of Halloween Horror Nights, but now I want to go just for that.

Yeah, yeah. I think that, yeah, because when they would play the Red-Eyed Chili Peppers on Space Mountain, I think once, yeah, because when they would play the Red Hot Chili Peppers on Space Mountain, I think once in a while playing a dumb, inappropriate song on a ride is fun and a bizarre experience.

Yeah. So I am all for that. Yeah, clashy, but interesting, but fun. All right, so we're, I mean, we're mainly,

there's little fun pluses, but otherwise, this is a fantastic ride, and Matt, you are a fantastic guest. Thank you for being. You've survived podcast the ride. Oh, I'm all wet.

My phone is ruined. But it was worth it. Matt, anything you'd like to plug or alert the audience to? Where can they find you and your future works and endeavors? I'm doing all my stuff, but I'll use this time to say, if you think people in your government are jerks just call your reps, they have phone numbers, you can call them you can be jerks to them, you can ask them questions

that's your right as a citizen theme park fans traditionally are pretty right wing though, so you're not going to find a plug I don't care what your politics are it does not matter to me, as long as you're calling and telling people they need to know that they're being watched that tax plan is going to screw everyone.

Here's what I'll say. Bring back the guillotine. I have calculated how much money we all get if the top thousand rich people died in this country. We all get about $80,000, so it's not bad. Hey, how about that? So if John Hammond had been killed by a pack of little pygmies, that would have freed up a lot of dough for all of us. John Hammond would have been one of the ones up against the wall when the revolution comes. Down with Hammond.

Can you believe Trump appointed an InGen representative to regulate InGen? The Dinosaur Containment Bureau? Trump, Ike, Marvel CEO Ike Perlmutter, and John Hammond, InGen CEO on the board. Well, hey, thanks for listening, everybody. Follow us at Podcast The Ride on Twitter. Follow us on Instagram. We've been posting there a little bit at Podcast The Ride. Podcast The Ride at gmail.com with your questions and comments.

We'd love to do a mailbag episode coming up because that's less work for us. It sure is. Hell, yeah. We'll take 20 minutes per question. Yeah. All right. Well, hey, everybody, thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye.

Bye.