Podcast: The Ride - Knott's Berry Farm with Ryan Perez

Episode Date: December 1, 2017

Put on your Vote Nixon button and grab some boysenberries, we're talking Knott's Berry Farm with guest Ryan Perez (SNL, Lords of Synth). Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Feral Audio the Ride. Hello and welcome to Podcast the Ride, the podcast about theme parks hosted by three men who once counted audio animatronics as their only friends. Joining me today is Jason Sheridan. Hi. And the great Mike Carlson. Oh, great. Wow. He arbitrarily gave you a great and not Jason. That's nice.

I thought they did make me feel really good. And as always, the greats. That was nice. I thought they did make me feel really good. I'll say. And as all the greats, that was the Larry King movie on my part. You can call anyone great, like great Joey Buttafuoco.

It would be anyone he was talking to. The great Will. I am. The one and only Pol Pot is here. He was being nice. We'll trade it out.

I'll call you great next time, and I'll call Carlson Dirt. Hey, we're a part I'll call you great next time, and I'll call Carlson dirt. Hey, we're a part of Feral Audio, home to Doughboys, Beyond Yacht Rock, and many other great podcasts. Check out Feral Audio at feralaudio.com. How's everybody doing, guys? What's going on?

Good. I don't know. Everything's fine. No recent developments? Anybody's dying to get off their chests in the world of theme parks or otherwise? No. I mean, I just ate a big tuna sandwich and it's sitting weird with me, but other than that, everything's fine.

You've got a real rollercoaster ride in your stomach. Yeah, it was like a big bread bowl, basically, and then there was tuna in it, but it was called a sandwich, but it was weird, and I ate all of the bread. I ate every single piece of bread, and it's bad right now. It was good bread. It was good Italian bread. Oh, we all ate of bread and it's bad right now. It was good bread.

It was good Italian bread. Oh, we all ate. I was pretending we didn't eat. I was keeping that secret. No, but we all just ate together. That's true. And well, we don't want to sell out the restaurant, but start poking around the Burbank area.

If you're in the Burbank area, see if you can guess what was the place. I had a thing I wanted to address real quick because I don't, I'm not 100% sure when this episode, when you will be listening to this episode, listeners. As we recorded, it's early October. It's the start of the Halloween season. And I feel like we should mention a lot of theme parks go all out with the haunts, you know, Halloween Horror Nights at Universal, not Scary Farm. We are three men who do not like to be scared.

Right? Yeah, we don't do the haunts, do we? We're not haunt people. We don't haunt the haunts. I think this might be true of our guest as well, if I know him. Our guest is... He doesn't like a good spook.

Our guest is Ryan Perez. He's a great writer and actor. The great Ryan Perez. He's great. writer and actor. The great Ryan Perez. He's great. Let me ask, do you like to be spooked, Ryan? This is a very odd way to... We didn't really build you up. We gave you no credits.

Who is this guy? Yes, that immediately I'm a pussy before anything. First you know him as a pussy before anything. First, you know I'm as a pussy. No other achievements. Do I like the spooks or not? I don't really love these, what are they, Not Scary Farm, Halloween Horror Night kind of things. Like teens jumping out at you to be, yeah. No, I've only been to one, which was the Queen Mary.

I think they still do it they would retrofit their boat to be a haunted boat and then on the grounds of the queen mary they would have various horror mazes and things and i found the whole thing very stressful it's not a it's very cheap it's a very cheap thrill i don't care for it anybody can jump out of a out from behind a thing and scare you that's not it is pretty true and hiring a teenager uh at minimum wage is probably literally cheaper than building a animatronic or uh some kind of uh machine to blast smoke or fog at you or uh and people people the thing that's weird to me is that people love it. It's beloved. This is the most popular time

for all of these things is people go there just to get a teenager to jump at them. But they also want to be part of the twisted mazes. Sure. Going to the world

of Guillermo del Toro. It does seem like those Universal Studios, I don't go to them really, but they are supposedly good experiences for horror film nerds. I don't think it's like, they aren't like chintzy, sellout-y experiences.

Yeah, they make a good set. They make the set look very authentic to whatever the IP is. They have a shining maze this year that looks great. Well, that's an interesting idea. I think they should do a mother,

a Darren Aronofsky's mother horror house where the whole thing is a metaphor for the destruction of our planet. Is that what it is? And the patriarchy's

religious control. Scarier than any scaracter. We live in a constant horror maze. We live in a horror maze. It's a horror maze about me and how I use my girlfriends. And throw them away after they've become, they've given me all the artistic validation I need. Is it a very personal statement on Mr. Aronofsky's part?

It's the darkest part of his psyche? I mean, it's a very personal, I mean, this movie, we could talk, I should just have a podcast just talking about Mother. I think I could probably, I'll talk. I should just have a podcast just talking about Mother. I think I could probably. I'll talk to these Feral Audio guys after that and see if after the show that, yeah, if I can have just one podcast. It's called Exclaiming About Mother.

Yes. Every week, have a different person talking about Mother. Yeah, Mother has many different kinds of themes in it, an environmentalist theme, a sort of religious allegory, and a statement about artistic inspiration. And they're all pretentious, all three of them. One mild theme. Universal this year also has one maze called The Horrors of Blumhouse,

which is the production company that makes horror movies. So it's got to make a move. So like their company is a codified Pixar. It is a thing, yeah. Interesting. So you get a little of the purge, you get a little sinister,

and a little bit of Happy Death Day. The upcoming Happy Death Day. Oh, so it's a tease for the movie Happy Death Day. But no get out. That's their big hit. I don't think they could do a get out. A little touchy.

It's a bit. Oh, I want a sunken place ride. That would be great. Jordan Peele went in and pitched the ride, and then somebody clinked on a glass, and his ideas were not even. I guess they'll be an all right now. Never mind, it was a dumb idea

there is an actual discussion on the Horror Nights Twitter account of someone going why didn't you make a get out house and did they respond to that?

they did one of the Universal Creative people were like I need you alright I'm gonna try to be very nice about this I need you to think about

what that movie was about and then think about why we didn't do that, that we couldn't do a house being thought of. Who was the person responding? This doesn't sound like the official PR account of Universal Studios. It was one of the creative people. Like, I don't know who exactly,

but they were just like, we could not, the movie is a Rachel. We can't do that. We can't. We're glad you enjoyed the movie, but we could not make a Haunted House. It would be very inappropriate. Well, can we send the Get Out gang on a new

adventure where they're running away from more conventional villains like skeletons and goblins? Get Out meets Freddy. This time goblins were trying to sell me as a modern slave. Let me ask this. Are all the mazes in one Blum house? Is there a Blum house?

I don't know the answer to that. Okay. Probably not. The Blum house is not a real house, is I guess what I'm asking. I hope it's like, because at the Disney Studios in Florida, you can go into a recreation of the Pixar campus. It looks like the Emeryville campus of Pixar. So if they made it look like whatever the production bungalow is of Blumhouse, honoring the famous Blumhouse headquarters. Just like a harried intern answering

phones. Palates of Diet Coke everywhere. Are you here for the haunting? Okay. Well, just have a seat. You get to take a general at Blumhouse. The scary thing. And then they tell you they'll call you and they don't. The real world is full of horrors.

Blumhouse doesn't like your pitch. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. The on-tap cold brew machine is not working today. I'm sorry. Well, Mike, you had some business about the horrors of... That was a good Byron Allen transition. So, Mike, I understand you've got some complaints about what you've heard. the horrors of... That was a good Byron Allen transition.

So, Mike, I understand you've got some complaints about what you've heard of people lately. So your father used to give you a whoopin', right? No, it was the one where he was like, so, John, I understand you're getting older. He said that to, like, John Lovitz, I think. You have some observations about the difference between men and women

for anyone who doesn't know there's a show called Comics Unleashed it's hosted by a man named Byron Allen and it's just he ends up doing their material

and that's the way he transitions if you like your comics leashed do not tune in Comics Unleashed also you'll just be watching it

like I was watching it the other night and like Robert Schimmel like a dead comics will just show up on it there'll be four dead comedians Also, you'll just be watching it like I was watching it the other night, and Robert Schimmel, a dead comics, will just show up on it. There'll be four dead comedians. He's like, these guys haven't been great in a while, though. Mitch Hedberg, you have a story about coupons.

Is that correct? Penny Youngman. I guess he's alive. I thought he was dead. You had a soft shoe to do. Is that correct? Hey, Mort Sahl, what's in the newspaper today? All right.

Anyway, enough about Byron Allen. So, yeah. So my buddy and I were at California Venture, and we're at the line. So Cars Land is a land dedicated to the successful franchise of cars, where the cars talk, in case you have not seen these. It's Mater and Lightning McQueen and kids like it. We all probably agree we like Cars Land better than we like the movies. Cars Land is wonderful. The movies are fine. So in line for the big ride called Radiator Springs Racer, they play old timey music, rock and roll country stuff,

and it's not like new old stuff. It's really old stuff. Yeah, it sounds like a little box. Everyone's in a little box. The recordings are all bad. And the one song, which I've heard before in pieces, we were sitting there, and we heard it, and we were singing the chorus of it, and then we looked, and we found the one song which I've heard before in pieces, we were sitting there and we heard it. And we were singing the chorus of it.

And then we looked and we found the whole song. And it's a song by Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys. And it's called Roly Poly. And I'll play here. You can hear it sounds old. And it's, I can't believe this was... I think this was like a popular song. I think it's a banger.

Alright, so here. After the piano comes up, they'll start singing. Oh wait, there's a whole intro. Oh god. Now we're all up and dancing. We can't focus on some point you got. Oh, no, the fiddle's coming in.

I really planned poorly for this. There's too much fiddle. Now a trash can full of stones they're going to rotate. All right, here we go. Roly-poly eating corn and tater. Hungry every minute of the day. Roly-poly gnawing on a biscuit. Long as he can chew it, it's okay.

He can eat an apple pie and never even bat an eye. He likes everything from soup to hay. Roly-poly, daddy's a little fatty. Bet he's gonna be a man someday. All right, so that should give you an idea of what the song is. The song, as best I can tell, is about a man admiring his chubby son. And the chorus is, roly-poly, daddy's a little fatty. Betty's gonna be a man someday.

And it's just like talking about how much his son is eating while he's doing chores on a farm gnawing on a biscuit hungry every minute roly uh he can eat an apple pie and never bat an eye and then the second verse is like scrambled eggs for breakfast bread and jelly 20 times a day. I mean, it's weird. I mean, it's a man who wrote like a pop song about his son overeating. But it's not a fat shaming song. No, he's admiring it. Yeah, yeah. I think without this song, without Mike Huckabee's father writing him this song, he wouldn't have achieved the success that he has in life.

That wouldn't be a shock. If it was like, oh, did you know that was written by Mike Huckabee? I'd be like, oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Okay. And then Huckabee got to sing it to his two large sons. Yeah. He got to sing it to his big boys.

He got to clang it on the bass. On Fox and Friends or whatever the hell show he plays bass on. I learned to jam. I jammed on. Oh, he plays on Huckabee. Cheap trick. Oh, my. Oh, yeah.

Don't yank that cord out. I had it muted. I forgot. Oh, it's the Bob Willis and the Playboys estate. They're shutting us down. When somebody plays

one of my songs, a little fat angel gets his wings. Good luck carrying little fatty around. Those wings are going to work overtime. I don't think I'd ever heard Daddy's Little Fatty in a pop culture reference. There's like one Adventure Time or something.

I think Ice King calls one of the penguins Daddy's Little Fatty at one point. I don't know if that's an expression. To hear that. We were listening to it because most of the songs are just about, most of those songs in the line are just either about like rock and rolling or driving a car. And then there's this one where we were like, what the hell is this? Is it mostly country music in Cars Land or is it?

Outside in Cars Land, I think it's more rock and roll, 50s rock and roll. And then when you're in the line for Radiator Springs, it's more like country, old-time country, or like standard-type music. I think it goes a little bit even, it's like older music in line for Radiator Springs. But it's very specifically chosen, and they really went out their way

to... Yeah, so I guess really pay attention, because there might be some other weird songs, weird old-timey songs that are playing in that line. Women should stay in their place. They're like, all right, get on the car, get on the ride. And you're like, wait, what was that? No, no, no.

Don't worry about that. You don't have enough time to register. Sending a subliminal message from the 40s to get me to re-adhere to traditional values. Hey, well, from one song, one cool jam to another, I'm going to transition us into today's topic with a spirited song. Take you back to 1986.

And here we go. Hey, all the guests are very happy cause our Friday show is all the time. go can I leave? Can I do it? I have to go out for the discussion. The door is locked from the outside. Oh, God.

And the man who's easily frightened, who wanted to talk about the place from which that song came, there's a YouTube channel. You can find several employee morale building music videos such as that's my favorite we love the farm there's also a

what I like about knots so check those out anyway hey today we're loving the farm here with Ryan Perez who you

now you have some particular childhood affection right around you were probably going there. It just went away. It all went away. You love it. I take it back. You might have been you could be potentially

in this video somewhere. You could have been at the park and unaware. That's true. 1986. You might be on the merry-go-round I'm looking at right now. You're on an ostrich going by. Yeah, so you grew up in Orange County in Laguna Niguel? Yes, yeah. So you're near Disneyland, but also very near Knott's Berry Farm.

Yeah, what's your relationship with Knott's? Well, Knott's I've always liked because it's kind of number two. I guess it might be number three, actually, I think, probably universal in Southern California. Actually, because Magic Mountain, I think, is also more. So Knott's is coming in at four. Actually, Knott's might be the worst park in the country with the exception of like Action Park or whatever in New Jersey. The tour people's city camps open. Attraction Park, yeah.

But it has like such a huge, I'm just so, in my heart, it's number one. I really like Knott's and really all these Southern California parks have to do with my parents. And my mom, in particular, lived out here. She's originally from South Carolina, but moved out here in 10 and lived in Anaheim. of Disneyland as a young woman and going there when you didn't have to pay and you would buy tickets to individual rides and everything. So she has those memories. Her and my dad would go see bands at Disneyland. This is like in an era when jazz bands and big band Count Basie

and Woody Herman and these kinds of... Duke Ellington would play there. Yeah, they got really legitimate credits. Yeah. And there was no admission. I didn't think about that. So they used it just as a bandstand. Yeah, at the Carnation Plaza.

And so, so much of growing up, these are the kind of stories that I would hear about. Like, yeah, Disneyland used to be, you would just go there and dance. You know, it was not like a... You can still actually, there's a place for it still. There's a tiny place where like old people go and some young people to swing dance at Disneyland at night. Yeah, they tried to move it to downtown Disney.

And I think it happens there sometimes too, but then they eventually brought it back to the park. Yeah, there's a little area. There's a little area out of the way where they let you swing dance. Anyway, sorry. And yeah, that's, I mean, it's still, I guess it's still sort of in the heritage of the park. And then my mom was also a, she was a hostess at a restaurant called Shea Carey, which used to be in Orange, or in Santa Ana. And it was sort of one of Southern, really one of Orange County's like only five-star restaurants, a very high-quality restaurant. And there was a lot of celebrities that would come in, John Wayne and Lucille Ball, and Walter Knott would come in as well. And so she sort of had that

time waiting on Walter Knott. And then of all places in the world, when my parents got married in 1970, they got married at the Church of Reflections at Knott's Berry Farm, which is a little chapel that sits inside of the park. And if you go there, it's still there. People still get married there to this day. But the park was very different back then. It was sort of like in the four wedding photos that my parents have. One of them is them in the Church of Reflections getting married, and then one of them is feeding chickens.

It was like, oh, well, it's a fun place to get married. You go to the chapel, and then you feed the chickens, and then we'll go home. It was that kind of situation. I don't even know if they had rides. I think they probably had a ride or two. They were maybe starting to around then. But they also, yeah, they didn't have an admission for a very long time. And, yeah, it sort of came out of this tradition of, like,

it was like a roadside stop. It really started as a farm. Then they added this restaurant and started adding this, like, Old West Calico ghost town kind of stuff just to give people something to do while they waited for the endless lot like because the this chicken dinner restaurant the line would build up for three four hours and well let's give people something to do and it so it really like very organically became a theme park and not really a premeditated right and it still shows to this day that it's sort of this weird mishmash of like,

then this grew, and then we did this and this, and it's sort of all over the place, but it still has all this old stuff. So it's a very interesting time capsule. Yeah, the old West vibe is still very much there, and back when I was going to it, mostly in the early 90s as a whatever middle school kid or whatever, we would take a middle school school trip and that would be the graduation trip and also knots had like a crazy deal in maybe 1994 or 95 where it was like 15 a person after three or four p.m so like during the summer we would go multiple times my family would go multiple times and so much more so than disneyland that was the place to go and then

also it wasn't a particularly popular park so you could just get on the log ride or whatever and ride it over and over and over again and i mean there were just no lines for anything and so in a way it was it felt like having your own little park or whatever at certain times a day you would go there like a late August day and have the park to yourself almost. It's still pretty affordable compared to other... I think the tickets vary

price-wise by season, but if we went down tomorrow, I think it's like $45 to get it. And it's one of those where, like, give us $80, you can come in whenever you want for a year. Oh, yeah. Like, whatever you want yeah like because it's they want they want there yeah which and which i think is nice it is an unfortunate thing about disneyland that it's getting more and more and more expensive and now there's add-ons to get you like more better access to the rides it really is

becoming you know yeah you it's so insane for a giant family to go to Disneyland. So for there to be like a fun local place that is not bank breaking, I think is cool. And it's unique in the history of theme parks in that like both Disney and Universal were made by movie companies. You know, made by movie companies featuring their properties. And this, like you said, Scott, was a roadside attraction that just grew and grew and kind of evolved into a park. And has never really retained any kind of property other than Peanuts, which it has that association with. That, I think, is because of Cedar. It's owned by the Cedar Fair Company now, which runs Cedar Fair and in Pennsylvania, Dorney Park and a bunch of other parks around the country. And I think a lot of those parks have the Peanuts characters.

But I think Peanuts was first. I think they now have spread under that general license. The Peanuts also, it was Camp Snoopy is the Peanuts area. And it used to be Camp Snoopy in the middle of the Mall of America as well. I'm not sure how affiliated those things were, but two big, two camp Snoopy locations in odd places. I have been, I mean, we went, Scott, Ryan, and we were there once, and we saw... Oh, this is the last time I was there.

This is about three years ago. Okay, because there was an ice show. It was a Peanuts ice show. Snoopy on ice? Yes, Snoopy on ice. And one of my greatest memories is Snoopy at the very end dancing to Opa Gangnam Style. That's like my platonic ideal for entertainment.

Yeah. This was very disappointing because I had never seen Snoopy on Ice and I thought, oh, it'll be a, you'll go see Snoopy on Ice and it'll be Vince Giraldi music and it'll sort of have the, it'll be like an ice show

that has the sweet feeling of a Peanuts Christmas special. And it was the most obnoxious thing I've ever seen in my life. There was, I believe, one of the routines was set to the Sugar Ray cover of Abracadabra. And then there was, like, maybe a Weird Al song, or, like, was Eat It in there or something? Or there was, like, food. There was a whole kitchen section. But it was just, like, humans. Snoopy was the only one who was a character.

He was the only one on ice. Just local talented ice dancers. And, like, we were sitting in the front row, and we were getting hit by, like, just the spray, the ice spray in the face. Did you ever go to a park that had Star Trek on ice? What? That was in... What the hell? King's Dominion, another Cedar Fair owned park now, was one of the Paramount

branded parks in the 90s, and a lot of these regional parks, for whatever reason, yeah, they tend to have ice shows, I guess because they're cheaper than stunt shows to make. You just need some ice skaters. What was the narrative of that? I cannot remember, but there was definitely...

Oh, they're on an ice planet. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. I'm going to guess. I think they played this music. They played this Star Trek music, like you would think, like you thought with the Vince Guaraldi music would play with Snoopy. This was like the next generation. Next Generation was on at the time.

Oh, there's probably a video of this. We got to do a whole thing on this. What were the characters? Were the characters like Picard? Was Picard on ice? I think it was like generic crew members. And then maybe some Klingons. I think there were two Klingons.

Klingons ice skating? I don't think I'm making this up. We'll come back to this. We'll come back to this. Klingons ice skating? Ice skating. Ice. Wow. I don't think I'm making this up. We'll come back to this. We'll come back to this. That's what people outside the thing said when they looked at the marquee. Klingons ice skating? Now this I gotta see.

Yeah. God, that does sound really awful and great. Yeah. The other thing that Knott's has right now that's like an IP is Elvira is doing a Halloween show. I saw that. She's been doing it for many years. Her last year, I believe. Little kids out there.

Is this the last year? I think maybe. We know you love Elvira. You're clamoring for more Elvira. Every, I don't know, my little niece, 10 years old, she says, I want Elvira. Where do we go to see Elvira? I go, there's a place. That's very farm.

Where do we see her do what Elvira does? You know, Elvira's act. Yes, it's like an old cabaret act, essentially. I don't know, I haven't seen Elvira in a long time. Is that what it is? She tells jokes, I think. I think it's like the Bill and Ted Halloween special, the thing they did at Universal. Or they still do it in Florida, is that right?

This is the last year of the one in Florida. Oh man, all these special Halloween shows are ending. Wait a minute, it can't be the real actress that plays Elvira. It is. It is. Yes. So she does shows? Yes, she does like five shows in a week. She like lives in Buena Park for the Halloween season. It's like a

cabaret residency. It's interesting at Halloween that there's an exclusive place you can see Elvira. I like it. All kidding aside about Elvira, it's pretty cool that Elvira's down in Buena Park for a month. That's great that she just has a residency for the month. That's terrific. Now that you know it's not a regional Elvira.

It's a weird knockoff Elvira. On all the cedar points, there's a different young girl playing Elvira. No, that wouldn't be fun. Yeah, yeah. Real deal. You would see right through that.

The real cleavage. Isn't that the thing? I don't know anything about Elvira. That seems to be a big... Elvira was... That was her thing. She was sexy. She was sort of a sexy vampire.

I think Vampyra sued her. Yeah, yeah. She stole Vampyra's gimmick, supposedly. Was she the Groundlings character? Yeah, she is. Because Vampyra's gimmick, supposedly. She's a Groundlings character? Yeah, she is. Because she's in, the actress is in, what's her name? Cassandra Peterson, I believe. She's in Pee-wee's Big Adventure.

That's right. And there's a moment, my memory of Elvira, I might be wrong about this, but it was like, as a little kid staying up to watch Saturdayurday night live sometimes it would be my two memories was it would be like uh preempted because of wrestling which was a bummer which because i was not a wrestling watcher and uh it also preempted because elvira would sometimes come on i feel like you'd be like what's elvira doing i saw i think up until a couple years ago she had a show still at like on NBC or whatever channel. And it would just be like Mystery Science Theater, but maybe a tenth of the jokes.

And I literally mean to say, it would be like play a minute of the movie, and it would be like a wolfman, and a little circle would appear, and Elvira, and she'd be like, this looks like my last ex-boyfriend. And then the circle would close, and then it would be a minute and then another minute and then she would come back in with another joke. Oh, she would host a movie. She would host basically like a bad movie.

Like a Goularty or a Joe Bob Briggs. Yeah, so it was the same kind of horror movie host gimmick. But it seemed like there was, they just probably

had like 30 of them and they would just put these in different movies and they were the most generic. Because she was literally like my ex-boyfriend, huh? And rolled her eyes. And it could be any weird-looking thing or guy. I don't know that that's true, but it felt like it. It felt like they were so not specific to whatever I was watching.

The production value sure is hokey of what's going on behind the scenes. Yeah, whoa. Generic comments to comment on an old movie. That's like a reverse dream on that's like if you put dream on in a thing that made it go backward it would be watching an old movie

with contemporary comments that don't apply to it necessarily I figured it out what channel was Dream On on was HBO Dream On yeah that was HBO

so this would be on I don't think I ever saw it OBH oh you gotta watch a Dream On that's one Dream On is one of those HBO shows

that like HBO Go or now has disavowed like I don't think it's out what was it I don't think

it's in the collection of old shows that you can pull up on HBO but I mean what happened like I thought I don't think it's in the collection of old shows that you can pull up on HBO. But I mean, what happened? I thought I knew what it was, but I can't picture it now. Oh, Dream On was about a guy who, hell, it was Brian Ben Ben was the guy. And the idea was that as a kid, he'd watched all this old television.

And so as he's going through his daily life dating and troubles at work or whatever it would cut to uh clips from old tv shows to punctuate what was going on so he's in bed with a woman and he's having a hard time getting the bra off or whatever and then it would cut to an old movie where a guy's trying to diffuse a bomb or something and and that was how the show worked wow would it be a rights issue oh probably that's true yeah yeah that's true maybe yeah do they have like their old horny shows and stuff like the real sex they have all those or whatever like the i think they have like one or two real sexes but not the entire collection of real sex so maybe a rights issue

that's true real sex is so funny because it was like real sex 57 as let's just make it a series why are we why are we doing real sex one million bajillion gajillion yeah like key three number yeah like chicago albums um numerals i i'm gonna i'm jumping around in order of things a little bit here but but this kind of dovetails into, I found a YouTube oddity of a weird cable show that seemed to be a cable show that was on, but it could have been like a presentation and there were just clips from it. It was just cut up into parts, but there was a show called Dinosaurs that was hosted by Gary Owen from Laugh-In. Is that right? That's who Gary Owen is? But it could be a announcer voice. He was the announcer from Laugh-In. Is that right?

That's who Gary Owen is? Yeah. Yeah, announcer voice. He was the announcer of Laugh-In. Yeah, yeah. But there was a show about dinosaurs where they explored the modern fascination with dinosaurs and went to weird road stop places that have dinosaurs, like the place on the way to Palm Springs.

And there was a... So I found a clip of Gary Owen and the other host going on this ride, Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, which is a dark ride, a sadly departed dark ride that Knott's Berry Farm used to have. And you can watch it. It's not an edited segment of him on the ride. It is just raw footage pointed at the host,

and you don't really see what's around him too much. And you can hear the director in the other car giving ideas of lines and things for him to say. So you'll hear some mumbled thing, and then Gary Owen will repeat it back, such as they pass by a big lava flow, something that looks real hot. And Gary Owen says, I'll have my filet medium rare please. That's a line. And then later they pass by

a particular animal, and Gary Owen says, I'll look at a saber-toothed executive. This sounds like whatever director was feeding him lines, this sounds like Scott Gairdner's dream job. Sounds like everything, you're mentioning this

because you want to see if there's a contemporary example of this. If any aspiring sizzle reel creators out there are. There's an 80-year-old announcer that you can feed lines to. Like, oh, looks like my mother-in-law. Wait, yeah, lines about theme parks uh through a voice that i can do very readily i am i rode kingdom of the dinosaurs uh a bunch because it was one of those rides with no line if you went in the to the park

in like 1994 no line and i had my little sister carly, at the time she was four or five years old, loved dinosaurs. And so we would jump on that ride. And it was a good ride. Can I ask, was it a slow moving ride? Yes. Someone who grew up in Orange County and used to go to Knott's a lot told me once that there is a ride at Knott's that teenagers would go on to make out, like a tunnel of love kind of ride. And I think it might be the dinosaurs ride because it was dark and slow.

Does that sound right? I've heard about teenagers making out before. That's interesting. I don't know about this. I don't know about teenagers making out. But it was definitely slow enough. Okay. Every ride at Knott's Berry Farm is slow.

The Calico Mountain thing is slow. The log ride is slow. I can't think of one that's not slow. The train, the wagon. The train, which, by the way, gets robbed. Have you been on the train during a robbery? You know, I haven't, actually. I forgot that they did that.

Oh, it's great. It's one of the great... I think it's... This is in many ways, I think the train at Knott's is better than the train at Disneyland. There's a robbery. There's a robbery. They should brand it to be like a assassination of

Jesse James by the Cowboys on a Ford ride. I saw a video of that, too, that had a great theme park joke where one of the guysboys is pointing out people on the ride. Like, yeah, I know all these people. There's Billy Sue, there's Billy Joe, and there's Billy Goat. Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to.

Good, clean fun. I like jokes like this. I feel like everyone laughed a little earnestly at that, right? Yeah. Good for that cowboy. There's a lot, like with Knott's, it does feel like, because they do like a whole old West Town,

and there's a lot even more like characters, people in character, people that'll, you'll talk to the sheriff in front of the jail, or you'll talk, there'll be a guy in a rocking chair that'll razz you as you walk by. There's a little more interactivity than there is at disney i feel like one of the great knots

attractions is and i believe it's still there but this was this was a family tradition growing up is there is a jail cell with a wooden carved character in it who's called sad-eyed joe and you can go up to the my parents knew the trick where you can go up and talk to the guy that does the voice beforehand and give him information. And so we went, I remember one time going with my little sister and my mom goes back there and gives him information. And then through the little thing, he says, hey, how you doing, Carly? How's your brother Ryan? And how's first grade? And I heard that you're here for da-da-da-da.

And it blows the kid's mind because Sad-Eyed Joe knows everything about the kid. That's one of the great... I mean, imagine being a little kid and that happens. It's terrific. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to put it together. That's really magical. Like a Santa Claus type experience. How did they know?

That's pretty neat. There's a wooden character who is no longer at Knott's that I found in one of those, if you go to Barnes & Noble, there's like a sepia-tinted book that tells you about the history of a local area. The historic images of the world of America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I found

one for Knott's Berry Farm, and they had a local character who I can only assume they have retired, who is Wing Lee, the Chinese laundry man. Oh no! Oh no! He had a sign on his laundry display that says

no ticky no shirty. Oh jeez. I thought the phrase was no ticky no laundry. That's the phrase I've heard. This was ticky and shirty with double E's. So bad on you for that one, Knott's. Although I have also seen some touting of the fact that they do acknowledge the role of Chinese Americans in building the railroad. Like there are Chinese robots on those rides on the mine.

On the mine. I guess that's good. I saw a site that claimed that that was good. So I will go along with that and say that it's good. There is also, Knott's is also home to dioramas, right? Of all the missions in California. Am I imagining? Oh, is that still there? I can't remember that.

I feel like I heard they started putting those back in. Full disclosure, I have never been to Knott's Berry Farm. Oh, my God. I want to go down there. And this is all just making me even more excited to see all this. You would really love it. You'll never come back. Well, I love chicken dinners.

Knott's also where they originally grew boysenberries they're famous for that we should talk about the man who started it all yeah

the man the myth the legend well Knott your mom's friend funny did you get anything out of

like what's do we know about the guy oh no they came in to the restaurant with his wife and they were all very courteous

Cordelia Cordelia the lovely Cordelia, I believe. Cordelia. The lovely Cordelia. Who cooked all the chicken dinners herself. She really is to blame. Or to blame. She's really.

That's not the right word. She should get the credit for the positive word for kicking off the whole thing. Because really, though they had a successful farm, it was the chicken dinners that caused this influx of people to come in and ultimately grew the place into a theme park. And she still, like, through the 70s, if you went and got a boysenberry pie there, it was very possible that Mrs. Knott made it herself. Wow.

That would be amazing to get a Mrs. one that she touched with her hands. Mrs. Knott touched this pie. Hopefully she signed it in some way. If she could kind of autograph the crust. She had a signature way that she would decorate the crust, perhaps. Mrs. K.

So I didn't know this, but Walter Knott teamed up early on in his farming career with Rudolph Boysen, and they created the Boysenberry. Oh, boy. That wasn't a thing that existed. I heard this other version of it that's kind of clunkier and more confusing where he knew of this guy, Rudolph Boysen, who was the head of parks in Anaheim

and said, I heard you tried to make a berry and it didn't really work out for you. And he said, oh, I just got a couple of vines of it left. Here, you take them. See if you have any luck. And then it flourished for some reason at knots, which that seems like I'm worried that that's a cover for like he stole the berry. Yeah, that seems like he stole the berry. If that's where did you I mean, mine is just some Wikipedia.

Mine is probably a website that got it from Wikipedia. Sure. We're all just using the same barely sourced material. You guys need to go like talk to the farmers you need to get out there in the field and get actual definitive berry theft who made the yeah expose let me throw another one in too which is that it's possible that boysen originally got it from a guy named john lubin and that he called them lubin berries and that and whatever set maybe this was just a chain of lies on Wikipedia

or wherever I saw it, but that Lubin might've taken it from Luther Burbank, who is the person who founded the very city we're in right now. So there's a lot of weird stuff going on with the history of the boysenberry. Oh my Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Not clear. Not clear.

I like this kind of old timey fight though. Like I, you know, if we were all fighting one day about, like, no, it's the Carlson Berry. No, Jason stole the Carlson Berry from him. You'll never prove that, old boy. The Sheridan Berry. It just sounds better to the ear. Are we giving the public what they want? Nobody would buy a Carlson berry.

Barf. Shared. We should all wish that we could be so successful to have a berry named after us. And to have a tangible skill such as cross-breeding berries. How do you do that to begin with? That's a very good question. Yeah. I don't know.

It's like when you go to wineries and they start explaining how they make the wine and you get bored immediately and just want the wine samples. Yeah. Coppola does it. He's out there. Does he explain it to you? I'm making grapes. I got the best grapes. Sophia, come try these grapes.

I don't want to direct movies anymore? No. I just want to play with grapes. I was thinking about putting a red grape and a white grape together. Came out gray. Who would have thought? Anyway. Walter Knott, famously friends with Walt Disney, would visit each other's parks and steal each other's ideas, I guess.

It's unclear if they were like, because some people say they're friends. There's a lot of misinformation, I feel like. Some people are like, we don't know if they were really friends. They were competitors, but I don't know if they were truly friends. But the one thing is clear. They certainly stole ideas from each other. And like the log flume ride at Knott's clearly influenced on Splash Mountain Later, which isn't Walt's creation. Yeah, but the mine train through Nature's Wonderland at Disneyland.

Yeah, Walt stole that right away from... The Calico. Wait, no, didn't that, that predated, I think. Oh, did it? I think Calico mine ride does not happen until the 60s. But the big thing, I could be wrong about this, but I think the big thing that influenced Walt Disney was the, like, hidden lines. There's the story where that ride, the Calico Mine Ride,

Walt Disney got on it because he thought there was no line, and then he got in, and the line was hidden in the rock work instead of just sitting out in like a boring kind of back and forth queue, like which is all Disneyland had. Sure. Yeah. So the idea of like the line is also part of the theming. Walt's definitely was influenced by all the nicer by by nuts. Yeah.

And you're getting like an you're you're looking at some cool stuff, and it's air-conditioned, and the idea of a lot of the line is indoors as opposed to all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're not, yeah, you're not sitting out in the sun. And it's more inviting if you, you know, if you see a ride with a three-hour line outside, you know, you might skip it. But if you don't know how long it is and it's all hidden. Sure.

Scott is indeed correct. Hey! Alright, let's not credit it. What else, though, in this back and forth? Oh, I think, well, one thing I discovered in the history of it that, yeah, it didn't, it was just an open gate park until

1968 when there was a bunch of vandalism. so they had to build a wall to keep people out of the park and only then did they charge admission. Wow. I'm not sure when Disneyland became an admission park. They held on to the ticket

booklets for a while and used them in Florida too because I remember my dad talking about having, when they went down to Orlando in the 70s, they were still using the ticket booklets. Okay. Yeah, but anyway, it does seem like they bounced back and forth in terms of, like, figuring out how the modern theme park works. One thing on those ticket booklets, are you talking about, you said, in Orlando? Yeah, Disneyland and Disney World, they used to, you would pay.

E-ticket book and D-tickets. E-ticket book, yeah, E-ticket. My parents would use that phrase, E-ticket ride. One time years ago, when the movie Waterworld came out, I saw it. At the premiere, they interviewed James Caan, and he walked out and they said, what did you think of Waterworld, James Caan? And he says, oh, it's great. It's an e-ticket ride.

Oh. Said that phrase. Did he think of that before? Did someone ask him to say it that way? I think that was how he described a really fun ride. That's how you would describe a thrilling experience. That was the vernacular at the time, I guess. Well, this is 1995.

Yeah, this is 1995, the vernacular. Yes, but as an old man who had gone to Disney World, I'm sure. And theme park enthusiasts still refer to, like, you know, the big marquee, your Space Mountain Haunted Mansion as the E ticket. Oh, so that's still in the, okay. I mean, like, kids don't maybe know that. Kids don't. But, like, yeah, the inside of that. But weirdos like us.

And then weirdos that do podcasts certainly know, well, this is more of a D ticket than an E. The robots aren't quite as good on this ride as they would be on an E ticket. They want to know what they would have charged. Only the head moves on this, not the arms. Those new Star Wars rides could be F tickets. It could go bigger than anything we've seen before. They are saying they want these to be F tickets, these Star Wars. They've used that phrase?

They want to go beyond E? With the big ride-through on this. Probably not the best thing that the letter after E is a big old F, though. You mean because F is failing? F grade is good. It's like bad. Shut up, man. I can't say bad, and they mean good now?

More on Walter Knott from his obituary in the New York Times from 1981, which the headline is very funny. It's Walter Knott of Knott's Berry Farm is dead. Like that's what they wrote. Blunt her time. Like, okay. Like not like kindly old man passes away. It's like, no, he's dead. Jam jars across America emptied to half full

in respect. Was he preserved in any form? Save it for Mr. Owens' special. Was he preserved? He was described as a trim and spunky man.

And personified, this is weird, the personified the... Spunky? Hey! Oh, Wiley! I got a new rat idea. I got a new jam idea, too. Can I write obituaries? This spunky man deceased.

I don't know what this, maybe somebody knows where this comes from. Personified the rags dash toriches which obviously is rags to riches but I don't know the spelling r-a-g-s dash

t-o-r-i-c-h-e-s like what is that does anybody know what that's from spelling rags spelling rags to riches like this has one word

rags to riches rags to riches is that from something this is just a poorly written piece of shit. I don't know what any of it means. James Caan coined that term. He was a very conservative man, which we found out.

He was more politically active than Disney, right? Yes. That's what we're saying. And he was... So he has the full Independence Hall also, which is in Knott's Berry Farm, which is still there. But also he financed a lot of conservative endeavors, which, you know, is probably very bad. He, like, gave out pamphlets in Knott's Berry Farm, potentially, about conservative ideals. Yes, he, yeah, Jason?

And the can-can dancers of the Calico Saloon would often spout anti-communist propaganda. So, yeah, he had a freedom center in the park, he called it, and it produced pamphlets and film strips extolling free enterprise and self-sufficiency and deploring big government and taxes. So, do you have any recollection? As a child, do you remember going to the Freedom Center? Now that's an e-ticket, baby. Free Freedom Center.

That's an e-ticket for Enterprise. I don't remember this at all. I mean, he died in 81, so maybe as soon as he was dead, they were like, shut the Freedom Center down. Get the Freedom Center out of here. No, I don't remember any political messages. Of course he was dead, they were like, shut the Freedom Center down. They were like, get the Freedom Center out of here. No, I don't remember any political message. Of course, Mr. Knott, we will keep the Freedom Center alive and burning bright. It's funny to think about now, because I feel like people who don't live in California,

when you talk about California in terms of national politics, it's always like, oh, it's a blue state, it's a blue state. But there's a huge conservative streak. I mean, Orange County gave us Richard Nixon and Ronald. Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan were both California politicians before becoming president. And Orange County sells a lot of very conservative pockets. Yeah. When I was a kid growing up, I lived in the most conservative congressional district in the entire country. Wow. It was the most conservative?

I believe so. In the mid-90s, it was. And I remember hearing that in school and thinking, like, oh, shit. Now it's the chillest conservative county. It's the most relaxed. They say that Walter Knott and Carl Karcher. Carl Karcher also came into my mom's restaurant. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, wow. A different, not his own. And Walt Disney. These guys all came into the Shea Care. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. A different, not his own. And Walt Disney. These guys all came into the Shea Carey. That's wild. Shea Carey. We haven't previewed this, and it's only 49 seconds.

I found a clip from the Freedom Center. Whoa. It's clip currency of Orange County Archives. It's from 1964. Okay. So who knows? We'll see what this is. I think that if we are ever going to eliminate poverty in America,

it will have to be done through the free enterprise system and certainly not by government. That was Walter Knott, owner of Knott's Berry Farm, a family entertainment center near Los Angeles. Last year, nearly two million dinners were served here with Walter's wife Cordelia in charge of the kitchen. The farm is a huge playland, and Walter Knott makes sure that his employees share in the profit. He also puts his ideas into action in other ways. For instance, he has established in a rehabilitated farmhouse the Freedom Center, a bastion in a one-man program

to bulwark certain of our liberties, which he believes are being eroded by authoritarian ideologies of the right and left. Wow. That does not beat around the bush either. Authoritarian ideology. You would be a kid sitting there listening to that in the Freedom Center. It is funny how nowadays people talk about, oh, the Trump administration has destroyed decorum and that sort of thing. But back then, you would be hearing that about, our boy is shipping off to Vietnam. And it's just like these insidious things would be presented with wholesome Leave it to Beaver background music.

I mean, even the Iraq War, that was a thing where it was like, well, everyone is very composed. All the politicians are very composed and professional, but they still sold this crazy war. Well, look, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Yeah, that's true. I mean, you get that freedom center. Now, what you're saying is you like it now, Jason. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Yeah, that's true. I mean, you get that freedom center. What you're saying is you like it now, Jason. I mean, I'm a crass man. Jason Sheridan is on the record for saying he likes it now.

He likes Trump better. This is now the second episode in a row where this bit is going on. Trump tells it like it is. He doesn't underscore things with some old film strip soundtrack. He doesn't need some old Land of Chocolate Homer Simpson music to play while he's saying something horrible. Trump doesn't need full sentences

to get his idea across. Every day he becomes more presidential. In fact, I think we should bring back that Freedom Center. Bulldoze that restored Calico Mind Train. I think he, Trump, would have gotten bored midway through the clip you just played. He would have drifted off and started tweeting.

Or just pulled out his emergency McDonald's bag. Oh, we're almost. Sorry, I couldn't hear it. Man, so there you go. The history. The history of knots. But you know what? They got less conservative as time went on because in the 80s, they opened two hot dance clubs for teenagers.

One called Studio K and the other one called Cloud Nine. You could go see all the hottest DJs from K-Rock. Richard Blade would be there. This is on the premises of? Richard Blade? Yeah. I forgot who that was. I don't know who that is.

I saw him in a little pamphlet about Studio K. That's another little back and forth Disneyland arms war, which I'm sure will, I hope to God, we talk about in a later episode, because Disneyland opened the teen nightclub Videopolis. So they both had competing teen dance clubs. Now, what happened to these clubs? How come they don't, they're not still around? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. these clubs? How come they don't, they're not still around? Well, I believe there was a stabbing at one. Was there an incident at one of them? Or maybe in the parking lot. I think it was at the parking lot during Videopolis, yeah. Or something, yeah. When teens dance, they start getting rowdy

and they get violent and horny, I guess. And that's a bad mix. Probably why they had to close down Kingdom of the Dinosaurs. Pregnant on the ride. People are just getting too horny on the damn ride. There was a custody battle between the mother, the father, and the dinosaurs. Technically, I caused this. That was a T-Rex.

That baby is property of the Knott family. So, Ryan, when you were a kid though you never like saw the dance club and were like let me in never saw the dance club but an average knots thing would be we would it was a easy relatively easy park to sneak food into and so that was another it would either eat at the chicken restaurant or if it was a on a sort of a more money- day, you could sneak like a bunch of sandwiches into the park and ride on. There was a, a parachute ride or a sky drop ride. That was very scary.

Yeah. No longer there. I don't think. Yeah. No longer. So many of these things are now gone. Yeah. There was a mine ride.

Of course there was the Bigfoot Rapids ride where you would get soaked and then go into the where is it that we went yeah mystery mystery lie that's what I was gonna say that's the first that was the thing you were about this Jason Scott was most excited I think to show me the mystery life less excited Again we're doing the She might have just not done it No patience for dull

dull shows. She's like I would rather look at this grass than go into the mystery lodge She can sit quietly and I think she did Is it like Twin Peaks is Black Lodge? Is it like a place where everything is weird? No, no, no. Maybe it is, though. Am I prepared to explain

Mystery Lodge? I think you have to. At least you have a brief explanation. It's a thing that was at a Vancouver World's Fair Expo kind of thing, and they just moved its lock, stock, and barrel. Lock and stock. I'm not sure there's a barrel in this ride. That'd be too exciting.

But it was like, it's a slightly multimedia show where a wise old indian tells tales of um he tells a tale about a raven pretends to be an owl the old raven, before you go in, they admonish you very heavily, like, show respect to this thing. This is like Native American history and show, like, don't make, they would be mad at me if I did the voice. Well, actually, a lot of people would probably be mad. Yeah. We're going to get a problem online. But, yes, it's like this is very serious history. And then you walk in and it's an animatronic.

Native American. No, you know what it is? It's like a performer who doesn't actually speak. He performs to a lip synced track and he wears an old Indian mask over his face to make him look like an old man. And he's like hunched over. It's a kind of a magic show. He's interacting with a projected bird like the Haunted Mansion ghost. It's like a screen.

There's a screen in between that looks like it's just a mirror, but the mirror is actually a projection. So that is a real man. Yeah. Oh my God, I thought it was a robot. I thought it was a very sophisticated robot. We shouldn't be underselling this show.

That would be one of the greatest robots of all time. I don't think so. Knott's has restored a lot of their classic rides in recent years and uses Garner Holt, the same animatronic manufacturer that Disney uses to repair animatronics.

Yeah, the Mine Ride has better animatronics. I was told because I hadn't, didn't go like, like eight years ago, the Mine Ride, which is you go through

this mine and you see a bunch of robots like working in horrible conditions in a mine, breathing in, getting black lung, whatever. Conservative values. Yeah, conservative values. But they got that Asian one.

So everything's all right. Everything's fine. But I was told, and I didn't see this, that if you went on that ride eight or nine years ago, all of the characters were melting. All the skin was melting off of them. And before the restoration happened, it was a nightmare ride of like all these men's faces were falling off. And then they went in and did a full scale like, you know, cleaning up of the whole thing. Which they did a great job.

And here's a thing to congratulate Nats on in the recent past. Really great job restoring that ride. Did they restore also the Calico Mine Ride? Or was that just... The Mine Ride and the Log. Yeah, both of them have gotten recent. They're both great and really fun, unique experiences and good reasons to go there. I also just went to... I just checked out the Chicken Dinner restaurant, which they have recently remodeled.

And now it's like a cool gastropub kind of place. Wait, what? Cordelia's Restaurant? No, they didn't. It's like still homey. I mean, it's like as cool as... That sounds like a bummer, actually. It's as cool as like an Applebee's would be.

Oh, that sucks. You dig it, though, I think. Really? Yeah, it doesn't feel like just like a farmhouse anymore. Weren't you telling me there was a TGI Fridays in the park? It's across the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a TGI Fridays, but it's on-site.

That's another great thing about Knott's. There's an on-site TGI Fridays that you don't have to pay admission to get to. Please show respect to the Mystery Lodge. And if y'all are hungry, there's a TGI Fridays. Jack Daniel's chicken strips, always in fashion. Was Mrs. Knott's, we went to a breakfast buffet there a couple years ago. Was that the same room? It had mimosas and the breakfast buffet at Mrs. Knott's.

No, they've redone it since then, but it's nice. It looks like a Frontierland type. That's kind of a bummer to me, though, because going in that one room, it felt like you could be in the middle of Alabama in 1940, which is scary, but also it does feel timeless. I liked it. I'm now very reticent to revisit the chicken restaurant. But I'd be the first to say that I'm bummed that they redid it. I think you'd like it if you walked in.

There's a bar in there now. Really? And the food is still what it was you get a ton of food for uh you get this giant chicken dinner plate for like 16 dollars with like the giant bowl of rhubarb there's a lot of people in there especially older couples that are just in there for dinner they're not even they wouldn't even think about going into the park or soak city or any of that stuff they're just in there to have dinner and go back home and is it free to just park and go to the restaurant? I think you can.

Here's the thing I'd like to say because I've done this several times. Highly recommend it. If you don't want to pay the Knott's Berry Farm admission, just go down to Buena Park and check out all the stuff that is free in the Knott's Berry Farm area. There's the chicken dinner restaurant, although you pay for that, obviously. But, you know, then there's, like, lots of oddball little shops. You can go hang out in the Knott's Hotel, which has a... Oh, yeah, they have an on-site hotel.

Yeah, and there's a fun little restaurant in there called Amber Waves. You can go get a nice beer at Amber Waves. Is that the hotel where you can pay a fee and Snoopy will tuck you in? Yes. We learned this from Doug Jones, our friend, who will be on the show soon, I'm sure. Yeah, you can have Snoopy come tuck your kid in. Or presumably. Or you.

Or you. Get tucked in. Yeah, Snoopy will walk into the room. It's up to the person playing Snoopy. Snoopy, tuck me in. It was great. It was the best day of my life. Doug Jones.

I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if that was somebody who was too into Snoopy. So you could just call downstairs like Snoopy please. $50 later college student likes up some stairs because he can't fit in the

elevator. Kiss my forehead Snoopy. Opens a door to a handful of swingers and eyes wide shut masks. Hello Snoopy. Welcome to the party Snoopy. The general knots area and also down there, these are unrelated to Knott's, but you can go down there, you can go to Medieval Times, you can go to the Pirates Dinner Adventure. We should cover all of these things at some point.

There's a weird McDonald's that used to have a simulator ride in it, and it no longer does, and yet it's still labeled on the outside McThriller. Oh, yeah. Well, this McDonald's that we went to, incredible. How's that? A big model train. A big model train? Yeah. This is a whole McDonald's that have novelties within them.

There aren't enough left. In Dallas, I tried to go to a McDonald's that had, like, chandeliers. And we had to explain to the Lyft driver, where are you going? Like, well, we're going to a McDonald's. But it's like a weird McDonald's. And then we got there, and it was just a normal McDonald's. They had taken out the weird stuff. But, yeah, it's a sadly endangered animal, the weird McDonald's. But they got one of those down there.

A really crazy, creepy mall that has a photo studio for fetuses. Which several malls do. I don't know if you've seen, like, ultrasound photography. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Buena Park Mall? In the Buena Park Mall. Yeah, mean old Bug

Main went down there, and the first thing we saw when we went up the escalator was like ultrasound photo studio and it was lots of heart shaped frames with like little fetuses inside Buena Park is a real bizarre I highly recommend go have

a free day in Buena Park your other dream job would be taking like an announcer through an abandoned mall there's plenty of them right now in America Your other dream job would be taking an announcer through an abandoned mall. There's plenty of them right now in America. Why am I not pitching a true TV on this subject? It's crazy. Scott, the mall guy.

As you describe Wayna Park, it's crazy to think about Knott's Berry Farm. I don't know how many years ago, but it was up for sale. And Disney was considering buying it. And they briefly were trying to figure out, can we run the monorail from Anaheim way to park? Which, not that far considering how long monorail tracks they have in Florida. But they control all of the land under it in Florida. Like, they would have had to run an above-ground monorail through neighborhoods. So, it was pretty much impossible. Wow, that's an

incredible, that would be incredible, though. Yeah, I mean, it would be. Imagine it moving at, like, hyperloop speed. Oh, I'd be there before you know it. Disneyland in two knots in 2.4 seconds. You might, like, burst ventricles in your heart, but Yeah, but you'd get there fast. You might, like, burst ventricles in your heart.

Yeah, but you get there fast. You'll be fine. Yeah. Oh, well, also, seriously, the weird thing, to go back to something you mentioned earlier, the Church of Reflections that your parents were married in,

they actually moved that. It was inside the theme park, which is weird. I guess when they got married, it would have been, you had to, like like do they have to pay admission to get married or to say no it was I think the park was free at the time and I think the whole cost of renting the church was like a hundred and fifty dollars so not a very very cheap thing but then we went going back as a teenager the church was like under a roller coaster it might have been under the boomerang roller coaster or whatever whatever

it was it was the first roller coaster i ever rode on and uh when i was like eight years old and uh coaster going uh and i remember making the uh sort of uh at the time i thought it was a very a very cool writerly analogy of like this is where my parents got married and their marriage was a roller coaster to one day that'll that one day I'll like put that in something. Have you put it in something? No. In the great novel.

That's much better than if you're a, uh, the church is just next to a parking lot or, or moved it. Um, yeah, now it's, uh, now it's across the street. That's much better than if the church is just next to a parking lot or planes. But now they've moved it. Yeah, now it's across the street. Also, in the weird free area you can explore, there's a full, perfect replica of Independence Hall that is so perfect it was used in the film National Treasure. It was like that much of a double for the real Independence Hall.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. And then you can go from that to visit the Church of Reflection and reflect on the spot where Ryan's parents were buried. But weirdly, they moved it across the street. And now and here's an odd fact. I don't know if you know about the Church of Reflections, but there used to be a thing called the Transfiguration. It was a painting of Christ and he looks sad and forlorn and his eyes are closed. But if you shined a black light

on it, his eyes open up. I don't know about that. There is a magic black light, a college dorm Jesus painting. Oh boy. She whiz. I want one for over my bed. Some might say that black light could be described as poison berry color.

Oh, boy. On that, we're sort of coming back around to the station. Incident free, no robbery. Have we missed anything big? There's so much to talk about with the entire park. But that's uh yeah uh i think i think we're recommending it is yeah yeah oh yeah you're gonna go see it if you're coming here is that how this show works do you what can you just shit on an entire park

this just california adventure no you know we haven't reviewed an entire park yet so we don't really know our system necessarily i don't know if we have a reviewed an entire park yet, so we don't really know our system necessarily. I don't know if we have a different one. What we've been doing for rides is a system which is keep it as is, plus it up, or burn it to the ground for insurance money. Now, do you land on one of those four knots very far? What was the first one? Keep it as is. Don't change a single thing about...

I think probably Keep As Is at the moment. And they also, I do think you could probably review individual rides at Knott's Berry Farm because they do have some pretty distinctive rides right now. They have Pony Express, which you sit on like a horse. There's a roller coaster you sit on like a horse.

They have a Silver Bullet, which is a pretty good roller coaster. They have some pretty good roller coasters. And a couple of important ones. I believe the first roller coaster where you went upside down. Was that not Sparrow? I think Corkscrew. Well, Corkscrew, Montezuma's Revenge is a famous roller coaster there.

That is the first ride that had a launch mechanism as opposed to you just climb climb up, you climb up a hill on like a hook on the track. It was the first ride that launched you the way, like, you know, like a hyperloop from the zero to 60. Is that that green coaster? It's yellow. I went on a green coaster there last time and it hurt my head so bad.

That might've been the boomerang before they got rid of it. Did they just get rid of it? How many years ago was it? I don't know, two years? Oh, I don't know. Some of them,

they really tried to be a coaster park in the 90s with very minimal theming. And then eventually they're like, man, we're going to take some of these down and kind of go back to the old-fashioned stuff. Yeah, that is probably an issue with it. That was our complaint talking earlier is that they sort of added

all of the roller coasters kind of willy-nilly and the theming from place to place doesn't make a lot of sense, and there's an area called the Roaring Twenties, and then that's just full of a bunch of neon roller coasters, and they don't do the best job of, like, cohesion in the place, and I'm glad they've taken out a couple of those. Yeah, it's a little bit, right now, the Old West stuff is,

I mean, this is three years ago, it's coexisting with the roller coaster stuff, the kind of tackier roller coaster stuff. And so there's really like some of that Old West stuff, I think, is still genuinely Old West stuff taken from Old West towns. And there's like a bottle house. I think there's like a bottle house where when you read the plaque, it's like this lady like built the bottle house out of her alcoholic husband's beer bottles. And you're like, oh, geez, this is very dark stuff. But then that's sort of next to, you know, whatever, you know, a scary drop. The teen dance club.

Yeah. I think you're right that there are individual rides worth reviewing because we didn't even touch upon a newer ride where a steampunk octopus are destroying the park. Right. And you have to shoot them. It's a self-aware ride. You're in Knott's Berry Farm in a lagoon and there's a giant robot octopus who you have to shoot lasers at.

Steampunk is like a wild wild west. Yes, exactly. Giant spider in that, giant octopus in this. My opinion is certainly plus it up. I like all the old stuff. I don't like a lot of the non-themed roller coasters. The thing I was talking about is the boomerang, that green.

That's gone now. But I want... Terrible ride, by the way. A terrible ride, but... Like a shitty roller coaster. A shitty roller coaster that really... I remember there was a part where, because it goes backwards, and I clanged my neck against it, and I felt a crack in my neck, and I was like, oh, shit, I'm hurt.

I think I just hurt me. I went on it at eight years old, and I think I almost fainted. Yeah, it's terrible, but... Do you have rides that hurt you. I'll say this. The roller coaster should be themed better. It's called the boomerang. You know, put at least the queue, the line, in an enclosed space.

Give me an Australian man robot. Make it like he's throwing or something. We've got to get the whatever. Like the kangaroos are coming. We've got to get away from them or whatever. Give me something like that. Give me a little theme. Theme it after Baz Luhrmann's Australia.

Baz Luhrmann's Australia. Great. Great idea. I don't care if they're IPs. I don't care if they're original. I just think there's too many rides in this place that just have a generic kind of six flags rollercoaster name. Give me some robots. Give me some story. That's what I like i like it

mixed with the thrills so i love all the old stuff i love the chicken dinner i'm gonna love this new fancy downtown la chicken restaurant vibe you're talking about is it hot chicken is it like the hot chicken i keep forgetting old buzzy Miller. What was his name? Buzzy Miller. Bob Willis. The Texas Fun Boys. The Ghost of Cordelia. How dare you speak ill of my precious roller coasters. So, yeah, yeah.

Because Knott's now just feels like it's half fun old park, half six flags from the 90s. It's caught in a bit of an identity crisis and clearly uh that's why i like those remodels of the of the calico mine ride and the log ride it's that's getting you back to the uh the old timey charm and fun i think you're never going to compete uh uh within the thrill area uh um so yeah i i like that it's a bit of historic uh landmark a little bit they should play into that more. They should really play into it. Like, you know, every couple of years in Hollywood, they're like a Western will come out and be a hit.

And people will be like the Western's back, open range or whatever was a hit. And they should not really embrace that as like, we're the old West, we're Westworld or, you know, whatever the Western property is. If they took, I guess it's all ip and everything yeah but i feel like people would come and just for the old west experience of it they have an old west stunt show there that's that's a lot of fun yeah pretty fun yeah i know they're doing more we i haven't seen it they're doing more with like interactive like you go on a journey now in the old west town where you have like there's an adventure and you get your and you're part of it. There's a whole thing

going on, which we have not tried. If Knott's wants to bring us down, we'd love to try it if they're listening. I'll withhold judgment until I get to see it myself.

Sure. Jason hasn't even been. Let's get Jason to Knott's. Make it happen. Make it happen, Beryl. Make it happen. We sort of insulted a lot of things

as we went, so now we're demanding things. This is the most anyone's ever talked about Knott's Berry Farm. This is the longest conversation about Knott's Berry Farm ever recorded, and also ever. Even the employees there talk about how their kids are doing more than they talk about. Hey, well, Knott's, you're welcome. I guess with that,

we're heading back to the station. Choo-choo, we're back in the station. That's what you say when you land back at the station. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. And we're off. Hey, Ryan, thanks so much for being here and sharing your Knott's memories. It's been a roller coaster of a conversation.

Cool, man. Cool. That's a pretty neat analogy. Mind if I use that? I mean, I feel like I thought of it. Hey, anything you'd like to plug or say? Closing thoughts here. I don't really have any closing thoughts.

Thanks for having me on. And I don't know. To plug, I do like this idea about you going to malls. That's more of a pitch to you. Sure. We will take it upstairs to Starbirds right now and take it general. Yes. We have immediately lost our exclusivity.

Look, I'm fine with that. And some of those malls have been retaken by nature in these weird swamps you can go to. Thanks for seeing the idea I should have been doing all along. Well, that's the next project.

This is the last episode of Podcast the Ride. So I can focus on television projects. Thank you guys for having me on Podcast The Ride. This is... And I hope you guys are all driving safe. I like to say that now. Watch the road. Laugh, laugh,

love, but watch the road. Wise. And enjoy the rest of your day. And you all enjoy your day. Mike, Jason, any closing? Oh, wait, go to podcast. Yeah, contact us at Podcast to Ride on Twitter or the Podcast to Ride at what, at Gmail? Is that right?

At gmail.com. I always forget it. Yeah. And or our personal Twitters. And you can find that. We don't need to say them. No. They're all linked on our show Twitter account.

This is some kind of dating thing for you guys. Well, for Jason. For me. If there's any Jason single and if anyone likes all this bullshit, tweet at him. You know he's in. If this gets you going, tweet at Jason. Please don't murder me with an oversized turkey leg. But you're into someone lightly beating you with a turkey leg.

Oh, yeah, knock me around all day long. Is that part of the new restaurant? That's part of the hotel service. Oh, boy. Snoopy will beat the shit out of you. Civilization is crumbling. Thank you, Snoopy. Hit the button weird stuff on the Knott's phone.

Hey, folks, thanks so much. You've survived Podcast The Ride. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Happy rusty trails. Feral Audio