Podcast: The Ride - Legends of the Hidden Temple with Django Gold

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

Django Gold (stand-up) joins us to discuss Legends of the Hidden Temple. A game show that taped at Nickelodeon Studios at Universal Florida, you know some of us were scared of it! Django's new special, Bag of Tricks, is available here: https://youtu.be/Lk4rV2_Z4sw?si=tIJT1wozxdI0z4IB Daddy D’Amaro’s Destination D23 Declarations Episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forever! Dog! Warning! The following podcast may contain fake stories where Amelia Earhart is an asshole, real stories about mule piss, and overworked PAs who must abduct children and clean toilets. Your quest is to not lose your phone, so you can hear guest Django Gold and the Good Boys talk Legends of the Hidden Temple Unnecessary Knowledge.

I'm Scott, your guide. The temple is filled with many dry facts about things from our childhoods that don't matter. And one of today's teams will get to say more of those facts than anyone else will it be the silver sheridans all right maybe it could be this is a temple that's a lot less nerve-wracking than the uh television show temple then another than the temple that we will be talking about within this temple yes all right so mild mild conference in the silver sheridans or will it be the magenta mics oh i think it will be, yeah. This is my excitement level.

In my mind, I'm doing an excitement thing. What if I was a kid and being a Nickelodeon? Yeah, where you've got an enthusiasm ceiling. That's a lot of kids, I think, in any public forum. You can just sense, you can see that line that they can't quite make it over, much like some of the obstacles we'll discuss from the show yeah yeah um or will it be a special competitor visiting us from the east coast you may

have seen him on the late show with steven colbert uh he's got a special out called bag of tricks on his youtube channel jango industries representing the gold golds it's jingo gold yay what a perfect name i could have gone a million years i had another one and then i thought wait a second i think you were set there's a color that i was like proudly staring at another one and then no no why why reinvent the color did you have gold gold first and work backwards no i, I was saying I had an entire other one. Oh, okay. What was it? It was just the Jade Jankos.

Oh, okay. I kind of like that. That's the thing. Jade with a D? That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You add a D to it. That's pretty good.

You can take that one, too. These are both good names. You should be able to pick your own name. Yeah, pick your own names. Choose your own. Only you can choose. There you go um we're talking about legends of the hidden temple uh the seminal nickelodeon game show from they ran from 93 to 95 filmed at

universal studios florida nickelodeon studios fabulous universal studios yes yeah yeah the the tags on every show just haunted our dreams i made like i must make it yeah i mean they really were just like giving you like this golden apple in the horizon like yes imagine you'll be there where the water runs like or the slime runs like water the fountains and all that stuff is just like dip a cup in we don't even charge you would never yeah just the real life willy wonka chocolate factory of some like at this place that only your dreams could be concocted in. Did any of you guys ever make it out? I didn't. No.

I took the tour. And I watched the fake. There was a fake game show that they would do. To make it to give you that flavor. To give you the idea. They call it like the lab. Wow. Just like this generic game show. Pretty much. It's like it's kiddie lab. Oh, wow. Just like this generic game show. Pretty much.

It's like it's kiddie pool. Theme park competition. Yeah. Pretty much. And they would, I don't think they could ever do this now, but it's like there were two sets of bleachers and one were the parents and one were the kids. Oh, yeah. And I was like just terrified.

I was not going to find my parents. Oh, man. Even though that is their main job sure i mean uniting families afterwards kids get lost in these theme parks all the time i got lost as a kid like at least 10 times me and my sister we would just get separated so easily yeah and it was a simpler time our parents weren't as worried about as they would wouldn't be now for example but yeah i i empathize for sure more easily solved now you would think yes that's true that's true uh um but did any of those lead to like you had to find adults you had to like an

announcement oh yeah oh yeah we were regular visitors at the at the like white emergency tent with like the pa so 100 and like what would always happen was like we'd be at a theme park with our dad for example he'd be like all right i'm at a theme park with our dad, for example. And he'd be like, all right, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Now you guys wait here for one and a half minutes. And like 20 seconds in like dad's dead.

We got to start moving. And so we'd move off. And that would be that, you know, this chaos would ensue. But like, this was, this happened a hundred percent of the time.

Anytime we'd go anywhere, it is, we were just totally irresponsible. Did I ever tell the story about, I think we, I think I didn't say it when we talked about the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, but stop me if I did, where I got lost. I just wandered off at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk when I was a kid. Not now as an adult. Not now as an adult.

No, no, no. I was just there, but I did not get lost. My child had eyes on me. It's my main memory from being up there that i i just wandered off i was just like dumb and thought i could leave um and meanwhile my mom was getting uh some business from like a kind of like a card tricks guy on the pier a three-card monte table maybe it was a three-card monte table yes before it got converted into a weed table um it was something of that nature

where like there was some sort of hustle happening and then my mom looked around and I was gone and she made the leap that this is a distraction oh my god that is being used to kidnap me like when she put it together she spit out something that was, I don't know the exact phrasing, but it was something, it was just this like, because it's her movie moment. Oh yeah. Maybe the chance to like, I swear to God, if you have my little boy, I will move heaven and earth to get him back. Oh my God.

She did a Liam Neeson taken speech. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I don't know that she's specifically referred to a special set of skills because I don't know if she has one. But she might have said like, but I will. You know how you get superpower strength if you can lift a car up in an emergency setting. That's what's going to happen to me.

And I'll throw you into the ocean unless you have information to give me. Every parent has their child saving fantasy. Yeah. The same way that every guy has are like what I would do in a fight type fantasy. Every mom and dad is like, I know what I will know although well you say that but like do you i think i'm petrified of this situation coming up yeah you know i have there's been a couple times where i've had the thought that like it's not too detailed but that i would kill to save my child. So I do, you start to like, you're,

you have a little fantasy about, I don't know, like it's usually like a little more fantastical in my version where like an ogre bursts into the house. You're fighting a troll. Yeah. It's more fun at least in my version, but I still am like imagining killing something to protect my child.

I feel that, but I think my mom had a much more realistic version of this in her mind growing up with with things from our world and not like you're in your version like you stomp a face in and yellow goo comes out yeah yeah it's like that yellow bastard in the city it's not you fighting some crystal meth addict who's trying to pawn your child and my mom's my mom's it was probably like whatever the last dateline she watched, whoever that was on that was probably who she was imagining killing to protect me. Sure, sure. But I have, yeah, that has entered my mind.

I have specific memories of in the mid to later 90s, my family invested in a set of, I don't know if this has ever come up, maybe it has, but a thing that caught on right before cell phones was, okay, we have walkie-talkies. Ooh. You had little walkie-talkies. Oh my God.

And you would have like two to eight channels. And it's like, okay, we're going to be on channel number six or seven. And very quickly we learned how many radio channels are occupied by emergency services, beach patrol, Disney security. I turned it on once and got like, this is a private channel reserved for Disney security. Please vacate this channel. Somebody told you to leave

yeah that seems pretty hackable they really should have some sort of secure channel for that yeah some kid with a radio doesn't have any money or anything yeah yeah that's true i feel like we had those two but i can't i'm gonna ask some questions when i get i'll ask my parents they they occasionally worked yeah but the other thing is. I don't know. What an endorsement. Exactly. We lost a few kids, but more or less. We lost a few kids.

The other thing is other families would buy them and we would start hearing other people on the show. It's like on a baby monitor. You can pick up radio or you pick up the neighbors you know and did you sense like any particular peril or like uh you know like did you feel like you you saw too deep through the window of uh uh a broken home or something cursing no it just gets cursing at us you didn't develop a relationship with like a trucker or anything like no no cb radio you seem like you've been a CB radio kid. I, you know, it never came up. Huh. All right.

Well, we're a little past the trend. Never too late to start. Yeah, I'll get you one. Anyway, I just felt bad in that situation that the guy who was running a scam on my mom was in that moment. He had to go. No, no, no. I'm not scamming. I mean, I am.

I am. But it's not a kidnapping yeah it is a much lighter monetary scam yeah it is like a 15 scam like yes not uh what's the i don't know what's the cost of a child what's a child going for these days yeah 50k yeah is that then now this is where this is 1994 rates 94 yeah would you pay for me in 1994 50k that's pretty good all right and with inflation that's right we're the one they say tanic movie studios and ask like what do you guys sound what do you sound kids around here um legend of the hidden temple and you brought this to us jango what was uh calling out to you about uh this of all uh

strange themed entertainment it was a show that i really loved watching as a kid and it was also a show that i loved watching as like a stoned college student because it was always on like the like whatever the throwback channel is and what really appealed to me about it is that it is so hard yeah they make these games so impossible for like an 11 year old who's developing their hand-eye coordination who doesn't quite get logic and like object permanence and all that stuff. They're not quite, you know, their brains aren't at the adult level and they make this game impossible. Like so difficult.

I sent you that doc with all those like trivia facts and it said like what the temple run completion rate is like 26%. That's crazy low for a kid's tv show right every one of every four episodes yeah yeah that's yeah that's that's pretty nice three and four and with failure which is just it just feels like crazy to me am i wrong like no no no you would be frustrated the only more frustrating game which we've talked about is nick arcade yes which was like kids would never win the final round and i remember just driving me so nuts well that was also like kind of like wonkier controls

yeah this is just like it's all physicality yeah they just made it impossible but it's frustrating too i yeah i just was frustrated by it too because you wanted kids to win absolutely yeah you don't want this kid to be humiliated and sad in front of a national audience. They get no trip to space camp. They get no keyboard or whatever the hell. And you see the list of what they could have, and then you watch them three minutes later. You usually watch them be denied it. It's wild, man. It's a show, I guess, that helps you measure your expectations, maybe.

We were saying we all dreamed of going to nickelodeon studios as children and then we're watching people get to but yet but they get a dream but also much of the dream is crushed yeah so just based on the difficulty of it that's why i think it's why it's so enthralling because you're watching someone like attempt what seems like the impossible so when they do get it's like amazing it's like genuinely stirring i was watching these clips on youtube and i was like at the edge of my seat watching these kids from like 25 years ago or whatever doing this i was like oh go go no the monkey no you gotta twist the monkey like i was just like so into it and that's why i think it's so good about the show it really just kind of draws you in just based on how hard it is i saw a snippet of an interview with Kirk Fox. Kirk Fox, excuse me.

That was the host, right? Yeah, yeah. That was his name. It was an interview, and he was just shaking his head at the end of the interview. And he's like, you know, three years, basically three years break down to like three seasons, 93, 94, 95. He's like, like eight teams a year, when?

Learning how this show was made was a true i think i had heard it in passing before but really just taking a second to figure out how they did it and like the 12 to 14 hour days and like brutally block shots like the like it all said it does when you learn anything it spoils the illusion of this temple is up there for a year's time, and they're giving kids the ultimate fantasy of, no, this temple was up and running for two weeks, and then shut down, and we're on to something else. It's like the Deadwood set. I had a question, though, about when you're talking about the...

You're watching it stoned in college. Yeah. For me, if I was stoned, then the frustration and the futility of it, I feel like would weigh very heavily on me. Well, it does. Watching it all not succeed and like be trapped in a box, like the paranoia.

It really is like a bad dream where you're like digging through some hole and you can't, like the door's not opening. The door's not opening. And then like you're being, you know, being attacked and grabbed by a temple guard. Like it's just like, it really is like some horror show. I could see myself getting paranoid and sad about it. For me mostly, just kind of like, it's good, clean, fun, you know, punctuate by just watching

sad children on television. Which in at least a lot of success along the way, it's like devised to, you know, like it weeds out the losers. It sure does. They all start with so many kids. 32 teams won in the history of the whole thing. That's out of 120 episodes. You multiply that.

Each team has two kids. That's 64 out of 1,440. And that's because it starts with what? It's six or eight teams doing that opening water traversing game. Always a moat situation. And that

weeds a ton out. That's the real eugenics. Absolutely. All right. We don't need any purple ones. Those are like, they're like the sperm that don't make it, really. We're not even at conception. In a way, Legends of the Hidden Temple is a metaphor for sexual intercourse. Oh, and I wonder if that reflects like the, no, probably being a sperm is more futile, but it's similar.

The odds are similar, though though to fertilize an egg. Olmec stands in for God, judging you for your sin or your righteous act of procreation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Olmec is God and the temple is a womb. Simultaneous, simultaneous metaphors. It's like a Ulysses or something. It's like a lot of shit's happening.

Really every text is in there. So you might as well just use this as the first one. That's our creation myth is is actually Legends of the Hidden Temple. That was one of the episode titles, the lost chapter of James Joyce's Ulysses. There you go. They had to find it. I feel like the show Floor is Lava is the only thing I've seen

that feels as ambitious as this. I've never actually watched any. Oh, really? I know that all older kids at parks that I go to are playing Floor is Lava. I didn't know kids liked that. Floor is Lava is a recent show, right?

Yes. I'm just saying I can't think of another highly themed pain in the ass to set up show. Well, like Most Extreme Is that what it's called what's MXC most extreme elimination yeah I guess you're right like American Ninja Warrior

stuff that's crazy yeah yeah yeah it's all American Gladiators kind of is too in a sense but also all kind of like it's like some of them are like pylons and just like industrial equipment right here to like have a whole little little world that you enter but those aren't his theme you know what I'm going back back those are his theme they're just giant and massive and scale and

crazy to set up but like flora's lava is like cool they do set up it looks cool i think yeah on the episodes i've seen early days of pandemic lockdown just sitting inside watching flora's lava i was like i don't know if this is helping or hurting but i think it's making me feel more insane not not playing it though you're saying you weren't up on your couch no i was not worried about walking around my home i was not worried about the dangers of that solo isolated floors lava just by yourself yeah that's all we could do hopping back and forth from your refrigerator to your somehow switching to tiger king was healthier um american gladiators and uh indiana jones or young indiana jones i saw as a reference point a lot uh let me say someone whose first job in la was working on the american gladiators remake also a pain in the ass to shoot sure you don't know you i don't think you've ever said this

on the show or to us well i bring it up now because there's a documentary about america there's two oh wow competing yes they're competing i my my friend john who was my college roommate uh john katz technically my boss on the show is interviewed in the ESPN Plus one. Wow. So you can get a real peek behind the scenes. This feels like, it always feels to me like not, if not your superhero, is it your super villain origin story? It was not a good time.

It's definitely surreal of like, ah, another writer's strike is happening, you know? They didn't try to get you to be a PA on the documentaries just to like, you know, just for the symmetry. No, I haven't been. It rhymes. I haven't been pulled back in, you know? Yeah. Once you leave the gladiator lifestyle, it's always calling you back, right? Yeah.

Dreams of firing Nerf balls at you from a cannon. I wake up screaming at night thinking I'm still in the Sony soundstage like people would imagine themselves being in Saigon. Yeah, right. The PA's main duty was testing the cannons and the balls. Run, run! Faster, boy! What's also the legal liability for these shows, do you wonder?

When you have children doing kind of like semi-dangerous stunts. Like, all right, so we're going to have a kid try to scale a 20-foot pole while a temple guard throws things at him. It'll be fine. Those parents are in the audience, right? I don't know. And I can't tell if this was a particularly dangerous. I think anything where you have like a sliding thing that you have to climb up, you can easily trip

and fall. And anytime there's a human man jumping out at a child in a tight space like a kid's gonna fall and hit the wall. That is a crazy element. That was always like the only scary part of the show. Like, holy shit, a man is enveloping that child in his

arms and gonna take him back into his little den. Yeah, I couldn't have done it. Of course. I would have like panicked, I think. A man is enveloping that child in his arms and going to take him back into his little den. Yeah. I couldn't have done it. Of course. I would have panicked, I think. Yeah. Even if you know it's coming, because they come out every which way in these secret doors. It's traumatic.

Yeah. I don't think I could have. I wanted to do it, and I probably would have agreed to do it, but I probably would have just frozen, and then the episode would not have aired. It's a miracle that any of these kids got through that temple in one piece yeah yeah it really is even without that even if you remove that component and i and i'd be less afraid of kind of the the magical elements and the like swinging on the pit or getting lost in the you know uh in the whatever the packing peanuts down there then just like a ladder the hidden the stairs like those i feel like are the biggest that you're you're nervous and people are yelling and cameras are pointed like imagine how

much anxiety you get now when you're trying to do some complicated task and people are watching and you don't have like a hundred people screaming at you and knowing all your school friends are watching on tv that's yeah it's a lot oh yes and if you mess up you will be made everyone will wait when you mess up you'll have kids on the playground be like hey dumbass you gotta you were simply a top door hello it's obvious from a third party perspective you try to put the monkey's idle head in where its ass should go yeah what are you doing you fucking idiot that apparently one of the most troublesome elements like oh that drove me nuts yeah the kids never could do the monkeys there was a um uh there's a youtube channel

called peeled eyes that has some compilation videos and they're like here's the best temple runs and here's the worst temple runs and best or worst everyone's having trouble with that monkey i don't know yeah i feel like they made it too big and they made the podium for it too tall. So the kids are constantly reaching up past their eyeline. It's just really... You could have had a gross spurt. The deck is just totally stacked

against all these poor little kids. Yeah, that is the... Because it definitely became a real thing, the difficulty of the silver monkey. And I've seen that defense now, that they have to get pieces off of tall shelves, and that when they're doing so, first of all, that it probably just tumbles out of their hands,

and that's where they're starting, which then obfuscates, it's like in shadow, which piece is this? It's not iconic to them. They probably, especially the first ones. Yeah, the first one, no point of reference. They're all taped in like three days. Yeah, yeah, yes.

And we all are thinking we could do this easily because we have it. Man, we watch this all the time. But if you were the first astronauts into the capsule, you definitely don't know. But you like, yeah, if you can't make out the basic shape of it, and then you have to stack it in the right way,

I think some forgiveness needs to be shown to these kids. Yeah. They should have gotten three tokens to save them from the temple guards. That's what I say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you think it was, maybe it was kept low because there were not a lot of temple guards?

I feel like there were a lot of temple guards. I remember seeing many episodes in which both kids would get blanked out by temple guards. It feels like a higher probability than like a whammy. A pressured whammy. Definitely more dramatic than a whammy. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah, yeah. You didn't feel the drama of when like a whammy walks out and then like four others and they're doing a conga line. There should be more game shows, though, where a guy just pops out and drags a contestant away. Like a Wheel of Fortune, for example. Yeah, like you guess like a consonant wrong and then you just get dragged into a dark room. Yeah.

I mean, it's really only the only and I don't know if you'd call this a game show besides this element, but it's really only Showtime at the Apollo. Oh, with the Sandman. The Sandman. It's the only other sample. But he doesn't physically grab you. That's the difference, I think.

Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. If Sandman was just enveloping you in his huge feathered arms, that would change the vibe. Yeah, true. Or if his famous broom, in which he whisks the contestants away,

if that is much, much bigger and you actually get caught in the bristles and ground up a little bit. Yeah. Well, you know, we talked about on the show that we were all scared by temple guards before, but I think I neglected to think about the thing that was most scary which is the room with

trees that you have to reach into and one of those trees could be possessed by the spirit of a temple guard yeah fucking kidding me and the tree grabbing you it seems 10 times worse yeah and there's this moment of tension before the kid reaches in where it's like is this tree gonna be okay and they put their hand like ah you where it's like, is this tree going to be okay? And they put their hand like, ah! It's really traumatizing. We did an entire episode about scary trees that scare me specifically. And I don't think this even came up. Oh, wow.

Actually, maybe this was the fuel. Suppressed memory, yeah. Yeah, so this is really suppressed. I watched a few episodes, and it wasn't until a latter day one where the presence of the trees made themselves known. And I just like, oh, you're kidding. I don't think the kids made it there, thank God. They got eliminated before. Now I'm just picturing these temple guards coming after the taping

when the kid and the family are going back to the hotel room. The temple guard just jumps out of the adjacent hotel room and grabs the kid and brings him out. That extra door that hotel rooms have? Yeah. On the balcony? When he's in bed after the night, Temple Guard comes out from under the bed

and drags him down to hell. Mini fridge. It's a false mini fridge. There's room for a guy in there. I'm being taken by a non-union actor this is temple guard by the way the most non-union well i was actually thinking about this i was wondering if they must might be like stagehands or something because there's no way there's like a full-time temple guard position i have a little insight into this i read an

interview there was an av club interview with is it Scott Stone I think, one of the creators. And he, a recurring segment, a recurring theme rather if you can believe it, is the cheapness of the show. And one detail it wasn't even something he was like, it was just in the middle of something he was saying. But the whole show was really cheap. Everybody in the show had a

million jobs. My cousin Jed was the writer. Implying one single writer. and he was also one of the temple guards and also in half of the legends themselves dressed up in costumes so there was no money uh so which was well again we should maybe like step through an episode or something that might be a good way to do it but like uh we've neglected that there's a minor educational element of every episode which is like it teaches you about christopher columbus's spear or whatever like that yes yeah yeah like they are the magic spinning top of ponce de leon yeah where you kind of start to suspect like how wait a minute

i don't think every historical figure had an object has a totem. Yeah, find Harriet Tubman's walking stick. I'm like, oh, I don't know about that. Maybe, possibly. Very metaphorical objects. Not necessarily historically accurate. If you had to, that just does make me think, there are objects associated with Trump, for example. But if you, all right if it's 100 years from now and Trump only gets one object, what's the object?

I know what it is. What is it? It's the Diet Coke button. Oh, very good. The button you would hit to get a new Diet Coke. That's pretty good. I was going to say the hat. Oh, wait.

Sure. Donald Trump's hat. It's more iconic, I suppose. But in my heart, it's the Diet Coke button. No, I think that's a good one. That's pretty good. I mean but in my heart it's the Diet Coke no I think that's a good one it could have been the orb the orb is good let's just like step through how this worked

a little bit and I think some like some anecdotes will spill out along the way but like basic premise is kids are doing feats of strength and feats of knowledge or at least like memorization that eventually lead them to a trip through Olmec's temple an ancient stone head god who co-hosts and narrates the show as well it all culminates in a big run through the temple

where you must you learn early in the show about one of these magical, definitely real historical objects and then you get the chance to go pillage the temple basically. It's like robbing essentially to try to then...

Yeah, the guards are protecting their shit. That's true. The guards are the good guys. The children are the bad guys right you really should be rooting for them in a way and like oh i don't discount that the children are the bad guys that's definitely true but in our they are also like pawns in a way they're kind of like to go to get into another tomb that or you know the cave of wonders in aladdin that's yes it's really, it's Jafar using the kid, Aladdin, just as, I guess, who's Jafar in this? Kirk Fogg?

Kirk Fogg, yeah. The malevolent Kirk Fogg. Puppet master, working for the East India Trading Company, sending his kids to pillage, you know, beloved ruins. They're going to think it's fun. To them, it's a fun little shout. But then we get all the... They trade in these artifacts

worth millions of dollars. And we convince them. They just want bikes and pocket calculators. And that'll satisfy them. And then we keep the profits. It's kind of like the Chipmunks movie from the 80s.

That's right. That's one of those. Yeah, they're like smuggling. They're having the Chipmunks and Chipettes smuggle like diamonds and cash oh for the bad guys and they don't realize what pawns they are right uh-huh isn't this all of it isn't this like the writers everybody uh aren't we all just serving the profit of some billionaire masters that's correct the arch fiend kirk fog yeah yeah Yeah. He's behind a lot of it. It all goes to Kirk Fogg, ultimately. He's like the Soros figure of this.

He's just running down. Your conspiracy theory. Yeah. Kirk Fogg has his hands in a lot of pies. He's been suspiciously present in a lot of calamities throughout the world. Yeah. You know, there's a video. Waco massacre.

If you look at the photos there's a video in 2019 of kirk fogg saying there's going to be a pandemic in 2020 kirk fogg lab leak theory yeah it all goes back to kirk fogg he took the the monkey he took the silver monkey and used it to smash the sealed windows at the lab. Oh, yeah, you cracked it. Makes perfect sense. Makes perfect sense. All adds up around the globe. And he does a little rappelling, rappels in. Oh, God, you're right.

He does. I forgot about that. Well, you know, he didn't at the beginning because I watched an early one and he just, he's introduced and then he just calmly walks down the stairs so then what a shock it was to leap forward and he swings in on a rope and the camera kind of like turns around him perfectly uh a hell of an inch i mean that's great this guy must have been feeling himself their slight budget increase season two and three went to carabiners and rope and they're like well we got kirk yeah doing this exciting entrance so we can't we can't get the kids topping pizza with

toppings on it while they sit in the break room yeah that was cut it's all she it's all cheese made kirk falls coming in on a jet pack and these kids are like receiving like 15 of hasbro merchandise hey he's the one who's got to pump them up that's how you gotta do it that's true and these kids are receiving like $15 of Hasbro merchandise. Hey, he's the one who's got to pump them up. That's how you got to do it. That's true. Olmec. Positive feelings about Olmec growing up.

Do we all wish we could have seen him be operated in person? I loved Olmec. Olmec was chill. Really weird discovery that D. Baker, the voice of Olmec was chill. Really weird discovery that D. Baker, the voice of Olmec, I mean, it has a huge filmography, like TV and film, voice actor extraordinaire. The oddest one was discovering that he is Klaus the Fish on American Dad. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah. The world of voice acting is relatively small. It's only like 100 people in total. That is true yeah yeah it's always the same they're all getting nice and nice and fat off these roles if you get in there you're in there for good which i think he did launch his i think he was a purely orlando actor who like this kicked off the whole thing for him and he's one of the primary guys before that he was doing orlando uh productions of king lear and so forth like that i think i think that's genuinely true i do think that's the thing and also epcot thought he was in the something called the

anacomical players in a uh there was like an area in Disney World themed after the human body, basically. I don't know one second of what, I have some ghostly remnant in my brain, the phrase anacomical players, but I could not tell you what that comprised. It seems like a tough thing for improv to, you know, you want like any topic in the world to be on the table for you. You ask the audience for a word and you could take it anywhere. So to limit it to to take 99.9 percent of topics off the table for your improv. I got stomach again.

Nice, nice. We got bladder. If somebody said penis, I got to pretend we didn't hear it. Yeah. Yeah. Would you rambunctious children name any body part you can think of? Yeah, that doesn't sound like it's gonna go wrong.

That had to be in the Wonders of Life pavilion, I'm assuming. Yes, that was a Wonders of Life. So at least it was air conditioned, you know? That's true. Improv outside in the Orlando, that sounds like hell. Or you're dressed like a spleen.

Yeah. Again, you're a kid and you imagine that this is infinite budget and that the people doing it have made it and are set for life and just, you know,

the glamour in which the show is made to then discover that, first of all, that Olmec is, I think I was picturing, like, it's the ninja turtle it must be the ninja turtle technology and by that i mean oh yeah there's a little puppet that is like

attached via airwaves to a suit and that like that's how it's syncing up right the same radio waves that jason used with his old with the shitty with the crappy walkie talkie shopping network walkie talkie and as long as like, Legends of the Hidden Temple is on. That's committed on Channel 7. Nobody else, nothing else. Make sure no kids in this park use Channel 7. That's the ambulance driver nurse line for, like, the kid who eats it on the swing in the temple.

So then you suddenly hear a nurse's voice coming out of midline. A nurse's voice is coming out of Olmec. We lost another one. Sorry I was asleep. I've been here for ten hours. But instead, no, this was the actor D. Baker

is like down at the bottom of Olmec. He's got a two by four attached to the bottom lip which is the only part he's doing it he's doing it himself yeah so he's just like moving a piece of wood he's has his foot on two by four moving the jaw or his hand i think i think it's hand controlled maybe okay i can't i'm well what i can't picture is if he's like is he does he get a chair or is he curled into a ball so as to be they want to give him a chair he negotiated in season two for a chair and they gave him a child's

chair right now that's a budget increase man i wonder where that head is right now i yeah i'm not sure what i wouldn't give to have that in my possession yeah really is there's is there like a nickelodeon vault like because there's i there's like a dub if you're a wrestling fan there's like in stamford connecticut there's a wwe vault that has like the famous cages from certain matches and it has costumes yeah yeah they have like a big warehouse type thing that has all the stuff from the history of the company of the of the evil company um uh even the bad stuff do they need to start a fire in there they probably should in certain parts of it uh um but uh like little corners

yeah i wonder if nickelodeon history i wonder there's got it's got to be somewhere there might be an orlando based you know repository warehouse yeah yeah i was like what's his name the showbiz pizza guy has a big warehouse full of shit I can never remember Aaron Fector so like there's got to be a bunch of weird warehouses in Orlando is what I'm saying possibly or it was all or like

they assumed nobody would it's not like people are going to get fixated on this for decades and decades and potentially spend. You don't have four adult men. Passionately discussing the mechanisms of how a child's game show head works. Yeah. Forget Olmec.

I'll settle for the two by four. I'll get the D. Baker's two by four. Oh, my God. That could be one of the artifacts in the reboot. D. Baker's two by four i want to get i'll get to d baker's two by five oh my god that could be that could be one of the artifacts in like the reboot d baker's two by four the extra splintery two by four yes d baker but yeah so that's uh that's pretty lo-fi and then they start they basically they set it up uh let's test it. It looked bad. It wasn't enough. And they realized they needed one more element, and they thought, what if we made the eyes glow?

Maybe that will step it up somehow. But again, you know, he's already, Deep Baker's already moving wood back and forth. I don't think he can flick another thing. He's not a puppeteer. It's like one-man band things. It has like a bellows and like symbols on his knees. Between his knees. Yeah.

Can we attach something to his blinks? Can we control something? Now, Olmec, how would you like to favor us with a song? Oh no. Playing the organ. Not today,

please. Yeah. So they're scouring for what's the solution there. And they go to a radio shack that has a disco ball that is voice activated. And they just, they dig the mechanism out of that, put it in the eyes,

just like solder it themselves. And again, this is the creators of the show, just like Jerry rigging this up to the, and that ended up being enough and works well enough. That's American ingenuity right there. show. Yeah. Just like jerry-rigging this up to the, and that ended up being enough and, uh, works well enough. That's American ingenuity right there.

Yeah. Yeah. We're all, you know, you know, in, in, in strike era,

we're all talking about low staffs and you're like this thing. I think there were, I think there were four, forget writing staff. There were four people behind the scenes of this show in general. Yeah. Um, no one worked on this the fewest about like okay can the temple guard can we give the temple guards can we space out the runs enough

that the temple guards can also go get the pizzas and come back it's yeah this is crazy though because like i guess guts is probably technically a more dangerous show for kids. Because you've got kids on bungees jumping off 5, 10 feet platforms. But still, it feels like all these shows were so understaffed. I am surprised there was not more kid injuries. And this was also in the era before crazy private equity optimization. So it's kind of surprising they weren't willing to shell out a little more money on a show like you know it costs very little to make and they turn them out i'm just amazed that they were so so cheap on this i i think uh florida uh not the most uh in the 90s maybe not the most safety focused sure occupational state certainly not the friendliest to a lot of the unions ever

in general like florida was dangerous. The Temple Guard Union was broken up immediately by Pinkertons. The TGA. Support the TGA. Was Wild and Crazy Kids Orlando as well? I think that was all over. That was done on a farm somewhere.

That was in the middle of nowhere. Really nondescript locations. Was that in Ventura or something I think it was around here sometimes they filmed at Raging Waters I feel like I'd recognize a park sometimes and yet wonder why aren't they asking me the coolest

kid in the San Fernando Valley I'm the best kid here why didn't they are my parents not getting the word out about me enough the valley's top kid three years running that was the thing about a legend the hidden temple a lot of the kids were from the orlando area and it was like ages 11 through 14 but then it would take so long to get around the shoot sometimes those kids were like 15 doing that show.

He has some kid with a gross little mustache. Just dominating Robin Hood's maze or whatever. This one kid is really tall but isn't very coordinated. He's trying, gotta impress his girlfriend.

He's gotta impress his kids. His girlfriend drove him here she is 16 and has a car this was a misperception i also had about these shows a lot that the all right what maybe could you guys tell this at the time that like that the kids never seem like they they know each other or have any chemistry. Yeah, I think they get randomly paired up. I think so, yeah, yeah. Because the connection is,

they aren't looking each other in the eye, especially if it's boy-girl. They're nervous. I'm next to a girl on television. You feel that. That's tougher than the temple. There's a lot of missed high fives, I feel like. You don't sense that the camaraderie doesn't help the success

rate either. When you're just paired with some random, if it was like your childhood buddy, I bet you'd do better at it. I think so. Yeah. There'd be some trust there. I would think.

But, um, instead, yeah, you could tell that it's, they probably had not met before that day. And yet I, this was, all right, this is some mental gymnastics I did when I was a kid. It was, all right, the prize, the big prize at the end is probably a trip.

We know there was space camp, there would be space camp, but that's like a group, right? Sometimes, it's like in one that I watched, it's like you're going to the Holiday Inn in Mexico City. And I feel like I would think, but it doesn't seem like these people know each other very well. Now they have to take a trip together? Oh, that's amazing. I wonder if they sent them together. Based on what we've been told about the budget, imagine they probably had both families, one hotel room. Possibly, yes.

Yeah, maybe just for... It's a suite. It's a sweet have a sweet size you can uh rock paper scissor for couch there's a big sectional part of it yeah nice bonding actually for a family to sleep in one triangle together one year you guys love adventure come Yeah. This is part of the adventure. The adventure continues. Using the dinner voucher for Denny's with some random family. You do all have to split this. Oh, you brought other kids?

Sorry. That wasn't really part of that. This is only for the winning cast. It's meant to be a six-way split. That trip costs under $400, right? That they're giving people? Yeah. You have to use it. Well, I mean,? That they're giving people. Yeah. Well, I mean, the holiday inn felt kind of.

Yeah. Unless it's a night. Sometimes you get a nicer holiday inn. Sure. Sometimes. There's a lot of variance in that particular brand. Yeah. Also back in the nineties, we didn't, maybe I didn't as a child.

I feel like there was still like this illusion that hotels were like, like of that nature or like kind of like fancy in a way. So like, Ooh, the best Western. And now as an adult, you know, hotels were like, like of that nature, like kind of like fancy in a way. So like, Ooh, the best Western. And now as an adult, you know, it's like, you know,

you know, it's a flea bag, but back then you might, you might be, Oh, has a swimming pool. It's a nice hotel, you know,

with the right photo. And yeah, when you, when you don't know any better, we're doing it just that it is a hotel. Yeah. It's not my house. Take me there.

I learned this, uh, uh, number seven or eight years ago or so. I missed a flight at LAX. And they're like, we'll give you a voucher for a really cheap hotel room. Do you want to go to this Hyatt that costs like $40 more? Or do you want to go to Armada Inn?

And I didn't. I was like, oh, the Armadas are usually nice right no immediately placed in a room next to a conference room that was having the loudest revival church service you've ever seen and had to go back down and go like hey can you um can we have another room there's a church revival still good and they're like what time church revival still going on. What time was it? That's still going on? It was like 9.30 at night. Really? Wow. And it was just like... You should have gone in there though. I don't know why I didn't just take a lift

back to Los Angeles. I don't know why you didn't just get born again. Yeah, that could have been your lucky break. You'd be in heaven right now. And if everywhere is perfect, then it doesn't matter how bad the hotel rooms are. were the el segundo what um what i think yeah because i would always you you would sense the lack of chemistry but like double dare was families so you would end up rooting for just whatever family you thought you liked better but they did like a smart medieval

times type thing here with branding each team. So it's more like you were rooting for your sports team every episode versus you cared at all about the kids themselves. That's a good point. And really, I mean, maybe are you like two questions and anyone answer? Did you have favorites and was the favorite more based on the color or the animal color? I'd say so. It's the color or the animal? Color. Color. I'd say so. It's the more prominent.

The animals are a little hard to make out. They're a little abstract. Right. There's some real Coco Pellies. That's what they are. Yeah, just six Coco Pellies. Yeah, the red Coco Pellies, the blue Coco Pellies. These drawings all made by Kirk Fogg's brother. He's an artist in New Mexico.

Yeah. Do you feel that way, though? Did you feel like, and did you have a favorite? I can't remember. I would assume, based on my values as a kid, it was probably the Silver Snakes, as was every boy's, I imagine. But who knows? Just due to Snake being the, like, ickiest.

Snake and silver is cool you know sure sure but i i honestly don't remember to be i think i feel like i would gravitate to the more um extreme like uh what i now know are like you know like like the memphis colors you know like an old taco bell oh yeah because these colors were new to us in the 90s also very southwest i so like i i still have to consult you get the pack of 64 crayons and they would have those color i remember like you get like if we could have double the crayons you would get those colors you're talking about yeah yeah yeah and they felt they felt novelty they were being used in our code we were the first generation who were getting those colors in our clothes yeah in our

cool shorts um so i i feel like i would go green monkeys because it was kind of a uh more of a turquoise it felt like an extreme green so i think so that's a question if you had the if if you had to pick your silver snakes you think think, if they let you choose, which is a big if. Yeah, I imagine everyone piled on to one or two colors and everyone else had to suffer. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the dregs, what's left in the pile. Also, okay, it's red jaguars, blue barracudas, green monkeys, orange iguanas. That's a good, I mean, because iguanas also feels like,

that also felt like an animal of the time. Yeah, that's a 90s animal. That's like an animal that wears time yeah that's an animal that wears sunglasses exactly yeah yeah not all of these would purple parrots i don't think you're catching a parrot in sunglasses but that's what my that was my team you'd be purple parrots there's no this isn't even like guessing this is just i was i was like that's my team every time they almost never win uh and then I was disappointed. Yeah. Jason? Blue barracudas.

Blue barracudas. I think. Nice. It was a calming shade of blue. Yeah, I agree. Barracuda is an interesting animal. You know? Yeah, yeah.

It feels like it's not a primary. You know what I mean? No. It's not a bear or dog. Yeah. Those are the primary animals to me. Yeah, bear and dog. Bear, dog.

Yellow dogs. That's all I can name, I think. Yeah. Sometimes you think of cats. Once in a blue moon, you remember cats. Anaconda. Yeah. Well, so we don't overlap, so we wouldn't have a problem at that stage.

Yeah, we'd all be fighting to the death on that moat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then you all be fighting to the death on that moat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then you just take it to the moat. So that's the first challenge that's right up at the top, which is kind of good for excitement real fast. You maybe get a little tease of what the legend is, you know, and then you're just right into the – it's always a moat challenge, and maybe you're just right into the, it's always a moat challenge,

and maybe you're jumping across inner tubes, maybe you're going across some wire or something. Either way, it's chaos, and either way, at least one team is really eating shit. I read that this would sometimes take half an hour to do. For each taping. Yes, for each tape, which this might be a good chance to talk about the tedium. I really, truly,

I think I knew the bare bones of this, but that they would shoot five episodes in a day. My God. And then do all the motes, all the steps, all the tempo. You just have hundreds of kids in a holding room at all times. and then do all the moats, all the steps, all the temple rides. You just have hundreds of kids in a holding room at all times.

Oh, God. Yes. That's the worst part. Green Monkey 7. Green Monkey 7. I'm getting confused about which Green Monkey it is. You had one job. You have one number to remember. A break room with arcade games and pizza.

And how sick must you have been of being in that fucking break room by the end of the day well imagine like that lighting is not good the smell is not good no like old because they're just leaving those pizzas out and you are bloated from pizza and like store brand soda like public store brand dr pepper Just guzzling it over and over. Dr. Special or something. Yeah. Dr. Good. Dr. Temple. It's their in-house. They might only brew it up. We save money by making

our own Dr. Pepper. If we just make all our soda for the year right before the tapings. It's Rubbermaid containers and cans of seltzer and buckets of syrup okay so Jed we need you to write three legends

then go mix up the soda put it in the carbonation machine and really rinse that Rubbermaid out because the kids were getting pretty sick yesterday I also hear the lifeguards so make sure these teams drown in front of their families, please.

Then brush up on CPR. We can't give you a full lesson. We can't get a specialist out, but just find a book if you can. If the kids want to drink a water, tell them to go drink from the moat. We don't have running water here. Remember, you can't put makeup on until after the moat sequence, because you did it in the wrong order last time. You scared a kid. They nearly drowned. You could put a little zinc

on your nose. That'll just read as lifeguard materials. But don't push your genie luck, okay? You hear me, Jed? I don't want to say this again, Jed. The whole thing is on Jed's back. But yeah, this thing was done maddeningly

I mean not quickly on the day it seems like these tapings were probably incredible slogs but okay the breakdown on this 40 episodes a season all done within two weeks so that's that's like what we all watched over the course of for the first time they aired a couple months but then you're still watching it in college like where do i put it on on peacock or not peacock what's what fucking it's on paramount plus paramount plus god this it's it's two weeks of these people's lives yeah multiply that by three three seasons we're up to six and this is for somebody like kirk fogg this is what he'll be known for forever for something that he did over six weeks of his life it's pretty crazy when you think of it that way that's shorter than i mean how how did the

moon landing take you know that's true hey yeah yeah you know what if we're crunching numbers fog neil arlshong potato big important things in american history so yeah yes true uh uh yeah you know the the the q anon shaman is famous for something that happened in just two hours just three hours yeah same deal so actually the two weeks is pretty pretty meaty um Do you think a day of shooting a Legend of the Hidden Temple was worse than a day of shooting Alf? Because Alf notoriously looked like a slog because you couldn't get the puppet, it wouldn't work,

or the angle was wrong. Puppet engineers were banging their heads against the wall. Yeah, everyone was just miserable. At least that's just one component. Yeah, you don't have a bunch of impatient children if you get wrangled at all times. I least that's just one component yeah you don't have like a bunch of impatient children yeah wrangled all times i guess that's true yeah it's more controlled i suppose and you do have a puppet which i imagine that that plank of wood uh came out like that the duct tape connecting that seems a little foolproof though it's just a lever you know

yeah that's true yeah yeah maybe that. Maybe that is a pretty basic engineer. Olmec doesn't have to display the range of emotions that Elf does, you know? I bet Olmec was easier to do than Elf. Yeah, I agree. From controlling

the character. He's stationary. All he does is his mouth opens and his eyes glow. That's easier than... Yeah, and they never had to give him sunglasses.

Right. Guitar. Yeah, worst case they could ADR Olmec. Yeah, yeah, true. They could get footage of him dead on and then later in a sound booth have him talk about Benjamin Franklin's little

glasses or something let's talk about some of these legends because I completely forgot I forgot everything but the end of the show. Yeah, yeah, me too. I don't think anything else about the format. The end of the show is obviously the thing you want to get to.

The rest has a certain chaff quality to it, where it's like, all right, let's go through these kind of generic rope climbing games and all that, while we're waiting for the freaking temple, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like time killing, and not all of it can be as big scale as the big temple run. But yeah, I 100% forgot that there's this zone

where Olmec weaves the tale of the item and how it ended up in the temple. And then you have to remember what he said to some extent. It's reading comprehension. Yes. Yeah. It's a little mini SAT. And it feels very Carmen in San Diego inspired to me. Yes. Yeah. Like in the sense of like

we're going to give the kids a little something they're going to use. Yeah. Yeah. Except that it's nonsense. It's all lies about Abraham Lincoln riding a horse. Abraham Lincoln spurs. Why wouldn't it be the hat? The hat's right there.

Abraham Lincoln's lasso. You know his item. I still am so history deficient that I'm, it took me a long ways through the episode, the jewel encrusted egg of Catherine the Great. Me as an adult to think, wait a minute, I bet Catherine the Great didn't have a jewel encrusted egg. Teaching his kids all these useless fake facts.

That'll mess them up later down the road on tests and reports. If that gets lodged in their head. The real Benjamin Franklin one is called The Electrified Key of Benjamin Franklin, which we all kind of know that story. That's rooted in something. But we all know that it's apocryphal. But I don't know that we can track down

the broken wing of icarus has been lost to history wait a minute yeah we have character like like for example there's amelia erhard a fairly recent historical figure versus icarus a fictional allegory the scales of pontius pilate oh the silver judas is a little baggy The scales of Pontius Pilate. Oh, the silver. Judas' little baggie of silver. He's the silver. What is the most recent?

Was Amelia Hurt the most recent person? I'm trying to think. I don't have the whole list in front of me. Jimmy Kerr's mobile phone. Magic Johnson's NBA championship ring. Did you just steal it? He was here for the All-Star game or something? The jersey of David Justice.

Gee, Gordon, lady's gone. The dried Japanese banquet vomit of George Bush. Yeah. Bill Clinton's saxophone from Arsenio. Oh, yeah. Bill Clinton's saxophone from Arsenio. Oh, yeah. Bill Clinton's saxophone. That was the only one done real time. Like, hey, we're planning a show.

That's great. Somebody called his buddy at KTLA. Can someone take it to FedEx, please? Hurry. Six o'clock is the last drop off. It's Orlando ASAP. It's a pretty strange assertion that every historical figure has a primary item, and you can tell that they are sketching with some of them,

because you end up with the Amelia Earhart one. You're like, oh, is it her goggles or a little propeller pin? No, it is the lucky pot-bellied pig of Amelia Earhart. Well, I guess she didn't take it with her. You got it. Exactly, yes. Which was maybe their logic. Like, Broken Wing of Icarus, maybe they thought, well, maybe it fell to Earth.

But since we don't, I guess they're like the wreckage of Amelia Earhart. We don't know what happened exactly. So how would the wreckage of that would be a clue so they did think this through they're like it's got to be something that she didn't take so it was like her little buddy like fueling up the plane or whatever this is a weird story carved her a little wooden pot-bellied pig here take it for good luck she says no doubly weird because here's something for good luck no thanks i won't need it i ameliorate will make it a really safe task it's a very time-tested very easy function

to do but also like i may i crafted this specially for you i did wood carving for you fuck you working on my rickety plane. So yeah, if you take anything away from this, it's that she's mean. She's like rude and thoughtless. Yeah, yeah. So we can all feel a little less sorry about Amelia Earhart passing,

because now we know she was a terrible gift non-accepter who didn't appreciate her employees. The one kind of based on a person that struck me lawrence of arabia's headdress there's no way the kids know let i'm sure the writer even was like they're not thinking about the real guy they're just thinking like i saw that movie at like 2 a.m. on TV. Yeah. Yeah, the headdress of David. No, Lawrence of Arabia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also funny because you're always right around the corner from, like, horrors.

Where if you look up the real story, because the real stories are from terrible times and about terrible people. Yeah, sure. So, like, the jewel-encrusted egg of Catherine the Great. Because I first started Google, did Catherine the Great actually like the jewel-encrusted egg of Catherine the Great. Because I first, I Google, did Catherine the Great actually have a jewel-encrusted egg like a dumbass? And then you start like, then you learn real things. Like one of the facts that the kids have to remember is like the name of her friend, Gregory Orlov,

who I think was actually some like- Oh man, that's gotta be a tough one. Like what was the name of Catherine the Great's friend? The kid like, Gregory Romolf. Yeah, the pressure. You have to remember Russian last names or you don't get a Huffy. That haunts a kid.

You know that for the rest of his life. Mom, Dad, why didn't you enroll me in Russian history classes when I was 11? Okay. You know, when I would watch these game shows, I thought like, okay, I think I could do the flags on Double Dare. I think I could handle What Would You Do. That's what it was called, right? The other Mark Summers. Yeah.

But this show, I think the only part I was like i bet i could do that like the step on the ground answer a question that the giant uh stone man said uh 90 seconds ago you know would you be worried though about because what was flashing through my head was timing of the probably janky step to light it up. And you know that's what gets you even on current game shows, on Jeopardy, is getting the rhythm of the thing. You feel like you got the reading comprehension, but do you think you could master the perfect step? I'd be worried every step of the way. I'd just be worried about everything. I'm sure I would try to hurt like trying to nail on the floor which i'm sure the response time on that floor

yeah like you said the jeopardy buzzer like no way that was yeah super accurate you know maybe a little ahead you got to be a little ahead of it um and and yeah i don't think they're mastering the rhythm it would be great to see a kid so stressed that they just puncture the floor. Yeah. They go all the way through. Kick Jed right in the head. Yeah. He's under there for some reason.

He's just turning light switches on and off. That's the one man band, too. He has like one, two, three, four platforms. He's got two with his fingers and two with his toes. I hate this guy. I turn the corner in this building and he's always there doing something. And he seems so tired and so sad. Smoking cigarettes every time I see him.

Yeah. Cigarettes coming out through the steps. Jared, Jared, I told you, don't smoke under the steps. Yeah. The one, this one really seemed like a stretch to me. The golden pepperoni of Catherine de' Medici. It's almost like an Italian slur or something. It sounds offensive, yeah.

Well, and what's weird about it, this is about the queen of France. Yeah, who famously loved pepperoni. Yeah, so why are we, and then the story is about like her therapist linguine i think maybe they just didn't yeah they just didn't do this right they are like her got some names wrong well this is also before the internet so you just had to kind of go on whatever knowledge you already had yeah so you're just kind of patching it together who's gonna call you out a bunch of dumb ass kids like yeah they don't know yeah they are like they're wrote listening to these stories so that they can step on a button correctly they are not gonna correct but if but in this case was it like was catherine de medici from france italy

kid says france they and they like no uh whoa oh wait oh Maybe. What do we do? Back to one, everyone. We need to redo that. The camera ran out of tape. Oh, a side fact about it. I am happy, though, that they made, I think maybe they needed to make up some bullshit about Catherine de' Medici because in real life, she was under a lot of pressure to, like,

continue the family line and have a lot of babies a recurring thing of all of these like were the were the real people's lives as fun as olmec's legend told and then it's like uh they had 15 children and three survived like the horrors of being all of these people but this woman you would all be dead children you should be begging to go that the punta cana ramada it's better than any palace that any of these kings could have dreamed of uh the real woman she had to like continue the family line so she had she had to reproduce and fast so she had to do all of the known at the times perfect ways to ensure that you will get pregnant. Those including drinking mule urine and covering her vagina in cow dung. Wow.

Oh, man. The past sucks. Yeah, this is a royal we're talking about. This is a queen has to put cow shit. Was there a rationale for both of those things? Not that I saw. Okay. Maybe nobody wrote it down because if she asked,

like, so why do I drink mule urine? Oh, it's a lot. Look. If you have to ask. It took an hour to explain it. It was mostly hemming and hawing. Yeah. You're not going to get it, I don't think.

You're not going to understand it. That's queen shit. It's queen stuff. It's a science thing, and we don't want to burden you with that. You're the queen. You're the queen. We're the queen. We're the queen stuff. Yeah, you just keep your head in the game of fucking and drinking mule piss.

Yeah. Look, here's my guess for the shit. It's that it's like shit is fertilizer. Sure, there you go. Oh. It's that it's like shit is fertilizer. Sure. There you go. Oh! It's surely a semantic device. Surely.

This is a good reminder in the movie The Favorite. Like, everyone is pretty miserable. Oh, yeah. It's a very grotesque film. Yeah, but it's very grotesque. And, like, the only people who are happy are just constantly, even they just have to be constantly backstabbing everyone. They can never let their guard down.

So they can be one of the two people with living the comfortable life of smearing couch shit on their genitals. Yes, and it will probably drive them insane. Yeah, that too. Yeah, yeah, everybody. If you aren't dying from one of the diseases or from just random animals

and bugs being around, then you like go loony. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing, not to get it too uncomfortable. You brought this one up, Harriet Tubman.

I think it's strange that there were three episodes that had like slavery figures. Yeah, sure. Because like I mean besides, look, there's weightier reasons why that is weird but also that like, how did all these artifacts from the south end up in this

Mesoamerican temple that otherwise has things that Icarus used? It's a real catch-all temple. Yeah, it's a temple of the mind. Yeah, I guess maybe, yeah, that's a good way toall temple it really yeah it's a temple of the mind yeah i guess maybe yeah that's a good way to think of it versus an actual location yeah if you had a pinpoint on the map it'd be like you know not be detectable by a gps you know it's everywhere and nowhere all at once

ley lines converge on the tempo like it's like a multiverse uh inflection point and that's how items multiverse of history and myth all colliding. We have done more backstory by the way in a little over an hour than they ever did. We have access to the internet. Yes. Just chatting about

the making of the show. We have established more concrete logic than the stone production people. Because we all have computers, and we don't have to win Encyclopedia Britannicas like some of the kids on the show. You'd have knowledge back then. You'd have one wheel of fortune. And you'd have to pay odd outmoded prizes.

They wouldn't give that to you actually at the show, right? Where you'd have to buy two suitcases to take it home. Oh, yeah, if you're flying. They'd probably ship it to you, I i would think could i just get the hair gel that's it's easier to pack la looks yeah i'll take the la looks package please can i can i say one that i like oh yeah yeah please robin hood and marianne's ladder or marianne sorry made in marianne her their ladder is that like a Rapunzel thing or something

I guess because yeah he rescued her but wouldn't it be there's more fun yeah his bow and arrow that's probably my go to his hand with the feather

or something I don't know the ladder is funny the ladder is funny archery does not factor or like anything that he robbed yeah

right like a sack of gold coins ladder well maybe be interesting to see what ladders used to look like as opposed to okay our fancy modern ladders this is educational wow so they couldn't fold up back then huh wow boy we have it pretty good don't we yeah yeah so these these are insane uh the uh so you get past this zone the kids as we said are just like um you know sperm not making it very far into the fertilization process so you don't have like we don't care you don't learn the kids names even at the beginning you get nothing it's only the team so then eventually you get kind of an awkward little banter segment like they've picked out just a couple detail that are usually

just like so you do dance huh i mean they're they're like very sparing thankfully because this zone can be a very awkward kirk's interviewing like 30 of these kids a day he's already talked like seven kevins today you know he doesn't he can't keep it straight you do soccer too huh wow you like hamburgers huh yeah kirk fogg has like been awake for like 48 hours at this point he's just like all right he also by his own admission because he i've done some interview with him where they ask him really generic questions and i like this one what was a typical day like at Nick Studios? Typical day for me was showing up and walking around the set, trying to figure out what the show was about.

That what? Did they not even brief you on anything? It seems like he was, he was as lost as anybody. He was in a fog. Kirk was in a fog. I didn't get a lot of hands-on guidance. So it was a bit overwhelming due to the nature of production.

He also says that he got the part because they didn't have a lot of time. I don't know. Get him in. He's in. He's going. 90% of success is just showing up. Yeah. That's right.

Sometimes. It's half the battle. So he doesn't know any better than anybody else. And then you're on to Temple Games. And I don't have a lot to say about Temple Games. Because this is also, you're just waiting for the game to don't have a lot to say about temple game because this is also it's like you're saying you're just waiting for the yeah the temple games are filler they're basically just like another version of what you would see on guts or double dare

yeah like it's nothing really very temple specific and you know it's like all right put these balls in a basket you know it's the the only interesting thing maybe sometimes is that they do have to tie into the story so so you so you now have to fold in real historical events into what is usually just like going up and down or like being on some boxes um maybe throwing some items to knock other items down for instance in the uh one that i mentioned about like russian history it was like they had to, in order for her to get in power, they had to depose some czars. So you need to knock out four czars to win the,

and it's some like filler. So the kids are defeating czars and that's the game. It's time to make Anastasia an orphan by knocking these bottles over. I also, one of them was like the Underground Railroad, right? Sure. Because it's part of that story. Oh, that's right, with like the mine cart.

Failing to understand, it's a metaphor. There's no actual railroad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't get the fun. Yeah, you can't do anything with some train mechanism. But they do, and again, they're trying to keep it educational. So they're telling you a little bit about how that worked, and there'd be like hiding spots, and then you're trying to keep it educational. So they're telling you a little bit about how that worked.

And there'd be like hiding spots and then you're trying to make it up to Canada. And what that ultimately leads to is just the funny line from Kirk Fogg. All right. So the Green Monkeys, they made it to Canada. That means they're going to the temple. Really simplifies that. Both of those facts can be true at the same time. Yes, technically. Yes, lower stakes situations than higher stakes situations. Slaves are freed, and more importantly,

you all will be competing for the bikes. That's in the past, and right now what's important is you get to get some oil in. Get into that cave. Gravity of this moment is... I was thinking about the sounds to appreciate this and now Olmec explain what they're doing.

The tempo gains were the pendants rounds and I was stressed out. They gotta get enough pendants. You gotta get enough pendants for winning the trivia. To get the advantage for the big game, for the big race. I mean, I was like... I felt relieved if they would get two pendants. Because then I think...

Then they're impervious. Yeah, they're pretty much. But man, if you got a pendant and a half or one half, Ben, and you had to find that other half, I was like, oh God, they're not going to make it. That's like when you would go into a video game, like fighting a boss or in the last level when you have one star it triggered like that would trigger my same anxiety about it like i'm not getting out of this yeah i do not have enough going in this is all i got yeah temple guard in the second room done yeah game over yeah i i have a very specific memory of

watching my dad taking a nap in the recline his recliner uh very 90s dad thing taking a nap in his recliner i wanted i was the show came on and like as it got closer to the temple run i like just scooted over just sat in the chair next to him because i'm like ah if i'm gonna jump out of my skin if i'm gonna get scared at least i'll feel better if he's close by even though he is totally dead asleep. Yeah, he couldn't do anything against the Temple Guards if they were to jump out of the television and attack you. I don't know why I didn't just change the channel. I guess because the cable provider had not given us Cartoon Network yet.

So I was like, well, what do I watch besides Nickelodeon? I mostly watch Nickelodeon. It's your whole life also. well, what do I watch besides Nickelodeon? I mostly watch Nickelodeon. It's your whole life also. You're going to not watch some Nickelodeon? You have to. You're not going to be able to watch the best part

of the show? Yeah. High drama, man. Yeah. It was our job at the time. It was all... I felt a duty. I have to consume

four hours of whatever this channel is showing me. And probably the repeat that's going to air in two to three hours and i wouldn't remember i feel like i would just like not even know they were repeats sometimes oh sure yeah you just kind of get full like uh did i i'm gonna watch the same one i don't know like 14 times and not known there could have been five episodes if i didn't know. Yeah. Uh-huh.

The discovery to me watching the best of compilation that there were not just some teams who won, but teams who won with one kid going through. Like they had a medallion. They had a pendant. They got taken by a guard. They never encountered any other guard. They got the artifact and then they got out either with a lot of time or with like the skin of their teeth yeah and i was just like the solo winners of like you are a god to me yeah like you buy a lottery ticket yeah yeah yeah um do you think they're all doing

well today they're all fortune 500 ceos i think the. If you look at the list, you start to go, oh, wow, yeah, Temple, Temple. I forgot Warren Buffett ran the Temple run. Blue Barracuda, yeah, yeah. I think you could rewrite the Bruce Springsteen song, Glory Days, about a Legends of the Hidden Temple winner that's now at a bar near the Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando. I would never stop talking about this if I won that. I would be talking about it every day

in my life to every new person I met. 100%. Yeah, percentage, like, you and, like, Olympic-level athletes, that's, like, how hard it is to win. So I would... But also, on top of that, the Olympics were boring and for grown-ups. 100%. This air, they kept

rerunning. The Olympics didn't get rerun on Nick. That's true. That gets run once and forgotten. So better. Better than the Olympics. I agree. I respect these kids more than I respect Michael Phelps. He trained. These kids were just thrown into it.

That's a good point. Yes. Told pizza. Of course they're good. They thought about being good. These kids, the odds were completely against them. Absolutely. They should have been terrible.

A complete stranger told lies about historical figures and forced to memorize them and then put this impossible puzzle with fucking adults ready to grab them. Absolutely. These guys are the real heroes. Screaming audience. They've been separated from their parents all day. Fed crappy pizza. Only Jed tending to them.

There should be an Olympics. These kids should all be on Mount Rushmore. It should be like 90 kids. Oh, I'm for it. Yeah, yeah. I'll blow up a couple of them at least and refashion them as all of the winning red jaguars. Yeah.

They should also have an Olympics where the people don't train at all. Yeah. Whoa. That would be awesome. That's a million-dollar idea. Olympic swimming pool, and you just find some people, keep them in a room for 10 hours eating pizza,

and then you go, oh, by the way, you're doing swimming. You're getting in the pool. So I think that people would train in. You can't train for this in any real way. Yeah, it's not like you're going to get the layout of the temple. No. It's not like a Mission Impossible mission. You could, like, I guess if you knew the sequence of events and you could, like, utilize, like, have your parents help you. Like, you'd have to, like, use every room of your house, assuming that you're in a house.

Right. And then, like, get up on the roof, probably. I think you could do speed run. Obstacle course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, uh, it turns out a better call Saul where he's like running them through that.

Yeah. You're going to steal all the suits. Yeah. You, I think you could rig up, but it'd be, you know, but it'd be guesswork unless you knew somebody who had the blueprints or something. But if you know that person, then you probably have more inside information. It could probably scam the system in some other way yeah the only thing i think if in all seriousness that i could do to train for this as a kid would be to desensitize me to being frightened that's

the only thing that would help is i don't know how you do that you just pay pay a friend to fucking jump out yeah like every day yeah a couple kids are gonna jump out. Yeah, like every day. Yeah, scary. A couple kids are going to jump out at me during the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you just have PTSD permanently going forward. Yeah, it would damage me, but I would be less reactive when it would happen on the show. Maybe you need a network of people because I think there's a fear of the unknown. They're wearing masks.

That's part of the scary thing. And if you kind of know it's your friend, even a shock gives you a little. So you need to get a friend to get other people he knows who you don't well they need to coordinate with everyone yeah so they just need to coordinate and it can come from anywhere yeah that's a good point because the one thing i saw about the show is that the temple guards were told like switch up how you jump out like get them sometimes when they first get in the room get them when they're almost out of the room or halfway through or like i remember this very well that like sometimes you go like okay there's no temple guard and then sometimes what happened

immediately man yeah because i would be freaked because i would like oh is it okay okay it's okay it's okay it's all right and if we're And if we're too afraid as viewers, then imagine in person. I can. Yeah. This, I think of all the shows, I probably would have said I wanted to do this one the most, but no way in reality. Maybe been a little relieved when you didn't make it all the way. Yeah.

Cause this was the story of my life as a kid going, Oh, alien encounter is going to open in Disney world. Oh my gets open already. Oh, it is. Oh, I don't know. I don't really know if I want to, are you sure? Well, it's open already. Oh, it is. Oh, I don't know. I don't really know if I want to. Are you sure? It's right here.

It's open. There's no line. Oh, you know what? And then I didn't go. My little sister and my dad went. I might need to have lunch. It's 830. We had a giant buffet character breakfast.

Yeah. Yeah. But I can't remember the lie I told to try to, I did get out of it. I didn't go on Alien Encounter, but we were sitting right there and I go, oh, it's,

I think I said to like, it's too bad at Disney Adventure said it opens in August. Yeah. No, Mike, it's open now. As we tell ourselves. Yeah.

What was your level of, of Frady catness? Because we, the three of us have some, we're somewhere on the, the scale of, of Frady to not Frady Katniss, because the three of us were somewhere on the scale of Frady to not Frady, as cats are concerned. Sure, sure. Do you think you would have been able to handle this decently?

I feel like I probably would have been out in one of the earlier two rounds. Yeah. I doubt I would have done well at the moat. Yeah. I might have done well at the memorization, but God knows when you're paired with some rando, what their level is. I would certainly get eliminated by the temple game, so it would be a miracle if I was among the last team to be there.

Yeah. For sure. So you think you make it a little bit of the way? Maybe, yeah. I don't see myself, if I'm being perfectly honest, I don't see myself ever making it to the temple. If you ran the simulation 100 times, I might make it like twice and not win once.

That's probably me too. Which how cool would that be to put in stats about ourselves as children, run it through a reconstructed temple and see what would happen. And then watch us that it like, wait a minute. I, I peed myself when the temple guard I drowned in the fucking styrofoam room?

I died? You're not supposed to die. On run number 51, I got so scared that I started eating the packing peanuts and then choked. I choked on the monkey head. Fell to the bottom.

None of the crew stopped me. Kirk and Jed didn't help me. They laughed. Yeah. The other children, they brought out all the children waiting backstage. Hey kids, you gotta see this. They all mocked me in unison. I just re-watched

Moneyball recently. Let me be like Bill Simmons. Holds up. I don't know. Holds up. You watch Moneyball? I don't know if you watch me you watch my ball i i think i'd like to better now because i watched more baseball so and it's very much structured like a it's a little boring uh it's kind of structured like a baseball game um yeah you can come and go yeah you can talk to people drink a beer but there is early scenes jonah hill is explaining to brad pitt like okay here's what Sabermetrics is.

All the players have all these different stats. We need to add them up, and we boil that down to one number. We try to get one number for everyone. So to do the Sabermetrics, I would like every kid who ran Legends of the Hidden Temple, like, did the game show, and it's like, who is the best kid? We know we can't afford a star on the Purple Parrots, but it's about building a smart Purple Parrots. Yeah, exactly.

We won't win this year. But we're 11 years down the line. It's a rebuilding year for the Purple Parrots. Oh shit, we gotta move to Las Vegas? All right. By 1995, yeah for the Purple Pants. Oh, shit. We got to move to Las Vegas. All right. By 1995. Yeah. The kids are great.

By episode 119. Yeah. There should have been a coach for each team that was consistent with all the episodes. Oh, sure. Like almost like on The Voice or something. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you'd have, yeah six coaches well i think that they i think there

maybe was that element on the reboot on the cw reboot from uh yeah i didn't forget about it as much as i didn't know it happened sure at all i missed this 100 well Well, I remember, the only reason I remember it existed is because whenever it was coming out at Comic-Con, Olmec was on the show floor. And I took a photo with him. And that's the only reason it was on my radar as being around. Because I was like, why is Olmec here? You found the casting notice at some point. Yeah, I thought about submitting for it. You were trying to get me to do it.

And you refused. Yeah, because I was doing physical therapy, therapy i think for my shoulder at the time and i was like oh is that i absolutely don't want to do legends it's always something yeah no i'm full of ailments uh the podcasters burden yeah how's your how's uh you guys peeing regular lately how's it uh how's that stream as i explained the stream is, Scott, as I explained, the stream is fine just when you're a man in his later 30s.

Sometimes it dribbles out a bit at the end. That's all. It's normal. Django, you're our guest. You don't have to disclose how your streams look, but if you want,

I'm just going to give you the floor. Well, just check my website. It should have all my pertinent medical details. Oh, great. That's very nice of you. Just get in front of it. Put it out there.

Sport type and all that jazz. Like my chart, but exclusively for you and your comedy. Comedy dates and blood type and miles per hour on your stream. Horsepower. I don't know. They measure in quarks. Okay. Got it.

Yeah. It came back, and I think it may have had the element that kirk fogg was your mentor they like they felt like they had to keep him in there somewhere even though the host changed right uh so he he's kept alive there kirk fogg also kept alive in the the movie that made for tv scripted movie made for nickelodeon movie uh which which came out in november 2016 oh wow i had no idea a cursed time yeah uh not just temple curses um but i watched this i skimmed through this a little bit um also on paramount plus um not yanked out. The recent shows yanked out. That one is still making them a hefty profit,

I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are watching that one every day. Gotta keep that. No, weirdly, this whole thing is on the back

of Legends of the Hidden Temple. If Legends goes, the network is sunk. It all explodes. And we gotta sell. We gotta merge. Mission Impossible, Top Guns, Legends, scripted movie though that's what's holding up paramount plus kirk fogg kind of the the tom cruise of his time

because yeah he really was him on the rope i don't know if you can tell no cgi there he would he insisted i'm doing the swing every episode yeah And if it kills me, it kills me. Gotta go out swinging. I watched all of this thing. It exists in a confusing universe and timeline where the Hidden Temple is a theme park now. It's kind of a chintzy theme park where Kirk Fogg works. And they use his real name over and over again. And he's presented as like a cheese ball like the

show is not very good it's a very theme parky animal actors kind of show but then there's this kid who's like insist like yeah i know you can say it's fake if you want but the legend is real i know it is and i'm gonna find and then like and he talks to kirk who like believes no i've always known it's real uh and you're like, but does the show exist in this universe? Why do they all know who he is and his full name? And it's kind of strange. And then in the end, Kirk gets his wish to go live in the temple. That's what it seems like.

He doesn't want to do this minimum wage theme park job anymore, so the door closes and seals. Say goodbye to your wife and kids, Kirk. You're doing your dream of living inside a temple. Well, it's close encounters. Yeah, yeah. His wife and kids are nothing compared to

the chance for adventure. It's like when Bumblebee says he wants to stay on Earth with Sam Witwicky. I watched the end of it yesterday. Oh, I see. The Bumblebee, oddly, a little more on your mind. Typical. Before wrestling, yeah.

The premise of the movie is not dissimilar to the Revenge of the Mummy ride in Florida, where it's like, okay, this is the set of a movie but also we've stumbled upon a real temple you know and also the brendan fraser movies exist in this world but so do curses i love that they keep kirk in the mix yeah it is feels very thoughtful that's great heretical for them just like pretending it ever existed he's like the only him and olman are the only two consistent things you write about that show, really. Yeah, that is the franchise to me.

Like the idea of a temple is still kind of generic. But if there aren't these two guys involved, then what do you have? And this one, they like make him act. You're pushing into it. It is played like, you know, it's true, all of it. Yeah, right. He gets to do that to this kid, making played like, you know, it's true. All of it. Yeah, right. He gets to do that to this kid. Making him like, I know your friends make fun of you,

but the legends of the Hidden Temple are real. I know they are. Your friends make fun of you for being a fan of a show that was on 20 years ago. Yeah, I don't know. I like seeing it. It makes me smile to see Kirk. The show's fun.

It's fun to think about for a little bit. Fun to hear the lore. We missed how Kirk said that a girl threw up in the pit of despair at one point. They had to stop the taping, get her, make sure she was okay, and then keep going. Sure. They do still owe the three minutes of material. Statistically, there was probably more throw-up incidences than teams that won

every season. Yeah. That temple was just a fucking crawling germ factory. Scared children vomiting in various crevices. The bathroom. Kids must have had some nervous shit in that tiny bathroom in the holding area. It was a miserable taping experience, I'm sure.

Jed, Jed. Got that problem again. Jed. No, you can clean up the bathroom with the makeup on. We don't give a shit. Okay? You just can't be on the cameras. Can't you be calming these kids down?

Learn balloon animals. Jed, Jed. Start doing balloon animals. Okay? You just can't be on the cameras. Can't you be calming these kids down or something? Learn balloon animals. Jed, Jed, start doing balloon animals. Jed, you're the counselor now. You're the balloon animal counselor. Get a DJ set up. Do some songs. Have them do the chicken dance.

That'll keep them calm. Have we missed anything? Have we missed any big ticket items? I just want to say one of the titles of another episode The Mushpot Hat of Johnny Appleseed The Mushpot? The Mushpot Is that your cauldron you use to make apple mash?

Yeah, whatever he wore on his head At least that's what I remember as far as the legend of Johnny Appleseed Yeah, I don't remember him having a hat but I guess I haven't really thought about it. I don't think about Johnny Appleseed that much lately. Well, did he have like a pan? Yeah, it was a cauldron, so he could do Apple things.

It was a mush pot. That's a mush pot? It was a mush pot. All right, come your ass down. Jason, you should know what a mush pot is. Listeners, you can't see us right now, but he's standing and shouting and pointing at us. He's slicing open the couch and pulling the stuffing out. I didn't even know he had a

knife on him. Yeah, I do. The knife of Michael Carlson. The rarely used knife of Michael Carlson. The podcaster's box cutter. Jason, I am surprised you'd be like, oh, you've never cooked something in a mush pot before? That's an East Coast thing, I guess.

Oh, yeah. Colonial and colonial. Yeah, we use a mush pot all like that's an east coast thing i guess like oh yeah colonial and colonial uh yeah we use a mush pot i mean growing up uh growing up in the colonies you know being in the boy scouts we certainly did a lot of interesting uh dishes in dutch ovens sure which is just a large um cast iron right guy you can throw into a burning fire. But you didn't, they should, like the scouts should teach you that, you know, if you're in a situation, if you're overheating and you don't have your hat. If you don't have your mush pot, yeah. Mush pot can easily be your hat. Right.

And that you should spread apple seeds wherever you go. Well, I just do that automatically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's nice, just to keep the world beautiful. Sure. Also, maybe the one other thing is that the reboot ended up on the CW, but it was supposed to be on Quibi. Oh, yeah, right.

Which itself almost sort of lives. Ten-minute episodes of Legends would be interesting. You would just cut all the chaff and basically just go straight to the temple, I imagine. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. They probably all should have been. Yeah.

Well, again, this would have saved. Paramount Plus is riding on Legends and Quibi. I think it would have saved Quibi. Yeah. Would you, can I ask, if the offer was on the table, you didn't have to do anything other than somebody called you and said, I need you to help me out on Legends of the Hidden Temple and it's the cw version's back it's tomorrow and you're available would you want to do it it's a paid position you get uh you get 150 it's non-union

but you get like a let's say you get like three i'm not breaking the wga strike to go work on legends of the hidden temple the second reboot that's that's my stance you hear that wj well look it's uh you know it's a it's an iffy air though you know it's you could call it research i know we read a legend but is that really writing yeah it's kind of pulled from i'm a union man i'm standing with my union on this one okay but in the field let's let's let's jump ahead in a vacuum we get a perfect deal yeah i guess it depends on how much i'm getting paid what like not three hundred dollars yes wait a minute now i'm like how far how low do we go 200 uh yes 100 no okay 100 is the line you still win a prize though well it depends what the prize is i guess

it's a huffy bike no oh if it's an adult road bike, maybe. Yeah, the Huffys look... The Huffys are maybe a little... Does Huffy still make bikes? I think they might be around. Is it all kids? Acquired by Yamaha at some point. Right.

Is there some sort of absorbing of... Yamaha is now owned by the Saudi Wealth Fund. Well, that's... Yeah. I wonder, is Huffy an independent company? Well, so is this show. All things are. Yeah, that's true. All things are. Yeah is independent so well so is this show all things are we didn't tell everybody we got bought a while back yeah so yeah i'm doing i am you're doing

it no matter what yeah i want it i also want to do florida's lava i think i could do it yeah it looks hard and looks like you get hurt a little bit but i think i could do it well you need to just get like a video reel ready to go of you just like tumbling and yeah jumping and i guess mainly not getting scared by people jumping out at you okay that'd be a great reel just you blase as people try to scare you yeah yeah i'm mike i'm mike carlson and this is my non-shocked reel there's a. This is my standing my ground reel. That's the name I want. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess that doesn't sound like, uh, well look, if you need to pull a gun out over the course of it, then you do, you know,

whatever it takes to stand your ground to prove that I am tough enough to be on a game show and make $200. Um, so I, I'm in, are you in? Um, yeah,

I'll do it. Okay. I think so. I think I'd in? Yeah, I'll do it. I think I'd be pretty awful at it. Yeah. Although I don't know that I would be good either. I'm just saying. Wait a minute. What am I saying? I hate haunts. That's probably why I hate it. I don't want to do it. Jason would be out too. Yeah. No.

I would take the $300 a day to come up with like the tissue box shoes of Howard Hughes, you know. Oh oh you'd write on it yeah i would i would oh no no after the perfect after okay sorry come on you admit it you'd scam the tissue box shoes of howard he's making 300 a week to come up with legends wait well you know it's for performing on the show yeah no no we can't afford it. No, you're getting Jed rate. You're getting Jed 1993 rates.

Can I at least write from home and just hop on Zoom? No, you're coming in. Oh, no. They're shooting down in Culver City. Oh, man. That's the most inconvenient part of town. Yeah. And it's not at the Sony lot.

It's a different place. And they're doing it. And it's outside on the hottest days of the year. Yeah. Legend of the Hidden Temple in the sun. Finally, the newest obstacle of the year. Yeah. Legend of the Hidden Temple in the sun. Finally, the newest obstacle, heat stroke. It's one extra one that might hit you. Jango, do you feel like you have, if you had to get boiled down to one item, it's 200 years

from now and one item has to sum up your legend. That's a good question. My phone? For all of us, it's just our phones. Yeah, that's the sad thing about today. The's a good question. My phone for all of us. It's just our phone. Yeah. That's the sad thing about today. The phone of the guy.

The nondescript phone of Django Gold. Well, notice the dirty case. That sets it apart from the other dirty case. Yes. It's a clear dirty case as opposed to the black dirty case or the gray dirty case. Yes, it's a clear dirty case as opposed to the black dirty case or the gray dirty case. Yeah. Well, thank you for

weaving part of your legend here with us today. Yes, this is part of all of our legends. Yes, for adding a chapter to all of our legends. Yes. Django Golds and your nondescript foe when you survive.

Podcast the ride. But hey, you're not walking away empty-handed. Ooh, what am I getting? Let's exit. While you're getting the chance, but hey you're not walking away empty-handed let's exit while you're getting the chance you're you're you get to do a plug that's great yeah that's a price worth all the huffies in america that's yeah it's a prize in a way and there's there's some greater in two years it'll be a prize when there's awareness of what you're doing absolutely um yeah listeners uh by the time this episode airs, my stand-up special

entitled Bag of Tricks will be available on YouTube. You can probably just Google Django Gold Bag of Tricks or go to YouTube and go to my account name, which is at Django Industries. Go there, subscribe,

watch the special. It'll be great. It'll be really good. And it's just you. There's no temple guards. Very, very few temple guards in the special, although'll be great. It'll be really good. And it's just you. There's no temple guards. Very, very few temple guards in the special. Although I'm still editing it. So who knows?

Maybe I could drop something in at the last minute. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, isn't that a night? You know, we're trying to reinvent stand-up specials here and there. And, you know, maybe I do it without an audience. Maybe I do it with jump scares. With spooky monsters.

Scary guys in masks trying to throw me off. The first ever stand-up special in a haunted house. That's a pretty good idea. Spooky bag of tricks. My dad is good. Django Gould. Oh, wow. Well, you got your scary name already ready to go.

So the rest writes itself. Besides that you have to now write an hour of spooky stand-up material about haunted houses. If I start now, I'll be right by Halloween. Yeah, well, get cooking. I think you got a hell of a gimmick on your hands. As for us, you can find us on the socials at Podcast The Ride. Merch is available in our TeePublic store. For three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcast The Ride The Second Gate or get one more bonus episode on our VIP tier, Club 3.

You will find all that at patreon.com slash podcast the ride this episode not taped before a studio audience at nickelodeon studios universal orlando florida and this one did take 10 hours to do yeah yeah a lot we cut it together you're a lot of recess 40 other guests in here yeah bang them out yeah yeah we did that we like we did all the regular fact parts and then everybody's and then we shoveled them out. All had pizza

and then we all did the riff part. So if anything funny that happened. It was cut out. Oh yeah, we did it out of order. The last four episodes with guests we've all been doing this on the same. There was an hour of American Gladiators anecdotes I cut out too.

Yeah, yeah. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio,

and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook