Podcast: The Ride - Mars 2112 with Griffin Newman LIVE

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Surprise guest and Accidental P:TR Legend Griffin Newman (Blank Check) joins us for a look at the Mars 2112 restaurant and the REAL New York City. Recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn, 4/3/22 Club Cool episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! Warning! There have been some changes to tonight's performance of Mr. Saturday Night. Billy Crystal has been replaced by his understudy, three men talking about theme parks. We apologize for the physical condition of the hosts. On the subway here, they yelled, We, this is like a ride, and were promptly stabbed.

There's a lot planned tonight, but the hosts are open to just turning on a TV and watching WrestleMedia Night 2 instead. Your call. For the first time ever from New York, it's Podcast The Ride Live! York. It's Podcast the Right Law! Oh, my microphone is tangled. This salt comedy venue is

surprisingly easy to break into. Ha ha! New York City! Are you ready to get your free car? Yeah, you know what they say. All the little Cliffords in the world are here tonight.

In New York City. All the weirdos from out of town. That's right, that's right. Hey, but why settle for just one Emotionally stunted podcaster When you could have three Ladies and gentlemen The bad boys of Burbank

Oh no We've got a man The bad boys of Burbank. Oh, no. We've got a man made entirely out of Chardonnay. It's Scott Gerger. You want stories about Wallace Shawn? And shame about not clearing your plate? You got it! it's Mike Carson And oh boy Oh boy baby Addie's sailors Coming to you on this wonderful shore leave

from the good ship Lollipop, it's Jason Sheridan! Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay. We're here in New York City. Nice!

Got it! Got it! Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to podcasting. Oh, my God. We should have. Those masks are flying You guys I can't believe this room

We're looking at Hello Hi That's very nice That's nice Guys We do this in my garage. It's been in my garage and on Zoom for two years.

You couldn't all fit in my garage. How does this work? This is a sold out crowd at the Bell House. We can't believe it. Jeez. Thank you so much for coming. Unbelievable. Yeah, can I get a little bit of an inside baseball here?

Like, you know, blue-skying the term. You know, it means when... Well, I'll educate. Because some people here might be the first podcast. My blue sky was that we'd get Patrick Page from this musical, and then I would convince him to come out and do the full song.

Which, we're doing it now. That's what it turned into. It's like, yeah, we'll play the track, we'll go, and then that's how it turned into. We're going to book him a car from the Hadestown Theater to get. Yeah.

Well, Scott and I saw Hadestown yesterday. Oh, my God. Which is great. Applause for us seeing something. For us seeing. These eyes. Watch something happen. Yeah.

So it was great. But it is really like both of our brains are broken. Because the reason we went is because we're like, oh, the Green Goblin is in a musical. And not even fully the Green Goblin from the David Letterman performance, which it was pointed out to us. It's funny that we're like, we want to start a New York show.

What's the ultimate New York thing? You all remember that 12-year-old reference. Yeah. New York thing. You all remember that 12-year-old reference. The debacle. The famous debacle. For our show, though, 12 years is pretty recent. Pretty recent. So, pretty good.

Anyway. I do have to say, guys, that opening bit went smoother than many performances of Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark. That's true. No injuries yet. So anyway, just letting in the crew. Thank you for coming. Thank you. It's nice.

They are all around. This is nuts. Oh my god. And I think we also, bear to say, we want to say it's incredible to be in the greatest city in the world. We want to say that, but of course we are

not in Buena Park, California. Which is, you understand, there's a medieval times and stuff. Everything looks like a castle around there. But we like New York City, too. We've been really enjoying ourselves. Been around for a couple days. Anything we want to say about

our time? Before we head into the main stuff. Oh, it's a good question. I'm trying to think. Mostly it's just about the Green Goblin on Broadway. You know, the lizard wasn't in Music Man. No. So I don't in Music Man. No. So I don't have anything else.

Well, Jane and I saw Company the other night. Oh, wow. And that, I mean, Patti LaBeouf, incredible. I also, you know, we went through Central Park. You know, we walked around Central Park. I went to the Plaza Hotel. Oh, yes. Do you know what they said to me at the Plaza Hotel?

I don't know. They said you can use the bathrooms at Bergdorf's. It turns out they don't want people just tramping through. That's what the woman at the Eloise store told me. Go to Bergdorf's and use their bathroom. So they invited you to use a restroom elsewhere.

Yeah, she said Bergdorf's or the Apple store, and I have never seen an Apple store with a bathroom, so... Just go pee on an iPad, I guess. Yeah. That was their idea. I do like that we, it took us a sec, we weren't all together in one place until last night at

incidentally Margaritaville Times Square. Outside of a Jimmy Buffett concert, when does that get that big of a pop? In Brooklyn. In Brooklyn, when is there that amount of applause for Jimmy Buffett concert, when does that get that big of a pop? In Brooklyn. In Brooklyn, when is there that amount of applause for Jimmy Buffett? But

right now, right fucking now. Yeah, yeah. But one thing that I like is that we were all starting to, it was like, well, yeah, what have you guys been up to? You've been having a good trip. And I like that one of the first things out of Jason's mouth was about your hotel, and that it was like,

this place has free waters. Like a highlight number one of the vacation. Every hour last night, he would say, and we have free waters. And then at a certain point, he goes, look what I got.

And he showed me the bottle of free water. Look, you gotta save money when you visit the city somehow because they discovered Las Vegas-style resort fees and they just fuck you. Oh, this is another thing. This is another thing that's happened a lot. Jason, Jason. You ran into it too.

But in what world are resort fees new and only Las Vegas? That's the confusion on my part. They're not new, but they are out of control. They're newly out of control. Okay, alright, alright. Well, this is like a good stump speech for trying to become the mayor of New York. I know.

It's the platform. I mean, the people have spoken, they've raised their voices, and they've said, we want a guy who's even weirder than Eric Adams. Free bottles of water for everyone. Free bottles of water. Pretty good. had a fantastic time, I would say. But even in the good times,

we have been walking around and feeling some areas missing, some of the soul of the city, and we don't know exactly what happened to it. There's a term we've used in some of our saga-type things, fallen brothers. And we have

seen, Mike, if you could hit a couple of slides here, some of the fallen brothers that we have noticed, and, if you could hit a couple of slides here. Some of the fallen brothers that we have noticed. And we hate to bum you out, but right here. Yeah. This is Mike and I at three in the morning paying our respects to the closed for now planet Hollywood. What a bummer. They should not have to

move. They should never have to replace the carpet. It should only get filthier and filthier as the years go by. That's their right. Jason paid some respects. He noted the very sad absence of the fashion cafe.

I'm sorry, buddy. I, you know, at least was able to drown my sorrows in a Magnolia Bakery banana pudding shortly after this picture was taken at 7.30 in the morning. And then, of course, you've got that there is no longer the world, the WWE Times Square restaurant.

What a bummer. Yeah, oh my God. I mean, it is a hard rock now, so it's kind of a lateral, but you know, it's less unique. There was only one of the wrestling place. I'm so sorry to see you,

this downtrodden Jason. Yeah. And then what's the, wait, there's one more of like, Oh, that's just me eating a hot dog. Oh, okay. Hot Dog King shouted in the audience. That's incredible.

Another thing that only gets that big of a pop at like a Jimmy Buffett concert. I ate a hot dog! Yeah! So, you know, look, sad stuff. And among other things, the Toys R Us with the big Ferris wheel inside. There was the never-built Lionsgate theme park that was...

No, right? You natives would have had it all the time. You would have been there every night at the Mad Men bar. The Hunger Games escape room. How can you even live in a city without these things? And this is kind of what we're getting at. We are wondering what happened to our New York. Our New York.

The real New York. The real New York. The New York of people who did not grow up here, but just visited once when we were 13 that New York what happened to it or where is it gone you know I think everybody here know and the native New Yorkers will tell you New York hit its peak between 1994 and 1999 you all know it these are fat you know New York. That New York. The New York of our, you know, Giuliani.

Giuliani. That was the time. Boo. Oh. What? Did something happen? He was, I haven't been watching anything on the news lately. Yeah.

Look, say what you will about the recent events with the guy, but when he ran things around here, there was a Disney store on every corner. And until the very, very end of his term, no 9-11s. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. No 9-11s He did it That man did it for us

For us People who aren't from here Yeah I visited first when I was 27 This is I've been in Brooklyn before But this is the first time I've 27. This is, you know, this is, I've been in Brooklyn before, but this is the first time I've ever stepped foot in Brooklyn. I've only ever been here

on a double-decker bus tour before. Which feels a little too on point for our whole deal. It should have been all double-decker buses out there. Everybody should have gotten here tonight. That's our New York. Damn it.

So what we want to do tonight is figure out what happened to that New York. The dumb New York. What became of it? And in order to do that we had to enlist the help of somebody who was on the ground, who watched it happen,

who saw what we had and then watched it all fall apart. And he's going to give us some of his expertise. I think we have a great guest tonight. Wait a minute, wait a minute. He's no mere guest. Why this man is an accidental PTR legend. From Blake Check, it's Griffin Newman, everybody!

Oh, hugging like we haven't spent the last 36 hours together. Oh, my God. Pointing with every limb. I feel like every time I've come on the show since accidentally being anointed a PTR legend, I have said that accidental PTR legend is the credit I value most. That having been said,

the audience response to he is an accidental PTR legend broke my brain a little bit. Uh-huh. Yeah, wow. Unreal. Thanks. I don't want to front load here, but we have a lot to talk about tonight.

We have a larger subject, but I think it extends to multiple subjects. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But just because I wasn't sure if Mike was going to bring it up or not. Uh-huh. Now that it's been invoked, I feel like I need to reveal a text conversation. Oh. Yeah.

Alright, alright. Between who and what? We should have put this up on the slide. We should have. I meant to ask you because I didn't know if you were holding back a secret. Well, I was sending you nudes. Yes.

No, I didn't do that. It's more embarrassing, by the way. It's more embarrassing. We have a group text called Griffords the Ride. But occasionally there will be siloed conversations. You and I will mostly talk about people who are professional comedians who we think are not funny. Congratulations, by the way,

to Louis C.K. on his Grammy. Just happened. Just saying. Yeah! Boo! We didn't pick it. Did something happen? We've been backstage for the last

45 minutes. Did something happen? Jason've been backstage for the last 45 minutes. Did something happen? Jason and I will talk about snacks and deals. And Mike will send me links to buy action figures. Yeah, that's true. But I got on March 1st. About a month ago. Seven days before my birthday.

Unrelated. I don't know why I said that. Actually, six. No, it's the seventh. I'm wrong. I got a text, and it was three photos. Okay, and the first photo was like a Google Map sort of itinerary there of 23 minutes to get from Times Square to Union Hall. Mm-hmm.

Okay? All true so far. Or the Bell House. Sorry, excuse me. It's a Bell House. The second text was a performance calendar for Hadestown. And the third text was the personal website PatrickPageOnline.com

with the screenshot of the contact info for his manager. It's online. I did not get this in some weird way. No, it's public. It's on public. And it was just those three photos and then Mike texted

what are the chances? So now that I feel confident that's not happening, Mike was asking me, as a person who understands the geographic layout of New York City and the energy arcs of doing a Broadway performance, do you think there is

any chance we could solicit Patrick Page to come off of a Sunday matinee performance? Two shows, right? Two shows? I think only one. One. Okay. No problem then. The question was, would Patrick Page

come here and do a freak like me needs company? If Mike offered to pay for the Uber. I think you... I think... I sent you these pictures and I think you were like, you realize... First of all, you didn't know

what I was talking about. I didn't. You were just like, what? You said, what are the chances? And I said that you could see Hadestown and then do the show? I thought the contact information would be enough to explain what I was doing. You're a performer, right? You love an audience. Well, we've got one.

We had multiple texts about it and then about like 15 messages later I said, just want to point out, it was insane of you to just share those three pictures and think I could put your full intent together. And then your response was, quote, this theater is surprisingly easy to break into. And then you admitted the error of your ways. You said, I realized that I needed to send one more of Green Goblin on Letterman to fully explain.

Yeah. This is real Mr. Policeman. I gave you all the clues I wasn't confused about who Patrick Page was Or who he was to you I didn't understand what you thought Folks, sometimes you get a little excited And you get overzealous And you think you can present an idea in a fun way

And it comes out confusing. It comes out confusing. That can happen. And that's what happened here. So I acknowledge that, yes. This was, look. There were a lot of people I cornered and said, what do you think the chances are that this guy, my birthday, it was the last 45 minutes. I had a party a month or two ago,

whenever it was, March 7th. And I kept being like, what do you, you think he would do it? And no one knows him. Why would, I've had it in my head. And then, yeah, it didn't. Did you text Griffin after you presented the idea to Jason and I, and the response was kind of, I don't know if this will... When did I first present it?

February? I think I saw... Was it a year ago? The first time we did the podcast ever? Yeah, I think it was... I think I threw the idea out, and you were like, okay, well, maybe, I guess.

And then I went home and got my chemistry set out and I was like, if I find a formula we can chuck this man and come for the Broadway show. Just to clarify, I thought you were texting me privately because it was a secret and you didn't want Jason

Scott to know, but in fact you were texting me privately because Jason and Scott had already known and not been thrilled at the idea. We mumbled, I think, is what we did. I needed some more enthusiasm for the idea.

Sure. So, yes. Why don't we applaud the idea now? It was a nice idea. There's the enthusiasm. He's great. It's right here. We love Patrick Page. He's on the Gilded Age right now, too, by the way.

Wow, a lot of Gilded Age heads in the audience. Let's have a seat. There's one thing to do. There we go. Ah, all right. And thanks. Yes, seats. All right.

Seats is a thing we say, unfortunately. Oh, and you know what? Actually, now that we're in kind of a transitional moment, a little surprise for you, Griffin. In honor of your presence here, we transformed our logo to be reminiscent of the logo of your favorite ride. There you go. Great. For the listener at home, there is a moon and it says podcast the Ride through New York, starring Podcast the Ride.

The ultimate New York attraction. Now, I have to ask. I don't want to expose you guys. But all three of you went to the live taping of SNL last night. That's correct. Yes. Thank you, Kyle. At how many different moments, this is It's three separate questions At how many different moments

Did each of you clock something And go wow that looks just like The pre-ride Queue for the Jim Fallon ride Constantly Yeah yeah Well the whole lobby is exactly like that It's well made

Like wow the real 30 Rock exactly like that It's well made Like wow, the real 30 Rock Is like the fake 30 Rock Jason will tell you When we were leaving and we were still in 30 Rock I kept going, well where's the Steve Allen representation? And he goes, yeah, where's Jack Parr? Where's a glass case for Conan that's this wide wedged in between two Jay Leno cases.

The Conan Memorial sliver, yes. Yeah. No, it's... Look, being there last night was almost as good as being in Orlando on the ride. That is why, yes, it was very impressive to watch Saturday Night Live happen, but one note I have is that the

entire seating didn't dislodge itself and go into the river and up into the moon. Yes. What if that ride was instead Lauren coming out

and going, You know. The show doesn't go on. Because it's ready. It goes on. Because it's 1130. But it's 1125. I think there's enough time. For a ride.

And then you. Chased. Lauren Michaels. To the moon. That's. A plus up. Yeah. You fixed it. You plussed it up. That's a plus up. Wow. Wow. And then the. And then the Blues Brothers. Are on the moon. That's a plus-up. You fixed it.

You plussed it up. That's a plus-up. Wow. And then the Blues Brothers are on the moon. The new Blues Brothers. Jim. It's Jim and Goodman.

No Akron? No, no. Well, we all have our different favorite configuration of the Blues Brothers. You know, we can argue who's first, who's better, but I'm more of a three-piece Blues Brothers guy. I like Jim, Danny, and John together.

That's my dream. That's my team. Can we get Buster Blues in there? J. Evan Bonifant? We absolutely can. Again, everyone has their own favorite configuration of the Blues Brothers. I like the licensed touring Blues Brothers when it's just a couple guys

doing the numbers. Clearly the only wrong answer is the original Blues Brothers. The answer no one has given and up here will not give. How do you blue? I ask people.

Feel free to hashtag that on your way out of the venue. How do you blue? I want to hear how you blue. How do you blue? Your comments. What was that? The video game.

What? There's a video game? You guys don't know about the video game? No, no. We don't have to. Oh my God. Is it a Blues Brothers 2000 video game?

There's a Blues Brothers 2000 video game that I recently repurchased... Oh, my God. Is it a Blues Brothers 2000 video game? There's a Blues Brothers 2000 video game that I recently repurchased. Oh, wow. I'm not kidding. I don't want to go off onto too much of a side tangent here. It's too late. There was a Blues Brothers 2000 video game. I've not replayed it since I purchased it,

but I have an N64. Yeah. The game, as I remember it, because the Blues Brothers 2000 came out before 2000. It came out like 98. And the game, by my memory, came out in like 2001. It missed it by like years.

And it was one of those games where you're like, they're going to cancel this. I remember seeing it in Nintendo Power Magazine, and they kept on being like, it's been pushed back six months, but they claim it's still going to happen. And my memory was that it was sort of like a Parappa the Rappa type thing, where you're like matching up music notes. Am I right about this? It was like, you're trying to hit a Dance Dance Revolution type. The notes are dropping, and you're trying to hit a Dance Dance Revolution type. The notes are dropping.

You're trying to do the blues. Yep. Yes? What songs are in the game? Sweet Home Chicago? I don't remember. I remember it being kind of like royalty-free, generic, blues-type music with caricatured versions of the four members of the 2000 band. Mighty Mac.

Right, yes. Don't have to name all of them, do we? Elwood Buster. So this is a very pivotal memory of why we bought this game. Video games were forbidden in my household for a very long time. I was the oldest kid,

and my parents, when they finally were like, Berlin Wall is coming down. We will allow a video game system in the Newman household. They decided that I had gotten too many things as the oldest child. And that they had to even the score. So my brother was allowed to have the video game console. It was technically his. The N64 was technically his.

And he had the rights over it. And I would rent dumb games based off of movies from Blockbuster and be like, I need to play this. You have to let me play this. Move! I was playing the Blues Brothers 2000 video game, and he was like, your time is over.

And I was like, I'm so close. You cannot. I have to. I'm in it. And we had such a big fight that my brother punched me in the head and broke his hand. And blamed it on me for having too hard of a skull. And I brought this up to him,

and I was like, I'm not misremembering. And he was like, Blues Brothers 2000 video game? Absolutely. Like, it's like a wedged point of our relationship. Wow. You know what would have softened that blow is if you were wearing a fedora. Griffey Blues.

Old Griffey Blues. We should have come out dressed like the Blues Brothers. Next show. It's coming. You know it's coming. Okay. Let's talk about some dumb New York. Some dumb Times Square stuff.

Because, I don't know, it does seem like you were here in the peak age for stupid Times Square stuff. What was it like, man? Bizarre Woodstock. When there were five themed restaurants. Where were your places? I'll run

through some of them. I'm New York born and raised. I'm a city boy. You guys were making your jokes about the New York people who visited once when they were 12 remember. I feel like I was the one, as a kid and still as an adult,

local, born and bred New Yorker who stayed here, who likes all the things that tourists like that New Yorkers hate. And I have a very distinct memory of, at some point in the 90s, some snarky New York Post headline about Giuliani and the Disneyfication of New York. And asking my parents, can you explain to me why this is a bad thing? That term kept on getting thrown out of like, Giuliani, there's a fucking Disney store in New York.

And I was like, yeah, that's a great place to have a Disney store. What is the issue here? All your favorite characters are there. They're all in one place. Yes. And this was also like, there were not the unlicensed costumed characters in New York, in Times Square at that point. That's like a later phenomenon. So I just remember having no impression of Times Square until the moment that everyone started complaining

about Times Square being ruined and then Times Square became the place I begged my dad to take me on the weekend and a lot of my childhood was like horse trading where my brother was a big jock and my dad really liked sports and he coached all the teams and there was years where I was

forced to be in those leagues and then years where I was forced to sit in the sidelines and watch my brother play and there was often some balancing of like what's the griff thing we're gonna do this weekend and the other part of the equation was that I hated food I was like a dangerously underweight kid that everyone thought was going to die. And my mom wanted to be the kind of parent who raised children on health food. But immediately realized, I can do that and lose a son at the age of four. Or I can give in.

He's stubborn and he refuses to eat anything. So, so often for me, I feel like so much of my relationship to food is based around, did the place give me a toy or was there entertainment value around the meal? And so this period of time we're talking about, the 90s, Times Square, and also I'd say the Central Park West area, was this

golden age of theme restaurants where, these are places that tourists would go to one time and my dad had to cycle through them. Because it was the only way to get me to eat food. What am I the least sick of?

You would have to determine. Right. So my memory was the one that was sort of like the most agreeable was the Motown Cafe. It started there was, it was like 50th West, 50s. Near Central Park West was where there started to be this original movement of theme restaurants. And then it started to migrate into Times Square.

But the Motown Cafe had like, by my memory, relatively good food and was a theme that my father cared about. Like he liked the ambiance. He liked the music they were playing. I think their big selling point was they had, like, the world's largest

record on the ceiling. It was meaningless, but there was a gold record on the ceiling that was quite big. But then it was like reasonable soul food. In a restaurant that had a good playlist

and otherwise was sort of like hard rock adjacent just like classy memorabilia on the walls. These words reasonable and good. I can't. I have no use for these words. That's right. I was like this is just a taste. This is a sample.

Give me the real shit here. I want a place where people are serving me in character. I want a place where there's lore, there's a narrative for me to buy into. Absolutely. And most importantly, and I think Motown maybe did okay on this front, I want to laugh when I have to order the food.

I want the act of saying what I want to laugh when I have to order the food I want the act of saying what I know I want off the menu to feel like delivering a joke yeah order the silly yes I like to order the silliest thing on the menu and I make hard eye contact with the waiter waitress

rooty tooty fresh and fruity and I look menacing Tim Rudy Tootie, fresh and fruity. And I look menacing, too. Set. So where'd you go to up your game in that regard? We should mention, three out of the four of us on stage went for a late lunch today. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had the pleasure of spending some time at Jekyll and Hyde.

Big enthusiasm. I'm glad that's got such a big response because they need some help over there. Yeah, get over there. I think they declared bankruptcy last week. If you haven't had the pleasure, how do you describe this?

I don't think, was there one sentence that it's a restaurant with a bunch of creepy stuff happening? There's just so much stuff happening. I haven't been there in so long. To go in sort of

macro here, that I feel like was my gateway. There was the West Village location. We live fairly close to that. And that was very themed, but reasonably sized. And felt kind of, and I think you guys observed this, it felt bespoke.

Like, it was odd compared to the Robert Earl empire and shit. Where it was like, this is just some weird New York thing. Who's funding this? What is this? You know? And then that, like it existed for a while it was kind of an odd New York curio

and then it caught fire and then there was this expansion of like Motown Cafe, Television City, All Star Sports Cafe, multiple Planet Hollywood locations the Night Gallery put a pin in that, want to come back to that. Yeah, yeah. Okay. The Fashion Cafe.

Yeah. Right, there was sort of this, like, then there was this Harley Davidson Cafe. All our favorite brands. Yeah, we love here in New York City. Oh, man. We love our bikes, our hogs. That's us. That's the three of us. We love our bikes, our hogs. That's us. That's the three of us.

We love our hogs. Yeah. But there are places like the, what is it called? The Starlight Diner, which still exists in Times Square. These are these places where it's like, they had half of the equation,

which was that's a place where the bit is kind of like, all the servers who work here are aspiring Broadway actors, and every 30 minutes there's a show. Yeah, yeah. And it's someone sort of doing their Broadway audition. Uh-huh. In Jekyll and Hyde, it's every four minutes. Well, and those people are in character,

and you're entering a world, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there were places where it's like, this place is themed to look like this, or there are places where people perform. In Jekyll and Hyde, I feel like, was the breakthrough. I was like, we can have full immersion into this kind of thing. And then Jekyll and Hyde moved.

The West Village location that's still there was the original one. And then they made a huge expansion to, I think it was like, 57th and Central Park West. And they had this multi-story place that was absurd. And this was around the same time. I was like such a big, we were saying today,

like I was really into horror as long as it was the appropriate level of funny. Yeah. Like Scooby-Doo levels of horror. Yeah, yeah, sure. Which that fit for me perfectly. And then I loved magic. So the David Copperfield magic Times Square Cafe.

Oh, oh. I wish. Boy, do I wish. We're circulating at the same point. But at its peak, Jekyll and Hyde, the Central Park West location, had some of that. Where it was like, you sit in a booth and there's a painting. And 45 minutes into your meal, the holes might open in the eyes behind the painting. And someone starts talking to you.

Or you're sitting under a sphinx and then all of a sudden, when you are not warned, the sphinx's mouth starts moving and it's the loudest object you've ever heard in the world. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Much louder than the dialogue. And if you were a little taller, it would

give you a concussion. It was just clacking like this and under it, you're like, ah! We were lucky that you weren't sitting on the inside of the booth. I would not have made it to the show. The Sphinx would have taken my life. And my soul. If you want to see Mike, that he's currently bleeding out in Jekyll and Hyde. Pay your respects. This is

quite a set. I know when I'm eating, I'm looking forward to be spooked and startled. You know? That doesn't seem like it could lead to catastrophe at all. I don't want to blow the lead here. I know it was invoked, but

no, it was said that you had been staying at the Margaritaville Hotel. Yes. In the main restaurant, they do a show like once an hour. Right? They do like a sort of light show where they play a Buffett medley

and they project stuff on the wall. It's like once an hour, get ready. On the hour, there's like a little brief show. And I hadn't been to Jekyll and Hyde, that location, maybe 20 years. We're going there at 3.30 on a rainy Sunday, one week after they filed for bankruptcy. Not a meal time. What do we get?

What do we do? You guys are outside. And I was like, is it open? And you kind of went like, we don't know. Not sure. It might not be open. It looks like it could be closed. It didn't look open.

I like touched the door like I was afraid. I like touched it. I'm like, it is opening, I guess. Right. You were like, the door does open. The restaurant might not be open. Yeah. I was scared.

When you walk in there, I was like, look, there are a lot of show elements. This was still always the smallest of the three Jekyll and Hyde locations because it was this one, the original, then they expand Central Park West, and then they made a big move at the peak of the financial collapse in 2008. They were like, let's get while the getting's good and move into Times Square.

And they take over Times Square. That's a catastrophe. That's the spot that later, I believe, Guy Fieri took over. The same spot, wow, wow. Right, he took over that spot, I believe, Guy Fieri took over. The same spot. Wow, wow. Right. He took over that spot, and then that fell into ruin, and now I feel like it's cycled

through a bunch of different things. But that was their spot they had. And the other ones, like the Central Park West one, it was like you entered, and there was like a coachman, and he was like, right this way. And then they had this thing. It was almost like a Haunted Mansion type thing where the lights turned on and it felt like the room was filled with spikes and the room would compress

and you'd feel like you were going to get crushed alive. Whoa, whoa. And then the lights would turn off, you'd hear screaming and the lights would turn on and they'd be like, how many in your party? Best night of my life.

And the Times Square one, I think you entered through a London phone booth. They had more theatricality at every element. As opposed to walking in and being unsure if the establishment is open at all. So then we walk in and the guy who's greeting us is wearing

a winter coat inside. So many times I kept going, is this part of it? Right. That guy's got a suit on. Is he in character? The guy asked us, he was like, do you guys want to eat? And it almost felt like a judgment. You know you're here, right?

Here. There was one other party inside, and I was like, I just take in everything that's happening. I want to warn you guys I feel like they've fallen on hard times. It's been nerfed a little. I don't know how many elements around us are still in play. We saw at least ten different things talk to us. You get pummeled with entertainment in this place. And this is

the bad one. This is the failed one. Yeah, every, like, we'd be having a conversation and then, like, lights and, like, clack, clack, clack, clack, and, like, a skeleton is telling us the same jokes that the mad scientist just told us, basically. Just puns galore, and we're like, oh, that's great. I mean, we loved it, too, but it was like,

I've never been so entertained so aggressively. Jason, you would have been upset. You would have been like, I'm trying to eat my pot pie here. Keep it down. Jason, they have framed giant pictures of Lugosi, Karloff, Chaney,

but then they also have things as if they're Joe Rohde-style artifacts that were discovered, and then there are plaques underneath animatronic characters that explain their backstory. And Mike kept on being like, what's the loop? It repeats every hour, and then we got to like hour two, and it was

like, there's still new material we're seeing. There was a failed Frankenstein thing. They tried to bring a Frankenstein to life, then like Dr. Brain was a failed Frankenstein thing. They tried to bring a Frankenstein to life. Then Dr. Brain was talking. And then we were leaving. We were leaving and then we got Dr. Jekyll.

And he had not even done anything while we were there. Sphinx, Mountain Werewolf had Gargoyle. Skeleton Band. The piano organ, yeah. There was the guy behind the bar we couldn't even see And some There were two parties

We're both all the way in the back No one's at the bar When we walked in, someone was clearly finishing up day drinking at the bar And stumbled out Okay, look around in the room here Imagine every single thing was an anthropomorphic character. Every single thing. Every single object possible can talk to you and will talk to you.

And I kept on saying these things used to talk, but they probably don't anymore. And then every 10 minutes, a new thing would talk. Hey, I'm Mr. Projector. Hey there. But we're sitting all the way in the back. And at some point, there's some extended we're sitting all the way in the back, and at some point there's some extended comedy routine happening towards the front, and an employee comes out and they're like,

it's a thing behind the bar, none of you can see it. Did it feel like there was so much going on at a certain point that they were making fun of you? We should also say, this is the other, this is the reason I'm sorry you couldn't be there, Jason. But I feel like very often, Scott and

Mike pitch things where they're like, you should be walk around Austin Powers in Universal Osaka. Universal Singapore, yeah. Sure. You should play Ruben Kincaid or whatever. They're like pitching you parts, right? Yeah. Ruben Kincaid or whatever They're like, we'll show you parts Ruben Kincaid Partridge family character, Ruben Kincaid

That one does need cliff notes You know A big part of the Jekyll and Hyde And I thought this would have gone by the wayside Is that not your servers Who are just normal people Explaining things on the menu to you

explaining that they have not had souvenir glasses since the pandemic despite how much you are willing to pay the up charge please I'm begging you just grab something off the wall and fill it up give it to me they have like walk around

characters doing bits and it was one guy just ping ponging between the two parties. There for two hours. There are six people in the restaurant. And God bless him. He had to work with all of us. But you would have had a fucking field day with the confines that this performer had to work with. Where it's like, can you be generically spooky

but funny? Yes. He had a puppet cat. He had a puppet. He didn't use a puppet a lot. Lost that through line. A little puppet work. I could have done with a little more puppet.

He had a face mask on which he joked allowed him to be a ventriloquist. Yes. Which is a good bit. Pretty good. It's funny. Pretty good. Yeah, I like that.

By the way, we love this place. Everyone get there. Go, go, go. Loved it. Loved it. Jason, you're saying? I looked this place up when it came up in conversation a couple weeks ago and the big thing

on the website is like and of course you can prepay now $50 for your pre-fixed meal and entertainment and I was just like wait what is it because Griffin you were kind of like oh just pop in and get a drink

or stuff and I'm like they're making it sound like this is a full dinner theater production on the wet. They're trying to get your money before you walk in the door, probably to pay their utility bills the way things are going. Because they asked us, they were like, did you guys reserve a package?

And we were like, no. And they were like, okay, fine. Like, there was no, you've done this wrong. There was a like oh we'll get as much money as you give us today uh um i i don't i don't mean to move on from from jekyll and hyde but just in the in the interest of like what you were saying jason yeah um odd things that are being pitched as like well you guys are good the good boys are going to be in new york there's stuff that you gotta you gotta try and do and one of the big things that you were pitching

us uh was the the american dream mall which which we did an episode about and people here know it for sure but it's this bizarre it's this massive indoor mall that has a water park and a Nickelodeon park and a Lego thing and Angry Birds, the mini golf it's so insane it's way off in Jersey yeah about that, Griffin's pitch to us

was that like it's even worse in person and it's really hard to get to yeah which is how, which is what we Even worse in person, and it's really hard to get to. Yeah. Which is how, which is what we discussed in trying to figure it. Just like, you know, of course that would be interesting and funny, but logistically, it just seems so difficult and insane, and how are we getting... Anyway, I went. I did it.

American Dream! You guys didn't know! You didn't know! I lived the American dream. For the audience at home, this is me in front of the Statue of Liberty. Not the one you're thinking of. The one made of jelly beans.

At the three-story, it's sugar. I went, guys, I went. Needed to keep that. Griffin and Jason didn't know. Mike, I had to tell for slide purposes. There was so much discussion of, Scott was like, I have a secret. I'm not sure if I should tell you.

I think I have to, because you have to put it in your iPad, but I don't want, let's keep it from Jason. It was a negotiation. Every 10 minutes, you guys would come backstage and go Jason Griffin If you want to come out now, you can

But I would send Jason, go to the back You can't see what's on here You cannot see this picture Of me in front of a jelly bean statue That'll ruin everything For the next five minutes If you want to rock around, but then five minutes

after that, you cannot see what's happening on stage. Precious materials. Well, did you sample something at the Oreo Cafe? You haven't shut up about it for so long. I know, I know. I actually did not, though I took a photo under a giant Oreo

on top of the ceiling, which feels maybe similar to that giant record. I mean, wait, I forget what slides I have. What else do you want me to do? Change them? Yeah, yeah, sure. What's next? Oh, there's me. It's just me chilling

with Jelly Belly. Is that like the official Jelly Belly mascot? It's amazing we don't know offhand. Is the character's name Jelly Belly? Is he the titular role? He is. I feel like you don't know.

I feel like people don't. I feel like they're guessing that his name is Jelly Belly. Just throw in whatever out. Is that a jelly bean on his head? A jelly bean shaped chef's hat? What is it? It's a taupe. It's a jelly bean on his head? A jelly bean shaped chef's hat? What is it? It's a taupe. It's a jelly bean taupe. It's a jelly bean.

Whatever way. It looks excellent in person and smelled great too. So let me, okay, in terms of what let me say, so getting there involved, all I had to do was walk a mile and a half from the hotel to, I ignored the bus instructions were so crazy. The transit, just like, okay, I cannot compute.

It went so long. There's people in the front row who know. Speaking to the converted here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, so, but then I ended up on a ferry, which was delightful. I loved being on the ferry. The wind blowing through my hair, beautiful views. And then I got in and I'm hanging with Mr. Jelly Belly.

I'm having a good time. And I'm starting to think with this thing, with this narrative that's been woven that like, oh, it's so crazy to get to. I'm starting to think like, I think that the others are the fools. And I am the one having a dream of a day at the American Dream Mall. What's next? Oh, this is now. Unfortunately, I was one day off from the American Dream Presents DJ Pauly D's amusement park takeover. Did anybody hear go? Is that possible?

I guess not. Somebody was there over here. Oh, wow, almost did. That's incredible. And I think there's one more. Okay, oh, that's me in front of the non-functioning indoor ski slope the massive and now Griffith you know this

you went so you know a lot of these things just to clarify so I I texted you guys I guess you had said we booked a New York show do you want to be a guest I said yeah what's the you had said we booked a New York show do you want to be a guest I said yeah what's the theme you said we don't know

and then I went to the American Dream and I texted you guys and I went look I don't want to force you I just want to say I went to the American Dream mall today it is terrible so bad

we know and I said I think you might want the New York live show to be about that and Jason I believe responded we've already done an episode on the American Dream Mall and I said yes I know but you haven't done a saga I sensed the hesitation Jason asked how easy is it to get there?

I said, incredibly difficult. His salesmanship was so on point. Right. And the subject was dropped. I was not really aware of it until your episode. Despite being here on the East Coast, I guess I'd heard word it's been fucking three decades. Yeah.

Casting a shadow. Getting going forever, and then it finally opens And then pandemic hits The place you'd least want to be What bad luck for a place An operation that had otherwise done everything right Up until that point To just get foiled at the last possible moment

How could an indoor ski slope Not become a vibrant part Of the New Jersey atmosphere. What was that? There's the sports arena that's right next to it that I forget the name of. MetLife. Yeah, yeah. It's over by where the Mets play, yeah. I saw a concert.

No, no. It's not. The Jets. Shit. I'm fucking idiot. But it's MetLife. Get him. I thought it was Met... Get him. Get's MetLife. Get him. I thought it was MetLife. Get his ass. Met your city feel. Get him. Right?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know sports or any of many other things. I like that you're getting booed even though I'm the one

who said, where some sports thing happened. That's right. I took a stab and I fell off a cliff but... My friend and I went off a cliff, but...

My friend and I went to a concert there over last summer. I was texting you guys photos and I was like, fuck, now that I'm on the outside of it, I need to go. And then I had a friend who is a Podcast the Ride listener who was like, my sister and her girlfriend are coming into the city. We're going to go to the Nickelodeon theme park at American Dream. Do you want to go?

And I was like, I absolutely have to go. So that was the explicit purpose of the trip. And then we wandered around a little bit. I feel like we covered 5% of it in total. It's so big. It's so big. And it has that weird casino feeling where there's like no natural light.

There are no windows. There's no air. They're like pumping things in there. You go down corridor, you have no sense of orientation, there are no windows, there's no air, they're pumping things in there. You go down corridor, you have no sense of orientation, there are no maps anywhere. So easy to get lost, it's not a loop, where the hell do you come in and out? But there's no mall-style guide maps where it's like, you are here, here's where anything is.

They want you to feel like you just have to succumb to this thing. Yes. Well, which? Here's what happened to me. You said we haven't done a saga, but I think I did do a saga. Because I...

So, at this point in time, I'm like, wow, I saw the ski slope, and I saw the fake fireplace right next to it. I've had a wonderful day. This is great. Now I will just call the liftft to get out of here. You guys might know. So I call and so I get on Lyft

and it says, all right, go to spot A. All right, sounds good. Sounds organized. I go to spot A. It is not a place where cars are even near. The Lyft guy is like circling around

and in different parts And now he's like across the river And then eventually just says I can't find you, bye, fails I lose 15 minutes So I'm like, okay, why don't I go to A way opposite pickup spot I will go to D

I ask a guy in D who works there Is this a pickup spot? He says, no, you gotta go back to A Like, I don't have time for that I've already done it It's like a mile away. My feet are already, they're killing me already. And I'm losing battery.

I have to call this guy right now. I call a guy and he, again, lots of texts back and forth. Sorry, I can't find your bail. So now I'm like, okay, I need to try some other tactic. And I see that there is a bus station. So I go to the bus station, which is at somehow another opposite end of the mall that I have not been to yet. I go to the bus station.

It's the single saddest place I've been to in months. Miserable, desolate. The weather was pretty bad at that moment. It's just getting drippy. What brought me here? This is so crazy. I bought a $9 bus ticket.

When is it coming? I pulled up a website that had just a blank white screen. There was no bus that day. I text my wife even though the phone is draping because I feel like I need to let her know that my life is in peril now. She says, oh no, are you going to have to sleep at the mall tonight?

I said, hang tight on that. I'm going to try some other plans. And I realize, okay, what I need to do is find a landmark that is not this mall. What's the nearest thing? The nearest thing is a Valero gas station 15 minutes away, miles away, and there is no sidewalk to get me there. So I'm going to get mowed over by a car if I even try. And then, so now all of this has brought me to now I'm in the corner of the parking lot of an arena that they don't use anymore. I think it was the Izod Center. I'm not going to try to guess who played there.

Lesson learned. But it is just this like, just this empty parking lot. I am getting so, I am losing hope. Like I left my family to do this. What have I done? But I'm like, well, maybe someone will be nice enough to get me from the corner of the parking lot of the abandoned arena. And then I get on Lyft

and it says, please proceed back to the American Dream Mall. Like, I am being pulled back as if by a giant magnet. I don't know what to do. I eventually roll the dice. Maybe I will try going back to spot A.

I call a guy who fiddles around for 15 minutes and then says, sorry, I can't find you. And I said, listen, listen to me. I have lost two drivers today. And I will be goddamned if I'm going to lose a third. You have to work with me here. And sure enough, that was enough. Like, my story reached through the phone,

and he tried a little harder, and the guy did find me, and I was so... Just thank you so much. Tried to tip big. You saved my life. Jesus Christ. Sum total from first trying to call a Lyft

to the end of this process, two hours. Not even being home, being in the Lyft, two hours. Thus, I am driving away, and my sentiment is fuck the American dream. Fuck the American

dream. Thank you. That is my one man show about American Dream Lyft. Scott, I don't want to make you feel bad. I'm a native New York I'm not a Jersey guy but it's close enough. I understand how you feel bad. I'm a native New Yorker. I'm not a Jersey guy, but it's close enough. I understand how things work here.

I approached getting back home slightly differently than you. And just for next time, I want to give you some advice on what worked for me. Next time, okay. I opened up Lyft. It said go to Zone A.

I booked a car. And then this was so easy. All I had to do was wait two full hours. What? For the whole time? I had the same amount of time. The only difference is I stayed in one fucking place. The only thing I did different was stay put.

It didn't make it longer or shorter. I swear to God, two fucking hours. Did you guys just become best friends? After what we survived. Two hours. After what we've been through. Two hours. Also, every fucking ride,

I texted you guys this at the time, every single ride at the Nickelodeon theme park hurt. Every single one hurt. I was like, this is like on cartoon shows when they make fun of Disney World and the joke is the ride has a hammer that hits you. Every single one of them

was miscalibrated and hurt. Did you do the shell razor? I could. I tapped out at that point. I'm sorry. It was the last thing of the day, and I truly went, if I go on that, I'm going to vomit. And not even from nausea, but exhaustion.

Well, well, well. It seems like the moral of this story is Jason was right once again. Don't encourage that. No more cheering. No. Stop your cheering. Don't get louder. Now you're... There's going to be an Andrew Sisters Month soon, and it's all

your fault for that cheer. No, don't cheer that either. Oh, man. The potential episodes are just our fault for that cheer. No, don't cheer that either. The potential episodes are just falling into our lap tonight. The Blues Brothers 2000 video game. Jelly Bean the Jelly Bean. The

dulcet tones of the Andrew Sisters. Your free waters. Free waters the episode. Okay, now after all that, after this craziness, we have covered a lot. We've covered a lot of New York stupidity, and yet we have not made it

somehow to what was intended to be the primary topic of the evening. And just think on what has not been name-checked in terms of immersive, in terms of taking you to a place. And in terms of timelines, I was saying there was a rise and fall of themed entertainment restaurants

that by the late 90s, there were articles saying, like, this was an experiment and it didn't work. They're all falling under. Planet Hollywood is compressing. And only one $15 million investment had the courage to place their chips down on the table in 1998

and go, let's get while the getting's good. Now's the courage to place their chips down on the table in 1998 and go, let's get while the getting's good. Now's the time to start. Would you like to do the honors and say the name of this establishment? It's less of a name and more of a place. And yeah, and here's the twist. A time.

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen. Mars 21. Yeah. Mars. Mars. Mars. Mars.

Mars. Mars. Mars. Mars. Mars. Mars. Weird. Weird. Let's see a site. Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, sunken below whatever cozy is.

There's a McDonald's. You can see the McDonald's. Oh, yeah, cozy is bagels. Swagels, yeah. Oh, yes, yeah. The bagels. Swagels, yeah. So, this establishment was 35,000 square feet. Massive establishment.

I think it had the record for being the largest themed restaurant in the world. At the time it opened, which is when the bubble had already burst. Should we show the video? Oh yes, let's see how the world Oh wait, yes, Jason. In case you are at this show and don't know what we're talking

about, which I find unlikely. Weird Mars themed restaurant. Now, pay close attention to the food. Take your family to a whole new world. A wormhole just opened up.

Enjoy Martian cuisine This is my favorite genre of music as well Yo, what? That looks pretty good Oh A stressed out Martian waitress Or a drink at the Star Bar Oh, this looks good, okay

Oh, yeah Wait, the drink was like dirty It was a little silverfish in it All the food is dirty Go home with an alien woman Dancing with an alien Mmm, this is the garage Go home with an alien woman. Dancing with an alien. This is the garage.

The fake shredder is happy with what he's seeing. Wow. Mars 2112. Only. Only we were there. You know, if I could just bring up Of course Disneyland had a visionary Behind it, Walt Disney Mars 2112

Had a visionary behind it too A man by the name of Pascal Filon The Irish Farmer's Journal That is something you already subscribed to. Oh, you've never read the Irish Farmer's Journal before? Zero paywall problems there

for Jason to increase her. Where do you think I got this information? The Irish Farmer's Journal referred to him as a former beef baron. Something I also refer to you as. The New York Observer referred to him

as an Irish businessman chased by fraud allegations. If you Google this man now, you find out he works in, let's all say it at once, the solar energy industry of South Africa. So, yeah. I mean, it's just a straight line, right? Like, all of that adds up, right?

He was in the meat industry in Ireland. He got into, like, dining. He got into luxury hotels. And then you end up in the solar energy industry. I mean, that's good, right? That's an American dream. I found this quote from him, I think it was

in a New York Times article about when this place was opening. And there had been a lot of recent closures or a lot of these places that were on sort of shaky legs at that point. And they said, are you worried at all about spending $15 million to build this subterranean theme restaurant? And he said, no, because here's the difference. I don't view this as a theme restaurant. I view this as like a destination. It's tourism. It's travel. We don't have a theme.

We have a location that we are transporting people to. Wow. Yeah. He said, it's the fusion of fun, good food, and fantasy. Normal human talk. Just regular speak, like we do. Now, we're coming hot off of Celebruary, which I enjoyed greatly. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I do find, in all of those episodes, and then reading some of these articles for this restaurant, it is funny how much these guys, when they're hyping up their restaurants, always say, good food. Part of our formula. Entertainment. Memorabilia. Space.

And good food. They always try to sell it like that's, and the food is going to be good. That's not. We know what you're thinking. Right. That the food is going to be dog shit. Right. No, no.

Au contraire. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Like, I do have a girlfriend. Mm-hmm. I know what you're thinking. Another thing this guy said, he called this place

Disneyland with dining. Which... Ah, that famous thing Disneyland is missing. Oh, yeah. The big bummer about the place. One iota of food, anyway. So, you know, he was right about one thing, though, that

it is no mere themed restaurant because you don't just walk in a door and find yourself in Mars, in the craters of Mars. There is a pre-step, which is, well, first that you are issued Mars Federation visas. Families love logistical management.

I mean, that kids just go crazy. I mean, everyone on this stage would go like as a little kid would be like, oh, Mars visas. You need our social security cards. You need the Vax cards? What else can we show you? This was the threshold, though, where I went, this is the restaurant I've been waiting for my entire life.

I think I had two successive birthday parties there. Consecutive birthday parties there. But the thing I loved was that the outside of the restaurant did not betray. Outside of the, there's the model of the ship. They were just like, we are selling this from the outside as an airport.

Oh, okay. And it very much looked like Delta check-in desk, but a little more silver, a little more futuristic. And you go and they say, how big is your party? And they hand you the visas, and they go like, we think we can get you on a flight in 10 minutes. There was the question? Yeah, we think?

That's cool. I like that, actually. The host of the restaurant is at the desk acting like they're an employee of the airline that's going to take you to Mars, and you can't see the restaurant at that point. So not just visas, but you are

technically flying intergalactically on standby. Yes. We'll see if there's some jump seats available. Normally that's just for other flight crew, but we'll see what we can do. Once a visa has been secured,

uh, you, that you then enter, well, it's a ride. There is a little ride experience before you, a little simulator ride. Right.

This, this restaurant essentially asked you to just do a quick star tours before you ate. And it was the same kind of thing where there's like the pre, the boarding, safety, video. Like it was all that sort of theater of it. You need to, I'm happy you could tell us these things because there's lots of odd videos of the place, but the ride is not well documented whatsoever. Okay, now here's why. There's a very good reason.

This restaurant opens in 1998. It tragically closed... Preach! Finally, someone's admitting it! It tragically closed in 2012, just 100 years short of its predicted date. I just want to clearly say

2008, I'm sorry, 1998 is here. Right? 2012 is here. There's a thing that happens closer to here than here. To point A, yes. And this is a thing that the restaurant had, I think, a robust

couple of years and then filed for bankruptcy like four times before it finally closed. Wow. And they always said they never recovered from 9-11. Like, it was like New York tourism, Times Square, they just never recovered. It was too big of an insurmountable thing for them to

work through, right? But I think the other part of this is, in order to go into the restaurant and get into this ride, a thing in 1998 seems like the coolest fucking shit in the world. And the ride is, you're at the starport, and it takes off, and you're going through the New York City skyline, and then you go straight to Mars, right?

An important part of this ride was that you almost hit the Twin Towers. Oh, Jesus! Like a story beat. There's not like a clear Rex-like character, but you have the energy

of like, oh no! And you like swerve and you barely miss them. Wait, wait. It stayed open for 11 years after the tragic attacks and you would just have to

in order to eat a shitty pizza feel like you were almost knocking down the towers yourself. I think that is why there is no evidence of this ride. You cannot watch the video.

They never updated it. They never changed it. Well, you know, simulator rides, it's not like the video. They never updated it. They never changed it. Well, you know, simulator ride, it's not like you can change it or update it. You can't just swap something out on a simulator ride.

Well, so it was exactly like Race from New York but with the Twin Towers. Correct. Correct. Correct. Correct.

Got it. And this is the other problem. As the restaurant sort of degraded, money wasn't coming through the door, and they had to scale things back, at some point, the ride stopped moving. And so when ordered to get into the restaurant, you went through now,

probably a sped up version of the ritual, how many, okay, just get in the ride. And then they put you through there, and then you just sat in a motionless box. Why did you still have to sit? And you still had to watch the fucking thing! At that point... A perfect juncture.

The ride died. Anything. Put anything else up on that screen. And yet, they were so... I don't know. The animation. The pixels. Now, I went there enough as a kid

that I was always fascinated. They had, like... They were like, there's an express terminal for people with heart conditions or pregnant people. They'd always say, and at one point I said to my dad, we've got to tell them we have heart conditions. I've got to see what this... You've got to see all the versions of the experience. Right. It was essentially like a single rider line where they're like, you don't go through the fun part,

you go through the quick part. But I was like, they must be a unique experience for the people who are deprived of this fun motion simulator ride. My memory is they opened up a door, there was a hallway about the length of the stage, it had light, sort of like

pinpoint through velvet stars. And then they opened the door on the other side and they went, welcome to Mars. And that was the only alternative to watching motionless, sitting captive in a box and watching the Twin Towers almost get through.

Reliving the day. That's one way to never forget. You don't know why our business just tanked the moment 9-11 happened. We've never recovered. You don't want to watch themselves feel like they're part of in some way complicit, and then eat calamari. What's the problem

here? It's a happy story. It's an alternate universe where it didn't happen. You missed it by this much. You travel to Mars in the no 9-11 dimension. What cooler thing to do. It's like the end of one of the newer Tarantino movies.

History has changed and instead you're Mars and it's fun. What if Tarantino And he'd eat a really gross cheesecake. Did he ghostwrite did Quentin ghostwrite

the rest? What if the tenth and final film is Mars 2112? He thought about doing Star Trek. Yeah, it's true but he should do

his own Mars 2112 which I guess that restaurant guy is actually... He'd misspelled Mars. He'd put two A's in it. Yeah, it's a creative stroke or whatever he says. That simulator ride's still going. Does everyone remember the first Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie

had the trailer where the web between the Twin Towers? That playing that long you know over and over after the events happened that he's sort of like if they realized this trailer was in theaters and went well we got to keep showing it we got to show it more not only that if they like never even released the movie they just kept playing only the trailer. Do you remember when you went in first like it didn't work? No, it worked perfectly when I went in first.

We went really close to the opening. But do you remember the sad the day disappointment of my friend the simulator has seen better days? I feel like those first three pre-911 years, or should I say before the innocents died,

was when I was going there the most. And then I think from 2001 to 2012, I probably only went twice. I went once with friends from out of town who were like, this thing's funny. And I was like a teenager. I was like, yeah, I have no sincere investment in this. And then my sister, so that was maybe like 2005, 2006 maybe I went.

And then I have a sister who's much younger. And in 2007, I was going off to college. And my mom was like, you should spend a day with your sister before you move cross country to go to college. I think you will absolutely last all four years of it. We assume you will never come back ever again. You're not going to be someone who moves back to New York and becomes some sort of stock and trade

New York expert on live podcast shows. But, so I took my sister And that was maybe a year or two Well no it was 2007 So we're only close a couple years after I'm wondering if the time I went ironically Ironically with friends was after that Those were the two times I went

There was a gap between 2001 and 2007 Where I didn't go And from that point on Everything was in shambles. And it was like, the video was standard deaf. It was like scratchy. The thing didn't move. You could like see exposed like drywall

in the caves of Mars. And the costumes were like a little ramshackle and people were... Oh wow, I was just going to say like, those costumes in that video looked so good. That must have been such a bummer to see them look like shit. Oh, wow. I was just going to say, like, because those costumes in that video looked so good. That must have been such a bummer to see them look like shit. Oh, they look perfect.

Oh, so sad. It did feel like at that point, like, to his credit, like, the guy who was doing the walk-around entertainment at Jekyll and Hyde today, like, was really going for it. Yeah, that's great. He did break character a couple times

to ask us where we were doing our show tonight. Yeah. It's here. Jekyll and Hyde guy. Very hip. But the Mars 2112 people, I felt like by post 9-11,

they were not even maintaining the illusion. Whether it was sort of the walk-around characters or like even your servers still were supposed to act like they were not even maintaining the illusion. Whether it was sort of the walk-around characters or like even your servers still were supposed to act like they were on Mars. Well, it seems like a component of this thing. The videos of it are not great,

but it seemed to me that there was a component of like teaching you Mars language. And I believe that the... Let me rifle through the notes because this word did not stick in my head. Okay, I believe that the Martian way to say goodbye is vab-a-new. Vab-a-new.

Makes sense. Vab-a-new. Vab-a-new. Let's all learn it together. Vab-a-new. Vab-a-new. Vab-a-new. Vab-a-new. Great. New intrusive thought

Just dropped Very good Babinu And yes There goes Another childhood Friend's name And all our

Happy memories Out of the head Replaced By Babinu I feel like You guys talk about this a lot whenever there's, like, new attractions at Universal or Disney,

and they talk about, like, and every cast member's gonna do this, and every time it's gonna be unique, and this and that, and then very quickly, like, the standards drop, and you're, like, getting this sort of off-the-shelf experience. Patrick Page is gonna do a show here

for everyone, and then it turns into, hey, whatever. Same thing. Same exact thing. Same thing. Patrick Page is going to do a show here For everyone And then it turns into hey whatever Same thing Same exact thing It did feel like there was a year or two Where they were really going for it And the problem with this place was

It was so fucking big And they were so like Committed to this Internal logic of you have traveled there This isn't a place with memorabilia. You are fully going off planet. That when anything slipped, it was just like

a really kind of sad admission of like wary Martian servers looking at you and going like, how much do you want me to do? What are we... And one of the big things was like, the place was so big and it was underground and it had... You've pulled a picture of the interior. We haven like, the place was so big, and it was underground, and it had... Can you pull up a picture of the interior?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's look at the craters. Oh, my God. Massive. The crystal crater, three stories high. Wow. This isn't visible here, but, right, there was, like,

screens there where they would show sort of just, like, space views, but another thing was they would have, like, built into the wall these, like like plastic bubbles and one of the things when it opened because the weird thing about this place was they also were like, this is such a big investment that adults have to like it. And that video

sort of shows they wanted people like going there after work for happy hour, right? There's a lot of like business people. That dad was dancing with one of the alien ladies. That's the other thing. There was a sleazy goatee guy everyone seemed so comfortable the line they kept on saying and all of the press and i remember my dad when he was explaining to his friends like i had to take the boys this fucking thing this weekend he was like do you know about this place and they have martian go-go dancers a term that meant nothing to me as a child

but they had i don't remember if they were, like, suspended from the ceiling or they were built into the wall. They're not visible from here, but there'd be, like, plastic bubbles, and there would be women in full, or maybe, I don't know, I don't judge. There would be people, human beings, presumably, not animals. But it could have been a bear in a costume. It could have, but inside, like, full sexy Martian costumes, and they would just be dancing for hours on end.

It wasn't like Jekyll and Hyde where it was like, every 30 minutes there'll be a little five-minute thing. There was just constant kinetic dancing. In masks? With, like, restricted... Full body, fully covered, heavy plush suits. So they would be, like, doing, like, the mashed potato? Fricted. Full body, fully covered, heavy plush suits. So they would be doing the mashed potato?

What kind of dancing are we talking about? Yeah, it felt very sort of laugh-in-socket to me kind of. That's the mashed potato, right? Well, on Mars, they call it the Gleeklor Gloppa. That was the first thing I remember going away. Like, that was the first thing where it was like, you might see a dancer for five minutes today. Versus they are constantly part of the firmament of this place.

Well, they maybe started leaning, knowing that, you know, people would struggle to dance while having their face restricted and inside a tube and underground. They maybe started realizing, well, maybe we can lean on some video content. There's a quick clip here I have of something called Mars News that would play. Families love news. Kids love

news. They love visas. Finger on the pulse. Hmm? Finger on the pulse. Mars TV News. This is Mars TV News. Up to the second stories from around the galaxy. And a special Voban to viewers visiting from earth thanks to mars developed technology we are now able to offer word perfect simultaneous translation you'll know everything that's happening on our planet just as it happens so this week kind of bizarre you can kill it. That's fine. What? No, no, no, no.

We're looking at, like, sub-lawnmower man, just true cyberpunk terror. Yeah, it looks like the show Reboot. Big pop for Reboot. Tragedy on Earth today, this fateful day in September. This is like the kind of video that Scientology used to break Will Smith.

This is what, you want to know why he did it? Because he watched this for years. This is the also, I mean, I think this is confusing because it's like, this is like prosthetic makeup on a human being. Versus everyone else is wearing sort of like mascot costumes around. And she's in front of a big red button.

Right. She looks more like a humanoid type character. So maybe dad would have been more interested if she was around doing this. Well, this is what Scientologists ran in and played on their phone to calm Will Smith down last week. There, there.

There, there. Do the exercises. There, there. Do your hands. Do the exercises. They're there. Do your hands. Do the hand movements. Calm down. Well, I mean, if you want to talk about Mars 2112 meets Illuminati, Mike, can you show?

Now, this has come up in a show before, but to jump ahead a little bit, the famous photo. I mean, if you know, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is... Ah, another member of the Clinton crime family revealed. Captain Orion. William Jefferson Clinton with Captain Orion William Jefferson Clinton

With Captain Orion Presumably discussing the idea Of the possibility of setting up some kind of Lolita planet Did you have to Did you have to put your name on the flight logs? It's all going to come out in the wash. That's all getting, that's going to get covered up.

Don't worry. It was a thing. I think even as a kid, I like both respected and felt disappointed by that Mars Tournament 12 had specific proprietary characters. That they were like, this is Captain O'Reilly. There's the queen character. What's the name? Empress Gloriana, I believe. They were specific suits, and they were like, these are Mickey and Minnie. You're only going to see one of them on the floor at the time.

We have merch in their likeness. But it didn't feel like there was any way to learn about them. There was no narrative. If you bought a toy, there was a tag on the toy that explained the backstory.

There's a toy. In stock right now. $55. Yes. Kind of across the board on eBay, you can have the whole crew for $55 a piece. Buy it now. It looks, everything looks like it's so dirty. I mean, I always think it's one of my favorite, quietly one of my favorite moments across the entire run of Podcast The Ride is the Hershey Park episode you did with Saucer.

And you're talking about the walk-around candy characters. And I think Saucer makes some comment about how shitty they are. And you, Mike, said, I like them. And Saucer, I believe, said, name one thing you like about them. And you said, and I just think about this all the time. You said, I like that they exist. And I feel this way about Captain Orion. Like, I have no emotional attachment to this guy.

As much as I love Mars 2112, there is no there there. The most characterization he has is being chummy with Clinton. But I like that he has a name and a design and he's a specific character. It's insane that they took the time to think of this. There are a couple other photos right before this of Captain Orion. There he is dabbing. I had to do it to him. Something we know about him.

I had to do it to him. He likes to dab. Here is him hanging out with... Oh, I think I know this one, right? Insane. Or wait. Wait, no, it's a different character. I'm sorry. Sorry, wait, different character.

Well, maybe, but I also saw a bunch of different Captain Orion costumes, so I think they were not terribly consistent, but anyway. It's like the turtles coming out of our shells Where if you watch that video There's five different costumes Between scenes Anyway, standing next to Anna Nicole Smith in Fatigues And what's before this one?

I think there's one more I don't know if I'll top that Let's just go back to the dab Oh yes Here's just a kind of a... He looks like a Power Ranger, essentially. He's on the outside. He was visiting Earth, I suppose.

As normal of a photo of Captain Orion as you're going to find. But here's the very strange thing about this. This photograph was taken by Neil deGrasse Tyson. He made like a slideshow for a planetarium website of different space-themed things. Mars 2112 is ridiculous

that we would develop the technology to get all the way to Mars in a hundred years? Vilely unrealistic. Cheese would never melt on the surface of Mars. Plus making nachos impossible. It would remain cold and shredded.

Can I ask a quick question? Is there an illusion, or does it look like that fanny pack, is that covering his genitals? Okay, this is what it looks like. It looks like this was a costume made for a child that was then put onto legendary actor Doug Jones. You're the tourist stock company player who is 87 feet tall, right?

Like, that looks, it's not, everything about it looks ill-fitting. Not just that it's run down, but it's like, where are his hips? He's got like a tool, it's like kind of a tool belt look. Yeah. Slung down, yeah, yeah.

Like Richard Karn wearing a tool belt. You know, there is a tall office tower. There's a skyscraper on top of the building. To put into context, there's also a theater, a Broadway theater. So you could have gone to Mars 2112 and then headed to the Gershwin to see Wicked. Imagine seeing Wicked

and then going, I'm hungry, I could use a bite to eat what's around here. And then it's just like, well, there's a restaurant where the aliens' masks are deteriorating in front of your eyes. But to be fair, I just want to make it clear, this is what this looks like from street level. You have to walk down. On the other side of this block, there's a staircase down that leads to the subway station.

They would have people in costumes walking around outside on, like, street level, holding out flyers, because I think they very quickly realized, if you don't know, nothing about this tells you it's a restaurant. There is a spaceship. There is, like, a very sort of antiseptic-looking waiting area. Like, it looks more like a spa. The whole commitment to the, like, this is an airport thing did not help. There's no menu outside. The signage just says

Mars 2112. That's it. It's true. Like, it was immersive way before, like, Galaxy's Edge or anything. And, yeah, it suffered because

of the ambition. Right. And much like they would say, like, Galaxy's Edge is going to be a narrative. You're going to have a reputation

They'll be carried here and it never came through Mars 2212 I can say from personal experience I would go there and they would say You again? They would track Wasn't your 10th birthday party here? So what you're saying is Mars 2212 Better than Galaxy's Edge birthday party here? So, what you're saying is Mars 2112

better than Galaxy's Edge. Big applause for that. Let's hear it. Griffin, you aren't the only one with fond remembrances of Mars 2112 because I looked up the Yelp page to discover

that for years, people have been posting fond remembrances of this restaurant. And I just have some little sentences that kind of stuck out to me. Like they say, you know, cellar door is a beautiful fray and stuff. So these are just some nuggets that caught my eye. Can't go wrong with Martian soup of the day. The crouton bowl was out of this world. The crouton bowl?

Yeah. Is that a name of something? Crouton bowl. Is that called a salad? On Mars it is This is what 9 year old Griffin would have ordered Can I have a salad minus the vegetables Just with those things I like

Yes And this last one I'm pretty sure is a joke But if it's not it's also great My mom was the happiest I've ever seen her. And my dad loved this place the first time we went here.

Thanks to Mars 2112, my parents are still together. What? If it's a joke, if it's not a joke, it's really something. It's going to stick with me for a while. No, I didn't write that. I should.

You know what? Tonight, if you feel like it, boot up your Yelp account, head to the Mars 2112 page and, you know, write your memories. Crazy things happen at this place. A lot of... Brad Pitt went there with his kid.

We know this. Oh, I got a photo of it. Oh, wait, photo. Yeah, wait, I think I missed the photo. Yeah, there you go. Couldn't find any photos inside the restaurant. Not inside, though.

This is him taking Maddox on back. It could have been Photoshop. A flight to Mars. Shaq tried to go, but wasn't allowed in because he wasn't dressed nice enough. The last five years of the restaurant became a lot of private party

rentals, one of which led to a murder. There was a shooting there, but this was in the last year or two. Shaq went to a party that I think was sponsored by a radio station. They turned him away because he didn't match the dress code. And this is what he was wearing, and TMZ described him as a lumberjack. He's wearing like a crew, for listeners at home, he's wearing like a crew neck, like varsity pullover sweatshirt.

That like within less than five years immediately became on trend again. And they're like, no! No! You can't come in. This is a fine establishment. You can't come in here dressed like a lumberjack. Vabinu to you, sir. Yeah.

We have to start winding it down unfortunately We should get out some final Things about it Apologies But there's one big piece And I don't know if anybody found this Or if you knew this somehow already But in terms of things that occurred here

That were notable This is nuts to me That Mars 2112 was the home of an after-party of a movie premiere, and that movie premiere was Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace.

Yes! Yes. Yeah. I don't have a picture of it. No. I was just getting the eye. Well, you'd have to flip through. If there's any little thumbnail you can see, they tried to help the people who were in line

waiting for the movie. They were like, the Martians went out and entertained them. They sent out Captain Orion. Oh, is it this? Well, no, that's a bunch of Miss USA contestants who had to go. So, I mentioned, because it's in the background here, March 21st.

Oh, here it is. Yeah, they went to the line. The emissaries went to the line. This was the thing, the Ziegfeld Theater, which was like the famous New York theater where people would camp out for weeks for episode one, was like four or five blocks

away from March 2112, so it makes sense for them to capitalize on that. That they would pop over. People I know were at this, so we can definitely say these people went to Mars 2112 that night. Macaulay Culkin, Christian Slater, Montel Williams,

Governor George Pataki, Mayor Ed Koch Ahmed Best The great Ahmed Best Went there He was there Compared notes With the Martians And finally

I believe The entire lineup Of the Backstreet Boys Wow All were in Clearly sowing the seeds To try to be I believe, the entire lineup of the Backstreet Boys. Wow. Clearly sowing the seeds to try to be the first boy band to appear in a Star Wars and yet NSYNC got

the job instead. And even they were cut. Mike, can you go back a slide quickly? Oh, this one? Miss Universe? Yeah. So this was in the arcade, which was like, Marston 12 had like an incredibly good arcade. So this was in the arcade, which was like, Marston and Toll had like an incredibly good arcade. And I was reading articles about when it closed,

that like the place had been falling apart for years and years and years. But when it was clear that it was like going to go into bankruptcy and they were going to have to sell it for parts, like the entire sort of like arcade collector, pinball collector community was like, that place is a fucking treasure trove, and it's open season now. And they had an auction and a showing of all the things. They had a lot of very rare, because they tried to stay on theme to things that were sci-fi or monsters or things like that.

Not exclusively, but they had some rare stuff there. And there was an article about how there were all these very in demand pinball machines in arcade games and they showcased them. And then the next day the auction happened and none of them were there. All these people showed up and they were like they owed so much debt that people had to claim

the arcade games as collateral. They couldn't even sell them off to dig themselves out of the hole. Yeah, probably worth mentioning this place declared bankruptcy twice. Yikes. On the bottom right here, you see there's still a dirty air hockey table.

Incredibly dirty. Love to have this today. We would cherish it today. Any closing? Anything we haven't gotten to? There was a Woodfield Mall location. And I didn't go to it, I know. Oh, right. Oh, my, my.

And I haven't watched Yellowstone. You know what? I'm not even gonna... I don't even care anymore. I'm not gonna watch it. Oh, no, boo! Oh, no, boo! I'm not gonna watch it oh no boo the um uh uh there's a like a reddit thread where a person who used to work there just talks about working there and they said i think we had an original character named dr mars and i'm like so much of this stuff feels like as soon as they open the doors, they're like, we're throwing in the towel. We're phoning it in.

One last Yelp thing. Multiple mentions on Yelp of the salads that came with Cheetos on them. Oh, wow. Now, did any of you guys print out the menu? I have a couple of selections from the menu. That's how we'll close with a high-octane finish. Naming the menu? I have a couple of selections from the menu. That's how we'll close with a high-octane finish, naming the menu items.

Should we get the Green Goblin music back on? That's it. That's how we do it. It's 1998. Yeah, we've got raps. Let's go. This ain't your normal menu. This has some crazy stuff.

You want appetizers? We got first contacts. Yeah. You want salads? We got... Soylent greens. Yeah. I bet you like discs that have sauce and cheese on them, right?

Well, say hello to Flying Saucers Pizza, aka Pizza You want side dishes? We call them boosters Oh, how about these boosters? Oh no, I'm pointing at another thing Sandwiches You know what we call sandwiches? I don't even get this one.

Cosmic combos. We gave you the weakest one. The combo of bread and other things. You want quesadillas? We got quasar quesadillas. Oh, how about some Olympus Mons chicken Caesar? Sure. How about Martian Mama's Chicken Breast?

We could just start making them up, too. My son would like the Celestial Codfish. Pick your favorite, Griffin. Look at these two. Well, for me, it would have to be the Promethean Pork Chop. And boy, I wish that place was still there because I think we would all love

to go, all of us together, and go get some Mars Teenies. Isn't that right, everybody? Well, let's all get the closest thing we can because you just survived Podcast The Ride live in New York. Wow! Griffin Newman,

you survived Podcast The Ride. Griffin Newman, you survived, but guess the right. Griffin Newman, everybody. Our thanks to the Bell House. Thanks, Andrew, Jason, John, and Ari. Thanks, Breaded Forever Dog for setting us up, making it happen, and thank all of you for coming out. This is unbelievable. I will never forget this.

Thank you, New York. Greatest crowd ever. Thank you for coming out. This is unbelievable. I will never forget this. Thank you, New York. Greatest crowd ever. Thank you. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team

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