Podcast: The Ride - Mike Joins The Disney Daddiez

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Mike fills us in on some exciting news Starlight Express episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forever. Dog. Warning, the following podcast contains exclusive hospital merch, Shasta Cola, a baby that is not Aladar, and a long queue to have a meet and greet with my first born child. Today, I officially become a Disney daddy on Podcast The Ride. Welcome to Podcast The Ride, where today I, Mike Carlson, am very excited to announce a major addition to my home. I'm, of course, talking about a fridge pack of mini cans of the new Coca-Cola flavor, Dream World. I'm very excited. It's a delicious new flavor. Joining me, as always, Scott Gairdner.

God, it's beautiful. You just look at that and you realize how precious life can be yes oh boy just a that's a that's a miracle the can that you're putting up to the to the zoom window i agree jason sheridan is also here yeah and hey we've all got big news yes that is me in a hulu commercial. Thank you all for catching it. Could not wait. I got to slide it in before we get into the baby. Okay, I only got a brief window. I got to get the ad out. Probably the only thing really going on for any of us.

Well, hey, past guest Johnny Gargano returned to WWE. And that's, you know, basically been this summer. That's it. That's all we've got. That's it. No, I, Lindsay Cateye and I had a baby. She had the baby, but we have it together. It's ours. basically been this summer that's it that's all we've got that's it no i uh lindsey katai and i had a baby she had the baby but we have it together it's ours wow past guest lindsey katai multiple yeah is she a five timers club i forget how many times she's been on but a lot yeah um

yes the audience uh that makes this special right The audience knows her very well and they know you very well. Yes. And now, and the two, if they are, if the audience is a fan of your work separately or together, then I'm sure they'll be a fan of the ultimate combined work. Your latest. Age Child. Your latest collaboration. That, and greatest, yeah.

Our generation calls babies collabs. K-Ti X Carlson. Yeah. Is. Yeah. A surprise drop. An out of nowhere. Not for you guys.

No. No. You know, you dropped it in surprise Beyonce style. It was a surprise i lindsey for a while was saying she because she has a podcast called teen creeps where they talk about what her and her co-host talk about why a horror she said oh i'm gonna probably talk about being pregnant then she just ended up not doing it so then it ended up just like sort of we ended up doing it gerdner style yeah that was full surprise yeah full surprise which i like that that's it's always

fun to find a surprise but then she posted it on social media like a week or two ago so this isn't going to be a full surprise but people are obviously going to come here to get some of the full details and and hear hear a little bit about the process you know a little bit behind the scenes get a review of the experience you know that's right that's what you do is you review experiences right and you you really had one um and you're and you're in the middle of it you've launched a perpetual one um uh delivery so how does delivery compare to uh like a day at california adventure well it okay here's the thing uhivering a baby is a lot like Guardians of the Galaxy Mission Breakout because there's so many different ways it can go.

There's so many different options for delivery. Some I've heard sometimes it goes pretty smoothly. There's a song, you know, it's just you're playing a pop. It's like a pop song, and then it's over. But sometimes it's like Monsters After Dark, and it's just you're playing a pot it's like a pop song and then it's over but sometimes it's like monsters after dark and it's a little scarier sometimes delivery is very scary it sounds like you had a monsters after dark yes it was a little bit more of a late night frightening yeah i i think lindsey and i whenever lindsey's back on here i think we're going to tell the story together eventually which will be fun just because

we both have we both agree on all the points it's just fun to hear the perspectives but needless to say we were there for a long time everything is fine so i'm not trying to be like oh what was us but i would describe part of the day as harrowing i would describe it as very very stressful um and you guys you've both discussed your ability to deal with frightening fake situations. Yes, that's true. What was Lindsay's thing with that she has to say I love you on scary rides in case the ride collapses? Yeah, if there's a ride she's scared about, she'll turn to me before and go, I love you. And she'll say it really seriously. and i'll be like stop you're gonna will it to

happen yeah right exactly so so uh well you know what the good thing the good thing about delivery was she was in too much pain to even consider any of that oh great oh good yeah so so every baby fine like the what's funny is is having a baby for some reason i don't know if you went through this but everyone discusses the baby as babe they say baby when they're talking about the baby they drop that the so they'll say they'll say stuff like oh you know here like they're showing you in the I swear they'll say, this is baby's seat. I swear one person said seat when we were looking at ultrasound. A medical professional said seat. One person. Mostly it was like, oh, there's the bottom or the butt or something.

It was not hospital wide, but seat was deployed. Wow. Maybe they're a listener. Maybe that was a way of yeah it was a little sly way of saying yeah i'm a clifford i didn't want to say but it's possible it's an honor to deliver a good boy baby yes well that would be the ultimate patreon tier truly to to get to get in the deliver my child uh so but anyway baby is universal i don't know if you discover this do you remember this like it would not be like, okay, baby is doing well.

Oh, there's baby's heartbeat. Hmm. Baby is doing. Weren't you using this terminology already? Like, wasn't this your phrase, your phrase to us who were in on the pregnancy? We're not surprised by all that. We started using it because we noticed the doctors all did it. We noticed the nurses and the doctors would say baby instead of the baby oh yeah so during delivery every was the same deal it was always baby and then luckily like as much as it

was kind of a tough delivery it was always like oh baby's doing well babe don't worry baby's fine baby is well baby is you know what they kept saying and this is multiple nurses oh baby is happy they kept saying baby is happy which i guess just means that the heartbeat is happening because i honestly like there was no camera in there to see a big smile joker smile from the child so that phrase also said by jason when he's in a particular disney world rocking chairs yeah baby baby is happy baby is happy yeah so uh uh were you going you were saying something oh well i was i was gonna say um it uh it kind of all happened as you said it all happened very quickly um and i you know we were really um kind of recording a lot this summer to get ahead of it you know we were doing like

sometimes three episodes a week just to stock stuff up and um feel bad for us audience pity us just trying to provide some context but the day it uh happened uh was also around that time when i i tested negative for covid we had some like a few things this summer where we had to like shift recordings around or cancel recordings and stuff including me getting the novel coronavirus and um in the uh uh scott and i were emailing about getting you know just some workflow stuff uh or texting about you know getting some stuff done for the mission space episode and he said he was um doing uh he was cutting it together at the time uh as you had sent a uh frantic very detailed email that just said uh uh here's how all this works uh lindsey's water just broke uh so that was missed it at the beginning it was lots of it was a big long explanation of how to make an episode and then

but at the i was missed the top but i it the middle of the night time stamp was like oh that's gotta be it that's gotta be what yeah we had yeah we have all the like these episodes ready and i everything was everything had been basically set up to like almost be perfectly ready to go except from the mission space episode which i remember thinking the night before because this okay this is another thing and this is every all the doctors say we've talked about this it doesn't happen with the water breaking it's not a dick van dyke episode we're like oh my god the water broke we got to get to the hospital everyone i know has had the water break almost maybe i'm the prop maybe like whatever i was told in this class like the water breaking doesn't happen

it's now it's happened to everybody you know and me. We were told a similar thing where like, here's what happens. You start starting to get contractions. You start to feel them. They get a little more. It's going to be hours before you actually go to the hospital. And then at a certain point, the water breaks during that process. No, false. So whenever it was Tuesday night when I was going to bed, I was like, should I do Mission Space tonight or should I do it in the morning?

Lindsay doesn't have any sign of contractions. No sign whatsoever. Due date is in a couple of days, but I'm sure tomorrow morning, if what they said is true, we have hours or whatever, I'll just do it in the morning. So we went to bed, sleep for three hours, 2 a.m. My water broke. Oh, I'm so tired. Oh tired oh no and immediately i'm like mission space oh no you had to think about missions but you had to think about the your least favorite ride oh i hate in the middle of what it was a curse yeah i guess so yeah so i threw so i'm like oh no so like we're getting i have

like my go bag and then i was like oh i need to bring my computer oh shit oh no so i like grab my computer i put in the bag i'm like all right whatever whatever so you know it's all like kind of panic calling people oh somebody's got to take care of the dog. You know, you got to get it all together. So, yeah, we headed down to the hospital. And in so. So, yeah. So like they're checking her out. And like at a certain point in the lull in the checking out, I go, I got to I got to get on the computer.

Oh, no. That wasn't like a panic. it was a lull in activities it wasn't like the baby there's a lot of downtime yeah that wasn't like for you not for lindsey but for you yeah yeah the baby's like crowning and i'm doing a intro narration what's like a funny uh how do we reference like buzz aldrin in the yeah let's be that's that's mentioned him uh yeah in one 15 minute span i found out um lindsey's water broke infinity train was getting yanked from hbo max and sunny eclipse voice actor uh cal david david had died yeah had died and i think i texted scott well no one don't tell them these other things i just learned like i did i ended up telling her lindsey like a day or two i told broke the news to her i thought she had seen it but she hadn't and then i was like oh yeah i was thinking i was like oh i'm glad she

was busy yeah yeah and unfortunately this i mean this has been joyous up to this point but your baby has been offered up as a sacrifice to discovery ceo david zazlov zazlav zazlov um yeah so because lindsey was was on the the warner payroll at one point in time she does owe her firstborn um so uh i hope it was fun hearing about the baby but uh that's it zazlov's now well zazlov wins he always does uh uh so yeah so so we she cursed zazlov in the hospital bed yeah zazlov that's during the pushing yeah just put all of your ray all of the anger and how you feel put it into one name that gave her the yeah yeah release the baby unlike all of those projects that won't be released um i i do have to say the the funniest show tie-in with this

is how you told the two of us you guys were having a baby oh yeah do you remember this yeah yeah of course yeah okay so yeah tell it i i will tell it from my perspective uh so we were uh in hollywood uh 10 a.m on i think friday morning because we were going to eat at uh the breakfast club the the influencer cafe right owned by planet hollywood founder ro Robert Earle's son Robbie Earle. We finished Celebruary and we're like, well, we are close to one of the restaurants we talked about, the Breakfast Club. Let's go enjoy

an influencer cafe. Little Robbie. Go ahead, yeah. Yeah, the outdoor seating was basically like a pen. there was like three tables and whatever yelps were like a good perfect celebrity fashion like oh an abyss spacious patio come enjoy our hope our sprawling patio and then i think they just weren't running it so yes

it was a right it was a cage yeah it was always it was only indoors otherwise so i was like yeah do we do it or not we're trying i had not it was only indoors otherwise so i was like yeah do we do it or not we're trying i had not gotten the novel coronavirus yet so i was like you know we're trying not to get it by eating inside and i don't really want to get it at robbie earl's robbie earl's club a restaurant that we that came up on the show because it was bad and expensive. Yeah. Or so we had heard. We don't know.

We didn't get to experience the breakfast club because we were discussing, do we go indoors or out? We were doing the math of like, oh, should we eat inside? Should we not? And Mike's like, come here. Come here. I need to talk to you guys. And I was like, oh, I know exactly what this is. I don't think he said it that creepy is i don't think he said it that

creepy i don't think he said it like a like a trench coat like a come here he definitely hollywood boulevard weed dealer he definitely waved us over like uh let's talk for a second you know uh it was like a yeah yeah so and you jason you said you knew exactly where i was headed with this i had a feeling did you have a feeling, Scott, that we were having a baby? I don't think I'd gotten the proof of that yet, no. So yeah, I think it was

a surprise to me. Okay. I had a feeling, and you told us, and you guys, at least you had talked about it enough in the preceding years

that I did not have to do the usual math of when someone in their 30s or late 20s uh says we're pregnant and you have to go like congratulations and or oh i'm so sorry what are you gonna do you know so what what jason this is the darkest thing you never say that you never say i'm sorry what are you talking about well no no you don't sorry the mental math of like uh what doesn't help the mental met what scenario you've had to tell people you're sorry no i haven't no i haven't said i'm sorry but like if people are not expecting

it and we're prepared for it well they probably wouldn't tell you if that was the case they wouldn't be in a position to say i'm sorry jason keep names out of it when was the last time someone told you they were pregnant and then in the in your mind you went oh shit for them i'm trying to think about that i i don't recall anything any recently because we're all getting older now. We are. But I feel like I've heard stories after the fact. If you were in your late 20s, you might have to do some math and say, I'm so sorry. Well, you know, I'm just saying, you know, sometimes people don't expect it.

And don't, you know, it's not on their to-do list list it's not always on people's to-do list that is true and obviously not everybody would be a great parent i just think it's funny that you were like oh good this is this is one of those situations where someone told me they were pregnant and i didn't have to say oh my god so sorry for you i think we're like thinking like uh-huh you know you didn't have to do that with us you didn't have to when we told you at Epcot you were like um is this a sorry or a well you guys were

pretty joyous you weren't like hey we gotta get out of the line for the Moroccan restaurant you know we we have to tell you something mine's more dire guys we can't have breakfast something. Mine's more dire because I said, guys, we can't have breakfast at Rob

Buell's. Come here. Come here, guys. Come here. Callista, come here. And if you get, if you say congratulations instead of sorry, this podcast is fucking over. Oh, man. Yeah, so I yes, I was

going to say something anyway, but I was obviously i was gonna say something anyway but i was obviously i was gonna say something soon anyway but that was the that was the grand reveal which was very felt perfect honestly felt the yeah a dumb but a really stupid place yes the outside of a restaurant we were going to because it was bad um i assume i assume we have to assume um so oh yeah go ahead i was just gonna say like that so so yeah review i'm a theme i'm an entertainment i'm a theme park journalist i i talk about my i do i'm an opinion guy too i'm a columnist type person i don't write columns but i write verbal columns about what things that i like um so i would like with your talking i write them with my talking and my tongue and that's how it works

um so i do want to say there is a character that appeared and i guess it's not weird to say we we gave birth at the kaiser on sunset boulevard then no one's gonna we're not gonna be there so we gotta walk it let's do the PTR hospital tour. Let's see where Walt died and where Mike and Lindsay had their baby. Now, it's not going to be... I didn't get great video of it because

Lindsay was inside and I was trying to figure out where to park the car and they told me the parking garage was open and it was not. Initially, they told us there was a valet that was going to take the car, but apparently the valet's not there at was not. And initially they told us there was a valet that was going to take the car, but apparently the valet's not there at 3 a.m. Apparently all that goes out the window and they don't say exactly what to do. And then the person at the desk, you go, hey, where am I parking the car?

And they go, just park it out in one of those spaces in front. And I go, there's no spaces there. And they go, but like on the side of the curb? I go, well, there's no spaces on the side of the curb. And they go, well, I go, can I park it in the zone that looks well there's no spaces on the side of the curb and they go uh well i go can i park it in the zone that looks like it's a hospital loading zone and they're like um yeah just could you come back at 6 a.m and move it and i'm like what what is going on here all right the wendy's is usually cool down the street usually yeah usually well that's what i was thinking i go am i gonna go park in front of the fucking wendy's like what i'm gonna go down

vermont and park in front of the wendy's or the top of the former ucb yeah and you should be sunset park in my old apartment building that's two blocks from the hospital um so so but i still as a theme park journalist was able to get a video of the thing that i'm talking about and let me just oh i should have queued this up a little bit better but here we go there is a character and i don't know what the name of this is and i gotta look into it more, but there is a robot that patrols this hospital. Whoa. Whoa. What a way. Oh, my God.

And can you see it here? It is like a... It's a weird egg. That's so scary. Whoa. You can hear how my voice I'm tired and I'm sounding like Harrison Ford I'll replay that again for everyone

fucking weird robot that's the security and it says security on it and I don't know what it does I don't think it has a gun on it hopefully but there's a character

it's an original character I think and I got a better video of it It has a gun on it, hopefully. But there's a character. It's an original character, I think. And I got a better video of it here. And I should have let Lindsay sit in their hospital longer so I could get a better video. You see it in the distance here? Whoa. Can you hear that noise? It's a light-up egg.

It's an egg with, like... Yeah. Okay, can you hear that noise? It's a light-up egg. It's an egg with, like... Yeah. Okay, can you hear that noise, though? Yeah, yeah. Whoa, it's like Space Mountain ambiance. Yes. I mean, this thing is creepy as shit, but also awesome. Whoa.

It's a security robot. I don't know if it, like... What's it going to do? I don't know. How is this... When this thing's deployed, what does that look like robot i don't know if it like what's it gonna do what how is this when this thing's deployed what does that look like i don't know we'll post the post these videos but i don't does it have missiles or something in it like it looks it should does it have a cattle prod or a taser in it and you sort of it's shaped kind of bullet like and its size it's hard to imagine what it could do other than like if it tipped on its side and then kind of bullet like and its size it's hard to imagine what it could do other than like if it tipped on its side and then kind of rammed you in the stomach and knocked you over but if it maybe

if it imagine it had the ability to shrink itself and then like uh shoot up your butt it's a big like it's like it's a giant probe it's well and you weren't pository it's like a giant suppository yeah that's true. You weren't at all concerned that this thing had been set back in time to kill your child before it could lead a human resistance. I was not that concerned. I would have assumed that the robot would be a little more advanced if it came from the future because this thing was pretty slow.

Although I guess I didn't see it in like A mode. This could have been B mode. This could been it's an elon musk future it's an elon musk terminator so it's not he promised like fully articulated real human and they just ended up with a with a butt plug yeah it looks like andy kaufman and heart beeps or something it went back to kill the john connor of this time but all it did was kind of like uh give it a black eye and then it like broke started making smoke spun around and uh fully exploded you love monster mayor very good idea for a sketch scott you should do that yeah yeah yeah that's very good um yeah so so i was thrilled to see this this

thing only apparently comes out at night too so great cool i got we got to look into more of that security robot and see if like that's a common deterrent i don't know of some kind i don't know it works third shift security and then in the day it delivers breakfast and lunch for uber eats yeah the robot has a couple different jobs at that speed you have to as long as you order seven hours in advance yeah uh wow so wait there's robert you there's this is incredible there's a parking lot convolutedness a ptr staple yes exactly there's a robot running there's like an epcot style communicor type robot yep rolling around you you managed that there's theme parkiness in your uh

delivery story yes there for sure is is and there's a little more i mean there's a little more like when you leave the leave the area where you gave birth they hit a button and like rockabye baby plays there's like a little like lullaby song that plays uh there as well is that like what announces that a baby has been born we had that yeah here's a little like let's let the hospital know. You're letting God. It's like a signal to God. Let him know that another one has entered the world.

Well, I'm sorry it wasn't when you wish upon a star. We should have requested it because they have that birth plan. I think we should have been a little more bold in what the birth plan was. Because I think we could make some very special requests in there. But were not we did not act we were not fussy um when the exact second of birth can we hit the beginning of jaded the rockabye jaded we're not insane the rockabye yes um um so yeah so so we were there like 2 a.m. to – we got there like 3 a.m. and the baby was delivered at about 10 p.m., which people have been in labor and longer.

I understand that, but it's still a long time. That's a big one. That's a long time. And a long time – That's longer than a rope drop. Just contextualizing it for the loop. Thank you. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah they know

now they now they know what that is lengthwise um so so yeah we'll we'll tell again we'll tell the full story it involves um multiple uh pain relief attempts not working uh it involves like a special equipment needing to be like uh repurp to allow Lindsay to give herself pain medicine that first didn't work. It involves, you know, a nurse coming in to monitor her oxygen at this point. It's a wild story. I get up and I give like a kind of a 12 angry men speech or like a kind of a cinematic speech, I guess is really all I mean by that. Something like where I'm like,

look, we got to do this and that or this isn't going to blend, you know, like get the doctor in here right now because we got to talk. So I'm just typing that up for later. Imagine that this child is the all spark and we have to do everything we can to protect it. Now, are you with me or you are

you with the evil decepticons i am evac i guess in this situation and that was my and imagine that i'm eva and then the and then the doctors are like oh we get it now okay yeah the dynamic enough you put it in terms we understand enough running i said. Enough running, yeah. Enough running. So, yeah, when Lizzie's on, we'll tell that full story. And then, yeah, and then you get, like, you know, you get a souvenir. You get the baby's footprints, you know, on a little card, which is a fun take home.

They lost ours. They lost our baby's footprints. Oh my God. Which is nice. And then... Mike, Mike, I've got great news. I think you can make that at home. I'm not getting the baby's feet dirty

because I got to clean it up then. Yeah, that's true. That's hassle. But, so a couple, like a couple of days ago, we got in the mail baby's footprints and you look you look over on the back and it's it was the wrong baby they sent us the wrong baby footprints or at least just named the baby i don't know name the baby wrong uh that so was it a but you had a name like was it the wrong it was the wrong

everything gender yeah well uh little eric we love you uh it was yeah so so yeah we got that and then yeah so we were in the delivery room and the delivery room is pretty spacious you know a lot of people come in there obviously a lot of nurses and doctors and there's kind of a couch that pulls out and i for some foolish reason thought we were that's where we were we're going we were doing it in here like as far as like sleeping and that was going to be it they move you obviously which of course they do oh right yeah so but but i was like room okay so you know well i'll say this first um and this is uh uh the here's what i'll say i'm not i'm i don't think i'm going to turn into one of those guys who's like you gotta have kids you know what you gotta do

it or whatever because i don't believe everybody should necessarily have kids um but the experience we're talking about experiential things uh having a your child dumped on your partner or your wife that that's the craziest moment of my life that's the most insane thing i almost like was thinking like later like everyone should get to do this though like if there was a way everybody could at least do this and then not have to like this experience is maybe the craziest you're so exhausted by everything too so it's almost like you started a such a low level of serotonin and then all of a sudden you're not prepared for it i don't think unless you had kids before but it's the craziest experience and i mean that in like a good way of like all of a sudden like a like a person you couldn't conceive of is just dumped because we did the thing where they like

throw the baby on lindsey did you guys do that it seemed like they threw her across the room was it it was a reasonable distance i was a little cloudy up until that point so it wasn't but it was yeah you like you know you go skin to skin the baby is immediately placed on the mother that's like the first interaction they have yeah um but it was it was unbelievable it was i mean yeah like it was like i'm trying to describe it it's like we screamed like it was like we I'm trying to even describe it. It's like we screamed. Like, it was like we both were like, ah! There's a child. What the fuck is that? What is that?

Get it out. That's me. That looks like me. I'm like, that's me. It's real. Like, it's just like crazy. It's crazy. And I'm underselling it, how emotional it is and how overwhelming it is.

But I was like, if we're talking experiences, this is the craziest, best experience I've ever had. Wow. Wow, Mike. I wish there was a ride that could simulate that for people if they were not going to have kids or whatever. The making of me got you a little bit. It got you close.

Yeah. It got you close. It's a very emotional very joyous experience um yeah so i i think you're giving nathan fielder ideas for season two of his show sure uh so yeah we did that so we did that i don't think this i don't think lizzie will be upset uh we saved cord blood which you know you can do and then they also obviously the hospital does some of that already so another experience is you know we can do and then they also obviously the hospital does some of that already so another experience is you know we're sitting there like just looking at the baby

and just overwhelmed because it's so wild and i immediately i think the baby looks like me i think she looks like me uh when i was a baby and and i'm obviously yeah i see you a lot and yeah yeah it's like she's got my nose when i was a little kid or like a little kid and did you say it was a girl it's a girl oh yeah it's a girl i think i said that or maybe i didn't so we had um so we had so so the baby came so after that after that sort of moment of of staring at the baby going oh my god it's real it actually happened uh i went to I went to the bathroom, and I came out, and it looked like I walked into a maze at Horror Nights. Because you really don't notice all that stuff that's happening because you're staring into the eyes of your child, and that's obviously insanely important and emotional.

And then you kind of shake it off, and you go, Ah! What the hell? What the hell's going on the love the the new love from this situation yes it's pretty wild jesus christ oh you'll also like the pictures the first pictures that you took that you currently regard as like just miracle perfect joy you like in a in a couple months you'll look at him and go ah what's this weird flesh spider like what's you know what she actually looks like yeah yeah i mean that's not

true like it's a mirror but like the one that i have that's him like screaming for his life and so tiny and like yeah it's yeah like when when time passes, it feels so crazy. Yeah, yeah, sure. She's already, it's interesting to see after a few weeks even, the difference. But yeah, so then we go to the other room after that. And I go, oh, we're going to a different room. And I go, oh, you know what? It's going to be better than this.

It's going to have like an actual bed or something for me to sleep in. False. Worse worse much worse room the room is basically just has a chair and the chair kind of reclines into like three sections and all the sections have a metal square frame and you can feel it while you're lying on it so i slept on three pieces of metal with a thin cushion for two nights in this weird little room as for the worst nights of your life the most challenging nights of your life where you like barely get a some maybe they'll like take her away for a minute to like give you a rest yeah but yeah it's great and you're a you're a tall man it's tough to fit on any couch kind of situation that's crazy so and this this happened in the american health care system yes believe it or not yes that is where it was it was in america um so so yeah i would give it a bad as As far as accommodations, as far as hotel review, very bad.

Very bad. Lindsay obviously had a hospital bed. The baby had a bassinet. I think they were fine. It felt like they were testing me. I felt like I was being tested by God or by some prankster or something. Luckily, I was only sleeping like an hour and a half at a time, so I guess it didn't even really matter.

Because, yeah, people, basically, if you've not done this, people, nurses, doctors are coming in to this room every couple hours to check on everybody and to make sure everything's going okay. So you would wake up and you're just like, this is a dude in the room. Like you fall asleep, you open your eyes, there's a dude like just checking out your baby and you're like, oh, hey. He's like, yeah, everything's good. And I go, whatever, man.

Thumbs up, and then you fall back asleep. Who are you? I'll never see you again. You're here at a crucial juncture in my life. We will never speak. Never speak again. You could be, yeah, you could have just put this outfit on.

You went to the Spirit Halloween and got a doctor outfit, wandered in here, I don't know. I'm too tired to care. I don't want you to do anything to us or the baby but what i'm so tired at this point um so so yeah uh then also for reviewing experiences the um the food in a hospital i hate to be like an old stand-up comedian here. Oh, yeah. But you cannot wait to get home. Yeah. What the fuck?

Why? Why is it so bad? Why can't it just be like a little better? Why do they have to buy Shasta Cola? It's all Shasta. All the sodas are Shasta, and they're tiny ones. Better sodas, hospitals. And everything is like ones i just better sodas hospitals and everything is like oh do you want like a juice and i go why you know what i don't have juice a lot it would be

nice to have a juice well here's a child's juice box for you to drink and you're like a juice box what it's like everything is done to like save as much money as possible and you're like why a little bit better how about a little i'm not fancy i'm not a fancy guy but look i don't know what to tell you it's a hospital not a bubba gump you're not gonna get a non-alcoholic slushy i wanted that though i wanted like a so they had a sorbet just like licking your lips holding a newborn like i got a whole palette of coca-cola dream world at home i ordered i ordered the coke dream world it was it was street dated august 15th okay which means that they're not supposed to sell before but i think due to an error on i think the walmart app i was able to order three cases of it three fridge cases small cases on the 12th and then i think it

arrived the 14th so i was able to taste dream world a day earlier before street date and you sent me all of that information as it was happening well jason sent me a picture of it as if like hey check this out and i go my man i'm way ahead of you i'm already there uh there was there was the discussion of on our thread with griffin newman he was pointing out the because he he discovered that you would have this baby via just a casual joke that was made and then he's like right hang on a second when was what was the date because he went back and did some some date work and realized that you had pretty quickly into it texted him photos of an avatar to action figure i think it was friday i think it was friday morning i

think yeah so we the baby was born wednesday very late or late wednesday and then friday morning i was back to texting people bullshit yeah yeah we were we were texting about what had happened on a wrestling show uh yeah pretty quickly yeah yeah which there's a lot of downtime you're you're bored as i said to him i look my son was born and then two days later quibi was born so i was texting up a storm well i've probably never texted more like it's still alive okay okay okay back to making fun of this you know what's funny is i believe scott i believe you texted me on when that wednesday while we were delivering i think you texted me like 6 p.m like hey, hey, update? Like, question mark?

Or like, maybe even a smiley face? That might be crazy. Yes, expecting he must be done by now, certainly. You definitely texted me like, you guys must be done. And this was in maybe the peak worst moment of delivery. And I think I looked at it and went, oh, fuck you. How dare you be so optimistic? You with your no information. and your you and your comfy home i'll get to that later too much explanation i i am recalling

uh the timeline wise i almost texted you at some point on thursday at some sort of boring logistical like hey can you do this or do you want me to do this can we get this done before the baby's done as you guys are probably like you're sitting in one of your uncomfortable hospital horror rooms and I just got distracted and didn't and looking back I'm like

oh I'm so glad I didn't text them about like do you want me to send this email yeah I mean you know thursday everything had pretty much gone okay and fine like everything was set up but it is yeah it would have been funny if you texted me that on wednesday because i would have maybe cursed you out it might have been wednesday it might have been wednesday before i knew that you were at the hospital so okay something like that i would have like to lindsey i'd be like jason's a asshole i would have like yelled about you or something because i well i because i i hadn't

told you guys yet like hey got the negative covid test because i was like oh shit i i gotta get on a plate it it you know 24 hours since this worked out so um yeah so so it would have been funny i wouldn't have been mad forever but it would have been funny because if we're yeah if we're doing like uh kind of date stamps and forensics kind of stuff i have one more thing to add to that conversation just because i like any of the juxtaposition of what we what we and and the listeners know about you mike and now uh compared with you having a child that i went on our youtube channel to upload the video about the camel vegas groove blender which you can hear about on our patreon yes and sometimes because we all have access to the youtube and you could see people's search

history yes and watch history so you can tell what people have been viewing. And it was really funny seeing this is from earlier in the week. Just a big run of videos that are 10 baby care skills. Every new parent should learn ultimate newborn baby hacks, diaper change, wiping out a clean baby during diaper change. And then right before all of that club, random Bert Kreischer on his daughter being woke well that's an important thing to know if you have a daughter is she gonna be woke i mean and this is where this is a crucial juncture because every decision you make like the type of wiping

the the the powdering the you know what you say to her these are the these are the days where you can maybe save her from the scourge of being that's right so check out what burt is saying make sure you don't end up down the kreischer family path wait how are you seeing this stuff because now i want to is it just if you're logged in on the show youtube account it depends what happens we'll give the login listeners too so everybody so everybody can check it out. Yeah, yeah. If you're on that, yeah, Google whatever. It's your YouTube accidentally, not accidentally, links it to your YouTube, so. Okay.

So, anyway, boy, do I hope. I'm so happy to hear it's a girl, but if I hear it's a woke girl, I don't know if I can be part of your family journey anymore. Well, I'm going to show her all Rob Schneider's movies early. Oh, that's great. Daddy Daughter is being released exclusively at Hawkins Cinemas. I saw.

We've all enjoyed his daughter's music. What was that song? Oh, did we play? And the X's and O's. X's and O's. Yeah. They haunt me. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah. I mean mean that's basically the tale And Baby Baby Baby is doing great At home And everything's cool

And we're Very lucky Very happy And we're not Jason we're not upset about having a baby we love that baby so no so listeners should not say i'm sorry don't say i'm sorry because we wanted this and we are we are actually other than the sleeping not sleeping so much uh we are we are very much enjoying we are obsessed with her it's great everything's great oh my oh geez that's that's

really nice um yeah you know my my heartfelt thing to say is that uh i had so we had our son in in 2020 uh so the the the years he's been alive for 2020 to 2022. And I like when I see those dates or I make photo albums that have that is that date in brackets and put all of our like really wonderful memories into that. When I see those years, I have there's like a glow that I feel when I'm just looking at the year's names, 2020 and 2021. Now, we all know how horrible those years have been. These are like all time for the world. Worst years, like years that put terror in most people. But I genuinely, when I look at just 2020, 2021, I have this like, oh, geez, because I think about him and i think about like oh and then he was in that stage and then that stage and we did this and we did that and uh uh it i don't know um

just like i feel wonderful just even just thinking about this time and i just like i i wish that for you guys so much a i wish that the the actual years are better and with all the other stuff uh but i hope that you're looking back at 2022 23 and you're just like uh a glow because of all of the memories you're making and uh you know she's she's very set up for success you guys are both uh so wonderful and uh uh and again creative people who are uh very engaged with things you love and and i i know that's going to be the case with your your daughter too that like she she's set up for success she's going to experience a lot of cool stuff thanks to to the both of you so uh good for her she picked a good good parents to be assigned to in a existential way thank you scott that's very nice

uh i hope yeah the only the only the only um feeling i have now is just like all right get a little older so you can like register some of the cool stuff that your parents are into you know like just like a like i don't want i don't want to move stuff along i want everything i want to enjoy everything as it happens but i go if you could only enjoy the thin lizzy song we're listening to right now you know if you could appreciate these guitar guitar harmonies that are happening right now you know that would be that would be great so maybe six months she'll start air guitaring while we're listening yeah i know you don't want to fest i was saying you know uh cherish these years and i hope these are wonderful years but the year you need to have your eye on is 2035 because that's when she is a teen and that's when

you achieve your dream of being a cool teen dad just 13 years to suffer through and then you get to be the the the teen dad you've always wanted to be for some reason for some reason yeah all right yeah no that is a good uh goal that's a goal goal post essentially lindsay i'll say this lindsay was like we we had a long had a discussion of like when is the first time you take the kid to disney or something she was she initially started at some insane thing like five and i I went, are you out of your mind? Five? What are we doing here?

Yeah, are you kidding? I feel like you've gotten mad at... Yeah, I got mad. I threw something through the window. I got mad. Yeah. Lindsay, come on. They're free below a certain age.

You got to get a few. You got to fit in as many as you can. You got to get a bunch of freebies in. We actually, we went to, this is a side note, we went to Disneyland last, I guess it's April. Yeah, like last April already with some friends who were in from out of town. And so the baby was there at Disneyland.

And this is, I got like a little emotional. I was like, this is baby's first trip to Disneyland. Baby's been on the Haunted Mansion. Wow. That's nice i wish i i mean technically our son was at disney world um yes you know when you guys found out and i wish i had that emotion but instead it was like it is so motherfucking hot jesus christ yeah we have to get erin on a bench or something jesus yeah um so but anyway so so now that the baby's here, Lindsay's like, I do want to take her very soon. Yeah. Yeah.

You guys just have to get past these record unending heat waves we are subject to in Los Angeles. Yes, that's true. We will not do that in the heat, especially for a newborn. But when you start, that in the heat especially for a newborn um but when you start that's the other i mean i've said this already but when you merge those that when you merge the interests and the stuff that we talk about on the show and the places that we love and you see it through their eyes oh my god if you like i'm not kidding i i mean maybe this is an on-brand thing but i agree with you completely on that moment that they show up is uh is is a highlight of the life but then like starting to

just like a place that i've never cared like uh i've never given a shit about the minion cafe at universal studios hollywood but my taking him and having him like hit all the umbrellas and in a repeating order for 15 minutes and the like the happiest i've ever seen him uh well you know some song i don't know from despicable me plays over and over like it's their neck and neck there's born and then there's like playing with trash cans and stationary uh old-timey car tires at universal studios just raw joy it makes me smile huge just thinking about i am very excited about it yeah very excited to give her like some of the things i've bought for her already like the real ghostbusters yeah here's some flush wow uh the talking toilet The evil ghost toilet

That I had When I was a child And now they They made a new It's the same version I guess They just kind of Wow

Ironically I've had A window open For like a few weeks On my desktop To Buy that toy For myself

So Come on Buy it for yourself Jason I'll get it Yeah i'll get it buy yourself the toilet did you have a toilet with a tongue did you have the toilet when you were younger no i i remember the toilet i don't think i ever had the toilet but okay well yeah plenty of toys with those cards with that look yeah so anyway yes this episode included uh we made a baby and i i never

had the toilet the talking ghost toilet things that were said i mean i i found a bunch of picture i my mom pulled out a box a bunch of pictures when i was home and i posted some on the show account of like a precocious me at the 20th anniversary year of disney world and there was definitely some toys there was a lot of them mostly just me holding action figures and some of those i just sent to mike yeah it was picture you were being snooty about uh the decor of the 1991 i it certainly looked like i was being snooty yeah look look the logo is so good they could have gone a little harder on the banners that's all i'm saying looking back yes uh uh so anyway uh we were we really were only supposed to do this for 20 minutes now we're

almost yeah yeah um yeah well uh okay so here well then here's what's what we can say before we move on uh from this point we enter a bit of a convoluted timeline especially on the second gate you'll hear episode just don't get confused stick with us because sometimes mike isn't a dad yet and sometimes jason is gone because of covid yeah you hear us say that jason has covid it doesn't necessarily mean that he has it again. That might've been the past COVID. And you might even hear references to bug con being in the future, even though it happened already and bug has retired.

And that was the last bug con. So don't be confused with the bug mythology that you know so well. If I say it's in the future, we've been all over the map. So just try to stick with us. And, you know, think of it say it's in the future we've been all over the map yeah uh so just try to stick with us and you know think of it like better call stall it's uh it's inventive storytelling where you don't know where you're going and when uh uh and i think you know get ready to laud us uh for this what will be a dynamic uh period in our history it'll keep you on your

toes as a listener. And I think that's what's fun. You're not going to get complacent in your listening. You'll have to really figure some shit out. Stay on your toes. There's one Patreon episode where we acknowledge I'm about to be a father, but I was not a father yet. So you'll see.

You'll see when it's coming um and yes oh by the way yes also the day i was late there's a lot my parents uh moved out to los angeles to help with the baby and there were like there was so many shenanigans going on that week that is why i was late it's all baby related in this and that's why i said everything's fine and good it was just a very chaotic week so yes anybody some listeners some listeners are like well okay now we know and thank you for explaining and other listeners who just want to hear us talk about rides are like they are so in the fucking weeds right now yeah well i've been hearing about logistics for fucking 30 minutes 50 minutes in yeah at this point what do you think's gonna happen at this point

i just want to say also now we are getting ever closer to our final form as disney daddies yep yep ever there's no no pressure on jason i'm just saying two of the three have become disney daddies with a z yeahifting fully away from the initial tagline. Childless, now it's over half. It's the least applicable tagline I could imagine. Yeah, I'm still in my flop era. I got out of bed an hour ago. But, you know, when Jason, if Jason has a child, if when he has, I don't know.

But when that happens or if it happens, then the podcast will completely change from any curses, any tangents to just glowing positivity about everything. It will be like three mr morrow's hosting this podcast and it's going to be like well you know that will complete the transformation that will be sort of like everything up until that point will be or better call saul basically our origin story and then because of the podcast we became disney daddies and then from then on it's just positivity and we get invited to every disney press event they fly us they put us up and it'll be a whole new world this limited time lemonade that's dyed purple makes me so happy it's almost it makes me almost as happy as seeing my child for the first

time there's so many joys in this life whether it be souvenir sippers or looking on the eyes that you yourself created. Can you believe there was ever a less enlightened time where we would make fun of a weird barren theme park in Arkansas or talk about a restaurant that we didn't like and went to to make fun of? Were we ever these men scott i shudder when i think of some of the remarks we made or i i can't even listen back to some of the older podcasts with our snarky attitude and our glib remarks the things we valued the mistakes that we made i will never listen to them again and neither should the listener and i can't wait to eat this purple and green cake well i guess my bullshit doesn't really change very much in this scenario well it will it will that's what i'm saying you will become like us you will find christ and you will whoa whoa whoa this is a thing that happened this is a turn yeah oh did i say texting

about it yeah we're i'm born again did i say i'm not saying that no no you were just texting about john moxley oh yeah i i like wrestling still but i'm born again so no okay that's also part of it so anyway i'm a disney daddy now and wow wow and and i officially now i'm not gonna hand it over because i don't have the right to do this there's an outside body that does this but if you take over as the recipient of the national daddy award i will not fight it thank you but if i get it again you know that's fine fuck you and fucks it well disney disney daddies you know one of the things they do is share so you know wow that's gosh and you know i don't think we should ever make fun of walt again i think we're all that's what i because he envisioned a world of just holding hands in a world in a magical land of make-believe with a

living mouse and now we have we have our little mice that we walk down our beautiful childhood street he was he was perfect our children are perfect everything's perfect when my child we should not we should not speculate one what charisma-less actor will be playing him in that lenny riefenstahl biopic i i dressed my child up like the little newsy in the california adventure street show and i started playing suitcase in a dream and i created the narrative of my child on this on the train out to meet me with a dream and it's beautiful yeah well you have to do that because you still you still think the idea that she came from sex is a little icky. It is.

It's a little bawdy. It is a little bawdy. We need a G-rated backstory. That's when I got born again is after I had to reconcile what we had done to complete. And reclaim your virginity. Yeah. I am now a new virgin. I'm a fresh virgin.

Now that that baby business is out of the way, Mike's a virgin and things are as they should be. I am a freshly virgin. Sew it back up. Oh, my goodness. All right. Well, hey, you survived Podcast The Ride, this zone of it.

And hey, Mike, this one's for you and Lindsey. Your bravery made a person. Well done, Freedom Fighters. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Thank you. I got to show you this. Real quick.

Yes? All right. We better cover. He's reaching. Okay. All right. Great. What is that?

Whoa. It's a new. And this is an Optimus, but it's not for the baby no it's for me it's a super seven optimist prime toy um and now he can be proud of me every day 24 7 i was scared to death you were you were reaching back on the floor and we're gonna pull up a baby yeah it's been there the whole time what i'll show you the baby off air okay all right well let's get off air then uh okay see you on the other side bye this has been a forever dog production executive produced by mike carlson jason sheridan scott gardner brett boehm joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

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