Podcast: The Ride - Mission: SPACE

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

Grab your Dramamine and keep your head against the headrest, it's time to talk Epcot's Mission: SPACE! Red (The Red Robin Bird) episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FOREVER! DOG! Warning, the following podcast is a little intense. If you choose the Orange Team More Intense Podcasting Mission, you may encounter turbulent tangents about rides that are like wounds, astronaut rap careers, and America's Daddy. For a less intense experience, Green Team is invited to choose another podcast. That's right, get the fuck out.

As for you, Orange Team, you'll definitely want to hang on. This is Mission Space on Podcast the Ride, a theme park podcast where one of the hosts recently tested positive for Gary Sinise fever. I'm Scott Gairdner, joined by Mike Carlson. I am here it's gonna be Tough I don't want to reveal the answer yet But it does If it means being excited About the lieutenant Dan band Then I don't know

Think about it think about what we know About us you know where Some of my research Time today was spent on a certain Wikipedia but let's see Let's see maybe it could be all three hosts Who've contracted this Jason some of my research time today was spent on a certain Wikipedia. But let's see. Let's see. Maybe it could be all three hosts who've contracted this.

Jason Sheridan, hi. I can safely say it's not me. The only thing I have recently tested positive for is the novel coronavirus. And there it is. All right. Poor Jason. It happened. We're back. Yeah. We're back. Yeah.

We're back on Zoom. Not unless you wanted this, but I came back from Vegas a couple hundred dollars up and a couple, one specific virus heavier, I guess. One virus up. Zero. One virus up. You're way up. I'm way up.

My temperature was up. If only you could have gotten rid of that at a table. At your table? Oh, yeah. Yeah, only a couple hours the first night, and now it's just been fatigue. Okay, yes. Now, yeah, nursing Pedialyte as we started. Got a big jug of Pedialyte there. Yeah.

What flavor is it? Can I ask? It's strawberry, but I think my favorite this week was blue. Blue Frost. Oh, wow. So they have all the different Gatorade-type flavors for the Pedialyte. They do have, yeah. In Pedialyte Advance, they kind of upped their flavor game a little,

which my sense of taste and smell, only working at about 50% right now. So I can't fully vouch for Blue Frost. Oh, my God. So somebody could get away with leaving a pie on a windowsill. Yeah. Yeah, all the pies are safe. Everyone has been much more pied lately. The five-mile radius around your home

is for once safe, unless there are errant bears around. Yeah. Well, we're glad you're doing pretty well, all things considered. Yeah, I think... Now, Mike, you had it a while ago, and you seemed to...

I think I've had it a little worse than you. You had a lot of canker sores. Was that right? That was like an odd. The listeners really the listeners will want to hear this detail about the fact that there were I on occasion gets canker sores. And if you know what a canker sore is like, it's it can be pretty brutal. And I decided my body decided to get one on my tongue and in the back of my throat during this situation. Great that you say that because I have one on the very front of my tongue right where it rests on the roof of the mouth. And it's terrific.

It's a stress. Yeah, my body does that when it's like under some sort of duress. And it decided to do it during that time. And I remember we were talking about recording too. And I was like, guys, I cannot talk. I cannot speak right now. I'm not exaggerating. It's like pretty crazy.

Yeah, we lost two weeks because you could not. Your voice was shot because of, not even the voice. My voice wasn't shot. No, no, no. My voice wasn't shot. When I tried to talk, the pain that would happen was so strong. I would like punch a wall. I was like an angry man in the 20s or something.

People punch walls still this day. I know that happens. I'm not saying. It's a tradition that's carried on. Even past the 1920s. Right. I don that happens. I'm not saying. It's a tradition that's carried on. Even past the 1920s. Right. I don't know. I was just picturing it.

There was a real specific scene I had in my head when I was talking about this. But yeah, it was insane. So it was not that I lost my voice. It was truly just that it was like having like a big cut on your tongue or something. So when I look like this, would be like ah like screw yelling trying to talk yeah and i i really only noticed it when i was like oh you know what a healthy thing to eat during this time that my body will like uh fruit salad with pineapple no no no and no uh was not not ideal like the cantalouping watermelon, did not care for the citric acid.

Yeah. It's an interesting situation, this disease. Everybody has a different twist on it. Everyone's body decides to do a whole new fun little thing to deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. Just do not consider throwing a banana into the mix. That will blow up the entire.

Oh, he's got, Jason's got bananas here. I still live on the edge. Oh my God. You know, I recently got a drop off from Jane and Garfield. Three bananas at least. Three bananas. Does she not listen to the show? Is she trying to kill you i've got a i've

got a breakfast burrito base so it's great to land softly on it's the base with jason jason just cannot eat it first thing that's the problem with him that's what came up before you've you've discussed before that your view of stomachs is that they need like a cushion like a lining like like trampolines that would soften the blow of a stuntman jumping off of a building. Well, I saw some infographic this week that was like, if you're going to drink juice in the morning, don't do it on an empty stomach. It can upset your stomach.

So it might not be that far off. So therefore, okay, you've just, okay, you've proven then that your body is like stunt padding. You're going to be sure that's true. Yeah, our main source of modern information, Ikea-like dumbass infographics that people just share around social media. When a dog eats something it's not supposed to, oftentimes you're supposed to just give it a bunch of bread to coat its stomach. So, you know and bread is like the walls of it's like stunt padding or like the walls of a hospital or

something right same thing yeah so okay so jason yeah next time you want to do something bad to yourself like a banana just couch it in a big pile of bread, a nice cushion of bread. A big Sara Lee white bread crash pad. All of these foods would be like a delicious treat

to an astronaut coming out of hypersleep, by the way. They gotta eat all that goo and dehydrated stuff. The transition I was about to go into was like all this talk of something unpleasant is perfect for the ride we're talking about today i i got one more i got a segue myself go for it go for it my segue is that well so because of uh jason's unfortunate covid we're we're now back on Zoom, which means that we are glued to a screen with very limited, uncompelling imagery. Yes.

Much like happens on today's ride. We all had one. We all tied it together. I've felt intermittent pressure on my skull on and off all week. Not 2G levels, but, you know. Something like that. I think this landed, I think this was meant to be. I think this pairing of situation and attraction,

I think it's very apropos. We're talking about mission space. It's come up recently because there was the talk of, as there often is talk of, what is the worst attraction of all in Disney World, in this case specifically. Because over on the second gate, we talked about a wild mouse that people are not too fond of called Primeval Whirl. Although I found in the aftermath of the episode there were a lot of defenders and even we became defender so primeval whirl i would say is out of the running of worst ride for sure yeah i bet there's going to be defenders of this too i think so we've got one on this show i found out recently that i didn't even know about well okay yeah because

mike you kept offering that you and Scott could just do this episode on your own. And I said, I should probably rally and do it because I'm the only one who kind of likes this ride of the three of us. Or at least I used to. I've had much more in the last 10 years, have had much more mixed results. Wrote it last fall, wrote it in 2021.

Felt okay. Wrote it in 2014. My entire family was like, oh, I need a bench. Can we just sit on a bench for a while? What happened? It's bad tales throughout for this thing i did a little straw poll this morning i went to universal studios and i ran into some friends of the show julia prescott i saw uh said she was she got off the ride and was chased by a cast member uh because she was she ran off

white as a ghost like to either go sit down or I don't think she threw up. But the cast member was so concerned that like, are you okay? Get back here. Ma'am, ma'am, get back here.

We need you to go again. If you do it again, it counteracts the first time. We'll spin it the other way. This. Yeah, this. So,

so I think it's, I think our opinion is common, but I'm sure there are defenders of mission space out there. I think so. We'll find them as we go. of it, and if you don't know this attraction, it is a simulated trip to outer space that involves a centrifuge that is probably the closest that real astronaut training equipment or vehicle or whatever you want to call it, the closest situation has been to like consumers and regular people getting to do real astronaut training. So it's a tad intense and and boy we'll walk on eggshells about this but the ride killed a couple people really early into the run uh and it was all it was intense

for everybody there were a lot of hospital trips and then killed a couple people and then they had to back way off and do a less intense version those are those are the basics of it but we can you know we can dive in more fully yeah it's sending like i i guess i didn't even i guess i didn't even know until i was looking into it like for this episode it is so like i think accurate to the experience of blasting into space i knew it was like they were going for accuracy and whatever but like it is fucking you up really good and that's like obviously like because you up really good. And that's like obviously like because you have like people that train to go into space and need to be prepared for how bad it can fuck you up.

And it's like looking at the diagrams or what I forget which YouTube video I was looking where they're showing what is actually happening. I'm like, oh, OK. Yeah, this is like hard course. This is like unpreparedly sending every person into a space camp. Just dashing everyone from young to old to not screening for any health conditions. Just like, hey, get in the centrifuge. Good luck. It's pretty wild. And I know, like, obviously, like, a lot of theme park rides jostle you and throw you around.

But this thing is pretty, when you really think about it, it's pretty nuts. I agree. The video that I watched that had, it was even just a simulation of here's what it would look like. Because, you know, there's no vantage point where you get to see the ride actually spinning and doing its thing. I don't think I realized that the individual capsules that you're in on the edges of the centrifuge, that they also spin and rotate and that you start the attraction on your back. I don't think I ever knew what was actually happening in the ride. And I think if more people could see what it was doing, they wouldn't get on it. It's a little creepy to see from an outside vantage. You know, with like Rollercoaster,

with like the Incredible Hulk, you can see it from a mile away. You can, hell, you can hear it a mile away. And you know, like, oh, that's probably a little intense. Maybe I shouldn't ride that. But this is, I don't know, it's an interesting thematic building. It tells you there's space involved, but you literally go into a room the size of a large living room

with these capsules. You don't really know what you're in for. You don't know that it's equivalent cheese to some launch coasters. Yeah, and it's hard. It's also like when you actually do the ride itself for me, at least. And I don't know. I'm sure everybody has a different experience of when I actually do the ride itself. I can't I don't even notice how much is happening to me. I just know I don't like it. I just know it's unpleasant.

Oh, this is a good question to open up because, Mike, you've been the most vocal. And I don't think we said we at the end of this episode about Primeval Whirl, we were trying to land on everyone declared definitively what you think is the worst attraction, at least at Disney World. Maybe not of all time, but at Disney World. Mike, your answer pretty cleanly was Mission Space. And I guess, are you implying that it's less because of what it does to you and more or equally because you just don't like it the the things that are said and the things that you're shown this feels like such a wrap-up statement to make but it feels like what the situation we haven't quite explained everything but it feels a combination because i hadn't done this for 10 years. It was built, what, in 2003 or opened in 2003,

and I did it in 2012 zone. So they had basically, we'll talk, I'm sure, more about it, but they had reduced the severity, the intensity by that point and also had another version of it in the same ride where it wouldn't jostle you barely at all, like a little bit. So I was like, well, I got to do the real version, the oranges, right? Orange is the bad one.

Yeah, orange and green, yeah. And I did it, and I was so, like my brain and my chest felt so messed up after I did the orange one. And then on top of it, I didn't even think the ride was, I didn't think it wasn't fun to be in a little claustrophobic box with his Scott,

put it like underwhelming screens. Like it wasn't. Yeah. So it's like, you know what? If they're going to fuck me right up, at least give me something to look at. At least let's get,

let's give me a robot or something. I was shocked when I did it and realized that that we're you're going to be looking at very little screens yeah with at the time it's better now there's kind of a mock two of it but mock one the graphics were not good let's be honest um and like so i'm gonna we're watching like a video game simulate you're watching like a roller coaster ride through essentially. Like it's that somebody made in planet coaster, except it's simulating taking you to Mars. Um, yeah, I agree. If it was a more dimensional experience, I think it would be more worth the potential trauma.

The screen is like an iPad is bigger than the screen. So I'm like, okay, I'm in a claustrophobic little box. There's okay. There's buttons to push. The screen is like an iPad is bigger than the screen. So I'm like, okay, I'm in a claustrophobic little box. Okay, there's buttons to push, which obviously as a kid, we all liked buttons. I think we're all big buttons fans. Press them. I don't think there's any person out there that's not a fan of pressing buttons. Make yourself known if you're out there.

I think that's pretty universal, yeah. It has to be. Maybe not. So one of the things I like in Millennium Falcon is even though not everything does something, there's so many buttons and stuff to push. So especially if you were a kid, I think as a kid that would have been nuts. And the most exciting thing in Millennium Falcon is hitting the button for hyperspace, to go to hyperspace. But here it's kind of – i like the randomized nature of the buttons in millennium falcon and here it's sort of you got one button on your left and one button on your right um and it's a little confusing because in the pre-ride you've been told do not look to

your left or your right yeah it's so strict it's so strict and un and i get it like i get what they were going like you can admire that they were going for like a completely pure space experience no frills yeah you get a little sinise and that's fun but it's real it's not like it's not like you got a droid on the on the thing with you sorry you you did get sinise yes i yes you did get sinise sinise recently recast yes i know yes that's so yeah less sinise i mean you still get intro video so it's not like yeah completely pure nasa i don't think there are like pre-ride videos at nasa but maybe there are maybe there's like a video they wheel in on like an old vhs projector and you like they put the vhs tape in and hit play and they teach you how to be an astronaut that way i'm not sure but yeah cheese

style yeah chucky cheese break room style or cleaning the suit out how do you clean out the nasa suit is it the same as cleaning out a Chuck E. Cheese head? I don't know. What's the spray? They put like a 401 cleaner. You have to spray that in the helmet. I do remember someone I know who did the college program and was assigned to Mission Space. And I believe did have to do a lot of cleanup on this ride. Because they eventually added barf. Bar ride because they eventually added barf bags.

They added barf bags. I, I, I'm not a hundred percent on the term. I believe the term that they would use on the walkies was, uh, we have a protein incident. We have a protein incident.

Cause I've heard protein spill. Protein spill might be it. Yeah. Yeah. It's spill might be it, yeah. Yeah. It's just, like, generic enough, but unusual and specific enough that, like, hey, this means something. But if people are walking by and they're hot and they're not paying attention, they're not going to freak out, you know? Right, because I'm sure that happened because, like, after a while, people might have been offended when it's like, oh, we got a kid puking his guts out over here. We got some lady that's just hurled.

Some lady hurled on her kid over here. We got to clean it up. So they're like, all right, we got to change the language on this. Got a human fire hydrant in capsule eight. Yeah. Yeah. Is any. And I don't think this is anywhere close to a Transformers.

I don't think there's like a versus going on here. No way. Jason is defender. I don't think this is anywhere close to a Transformers. I don't think there's like a versus going on here. No way. Jason is Defender. I don't know. But I think, Jason, just chime in if you're disagreeing with anything. It seems like Mike's maybe a little more extreme. I didn't like it. I certainly would not defend it.

But, Jason, if you're as close as we have to a Defender, what do you think so far? See, okay, look, i'm an assy little freak uh i like g-forces on a launch i like a roller coaster launch and i do no not not not not done not done no no i also and the opposite of claustroph. I love to be in tight little spaces. Like a cat. You're a cat. Like a cat. Yeah, like a cat.

Like in a little cardboard box. What is that called? What is that called? Is it like claustromania? Claustromania? Claustromania. You're a claustromaniac. I'm a claustromaniac.

I think it's comforting. So, like, when that thing comes down, I'm sure a lot of people go like, oh, fuck, what is this? And fair enough. I can't think of many other rides that do something like that. Let's explain what happens here because Erin was entirely unfamiliar and I asked if she wanted to watch a video of it right before we recorded. And you get in your capsule that's going to spin around and simulate space travel. But not just that. There's like a big panel in front of you.

And it's a small space, right? It's already a small space. And then, all right, time to go. Let's seal her up. And then the big, the entire panel in front of all four guests in this capsule slides right up against your face. Your face is kind of shoved into a little cubby, a face cubby, where you stare through and watch a screen. And she just watching the video was like, nope, no, no, no, no, no. It felt like an MRI or something. Yeah.

Like, it freaked her out just to look at a video of it and I wonder how often if you like you have psyched yourself alright I know it's a scary ride and I know there's been incidents and then that's the thing it's like I'm raising my hand I am done yeah I think I was a little bit shocked by that

and I'm not a big I am a claustrophobic I'm closer to phobic claustrophobic than claustromania so claustromania. Claustromania, brother. Oh, what you're going to do when the mission space capsule folds in on you. Kids, you got to be healthy. You got to eat your greens, eat your pasta,

and your tight little enclosed space spaces. You got to keep your protein inside your body, brother. You don't want employees having to spend to clean that up. Put your hand around your own neck to restrict your breathing to get an extra thrill when the mission space capsule closes. No, that's not Carrie Sinise. You nasty little

freaks. That's Grey Kinnear. Grey Kinnear is in the movie. Oh, sorry. It's not great. Are you talking about autofocus? Yeah, I'm talking about autofocus. Greg Kinnear is in autofocus. Yeah, I thought he was making an autofocus

joke. Wait, is Hulk into that? Is that what that's referring to? No, Jason said he was a nasty little freak. Oh, that was off of the nasty little freak. I didn't know if that was some Hulk Hogan mythology that he's like a joker. No, I made a little bit of a leap, sorry.

I went A to D and not A to C as they call it in improv. You did the more difficult mission, the Mission Orange of Riffs. What were we saying? Claustromania. You're not a claustromaniac and so the folding in

yeah you like it could you let me ask you this could you would you love a more enclosed space than even that um no I mean I think that's good because I don't I you know there's all there is a little

unnerving of like I don't have control. This ride is, like, just under four minutes long. So I do have to deal. If I start to not like it, you know, I'm fucked. Yeah. Would your ideal ride vehicle be that, like, goo sack in the Matrix that Neo comes out of? Oh. I mean, I guess if I could breathe or anything.

You can't be too positive of a sound for the most terrifying thing ever. You have the thing in your throat to breathe. That's like a tube. I don't know about the tube, and I need to test the goo beforehand. It's like getting into a pool. You gotta dip your little

toesies. What Jason's saying is that he wants a a nice warm non-terrifying space to curl up in where maybe the goo is nice and all of the breathing and maybe eating is done for him what he's referring to is a womb jason's ideal ride vehicle is a womb I almost said womb earlier Yeah He'll take it Is this ride

Do you consider this ride vehicle like a metallic womb? I, you know Well Daddy I mean, daddy astronaut Gary Sinise But then now there's a mommy astronaut So, hmm I don't know

I suppose it's a little womb know i suppose it's a little womb like but it's a little uncomfortable i'm assuming you don't feel much discomfort in the womb if everything's you know going well so womb like but maybe not directly womb the conditions of a womb is not what you're looking for but womb like is your ideal ride vehicle you know i i would say you know upkeep everyone even the big boys universal disney they even they struggle with upkeep so i'd be real concerned with how quickly that goo goes downhill i mean there's already guardians of the galaxy already people getting dizzy off of that and there's like a one-story stairwell that you have to go down to exit oh wow i didn't know that what yes someone just ate shit going down those stairs like landed on their

like an older woman like landed on her face yeah other than this is are there any other womb-like ride vehicles on disney or universal property well I find the Doom buggy very comforting. Like, that surrounds you on most sides. That's true, yeah. And it tucks you in. It folds up a little. It does tuck. Oh, we haven't even talked about that. It tucks you in.

It tucks you in. The Haunted Mansion tucks you in. That might have been comforting as a child because I didn't like scary stuff, but I loved the Haunted haunted mansion which got past the scary elevator you know right you know it's a womb like sequence is the because

doom buggies I hear you but then it's still there's you're going to do scary stuff but when you the one part where you're reclining in the little mermaid ride and the projection of the bubbles is washing over you like you're you're supposed to be descending and the music is soft and there's just Ariel's nice voice. That's kind of a womb like sequence because you're on your back.

Yeah. I mean, I guess. Yeah. You're descending like when you're going into the graveyard. I don't mention you're also on your back, but it's not as pleasant necessarily. It's a little. Yeah, it's not as pleasant necessarily it's a little yeah it's not as pleasant yeah so yeah that's true today today the three boys discuss which ride is the most womb like all this look i anytime we talk about a new category or a topic like this after five years i get excited i go we haven't discussed this before

well do you have an do you have an answer besides uh i think it's a really good call on jason's part but uh anything else that's woomy out there oh it's a good question there's probably like a six flags thing the ride vehicles for transformers and spider-man you know when that comes down you're you're pretty enclosed on that one but it's a little bit it's less less intimate when that comes down, you're pretty enclosed on that one, but it's a little bit less intimate. That's like if you're in the womb with octuplets. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be nice if there were sleeper chairs on Soren, you know, like little benches. Oh, like a long flight. Like if you pay for a nice sleeper. Is there a chaise lounge chair on Soarin' where you can kind of lean back and really... That would be awesome. That's the only way to improve it. Yeah, already one of the more relaxing rides.

That sounds nice. If Galaxy's Edge had an attraction that was like the beast that Luke burrows into. What is that? The Tauntaun. That's the Tauntaun, yeah. If they had a, enclose yourself in a warm Tauntaun experience, that would be pretty close.

They make a sleeping bag of a Tauntaun that you can get. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought they smelled bad on the outside. I think, have we talked about that on the show? I don't know. I feel like maybe we have.

The Tauntaun sleeping bag. Yeah, here it is. There's a child dressed in full Hoth outfit too, which is really funny. Well, this is the, I mean, Galaxy's Edge move over because this is the most immersive Star Wars experience you could find. You're literally swallowed by Star Wars. Oh, and he's cute, too. The Tauntaun is smiling. Yes.

It's happy that it's been killed and is used for warmth. This Tauntaun died peacefully in his sleep. Okay. That's a good. Yeah. You need to know that to feel good about it. Lived a long and prosperous life. Right. It was his sleep. Okay. That's a good, yeah. You need to know that to feel good about it. Lived a long and prosperous life. Right. It was his time. Exactly. You've created a cool indoor retreat. Now let Tri-Peaks provide the quiet and energy efficient

comfort you can depend on with a range of innovative cooling solutions like the Carrier Infinity Heat Pump that delivers premium home heating and cooling performance. Learn more at tripeaksair.com. You make it a home. Let Tri-Peaks make it more comfortable. Rebates, incentives, and financing are available for a limited time. Tri-Peaks and Carrier, turn to the experts. Let me talk, in terms of like ride mechanic stuff and stuff that might be a deterrent to liking this attraction.

We have discussed G's a little bit thus far. Something we don't talk about a lot. I don't think we've had a lot of breakdown of G's because we aren't very technical and we're not a coaster podcast. And even now, there's not a lot I can say about Gs. But just the literal fact on this thing. The attraction exposes riders to forces up to 2.5 Gs, more than twice the force of gravity at the Earth's surface, which feels like it is multiplying your weight by 2.5.

That sounds intense, right? But you hear that number, and it's like, 2.5 doesn't sound like a lot. So I went digging a little more, because this is not the most Gs that you can get at Disney World, even. Rock and Roller Coaster is 5 at the launch and the inversion. So that's heavier in a Gs sense. Even in Credit Coaster, and probably anything with a loop in it, you're getting something like four. But the big difference is those are over in a couple seconds.

In this thing, you're doing 2.5 G's for around 15 seconds. So that's pretty sustained. That is a long time to maintain being 2.5 times your body weight. Right. And it's also like, I wonder if I could have handled it better if Aerosmith was blasting on the ride on mission space. Yeah.

Look, I, you know, while you, while your Aerosmith affection is perhaps more than 2.5 times mine, I do agree with you that Aerosmith music is something. It's definitely something. Yeah. As opposed to this ride, which is largely people yelling at you.

Right? Yes. If you guys watched the ride through, it is just like no don't no pull back yeah yes stop wait okay now right it isn't that why they there is the new mission captain because she's a little uh more pleasant in her yelling at you she's a little less intense than Lieutenant Dan telling you what to do. Then a guy who can barely smile. His energy is just so muted. And then he's yelling at you.

No, not that button. The other button. I mean, if he did it and like, stop, tell me, what's that sound? If that was playing too, it would be a little more like, oh, well, I know i know what this you mean if we did lieutenant dan band cover songs while you were playing he's trying to like calm you down oh well i you've gone a step further i just meant if you play the album track oh the regular forrest gump's vietnam music now we're in a vietnam yeah vietnam music and then you're like oh it's lieutenant dan he's yelling, okay. It's almost strange that, it's like the one thing Forrest Gump didn't do

was go to space. He accomplished anything else. He did everything that a human could dream of doing in the 60s and 70s and 80s, except for go to space. I have not read the book. Does he go to space in the book? I don't know. There's a sequel book I have not read the book. Does he go to space in the book? I don't know.

There's a sequel book, too. Oh, the sequel. Yeah, I would love to. Why have I never read the sequel? The sequel where he meets Tom Hanks. Let me see. Forrest Gump in space. It seems like it could have been in number two.

Screen rant. Forrest Gump. Let's see what this means. Forrest Gump flies into space with a male orangutan called Sue really in the book that the movie is based on or in the weird sequel the events of the film can't compare to Forrest's wildlife in the book it's based on written by Winston Groom the novel version of Forrest Gump also sees Forrest become a pro wrestler

a chess champion a Hollywood stuntman by Winston Groom. The novel version of Forrest Gump also sees Forrest become a pro wrestler, a chess champion, a Hollywood stuntman, and in his craziest adventure, recruited by NASA to fly into space with a male ape called Sue. What? So there you go. I can't believe I produced that thought

and then it does exist in the longer, wow, in the true uncut Forrest Gump. As it stands, it's one of the only Tom Hanks movies that does not involve space. But if it had been allowed to fully breathe, it would have too. That's insane. Wow. I got to learn more about the adventures of Forrest Gump that we don't see. That's really crazy.

I have one more thing to say about g's um and i i think it will okay what are the most g's you can get on a ride today and there's weirdly a ride in johannesburg south africa that's called the tower of terror that just stole the name and on that it's kind of a drop ride i don't even understand where the g's are coming from but you're getting 6.3 on this thing so 6.3 is the most g's you can get on a ride in current day but that is not it for all time because that stat was doubled you could get 12 g's on a ride called flip flap railway called Flip Flap Railway. What? One of the finest names for a ride I've ever heard. Wow.

From that name, can you surmise that this is a ride that existed in the late 1800s? Wow. This was 1895 to 1902 in a specific Coney Island zone called Sea Lion Park. And the very dry G-based website where I read about Flip Flap Railway said that the ride sometimes broke riders necks. Oh, my. For 100 years?

No, no, no. I'm sorry. It went from 1895 to 1902. So it only broke necks for seven years, luckily. I'm sorry. It went from 1895 to 1902. So it only broke necks for seven years, luckily. I misheard. Yeah, okay. Seven years of broken necks. Seven years.

Seven sweet years of broken necks before the man came and said, maybe people should still have use of their necks after a roller coaster. That's so many Gs. That's a lot of Gs. Double what's available anywhere on Earth now. Wow. I wonder, like, true space travel, did it say on there what the G's were? Like, coming down, entering, reentry?

That I don't know. No. I'm going. I could reconsult a research document that was recently released to the public called Top Gun Maverick. That breaks down G-forces and levels pretty strongly. Flip-flop railway would have like, that would have wiped Miles Teller out until Maverick pushed him to his limit. it oh imagine imagine the theme park theme park the uh reporters and bloggers and blah you know uh podcasters at the time it's like hey hey good time boys i've got another bone to pick the flip flap railway was down again when i went to cody island and the other half of cody island was on

fire as it always is i went on flip flapway and it didn't even break my neck as promised. I feel I did not get the full experience. There's like a guy who's like, I have the toughest neck in America and I'm going to challenge the ride to break it. Immediately. Immediately breaks it. Ah, I've been defeated. That's how

Houdini died. He was like, you can just punch me in the neck. And then 12 hours later, he's gone. That's right. And I completely barely fact-checked. I'm seeing like 11 Gs if somebody's reentering the atmosphere. What the fuck?

11? I don't know. You can get 12 on a fucking held-together- together with twine attraction in 1895? I'm confused. Obviously, we don't know what we're talking about. But apparently, that's if you're going completely out of control reentry. What are you? So the makers of Flip-Flap Railway exceeded NASA's capabilities.

They beat NASA. And the ride, by the way, if you look at a picture of it, it's just a loop and another loop. It looks so, I mean, but like way more severe. You know how Incredicoaster is kind of like a perfect circle, it feels like? This is such a squished, severe, like, you know, from the shape, this is bad news. We're designed by Augustus Schlitterbahn.

The first, you know, were G's different back then. Was it like inflation where G's have gotten like less, like it's a reverse inflation with G's. Like did, did 12 G's mean different things 100 years ago? Oh, maybe.

Or they sent huge barrel-chested divers on it. Remember when we were looking at the shirtless photo of the guy who voiced Fred Flintstone? He had that massive, where you can have 100 pounds up in your pecs. Maybe that was who was riding it, so that tilted the scales somehow. Right. The other fact about this ride is that the flip-flop railway was tested with sandbags and monkeys before human riders

were allowed. What the shit? Why? What do you mean monkeys? Where are you getting them from? How do you have enough access to enough monkeys to make go on a ride? And how do you strap them into the same... The bar can't lower on the same level between a human and a...

Maybe we've reached the end of the history, or it's just beginning, and there has to be the full Flip-Flap Railway episode. We have to do it. We have to figure it, yeah. We have to figure out. I mean, we'll learn more about Sea Lion Park either way. Right. So, anyways, the history of G's led me to a wonderful, down a wonderful railway full of flips and flaps.

Wow, 12. That seems crazy. That seems wrong. Yeah, I think so. Maybe that was like 1800s braggadocio. I don't know. And just one more thing before we move on, because in thinking about coasters being tested by sandbags, Jason, in last week's episode, you were talking about one of the coasters in your park that made you being tested. And listeners have let us know that you said the phrase, crash test dumpies, and we did not stop to acknowledge this.

I do remember it, I think. I think I kind of remember, too, and I remember thinking, well, he's barreling to something, I don't want to stop it. You are in a real role, and sometimes I'm like, don't be an asshole. We know what he meant. That's fine. Three days later, I had tested negative for COVID that day,

but was starting to feel pretty bad around then. So I was a little, I was drinking like, you know, a bunch of cold brew and water. So like the next day I was a, like, you know, a bunch of cold brew and water. So, like, the next day, I was a little woos. Are you blaming the fact that you COVID on the fact that you said crash test dumpies? No, I was just excited to talk about my hometown park, to talk about Playland. I should. I, of course, have had to move my trip eight days.

You called Juggernaut the Junkernot the other day, too. And I called you out on that. That's fine. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes I just get too excited. You know? Look, this isn't fair.

We shouldn't pile on and make Jason feel like a dumpy. I already feel like a dumpy. It's fine. Does that sum up your covid experience it has the whole as the entire experience made you feel like a dumpy i feel i feel a little bit like an asshole whenever i talk to everyone anyone because i'm just like i'm so tired and i feel so lame but i've been saying it for days, but it is true. Like this is the most, the prolonged sickness I've had in quite a while. Jason, from my experience, you've been saying I'm so tired for years. Well, that's a different kind of tired, Scott, I assure you.

I knew something was off because one day i heard a song and i and like the second day like the first full day i was like here and i was like dazed and i i heard a song and like uh i think it was you know a spotify came up automatically or something and i was like wow this is a beautiful song i knew this at one point in my life but i haven't heard this song in years and then i looked up what it was i realized oh wait a minute it's just a fucking song from drive this is the main song for the movie drive something i need to lie down i'm getting emotional from the drive song a side effect of covet is to get emotional at movies when i feel bad i feel i feel physically bad for long enough i feel vulnerable and then i get emotional and you know uh um can i ask can i ask a question real quick yeah

railing a little bit but when you're sick because this is a big thing between lindsey and i sometimes where when i'm sick i want to curl up in a corner of a room and i don't want to see anyone for like days and some people are the opposite some people want to be taken care of i was just wondering what your you want to go off like into the wood like a bear in the woods you want to die like a bear i want to go off in the woods not die but i do want to like go into like an old hollowed out tree stump and just like lie there for three days and then re-enter society bear society yeah i healthy again i'm a hundred percent the same way is lindsey the opposite does she like to be taking

care of baby a little and jane's the same way too it is a men women divide i've talked about this classic gender roles classic no hey let me refer you to a film called Phantom Thread That's true The most machismo, the angriest man Who just wants to be a little boy With his scones and his bacon Hey Reynolds just need to be brought back down to earth As we all do sometimes Scott if I could, since you're talking about history

Can I talk about uh to the disney company in 2003 and that the environment this ride opened in oh yeah bad stuff ahead what's happening i i i got that disney war book out of the library because mission space comes up in it because everyone was mad at each other in 2003 roy disney eisner the board everyone's just pissed at each other oh yeah i was out what like two three years later that's right and so i i swore i could not find it it i might have misremembered. It might have been a different event. I swore they, you know, did a truce for the opening of Mission Space. They all put it aside disney's big successes in 2003 the pirates of the caribbean film and the new attraction mission space also in 2003 roy disney was resigning from both disney animation and the board of directors and i believe the shareholders did a vote of no confidence in michael eisner oh my god oh uh another funny detail this ride initially sponsored by compact computers uh compact uh soon after

bought by hp which led to carly fiorina uh attending opening. If you don't know Carly Fiorina, she's one of those fucking business losers like Meg Whitman or Howard Schultz who are the heads of companies and then they try to run for office and they never win and they just eat shit so hard. So she was there. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Mike embattled, vote of no confidence CEO, So she was there. So I saw today a list of the worst mergers of all time.

And coming in at number one was the Hewlett Packard compact merger. She was forced out of the company a few years later. And then, as you were saying, Jason, she ran for president in the awful dogpile hell year 2016 that led to, or probably 2015, but what led to Trump. Had Ted Cruz gotten the nomination, she would have been the VP. No, come on. A person willing to align with Ted Cruz for any reason. She, a major anti-abortion activist, and has said a lot of bad stuff about Planned Parenthood. And this is a quote that I'm going to just try to read unaffected. And there will be a reveal within this quote which television personality is talking to Carly Fiorina about Planned Parenthood.

So let me just dive in. It'll be a fun reveal midway through. This happened on television. Carly, I need to stop you. I need to stop you because you know that's not true. Carly, you know no one is harvesting baby parts. No one is harvesting baby parts. Carly, come on, girl.

Whoopi Goldberg interjected. Oh, wow. They weren't harvesting baby parts, baby. Wow. This was an exchange, presumably on the view. On the view. So in the Disney family. That's true.

Yeah, she's still in the Disney family. When Carly and Disney team up, great stuff happens. Oh, my gosh. Also, the estimate from that hp merger i mean this was just a quick look on her uh wikipedia um uh was 30 000 layoffs and uh i don't know there's it could be 150 000 it's so many so you would have you would have had i i don't know i don't know. It could be 150,000. It's so many. Oh, my God. You would have had, I don't know. I don't know what that 150,000 number is. I'm too out of it.

But that's still a lot for the vice president. What is the vice president's accomplishments before taking office? Oh, laid off 30,000 Americans. Preceded a merger that some have said is the worst merger ever. But, you know, that's some people's opinion. You know, after you got through some incredible opening moments from embattled CEOs, then you got to party the night away at the opening of Mission Space because there were performances by the b-52s

and sugar ray and there's one bit of footage of it that with the camera is just panning over like a blue ice pile where uh shrimp cocktails are sticking out of the whole thing and you can hear distantly like 30 feet away sugar ray performing performing their cover of Is She Really Going Out With Him. I know that song. I know that cover well. Oh, no. When's the last time you played it? I haven't listened to that one in a while.

You know what pops up more on my playlist? I click on Apple or Apple Music or whatever it's called and it'll be like i'm gonna play stuff you like what'll come up a lot is sugar ray's cover of steve miller band abracadabra jesus mike what have you done to your algorithm for fuck's sake i know i right we understand this guy we the machines let us give him the perfect offering. Do you, Scott, let me ask, do you like the song, just Steve Miller's version of Abracadabra? I do. I don't choose to listen to Abracadabra really, but yeah, I like it. You know, after we're done, I'll listen to it.

But Sugar Ray, that's one of those where they don't really like add anything. They just do it like Sugar Ray. Oh, no, yeah, no, no. There's nothing, there's not much of a flourish or anything like a special sugar ray sauce they've put on it or something or it's not hard it's not hardcore or anything are you insulted then by the algorithm or is it like yeah all right get in here you got me yeah i'm usually i'm usually looking at the algorithm on my phone. I'm going, you got another one. You're right.

You are. Yep, you're right. I do like, I do want to hear this. You know what? Should we just see what it comes up with? Yeah, yeah. Go to your guide. Let's see what happens if you just go to like.

Don't just read them all. What's an embarrassing one? It might not be good, but not be good but i'll come to the first one that'll like be worth talking about okay i play it okay the first one is a solo song by the bare naked lady steven page it's a song called shooting star uh uh let's see uh there's a wilco song oh it's too cool goddamn abandoned luncheonette oh my taste is too good it's falling out song It's defeating Yeah I know

I like Oh man Alright well look Sometimes Here's what's good about The Apple Music algorithm When it's telling you What you would want to hear

Sometimes it's like that And then sometimes If you're like me Who does listen to like All the Matchbox 20 albums It will just give you The hits from like the night It'll give you like

Tell Bachman She's so high What I was really hoping For like the jewel That could have come out'll give you like tell Bachman she's so high what I was really hoping for like the jewel that could have come out of that was like it's a cover of ooh I want to be like you from the jungle book by alien ant farm that'll happen too though oh oh down at the la-di-da by Jimmy Buffett has just popped up all right okay now we're at now we're in the territory let's make sure we talk about some things on the ride um one thing we haven't talked about is that this the like unpleasant trade

that happened here where this was done in the space formerly taken up by horizons we did an episode about it very pleasant ride uh really just nice forward thinking uh hey the future will be wonderful kind of ride and then it fell into disarray or so they say um i even saw a press conference where uh from the channel martin's vids that we consult with sometimes and they some executive is in a like pre-written little skit saying to michael eisner we have an attraction we're so excited about that the building we currently have wouldn't be big enough to fit it. And then Martin's puts a title on to editorialize that says actually the Vision Space building is smaller. But anyway, go ahead. The video I watched also

says, and that was a blatant lie. Also, that's a big thing, I guess, in all these videos, to make sure you know that Disney lied about the size. The thing that hit me, like, looking at this ride, was realizing how, like, huh, Horizons, pretty, I don't know if the right word to use, but pretty whimsical. Like, a pretty novel view of the future. It's like, if we keep going down this path, you know,

if these innovations keep going this way, this is something we could have. It isn't that neat. And, you know, the building also very, like, whimsical, like interesting architecture. And this, I kind of like it. I kind of like the front, but I'm like, yeah, but that Horizons building looked so cool from a distance

you know i i do like the mission space building i i don't hate on fine i think it is funny because i think probably like i appreciate on some level what this was trying to do because it was trying to make it a very accurate experience make it something like and i assume they were like thinking oh this could this could inspire a generation of people that want to go to NASA and train to be astronauts. And maybe it did. And maybe somebody out there who is an astronaut now will say that that's what happened. But I feel like more people were like inspired to do stuff like be an astronaut or go and be a scientist or something by crazy nonsense bullshit like Star Trek. Like you hear that a lot where somebody was a, you know, a big Star Trek fan when they were little. And then they went to they started like training to be an astronaut or they studied whatever astrophysics or something like nonsense.

When you're a child, that's fun to me. Seems like it's probably it could be rooted in some reality, but it feels like it probably would inspire kids more than putting them in a little box and accurately simulating what it's like to go into space. Yeah, I think so. I don't understand why this couldn't have been more fun, because there are logic leaps. Like you do a hypersleep of three months in the blink of an eye. Right, because you go to Mars.

Yeah, so they have to do silly stuff, and then kind of a Star Tours-y thing happens at the end where you go up to a canyon and, whoa. So they're a little bit there, and then otherwise it's such a dry, clinical kind of experience that, yeah, I agree with you. I don't know that that's going to make people want to join the program. Yeah. And maybe somebody will disagree.

I wonder how much was possibly planned. Like, there's not in this attraction. Of course, there's not. There's horizons references here and there especially the the logo the icon but there's also props and some nods to the 2000 movie mission to mars itself a reference to the attraction mission to mars itself a sequel to Rocket to the Moon. And I'm wondering how much when they were making that movie, Mission to Mars, that came out in 2000, a few years before this, how much were they like, this is a hit.

This is a big hit. We get a ride out of this. We get an attraction out of this. And then this kind of is what came out of it maybe, where it is. I wonder if they would have made it like it is Mission to Mars, the ride, but then it didn't really land. But maybe they kind of casually promised Gary Sinise on the set. Hey, and we're doing a space ride and we put you in it. You can be your famous character.

You're the your widower character. That is the only fact that I saw about Mission to Mars. You can be your widower again in the line they did some like craw like what year was the movie mission to mars 2000 2000 okay yeah i think that i'm trying to think there was a scott you probably have this already there's a specific video where they were hyping this right up where i'm maybe i'm misremembering what they were talking about but there's some famous people in it to type up i think you do have this. I think I do.

But do what you were going to. Well, no, we'll do it later, actually. It'll be better. OK, sure. Very good. I wonder if we have the same thing. It's probably the same thing. But anyway, well, here, let's let's talk a little about the pre-show is nice.

And that big rotating wheel thing that is left over from Horizons. Correct. That's a prop that they repurpose. But pretty quickly you're into the pre-show with Gary Sinise. Gary Sinise is your Capcom. He's the Capcom. And he's going to tell you some

stuff about how this is going to go and that the mission is going to take three months, which is very jarring. You know what? Let me just generally say about Sinise. I remember thinking at the time, all right, Disney's thing right now is to use all of these kind of character actor guys that a lot of people would recognize but you couldn't necessarily name. Gary Sinise is probably pretty nameable, but he's in there with

we've talked about a lot of these other ones. Wallace Langham and John Michael Higgins and Patrick Warburton. I just remember thinking Gary Sinise is my least favorite of these, of the just a guy actor who started appearing in rides in the early 2000s.

I think this is a flat performance. I think this is a flat performance. I think he does not seem excited. It does not hype me up to be there. It just kind of adds to the clinical nature of everything. But so I guess I've just added myself as the one who didn't test positive for Gary Sinise Fever. Yeah.

Did anybody who's excited about is anyone excited about Gary Sinise in this ride? That's a good question. I don't know that I'm excited. I mean, it's I would say it's a little unfair Gary Sinise in this ride? That's a good question. I don't know that I'm excited. I mean, I would say it's a little unfair to Sinise, I think, because you're also planting him in this ride. Like, if Sinise was in the pilot's outfit on Soarin', I'm not saying it would be better or even as good as Warburton, but give Sinise some of those lines.

I would like to see what he would do with it. Which, this is kind of a funny thing too like recasting like recasting um videos like pre-show videos with different actors you know like what if which is a fun you know yes the what if so i think if you give sinise if you planted sinise with the dialogue of these other pre-show rides i think you're going to be a little bit more excited about Sinise. Huh, huh. But doesn't he land where he's supposed to? Like, he seems pretty humorless. I can't recall seeing Gary Sinise in a scene where he's cracking a joke.

Is there a screwball sex comedy that Gary Sinise is in that I can't think of? I'm not sure. I don't think so. Did he end up getting a part over Gutenberg or something that I can't think of? I'm not sure. I don't think so. Did he end up getting a part over Gutenberg or something that I'm not aware of? Let's see. He's on CSI New York, Forrest Gump, Apollo

13. He's in Ransom. These are all laugh riots. What are you talking about? He see like smiles in Forrest Gump as Lieutenant Dan, if that's something. Yeah, I guess there's not a lot of goofing around with Sinise. And I hear what you're saying.

You want a little of that. But that's the tone of this ride. The tone of this ride is not goofing around. You want a serious man. Yeah, it is a serious guy i think if you put patrick warburton it as this part it is a little more fun it's a little more you know a little more wild hey watch out for protein spilled buddy okay yeah exactly and that's good but it's not the tone of the ride you're right it'd be it'd be out of place look i'm just gonna uh as much as I want to talk about things on the right,

I, of course, was like, I have to come up with, I have to find something new about the Lieutenant Dan band. There was no way to not. And, you know, the Lieutenant, as, look, as with the rest of Sinise, it's pretty serious, right? It's a little bit mockery proof because it is a good thing that they do. It's like USO tours and they do perform for the troops. But there's one interesting thing I found about the Lieutenant Dan Band. So on the Wikipedia for them, there's a list of like honors that they

receive, like awards because they're given these, you know, here's this Bob Hope humanitarian thing or here's the Ellis Island Medal of Honor. And then at the end of the wikipedia the list of awards it says that in 2016 mr sinise was awarded the national daddy award look it up it's there in the lieutenant dan band wikipedia he res unless i'm hallucinating this is the beginning of my COVID. I swear to God it said that he got the National Daddy Award. What? So I am immediately, okay, the National Daddy Award, tell me more.

I Google the phrase National Daddy Award with quotes, and the only results that I find are related to the Lieutenant Dan Band and the alleged awarding of the National Daddy Award in 2016. Wow. What? So I'm beginning to question whether or not the National Daddy Award is a legitimate honor that can be given. The first picture is Cassini's playing that bass. Uh-huh. uh-huh.

Potentially the only National Daddy Award ever given, unless it was not given. What I'm starting to wonder is, is this some prank that I'm not understanding on the Lieutenant Dan band? However, even with that, I love the phrase, so much. I'm in love with the National Daddy Award.

And look, if it's all stolen valor and nobody's the recipient of the National Daddy Award, then I say it's up for grabs. So what I would love is, look, I have a Wikipedia page and I don't know. I don't really know about editing Wikipedia pages. And I don't know. I think that's not even right to do, to do yourself. However, if there are listeners who like to edit Wikipedia and you would be willing to say that Scott Gairdner received the National Daddy Award, it would be my honor.

It would be my highest honor to fall in line with Gary Sinise and accept the national daddy award um i think that's great and if anyone wants to add that he is one of three disney daddies with a z also just you don't have to put that part but you could set up a different website and that is the the source of it yeah and i wanted to ask you guys about to just to brainstorm this, because I really do want this. Is it better if I got the National Daddy Award, like in 2021, after which I became a daddy, or is it better if I got it right after Gary Sinise? Like if the Wikipedia said, in 2017, Scott took the crown of the National Daddy Award from Gary Sinise. Scott, I'm sorry.

You have to put it really dry to get away with it, I think. In 2017, Scott succeeded Gary Sinise as the recipient of the National Daddy Award. You know what I love is when a restaurant will be like, voted best pizza in the city 2007 2008 2010 2011 where like there's a like what happened in 2009 so i would love a skip year if you got it 2017 2019 2021 and it's like what happened those even number years if you look at and i'm sure this works for baseball championships any sort of sports thing um but if you look at like a wrestling pro wrestling wikipedia a wiki type thing it'll have a list of like intercontinental champions

and it'll just go down the list of like who won it from who and then like what date it was so yeah if you could get you a sinise and then you under it and then maybe yes and then what date it was. So yeah, if you could get you, Sinise, and then you under it, and then maybe Sinise gets it back, like Sinise did next year, then you get it the next year. If it's mainly kind of a little chase between me and Sinise, but be creative. Throw whoever you want into the National Daddy Award. I'd say maybe leave out Josh DeMauro

because he'd be more the recipient of the National Zaddy Award. Oh, yeah. But just whoever you think of when you think daddy and whoever reminds you of me and Gary Sinise. There's a real, whoever else fits in that mold. The Zaddy Awards have been going a long time and a lot of Disney CEOs,

E. Card Walker won it in 1970. It's been primary. Ron Miller. It's been primarily Disney CEOs. The National Daddy Award respects the space of the National Daddy Award. They do different things and they even host events together,

banquets. They're not enemies. So don't pit them against each other. That's not the idea. Hopefully somebody will let us know. Please take me up on it, but don't be dry, because otherwise Wikipedia might flag it. Just make it as... I almost glazed over

that in the Lieutenant Dan Band article. I almost went right past National Daddy Award before it became 15 minutes of this episode. Now, yeah, i'm assuming you looked like was there a ceremony was there a press release like it feels like if it's on paper if it's just they sent a a certificate that's different than if there's like a party at a david busters you know yeah yeah i think it's like a mid-level.

Like, they film it, but just kind of for industry. It's not televised. But they, like, they do it up nice, and there's, like, a hearty chicken dinner. You know, all the daddies, all the daddy nominees get their due. I don't know who hosts the National Daddy Awards. Is that like a... Oh.

Who's, like, who do we think of when we think of America's Daddy? I mean, America's Dad, that's a phrase I think of. And I think of... I can't think of a person specifically. Wait, does that mean you are thinking of someone as America's Daddy? It means I'm thinking of Bill Cosby, yes. Oh. Oh, that hadn't occurred to me.

America's Dad? Not America's daddy. I thought you were talking about Stan, the main character in American Dad. Well, I think about him too, but I, sorry. That's it. It's a fun, it's hosted by, it's like they comp him in. There's a live monologue from an animated American dad. That's great.

But he's still dad. He's not daddy. Yeah. Well, who's America's daddy? What? Who's America's daddy? It's a good question. Yeah. It's a hard line to parse. There was a show in the 60s called Make Room for Daddy.

Oh, yeah. Who was that? Was that Danny Thomas? Was that Danny Thomas? I was trying to remember who. I was like, is it somebody from Daddy Daycare 2? And then I'm looking that up, and everyone involved is problematic in the film Daddy Day Camp. So it's not them. Okay. Leave Daddy Day Camp out of it.

Jeez. Wait, and isn't that other movie? Wait, what's Daddy's Home? Oh, Daddy's Home 2. No! Every Daddy sequel has problematic people. No. I know what you mean.

Mark Wahlberg can do it. Mark Wahlberg's in. Oh yeah, he's never done anything problematic in his past. Not that bad about Father Stew. That's America's Daddy, Father Stew. Okay, well, now we can all agree on that. Well, let us know. It's tough to decide on the spot.

Let us know who you think America's Daddy is. But anyway, back to Mission Space. Well, let's talk about this, that for a long time it has not been Gary Sinise. There was a redo of this attraction. And who is that new Gina Torres? Is that correct? Yeah. I think so.

I think she's great. She's good at it. She's on Suits. She was on Suits with Meghan Markle. And as we all know, the star of the Suits spinoff, Pearson, which is, of course, the last name of her character, Pearson. So it's Gina Torres from Pearson. Wow. I didn't know that existed, believe it or not.

That's one of those, these alternate dimensions that we all exist in. We're like on our side, it's like the only shows that exist are Barry and Hacks. And then the other side has never heard of Barry and Hacks. They're entirely about suits and Pearson. We're in the liberal bubble here. We don't know anything that happened to Gary Sinise on CSI. Friend of the show, Buzz Buzz, talks about how we're all in our own bubbles, in our own realities. A very unique theory.

Yes. But he does not even listen to the show and does not know the runner. He just said, I mean, the only thing anybody really watches is Yellowstone. So wise words that we ourselves have said and yet Mike continues to defy and not. I am going to get to it.

Has Gary Sinise been on Yellowstone yet? That seems ripe. Seems ripe for an entire Yellowstone. Yeah, one of the spinoffs i would think that is an anecdote i only like half half remember from the disney war book where they're talking about like because they just had so many like fine live action middle of the road movies and they're like oh what you can have a big awards movie? Or what do you want? You want another cowboy movie with Kevin Costner? Like, said dismissively.

And it's like, wow. Cowboy movie might not have worked, but cowboy TV show seems like it's working fine. See, cowboy TV show is the only thing keeping Viacom around. It's like doing better than all the other ones because of one cowboy TV show. One cowboy tv show one cowboy tv show um i anyway here's here's my big takeaway from i'd say actually especially the gina torres version and i'm not sure

if this was done specifically with the let's make sure people don't get on mission orange unless they know what they're getting into i i feel like they ramped it up because there's like the bigger screen that you watch before you go into the little room where the capsules are. And then you watch another little video there. And these videos, I swear to God, over and over, it's just like, now remember, this one is intense. You have chosen Mission Orange and that is intense. And if now is the time for you to tell a crew member that you want to go, then you might want to.

And then you're in the next room. And keep in mind, if you're prone to this or that, you could go, you know, hey, look, don't no shame on my part. If you want to keep walking out that door, be the flight director. I'm not going to tattle. I'm not going to tell anybody. There aren't a lot of rides that try to talk you out of the ride. In a moment,

the door in front of you will open. Keep walking through it and then out the next door and don't do the ride. Seriously, don't do the ride. Tell your family that you did it and say you got a little woozy and that's it. It's a alibi don't go on the ride so here's part of the plan we get in a gantry lift unless you don't want to if you don't want to get in the lift don't worry about it because it goes up and down pretty fast don't worry you're not a chicken i still respect

you and you're a big part of the plan you You'll be waiting for your friends after. But if you do want to go, we're going up and down. We see the monsters. They're scary. If you don't like that, leave now. Again, I will not be upset. Maybe just go outside. There's a little cart. They got big cream puffs. You can just get a cream puff. Don't even worry

about it. We play the songs out in the gift shop. You can hear them. You're missing nothing. You're missing nothing by the ride. Not going on. Just put them on a playlist and hop up and down. That's plenty. Yeah. Same shit.

Doesn't matter. No one's going to think you're a baby. Open the Disney Play app. Then you get to go on an adventure where you try to figure out how to regain the battery life to your phone. And just exactly why it is so very hot now. an adventure where you try to figure out how to regain the battery life to your phone and just exactly why it is so very hot now. Your phone gets hot. It's exciting.

Your phone gets hot. It's not usually that hot. So it's just the same as going on the dumb ride. Anyway. Yeah. Why are you still here? Get the fuck out. It's scary.

Don't do it. You think I want to do it? If I wasn't fake, I would leave. Scott, I did like right before rewatch this again, and it is shocking how much they say this is orange version, the more intense version, or this is green version, the less intense version, which I had too many things I wanted to do down in Florida.

It didn't dawn on me like, oh, I should have gone through again and done green version. Yeah. Should you? What a letdown. It's weird that like it's not just that it's a less intense trip to Mars. You don't even get to go to Mars. Right. Why not just still like isn't it kind of insulting that, like,

okay, you chose Mission WIMP, so that means you leave Florida and fly back to Florida. You chose Google Earth View, something you've been able to do on a desktop computer since 2004 or 5. Yeah, they both share that they miss the runway, or they go too far off the end of the runway. They either almost go off a cliff, or they knock over a fence,

which they should figure out. They didn't figure out the runway situation, huh? But they made the new version of the ride. Still a lot of runway issues ride still a lot of runway issues and yet there is a runway which aaron not knowing it at all was like what he made a runway and i said no it's not it's it's not the first mission to mars like people have been there they've like laid down infrastructure they paved what do you who gets so i'm the the one hundred and twelve flight to Mars. Who gives a shit? These aren't stakes. I want wild wilderness.

I want to hit giant boulders. Yeah, there's like a Macy's on the Mars at this point. It's like there's been we've settled it. It's like who gives a shit? You're just going on a routine trip into space. You're you're dropping off a load of ben sherman polo shirts we're filling the macy's stock of ben sherman the martians are wearing polo shirts don't hit the peloton studio yeah you're restocking the mars gift shop by the way i i just right before we started recording literally minutes, I found a link to an article about how the base at Guantanamo Bay has a gift shop full of Guantanamo Bay merchandise. What? For who?

For like, there's like a straight out of Guantanamo shirts. For the people that were, I'm guessing, the people that are released or for what? Huh? For the employees, for the service members and their family. What? Yeah, straight out of Gitmo. This isn't a bit.

There's a Be Here Now Guantanamo Bay coffee mug. Be Here Now Guantanamo Bay coffee mug. Be Here Now? Be, like it's a mindfulness, be period here period now. Wow, you're right. I guess I'd rather be there now than a couple years ago. They have a plush dinosaur that says Guantanamo Bay on it. What? No!

What? This article is three years old And that was the biggest revelation That this has not come across my eyes before What the hell? The COVID era has been very tough On the gift shop at Guantanamo Bay We're not sure if it's going to recover

The merch at Guantanamo Bay is better than that At Universal Studios Straight out of Gitmo What the hell? Oh my god. A Guantanamo Bay lizard. This is fucking perverse. Jesus. This is insane. God damn it.

We're gonna, doing an episode about this is gonna suck. We're gonna do the Guantanamo Bay episode. The tone the entire time. Like, ugh, this. Why do we have to? He he's like you don't have to why are you doing it we do we have a podcast we have to do it there's a mcdonald's everyone but every there's multiple times we've been like well the flag at the gitmo mcdonald's is that half

masked again oh my god can you mobile order from the Gitmo McDonald's? Can you use one of the dollar coffee deals? That's a good question. Let me see. Siri? What stage of COVID cabin fever is it that you're mobile ordering from the Gitmo McDonald's.

I bet it's like an airport McDonald's. Although sometimes you can mobile order in an airport McDonald's. Sometimes you can. I think Jason planted all of this to ensure that it didn't seem like Mission Space is the worst tourist attraction in the world. You know, I never got to go to space camp i always saw it as like the prize on the nickelodeon well yeah i didn't game shows so i i guess this is kind of a little taste of it there's a little play area uh when you get off and a gift shop you know i've never seen terribly exciting any of that stuff probably not you know what's really crazy in this ride if we're jumping around if we want to just talk about the

ride that you again the idea you have to like whip around the moon use the orbit of the moon to whip you in the right direction and then it's like okay night night like they put you to hyper sleep and then the the glass fogs up and it's kind of it's sort of icy for a second and then just all of a sudden get up wake up you got stuff to do it's so crazy it's so jar like they do they do produce like a much more jarring way of waking up than probably any of us. That might be number one most unpleasant. Like, what if there was a ride where a loud alarm told you to—woke you up from a three-month sleep? Ooh, Jason, for you, that's a strike against this ride, don't you think?

That it's a noisy wake-up? Yeah. Yeah, you get to experience the end of a long nap, a jarring end of a long nap. Yeah. Yeah, that's the worst part, you know? I like that they don't belabor it too much, the hypersleep. Like, it's really, is it like Interstellar or one of the movies

where it's like always sad when everyone's coming out of the sleep, you know? I'm trying to think of, like, an alien when they come out of the sleep in the first Alien. It's very gentle. Yeah, it's very gentle. Yeah, they're really taking their time. You got to adjust. But, no, these people, these monsters of the whatever un-catchy acronym they are. U-P-R-T. I don't know what the I-C-C-S.

I don't know what the... Nobody wants shirts of this, of the not NASA. They made it less fun. They wanted to make it so realistic. Nothing's fun. Graphics, not good. The graphics got better, boy those graphics like it it's it's real flat and then this has a weird moment like the the uh millennium falcon that that millennium falcon stall thing where it's like wait

a minute there's a disturbance yes right was not anything okay you can go by. This is, you only get that once in a while. In this ride, it's caked in that like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're looking over a chasm. Lean back. Okay, you lean back successfully. You're free to go. Bye. Like it doesn't start a more exciting chapter of the ride.

That's like a trope in movies. Like you're at the edge of the cliff no one moved inevitably someone's gonna move i feel like i oh what is that movie i watched it a few weeks ago is it the lost city the channing tatum sandra bullock one there's like a moment where it's like don't don't you don't follow the car fell over the cliff uh oh i was it's either the person has gotten out of it and you didn't see them get out or they go for a ride and they tumble down the cliff you know right but not on this ride i'm assuming they're towing you because if you tried to get out of the car the compartment

would need to move towards the cliff a little to reset to get you out. Right? Oh yeah, we're all gonna die when we open the hatch. Right. So you're being towed by a mater or something? Yeah. Like a version of mater. But there was no mater then. There is now. Well, that's the plus up. Get mater in there.

Yeah, well sure. Please. Mater on everything. Or even, you know what really the plus up i don't know if you want to jump right to that already the plus up is like disney's capsules and it's like planes and cars and yeah they've all got tongues they've all got tongues they talk so yeah you when you're hearing like instruction it's from the actual ship itself that's yelling at you but like it's fun he's got a fun voice or it's like uh it's sebastian maniscalco or something is the voice of the capsule and he's yelling at you

to hit the button or whatever don't hit that one wake up up. No one wants to work anymore. Party lets you sleep in for three months and stay. Throw some water on your face and get back to work. You ever go to Chipotle and they're giving you the beans? Oh, no, no, no. Let me correct you. Sorry, sorry. It is Chipotle. Right.

You ever go to Chipotle and you're looking at the sneeze card at Chipotle. Yeah, that is much more accurate, yes. It's a crucial part of the bit that it is Chipotle. What, you think you have a little Chipotle and then you go to sleep for three months? This is much better i love being mad at a restaurant that literally walks you down a line of how to get your food it's the best bit because if you never watched the sebastian maniscalco chipotle chipotle bit uh where he's he all the premises are wrong it's like you got the people reaching around they're're going up over the glass.

And you say, no, I have never seen that. This has never happened to me in Chipotle. He is making him. He is like is like every like they put the cheese in the rub. They're doing the cheese. He's like making motions with his hands and everyone's like dying. You're like, I've never seen this before. I've never.

What experience are you describing they're scooping the beans with the big bean shovel no i've never seen that they don't have a bean shovel it's but it's under all the actions are funny that's the thing right we're the only kill joys who aren't having fun. If we would just embrace the silly movements the silly man is doing. He's making silly movements as if really all that's registering to people watching it are like, it would be funny if somebody was acting this silly because I've been in that line before. So I can imagine this. And we're like, no, that's not it. That's not the authentic experience.

Go to a Chipotle. I can't even go backwards and say it the right way. Go to a Chipotle. I can't even go backwards and say it the right way. Go to a Chipotle. It is business as usual most of the time. Sebastian, I take umbrage with your premise. I think the bigger unusual thing is all that listeria they were cooking up back there. All that food poisoning. Mission to Mars,

that's safer than going to my mom's kitchen. It gets all scalded by the sauce. He's the voice of the capsule. He'd be a great, you know, in the way it's a perfect equivalent of where I don't like Larry the Cable Guy's

comedy, but I do enjoy him in cars. And I bet I would love a Sebastian Maniscalco leading voice in some movie. Yes, he's got a great cartoon voice, as does Larry. Yeah, he's a good, quick appearance as crazy Joey Gallo in The Irishman. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. Why isn't Disney taking advantage of it?

Well, yeah, I agree. That's the fix. We got it. You make it capsules. Disney's capsules. Done. But remember, and another thing that's boring about this ride is that you walk into this room, and it's just this training facility, right?

And it's so industrial when you walk in there because it is just undressed capsules, essentially. In this version, they would have to show us what that capsule looks like and maybe show the capsule sucking down a big pile of spaghetti. Need fuel for the ride. They should show... When you're in the capsule and you see in the little screen, they should cut from that little screen to an outside camera, too. So you can see he's got a big bib on, ready to eat the spaghetti or something.

I want to see his face getting sucked back. This is like 5,000 hair dryers. You think the fuel, you think the liquid nitrogen in this capsule is intense. You got to try my mom's famous sauce. It'll melt your face off. The gravy. This would triple the wait times for this ride. People would still come out feeling very ill, but they would be so entertained, so it wouldn't matter. Yeah. And everyone would just call

it, it would just be like, have you done the Chipotle ride yet? No one calls it the right thing. Put a Chipotle at the end of the ride. Like, this is a good this is a very synergenistic, what is the, Chapek, didn't he say something about synergy recently?

I would imagine. He says something about synergy recently i would imagine he says something about synergy many times every day so yeah the yields the yields the results of the yields are going to be through the roof oh the results of the they were this is an opposite compact hp carly fiorina we're going exactly the other way yeah straight to the stratosphere we're unfavorable we're unfavorables we're Straight into the stratosphere. We're unfavorables. We're unfavorables. We're three of the unfavorables. We're unfavorables. I do it.

I forget someone posted that a website that makes like signs or T-shirts and magnets and stuff had made the Magic Band like sticker or the key holder sticker that you got. And it said like unfavorable attendance on it. Wow, wow. That's pretty good. My plus up was going to be that if you are feeling like you are 2.5 times your weight, your body weight, you're being pushed backwards, they should make the visuals match the feeling,

and they should have the multic-color 2001 kaleidoscope effect going on the screen you should you know enter a new stage of being like dave does when he crosses something that would uh while while a cool idea i feel like that might completely mess you up yeah completely make you throw up to go on a psychedelic like carnival pinwheel style like the path to death do it to make it the halloween version make it like halloween plus up the wonka eve like the scary Wonka River, like with the psychedelic images. I mean, that's a good idea. That's a good ride in general. Yeah.

How has that never happened? Just because it would make people vomit in terror. Yeah. I mean, they've been talking about Wonka rides forever, but that's obviously the ride is on the river. The chocolate, the gross chocolate river. Maintaining the chocolate river would really be something. Okay, so Jason wants it psychedelic. Mike wants it with a living, fun Italian capsule.

I think we've presented some really excellent ideas. It's just making it less dry because I think maybe the effect is interesting and worth upholding. But the presentation is just, I don't know. That's its downfall, I think. It's just not fun. I will say, though, because the old scale where it was like keep as is, plus up or burn it down. I'll say burn it down, though. No, it's still burn it down.

I think take this freaking thing down. I don't care. I don't want to plus it up. Take this freaking thing. Flush it down the. I don't want to plus it up. Take this freaking thing. Flush it down the toilet like a bunch, like yesterday's Chipotle. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I agree.

I don't know. Jason, where'd you land? Did we slide you either way? I don't. I feel like overall there's not as many nasty little freaks like me i feel like more guests are getting ill or having a bad time on this experience so i i may say burn it down and start fresh if only because i feel like the ride technology has come so far you could do like half as many g's and have a more uh pleasant experience and also a more whimsical like horizons more future looking interesting ride because the other thing is

big downgrade in terms of like animatronics like a lot of screens no animatronics on this guy yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah i don't know yeah burn it down and build flip-flap railway mock 2 get it up to 24 g's it stopped too short it only broke one part of your body you should end it you should like it you should it should be a full reset of all of your bones yeah yeah look slapping canto on it you know that's big hit we don't we don't we don't talk about flip-flap railway you know the canto presents flip-flap railway they're done perfect the big the big panda get tumbles out of flip-flop railway he comes out of your car and then goes at the loop it comes back in your car that's always turning red cartoons from uh yeah turning red what did i say i don't know i don't know if you said turning red railway i don't think it's a turning red it's a big red isn't it a big uh like a red panda they're

different than the well maybe it is a red i guess you're right. Clearly lots of better things you could do with this land, and I think we got it. I'm going to say you survived Podcast The Ride, but it feels like on the way out. Mike, what are you headed? Do we have the same clip here? Does it involve a real astronaut? It sure does. It does. Hang on.

Well, let's get there, but let me say here on the way out, because this is a good way to play it out. Okay, it's been crazy. Jason got COVID. Bunch of stuff's been going on. It's been a nuts time for us. So we are going to take a much needed summer vacation. We're taking the next

two weeks off on the main feed, including Labor Day weekend. But if you don't want the good boy fun to stop, if you want your favorite national daddies to keep flipping and flapping, then there's going to be new stuff up on Podcast The Ride The Second Gate and our new tier Club 3.

Very fun episode about Disney dollars coming up. And you will find all of that at patreon.com slash podcast the ride. So apologies for our absence here, but we'll re-release, we'll unlock something and we'll be back refreshed and raring to go. But super fun stuff happening over in Paywall City. So Mike, what you're describing, is a sketch uh from the magical world of disney or whatever you call it uh starring jerry o'connell yes jason have you seen this nope um well not only jerry o'connell but there's more uh fun cameos to come. So, you know, he's promoting mission space

and he's being assigned his flight crew. As our crew, the success of this mission depends entirely upon you. Ma'am, you're our commander. Son, you're our engineer. Sir, Colonel Buzz Aldrin, sir. You kind enough to be our pilot, Colonel Buzz Aldrin, sir. You kind enough to be our pilot?

Colonel Buzz Aldrin? He really walked on the moon. And you're our navigator. I don't have any navigator experience. Navigator? I don't even know how to read a compass. Buzz, you got my back? Yeah, I'm with you.

Then they throw out a commercial. That's kind of all he does. And then there's one more little appearance. So, yes, Mike, when you alluded to this, I'm glad you found this too. Buzz Aldrin, delighted by Buzz. So happy to see him. I was going to ask, do you kind of, like me, do you kind of equate Buzz Aldrin and Ringo in any way? Where they both, like, did incredibly impressive things, but they're kind of these like funny little guys now like they're similar really similar to me i know what you're saying

buzz aldrin feels like this is i don't want to insult this guy he feels like he'll do anything he feels like you should like you go hey you want to show up at this? And he goes, yeah, right. Which honestly, like, hey, he should go. He did. He walked on the moon. God bless. I, I, okay. I might not be remembering this correctly, but there was a Funny or Die event years ago. Yes, this is exactly what I'm thinking.

Yes, I was there too. Yes. Okay. Yeah. It was at the Egyptian Theater, Historic Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. And they were screening a bunch of videos from that year, and there was some live comedy, too. And I believe, was it, he got on stage with Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman? Something like that, yeah.

I mean, which is, like, fun. Like, I don't, I should, I guess really what I was like, I i was like buzz aldrin's at this dumb event with us yes we don't deserve access to this man to the second man on the moon that's what i kind of full that he's around goofing around yeah he was a pretty good sport i believe it was it alive between two ferns with the three of them oh maybe oh that's fun you know you did the lead in so i you know forget the end of this he just kind of says like hey i'm gonna get back on it again i don't he's like yeesh i don't know wait did you have a part you wanted to yeah i stopped look it's not the great i mean that's the gist of it but there's they're like where did you see when they're working together uh uh let me play it do you think it's this i think it might just be this i think yeah we're not gonna

make it activating boosters five thrusters now i can't find it i can't find the bugger i got it yeah i got it yeah i got it yeah they're not on the ride obviously like they're just like probably making the ride going but they got buzz they got a great line reading there yeah i got it yeah i got it that's really all I wanted to play. Oh, it's so great. Well, then let me go into because, okay, I've talked before about how much I love this crazy performance he did with Thomas Dolby of She Blinded Me with Science where he's the old man who yells science. But one time he messes up and says silence. And I'm very glad people messes up and says silence.

And I'm very glad people have noticed this and enjoyed this and look up the clip if you haven't seen it. But I was like, do I have to bring this up on the show? I think I have to. And it is his main Funny or Die collaboration. I may have talked about this before, but have I ever played it? I don't think I've played it. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I think I do.

So right before I got to Funny or Die, this looms large. I was like, what I'm talking about? I think I do. Right before I got to Funny or Die, this looms large. I was like, what am I heading into? What's this Dream Factory making? And what they were making was a Buzz Aldrin song called Buzz Aldrin's Rocket Experience. Now,

I know that this is novelty. I know that he is not trying to top the rap shirts. However, so I'm just going to say that, that I am aware that there's a level of camp here. And it's great. Look, this makes me so happy. I just want to share it with you guys and with the audience.

So maybe this will kind of take us out. And for a little bit, this will guide us into a little summer vacation. Our own little bit of hyper sleep. Precisely. Okay. So here now, a little taste of Buzz Aldrin's rocket experience. Imagine a place above the sky,

riding orbits in 90 minutes time. All you need is to come with me i'll be your guide to go flying into outer space see this world as a beautiful place it's almost like broadway trio back and above sincere singers Broadway trio back in a month. All that cat was human race. With the Sears singers. Are you ready to put on your spacesuit? Strapped in for the G-Force lift-off. Countdown is getting very close now

to the adventure of a lifetime. I've been there, now I say it's your turn. All we gotta do is make the engine burn. This is how you save the ride. They should have just played this. Just put this on. Are you ready? You've chosen Mr. Orange now. Don't forget

it's a little more intense now. Don't even show us the video of seeing Mars or anything. Just show the video of this. This just plays in there. If you can't reach the button, the computer does it for you.

We remembered autopilot. But don't look left or right now. Or else you get sick and your face will turn white now. Well, that's it. All right. We have so many solves.

Just do one of them, for God's sake, Disney. You don't need Carly Fiorina's permission anymore. Put the Buzz Aldrin music video in the ride, damn it. That's it. We're out. We're out for two weeks. Bye. Bye.

Forever Dog. This has Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.