Podcast: The Ride - Pirate's Dinner Adventure plus Mike's Disney World Trip

Episode Date: March 23, 2018

Set sail for a lawless land of pillagers and plunderers: Buena Park, California. Also: Disney World hijinks. Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Avast ye mateys, beware for today we be swashbuckling our way through the greatest pirate themed attraction in Southern California, Pirate's Dinner Adventure in Buena Park, set sail for thrills, chills, and multiple desserts. It's podcast ye ride. Welcome to Podcast The Ride, the theme park podcast hosted by three men who'd rather interview the person that hits the go button on Space Mountain than an actual astronaut. My name is Mike Carlson. Joining me as always, Scott Gairdner. Hi. And Jason Sheridan.

I have a lot of thoughts about that go button. What color it is. Likely green, but I'm happy to be surprised. Do you think it's green? I guess I always picture it as red. Maybe it turns when it is hit oh possibly yeah that's why we gotta have him on we gotta have this guy assume it's one it's been one guy since the 70s yeah it's one of the it's like an old man in a short sleeve dress shirt

that just goes and hits it and then he's all and then we're off to space you get to start to get into a real discussion of like symbol, of semiotics, use of language and symbols. Because a big red button, you know, you hit the big red button to start. But red also means stop. So should it be a big green button? These are the questions we have for this anonymous man.

Yeah, well, whoever you are, please contact us on Podcast to Ride at Gmail or on our Instagram. You can DM on Instagram on instagram you the one man and certainly not a cycle of anaheim college students right from ages 19 to 23 yeah uh so uh yeah today's episode we're just kind of playing a little loose we were talking uh pirates dinner adventure yeah we all we all had a shared experience down in Buena Park at something called Pirate's Dinner Adventure. We thought there was enough meat on that bone to talk about.

More meat than there was on the chicken bone during the meal. At the thing. And we were there for Mike's birthday. It was a surprise. Yes, it was a surprise. I didn't know where we were. I was in the shower and my girlfriend was like, we're going somewhere. I'm not going didn't know where we were. I was in the shower, and my girlfriend was like, we're going somewhere.

I'm not going to tell you where it is. And I was in the shower, and I was like, well, what is some kitschy bullshit that she would take me to that I haven't been to? And I went, oh, I wonder if we're going to go to that Pirates dinner adventure in Buena Park. Really? And sure enough, an hour later, we were on our way,

and you guys surprised me outside the apartment, which very much felt like we were recording a podcast again. There was a whole one in the car that we missed. It is kind of like they talk about, like your Jerry Seinfeld talks about, he's always working on material. This is all for the act. And now I feel like we have a similar thing

where it's like, this is going into the podcast. We're doing this for the podcast. We're going to do a review. So it's like, this is going into the podcast, you know? We're doing this for the podcast. We're going to do a review. So, you know, it's kind of consuming our lives, much like stand-up consumes the life of Jerry Seinfeld. We got to go up. And by going up, we have to talk about parking prices more often than we used to already.

Yeah, podcast is slowly jockeying with stand-up as the most pure art form, like the golden standard that all other art is joined by. Oh, yeah, that's true. It's honorable, it's noble. Yeah, we tell the truth. We're truth tellers, yeah. About the quality of the meals

at the Pirate's Dinner Adventure. I hope one day we get to be the mentors to an Orny Adams, an up-and-coming theme park podcaster. I guess it would have to be three. How cool would it be to get to usher in a new era, like talk to the young guys, a new set of three theme park dorks, and kind of take them under the wing. Show them the ropes

of having miranda sings on to talk about the bing bong candy store oh the reference miranda sings was on whoa the reference she was on the comedian of the car yeah you gotta walk around to get to that yeah that figure out what you were talking about a lot of details in that um i'm i think i'm only aware this is not theme park related but i think i'm only aware of the outliers on comedians in cars like i haven't seen the primary episode i haven't seen him talk to carl reiner or whatever it is but i have seen i haven't seen that but i've seen when he um he has michael richards on as a character who's mr crackle which is probably cut from the netflix versions because it's not on Crackle anymore.

But yeah, he has Michael Richards play a kooky character. I'm Crackle. I'm Mr. Crackle. And what about Snap and Pop? Famous for his solo character work, Michael Richards. Well, it's kind of a throwback to any UHF fans out there. He was good

at playing those kind of psychopath broad characters like that on or on fridays or whatever but that and then there's one with um pat and oswalt where they drive around in a delorean and then at the end there's a little treat for the audience where the delorean takes off uh into the air and does a full u-turn does not disappear into lightning there's a lightning flash from the sky and then the delorean lifts off turns towards us uh and like and the lightning bolt freezes it stays in place and is not related to the delorean watch the patten oswald episode go straight to the end this is the strangest

moment designed to appeal to back to the future but in five seconds, there's like 14 things to pick apart about how they did the effect. Wow. I do remember that. I did not have such an effect. I did not remember it. I'll tell you that. It stuck with me.

So, you know, I like the one where Bob Einstein just talks with his voice, his funny voice. That's the one I like. Well, that's a memory of the show. It'd be fun to see. How about a theme park crossover? It'd be fun to see a good comedian in the car's ride.

That would be great. Get a coffee at the diner. Jerry, how about one of us on the Autopia with you? Okay. Wouldn't that be great? Oh, boy, yeah. You don't seem excited. Wouldn't that elevate your show, Jerry, to have us?

Well, we couldn't all fit in one, so we'd have to choose one of us. One of us would have to tailgate the other car behind it. So it would be one in the car and then a car right close behind it, constantly, accidentally bumping. And another car in front doing the filming. And then you have to cover it in your cars as well. So there'd be a little parade of Autopia cars. And the episode would only be

four minutes long. I guess it would be better if he did Radiator Springs Racer, because then he could talk about the car. Because a big part of comedians in cars getting coffee is he talks about the car and why he chose it. So then he would be like, you know, I've chosen this old, this rusty old pickup truck. You know, it was made in 1965 and it has a country accent. Larry the Cable Guy.

Unlike most cars, it can speak. And then you go to Flo's and have a cup of coffee and you just sit there going like, what is, how has Disney still not gotten the coffee? What the fuck? Well, they never disparage the coffee, do they? Or do they on the show? Seemingly not. I think they have no coffee taste. This is an issue I have.

He doesn't pursue good coffee. He'll take any shitty coffee. And then you have the one with Jay Leno where he reveals he's never had coffee in his life. And he also reveals he's never worn sunglasses because he doesn't trust the world outside the sunglasses. And that is a fact. He said that. That's not a joke that I made up. I don't trust him with any sunglasses.

You know, I want to see what the world looks like without them. He thinks that sunglasses like obfuscate the world and he doesn't know what it's really. That is. Yeah, you're right. That's a stranger detail than any of this. Because I don't drink much coffee. You know what? I actually, i'll tell you this never had a cup of coffee what you haven't i've never had a cup of coffee that's true strange well because i started out this is first of all this episode actually is going to be all about me because it's about my birthday we're going to talk a little bit about my trip so i may as well just get into like ailments and

problems i've had it's a birthday this is what a great gift for you post your birthday. Just take one over. I have a thing called mitral valve prolapse, which means there's a valve in my heart that goes the wrong way. Oh, no. While I was playing basketball in seventh or eighth grade, my heart starts racing real fast. And then they diagnosed me.

It's not a big deal, but that happens sometimes. So they're like, maybe don't drink so much caffeine so for like 10 15 years i didn't have any chocolate or caffeine at a certain point most medical professionals feel like this doesn't really fuck who gives a shit you can do whatever you want so i'm like drinking a little caffeine so i could have a cup of coffee uh-huh but i really have coffee let's have some coffee yeah wait were you what if they had told you you know just stay away from chocolate stay away from caffeine stay away from roller coasters from rides from uh

exciting themed experiences good point i probably would have done it because especially when i was in seventh and eighth grade i'd be like oh god i don't want to die i'm gonna die an excuse an excuse to avoid the fear yeah i thought i would I was... I would have taken it, yes. I thought everything was going to kill me. I was raised to think that most things were going to kill me. It was a matter of time. Walking home at night would kill me. Having a Hershey bar would kill me.

That's how I was raised. So I would probably have stayed away from... I would probably have just gotten back on a roller coaster like a year ago. When did you feel like you... when did this turn a corner? Did you move to Los Angeles and feel free and like you left your fraidy cat skin back in Chicago? College, probably. I remember getting to college and then just feeling like, oh, I'm a person and I can do whatever I want.

Oh, it felt like a water... I was cleansed. I was a free new... I can have two shots of grog at the Pirates dinner adventure. My mom can't tell me no. If there was a Pirates dinner adventure in Bloomington, Illinois, I would have gone every night. But there was not. But there was a grocery store called The Kroger, and that was about it. That was the closest thing to an attraction? Yeah.

Were there rides outside of it? Would there be like an Elmo in a fire engine that would shake you around? I don't recall. I don't think so. But they will sell you a Jake's Pizza for $2. Well, that's what the theme of Kroger is, is great value. Well, that's true. First time Jason chimed in on this part of the conversation,

it was about a grocery store. It's about saving money. Kroger owns Roust, my favorite grocery store, which Mike's clowns on me. Roust is just such an odd choice to me. Roust is fine, but why would it be your favorite everybody's doing just indulgent non-details you're talking about your favorite grocery store i might as well throw in that i went to tender greens yesterday and uh i ended up getting the meal comped because there was a bug in it so this is not the first time

i've heard of bugs at tender oh no really Oh, no, really? Well, I think it's because they are actually using fresh. It was in the greens, right? Yeah, yes. So if you get really fresh greens that are organic or from a farm. Because they aren't full of pesticides and bad stuff that would keep the bugs out. But the flip side of that is you might end up. And it was pretty gross, I'll say that. I wanted it gone, just like the bugs from Disney's California Adventure, which we've just learned.

Bugsland. I mean, we'll have thoughts about this, I'm sure, as time goes on. But we have learned that the bugs are being exterminated at Disney's California Adventure. So bye-bye, Heimlich's choo-choo train. The bugs are off to Yesterland, also known as hell. The bugs are off to hell. Yeah. Along with Superstar Limo, all the classic attractions.

Yester California Adventure is one of the saddest places. With the thing that preceded B bug's land a bountiful valley farm yet like if you if you were in although maybe you might disagree because you were a opponent of california adventure but imagine if you if if a physical place was just what's been removed from california adventure what a bizarre place that would be i think i saw the end and like there i've i remember uh hunting once for trying to find like i really want a milkshake where is that san andreas shakes stand and that went pretty quick you're right once they started closing california staple i remember looking forward to that when i started going to california adventure and they were pretty

solid hey you just dug one up that is a thing they should bring back. But I forgot. I was like, well, Schmoozy's still here, and Award Wieners is still here, so that's probably still here. But no, that closed pretty quickly once they started destroying stuff. We saw Imagineer Joe Rohde in an Instagram post. He's a great imagineer behind Avatar, and a graduate of my high school, I was reminded,

went to Chaminade like me. But he'll post photos of things from the Disney parks and then do kind of a paragraph worth of analysis of it. And he did a long discussion of award wieners. Yes. It was sort of just patting himself or other imagineers on the back for a hell of a joke.

For a hell of a, like it was just like, I'm still, like chuckles, I'm still amused by this after all these years. Award wieners. You know, it was actually, the phrase is actually winners.

He broke it down. Well, this is the episode. It's Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah. In the Cars ride with Joe Rohde, breaking down the perfect joke award. Now, when you think of it, it's kind of like me in The Lost Saks. Why is that funny?

Why is that funny to you? Leno kind of crept into that. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, they're all merging. I don't know. My impressions can only go sort of three general directions, and Seinfeld and Leno are in the same bucket. Yeah, I get that.

Joe Rohde, I don't know how to do. I don't have a good Rohde either. Jason, do you have a good Rohde? I don't have a Rohde. Okay. Well, we've got to work on that. Letting the audience down. What else did we say we were going to talk about?

Oh, Mike, you've just been, you've returned from Mecca. You just were in, for the second time, we haven't been doing this. Yeah, we haven't been doing this podcast for that long. You've been to Disney World twice. Okay, all right. So let me explain why. Yeah, so I went to Orlando with a couple friends. I have what's called the Premier Pass.

Okay, this means that I have a pass that can get me into Disneyland and Disney World anytime I want, any of the parks, for a full year. Now, let me explain. I am a crazy person, but why I have this pass is that my girlfriend and I went to Disney World last September. I forget, August or September. And when you add up the fact that we already have crazy Disneyland passes, when you add up the amount of money you were going to pay for just like five or six days at Disney World, you may as well just tack it on and upgrade your pass to premiere. So that is what I did. She didn't do that, but I did.

Because I was saying, well, look, if there's even a chance I'm going to go to Orlando within the next calendar year, I got to do it. And she was like, that's fine, because we're going to go to Tokyo, Disney, and she can't necessarily get off that many weeks from her job. So I said, I'll probably, you know, I'll ask some friends if we want to go. So I asked you guys, you guys said no. We said no. Yeah.

You guys said no. I offered to buy a hotel room and you were like, I don't think so. You were going to just pay for the hotel room? Yeah. Well, you're going to have to stay with me, though. It wasn't like I'm going to pay for a separate room, but you could have stayed in the next bed. I told you that. Yeah, yeah.

Or the same bed. Could have been the same bed. You would have given us the option, I would hope. So you guys said no. I asked a couple other people. And then I asked some friends of mine some some people i've known my one friend who i've known since third grade and who i've been years i've been saying come to disneyland you got to do disneyland and they're always like oh we're busy you know we don't know

and for whatever other things in our lives for whatever reason i was having coffee with him and i go yeah yeah i'm trying to get somebody to go with me to disney world he goes oh we've been talking about that maybe we'll go i was like bullshit. And then it turns out they went. We went to Disney World together. So you hadn't been able to get them to Anaheim, but you got them to Orlando on like a two and a half week notice. Yes, it was crazy. And so, yeah, it was me, my friend, and his wife,

who's also my friend, but it was a weird trio. Yeah, it's you and a married couple. Me and a married couple and not your girlfriend. Not my girlfriend. Can we shout? I feel like we should shout him out because he is a thing. Luke Klaatu. Kalto.

Klaatu. He's a Lovecraft monster. An original member of 70s band space-themed band Klaatu. His name is Luke Kelto. And he is a writer on Krypton, which is on the air right now. Sure, I'll give him a plug for everything. Okay, here, let's go through his IMDb. Krypton's going to get that sweet podcast, The Ridewell.

He works on Krypton. He works on Ashford's Evil Dead, which just is coming out, too. And he also had some early work on the new Pacific Rim. Oh, interesting. So he wasn't some idiot asshole who's not in the biz. Yeah. This guy's got culls. But I went to elementary school

through high school with him. We grew up in Schaumburg, Illinois together. Did you go with him to the Little Caesars pizza place? Or any local Sch Schomburg attractions? Probably for birthdays. I'm sure he was there for something.

Chuck E. Cheese. Chuck E. Cheese on Barrington Road. Oh, yeah. Did you go buy giant Taz shirts together at the Warner Brothers Studio store? I don't think we bought them together, but we both certainly had different Taz t-shirts. Well, that's the way you knew who was cool in elementary school. Because he was the coolest character. Good way to eliminate people you don't need to waste your time with.

Yeah. So anyway, so I went with them. So we went on the plane. We went down there. And the trip started off a little strangely because I got up to the thing where you're supposed to give your ID and you show the ticket. And the guy takes my driver's license and he goes oh uh your driver's license is expired and i went what and he's like yeah it's expired on your birthday two days ago no and i went oh my god and here's the thing that happens when you have an expired driver's

license at the airport nothing they let you go through it doesn't matter oh because i flew i flew on three different plane flights in the last two weeks and they don't the other two the other two times i went to the airport they didn't even care they looked at it and they went all right here you go did they pat you down well everybody gets pat everybody goes through the thing well i just my brother did that a few years ago like also similar thing happened where his license was expired by a week or so and and uh they were just like all right we're gonna send you through secondary screening and they just like

no secondary screening it didn't matter because i i started sweating like i was gonna get arrested because i you know me i'm a good boy i don't do things like this all the time like oh no i'm so sorry i'm apologizing i'm surprising you i'm surprised you let that uh lapse okay you are a good boy but you didn't just move so i could see yeah a good boy who breaks the law how good are you i didn't really but no there was no letter and how often you look at your license and you were reminded that oh well there should have been a letter the state i did not get a letter so i even said to the guy i go oh, oh, no, what does this mean? And he goes, well, you just got to get it renewed.

And then he's like, because I thought I was going to have to do what you're saying. I had to go through a pat down of some kind. But he's like, yeah, you just go get it renewed. And I was like, oh, okay. And then he waved me through. The guy didn't turn giant in his perspective as if you're in a kid's nightmare. And then, sorry, you can't go to Disney World. That's what I thought.

So then I was like, okay, so this isn't going to be that big of a problem. What will become a problem, though, is that being served in Orlando with an expired driver's license is almost impossible at Disney World. We get to Trader Sam's that first night. We ate at Be Our Guest, which is great.

I had some quinoa. We get to Trader Sam's. I'm like, you guys are going to love Trader Sam's that first night. We ate at Be Our Guest, which is great. I had some quinoa. We get to Trader Sam's. I'm like, you guys are going to love Trader Sam's at the Polynesian. We get to the door. I give them my ID, and she goes, oh, you're not going to be able to get any drinks in here. And I was like, huh? And then they're like, yeah, this is. And then because she's watching, too.

So I go up to the bar, and I'm trying to slide the license to the bartender. And he's like, oh, this is expired. And I'm like, what? So it's like that, that the trader Sam's is such a small place. It's very hard to like fool anyone. You can't go like around the bar or you can't trade off drinks necessarily so

easily. Cause it's such a small space. So I'm bargaining with the bartender. I'm a 34 year old man at a Disney park begging to get like a very watered down tropical drink at like midnight. In between bursts of false volcanoes going off. Yes. Indoor lightning. And he's like, well, do you have like a passport?

And I was like, well, I have a photo of my passport. And he's like, all right, well, let's see that. So I'm like looking at my phone, trying to find this picture of my passport that I had to send to some like commercial director or some commercial agency like five years ago. A lot of W9 or something. Uh-huh. And I find it and I give it to him and he goes, all right, I'll give you one drink. And I go, oh, thank you so much. I was like so pathetic. Thank you so much. Did was like so pathetic thank you so much did you plan ahead to

and it's like yes i will have the bowl i will have the bowl that's shaped like iago please just so you get like four drinks worth i wish they carried a ceramic iago there but they don't uh there's a different uh there's a nautilus which i have over on the mantle here which is a giant uh thing here if we've been recording next to this the whole time no that's been there since our last trip uh that's a big uh like old submarine you can drink liquor out of it's exclusive to orlando not to our trader sam's out here at disneyland we should gram your or tweet your wall of theme park ceramics and also the book Tales from Margaritaville,

a Jimmy Buffett novel, and the one that you elevated above the other Jimmy Buffett novels. Well, I believe Tales from Margaritaville is a collection. I believe it's a collection of short stories because it's tales. It was all his McSweeney's submissions. It was his Mccsweeney stuff yeah some some stuff about tully mars some tully mars in there there's a a group of guys known as the breakfast boys he talks about but you're not to be confused with the birthday boys the sketch group

the birthday boys these are the breakfast boys and they're like a gang. They're much funnier. They're so funny. All right, we'll get this photo. We'll get this. Also a picture of you and your girlfriend among all this kitschy shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Next to Sam Eagle in a colonial soldier's outfit. The people you cherish the most, your girlfriend Jimmy Buffett and Sam the Eagle. Yep. Muppet Sam the the eagle not the many other

sam the eagles every eagle is named sam in all of pop culture the uh the olympics mascot oh yeah from 1984 uh i want to say there's another one and i'm not naming i'm disproving my point there are two sam eagles is what i'm saying uh if you know another Sam Eagle, I feel like there's another one now. Maybe I'll come up with it. So basically, almost the whole trip, I was getting drinks bought for me by my two friends and then snuck to me. So as we went through the World Showcase, they'd be like, oh, do you want something over here?

I'd be like, yeah, yeah, can you get me? And then like, I'll have that lager at the American Pavilion, please. So I was like, I was 15 or something. And my older brother was buying me liquor the whole trip. And I'm a 34-year-old man. It's the most pathetic thing. It's the baddest ass thing you've ever done, I think.

It's the most flagrant rule breaking. The fact that Disney is stricter than the TSA. Yes. Universal, I think, is even stricter. I disagree with you. No, it's not. So I get to CityWalk Tuesday night to go eat at Margaritaville, and they have an outside Margaritaville,

like a little booth where you can get margaritas. And I go, you know what? I'm going to try it. And I go up there, and I hand her my ID, and she goes, oh, this is expired. And I go, yeah. But I go, here, I have a picture of my passport. And she, Oh, this is expired. And I go, yeah, I go, but I go here.

I have a picture of my passport. And she's like, okay. She's like, she's like, yeah, if you were like, like,

it looks like you were born in like 96. I would have said no, but yeah, it's fine. So no, they were a little lax. It's a little lax there. I guess it's out here.

Cause, cause we've experienced at the Margaritaville in city walk Hollywood. You can buy one drink. Yeah. Well, you can't walk around like Vegas out here at the CityWalk out here, but you can in Orlando. Yes, in Orlando, there's like Fat Tuesday stalls with like liquor slush. Yeah, you can load up on liquor slush in Orlando, but not here. This is all, it's kind of a sidetrack-y episode episode but i've been wanting to address this with you that jimmy

buffett was just on uh fallon promoting the escape from margaritaville the musical and i'm i've been thinking about it ever since the discussion that the the it indicates what what kind of show this is that it's the only broadway show in history to run out of triple sec on its preview night. We ran out of triple sec. And then we got more triple sec. We ran out of that the next night. Don't worry, we fixed it. You come on down, you got plenty of triple sec. Jimmy has a show

on Broadway, and he's very proud of the fact that it's like a fuck around, and it's a fuck around in the audience too. He's like, you know, most shows, they don't want you taking your phone out or yelling stuff. He's but not our show and it's like this ain't lay miserab saying this ain't less miserables we're having fun here he so yeah i guess if you go there you just get fucking hammered and then you can shout stuff out during the show well and you get uh you are getting hammered with um the Broadway tradition of drinks you take in the theater, they give you in a travel mug, like a travel plastic travel coffee mug so that you're not spilling your frozen margarita on the floor.

We're allowing spilling. I want to change the color of that carpet in the theater. Enjoy your margarita out of a fucking Tervis tumbler. It's going to be piss green by the time we're done. He was also real proud

that he went up to in the hook because wherever I forget which theater it is but he went up to It's in the Marriott Marquis which is built into a hotel. Which is

and is me and my fetishization it's the same type of hotel as the weston bond adventure oh wow which i used in the design of moonbeam city it's these like crazy rotating bar hotels right with the with the pod elevators the pod elevator i've stayed at that hotel oh my family has gone to new york and that's we stayed at the marriott marquee and it's very cool yeah yeah yeah those elevated those like create those cavernous, bizarre indoor atriums and revolving restaurant at the top.

And yeah, you go get drinks. This is a perfect, like what better night for the two of us if we ever make it to New York. Start at a revolving restaurant, stumble down to the, which Jimmy was saying, like, you know, at my concerts, we tailgate, so we can tailgate. Everybody get a hotel room. You can get drunk in your room, stumble on down to the show.

And he also was big on the fact that he had gone up and, like, got all the bartenders to see the show. He's like, I got all the bartenders to see the show. So they tell the customers to go see it because I want them to know. I don't want them asking, how's Margaritaville Musical? They say, I don't know. No, they should say it's a great old time. Gotta stumble on down there. I want people to have a good time.

It costs $50 an hour to park in New York City, so I want them to get their money's worth. We gotta go, really. That's a must go. I wanna see it. That's justifiable. Springsteen on Broadway just extended to December, too, and I would like to see that as well,

because that'll be the last. That's about $500 a ticket, though, if you can get the ticket. Really? Look, you see the matinee of one, you see the evening performance of the other, and you stumble out, and there's a Junior's Cheesecake now right across from the Marriott Marquis. That's open late, and they serve burgers and big pastrami sandwiches and those delicious slices of famous Junior's Cheesecake.

Wow, what an ad. But we have now, with the third piece, we've now made it a perfect night for all three of us. We've all got something to look forward to. How the cheesecake is involved. Do you think the Springsteen, does Springsteen have a specific liquor at that show? Like Jimmy has the margaritas.

Like, can you drink like a can of Old Style or what would be the Springsteen beer? It's got like drips of oil in it. Like you're drinking while you're working under a car. You're slaving away. Have oil, have beer. I'm trying to think. Is there like an official liquor or beer of New Jersey?

I guess like, I mean, Yangling's from Pennsylvania. You would know. Yeah, I'm trying to, I can't really. Or is there a particular alcohol name checked in a song? I wouldn't know. I don't know. I don't think he says like a brand like jimmy would just throw a brand name in to make an easy million dollars

he's probably covered almost every type of alcohol yeah he used to and now he just sells it himself now you got margaritaville tequila margaritaville rum what's the what's the beer called uh landshark logger's pretty good yeah good beer yeah uh but springsteen there was never a song where he was like in the anheuser-busch factory closed down no there is a giant anheuser-busch factory in like right outside of newark like you could see it from the airport well i the springsteen show is probably a lot less fun let's be honest he probably doesn't want you just yelling shit during the show. What is the show?

It's him and it's his wife for a couple songs. It's just going through his life, kind of like his book. He tells stories and then he plays. Everybody describes it as being a transformative show to see. It's incredible. You're in Mr. Theater.

What's the theater he's playing? It's very small. I forget. see like it's incredible and it's a smaller you know i you're mr theater what's the theater he's playing it's very small i forget i think it's supposed to be pretty intimate yeah because it's storytelling too right little stories and songs and stories and so he does the thing where he like he i think he like strums like the c chord for a while and he goes i need i'm gonna need a little quiet in here like he does during the show and then he does a couple minutes well unless it's a unless it's a unless it's a broadway show that's a parody of all other broadway shows i'm not interested count me out well would for forbidden broadway has to send up the springsteen show and mark readaville yeah they've got a lot to cover at this point yeah yeah yeah um like uh what would

be the forbidden broadway would be like welcome to, like, it's lame, right? It's like Drunkenville or something? Would it be something like? Yeah, they would just comment on, yeah, vomit. Escape to Pukeville. Pukeritaville. Yeah, and all, yeah, they'd have ushers come out in puke-stained vests and what have you.

Oh, man, they'd get him. And Bruce, I don't know, would it, like, be a... Probably their commentary would be, like, that he's too mumbly. I can't hear him. That's about the level of... Yeah. But you did not go to New York. No, no, no, no, no.

We have not seen... No, we're talking about hypothetical trips. We're talking about hypothetical trips. I was in Orlando, Florida. Yeah. Did you see any shows there? I saw the Little Mermaid show at Hollywood Studios, which has not changed since I saw it when it opened in 1990.

The indoor and the small theater. It's 20 minutes. It's an incredibly abridged show. I forgot that was there. There's some cool stuff in it. Kind of day glow lighting and stuff. A lot of lasers. A lot ofridged show. I forgot that was there. It's very strange. There's some cool stuff in it, but it's odd. Kind of day glow lighting and stuff. A lot of lasers.

A lot of 90s lasers, which are cool. Did you see Florida's Fantasmic? I didn't. It's crazy. It's still mostly Pocahontas. Wow. And it's so long. I have forgotten.

Like, every now, the last couple times I went to Florida, there's stuff that hasn't changed since i was like in middle school and stuff and i would just forget about like phantasmic or as we talked about like watching the american adventure after not having seen it in like six or seven years and going like oh i forgot what this is yeah i we didn't see a lot of shows it's hard because they were they hadn't been there in so long since we were so we were doing mostly the rides because the shows are long and take up a lot and it's hard to you know it's hard to do everything um we did we did the big stuff we did uh we did you know tower of terror we did rock and roller coaster uh we're going to get to rock and roller coaster soon on this podcast

yes true uh we may have already recorded the episode but here's something that we i think we left out of the episode that i noticed that there's two things actually number one they're using a technology when you're in the line that where they have like posters like of musicians and stuff and then all of a sudden it'll say like michael at the something so i didn't know about this yeah so we're in line and it said like you know blues singer michael and whatever i'm looking at it and i think it's real for a second i'm like who's michael and i'm and then i'm like i'm looking at the the magic band i have which is you know rf whatever i would id id chip and i'm looking like holy shit they're doing this and then like you can see on the other side they're like cycling people's names with different posters and it's clear they've like

figured out a technology to like make specific posters for people that are in the line which is pretty crazy whoa that's a neat little plus up that was not there in 1999 when it opened we did not that was not a plus up idea we had right on the episode we dropped the ball and then and then the other thing is that there's a piece of dialogue which which I don't think we said. If we did, I will edit this out, and you guys will never hear this, is that when you're in one of the different – there's some different dialogue that can play while you're waiting to shoot off on the rock and roller coaster. The one I got, which really delighted me,

is there's like a radio announcer who's like, Aerosmith is tuning up. Hey, check out Steven Tyler's hat. And I was like, what? Huh? Not a man known for his hat. And I was like, what? Huh? Not a man known for his hat. No, I know. His scarves, maybe.

Like, check his scarves out. Like, people know the scarves hang off, but his hat. Yeah. Would he wear, like, demented Mad Hatter hats at any point in time? You can buy those. I think he does wear a Mad Hatter hat maybe in some video, but I'm maybe just thinking of Tom Petty's Don't Come Around Here No More. Well, those countdowns, those like three, two, one countdowns are kind of different.

They change. Yeah, there's a couple different ones. One, Steven Tyler counts you down. Yeah, and they trick you. They say three, two, and then just launch you at one. They don't get to one. I went on that three times, and I love it. I do love it.

It's very fun. Tom Hamilton just had a mole removed. He's looking good. Enjoy your 60s, Tom. Joey Kramer just relaced some boots. Check them out. Huh? Yeah.

The Fast Pass thing, they have a thing this is too much this is too dry to really get into but they have a whole different fast pass system there than they do out here but it's very similar you can make them on your phone so what you can do is you can like kind of surf as you go and try to find fast passes so I we were in line at Spaceship Earth, and I found a fast pass for the moment we were in line. And I was like, we got to get out of the regular line and get in the fast pass line. And this, for me, Scott is making a face like this is just hell for him. I love this.

You love the chase. That's what I'm thinking is that I know that you're a big stub hub. Yes, I like checking. I like checking is what I like. So this is a chance. You are now merging your love of Disney parks with your love of checking. Yes.

Yeah. Our friend, Nick Mundy, who will eventually will do this podcast if he can make some time, maybe. He went to Disneyland and he called me up and he's like, this FastPass thing is great. This is great. And I was like, oh, were you checking all that? He goes, yeah, I love is great And I was like oh were you checking all that he goes yeah I love

It and I was like yeah I love it too I love checking Too so other people Like check all right you're not the only Checker out there I It gives me such a high I found it I was Like I'm the like I started yelling about how Good I am and then I saw the phenomenon Happen to families

As well like a 14 year old girl in line At the rock and roller coaster was like i am the greatest look at the line look at what i did for us she's like going nuts and i was like i recognize that behavior she just found this fast pass like the last second and she's like rubbing it in her parents face and they're like yeah whatever oh thank you okay is this too much of a can of worms this might be too long of a thing but you because we went to the event desert trip at coachella yes yes the the thing at where they have coachella uh which was referred to as old chela which was a weekend with the rolling stones and bob dylan and uh paul mccartney and neil young

and uh as your well i mean i have your checking to thank for us even getting into that at all and not like spending our life savings on it this is a debacle though is what you're but you also the we we ended up through various means getting into the the pit uh having the best possible seats for the rolling stones and then you got a taste for it and the next night had a courier bring vip wristbands to the coachella grounds but it went wrong because they had mislabeled what they were, so there were not enough wristbands for everyone. But yes, I got obsessed with being in the pit. And let's be full disclosure,

the reason we were in the pit is because we were bad boys. Yes. Let's be honest. We broke rules. We broke rules. Yeah, I don't mean to. I think I'm only like 1.5% more of a bad boy than you are, which it's infinitesimal, but it was enough to where it was so easy,

like three rounds of barricades coming down had happened, and I'm like, all right, I'm just going to do it. But you didn't quite make it in, but you ended up sneaking in. You looked at me. You went, ah, ah, ah, and then you ran, and I paused, and then I was so mad. And you were in there, and they And then you ran and I paused. And then I was so mad. And you were in there and they put the barricade back up. And then I was like, I'm getting in this shit.

And then I scoped it out for like five, six, seven songs to try to figure out. Like as if it was Goldeneye. And I was like watching the guards. Like, okay, this is the pattern they're going. I got it. And I knew the pattern. And I saw my opening. I walked right through.

No one stopped me. and I was fine. It was great. You cracked the code. I cracked the code. You actually, like a heist situation, you learned when the people take their lunch breaks, essentially. And then I had left the pit, and I made it back in as well. I also cracked the code. But this all, this was all so, but the fact that you i see what you're saying because that

all made it the most fun concert ever it was not just that it was a very good rolling stone show like the fact that there was code cracking and checking that is fun but that you i'm still the fact that you had a courier come to the busiest site i in state. I get very obsessed sometimes. Mike's taking out his monocle to polish it. His two Disney World trips, his VIP courier. Jason is basically, I've described Jason before, as your neighbor who takes a look over your fence and goes, oh, you got a new car over there, huh?

Oh, how much money you got? I was doing that because you were showing us your FastPass reservations and stuff. I was like, you have four Boathouse reservations on here. Well, you didn't understand. You were being very weird

because I explained to you that I made multiple reservations and was going to cancel later because I didn't know what the schedule would be. And you were like, well, you shouldn't be irresponsible with reservations, Michael.

And I was like, I'm going to cancel them. I was also concerned you were going to fuck one up and get charged. They charge you if you don't cancel. This is on the way. I'm driving the whole group and Aaron, my wife, and Lindsay, your girlfriend, down to Pirate's Dinner Adventure. And there's this odd little bicker happening in the back seat involving this passive-aggressive, I don't want you to miss out,

and I don't want you to get an extra charge. Jason, don't worry about it. Lindsay's chiming in like, what are you talking about? He said he's going to cancel them. Well, I don't know. I was like, what do you want? I canceled the reservations. And of course, this is also what happens to us doing this podcast

is that we talk about very dry, thin topics could uh and of course and then we did this is also what happens to us doing this podcast is that we talk about very dry thin topics about ticket entries and reservations and then we repeat the conversation the second time yes uh aaron has to hear aaron listens to the podcast she ends up hearing all these things twice oh yeah perhaps a third time if i'm testing material on her for the podcast uh Boy, lucky her. She gets every podcast three times. Poor Erin. I found these tickets

and we were in the middle of the desert and I was like, there's no way. We don't have car. I don't have my car here. How am I going to get it to the festival? I was looking up couriers and it's like a Saturday at like 6.30. With no notice. With no notice. I was going through Yelp. The phone, the network wasn't working very well.

And I found a desert courier that was willing to go to this hotel, get them, and then bring them back. This is like a Breaking Bad fixer kind of guy. Mike Ehrmantraut. Yeah. Yeah, I could do it. I could do your job. I got your tickets. Your VIP tickets.

And I had to meet him at the side of the road. It's going VIP tickets. And I had to meet him at the side of the road. It's going to cost you. I had to meet him at the side of the road. In the desert, it's just you guys. Yep. He could have killed me. He could have done anything to me. And yeah.

Instead of what other people are doing at Desert Trip, which is like getting high, playing cornhole, going to the array of pinball machines. Instead, you are on your phone contacting a desert courier yeah so that i for whatever reason that weekend was extra like insane like sometimes i can get really fixated on something like i gotta find this i gotta do it and that was like that was a super charged version of it well there was this i think between everybody who's there there was a saved group value of like $4,000, I think, because of all of this.

So I thank you for it. Yes. We got tickets that were like $1,300 for like $250 or something, $300 or something crazy. And now you can do this at the parks. You can do this insanity. I love it. Yeah? I love it.

I don't know why. Any, what are the, any big highlight highlights and any big lowlights we've talked about this before maybe not on the show but for sure in real life uh the dinosaur ride at animal kingdom kind of a scary always scared me when i went on it as a kid it's kind of headache inducing there's a lot going on it's a lot going on so luke's go luke my buddy luke goes let's go on dinosaur and i was like and then he's go on Dinosaur. And I was like, hmm. And then he's like, come on.

And I was like, well. And I was like, maybe I'm just scared of Dinosaur. Maybe it's like some old childhood fear. I can go on Dinosaur. It's the same track layout as Indiana Jones, which I love. Come on, Michael. You'll be fine. So we go on.

We do the whole thing. We go through the ride. And I'm doing fine. You know I'm not scared of Dinosaur or whatever whatever and i'm seeing it more for the first time usually i have my eyes closed on it so i'm really seeing the ride and now i can tell oh this turn is is the skull room in indiana jones so i'm really i'm enjoying the ride more you've cracked the code of this so the ride gets the ride is done and i'm like, pretty good or whatever. I must have done really well. I get the ride photo back, and with the premiere pass, I get all the photos for free.

I just want to let you know that. So I get the ride photo from Dinosaur back, and I really should bring this up for you right now. I am cowering in fear. We will post this on Instagram. It is an intense ride. it's very dark everyone else one of the complaints people have about very loud it's it's dark and loud i love it i i even as a kid i loved it and it is one where it's like the storytelling's good where they're like you might die it's like no we gotta get them out of there and it's like no the meteor is coming like

we're close to the dinosaur we can get the dinosaur and get them out it's like no these people are gonna die like yeah so if we cover this as an episode we should keep it in that tone it should be screamed for a straight hour and a half and the pre-show with wallace langham i think still holds up so here's the fun to show you we'll put this on twitter uh i everyone in the car everyone in the car oh my god is enjoying the ride smiling i have my head down i don't remember doing this my memory of being on the ride was that i i was a very brave man three small children staring with no problem at a dinosaur i am am wincing, looking the wrong way. It's insane.

I don't remember doing it, but apparently... It looks like in a movie where the hero kid is about to get hit by the bully and he scrunches up and then something happens to the bully where he doesn't end up swinging at him. Yeah. I mean, the photo is shameful.

I'll show it to you because it's funny. Yeah, this is going right to the Twitter. Yeah, part of the deal here is... Yeah. Yeah, look, you've had your wins with your... Look, you're a manipulator of systems and a saver of money, but you're also not a saver of dinosaurs, apparently. No, Icarus flying too close to the sun.

His hubris caught up with him. You would have let the last dinosaur go extinct. That's what it is, right? You're trying to get a dinosaur back. You're trying to get a specific dinosaur, and then they're shouting at you. No, that's not it. That's not it either. I do not like this ride, I will say.

I liked it more than I did, but it is a lot. This photo, is you liking it more? That's what I thought. I told you. I thought it was brave, but apparently the photo says otherwise. I don't know if we've talked about it

on the show, but like any PhotoPass photos of me on rides, I have the same shit-eating grin on my face the whole time. I'm just like, oh, that's what I look like when I'm happy, huh?

And this is the only time you see this in photos it's beyond rights oh yeah you're so you're pure joy my pure joy looks embarrassing yeah right um uh well i saw trump i mean oh yeah you saw the trump trump uh i got you start screaming at it i hope you did or you're not a true patriot. Sir, Mr. Trump. Excuse me. Let Stormy speak, Mr. Trump. Hey, buddy, can you sit down and shut the fuck up? We paid $10,000 to do this fucking family reunion here.

There's the security... I saw the security guard in there. I ran in and was like... I was being more excited to see it i mean not in like a horrifying way um and i had my phone out to take like and i could tell the security guard he switched sides he saw where i was sitting i this is a guess but i think i had my phone out to try to figure out and he switched over and all of a sudden he was like next to me and i was like oh man is he gonna is this guy Does this kid think he's going viral?

Yeah. He's got another thing coming. He could have had his hand on his gun or something. Like, I don't know. We got an Antifa in Roel. I will say this. We like hotel bars. My favorite place now is the Abracadabra.

I don't know about this. Oh, the Boardwalk. The Boardwalk Hotel. Oh, the Boardwalk. On the Boardwalk Hotel. Oh, my goodness. This is so great. If there was an Abracadabra here, we would go every week. It was fantastic. The theme is magic, right?

Yes. Like magicians and stuff. It's tiny. It's great. It's on the Boardwalk. Another good bar is the Martha's Vineyard Bar at Yacht and Beach Club. Another tiny, weird bar in the hotel. A little loose bone fragments on the roof,

but other than that, they might fall in your drink. Yeah, yeah, other than that, I waited in line to meet Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy alone, which is kind of an accident, because I was trying to do stuff that I don't normally do, and I was alone at this point. Well, this is a question. Did the married couple, the couple in love on a vacation together,

did they have to create a little space at some point? I was very nice and I allowed them to have space. I said, you guys can go do your own thing sometime. And that was one of the times when they were doing their own thing. Have a free day. Have a free day for me. And I was wandering around Epcot doing stuff. And it was like, oh, character meetup spot or whatever.

And I was like, well, there's FastPass for that right now. Let me go see what that's all about. So I get in line. I realize it's for three characters. And I am, believe it or not, the only single man in the line among a group of families. So everyone is looking at me a little like, okay. I think a tag got put on you at the beginning of this trip and never stayed on.

He's here. He's in Hall of Presidents. He's trying to meet Minnie now. I had the magic band on so they can track me very easily. You were on the list. You were on Mickey's list. Yeah, so I went in, and I meet Mickey, and Mickey wants nothing to do with me.

Mickey gets this photo op done so fast. We do one and a half photos, and he's on to the next thing. Covers his face so you can't tell who he is. Yeah, Mickey did not want any part of this. I go up to Goof, and also now I'm going, do I bail out? Do I just get out of here? Okay, I got with Mickey. Let me just run. And I was like,

nope, you're going to do all three. Yeah, you're there. You're there. You may as well. So I go up to Goofy. Goofy wants the clown around. And then I think I say something like as if I'm meeting a real... I go, oh, you were my favorite, Goofy, when I was a boy. And Goofy's like, wow.

You got to put on Mickey's deeper list with that. Goofy's like, wow. And he gives like a big hug and like we do some bits and then uh i don't remember you couldn't describe them they they they wouldn't be verbal so you they wouldn't play on the podcast but feel free to act them out to us later uh and then i get to mini and let me just say when you're in these, you can take some liberties with the guest. Minnie gives me an aggressive hug. And I'm not like, this isn't like a brag. I'm not trying to be like, you should have seen how Minnie hugged me or anything. Minnie grabs me in tight.

And I'm like, if a friend of mine hugged me like this, I would be like, oh, what's this about? And then she's like doing a bit with me because I have Mickey on my shirt shirt and she's like pointing at him pointing at the mickey over there and she's pointing at my shirt and i'm like yeah yeah he's a handsome man you're very lucky so she grabs my arm i posted this this is already on the uh the oh yes we had this sweater she like gets me in like on my on like my arm grabs me like we're going to a school dance and then and then we take which is the only way you would have ever gone to a prom is if someone forced you yeah yeah yeah and they were in a mini costume yes that would have really helped uh and then gives me an even even closer hug to leave so i get two And then, this has happened to me before,

Minnie leans her giant nose against me and you hear a smooch sound effect. So the person in the costume has kissed me through the Minnie head. So you cuckolded Mickey Mouse while wearing a t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on it. She was looking right at you. The power dynamics. She didn't care.

Yes. Mickey was too down, but yeah, he could see what was happening, and he couldn't have been pleased about it. How rare is it for the person you're cheating with to have a shirt with your husband on it? What a dream. Without requesting that ahead of time. It just happens, Dan.

That's why that's insane. Does this slow you down? No. Didn't think so. That's one of Jason's fantasies on his Bumble account. Look him up, ladies, if you're in the area. You start pre-printing photos of just people you know are married to have a t-shirt collection ready to go. Yeah, sure.

In case I ever meet your wife. So what you're saying, I can't tell if this is positive or if you're upset, like the guy who got kissed by Katy Perry on American Idol. Oh, oh. Who showed that guys can be harassed too. Huh. Well, it is. I was, I was thinking like this, I could report this if I want want if i didn't like it you're you i think that if there are like 12 levels of disney list within just this podcast you've you've ascended like six yeah uh there they will have an eye on you yes they can't they can't

stop you from coming because you spend too much money but they are just you're gonna be tailed every single time yeah yeah for sure i think what but i think the thing that you some people were probably assuming either the costume characters or the handlers or stuff they they were actually probably thinking something different which is like oh this is a dad going back to the hotel to take a nap or like this is a dad wandering around oh and he's like oh yeah what if i got a picture by myself or something let me ask you because do you think the three of us do people if we especially in florida where it's a lot more uncommon to be do you think they're like oh these are dads because i still don't think i look i look like i dress too much like a 12 year old to look like a dad that's my

that but but I might be well I think uh uh older millennials who are starting to have kids do dress more casually than like their parents would do dress more like children what I'm trying to say is do you still think I have a going on that's really what I'm asking or was this you think i'm still pulling it off many approaching you as a as a single hot to trot gentleman or was she approaching you to like give give some sugar to dad he's probably having a sad trip you are you concerned that you're you're going into handsome young father territory you're you're aging into handsome young father i don't know i'm just wondering because i don't see myself like that, even though I'm old enough to have an 18-year-old.

Let's be honest. I'm not sure. I don't know. Should we pose this to the audience in the most uncomfortable Twitter poll? Does Mike have it going on? Still have it going on. If the answer came back, no. We'll pose it to Mike and I's shared agent

to see if we can start getting him out or more young father roles. I'd like to get out at all, please. Yeah, really. What's Mike's type? So the last thing I did on this trip was I dined at the Liberty Tree Tavern. Do you know what this is?

This is in Liberty Square. I was looking... I ate there last time. Yeah. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Near Trump, near the Trump robot. It is very near the Trump robot. This is in Liberty Square. I ate there last time. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Near Trump, near the Trump robot. It is very near the Trump robot.

And I had a reservation for three, but the other two people in my party said, hey, we'd rather go on a couple rides than go to this restaurant. And I said, well, I've never been to this restaurant before. I would like to try it. And they were like, that's fine. You can do whatever you want. In my mind, from a childhood,

this restaurant serves sandwiches and apples. No like that's fine you can do whatever you want in my mind from a from childhood this restaurant serves like sandwiches and apples no that's not correct oh it's it's a little more of a thanksgiving dinner yes they serve a lot of of food so so basically so what happens is uh i get there we're supposed to get on a plane i'm supposed to get on a plane at like six o'clock and it's about two o'clock and my reservation's for 2 15 so i'm thinking i get in there i get seated in a couple minutes no problem everything will be fine so i'm waiting in there for 30 minutes 35 minutes for like 40 minutes and my friends don't have a flight for like an hour or two after me so they're not in this time crunch so i'm like oh god i gotta i gotta go but i want to eat this meal i want to eat this meal. I want to have this meal. So I'm looking through the menu, and I overhear somebody go, well, the thing to get is the all-you-can-eat food.

And I go, well, I got to get the all-you-can-eat meal. But you're alone. I am alone, though. I am picturing the portions I had last time I was there, and your time crunch, and I'm getting nervous. I'm in a time crunch. And you have a driver's license that is expired. Yes.

At an airport that is not in your state of residence. Right. So I'm standing and waiting there. And finally, I am welcome to my seat. And what happens is a person in a old colonial outfit comes up and goes, hear ye, hear ye.

The table is now ready for the blank party. So it's all families that are getting here ye, here ye'd. And all of a sudden somebody comes, and I have a video of it, and I will post it. Here ye, here ye, the table is ready for the Carlson party. And I go, it's just me. And she takes me over to the table. So now the crunch is on, and I'm sitting sitting down and I've ordered the all you can eat.

And it's like 245 or something. And I think that it's sort of like Ohana in the way. Ohana is the restaurant, the Polynesian, where they kind of bring stuff around and you can say yes or no. It is not like Ohana. They just bring you giant plates of food. Yeah, it's family style. It's family style.'s family style so i'm sitting there they bring me a giant salad just like the disney world salad that's like caked in dressing it's delicious

but there's no nutritional value whatsoever and they bring me four giant rolls and i'm eating this and going oh fuck i have made a huge mistake so i'm trying to get through this quickly and they're busy too so they're not like so responsive So it's taking a while to get the food You're going to end up so fat That you don't look like you do on the driver's license And they'll really think you were forging it So I eat like half the salad

I eat half of the rolls And like I push them And they're just bringing me Diet Cokes I had like four giant Diet Cokes for this meal So then they bring me this big plate of food. So your heart's working overtime for multiple reasons. So the caffeine that I discussed earlier, I'm just like mainlining caffeine right now. So they bring me this plate of food that I can, it is like three people's meal.

This is lunch also. It's like roast turkey, meatloaf, hot roast, right? It is three different types of meat. Let me show it to you right now. It is this. There are mashed potatoes. There are green beans. There's stuffing.

There's turkey. There's like a big juice. I don't even know what that is. Pork of some kind. There is like a bowl of gravy. A bowl of gravy and then a giant macaroni and cheese bowl behind that. Yeah. So I am stressed out so bad

because I have to go. And you're staying off site, right? You're staying by Disney Springs. Yeah, so we have to go. We have to go back to get, I mean, it's sort of on the way, but we have to go back, get the luggage, and then get to the airport.

So I am shoveling this food into the joylessly shoveling this food into my mouth. Man, you fucked up. And I am, there's a pain. You should have just eaten at like the burger place at Disney Springs that day. I, I, so here, these are the texts i sent my girlfriend so i'm like i am insane for doing this all this food and and uh uh yeah it's so i'm sending these photos so i'm eating and here i i hate to be gross but i have to say this is part of the story i am eating so much food in the middle of the meal i have to go of the meal, I have to go to the bathroom.

So I have to go to the bathroom and then come back to eating. And I had to leave my jacket. Jason is taking his glasses off and is rubbing his face. I am so stressed out at this point. And I can't finish all of it. But I'm like, I want to finish this macaroni. So I finish the bowl of macaroni. I finish a lot of it. I should have taken a picture of what i did but i'm in such a rush

then they bring out pie included there is a giant pizookie like dessert that is last is a pizookie is like a cookie on top like ice cream and it's heated and it's got these like delicious butterscotch like morsels and i have a pain in the left side of my stomach. There's a pain there. And I'm like, just... You can leave at any time. I know. No one is holding you hostage.

I paid for this thing. And I want the experience. And I want to be able to talk about it. So I'm eating this. And I do. At that point, I have half of it. And I go, you cannot eat this. You can't finish this.

You will throw up on the plane. You are crazy if you do this. So then I just said, okay, that's it. I had paid. I got up. this you can't finish this you will throw up on the plane you are crazy if you do this so then i i just said okay that's it i had paid i got up and then i just kind of limped my way out of the magic kingdom that was my last experience in orlando and this is after the uh i'm thinking about the film the florida project where the all of the uh impoverished people live just outside the gates and their ultimate fantasy would be to go in just for a few minutes and hear you, I'm eating too much food. I got too much mac and cheese and pie.

It's crazy. It's shameful. Here on my second Disney World trip in six months. The way I live is shameful. This is funny because a few years ago when I went I had the total opposite experience where it's just like we got a little bit of time we were staying at the Bay Lake Tower at the Contemporary so it's like we took the monorail to Magic Kingdom

and just did a couple things then had a nice leisurely meal at the Wave in the Contemporary and had the whole place to ourselves and checked out right there. And oh, what a pleasant last day before we had to get on the plane. That's not how I roll, man.

You're on the other side of the property. I have to fit in as much fun. I have to cram as much fun into my mouth as possible. I was eating like I was trying to win a contest. It was crazy. Fortune favors the bold, Michael. Yeah. As the French Foreign Legion say.

I'll say this, though. The food was very good. It was really good. It was good, delicious. It was like a nice Thanksgiving meal. The last thing I'll say about the trip is that, and Scott, you may want to turn this down and give it to Jason.

I've brought you guys free gifts, single disposable towels from Disney's Contemporary Resort. You want to give the other one to Jason? Feel free. Wait, why would I do that? All right. This is amazing. This one is a little crinkled. I'm sorry.

This is great. You know, when I stayed there, I went in the gift shop and I was like, hey, do you have anything with the Contemporary logo on it? And they went, went uh no yeah they don't have a lot of postcard or hotel merch maybe one contemporary logo which is just handwriting it says contemporary yeah you just had to have this somewhere well there's a different variant of it too that has like a little monorail on it and stuff but like the the hotels in florida are kind of crap shoots for like hotel specific merch yeah um yeah yeah true i was gonna i was like looking oh should i get them souvenirs but this is a whole other discussion but the the souvenir it's everything's the same

as disneyland it's all the same crap that we can buy at disneyland so it's not like like when i was looking through souvenirs like oh what could i get people it's all the same stuff that's in anaheim so well you did you sent me a picture of a shirt from the boathouse that said Doc Boy on it. That's true. I could have bought you the shirt that said Doc Boy. I almost told you, like, get me a medium of Enbo. Like, I kind of want the Doc Boy shirt.

On the Orlando trip I take in three months, I will get you the Doc Boy shirt. Oh, boy. This episode, I feel, has been like your meal with many courses, trying to cram as much in as humanly disgusting amount of stories and content and topics.

The listener now wants to throw up. I cannot have, I cannot listen to this part about the Pirates Dinner Adventure. And you can't, you can stop. Or if you want to get your full all-you-can-eat value. Or you can go to the bathroom right now and come back. Yeah, yeah. Take a break because now we head down to Buena Park.

Let's board this galleon. Let's come aboard, mateys. To talk about a different thing that we all went to that was where shrimp skewers are being... Are we the enemy? Are we bad guys? Oh, for eating so much food, you mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Spending money. Is this a privileged podcast? Is this what we're proving? Yeah, for sure. Is someone using this in a college class to show how there's too much media from people who have unrelatable experiences to ramble about? I mean, I thought the Pirates adventure was pretty reasonable for what it is,

price-wise. There's not a lot indulgent there. It wasn't the upper crust at this event. It was regular folk going out for a night out. And this is a great, I think this is a great play. If you were part of like a little league team or a Boy Scout troop or something, imagine you would treasure your night. You would treasure your night at Pirate's Dinner Adventure forever.

So the Pirate's Dinner Adventure, as we started to say, this was a birthday surprise for you. None of us had been, but we've passed by it. It's very near Knott's Berry Farm. It is also very near Medieval Times, and Medieval Times is probably kind of a... Comparable comparison. Yes, and probably a precursor to this,

where there's a big show and a multi-course meal that comes out while you eat the show. While you eat the show. you eat the show while you watch the show uh uh so and it also i'd like to say i've talked about it before but the area this buena park attraction zone beach boulevard uh is like it's very florida it's like the most florida thing in californ In that I-Drive is the area in Florida where there's all these crazy attractions and buildings that look like a bunch of cartoon shit.

This area in Buena Park, this small, just little mile of road, has Knott's Berry Farm, Medieval Times, Pirate's Dinner Adventure, Farrell's, which is an old-timey ice cream parlor, which we took a special trip to to see a bear that is important to Aaron and I. I know what that bear is. Yeah, which is an old-timey ice cream parlor, which we took a special trip to to see a bear that is important to Aaron and I. I know what that bear is.

Yeah, which is mainly seen, truffles the bear, who is mainly seen at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. If you go to that in your local mall, there's a big sad bear outside of it. There's one in Glendale. Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, but there's not a Farrell's, is it? I've always wanted to go to Farrell's. It shows up in pop culture, I feel like, as like a reference.

Yes. Farrell's was a, it was, I think, a chain that my parents liked a lot. There was like an old-timey, it felt like the 20s, and it's the kind of thing, I think the Simpsons has made fun of it and various guys, where like there's a sparkler in your ice cream, and everybody's wearing those like ragtime kind of bands around your ice cream and everybody's wearing those like uh uh ragtime kind of bands around your arm and uh yeah and like an alarm goes off if somebody gets the giant sundae or whatever um ferrell's is though a brand it went away and it got brought back on the show the prophet yes i love the profit i was gonna say i think one of them was on the profit oh boy check out it

check it out on your cnbc app or whatever also marcus the profit i i love marcus oh me too we haven't talked about i can't believe it oh man we're starting a profit cast yes i would uh every episode checking in on how the business is doing it's like a much less aggressive bar rescue uh with a little bit of it it's like the interesting business acumen you pick up from Shark Tank, but more like you see it out in the street in the moment. Well, Farrell's, they did a follow-up episode checking in on the business, which had fallen into disarray again. Oh, no, I'm nervous.

And weirdly, one of the owners of Farrell's, for some reason, walking around with a broken arm that's never referenced. Oh, God. Like the character Martha on Baskets is just like an extra element to make her extra sad. Never explained broken arm. But anyway, the business is in disarray. And Marcus takes that personally

because Marcus always wanted to have a candy store growing up. There's a couple candy store ones, and you can see the joy in his eyes when he's like, I own part of a candy store, and he's eating candy. He clearly has kind of a fetish for the bag that you fill up as you do, Mike, which I'd never done. I went to Farrell's not long after and did the scooping up the candy

into the bag. I had a great time. Great margins on that. Ah, good point. Yeah. Well, he combined one of his uh prop one of his candy store properties sweet pete's with ferrell's so the buena park ferrell's is now ferrell's presented by sweet oh i think i have seen that so we had to go check in on it and also the bear who is typically seen

in another candy store but now he's in this candy store. We saw the bear, truffles the bear, most indulgent episode we've ever done. So anyways, this is just, but again, we got our last guest, Steve Anderson, to go to this, just go to Beach Boulevard. You're going to have a blast. There's also a thing called, there's Rock and Brews, the Kiss restaurant. There's a McDonald's that inexplicably says McThriller

because it used to have a flight simulator in it, but no longer does, butably says McThriller because it used to have a flight simulator in it but no longer does but still says McThriller. They don't have this anymore but I was reading about Buena Park history and they used to have an alligator farm where the big attraction show was making a bunch of alligators go down a slide.

Whoa. Wow. Pushing gators into a pool. They did not want to do that I bet no gators are so listless they don't want to do anything except like attack something once in a while this is not a good climate for gators no yeah just the middle of yeah just weird dry orange county yeah i know yeah disneyland's never opened a zoo this isn't like yeah yeah this has not been terribly popularized thank god in, in Orange County. So anyway, this area is insane, and

one of the big pieces of the insanity is Pirates Dinner Adventure, which we learned Justin Donaldson, who was with us, said he went there when it was a... Was it a Western show? Yeah, it was a Western cowboy dinner show. I think it was right after the Pirates movies were popular, they decided to re-theme

and seize on the popularity of Pirates. Yes, which had also previously happened in Orlando, because there's another location of this in Orlando on I-Drive, the insane attraction zone in Orlando. As it tells you on the placemats at this restaurant, Buena Park and Orlando. Oh, yeah. It has the phone numbers for both. Well, the website says choose your port, which is the only choice I ever want to have in my life is am I going to Buena Park or Orlando.

But before we get too far, because I think, you know, I imagine we might like, I had a good time at this thing. We might rip on a couple components of it. But before we get too far, do you guys know, did you catch that the Orlando one is struggling in the wake of Hurricane Irma? I was not aware of this oh it's roof right yeah it's roof got damaged the roof got tore off not in the fun way that uh music

artists want to happen in a concert but in a literal way and uh it's uh yeah it's a bummer and i so i feel bad i'd like to apologize to the orlando pirates dinner adventure and apparently like nothing else in that zone really got damaged. But this was a weird custom roof that they built, a dome. And they should be up and running again sometime in 2018. Hopefully they didn't have to, like, let a lot of people go. But that's a bummer. Hope it gets back into safe shape.

But anyway, that one's been there since um probably early 2000s and then they moved it out here to to buena park and uh and then we went uh 2018 yeah it took us took us a while um i don't know how do we what do we cover it's okay i'll say this about the show there's a lot going on yeah there's a lot of go like there's a big set. The set is cool. As soon as we walked in the door, a man came up to us with a tray and said fried pickles. Would you like some fried pickles? Yeah, that's true.

There's a whole pre-show. We should say that. There's a bar outside. You can get like these just obnoxiously sweet drinks with rum in them. And there's Wandering App. We got there pretty close to the end.

Did you just call it wandering app? Wandering app people. Yeah, there are waiters wandering around giving out apps. Is that a term, though? I thought it was the most efficient way to describe what was happening. No, you're right. You said it with the confidence of a restaurant industry insider. Oh, no.

Yeah, and you didn't put any comedy stank on it. I don't know what... I mean, it's funny because they're mostly... They have to come through the gift shop. So you could be looking at pirate necklaces and someone's like, do you want a mini meatball sandwich? Yeah.

I'm going to post... We'll post a photo of us outside of the... That Aaron took that's us outside of the sign that explains the party packages that are available. Do you know offhand the package that Lindsay arranged? She did a great job booking this event, I will say. I can't remember what the name of the package was. It's the one that came with chocolate cake.

I remember that. Yes. Well, you got the Jolly Pirate, which includes a slice of chocolate cake, pirate flag, bandana, and bearded necklace. Bearded necklace. that sounds fun there's also the but i can't read there lots of boot but it's too piratey this font privateer full bounty i hope if i have to take a vision test they don't do it the letters in a pirate font um but anyway we did get chocolate cake as part of it which was left in my car as you

might know if you follow us on twitter i'm getting upset i don't want to talk jason i'm sorry i threw the cake away you're out of your mind they trick leaving a cake out here's the problem snack people i would have killed you must not be sweet tooth people well i didn't want to it was it would been sitting in the car for 12 hours he doesn't give a shit about a cake in the car for 12 hours. That thing could have been there for a week. But it's been like in the 50s, in the low 50s at night. It's just cake.

That's an acceptable cake temperature. You're probably right. But also, your car was out of service. I've been driving you around a bunch anyway. I would have had to deliver you the cake. Oh, you're right. I would have had to make a trip to bring a cake to your house. That is true. He would be fine requesting

that of you. He doesn't care. If you'd paid me the like $7 that a Postmates guy would have been your personal Postmates person. That's out of the question, I think. Anyway. They sort of trick you with the cake because she was like, Lindsay

said they were like, well, do you want the cake as well And she was like oh yeah yeah but they didn't tell her that It comes with dessert So we ended up getting two cakes So she would not have gotten that cake Nothing wrong with that Which I thought was delightful It was an old pirate trick

To get her to get two cakes for all of us We got her Well you made $15 Because yeah It was my birthday and they do a whole thing there cakes for all of us. We got her! Well, you made $15. Because, yeah, it was my birthday, and they do a whole thing there. When I say a whole thing about the birthday, it means they just read from a list of people in the audience whose birthday it is.

And is Mrs. Robertson's seventh grade class here? Good job on geometry exams. Yeah, there was a lot of that. There was, like, is Way to Park High School here? And the whole section, like, cheers. They go fucking nuts. It's Caden's birthday, you landlubbers.

Caden? Caden and Jaden, the twins. So you're getting a great meal. You're getting wandering apps right when you walk in crudite you can go get a shot of grog which you guys did we ordered an entire bottle of wine oh yeah uh which was uh necessary to get through it i believed but it made it fun the wine which was delivered to us at our eventual table in the lagoon. And then, so the little show starts that explains the story,

which involves Captain Sebastian the Black, who has been deposed. Isn't there something like they think he's gone, but then he shows up in the show? There's a lot of buildup to Captain Sebastian the Black. Yeah, they think he's gone, but then he shows up in the show? There's a lot of buildup to Captain Sebastian. Yeah, they think he's gone. I'll be honest with you. My memory of the plot is a little fuzzy. There's a princess that was going to get married to another prince who is like a fat old guy.

They seem to allude that her, who she's been arranged to marry is a fat old guy, and then pirates come and interrupt the show. Yes. And simultaneously, there is, like, someone has brought a jewel for her as a gift, and they say this a lot. She is a, quote, gypsy girl.

Yeah. And boy, they say gypsy a lot, a word that is on its way out, a word that... But isn't she literally a gypsy though? Yeah, but I don't think you're supposed to be I don't know that you're supposed to be

tossing around that casually. Also was more just kind of like a brave heart. Was more kind of like just a Xena girl I guess was a better description. Okay, so you took it as a slur. There's a couple old, there's a couple things in the show that might be a bit problematic at this point.

Well, let me read this line relating to the flippancy regarding gypsies. At some point, I was taking scattered notes during the show and among my notes were, hey, gypsy, are you a campfire? Because you're really hot and I want some more. Some more. So I guess hot and I want some more. Some more.

So I guess he must have said some more. So that's not the most respectful thing to say, but it's a fair question. Well, they lay it on thick. And this continues the trend of women not faring super well in the stunt shows. Although the women in this show did get to do a lot of fun stuff. They got to do some business. Our pirate in particular sort of harassed the woman

until she would finally go out with him. Did you notice that? His woman was like an aerial contortionist. But early on she didn't want to be with him and he kept grabbing her by the wrist and then she would float back in and then she'd push him away and you're like come on green pirate well come on take a hint but then they started doing the Cirque du Soleil shit right but that's like

an old the old movie where you force a kiss on her and then she would hit you for a while and then she'd go wait a minute I like this uh well this is a well look this is a current event issue we probably don't have time to get into it but the the pirate auction has just been uh changed it yes new world and uh we're trying to revise pirate history and uh but you know it was what it was uh look these shows have never portrayed literally what it was, which is too graphic. Yeah. I don't know. This is a problem that all pirates... Yeah, look, women were not doing well in pirate times or in even pirate stories written a

long time ago. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, our pirate and the acrobatic girl got really hot and heavy at the end. Yeah, there is a scene. So we're jumping around here. But there are so many different types of things going on in this show. There are fights. There are contests that are true contests.

Like you're having an audience member throw beanbags up at a pirate above us in the seating area. And then he has to swing over and put it in a bucket, and whoever does that first wins some sort of pirate contest. There's a number of pirate contests. There's a lot of pirate contests. Some of them more predetermined than others. There are, I'll say this, there's a lot of trampoline going on.

Yes, there was a hidden trampoline. There's double dutch on the trampoline there are songs there are uh they're like toasts they teach you how to like swing your grog there's a lot of swinging your cups here all the cups are plastic and and then like beautiful i don't even know what to call it what do you call like there's that that what that gymnast stuff where there's like a long piece of cloth and they're like unraveling themselves from the ceiling that happens what's the actual i don't know the name of it i wrote ribbon dancer but that's not right yeah that's cirque de soleil sort of like they're wrapping themselves in it and they're being lifted up and then they spin

all the way down sensual gymnastry so sens. Our pirate and this woman had this co-dance, and they were unraveling themselves from the ceiling. They clearly come as a package. They clearly are a duo. And it's an erotic. It's very erotic. Well, they also, I should say that this is the night, this is the like, most of the time,

this is the show that the Pirates Dinner Adventure Venue is doing, but they also do a show called Teatro Martini, which is for adults that is all body. And I think also involves zip lines and sensual. But is that in the main theater? I thought that looked like it was just a cabaret in the pre-show area. Yes, I think you're right. I think they take over the pre-show.

The pre-show is enough room to do a show in and of itself, to do a burlesque. We got to get down to the studio. Oh, yeah. Madhouse kind of. Because in the pre-show, the gypsy girl does a full, like there is a trapeze sort of bar that she's, like, swinging on. Yeah.

Directly above you. And they zipline over you, too, in that area. That part's pretty exciting. I may have ran into the restroom. Wait a minute. I may have been in the restroom. No, no. You were standing right with us.

What was the zipline? Somebody goes right over you. Jason, two pirates came over our head and ziplined. You, Lindsay, and I were under them. I don't remember this. What? These guys sweating it out. He's about to reveal.

Wait, so I was a little stoned. I didn't have any crazy drinks, but I was a little stoned, and on the car ride down, it was fine, and then once the pirates started coming out and the wandering app people, I was like, oh, God god there's a lot going on wait the apps were what broke you well also the time crunch because like the app time was ending

like we called the tail i could have eaten more apps i'll say that this is the second nightmare revolving around consuming food quickly and getting your value but then also also i was like oh no how much participation is there in this like uh which was the answer ended up being a lot but a reasonable amount but you were worried they were gonna make you get on stage like oh i don't like things yeah yeah uh-huh we're sending this video to your parents don't be weird don't be Yeah, I do recall you saying, this is too much and stepping away pretty briefly. That's crazy, though. Two giant pirates over your head on a zip line.

It's gone. It's like a traumatic thing. You're blocking it out. And you walk to the back. I do remember you walking back to hang out with Scott. Yeah, we were chilling in the back. I was here being wallflowers you were by a fully stocked bar that was not open

you were by oh which there was a sign that I was looking at photos from this later and the sign said like like if we were closed go to the other barg I literally was staring at it like barg what is barge

oh they meet yeah it doesn't it works out loud but not in print but like there's some I literally was staring at it like, barge. What is barge? That's a reach. Yeah, it works out loud, but not in print. But they're a little more fast. You're eating vegetable soup and a pirate is swinging eight feet above you. And beanbags are being thrown that might splash into your soup. Yeah, it is. This show brings you into the action. That's what i'll say medieval times they have like a tent a like a like a screen in front of the audience now so

like no hockey game yeah yeah it's like a hockey game so you don't get like an axe that like flies this does not this does not and and i had i have recently seen the medieval times show a couple months ago for there was a group for the Doughboys podcast, and I was lucky enough to be invited along to that. Oh, boy. So I can compare these two dinner shows. Medieval Times is a lot more boring than this show. This show has got a lot going on.

Oh, good for pirates. Medieval Times has like, you know, they do a lot of filler before the actual fighting. There's like a bird ceremony, and they got a bird that flies all around. And you're like, OK, who cares? And then there's a lot of pageantry. And if you like horses, that's nice. But we didn't really get going with the show until they take the axes out and start swinging them.

This got you into it so quick. They're like asking like they're getting once they get everyone in there, like as they're getting people in the room, they're like, all right. And so you drinks, you want soda soda and the like show is going on and they're like soup super salad super south yeah they're getting in and out uh by the way weiger's probably like i like the bird ceremony i wish they didn't fight the worst was the fighting it was majestic i just wanted to pick soups for uh he listens so you will hear that hey sorry we love you yeah uh so there there's a lot going on i i might argue a little too much going on because

it's confusing there's a overwhelming medieval times very simple it's like every section has a knight and they have a color and you cheer for them and that's it and whoever wins you get oh yeah they win that is also happening in this show in addition to seven other subplots you are cheering for your pirate to be the head of the pirates is that what it is i never know and this is a problem i have like this is a thing that i have difficulty with in comics sometimes when there's like a Doctor Doom miniseries or a Kingpin miniseries is you, it's like the bad guy becomes less bad for a little bit so you can follow it. Or so like, so you're like, oh wait,

I want this pirate to win, but do I want him to be most evil or less evil? Because the good guy is the pirate, the captain's son, but then he kind of gets redeemed at like half the pirates get redeemed you're right you follow this so much better than i did and you were apparently high as a kite i i was coming down once i got some food in me once i got some food uh uh but focus on the story so i could focus on this story because our pirate became a good guy because he was he was in love with the girl. And then there was another pirate

who the other good guy pirate spared his life in a duel. So then he became a good guy. Yeah. I don't remember any of this. I'm just shoveling dessert. But then the pirates who don't become good are just still like jolly pirates.

I mean, they're not bad. They're bad. But they're just like goofy like they're still i well one thing that happened was that as i said our bottle of wine was taken from the bar oh right delivered to us and then the other the your the pirates that are not your allotted pirate uh like the red the red pirate was around around mocking the other groups, and the Red Pirate took our bottle of wine away, and I was genuinely furious. And pretended to drink it.

Put it pretty close to his mouth, I'll say. His dirty pirate mouth. Right. Which reminded Aaron. There's something where, oh, Aaron went to a Red Robin, which used to have a walk-around Red Robin character at one point in time. Oh, wow.

And the Red Robin would do little hijinks at the tables and at one point it's like she i don't know if it happened to her she saw it happen to somebody else that he like touched the food like this gross bird suit picked up a burger like put his hands in the drink or something and i was worried it was going to be a repeat of that with the red pirate thank god he brought it back but i was, but I was like, I guess that's the idea is to agitate me, but I don't know where this guy's been. I don't know what part of Fullerton

or Garden Grove he lives in. I don't know what he's getting up to. He did it to me too because I had a red drink and he goes, you know what red drinks are? That's mine, right? I get to keep anything that's red and he took mine and i like it makes you mad i mean it's good heel work it's to use a wrestling term it's like

because i legitimately like this mother i want this guy to lose i want red to go down he touched my food that being said i don't care for anyone uh fucking around with my food or any sanitary issues i like the bits come over and do a bit and tell me you're gonna you know make me walk the plank that's all good fun yeah call me ugly or whatever don't take my wine don't take away the thing that's getting me through this because like i don't i if somebody missed like if a waiter mishandles a drink glass i will just like not drink it like if they put if their thumb is too close to the top where i might sip out of i don't like that we should have being that it was your birthday and we had pre-contact,

we should have slipped them info about you. I hear you're scared of the dinosaur ride. Your attention to ticket booking detail is all-consuming. It's a problem. Here's a dry detail I noticed that I was fascinated by. So, you know, in this place, or like medieval times, the food you get is stuff you can make in large quantities. So they started, they said, like, do you want soup or salad?

And I think most of us went with soup. Not me. You got salad? Soup. Oh, I misread you. Yeah, I misread you. Nice. Let's pull that quote out. Let's advertise our podcast with that section hold the real jason yeah oh thanks uh come down dude okay we're here on earth mike

they they put down the empty bowls and then they just came around with like like pitchers like like you would have uh my mom has a bunch of these because she just drinks coffee all day long so she pours like coffee and the pizza hot for a while like these carafts but of soup so they were like pouring pitchers of soup coming around and i'm like that's i'm like oh that's that's how they do and similar to like when they came around like the magician secret revealed i mean i i was interested in how they do it. And similar to when they came around. The magician's secret revealed. I mean, I was interested in how they make it. And then they came around with the chicken.

Most of us had chicken. It was like chicken, mashed potatoes, and some mixed vegetables. But there was a vegetarian dish. There is a vegetarian. We had a couple vegetarians walk us through the vegetarian dish. It was squash ravioli, which in and of itself is fine. It was in a cream sauce, which would not be Aaron or my preference, but fine, we can deal with that.

But then on top of it, there's like a, she described it as like balsamic vinaigrette, just like salad dressing put on top of the strips of vinaigrette she had to just scrape it all off the top it was the strangest con and they brag about it on the site two scoops of mashed potatoes oh that's right yeah yeah mashed potatoes and ravioli is with balsamic vinaigrette all over it i and i don't mean for this to be if if this is my legitimate one because one, because I think the show's fun. I think they do a good job. This is inexplicable.

Just change your... What is it doing for you to have this balsamic sauce? Other people complained about it online. It's not just us. It seemed like what... It was a good amount of food, but it seemed like what a well-intentioned... If you

brought someone you were dating home for the first time and a well-intentioned mother was like, I hear you're a vegetarian, so I made this special for you. And it's like, okay, ravioli with cream sauce and I was making potatoes anyway, so you get double potatoes. It is, I was going to say it's like, say you were at the table

and mom just learned that this person was a vegetarian. She's like, oh, don't worry. I'll be right back. And like whatever she had in the kitchen, she was like, all right, what am I going to do? Okay, ravioli. Oh, maybe I'll put this on it. And just like, here we go. The shake and bake powder does not have meat in it.

So let's sprinkle a little of that on there. Maybe some Captain Crunch. Do we have a photo of this? We have a photo of that on there. Maybe some Captain Crunch. Do we have a photo of this? We have a photo of this, right? We'll find it. We'll figure it out. Yeah, because it looked bizarre as well. This honestly might be my only suggestion for this

place in the near future is just get rid of that sauce. Otherwise, pretty good time. I like the chicken and potatoes that I had. I thought it was pretty good. And then you get a the chicken and potatoes that i had i thought it was pretty good i like and then you get a second round center round of shrimp skewers yes which was very funny because they set it up in the show they're like we're missing something you're all missing like he's he lays it on really thick like yeah but the pirate's life is not complete without

your shrimp skewer. And at that point, they announced the shrimp skewers. Jason stood up and started applauding. He was so excited. This was his favorite part of the show. Oh, yo-ho! That was the funniest thing. And then also, too, they're coming around with the buffet tray, like the steamer trays they have in buffet,

and they're like, you want more chicken? Right? they were coming around yeah i had a little more i honestly wanted more potatoes but i was like oh this guy's got a lot going on i don't want to fuck him i already like at some point like stopped and was like hey could i get a glass of water too and he's like yeah yeah let me uh yeah in a few minutes and then Because they're like. They run it. It's a military operation. They did a great job of getting all the food out. But like the show is going on. There are sword fights happening when they're getting you second punch. There's explosions.

Cannons are going off. There's explosions. Pirate. It's over. Which we aren't describing. We're talking about the food and not. There's like a dragon that comes out. But anyway, mashed potatoes.

The dragon's about my favorite. The dragon was great. I think we saw a dragon specific show that I saw described alternately as Legend of the Loch Ness Monster or Rise of the Sea Dragon. That was one of the shows that we saw. Right, because the pirates are out in the sea, but then there's a cursed jewel that summons the Loch Ness Monster. Loch Ness Monster, which is different.

This is Scottish. This is a different mythology entirely. Yeah, it's Scottish and the pre-show seemed a little medieval, but then at the end there are redcoats in a very fun fashion. Well, that's a highlight. That's a highlight. Yeah. Well, you might know this part.

You know the phrase that I'm heading for. My other favorite thing that was shouted besides... I started taking notes too. Like Scott's leadover is like, I'm heading for. My other favorite thing that was shouted besides... I started taking notes, too. Yeah. Scott Lederer was like, I'm taking notes on this. I think we got an episode here. Really?

You think? You think we can talk for two rambling hours about this? About a chicken on a plate? But the shrimp skewers yell was very exciting, but also the way that they introduced the redcoats. Yeah. the shrimp skewers yell was very exciting but also the way that they introduced the red coats yeah so so when the day is saved by the good pirates and the ship is destroyed and there's explosions uh they say but let's hear it for the real heroes your children and then all of these kids that they've snuck away that they've like hey do you want to come be a part of the show

and they've put them in little outfits and given them little muskets so they're dressed like the Redcoats. They all got to fire at a ship. And they all got to fire on the ship, but just the pirate, the shrimp skewer thing and then him going, the real heroes of the day, your children

are my favorite. Not the children, your children. Crucial article that makes that so funny um hey you know who else was a part of it your podcast co-host yes mike carlson you were in the show at a certain point the waiter the waiter comes up to me and goes you want to be in the show and i go oh excuse me he goes yeah you want to be in the show it's your birthday i don't think it had anything to do with my birthday.

I think he just like, they needed, here's what I figured out. They needed who they thought had the best upper body strength in the arena and that's how little choice they had. More bragging in this episode.

That's because I looked at everybody picked and it was all like, people, like children and I'm not being sexist. What did you have to do? Well, that's what, I'm like, I'm like, yes. And it's about, the show was children. And I'm not being sexist. What did you have to do?

Well, that's what I'm like. I'm like, yes. And it's about the show was going on. And I'm like, great. They're going to because at this point they had brought like groups of kids and people on stage. They do bits with them. There's the whole segments of the show with audience participation. I go, great.

I'm going to get on the ship. And this is I'm going to this can be great. So they bring me outside with a bunch of other dudes and i go oh it's like all dudes and i'm like trying to figure out what what the idea is here because there's no like younger people than everyone's probably like 18 and older they make me put on a little vest and a little hat and they go when we give you the signal we just want you to pull the rope and a flag will go up. And I was like, Oh, okay.

And I was like, there was a real, like the wind, the wind left my sails. Uh, so we walked down and I don't remember what the plot point in the story was, but they go now. And then three dudes and I just pull on a big rope and a flag goes up.

And then like the waiter hooks it to something and they go, all right, thanks. That was it. And I was like, all right, thanks. That was it. And I was like, oh man, formal thing that they needed. So yeah,

they were just, there's probably an old pirates book. That's just like, uh, any man over 18 will be the one who go, you collect all the over 18 men and get them to hoist the flags. And it was a real letdown. I didn't get to like sass the pirate or anything.

I didn't get to have any fun the pirate or anything i didn't get to have any fun like that i'm sorry it was just labor um um can i just do this like i don't want each of these to be a full individual conversation i just want to run through my my bullet points sort of drunkenly the pop culture references written down? Not necessarily. Okay. Let me just skim through just notes that I took. I wrote down in all caps, THE TALES ARE TRUE! That must get said at some point. Ranch dressing ravioli, covered that.

I wrote down the phrase shrimp and coffee because that's what I was mainlining. I was alternating shrimp and coffee and wine. Perhaps almost as disgusting as your Liberty Tavern. I wish they had had, that's a complaint about the food I had. I wish there was some real creamer. It's just powdered creamer available.

You asked for that and they poured more of that balsamic. I guess I could have asked for milk. I guess I could have asked because they must have had glasses of milk. Shit, I should have just said, can I have a glass of milk for my coffee? A glass of milk. Drinking milk and then raising it like a toast.

Yeah, you are. Oh, boy. Let's see. I wrote down the phrase, the line, I won't let anything happen to you or your gypsy friend. I wrote down the line, there's something about like the, oh, we're really going to summon the terrible beast

oh you mean my mother-in-law that brought the house down that joke the audience loved that it's a thing I remember from driving school that the guy hosting driving school was doing a lot of mother-in-law material

wait in my driving school. Your actual driver's ed. Yes. They're doing that to 15 and 16-year-olds who do not have mother-in-laws. No. Yeah, they kind of ate shit.

That's a good point. Yeah, you had to be aware. Yeah, my knowledge of mother-in-laws is passed down from my mom. Like, it's on, like, I have to, it's secondhand information that mother-in-laws are bad. The mother-in-law you would most likely know would have been one of your grandmas. Who I am forced to love.

Yeah. So I'm not going to, yeah, why am I the ideal audience for mother-in-law obscuring material? I wrote down the word dick play. Many of the jokes involved people's dicks being in danger yes the gun pointed pointed at yes yeah yeah the gun being pointed at the head and like oh no the gun going down slightly and like oh no a much bigger problem yeah there was a comedic relief pirate there was a goofy first mate who was uh uh stripped of his title but then not executed because he was the only pirate

who knew how to make rum. Yeah, right. That's my main stuff. I also read, at some point it was announced, Andre Baptiste and the Orange Crew, who I assume is related to John Baptiste and Stay Human.

I believe I leaned over to you and said, is this Stephen Colbert's band leader? Thank you for that. Oh, lordy. That's what he does. Just turn John Batiste's mic off. That's all I want.

I'm airing all my late night grievances on this. I just started keeping a list of what pop culture references there were and there was less than i thought there would be but they were kind of all over the map they referenced the lion king at some point i think they did the like ah yes uh the opening uh uh there was a lady marmalade yes sequence right um there was a frozen joke yep like there was a frozen joke was it like do you want to see a snoop yeah or something about let it go maybe like this song is still better than let it go

oh so it's the new that's taken over it's from it's a small world as the go to annoying song I think that's right for parents who have to listen to it over and over there was a bit where they like were teaching a kid how to be a pirate and they were like,

you're a good thieving, you'll make a great pirate or a politician. And all the adults laughed at that one. And then there was definitely, I don't remember the context, but there was definitely a Dilly Dilly joke. What's Dilly Dilly? Oh, it's this Bud Light campaign.

Ads that are on the air right now with a king and his knights and people bringing Bud Light and he goes, Dilly Dilly. Do you guys not know? I don't know what you're talking about. It's like the newest. You're more up on current things though than we are. Yeah.

I think you are. Did you audition for that commercial? Were you watching it bitterly hill to be in dilly dilly but i've got that's a conflict i've got a conflict right now yeah you jason and the chris pratt uh i stand for the fine michelobulcher brand you're covered in the beer area yeah wow they release me but is it a con is non-alcoholic beer a conflict with beer what has michelobulchers alcohol oh i confused. I was thinking it was the other one. It's just a different like beer.

Oh, it is not O'Doul's. Does it have a great relaxing taste? Yeah, and it's got low calories. It's the fit beer. There's a lot of complimentary ads of people exercising and then later on enjoying a Michelob Ultra. 60 calories. They really brought you.

The PA himself from the Chris Pratt ad. I have two other things. There's a shots, shots, shots reference, the song. And then there's a reference to some internet dance that only Jason knew. There was some dance going on.

Oh, God. And I don't know what it was. The Dougie. The audience went nuts. It wasn't the Harlem Shake. The audience went nuts for it. And I was just like, I don't know what this is. Watch that Soulja Boy.

What dance are we talking? No, it's a long. We'll figure it out. It's along those lines. I forget. But people loved it. I wrote down, he thinks he's Magic Mike. He's a magic moron.

Right, because someone does a break dance. A sexy break dance at some point. I found, I was looking at YouTube, and I found a clip of the show, and I don't know what version of the show this was from, but I was, I'll just read it before I comment on it. The pirate is talking to a kid, and the pirate goes,

do you have a gun or a knife or a weapon on you of any kind? And the little girl goes, no. And then he goes, oh no, so you're not from LA then. That was in our show too. Was it in our show? That's a weird joke. Orange County, LA jab. Yeah, that's a weird joke, right?

Especially because there's like KKK in Orange County. Why are we slagging on LA? Orange County is the KKK capital of the West Coast for there yeah so i was like oh that's a what a odd slag yeah um yeah there's but that was in our show i forgot about that in our show like it was in our show that's probably got so dare you that's got to come out right that's got a joke like that or the politician thing is just like broad enough that it's it really hits um there was an actual like i i thought this was this was a decent gag

where like a pirate turns around and does like hits runs face first into a pole and like does a pratfall and one of them yells yar why did we that there? I was like, oh, that's fun. I've seen that in a lot of things and I do laugh at it when it's like, oh, why did I leave that there? It's a solid joke. I'll say this about the fighting. The fighting was okay and I probably

am biased though because I am a big fan of professional wrestling and I love New Japan wrestling and it's strong style and they they hit a little they're they're kind of snug with the hits so i will say if some of these guys could maybe go and do a couple uh a couple sessions at a local pro wrestling school i just want them to you know snug it up let's let's get the hits let's get the fists a little closer to the head guys let's get the clotheslines let's really make it sword

sword and staff fight that was that was good yes much easier to fake i feel yes you know what i yeah you're probably right about that and i think these guys all end up having to be jacks of all trades oh yeah and but which i'm i am impressed by the like that that they're doing acrobatics they're doing fight they're doing sword fighting some of them had to sing talking to the audience yes singing too there's such a wide gamut of uh tasks that all these performers have to do and i think these are talented people oh yeah there's a boat race and there's a rowboat race at some point oh that was fun they have to be pirates but then they also have to be friendly to kids. Yeah. Take photos after. Take photos, yeah.

They probably bust the tables, too. I imagine if you're an Orange County performer, this is probably a good gig and one that leaves you some room to improvise and have fun with it. I hope it's a fun situation there at Pirate Standard. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm being a bit facetious when I want them to really hit each other during the fight.

Yeah, this is crazy. What I'm saying is I think that they are stretched so thin by the number of categories that they have to fall into. They're in great shape. Our pirate was in great. Oh, my God. Shout out to Jose. I don't know his real name.

Jose. Whoever is the Wednesday Jose. Good job. I don't know his real name, but whoever is the Wednesday Jose. And the aerial work, like the Trappista, the aerial work, I didn't know we were getting that. That was very cool. And it is a little out of nowhere in the show, story-wise. But it's like, wow, this is kind of cool. And cool that they're like, man, people like to search this little lay stuff.

We should incorporate some of this into the show yeah you get it's a lot also it's a lot of show it's a ton of show medieval times doesn't feel like a like a ripoff for the price that you get we can we have our qualms about the food but ultimately like food yeah it is a lot of food i mean we lucked out uh uh because of the nice booking we got two pieces of cake everyone in the building got trace legious cake but uh extra birthday treat we we got chocolate cake too and i was just like oh two cakes but the way i night of my life the way i robbed you of more cake i'm as evil as that captain sebastian i i i absconded with it in me hybrid car. Look, I would have been eating that cake for breakfast the next day.

He'll seek revenge. You better watch out. When you least expect it, there be. I'll say this. Do not leave a pie cooling on a windowsill anytime soon, because he will float up and take it. No, and I will leave like i will carve uh uh some simple i will carve like two lines and a half circle to let other wandering hobos know that there may be a pie cooling on this they're they cool the pies on the windowsill here uh jason

sheridan's hobo code you guys together is kind of a yogi and boo-boo vibe i feel the pursuit of treats um we've talked about doing a show as yogi and boo-boo and yogi and peter bogdanovich yeah we used to do a bit we we never did it in shows just around friends probably just and i'm sure it was incredibly annoying to watch and i don't even think it's that good of a bit but no it's not where mike would do a Yogi Bear impression, and I would do a Peter Bogdanovich impression, just talking about hanging out with Robert Evans and filming Paper Moon.

Bizarre. Being married to Civil Shepard. Let's just say that one. We're not going to do it. No. That bit wouldn't play with the dinner theater crowd. That one's going over the heads of the people who are at the Magic Mike show.

That's for an audience of one. Ryan Perez. Pass one. Ryan Perez. Shout out to Ryan Buena Park. Hello, Ryan Perez. Wow. Special message from you. I can do boo-boo and yogi. I liked it. Good impression, good voice.

So, a lot of impressions of our friends today. I want to say one more thing which is that there is as I said there's a show in Orlando and which is not currently open and there's also a pirate show in my beloved

at some point we're gonna have to go to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina well audience we're taking you there soon for quite a journey we're gonna have to buy a drone and three pairs of wraparound sunglasses so we can explore the Hard Rock, the abandoned Hard Rock Park. Oh, yes, indeed.

Three backpacks. Oh, my God, I can't believe we're here. We're in a close, abandoned Hard Rock Park. Unbelievable. So there's another dinner theater that's very similar called Pirate's Voyage. It is a Dolly Parton company. It's part of the Dolly Parton family of themed entertainment.

Opened in 2010. I don't know which was first. But there's a competitive pirate show. It was, similarly, it was also a Western show before that was called Dixie Stampede. And I watched a video where a man who works there, the general manager or something, describes the switch from Dixie Stampede to Pirate's Voyage and clearly is not happy that the switch occurred, but understands that the march of progress must plow forward.

And this show, I mean, it seems very similar. It's a big lagoon, maybe a bigger theater. It seems otherwise similar. It ends with two exploding rum barrels, which sounds like a lot of fun. But I'd also like to say, and we have actually missed missed this that this is true of the buena park show as well that if you go during the holiday times that there is a christmas centric version of the show in which the pirates kidnap santa and i think in this case you're not rooting for any of the pirates i think you are pro santa escaping which i can only assume

and wish and pray that he does but um there's also a santa show a christmas show at the uh myrtle beach one and this is i'll we'll post the the promo of this but this is the most like mashing up christmas shit i've ever seen i I really want to see the Christmas show there because a narrator in the show at some point says, travel through time with Captain Scrooge. Whoa, what? Whoa, Captain Scrooge.

And at that point they cut to a man on a mast. He looks like a statue or a ghost who's attached to the mast of the ship. Wow. So I want to know the story with Captain Scrooge very much. Or if they're going to die, they should do it and decrease the surplus population. Wow. We got to see that.

Yeah, we got to see that. But then also, like five seconds after Captain Scrooge, you cut to a nativity scene. And they say, and celebrate the real meaning of Christmas. This is at the Way to Park one. No, I'm sorry. This is at the Myrtle Beach one, at the Dolly one. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

They got to acknowledge the religious end of Christmas, the true meaning of Christmas. But then also, by the time that sentence is over, you're looking at the nativity. You're looking at Mary raise the baby Jesus. The real meaning of cut to at the word Christmas, cut away from Virgin Mary to a sea lion catching a wreath on its neck. Whoa. Hell yes.

So that being the end of the sentence, the emphasis seems to be that the real meaning of Christmas is sea lion tricks. You know, until the sea lion stuff, this reminded me. Have I talked about the Sight and Sound Theater before in Pennsylvania? No. This is a very elaborate theater that does pretty much exclusively Christian-themed productions. Love it. And are famous for using live animals. So every year at Christmastime, they got the full nativity going they got camels in there they got donkeys in there they got everything else in there uh when i was like passing through the area where it's located recently they're like and check out

our spring show and it was like just either a cross or a crown of thorns. It was a very dramatic looking postcard. And it just said like, Jesus of Nazareth. And I'm like, yeah, you're acting like this is like new for this year. New for spring 2018. What if we did a show about Jesus? We got a Jesus one. Like, yeah, they're all Jesus ones. We, by the way, this was suggested on Twitter. I was going to propose it to you guys.

A show all about religious. Oh, yeah, yeah yeah great yeah i think that's a fun one uh we'll get to that at some point in time but i guess we should start uh heading out of port here uh any any further thoughts final thoughts about oh we should oh i'm sorry we should mention vampire it's this is a halloween show i want to see that too okay yeah and they all which seems to be the same show but they all have like uh white makeup on their faces yeah i mean i think you know look it was your birthday did you have a good time yeah i had a good very good time um i would just if we're if we're being you know critics or whatever i would bring in like maybe a script doctor just to punch it up a little you know a babaloo mandel to script doctor bring this uh just a little there's a couple things maybe to make it simplify or whatever but other than that a little bit uh clearer of a

story yeah although jason follow you look you gotta be high to follow this story yeah you gotta be yeah some things i can focus on really well but not uh people ziplining right about my head every now and then i let stuff slide i I got to plus it up for this one. There was no bread service. I wanted some cornbread or a biscuit. I wanted a little bread. I see what you're saying. I think they have bread at medieval times,

and it was good. I think Pirate's Voyage, you're getting barbecue, anachronistically. You're getting corn on the cob and short ribs there be. That's a good question like pirate how do you like what is pirate food i think the blue bayou restaurant at disneyland has this issue that what is how is does it mean spanish food well like what um well they're really

like i mean uh disney is really that new orleans square like like the New Orleans food and Cajun food and Cajun, I guess. And chalking up like, well, if you leave the port, if you leave, go into the Gulf and then go into the Bahamas, that's where there's pirates. Right? Like, that's the logic of it, right? I think so. Where were pirates

actually? Kind of all over the place. All over. Yeah. Sailing the seven seas, I believe. Somalia. over the place. All over. Yeah. Sailing the seven seas, I believe. Somalia. I'm sure. Somalian food. There should be a newer Somali pirate version of this. I am the captain now.

Yeah. I bet when that was more of a catchphrase, I bet one of these dinner theaters, or they had missed a big opportunity if nobody said, I'm the captain now. I am pretty sure this is a whole episode another episode but the disney's california adventure aladdin show genie who does a lot of topical references absolutely when we saw it once said i'm the captain now after that came out so if genie was using it it was a 10 minutes away at the pirate show they must have been using it it's still it's so funny that that is a scary movie about a harrowing situation and i do think like i saw barkad

abdi on conan talking about like yeah everybody loves the phrase everybody's saying it at your oh yes everywhere i go i'm the captain now they say they made like the captain of a plane brought him into the cockpit to so he could tell him that hey i'm the captain now um that's great it is a joyous phrase even though the real life situation was horrifying terrible yeah uh if you got to see the real captain phillips if pirates captured captain phillips and sully and they had to get out that's a great that's my plus up there you go real world characters to face the pirates uh did you want to talk maybe other types of adventures oh that's a good point yeah i was i was sort of like scheming like if you could come if you came

up with a of a dinner theater experience yourself just because my brain started wandering to uh uh i i was between two titles whether it's law and Dinner or Dinner in the Court, but there being a trial situation. And obviously, it would start with kind of, maybe it would be like a Law and Order episode where you're watching a crime get investigated, and that's the pre-show. And then in the second half, you go into the giant uh courtroom theater and uh uh you know obviously you know you would it wouldn't just be uh opening arguments and whatever uh uh and and the trial occurred you would have to you know represent that metaphorically through trampolines and jumps and sword fighting sure and dick play it would be like representing through stunts what lawyers do, how they do combat in the courtroom.

And then all of us together, we all make the decision at the end and they call us the hungry jury. Oh, that's good. I've got a pitch for the cold open part. In the pre-show someone is stacking crates and then someone else is like opening the

crates up and they're pulling out trays crates and then someone else is like opening the crates up and they're pulling out trays of apps and then they're going around with you know your mozzarella sticks your hot wings and then like that's that's obviously like towards the end of it they're like all right almost done stacking these crates and that's when they find the body uh-oh everybody good wandering apps Everybody got their wandering apps? Great. So, yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say, I don't know why there hasn't been like a Cirque show about a famous trial yet. Representing the Scopes Monkey trial?

Yeah, a whole classic trial. I was going to say the O.J. Simpson trial. Hey, well, yeah, there's theme park possibilities. Yeah. A people versus O.J. Simpson. Cirque du Soleil show. Cirque du Soleil show. Hey, look, Ryan simpson cirque de soleil show uh cirque de soleil show hey look ryan murphy's oj there it is ryan murphy's gonna be doing that for the money if olivia haviland takes him for all he's worth um i don't know if you guys had to invent a dinner theater i don't have anything that well thought out but the first thing i thought is uh mole people

dinner theater uh you know people yeah mole people because like you're thinking i was like trying to think of like okay there's knights there's pirates what is an unrepresented like fun group of people that we don't see that may be a little mythological or uh and i thought mole people and i think it's got to be like you're just it's got to be the same kind of medieval time setup of like who's going to be the king or queen of the mole people. In my pitch also, there's an equal number of men and women because all these shows are always just men. It's mostly men. Let's get some mole women, not just mole men.

Wait, you're putting mole people on the same level as knights and pirates? I'm saying they could become as high up. You're trying to elevate the mole people yeah yeah yeah like what like what bright did for orcs that's right to popularize mole people as more of a genre and not like a really specific category yes um what do they look like how you describe mole person uh well there's different varieties of people uh they just sort of they have like like kind of beady eyes because there's not a lot of sun or very little sun um there's sometimes look like naked mole rats like kind of shriveled up yeah i mean they're like versions kind of like the morlocks in that one

movie that book that i can't think of the time machine the time machine thank you and they probably to eat they probably like uh subsist on shrimp skewers and all you can eat chicken. Yeah, yeah, and chicken and super salad. And if you want to pay extra, there's a chocolate cake that the mole people love. Mole people are, I mean, that's generic enough. That's public domain enough. You can take it in a lot of directions. So that's a plus.

Who's the most famous mole man? The mole man from Fantastic Four? Is that what I'm, or Hans Mole Man, I guess, from The Simpsons. Hans Mole Man or the Fantastic Four villain. I'll say this just because I think it's like a valuable tie-in because I was trying to think of like what's an Avengers one kind of food coming up. But then that feels a little too, you know, forcing it. But then I thought like what's a new attraction coming soon

that could tie in and that has restaurants around it? And Universal in Orlando is opening that Fast and the Furious ride soon. And if I could sit at the table with the Toretto family, if I could eat a family meal with me familia, family, respect. Like when they're eating on the roof in the last one and he's toasting

and he's holding his baby. And if I could sit at the table like with Mr. Nobody or whatever Kurt Russell's weird name is. And there's like people as the family. Oh man, that would be. and then at the end you all get the necklaces that i only just realizes are our crosses but they look like uh wrenches

their wrenches made to look like oh wow crosses i think are the net that cross necklaces he gives to all his members this is a there's no group of characters in pop culture who value food more, perhaps other than the Avengers and their shawarma. But besides that, yeah, I think that is a perfect time. There's always a meal. They're always having a barbecue and sitting around drinking beer,

and it looks like, can you imagine? This is a premium show for one person. You have to pay like $1,000, and you're the only person there other than the family. The performers playing the family. Well, how about there's a bigger Fast and Furious show but beforehand you can eat at like the chef's table with the

group. That's good too. That sounds good. Kind of like a Benihana thing but the guy playing Vin Diesel. Yeah. That's good. Super salad. What do you like, Dom? Chocolate cake. Yeah, I'll start with that. The dressing on the salad's a little much.

Well, is it time to leave port? I think it is. Let's head into the... Yeah, hey, let's raise a toast to everyone involved at pirates dinner adventure uh and hey if you're going to the liberty tavern make sure you got plenty oh my god three hours you need at least three hours your hotel my god i wanted to cram one last thing in i tried and if you're going on the dinosaur ride be aware that there is a photo opportunity yeah and don't be a coward

don't be a lousy coward like ride or die remember uh all right hey you've survived podcast the ride thanks for listening we'll see you soon yeah follow us and do all the things follow us at podcast the ride we haven't forgotten about the jason for. No. Keep the word out. Hashtag Jason for DLR. We'll think of some way to keep that going soon. And thank you for that art we got. Gee whiz. Oh, no kidding. Over the moon.

Fantastic. Yeah, boy. Above and beyond. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for contributing to the campaign. We'll see you next time. Bye, everybody.