Podcast: The Ride - Renaissance Faires with Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: November 11, 2022

Johnny Pemberton (Superstore, Action Point) joins us to talk about Renaissance Faires. Featuring rogues, washing well wenches, human chess matches, and cheesesteaks! BabyLand General Hospital episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus WATCH THIS EPISODE: https://youtu.be/4SA8hc197f8 FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. Forever Dog. Warning, the following podcast may... Look, there's no other way to say it. It includes bawdiness, okay? I'm so sorry, but it does. It's very bawdy. Specific bawdiness may involve cod pieces, cleavage horns, ye olde sex toys, and an odyssey through Jason's bladder. Johnny Pemberton leads us on a ribald expedition through the world of the Renaissance Fair on Podcast The Ride. Huzzah and good morrow. Welcome to Podcast The Fair, hosted by three good lads

who doth taketh interest in horseless buggies that toss ye hither. I'm Scott Gartner. That's the end of that It's drawn by Jason Sheridan Difficult to sustain for long periods of time The entirety of the podcast Will not be done in such

Language unless somebody Wants to try it on their own But I'm stopping Mike Carlson Hi yes and thank you for stopping it Before you got to me because I was really like Okay how am I going to do it? And everything that popped in my head was definitely like Saying stuff in a pirate manner, but more positive

Like, are ye mateys? Yes! And I was like, that's not it That's not the way to do this So thank goodness it stopped before I was put under pressure It's not an area that we're prepared to speak in for a very long time. I was thinking about this, how, like, there's sort of a through line between what we're talking about today, Renaissance affairs, and, like, areas of nerddom that I don't think we have. I feel like among the three of us, there is not Lord of the Rings and Hobbit so much, right?

Unless it's just never come up. For me, at least. Game of Thrones? Do you even watch? Is this somehow an area that eludes all three of us nerds? It's not my scene. Well, I did see every Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movie were usually Christmas releases. So that was between Christmas and New Year's

oh we'll go see this and it was a very pleasant experience. You're not a fan of those as much as you are just a fan of Christmas pleasantry. Oh we'll go to a movie and then go out to dinner. A fan of dinner. That we know. That's been established. Any sort of medieval fiction you're happy as long

as there's an Applebee's afterward. It's like oh I wonder what I'll get at romano's macaroni grill after this probably the same thing i always get you're zoning out while gollum is like trying to grab the ring and there's a big climax i yes i am just imagining the ring has been replaced with like uh meat ravioli an onion ring oh an onion ring sure jack daniel's uh barbecue so jack daniel's sauce on pond pasta it's not i this is one of those where i feel like disappointed in myself that i haven't watched game of thrones that i'm not that into like the castles and uh drag i like dragons but i'm not so into. So it feels like I've let people down. Imaginary people down or upset by me

for not having some intense fandom for this type of thing that feels so adjacent. Maybe I'll get there, because I'm trying to be a little horror boy. I'm trying to get into all that stuff recently. I just got through the third Freddy Krueger movie, which is very exciting. Just in time for right after Halloween.

Great. Getting ahead of next Halloween. Scott, something you said where you had to get through movies in chunks, that is very true with our baby as well. It's five sittings now. Yeah, I'm going so slow. Dream more.

90-minute movies take three days. That's what's nice about this. We can sit down and do a 90-minute experience that can't be interrupted. Unless somebody needs to pee or something. But let's barrel it because now's the chance. If anyone's mad at any of us for not being into anything medieval-adjacent, fantasy-adjacent, let's start figuring it out because this topic, I feel like, is a no-brainer. I can't believe we haven't done it. And it took our excellent guest to bring it to us, a Ren Faire fan.

And when I asked about credits, he encouraged the instructions were to go to your Mozilla, type his name in, and don't worry about spelling it right. And hopefully there's an autocorrect. So if you want to know more, then go to Mozilla and type in johnny pemberton hi hi huzzah to the tipper to the what huzzah you already lost me on one what's what was that word huzzah no the other one um you said that to when you're at rim fair when you when that's what they say to you the workers when you tip them they say huzzah to my tipper just saying it out loud saying a lot i just feel like there's sort of like this weird thing when you take renfair out of renfair it feels a little like uh cringy oh sure yeah when

you're not in the garb and when you're in a modern studio. When you're in a very well-lit place. Yeah, yeah. Where everyone's moderately clean and there's no indoors. There's something about huzzah to the tipper. You shudder as it's coming out of you. I think I figured out you guys blind spot though. Oh, really?

This whole thing. I listened to your opening introduction guys blind spot, though. Oh, really? With this whole thing. I was listening to your opening introduction discussion. Yeah, yeah. Is it possible that you guys don't smoke a lot of weed? Not so much. Jason a bit. Not two of us. Not two of us.

Yeah, yeah. Me not in a while. Yeah. I think that's what it is. Huh. That makes sense. I think the fantasy stuff, all the people I know who have been super into fantasy stuff are stoners.

Ah. Huh. I think that's it. Yeah. I got into it around 30. So I'm a cool guy. Okay. With my weed.

Was it not until then? I guess I didn't realize your time was. In my later 20s, like I tried edibles. Mm-hmm. And they're very intense. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. And so I've gone backwards to the weaker stuff.

Gotcha. Interesting. Why do you think there is that correlation? Why is it a stoner experience? I think it's like you get lost in the experience because for me, the whole Ren Faire thing is you go and you get to kind of like time travel a bit. Yeah.

And that's very conducive to being out of your out of your head a bit being high also i mean drinking too they have they serve alcohol at renfrew yeah yeah people love to drink it seems like yeah that's super boozy of fit certainly something about the uh somewhat psychedelics and weed think, are very conducive to time traveling. To transporting. The anachronism. I feel like there's a thing, too, where everyone's committed to the bit. Oh, for sure.

Everyone really wants to be there. I feel like this would be a place where I would be more comfortable dressing in the period garb than cosplaying a comic-con. Absolutely. It's the kind of thing where the first time i went i found that out very quickly and then every year after you gotta dress up otherwise you get ribbed by the uh the jokers who roam the uh the boulevards of the uh where they don't rib you the opposite of the huzzah for the tipper. You're not being commended. You'll be committed for dressing like a future man.

Yeah, they're like, what is this garb that you wear? What is this strange printing on your shirts, good sir? I'm confused by it. Stuff like that. The printing press does not work on fabric. There's a lot of times where two guys like two guys, will jump in on someone. They'll be like, yes, what is this man doing? What is this strange contraption he has?

Like if you have to bring your phone out or something. That kind of stuff. Which I like. I think it's cool that they get after you. Sure. They're like basically like, you can't. How dare you? How dare you not time travel with me?

That does sound humiliating. So it's like completely in your best interest to just jump in, do it full tilt. Well, also, we're talking about the Renaissance Pleasure Fair here, which is a Southern California thing. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a good question. I didn't know how you wanted to narrow it, if it is the general thing or if you're if we're focusing on on so because you've been a regular of the socal one for some time the renaissance pleasure fair which is very important to say because it is a uh it is a sexually tinged renaissance fair and it's that's well known everyone knows this yeah and it's part it's part of the tradition of it it's

it's what they call it's a bit bawdy uh-huh well you don't even know what you just stepped in because body has been a running word on this podcast yes yeah yeah yes i noted that body comes up in renfair discussion a lot uh what what what are your associations with? I can fill you in on why it's come up with us. I would say for me it's this sort of thing where it's a way to say something that's sexual in nature, but it's also kind of jokey and it's good natured. It's a little bit pervy, but not in the sense where it's um obscene or uncomfortable on a graphic yes it's like everyone's in this arena where everything you say is like oh everything's a double entendre so yeah it feels like it's body in this what's playful it's very playful sure here's the best

example i have of it is a lot of uh people who work at the stalls and stuff there are women and they have a significant amount of cleavage available to see this seems like a big thing about this is a big there's a lot of pushing up going a lot of pushing up with the corset and a lot of times these women who have the extremely ample bosoms will put a little horn in between in their cleavage and they will squeeze their boobs together and honk this horn when you tip the, like you're buying a turkey leg. It's like, honk, honk.

That to me is not at all sexual. I find it to be not, you know what I mean? That is not arousing. That is not arousing at all. That is kind of the opposite. No, because you could do that with your butt too. Right. That's very just like weird anatomy.

That's body. Huh, yes. I feel like that's body. On the fringes of here's what the human body, B-O-D-Y can do, but not like, that's not a, you're not watching that in a pornographic film. I don't

think, unless. There's gotta be something some porno where that's in there. Sure. Yeah. But I'm just saying it's not. sure yeah i wish i could do it i've never you know it's kind of peewee herman-esque i feel it's like a little bit you know what i mean it's kind of uh it's sexual maybe for like a teen or like a child or something like that like this is oh that's sexy it's like no it's kind of being used in some way i watched um some shows from the the one I went to growing up,

the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair. That's probably a great one. It is incredibly elaborate. It's on a winery's property. Oh, I'm already in. So they also now are partnered with a brewery and a distillery and a hard cider, local hard cider company.

And they've built Tud tutor structures and stages and stuff where is this in pennsylvania i didn't know about this it's uh like north of lancaster okay and uh it's at the mount hope winery and there is a show called like the washing wenches show and there was literally like this woman uh everyone's on you know uh benches and this woman stood on a bench with like her crotch in a man's face and gave him the instruction of like all right i need you to we need to check each other for weapons so pat your way from the top of my back uh to my bottom and give it a squeeze and i I was like, dear God, this has crossed the line from bawdy to straight up horny. Jason called the local authorities and had the whole thing shut down.

I called the sheriff and you know what happened? He slipped and fell in the mud pit on the way to the Washing Wenches show. Because that's one of the other, there's a mud pit there's there's all the things there's like a globe theater replica you gotta have that it's very essential you gotta have that there is the what everyone i only went once we went for a school field trip and they're like do not miss the human chess game uh which i learned just in the last

year or two is now called the Tournament of Arms. Same show, skip the chess moves. So everyone just does stage combat. Oh, that sounds a little more exciting than watching the steps be taken, one over and two up. What happens is when your rook takes the other person's pawn,

they fight for a second and they don't always like win, I feel like. Oh. So it's not by chess moves it's literally by combat moves yeah kind of like everyone is moving like the chess pieces they represent

but then there is battle I guess it's staged so that like a piece is taking another piece the one wins like metaphorically this is what's happening in chess. We don't, we just don't think about it.

Yeah. We just do it as like knock off at most, but in every chess move, there is like blood being shed. The game of chess. It's like the Star Wars chess game where like the monsters fight each other and then one dies. It's really,

that's sort of what's happening in chess. Oh, that's getting to actualize, to get violence into a little board game. Yes. Yeah. Well, it's nice they provide an opportunity to finally flesh out what chess really is. We should really mourn each piece as we...

I got to go to this Ren Faire. Yeah. I really want to go now. This is... It's really cool. And it's like... I watched some videos. They rehearse for like a month and then it runs August, September and October on the weekends and the holidays.

But when I was like 12, like in seventh grade, we definitely went on a school field trip, got in the bus at the middle school, went up there and they were just like, all right uh me back up at five and just unleashed us and we just did whatever we want so i remember like doing archery i remember pricing out swords this became a man would you say i mean i became a man uh i became a very fussy man because i was saying you to you guys before the show that's when it happened i was like we have to be back on the bus at five o'clock but the grand finale is at 5 30 we're gonna miss we never saw the end of the story the queen's procession yeah i now they call i believe they call it the the final pub toast like they have fully leaned into the booziness and now it's just on the weekends it's not really on the weekdays except like school days where they seem to mostly do like you know they they do a shakespeare workshop and they do like a uh different educational workshops less boozy presumably

and less body hopefully hopefully yeah no it's not just like we're doing the day and we're unleashing 12 and 13 year olds to like uh go wild like it was but it was so exciting in 1997 it's like wow i get to get a turkey leg not at disney world it is the it is an amazing experience i went as a kid to the one in uh minnesota and where i grew up minnesota in sh Shakopee. I was blown away by it. I loved it. I remember there was a guy walking around with his shirt off who was selling pickles and everything he said out of his mouth was a joke about his

penis, but also about the pickle. Yes. It was great. It was so body. It was just off the charts body. That was my first Ren Faire. I remember that guy at the pickle salesman really just it sunk its teeth me because i realized oh this guy's walking around this guy's probably i mean he's about as close close to unemployed with a job that you can be

i had an occasional job a job for a brief yeah and a really specific strange job here's let me here's a little mind blower of, because I was thinking, like, it was probably the Minnesota Fair. I should look up what's up with the Minnesota Fair. And somebody, I don't know if this was your pickle boy or pickle man. Oh, let me guess. He's got a restraining order or something like that, maybe? No, I don't have, like, I don't have a rap sheet.

No, it's good news. It's one of our finest performers got started as a pickle boy. Jason Mraz. Really? At that one. Minnesota specifically. So you're a pickle boy. Wait, probably not.

Well, Jason Mraz is like our age, isn't he? I don't know how old. He's a little older than us. He's a little older. Okay, well, all right. Could have been then. This guy was a little older, I think. This guy was definitely, you know.

You didn't say pickle man, not pickle boy. He was a pickle man. He was definitely a little older, I think. This guy was definitely... You didn't say Pickle Man, not Pickle Boy. He was Pickle Man. He was definitely a man. But he wasn't that old of a man. I'm pretty sure it wasn't Jason Mraz. This guy feels like the kind of guy... Mraz was 45 years old. Okay. That timeline doesn't line up. But, you know,

I feel like Jason Mraz has a kind of a direct line to people's hearts, their heartstrings. And maybe this like the sensuality of the pickle motion capture that rooster in the Robin Hood Disney movie With the little guitar or whatever The mandolin? That seems like a perfect guy It seems like he's definitely hat-tipped to one side

Strumming and making bawdy jokes while singing You mean he's a rake? I would say that What's that word? He's kind of a rakish A rakish carouser He's a rake. I would say that. What's that word? He's kind of a rakish. A rakish. Carouser. He's a rogue.

Yeah, rogue. Rogue gets used a lot. Yes. In this language. I agree with you, by the way, Mike. But you know that they're going out to Lin-Manuel first on that. When Lin-Manuel passes, whenever Disney does this, then they'll go to Mraz. But Lin-Manuel can't really sing, can he?

Can he? We just don't know. He sings like if you're not singing. It's more like you're trying to sing, but you're not really singing. You're doing a thing that's like this of a sing. There's a certain musicality to it that I could do it, but... He doesn't have pipes uh yeah maybe not yeah could he like say that yeah yeah he might divide up his own he invented that whole

thing because he doesn't have pipes he had to figure out how he could like how can i make it musical theater without being a real triple threat yes but writing parts for singer like there are some very good singers in a lot of his shows sure sure um yeah i i watched a video um you want to talk about actors at this fair the pennsylvania one at least they did like interviews with people who work there and it's so funny because someone was like yeah i got the job here because i you know had done a few plays in the area and I knew a little stage combat. And after three or four months,

I'm jumping out of a second story window. Oh, wow. So everyone picks up skills. And it's also like for an actor, it is like a four month gig. At least at the bigger ones, they do like a month or more of rehearsals just to get ready for it.

Huh. Oh, yeah, so you don't think about that part. You think of it as a weekend thing, but it's like, yeah, it's a way to be employed with odd skills for a while. Yeah, it's like a scare actor. Oh, yeah. I would say it is on that level of scare actor

where it's a little bit, it's barely employed. It's sort of that you know i mean like you're you're almost fully employed yeah yeah but the reason you do it is not so much for the job but because they're letting you do this thing that you want to do yeah yeah i've watched a lot of scare actor uh auditions you ever watch those oh i know there's yeah those there are videos and documentaries that i haven't gone into. There's some good ones. Oh, really? And it's a certain type of person who is very much the job is like they have to pay you, but that person, they would do it for free.

You would definitely do it for free. Just the privilege of being able to play in the arena. I feel like a lot of Ren Faire people are that way where there's a lot of people who aren't paid to work there they just sort of camp there and they they they walk around in garb and character interacting with people but they're not being paid i think it's more they're more just camping there is i'm not really sure how it works actually i know there's a lot of um there's a big behind the scenes at renfair that is i've never been a part of. Sure, sure. Did you ever consider trying your hand at working?

Did that ever occur to you? Or scare actor in your acting travels? I definitely have not thought about scare acting because I only learned about that sort of recently. And I think it's something where, I don't know, I don't think I'd be the right person for that. It'd be a step down at this point. I guess so. Yeah. And I also just don't think I have the passion those guys have to do it.

Yeah. But Ren Faire, I think, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I could do it. Maybe I would do it. I think it's a commitment. You also have to buy a lot of stuff. I don't have a ton of stuff to wear that would really sink me into the period enough.

Is there a position there you would want? If there was one role there that seems more fun than others? I mean, probably the pickle guy. Sounds like it. Yeah, selling those pickles. Do you remember what a pickle double entendre was? Wait, we're looking at a pickle guy. Sounds like it. Yeah, selling those pickles. Do you remember what a pickle double entendre was? Wait, we're looking at a pickle guy. Oh, thanks, Jordan.

There you go. And he's shirtless, too. Wow. Was yours shirtless? Yes, he was shirtless. Wow. Oh, I didn't know that was a dimension of being a pickle guy. I didn't know that either until just now.

Jeez. I think the pickle thing, it's just everything. You just talk about your penis, but you say pickle instead of penis. Yeah. Ladies, would you like to suck on one of my pickles? They're juicy and long. Hey, everybody, I got some fat, juicy pickles.

You can suck on them while you walk around, no problem. Touch my pickle, I dare you. It won't hurt you. Jeez. Those are all pretty good. Was this something that actually there was a documented man who would do this in olden days? I bet so.

Like, was there a... Yeah, ye olde Disneyland, Mike. That's where they got the idea from. Oh, okay. Got it. That's the big thing about Ren Faire, too, is it's also, it's an amalgamation. There's nothing... They have, like, steampunk people there.

There's no wrong way there's no heart there's hardliners but there's also people who would just anything from like uh i don't even know probably from like 1100 to 1600 kind of falls in there you know it all counts it all blends together because i like looking at there's a big chart you can look at of all of them across the country and they all define a specific era that they're set and there's a difference between Elizabethan and

more like Robin Hood. That's Elizabethan isn't it? I don't even know. I don't even know. I've seen the houses and the stages and buildings described as they also a lot of them do theme weekends. Yes. So there's pirates That's what they, I've seen the houses and the stages and buildings described as. They also, a lot of them do theme weekends.

Yes. So there's pirates. There's unlicensed Harry Potter weekend. So you're fine on the yard. If you still want to do it. Yeah. If you want to give us a yard. Hey, great. Okay.

Okay. That was a little theme minute to the podcast. Yeah. Pirates are big. Perfect. Pirates are really big. Pirates. Yeah.

The crossover pirates. The funniest weekend I saw was Time Traveler weekend, and they're just, like, leaning on the Doctor Who phone booth. And so it's like, because I do think, while it would be very fun to dress up and go to these things, it is funny to wear a Star Trek outfit and go to these things. I think it's funny. That's funny.

That's pretty funny. I like that. I think it's funny. Is it eight hours of funny pretty funny. I like that. I think it's funny. Is it eight hours of funny, though? Is it like how long can the big go? Well, eight hours. Look, I don't know that anything is sustained that long funny. I mean, there are a lot of improv shows at the sort of like ye olde Shakespearean,

like 20-minute improv shows at different little pop-up areas. The old Herald. I've done a bunch myself, actually, because usually I have some sort of psychedelic and then drink a bunch, and a lot of times it ends up being where you're shouting, just like, Don't look at this tree!

How dare you! Look at, don't look! And it's just to people you don't know, which becomes like this weird uh it's like your own personal improv show because you're just so fucked up that you don't care that you become an entire other i really i like the voice first of all because i was i was curious yeah what you become when you go there and that has that like i feel like you like de-aged yourself with that voice that that voice? Like you're a boy now.

You're a lad. What are you doing here, sir? Sir, please give me your sword. It's like something about that voice. It's so stupid, but you know right away what it is. You're a person. You're bothered by everything, and you think people aren't where they're supposed to be.

Or you're like a boy with a job who like keep moving move up move forward keep passing keep walking don't stop here don't touch the deer you're an order keeper right yeah or kind of a medieval hall monitor i guess keep walking i'm i'm 13 years old life is 26, so I'm having midlife crises. Who wants to marry me? I have nothing. Looking for a good woman who works hard. Peaches, peaches. We all have adult colic.

Tapeworm, tapeworm eliminator, eat this now. Sofa, no sofa here. So you walk around with like mush or ice cubes or something to get rid of people's tapeworms. I usually carry like a big, huge stick, like an old sunflower stalk. And I have a bunch of rosemary and a bunch of herbs on it and stuff, and we'll touch people with it from a distance. Whoa. And sometimes that's usually pretty fun.

And that cures them of something or gives them a power? It's kind of like, it doesn't matter, right? That's the whole thing. It's just a grab bag. If it's kind of ye olde, then it works. You can walk around with a bunch of rosemary and have like a wool blanket and some mud on your face and you would fit in. You're the slop boy.

Yeah, you're the slop boy. You're the slop boy. Who carrying a bundle of sticks back to your master who is the blacksmith. The smithy. Sorry, the smithy. Pardon me. Who needs them for your collecting. He's like probably got to burn stuff.

He needs a fire to fuel his black smithery. So you need a bunch of sticks. All you have to do is just be dirty. If you're just filthy, that's your costume. Filthy, no labels. You're instantly time traveled. You could wear current clothes as long as you cover up all logos. If you're wearing a Tasmanian Devil shirt, just, like, mud them up real good, and then you're not going to get mocked.

And just be very almost horrified and confused. Like, what time am I? Where am I? When am I? Well, for the Time Travelers weekend. For the Time Travelers weekend, for sure. And you can buy pretty much any accoutrement. You can buy herbs.

You can buy pretty much any accoutrements. You can buy herbs. You can buy walking sticks. This was the only field trip I ever went on where they're like, remember, you cannot buy weapons. Weapons will not be let back on the bus. Wooden swords may be discussed. But, like, they had very elaborate, like, swords and knives and stuff for sale. Because that's the other thing. This employs not just actors for a while. It employs all kinds of crafts.

Blacksmiths, glassblowers, sword makers. Candles. Oh yeah, candles. That's a part of it because I've never done one of these. What's everybody's full literacy? I guess just Mike is left. Full literacy? I can read Mike is left. Full literacy?

I can read. I'm able to read, actually. That's one of my special gifts during the Renaissance Fairs. I'm able to read stuff. Wow, wow. Which a lot of people, probably people were not educated at that time. Nobody. So you're doing them a real thing.

Like, labels. Anyone need a label, Red? I knew how to read, and then I read Martin Luther's proclamation he put on the church door and I was just like never again. Horrifying. I will bang my head on something until I don't remember how to read. I'm a papist and I don't know what this Protestant nonsense is.

I've gone blind. I meant to say Ren Faire literacy and by which I mean experience and not literacy. So that having been said, Mike you ever done it? No, never done it. Anytime when I was little and I would go past anything that looked like it, honestly, it made me uncomfortable. And I don't know if it was the bawdiness of the ladies. I don't even know if that was being conveyed to me that that's what was happening, but there was something about it that made me feel odd. I didn't want to be part of it.

And I guess it's carried over into my adult years, but I'm not against it now. It's just no one's ever invited me in the last 10 or 15 years to even go, so it's never come up. Oh, no. No one ever invited me. I just decided to go. You're a leader, Johnny. That's the thing. I was looking for like a

woe is me, like no one invited me. So I don't want to go if no one invites me. Well, if you got to take acid okay so i'm working on weed i'm working on getting weed to work because that freaks me out too much and i end up like vibrating at a different frequency so acid seems like it's going to be maybe 30 years away from now. Unless you're right. Is it possible that somehow acid works in a way that weed doesn't? I guess I'm asking for myself too because I haven't done any drugs in a while. I think it's all very different on the different person probably. But all of it can probably be scary as hell at Ren Faire if it's done wrong.

I've had bad experiences there. Oh, what's a bad experience? Not to take you back to it way too high like accidentally too high from edibles to the point where um it's difficult to leave the shade of a small tree like just sort of stuck like oh shit can't move one of the last ones one of the last times where i where i was like I think I'm going to stop doing this is I got high at that thing I was at with you, Mike, Desert Trip. When we split off, we parted ways and I met a friend and got too high. And I just remember that I was so high that I was like, okay, you got to get your shit together and you're going to use cash money correctly and use it to buy a hamburger and the person when you do it right the person is

going to be so impressed that you did it these are my high thought like you're gonna blow her away with your ability to put out money correctly and so then i'm doing it so slowly and carefully and weird i remember walking up to watch the neil young set still full of pride that i used money right and then when i came to i was like this seems like it's not the fit getting like 500 dumber for not into something i wanted to that sounds about right exactly yeah this is what i was going through though too and i was in the pit watching paul mccartney and i also was high and weird like i was feeling so weird yeah yeah and i was watching paul mccartney and i literally all i could see was his old skeleton like i just saw the man's old skeleton dragging himself from the piano to the bass guitar and being like this one's for john and like i'm imagining his skeleton

talking to me and i'm like i don't know i love this song but i'm all this too much right now opposite of the joy of a beetle concert that you that's that's misery it's hard to control your dosage with edibles but if you go get like you go to a dispensary and say what is the cheapest pre-roll you have like a four or five dollar pre-roll that's pretty reliable yep and that's gonna rip you up too in a good way you know that's gonna get you again because they say there's no there used to be like people would talk about mids, like middle of the road, weak weed. And now there's people believe that those have been bred out by decades of like weed is too strong now. Oh, so. But if you go class of weed has been eliminated.

Yeah. But if you go for the cheaper stuff, it's usually weaker and it's easier to control because there's i mean there's edibles and there's so many gadgets and doodads nowadays and those can really mess you up accurate can you regulate his yeah that's right okay okay also everyone's different yeah yes some people find one thing that works and also i think with with rent fair i think it's good to get just a little more than you want a little more than you're comfortable with. So you get to that time travel zone where you're feeling, that's what I call it, it's time traveling. Yeah, yeah.

That's cool. And the other thing is if you're too high at Renfair, all you have to do is look at your friends you're with and you say, if you're getting skis out, you got to just say, shall we carry on? And that's how, any situation, you just say uh shall we carry on and that's how any situation you just say shall we carry on that's the instant eject button for uncomfortableness oh okay okay um well because from the looks of of like pickle boy for example right the uncomfortableness seems like something oh there's another one oh no i well i don't know better or worse than the previous but we were looking the first one we were looking at, you can watch this on YouTube, on the Forever Dog YouTube. But the first Pickle Boy was shirtless and kind of like Pete Davidson physique.

This guy's shirted, which is an improvement, but a little bit of like a beret, long hair, beard creep. This guy's older. He's probably put a shirt on because he's come along in years. I'm sure he used to be shirtless. Was once a shirtless pickle boy. Now he's shirted pickle man. He's a veteran. He passes out the start work.

He passed out the W-9s at the start of the season. Hey, man, I hate to do this, but you got to sign this crap. It sucks. It's going to be the last modern thing you got to do. After this, you're in the past. You don't got to worry about taxes. They're really good. They're really fast, though.

And you pick weekly or every other week, you know? It's cool. They're all swarthy, though. They're all swarthy. They're all cocksmen. Yeah. Well, on that point, Jordan, can I ask for a clip? This is the first clip of two from PM Magazine.

This is the second time this has come up lately. This early 80s pleasant snooze magazine show that I like. They profiled the Cabbage Patch Kids. And then this woman in a really sharp PM Magazine baseball shirt, she's touring the grid. This is the Houston Ren Faire, I believe. And this is a guy I think you would want to carry on from as quickly as possible. I'm a rogue. Come here.

I give away free kisses. Would you like one? Yes. Oh. Kissing the reporter. He's into it. I know what you are. You're a renaissance dirty old man.

That's what a rogue is, all right. You got it, lass. There you go. A renaissance dirty old man. Just going in, and she had to turn left to break the kiss. All she had to do was not be directly lined up with it. He's a rogue. So that's a rogue for

you another certainly swarthy or beards part of swarthiness and long hair part of swarthiness they certainly can be i feel like it's all about like the movement if you feel like you got something jangling around you got some long hair you got like any kind of uh anything baggy or anything that sort of um attracts attention that's all swarthy to me they're all very captain jack sparrow yes to me you know they're all half in the bag yeah yeah they're definitely half in the bag in the daytime roaming around looking for whatever will say yes or whatever we'll say just like uh whatever doesn't say no immediately what is that that's a question for you is like there is we've established bodiness but there's also certainly horniness

right to it and uh that what is what has been your level of comfort with the the general horniness in the are you as the like as the impish uh hall monitor not privy to the horniness as much. I think, I don't know. There's definitely a lot of it that's on display and stuff. And you see it just in the costumes and the way people act. And people will say ribald comments to you, to strangers.

They'll say stuff about your appearance. I've had people hit on my girlfriend like right in front of me, and I had to defend her honor. It was all... But it was very fun. It was kind of fun. Yeah, yeah.

The weirdest thing I think I've seen in terms of that is something called the Dragon's Lair, which we stumbled upon sort of very late in the day. And it's a glass-blowing area. You can go back in this tent, and you go back to the Dragon's Lair, which is 18 plus, which is a bunch of dildos and stuff back there.

I remember seeing this stuff and being like, this is outstanding. Just seeing, going into the dragon's lair. And that's what it's called where they keep all the hand blown glass dildos and sex toys to have. That's a surprise. That's not what you're expecting. You're like, am I going to see the most impressive animatronic? Is fire going to be breathed? Good sir, fair maiden, would you like to come to your dildo shack?

You can't call it that. You have to call it the dragon's lair. The old dragon's lair. Are they medieval? Are they like past oriented dildos? Isn't every dildo a past oriented

dildo? Because I don't think anything's really changed. Right? I mean. Ultimately there's a basic structure to it that you're after and a task that you need to fulfill. Like is it like one side is a dragon's mouth and the actual apparatus apparatus is coming out of its mouth or something like is there anything like

crazy like that there has to be somewhere i don't have a great memory of this i just remember okay going in there and being like oh god we just stumbled into the dragon's lair and thinking this was it was not expecting to see that and And I was also probably pretty high at the time. This was a, shall we carry on? Yeah. This is a fast, shall we carry on?

But it was also, this is hilarious. Would you like to examine the booklet of skews? The ISBN numbers for ye pleasure instruments. That is the best part of it too, is all the, the commerce, how quickly it shifts from,

oh, good sir, to browse me, where to okay well i find this the square isn't reading the uh i'm gonna have to type this in manually into the ipad i have here like stuff like that it's pretty great just how quickly commerce takes over yeah uh character hey did you notice that the uh blacksmith an iPad with a Naruto cover on it? This was the thing in the, like, they were trying to get a Renaissance Faire vibe going in the very early days of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge. Oh, yeah, they were.

Yeah. It seemed like the bar they were trying to hit was, like, full time travel. We're in another place and there's this different language that we speak. i don't know if you did it ever in that time or have since um but like that was i think what they thought would happen that people will come and kind of live in the world and i think it did not i think it is a place with rides and you you buy stuff yeah but that was certainly where like the roads diverged where because i bought something on the first day, and there was some fancy term for credit card. I already don't remember what it was. And I did not have fun with it. I was just like, what are you talking about?

Your card, your credit card. They had a name for it. I remember this. Yeah. Do you guys remember the name? Credits is usually what they say in the Star Wars universe. They say credits for money. But I would have known that. It was something about about like they call it like a pass or something like that

they call it like a um oh i remember this i remember distinctively being like i like this i like this that they're all in yeah they won't talk to you at all about anything like they're hardliners i appreciated that yeah oh you brought that term to us too hardliner being just like fully go for how would you would you call yourself a hardliner or do you feel it would you would not give yourself that full no but i really like anytime there is someone there i'm uh a lot of times what i will do is a walk to the very end where they have all the um there's a lot of people camping there a lot of people camping that i camp there every weekend and there's people who do reenactments there's a whole group of people who reenact scottish highland warriors from that area and i talked with one guy for a probably i would say more he talked to me but for probably about

40 minutes i sat there and it was it was so interesting he was talking about all the hallbirds all the different pikes and stuff explaining each one of them to me i was you know i was pretty high and having a bunch of beers but it was fascinating that he was all the stuff he was explaining and it ended with him clearly seeing i was very interested saying um well let me get your uh phone number and email and we have meetups every weekend if you would like to join us, take it down. And I'm not going to say, oh, no, no, no. I said, okay, yeah.

And sure enough, I got a call from this guy for a couple weeks in a row before he realized I'm probably not going to go out to these Highland events. Which are where? Which are like out short? Probably like in Whittier or Pacoima or something like that. Yeah, yeah. The fair itself is like half hour east of here or more. Yeah, it's in Irwindale Recreation Dam area.

Wow, wow. Uh-huh, uh-huh. But I kind of wanted to go to them. I did, but it just didn't work out. It's not something – it's kind of a – I think it's a you got to be in. You know what I mean? It's a real – it's like any kind of extremely dorky thing where you're kind of you can't be half it yeah yeah it's a commitment like i i remember going to comic stores growing up and

seeing like the warhammer miniatures and i thought they were very cool like these little soldiers and and tanks and all this stuff and i was like i i don't know this seems cool but i cannot commit to this like i knew i was like this is another world this is the this is the back of the store and i gravitate to the front of the store and they're never two two houses equal of dignity but not uh jason do you remember when we were at the margaritaville Grand Opening at CityWalk and some of the heads of the San Diego Parrothead chapter were there? They were very enthusiastic. And they met us and they were so excited by the idea that we could come down

and be part of their San Diego chapter of Parrotheads because they said the San Diego Parrotheads were much more active than the los angeles than the orange county more vibrant yeah yeah it was a much more vibrant community they talked shit on the orange county crew yeah they said that they were the best ones and that there were like a lot of like political problems with the other chapters of the parrot head organizations but they were like like yeah here's our information like they were so ready this is exactly the same thing it's totally parallel yeah 100 parallel same thing yes and it was like i wanted to do it but like i'm like am i really no there's no way you're gonna go to san diego and then you're

justifying it you're explaining it to friends like well why do i drive all the way down oh yeah well it's just better there's less politics it's just a well here's organized. What you just said doesn't make any sense. How do you explain it to friends? No, you don't have friends. Those are your friends. That's the issue. That's what that guy was doing. He's like, oh, clearly you don't have any friends. Do you want to be friends with us?

Because we'll welcome you. Which is kind of beautiful. He really thinks you are a lost soul who yeah recruit into his band of men anyone else listen to a speech about hallbirds for 30 minutes and keep asking follow-up questions unless he was a person without friends who needed to have some friends and had weekends i'm open you know what i mean it did not occur to him that you might be gacked out of your mind and frozen in the spot. Loving it, but still, like, I'm here. I'm visiting.

I'm not, like, looking to move into this area. I'm just here as a tourist. I'm a tourist to your world. I'm cosplaying in renaissance gear, but also cosplaying as a person who would listen to you. Yeah. gear but also cosplaying as a person who would do who would listen to you yeah the interesting thing with all of this set with the bawdiness and the booziness i do i will say renaissance fairs are very family friendly a lot of them do outreach for school groups so i would say like the the vibes are pretty chill like you can kind of pick whatever level you're at i don't think

they've gotten into the some parks that do haunts have started selling like light up necklaces that you can pay extra for and go like please don't scare me oh really yeah so i i i'm wondering if there's uh money to be made to like beef up the budgets on these Renaissance fairs of like, hey, give me extra personal space. Like, I want to commit to this, but I a necklace that you wear that lights up where you're like, don't throw a double entendre at me, please. Please don't. Yeah, I do not want a washing wench to try to make me give them a piggyback ride. See, that's what I think about the Renfair is it's so close to not happening

at all you know it's so uh homespun diy yeah that they just they can barely do what they're doing to do that would be it would break their backs i think to try to try to accommodate people and a system yeah a subtle form of accommodation that wasn't like ada sort of thing like i think it would probably just tear them to people i just why would you why would you not want to have someone why would you come if you didn't want to have someone talk to you it's like the whole point of it it would just like this gnashing in your brain i have a back i want to give people rides on it there was a disclaimer on the the pennsylvania one website of like look the pathways are all paved they're ada compliant there are some stages that are in grass fields and we can't do anything about that

um talking about this uh my memory of the marketing for the pennsylvania one was like very um like low budget commercials where it would be a shot of a knight on a horseback and then the logo and slowly panning over like a slideshow logo that says like sponsored by Burger King and like someone just singing like the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair. But Jordan, if you can pull up that video

I sent you, this is the 2022 commercial for it and they upgraded their marketing budget. Ooh. Let the celebration begin! Indeed. We just went out of a castle

to a woman doing a dance. Mudflops. Women surrounding the turkey guy. Or fair maidens. Oh, fish are swimming out of the graphics. Visit parentfair.com. Whoa.

I'm there next year. I'm going. It's great. And there's travel packages. They partnered with local hotels in the areas, which there is many because this is like just north of amish country i didn't know this was such a big rent fair that's cool yeah and and at some point they swapped out one small stage and built a mermaid tank i saw that that is

truly they're just going they're going for broke aren't they yes that is truly absurd the mermaid tank that is like so unnecessary and has nothing to do with the renaissance at all yeah that's square i guess you know it's mythological it's fantasy but i love that's what i like about it is it's sort of just uh that's the thing about renaissance fair that no one ever talks about it's the thing about Renaissance Faire that no one ever talks about. It's the original inclusive place. It's the original all-inclusive. No one's turned away. You can be the biggest freak you want to be and show up, and no one's going to say anything to you whatsoever other than just like,

hell yeah. You can be like anything. Anything's welcome. Yeah. I was looking into the history of it, which I didn't know, because I didn't know, like, have these been going since the Renaissance? Has it been 200 years, or has it?

And I didn't know it came out of the 60s. It's a 60s Laurel Canyon thing. Malibu. Huh. Okay, okay. That was the original one. It was in Malibu, in the hills of Malibu. Oh, in Agoura is where it's at.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was there for a while it was a really bad documentary about it that's not that fun to watch that i have watched and that um so all uh this winneson's fair here winneson's pleasure fair is not the longest running but it is the oldest i think it's the oldest one that's what they credit is like the first real there was littler historical festivals, smaller ones. I think an early one was at the Paramount Ranch. That's the Agoura one, which is the filming location for Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Oh, wow.

It all burnt down, though, I believe, sadly. Sorry to tell you, Quinn heads. You can't go to the apothecary or whatever. Is that a thing in the Old West? Yeah. Okay. All right. My history, literacy. the apothecary or whatever is that a thing in the old west yeah is that okay yeah all right uh my history uh literacy early version of uh pharmacy okay that would that would have been yeah all right um but yeah i but what i was a bunch of hippies yeah yeah i did not know any of that

lineage to it that it was like a it was a hippie or any oriented thing and besides the uh the the theming and the time travel of it there was also just the the very hippie element of anybody come and it's communal and you peddle your wares and and uh and where and it was like sleep with anybody you want to it was very like it's very openly like free love kissing booth kind of thing yeah that's how it used to be and this there were articles i was reading i think bloomberg is one of them that like they they were like you can draw a straight line from early 60s birth of renaissance fair to woodstock or any of that that like that did not have the theme to it, obviously, but the idea of it's going to be a semi-organized field that is communal and, hey, everybody take care of each other, that maybe that doesn't happen without the rise of Renaissance fairs a few years earlier. That makes sense, yeah.

I just didn't know that. And that also a lot of it was done in counter to like Red Scare. Really? Yeah, I think so. Like the idea of a place where like hippies and lefties can come work and not be just like the school teacher. What's the name? Phyllis Patterson was the person who started what became the Pleasure Fair. But that she was like very put off by like the

get these pinkos out of here like that uh you know and and a world where like people couldn't work because of their ideas and their freewheeling ways so the whole thing was a rebellion uh uh of the 50s essentially wow yeah oh and. It's like you can see the... The thing that I keep thinking of is there's a lot of furry cons. There's a thing called Midwest Fur Fest. And I go, this is just a Ren Faire for people with fursonas

and big costumes, animal costumes, basically. It's the exact same thing. There's the exact same amount of horniness, as far as I can tell. I've never been. I'd say a little bit more horniness as far as I can tell. I've never been. I'd say a little bit more horniness. Maybe a little bit more horny. That's fair.

But yeah, it's like everybody's almost recreating the model, I feel like. Yeah. Yeah. Then I have notes about how they encountered rebellion. There were people who tried to shut down the early Ren Fairs

because they read that these places are full of lewd dances and distribution of literature advocating free love and the use of LSD. We must shut down these dreaded endeavors. Only the CIA can use LSD. No, no. No, no. That's a good slogan right there. Only the CIA can use LSD. No, no. No, no. That's a good slogan right there. Only the CIA can use LSD.

I'm sorry, but only the CIA can use LSD. I have a card. It's to treat my Havana syndrome, which is suspiciously similar to a very bad hangover. Let me stay in the free love horniness zone a little more. Can we pull up the other clip from PM Magazine?

We discuss dildos, but there's one word that is adjacent to dildo. Or maybe it's not, actually. Is it a pud? Well, what we're looking at right now is the codpiece. Let's hear this guy. Let's hear this guy discuss his codpiece. And the codpiece here is a symbol of one of Henry's idiosyncrasies. He had a rule that no man could have a larger codpiece than the kings.

And it was a privilege to be with the king when he dressed. And so he would deliberately get his courtiers to help him dress with a moderate sized codpiece. So they would happily go out and put on theirs. Let's just stare at this codpiece for a second too. Kind of like fancy pattern, yellow, orange, a rose on top. I just, in watching- It's like a little locker, like a little purse. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

A satchel, it's a little satchel for his penis. It's a penis purse. A penis purse. I just never given a lot of thought to the codpiece. I think it's an interesting facet of this that it's like a way to, you know, like a comfortable environment for people to be able to wear a codpiece. And it's just a funny item. Because, you know, like there's clothing meant to accentuate women's body parts. But very little for the penis. And with the codpiece having dropped off in popularity.

I don't know. I'm fascinated. But it would be interesting if codpieces came back all of a sudden. Yeah, maybe like it's a different name. Maybe it's like a pickle storage box. Pickle purse. It's my pickle purse. It's where I keep my pickle.

Because I think you've got to get rid of that name. The name is so – why is there a name of a fish which feels limp, feels gross, not the way you want to present your penis? I wonder what it is, if there's any relations of the fish cod and the cod piece. I don't know. Yes. Why cod? This is something you'd ask someone at Ren Faire and they would give you a lengthy explanation

in the Queen's English. And you'd be invited if you want to join the cod piece society. If you want to fight the fight to get codpieces back into the national consciousness. Go to the cod tank. It should at least be a better fish. Yeah. What's a more virile, strong barracuda? Yeah, marlin definitely.

Marlin and barracuda are both good. Yeah, I don't know. Trout is not. Trout would be bad. Troutpiece is funny, but yeah. What's that one? Anything, like the cheaper stuff at a restaurant. You don't want a tilapia piece or a-

Scrub. Scrub. Scrub piece. Scrub piece. You've managed to find one that's worse than grub piece. Just took a couple extra letters. In the modern era, similar clothing pieces are worn in the leather subculture. Oh, yeah.

And in performance costumes such as for rock musicians and metal musicians. So like... Well, I think of it with Batman and Rob. I feel like Batman's... Batman had a cod, didn't he?

Yeah, you'd call that a codpiece, I would say. He's got a dangler. There's that, yeah. There's that Chris O'Donnell toy that hasn't come out yet from Batman Forever that I want and his cod piece is possibly the biggest I've ever seen on

any person or toy bigger than King Henry here with his rose that's why he doesn't work as much anymore I'm gonna find the picture and I'll just send it in the chat that's why he doesn't he's relegated to NCIS New Orleans because they're like, well, it's a party city,

so it makes sense for his character to always have this codpiece on. He has to wear a codpiece. It's just like a, it's actually a medical device. What does it do for him? I mean, how are you helped medically? But is it like,

are they like, is there like a gas moving through it that's just like keeping things fresh? I don't really know. I'm not really sure. I've never worked with them on this. I don't really know. I mean, it would be a cool thing to explore, I think.

They'll give you the run day. If you're ever casting something with Chris, they'll give you the talk. Hey, Johnny, can you come into the office real quick? The UPM might talk to you. Hey, we're happy to have you. We want you to know a little something about Chris. And the rest I won't say because I don't know what to say. You don't know the specifics of it.

But, yeah, the main thing is Chris's eyes are up here, all right? He is not his codpiece. There's a lot of room for improvisation in this scene. Whatever you do, don't punch him in the dick. I know you are a naval deserter in this scene. You were deserting for the Navy and the NCIS are after you. But whatever you do, don't become so desperate that you try to punch him in the dick because you will be hurt by the codpiece. I wasn't going to do that, but I guess I definitely will not do that now.

It's safety meeting. This is standard safety meeting. It's in the SAG. It's in the 2022 agreement. And we've told people not to do it and they say they they won't do it, and then they still do it. So we want to make sure you're not one of those. Okay. Like, that you're worried your worries are bonding.

No, I didn't come here. I didn't spend my entire life just to get to this moment where I could do a thing that I was told not to do. Okay, great. So your handle will remain functional, and you'll be fine. I sent it in the chat. So, look, I don't know that he is actually based on his own thing. I think the toy makers got excited, perhaps, and decided to really have fun with it.

You sent us the picture. Well, Jordan, if you have it. The picture is in the Zoom. Yeah, Jordan, if you can, whenever you get the chance. Chris O'Donnell, C-O-D, Cod. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. It's been hiding in plain sight all these years.

Cod. What's up, Cod? Hey, man. How'd you know it was my name? I just want to give an update. Chris O'Donnell is in NCIS Los Angeles. Scott Bakula is NCIS New Orleans. Oh.

I like your notion that a story in the show is about capturing naval deserters. Well, they- That holds water because it's exciting. It sounds good. NCIS is like military crimes, I believe. It could be. I have zero idea what a plot would be on NCIS. Yeah. Jack.

The original one is like, well, Mark Harmon is super competent and he's really handsome. That's his character's game. And he got punched in the dick. That's why's his character's game and he got punched in the dick he got and that's why he finally left the show he got punched in the dick too hard it's my my dick's getting too old and o'donnell's like just listen to my voicemails call me back that is okay now we're looking at now we got this is the toy wow that is not right that can't be

real that's insane that's the movie wasn't like that it's like what i'm saying like a movie didn't look like that ridiculous it's even got like a um like sort of webbing that indicates it's under stress the fabric is being you know what i mean like it wasn't designed to limit the plastic it feels like plastic to me and even the plastic is like we're we're breaking down here because the uh Because the Batman one is more like a shell, like a protective thing. This appears to be, yeah, that's a protective. That's a protective thing to protect Batman's balls. Kind of makes sense with the way the legs are sculpted.

This, you can see veins. If you squint enough, you're seeing a bonobo monkey right now. Yeah. The kind with the red nose, right? Or instead of bonobo, whatever that now yeah the kind with the red nose right whatever that's one's called with the red nose it's that monkey that has the big old a proboscis monkey it looks like that right yeah what a pull it's like a snickers bar it's got the caramel dick veins on it it's not batman's codpiece is playing defense and this is playing offense this is like facing forward. If he jumps at

the penguin, he could poke his eyes out on the way. I think Ace and Gary are less sexual than this. I think so. Yes. They didn't push it far enough. The company that makes this is called Hot Toys. Oh, well. Takes on a different meaning now.

Yeah, this would be in the Dragon's Lair, no problem. Yeah. Mike, you have to let, are you getting this? Is this going to be in your home soon? It's not out yet. I haven't pre-ordered it. Well, if I get it, obviously, the first people that will know is the podcast, the right audience. That's what I was going to say.

As soon as it is available, please bring it to a video version of the show. And then I don't want to say where it should go in your apartment, but you know, I love that Leonardo with the big dick tail. I just think you put, you put these right next to each other. Touching.

You want their dicks to touch exactly what i want and then i want to see photographic proof of it and then also keep your daughter out of there yeah no she should not be exposed to this robin's the uh robin's a rogue yeah he's a rogue and mike so you need you moved recently so you might still have some flex space that you haven't decided what to do with yet it sounds like you need to make it an in-home dragon's lair oh for dildos well for for your filth toys for my toys that have prominent dicks yeah sweetie remember honey you're not allowed to go to the dragon's lair until you're much much older and we have a talk with you about Dragon Slayers. The Dragon Slayer. Again, it's funny to say this,

but I think the level of bodiness of a lot of the shows and the Pennsylvania website does, there are icons where it's like, this is a PG-13 show or this is a plus PG-13 plus. Avoid the kids. I think you can take families to the Renaissance Fair. It's just maybe now and then you have to go like, oh, hey, we're not going that way. Also, it feels like it's a more natural form of sexuality.

It's not like a junior at the computer finding something and all of a sudden he can't unsee. Everyone's around. You can discuss it. It's out in the open. It's a more like, you know, it's a more like old school version of it. It seems less if it's something that's outside, it's in the air, it's daytime. It's less like, you know, it's not shameful.

Yeah, it's not shameful. It's not this thing where it appears to be dark and vicey. It's more fun. And maybe maybe it's titillating, but it's kind of – it's okay to embrace your sexuality a bit as opposed to having to hide it and to be – yeah, I don't know. I've just all of a sudden got very like – what do you call it? Philosophical with this whole thing.

Yeah, yeah. There's no like stepmother, father, siblings business going on. There's no Ted Cruz likes, Twitter likes business going on here. You're saying porno, mother-daughter porno stuff? That was an interesting pile of words. Were you saying

porno scenarios? Yeah, there's no step business going on. There's no Dean Norris sex gifs going on. There's no Dean Norris sex gifs going on. Dean Norris? The characters at the Renaissance Fair are talking about, like, mine stepsister. Wait, which is which?

What was Ted Cruz? What's the tweet that Ted Cruz liked, and then what did Dean Norris tweet? Someone on Ted Cruz's staff liked, like, a gif from, like, a step-sibling, like, Johnny Sin porno movie. And then Dean Norris just attempting to Google tweet at the phrase sex gifs. Oh my God. And never, much respect, never deleted it.

That is awesome. That's pretty cool. That is great. He saw the humor in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there has to be some sort of, someone needs to invent a thing as you get older that limits your ability to interact with technology

so things like that can't happen. It's going to happen to everybody. If you don't stay, if you're not super techie and current, you're going to misstep when you're trying to use a thing you don't know that well. Next thing you know, you're tweeting out sex gifs. Well, it's either it's not like a child lock or child safety it's a grandpa lock basically there needs to be a grandpa

lock on things where you just you can't have access unless someone in your inner circle is with you showing you like okay so if you want to see the stuff that we know you want to see i'm not asking questions you have to be really open-minded with your parent or grandparents. Right. Don't judge them in any way, but just like a discussion before it starts. You want to see Marina searches naked. This is called Firefox Focus. It's a browser.

It's always in private mode, and it only opens one website at a time. Yes. You're not logged into anything. It won't leave you logged into anything. That would be great, actually. That would be pretty good. This is a good business idea, maybe something to file away. Hi, I'm Marina Starches.

Have you been searching for me on the internet? Well, fear no longer. You can find me without having other people know you found me. Without broadcasting to all of your followers. I've partnered with Mozilla. I'm definitely, today I'm going to tweet out Marina Sirtis sex gifs. Please do. This will solve the mystery if people hear the podcast and like, oh, so that's why.

This is why I came here is i can say marina searches and everyone knows who i'm talking about immediately yeah this is yeah this is the audience wait let me admit that i don't i've liked the sound of it and the reference oh but i actually we're talking about counselor deanna troy from star trek oh okay okay you knew all right she was also she was also uh one of the uh characters on Gargoyles, Scott. Wow. The Disney animated show Gargoyles. She was? I didn't know that because I used to love that show.

She's Demona from Gargoyles. The kind of anti-hero Gargoyle? Is that right? She's like the main female Gargoyle. Yeah. Gargoyle sex gifts. We're going to start this Gargoyle sex gifts. Don't start down that rabbit hole or you might never come out.

That's there. Yeah, that exists. Yeah, that is for sure there. Yeah, well, I'm looking at these results right now. There's guys with Patreons probably who have that. Like, what do you do? I do gargoyles, gargoyles porn. You know, gargoyles.

This is a more recent picture here, I believe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and not a set. This is a more recent picture here, I believe. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And not a set. Yes. Jordan did not pull up a sex gif of her. That would not be proper for the Forever Dog YouTube channel. Perfect red carpet photo.

I'm a big Marina Sirtis fan. I'm a big fan. Everyone in Star Trek The Next Generation I'm a massive fan of. Me too. So I would not disrespect any of them. Michael Dorn. Gates McFadden. None of them deserve.

Gates McFadden does not deserve that. Jonathan Frakes. Also on Gargoyles, like the bad guy on Gargoyles. What? Did they all meet there and Gene Roddenberry was just like, hey, I like this show a lot, I'm just going to steal the cast.

Not Gene Roddenberry. Who's the EP for Next Gen? The later one. Do you know? Yeah. Gargoyles is like 95 and Gene Roddenberry dies in like 90. Okay, so it was not. So Gargoyles, they met on Trek

and they went on to work on Gargoyles together. I get it. But now you know. Look up that show and you're essentially getting extra Star Trek Next Gen. Damn. Plus with sexy gargoyles. What's it called? Shipping? Is that what they call it? Oh yeah, I guess so. If you've ever wanted your favorite Star Trek

characters to be gargoyles, first of all. A little Riker Troy shipping. There is a long history. but not really needed because they're uh together so you don't need to ship the bin ship oh shipping is okay aren't together yeah yeah god that's like uh that's like diva and uh chitara yeah yeah yeah or like date you would ship data and troy sexually i thought it was like different shows. Like you take like, you know, Tracer from Overwatch and have her have a scene with them.

I don't know. I think that is allowed. I think that is. There's a lot. I think that falls under the same. Yeah. Well, let me. Jurisdiction.

Can I. Then I'd like to ship, let's say, Ed Asner's character from Gargoyles Hudson. Okay. With Mark Harmon's character from NCIS. Okay. Put those together. Okay, yeah. In a sexy New Orleans type setting.

Like they've had a bunch of Sazeracs and now they're going back to his place in the French Quarter. And it's where Hudson is a gargoyle on the building so like it's you know he lives in an old building has a gargoyle yeah it's a full moon I'm I can't get into this the king of this for free that will be on the yeah we'll start yeah we'll do all of our fanfiction shipping behind a paywall before we want to take here let let me just do some quick hits of stuff we have. Let me see if you have experience with these.

Do you like these big parts of your Ren Faire experience? We haven't really talked jousting. Have you watched joust? Yeah, I feel like the joust is the, what do you call it, like the most obvious thing. It's the kind of part of the big finale. Yeah, but it's also kind of like the norm of part of the big finale yeah but it's also kind of the normie

part of the renfair sure so you take your kids take the whole family down the joust it's always crowded and that's where you go it's fun but it's also to me it's the normie part of it like i you see it once you've seen it enough sure yeah yeah you got the idea. That's interesting. I think it's interesting that there are rides at Ren Faire, but not electric-powered rides. All the rides are pushed around by somebody. Uh-huh. I saw Adrian Grenier on a swing one time. That was cool. Wow. Wow. That's pretty good. Yeah, you get on a big rocking horse, a giant rocking horse. That seems like fun.

Yeah. You get in a big maze. I don't think we ever talked about big mazes on this show. Oh, that's a good one. I kind of like a big maze. Yeah. These mazes aren't super big, though. At least in my experience, they're not huge mazes.

There's those big mazes that are an attraction themselves, right? This is more just like a, it's more for kids, I think. Okay, okay. I think you set up hay bales and you make a maze as opposed to like a pre-built hedge maze. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, hedges. That's too many.

You like put one of those up permanently and then that stays there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you dye in it in the snow. Yes. I think terrorized your family. Yes. Hey, I feel like we got to talk about maypoles real quick

because I just feel like Jason would like a maypole. I mean, I can't remember if I've ever done a maypole, but I like the concept. Just ribbons off a pole and everyone runs around it and you wrap the ribbon around the pole and then you do it all over again. You got to do a maypole. I've never done it.

I've never been there in time to participate, but they do it all the time. Every weekend. It's a Maypole. I've never done it. I've never been there in time to participate, but they do it all the time. Every weekend. It's a giant line. You got to get there at five in the morning to do the Maypole. That's very family friendly. A lightning lane for a Maypole. It's the rise of the resistance of the Renaissance Pleasure Fair.

Drinks there. Well, first of all, what's going on with mead? We got mead happening. Is mead any good? It's kind of sweet. It's honey wine, basically. Oh. It's slow fermented honey wine.

I don't like it. It's too sweet for me. Yeah, it doesn't sound like it would either. But, you know, people like it because it's of the time. It's very, it's such a, I think it's the oldest fermented beverage maybe. Oh. It might be. Sounds right.

It's before beer. Right, right. Yeah. So what are you drinking then usually? I'm drinking a lot of, usually a lot of just beers. I'm drinking a lot of, let's say I have craft brew now, so you get a higher ABV if you really want to get blitzed. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Just get real schlacked so you're just dragging your foot around there, you know what I mean? Just real inebriated to the point where you feel totally unencumbered from saying literally anything of the period yes you know ye olde double ipa yeah you'll double ipa from goose island uh but back then goose island was just an island that was terrorized by geese people you can never go there you can beware goose island that's not our kingdom anymore that belongs to the geese you want to be goose food are you crazy yeah um scott i was telling you before we started

recording the day i was there the day me and like 57th graders were just unleashed on our own to like alright just have a buddy you can run around all you want just don't do it alone I I ate a turkey leg and then they gave us like refillable cups at the fair

and just all day for 8 hours only drank Coca-Cola so this was like the the the field trip that i left feeling like i am dying something has gone wrong and i i so and of course it wasn't it was just a yellow school bus and i'm like we're so many hours away and from the middle school how will i live and i i looked it up i looked at the google maps and from the the renaissance fair to my middle school was an hour and 10 minutes so i was just in such a state i was just like that that was probably when i learned like okay if you go to renaissance fair

you go to theme park because these are essentially very so like pop-up theme parks for like two three four months of a year uh i need to drink a lot of water yeah because a lot of these would that have helped this situation i mean what i think this would have helped i would have felt better yeah the p would not have been resolved but i would not have felt like shit from that much corn syrup and caffeine um would it have been would it be justified to wear a diaper to such a i don't think people wore diapers back then i think they definitely did yeah probably yeah i think it's almost you can piss yourself there i think it's one of the few places you can piss yourself and it's not a big deal geez it's really not that's that hippie idea you need to not be judged for for your clothes being soaked in urine. You could also probably sell it.

You could be like, I'm the bad man of the town. I'm the piss man. Or just say it's pickle brine. Give me a hug. I'm the piss man. We gotta hug the piss. We came all this way.

We can't not hug the piss man. Oh, honey, look. It's the piss man. I got some of his piss on me. He ran out of snake oil and just started selling piss. Is that Jason Mraz playing the piss man? I was the piss man for a little bit.

Then I was the pickle man. I upgraded to the pickle man. Wait a minute. Is the remedy piss? Has this whole time? The remedy? The remedy. The mysterious is a dangerous liaison. The liaison is you in a toilet. Yeah, we all know the lyrics to the remedy the remedy oh the mysterious it's a dangerous liaison the liaison is you in a toilet

yeah we all know the lyrics to the remedy jason yeah i'm surprised you did i uh uh okay uh um i have one more little thing before we we wind it down speaking of oh wait we haven't talked about that i've seen the phrase drench a wench. Oh, my God. I have drenched that wench every time I've gone. I'll do it two or three times. Wow.

And I'm, like, deadly accurate, too. Geez, really? What are you throwing? These little, like, kind of, like, it's like if you go to a batting cage, it's like a softball from a batting cage. Huh. But I have drenched this wench.

She insults you, like you like crazy she will be very very mean she will insult your manhood she'll insult like if you're with a significant other she'll insult that person all kinds of stuff and i have hit i have dunked that wench right in the middle of an insult that something feels better in the entire world than drenching a wench right when she's saying she's mouthing off and you just dunk her wow in the midst of sailing oh you and your little your little cut oh really geez she doesn't even get out the full thing that mouth floods with water and then that that's only happened one time i had the perfect timing but you must really feel that like because

also if you're if you're high in trend, then you're probably like the emotions are stronger too. So like that rage, like you feel it go into your hand. This is usually early on. It's kind of early in the fair. So I'm probably pretty sober at that point. Okay. Oh, you hit that one on the earlier side.

Well, for accuracy, I guess. Like, yeah, you don't want to be throwing willy-nilly. We would have dunk tanks at like fundraising school fairs and stuff and like teachers or principals would like rotate through doing it and i always liked and got along with most of my teachers and the principals and stuff but when i saw them at the dunk tank i was like i want to i want to get them oh yeah i wouldn't dunk them in the water it's a primitive thing you just want to drench yeah because you Yeah, because you're allowed. You're allowed to, like, own someone, you know? Just really get them.

Sorry, Mr. Salvatore. That polo is getting drenched. Did you dunk, Mr. Salvatore? I think so. I am not the most accurate throw, but I was always pretty good at dunk tags. Oh, it's the best. It's something we should remember, though, I think,

to the listeners, possibly, is like, if you want... We had our gripe situation. You can complain at us that way. Splash the Scott? Sure. Oh, yeah. It's hard to think of him for the other...

There's not Splash... We'll Splash the Sheridan works. That works. Yeah. You got soak. You got drench. You got wet. You got splash.

Wet Michael. Yeah, get Mike wet. Drown Michael. Drown Michael. Somebody, a listener really hates you if that's the. I guess that's true, yeah. But, you know, like instead of just complaining at us if we get stuff wrong give if we gave people an opportunity to like you think you know everything about i love lucy you motherfuckers those years were all over the map bang drowned and then you

then you don't know everything about marina certis you faker you liar um no i do all right i one thing i saw on the pennsylvania website that i really like they listed all the vendors and it's so like specific there's so much cool stuff you can buy there's so many craftsmen employed like in selling their wares and stuff but the list was like uh swords uh you know candles homemade longbows, and then there was just a little icon that just said cheesesteaks. And for all the language, there are a lot of comforts of the modern. There are ATMs scattered throughout the fair and in the wine shop. It was mostly cash

though, I was surprised, but they're like, okay, you can go in and with a credit card that, you know, there's all those like if you have cash converted to a debit card, this was the opposite. If you have a credit card, you can buy coins that you can use for goods and services at

the fair or just take one home as a souvenir. And i thought that was a really clever way to do it yeah and they're like oh if change is required uh we will just give you change in regular legal tender okay okay they don't have every increment of coin i can't believe how good the pennsylvania one is i didn't realize that it sounds really yeah yeah seems like a strong one uh um your quick quick thing before we wind it down. Here's somebody you might want to drench. Jordan, can you pull up the one that,

the clip that has the words January 6th in it? Oh, yes, I saw this. I'm happy to bring those words into the chat. What's that mean? I don't know if you know what happened on a particular day. Oh, it's Topsy Turvy Day from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. That's true. That is a bizarre thing that that a particular day. Oh, it's Topsy Turvy Day from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. That's true. That is a bizarre thing that that is true. All right, let's see this.

A woman from Pennsylvania accused of stealing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's laptop during the January 6th riot will be allowed off of house arrest this weekend to go to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair. Again, Riley Williams of Central PA had asked a judge to let her go to the fair this Saturday. The judge granted that request today, making this her second trip to the fair while on home confinement. She was allowed to go last month as well. Honestly, I heard about this and I support this and I love this woman despite everything that she has done. I feel like this is like this is the jewel of a human.

You know what I mean? There's something there's this dichotomy going on there. Ren Faire and insurrection meet. Yeah. And a person. It's just like this. It's too good. It's almost like how is that a real story?

It's so good. Your Honor, my client is not Mr a Ren Faire in 20 years, and the first time she went, the mermaid tank wasn't ready, but now it is open. She's got vlogs to make, Your Honor. You expect her to not partake in the bountiful cheese steaks? Yeah. What a balance.

There are a lot of videos, like full videos of shows videos of like what's new at the renaissance fair there's a lot of crossover with like theme park vlogging stuff of like here's what's new here's what's the best yeah like secrets and she'd probably make the best one of all of them and we don't want to give her a we don't want to give her a shot we know that she's a dynamo she's the one who made it in there and got the laptop. I think she should probably be in the military. She's got what it takes to be a leader in the military. Well, she got into the Capitol, and then she broke out of house arrest with everyone legally in the clear to go to the past. It's just too good.

It's just so good. It's just so good. It's like a perfect story, basically. You're in love. Did she bring the laptop to the fair? Ye olde pilfered goods. You should get her on the podcast. Yeah, sure. She could stay under house arrest,

but obviously, as with you, Johnny, in person, it's better. It's more organic. It's more fun. We'll file an appeal and see if we can get... I don't remember her name, Obviously, as with you, Johnny, in person, it's better. It's more organic. It's more fun. So we're going to want her. Well, let's start. We'll file an appeal and see if we can get her. I don't remember her name, but we'll know it and cherish it soon enough. Yeah, just add her to the pile of all the different January 6 people we've tried to get on the podcast. They're too in demand.

Yeah, any time we reached out, they just kept saying, I don't need to tell you that. Am I being detained? Is it possible that the Insurrection was sort of a pop-up theme park? Wow. Well, it was a themed experience. Like, you know, the boring Capitol got rethemed for a day. It's like it's Viking Day in the Capitol Dome. Yeah, there's a lot of lore there's

a lot of exhausting canon yeah and it's a lot of people who live in fantasy worlds yeah that's that's really what it is the people who are the most the biggest hardliners are the people who've gone

full insurrection mode Mike and I'm waiting in an 80-hour line. We want a chance to buy that laptop. It's very similar if you think about it. There's definitely got to be a crossover. It's a full-time cosplay that you forgot is a cosplay. God. Yeah, that you never come back from.

Also, Nancy Pelosi's laptop is still using an unsupported version of Internet Explorer with six different search tab, those search bars that would just add themselves to your browser back in the day. It makes it harder to buy like child blood on the black market when you've got all those pop-up blocks. Yes, and you have not renewed Norton Antivirus 2005, but it is still prompting you to. Well, look, I'm sorry we didn't, if I'd known, I would have gotten her today to be here to be at the fourth microphone, but unfortunately, hey, it was still great to talk to you,

to you minus i'm glad to be here in her stead uh well yeah so happy you could johnny pemberton you survived podcast the ride uh thank you so much what a blast thanks for having me have you thank you uh let's exit through uh let's exit through the the the dragon's lair is there anything you'd like to plug uh you know like i said just google me and uh whatever you wherever it comes up you can engage with it how you will you can choose listen to my podcast or you can also um you can just like look at photos uh just kind of ogle you admire you do that i don't know you can you can um watch you can purchase films i've done in

the past. Maybe purchase them a couple times or watch them on DirecTV. I don't know. Something like that. Do all those things. You can find information of when films you've been in will be on DirecTV and on what channel. Pay the $300 license for a Getty image photo? Yes, that would be

great. Actually, I don't think I'd get any of that. Here's one. I don't know if this is a purchasable one or if this is just – this one's for free. You're giving these away. These are all Getty, right? Yeah, I love looking at my face on this. This feels so great. On a big TV.

Yeah, it's wonderful. In pixelated quality. Yeah, interact with these. Just interact with these photos. Doctor them. Make them look like they're from the Renaissance. Go for it. Give you funny mustachians and turn them into a shirtless pickle, man.

Exactly. You know what? I think that's in the spirit of the Renaissance Fair that you're essentially saying like, okay, cut loose. You explore my body of work at your own pace. You're not putting regulations on it. No regulations, yeah.

Unlike these people in the Capitol. OK. As for us, none of that shit. We're telling you what to do. Here's specific instructions. You can watch this episode on the Forever Dog YouTube channel. You can find us on the socials at Podcast the Ride. Merch is available on our Tee Public store. Thanks to Jordan Katz for producing this episode. You have to do that too. Say thank you out loud to Jordan Katz as you're listening to this. You've done a great job. And for three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcast The Ride The Second Gate.

Or you get one more bonus episode on our new tier, Club 3. That's all at patreon.com slash podcasttheride. All right? You do that. You don't fuck around. You want to be willy-nilly. That's for looking up Johnny on Mozilla. want to be willy nilly that's for looking up Johnny on Mozilla yeah be willy nilly

jeez you got a cooler vibe you're looser than us what can I say it's the weed thing yeah man alright

I'll try to listen we'll do it before the next episode chill okay forever dog this has been

a forever dog production executive produced by Mike Carlson Jason Sheridan Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following

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