Podcast: The Ride - Rides About Firefighters

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

Rides don't just feature Jedi or members of Aerosmith! Rides star real-life heroes too, like firefighters! Mike and Scott return to the main feed to dig through a grab bag of fire fighting-based attractions. Donate to a great cause here! https://www.pledge.to/ptr Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forever Dog Warning, the following podcast may contain a mysterious Main Street address situation, anxiety-inducing Ninja Turtle scenarios, professional dog petters, and handstand E.T.? All this plus a grab bag of rides about firefighters. Hey, we're back on the main feed. It's Podcast the Ride. Today, a tribute to first responders. By us, the worst responders.

To conflict, stress, or faint interest from the opposite sex. I'm Scott Gairdner, joined by Mike Carlson. Oh, I'm here, yes, and the way I respond is bad. No matter what kind of thing is happening, it's bad. Sometimes it'll be bad and people won't even notice. It'll just be like destroying my insides bad. My stress response will be internal, and that's bad too in a different way. It does.

I can only imagine, yes, what we don't know about what you internalize. Yes. No, I internalize. Yes, my stomach kind of hurts recently and it's definitely because of stress why how come yeah what's been going on i don't know some stuff have been you know fleeing and fleeing and you know yes you know what wild stuff and uh uh you know as as you you may know from a little check-in we did, that we, you know, we kind of delayed the proper start of the main feed here for 2025 due to a bunch of stuff. Again, we are all safe, though Cub reporter Jason Sheridan is out on assignment.

We eagerly await his return. But generally, kind of, we are back here on the main feed, ready to kick off 2025 if with calcified internalized stress deposits forming all over. There's no telling what's going on in there. We would need a full, like, scan, futuristic scan. I don't know. That's a real theme park journey to go. Like, you know, in a Body Wars fashion. If we could do Body Wars. Crystalized stress deposits.

Would it be more fun going to the doctor if it was a Body Wars situation where they shrunk down a little ship and a team of people were to investigate you versus just like the boring doctor looks in your eyes, looks in your ears, snooze. If they were to shrink, I guess it maybe would take longer. For every little thing. I mean, you got to be selective. Or you're saying just any doctor visit equals a miniature team is dispatched. Yes, but you know what it could also be is that they just like a miniature team is dispatched and then you go about your day like normally and they go through and they check everything thoroughly. And that way they're really getting a good look inside of you and you know they actually they live there they get to see your

body is their home so they get a sense of it yeah they live there for like a week or something so that's your physical your yearly physical is that the body wars team goes into your body in a tiny ship and then there's just a couple things you probably can't do you can't like they got to figure out where to go so you don't poop them out or pee them out that's the biggest thing well because in that ride the the ship would get caught in currents right suddenly you're in an out of control blood flow and that would be the toughest if you're anywhere near one of the exits of the body right so they would be worried yeah so they would tell you like different things not to do and then yes they could go and check and they'd be like oh oh, Mike, you're from the

stress of the last few weeks. You've developed a kidney stone, but don't worry. We blasted it with our lasers on the ship. Don't worry about it. It seems more fun and thorough. Fun and thorough. Well, it would have improved the ride for sure if the ride was a week long. Well, that's true.

That would be more accurate and to live in a body for all the time yeah yeah um but also like all right with in your case they they blast a stress kidney stone great but then another one forms because you like you missed out on a like x-men branded flamingamin' Hot Cheetos deal. Yes. They're never going to make Wolverine's Flamin' Hots again. X-Men character Pyro is featured on the Flamin' Hots, and there's a limited time drop,

and I missed it because I was picking up a drop for Batman Oreos. Batman villain Oreos that I had procured, and I missed the Flaming Hot Cheetos. Two-face Oreos. You know, we all like to take the Oreos apart, but in this case, you take them apart, and there's two types of cream in there.

Do you want it to be good cream or evil cream? Right. Perfect. That's a pretty good snack idea, actually. Yeah. They did that with Star Wars with the dark and the light side. Oh, was it Oreos? It was Oreos.

Oh, and was it the cookie or was it the cream? The cream. It was the cream. Okay. Yeah, so it was blue or red Oreo. Now, it tastes the same. Does that line up with lightsaber colors? Is that the idea?

The red's usually the bad. I don't know if there's an exception, but yeah, red is the bad. It's the Sith. It's the First Order. Okay. the sith it's the first order okay i mean it's the sith first order is the government part of it the army part of it sith is the you know jedi specials you know what i'm saying i know i don't actually i've watched all the movies and i don't know the boundaries i don't care aligned with the empire yeah but it's not like the empire is just the government and the army basically and the sith is this extra like you know a thousand year old multiple thousands of year old like kind of

magical evil entity that is the counterbalance to the force the light side so it's like it's like the the relationship between the government and uh meta and yes to some degree yes you're correct right yeah right they technically are separate entities but they they're yeah joined together move in the same stream certainly um yeah well look we we are kicking it off here finally and and of course we're we're sort of getting our bearings from the the crazy time that we've had in Los Angeles. And after everything that our city went through in January, we have, of course, been extremely thankful to the incredible firefighters who have stopped all these fires from becoming much worse.

It's been wonderful to watch. As we talked about in our little check-in episode, just like knowing how bad they can get if they're able to get bad very quickly. Some of these, you know, there was a Hollywood Hills one and one out in the valley by where my folks are and getting to getting to watch the planes do these drops and snuff them out has been amazing to watch. And like, you know, heartening amidst, you know, a bunch of situations that didn't go that way. Yeah. Well, past guest Justin Donaldson literally on the news watched his apartment get dusted with pink and a flame retardant. He watched live on KTLA. The drop of pink. Yes.

He saw his apartment get hit because the fire literally was just feet away, tens of feet, hundreds of feet away. My God. Just got dusted with pink flame retardant. Well, he got driven out with barely enough time by other past guest, Matt Mazzani. Well, that's a whole nother story. Yes. Matt Mazzani saved him. Sort of on-

Guest, part of us, the right guests are saving other podcasts, the right guests. That's the month we're coming out of. Yes. And then, yes. And then Justin stayed in my house for a week. It didn't occur to me we could talk about this stuff on the show. I mean, we can, yeah. I don't think they're going to be.

Because you went to San Diego, and again, you were never really in danger, but that left an empty house, and Justin had to vacate his premises because it got pinked. It got pinked, yeah. And there was all these just movements of like my mom and my sister stayed at our house that night because their power went out. So I got family in my house and then they leave. Then all of a sudden I'm getting multiple texts from friend of the show, Andrew Grissom.

Is there a place to put Justin? Mizani's on the way. I'm trying to take a nap. Oh, he was part of this coordination too? Grissom was part of it. Oh my God. So I'm directing traffic now from san diego another city to try to figure out okay i guess we can put him in there justin's got a big dog

so just this is a little behind the scenes and again we're very lucky don't mean to bother you mike i know you've got a family to worry about but is there any way that from afar you could use i don't know some kind of mobile device and uh check if there is a way to keep your friends safe. Do you think this is a task for you? Yes, I rose to the occasion. Civico, I did it. Everyone said to Civico. And yes, another friend of mine had to evacuate, and I'm calling him.

Yes, so again, we were very lucky. Our stuff was not in direct danger or anything. But then, yes, there was just a lot of figuring out if everyone was okay, trying to figure out if everyone has a place to go. That's just great. The non-specific tragic version of this is still a lot of hassle for everybody. Kids out of school and everything's changing. The situation's different day to day.

Even if something obviously much worse doesn't happen, which is far worse than anything that we all had to go through but it's been yeah varying degrees of difficulty yeah and craziness and luckily kept at bay uh by firefighters and first responders and everybody who's helped keep the city safe uh you know so much respect for for what they do my brother-in-law is a firefighter out in santa barbara which itself is a extremely dicey area with wildfire they've had massive awful uh situations and it's very difficult the work they do that isn't the firefighting is incredibly hard just you know like like rescues and their day-to-day calls are far more difficult than anything you or i deal with not just not to play down the work of theme park podcasting okay you don't have to you're right i don't have i don't have to beat

us up in order to make them look good that's true you look good already physically they're in much better shape than us as well yeah and then you know obviously like they're very yeah strong they can hold the hose. And then the people are in the pilots. They dump water from helicopters and stuff. But can any of these guys nail a reference to Lucy's second husband, Gary Morton, like we can? I don't think so. That's all I'm saying.

It's just different skills. Different skills. Different types of heroes. Equally talented. Different types of heroes. Mm-hmm. So. Well, it's the, know it's it's it's

the hero you need yeah in any given situation right we try to be the heroes you need listeners in those ways but today we're we're attributing uh you know the other kind because also in the little check-in episode that we did uh at some point while talking about all the serious things going on we were saying wait is it like when they do the when they do the the helicopter rides and dump all the water does that count as a ride is that something we could talk about and um at least one listener pointed out that um well that is maybe stupid the uh there is uh there are a number of rides that are about firefighters yeah and that pay homage to this process to that experience to the work that they do this is an odd little subgenre like there's a good amount of theme park real estate across the country internationally i don't even know i didn't even get into that uh but I know that in America, there is a firefighter presence at theme parks, which makes sense because there's a couple things going on. A couple of things we'll talk about today have old timey fire engines, and that's always interesting. It's interesting if you're into history. It's interesting for a little kid to be able to climb on those things and then fire engines in general are more dazzling to a young child like mine and

then a lot of the stuff you're going to see at disneyland you put it all together you get the fire truck in radiator springs riding around oh right well that's all of it that's the interest in big vehicles and rescue vehicles uh merging with the silly stuff that we like um all of that to say uh we just thought that maybe an appropriate way to start our late start in 2025 would be this collecting the rides that we could find that are rides about firefighters yeah um can i ask does your son like the main street fire department at disneyland not sure that we've done it. I thought about this because I finally made it out to Disneyland for a minute and we'd had this idea

and I was like, well, I should go poke around there. I don't think he's, because we haven't been to Disneyland together in a minute. I'm sure that he would. I also saw kids climbing on the fire wagon in there and I don't think I realized that you could. I assume that was a very like bolted down, which it is. You can't even do the Morse code tapper uh there's not a lot of interactivity in that main

street fire station um but kids can climb on that thing but yeah you're right you know you flash to uh theme parks and fire department that's one of the first things you see when you enter disneyland yeah off on the left and main street is the fire station it is interesting because yeah that that is the one like realistic store you would have to have in like a town square i mean i guess city hall too but like i would hope if your town has the budget for it but not a theater with abe lincoln necessarily that's more fantastical um but yeah i i don't spend a lot of time in there either but i'm like i guess i should i guess especially because kids seem to like it i like it's something it's a little

bit unexplored in my mind well i don't know yeah it is but i walked in there i mean i think look i think we're eating up a half hour in there with uh with my son for sure uh but for me without a kid in my prayer because i was there uh solo and I was there solo, as we do, I looked around. You know, you got an old stove. That's good. You got a checkerboard built into a table that you can't fold down. I like the sound of that. You got buckets that you can't take down.

You got an axe that you can't remove. And you got pictures of very angry looking men with fine mustaches. A real tombstone Doc Holliday in there. So, you know, if you feel like you've been missing out on the Disneyland fire department, then you are missing the angry faces of at least four men. It's of course under Walt's apartment and Disneyland. Yeah. He picked as his residence to be above. Right.

And to be, was there ever a situation, was there ever a time when he could jump on the fire pole and write it down? That's a great question. I don't think so, but it seems like perfect. Yeah. And seems like what he would want.

Right. I mean, like I would want that if I had my own apartment in Disneyland. If you were designing, yeah, an apartment from scratch, much less in Disneyland, yes, the fire pole. Yeah. Do you trust yourself on a fire pole? Because I think it's pretty easy to get hurt on those things. You think so? I think probably. I think that seems like one of those things that's harder than you imagine.

I'm imagining Dan Aykroyd sliding down in a Ghostbusters when he runs into the firehouse for the first time. I think I'd be fine on the pole. You're fine on the pole. I think so. When was the last time you went down a pole, a fire pole? I don't think I've ever been down a fire pole. Well, even at a playground or something.

Oh. That's a similar thing. Not sure. I do end up on the playground equipment A lot with my son But I don't think I've done a pole slide But I'm worried about that I'm worried about that friction

I think it depends I think I gotta be like If he goes like this Yeah he If he actually goes like this He kinda tucks his His arm in I think in that

Well it's not a bare arm right I You gotta be I don't think so You need fabric To soften that blow Yeah What's the nearest fire pole

You're in I mean how quickly Could we slide down it? Well, I think there's a lot of fire poles around. I don't know that they're going to let us on, especially not right now. Yeah, I guess I'm not going to barge into a fire department right now and ask to use the pole. Also, they're up high. We did something.

We toured the Burbank fire station as part of some community event. And you peer down that. Yeah. It's higher up than you think. I think the Disneyland one, we can do no problem because that's a little two-story. Yeah. But I think your average fire station pole,

I think, is a little more... I think you'd have a little bit of the hesitation. You'd get some kidney stones peering down that thing. I think you're probably right. But I think if all of a sudden you were like oh there's a fire pole in the room next door I think I'd run in there and do it but now that I have time to ruminate on it maybe I would get

a little more scared. If you were just jumping and you didn't look at what was if you just went straight for it. Yeah. Maybe you're fine but if you have time to peer then you're getting nervous. Yeah I guess in my mind you always just grab the pole but yeah that would hurt a little bit so you would want to peer, then you're getting nervous. Yeah, I guess. In my mind, you always just grab the pole, but yeah, that would hurt a little bit. So you would want to tuck your arm.

I think you'd want to think your way around the physicality in general instead of just jumping and hoping for the best. Well, this is the kind of thing. This is why we are respectful of their work. And before we get too far, also want to say, you know, we figured if we're going to do an episode in this area, we should also try to do some good related to these fires and try to help out Los Angeles and California. So that's why in this episode, we are going to be raising money for the California Community Foundation. This foundation focuses on the long term fallout of disasters like this one they help rebuild homes provide mental health support and build up infrastructure to tackle future emergencies of this nature so the california community foundation there is a link in the show notes but if you'd rather just hear a link out loud the way we do our patreon link then let me say if

that's what you're used to then I would say go to pledge.to slash ptr. Nice, convenient short URL, but it's in the show notes too. Donate if you can. Let's see if the good boys and the Cliffords together can't unite and do a little bit of good. Yeah. Yeah. There you

go. So if you want to reach out and do something, and thank you to the George Lucas Talk Show boys for identifying uh this great cause so uh click on that link i'll try to remind you uh throughout the episode um so there you go but yeah um the disneyland fire station right at right at the front yeah can i ask did you it has an actual address the fire station and my question is do all the stores on main street have addresses in disneyland because i i see 105 town square on main street usa and disneyland do do all the stores have addresses don't know different places i don't know is there some technicality does it

need does like the temple of mara have an address yeah that's a good question it is some weird code that technically the the haunted mansion you do have to be able to, if it's a structure in California, you have to be able to send it mail. Yeah, maybe. Not sure. I don't know. That's interesting. Let's go digging. And if we can find all those addresses, then we can read them out loud.

Oh, my God. I'm so excited to read them. If there are more addresses. Oh, reciting numbers and street names. Sounds like a blast. Let me ask you. I mean, I have sort of a sense of an order that we could go in terms of fire-related attractions. But when I brought this up, when I said, what if we corralled all the rides about firefighters?

Did you flash to anything in particular? Well, you kind of walked me into it. But yes, it was the ride I went on as a little kid the santa's village um which was a local park yes in illinois where you would put out a fire at santa's house in the middle of the summer with real water um and it wasn't a real fire but it would be like a little whatever you know torch or something yeah how are they representing it because this is something to talk about too is is the representation of fires in theme parks because in some of the attractions we'll talk about today uh you get you get very much the pirates of the caribbean thing you get the fans blowing on the fabric on the like bright fabric

and that is a cool effect but in something that, where it's got to be kid safe, what is that fire? What are you fighting? It was real fire. It was just probably- Yes, it was real fire. And it, to this day, remains real fire. What? It was real fire.

I'm shocked by that. I'm walking- I thought you were going to tell me that it was just like a clip art of a flame and it kind of spins around. Nope. So you were fighting a real fire when you were well it when i say like it was like a torch in the same way like a torch blows fire and then you would shoot water at it but you weren't actually putting it out the torch would just

turn off okay now do you think and is somebody operating that or is like how are i mean i don't know if it's i would assume there's a man maybe the person on the... So basically what you would do is you would go around and there would be almost like the Universal Tram kind of a situation where it's like little different cars all being pulled. And you would get these little fire hoses that dribble water to start. Mike, this is blowing my mind what you're showing me. Because I pictured... First of all, you said ride and I assumed that was a catch-all for any attraction. I didn't think it actually was a ride. It is a ride, yeah.

You're on a big, long truck, and there's so many hoses to choose from. Yes. You're riding past real chain-link fences with barbed wire at the top, and then it just landed at a real fire on top of a house. So, what's interesting about this? This ride's crazy. What's interesting about this? And maybe you define interesting, but- It is.

It used to be- Because I'll describe what I was- I got to do something that's chintzy or like what I was imagining this was for all these years. So what actually- That's a newer version of this ride this this santa's village closed for a little while and then opened up as like santa's village azusment park which they added like animals or something and i haven't been there since that happened love a good word that your mouth rejects while you're saying it yeah azusment um but that is a

new santa's house that just looks like a shed now. Okay. Santa's house used to be that there would be the fire inside. So there would be, in my mind, and I cannot find a good video of this. I have been looking and I cannot find a good video of what it used to look like. But it was probably like, let's say like a dog house for a St. Bernard or something size Santa's house. And there'd be one or two windows. And then the fire would start in one of the windows and you'd all try to shoot the water, the real water into that window.

And then at a certain point, when I got older, I noticed at a certain point, the flame would just go out. Yeah. So when I was young, I thought we were putting it out for real, but it was pretty clear then it would just sort of turn off and they go, oh, you saved Santa's house. Because also this is what we've encountered with escape rooms, like the CityWalk escape room, where ultimately they got to get groups through. Yeah. If they're dependent on a bunch of children to actually put the fire out, then the capacity is going way down on this baby. Yeah.

And also, that's dangerous. Yeah. Yes. That's dangerous. Like, uh-oh, it's spread for real. So now what it is, is that they constructed a big shed that doesn't really look like Santa's house or anything to me. You could buy this at Lowe's, I'd say. And I think maybe that it's not themed to Santa's house anymore is what the situation is. Because it's called just Santa's, wait, what is it called here?

Santa's man cave. That's where he practices the bass. Uh-huh. But I think you're just putting out a fire and it's no longer Santa's house. That's what I gain, that's what I get from this. Because it's just a shed.

It's not themed at all. It's not like a quaint little cottage. It's just like a big shed. And then they have this fire thing at the top that's almost like you see like at the water world stunt show when fire appears like yeah you can tell it's on a track of some kind yes it's a very very controlled right right so then the water comes out of the hoses these hoses are getting nowhere close and it's not really the kids fault either that was a real

sputter oh wait oh no no They get a little bit far. Yeah, this is. How much, do you know how much, like, control you have over the hoses? You mean direction-wise or, like, strength-wise? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the stronger it is, like, a kid's not going to be able to keep that thing. You know, it's going to go. I see.

It's kind of a short length. What I recall is that you would be driving in this car and that they would start to just dribble. The water would start out dribbling. So you couldn't shoot water constantly. And then as soon as you pulled up to Santa's house, the pressure would turn on. And it would shoot pretty hard. And it would get in the window of Santa's house. I can't tell from these videos if you're getting anywhere close to that fire.

But they would turn the water on just for that moment and then that was it but you didn't have like you didn't have like a gun like like when you're doing those carnival games and you shoot water at the target yeah it wasn't like that okay so they would turn it on and off but it as a kid you're still like that's real fire i'm shooting real water yeah it's a pretty impressive ride for a little kid i'm i am blown away by the scale of what you're showing me low's shed or no low's shed yes um and this is that this is this is probably the most tangible way to like uh you know act out this child dream job yes uh of any of the things we'll talk about uh in this episode yes um so that was it was interesting too because like you would see it's another one of those like things you don't question that hard as a kid but because in the actual amusement park you could go

to santa's house and it was a building yeah and then you'd go here and it was santa's house and you're like when santa's house over there i met santa this is his house too yeah and then you'd go here and it was santa's house and you're like when santa's house over there i met santa this is his house too yeah and then you wouldn't question that like it's in the middle of the summer and it's not like there's no ice around and we're not at the north pole and i think there was some logic to like this is santa's summer home okay he lives here part of the year and then it was right next to a place called the polar dome which is an ice skating rink yeah um which i sat and watched many boring sister recital long whatever they call them where they cram about 200 kids into a full show four hour show oh my god and everyone gets a turn yeah every group gets a turn and you're sitting there going oh my gosh yeah yeah i know it you know and it's something i've been worried about as a parent of having to

sit through things like this. However, I think in the last few months, I got to go to my first little show that my son was in. Oh yeah. Which was a delight, a triumph. I couldn't believe how tight they kept it. Okay. This was a TV level of stage management.

I can't believe how well the groups came in and out and it was space themed. So my little boy's up there dancing to Fly Me to the Moon. Wow.

And then the other ones were all like, you know, like space oriented, like Levitating was one of them or like Men in Black and Space Jam.

I like, my son was up first. We were like, okay, well he'll go and then we'll leave'll leave right we were so captivated by all the rest of the space performances by all the other grades like no way i'm leaving this so i'm i am i'm pretty high on the uh kid shows but the but you know again this was this was like a tight 45 yeah not it doesn't sound like the ice shows you were seeing no and i was also a child as well so that wasn't i think as a kid as an adult i will be much more interested in watching kids perform than as a other fellow kid i guess yeah and you're more invested if one of the 200 children

is a child that you made yeah oh yeah i'm very physically produced yes um can we call a shot later for just doing this collection of Santa's villages? Absolutely. That feels like such a- I had the concern. Yeah. And there's only so many Christmas things, honestly, that we can do. So I would love to.

We had one in San Bernardino or Lake Arrowhead, right? Yeah. There's so many of those. I was almost concerned about taking this material away by pulling it into the fire episode. Yeah, it's okay. But I'm glad you did because those are very real flames the kid gets to fight. And the notion of having to save Santa Claus' real house,

especially given that now that we're on this, we're all on the Watch Duty app, and you're looking up like, oh, it's North Polees in the red zone. Uh-oh. Right. Doesn't Santa live? Yeah, geez.

If this house goes up, Christmas is not happening this year. That's extreme pressure. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I did feel pressure. The app shows you, do I get presents this year? Because it also tracks naughty and nice.

And like, oh, my God, I do have presents from Santa, and they're in the house but the house is in level two i've got god forbid it gets to level one the only other game i'll call this a game because there was some element of it it was a game that was as stressful was the underwater level in the first ninja turtles game for nintendo which i just, I have such a clear memory of just going, oh my God, I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do like, I have to win. It's so disastrous if I lose.

And it's a similar thing with the Santa. Because your friends would drown? Yes. Even though they would drown often with that Turtles game because you would switch between Turtles. Oh. So sometimes I'd lose three Turtles, but beat the level at least. But you watch their corpses just float up to the top?

Yes. And do you know what I'm talking about, this level? No. This level is the first Ninja Turtle game for the Nintendo. This is the ultimate. I've played it a thousand times, but just the first level and then didn't put in more coins. Well, no, no, not the arcade. Not the arcade.

Nintendo game. Oh, okay, okay. Yes. This was different because those were, yeah, those were different games. I don't think i own the nintendo game somehow it's a bad game it's hard to play okay if the controls are bad i've never beaten it either but like the third fourth level is an underwater like sewer level where there's all these different like vines that you can't touch when you're underwater let's call them vines i don't know what they are and like you would hit it like and you'd be like swimming through narrow thing like vines on the

ceiling vines on the floor and you got to swim through this narrow path and then you have to diffuse bombs and there's a timer so you have like 90 seconds let's say to beat the level and you have to diffuse 10 bombs and you have to swim through these precarious situations and just as a five year old six year old whatever i was i just was white knuckling that nintendo controller because of this and then like when i would win it would just be like euphoria yeah and it's still i can feel it and so you would win i mean that's good i have beaten the level uh plenty of times but i would lose and you would cycle between all four like sometimes i would yeah three turtles would die and i would get the on the fourth one like michelangelo would survive with like a little health left but i beat the level wow and it would fully they they float up

to the top then it fully cuts cut scene of splinter at the funeral crying they take you fully out of the level and throw you back in and you're right next to a vine. You can't even think about that. You can't even think about weeping Splinter. Right. And then, yeah, it's a whole,

the funeral is in real time on the Nintendo. You'd have to watch it now. Michelangelo was a, above all, a kind turtle. Honestly, it's like kind of a plot. A turtle of faith.

Went to church every Sunday. The plot of the last Ronin comic book book honestly it is the three michelangelo's the only surviving turtle his brothers are dead and they appear to him as ghosts wow and then the rest of the game is just it's just well that's a comic but yeah that's they're gonna make i don't know they said they're gonna make a movie but i don't know of a of a story where the last one and yeah the turtles are just most of the turtles three of them yeah jesus wow that's what he said i don't know i don't know but then they also said that colin jones and his brother were making a turtle movie and that's not happening so who knows what's going on and i can only assume they've announced a josh gad turtles i is oh well here it is i see it's been announced an hour ago yes if it is if it is a property from before the year 2009,

Josh Gad has been attached at some point. That's right. This is all, I think all of the emotions, emotions stress everything that you contain. I think everything that you shove deep down only to come out as kidney stones. I think you see a movie where the Ninja Turtles all die and you're crying for a month and a half.

I think that is how all of it, it all just gushes out of you your entire life's worth of stress and trauma right i agree with you you need this movie i think this i need it as a catharsis and then yes there's so many different traumatic like when i saw the mighty mutanimals die in the comic book series the mighty mutanimals the friends of the turtles i saw them gunned down in a horrifying issue of an archie comic book completely out of nowhere are you just at like high school you're just in riverdale and then they come and then they published by archie okay okay i was gonna say though they did cross over a little bit but you think you think it's a it's a about like oh do i ask veronica to the dance and then the mutanimals suddenly show they're they're brought to riverdale to be executed no it was not it was not that although there is an archie

punisher uh issue that i it's fun that's kind of like a tongue-in-cheek funny like punisher comes to riverdale to solve a problem i forget forget what the plot is. Oh, wow. But a lot of the, yeah, a lot of the, you can trace my anxiety to just things that happened to the turtles and their friends when I was little. And so, yeah, you're seeing some, if I see something as an adult, it'll be good for me. You see all of the stresses in your life as big sharp guys charging at you. Big sharp guys. Big sharp guys. at you big sharp guys big sharp guys yeah you know there were big sharp guys that took down the mutanimals so you're all right about that yeah four horsemen of the apocalypse

basically yeah yeah well you know sometimes the problems of the world are more complicated than a big sharp guy but yeah i don't know maybe someday we will face big sharp guys too my daughter runs around now yelling i'm craying and then i have to run away from her cool and then she goes you're craying and then i'm craying and i run after her that's a good one it's pretty good and she loves in the picture stuffed craying she's got and she's like craying she's hugging it this morning it's all happening for you it really is yeah you can let it all melt away i'm a lucky guy you get to live craying in your in your home.

I'm Krang. And then she'll go, it's only me to make me know that it's not really Krang. Let me bring this into another memory with my son, which is that I got to do a little firefighting attraction when we went to Legoland, San Diego. Oh, yeah. Early last year. We did this thing. I had to look up what the name was. It is the Funtown Police and Fire Academy,

which in and of itself, Funtown. But, you know, you still do need law and order, even in Funtown. Well, yes, we face the threat of burns here in Funtown. Anyway, you go to Funt and you help out fun town. What this thing was truly like, I've always been imagining your Santa's Village thing as a kind of a like cutesy pretend sort of sort of situation like this was. This is a very unique attraction where there's four or five vehicles all lined up. And this is a family attraction.

Everybody does it together. Yeah. And it's probably optimal for there to be little kids to do some of it and then grownups to do some of it and the heavier lifting. Because you have to get on a vehicle and you have to pump it and pump your way all the way across a little tarmac or something. And when you get to the end, as fast as you can, you got to jump out safely, still hold the kid's hands, don't want anybody tripping and falling, don't want actual emergency, don't want them to have to go to the Funtown emergency room. But you get down, you got to get to a fire hydrant, you got to start fighting a little fire.

In our case, we had a little blaze to put out at the Funtown post office. We had to save the Funtown post office. And then, you know, put it out as quickly as you can and then jump back on, pump your way back to the starting point. And it's like four or five cars, families all facing off against each other. And this was pretty fun. This was like a family double dare yeah kind of situation i don't think we've been in something like this where like the three of us all together have to like solve a little problem it was pretty neat very worried

the entire queue however that we would end up dead last and this was my feeling the whole time is that there would be hey i don't even want to put it entirely on our son. I don't have the strongest belief in my own physical capabilities. This could be a referendum on all of the gardeners if we come in like, and like markedly, if we are last so much so that it slows the entire experience down for everybody and the feeling of coming in third in the but this being third in the fun town fire rally but felt to me felt more victorious i think than than winning a gold medal in the olympics the relief of yeah our family together not being the dead last family which i think is my philosophy in general i don't you know what i don't i don't require i'm not going to require perfectionism uh out of my son academically athletically if they'll let's i

don't already don't got a good feeling about that but that's not what the gears are about sure but uh the lack of dead last i think that's my just not last is my parenting philosophy. If we can, second to last, fine. Second to last, love it. Amen. I remember feeling that way all the time growing up with contests like that. As long as I'm not last. Yeah. Like you just beg not to be last, like to God, to your whatever, whoever you believed in.

Yes. Please don't make me last. But then, of course, I've said i was last picked in a basketball draft in seventh grade and my dad's despite your height my friend and i know that because my friend's dad was really a jerk and told me oh my god like you could that could have escaped you entirely and yeah i wouldn't have to know why did he tell me jerky thing to do um i should just say his name here just straight would there be any real percussion against i don't think so saying the dad's name no he's not hearing this it's up to you it's so tempting just to hear some boring name some guy's name

his name's kind of interesting actually oh really can you say it eddie can you say if my friend is my friend who i talk to still if he's less i don't want to link i don't want to do it i guess it's better we know our listener our listeners are gonna go to your hometown and they're gonna hunt this guy down they would find it yeah you could do a pretty quick figure it out please listeners no more no more killings of vengeance in our names no please we've appreciated the first few but yeah you know come on we're gonna we're gonna end up in trouble at some point right um well uh in terms of like bigger attractions to talk about the thing that i flashed to that i was aware of in in realizing oh, there are rides about firefighting,

what I flashed to is an attraction at Dollywood because I remember them opening this, and I assume this was but a few years ago, but in fact, this ride has been open since 2014. They put in a coaster called the Fire Chaser Express. First things first. While I would like to talk about this dollywood ride i would also like to say we gotta get our asses to dollywood we gotta figure it out come hell or high water if this podcast reaches a so-called conclusion and we have not oh made it to dollywood

then what was it all even for? Why did we do it? Well, it's not. We're going to, we'll be replacing ourselves with different hosts. It'll never end. That's the first thing. But second of all, yes, you're correct. I think maybe what we should do, and I guess we're just, I'm spitballing on the air here,

is that we should probably like a year out announce. Yeah. We're going to Dollywood. It's the only way. We're doing whatever show two shows give everyone plenty of time because i have a feeling that the audience there would be more of a show of people coming in from out of town sure i don't know that the pigeon forge population is such a big podcast to ride with this most i don't know there's so many locals

there might be a few the or do you do it in nashville and then you know could do something like that i don't know but i i'd be curious uh listener strategies is anybody out there have you seen uh a podcast like ours in your area and how did they do it you know we're flying but we got no tour manager we got we're figuring this shit out ourselves we We would love to do it. Every reason on earth is getting in the way of us coming to your town. But God knows we would love to come to your town. And if your town is Nashville or even Pigeon Forge, put some help in the comments.

We'd appreciate it. Would we be allowed to swear in a live show at Pigeon Forge? Are there some rules on the books? I think those aspects of Pigeon Forge are exaggerated. Because I once thought it was a dry town, and that's not correct. Right, it's not that. I don't know. Swearing may be another. That might be a Dollywood thing.

That might be Dolly herself's preference of gosh and dang gum, which I would accept in honor. Right. I mean, yeah, i don't have to swear you don't have to talk about 30 we can talk about like innuendo stuff dolly is a dolly's fine with an innuendo probably i've i've seen her make plenty of innuendos i mean maybe she's not uncomfortable with us doing it but she does it so i'm just saying if that's the level y'all don't own it yeah well that's fair nervous that's fair she's right about that you know she does uh uh but yeah i don't know i don't know if there's a venue for us in pigeon forge

if they could stop running that civil war medieval time show i know they've changed it yeah yeah but dolly's dixie stampede has been changed yes yeah i think it's not not called that now yeah but but is could we perform there i don't know i don't know yeah i guess i don't know uh i mean it would be really fun to perform in like a you know like a an area of dirt or gravel meant for horses that would be great and also having to divide people into you know they they only all right now this side only laughs at mike and this side only laughs at Mike, and this side only laughs at Jason. Yeah, that'd be fun. Cheer on your host.

Anyway, all this to say, we're going to talk about a Dollywood ride. Doesn't mean we're closing out Dollywood. I don't even like talking about rides where it's all my intention to go there. And in looking into these attractions, because there are multiple, it's only further whetted my appetite to get down there because these look like a real blast. Fire Chaser Express is what they call the first dual launch family coaster. So it's kind of tame enough the whole family can do it, but it does one forwards, one backwards. It's like, you know, a little bit of Hagrid's kind of stuff, but not so extreme. Even to where there are little show scenes.

This ride seems like a lot of fun. Dollywood in general seems like a lot of fun, especially because, at least at this point, they got a big new ride. She's coming out and doing a little... I watched the opening ceremony, which starts with her. She comes out in a fire uniform, looks incredible, obviously.

She performs great balls of fire. Delightful. From her rock and roll album that she's recently put out because she was inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, yeah. I think she owed it to getting in the, well, remember she turned down

the Hall of Fame initially. Oh. And felt that she owed it to getting in the... Well, remember, she turned down the Hall of Fame initially. Oh. And then they were like, no, you're in whether you want it or not. And then she was like, well, I'm not a rock and roll... I don't do rock and roll as much. But then she performed an original song about rock and rolling at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then put out this album of rock and roll songs. This is delightful, but seems needless. the rock and roll hall of fame and then put out this album of rock and roll songs this seems this

is delightful but seems uh needless i don't think she had to prove herself in this area i agree with that yeah i think she does it's an interesting track list it's like i this might not be it but hey jude with paul mccartney or something like okay there's something like that where you're like wait what um but yeah rock star oh my god this cover oh we're in like angeline territory this is insane oh my god yes but i think wilson's on there linda perry oh a new version of hey kid rock in there in the mix oh all the best rockers Joan Jett I Hate Myself for Loving You I think I tried listening to this And it wasn't necessarily my favorite album

Okay yeah It wasn't awful I like a lot of Dolly Parton stuff But yeah anyway Wait a minute There's 30 tracks on this album It's Let It Be with Paul McCartney There's 30 songs on this It. It's Let It Be with Paul McCartney. There's 30 songs on this?

A lot of songs. It's one of the densest works. Yeah. Wow. She really, like, I don't know why she's- It's already, there's been 29 tracks, and then she does Free Bird, an 11-minute Free Bird. I don't know why- She put the work in.

She felt so insecure about getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Wow. Like, who cares, Dolly? Purple Rain? Just go take the- This album is 141 minutes. Yeah. This is like, this is getting close to a brutalist. So you need an intermission on this.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, didn't know any of this. I'll try to reserve several days to listen to Rockstar. But anyway, I really liked her Great Balls of Fire. And then she comes out and does like folksy jokes.

She talks about, we're investing $300 million into the park. I got most of it in my back pocket. They perform a bucket brigade. And she says that she loves the firefighters and they're on her bucket list. It's nice. I know from Bruce Valanche's recent WTF interview, he discusses being like ghostwriter,

like writing her banter. Right. I think that's still kind of a big, I think that's a good like ghostwriter area in general is if, if, if there are the kinds of artists who like a Lionel Richie, I think there's people who do still commission jokes from the boys and get their banter jokes. But I think that was, yeah, pretty, you know.

Valanche was in the Dolly Mines. I've seen Elvis Sestello a couple times and sometimes I go, it feels like he has a bunch of little jokes written. I can't tell if they're him. I can't tell. Could be him. But sometimes I suspect there's different.

There is different. That's a whole episode of a show that i don't do uh about the different banter between songs for different bands and artists i like go see so that's a different show but you insist that lucy is ours lucy is a podcast a ride thing but do you want to hear like how i think like joe what i think jeff tweedy's humor style is when he's doing a solo acoustic show versus i think so we might be kind of lucy territory i think it's funny i'm just telling you that's a different show lucy is different um but yeah uh that's oh my sister saw bruce valance somewhere like a week ago and i was like should i just walking around or watching a show he's watching the show and i was like, should I have her ask Bruce to be on this show?

I didn't make her do that. Got a book to promote, I think. Maybe. And a podcast, I think. Maybe a podcast. Let me send an email. Yeah. That's not.

I really need to do that. Ooh, a Valanche. You know what? Feel free to tune out right now. You could do that right now if you want. We want that to get done. That's more important than you saying anything. You know what actually here you write the email and i will read write an email on the air yeah why not yeah just bring research close to your yeah um that's

you know that's actually not a good idea because i if you aren't listening to this then we'll be in in deep shit because it's i what i'm going to do is i'm going to read the narrative of the ride fire chaser express yeah and i need somebody to be oh yeah i'm present because you know it's a little bit just just to try to track what's what's going on again i think you can go on this ride just thinking okay i'm a volunteer firefighter and i'm going to go on a little adventure i don't think you need to know any of this but i want to pay homage to this because i don't think you need to know any of this, but I want to pay homage to this because I don't think I knew there was this degree of mythology in Dollywood attractions

and I'm impressed. So, the ride is themed around the fictional volunteer fire station Seven and its fire chief, Pete Embers. Great. Pete, love that. Pete Embers is a man of considerable patience and he's always more than happy

to let sleeping dogs lie. Okay. Okay. Okay. They convey that in a cue. Maybe there's a sleeping dog in there, and he's like, eh, fine. He's conflict-averse, I guess. Like me. Except, except when the great beautiful Smoky Mountains and their forests are in danger.

Right. That's Pete Embers' home. mountains and their forests are in danger right that's pete ember's home and lately he's had to deal with this local businessman and eccentric fireworks enthusiast crazy charlie cherry bomb and his i didn't you know what that was hiding in plain sight i copy pasted the phrase cherub bomb written and it didn't even occur to me until i said it out loud that his last name is Cherry Bomb. They got it. They got it. Does Dolly do that song on Rockstar? Cherry Bomb. I don't think so. So Crazy Charlie Cherry Bomb and his gas station and fireworks emporium.

Love that. Combo gas station, fireworks place. That's funny. Crazy Charlie is asking for trouble. Because of an increase in dry lightning in the area. Charlie has been calling the fire station on a daily basis. If he sees the slightest hint of smoke, he says, get out here and help me. So to deal with Charlie while leaving his regular volunteers available to deal with real emergencies,

Chief Embers has decided to deputize almost everyone in town to keep an eye on Charlie and his latest creation, the Big Bertha Firecracker. So what we are now is like all of the good, we're through the regular firefighters and we're through even the regular volunteer firefighters. We, the riders of this ride are the riffraff. We qualify just by like having human bodies we technically have limbs right so close enough you can deal with this idiot you go help charlie out uh if he i guess

that's what i'm uh fire marshal embers has to do what is his first name again uh pete embers pete the original dollywood creation pete embers, has asked you to help him help out a nuisance in town who distracts from real emergencies. Wow. It shows the respect. I mean, this is a very smart plan, but I guess I'm a little insulted that Pete Embers puts me in the F pile. He's just a no. I mean, it sounds like he might not be very good at his job. I mean, I don't know what the size of the fire force is at Dollywood,

but maybe that's the best way to do it. Maybe that's the only thing they can do. You don't want Charlie Cherry Bomb taking all the attention. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah, he's just a nosy neighbor or something. But I think then you go on the ride and you determine that maybe they should have paid more attention to charlie

the whole time because now he's got big bertha which is a very big firework and you when you're on the right first the rides just going and you're just kind of riding through the great smokies but then you get to you then you enter the fabled gas station and fireworks emporium, and then things start going off. Real fire, you're right next to it, and then Big Bertha points at you, and you're launched backwards,

and you propel out of there. That's really, yes. That's fine. It's so similar to the Big Thunder redo 10 years ago in a lot of ways. Stuff's blowing up, and got to get out of here. Yeah. Yeah.

It's cool that they have things of that production value. I think the equivalent, which is like Grizzly Mountain or something in Hong Kong, I think is kind of this structure. I think there is a, I think you get cornered, you do a backwards launch, track changes,

but it's kind of like Everest too. Right. And in that case i think there is a bear like chewing on a cord that you need to keep you safe that's i don't know if you watched that ride through that's a fun looking uh i haven't i mean i love anytime there's an animal chewing through something on a theme park ride like the beaver chewing through the train tracks at disneyland yeah yeah which is a newer thing really good pete embers i always it's interesting because sometimes like pete fights embers yeah shouldn't it be like pete like fire hose or pete fire hydrant pete hydrant pete pole

pete pole pete truck you know i'm saying, it's like, why would his last name be something he's fighting? I don't know. I guess it depends. But then he's like, it's in his blood. He comes from it. Yeah, I guess so. He's of the Embers. It is fun. Like, it does feel like a 90s, 80s action movie character would be called Pete Embers.

Because I've mentioned this before, that Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando is John Matrix. Wow. And then I was just watching Demolition Man last week. Stallone is John Spartan in that. Oh, right. Yes. Detective John Spartan. Oh, Demolition Man's up there.

You just named my two favorite. I think Commando, my favorite, Schwarzenegger, and Demolition Man, my favorite. Yeah. Which stands out. I just watched Cliffhanger, and I enjoyed Cliffhanger, but it's no Demolition Man to me because they don't show you the future of what Taco Bell will be like. Yes.

And you remember Wesley Snipes' character's name in Demolition Man? I don't. Simon Phoenix. Oh, man. Fantastic. God, hell yeah. Masterpiece. And I'm not going to do this to torture you, but I didn't realize this until last week,

and I almost fell out of my chair. Don't tell me Gail Gordon's in Demolition Man, for God's sake. Well, podcast the right character or person that comes up once in a while. It plays the warden at the start and is killed by Simon Phoenix. Who's that? Andre Gregory from My Dinner with Andre. Really? Yes.

Oh. I'm watching this like i haven't seen in a while and i'm watching this and i'm like wait what the fuck my dinner with andre the of course with the story you've heard the story on podcast the ride uh but yes he gets killed pretty early in the movie like he gouges his eyes out i didn't know know that. Yeah. Wow. It's an all-star cast. Jeez. And it's also, it's the dystopian future with big, like, big scary buildings as portrayed by the San Diego Convention Center and this one, like, office park in Westlake Village. It's right next to a Caruso property. Anyway, it's cool. Yeah. Take. Yeah. Anyway, do yourself a favor. Take yourself on the Demolition Man locations tour.

You'll see a lot of nice stuff. I was just there last week. That's the thing about not swearing also. That's what we were just talking about. Wow, that ties it all together. That is a Pigeon Forge world in which swearing is not allowed. Yeah. Which makes Simon Phoenix all the more abrasive right so anyways uh yeah i don't know i love pete emmers i love charlie cherry bomb uh yeah you

get in there things start going off big bertha tips at you i just love that there's a show scene in a in a dollywood attraction i you know i didn't know the degree of theming there and uh and it looks great it looks like a lot of fun there is another fire themed attraction but it sort of ties into the other big one that i want to talk about so maybe i'll kind of like move along in that order uh because one's sort of like a cousin of the other one um and as we transition from thing to thing i will remind you that in this episode we are raising money for the california community foundation that's at pledge.to slash ptr link in the show notes there we go i'm all right i'm doing my hosting here yeah professionally done yeah yeah link drops mid-episode uh didn't even call any attention

to it just kept casual yeah yeah oh casual is all didn't make a any attention to it. Just kept moving. Casual. Yeah, yeah. Casual is all get-out. Didn't make a meal out of it. It was more of a snack. Quick snack. Well, as we get to the main course, in my estimation, because this ride I was not previously familiar

with, and now I am dying to get there and go on it. Another place that I don't even know that this park was on a list of places i was especially dying to go but i am now because we're talking about a ride called fire in the hole this is at silver dollar city in branson missouri here's another thing that's another place planning flags for future things i feel like if we made it to branson and we like really planted in branson i think we could become an all branson podcast for for a year 100 i watched a club three loser at one point was a branson it was i think it was called lights camera branson or something and it was uh it

was like a promotional video hosted by willie ames who played bible man of course uh um more famously from charlie and charlie and charles in church i got old charlie cherry bomb in my head you see uh he's never in church uh shouldn't be um but so anyway i that was just like suggested as a maybe club three and i'll like i'm like i'll watch it i'll do it it's so fun like oh my god branson there's so many treasures in store in branson i mean it seems like it might be like maddening to be there too i can't tell but uh because it seems like it's all just on one big street just like one long highway you drive down it's just theater after theater after theater but also this theme park silver City, and I will be honest, I have never looked into anything at Silver Dollar City.

And I am so surprised and delighted by Fire in the Hole. Yeah. Because what we have here, built in 1972, this is, I think, lays claim to be the first indoor dark ride roller coaster. Right. I think it is the first ride with coaster elements where it does speed up and get fast and there's lift hills and drops, but there's also animatronics and sets and show scenes. And when you add all that,

I mean, this is like, this today remains one of the most challenging genres of ride. And when they open, you know, it's it's gigantic news i mean this this genre is to this is this is guardians of the galaxy uh cosmic rewind this is gringotts this is like yeah you might say journey to the center of the earth in tokyo disney sea um it's it's just a hard thing to do to get animatronics along and they they were doing it in this crazy homespun, dressed up mannequin kind of way back in the early 70s. It's crazy.

Yeah, some version of this ride system is probably my preference for ride system. Like if I had to design a ride, I want some thrills. I want something exciting. But obviously we want the show scenes. We want the robots. So like that's the tricky thing although i mean i guess indiana jones ride vehicle is close yeah to give you that exciting without a coaster proper i don't require but it certainly is but it's cool it's a combo coaster and then show

scenes mummy i guess is one of those you know that's yeah for mummy and like gringotts i in my mind gringotts never fully that first part of gringotts when you kind of dip down you do the drop they're exciting like holy shit and then the rest of it is like fine to fun i guess it gets a little more like anonymous screen yeah it gets a lot of spinning and you're on it's not quite it never gets the high of that opening thing i like hagrid's better yes yeah um i guess obviously but yeah but even with hagrid's it's still like tricky because it's like some of the stuff you see too fast it's like you doesn't always time out right yeah time up really not that i still i think it's pretty great yeah in a lot of ways but yeah it's the ability to speed up and slow down which i don't know that they particularly had that ability on this or it was just like a gradual lift hill that you don't

even it's so gradual you don't realize it's happening yeah i frankly don't know how they did and this is before space mountain even right and it's like that's when we were talking about that initial idea for star wars in the dis in Disneyland with the like track decision point. Yeah. Essentially. It looks like it would have been like this. Yeah.

And then like they had other ambitious things like the scene. I guess it wasn't that ambitious. The scene would kind of lift or raise. I forget. You'd be in Dagobah with Yoda at the start of the ride, I think. Yoda would lift you up.

Yoda would lift you up. But I think what it would be just the scene, whole scene would lower or raise up. Oh, it might be like an optical illusion like Haunted Mansion. Right, right, right. Gotcha. But yes, this is the feeling I always want from rides. It's like the ability to see robots, but then go really fast.

Yeah. That's what you want. It's actually sort of a rare combo yes right because you want to like you know we love pirates and we love haunted mansion these are these are rides where you have all the time and we slow down to appreciate yeah the robots but something that lets you do that to some extent but then also keeps going now here's another i think we're very fond of these knott's berry Farm, the Calico set of rides. We love Calico Mine Ride and the Log Flume. But those are, sometimes in that Log Flume, you're ripping through and you can't see how poorly articulated the animatronics are. You can't see how scary their faces are yes other side of the coin on the calico mine ride it's so slow that you have nothing but time to see the sad sad faces of all the miners and maybe get

a little bit depressed this is a ride i've been very hesitant to take my son on who's obsessed with trains but and like that's the train ride but then i'm like you get on it and it's so dark and it's so claustrophobic and the the sound of it is just like oh it's like yeah it is yeah i yeah i am really worried uh my boy would would freak out trains or no trains um so uh you're not now that's no look we love the creakiness we i think in general all of that to say i think we love, limited animatronics or not animatronics or just like, you know, mannequins with old timey costumes on them. It's like it's an area that seems synonymous with theme parks is like cowboys go, well, well, fancy seeing you here. But it's actually a little hard to think of tons of examples of that kind of thing,

of unmoving, weird-looking characters who talk to you in folksy voices. And this is the motherlode firing in the hole. This is exactly what you want. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I we got we're spoiled i guess by having knots here because there is a lot of kooky old timey guy yeah there's like three rides i guess with that actual like figures just well you know what's weird it's like less the i wouldn't really call the raft ride that because those are kind of these like charming realistic bears that's true there's one guy with a musket okay oh is there yeah there's one like a musket

guy and you used to have mystery lodge which is not was not a animatronic that was a guy in a costume and a mask who would talk about the raven oh the raven Raven. And it feels like kind of related to that. But like, anyway, I like it just it seems like you're always I'm always chasing weird old weird creepy cowboys. Yeah. In theme park attractions. But where do you really get them? And you certainly get them here. Yes.

This is you get. Yes. You get it. Fulfills the promise of the idea because even even it feels like you would get more here. Yes. This is, you get, yes, it fulfills the promise of the idea because even it feels like you would get more of it at Disneyland, but you don't really anymore. I mean,

there's not really that many cowboy performers. Golden Horseshoe's not running. Yeah. You hear the prospector voice on Big Thunder. Yeah. So yeah, it's becoming a little bit. Does anything at Disney,

in any of the parks, fit the bill here? I mean, like you've got Carousel of Progress, but that's a different, that's old timey, but kind of a different old timey. You mean like for specifically for cowboys or? Yeah. I don't know.

Were there creepy. The Hoopty Doo Review, are there cowboys in that in Disney World? I mean, I think it's in that vibe. I don't know if there's like scary, you know, figures whose mouths don't move. No, yeah. That's what I want. I want just, yeah, creepy, off-putting, soot-covered faces. And this is wonderful.

It's wonderful. So to tell the story of this, this is all based on real local legend and lore. Again, volunteer firefighters, which this system is all based on real local legend and lore uh again volunteer firefighters which uh this system is flawed to me all the i mean this is i guess the way they get you to be part of the experience is that you're a volunteer firefighter having been through a bunch of fires in our city i don't want i don't want no scott and mike fighting these fires i hope we're not doing volunteer firefighters i've learned a lot not there's not the podcast to discuss all the different people fighting the fires at the same time but it's interesting because yeah there are volunteers there are people that are serving

time fighting the fires yes that's terrible um uh but i think if we you and i were fighting the fires they would give us an easier job like somebody needs to keep an eye on the keys and the ignition of the fire truck while we fight the fire so i feel like there's dalmatian jobs sure we could keep that dalmatian calm make sure you check everyone's like pants to make sure they're not falling down while they're fighting the fire and you like i run up behind a firefighter and pull their pants up make sure their suspenders are are tightened whatever you call them overalls cook up a giant vat of chili for when the boys come home i don't know about that i wouldn't be good at that either but i could technically i could read i would technically get

like physical food i i would get something that resembles the ingredients of chili in a pot it'd be the worst chili you've ever had but yeah look, I'd fill that vat with something. Yeah. I could take all the firefighters' Taco Bell order. That's a good idea. And I could really, in the middle, I could really figure out down to like, okay, Brian doesn't want lettuce. Okay.

And I can do that in the app. And a light sour cream. Is that right, Leroy? Okay. Got it. Ben's going to need extra beans after all that effort right so i could do that that's too bad you know i like what we're donating to the california community fund but i do wish that we could also just get a just get everybody to chip in on a really good taco bell order for some local firefighters that would be fun yeah uh i might as well,

or I'll repeat a joke that was from a text thread that we're on. There's this app that we've been looking at, you know, showing like, are these fires spreading

and what's in level one and what's in level two, but it also shows food distribution centers for first responders and people helping out at places that are giving out food for free.

And I saw on the map like, oh, they're giving out food at the Hollywood Boulevard Hard Rock Cafe rock cafe to which i thought haven't these people struggled enough this is how we treat the best among us i mean i guess like no firefighters at city walk i'm banning them for we need to let's raise them up well everything, everything's closed there. There's no way to eat at CityWalk anymore. There's no restaurants other than Toothsome.

That's right. It's all going. That too. Yes. Thanks for being respectful of our time off as we cope with every single CityWalk establishment going away. There's a whole other episode, which we could do. It's just like, what do we think's happening?

I really didn't want to do any more CityW content for a while but i feel like we gotta i guess we gotta do something we can give that we can you know it's not gonna be like a saga stephen keppner is living his life i don't know another thing this is just about us yeah podcast the ride it's still our right to talk about and i think we're maybe we're the only people who can make heads or tails of this we'll we'll see if we're called into duty as time goes on anyway i think a firefighter deserves a great big firehouse sub but just don't go don't go to the city walk one because you're going to end up with plastic in there which jason called what it's just a little oh he's just a little nub a little nub yeah, yeah. My God. I love firehouse.

He thinks he can get away with anything by just doing that lilt. He's forgiving a place that put plastic in the sandwich. I've eaten there twice. It's a little nub. I've eaten there twice since Jason got the little nub. I like firehouse. And I even, I'm so, I'm hungry right now. You're not worried about nubs with every bite?

You might have eaten nubs. I do a quick look. You're worried about microplastics and then your butt, you i'm getting those yeah i know i'm eating those i'm for sure eating those depending on what the wrapper is made of yeah you're gonna get mega plastics in those i made this joke already i think i did yeah you know what we're all in a blur here right i do a quick check to make sure there's not a piece of plastic in there and then there's usually not. I bet Jason would enjoy if you made a fire, if you got him up in that, on a second level firehouse subs,

make a sub as long as a fire pole. Oh, yeah. Cover it in giant nubs just to make it stay solid for a while. But then right before it's time to go, remove the giant nub and just let him slide down it and eat as he goes. Yeah, that'd be fun. Yep.

Somebody want to draw that? If Jason was going to get executed, I think we should arrange for that to be his final meal. Execution by hoagie. Who could complain about that no uh all right look fire in the hole uh uh this attraction you're in an old minor town you're in the town of of marmaros and uh uh you you are uh you know the town's business is uh harvestingano, you know, bat shit. Life's good. You work in a bat shit mine.

But there's some no goodniks who make your paradise a little less great than it could be. And they are called the Baldnobbers. The Baldnobbers are a group of vigilantes and they are starting to burn down the town. Now, I get into this i'm like okay so what are they they're weird vigilantes yeah in the 1800s and they wear weird masks and hoods go ahead i'm nervous about what's going on with these and it's a real thing suddenly i'm like i'm uh-oh yeah what are these bald knobbers they would you call these

bald bald knobbers you know kind of a clan with their they sort of together do they all form a clan sure um good question you look it up and i guess not i i was a little lost in the the literature yeah about the bald knobbers if anything it seemed like they were sympathizers of the Union. Really? I think so. Okay. I think the enemies in this riot are on the Union side. Interesting.

I guess I'd rather not ask any more questions about what's going on here and just focus on that it's fun animatronics. Okay. All right. Anyway, but I try to dive in a little bit. So you got to watch out for the bald knobbers. They're trying to burn down the fine homes of all the best bat shit harvesters this side of the Ozarks. And that's real too. People were harvesting bat shit?

Yeah. Okay. It, I guess, is used as fertilizer. Like there is need for- Specifically bat shit though. Yeah shit though uh yeah just a funny joke i guess so okay uh i mean i guess bat shit crazy comes from somewhere somebody snuffed a bunch of guano right guano would make give you some sort of madness and that's why that's why that phrase is just i don't know i think you go up to that Pink's Hot Dogs at City Walk.

I think those wieners are made out of guano. That's probably true. Cut to you up there as soon as we're done recording. You say Firehouse Subs and my mouth waters. You say Pink's Hot Dogs and it dries up. I swear. Okay. All right.

There are still rules and things aren't so guano crazy in this world. No. I get my tummy rumbles for Firehouse Subs, but not Pink's. Pink's is, yeah, in general. It's like a rough brand. City food, though, there's no rumored closings, if we should say at CityWalk. Well, yeah, I've got my theory. I think that zone is safe.

I think the closer to the parking garage you are, you're safe. But I think we're going to see an entire building go and replaced by new hotel or by something. We gotta be talking. Yeah. We have to talk about the speculation in this, but it seems like there's. The least funny episode you've ever heard. We'll just, we're going to get our maps out.

We're going to send you your maps. We're going to, yeah, yeah, yeah. Speculation and. Four and a half hours. Yeah. But it's exciting. And with no concrete facts of any kind no nothing entirely guessing just like

the three different like universal accounts to post all the time that post these things that in my mind have popped up in the last six months yeah there's no there wasn't this there wasn't so much universal Twitter yes there's like three or four universal high universal high with fires in the name. Five Fires.

Five Fires. He's like doing streams now. I don't know anything about him other than I see him on streams. He goes to Disneyland sometimes. Yeah. But then there's another like Universal account. I forget the name of it that's posting like these are the rumored closings and it's like Margaritaville's on the list.

It's that whole section over there. But then they're also building Escapeology, which is not a Universal owned escape room. It's a different company. Because I think that building is safe, too. That's my theory. I think it's structure by structure. Well, that's the only, because it's connected to Toothsome. Yeah, but Toothsome seems like as failing as a business could possibly be.

No one was- And what else is in that building? It's just, it's a Wetzel's. Right, the Wetzel's is there. But then everything other than that and city food. Yeah. Who knows? I guess Vivo is safe.

I don't know, though. I think a lot of its neighbors are going away. Right. Can't tell. I don't know. It's another episode. I'm just glad it's going. I'm glad that the fire spared the Universal Hills and that all of these buildings and

businesses can go out on their own terms. We got to do this next week. Maybe so. I got to get up there. Right, too. And we should probably just do this episode next week. Measure, spy, get up as high as we can. Look down at construction sites.

See if anyone dropped any permits. Yes. Let's see what we can do. I'm going to do, yeah, reconnaissance. Yeah, we'll try. Well, without our cub reporter, we will try to- We'll do our best. To barrel ahead as best as we can.

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Turn to the experts. We can't. Yeah. Anyway, so this just becomes like, all right, fires are breaking out in the city. I think we're trying to help. I think firefighters are part of it, but mainly just like trying to navigate all of the craziness as it starts

breaking out. And what you end up with is just, it's just this like very charming homespun ride that has a lot of great and memorable scenes that seem like these, these clearly are the equivalent of like the dynamite goat if you are a lifetime silver dollar city person right like if you've been going here forever uh and then you then you might you would just toss off casually a reference to uh why of course red flanders and his missing, yeah. There's a bald knobber trying to climb up into a window and steal a guy's pants.

And his name is Red Flanders, not Ned Flanders, Red Flanders. So you got that. You got a collapsing bridge scene. This is really cool and clever especially for 72 right that um it's a situation sort of like it is really a predecessor i would say to the indiana jones adventure where you're heading for the boulder and then where do you go you go down under it into the darkness right similarly the drop on the uh jurassic park ride jurassic park river adventure whatever you want to call it uh the threat is looming how do you escape you escape

down below it in this case um you are you you approach a burning bridge and you see it the whole length of it burning then you come around and you come around a turn and realize, oh, I'm going in there. I've seen that sunfire. Now I'm in it. You go in all the woods ablaze. Then it all drops down on you right as you hit an invisible drop. Right. It's in the dark.

This must have been so killer in 1972 when Imagineering has not necessarily gotten to this point on a lot of attractions. Yeah, it's interesting. I wonder, like, it feels like, yeah, 72, it's like, what else? Disney didn't have anything that would, like, blow my mind that much in that way back then, I guess. Well, you've got Pirates and you've got Haunted Mansion, but you don't have the thrills combined with it. Yeah. I mean, I guess the drop, the water drop on Pirates and you've got Haunted Mansion, but you don't have the thrills combined with it.

Yeah, I mean, I guess the drop of the water drop on Pirates in the dark. Sure, sure. But the coordination. Yeah, this feels more intricate. This feels like an illusion that would belong on the Universal Studio Tour. This is like the coordination of it looks like you're spinning in know infinite looping tunnel or it looks like or you know or the track is shaking so you think earthquakes happening to you this this is like it's really it feels very universal ahead of universal yes and i also thought that it's an

interesting genre of ride of like natural disaster ride like oh right yeah which isn't also very universal which is universal but then like yeah with twister backdraft it's tied to a movie as well but they are rides about awful stuff that happens in real life yeah and in these cases that paid tribute to local legend and things that really happened and this is all referencing like stuff that happened in the marvel cave and the bald knobbers put people in the cave and uh so you you can understand why these would be so beloved. Because to get anything even remotely Disney-esque around there, and then it's about the stuff you grow up learning about, it's cool.

I really like this ride. What is the most close-to-real-life ride at Disneyland? Is there anything? Because because like knots in this ride real that is closer to like knots it's a mining it's a it's logging industry rides it's like but disney's everything is pretty elevated it's still fantastical and i'm trying to think is there a good exam big thunder i guess but it's still like runaway railroad like that's still like you most people don't experience that. That's still kind of a fan.

It's not fantastical, but it's a pretty crazy scenario. The canoes are canoes that are real canoes that you have to row the way real people row real canoes. Yeah. So it could be that, you might say. Is it maybe mission space at Epcot? Like we're like, this is just, this is how it is you go to space yeah it's pretty dry in a lot of ways you're in a real machine and you get real nauseous right this is like this is that's even closer to real life than seeing a bunch of people being sad while they mine yeah yeah like that's that's as close as it gets

well the ultimate example might be uh the the proto the early DCA attraction, Bountiful Valley Farm. Oh, right. Where you just are on farming. Again, you know what? A ride that my son today would love. Yeah. Not a ride. Let me be clear.

It's not a ride. Right. It's tractors that you can briefly sit on. Right. But this is so up his alley, more so than a lot of the things you can actually do at Disneyland. Do you think if Michael Eisner appeared in front of us and we said,

Bountiful Valley Farm, would he know what we were talking about? Hmm. Yeah, I do, because I think that was a passion project to face him. He might not remember the name. He might just go like,

yeah, oh, the farm, you know, the California Adventure Farm. Yeah, yeah. He knows everything. What's his baby? You remember your baby's name. You remember Breck and you remember Bounceable Valley Farm. Right.

Now, it gets a little confusing here because we get into things that two attractions do. Here's some history that I did not know. Is the Dollywood before it was Dollywood, which is a switchover that happened around like 86, I want to say. Before that, it was Silver Dollar City, Tennessee. It was in the same family tree of theme parks. And that is why they got a really similar attraction called Blazing Fury, nearly identical. And a lot of the same gags happen. And even though those parks aren't related anymore, they share this.

They have joint custody over this type of ride um and so and a lot of the same beats occur including you run into a train like mr toad like you're heading down a path and then you get you know smacked by a big bright light and a honk and you're barreling into a train once again then you do a little dip after that um i think you end up in a dynamite storage shack. It's another good thing. That's a great thing always to happen in a fire-oriented ride. Dynamite's got to be stored somewhere. Fireworks have to be stored somewhere.

You can end up in those places. What else? I think maybe only the Dollywood one has a woman who's trying to jump onto a trampoline, but the firefighter says wait because he's got a bad back. The voices on this, by the way, my buddy Andy Maxwell has been on this, and he was telling me about it, and he said his main memory was like, oh, that is the voices on that ride is like, It is definitely, this is a musty, very musty attractions. But I think that's got to add to the charm.

You've got like Boomhauer voice on an old radio, basically. That's the audio system. You know what? If I can hear it, I'm upset. Yeah, you want to hear it like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want one actual word poking through. Because it opens it up to everybody.

Then if you speak another language, it doesn't matter if you don't understand what they're saying. Yeah. Yeah, I want it. Yeah, I guess. I feel like when I'm on the knots rides, sometimes you can hear things clear. It's almost like some of the speakers have been replaced and some haven't. That's something I'm making up probably but like you do want to hear like you want to feel like you're hearing the ghost of the person or something you want to hear some ghostly version

sure hearing everything crystal clear would not be right yeah yeah for those rides yeah because it adds to the it feels like traveling into the past right and like there's i don't know there's a weird charm it's like drive-in speakers you know we're all right crackly um which i think they did a good job i think those the new animatronics which are at this point some of them are over 10 years old yeah the uh when they've put new reinstalled animatronics into the the not scalico attractions they move but they're still yeah i don't want a bunch of navi shaman a song uh you know flailing around i want i want i i crave limited movement on old west attractions yes no you don't want yeah i'm trying to think of a newer kite like kylo or those beauty and the beast ones from japan

no thanks yeah yeah i would like a blink. I would like, you know what? Let's think about that. What do you actually, what do you need out of the robot when it comes to these old creaky, like minor types? Well, I'll tell you on, as far as fire in the hole is concerned,

I don't need them to do anything. Yeah. They can, they can not move whatsoever. They can be wax figures, but if they're going to move, I'd say like a light arm let's let's go like five degrees on the arm let's go let's let's like if if the arm is pointed at five o'clock let's get

it to four right no more okay i would say like a slight lean forward that's what i want well that's a little scary too because you think it might lean all the way Yeah but they're not Hey you're not going there They're going to lean like Stop wait An inch It's going to be an inch difference You know what else is this Okay that's fine

That's great I mean because you know what One of our fundamental favorites The E.T. Adventure Yeah Those cops They don't move one bit Yeah

Those are truly Very static, yeah. Yeah. Yes. What did we just find out from one of these Universal accounts? I didn't know this. There was a different ET on his head in the Universal out here. Oh, handstand ET.

Handstand ET. Which you can see when Spielberg goes on the ride with Ed Bradley in 60 Minutes. Right. Yeah. Did you know that? That was different? I mean, standing on the head felt familiar to me. It definitely feels like in the world of artwork I've seen

or promotional photos, but I've never really tracked the individual ETs too much. Wow, I know. There's all this good information coming from these different accounts. Yeah, you know what? Good work, everybody. Good recent, big crop of new universal information.

You keep sending all these great, like, universal shows that are barely documented. Never heard of these. Yeah, there's a Land Before Time live show. This is something I want to figure out. There was something, oh, this is also something I wanted to propose to you, was there was some summer show that was their attempt at a phantasmic kind of thing called spectra blast yes we just i sent that to you you sent okay i found the audio of spectra blast like what the show was comprised of i'm pretty interested in spectra blast yeah we're

gonna let's figure out spectra blast uh um but they only i asked one of these accounts i said is there any more information on wampoppers and that's all they could give me was that's out there basically i said okay all right jeez so really not well documented you're the only person in this century given any thought about womp hoppers yeah yep um what about the future what if there's what if there's what if they're bringing what if there's womps to be hopped in the future wow will we deal with that what if there's womp hopper what if womp hoppers is coming back that's why all the restaurants are closing yeah yeah they're building the they're building a womp hoppers three times bigger i would love a wizard's back wizards holy shit they're not gonna do anything fun but we need it if anyone from universal is listening you know what the city's been through you know the morale right now you know that we need a five room magic restaurant now more than ever i am so i would

cry if they announced either of those being opened again be very emotional yeah yeah like oh my god and the and the the heads of comcast would also cry knowing the profits that would be funneling out the door what if i can i sneak my way into a meeting and propose that they just change toothsomes into wampoppers because why not doesn't matter no one goes to this restaurant anyway that is so true it's a yeah look it's dying as it is yes they can't get it to work do you have to lose right just change the sign yeah and it's still like a way. It's still like, oh, he's,

Juan Piper's back and he has a robot sidekick. Yeah. Yeah. And then you just change all the, like, you know, I'm always at Knott's Berry Farm and I see the word a say. Yeah.

I'm always like, what's a say again? Well, in this case, it doesn't matter. You just call it a say salmon. It's all the same. It's the same shit you ate. A say flounder, Flounder Salmon Dean Wow That's the best Old West themed salmon I've ever had

Like caught by a bear Why a bar reached in Himself and pulled that out with his mouth And we stole it from him He didn't get to eat his dinner but you get it That's fun Who cares let me change it Fresh salmon from a crick.

I'll run this restaurant. That would be so exciting. They'll drop everything to run Womp Hoppers. They brought wizards and Womp Hoppers back. There's no way it's happening. You're not going to make a three-story. You deserve the opportunity to dream. After a grim January, you deserve to be fantasy to live in the realm of fantasy where

anything's possible um did i do we get to anything i mean is that we miss anything here there's plenty of stuff to dig in later but like you know we've hit some of the big stuff oh well i mean the big thing to say i've been talking okay so blazing fury is there in dollywood and has been there since 78 um uh but fire in the hole uh ran from 72 and went down in 2023 uh silver dollar city closed it fire in the hole no more yeah but replaced by a brand spanking new fire in the hole brand new for 2024 they respect their legacy unlike universal that callously rips out womp hopper after womp hopper uh they they just put in a new fire this is like it's the heart of the park clearly this this story this experience this innovative type of ride and these creepy creepy dummies um and i've watched the new one and they didn't go that much i think they like enhanced it to the point where now it's like safe but yeah still creepy as hell that's what we want thank you silver dollar city

this this in this delve of research and doing this episode just served as an advertisement for myself to go to silver dollar city i really want to know this is one of our sampler episodes yeah i would consider it like a sample you would get a wamp hoppers mozzarella sticks or or a planks mozzarella planks as jason would call them um yes you know what real quick i forgot i wanted to mention this there's another santa's village called hot there's a ride called hot shots fire brigade at santa's village i got more fire and it's it's you go in a circle on these fire engines, and then they raise up and down, and then you shoot into these little holes. And the kids are just standing like in crane buckets. Yes, it's really interesting.

It's like you're in whatever you're fixing, electrical wires or something. That's interesting. Wow. I've never seen a ride like that. Wow. But we'll get to that later. It's like you're fixing downed power poles. Right.

That's amazing. Yeah, which is another sort of slice of life ride. Well, this is what, when you're, yeah, you're asking what are rides about real stuff and real heroes. Because we needn't go, you know, experience the tales of Finn and Rey to hear stories of heroes. Of course. There's real life heroes all around us and they saved Los Angeles and we appreciate it. And these are a good excuse

to talk about this silly stuff. And boy, does it plant a flag. Oh, I want to get to these places. Wait, you know what? Let me do a little taste of, just really quick, the, all right, you know, I have to admit,

they kind of, you might be okay with this. There was a fire in the whole theme song. Oh, yeah. And they did a new to admit, they kind of, you might be okay with this, there was a Fire in the Hole theme song. Oh, yeah. And they did a new one, which is kind of like more current country toned, and that's less up my alley. But I do prefer the original, it's the same song, they just did it with kind of more current production. But here's the old Fire in the Hole song. I don't think I realized that with this chipper song, everybody's heart is filled with fear.

That's what I was going in my head last week. But you tried to make it a little hoedown for yourself to try to keep morale high. Yes. Pack your belongings into the car. Everybody going, we're driving real far. That's all we can do is to try to turn our fears into a fiddle jam. Yeah.

But anyways, this is great. Would love to go. And I guess with that, you survived, finally, the first Podcast the Red main feed of 2025. Yeah. For three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcasts Throughout the Second Gate or get one more bonus episode on our VIP tier, Club 3. But once again, I will make the primary plug of this episode,

the California Community Foundation, pledge.to slash PTR, link in the show notes. Let's help out this great city, this great state. And, you know, we'll make that the main the main cause here, as opposed to the usual main cause, which is us. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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