Podcast: The Ride - Schlitterbahn with Kelly Hudson

Episode Date: December 22, 2017

What better way to celebrate the holidays than splashin' down to Schlitterbahn! The greatest German-themed waterpark in all of New Braunfels, Texas! Kelly Hudson (Search Party, Tond, Make Me Like It podcast) joins us and judges round 2 of Souvenir Smackdown. Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/ FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Warning, persons who have had active diarrhea within the previous 14 days shall not be allowed to enter this podcast. Featuring a trip to Texas Water Park Schlitterbahn with guest Kelly Hudson. If your bowels are clean, strap in. This is Podcast The Ride, starring the bad boys of podcasts where Walt Disney is lovingly discussed. Joining me today are fellow bad boys Mike Carlson. Hey, stay cool. And Jason Sheridan. What's up, sleazebags?

Aw, damn. Bringing that bad boy heat. And also joined today by one time only special guest. I'm declaring you one time only already. I don't know why.

I've banned you immediately. We'll do this one and see how it goes. Guest scumbag. Joined by a very funny, talented writer, actress, podcaster herself, Kelly Hudson. I'm here. She sure is. Hello. Thanks for having me.

Absolutely. I'm sorry it wasn't a more courteous intro. No. It went through my head. It's fine. I think you were in the hot seat and you were nervous. You didn't know what you were saying at the time. I'll obviously be back. Scott also declared, like, I've got it.

I have something. I'll do the intro. I'm sick of sitting through your guys' tame, stale, mealy mouth intros. Time for Dynamic Scott to run the show. Yeah. You have a great voice for radio, I will say that. Oh, thanks so much. Well, maybe I'll get to radio one day.

Yeah, maybe someday the big leagues of radio. If radio still exists. Yeah. In six day. Yeah, yeah. Maybe someday the big leagues of radio. If radio still exists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six months. Yeah. I'll host an all Beatles show on Sirius one day. That's the dream.

Hey, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. Thanks for talking theme parks with us. Yeah, you know, I apologize. We're going to make you

sit through some late-breaking theme park news. I'm excited to react to it in the moment. I don't even know. Mike, what's happening? So this just came. So what happens is I get an alert on my phone anytime there's news about Disneyland

because you can switch Twitter to certain accounts that will send you a text with the information. Of course, a couple minutes ago, I got one of these, and it said, Coming soon to Disney's California Adventure, the Incredicoaster. Okay. Which, there's going to be a re-theme of the Paradise Pier area of California Adventure, and it's going to be called Pixar Pier. Okay. So, they've released... Oh, the Incredibles, then.

Yes. Nice. So, it's the Incredibles from the Pixar movie Incredibles. So, what's going to happen is in six months, within six months, they're basically just going to like repaint everything at Disney's California Adventure in this part of the park and call it Pixar

Pier. Interesting. So they've released the first image from, and I will pass my computer around. As Mike passes a 15-inch MacBook Pro. It's very expensive. All I can really see are the words

Pixar Pier and then Mickey's Big Face, of course. Not really seeing anything Pixar-y. That in and of itself is news. They're keeping

Mickey's Big Face. That's right. They're keeping Mickey's Big Face. Even though it's Pixar Pier, which actually makes the switch more confusing

to Pixar Pier. But what is going to happen is the Ferris wheel, each car will now have a Pixar character on each one. Oh, great. So you could get... Hand painted. Hand painted. Wait, they are building a giant, like,

modernist A-frame style, like, house, I guess is the loading area. It's just the loading area, though. It's like the Incredibles lair or whatever. That sounds fun. I do love all the, I guess, art direction of the Incredibles. Yeah, it's great. Everything looks amazing.

Yeah. It's like retro future. It looks like Palm Springs. Yeah, absolutely. It looks like a Palm Springs church. Yeah. It has been a big missing area in the theme parks that there has not been a great Incredibles attraction. This isn't one still

because they're just like overlaying a pre-existing one. But yeah, that building looks nice. Uh-huh. Big light up eye. And there's going to be a Bing Bong candy store

from inside out. Remember Bing Bong? Oh, gosh. Oh, God. He's ready to melancholy chocolate. The second you mentioned Bing Bong,

my eyes well up with tears. Yeah. Bing Bong stuff. You love Bing Bong, he's going up with tears. Yeah, Bing Bong's tough. You love Bing Bong, he's going to sell you some chocolate. He's ready to give you some candy. Wait, he's back from hell to sell you chocolate? Not hell.

That's not hell. That was a forgotten memory. He doesn't go to hell. They sent in a very different reading of that movie. Yeah. He lives inside nightmares now. Yeah, little girls have the ability to send memories to hell. Bing Bong's back from hell and the Incredibles coaster will have a very hard Ayn Randian message about exceptionalism just like the movie.

Right. Things are getting preachy in the parks. Yeah. Well, look at that. Hot off the presses, a picture. That's great. Are you, as a fan of Disneyland, are you also a fan of California Adventure?

I've never been there. Oh, yes. I've been to Disneyland. I spent the entire day at Disneyland. I was like, I don't have the energy to go over to California. So I'm glad I didn't buy the dual wristband or whatever. Which is like $60 more. Yeah, I don't want to do that if I'm not guaranteed.

Here's the thing, and we've probably talked about this every single episode of this podcast, but what we do, because we've all been there many times with each other in various incarnations, sometimes just with Scott, sometimes just with Jason, sometimes with my parents, or whatever. Sometimes wives and girlfriends.

Sometimes we have to. We have to. Girls come along. They're usually ruining it for us. They slow us down. Girls come along. You're usually ruining it for us. They slow us down. I'm tired. They have unreasonable requests. She's going to be horrified that you said that she said,

Erin has pointed out that you walk slowly at theme parks. I'll just throw that out on the podcast right here and now. She's so mad right now hearing me call you out. But why not? We're getting, does that sound familiar to you at all? I'm not sure what she... That doesn't sound familiar. I feel like I have a pretty decent pace in my normal walking.

I'm sorry to... I'm making her seem like a real jerk. I'm trying to think. Maybe I'm just so calm. I think it's because you're relaxed. You're taking in the sights. I feel like people walk slowly in Times Square, right? So like when I was living in New York, walking in Times Square was hell because

here comes hell again. You know, call back to hell. Sorry. Which, I can't tell the difference. Times Square and hell, what's the difference? There is an M&M store in both. Yes, exactly. Yeah, well, people walk closely when they're like awe-stricken. You know what I mean? They're just like,

wow! Which you always are maybe at still at your 400th visit to California Adventure so wait so you do like California Adventure

yeah so I was gonna say we all what we do since we're all you know men in our 30s we have an alcoholic beverage sometimes

you can get alcohol there and at California Adventure that's the place to do it nice and there's multiple places that we can go. My favorite being the Carthay Circle, which is an old Hollywood lounge area and also a restaurant. It's a recreation of the theater where Snow White premiered in the 30s. Oh.

This is cool stuff. I wonder how many sexual assaults took place there. Sorry. In the real one. Sorry, guys. In the real one, many. Plenty of them. It was before The Great Reckoning happened this month.

The California Adventure one, I'm sure, is reasonably clean. Yeah, I'm sure there's enough cameras around. Like weirdos probably jerked off in the bathroom, but that might be the extent of it. Right. Yeah. Sorry to bring that into the whole thing. It's the dark side of Walt Disney's Hollywood. Yeah, there's some scary stuff going on.

We don't know whatever. But that's when celebrities' private lives were kept private. Yeah, the fact that, well, okay, just the description of the lounge and the alcohol, you've convinced me. You get a nice Manhattan and it's got that circular ice. That's my favorite thing. Ooh, a big ball of ice. Love it. Big ball of ice it does.

It takes longer to melt. Yeah. Because it's science that circular ice. That's my favorite thing. Ooh, a big ball of ice. Love it. Big ball of ice it does. It takes longer to melt because it's science. Very slow. It's legitimately great at these. The bars there are cool. They aren't even cool in some dorky way that we're applying.

I really like the California Beach. You can really feel cool there for once in my life. Or Trader Sam's. We've been to Trader Sam's before. Yes, that's good. That's very cool. That's Antiki Bar over by the Disneyland Hotel. We've been to Trader Sam's before. Yes, that's good. That's very cool.

That's a tiki bar over by the Disneyland Hotel. Gotcha. So these are the cool places, cool guys, bad boys drink. Cool, cool, cool. I swear. It's great. We're not afraid to throw down at a theme park. Because as we get older, we get a little more tired.

But you take two hours in the middle of the day, you have two cocktails, and you're back. You're ready to go. Get yourself going. You're ready to go. Get yourself going, you're ready to party. Yeah. Go to the Pixar block party and dance along with the soldiers. The little soldier men. Hey everyone, it's the idiot from The Good Dinosaur.

It's the idiot main character from The Good Dinosaur. I never saw The Good Dinosaur. Oh, it's bad. Nope. They should call it The Bad Dinosaur because it is not a good movie. Yeah, you can watch it for free on a lot of flights. So that's when you know that it's not the best. If it's not premium content.

Not premium Pixar. Premium plane content. Well, what is your general theme park feeling or Disneyland feel? Do you enjoy them? Do you not enjoy them? Well, okay. So I have a podcast of my own called Make Me Like It.

Scott, you've been on it. I did it. Scott talked about the Beach Boys. The other topic I know about. This is one. We've done a lot of episodes that sort of delve into theme parks at some point.

We talked about, we did a whole episode on Disneyland, which Emily Heller talked about we did a whole episode on disneyland um uh which emily heller talked about she loves it um i okay so in general i like it um i love rides i think disneyland's a little light on rides and that's why i've not loved it um i grew up in texas where there's just like a ton of a ton of amusement parks Like you could go up to Arlington right outside of Dallas and go to Six Flags. Six Flags over Texas. Then Astroworld is in Houston, which I went to once or twice.

Still called Astroworld or is that- I don't know. I mean, it's been years since I've even said those words. Sure, sure. We'll look into that. Or thought about it. Yeah. And then Fiesta Texas was, of course, bought by Six Flags as well. So there's Six Flags Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. Oh, which the Six Flags, the flags are a Texas thing. Yes. Their name is a...

Oh, really? Yeah. Is Six Flags a Texas thing? The Six Flags are something from maybe the... I think it's a national thing. I thought because they... Oh, no, it is. But the phrase Six Flags has some Texas history connotation.

Do you guys know offhand? No, I never knew that. I don't know this. It's something from the fight for Texas independence or whatever war the Alamo was part of. Yeah. I don't know real history. I only know theme park history. Mexican-American?

Not sure. Anyway. I got it. I got it. What do you got? Six flags over Texas is the slogan used to describe the six nations that have sovereignty over some or all of the current territory of the U.S. state of Texas. Jesus.

Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, the Confederate States of America. What? That's what it says. One of the six flags is the Confederate States? Yeah, that sucks. So I guess six flags originated in Arlington. Six flags over Texas? Maybe. I guess so.

It's a hotbed. It felt like a hotbed. So I think my early interest, though, in theme parks definitely had a lot to do with sex. Sure, sure. Not us. We like the theming yeah like in middle school we would go to a theme park as like end of the year trip and you've got the bus ride you've got the standing in lines all this shit sorry can you curse obviously oh yeah oh that's one of the things that makes this theme park podcast different yeah we just did an episode of Make Me Like It about waiting in lines, where our guest was talking about how great waiting in lines, especially at theme parks, is because you get to know people and you know you're going to be there for a while. It was all very confusing.

But I remembered how much I loved just flirting nonstop in lines. Okay. And then I saw the movie Fear which there's that of course epic scene where Reese Witherspoon gets fingered can I say on the air? Sure.

By Mark Wahlberg. I prefer not. On a roller coaster. And so it's a very gentle like local roller coaster though. And if you try it in real life for instance on The Rattler at Fiesta Texas it's a different story I'll tell you guys that right now and if

you're a young gal hoping to just say no to getting fingered on rollercoaster stationary place yeah is that a wooden coaster? Yes it's like one of the largest wooden rollercoasters very rickety. Yeah. It's more of that. And like, it's then the like dips and curves and stuff. You might be fine, but like, yeah, those things do a number on you. They're bad on your back, let alone genitals. There's a strong connotation with like, yeah, some sexual tension at these places. But then in addition to that, there's just, I got to love rides that after a while,

like I think the first big roller coaster I went on was at Astroworld called the Viper. And I was so shocked, like the picture of, you know,

us afterwards, it was me and my brother and he was like having a great time. And my face was that of someone that just like found out they were going to die or something.

It was just like a total look of of illness and shock. Just I was like... That'd be me. I'm not a coaster person in particular. You're not a coaster man. You're more of a thrill ride fan. A little bit of a thrill ride fan.

Because Disneyland does have a lot of rides, but it doesn't have so many. A lot of those. I love... My favorite ride at Disneyland is Indiana Jones, though, I think. That's my favorite. It's scary. Uh-huh.

There's a couple drops. Yes. You get some, Jen, yeah, you get some thrills. There's enough of the physical stuff in the car and then just the, yeah, the decor and everything's great. We did one on that. We had fun talking about that one. Right. Wait, wait, you brought up a different, when discussing topics, you brought up a coaster in New Jersey.

Yes. You brought that up as a potential... Yeah, Kingda Ka, which I will... Oh, at Great Adventure. Yes, yes. Someone's going to come on your show and talk only about Kingda Ka. That's almost what I've talked about. When Kingda Ka opened, it was a fucking debacle.

Oh, was it? Because did it break down a lot, or it was a fucking debacle oh was it because it did break down a lot or it was just like i i don't remember the exact specifics but like the year it opened it was only running like half the time and they hyped it yeah so much yeah one of the times that i've been to great adventure i think three times when i was living in new york for eight years and the one of the times we went it was like down for half the day. And the, one of the times we went, it was like down for half the day. And I was on one of the first,

I was on the first one that they were like, all right, we're letting people back on. And so it's like, okay, wait, but, Oh yeah.

So like, yeah, basically like you're the first one back on after it's been down after whatever the problem was. It's just the kind of thing where if you get stuck at any point you're screwed do you guys know about this ride i i saw a sign for it in google imaging it that said like you might not make it up the ramp this is normal yeah it's 90 degrees i've never seen that before it's one of those ones that you just take off immediately at an insane speed and then

shoot all the way up this huge loop and then down and then come around and then you're done. But it's like. Oh, oh, the vertical climb. Oh, God. The vertical climb is so, like, that does not tell you how high it is. Yeah. Like, you really don't understand, guys.

Oh, my God. It's crazy. Every time I think about it, like, I'm like, Oh my God. It's crazy. Every time I think about it, like I'm like, Oh God. And I remember that view that I had like from the very top. Like, I think your brain is not able to develop memories fast enough to understand

what I experienced. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Um, are you, so it's a, uh,

do you still do it? Would you do it now? Or is that in the past? Yeah. I did have a moment at one time when I past? Yeah. I did have a moment. One time when I went on it, I did have a panic attack after they'd strapped us in. And Dan, my husband, was sitting next to me. And he was forced to endure me.

Just like, no, no, no. And then we took off. And I was screaming my head off. And he was just worried the whole time. So he just did not enjoy himself. And of course, we get back and i'm like yay that was great all right that's a fun thing about roller coasters is that it's the only uh time that you might see someone in your life do like have a have a like massive catastrophic

freakout besides if there was actual danger yeah occurring in your life now that's a preview of what would happen if you were in actual exactly if someone was about to actually murder us i would be having the same panic attack um it's a window into hell yeah what you're like on a roller coaster yeah it's crazy that this combines like the launch coast of the like zero to 60 kind of launch kind of coaster that has been very popular the last 10 years. But then also this insane 90 degrees up, 90 degrees down. Yeah, of course it's going to break down all the time. Yeah, constantly. If it doesn't work

perfectly, then you've got problems. There seemed to be, there was a lot in the accidents section of that ride. But no one has died. I just looked it up. No one has died on Kingda Ka. Guys, in your research

of stuff like this, you know there's like one of those like, what do you call it? G-Force was one of them where you just get dropped. They take you to the top

and they drop you. That's the ride. Like a tower. Tower of Terror is a terrorist type deal. I read something when I was very stoned in high school

about a woman in Japan, I believe, on a ride and her ponytail got, you know, caught on something

and her entire face and scalp were ripped off. Yes. I think it was. Is that true? I think it's just the scalp. I mean, the scalp is attached

to the face. Just so you know. Well, I mean. But was she able to live? Like, I just heard that and then I never stopped thinking about it and I never found out what the real situation was. That may have happened a couple times on a couple different rides. No!

Ponytails getting caught. Really? Yes. Do you know stories specifically? I've heard scalps just getting ripped off. Well, I know the ponytail. I don't know if it's in, I can't remember where it is. So I know, I've heard the ponytail. I've heard the one where there in... I can't remember where it is, so I know. I've heard the ponytail.

I've heard the one where there was a giant drop and someone's feet were cut off. Just sliced right off. There are... Yeah, there's some... Oh, no. Some crazy, horrible... What a way for things to happen. You already lose limbs or...

It's the worst time. Last year. No! You have it last year. Okay, well, then that's a different... That's the newer time I'm thinking of. Because I was 16 probably when I heard about this. That was like 18 years ago.

So yours sounds grislier than this one, probably. I mean, we don't need to really get into this. Yeah, we don't have to. I just want to run by... Snopes has multiple instances of scalpings. Scalping. It's a theme park scalpings. Yeah, Six Flags Great Adventure,

the note said that, I think it was like a core question and answer. No one has died at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jersey since like 87. Someone like fell out of a coaster, I think,

in California recently at Six Flags Great America. No, that's in Chicago. But there's a Great America here. Is there one in here too? Yes, there's one here too. Oh, I'm sorry. In Northern California.

I saw an article last week that it's like a nine-person fight broke out in life or something. You would think New Jersey would have that covered. Yeah, because I've been to Great Adventure in the summer, and it gets hot and humid, and people start to lose it. Families. Fist fights from parents to children break out. Also at Great America this past weekend, a bunch of teens ran wild in the park, some

of them with tasers. Oh my gosh, I saw that. bunch of teens ran wild in the park some of them with tasers so like a full like uh uh warriors i bet sex had to do with it in some way right someone was trying to impress somebody yeah it was a fight over sex that had occurred or to get sex later to be achieved. If I was 17 and at all comfortable with anything sexual at all, and there was a place I wanted to go and have sex and fight, it would be a Six Flags theme park. Those are the perfect places for it. Of course, when I was 17, I was still years away from engaging

in any sort of meaningful sexual or any remotely close to sexual relationship. Or physical altercation. We're still a fight virgin. I'm still waiting on the fight. I think we all are, yes. You can imagine that. It'll happen on this show between the three of us probably. One of us will secretly bring a taser one of these times.

Hey, you know where you wouldn't want to bring a taser Is to the place we're talking about today Later, bon, bon, bon You know the song I have to cue up the song Yeah Here, go ahead and play it Oh god Okay It's a great day. It feels like an ocean spray. Okay. Family fun in the sun. Summer getaway.

Grab a wave and ride it. It's time to get excited. Big smiles every time. You just can't hide it. It's the hottest, coolest, floating on cloud nine. Everybody have a cool time. Always the hottest, coolest time. Always shit bomb.

Okay. Always shit up on. Okay. Always straight up on. Yeah, that's enough. Okay, so they've, yeah. We've already violated fair use. Yeah. You knew the song, you were singing the song before we started. It's a different song.

In the 80s or 90s, whenever I, last time I heard it, it was, The hottest, coolest time in Texas. Come play. Straight up on, on. it was the hottest coolest time in texas come play which just sounds like the say by the bell like theme kind of yeah yeah a child's impression of rock music as opposed to a child's impression of reggaeton whatever that was trying to be yeah i don't know what that was but it was definitely more contemporary and and definitely they've they i don't think they mentioned texas once which is sad no yeah generic maybe they're exclusive to texas i read oh they've spread them out there's one in

kansas city as well yeah so guys schlitterbahn has an insanely german name do you have any guesses why i think we i i sort of you did a little research well it's based on the town correct yeah the entire well new brownfels is where it is, and Braunfels, New Braunfels, there's just so many, that whole area is riddled with German settlements. Like, all of those towns are German. So, New Braunfels is where it was. We would often, after going to Schlitterbahn, go to dinner at the New Braunfels Smokehouse and just eat a bunch of sausage.

Oh, sweet. Oh, great. Sounds great. It was great. Is it like a Solvang kind of, is it like old world feeling? It feels a little like that. I'd say Fredericksburg, a town nearby, is a lot more cutesy like Solvang.

This is more of like small town Texas with German vibes. Is there an Amish population at all inxas i know they're kind of spread throughout yeah not that i know of um it's more czech and german there's okay there's like some czech towns german towns apparently san antonio was settled by canary islanders which is a spanish island oh yeah so there's all kinds of weird it's kind of a little like the West, you know, like there were all kinds of like new settlements happening. Schlitterbahn translates to slippery road. Oh, that makes sense.

Right? I mean, he could have made it up. Yeah, like Autobahn. Get it? Bahn. So for the listeners who don't know what Schlitterbahn is, let's sum it up. It's like an enormous water park in Texas. And there's multiple versions of it. Right. But they're all called Schlitterbahn?. Oh, yeah. Let's sum it up. It's like an enormous water park in Texas. And there's multiple versions of it.

Right. But they're all called Schlitterbahn? I guess so. I believe. I've never been to any other Schlitterbahn. I didn't know there was another one. It was only the New Braunfels one. Was that correct?

New Braunfels. There was only that one until 1979. I think there wasn't another one until mid-2000s. They're in Corpus Christi. They're in South Padre, Galveston. Nice. Keeping it local for the most part. That's great.

Yeah. So what do you want to know? When did it open? Just give us years and days. Yeah. So what do you want to know, guys, about Schlitterbahn? When did it open? Just give us years and days. All the stuff you can find on Wikipedia. Which company made the slides? Well, okay, I will say just an interesting thing about Schlitterbahn is that I have these very old memories of older Schlitterbahn.

Because it got expanded and a lot of new stuff happened, you know, like wave pools and these up, up, up, like, what do you call them? Like, like, like water coasters. Yeah. They go uphill water coasters. Those started to be invented. One of those, I believe. Yeah.

And yeah, so it's like all these things started to come later um that i sort of experienced at the tail end like you know i haven't been there probably since i was 18 i think me and my cousins all went but before that it was like a lot of times as a kid and a lot of times as a teenager so what was there in childhood if not these high tech adventures well uh central texas just has a lot of um cold springs and so parts of the parts of the park were just like spring fed okay and net right next to a river would be going by i can't remember what the it's like the neches or something is right there there's there's all sorts of rivers in te Texas, as my father I'm sure would be glad to tell you. Bring him on river talk.

My dad sat my husband down one time and said, Dan, do you know how many rivers Carol and I swam in this summer? And he goes, nine. And then he sat back, closed his eyes, and started listing them with a very thick Mexican accent.

Oh, he like really pronounced every... He goes, Colorado. Meches. Pedernales. Anyway. That's very... That sounds really nice on headphones. Good.

You're hearing that breathy... Yes. Pedernales. Pedernales. It's very relaxing. Yeah. It's like an ASMR. Yeah. I was going to say it's ASMR.r we're gonna get that asmr for this episode asmr fan guys a list of rivers yeah so so the the river's right there so a lot

of the park was spring fed i remember so there was like these big pools and like different rides that were slightly dirty you know just like a little bit dirty and like but rides that were slightly dirty, you know, just like a little bit dirty. And like, but I liked it. Like it was natural and you'd get spit out into like a, you know, a naturally fed pool. Like a not controlled, like a big rocky, actually slightly dangerous. Yeah, like a kind of a nasty bottom. Yeah. You'd like hit mud at the bottom.

I think one of the rides would spill out into the lake or in the river. So it's more of a watering hole yeah type yeah i mean there were definitely like rides but it just felt like all very natural like it was built into the like it was naturally it's a real river right yes yes yeah something about it seemed like it was supposed to be there like chlorine might not have been involved maybe not no not for those parts at least it couldn't be yeah no it's really a river no yeah chlorinated have you guys been to like have you been to austin there's barton springs is that enormous spring-fed pool i've not been there no yeah

there's a lot of these big spring-fed pools and it's hard to explain what they're like because i've seen pictures of that yeah they're like half natural half man-made okay what is the uh how do they feel uh different what's different about being in them the water is freezing cold oh um and uh yeah it's just not chlorinated okay uh is it sort of uh relaxing or feel more great it's great i definitely feel i go to barton springs every time i'm in austin which is a big spring fed pool i feel very replenished sure healed with those waters are there other ones of these that aren't in texas around here well it reminds me of of in ithaca there's tons of waterfalls and gorges that usually

pool and then they build in like some steps and stuff and they they kind of like corral people in certain areas. But yeah, it is very, it's very cold and it's very refreshing. it's the same temperature all year round so you can even go swimming

in the winter and it would be the same temperature in there as it was in the summer. It doesn't get any colder or hotter. It reminds me of what

Disney wanted to do, tried to do when they built River Country USA but instead just created a public health crisis for 20 years. They used to have a water park that was fed by the lake that surrounds,

like the magic in the swamp. Oh, shit. It was not fresh, like spring. It was swamp water. Dirty swamp water. Filtered a little. Once water starts to be stagnant, you've got major problems. Yeah.

And they did. They did. Yeah. It's also where that thing Discovery Island was, which was like this little zoo island that you took little boats to at original Disney World. Still open in the 90s when I went. But like now they've like abandoned it and people have swum on it. Like swum.

The past tense of swim. Swum. Swum. They swum onto the island. And like there's still, they didn't take all the animals out. There's still baby vultures in weird little corners of these rusted out buildings. Discovery Island seems like a major ecological disaster. There was a rumor briefly they were going to turn it into a Lost attraction.

When Lost was at the height of its power. I'd still go. Lost is still up there for me. Step into Lost. And up there for me. Just step into Lost and hug a smoke monster, eat some boar. If they can simulate smoke monsters. Oh my god. It's just a big

puffy guy walking around, taking pictures. Okay, so it was like a more natural, rustic kind of place. And then it kind of like doubled in size at some point. It it did they started to build different different areas like you could go from what like they were called different things what are they called there was like one called surfenberg uh i have a list of some of them

oh good it's not probably not all of them but i have surfenberg i have blastenhoff blastenhoff and then there's a thing there's something called tubenbach. Okay, I don't know Tubenbach. That's probably very new. That is very funny. I know there's a restaurant at one of them called Shrimp House. H-A-U-S. Which I think is hysterical. That sounds disgusting.

It's disgusting and very funny. There's nothing like, yeah, shrimp in Central Texas. Yeah, traveled several hours to be there. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Not from the springs yeah no not that i know of get some geckos in there when it started to expand do you remember like were you excited about it or were you kind of like so i think i was excited and then disappointed

um i think i just expected more of the same i don't know what it is but there's something so gentle about schlitterbahn central like and how dirty and like lived in it was you know and like how everything just felt old and wet and like and then and the new ones were just so bright and like you know the pools yeah the pools have white bottoms and like the water's blue and like there's these plastic tubes. You know, you don't get a big old rubber tube like you get. You get these big black rubber tubes at Schlitterbahn. And then at the new parks, you would get those like bright green ones. It just felt weird. And I think a lot of the rides weren't like kid friendly to me at the time my brother and i it's like very distinct memory that we still laugh about

of this tiny kid getting on one of those like surf rides where like you go out there on on a board and you're surfing this water's like boogie boarding yeah like water's coming at you really fast you know what i'm talking about yeah and she got on there and immediate like was surfing for two seconds and then immediately was overtaken and just rolled. Her body just rolled like hundreds of times. Like caught in a wave. It was like... It was so terrifying. We both were like, oh God, we're never going on that.

Was it an injury prone place in general? It could be. I feel like there was slipping and falling constantly for sure. Not the level of injury of a six-lunch bug. Yeah, they tried to make the cement rough, but you were still soaking wet at all times. Sure, sure. And at every water park, you're running on slippery ground. Yeah, the possibility of knee skins.

There's definitely drinks being spilled, vomit being spilled. Sure, blood. Blood being spilled. Sure. Blood. Blood being spilled. Probably. I have not been to a water park in a long time. Yeah, I haven't either. I haven't either. It's a weird-

Mike was this summer. Like two months ago. What did you think? Well, it was a place called Volcano Bay, which is a new universal place. Okay. The highest tech water park. The highest tech. Wow. The highest tech. Wow.

It's a big fake volcano in the middle. Computers everywhere. Computers constantly shorting out. Futuristic volcano. Uh-huh. And part of it, a lot of it is great, and then some of it is just terrible as all water parks are. Yeah.

The ground was hot. Oh, wow. So we were running from puddle to puddle. Yeah, that's disgusting. of it is just terrible as all water parks are yeah like there was the ground was hot oh wow so like we were like running from puddle to puddle yeah that's which seems like they should have figured that out too you get to the next puddle and it's hot dipping your old foot in one yeah there was it was also like that's the first month of its operate two couple months of its operation so they were really there were some poor employees that were trying to get me tacos. Said no idea what was happening. No idea.

Waited forever. Oh, man. And they didn't understand the number system that they were employing. They couldn't figure, like 16 would go to 20, and then I would say, well, it's 17, but they said we're on 20. It's not, and they would be confused. That's funny because that was part of the marketing for that park was like, and the food's really good, everyone.

Well, they cut the menu. The menu was very elaborate for that. This is a side note, of course. The menu was very elaborate. There was like 25 things you could get. And then everybody came there and everybody just wanted a chicken sandwich and a fucking hot dog. So they just cut everything off the menu. And now it's just tacos, hot dogs, and something.

So all the good food is gone. Yeah, that yeah that sucks big finston nothing as good as the shrimp house yeah i haven't been to many baseball fields but i went to the city field for the mets a few times and people really take advantage of the good food there they have like shake shack they have some like barbecue thing and i'm glad I'm glad that they would get rid of them otherwise. Angel Stadium ain't bad, surprisingly. I was kind of shocked there's a lot of decent barbecue in Mexican and all that stuff.

Staples has gotten better. But you still do McDonald's. You're just doing McDonald's. I did do McDonald's last time, but I also did the Taqueria. I forget what the... I forget it. Whatever. It's good. I haven't been to a water park in a long time for two reasons. One, my wife Erin, super germaphobe.

And like... Oh, yeah. She kind of poisoned me against them. Now I only see these places through her lens. I feel like, yeah, if you gulp any of that water, you're dead. Yeah. Yeah. Although I was looking it up and there aren't, like, you cannot really find, like,

specific stories of I got a lot of STDs from water parks. Yeah, I don't know about STDs, but I think, like, salmonella and foodborne illnesses. Yeah, listeria. This happened here in California at the Six Flags.

Diarrhea. Hurricane Harbor. Diarrhea probably number, oh, you know, ooh, ooh. I was at the other water park. Diarrhea. Hurricane Harbor. Diarrhea probably number... Oh, you know, I was at the other water park, Blizzard Beach in Orlando. Mike really perked up when you're in diarrhea. There is a sign at Blizzard Beach telling you

if you have diarrhea, do not get in the water. And it says diarrhea. They have that at YMCA. They actually have to let people know. They're like, don't get in the water if you've had diarrhea within the last 12 days. And I was like, at this rate, I'm never going to get to use the pool. It's every 12 days like clockwork. Your poop period.

Yes. Twice a month. That warning is also on the official universal attraction warning signs. Oh, just on regular rides? Yeah, on regular rides because I was walking through Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey once, and I noticed it and wrote a sketch where it's like an old British character actor having to record the, like, please do not ride if you've had diarrhea in the last 14 days. Is your British character actor Don Pardo?

Yeah, diarrhea! I'm a ghost in hell with bing bong. We're back. Diarrhea. Oh man. That's like legalese that's starting to get put a lot of places. Hotel pools, I've

noticed it. It's amazing to see diarrhea written just out in the open it's so silly yeah they don't even like cooties or something yeah they don't even try to sugarcoat it because people won't like people be like well we didn't we didn't see diarrhea and because they might be like well if you're having a little tiny problem down there right or loose bowels wink wink it's like no we got to be. We have to draw a picture of it. When it's diarrhea, it's diarrhea. Welcome to this four-star hotel.

Do you all have diarrhea? Any of you fuckers have diarrhea? You can't go in our bathtubs. Don't go in our fucking pool. Do not bathe yourself. Yeah. So, okay, so germs are number one. Oh, wait, you're right.

Reasons you haven't been. Yeah. The other one is I was very scarred when I was 14 where I went to a water park in Georgia, like somewhere outside of Savannah, Georgia, I think on a family trip. And I was mistaken for a girl with my shirt off. And I was so mad. Did someone tell you to put a shirt a shirt on no it wasn't that it was the topless oh did they think you were like a girl child yeah yeah it was developed

yeah some snotty kid was like are you a boy or a girl oh fuck you and i just i don't think i answered i said i just said shut up and ran, which proved nothing, probably. But I had no shirt. I was in swim trunks. Shouldn't that prove it? Still upset. I think I miss giant swaths of that. I don't know what else happened when I was 14, but I remember that. Yeah, you blacked out from being insulted.

To be fair, the Coppertone girl only had trunks on as well. She did not. It was a tiny little pink thing. Didn't she have trunks? Am I misremembering. It was a tiny little pink thing. Didn't she have trunks? Am I misremembering? No, they're little panties. She had little pink panties. When are they going to take that dog down? When are they going to

put some trunks on that little girl? Shocking. In the wake of Toback and Weinstein. The Coppertone dog continues to yank undies off relentlessly. Seven little girls. The list is growing. Yeah. Poor little white boy. I auditioned to be the

new Coppertone. I auditioned to be the new man harassed by dog. I forgot that part of the story. Then that boy pulled my pants down and bit my butt. Now I understand why you won't go back. I didn't say the whole story. Yeah.

I don't know from that. Yeah. I think it's uncomfortable. I mean, I, along with the whole like loving going to theme parks because of sexual tension, like I definitely,

you know, you're like in a bikini, you like want to be seen. You're looking at dude's bodies. But this was when I was in the peak of, of like horniness, like, you know. It was new to you. What do you call it? Puberty.

Yeah. Puberty was running rampant. I was so stoked about dudes with like LeBray piercings and like bleached tips. Oh yeah, Sugar Ray guys. Yeah. So like, yeah, I got some phone numbers at water parks at schlitterbond specifically i think i am jealous yeah just by being a married adult um so yeah i think now like you know the appeal before would have

been like i get to show myself off and now it's like i don't want anyone to see what's happening or yeah you know i'm not only self-conscious but also just i don't want anyone to see what's happening or you know I'm not only self-conscious but also just I don't care about that stuff anymore you know you're not on the market not on the market not 14 anymore did like were you guys like stressed out about like uh did you did you try to like tan or get a buffer if you were going to a- I'll field this one. Let's hear it. Well, I was a chubby little guy.

But I made a vow to myself very early on. And I don't think I've ever vocalized this, but it's like, I'm taking my fucking shirt off when I'm going to the pool. Nice. I'm not not gonna be one of those guys in the pool with his shirt on unless i fucked up the suntan lotion and i'm beat red on my back and it's more of a safety thing which i have i definitely fucked up some sun like i just forgot but you proudly took that fucking shirt but i was like yeah i'm not i'm not this is you're

not gonna pretend i'm just gonna right yeah so and i went to the beach a lot like i went to the beach and pool a lot so i was like i'm glad that you did that i'm glad that you had the courage because the t-shirt is confusing you know it just it clings in the worst way and if you have big wide nipples and those are sticking to your wet shirts that is much worse than if you just had the shirt. Than if they're just out in the open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These odd sort of seams.

And like, it also like, like, I think, like, if I've had, like in a sketch or whatever, if you wear like,

I've had to do things where you're in like a, like a unitard. Yeah. And that stuff, that looks worse than if I was just totally shirtless or naked like the the way fabric clings to your body i think is far more embarrassing than just right body yeah that's true yeah yeah get keep me out of those bodies good to know do you think do i wonder if like whoever came up with the idea of water parks like mr schlitterbahn for instance i wonder if he why did

he do that like was he like this is fun for kids or was he like this is a way for adults to you know commune with nature or was he like this is a great place for horny teens i don't know i think that might be the focus because i feel like most I wonder if we could get some stats, you know, to see how many teens... What's the ratio of teens? How many pregnancies occurred at water parks? Yeah, it seems like a teen activity. Yeah, yeah. And also mission statements from existing water parks.

Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? Just wanted to know. Why'd you do it? There's just one thing I need to know. Write out your confession. Oh, the food was really good at Schlitterbahn, too. Is it German?

Is it German-inspired? It's basically the same food you get at any place. Of course. There was funnel cakes, which I'm sure had some German spin to it. Funnel cakes. Funnel, yes, with two little dots over it. Umlaut. But there was a smoked turkey leg that i was obsessed with that i thought you could only get at flitterbond but i

think you can get at any theme park in the country but only there can you do it in wet clothes yes yeah hold it with a wet hand and then just rinse your hand off in the water afterwards you have a bunch of smoked turkey leg on your hand. Just wipe off this turkey char. I got turkey char in my eyes. There's a swim-up bar you can get the turkey leg at. Is there a swim-up bar? You can drink alcohol there, right?

I think so. At the actual park? I think I was too young to acknowledge that. I remember the world's biggest hot tub, which was the most disgusting thing ever. There was definitely a lot of people just chilled out. It also only, I saw that on the website. It only holds like 20 to 25 people. It's not that big.

It's not that big. Yeah, no. But they kind of can't be for pure temperature and probably shouldn't be. I don't like a giant, still at a hotel or whatever, I don't like a giant hot tub. Yeah, why do you need a big hot tub? It's okay to have like several smaller ones. I'm remembering the fact about my life that I, nearby, New Brownville is pretty close to San Antonio, right?

Yes, yeah. It's halfway between Austin and San Antonio. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Boston and San Antonio. Oh, gotcha. Okay. At a hotel pool in San Antonio, like a Hilton with a bunch of slides and lazy rivers and stuff, a hot tub at this San Antonio resort is the first place that I told a girl I loved her. Oh, my God. In a hot tub with other like as close as you guys

oh my god oh really I just remembered that I lost my virginity in a hot tub isn't that crazy in a hot tub yes

really it was actually 25 of your closest friends exactly exactly the world's largest hot tub yeah memories were made

you're totally you're totally you love it yeah in a in a jacuzzi. What a place to do it. Sure to be an accurate statement. Remember, folks, you can't get pregnant

in a hot tub. That's scientific fact from your friends at Podcast The Rock. I'm living proof. And you can't misrepresent your own feelings, your own feelings of love

in a hot tub either. That's true. If you say I love you, you have to mean it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It's so funny to imagine. It's a steamy setting. It just puts the oxygen in your brain and makes you go for it.

Yeah, I guess so. You feel less inhibited. That's why swingers use them. We all went for it. Was it something you would plan to say? No. You know what? Swingers use it. Was it something you would plan to say? No. You know what? They just use it.

It came out of me during the kiss. I was like, you know what? I'm saying it. You were feeling it. Yeah, yeah. I'm really feeling it. But maybe really, I just loved the hot tub. Oh, you were saying it too, the hot tub.

Yeah, she misunderstood. I love you, hot tub, for these feelings. Oh, yes, you. I love you. That sort, for these feelings. Oh, yeah, you. Oh, yes, you. I love you. That sort of, okay, okay, great. No, I wasn't saying it to an animatronic. Yeah. Hey, so, you know, head to

these places and make your feelings known. Yeah. Yeah. When you said, like, because obviously everyone was horny at these places was it actually was it just boiling under the surface or was it actually was stuff going on that you would see was it actually seedy or was it just sort of that was in the air um i think i remember i don't i don't feel like any seedy or uncomfortable crap going down but there were definitely like you know a dude would call

out to me from across the pool i love you you know or something like that that was scott yeah you'd like see a guy in line that you would keep seeing or you know uh of course i was in love with any lifeguard for some reason male or female like and they'd have to handle you and you're like you know like you know you'd be going down this huge thing and you'd like come up and they'd like get the tube and shove it

away down to where it was supposed to go and you know you never did like a fake CPR did you? No I did not fake out anyone. No, it wasn't a great plan. I was doing a thing for visually, where you read on a podcast,

where you like pretend like, oh, I need a mouth-to-mouth. Yeah, I think I saw Sandlot and saw how fake and fucked up that was. Yeah, don't do that. No, I don't want to do that to some poor woman or man. And of course it wouldn't be the one you wanted it'd be some tub of lard the king over no not you where did that tub of large life

guard come from um yeah no i think i think it was definitely obviously like people were flirting non-stop it wasn't't a horrible den of evil like a Six Flags. No, I didn't. Yeah, not that well. Yeah, there's no, the official, the souvenir shop

at Schlitterbahn does not sell shirts with Tweety Bird that say Blue Lives Matter on it. Oh my God. Is that real? Yeah, I feel like I've seen some weird

Tweety Bird shirts. I don't know if they sell that at a Six Flags. Probably not official. That could be an unlic weird Tweety Bird shirts around. I don't know if they sell that at Six Flags. Probably not official. That could be an unlicensed Tweety Bird shirt that you saw. Tweety Bird says, talk shit, get hit. Oh, my God. I'm vaguely remembering.

I have vague memories of the Schlitterbahn gift shop, and I can't remember for the life of me what was in there. I think, of course, there was like, you know, you could buy some poncho or, you know, just stuff you would need there. Oh, sure. I can't remember what they would sell. Maybe like a, you know, like floaty tubes or rubber duckies or something. Something I haven't mentioned that is notable

is that I've dreamt about Schlitterbahn several times. Oh, boy. Throughout my life. What happened? About old school schlitter bond and like a more natural version of it like a jungly overgrown like yeah like a return to form for schlitter yeah yeah yeah which that's i can see what you like it'd be very exciting to like be in a more control like like actual rapids seem crazy and scary but like the mid point yeah a control but exciting right yeah yeah i think i'm making this place sound more paradise like than it was

like i think it's legitimately disgusting like part probably i don't even know if the old part exists anymore can i ask uh with beat just because it's it's very big in their marketing was the lazy river a big thing when you were there was that a big yeah yeah i think it was pretty cool to like spend half the day there i think yeah as i got older that was definitely a huge draw uh it was fun yeah and like you know when you're you have a littler body getting pulled along in a lazy river. I know all about that. I'm a very small man. Having a tiny body. On their website, they brag, featuring

the transportainment river system. The attractions in the outdoor water park are almost all connected by a single river. You can enter from one of several beaches within the park and then choose your water adventure from there. Wow.

With the help of the Aquavayer, you do not have to leave your tube to float the day away at Schlitterbahn. Wow. They really want to appeal to, yeah, people that just cannot or will not get up. No. You've been floating for seven hours. Yeah, I will float my day away. Yeah. No, I mean, I don't remember that part uh that might be a newer thing but there was definitely a lazy river that was the first

lazy river and the most powerful lazy river i've ever been to did you get a lot of natural flow yeah i feel like more fast it was it was in part, of course, this one. But it was like... Yeah, I feel like it was like, you know, you'd get like this huge... Everyone would stand next to the wall where the wave would come out of and just get plowed, and it was really exciting. Oh, like it came from a central source. Yeah, yeah, there was like a wall. Yeah, it was probably very unsafe.

But at that point, I had no clue that i would you know die someday or could die yeah uh i think i think that it's the first place with one of those uh one of those surf like a wave machine yeah the surfing machine or or the way it says the first world's first inland surfing ride okay how does that mean i was not allowed inland i was what does that mean? I was not allowed. Inland. I was not allowed in a wave pool like that as a kid. Oh. My mom was. You might get sucked up? Yeah.

I mean, I wasn't allowed on a lot of stuff. My mom, especially with water parks, was. Terrified. I couldn't go alone. I couldn't go with friends even. Right. Especially if you thought the mom was reckless. Mm-hmm.

And, I mean, to be fair to her. The mom was reckless? Well, to be fair. There were a lot of reckless moms? Wow. To be fair, this mom called us in third grade and was like, I just want to let you know we have a gun in the house and the boys know where it is. Thank you for letting me know.

My son will never come over. That is what happened. I was not allowed it for like years and years. Then I think my mom forgot about the loaded gun. And then I went back over there in junior high. And did you get to touch the loaded gun? No. Where was this from?

Where did you grow up? Schaumburg, Illinois. Okay. But she was like, you can't go in the wave pool. I don't want you going on those water slides. And then I think we were allowed to go to River Country, and that was it. Right. Because it was very tame.

Wholesome. Were you a strong swimmer or no i was not bad were you did you swim like competitively at all or no not competitively but anyone here a strong swimmer me and my brothers were strong swimmers we all swam competitively yeah so i think that's i think my parents were really loose about water parks because they knew that we would not drown well my mom had no faith in my ability to stay alive. Yeah. She really, anywhere. I would describe my swimming style as staying alive.

Yeah. Although I was in the Boy Scouts and I do know how to, if I were to fall into water with clothes on, like say off a ship, I can rig them into temporary flotation devices in the water. I had to do that too. That's incredible. That was part of passing the local swim program. I really can't do that.

Ideally, you're wearing light wool slacks and a button-up shirt, which we had to bring to summer camp. And it's like, when would I wear these clothes? Yeah. It feels like- And be on a ship. Yeah. I wore old clothes.

And it feels like you almost have to do a magic trick in the water, because you'd have to take your pants off, but you had your suit underneath and then you would like fashion some like you're shoveling water into the shirt so it kind of like inflates while you get the pants like tied around your neck oh man this is great when in reality is this happening the titanic you're just suckering jason and I's parents into paying money to pretend that this is going to be a useful skill. Wow. Maybe someday, though, if things get a little more apocalyptic, which seems more and more possible. We'll have to take our pants off in the water to stay afloat.

There's a scene in that movie Mermaids where Christina Ricci almost drowns from her clothes are too heavy and they're dragging her down oh god yeah i'm glad i didn't see that as a kid because drowning scenes yeah me out well it was weird it was an ironic thing because that character the little girl christina ricci plays was constantly in the bathtub trying to um like oh outdo her time for holding her breath oh so she was like obsessed with holding her breath long and then she almost drowned oh wow yeah it was kind of a reminder that she's a baby she's like a little kid and i guess i don't know what i maybe i haven't seen that movie in a long time death can come for you child don't forget it yeah that's literally what my mom would say all the time before i would go to things like that.

Before you go to sleep every night. Remember mermaids. Remember Christina Warnke. VHS tape of mermaids. She almost died. This is sort of a sidetrack-y thing, and it's a little bit of a walk to get there, but I think it'll be worth it.

Here we go. So there's multiple Schlitterbonds. We've only talked about the New Braunfels one, but I think there's one in Corpus Christi, there's one in Kansas City, and they've been trying to build one in the area of Padre Island. Do you know where that is? Oh, of course. South Padre Island was another hotbed for horny teens.

Oh, boy. Oh, wow. You're making it sound like all of Texas is... Yeah, I just filled... Well, you know, it just helps that most of my time was spent either in childhood or in puberty in Texas. Okay, sure. You know, I left when I was 18. When you could handle, when you were just overflowing.

Yeah, exactly. What is in South Padre Island? It's just, it's a beach. It's like a beach town. Okay, okay. Well, yeah, they're trying to build a big development there of which Schlitterbahn would be an anchor. The primary parties trying to put this together are the current owners of Schlitterbahn, Jeff and Gary Henry,

who inherited the company from their dad, and another guy, a local developer named Paul Schexnailder. Ooh, swindler. So, yeah, probably from this. I wouldn't trust him. Anyway, they've ended up in this big real estate war and the thing has never gotten built.

I don't think the hurricane helped those efforts either. Like, why build on that coast at this point? Yeah. It's crazy. But anyway, Sheck's Nelder is claiming that the Henry brothers aren't putting up money. And whatever fighting is going on, the two brothers have split apart. They aren't friends anymore. They aren't working together.

And everyone I'm talking about is like 60, 70-year-old men. I thought the South Padre one did get opened. I don't know. Possibly. On Wikipedia, it seemed like the Fort Lauderdale one was dealing with a lot of the similar. Oh, okay. It could be. I might be next up. I'm not sure which is which.

But anyway, giant fight. The Slaughterbond has not gotten built. And this is all from a newspaper article I read. But then the Henry's father was dying. A major Schlitterbahn executive, probably the CEO of the company. And he's about to pass. He's, like, been given the last rights. He's in his last week.

So Schexnailder puts all their differences aside to email the brothers and say, Hey, I know everything's crazy, but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and your family, and I'm sorry that your father is going to pass away. And he gets an email back from Jeff Henry, Schlitterbahn president or something. One of the brothers. And it is this. I am extremely tired of both of you guys. Consider me your lifelong enemy now. Wait, is this the dad that's about to die he wrote this email?

No, this is not the dad. It's one of the brothers. It is one of the brothers. So his dad is about to die. Yeah, so he's talking to his own brother and to Shexnailder. And to Shexnailder.

Okay. Listen, Shexnailder and Gary, I'm extremely tired of both of you guys. You guys. Consider me your lifelong enemy now as I have sworn on dad's grave to avenge.

Dad's grave? Believe me now. Wait, is his dad even dead yet? No, he's about to die. But we bought the grave. He did. I swore on the grave. I've got my hand on it. My grave is next to it. Gary, I'll make sure yours isn't. Believe me now,

I'm going to blow both of you out of the water or worse, sink you below it. Wow, water analogies. They still, I can't help it i think water and even when i'm furious you may win in court but let me assure you you will not win in the end hell is where you both belong oh my god don't worry paul gary one in the same judges will eat you both i love this that's a real email. That is a... That's in a newspaper article.

I love petty, stupid old man shit. Yeah. Well, and you know what I love about it is that it's like, it's like Dallas or Falcon Crest. Yeah. It's like one of these like crazy 80s businessman soap operas. Yeah. And it happened in real life.

He's an oil. I declare, sir. Like an oil man or something. There's such a, it's obviously very theatrical, but I was looking at all the different names of the rides.

Uh-huh. So I'm wondering if these guys, because they've named a couple slides after pirates. There's Blackbeard. There's a Blackbeard

water slide. Oh, I remember Blackbeard. There's Lafitte. It's another pirate. That sounds sexy. It's very sexy. It's a very sexy purple slide.

Normal purple slide. Sort of looks like a penis. Yeah, purple can be the color of a dick. If there's problems. And there's like the black knight. So I wonder if these guys have an affection for these old characters. And when he's writing that email, if he isn't thinking of himself as Lafitte or Blackbeard. Or way of one is the Shex nailed her,

you're a regular Blackbeard. Now I'm Lafitte, I shall vanquish. I shall drown you as though you were Christina Ricci, except I'll finish the job. It's on the menu too. It's like, hey, I want one shrimp basket with fries and one order of Father's Revenge. That's the combo.

That's shrimp and fried cod. Father's Grave. Can I get it in a mega Father's Grave? I can't believe he swore on his Father's Grave. That is insane. He's like four days away from dying. Where do these guys live? where are they i don't know padre island the company is called upper padre partners oh wow it's like nice yeah and they're

talking about a water park for children and they're like i will eat you yeah um your consider your eyeballs spit out that's so crazy someone got screwed hard in this thing yeah yeah very very sensitive subject or the henry brothers i also like the guy swearing on his dad's grave against his brother yeah like shouldn't the brother have equal right to the grave yeah but he claimed it i guess he claimed the right dibs i call first on i get to swear on his grave first. Then you can do it later, but about something else. You can use a non-profane term that's less aggressive. Yes. But profanities on Father's grave shall come from me.

This is not uncommon in the behind-the-scenes theme park. If you hear the stories from Disney in the 80s and 90s of like Michael Eisner and Jeffrey Katzenberg and Frank Wells just like, you know, the shifting alliances trying to rebuild this once great company. And they just all kind of hated each other. And then Frank Wells died in that helicopter accident. Like one guy died and then they got out. Tilted the balance of power.

Yeah, put their differences. He was like the the calming presence and and you do see like more madness setting in after he passes wow i think they flew too close to the sun they expanded too much they got too greedy absolutely i think no money no problems that's where this yeah as tweetyberg would say, more money, more problems. Tweetyberg, you didn't fucking coin that shit. You stole this for your shirt, Tweety. Whenever, though, anyone works with anyone for multiple years, they hate each other.

That's just sort of the band rule. That might be the podcast rule in a couple years. Like, I'll be wishing Jason dead in a couple years. I swear on my father's grave. I'm like, why would you do that? Scott, I'm still alive. Jason brings up like corn dogs again on the podcast and I just lose my mind. God damn it.

I'm sick of hearing about corn dog castle. Can it be hot dogs? What? No. How many times must we explain that Carthay Circle is cool? California Adventure is where we drink. And we feast on mead. And other libations.

I will eat your butt, Jason. Consider your butt is chewed and swallowed. I'm still polite, though. At some point, we went really clean. At some point, we tried that approach. Wait, what? Just do, I'll eat your butt. Oh, yeah, he goes back down to butt. late though at some point we went really clean at some point we tried that approach wait what just to i'll eat your butt oh yeah yeah yeah kids are listening still eat your butt yeah yeah eat your butt when i was a kid would probably confuse me i'd be like

is that uh consume the butt interesting uh this is a murky threat you've given since we've talked about like lots of gross things from my sexual past uh when i when i was 10 i dated like this 11 year old boy you dated when you were 10 yeah i'm jealous again this is all weird this is all weird circumstances my parents never knew about this my friend from my neighborhood like set me up with her friend from her school. So I didn't know him. And we'd just write each other notes and talk on the phone. I went on one date with him and I was terrified.

Like, I was like, I can't do this. An older man. An older man. He's a gentleman. And he wrote something. He wrote me a poem. And it was like, roses are red, violets are blue. I really want to fuck you was written.

And then fuck you was crossed out, which I can still see it. And then eat you was written. Which again, I had no concept of what that meant. I did not know what eat you meant. Like, I mean, he meant like cunnilingus, right? I would guess. Or just like eat up. Like you're such a little cutie

yeah yeah or like eat my shorts type thing i don't know something funny but he'd also said fuck already and then crossed it out to where i could still see what he wrote god can we launch a twitter campaign against this guy yeah um yeah Stuart Schuller. I know you're out there. Oh, gosh. Don't remember his name. I still have the note. First noted case of slander. Very good.

To a 10-year-old girl. You did that to a 10-year-old girl. I mean, it is so scary to think about, but we were both children. I swear on your great Stuart, so long as I live. I don't even know if it's that I want to fuck you. I don't think I would have known at 11 years old. No, I didn't either.

I was in a committed relationship. I didn't know about fucking in that sense. I knew it was a bad word, but I didn't know it meant sex. 10, 11, I was in a committed relationship with my X-Men action figures. Oh. I was in a committed relationship with my X-Men action figures. Oh. I had a very... How committed? Rogue was your best girl. I had six joke pitches that flashed in my head when you

were about to go into that joke. Yeah. Hagen-Dazs. Whoa, whoa. My family wasn't millionaires. We were buying a fancy ice cream. You were getting blue bunny. We were a Breyers family. Well, with all of those horrors,

do we have any closing thoughts about this great franchise? Yeah, Schlitterbahn. I want to go back, man. You shouldn't. My nieces are probably going to get old enough to go, and I can go with them as an adult and watch the fun unfold. Well, and make sure no pervy 11-year-olds start. I don't know how old the nieces are.

In recent years, some of the Schlitterbahn locations have added indoor parks that run year-round. Whoa, okay. Which is, there is also- So while I'm there for Thanksgiving, I can go check it out. Yeah, so you may be able to go. You don't have the fun, you can go year round. Yeah. There's an indoor park, and that is in California now.

There's a place called Great Wolf Lodge by Anaheim. That sounds awesome. That is an indoor water park with a hotel. Whatever that is, I gotta go. It's an indoor water park with a hotel built in. Oh, man. Scott lurked around at one time. I wandered around there once when I was four.

Not a good- Just gonna check it out yeah yeah just you know see if it might be fun for future uh it's so funny to imagine someone walking up to schlitterbahn and just like can i walk around here and just fully clothed i'm not going to my lunch break i just want to see what it's all about just getting the gist in case i ever have or no children yeah yeah filing it away yeah um well do we we i don't think we've established if we do our system when it's an entire water park well and we haven't been there and we haven't been there so we can't do it we judge we judge rides on a scale of keep it as is plus plus it up, or burn it to the ground for insurance money. Wow. And I don't know that it seems,

I doubt anyone's opinion is to burn the Schlitterbahn to the ground for insurance money. No, I don't think so. From the website perusal that I was doing, I would plus it up. I would put like black beard. I would at least draw a black beard on the side of the slide,

if you're going to call it black beard. Oh, you love hand-painted rides like Pixar. Oh, they do have one, I think, where you go through like a little screen of mist and there's a dragon on it or something. Oh, interesting. So there is some character work. A little bit of art and character work.

Which I don't know that you're getting that in almost any water slide. You like see a character, a monster. That's kind of neat. Yeah. Well, you know, here, you do though, there was a whole big thing, the local indoor pool we had, they like redid it when I was 12. And the whole big thing was that down the water slide, there was a picture projected like that on the pirates and on what you're discussing.

And it would just be like a sun or something. It was Rahm Emanuel. It was a young Rahm Emanuel. This was years before Rahm's. It was Mayor Daley. It was Daley doing a deal with the Teamsters. They were shaking hands. It reminds me of

a Magic Eye poster book. Yeah. You would see just a random image poster book. Yeah, it was a- You would see just a random image and it's like, couldn't you do something clever with this? You mean it was like a- It seems like a shitty gimmick. Sorry. They were both shitty. Sorry, but yes.

A baseball bat. But we were very excited and then, yeah, no, it was nothing. So yeah, I would always want a character. I always want a character. I want a robot, but that's just me. I guess my whole overall opinion with Schlitterbahn is stop plussing it up. Oh, yeah, you don't want the plussing.

I don't want the plussing. I don't want the plussing. I wanted to go back to its roots a little. Let it get overgrown with beasts. Oh, boy. Return to nature. At least keep the water circulating so that no one gets any illnesses. Keep the filters. Yeah, keep the filters going and the life

guards keep the life guards oh boy you will have to you'll have to make a choice when you go back with like uh nieces of like do you just give them each 20 dollars yeah you go like i'm gonna be here i trust you go see the world or are you like i got why i'm not gonna let these i'd be terrified to let them out of my sight actually i think if my okay so my oldest niece is 15 if she was with her other 15 year old friends that would be fine to go off by themselves but no i couldn't like the 11 year old the seven year old the two year old oh okay do they go would have they been to uh i don't know if they have. I wonder. You sure you want to bid? That two-year-old's

probably fine in the wave pool. Yeah, she'll be alright. She'll be alright. Right next to the wall that water flies out of. Give her $20, she'll be fine. Jason was advocating. $20, maybe. I wonder how the inflation on those turkey legs has gone.

I think they were probably like six bucks. They're probably... Closer to 10 now. Yeah, 10, 13. Prices lower in Texas or higher in general? Is there an overall... I mean, obviously prices go up everywhere over time, right? But in the way things are more expensive in New York or whatever.

I mean, gas is still very cheap there though. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. And when I smoked, it was a lot of fun to buy cigarettes there because of how cheap they were. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, okay. Don't smoke, kids.

You don't go across the border specifically for cigarettes? Across the border. Across the border. The Texas border. You don't make cigarette runs back to Texas. No, I don't. No, I don't. I definitely used to, like, yeah, excitedly bring them back to new york

or washington state where i lived but oh yeah new york cigarettes are very very expensive they're somehow cheaper in california even though like everything else is more expensive why make them expensive so awful i can't stand the idea of cheap cigarettes so It's so awful. Yeah, it's pretty seedy, isn't it? Make them cheap. Well, we'll be right back. We'll be right back. Welcome back. We're here now with another installment

of our beloved segment, Souvenir Smackdown. Kelly, to set this up for you, the three of us have each gone hunting on eBay to try and find the weirdest or strangest or just most interesting, funny

or too expensive for what is being sold. Souvenir prop from theme parks or something being sold online that is connected to theme parks. And we've all been hunting on eBay

and Etsy. There is a large secondary market. Etsy has a very large population of knickknacks and garbage and theme park stuff.

So, Mike, you want to go first? You want to tell us about your item? which one is the weirdest? Which is your favorite of these three? Favorite.

Yeah, yeah. Favorite's fine. Favorite's fine. Favorite's fine. Pick one out. It'll be apparent which is more expensive immediately. Pick the most expensive

based only on the number. Yeah, this is a supermarket suite. So I'll read the headline first. And the headline is Vintage Rare Disney Name Tag Badge

Cast Member Gag Name Tag. And the headline is, Vintage Rare Disney Name Tag Badge, Cast Member, Gag Name Tag. And it says, Must See! Like, exclamation point. Oh, my God. And then the description is, This one-of-a-kind name tag was discovered in the estate lot of a man who worked in central shops at the Walt Disney Resort in Orlando. And he must have had a pal working in the name tag department who made this gag tag on the slide. They're really assuming a lot. And there's so much backstory already.

And there's so much like he knew a man who went to this one location. If you look at the grassy knoll, there is a puff of smoke in the footage. Because it is an estate sale that this person found this. So the name tag that is hilarious is Ratso from Mouse Butt U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A

U-S-A So the name on it is Ratso. That's pretty cute. The city is Mouse Butt and the U-S-A U-S-A

I love the name tag. The description makes me feel like this guy doesn't have a good sense of humor. Even though he's like, it is funny. But he's like, I don't know. The way he's saying that it's funny looks like too dorky. Yes. It gets more extreme. It says the word ass, but then the name itself is so tame.

It's very mild. Yeah. What did you search to find this? Mr. Butt. Ratso. What did you search to find this? Mr. Butt. Ratso. I searched Disney World, I think. That's all.

Did you think I searched like ass? Disney ass? No, I'm just curious to see what your searching method was. My searching method. Hardcore Disney porn. Yeah, yeah. Sexual Disney things. I think I searched Disney World and then I switch it so the highest price items

are at the top so I just surf down from the because this is going for buy it now price $550 oh my god

and this is the name tag of someone that worked at Disneyland well but probably it was probably just the guy who worked as the description speculates

probably just a guy who loved a good gag that made it and then handed it to somebody. Because there would be no way. But also worked at Disney World or worked on a lot of a movie? There's no way to be sure. There's no way to be sure.

This person has speculated so much as it is. But it is like the Disney name tag. So, like, chances are whoever, like, or they could have snuck in one night. They had access. They had access. Access to the badge printer. Great. Right.

And they used it on the ultimate joke. Ultimate prank. Ratso. Ratso. All right. So let's hear the next one. Do you think yours has a chance to top? Because mine doesn't.

It's just weird. Mine is also weird. I can't wait. But if you want to go out with a bang, I'll just go. I'll go for it. Don't undersell yourselves, guys. Well, like, mine is not, like, inordinately expensive

for what it is, but the item is so silly. So what we're looking at is this is a Mickey Mouse that is specifically a mickey mouse plush oh no specifically after the aerosmith rock and roller coaster oh that's an mgm right yes disney studios in florida yeah uh so it is a rockified mickey mouse uh who, let me just try to explain. He's wearing like, it's a definition of rock music. He's really more of a rave guy. He looks like Slash to me.

Oh, there you go. Doesn't he have the Slash hat and hair? It's a very Slash hat. He's in like patent leather and boots. Mickey is looking wild. He's kind of like a 2000s rave guy. Yeah, he has a pair of silver glasses on. What are those?

Silver glasses. It's a little like Elton Johnny. He's getting wild with the glasses. Someone just, I hate this so much. It's really hideous. Read the description. The Aerosmith logo coming out of his hat. And then he's wearing, oh, actually, wait a minute.

The version that I'm looking at, he's missing his jacket. Don't buy this version. Do not buy. Because the other one, if they hadn't misplaced the jacket, it's got flames on it. It's like a shirt the Smash Mouth guy would wear. Yes. There's not much going on description-wise. And actually, there's a lot of these on eBay.

There's not, there's not just the one. Uh, but so, um, just a couple of highlights though. Gently loved and ready for a new home. That is an Arab, my favorite Aerosmith song. Gently ready. Gently loved, ready for a new home. Wait, so what does the title say again? Rock and Roll Mickey?

Oh, gee, what does it say? Well, this version that I have is paired with a children's book about the history of Aerosmith called Aerosmith Hard Rock Superstars. Oh, jeez. So this is kind of a bundle. A children's book? Yes. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. Which probably leaves out a lot of chapters about their- Yeah, they don't talk about love in the elevator in there. This is four years ago on Instagram. You just found this? This is my picture. This is my picture.

What? Four years on Instagram of Mickey and Aerosmith outfits. Oh, boy. So they were still selling this. So they were selling

this very recently. This Aerosmith outfit, I still don't understand the glasses. I'll never understand the glasses. It's kind of Elton John and they're square.

I think it's a little nod to rock history, a little nod to maybe Buddy Holly. But to aerosmith no it doesn't make a lot of sense and the idea of well mickey just kind of looks like this like devilish jester he's like uh the the demon of all things rock uh he's it's a little alice cooper yeah it's a very bizarre definition of what a rock guy yeah wear. I couldn't name one hard rocker that wears glasses. Sorry. No, I don't think there is one.

I think you're right. It's also sort of a Jesse Camp vibe as well. You can't wear glasses. They're going to fly off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rocking too hard. Unless you attach them at the back like a basketball player or something or like a dorky little girl. He should be dressed like Steven Tyler. He should have an open shirt and just be covered in scarves.

With scarves everywhere. Yeah, a little microphone with scarves. It would be very easy to do an Aerosmith Mickey. Right. Yeah, Steven Tyler himself looks kind of iconic. The execution on this. This is sort of nothing. My description of how he's dressed is like if Mickey and Minnie were going to an Aerosmith concert

and he walked out and was like, I'm ready. And Minnie's like, you're going outside in that? Why? Yeah. Why did you do this? No, I guess,

no, it was just a joke. I didn't mean it much. I'll just put on the red shorts again, I guess. He's 13 inches. Very cool. 13 inches. 13 inches of pure pl like i all right like i assume mr tyler is packing and yeah sure at least oh yeah minimum stop but when he's hard rocking wait do you um who Who knows? Anyway, there's a lot of these on eBay.

You can get your own very easily. They're all somewhere from $15 to $25. Not unreasonable, but pretty stupid. $15 to $25. I did just casually describe that as, yes, it's kind of a bargain. Yeah, yeah, it's good. It's a good price. If you want, Kelly, go for it.

It's a good Christmas present. Definitely. That might still be on sale. I should see if it's still on sale. It's probably for sale. They probably are still selling them. Don't buy it. What are you doing?

I'll buy one for each of us. All right. Okay. Oh, wait. Also, my wife posed this question to me. What do you think Mickey's favorite Aerosmith song is? Oh, God. I don't know.

My rationale is that he likes... I think Mickey's favorite song in the world is When You Wish Upon a Star because it's within the company. It's a ballad. He's a tender guy. So I think he likes I Don't Want to Miss a Thing because it's...

Oh, that's true. It is kind of loving. It's almost like a classic Disney song. You can imagine Jiminy Cricket singing I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. Oh, that's true. It is kind of loving. It's almost like a classic Disney song. You can imagine Jiminy Cricket singing I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. No, I cannot. I think it's Dream On because dreams are so much a part of Disney. It's dreams, so

Dream On. What about Ragdoll? It's an old-timey kind of song. As a doll, he also would probably be a big fan of Toys in the Attic. Yeah, Toys in the Attic. We know this song. Toys in the Attic. Attic.

There we go. We all know it. All right, let's see what you've got. Jason. All right, so from readily available to one of a kind. Walt Disney World actual park used prop sign, stained glass window, town square. That nonsense sentence is the description on eBay.

And it has told us nothing. It's the sign. Right, yeah. This genuine Walt Disney World sign was used at the original town square restaurant on Main Street, USA, inside the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World, sponsored by Hormel from 1981

to 1989. This piece hung above the doorway as guests entered the restaurant now known as Tony's Town Square. It was removed during refurbishment which converted the former Hormel sponsored space into the now famous Tony's Town Square restaurant. What is your guess as to

what this stained glass window says? I already saw it. You said it's Hormel? That was the sponsor. Is that a chili? What it says? I don't know. That's hard to narrow down.

Well, Scott, it's the official logo of Hormel in stained glass. Oh, beautiful stained glass. Okay. It says Hormel, and then around that are some beautiful pink flowers. Some beautiful pink flowers. So this is a one-of-a-kind. And this hung above someone. Oh, my God.

This was in Main Street. That was in there. Right. Wow. Oh, my God. Along with this window, the purchaser will receive an original Town Square restaurant newspaper menu. Oh, no. Featuring entrees. Town Square restaurant newspaper menu. Oh no! Featuring entrees.

Town Square restaurant cafe. Bill Affair. This old time fun menu. Cafe. What do we got on that baby? Someone cares about that. Entree number

one with a bullet. Hamsteak. Then you got beef stew You can get a cup of chili $1.75 A bargain at the time Something tells me Might be The main street deli plate All of these delicious

In the 100 degree Florida heat. Ew. Hamsteak. Hamsteak. Shrimp salad. Shrimp salad sandwich. When I think the good people at Hormel, I'm thinking shrimp salad, baby. I wonder when this menu came out.

I feel like it was when food was at its worst. The 80s were pretty crummy. Yeah. Bad food. Yeah. 81 to 89. So this you know what you know mass production had just started and they were not doing a good job sure so everything's really bland and you have no uh influences of other cultures there is no nothing international

about this food whatsoever yeah um less chili is considered mexican yeah Here's a favorite. White and brown food. Potatoes, plain. So I don't know why Hormel's name is in this one. Farm fresh catfish from Hormel. No. Like no other item has Hormel in the name. And I don't want farm fresh for fish. I mean, I know that a lot of them come from farms, but you don't say farm fresh catfish.

You want to imagine they're caught from a stream. Like, a stream fresh. A cold stream like sugar bonnet. Yeah, Dan went to a steakhouse with the Wet Hot American Summer, like, writing staff. And it was like a fun, like, staff night out. And it just turned

out to be the worst steakhouse ever. I can't remember what it's called, but they boasted on the menu our beef is corn fed that's a very common like steakhouse no one likes corn fed anymore that was yeah that was impressive a long time ago i bet that jerk stewart runs that steakhouse yeah and they're like, corn's hard to find, you know. There's not a lot of corn to go around. No, the government doesn't like to subsidize corn. We shoved corn down this cow's throat. Yeah. Ready to eat it.

He hated it. Corn-fed catfish. Yeah. Some more info. They were very thorough. Are you going to read us the whole menu? No, no. This is more from the eBay description.

The menu is one sheet of heavy newspaper-like paper printed both front and back containing Hormel history, facts, and of course the food and drink offerings at the time. I hate that this comes with the sign. Side note, all the... Pretend you're there. All the framed artwork under the glass

inside the dining room are original works made by the famous Disney artist Don Ducky Williams. Oh, okay. Which is kind of a confusingly word. Is that like he made the stained glass himself? I don't know. He selected the menu items. There's some catfish on there.

I don't know. I don't know. Hungry for shrimp salad. Hungry. Ducky loved shrimp salad. Ducky loved it. I'm hungry for shrimp salad. I'm hungry. Ducky loved shrimp salad. Ham's good. Everyone loves a good ham. Sirloin steak. What's the price?

What is the price? The current buy it now price. Does anyone want to guess? $42. $6,000. I'll split the difference. $1,000? My'll split the difference. $1,000? My real answer is $200. Mike's too high, and Scott, you're a little too low, currently selling for $3,500.

Oh, my God. That's insane. Yep. That's stupid. It is a nice window, though. Stained glass. Hormel, though? Hormel is an embarrassing word.

It is an embarrassing word, but Disney has a rich history of being associated with evil corporations and companies. So if you could get a House of the Future Monsanto sign, sure, Monsanto is evil, but it's from that. But it's the House of the Future. It was the House of the Future, so I could see people paying a large... Oh, my God. I'm not going to buy this. Yeah. I might. Jason, though, I could see people paying a large... Oh, my God. I'm not going to buy this.

Yeah. I might. Jason, though, I could see having a stained glass window with Hormel. It's probably one of my top five season-preserved meat companies. Think of sloppy, wet, greasy meat when I think Hormel. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, exactly.

Seeing it in stained glass is incredible. Can drippings. Yeah. Like goo coming out of the slit of a can. Wait, I can't remember what yours was. Oh, yeah, that name tag. Rat-toe. Well, I think mine was the Hormel.

It was the Hormel. All right. Jason Lins. Yeah, it's so fucking stupid. Your favorite slash. And I feel like it is kind of the most worth, I mean, at least it was a sign at the place and we know that. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, this Aerosmith crap is so loose. That's pretty... And they threw the jacket away. Yeah, exactly. This has been carefully... They threw the jacket away. I assume.

Yeah. Certificate. Fuck this. This does come with a certificate of authenticity, if you were concerned. Okay. Which is actually, like, in California, if you try to sell, like, a signed book... You must have the certificate. ...you have to provide

a certificate of authenticity it is a serious like legal thing I wonder what life would be like if I thought about those kinds of things you know what I mean

well would it be better you'd have a podcast you'd have a podcast like this yeah but would it be better if I obsessed over

collecting items of things I liked would life be better does it bring a better quality you're asking because we do that do you i do you yeah you do this i have a lot of yeah like do you like in it and you think about it and you like it uh well i have a like i have probably like 60 little these disney toys that i collect i have all these other figures i just bought a couple months ago uh 200 yeah it was a 200-something doll of Adam West.

It's dressed as Batman, a little. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What kind of sigh was that? I mean, it seemed like she was exhausted by what I was explaining. It goes in waves. Sometimes I go, well, I have too much stuff, and then I get rid of it. And then sometimes I'm like, I need a little more. Wow.

And then I need a fix. Wow. And it feels I'm like, I need a little more. Wow. And then I need a fix. Wow. And it feels good. It makes you happy. Yeah, it does. I just have to, I think I'm still in the process of balancing because for a while I was doing too much. Too much, yeah.

And now I've sold a bunch of stuff. Yeah. I don't have anything like that in my life. I guess it's sort of furnishing my home is at the moment my obsessive like collect it all thing. Oh, sure. Sure. Nice.

But you know, yeah yeah you haven't bought some like bizarre piece of nostalgia or arcania i don't think so i have a lot of weird little figures but they're all dirty and out of the package i have mine are out of the package so i'm not okay so you're not one of those crazy person yeah no yeah my brother has a lot of figures too like lord of the rings star wars all them shits i remember when star wars episode one came out like they started re-releasing everything and then new ones too so he was like i'm gonna start now because i fucked up as a kid and all that shit got buried in the sand gonna get so yeah my new expensive my newest thing is that i'm not gonna collect the little

things i'm just gonna spend money on the big expensive but it's a classier look for my disease. Like a nice piece of art. Maybe you would consider this Hormel thing. No, I would. I would consider it. It depends. I don't know where I would put it. I mean, I have the big haunted

mansions from like the front. It's a replica of it, obviously, but we have that in the living room. Classier as opposed to a bunch of junk and knick-knacks. Yeah, because if it's smaller and if it's all... I mean, I still have some of that stuff in my office, but... Yeah, I've seen some classy presentations of collector items before. Like that Adam West thing is cool.

Yeah, I've seen it. Oh, it's very... Yeah. Thumbs up. You can't touch his costume, though, because it'll rip. Gotcha. So do not... I'll show you a picture of that one. You'll choose that over all of these items. You'll fall into dust. On that note.

Hey, thank you so much for being here, Kat. Yeah, thanks for having me. That was a lot of fun. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. No, no. Oh, boy, some of those words and tales thrown around. Anything you want to plug or mention or send people to? Listen to Make Me Like It, my podcast I do with my husband, Dan Klein.

Watch Dan Klein's show that he writes for, Great News on NBC. Hey, yeah. For the love of God. Check out, oh, well, my short film's not online,

but you can always hit me up. Lost in the Go90 Turbine? Yeah, Go90 Turbine shredded it and then my contract with them ran out, thank God. So now I can do something with it. Similar for my show, Tween Fest, which I've never promoted on here,

but it's out of the Go90 collection. Is Go90 a hill now? It's in LA. It's a memory like Bing Bong. But it doesn't have as good of a name as Bing Bong. Welcome to hell, Go90. Hey, on that, well, yeah, watch and do all those things. Kelly, thanks for being here.

Follow Podcast the Ride on Twitter. Email us at Podcast the Ride at Gmail. Subscribe and like the podcast. Yeah, rate and review us on iTunes. And check out other great Ferrell podcasts, which I forgot to mention at the beginning. Thanks, Ferrell. Is that the Ferrell sound effect? What can I say?

I was just being a bad boy. Feral audio. You survived. Podcast the ride. Thanks, everybody. Bye. Bye.