Podcast: The Ride - SeaWorld San Diego with Matt Klinman

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

Matt Klinman (High Science, Smartr podcast) joins us to discuss his summer job working at SeaWorld. Featuring free beer, sinister parent companies, and roller coasters! The Irish Bar Where You Can Get hhhHAMMERED Episode up at The Second Gate: Patreon.com/PodcastTheRide Listen to Podcast: The Ride Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus: http://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus FOLLOW PODCAST: THE RIDE: https://twitter.com/PodcastTheRide https://www.instagram.com/podcasttheride BUY PODCAST: THE RIDE MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/podcast-the-ride PODCAST THE RIDE IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/podcast-the-ride Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forever! Dog! Warning! The following podcast may contain patriotism gone horribly wrong, submarines that are the literal opposite of submarines, and people who don't know how peacocks work. Matt Kleinman educates us about being an educator

at SeaWorld San Diego on Podcast the Ride. Welcome to Podcast the Ride, the theme park podcast where we are dedicated to our mission of providing a safe, protected habitat for nerds. My name's Scott. I'm the director of Nerd Rescue and Rehabilitation here at the podcast. Joining me is the head of Dry Fact Conservation, Jason Sheridan. That's right. I'm just getting word that we have been purchased by a private equity group. So that Habitat organization, that might have to get some reorg going. I'm sure whatever it is, they are even more dedicated to conservation than we are. I can only imagine. Than we could ever dream of being.

I'm sure they're wonderful. And finally, a man who is committed to sustainability through the recycling of stories, Mike Carlson. I'm here, yes. And I think stories are something that we're going to need a lot of in the future. So we should only have a few of them and reuse them over and over again as to not waste. I think so, too. I think that there is like ultimately there's some carbon footprint to telling a story. It's hard to say where, but you know, like there's electronic devices here and it requires effort from your brain. At some point, I think it hurts the environment to like have it make the effort to tell a new story. So when you repeat a Jimmy Buffett story or an Armin Shimmerman story,

you're keeping, you're being globally conscious. So I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. That is what I'm trying to do. So I'm glad everyone notices that. And I hope that's what you carry forward in your own lives, dear listeners. Yes. If you're taking any lessons from us, tell your friends the same stories over and over. I think everyone will love how it goes over. Uh, today is SeaWorld San Diego, and we are joined by an actual former member of the SeaWorld family who might be aware of, maybe was given jargon resembling some of what I just did.

Uh, I don't know. We'll find out about your onboarding and what, I don't even know what you did, so I'm excited to get into it uh he is one of the creators and stars of funny or dies high science on what will still be hbo max for a few days upon the release of this episode so it's hbo max but that will that will chat that's going to shed that hbo point is high science is the show matt kleinman is the guest hello matt hey thank you so much for having me of course uh yeah the seaworld family i guess guess one of the things that they tell you right away in the orientation is that SeaWorld, when I worked there, was that SeaWorld only exists to enrich the Anheuser-Busch brand. Back when it was owned by Anheuser-Busch. But they were very explicit that that was the purpose, was to make the brand of Anheuser-Busch seem better, to enhance its brand. And we were all there to do that. We were ambassadors of Anheuser-Busch and using SeaWorld to make Anheuser-Busch a stronger, better global brand.

It wasn't about helping a penguin out. No, that wasn't a part of it at all. It was not. It was like the orientation was one of those things where like, and you, you know, everybody out there in the park, you know, do your best to make someone's day a little bit better. You know, make sure everybody knows where the bathrooms are. Like go above and beyond because you're representing Anheuser-Busch. And we're here to make sure that via these dolphins and whales and sea creatures that people buy more Anheuser-Busch products. A guy pointed out the bathroom to me, so I'm more likely than in three months

in the supermarket aisle. Oh, you got a lot of choices there. Oh, absolutely. The Anheuser-Busch family has something for everyone. Absolutely, the finest beverages there are. Can I ask a question? Because you brought up Anheuser-Busch. Absolutely.

At some point in my readings, they mentioned that a number of employees were entitled to two cases of beer every month they do claim that i'm so glad you're bringing this up it's one of the first things i wanted to talk about wow my understanding what's called the tot system or that you know that's what it's called when they used to have like uh people work on like wineries or on on liquor distilleries or whatever. And then they would have a company store, but they would give you the wine for free so that everybody would drink it and gamble away their earnings and then have to come back to work for low wages. They did that. So they would give you-

It's bribery kind of. Yeah, every two weeks. Liquid bribery. Every two weeks they would give employees who are over 21 two cases of, I think of Bud Light was what I heard people talk about. I was 19. So I didn't get this benefit. Oh, no. Of a perk. And then also I remember being like, well, then they should give me like the cost of a couple.

Yeah. Right? They should like, I'm getting screwed here. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Yeah. Like, I'm getting nickel and dimed here. Do they make any juices or anything? I don't know what else is in that family yeah and i anizer bush like juicy juice like you'd have to assume it's it's deep holdings at some point in

that lineup beer for little kids yeah no i beer junior i would have loved some yeah but no we just uh i just it was just kind of like something people told me about i wasn't even sure when or where it would happen because they like kept people like me away from it you didn't even know where it was distributed no i would have thought like i would see my co-workers like you know like stride into the parking lot with like a big you know 30 rack or whatever but i never quite saw that and i would have thought that one of them would be cool enough to offer me some but nobody ever did that for me wow you missed out on like the let me take a stab and say the only perk because i was just generally getting money yes right well there were a lot

of free tickets to sea worlds that you got you got a bunch of like free passes and then some half-off passes so i would have if friends come to came to visit over that summer so i worked there for my summer between freshman and sophomore year of college. I'm from San Diego. I came back home. I wanted a summer job. And I had always, I just was like, SeaWorld to me was like the ultimate thing. I loved SeaWorld. So, well, I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself because I do want to, if it's okay with you guys, because we, and I don't know how you guys have dealt with this in the past, but this is a canceled theme park, right?

Yeah. It's so many words, but I have learned that they just kept on keeping on in one of the things they said they were going to change. Well, let me, I don't know what you're getting at exactly, but let me say this. I was curious, like like how dark do we need to get here and i realized that because this is sea world san diego the first one opened 1964 kicked off the brand this is not the one with tilikum it is therefore that is the blackfish

from blackfish that's orlando tilikum was from Orlando. So we have no obligation to talk about Blackfish. We did it, guys. We don't have to. Most of the stuff was not... The murders happened elsewhere. San Diego was perfect. Yes. Everything was fine.

It's all in Orlando. Jason was right about Florida and all of it. I'm so glad to hear you say that. Kick that down to that episode. How to go and bring this to the table with you guys. We'll do a very dark episode about the Orlando and the Blackfish situation eventually. Get with a serious guest who's like, you know, we'll get somebody with a PhD in whatever. Animal killology.

I don't know what it is. Admittedly, I have never seen that movie because I think it would make me too sad. Yeah, that's a good, hey, and that's why, now the only downside to this is that, all right, so that's a sad movie that's off the table because it's Orlando.

I am sad we don't get to talk about happier movies, including Jaws 3D. That is Orlando. So it's off the table. I really love Jaws 3D. And we don't get to talk about The Adventures of Mary Kate and Ashley, The Case of the SeaWorld Adventure, which is, of course, from the mystery series. They saw that it was Olsen and Olsen Mystery Agency. They did two SeaWorld adventures, but this one was the case of the SeaWorld.

Have you seen it? Yes, my sister had this. Okay. I liked the mystery videos because they also, I think, had songs. I think they would pause the mystery component to still make it a song and dance tape. Okay. Well, we'll get there. I mean, I love flat delivery,

which will come up in some other clips that I'm going to play. So those Olsen twin videos, that's a festival of flat delivery. That was what they excelled in. Their talent. That's what we know them for. Anyway, did that...

Well, sort of. Well, but the thing is, and I kind of... I'm sorry. I'm putting this again on you thing is and i kind of i i'm sorry i'm i'm putting this again on you guys i am kind of like hoping i mean you guys are like experts and the thing the truth is ever since blackfish i haven't gone back and i because i just don't know if it's okay right um i went back i've been i don't know if it was okay. I was there to support the Sesame Street brand. This was, all right, this is the closest place that I can go where there is Sesame Street

stuff. And it was for my child. So that can only be good, right? And he got to be in a dance party with a still at the time socially distanced dance party where Ernie and Elmo were up on top of a pirate ship and we just waved to them from afar as we were all around like many adults and children very possibly getting COVID that the point is the people in the suits weren't getting COVID this is like a show yeah it was it was kind of a just confusing uh uh flop around

I would say now I don't remember. I mean, I'm sure I want to say like a YMCA was in there, you know, kind of general wedding music played near a colorful pirate ship. And look, my son got to point at Elmo and the Count. So am I to be run over the coals for this? Did you see fish shows? We did not see any fish shows. So that's good, right?

Now, granted, I gave money to the system that makes fish shows possible. And they've changed the fish show. They've changed some things over the years. I bet. They say that. But to kind of check, I watched a video of the most recent version of the Shamu show, which is supposed to be updated more about their lifestyle and experiences. And it's nice.

The stage looks nicer. There's definitely more like a lot of good factoid and stuff like that. But the tricks and things were mostly similar. Yeah, they were still doing a lot of the little tricks. That's what I was. They had more soulful music than I remember them. And they have less direct, like, and now here's this trick,

and now here's less of that. It's more of a little bit like they're just kind of jumping as it's going. It's a little more free. It's not like, do this, do this. Right. It's their choice. I get it.

Freestyle. It's Chandler's choice. Right. it's not like do this do this right there it's their choice i guess choice right so i guess really probably a person would say as long as they're doing shamu show it's probably bad i that's what i'm wondering probably but the thing is is that these and now we're now we're getting into the heart of the matter they these are many of them are orcas that were born in captivity that this is the life that they've only known that there's nothing else to do with them and they're going to live a long time sure and so you know while they're there you should do something with them and you got a fun show people look at a little bit of fun sure yeah that seemed to be the thing they had stuck with they're like all right we're not going to breed them in captivity anymore, and I was like hold up What were you doing like I thought these were rescues?

Not the case no and so I think this class This crop of them is like when when these are gone. They're gone like they're they say they're not gonna do Get any more of them that, I can't really tell. They have open SeaWorld in Abu Dhabi on Yas Island. They did? Yeah. What, 10 years ago? No, was it recent?

I think it was this year. Oh, wow. Is there a new SeaWorld in the world this year? Yas Island is one of those massive tourist destinations built from nothing where you're like, don't knock on the walls. Don't ask who built this and don't knock on the walls too closely. Don't dig too deep under the sand. Don't dig too deep. What you will find will not have you saying Yas.

Oh, my God. I'm so wrong. Yeah, Jason, you're right. It's opening in two weeks. In two weeks. What you will find will not have you saying yass. Oh my god, I'm so wrong. Yeah, Jason, you're right. It's not even, it's opening in two weeks. In two weeks. Wait, this is coming out in one week. That means one week. Yeah, the 23rd it's coming out. So any listeners who are on yass island, do we know that it is yass

not yass? It's Y-A-S. Y-A-S. Yeah. They're yassifying SeaWorld. Wow. They're puttingassifying SeaWorld. Wow. They're putting SeaWorld into a big photo filter. Yeah. Matt, when did you work there exactly?

So I worked there the summer of 2005. Okay. That's way before the movie, right? It is. Well, there you go. Matt, you're fine. Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

Yeah. No, I mean fine thank you thank you for saying that yeah no i mean i that thank you i felt like it was okay at the time and then when when the movie did come out i mean i don't know how but when we came out i said the lie there's a lie in the movie that they say that although they show somebody on hidden camera they show an educator which was my position telling somebody a guest that the orcas live longer in captivity than they do in the wild oh wow and that's just simply not true there's no evidence to bear that out but that is something in our like info packets and a very common question and something that we would say all the time and i took that as gospel because these are the experts these are the people who

know and so that was uh one of the lies or one of the things that i said on behalf of the company that i have since regretted wow so you said that like every day maybe probably if i was working at that exhibit that's wild that is like an interesting factoid that you could give people and it makes them feel good it doesn't happen to be true yes uh they love it so much here that they live longer they want to live longer yeah it's like the theme park better than the ocean they do yeah that's it well i like a theme park better than the ocean so much here that they live longer. They want to live longer. Yeah. They like the theme park better than the ocean. They do. Yeah. Well, I like a theme park better than the ocean, so I guess that makes sense. There's music playing.

Sometimes some popcorn falls in. They like that. You like popcorn, don't you? Yeah, the flavors are different. Yeah. Wow, guests over 21 are entitled to two free seven-ounce pours of beer. That's awesome. Maybe the whales like the beer.

Maybe that's why they want to be yeah if i don't live longer i'm actually leaving beer on the table i'm not collecting more free beer if i die sooner so if i live longer in the park i get more bang for my buck yeah it's important to attain that value right so that is yeah that's interesting uh is there did you are there any other like big lies they had you telling? So the other thing was that this was 2005. This was an Anheuser-Busch. And prior to Anheuser-Busch, it was owned, I had heard by, it was by a large like conglomerate or whatever.

But I had heard that the owner was much more Christian then. But all that led to us never being able to say the word evolution. We just couldn't tell people when we were educating them about the animals we couldn't say that they evolved to be this way we had to say they adapted or just ignore the concept of evolution entirely okay yeah adapting is fine different god allowed adaptation but evolving god came down and kind of shaped the clay a little bit differently on one day it's just like him doing rewrites or whatever yeah god is fine with synonyms you know right he's not fine with that one word no no yeah so that was another thing so we couldn't

talk about that uh and and then i don't know i mean there's a bunch of stuff that I feel like I could kind of get into about just the experience of being at SeaWorld and what you sort of see when you're there. Yeah. As compared to, I think, what you imagine it would be like, or I don't know, the fiction of it being. Wait, question. How are you in? You're an educator at 19. Right. So, yeah.

Well, so let me start at the beginning, I suppose, which was that I'd always wanted to work at SeaWorld. And then through a series of like just me completely missing the context of a few key moments, I was led to really believe that being an educator at SeaWorld was a much bigger deal than it was. And that started with like, obviously, as obviously as a kid, I thought it was really cool and wanted to work at SeaWorld. And I remember like maybe the winter before going to SeaWorld and seeing, meeting somebody in the shark encounter with a, like a young person, youngish, like college age or whatever, with a clipboard who was like telling people about the, the animals and stuff like that. And I remember thinking like, oh, that's amazing. I was studying marine biology in high school. I really love that stuff. I got a scuba. I got scuba certified when

I was a teen. Like I love the ocean. Growing up in San Diego, I'd snorkel all the time, surfing, all that sort of stuff. But I really loved marine biology. And so I kind of assumed that, oh, the people working at SeaWorld must be like best in class, like experts about all these things. And I once went up to somebody who was working at one of these places to ask them so you know how they got the job like are you like a student like what and and like all of the answers like when i replayed them again like fed into my bias which was believing that they were like a phd student who was like that clipboard they were using to like take data to like collect data about what they were observing about some sort of

study they were doing because this person said like oh yeah i'm a student i i go to ucsd uh yeah you know i i like the animals this is kind of you know and i'm like oh is that what you study like i study stuff you know but i was like i i don't know anyways later i realized on his clipboard was just like drawings of the sharks with their names that he was holding. So he would remember what they were if somebody asked him. And he was probably just a college student who had this job. The educators at SeaWorld are actually it's a minimum wage job. It was like a seven fifteen an hour job.

And really, you're there to make sure people don't fall into any of the open pools of water so they give you like lifeguard training and show you where the like the the donuts are that you throw out the lake water you know and where the like life jackets are if you need to save somebody but basically they figure they had to pay people to stand around near the open tanks they might as well give them a microphone and like a little fact book and have them like say some stuff oh you're kind of a show too a little bit casual yeah yeah or you're just you know you're there of a show to a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Or you're just, you know,

you're there to give some, you know, some burnishment to the brand, some like little bit more than what the guests had bargained for or whatever. No, it is also the, it can be like a gateway to becoming a trainer is that if you,

a lot of the trainers started at this educator position and like work their way up. So that was another thing that led me to believe that this was like a big deal but basically when i applied when i came home that summer i thought i didn't i kind of ran that was running through my head and then a couple other things happened that made me think like there's no way i'm gonna get this job the other one was when i went to like the trailer in the parking lot of sea world to like get a job application and put it in um the comedian Dat Fan of course oh sure

was there winner of one of the last comic stand the first last first the first season of last comic standing which had just been a few years prior and he was there also applying for the same job what and I which then led me to believe like oh oh, wow, like this is like a Hollywood pipeline. This is like the people who are doing this are like, you know, tip top talent. Why would me, a college freshman, even have a chance? I remember going and seeing him there, having an application and then talking to like the higher up people. I don't know. He was going into some offices and talking and they seemed to be doing some wheelings and dealing.

I don't know. Later, I learned that DatFan was back to, was going there to apply, but during, so he's from San Diego. And when he was on last comic standing, he was like comic from San Diego, that fan. And by the way, he's a lovely guy. He was wonderful. It was nice meeting him and like having lunch and stuff with him. Like he was great. No, no shade on that fan truly but i guess he had that had been his day job was he had worked his way up as from being an educator while he was like doing stand-up and stuff like that he had worked his way up to the point where he was like the highest level kind of presenter there like he would do the emceeing for like the weekend shamu shows like

he which are like big like lights going crazy like big sort ofu shows, like he, which are like big, like lights going crazy, like big sort of things, high production stuff. He was like their main guy. He was the last educator standing. Yes. He was the last educator standing. He had won.

He had won the tournament of SeaWorld. He wins everything. And, but when I had learned was he was there that day because he had gone, he'd like moved to LA after last comic standing, you know, tried it for a little bit. He had a wife and like young kids. And I think they just felt like his wife was a teacher that their life was a little better in San Diego. So they kind of moved back and yeah, he was going to keep doing standup, but he wanted to basically just get his old job back. Even if part-time just cause you know, he loved it and

it was great. They loved him there. But corporate had a rule that if you leave and two years elapse then you have to start back at step one and all of his like record everything he had done didn't matter he had to go back to the minimum wage job that i was also applying oh my god so it was and the beer resets too right it didn't get to that third box. Oh, no. Yeah, it feels like corporate and him should have just cracked a cup of cold ones and talked it out and at least got him up to like mid-range, you know? You would think. But that was what I was witnessing was him kind of arguing and being told this bad news and him being like, come on, guys, it's me. Remember me?

And them being like, I'm sorry, this comes from corporate. Wow. remember me and them being like i'm sorry this is court this comes from corporate wow your experience starts with a person you recognize and then kind of recently relevant person being told they can't right sort of like just limited your expectations but through my frame and lens i just saw a famous person wheeling and dealing in the hiring office and i just had no idea and then when i went to like uh i got like a callback or whatever they like liked my application they brought me in and you do like a little audition you like give a little uh spiel about animals in front of like the tide pool exhibit or whatever and then the other person doing it when i was there had just come back

off of a national tour with rockapella and which i also didn't fully know how to contextualize if that was like a big deal or not I don't know but at the time I was like well I'm definitely not getting this job I mean this is for the big leagues this is like wait are there multiple if I've been a fool is Rockapella not just four people and the same four people from Carmen San Diego are there is it bloom man are there a lot of Rockapella's yeah Yeah, it's Blue Man. Yeah. Geez. So I'm not seeing the person who did the Shoo-Wop-A-Doo-Way on my favorite show I tolerated when I was eight. Probably not.

Wow. Wow. So there's multiple touring units of Rockapella. That was what this person told me. It's franchised. It's a franchise. It's a restaurant. So the Rockapella that played my senior week event when I was graduating college and I was like, oh, this picnic food is terrible. And Rockapella is kind of sucks.

I got to go pack up my house. Like I was just kind of like a bum. It's just like I'm just kind of bummed out. I don't think I'll stay for the rest of Rockapella. Do you remember what Rockapella sang? Sorry to derail sorry to uh well i think i bailed after the where in the world is carmen san diego song i'm pretty sure they did it what else are they gonna do yeah that's my i'm the most curious what is the second song they perform it's a good question weird sing it rockapella right that was the thing yeah sing? It's a little exciting to hear in a room with microphones.

Sing it, Rockapella. You kind of brought me back to... Oh, this was in the quad during an unexpected spring heat wave. Well, look, they're more equipped than most acts to perform acapella or rockapella. Like, they don't need microphones necessarily. Well, sure. Look, they were just happy to know where in the world they were that day, you know? Mike Love would like Rockapella because of the acapella nature.

Yeah. Well, and he does it because he's like the bo-bo-bo-bo-bo. He does that part of the harmony. Yeah. Yeah. Light a rose. They're a cool band to him. They're an up-and-coming.

Yeah. Yeah. Like when three years ago he's like i'm gonna start collaborating with the big acts of today sugar ray and hansen it's on my gloves mark mcgrath is on a lot of beach boys stuff recently yeah he's becoming he's like another extra member satellite member yeah yeah he might yeah he might join the beach boys now that are he's with him a lot. He's with them on specials, I feel like. They'll do a July 4th special,

and Mark McGrath is there with them. You have a lot in common with Mike Love. To both of you, Mark McGrath is a big role. Sort of like what John Mayer is to Grateful Dead? Oh, maybe. Yeah, I think John maybe has done more dates. That, but with zero musical talent or ability. Look, they have Mark there saying, I think, do it again is what I've seen Mark do.

Sure. So I don't know why that specific song. They want him there for that. Easy. It's easy to sing? Sorry, I'm throwing Mark under the bus here. Yeah, he seems like a lovely guy. When you were, I think maybe you said, kind of alluded to this.

When they said you would be an educator, was there a 19-year-old pride in the idea of that word and what your mission was then? Absolutely. And, like, they give you, like, a little spiral-bound book. And you go through a couple days of training about, like, basic facts about all the animals and, like, how to put together. Like, they give you, like, template scripts for, like like the spiel that you're going to kind of do so how it works is you walk around sea world if you go to one of the exhibits where there is an educator which are almost always ones that also have open pools of water uh they'll the an educator will have a microphone they'll usually kind of talk for like five to ten minutes and then kind of like

open it up for quite be like hey i'm here for questions if anybody wants or whatever um but i did because i had just taken i had done a lot of marine biology stuff and i don't know if people actually wanted this but i really took pride in that i could speak for a full hour i could go out i could do material without recycling that much of it for a full hour just kind of giving not only the information that sea world provides, but other information that I knew from my marine biology classes. And I could really inform the public about pinnipeds, seals and sea lions, or about the intertidal zone, or the manatees, or the shark exhibit, which was one of my favorites. And then I would kind of have whole things that I would do. And I took a lot of pride in that did this help did that help you get the job um i think my original like as a call they had like kind of like callback auditions and i did one that i that i i

guess i mean probably yeah but i was so nervous because i thought that only like hollywood like on the up-and-comers were gonna get the job so i was if i got no credits yeah so i exactly i'm close to having an imdb page like why would they even pay attention to me but they gave me a shot so i remember like trembling as i was like delivering my spiel wow meanwhile you're probably like the dream you're probably the best they have yeah i've once i got in there i mean there were definitely some people who were very like interested and also definitely some people who wanted to be like dolphin trainer track but there were also people who were just like i don't know i thought this would be a fun job or whatever right okay geez interesting okay so tim you move past the

intimidation right you've got a rock star spiel how how long are you there ultimately how long do you do this for yeah well it was the job was just for the summer for me but it was like you pick up you know four or five days a week or whatever. And they kind of rotate you around the park throughout the day. So usually at one exhibit for like an hour or two at most. And then one of them would be the Shamu kind of enclosure in between shows. And you would like talk to people. And that's where I would say the lie about their longevity and stuff like that.

But yeah, so that was that so that was basically the gig. And then, you know, then things kind of happened. Then I guess I could start kind of... I think we have to... I'm scared, but yes. Well, I do... This is like a little bit of a warning.

I don't know, Scott, if you told these guys a little bit about the stories, a couple of the stories I have. But I don't want people going into this not. I did. Wait, because if you told them to me, that would have been at the Funny or Die 15th anniversary party where I was the drunkest I've been in years. Okay, cool. So I don't have them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I did not have them to give to Mike and Jason. This worked out perfect. I'm so glad I got a college-level drink. A little refresher for Scott and a totally new thing for me and Mike. Yeah, too. It was their quinceañera. Right. So funny you guys, quinceañera was the theme.

And the hors d'oeuvres that were not present were all mexican uh food i guessed but okay i never got any oh yeah i don't remember those they don't invite me to these parties anymore i used to be invited everybody who worked there i stole a pillow though that was oh nice i wanted to steal a pillow by the time i wanted to steal one well and that's how they fell on hard times and were not able to keep pumping out landlord style videos as much because everyone's

stealing the pillows. Taking a LaCroix to drink and a LaCroix to take home. Well, well, well. They wanted me because that was part of it. That was like getting the beer from M. Iser Bush.

It was assumed that you take as many pillows as you can. Just people taking advantage of the good, wholesome folks at private equity. Yet again. Same old story. So there were a lot of like lore and stuff at SeaWorld.

Like stories that you only hear if you work there. Maybe I'll tell a couple of those. Some of the things that stick with me. One of the ones that I had heard even before I worked at SeaWorld, because i think it's like corroborated in like press and stuff like that is the previous before anheuser-busch the previous owner um who again i kind of heard was christian i kind of tried to verify that kind of stuff before coming here to make sure he seemed to just be the head of like a large publishing company that then tried to get hardcore

yeah division of hardcore yeah and then they had to sell seaworld to anheuser-busch because uh giseline maxwell's father tried to do a hostile takeover of the the company and in order to do that they had to go into such massive debt that they had to sell off seaworld wow yeah uh if you want to talk corporate willings and dealings that's the if you guys have seen the new Tetris movie, the bad guy in the new Tetris movie is the one in the same that ultimately led to Harcourt having to. Mr. Maxwell.

What's the name? Do we know the name? Robert Maxwell. I think so. I believe also a Mossad spy. Oh, really? Maybe like had some shady wheelings and dealings.

He died mysteriously. He like fell off a boat. What? He died very mysteriously. In that group of people a mysterious death yeah it's hard to believe i certainly hope it was the last one so but i think that guy the hardcore the guy that worked for hardcore i think he's who they refer to when they say the christian guy but he they sea world is known if you go even if you fly into san diego you can't miss it. There's a giant revolving tower, a big blue tower with like kind of like a revolving platform on it. Distinctive on the San Diego skyline. And apparently when they opened it, they wanted to sort of like christen it with like a big sort of ceremony.

And at SeaWorld, there was one of those places where they have a lot of like peacocks roaming the grounds. Sure. You know, the Los Angeles Botanical garden is a similar place like that. If you Philadelphia zoo always had a lot of peacocks roaming around. It's fun. So I guess he took up some of those peacocks to the top of the tower and he was going to release them like doves. That's so hard.

That works. And so, I mean, yes. Also, they definitely, even if peacocks could have flown from there i think they clipped the wings some so the man the rich man he threw peacocks off the ledge of this i don't know 100 feet 200 300 500 feet tower and apparently they just plummeted to their death what what do you think was going to happen i think that they would fly off gracefully and christen his beautiful new tower they are birds birds fly end of story come with me you can throw one too that is what yes that's like a famous san diego tale oh my god we didn't find this doing our research yeah

they tried to bury this one it wasn't this wasn't on cworld.com no there's not famous photos of this like walt opening disneyland well i those that's the thing i remember i think if you go like microfiche digging in like some like library yeah you can maybe find the old article and i'd always hope that there would be some image of it i don't know if anyone took it but i've never seen it but it might have been too it's too much of a blur yeah i don't know what speed they were falling mr c world and probably pretty fast yeah the most beautiful blur you've ever seen in your life christ it's a very impressive blur you've got to think if peacocks could really soar like doves around tourist destinations that are dirty with them, you'd just be seeing soaring peacocks everywhere all the time. It'd be common iconography.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The place of the soaring peacock. Yeah. Yeah, no. Why don't we see this all the time? It's so, peacocks aren't taking the initiative to fly he was just trying to give them the head start they needed it's like sea world was not started with a bunch of animal experts around that's what it seems like it was the knowledge

was not well it was not to derail from what you're saying but the the backstory of it is like it was 1964 four ucla frat brothers decided to start stick some shit in some tanks or whatever yeah it was like we're gonna put a we're gonna make an underwater level of our restaurant oh that's too complicated all right where's there a bunch of land we can grab let's uh i so that that is that's the starting point so i guess it shouldn't be so insane that now we got peacocks falling out of towers yeah oh my god so the other legend and this was the one that i heard when i was working there i hadn't heard this outside of it but it also involves uh birds um is that very famously the orcas um seagull you know this is the mission bay san diego and seagulls are everywhere or whatever

and famously seagulls would land on the orca pool and the orcas being the apex predator of the ocean um would eat them and but i never personally got to see this but people would say that they would see it relatively often where not only would they eat the seagulls but they would kind of like play with them and toy with them like a cat but with a mouse before finally putting them out of their misery and they would grab them by their feet you know you can imagine a seagull kind of like with its it's swimming swimming calm calm on the surface but underneath their little feet are moving quite a bit and an orca would grab the feet and then pull it down and kind of bring it almost to the point of drowning and then pop it back up and kind of toy with it right and then ultimately eat it so that is definitely something

that a corroborated people would say would happen this next part of it is something that only was kind of happened in lore okay but so no lawsuits the oh yeah is that something i don't know for the first time ever i am worried after where we've landed i'll just say hard to put that on a t-shirt you know hard to put they play with them before they kill them yeah yeah holograms were very popular in the 90s like look the seagull disappears where does it go so being anheuser-busch there is a very patriotic streak to the orca shows and in particular at every uh every show this was 2004 um or sorry 2005 they would still play if you guys remember that super bowl commercial that

anheuser-busch did that was kind of a retelling of a of a real thing that happened when troops came back from afghanistan or iraq where some troops came uh came back to like a civilian airport and still have their their uniforms on and everyone in the airport stood and applauded for them. That's like kind of like a story. It was like a news story that happened. And then for the Superbowl in 2002 or 2003, Anheuser-Busch did an ad where they kind of recreated that. And it's a very like effective,

like kind of tear jerking thing. It's just everybody seeing the soldiers just kind of like humbly getting off the plane and everybody stands. And it's like a really like lovely, like affecting patriotic moment. And then that happens. And then just anheuser-busch logo just comes up they're taking that moment for themselves yes burnishing the brand right everything is just so if you think of that think of us yeah yeah we we essentially did it right basically yeah we came home they would play that at every orca show at every shamu show come on like they would play that at every orca show at every Shamu show. Come on.

Like they would say like, and we want to, you know, welcome to the Shamu show. And we want to thank, you know, our members who are in service, you know,

our service members who are here today. And they would play this commercial before every Shamu show. Oh my God. So if you don't like the show you're about to see, that is like spitting in the face of the troops. Exactly. So this, then that's what we, that's what the orcas are here to do is they're essentiallyitting in the face of the troops exactly so this then that's what we

that's what the orcas are here to do is they're essentially part of the military or whatever they're basically yeah yeah they're the seabair seafaring arm of you those were the brave men who killed pat tillman and chris kyle okay show them some respect for this beer commercial thank you for saying that yeah uh so they would and then for the later shows, they would kind of go even further at one of the late night, like the or not late night, like kind of the prime time ones. They would do something where the one of the trainers would ride Shamu around the tank and while riding Shamu plant an American flag on the back of Shamu. In the hole? No, it was kind of, it's like implied that it's in the hole.

Come on. But it couldn't have been the hole. Probably what most spectators thought. That's what it's kind of seeming as if. An implied hole. Into the hole. But they're not just stabbing the whale. No, like, I mean, you know, you watch it close.

They're gracefully just kind of like kneeling okay on the on the orca on shamu taking a fluttering american flag and planting it on the back of shamu and doing a lap or two while i don't like red white and blue like goes whatever it's okay yeah san diego's also a military town yeah sure sure top guns right exactly this is for the top people so oh my god that all again all things that happened San Diego is also a military town. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure. Top guns. Right. Exactly. This is for the top people. So my God, that all, again,

all things that happens corroborated. Now this is the legend, which is that at one of these things, what they used to do was have a, an Eagle, a bald Eagle, a trained bald Eagle sore over the tank at like kind of the crescendo of the patriotic moment.

Maybe you see where this is going. And the legend is that the Eagle, the bald Eagle, the glorious bald Eagle flew a little too close to the tank. And one of the Orcas leaped up and, and ate it, took them into his mouth. The greatest moment in American history.

People probably thought that was part of it. Right? Incredible. They're like, okay, all right. And now the eagle is within us. Yeah. Maybe they thought the whale would go somewhere else and then open the mouth and the eagle would fly out. And they're like, okay, this is a theme park.

This is not real. Proud Shamu, chomp that bald eagle down. Suck, oh, hang on. That's never happened. Alright. Proud to be an American. Also, it's like

far enough away, I feel you'd be like what like everyone just kind of like leans forward like wait wait a minute what was that that artist who drew all the rainforest t-shirts and the joe camel ads gets an assignment gets an assignment in his mail he's like shamu eating eagle i don't even know how to mid Mid-eagle chomp. Mid-eagle. I don't know. Is the eagle supposed to. Who's the client on this one? They look like they're in pain or should it look like it's a death they couldn't even feel.

Everyone's meaning to do this. It looked like everything. Everyone's meaning to do this. I mean, the true disappointment has to be that they couldn't make it happen every show. They only had so many eagles. How bad? Bald eagles are expensive. Maybe, look. Seagulls are dime a dozen.

The people in charge of SeaWorld, it seems like morally they'd be like, you know what? That was bad, but kind of cool. Maybe we'd do it every time. Maybe. They'd ran a feasibility study of how can we make this happen. That's a better finish for the show.

Everybody would want to see that. I want to. Don't you wish you were there? Sure, yeah. And hey, extra cases all around. We're celebrating. This is lightning in a bottle, folks. The whale eats the bird.

They did also, I keep forgetting to mention, they did have a Clydesdale beer garden. They had Clydesdales in SeaWorld at the time. Oh, I remember that in some parks. Yeah, any of the bush parks. They didn't station us at the Clydesdales to give Clydesdale facts. Now, did they

ever eat any horses? Massive beasts. Oh, just kids. Just guests. Did they ever send a horse off a giant diving board at SeaWorld? Oh oh like in the perry mason like they were just talking about i don't know it feels like in the early days i didn't see anything because that was like a common old thing that they used to yeah

yeah but it feels like yeah sea world opening year they've tried stuff out yeah yeah yeah yeah we just there nobody was documenting it so you didn't know what happened uh i the only way to make it cooler is if they if they could launch if if a clydesdale could jump off a ramp it itself eat a bald eagle and then shamu eats the full clydesdale yeah yeah oh yeah that's that would have been the thing to strive for. I mean, that's basically the second Meg, Meg 2 trailer. Oh, really? It's a dinosaur eats another dinosaur and then gets eaten by a Meg. Wow. Wow.

Do you think SeaWorld has looked into trying to breed Megs? Oh, yeah. Yes. Orca's off the table, but get the Megs going. There's no regulations on that. These movies are real big. There has to be like B.D. Wong's character from Jurassic World in Sea

Worlds as far as like a geneticist who's trying to figure things out and like maybe if you can maybe to get around all the moral issues you just breed whales that don't feel anything. They don't feel emotions. They don't have pain receptors and then that's the way you get around it that makes a lot of sense isn't that what deep blue

sea was didn't they genetic they were trying to make smarter sharks yeah yeah so they could make the sharks do tricks right right and so the sharks could show up could like uh pop up at specifically very shocking time yes exactly like these sharks are so smart they can interrupt a monologue they can't somebody thinks they're going to survive yeah whoever's doing this genetic stuff is probably working on two projects one for the military one for theme parks yeah same but it's basically the same concept that's one for you one for them right we control them one of them kills one of them puts on a fun little show that is that is most of i think uh the jurassic park movies and also most of michael crichton's bibliography yeah it's true that is very true and yeah one for the

military one for little treats right we have one one shark can like uh turn into have human legs spring out and run on land and uh eat a bunch of people and then another shark can sing rockapella can sing in a perfect harmony with other sharks they're working on mold a lot of people. And then another shark can sing Rockapella, sing in a perfect harmony with other sharks. They're working on mold. A lot of things. I bet. Yeah,

I would certainly prefer the tour, the touring iteration of Rockapella that has a singing shark in it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't think I'd ever go see the all human again.

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe you would just want one shark on the Rockapella team to it. All humans. And then a shark chomp at Rockapella team too. All humans and then a shark. Chomp it, Rockapella.

Do they wear straw hats, Rockapella? Or are they too cool for that? The shark does. He'll wear whatever. If you breed him right, he'll wear whatever you want. And you teach a shark to burp out the big red fedora. Oh, that's good.

At the end of the show. Right onto the head of the one who's, where's my hat? And folks, don't worry. We don't have to worry about Carmen Sandiego anymore. Chompy got her. She's dead. She did.

Oh, it's her fedora. I see. Okay. Or it could be the pesky Rockabella guy. Yeah, the one trying to unionize the Rockabella gang. Yeah. Chompy got them. Yeah, yeah.

The shotgun Rockabella is a union buster. Yeah. It'spy got them. Yeah, yeah. The shark on Rockapella is a union buster. Yeah. It's a Pinkerton. It's a Pinkerton. It's a management and get rid of the one who's causing trouble and trying to unionize Rockapella. They sent the shark to that Magic the Gathering YouTuber, the one who would like, God, did you hear about this? No, no.

Oh, this. I know what you're talking about. A YouTuber was like reviewing a new deck of Magic the Gathering stuff, and Wizards of the Coast sent security to go, like, how did you get a hold of that? That wasn't released yet. Oh. And they sent the Pinkertons.

This was very recently? In the last month. Wow. Yeah. Jeez. There's a... Did Nintendo... Somebody stole some software and like

nintendo is making them like bowser pay all of their money i think his name is like bowser is the man now in charge oh right that's the reggie but i think the guy also had a weird name there's a guy named doug bowser yes yes but nintendo's like making people pay's somebody who did something that's against the rules and like they're like making this person pay the rest of their like salary to Nintendo for the rest like 10 years or the rest of their life or something. He can garnish his wages for the rest of his living. But he has to still work there. No, he doesn't work at Nintendo, I don't think.

No, he just wronged them so severely that he owes them for life. Yeah. And I don't know if they like modded. I don't remember. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. No. Whatever it was. These are games we're talking about.

We're talking about children's games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Need to ruin a life. My God. Wow. This is what a place. So now, if you guys are up for it, I can now take you to the deepest depths of my experience. Oh, no, we're not there yet.

Oh, my God. You've slowly lowered us from the shark cage. Dive, dive. We're getting used to the pressure down here. All right. All the way to the floor zero. Okay, so Max Gislaine. There's a little island in sewer.

Max Gislaine had a beef with his neighbor um there's secret there's secret maxwells who live under the sea they're too grotesque to live up with us sea world little saint james opened a little black book a little black and white book of orcas that uh so okay so here's a story of what happened to me personally um which so i think that that is like legally okay right if i say that but like sure yeah i experienced this so i can't be sued for it um so there's a lot of weird stuff that happens at uh you know an oceanarium uh within with the animals themselves and i bet this similar stuff happens at zoos and any place where you keep animals in captivity and and you

know i'm not a big animal liberation guy by any means i like an aquarium i like a zoo i like all those things but you do have to admit that probably some of the higher order mammals they're not having the best time seems like and um so one common thing that happens is that the animals are all they get horny they get horny for each other uh and so you kind of you'll see this um very often i would see it at the one of the dolphin exhibits um the commerson's dolphins which are kind of like black and white spotted similar to orcas but they're smaller they're cool uh this was near the journey to atlantis ride uh we haven't even talked about the rides at sea world i'm sorry guys

who needs them i'm deleting all of this from the notes this is all this is we're doing this so uh but you would often see them pop little erections uh and chase each other around and it kind of felt like a little bit like you know those old-timey old-timey movies where a lecherous man would you know just chase the secretary around the right benny hill yeah like a benny hill kind of thing it felt that way a little bit and you know who knows that the i they said that they liked it or something i don't know or whatever they're doing what you got to do it seems like a bit of an oversimplification. Sure. Who knows? But animals are being animals. Sure. This place hasn't lied yet. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. So so the thing that I witnessed happened at the manatee exhibit. So the manatee exhibit was manatee rescue. And it was an exhibit where they had four manatees, all of which had been rescued from the waters of Florida. All of them had scars from boats, from being hit by boats. And all like one of them was in particular, what had mostly lost its tail. It was kind of the runt of the four. And so the, so the exhibit, the manatees, because there are so many being rescued again, this is all what they told us. So I don't know if it's true uh the manatees were who were

being rescued outnumbered the number that they could hold in captivity so they had a breeding hold on all manatees in captivity so to facilitate that they would just have single sex um habitats so all four of these manatees were male uh and i sort of noticed during the summer there's like late nights at sea world and um kind of later on there would be fewer people and the animals would start acting a little bit stranger um and so one strange thing i witnessed one night for example was manatees famously or famously something interesting about manatees is they're actually most closely related to elephants than any other than any marine animal if you kind of do like an x-ray of their flippers you can kind of see like an elephant kind of foot type of thing if you squished it down if it adapted

by squishing it it's it's fin it's elephant foot down they also are the only marine mammals that are strict that are vegetarian they only eat plants and so at sea world they would just feed them like huge heads of lettuce they would just throw big heads of lettuce in and that's what they would eat yeah at epcot too i've witnessed oh really they have a couple of rescued manatees that are they're not in great shape little joe yeah little joe yeah oh wow you know them i know little joe yeah you know and and so yeah we've seen him celebrity they they have them on stage and all on stage quote unquote but it's just tanks they don't make them do it do anything but they're always throwing them stalks of lettuce yeah

so if you get there during feeding time they're just going hog wild on yeah so one night i went this is one of those like disturbing images that like i have in my mind um the i came in no one was really there a few people but all the manatees were together. They were all floating down to the bottom of the tank, chewing sand. And that's another thing about manatees is they chew. They're the only marine mammal that chews. It's like they have a bunch of molars

and they like, they chew. So they were going down to the bottom of the tank, getting heaping mouthfuls of sand and chewing it as they rose to the top and then vomiting just bright green just like the the the water was like flooded with bright green which i assumed was lettuce being your algae or something being regurgitated but they were all doing it which was very which is odd so that that was one that was a manatee evening um and then now what i'll tell you is another manatee evening so i i went one night to my

manatee exhibit are you alone this is i feel like it's just you and yeah this feels like yeah you're the only person in the park so it felt that way i would you know i was 19 and if you're like bored we didn't have we had cell phones and we didn't have like smartphones or anything like that so the thing i would do to kind of occupy myself is i would have like little olympics at every exhibit where like oh i'm gonna try to like jump and hit this beam. I have like a little long jump at like the shark exhibit where like a bridge was like this long and try to like jump at the whole bridge. And I would do that kind of, you know, whatever, just to occupy myself as like a teen boy. So I was doing my manatee exhibit Olympics of like a high jump of trying to hit the beams.

And I. Hey there, Scott here. At this point in the conversation, Matt's story took a somewhat uncomfortable turn and we at Podcast the Ride made an executive decision to censor the story in our tried and true method pioneered a few years ago by Evan Susser. And I started to notice that one of the, the larger, the largest manatee, uh, got tail. And the thing about manatees is their, so the big manatee was very slowly. And it was very clear to me. I mean, me any you know cognizant you know living person or a thing would know that the two other manatees on the other side started and then they each

wow i'm cute and i am supposed to like and i was just dumbstruck just this is crazy this this is i'm not this is going to stick with me for the rest of this day. But as a 19 year old, I may not have been able to get out of bed for two days. That might be a God has abandoned us sort of moment. Yeah, I may have just announced. At least to David Cronenberg, either David or the son kind of moment. This is what the world is capable of. Yeah.

I mean, in a a way this is why i needed to come here to bear witness to this sure finally release it you've been carrying this around for a long time also sea world is canceled now officially yeah yeah yeah so that's why no that's what i wanted to see once you heard my testimony what do you believe now? You certainly kicked it over the, like a, like a, you know, a whale or a seal nudging a ball into a tank. It is, you have nudged it fully into the canceled tank. I canceled the whole ocean after I hear this. Well, but so let me say a few things. Okay, sure.

Go ahead. Like, not, you know, unlike an orca, perhaps it's not all black and white. Okay. Unlike an orca, perhaps it's not all black and white. SeaWorld does have an extensive sea lion and seal rescue program in San Diego. At every beach where you see seals and sea lions, there's a phone number that you call if you see one in distress. And as far as I know, this is a reputable and good program where if you see a sea lion with like plastic bag choked around itself or something like that they have people on call all the time who will come and help seals and sea lions sure they also have some sort of research institute there they do do they do function as you know an education sort of institution in the way that a zoo does i'm sure the institute and the rescue people are happy to be following that story

i just i just don't you know i don- All right, now you guys are in. You know, as I'm here, you know, canceling SeaWorld or recanceling SeaWorld, or I just, to me, it's complicated feelings. Because also this was an important, you know, this is a seminal time in my life. This is when I was 19, you know? Yes.

You're also human with a sense of morality that animals that not operating at that level of brain power, they don't have any necessarily sense of right and wrong. But the question is, would that behavior happen in the wild? Right. Or are they driven insane by being in the tanks next to the Dippin' Dots? Right. Hearing the same music over and over and over. Hearing the same idiots yammering on a microphone through there, like garbled water.

Yeah. They murmured to each other. This guy thinks he's still up. Cause he's got an hour of material. I won't, this one shut the fuck up. Usually they give us at least some silence. I would react that guy who just points to the pictures.

Dad, man had an hour of standup. You had an hour of facts about marine biology, right? Yeah. This is kind of a big question I had with SeaWorld in the last decade or so he's just

I was always like man they are really building a lot of rollercoasters they are really leaning into the rollercoasters and certainly the back at lash from Blackfish would explain that but also I was like oh yeah I guess it's occurring to me now like

yeah there's probably other weird stuff behind the scenes where um you you mentioned they were sold to anheuser-busch in 1989 and then in 2009 they got sold to blackstone the investment in private equity group which at one point in time owned 50% of Universal Orlando and Universal Orlando bought that out for just over a billion dollars in 2011 so they fully owned it outright black stone and continue to like them yeah unlike the was it isn't the Great Wolf Lodge in this great lodge has some stuff with Blackstone because that came up a lot. And then what's the other one? Merlin Entertainment, who does the Lego Lands

and a lot of parks in Europe. They're under Blackstone. Merlin Entertainment, by the way, much better name for a company that owns theme parks versus Blackstone. Blackstone, yeah. Look, it's Merlin. He's a kooky wizard man, right?

Blackstone. They're trying to, well, SeaWorld is trying to escape the shadow of Blackfish, so that's why they have partnered with Blackstone. Blackstone, by the way, one of the worst Wikipedia criticism sidebars I've ever seen. It just says, illegal child labor, deforestation of the Amazon rainforest, United Nations condemnation of the Invitation Homes Project and lobbying efforts. So that just a bad vibe, the vibes on that. So it's like, OK, that's who owns SeaWorld now. But even they were like, all right, you got to we're going to lean more into the roller coasters and the little shows.

So and that so the other thing is I'm a big roller coaster junkie. into the roller coasters than the little shows. So, and that, so the other thing is I'm a big roller coaster junkie. I love roller coasters. And so the fact that there's actually a bunch of sick ass roller coasters in my hometown also makes me want to go back. I don't know if you had a chance to hit any of the rides or anything. I did. Well,

yes. So I'm there again, and I'm there before I heard any of what you just said. Again, now we have to do all we did distancing before. I'm going to do distancing now. Everyone here, make sure you distance. But regardless of any of that, we did kind of hate it.

I think I was on record. I did like a Patreon trip report. The Sesame Street dance party was nice. And then from that point on, so hot, no shade. Didn't feel like see it, didn't see shows. Coasters don't work for kiddo. Crazy lines for every crazy crap. Realized quickly, oh, his favorite attraction today has been the hangers for the shirts in the gift store.

Well, we have those at home. And then, like, I mean, really where i hit the wall uh um yeah the animal stuff whatever but the bad food that's where i drew the line i i i have i've had this at different theme parks over the years where like if if it's getting into the dinner hour and especially like the the uh the heat you're feeling of having to feed the kid and you realize, oh, all the food here is shit and it's 45 minutes to get the shit. And wait, if we leave right now, the only food he eats is chicken tenders. So we could go to a Ralph's

and get better, cheaper chicken tenders and not be in SeaWorld anymore. So that was the choice we made. I gave some consideration to like, maybe I'll catch a Lyft to meet you guys. I'll go look at Journey to Atlantis because that seems kind of cool. The longest line.

And there was so much COVID around that point. Like, do I want to get COVID? Or just like weird, you know, water poisoning somehow from all the wet people in this line. Just all like, no, out, out, tapping out, done. So that is my little trip report. Not

dying to go back necessarily. So coasters I can't speak to. Were any of those there when you Only Journey to Atlantis and the Raft Ride were there. The Rapids ride? What's that? The Rapids ride? Yeah, the Rapids ride.

Journey to Atlantis I watched a couple ride throughs. What's that? The Rapids ride? Yeah, the Rapids ride. Journey to Atlantis. I watched a couple ride throughs. It's very interesting because it has a big log flume drop and then a long setup for a short roller coaster, Jackson, and then another log flume drop. But it's not a shoot the shoot. It's listed as a water coaster. Okay. Those melded rides are interesting.

I think there's one of those at Lotte World we just talked about. I like the idea of the melding of water ride and coaster, but it seems like they don't always

pan out the best. Like this one scene, I don't know. I watched a ride through, like, is it good? Did you do it? Is it good? I don't,

it's funny. I was like, I swear that it was there because I remember the dolphins, which are in the Atlantis area. And I know I would have done the ride, but I didn't really have any sense memory of having done it, which, but I'm pretty sure it was open at the time.

And so I must've gone on it, but I have no sense memory of it, which indicates to me that it was forgettable or that I didn't register happen to go on it. But I remember, I mean, I definitely went on the raft ride a bunch. Yeah, sure. Forever. That was that. Those are solid.

Usually it's hard to get those. And they'd have that. I mean, this is also like, I was there at the transition. Like it was crazy that they had a roller coaster at all. Like that seemed really strange to us because that just wasn't what, it was like having a roller coaster at the zoo.

Like literally it would have been like that. Oh yeah. Yeah. And so, but, but i kind of in doing some research and watching some videos and stuff it seems like the coasters are pretty solid i don't know it seems like they've really been going into them yeah yeah there was just

a couple days ago as we're recording this there was a media day for a new coaster at sea world in orlando like a stand standup surfing themed coaster. So like they're pumping them out and there's Arctic Rescue, which is like a snow, what's a snowmobile themed kind of roller coasters opening soon out here. Oh, okay. They had an Arctic,

they had the Arctic Rescue before. I thought that's what it was called, but it was a kind of like a Star a star tours kind of thing what do you call those like a simulator yeah simulator ride where you simulated going down into the Arctic and going to an Arctic station it was kind of cool because it was you would go

you would line up you would go into like a helicopter or something and have like a bumpy ride and you would see the polar bears and stuff and then you would land and then you would be at Arctic station and then that was where all the animals and then you would be at Arctic station. And then that was where all the animals were. So you had to do the ride to go. It was like a pre-show to a full.

Yeah. To a full and to a full exhibit to like polar bears and penguins and beluga whales. Wait, do they have this now, but they aren't running the simulator or did I just go into it in a way where I didn't do the simulator? I know it was possible to do without the simulator, but you had to like plead like disability or something like that. Or just maybe COVID protocol.

Don't lock everybody in a room at that point. It's also possible the ride just doesn't work anymore or something. And they didn't fix it. Well, that's what happened. You know, there was this Mars restaurant in New York. Of course, Mars 2120. Yeah, we did a whole show about it. We sure did, yes, with an audience.

And people seem to be very fond of it. But there was a simulator that got you to Mars until the simulator broke and their solution was no more simulator. That was like the classic bit on UCB Herald Night was that we're going to go to Mars, get dinner there as a Herald team. But my team's never. We're always like, like yeah we don't really want to do that i have no idea uh what i just to take a wild stab i bet that place was way too expensive for for the bit your team ends up racking up like this joke cost us a lot of four times what a good meal would cost sure that's true just just a guess

uh it is funny because like the building of the like you know there is the sesame street fully built now because you were there before it was they fully opened like their whole sesame street i believe now oh you mean well there is now a full other they also own it used to be a water park called Aquatica now that has become Sesame Place the second Sesame Place open and I remember thinking that seems like a short timeline to convert a whatever it was to convert a

water park into Sesame Street and I talked to somebody who went and they said it seems like they maybe didn't have a lot of time to alright yes confirmed okay I heard one not good review but I don't know maybe people And they said, it seems like they maybe didn't have a lot of time to. All right. Yes, confirmed. Okay. I heard one not good review, but I don't know. Maybe people in the audience have been. But now because they think now they think it's redundant to have a Little Sesame Street in SeaWorld and that whole other park.

So they're converting the Little Sesame Street. So the only thing I went for will soon be gone. Okay. They're just going to paint over all the rides and they're calling it Rescue Junior, which is not a good name. No. I don't think you, verbs shouldn't get junior. Is junior being rescued? Like it's an action, like we have to rescue junior?

No, because it has like a period. It's JR period. So it is like, it's a junior version of rescuing. Kids doing the rescuing. But isn't rescue kind of a concept? It's like democracy junior. Right. But that suggests kids doing democracy.

Which they should be allowed to do. Yes, they should. Well, I've advocated for six-year-olds to be able to vote. To do, yeah, democracy junior. Yeah, yeah for six-year-olds to be able to vote. Yeah, to do, yeah, Democracy Junior. Yeah, yeah. They've recycled a lot of terms at SeaWorld. Did you guys come across the submarine quest ride? Yes.

There's a great defunct line about this where it was like new management took over. They were really pumping up this big new area and they were going to put in this ride called submarine quest and you and this is post this is a ceo who has the impossible task of we have to get change everybody's notion of sea world it's so dark there's been this documentary what do we do this area is gonna do wait till you see prepare to be dazzled and it's like the opposite of like we we just talked to rachel bloom about like uh vintage Knott stuff. And like when Knott's kind of doubled down the whole Cedar Fair organization of like, we got to get some new dark rides in there. We got to start competing with Disney and Universal.

We had some rides like that. SeaWorld seemingly less successful. It was a submarine ride that was above everything like the people mover is and It was supposed to be very dark, but it was always sunlight And it's just there's coral above everything and there's a bad touch screen in the ride and the most annoying Because I can't see because it's bright for the for 80 there's one or two rooms where it's like you're in you're underwater it works a little better but mostly it's just a very shrill robot screaming at you and then well and then that culminates in

again all right so submarine quest get ready to go below. The word is submarine. They give you literally the opposite. You go above and it is dry. Yes. Yeah. You were in the air. Whatever the proper term for that would be. And then the finale is this one room where you encounter a big digital octopus in a place where you could see a real octopus.

Yeah. And like, oh, you mean so but like on a big old screen? octopus in a place where you could see a real octopus yeah and so look i did and like oh you mean so but like on a big old screen well spread out over six screens like the one in this room it's spread you know like if we put a bunch of those together that's as good as uh one big screen right and then you see it briefly and then the robot screams at you and you leave and then a jet of water shoots at one person out of the six in the car. Just like one. You just get hit by a hose blast.

Only the person in the front right. It wasn't even randomized. Well, they pick whoever in the car seems the most annoying. Yeah, yeah. Who's most like the robot on the screen, you know? And this is still in operation? No, this closed still in operation? No, this closed down in like 2018.

It closed in seven months. It closed very quickly. So much, but yeah, this is really rare. You know, maybe the most notorious Disney flops are gone really fast, but even those are exceedingly rare. For something to only make it seven months, when it's been pegged as like, this is what's, this is a say goodbye documentary. documentary we got a plan and then they're putting out videos which kevin puts in so many of those

like the the team that's so excited and here's the vehicle wow we can't wait to have you and then all this build up and then it's gone it's seven it's gone this was a video that the the video about it the defunct lane about it was one that i was like hitting the 10 seconds back a lot i was like no that can't be right that absolutely can't be right well because they're also open these giant blockbuster well-received roller coasters they also um the the ride submarine quest is in a not a land but a realm it's in their new realm it's sea world's new realm ocean explorer you know so the way disneyland has fantasy land and tomorrow land here their realm is called ocean explorer so a lot of people there's even like there was some

press thing where somebody works for the company like, so tell us about your new ride, Ocean Explorer. And the guy has to go, well, our new Realm Ocean Explorer is opening with a ride submarine quest. But Ocean Explorer sounds like the name of a ride. And what they opened could have been called Ocean Explorer. That does not negate what it was as opposed to submarinemarine Quest, which is the opposite of what it is. Realm is a fantastical sounding word as well. One of the cool, imagine if you could actually access a realm. Yeah, Merlin knows about realms.

But like practical, real animals. Coin of the realm. Yeah. That's exciting. And yet, in this case, a realm is just where you like, it's just realistic. It's got a swing ride. That's what's in the realm. The swing ride appeared to be the best received in the realm.

Better than the marquee attraction. Yeah. You know? So they took down almost immediately. And then that CEO quit. I just, this was the plan. What happened? I don't understand.

I am baffled by it seems like they had ample junctions to fix that right yeah absolutely just L after L like they could have enclosed that was the other thing these so-called submarines open on this really open on each side of the vehicle and like they easily could have like closed them off and put a screen or done something to save it but i i think it was just beyond saving they were all flailing i mean it feels karmic right it feels like this was like a karmic time for them where everything that they had been doing came back at them blackfish came out oh a reckoning and their their pr response to black was terrible like they kept saying oh it's propaganda it's propaganda it's

like propaganda for what and then there was like a thing where there was like an open survey and then they're like well um out of nearly 400 responses uh most people said they they didn't think it was problem they didn't think it was bad and then they tracked like nearly 200 of those responses to a seaworld ip address which they then they then doubled down on it's like well that was employees coming up and using this computer to uh the computer was there pleasure that was the exit they just got the worst crisis pr you've ever seen. 200 educators indicated they thought everything was fine. Yeah. Interesting.

Then what's your daughter? Another educator. Seems random to me. And these people, everybody could fill this form out freely. There was not a shark hovering above the computer ready to be unleashed if what they filled out was not someone's liking. I'm trying to remember what it was. The most positive stuff they have had have been the big roller coasters, and then at some seasonal events, they go like, okay, we're bringing back the two seven-ounce beer pours for guests.

We're bringing back the free beer. Yeah. And people like that. People love that. I think Busch Gardens started doing that too sometimes. Just giving people like that. People love that. I think Busch Gardens started doing that too sometimes. Just giving people free beer. That was a thing. They're like, by popular demand, we brought back the free beer.

If I had found an easier way to get beer without standing in a giant line, maybe I would have stuck it out. Maybe I wouldn't have complained about it on this in a previous episode. You needed to be loaded. Yeah, yeah. That was your secret there. You would think like, every time you mix theme park and animal, never good.

There's almost everyone, there's famously at least some stories about something bad happening, at the very least at the start of the endeavor. But this obviously, this one specifically continued for a long time and i don't know i'm i'm too i don't know what's going i can't tell you if the people

the people the animals in the tank are happy and the zoo i don't know yeah like i don't know if animal kingdom animals are happy you know what i mean they're all mixed together in a way that is ungodly essential they're together but like seemingly it's okay right now but i would think the sea world people would like once blackfish was introduced they were just like they all sat down they're like well we had a good run let them go we know yeah let's turn the key we have all the rides ready to go time to close up close up the fish shop it feels like they are, though. They're phasing to being just like a roller coaster ride park, I guess. But again, you know, the people who love those animals the most are the trainers.

You know, they've sure that was who I was working with were people who, you know, it was their childhood dream to become a dolphin trainer. They love the dolphins. They just wanted to know everything about them. They wanted to work with them. I'm sure that that's kind of an incredible honestly then like they were gods you know because they weren't there wasn't this paul there wasn't this like sense that maybe what you were doing was wrong instead just to be a dolphin trainer i mean you just you would look at like kids like watching the trainers when they would come out and stuff after a show the kids would like swamp them for autographs and stuff like that sure and yet you didn't go you didn't ultimately

take the next day your journey stopped at educator or it's uh yeah yeah i so this is a story that i when i was thinking about coming here this it was a kind of this is not as big as the things that i had said before but for me i i re-looked at an event that happened in a new light. Uh, and it was, you know, those moments in your life where you're like, Oh, I wish I had done this differently. Like, damn it. Had I just done that thing, everything would be different. I had one of those at SeaWorld where there was a, uh, one of my bosses, uh, she was a little older, you know, I was 19. I was a little older. I was 19. I was a single man. And I had a strong crush on this educator manager.

I was from a SoCal boy. And she was from, I believe, Buffalo. She had like a raspy Buffalo voice that I found. I just loved. I couldn't get enough of it. Sure. And I was always so. Anyways, I was always like, ooh, if only maybe I could ask her out. I don't know. get enough of it and I was always so anyways I was always like oh if only maybe I could ask her out I don't know she's older than me who knows but one day

she was like tasked with shadowing me at my position and to and to write up a report on my spiel on my whole thing and I'm like hell yeah like it's her it's me I can do this I'm gonna show her my hour I'm gonna crush this her my hour. I'm going to crush this. Like everything's going to, I'm going to get bumped up, promoted to become one of like the big educators and maybe I'll get a date out of this whole thing. But then they scheduled me at the one exhibit that I like never went to because of like a quirk of the scheduling. I had never developed like an hour or whatever for the pinnipeds for the seals and sea lions and that's where they stuck me for this and i kind of like stammered and didn't do a good job and i did my best and she afterwards she was like hey you know you're okay you know and she didn't know that i

didn't say like this is my first time here my second time at this but i didn't say anything just kind of gave me a b and kind of was that was that. And I'd always been like, that was it. I could have gotten the girl. I could have gotten the job. I mean, now, now in my life, looking back, like that was not a turn that I wanted my life to go down at all. In any way. I love my, I have a beautiful wife and kid and I love my life now. There's no reason I needed to go with that woman.

I certainly didn't want to work, start going down the path of, you know, dropping out of college because I could be going on the trainer track or something for dolphins. Like I don't, I didn't want that, but I never be a person taking peacocks up into a tower. It's going to work this time. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself right here that that wasn't the right decision. That's all I'm saying. Maybe I'm still still you don't

know really do your penthouse for him i never thought it would happen to me i fucked up my pinniped presentation and lost the girl how much older was she than you maybe two years but then when you're 19 that's that's everything that's sure oh yeah yeah no i could have it could have been 15 or it could have been one in my head maybe she was like six months older yeah yeah you're like why she's a sophomore rising junior like there's no way the seniors in college when i was an underclassman i was like oh man they've they got it figured out they're real artists they're real adults yes they're making real. They're making real work. They're making real work. Yeah. And then we became seniors. And it's like, this is terrifying.

I don't want to leave this lovely crib. Don't make me leave. This liberal arts crib. I don't want to go out into the real world. Goo goo gaga. I don't want to leave. The bar has the buy a pitcher of beer, get a token for another pitcher of beer deal. It's unclear how they make any money.

That doesn't happen out in the world. Do they have mozzarella sticks? I don't think they had a kitchen, but the place a couple doors down did. Wow, okay. You could bring stuff over. I believe it was a bring your Jimmy Johns over to that bar. Maybe they had a deal with Jimmy John people.

Jason, this was your peak. This was my dear friend house for him. I fucked up the sandwich bar. You should have stayed in the crib. I should have stayed in the Ithaca crib. You should have married a sandwich. I know. The Van Wilder.

Married a sandwich. Jason showed him Van Wilder where he's still at school, married to a sandwich. Bought a lot more sandals and fleece vests. I could add it all. I think there's still time. Yeah. You can go back. You keep getting older, but the sandwich, it stays the same.

Sandwich with a wig on. Jason's bride. The lipstick I put on it only grows more beautiful you just replace the bread and the meat at different times so there's continuity with the other old sandwich it's like that boat or whatever the sandwich of Theseus

is it still the same sandwich from before and now they've replaced all the components it's like our cells we replace them over the years and always the same dress too which comes in handy as a as a rapper as well yeah of course well i'm sorry you didn't get your i mean like because now i'm picturing like that you that the the wet that the i do happens but with both of you lifting out of the water you're both on shimu oh yeah And he chomps my beautiful wife.

Five feet up. And then chomps you. The plan! They murder. The orcas, they murder. And you're like, the rest of your life, sometimes you wonder, this is juncture points in your life, and sometimes I wonder how would my life have turned out if my wife hadn't gotten chomped

by Shamu. This is another, by the way, that like, do you guys remember this occurred? This was like an early for me, Santa Claus isn't real kind of moment. The realization, I think probably the first time that I went to a second SeaWorld and I was like, wait a minute,

how are they always called Shamu? This is something we had to explain to everybody constantly because it's kind of a difficult concept to understand that like they're all Shamu. This is something we had to explain to everybody constantly. Because it's kind of a difficult concept to understand. That like they're all Shamu, but none of them are Shamu. Like right now it's Shamu. If you're seeing it and it's jumping, it's Shamu. But as soon as it goes down and focus turns to another one, that one's Shamu.

Whoa. The transitive properties are, yeah, they can like lead to defense. If one goes behind this wall, he is not Shamu. He's no not Shamu. He's no longer Shamu. Okay. It's like professional wrestling. There was multiple doing the clowns. I guess so.

Is that right, Mike? Can you fact check that? There were multiple, yeah, doinks. Yeah. Multiple Rockapellas. Yeah. No, the real Shamu, I mean, the first, somebody was named Shamu, somebody, some guy. Some guy.

But that was, they died in 1971. Oh, really? That was the first one. So there's not the true Shamu. Right. Hasn't been with us. I just want to dedicate this episode to the true Shamu. The TRU Shamu.

They should have done it like horror hosts and been like son of Shamu. Well, they have the baby Shamu. Do they call it baby Shamu? They should have done it like horror hosts and been like son of Shamu. Well, they have the baby Shamu. Do they call it baby Shamu? It's the same thing. If there's a baby in the tank, it's baby Shamu. But then if it goes away then it's no longer baby Shamu. But that's the official branding. The branding is baby Shamu. It's hard for a baby to

have an important title. But it sounds like there's no longer going to be baby Shamus. It sounds like not. We maybe have had our last. I hope, though, that we don't lose the walk-around Shamu. Oh, yeah. That one is okay.

In the suit, which is funny that you can go, this is a place where you can go see a real killer whale and then get your photo with a furry killer whale who has his tail splits into legs and walks around upright. That's just, that's a college freshman from Cal State San Diego

and you can just abuse them left and right, you know? They also do kill, but it's like whatever. Yeah, yeah. I remember, my only memories of, I think my family went to

the SeaWorld in Florida. When we were down there for a little bit, and I only remember going once, and the two things, I remember, I think they had that Arctic simulator, had a bunch of them, because I kind of remember doing that and then coming out and like,

here's the penguins and the polar bears. The other thing I remember is we went the time of year when the massive Brazilian tour groups, when it's winter in Brazil. And so they do the big tour packages to come to Florida. And there was like a whole section of bleachers. Everyone is wearing like the tour group shirts and they had the most choreographed chants and shouts and stuff I had ever seen. And it was just so unnerving to see

an entire bleacher's worth of people all doing the same thing. Chants for Shamu? No, chants for just like Brazil and their tour group. Like an athletic event or something? Basically, yeah. It was like you see

soccer in other countries and everyone's doing the... But they were doing this at Shenandoah. They were just doing it, no, before the show started, they were just doing it to celebrate the tour, to celebrate the good time. And you didn't join in?

No, we didn't really know he's not from brazil he can't share for brazil i think it was a few days later we finally asked a cast member or something it's like hey is there um a lot of people here from brazil like because it looks and they're like oh yeah well actually yeah they do big tours this time of year because it's colder down there uh and then you said well they let me chant with them and they said no. You have to show a birth certificate. Sixth grade Spanish is pretty rough, Michael.

So I don't know that I, or wait, no, do they speak Portuguese? They do, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, then I would really love it. Yeah, that's why you couldn't, thank God you didn't do it. That was a turning point moment and thank God you didn't chant with them. But I mean,

they certainly gave the whales and everything of roaring round and whales love applause they love loud sudden noise why don't we give shamu a big round of applause and let's see how high he'll jump that's like they were jumped every shamu jumped four inches higher that day high enough to enough to reach that lat, that little bird. They were, it wasn't like watching the show a bunch of times. You did get to see like,

they would mess it up. Like sometimes, sometimes the whales, because they don't like the whales just kind of do stuff. And then it like, seems like it was on purpose. And sometimes the shows will happen and the whales wouldn't jump nearly as many or as many times as another one,

or they'll say that the sham, that shame is about to do something and then whales wouldn't jump nearly as many or as many times as another one or they'll say that the Shamu that Shamu is about to do something and then it doesn't do it and they just kind of gloss over and move on to something else and the whales just don't want to do it that day dolphins are off book whales are still acting like they're in tech rehearsals you know dolphins better trained

I feel like dolphins always nail it more dependable yeah is that your experience yeah I feel like you also should they should not do a show see the other thing is i would love to i loved watching the shows yeah yeah i would love to see it again but i don't know if i ever will but the dolphins would jump so high but what birds did they at what cost what mean what meaningful birds to until they eat a really important or the rare until i see a dolphin eat a rare dodo then it was two lovebirds and now it's just one morning dove because it's morning the one that got eaten i will say this just to also maybe complicate orcas there have you guys been hearing about

the murderous uh the orcas in south africa that have been uh surgically uh removing the livers of great white sharks no oh i have heard about and destroying the population down there wow so dismantling so to speak about like you know what what's what is's like in the wild, these are no angels, these orcas. So the story goes, and this is like a published paper, that these two teen orcas moved into this area near Cape Town where a lot of Shark Week is filmed, where they famously have the sharks that jump out of the water and stuff like that.

And they moved in and they started, as it says, with surgical precision, removing the livers of great white sharks, eating only the liver and leaving the rest of the carcass just fall into the depths of the sea and then move on to another one. And they got so good at this that all of the sharks have now left the area.

The entire like shark diving industry of Southrica is destroyed the sharks are gone they have all fled because they're two teens these two teens like natural born killers or something like of the orca population it's just them against the world and oh my god yeah and then apparently though they might be teaching it to other orcas this technique oh man oh well all right so if this gets taught if this can get taught to the ones they can just bridge the gap and they somehow also learn how to jump from tank to tank right well but it's with surgical precision so maybe people who need to have their livers removed you

just stick them in the tank and the orcas will suck it out so the geneticists should be working on getting surgeon orcas ready to do surgery on humans and every other animal doctors with a big list you can't get patients in soon yeah if you start just recommending orcas to do it right out of sea world the orcas have to do gig work too? Blackstone. Blackstone is killing this country. Boy, nobody can get a decent job anymore. It's like Uber for orca surgeons. It's work. There's no discipline.

There's no professionalism. There's none of that anymore. Do you want it to make ends meet? This was such a pile of insane stuff. Oh, my God. You really pulled us into the tank with you. I don't know. Closing thoughts or anything before we go?

For me, man, I don't know. We did it. SeaWorld, I just do. I don't know. It's up for everybody to decide what they're going to do. And I don't know. Maybe someday I'll go back. I don't know.

I don't know. Is it okay? Well, we will re-evaluate once they've instituted the Meg program we'll see how they're treating the Megs and then we'll evaluate off of that oh Matt I had a question for you I might be

misremembering my comedy lineage did you work for The Onion at one point did you ever pitch did you ever get any SeaWorld headlines in because i feel like they've been pretty pretty brutal to see world over the years yeah uh i probably i might not have was i there well so my manatee story actually is depicted in a a horrifying planet which was we did these youtube series before which was like when sex house like if you

guys have seen sex house that was like everyone and then we so we youtube gave us a grant we did these youtube series before which was like when sex house like if you guys have seen sex house that was like one and then we so we youtube gave us a grant we did a bunch and we just needed to pump shit out and one of them was like a horrifying planet was like a fake planet earth and i wrote one that was kind of a testimonial about the manatee thing and it's a little bit illustrated there it's not quite anatomically right but it's it's got the but and it's amazing but it's a kind of it's it's got the gist of it uh but and it's amazing but it's a kind of it is a version of that uh that's out horrifying planet manatee i think if you put it on put that into youtube you'll find it um i don't know if i wrote i'm trying to think

if i wrote any because i don't think i was there after blackfish i'm because that was 2013 and blackfish must have come out then so then i probably and then if and then i came back for a little bit but the moment might have passed but i'm sure i wrote some like i used because i wrote for the videos and like we used to have like a little scroll at the bottom and i wrote some jokes some sea world jokes for that i just can't remember i don't know i don't think so you got the c in your brain it was bound down well i would always do like the climate change one or like environmental or like earth science things i don't't know. You sort of brought that to the. Interesting.

Well, that will look at that dovetails right into that. Let me let me first say thank you for all this. Thanks for this pile of insanity. That climate you survive podcast the ride. And with that exiting through the gift shop, is there anything you'd like to say about your show? High science. Speaking of this is really now i see the through line of educator yeah into a show with some education into a mix with some

comedy yeah yeah no thank you yeah the high science it's on hbo max it's also on discovery plus if you've got that too but yeah it's going away are they merging i don't know it's gonna be max it will be but discovery plus is also remaining separately because they didn't want to leave money on the table i think because there are subscribers who just like the discovery content don't want to bother with all this white lotus and okay yeah that's like my white low don't mix my succession with my uh 500 pound life right is that a show yes my 500 that's like how aol like lingering kept dial up internet for some people for so long because no one ever just wanted to change their provider or their billing

i think it's still going i think there still is aol uh but yeah no high science yeah so it's like we made like a science comedy show it's basically like bill nye for adults or it's like magic school bus on magic mushrooms or whatever the idea is that we wanted to make a real like you learn facts science show that was like fun but it was geared towards like people who get home late and like have one last joint before they fall asleep or whatever and so that's kind of who it's for but there's like real science we talk to science experts in every episode there's like you learn real shit and then the whole time it's me and zach the guy that i made it with just kind of like asking dumb questions and doing bits and then it's we're basically the concept is that we if we want to learn about something we smoke it out of a giant

robotic talking bong so if we want to learn about the moon we smoke the moon like herb labeled the moon we smoke it out of a talking robotic bong named dr o that's voiced by paul bettany and then we hallucinate a journey of learning and discovery about that topic wow which is actually a logical way to get to bill nye style hey we're going on a little now you've actually applied logic yes how does the visual adventure bill nye was insane it made no sense why he was doing any of the things he was doing and we've corrected that we now make sense why we are doing what we're doing yeah added the logic bill was missing um but yeah i'll plug that i also i have a couple other things to plug if that's cool yes for some reason a bunch of my stuff came out this month uh i also have an audible show called blood weed

that if anybody listening to this is an audible subscriber i made this with dan abramson another former funnier diarite it's like a scripted podcast starring hayley joel osment maria bakalova zach cherry it's a cool show it's on audible if you're a great cast oh my god yeah it's a fun other stoner show and then also smarter uh which is the show i made with sam west and chris tartinsky old onion writers we made this yes team coco show we made this satirical tech show like three years ago for luminary and it was hidden behind a paywall for three years, and it's finally emerged and is coming out once a week. As all this is happening. Everything is happening.

So on every platform, whatever you have, you can find something that I wrote. I have heard. Smarter is so funny. I'm glad it's more easily accessible. It's weird how paywalls are so high. Higher than a tank at sea world it's impossible to scale sometimes but uh i'm glad you're i'm glad you're free it's free range we brought the wall down and now you can leap into smarter from your tank at home

that's great uh thank you so much for having me. Thanks for bringing all these experiences and the specific madness of educator life circa 2004. Is that right? I do feel cleansed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It feels good to get all that.

You've needed it. Clearly that rattling in your head. Hey, as for us, thanks, Brett Bohm at Forever Dog for producing this episode. You can find us on the socials at podcast, the ride merch available in our

TeePublic store. And for three bonus episodes every month, check out Podcast the Ride The Second Gate or get one more bonus episode on our VIP tier Club 3. You will find all of that at Patreon.com slash Podcast the Ride. It's not weed, but it's

smoking related. We have a little educational journey coming up into Disneyland smoking areas. In our efforts, and the audience chose this one. This is also at Club 3. The audience selects the topics in a poll, and this was suggested. So we, in our never-ending effort to keep as many rides on the table as possible, I think the audience has helped us with what are non-ride facets of theme parks that we can explore.

Parking garage is great. Esplanades, we haven't done them, but we will. Do all Disneyland's have smoking areas? You know, I haven't done my research. I don't know. I haven't either. I think they've been kicked out of the parks. They're not in the parks anymore.

They're on property. We have to go all the way. Except in Paris. Or Tokyo, I imagine? Maybe Tokyo. I don't know in Tokyo. We're going to have to find out. You're catching us with our pants down.

We haven't done our smoking areas. We'll know by the time you hear us there at patreon.com. Okay, so get ready for us to know. Do you guys smoke? Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, Scott Gairdner, Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

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